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renjunphile · 19 days

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for the rest of ours ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok

୨♡୧ WORD COUNT: 13.4k ୨♡୧ PAIRING: riize's song eunseok x female!reader ୨♡୧ TAGS & WARNINGS: chaebol heirs!au, rich kids!au, one sided enemies to lovers!au, arranged marriage!au, angsty at the start, overall fluff, reader is selfish and mean to eunseok for a good chunk of the story, brief unrequited love but y/n is an unreliable narrator tbh, second chance romance, she fell first but he fell harder trope, drinking, partying, non linear narrative

୨♡୧ SYNOPSIS: you find song eunseok to be utterly and despicably insufferable. too bad he's your fiancé since birth! and there was nothing you could do about it!

୨♡୧ NOTES: OHHHH im having such an intense eunseok rot that i had to write the most gut wrenching and nonsensical piece that becomes to sickeningly fluffy at the end. theyre just so in love with each other and there's literally no plot at all!!!!!!!!!!! lowkey one of the worst pieces i've written in recent times since i rushed it but i will edit and add scenes and plot in the future :> but for now, enjoy! ♡ i.b let my by zayn at the end :)

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

It may be disturbing for some and horrifying to say, but your eyes hadn't even fully formed in the womb to open and your limbs weren't even well defined enough to have joints when your life was signed off to another's. For goodness' sake, it had barely even been a month since your tiny, minuscule heart started beating! What would the Song's have done if you grew up ugly?

You sighed to yourself, muttering under your breath how Korea's third richest family should be grateful you were akin to art in anyone's eyes. You were looking through the dusty photo albums that the housekeeper found while tidying the primary study of the mansion, and you grimaced at the photos of your fiancé that appeared from even the very first page.

It was bad enough that you were engaged before you were born, but did he really have to attend your birth? He probably didn't even have memories then! But there it was, under your fingertips: a perfectly preserved photo of a 3-month old Eunseok bundled up in sleep suit being posed next to where the nurses placed you after they literally just took you out of your mother. You don't even think the umbilical cord had been cut yet.

"Y/N, Mr. Song is outside," your favourite housekeeper coos at you from the double doors going into the study. You give her a terse smile and stand up from your father's office chair, straightening your silk gown before taking her hand as she helped you down the marble stairs of your home.

You roll your eyes (mostly to yourself, but you didn't mind if he noticed) as you saw his car parked at the bottom of the stairs leading to your front door.

"You can't even be bothered to come and collect me? Or open the door for me?" you sneer as soon as you settled yourself into the passenger seat.

"Well hello to you too, my lovely wife," Eunseok smirks, immediately revving and setting off around the fountain of your courtyard.

"I'm not your wife," you snap, deciding to ignore when the word 'yet' seems to slip under his breath, "But seriously Eunseok? This car? I'm going to look so stupid trying to get out of this car in my dress and heels. Why do you love sitting on the floor so much?"

Eunseok has an extensive car range. One that any car junkie would envy, but Song Eunseok knew nothing about cars. He just had them because he could. This car was a sports car where you had to sit in such a ridiculous position just so the car could look cool on the outside.

"It's white!" he defends himself, slightly whining in a cute way to which you swallow down a positive reaction. His eyes flicker over to you momentarily and his tongue traces across his bottom lip, "You look gorgeous, by the way. Very bridal."

You're wearing a white silk dress that looks like it's made for your body. It's draped so beautifully around your hips and hugs every part that needs to be accentuated. You loved this dress the second you saw it in Paris, but you never thought then that it would be used for this occasion.

"Just shut up and drive," you quip. It takes a few moments of silence for you to feel bad even though his expression remains neutral and you sigh, "I guess you don't look too bad."

"Aw, I knew you were in love with me!" he teases again, a phrase he liked to use every time you said something to him that wasn't snarky, sarcastic or an insult.

You choose not to reply, instead taking in the bright lights of Seoul as he pulls into a main road. You haven't been back in a while, holing yourself up in your penthouse in Manhattan, but you always loved the sight of home.

"But seriously, Y/N," Eunseok coughs to get your attention, his voice dropping down low and suddenly serious, "This actually might be your last chance to back out of this. Just say the word and I'll turn this car around and take you straight to Incheon and you can run away around the world long enough until they find me a new bride."

You turn to look at him, perplexed by his words, "And you? You actually want to get hitched off to some random?"

Eunseok shrugs, not meeting your eyes, "You're not some random. I've known you since you were born. I've known you'd be my wife since the day I could understand what that meant. But if I have to find a replacement because you don't want to do it anymore, I will."

"Gee, ever the gentleman," you deadpan, "I think want is a pretty strong word. I don't want to marry you, but I guess I will."

"You're not backing out? Not leaving me looking stupid up on the altar?" Eunseok taps his finger on the leather steering wheel.

You think about his words sincerely. There's really nothing more in the world that you'd love than to run away to a small little town on the southern coast of Italy- somewhere quaint and quiet where you'd find love and spend the rest of your days cooking, cleaning, baking and finding peace in the ocean. There's nothing more in the world that you want more than for someone to ask to marry you because they were in love with your soul and not having you by their side would be like torture in the cruelest form.

Alas, you're Kang Y/N of the powerful Kang family, the eldest child of your father and the next heir waiting to take over the conglomerate. And because you're Kang Y/N, the eldest daughter of the second richest family in Korea, you were contracted to marry the first son of the third richest family in Korea. After that, your companies would merge and you would overtake the Kim's as the sole ruler of the country.

"It's my duty," you swallow nervously as you begin to recognise the streets of where you were driving, signalling that you were soon approaching the venue, "It's fine, Eunseok."

"I wish it wasn't just fine. I wish this was what you wanted." he breathes out and your heart stops beating for a second before anger seeps in through the cracks of your heart.

"Do you think it's any girl's dream to marry someone that doesn't love them?"

Eunseok sighs as he presses on the breaks, moving through the lifted barrier where they had closed a portion of the street in anticipation for his car and your arrival. He twists his body to look at you, "Y/N-"

"It's fine, Eunseok," you grit your teeth as you repeat your words, eyes trained on the paparazzi camped out on the steps of the venue, eager to get a glimpse of you, "Let's just get this engagement party over with."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

Song Eunseok had to follow you around the world like a lost puppy.

When you said that you wanted to go to that boarding school in Switzerland where only the richest sent their kids, Eunseok was in the seat next to you on that first class flight. When you said that you were going to Oxford to study for your undergraduate degree, Eunseok was tossing away his dream to study at Harvard to join you getting drunk at 18 under the grey British sky. When you said that you wanted to do your masters at Columbia so you could live in New York City, Eunseok was moving into the apartment across yours while he worked at the company his dad created in New York just for him to have something to do there.

If you said jump, Eunseok had to say how high?

That was just the name of the game considering the Song's had more to gain from this arrangement. Your family was richer. Your family was in a greater range of industries. Your family's money went back a lot further than the Song's. And you- you were the most stunning woman in Eunseok's eyes and because of him, you were stripped of your choice to fall in love. That's why the Song family gave you princess treatment from the second you were able to demand things.

You had protested until your vocal cords went raw when they found out that they were sending Eunseok to university with you. For years up until you turned 18, you had imagined finally getting away from Eunseok for once, even if just for 3 years. He had always talked about Harvard and with the grades to boot, you thought that you'd finally have an ocean separating you.

It certainly wasn't an easy fight at the airport as you threatened to drop out of university the second that you even stepped foot into the new country. All your father did was bat his eyelashes and give you a heartfelt, "Please, princess? Just do this for us."

The phrase 'just do this for us' nearly knocked you sick nowadays after over 2 decades of hearing it spew out of your father's mouth. Ultimately, yes, you were lucky to have such a loving family that never pushed anything evil or truly despicable onto you. This was the one thing they needed from you. They obliged every want and wish for the trade-off of giving your hand in marriage to the Song's first born son.

In June of your third year of university, a couple months out from your graduation, Eunseok turned up at your door completely drunk.

"What are you doing here?" your arms were crossed tightly, trying to cover as much of yourself as possible as you were clad in the smallest pyjamas for the British summer heat.

He grinned goofily up at you, eyes lazily fluttering open and closed, "Hi, Y/N. I'm drunk." He was leaning against the doorway, nearly making out with the frame.

"I can see that," you sniffed the air and grimaced, "And smell it. But what are you doing here?"

"Can't I visit my lovely fiancée on her 21st birthday?" he batted his long eyelashes sweetly at you, taking one step into the apartment. You gazed at him hesitantly, taking one step back.

"I don't think anyone would appreciate their fiancé turning up on their doorstep piss drunk at 2am," you spat, "If you truly wanted to wish me a happy birthday, you would have left me alone."

"I lost my keys," Eunseok groaned, "I didn't know where else to go."

It should be sweet that out of all the places he could have chosen to go to in the city, he went to yours. Instead, it made you feel angrier.

"Eunseok, stop bothering me," your words contrasted your actions as you pulled him into your apartment and locked the door behind him, "Go sleep in the spare bedroom and leave as soon as you wake up. I'm going out for breakfast with my friends tomorrow so lock the door behind you and keep the key with you 'til you see me next." You pulled the spare key out of the drawer and placed it in his pocket.

Like a pathetic dog, Eunseok followed behind you as you led him through the apartment your parents had bought for you.

"Can I sleep with you?" he murmured.

"In your dreams, Song," you retorted, stopping in front of the spare room door, "Plus, you stink like shit."

"Ah, it's okay," he sighed dreamily, resting his head against the door, "We have the rest of forever to sleep beside each other."

You let out a frustrated screech, shoving his chest, "Can you let me live in peace? Why do you have to keep reminding me?"

"In the hopes that one day the thought of it won't make you sick or angry," he replied, opening the door of the room.

Your strong gaze faltered, "What are you- in love with me?"

"No," Eunseok shook his head, "I could learn to though, if you wanted me to."

"The only thing I want from you is to be far away from me," you ran your hands through your hair to soothe yourself, "And even that you can't do."

"I'm sorry, Y/N. Thanks for letting me stay," Eunseok gave up on his tyranny and dropped his voice, "Happy birthday."

You muster up a near half-smile, turning to return to your bed where you'd be tossing and turning until your alarm went off, "Goodnight Eunseok."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

The worst thing about your arrangement with Eunseok was that it was kept secret.

Of course, it was an open secret in your families and to the company- and there were always rumours about it since you two ended up always together around the world. But it wasn't like it was announced to the world at any point to protect the prospective merger happening when you and Eunseok came of age.

That made relationships very hard indeed. It always had to end in heartbreak, at least for the other person.

The two of you agreed that you could see other people if you wanted to, and you agreed on this the same day you had your very first heartbreak.

"Eunseok, can we talk?" you poked his side to catch his attention. Eunseok was bouncing his basketball up and down while he spoke with his friends just outside the school courts. It had been 2 months since you moved back to Korea after spending 3 years in Switzerland at boarding school, where you quickly became homesick. Eunseok followed you home immediately.

Your fiancé bid his friends goodbye and gave you a sweet smile, "Yeah of course. What's up?"

You led him to the adjacent square that was thankfully deserted and settled just under the bloomed cherry blossom tree in the middle, "Um."

Eunseok giggled at your hesitancy and pushed your hair behind your ear, "What is it?"

16 year old you blushed terrifically at that moment, highlighting your plump cheeks and shining eyes as Eunseok peered down at you.

"I know this is um, pretty stupid," you began, breaking his stare and looking down at your Prada loafers, "Well basically, my friend Jimin- you know Jimin?- she told me to-"

"Just say it, Y/N."

"I like you?"

It came out more of a question as you quirked your eyebrow up at your fiancé.

His eyes went wide, taking in a deep breath, "Y/N. You," he paused, "You like me?"

"Yeah," you exhaled, "Is that so bad? We're going to get married someday."

Eunseok looked around and noticed his friends turning the corner to the courtyard, presumably to look for him, "Look, Y/N, I'm sorry but I thought we were going to, you know, try experience life like how others do and meet people and do whatever we want to until they tell us we need to get married. I didn't think we were obliged to date."

Your eyes began to water and your lips began to quiver as sheer embarrassment sunk into your bones, "So what? You want to date around?"

Eunseok reached out to cup your face but you quickly took a step back, feeling humiliated and slightly bettayed, "I'm sorry Y/N. I didn't know you felt like this towards me. Look, can we talk later? I'll swing by your house after basketball practice, okay?"

From the ages of 0-16, you would say that you and Eunseok were close childhood friends. Even though you had no concept of marriage or love, your parents had forced the two of you to be together through every occasion with weekly play dates and attending the same schools. When you finally understood what being engaged to each other meant at around 12 years old, it made you swoon that you were going to spend the rest of your life with your best friend, who you'd always found endearingly cute. He became more handsome as the years went by and at 16, he was the object of all of your desires.

He was manly, he was protective, he was sporty and most of all, he treated you so well. He would run around town with you no question to go shopping and indulge you in all of your cravings even if you needed to have ice cream at 10pm in the dead of winter. He would take the train with you all around Switzerland to see different lakes and ski resorts. He would help you study in the library and pass you your favourite snacks whenever it seemed you were getting tired. He would give you his jacket on the breezy nights watching the local sports matches.

You were so blinded with your affection towards him that you had convinced yourself that he did those things because he liked you back. Because he wanted to treat his future wife well.

The day Eunseok stamped all over your little heart was the day you waged a one-sided war against him. Eventually, Eunseok began reciprocating your snarky attitude and the rest had been history.

You told your maids and house security to refuse entry to the grounds to Eunseok that night, but because of your parents' unconditional offer to Eunseok to make your house also his home, he had spent a good part of the night on the other side of your bedroom door trying to get you to open it so he could apologise. For a man you were once smitten for, it was easy to put on your headphones and drown him out until he got exhausted and left.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

Eunseok opens the car door for you and offers out his hand. In the darkness of his car, you grimace slightly, but force yourself to take his hand and use your free hand to smooth your dress out as you exit the car. The flashes from the press are blinding and carry on all the way up to the bottom of the staircase leading into the venue your parents had hired for the evening.

You try to keep a pleasant smile on your face as Eunseok passes his keys to the valet men before wrapping his arms around your waist. It comes nearly naturally to him, from all the photos your parents had made you pose together in dating back a decade or two. But it's your first official public appearance together, so the flashes intensify and you're taken aback. Eunseok feels you stumble slightly and begins to lead you along the carpet rolled out up to the stairs.

There's shouting from every direction- asking where your dress was from, asking if you were dating, asking why you were with the 'rival' company's son all the time- nothing new to you. After you traverse up the stairs, the two of you turn around and give a small wave at the cameras. You feel Eunseok drop his head down to yours, so you nestle yourself into him a bit more. How sweet, you thought to yourself, pushing down the urge to throw up at all this fakeness.

"Last chance to run," Eunseok murmurs as the doorman opens the glass doors into the foyer.

"Are you begging me to?" you counter, "Why do you keep insisting I back out?"

"I'm not. I just feel guilty, so I'll make up a solution if you want to stop all of this," he whispers into your ear. To others, it's an endearing moment as you keep your face neutral.

"It is all your fault. You should feel guilty. I'm not doing this for you or your family, but for my family. If this is what they want, then I'll oblige," you nod your head firmly.

While Eunseok's family was definitely benefiting more from the merger, it did come with some advantages for your family too: less competition in the market, combined success superseding the current top conglomerate, and for your parents: the knowledge that their first born child was going to have someone that was born to and raised from a good and rich family- someone that would be able to take care of you no matter what and understand your life in a way no other civilian could.

You know that your parents' argument for you to marry this guy was weak- there were plenty of good, rich guys from other companies- but you had been happy with the arrangement at the start and by the time you were 16 and he was breaking your heart, the companies had already started slowly merging or putting the plans into place. It was honestly a shame to your parents that other than rejecting you, Eunseok really had no faults. He was always polite, always courteous and intelligent enough to take over the conglomerate with you when the time would come.

Eunseok drops his arm from your waist, instead sliding his finger between yours.

"Miss. Y/L/N, Mr. Song," your family's general assistant approaches you in the foyer with a tight smile, "The event is about to begin. Please follow me to the stage. Are your speeches prepared?"

"Mhm," you hum, tugging Eunseok with you behind your assistant, "The rest of the family are here?"

"Yes. They're waiting by the stage," she replies as nerves finally settle into your stomach. You suddenly can't even look at Eunseok anymore as the gravity of the situation clicks into your mind. After this, you were going to be officially engaged in front of the world and you were going to be his bride in no less than a year from now. There was no turning back anymore.

Eunseok has to shoot you a look to stop you shaking on the stage as your father and his begin their speeches about their company, and the new era and blah, blah, blah. You tune them out in order to focus on your breathing and make sure you don't barf the second you step up to the podium. After minutes of nonsense, you feel Eunseok place his hand on the small of your back, signalling you to take to the stand.

"Um," you began, suddenly losing all the lessons you had learned in your public speaking classes growing up, "Thank you all for joining us on this occassion. As my father said, we are transitioning into a new era of our company and as I take on the role of COO, we believe it's important to have good people by your side to support you. While my family and the Songs are joining together in business, we are also joining together in family," you look over at Eunseok, who gives you a reassuring nod, "Song Eunseok and I are to be wed in one year's time. We have been close friends and partners since we were born and I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be by my side. We can go into this business partnership fully trusting each other and our companies and we would be grateful if you could give us your support. Thank you."

You step away from the podiums as gasps ring through the crowd. The business venture was nearly an open secret in the industry, but your relationship with Eunseok was based on rumours only, having never confirmed it. Now that you have, it would stir up all these new rumours- were you only getting married for the merger? Did you two actually love each other? What about all the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes that had been conniving to get even a bit of your or Eunseok's time to beg for your hand in marriage?

Eunseok takes his place beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist again as your families smile together for the pictures. The engagement party also doubled as a celebration for the merger, so at least all of the spotlight wasn't on you.

You're glad that your friends are here. They're all business heirs too, since like attracted like at your school. Your best friend Minjeong attacks you with a hug the second you step down from the stage.

"Ah, my best friend is getting married," she sighs dreamily into your ear, "You know what, Y/N, at least he's handsome. It's harder to hate someone when they look that good."

"Then you marry him," you chide, half-joking, "The problem has never been his looks. It's the situation."

"He doesn't hate you half as much as you hate him," Minjeong tuts, "And he's in the same situation. He never got a choice either."

You know deep down that she's right, but you're committed to making his life hell until the ends of the earth for breaking your heart. If anyone could say anything about you, it was that you could hold a grudge.

"Whose side are you on?" you prod her arm, but she rolls her eyes and links arms with you to join Eunseok and his friends.

"Happy engagement, lovebirds," Sungchan greets you with two kisses on your cheeks, "So excited to be at your wedding."

"I'm sitting you at the back," you retort, sticking your tongue out. You hated that Eunseok's friends were genuinely nice and funny people. It was so hard to distance yourself from Eunseok when your friendship groups had been deeply intertwined since you all could walk.

"Not when I'm a groomsman, right Eunseok-ie?" Sungchan swings his arm around his friend's shoulder, pulling him close, "Now tell me, who's the best man?"

Eunseok shoves his arm off, "You can just draw straws for it."

"I'll be the best man, hyung," Seunghan grins cheekily, "I'll make sure to give a really good speech, okay?"

"It's almost as if it's a real wedding," you smile bitterly, "Jeong, you'll be my maid of honour right?"

"You have to ask me properly," Minjeong whines, "We're going to do this wedding right, okay? My best friend will only get married once. I'm not letting you let your wedding planner do everything; we've been planning our dream weddings since we were 10 so we'll do it according to that."

"C'mon Y/N," Wonbin bumps his shoulder with yours, "We can make it fun. We know you'd rather not marry hyung, but he had always been the groom in all the weddings you'd plan when you were young. Now it's like a dream come true."

"Yah, Park Wonbin," Eunseok grits his teeth at his friend for bringing up the past. You wince at the reminder as Minjeong slaps his arm.

"Y/N, I think your mother is calling over you and Eunseok to dance," Shotaro calls for you softly, and you turn around to see your mother desperately signalling to you to join her on the dance floor.

"I'll see you guys later," you bid your friends a goodbye as you follow Eunseok into the crowd.

The night crawls by. It's nearly painful as you fake a smile with every passerby and acquaintance who congratulates you for your engagement. It feels like you're getting stabbed in the heart over and over again as everyone coos over how in love the two of you seem and how they always knew you were going to end up together. It crushes you as Eunseok leans down to your ear while you dance, apologising for how this was your life.

You get into his car after the party. The ride home is silent, apart from the noise of the city around you that seeps in even through the rolled up windows. Eunseok won't even dare breathe too loud in fear of making your life even less like what you had dreamed it to be.

He pulls up to your house and you make a quick move to unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door in one motion, but Eunseok wraps his hand around your wrist gently, bringing you back down.

"What is it now, Song?" you sigh in frustration, closing your eyes in defeat.

"I know this night has made your hatred for me 10 times worse," Eunseok begins, shuffling in his seat to reach into his inside pocket, "And I know that what we have isn't real to you, but I thought you at least deserved this."

Your eyes flutter open and you look over to him. He uncurls his clenched hand, unveiling a shiny ring in the middle of his palm. You bite back the gasp that bubbles up through your throat, and you reluctantly take the ring between your fingers without looking at him.

It's exactly your dream ring. It's what you imagined the love of your life to propose with when you were younger. It's what you wanted to be someone's physical manifestation of their love and devotion to you. That makes it all the worse when it comes from Eunseok.

"I remembered," Eunseok reads your mind, "When we went ring shopping when we were young for fun because you wanted to make sure I would propose with the right ring. I hope it's still what you want."

You can't bear to look at Eunseok at all, so you clench the ring in your hand and open the door, "Goodnight Eunseok. Thank you. Get home safely."

There's 100 steps between your front door and your bedroom. It takes what's left of your energy to hold back the sobs that threaten to escape prematurely. As soon as your bedroom door clicks shut, you collapse against your floor and break down in tears.

Why did Song Eunseok have to be such a good man? Why did you have to hate him? He was yours now, and that was what younger you wanted all along. Why were you taking it out on him? You had been holding onto a grudge for so long and he had been trying to make amends in private ever since, despite going along with your whole enemies thing for his own fun.

You hated how you knew that Song Eunseok could and would give you the life you wanted. You hated how all you wanted to do was love him like it was your choice and for him to love you back like it was his. But in this world, you were privileged enough to have everything you ever wanted, aside from the choice to love whoever you wanted to.

You hated how you didn't even have a choice in loving someone who didn't love you back.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

You fought with Eunseok nearly every time that you saw him through your university years. You found problems in the way he positioned himself too close to you and problems in the way he would distance himself and act like strangers when you did complain about that. You found problems in the way he didn't talk to other girls despite rejecting you and found problems when he would go on dates after you said that.

In short, Song Eunseok was a problem to you.

Yizhuo was forcing shots into your hands and demanding that you downed them with her as you tried to tune back in to the party going on around you. You couldn't think of anything else the second that Song Eunseok walked through the door arm in arm with some girl.

It was the last party of your undergraduate university days, since exams had finished and you were going to graduate in just a couple of weeks. Someone had rented out some kind of manor in the outskirts of Oxford, dedicated for everyone to stay at and party for a weekend. You knew the organiser through a friend of a friend, but everyone that had been invited was someone you either knew personally or knew of. The spoilt brats community at your university was large, but tight.

You obliged Yizhuo's request and bitterly downed the drink, hissing as it burned through your tracts, "What is this? It tastes disgusting."

"Alcohol isn't made to taste nice," she tutted at you, following your line of sight before sighing, "I guess it's time to get you more so you don't have to be sober looking at that."

Minjeong shook her head on the other side of you, "I can't believe he would bring someone here. He knew you'd be here. So disrespectful."

You saw that Eunseok was about to turn, so you quickly spin away in order to avoid eye contact, "It doesn't matter to me. We're not dating."

"But he's your fiancé," Yizhuo stomped in defiance, "He should have some respect for you."

"Since he didn't want to date me, i'd rather him date other people. Then it just looks like he rejected me because he didn't like me as a person," you affirmed, taking another shot with Minjeong.

"Y/N, please. You were 16 when you confessed and 16 year old boys don't have the most mature outlook on life," Minjeong argued, coughing after the bitter shot, "I'm sure he's not stupid anymore. You grew up hot and he's practically tripping over his own feet trying to chase after you."

"He's not chasing me," you scoffed, "He brought a girl here."

"Oh, you're impossible, Y/N," Yizhuo cried out, beginning to slur, "What do you actually want that poor boy to do? Even I would be confused with the way you act."

Your best friends have been trying to knock sense into you since you turned 18 and Eunseok gave up his dream to study at Harvard to be with you in England. They had claimed that Eunseok realised his feelings for you and wanted to make up for rejecting you. You claimed that if that was his intention, he would have told you that by now instead of pestering you by inserting himself into your new life without reason.

"He can do whatever he wants," you turned your nose up, "I don't care about him."

"Well you better act that way. He's coming," Minjeong warned you, suddenly disappearing with Yizhuo and leaving you stranded with your fiancé walking towards you.

It honestly felt like the grim reaper floating over in slow motion before he came to collect your soul. You fought hard to control the grimace on your face as he stopped in front of you.

"Y/N," he greeted softly, leaning in to give you a hug. You stood still, but you don't push him away. You ignored the way your heart skipped a beat when he pressed his cheek gently against the top of your head.

"Eunseok,"

"How were exams? You're graduating this year, right?" his head is tilted at you, eyes focused into yours.

"Why are you even asking? I'm sure you know my plans for the next 10 years considering you're still following me around," you scoffed, "Does your new girl know you're moving to New York after graduation so you can stalk me while I do my masters?"

"Are you jealous?" he smirked suddenly, gentle demeanour disappearing, "She's just a friend."

"Does she know that? I don't care what you do, Song. I just feel bad for the poor girl whose heart you're going to break when you tell her you're engaged," you feigned nonchalance, pouring yourself another shot, "I guess it's my fault for telling you to have your fun and experience things since apparently you'll be so devoid of love when you get married."

"Y/N," he trailed off, grabbing the soju bottle that had appeared in your hands, "You know it's not like that. I didn't mean it like that when I reject-"

"Save it, Song," you rolled your eyes, "Your girl is coming. Don't go blaming me when time comes to break her heart."

You turned away in time and managed to snatch back your alcohol before arms wrap around Eunseok's and a high pitch voice squeals to him about how she lost him. You find Sungchan somewhere in the crowd and convince him to call you a taxi to take you back into the town where your apartment was. Before he could even confirm the booking, you had already disappeared into the crowd, the shots you had taken truly seeping into your blood and making your head spin.

You don't really remember what happened the rest of that night, but if you try hard enough, you can remember being tucked into a bed on the third floor, big eyes peering down at you as you tossed under the duvet, a hunched figure sat at the end of the bed on the floor and a soft voice singing you to a deep slumber.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

"It's gorgeous, darling," your mother's voice takes you out of the focus mode you're in. The sunlight seeps through the stained glass, illuminating the sunroom at the back of your house. If you look down through the windows, you'd find the garden that your mother has been cultivating for decades. The rose garden with its arches and its vines was where you'd dreamed to get proposed to when you were young.

"You think so?" you showed her the sketch in full, turning the pad, "Do you think it's easy enough to create in real life?"

"We can make anything you want happen," your mother takes a seat in the lounge chair next to yours.

"Can you make Eunseok love me back?" you hum dejectedly, shading in the corset of what would be your wedding dress.

"He does, sweetheart. You just refuse to see it," your mother swiftly utters, and you stop your drawing, clenching the pencil tightly in your fist.

"Why does everyone say that?" you growl, "Everyone but Eunseok."

"Because you act like you hate him. You act like marrying him is the worst thing in the world. You act like there's nothing he could say or do that would bring him back into your favour despite you loving him all these years," your mother is lecturing you now, "He follows your lead, my darling. He will go to the ends of the earth for you and he always has. What more does he have to do for you to accept the way he shows his love? What more can he do to have your forgiveness?"

There's tears welling up in your eyes and your mother takes the drawing pad away from you to examine the dress you had envisioned. She carries on while you chew your lip and fight back the tears.

"You're going to be beautiful in this dress. One year's time will fly by, so make amends with Eunseok by then. Even if you don't go into this marriage as lovers, at least go into it as friends. That will make your life easier."

"I don't want to be friends," you grit out.

"Mhm, you want all or nothing. Why don't you ask him, then? He threw the ball in your court when he asked you if this marriage is what you want. Someone who doesn't love you or care about you wouldn't give you the option to run away to save yourself, you know?" you hate how insightful your mother is as she grabs your left hand, "This ring is beautiful, Y/N. He knows your heart like it's his."

"Cause it is his," you choke as the tears begin falling, "And he stamped all over it 8 years ago."

"He was just a young boy back then. He's followed you all over the world to be by your side ever since. He's sacrificed his own life to make your dreams come true. You have no choice but to marry each other, but he's been making choices to give you the life you wanted," she strokes your hair gently, "Can you give the boy a chance?"

Over the years, your parents had apologised to you for putting you in such a situation. They had told you that if you truly, inside your heart, didn't want to get married to Song Eunseok, they would call the whole thing off. The marriage was a way to ensure the merger wouldn't go awry by putting you and Eunseok as collateral if one side ever did try to betray the other. Tying the two of you together in marriage was a way to prevent either families from ruining the other.

You considered putting a stop to things more times than you could count on your fingers, but selfishly, you would imagine yourself on a rocking chair on a porch, hair grey and skin wrinkly and when you would look over to see who would be on the other chair, Eunseok was the only one you could imagine with you.

"But I've treated him so horribly all these years," you hiccup, trying to stop your crying, "There's no way that Eunseok would love someone like me."

"Because you won't let him," she stands up and places the drawing pad back in your lap, "Y/N, your father and I love you very much and all we want is your happiness. We haven't opposed this marriage despite how hard you've tried to push Eunseok away because we know that if you let him, he would make you truly happy. You're the only person stopping that happiness."

You ponder on her words for a while after she leaves, adding little details to your dress. For someone who was acting like this wedding was going to ruin their life, you sure were investing a lot of your free time into it. Maybe Minjeong had gotten into your head; unless you planned to divorce Eunseok (after the 5 year clause, per the contract), you were only going to get married once, so you should at least do it in your style.

Wonbin was right at your engagement party. You'd been planning your wedding since young. You knew exactly which flowers you wanted to adorn the aisle, which flavour of cake you wanted to eat, which song was going to play while you walked down the aisle, and whose eyes you wanted on you on the other side as you did. Eunseok had always been your dream man- he was your first crush, your first love and your first heartbreak all rolled up into one devastatingly handsome package. You imagined him in his crisp suit, laughing through his tears because you just looked so beautiful, and the thought of that takes you out of your fantasy and back into the room that was filled not with tears of happiness, but of silence.

You look down at the ring. The sun is hitting it perfectly, making the diamond shimmer in the beam. You slide it off and inspect the band for the first time, wondering what size he got since you didn't even know your size. Your heart stops when you first notice it. It's so small that if you blinked at that moment, you probably wouldn't have even noticed it and you would've lived the rest of your life not knowing it was there.

You run your nail against the engraving, your breath hitched as you read it.

To the one I'll always choose.

It's always been about choice. This whole time, it's been about your freedom to choose.

You and Eunseok weren't born with the privilege of choosing the one who was going to love you so hard that it would drive you crazy. You were instead born with a silver spoon in your mouth and a signed contract that because your family was going to have a girl first, that girl would be married to the Song's first born when the time came.

There was no question or argument about it. You grew up beside Eunseok knowing you were going to spend the rest of your life together, so you chose to learn everything about him. You chose to learn that he loved playing basketball with his friends and that he became silly and unserious when around them. You chose to learn that he doted on his much younger baby brother and that he would fight anyone and anything that could bring harm to him. You chose to learn that Eunseok had a soft heart that had its very own soft spot reserved just for you- one that grew bigger after your hatred for him did as well.

While you chose to hate Eunseok for rejecting you, he chose to stick by your side anyways. He chose to join you in Oxford, even if most of his friends went to America to study. He chose to live at the block just down the street from yours, so he could walk behind you to lectures and check that you were okay every day without overwhelming you. He chose to sleep on hard floors and wake up with kinks in his neck because he chose to sing you to sleep while you were drunk and then refused to leave to sleep in a nice bed so he could watch over you and protect you in your state. He chose to take on a job in New York for two years instead of joining his father's company straight out of business school so that you had someone to accompany you on your midnight walks through New York City. He chose to give you the choice to leave if marrying him was truly a burden you couldn't bear, because your happiness was the grand reward of the consequences that he would bear in your place.

When you chose to hate him, Eunseok let love grow in the emptiness that you left behind instead. He would choose you a million times over and over again until the day you'd finally see it. Your hatred for the situation stemmed from the fact that you thought your choices were stripped away in being arranged to marry. You wanted Eunseok to love you not because he had to, but because it was his choice to.

You were too blind by your rage to see that Eunseok had been choosing you over and over again not because of the arrangement, but in spite of it. That was the greatest love of them all.

On the next sunny day, Eunseok joins you on the bench in the middle of the rose garden. You'd been sketching up ideas on how you want the aisle to look like. You were thinking light flowers along the bottom with candles dispersed to illuminate it. In your dreams, you'd get married at sunset in a glass pavilion that could hold only your closest friends and families. As the sun started dipping, the candles would take over as the source of light and bathe everyone in a soft, golden glow. In your dreams, the light would reflect onto Eunseok's face, highlighting his sharp cheekbones and large, round eyes that were peering down into yours.

"What did you call me over for?" Eunseok sits on his hands and looks around. It's spring time and the garden is at its most vibrant and beautiful.

You hold out your hand in front of you, "I found the engraving on the ring."

Eunseok takes a sharp breath in, "Ah you did?"

"Did you not want me to see it?"

"I had just hoped that whenever you did see it, you would believe it," Eunseok whispered, "It's true, by the way."

"I know," your response has Eunseok turning his head so fast it almost gives him whiplash.

"You do?"

"Mhm. You chose to follow me around the world despite me hating you and you having to give up on your dream schools just so you could try to prove yourself to me. You chose to keep giving me gifts on birthdays when we were abroad since my family often couldn't make it. You always choose me. Why?"

"In part to make amends for the mistake I made when I was young pushing away your feelings like that without thought," Eunseok explained, "But for the most part because I care about you and I want to make the best of a bad situation we're in. I know that no one wants to be in an arranged marriage. I just wanted to show you that I could give you the life you wanted. That you could be happy with me."

Your heart aches at his words as you realise how truly misguided your perception of him was. You had thought that he was following you around to torment you and to remind you that you could never be free, but all this time, he was letting you live your dreams and staying by your side to show that he was supporting you.

"I've treated you so badly over the years and you still want to marry me?" you meet his eyes that have been trained on you since the moment he sat down.

Eunseok giggles and reaches up his warm palm to your cold face, "Hm, your words are harmless Y/N. You've shown your affection to me in other ways; I know you love me."

You roll your eyes and push his hand away, "In your dreams, Song."

"Mhm, actually in your dreams," Eunseok teases, "Considering you've been dreaming about marrying me for 10 years."

"And I don't know why. I must be sick in the head for that. Did you hit me in the head when we were young or something?" you retort, trying to move away from him.

Eunseok lets out a full-bodied laugh that sends butterflies through you instead of the burning rage that usually ensued whenever he was having fun in front of you. He stretched his arm around you behind the bench and pulled you closer to him, "Just admit it, Y/N. Everyone knows you've had a fat crush on me since we were teens and it's only ever grown. There's a very, very fine line between love and hate."

"I still hate you," you grumble, "This doesn't mean anything."

Eunseok drops his head down, pushing your head into his shoulder. Your first instinct is to recoil away and grimace, but Eunseok's grip on your shoulder is tight, so you try to relax in his hold.

"You'll always be my girl, Y/N. You just have to accept that."

You hum and watch the bees buzz around the rose garden, "I've always wanted the whole ordeal- the crushing, the pining, the courting, going on dates, having your firsts, moving in together, proposing how you want. I feel like that was taken away from me before I even knew what they were and even if we do those things, how would I know what's real and what's fake? What you're doing because of me and what you're doing because of the arrangement- that kind of stuff."

Eunseok's heartbeat is slow and strong, "The arrangement only brought us to each other. How can I make you believe that everything I do for you is because I want to?"

"How about we start with when you rejected me and left poor little 16 year old me heartbroken?"

Eunseok scoffs, "Y/N, I was stupid, okay? It was a mistake, I was young and I was too blind to see what was in front of me. You were still special to me back then and I have always cared for you, but I didn't know what I wanted back then. I grew up and haven't looked back since."

"And the girls you brought around at university?"

"Because you were demanding that I dated other people," Eunseok rolls his eyes, thinking about your past explosive arguments about relationships, "I just went on dates here and there, but never anything serious. I always let them know that I couldn't commit, but you know there was a line wrapping around Oxford wanting to date me."

You chuckle at that. Everyone was falling over their feet for the chance to get just a second of Song Eunseok's time, the same way he was doing to you. He was incredibly popular and girls would approach you to ask you to set them up, but you would always growl and send them on their way.

"You were only the most eligible bachelor because you're the son of the third richest family in Korea," you sneer, jokingly.

"And I'm handsome, charming, intelligent and kind," Eunseok lists off his traits on his fingers, "But everyone knows you've always had my heart."

"I don't know if I can believe that."

He shrugs simply beside you, "Doesn't matter. I can show you now."

"What?"

"We can date from now on. I'll show you how I feel. Then in one year's time, you'll be gladly getting married to me instead of having to be dragged up the aisle kicking and screaming by your family," he says it so casually that you question if the shocked reaction you're having is the abnormal one.

"Date?" you splutter out, completely bewildered, pulling away from him, "Us two? Now?"

"Why are you saying it like it's crazy? I basically just confessed to you," Eunseok crosses his arms in front of his chest and tilts his head in confusion, "Are you rejecting me? Is this payback?"

You wave your hand in dismissal, "Yah, you're really confusing me here, Eunseok. I don't know what I'm feeling right now."

He laughs again, and he's glad that he can finally laugh with you for the first time in years. He takes your hand between his and squeezes assuringly, "It's okay. We can figure it out together as we go. Just stay by my side, okay?"

You sigh into the breeze. The air was crisping up as the sky began to illuminate in visions of pink and purple. You look over at Eunseok and the reflection of the sun makes his eyes look iridescent. One thing you've always known about Eunseok is that with him, you felt safe, so you nod and squeeze his hand back, "Yeah."

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

The first time you saw Eunseok again after your undergraduate graduation, it was in New York City at the end of summer.

You had spent the entire summer travelling nearly every country in Europe with your friends, while Eunseok was forced to come home and start learning how to actually work in his father's company before he started his role at the New York branch. You were glad to have this summer without him considering the two of you spent your summers together as children and as teens, your friendship groups overlapped so you also had to hang out with him.

There were endless boxes in your apartment since decorating your space was one of your life's great pleasures. The boxes were organised by room and had been shipped out from England at the start of the summer when you moved out. They'd been collecting dust, so all your windows were thrown open in the summer heat to air out the apartment and the dust. Of course you had AC, but there was something about the noise of the city traffic and the hustle and bustle travelling up to your apartment that made you feel like you were truly in the city.

The knock on your door made you groan instantly and you had to suppress the urge of banging your head into the coffee table you were decorating. You took small and slow steps to the front door, but the pattering on the door wasn't letting up.

"Already here to bother me on my first day? It's only been like 3 hours since I got off the plane," you sighed as you came face to face with your dreaded fiancé.

Eunseok rolled his eyes and pushed past your shoulders into your kitchen, "I know you missed me. I brought takeout since you probably haven't eaten and don't have any food yet." Eunseok held up a bag of his favourite Korean food in the city and placed it on your dining table, dishing out the styrofoam boxes.

He arrived in the city a week and a half before you did, moving into the apartment across the hall so he had been able to get himself settled into both his job and his city before you came to rain down terror on him.

"What makes you think I want to eat with you?"

"I bought it, so I'm gonna eat it. Up to you if you wanna starve or not," Eunseok shrugged, already making himself comfy in one of your expensive dining chairs. He took out some plastic cutlery from the bag and began to dig in to the beef bibimbap he had ordered for himself. There was another few boxes of food in the bag, all of which smelling amazing and instantly causing your stomach to grumble.

Sheepishly, you took the seat across from him and scavenged through the food. He had ordered you some tteokbokki and a stew with some rice. Either he knew you too well or it was a lucky guess. For the sake of your heart, you settled on the latter choice.

The two of you ate in silence for a while, not really looking up at each other and just staring passively at your food. Silence was few and far between when it came to you and Eunseok. It was always hushed arguing or full blown insulting between the two of you no matter where you went or how inappropriate it may have seemed to others. You were sure there were rumours that the two of you didn't always get on despite being photographed together so often, but your families' PR teams were experts in mangling all those 'rumours'.

You broke the silence first, "How's the new job?"

The heir in front of you coughs and looks at you strangely, as if he couldn't believe you would ask him that, "It's... work. Not horrible and met a couple friendly colleagues. Having this job does make me feel so grown up and responsible, though," after the initial shock of you initiating a conversation, Eunseok began blabbering about his new position at his family's company.

"Well then hopefully it makes you more mature," you snide.

Eunseok scoffed, "Trust me, Y/N, when I say that I'm the more mature one out of us. You'll find out what I mean one day."

"If you were mature enough, you'd know to oppose this crazy marriage with me," you turned your head away from him, feeling the anger bubble up again.

"And it's because I'm mature enough that I'm not," he shrugged, "Unlike you, I don't think this marriage will be the worst thing that can happen to me."

"I'm honoured," you retorted, "I don't know why you think that when all I've done is make your life difficult. Why would you think I can't continue for the rest of our lives?"

He smiled coyly at you, pushing a drink that appeared in the bag towards you, "You'll get tired, sweetheart. Then you'll fall in love with me."

You feel sick at how he's all entirely wrong. Despite that, you appreciate how he's always able to diffuse any tension between the two of you even if his words are always cocky and arrogant. z

You don't say anything to him for a long while. When you finished up your food in silence, he packed everything anyway and placed it in the correct bins. Wordlessly, he began to unpack your boxes with you, unwrapping everything bubble wrapped and placing it on the kitchen counters for you to organise. You would have protested this act of service, but he's right- fighting him all the time does get tiring.

In this light from the living room as the sun setting made your apartment glow and burst with light, Eunseok looks radiant. You hope he can't see you admiring him from the next room. It's almost as if you're a normal couple, moving into their first home and starting their new life together. It's a melancholy sight as you ponder the what if's.

He breaks down all of your boxes flat, humming to himself a song that you think you've heard at the end of parties when you'd be sat on someone's bedroom floor just talking or playing cards half-drunk. Eunseok turned his head towards you and you whipped your head away so fast it hurts your neck.

"You still have this?" he held up a mug that instantly flashed you back to 6 years ago. The mug is majority a light pink and wonky in places since you made it yourself from clay. It was a few months process making and painting the mug, but when you were 15 with the biggest crush on him, having a mug brandishing "Y/N + EUNSEOK" on it made you feel giddy inside.

"All my other mugs broke," you lied through your teeth, snatching it from his grip and placing it in a random empty cupboard, "My mother packed it for me when I moved to Oxford."

"Mhm, okay," you could tell he was smirking but you made yourself busy with the plates, "I'm gonna take the boxes down to the recycling. Do you want any more help?"

"I've had enough of you for today," you breathed out. Too much time with him truly drove you crazy, "But thanks."

"Anytime, princess. I'm just across the hall if you need me and I'll get your number whenever you get it set up." he wiped his hands on his jeans and have you that charming smile that made you fall in the first place.

You see him out wordlessly. You don't argue when he turns up the next day demanding for your number in case you ever needed anything from him (or if he wanted to come and bother you). You feign annoyance when one morning he's insisting that he ran out of coffee in his apartment and wanted some of yours. You leave him in your apartment because you were running late to class, but when you get home, you open the cupboard and try not to fall all over again when you see a matching, much lumpier, handmade blue mug that brandished the words "TO FOREVER <3" on it next to yours.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

You're tossing and turning in your seat as Eunseok shakes you gently. He laughs when you groan under your breath as he wakes you up, "Sit up. We're landing soon."

The sleep you got on the flight was long, but you still woke up incredibly tired since you kept getting woken up for meals. You were grateful that you could fly first class with separate seats and beds, otherwise you'd be much more groggy than you already were.

Buckling yourself in the seat next to Eunseok's, you yawn, "Eunseok, what the fuck is an engagement trip?"

"A trip celebrating our engagement, duh," he looks at you like you're stupid, so you shove him as hard as your tired body could muster, "Like a honeymoon but before. Never too many excuses to take a vacation. Plus, we're going to be busy this trip."

You've never taken a vacation with just Eunseok before. Sure, you've lived in three different countries together outside of Korea and gone on a couple of vacations as children and with a large group of friends, but never just the two of you with a purpose.

"I don't understand why our wedding planner couldn't just pick a venue for herself and call it a day. Why must we go all the way to Italy and do it ourselves?" you're up to your neck in work, but you couldn't protest when you found a week blocked off in your calendar by your assistant, telling you it was 'orders from above' AKA your father.

"It was my idea," he confesses with a shrug, "Won't it be nice if we actually like where we're getting married? If we chose it ourselves because we can see ourselves getting married there?"

It feels like your heart is clenching at the insinuations behind his words. He wants to get involved with your wedding planning, like it's a real wedding. You sniff and turn away from him. It is a real wedding, you remind yourself. You were going to get married legally and this wedding was real, no matter the intention behind it. No matter if you loved or hated each other, it was a real wedding.

"Yeah. Everywhere in Italy is nice so at leadt it'll be a good trip," the past couple of months since you've been officially engaged to Eunseok, you've been attempting to be nicer and hold back your retorts. You've made an effort to argue less and he's been trying to get on your good side. You've both been busy with work considering the news of the merger brought a whole new wave of problems, so you've had no time to interrogate his profession to "date" you. Thank gosh, because your heart would not be able to take that.

The plane lands soon enough and before you know it, you're in a private car going to your hotel. You were staying in Milan, but driving around Lake Como and Tuscany to tour the list of potential venues that your wedding planner had come up with. You were definitely going to be exhausted by the end of it.

The drive was relatively silent, just listening to music and looking out of the window, but when you arrive at the hotel, Eunseok opens the car door for you and snakes his arm around your waist as you walk up to the front desk, "Hello. We're checking in to the penthouse suite. For Song?"

The hotel clerk smiles sweetly, handing over your keys swiftly, "All ready for you both, Mr Song. Congratulations on your engagement."

You're spluttering a thank you with flushed cheeks as Eunseok drags you over to the elevator, "You told them?"

"I just wanted the free champagne that I assume will be up there," he grins cheekily and you roll your eyes. As if he couldn't afford it.

You are however delighted to find a small cake beside the bucket of ice cold champagne and you dig into the red velvet goodness as you watch Eunseok open up your suitcases and hang your clothes up in the master bedroom wardrobe meticulously. You're halfway into the cake when he drags his suitcases out of the room.

"Wait, where are you going?" you frown.

Eunseok snickers, "To the other bedroom? Why? Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Oh. I just didn't know there were two rooms." you say sheepishly.

Eunseok stops in his tracks, hand on his suitcase loosening, "So you went into this trip okay with the thought of sleeping with me? If so, I'll stay here with you then."

"No!" you call out, "Just- just shut up and go."

The smirk on his face is smug as he nods and continues his leave, "Alright, sweetheart, but let me know if you get nightmares and want company."

You bear the butter knife at him and he laughs melodically on his way out. You pop the champagne yourself and drown a glass down, hoping you'd be able to make it out the trip unscathed. He's running into the room with a pout after hearing the loud pop of the corkscrew, so you pour the both of you a glass and you clink them together as you chugged them back.

The days pass by similarly. You wake up and have breakfast together before embarking on a sleepy drive to a venue. You have lunch in endless terraces and gardens under the sun, basking in the heat and evaluating the venue you saw that morning. You both ooh and ahh at different venues that all look the same before you find a flaw in it that stops you from making the decision to host one of the most important days of your lives there. Some are too big, some too small, too pretentious, not pretty enough, the flowers aren't the ones you envisioned, the location too secluded or not enough. You always agree on the flaws of the venues and it's the penultimate full day when you make it to the final venue on the list.

"If I don't like this venue then I'm not marrying you," you huff in the car as it pulls up the driveway.

"Who knew wedding venues were so complicated?" Eunseok exhales in frustration, "Should we just get married in Seoul?"

You puff out your lips, "Italy was always my dream, but I was naive to the process."

Eunseok smiles and takes your hand, "I have faith in this one. At least I hope." The commitment he has to giving you your dream wedding despite it all is unwavering.

When you enter the final venue, you think that maybe it was the last on the list for a reason, since you're blown away every step you take through the grounds. The hallways to the main room is ornate and delicate at the same time, with pretty floral paintings wrapping the walls and big windows letting in the golden light. The room where your reception could be held is stunning with murals all over the walls and a dome ceiling that compliments it perfectly. It's neither too big, nor too small and there's little nooks and crannies for guests to nestle themselves in. You could see yourself in the middle, slow dancing with your head on your husband's shoulder.

"This is nice," Eunseok awes, coming up behind you with the grounds manager, "Very pretty."

You nod in agreement and ask to see the gardens, since you always wanted to get married outside in the sun. The manager gushes over the outside while she leads you out and your heart is pounding in anticipation. Eunseok probably guessed how giddy you were, because he joins you by your side and gives you a hopeful look.

"We're here. Most brides start from here and have the aisle straight down to the arch."

She throws open the double doors and you gasp in admiration at the sight in front of you. The stairs going down to the garden seen steep, but grand. You envision that your father could probably help you hobble down to the garden, where it was staged as a wedding venue. There's chairs laid out in rows, decorated in tulle and bows with an aisle adorned in flowers. At the end of the garden, there's an arch with vines wrapped around it and flowers creeping up. From where you were standing, you could see that this garden was actually on a balcony overlooking a lake that seemed to be glowing and sparkling as the slight wind caused some ripples on the surface

"I'll give you two some time to explore?" she proposes, to which Eunseok nods and wraps his hand around your wrist, tugging you down the stairs.

"First impressions?" he's looking around with blown out pupils as the two of you reach the bottom of the stairs and the beginning of the aisle.

"I like this one a lot," you shyly admit, "It's exactly what I imagined."

"I love it as well. Why don't you walk down the aisle and see how you feel. Imagine yourself on the day," he's taking off in front of you, running swiftly to the arch before you could even take a breath and get a word out.

At his antics, you let out a full-belly laugh and straighten out the ivory dress you happened to be wearing. You look down at the slip dress hitting your ankles and think it might be fate you chose to wear this specific dress on this specific day. You look up and find Eunseok suddenly frozen still at the other end, hands intertwined in front of him and his eyes trained solely on you.

When he notices that you meet his eyes, he gives you a gentle smile as he mouths to you, "Come here."

It takes you a few breaths to actually muster up the courage to follow his direction. You think that walking down a straight path shouldn't be such a big deal, but the thought that this could be the very steps you take to marry the same man at the end in less than a year's time strikes your heart.

The aisle is a soft and smooth stone, perfect for walking on in high heels. It's wide enough that a wedding dress wouldn't drag along the sides and knock over the flowers and long enough for anticipation to build as Eunseok gazes down at you from afar.

"Y/N," Eunseok calls over.

You take the first step and your breath catches in your throat. All you can look at is Eunseok now, with his shirt unbuttoned at the first three to expose some chest and his hair falling over his eyes. He keeps fidgeting with his fingers, as if he couldn't stand still and his lips are puckering and stretching as if he had much more to say.

The second step is easier than the first and the third one even more so. By the fifth step, Eunseok is chewing on his bottom lip and you're ridden with anticipation to meet him at the end.

With each step you take down the aisle, you're flashed back to all the crucial moments in your life with Song Eunseok so far.

You were sandbox best friends. You learned to walk together, and then ride bikes with each other. You learned to swim in the same swimming pool that still remained in your garden. You learned to ski and snowboard with each other in the blustery mountains of the alps. You were each other's first heartbreaks when you were teens. You took your first alcoholic drink together with your friends by the Han river, faces flushed red and hearts beating out of your chests at the prospect of getting caught. You got blackout drunk together for the first time during your first week of university. You posed together as you threw your graduation caps up in the air at the end of the three years. You chased each other around New York City, running around in blocks after he snatched your phone from your grasp when you would ignore him. You begrudgingly invited him to ride swan paddle boats with you in every lake and river around the city since he was the only person that would drop everything for you at a moment's notice. You would leave containers of home cooked food outside his doors when you noticed he was getting swamped with work, knowing he had the tendency to either order too much unhealthy takeout or stop eating altogether when busy.

With every step you take to meet Eunseok at the bottom of the aisle, you accept that Eunseok has been with you for every step of your life.

He's an arm's length away when you notice his eyes are glossier than usual. Eunseok refuses to break the stare between the two of you as you arrive in front of him, exactly where you would stand under the arch if you got married at this very space.

"Are you crying?" you whisper, afraid of your own voice.

He chortles and dabs at his eyes, "It's just the wind."

"Mhm," you hum, fighting back the smile threatening to expose your emotions, "What do you think?"

Eunseok takes a bold step towards you and closes the gap between your bodies. He's closer than you've ever had him and you can nearly feel his breath on your skin. It's making you dizzy but all you can do is keep your eyes on him.

"Eunseok," you murmur in a hushed tone.

His head is drifting closer down to yours, forehead nearly touching. If you moved your face even just by a centimetre, your noses would bump and you knew you wouldn't be able to stop yourself.

"Let's get married here," Eunseok nudges his face forwards. You have to stop yourself from pulling back even with the drumming in your chest, "You're going to look so beautiful. You do already."

"I like this place. Our parents would like it here too."

Eunseok's eyes flutter shut as he sighs and shakes his head gently, "No, let's get married here because we want to, not because our parents would like it. Let's get married because we want to."

"Eunseok," his name falls out of your mouth like it's the most sacred word you can say.

His forehead is still pressed against yours, his eyes squeezed tight and his palm comes up to make home on your cheek, "I love you. I always have."

Sincerity drips from his words and you know that this time, it's the real thing. It's the words you'd been dying to hear him say sincerely for a decade. It's the words that underlined every fight and argument you've had as adults. He finally and bravely bares his heart to you for the first time, still considerate as he always had been by giving you the choice to determine what will end up of the two of you.

There's something different about his profession of love after all you'd experienced together. Back then, when you confessed that you liked him, the world would probably say it was just some puppy love- a silly high school crush. Something that would fizzle over and dissolve when you would experience the real hardships of life and what it could throw at you. You think that a late confession carries a profound and heartfelt meaning like no other.

"Seok-"

He cuts you off before you could finish, pulling away from you and causing you to open your eyes, "I don't need an answer yet, Y/N. I just need you to know that I want to be with you. I want to be your boyfriend, your husband, your partner- whatever you want me to be. I want to make you only happy from now on, instead of angry or resentful. I want to be by your side and keep following you around the world. I want everything with you."

You've never felt more sure of anything else in the world when you bounce up on your tiptoes and capture his face between your hands, pressing your lips against his. It feels like every nerve ending in your body is on fire, but at the same time feeling relief as if this was the one thing in the world that could finally relieve you from all the anger and bitterness you had been displaying and trying to internalise for all these years. Deep down, you could never ever hate Song Eunseok, the boy who has had your heart since you were just young.

He's rigid for a split second while he processes your own confession, but he quickly regains enough composure to part his lips and deepen the kiss, moulding your lips to each other's. It's unlike anything he's ever felt before and he finally understood the real pleasure of kissing someone you really love. As he runs his tongue along your bottom lip, Eunseok knows that he could do this for the rest of his life.

"Song Eunseok, I love you too," your eyes are glistening with adoration as you pull away from his kiss, "Let's get married?"

When he finally looks you in the eye at the moment you give yourself back to him, he can't help the tears that finally break free from their barrier. He's laughing as he finally pulls you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your body in desperation of keeping you close to him. You nuzzle deeper into him and he tucks his head into your neck. His body is shaking with the laughter of relief and his heartstrings tug when he feels his shirt dampening at the exact spot where your face laid.

"You're the one I'll always choose to love," he coo's into your ear words that travel straight into your heart, "For the rest of my life, for the rest of yours."

You look down at your hand and breathe deeply as the ring glistens on your finger. The Italian sun makes it shine bright as the symbol of your love. You start thinking of what you want to engrave on the inside of the ring that you want to get him. You start thinking of the dress and suit you'll be wearing at this very spot soon enough. You're dreaming of the house you move into together and of the company you'll spearhead by each other's side. You fantasise over your future kids- the kids you hope will have his eyes and your nose. You yearn for the life you know Eunseok will give you and your heart is finally at peace, knowing it will always be him.

˗ˏˋ જ⁀➴ ˎˊ˗

#eunseok #riize #riize au #eunseok au #song eunseok #riize fic #riize fanfic #riize x reader #eunseok x reader #eunseok fluff #riize fluff #riize angst #riize imagine #riize one shot #riize fic recs #eunseok fic recs #arranged marriage au

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sourcherryandsprinkles · 6 months

Note

conrad thanksgiving fic please!!

This has been in my drafts for a long time...sorry. I might delete later, I don't really like it. It's not giving what I wanted it to...

Request: You’ve done Conrad dating a Haley James type of character, what about a Blair Waldorf type character? Old money, fiercely strong, rich, and outspoken. She and Belly would NOT get along, at all. He takes her to Thanksgiving dinner and Susannah is still there and she loves her

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

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Thanksgiving had always been a massive celebration in your family. Every year, your parents would go all out and host a dinner with their closest friends and their families. Your mother would direct the caterer team and make sure everything was perfect before the guests’ arrival. At the end the meal by having a slice of your father’s infamous pumpkin pie — which was your personal favorite part.

This year, Thanksgiving was going to be different. Your father was in Paris for business and your mother somewhere in Europe, expanding her collection of vintage designer handbags. Had you not been in college, you would have happily joined her.

‘’Why don’t you come with me to Boston?’’ Conrad asked as you watched him pack a bag for the weekend. ‘’My mom keeps asking me when she’ll get to meet you.’’

The thought of spending Thanksgiving alone had been looming over you, and Conrad's invitation was like a ray of light.

A small smile tugged at the corners of your lips. ‘’You told your mother about me?’’

‘’Not really,’’ Conrad explained, picking another sweater and adding it into his bag. ‘’She heard your voice when she called the other day and Jeremiah told her all about you. He’s such a big mouth...’’ He shook his head, wishing his brother could hold his tongue sometimes.

Susannah was ecstatic to have another guest for dinner. It was on very short notice and most of the preparations were already done when Conrad informed her of your addition to the table, but she would never pass up an opportunity to meet her Connie’s new girlfriend.

When you and Conrad walked in, Susannah was all over you, complimenting your dress and how gorgeous you looked. You were quick to return her compliments, pointing out how her eyes looked exactly like Conrad's.

You met the other guests — Conrad’s father and brother, then Laurel and her kids —, and all were surprised by who Conrad had brought home. No one ever expected him to date someone born of old money. He’s dated Nicole, but she was nowhere as rich as your family.

‘’Look at this amazing table,’’ Susannah said as she brought in the turkey, looking very proud of herself. ‘’Martha Stewart can kiss my ass!’’

Your eyes went wide for a short second, not expecting such words from her. She looked so sweet and delicate.

Conrad shook his head at his mother, happy to see her being herself again.

Everyone got seated, then Susannah spoke again. ‘’Before we eat, let’s go around the table and say one thing that we’re thankful for. Jere Bear, you can start.’’

You lifted your eyes at Jeremiah across the table, who looked nothing like his brother. If you hadn’t known, you would never have guessed they were related.

‘’I’m thankful for my mom,’’ the younger Fisher began, ‘’who reconsidered trying this new treatment for us. I don’t know what I would do without you, Mom.’’ He glanced at his mother, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

Susannah squeezed his hand over the table while everyone was trying to not get emotional.

Conrad had told you about his mother’s breast cancer having come back in the spring. He tried to hide her sickness from you, but when you found him crying in his dorm on a Saturday afternoon, you knew something wasn’t okay. It was a tough subject for the entire family — especially since it was the second time she was going through this. For that, Susannah didn’t like to talk about cancer. She didn’t want her whole life to revolve around it just because a nasty tumor had returned in her body. She wanted to live her life the way it’s always been…and take a few more sitting breaks when needed.

In turn, the other guests said what they were thankful for. It went from Steven getting a car for his birthday to Belly becoming captain of her school’s volley-ball team and Laurel being a typical mom and being thankful for her children.

‘’Connie, it’s your turn,’’ Susannah said, motioning to her eldest son.

Conrad nodded at his mom, then cleared his throat. ‘’Jeremiah took the words out of my mouth, so I’ll say something else I’m equally thankful for.’’ His lips tugged up into a little half smile and he reached over the table to take your hand in his. ‘’I’m thankful for meeting my amazing girlfriend, who came into my life at the most unexpected, yet perfect moment.’’

You smiled back at Conrad, giving his fingers a little squeeze.

Seated before you, Belly snickered lightly. ‘’Can we eat now? Mom didn't want us to get snacks on the way here and I’m starving.’’

Laurel gave her daughter a pointed glare, wishing she would behave.

Although the pumpkin pie didn’t come close to your father’s recipe, you made sure to tell Susannah it reminded you of home.

‘’I hope your parents are not too sad that you came to Boston instead,’’ Susannah said, incapable of imagining spending Thanksgiving without her family — especially her boys.

‘’Not at all, Mrs. Fisher,’’ you politely replied. ‘’My parents were both out of the country this Thanksgiving. Business related travel.’’

Susannah raised an eyebrow. ‘’Oh? What is it that they do?’’

You didn’t mean to brag, but she had asked. ‘’My mother is a fashion designer and my father is a lawyer at my grandfather’s firm.’’

You caught Belly rolling her eyes and muttering something. You didn’t care what she thought of you, you were the one who got to share Conrad’s bed at the end of the day. Ignoring her childish reactions, you continued talking to Susannah about your parents. She was very interested in your mother’s designs.

When dinner was officially over, you all vacated the table. Jeremiah and Steven went to the living room to set up a game for the five of you to play — another family tradition. You had never played cards against humanity before, but you’ll give it a try.

Before you reached the living room, Conrad pulled you in a corner near the stairs, wanting some time alone with you.

‘’Belly despises me,’’ you pointed to him, keeping your voice down so no one would hear.

Conrad rolled his eyes as he curled an arm around you, knowing how you had the tendency to exaggerate things. ‘’She does not. She’s just…having difficulty accepting that I moved on.’’

You made a face at him. ‘’Don’t you defend her. Have you seen all the sour looks she gave me during dinner? Your eyes might be the most beautiful shade of blue, my love, but I believe they are in need of a visual acuity test. You should schedule one when we get back to Palo Alto.’’

Conrad chuckled, amused by your theatrics.

‘’Belly is going to be tougher to win with your charm. Like every ex-girlfriend, she’s gonna try to paint you as a mean girl, so you just have to show her that you’re the opposite. Compliment her. Tell her you like her sweater.’’

‘’But it looks itchy. It’s probably polyester.’’

The corner of Conrad’s lips turned into a smile.

—

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs @gillybear17 @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn @lovelyy-moonlight @mellabella101 @vxnity713 @marzipaanz @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart @xyzstar @graceberman3 @Heartsforneteyamsully @aerangi @hallecarey1 @bxbyyyjocelyn @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs @grxnde-dwt @lexasaurs634 @teeeree13 @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634 @teeeree13 @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis@Shasta89 @sierraluvz @specialk6802 @CZARINERA

TSITP taglist: @msmarvelknight @maritaleane @dingus0401 @idontknowwhatimdoing777 @nomorespahgetti @lomlolivia @5sosbands @bloodyhw @depthsofdespairr @a-band-aid-for-your-heart @gilbertscurls @brandirouse86 @leilani-nichole @bloody-mf-bsc @papayaboyluvr @bchindureyes @bellysbeach @slytherinambitious @darylscvmdumpster @johannelis2302nely @aqshua @foockingasshole @straberryshortcake143 @luiise @sickntiredtoo @adrluvh @mymultiveres @Rosekar16 @hopeurokays @amysangrl @hopelessromantic727 @beth-gallagher22 @lonelywitchv2 @arinexeisnotworking @cloudrainy342 @theflcwer @alllriseabove @angelxxrose @angelxxrose-blog @r1vrsefx

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher imagine #the summer i turned pretty #the summer i turned pretty imagine #tsitp imagine #tsitp

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be-missed · 6 months

Text

Cool About It

Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

Summary: Jenna and Y/N are life-long best friends, but can Y/N still stand and hide her feelings after Jenna pulled a prank on her?

Warning/s: curse words, notify me if there are any.

A/N: Hi, hope this can be a good substitute for Chap 4 of Not Strong Enough. Enjoy! (clearing things out, this is not the Chapter 4 for Not Strong Enough, this is just a substitute story for you all, so that you have something to read while waiting for the Chapter 4 for Not Strong Enough.)

Masterlist

Nothing To Lose (Part 2) | Bad for Business (Part 3)

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"Come on it'll be fun, we can walk around the park and then ride the boat." Jenna explained while lying down in Y/N's bed and scrolling through her phone.

Y/N looked at her with a questioning look and said "Isn't that a bad idea? Because people might hover over us and people will just follow us and that is something that my anxiety can't handle."

"Noooo, pleaseee. This is a good idea, it's a Thursday afternoon, nobody or only least people will be at the park." Jenna answered, pouting.

"Jenna, stop." Y/N said with a smile on her face "You know it's hard for me when you do that."

Ans Jenna just smiled because she knows that Y/N is so close to going "Pleeaasseeee, pretty pleaseeee. I'll buy you an ice cream." Jenna proposed.

"Hmm, you think an ice cream can make me agree with your plan, huh?" Y/N answered.

"Yes, I know that you will agree to me sooner. Just imagine us binding after such a long time of not seeing each other. Also, may I remind you that I'll be leaving the country in December to film for Wednesday so this is a great time to spend with me before we get situated again in face time." Jenna is now showing Y/N a sad face.

Jenna's statement made Y/N wonder, that yes, it is true that Jenna's break will be over soon, meaning that she will be receiving a call or a message from Jenna during ungodly times which, she diligently answers, whether it may be a call or a message.

Y/N sighs and Jenna knows that y/N will now agree with her plan. But before Y/N agrees, Jenna started to jump in Y/N's bed and smiles at Y/N.

"You know me so fucking well Jenna Marie Ortega." Y/N said while scratching her brow "Yes, sure we'll go to the park."

And then Jenna went ot hug Y/N and delivers ton of kisses on Y/N's face.

Y/N thought, "Fucking hell, how can I disagree with this girl. If she tells me to jump on a tall something, I would even do some back flips. She wants me to run around New York City? I would do it with my tits out. She want me to marry her and be the mother of her children? I will for sure do that without a doubt. The last part, is a false hope. I know Jenna isn't into me since the first time that I met her."

"Okay, collect your things and get dressed, we're going to Central Park." Y/N said and taps Jenna's crown and smiled at her like a cute puppy.

Even if Jenna and Y/N are together, they will literally wear the headphones that they bought for each other, just to drown out their environment. But even the noise cancelling headphone can't stop them to communicate with each other. After knowing each other so well for years, they don't need to communicate verbally.

While walking, Y/N then got lost again with her own thoughts. She feels that Jenna knows that she likes her more than a best friend should have for quite some time now. That is why in the past few months, Y/N has been getting a lot more "busier" when it comes to Jenna. She tries so hard to detach herself from the girl. If Jenna won't be kind enough to be cruel about it and just reject her, then Y/N will try to be cool about it even though it's probably not even true.

Arriving at Central Park, the two girls started to walk nonchalantly, going where their feet take them, not caring about the people that took notice of them.

They sometime give snacks to the pigeons or the ducks that they passed by, try to pet the dog that was sitting beside their owner. Taking a look at thier surroundings, both of them realised that a lot from the park changed, the becnhes that were once there, the trees thatvwere cut out and displaced by another plant, and the rusts on the bench that they always pass by.

Y/N was walking not until Jenna stopped by the row boat rentals and Y/N just moved her head from side to side "Nuh uh, Jenna. We won't and we can't." Y/N said.

"But why? We used to ride the boats and just row around, pretending to be a part of a rowing team." Jenna stated pulling at Y/N's sleeve.

"Jen, that was before." Y/N reasoned.

Jenna looked sad "Do you not want to be seen with me? Is that it?"

That was the last thing that Y/N wants Jenna to think of because it is not true.

"No, absolutely not. I just think that..." Y/N said not knowing any reason on why not to ride the boat.

"See you have no reasons to not ride it. So please let's ride the boat." Jenna said, and with that they got a boat, just the two of them and started to row.

Many people are also in their own boat, talking, playing, laughing and admired their surroundings. Also, Y/N and Jenna's boat didn't get unnoticed by the people in the park or inside the boat. People were waving at them and calling Jenna's name. Jenna waved back or replied to them but her focus was still focused on you, not until you hear Jenna coughed.

Many boats surrounds you as this is where one of the good spots for a picture. It means that many people also surrounds you and can literally hear each other.

"Mhmm, Y/N, I don’t know where to start..." Jenna said with a smirk ok her face and Y/N didn't know what's going on, Jenna then continued "We have known each other for a lot of years, we have been with each other through our ups and downs and we are still here." Jenna then secretly took the ring from her pointer finger and present it in front of you.

Now. Now Y/N is so baffled with what is Jenna doing, people started to look at them and paid attention to what is happening inside their boat. Even the people who are in land started to stop and watch the scene unfolding in front of them.

"I have loved you ever since I met you and I want to love you 'till the day I die. I just want to ask if, will you marry me?" Jenna got up from her seat and started to kneel with her right knee.

Y/N's thoughts are all over. Why is Jenna fucking doing this? Is this her way to fucking play with her feelings? Is this all a joke to Jenna? She wants Jenna to be cruel about it and just reject her but not this way, Y/N will try her best to be cool about it even if it's not, but this stunt? Y/N didn't know if she can still see Jenna and not say some hurtful things towards the girl.

Everyone around them started to cheer and fished their phone out to capture this moment, because hell, Jenna Ortega is proposing. Flashing of lights where delivered from each phone that is hanging out, hollers and congratulations can be heard in different directions, claps can be heard everywhere and that triggered Y/N.

It was so loud around her, and why the fuck is Jenna proposing to her.

"Jenna I need to get out." Y/N said.

"What do you mean?" Jenna started to see the panic in Y/N's eyes.

"Fuck Jenna I need to get out of here" Y/N stated and started to row the boat in a faster pace that forced Jenna to take a seat.

As the boat started to get near the dock, Y/N didn't gave Jenna a time to talk and bolted away. Away from the girl, away from the people, and away from the world.

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Many hours has passed but Jenna can't still contact Y/N. Jenna even waited in front of Y/N's front door for hours but there were no signs of her best friend.

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A/N: Hoped this is good enough. Thoughts and comments are open, thanks for reading!

Nothing To Lose (part 2)

#jenna ortega #jenna ortega x fem!reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #fanfic #fiction #tara carpenter x reader #wednesday addams x reader

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fimbry · 11 months

Text

This is going to be a long post, a mix of what happened and then what Charlie meant to me. TW pet death

Charlie has passed away after eating 2 bad rats from Big Cheese Rodent Factory. She regurgitated 3 days after feeding and died two days later. I have been purchasing f/t rats from Big Cheese for years, and if my friend hadn't been having these same problems with the same batch of jumbo rats I would have thought this could be a freak incident or a mistake on my part. However, my friend's snakes are also regurgitating and one has died after eating these jumbo rats, and we bought them during the same Mother's Day sale. Same batch. I'll be getting a necropsy on Charlie to see if that has any answers as to what was off with the rats.

Now I get it that sometimes food safety measures don't get carried out every time and most suppliers have some kind of scandal like this, but the company's callous response and refusal to even entertain that it could be their rats at fault is pretty fucked up and has me a bit heated. It's just a "coincidence" my friend's and my snakes are getting sick/dying after eating rats from the same batch. Eye roll. The money doesn't even matter to me at this point so I may not message them further about this, I'm just so upset over the cold response and the loss of Charlie.

The email response from them:

With that out of the way, I do want to share what Charlie meant to me. She was a very special animal, I thought of her as the "matriarch" of my collection as I have a good number of her kids and grandchildren still with me. Four of each actually if I'm counting, and I love them so very much.

When I got Charlie I was still pretty green in the hobby. Yes I'd had snakes for years, my cornsnake and then a couple ball pythons, and even a Sumatran short-tail, my beloved Svid, but these were all very "easy" snakes... I learned with them, but I was not challenged the way that Charlie challenged me. I got Charlie as a full adult, she was my first blood python and I had not even planned to get into bloods until I saw her. I was planning to focus on Sumatran short tails, but Charlie changed things.

Charlie came out of the shipping bag striking and bit me on the finger immediately. Now I'm not sure if anyone remembers this but that video of the two little brothers "Charlie bit my finger" is how Charlie got her name lol.

The first 4 months were... challenging. I could not even touch her directly. I was so afraid I'd made a mistake. Charlie was a 17lb adult blood python, far bigger than my other snakes, and she was TERRIFIED of me. She wanted me to go to hell, and would send me there herself if only she could. We spent a lot of time together, just me sitting near her open enclosure and her glaring at me. Over the months we went from no contact, to minimal contact, until finally I was able to at least clean her without too much trouble. She liked routine, liked to know what was going to happen next. Any deviation from the routine and the trust would be broken, she'd be full of fear again. It was a few years of doing things purely by her strict rules.

Around 2014, something clicked. She began to actually trust that I wasn't going to hurt her and didn't have bad intentions. We seemed to have an actual understanding where if something happened out of the norm, she wouldn't react badly. I could even take her out for pictures and she behaved! Soon I was able to pet her, touch her tail (which I was doing a lot about now since I was trying to figure out why my "male" was not breeding, ha), even pet her head. I was still a bit wary of her, but we were in a good place. As the years went on, our trust grew deeper and I knew she wouldn't bite me, and she knew I was a safe person.

She also showed me how intelligent these snakes could be. She could tell people apart which became obvious if she saw anyone besides me. While I had earned her trust, others had not, so I refrained from taking her out if others were around. While she was a big beautiful animal, I couldn't take her out to show guests. I respected her all the more for it, if I'm honest. She knew what she was about, and I didn't push that.

Over the years she ended up giving me three clutches of beautiful babies, she did such a good job. After her last clutch in 2021, she started showing her age. She was nearing 20 years old, if not over, and had begun getting wrinkled scales and grew a cataract in one eye. I decided to retire her from breeding and let her enjoy her golden years in peace. Pythons can live a very long time, so I expected to have another ~10 years with her.

I'm devastated that her retirement was cut short like this, devastated that I was robbed of more time together. We had both grown and changed a lot over the last 12 years together, and she really was a picture of "to be loved is to be changed." My sweet old lady who knew me, and I knew her. ♥

#python brongersmai #reptiblr #snake #blood python #Charlie #tw pet death

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balkanradfem · 6 days

Text

So, I was biking to work this morning, and while I was riding across the bridge, something happened to the bike. The pedals twisted, and turned they were angled the wrong way, I could tell they were no longer straight. I figured they got a little loose and I would simply fasten them back on when I get home, and I continued forward. I went past a mom and a little girl, both on their bikes, who were pedaling carefully together. Then my chain fell off. Annoyed, I grabbed a glove that I keep on my bike at all times, grabbed the chain, and fastened it back on. It's a common thing for my bike to drop the chain, it's something I repeatedly have to dismantle it for and fix, and now the pedals were weird too. I hopped back on, started pedaling, and then the back wheel fell off the bike.

I am not joking, in mid-ride, my bike split into two pieces, back wheel fell off, the bike fell apart, under me, while I was driving it. The mom and little girl behind me caught up to me just in time to witness this, and all three of us just stared in shock in two pieces of bike on the ground that were, seconds before, carrying me to work.

I gasped and laughed in pure shock, feeling dizzy because that is a wild thing to happen. The mother looked concerned and I reassured her that I was fine, I was going slow and was able to just step away from the bike before it crushed to the ground. We stood there in shock for a few seconds, and then I asked 'Well, is there any trash container nearby, I can't leave it here', and she offered to help me carry a piece of it to the nearest trash disposal. The reasn why the bike broke into two became obvious once I inspected it – the metal base broke into two. I have noticed before that the base had some kind of a crack in it, but I didn't think it was a serious issue – the bike still worked, it didn't make any funny noises, I felt good and stable on it, would one expect it to break into two? No. But it was the only possible logical ending to it.

I got a great adrenaline high that morning, first the bike broke into two, which is in my opinion, the best possible way for a bike to go. If there was anything less final wrong with it, I would be fixing it endlessly, refusing to accept that it was over, despite the bike having million of issues and being older than me probably. Then next, I met the great woman who helped me carry it to the trash! She was so sweet and kind to help me, at 8am, while I was crashing on the sidewalk. And the last good thing was that I knew there was no fixing the bike, I wouldn't spend countless hours trying to make it work, it was definitely over.

I left the bike next to the trash, deciding to go back after work and savage the little basket it had, and maybe to collect some parts, like the chain or the bell. I was a little late to work, and I felt like my reason was pretty funny, so I came in and said 'Sorry I'm a bit late! My bike broke into two on my way here!' and I laughed it off feeling thrilled about my adventure. The woman I work for looked at me absolutely horrified, and I laughed more and reassured her I was not upset or injured, and instead had a great time during this fun event.

'You could take my bike.' She suggested, and I laughed this off too, saying I can walk home, it wasn't that far (I did not confess to people at work that I had a neck injury or that I can't walk far). However she said that she had a bike she wasn't using and I could have it, and I shrugged and said well okay, and she went to fetch it.

I still was not taking her very seriously, because acquiring another bike is a serious issue for me, and I never expected someone would just, give me one, but when she came back she explained I could just have it. I assumed she meant 'borrow until I got a new one', but she said 'no I'm not using it', and insisted I should take it. That was a bit surreal for me and it took me a while to adjust to the idea of just getting a new bike for free. It wouldn't be the kind of bike I wanted, but there would be no financial consequences to my bike breaking, which is amazing.

After work, I got to see my new bike! It was in one piece, which is its best feature compared to my old bike. But, otherwise, it is a kind of bike I would never volountarily buy; it has multiple speeds, which makes it difficult to pedal. It's also not made for carrying much weight, which I need a bike to do, for gardening purposes. But, I would never go and criticize a free bike! I could always decide to buy another bike for gardening, this bike is mine now, and it works, and it's so much more functional that my old bike, it's chain doesn't drop, it doesn't have a broken base, the pedals are facing the correct way. What a great thing to have!

I checked in on my old broken bike, it was still there, next to the trash. I tried to dismantle the little basket, and realized I couldn't do it without tools. I decided to bike quickly home, get tools, and then dismantle the usable pieces. My new bike didn't have a working bell, or the way to hold a bag on the back wheel, and I wanted to see if I could transfer it from the old bike to new.

I got back in 20 minutes or less, and my old bike, was gone. Someone already grabbed it to salvage the parts. I wasn't mad, I left it on the trash, it was in two pieces, it was absolutely fair game. I was a bit relieved, because I felt awful disposing of it in such un-proper way, just leavin it next to the public trash containers. It was great that someone found use of it so immediately! Even if they took my little basket, and my little bell that still worked. I hope they cherish those parts, as I did.

I think that bike was the greatest bike in the world. I loved it so much. I had tons of trouble with it, I was always dismantling and fixing it. I ruined some parts of it, and knew it had an expiration date. I learned so much about fixing bikes while working on it. I learned so much about life and how difficult it can be without a bike, when you can't walk for long. It gave me so much joy riding it around. It was lightweight, with huge wheels that made it so easy to get around. It never tired me out.

I was aware it was an old, used, and close-to-its-end bike, so I usually never took it out to go to trips or for fun times. But I did yesterday. I was inside for too long and I decided to take the bike out and just go around the city, and then ride next to the river for a while, collect some wild flowers. It was the best of times we had together. Now it's going to be my favourite memory of it, our last trip together. Except of course, the breaking in half, that was too iconic to forget. I truly used that bike until the last second of its life.

#story #biking #bike

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cocogum · 6 months

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Togashi planned different endings for HxH.

The fourth one surprised people.

Recently, there have been news regarding Togashi on his health and what would become of HxH in the near future, so he wrote his answers on a talk show for an interview. From the small leaks and sneak peeks that people were able to gather and collect from the ongoing interview, we got to know a bit more about Togashi’s thought process as well as what he had planned for some scenes to go about but later changed.

These sneak peeks and leaks were later translated by these same fans and got shown on Reddit. You can find some of the translated questions and answers HERE!

But while this was going on, what really caught the fans’ attention about this interview (that we got of for now), were the possible endings Togashi had in mind. Since his health and back weren’t doing so good, Togashi figured he could at least give us some information on the possible endings of HxH he had planned. Of course, his answer was in Japanese but thankfully, some fans (like @pewpiece on Twitter) were able to take some parts and pieces of the explanation and translate it for us.

This is what Togashi said:

According to what the translation is saying, Togashi has planned THREE possible endings for HxH and has also estimated how good the ending would impact the fans.

Ending A (the first one), seems to look rather fine. This ending is deemed to be satisfactory by 50% and unsatisfactory by 20%.

Ending B (the second one), looks like it’ll have an equally mixed reaction. This ending is deemed to be satisfactory by 50% and unsatisfactory by 50%.

Ending C (the third one), looks like it’ll have the worst reactions between them all. This ending is deemed to be satisfactory by only 10% and extremely unsatisfactory by 90%. (Ending C is very likely that it’ll receive negative remarks but Togashi kept that one possible ending around because he personally liked it.)

Despite the fact that he had made three ending possibilities for HxH, he still plans on keeping them on the side to think about a bigger ending that could be better and bigger than the three he had made up: “I want to think to the utmost extent about an ending to the point where I might not choose any of these three and create what I find most enjoyable, which is my ideal and goal.” -Togashi on paragraph 2.

He also mentioned, however, that if he doesn’t find a better ending than these three before his time runs out, he’ll resort using the fourth ending as the true ending.

Yes, there’s a fourth ending that he hasn’t estimated the satisfactory and unsatisfactory rate of. Apparently, he had planned a fourth ending but scrapped it. It’s called the “Ending D” (or the fourth ending) and was the reason why people are starting to talk about this interview (at least from my end).

Curiously, Ending D was the one that had been talked about more by Togashi. Since he didn’t give any estimation on the satisfactory and unsatisfactory rate, he decided to tell us a bit on what it would be about.

To summarize it, here’s what it’s about:

Gon ends up marrying Noko, the only other kid on Whale Island, and they end up having kids. Now, Gon and Noko are grandparents and we get introduced to their granddaughter named Jin who was currently following the Freecss tradition: taking out the Lake Lord fish and share it with the other Whale Island residents. She ends up catching the fish and proudly goes up to her mother to tell her that she will not leave the island to become a hunter (insinuating that this must be a requirement once you capture the Lake Lord fish) and she’d rather stay here to inherit her parents’ place instead. Jin then goes to the shop from Mito’s days to cut up the fish all while thinking about how her mother will never understand how she’s saddened by the fact that being a hunter meant making the people that you love worry for you. Jin complains about how grandpa Gon is unaware of how his hunter stories make grandma Noko sad which is why Jin has decided that she’ll never become a hunter. Then, just as she had finished thinking about her resolve, a chubby little boy (holding a plant for some reason) enters the shop to which Jin seems to act very comfortable with. She tells him that she had caught the Lake Lord fish and they are both happy as they begin cooking it together.

This ending is odd because of three major key points.

1) This ending sounds way too much like a shonen anime ending where it’s a childhood love story like so many main pairings have gone through in the past. Plenty of people would be complaining (and even stating) that this ending is fake since Togashi would never write something this basic but you have to understand that he DID write something like this back when he was working on his old work Yu Yu Hakusho. The main character Yusuke returns after his adventures to get married to his childhood friend Keiko.

2) The way Togashi worded the ending at the end of it.

“The son of one of them, the daughter of another, and the grandchild of another live in different places, exchanging smiles. They might be the children of that character and the grandchildren of that character.” - last paragraph

This specific chunk of paragraph sounds a bit confusing at first read since Togashi doesn’t name any of these people and doesn’t address or clarify who is who. All we know, is that the “children of that character” and “the grandchildren of that character” is Gon when Togashi says “that character” since it has been established that his granddaughter Jin, the little boy with the plant, and the two kids’ parents are aware of who Gon is. However, we get confused yet again once it says “the son of one of them” and “the daughter of another” implying that “one of them” and “another” is not just Gon. This all seems a bit confusing but Togashi does have a habit of remaining ambiguous and vague when he explains in interviews.

3) The last line of the translation ends with “In the background, a figure watches the scene.” Who’s the figure you ask? No one knows.

Nonetheless, what we do know now, is that Ending D should NOT be ignored.

Many fans have already concluded that it shouldn’t be taken seriously because Togashi ‘scrapped’ it out but you have to understand that he had kept it around and WILL use it if time runs out for him and he doesn’t manage to find a better ending than the three he already has.

This is why the Ending D, also known as the fourth ending, should also be known as the default ending.

So if Togashi can’t continue anymore, this could be the true ending for HxH.

Keep in mind that this is Gon’s ending too.

We have no idea what he has in store for Killua, Kurapika, and Leorio not to mention Hisoka and the Phantom Troupe.

———————————————————————

Btw I can’t believe I’m seeing this cuz I once talked about Noko like two years ago and said how I wished that she could have more scenes or anything remotely interesting about her AND NOW WE GET THIS!!!?!! Damn.

this is the post I was talking about her if ur wondering.

I’m sure other ppl must’ve wondered about her too at some point cuz why would Togashi include the fact that she’s also the only other kid on Whale Island if ur not gonna do anything about that fact???

@thelovelyghostwriter

@itsmyara

@cautionworks

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miguelswifey04 · 10 months

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pleaasee i wanna see how miguel would react if gabriella got a B- in spanish 😭😭 (like the one w rio n miles yk) bonus point if reader is latina 👀 im self projecting xd

LMAO yeah he’d probably be flabbergasted…

🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱🌱

miguel was a super supportive father whenever it came to gabriella. miguel and you supported her in anything and congratulated her when she had such good grades. but when gabriella had invited you and miguel to the parent-conference you come to find out that your daughter had gotten a B- in spanish. the principal was going over every little detail and showing gabriella’s transcripts—all her grades were perfect except spanish.

you being the calm and collected mother found it pretty hilarious—ironic even. you were born and raised by a mexican mother and an african american father but your first language was spanish. while miguel, was irish-mexican being fluent in spanish and of course in english. both being bilingual parents you taught gabriella both of best worlds and it did stick with her. maybe it was the fact she may have struggled on the expressive part of the language rather than receptive aspect of it. you side glanced at gabriella who was nervously smiling at you and miguel; miguel had concern etched all over his face and flabbergasted to say the least.

you gently squeezed gabriella’s hand and whispered, “it’s okay mija! just try to study more next time. i’m sure you’ll do great.” you were always an encouraging mother but miguel seemed to be slighting twitching in his seat. “what do you mean you got a B- in spanish, gabriella?” he leaned forward to meet gabriella’s gaze while she played with the straps of her backpack as she slightly bounced her leg up and down.

“i just did, perro pa no te preocupes, por favor.” she tried to calm down miguel who was taken aback to his own daughter receiving a B- in spanish. how could she? he thought to himself as he always did try to speak more spanish to her and teach her every now and then. honestly, it was more often that he spoke spanish to his wife and daughter, then in english. miguel calmed down a bit and fixed his glasses that were sliding off the bridge of his big nose. he leaned back letting the chair take in all his frustrations and worries. he inhaled and exhaled a couple times then nodded, “okay gabriella. it’s fine, just like your mother say just study next time,” he patted her head gently with a small smile cracking in the corner of his lips. you nodded happily that miguel, you husband, was understanding. everyone is not perfect and it’s okay to make mistakes. we all can learn from the mistakes we make no matter how big or small they are.

“gabriella, mi amor, grades are just one reflection of our abilities. you are so much more than a letter on a report card. your worth is not defined by a single grade,” you spoke up as miguel and you were holding gabriella’s hand, giving your own daughter words of encouragement. miguel decided to take it upon himself to sit his daughter down and go over spanish. it was a team effort, and you knew miguel could never stay mad forever at his only precious daughter.

#spiderman atsv #miguel o'hara #spider man: across the spider verse #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel spiderman #atsv x reader #spider person #miguel o’hara x y/n #spidersona #gabriella atsv #gabriella o’hara #🌱 lin writes

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horizon-verizon · 26 days

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Honestly as a neutral party I would prefer Jaehaera living to Daenaera being introduced. Jaehaera is an innocent, mentally disabled child and her death is needlessly cruel. Her death is the least plot relevant of all of the child deaths that have happened in the dance and it's reasonable for people to want that changed since it comes off as pointlessly cruel. Killing Alicent or even just focusing on her imprisonment more is enough to show that the greens have paid for their betrayal. At least Daenaera can still be introduced and do something else in the narrative even if she doesn't marry Aegon.

I've already explained why Jaehaera's death was plot relevant HERE and HERE.

Daenaera's entire narrative purpose was to marry Aegon and have his children to propagate the Targ line AND to become part of Aegon's mental rehabilitation from the effects of the civil war and watching his own mother get eaten burned/alive by a dragon. This is also reason why she's a fan fav in the first place; it's seen as a noble undertaking to some and a way for the Targs to move away from the greens finally. What other narrative use would you have her have?!

We can't bring up how after the War of the Roses the two fighting houses (Yorks and Lancasters) were successfully brought together in marriage to justify Jaehaera marrying and having a family with Aegon. Because:

Elizabeth of York wasn't disabled like Jaehaera

neither her nor Henry Tudor were little kids when they married

this is a fictional tale that, while modeled after some real events and people, is using them as springboards for a specific, purposefully created "message" unique to the author's

and imagine what it would being pregnant several times really be like for a very mentally incapacitated and traumatized girl like her?!!

Much less the other traumatized boy who's to be her husband? What the consummation and all the...impregnating times looked like?! Then, imagine what the family life would have been like, with these parents unable to ever connect thus the resentment is worse and their kids seeing that?

This doesn't justify Unwin Peake murdering Jaehaera, but no she never should have been married off to Aegon or anyone in the first place and that was not Unwin's doing but a larger group's--Aegon's council/patriarchal feudalism. This is what GRRM's trying to tell you, stop resisting it.

I can believe that it is the way she died and the other context of so much violence men and adults perform against women and girls in this world is what really offends people enough for them to say that somehow, this a narratively irrelevant death. Because they're just that horrified.

The feelings are valid. But the action to erase the significance of the death is not valid. You definitely can wish for a much less violent one, like a poisoning that puts her to sleep or something. The death is supposed to be tragic and make you feel that it wasn't deserved, was horrible, etc. Because it was all those things.

And to say such an untrue thing as "not narratively relevant" also leads me to suspect that some people don't like Jaehaera's death either bc they just:

wanted the greens to win in some way bc they favor them and their cause (my second linked post)

you--knowing that Daenaera will likely be black in the show IF they ever get to the Maiden's Ball--go so hard for Jaehaera bc she at least is a white girl in the universe of HotD

want excessively centrist politics to sway the story at the expense of actual understanding of why we should change and upend the status quo entirely (here the feudal entrapment of girls and women); deny a reality, discourage learning to the oppressive status quo can prevail [on this trend of neutrality]...the truth is the villains/antagonists were always the greens

AND/OR, are avoidant of facing ugly, sordid truths of oppression because they are close to it in real life and haven't found ways of separating that from collective understanding of oppressive systems/coping mechanism

Look anon, Alicent's imprisonment doesn't make up for mass death. Because it's not even just about Alicent as the individual, the grandmother, the mother, etc. It's the effect of her actions on a population. Jaehaera was one of many girls Otto AND Alicent endangered (another being Halaena). Though her actions became something much bigger than her & things went out of her control, that doesn't stop them from being hers AND having affected thousands of lives. Her main aim was to accrue power through her kids and grandkids--who she chose to risk by usurping Rhaenyra and beginning the war--the consequence is she loses said kids and grandkids through other's similar ambition. Again, bc even though those kids were noble and were supposed to be relatively safe, because they are all technically heirs or adults around them can use them accrue power (whether by killing them or through marriages or whatever), they were also targets. We could say similar for Rhaenyra's children, as what happens to her youngest 2; all of them in one way or another die because they were or could be used. however, they AND the greens' kids were all safer if the greens had not usurped Rhaenyra.

The greens were the aggressors and transgressors. The ones who started this war and looked for something out of it. They tried to act worse against Rhaenrya before/during the war AND the whole of Westeros before/during/after, thus they get the worse punishment and lose more than she did.

The entire point is that the greens lose everything, because they went after "everything". They lose everything, including their kids bc they relentlessly and hypocritically ran to obtain more power for themselves by attempting to exclude a woman from the position she never would have had without the will of a man.

They went on the basis that a girl/woman should not rule or become an heir before any direct male relatives...so Jaehaera was cut out of the line of succession by her own side of the family, thus she was also less prioritized, thus she was made into a baby factory for Aegon III. She became their last chance to get their blood to at least be part of the future line, but even that's dashed by a man who had similar ambitions as Otto and Alicent.

In trying to go against the king's word/an actual law, the greens also made it much more justified for someone to not care much for Aegon II's claim or authority...bc if you can so easily flout a king's word, why should you care about the guy you're trying to make king?! And using people who themselves are willing to be so dishonest creates a higher likelihood that they'd betray you, as similar to Ulf and Hugh betraying Rhaenyra. (And somehow, Rhaenyra is the only naive one when she expects people to follow through with their oaths 🙄)

Have you ever thought, anon, about those other girls who were maimed or terrorized into not appearing before Aegon III in the Maiden's Ball? Sure, most of them weren't disabled (Priscella Hogg was, I think), but what happens to Jaehaera is because she was girl in the way of a man's ambitions and not because she was disabled. What about all those Tumbleton folk, Bitterbridge refugees (the raped septas and girls as young as 8!), and riverland peasants--most of them children! Undoubtedly, you will have disabled children in those populations, anon. Why is Jaehaera's death so much more valuable than these mass deaths of also children? Remember that Alicent raised her kids to easier justify committing these atrocities. Maelor and Jaehaerys' deaths also reflect these events. Jaehaera's death was markedly different in meaning from theirs (to open up space for another girls who's being used) because she was female. In the first linked post, I talk about why and how people used Jaehaera's marriage to Aegon and how that reflects on her death being unique from her brothers' because of her gender.

GRRM comments, through Jaehaera and these girls and Rhaenyra what one pattern of F&B has: being female is dangerous because it is to be more of an object or property in lieu of self-concerned ambitious men to the point where the most vulnerable and those who cannot practice some of the same sort of agency can experience gruesome consequences--sometimes to become terrors themselves in their attempts to gain denied agency or defend themselves.

#jaehaera targaryen #daenaera velaryon #asoiaf asks to me #jaehaera's death #fire and blood writing #the greens vs the blacks #fandom critical #hotd fandom #green stan nonsense #fandom nonsense

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inkskinned · 2 years

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Genuine question, because I don't know a lot about the topic and you're:

If someone identifies as non-binary and genderfluid, which from what I've gathered means something like "human" instead of male or female, doesn't that imply that women are not humans , like whole complete people with richer inner lives? And why is a dislike for (performative) femininity combined with a preference for things that are stereotypically associated with maleness an indicator that one is genderfluid? Does that mean a woman is only a woman if she loves to do make-up, wants to be a mother, only wears skirts, dresses and high heels, shaves daily, is always kind and never angry, has long hair, hates to get dirty and so on? Because I have never met a woman who's exactly like that in my life, but plenty who liked gaming, sports, being loud, opposed to shaving & make-up, who wore pants every day.

I do not believe this is a genuine question, but I'll answer it as if it was, just in case other people have to deal with this, and would like someone who is patient enough to give them the words. The argument you're making here is something that already stems from a deep logical fallacy in the beginning argument. You assume "If you are neither A nor B, and instead C, you think that A cannot be C."

It is a logical fallacy to say "X implies Y" when it does not do so. By this logic, I also believe men are not human. By this logic, I believe only nb people are human.

Some - but not all - rectangles are squares. Some - but not all - animals are dogs. Some humans are nb.

I have given no information about how I present, nor my interests. I am not going to give you that information, because it's irrelevant. What I need you to understand is that, again, you are making the incorrect logical assumption that "If a person dislikes X and likes Y, they must be Z." For all you know, I dislike performative masculinity and like stereotypically feminine preferences.

You then assume your own statement is correct and move forward with your logic as if I had debated you. This is not a "genuine question" about how nb people work, this is assuming being nb is based on a series of preferences.

As a teacher, I do think it's important to tell you: even if this is coming from a genuinely confused place: you are conducting bad research. You begin with an inherently flawed question, as it biased and assumes a position I must defend against - "why don't you see women as people?" Then you make logical conclusions about my personhood and experiences and ask inflammatory questions as if you were debating me, which I am not interested in doing.

If you were my student, and genuinely curious about how nb people see gender, I'd have no trouble with you asking an out nb content creator. If you're really trying to collect information, ask honestly, without personal bias. Here's some examples of what a genuine question would have looked like: - Do your preferences play into your gender identity? - How has being nb informed how you see femininity and masculinity? - What tools do you use to express your gender?

You are mistaking gender expression and gender roles as being part of my identity.

You are most crucially mistaking being nonbinary as being part of the binary and having to exist "in opposition" to other genders in order for it to "make sense". One of the most freeing things about realizing I was nb is that I don't exist in opposition to anything - and also that all gender works similarly.

Gender is a describing word, and this can be confusing for some people. In general, we tend to learn describing words in binary - short/tall, old/young, kind/mean. Therefore, there are (many) people who think - feminine/masculine must be oppositional. Gender is also a feeling word - and again, these are words that can be taught in opposition to each other. Hungry/sated, happy/sad, feminine/masculine.

But because gender is such a rare type of word - feeling and describing - it exists outside of binary. It exists more like art exists.

Green can exist in opposition to red, but it also just exists as its own color. Blue is a part of green, but it is also a part of yellow - blue is still its own color, and yellow is still its own color, and green is still its own color. One painting titled "still-life with fruit" may be a series of vague colors and boxes. Another may be a hyper-realistic singular plum. They are both how the artist expresses their personal vision of the fruit. They might even be by the same artist! And although we may compare them, they are not opposites.

One song by Hozier is not in opposition to one song by Britney Spears. They are different styles, not oppositional styles. You may choose to see them as oppositional - but that is your personal opinion, and not fact. And some people may feel and experience those songs as being actually incredibly in-line with each other.

This is why we say: gender is a spectrum. That all gender roles are made up. Personality, interests, and experiences may shape how someone sees and feels their gender, but it does not define how they see and feel their gender.

When we question gender roles and gender expression like this, it tends to make people upset. People like me tend to make people upset. So much bigotry is based on the lie that "feminine" and "masculine" are oppositional. Opposition is rigid and important - it keeps white hegemonic structures in power. I don't have time or space in this post to talk about how rigid gender roles/enforced gender expression rules are not just sexist but also racist, classist, ableist, homophobic, and bigoted; but I really recommend you do the research on how disruption of the gender binary might put the patriarchy at risk.

The thing you feel trapped by - that "being a woman" is a complicated series of rules - is exactly the kind of thing a nonbinary person would agree with you about. We have to fight hard to be recognized for what is a basic truth about our identity - of course we don't believe that gender expression is equivalent to gender identity.

And truth be told... I think you kind of knew that. I think you kind of knew all of this. I am going to hope that you are young. I'll tell you this: I was raised by someone who was a far-right extremist catholic asshole. I certainly didn't have the research/knowledge/exposure to interrogate this stuff honestly until I was probably 23.

I am so much happier now. I hope one day you get the same opportunities as I had. I hope you choose to move away from bigotry.

love u anyway. all this in kindness only.

#to be deleted #do i accidentally give my short lesson on gender here? yeah #<3 in this u can tell exactly the age that i taught for 15 years lmao #but also like.#yeah you got me.... i have never met a woman before and i totally think women are only fembots #meanwhile every person who has ever read my writing:#every 3rd week this bitch is on her bullshit about how unfair gender rules for women are #this is actually more to help other nb people whom i KNOW get questions like this #than it is to inform the anon #who like v clearly is not doing this in good faith #this is just like the 10th one i got like this #that first logical jump of - you think ur not male or female but human so therefore #women aren't people #was just SO wild .... like #yeah!!! that's totally a normal thing to assume!#do you think people who are like ''well yeah im from america #but i wouldnt consider myself to be from any particular state''#are actually saying ''i don't think states are american''#hell when i say #im cuban but i obvi grew up in america im just the daughter of an immigrant #nobody is like -- well. raquel. that means u think no americans live in cuba huh #anyway love u bye #okay to reblog #!!#love u

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thegreatirene · 6 months

Text

Traveling Witch (Adrian Tepes x witch!reader)

Rated M (language and violence)

Modern witch reader travels back in time to collect things for her collection and ends up losing a page on how to go back to her timeline.

Part 2

To start off, this is not your first time traveling back in time. Granted it was only maybe thirty or so years but five centuries…it’s probably going to b your biggest jump ever. It’s not impossible, no you’ve known other magic beings able to travel that number of a distances, however…it’s you. The last time you tried to time jump was to the 60’s and you ended up in a whole different country. Mishap’s like that happened a couple more times but you were sure you had it down packed by now.

“Are you sure you want to go that far back? For some rock?” Your mother asked as she paced about the kitchen. She gathered some ingredients for you. “Last time you ended up almost half way around the world. Thank god it was a recent year cause you know not everyone likes our kind sweetheart.” She handed you the package and smoothed her hand down your arm.

“Ma it’s not just any rock it’s a trovant and it is found only in Romania. Plus I want to get one when it’s small! That way I can watch it grow and move,” you turned to put the package in your bag.

“Kind of wondering what else they have over there that I can take back with me?” You question as you and your mother made your way to another room. You opened a door that’s filled with books from wall to wall. In the center a stand with a book center on a podium.

“You and your rocks or whatever. Your room is full of them and now you want more of them?”

“It’s not going in my room. It’s going in the garden,” you said as you twirled around to her “we can have our very own trovant that moves and grows on its own without magic!” You whispered the last part in a excited squeal.

Your mother rolled her eyes but smiled as you made your way over to the book. You hummed to yourself as you looked for the spell you needed.

“Well, don’t go crazy and grab everything you see there. We don’t have enough room for your hoarding.” She said as she waved her hand and the pages turned on their own. It stopped on the exact page you were looking for “mm we’ll see.” You sang as you went around the podium and walked to a nearby mirror.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” your mother walked over to you, “don’t forget your necklace. I can’t be where you go and I know how you get with people so this should protect you against anything.” She put it on you and then smooth your hair down and she looked at you with a loving stare.

“Love you”

“Love you too Ma”

The both of you hugged and she walked back to the podium. You smiled at her through the mirror and than looked at yourself. Bringing your right index finger to the side of the mirror you slit your finger on the little blade that stuck out to the side. Watching the blood drip down your finger you spoke “У̷̡͔͓͔̃̌͐̀̏̿̂͜ш̸͙̤͋͗̇̄р̷̦̗̖̰̈́͆̈́̌л̵̜͉̤̟̑̈̈͂͌̂͝ц̷̠̘̲̜̼̫̄̊̄͂д̵̼̥̊̆͂͑ ̷̮̝͔̟͗̀̈́̂́͘͜в̶̧͂д̷̟̮̔̀̔̈́̅а̶̨̙͖̄д̴̢̖̞̫̔̐̓̎̎̓̒у̵̨̧̲́̈́͊̌т̴̰̋̀͗̽͆͘с̴̲̫̰̘͔̞̊͋я̸̤̖͚̘͆͊̆͛͠ ̵̲̊в̶͍͕̮̝̈́о̷̼̳͉̼̀л̵̧̞̋͌̀̉̀́а̵̧̬͇̯̮̹̇̃̄͜͝ ̴̡͈͔̼̟̹́͝х̶̨̣̟͍̬̙̒͋̑̿͑̽з̷͖̠͔͍͙̫̝̑́̆̈́а̸̢͖̤͚̻̣̭͑б̶̦͂” you drew a sigil as you spoke the words. The mirror started to glow in a blue white light.

You licked your finger clean and watched as the flesh mended together. You turned to look at your mother once more and blew her a kiss as you walked through the mirror. Everything is white as you walked the tunnel of time. Nothing can be seen and it is a bit haunting as the only thing you can hear is the clicking of your shoes.

You can see the other side of the opening and hope that it’s to a safe place. You stop as you came to the opening and looked and waited to see if anyone walked by. After a minute you poked your head out and saw no one and fully walked through.

“So far it looks fine” you looked back at the mirror and watched the mirrors light dim and than it turned back to a normal mirror. It looked as if you were in a hallway. Stone walls and what seemed like lightbulbs along the walls. There were three ways you can go but only one of them you can see was a set of stairs that went up. Those were in front of you. Seeing as that was the first thing that seem to lead out you took the stairs.

“What the fuck” you looked up at the stairs as it lead higher than you thought it was going to be.

“Are you fucking kidding me!” You grunted as you made your way up the steps. At least they were stable enough for you to walk up them. After a short while and a bit out of breath you made it to the door and put your hand on the knob. Closing your eyes and whispered to yourself a small spell. You push your mind eye out and looked passed the door. It seemed like there was no one near by and the place looked somewhat kept. As you returned you blinked a couple of times and opened the door.

It opened up to a foyer, it was huge and a bit dark, a few candles on the wall flickered and waved wildly as the wind from the door hit them. The air was stiff and smelled a bit off but not like no one was living there.

You knew where you wanted to go when you were back at home and hoped that you were here, Dracula’s castle. You read books and did a lot of research to be very sure that you found the right location and not the one that tourists went to.

You listened for any kind of life and could neither hear or feel anything. You let the breath you were holding go and walked further into the foyer.

“Yea looks like what a vampire would live in,” you said as you looked around and than up to the high ceiling, as much as you could see. You made your way to the front door but stopped as the hair on the back of your hair stood up.

“Cine eşti?” Came the male voice that sounded like it was right behind you. You stayed facing forward but answered, “I’m sorry I don’t speak Romanian,” you turned slowly to look at the man. There was no one “hello?” You called out as you scanned the area but saw no one. You did hear a steady heartbeat. One you didn’t hear a while ago before you entered the foyer.

“Întreb încă o dată. Cine eşti?” The male voice came again this time you were able to pinpoint the location. He was behind you, you could feel him and smell him. The energy from him came hitting at you and you could tell he was threatened and angry. Swallowing the spit in your mouth you raised your hand slowly, “listen I don’t speak your language and it seems like you don’t speak mine. So how about-“ you were grabbed by the back of your neck and slammed down onto the concrete floor. The wind was knocked out from you in a instant.

“Pentru ce ai venit aici?! Ești și tu aici să mă păcălești!” He yelled at you as he forced your face to the floor. You gritted your teeth as you tried to breathe again. “Please…” you whimpered out as he pressed you harder. You whispered a spell and a flash of light came out of you throwing the man off of you. Rolling onto your back you took a couple of breaths and held your torso. Warmth came to your hand and you rubbed it over your body as you focused where it was hurting.

“O vrăjitoare” the man said as he got up, “Nu contează, voi scăpa de tine, chiar dacă știi un pic de magie.” You raised your head in time to see he swung a sword ready to cut you. You rolled away and looked where the sword landed.

“Are you trying to kill me!!! Are you insane!” You yelled as you got on your knees and crawled away. “I’m very sure murder isn’t allowed in Romania! So stop it or I’m calling the cops!” You screeched as your hand met the wall “I swear to god! Back off man!!” You went into your pocket trying to fish out your phone when he shouted at you again.

“Dude, dead ass I have no clue what you’re saying but you need to chill,” you flashed your hand towards him and before he could reach you, he froze. Frozen in his spot you got up and made your way over to him slowly.

“Ok we’re gonna start this over again, k. But first I need something from you..” you stepped in front of him.

“I’m gonna do a little spell but don’t be alarmed…or I guess you will be seeing as you don’t understand me” you said as you gave him a weary smile. You chanted a small spell as you waved your hand over his face. Once you were done you placed your hand on his shoulder bring him down just a little bit.

“I’m sorry for this part but it’s real quick and I’ll explain” you leant close to him and kissed his lips. The man was shocked as his eyes grew wide and he tried to move but couldn’t. You stepped back “ok we should be able to understand each other now” you said.

You stepped back a bit more giving you and the man space. Once you thought was a good distance you snapped your fingers and he fell to one knee. He brought a hand to his mouth as he stared at the floor.

“Listen I was trying to find my way out. I didn’t steal anything,” you paced back and forth slowly, “was trying to look for an exit and I did and than you atta-“ you fell back onto your back.

“Seriously!” You winced as you looked up at the man.

“How dare you!” He growled as he bared his teeth at you. You noticed his canines were long and it hit you as soon as you saw the rest of his face.

“Wait are you a-“ he pressed his hands around your throat and squeezed. Your breathing was cut short as he pressed down.

“First you enter my home even with the warnings outside. Than you kiss me without my permission” he squeezed harder “you’re gonna die here unless you tell me who you are.” He bit out as he got close to your face.

You patted his hands as you tried to breathe and looked at him as your vision became watery with the tears in them. He didn’t seem to want to let go as you tried to form words but nothing came out. You had enough and gathered enough energy into your hands and smacked his head with it. It sent him flying towards the doors and smashing them in the process.

Gasping for that lungful of air you coughed and turned towards the door. You could see him laying motionless and than jolt as he turned on his back. You sat up and spoke “my name is y/n l/n” you rasped as you rubbed your throat.

“I’m not from this country. I’m from ___” you got up as you walked over to the man. “I kissed you as a way to speak your language so we can both understand. I am sorry for it, I would also be upset if some stranger kissed me without my consent but this was the only spell I knew.” You sat down on one of the steps of the building.

The man groaned as he rubbed his eyes and muttered to himself. “Yea you were trying to kill me and I panicked so my bad if I used to much force on you.” You said.

You got up and walked over to his figure on the ground, “I know you,” you squat down blocking the sun from his face “Adrian Tepes, Dracula’s son. Didn’t think I’d see you here.” He froze as you said his name and than mentioned his father. You watched as he brought his hand down from his face and looked at you with what you can only guess as anger and a bit worry swirled in.

You sighed again as you placed your hand over his chest freezing him. “Listen, you really need to stop attacking people before they can get a few words out. It’s getting tiring and I hate wasting my energy on dumb shit like that.” You sat down this time next to him. Letting the wind blow through your hair as you took a deep breath and relaxed for a bit. You didn’t think you’d meet THE Adrian Tepes, even though it’s his family castle. You kind of thought he had passed or something but I guess you were wrong.

Here he lay watching you as you watch him watching you. Weird.

“You can speak. I only froze your body.”

“How do you know me?”

“My family has books on you and your family. Nothing bad they didn’t haunt you or them. I’m guessing you guys were friends or they knew you guys or something. I don’t know my mother doesn’t know much and my grandparents are too old to remember about their own family tree. So I should be glad that at least some of them bothered writing it down cause geez” you laughed as you rubbed your eyes and than ran your fingers through your hair.

“…..” he stayed silent.

“Swear I’m not a stalker. Just my peoples know your peoples. Nothing crazy, I didn’t even come here for you but for some rocks for my garden back home.”

Adrian squinted his eyes at you, “I’m so serious they’re called trovants. Apparently they grow and can reproduce! I was like ‘oh I’m so getting some of those for my garden’ and now I’m here” you animatedly said as you looked over at him.

“I like collecting weird and unexplainable things so those rocks would be right up my alley.” You smiled.

“You’re very strange.” He said as he eyed you. This time around you can tell that he wasn’t that angry. He was still on edge but you were sure you could let him up now that he knows you’re not there to harm him, hopefully.

You chuckled “yea well,” you turned to sit on your knees. “I’m gonna let you go now but please don’t attack me again. It’s really annoying and I hate wasting time.” You said as you looked at his face. He’s very pretty even prettier than the paintings you have seen back at home. His voice is even better than you could have imagined. Rich and deep like pure honey being poured onto speakers being used.

You sigh as you regained yourself and waited for his answer.

“I promise” you smiled and snapped your fingers. He moved to sit up and looked at you “soooo I know we got off on a bad start but if it’s ok with you I would really like to-“ his arm came swinging at you. He hit an invisible wall or some sort of force field. He grimaced when he looked at your face and slowly brought his hand down.

“Are…are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!” You shouted as you got up onto your feet and looked down at him. “I TOLD YOU I WASN’T GONNA ATTACK YOU OR HURT YOU AND YOU STILL GO FOR IT!!!” You waved your hand around as you walked away from him and towards the castle.

“I SWEAR to god you men are all the same! I guess being a dick head doesn’t change even if you’re from 600 years ago! Like what the fuck is that shit! I give you my fucking word and you still TRY to attack me!” You kicked the rest of the door that was broken off the henges and walked in.

“I’m so glad I put on my protection charm cause I swear! You men can’t be trusted!!” You went looking for your bag as you continued your rant. At this point Adrian walked in behind you worry on his face as he watched you grab your bag from the floor and looked at him. He held his hands together and swallowed as he made eye contact with you.

You walked up to him as you gritted your teeth and stood right in front of him. You didn’t exactly meet eye to eye but you were able to get him to look at you as if you were a giant to him. “I would think a man from your time would be more gentlemanly and shit but you’re just like the rest of them.” You poked his chest as you said the last few words. His brows scrunched as he took in the words you had said to him.

“Out there? What did you mean?” He asked as he watched you breath heavily from the rant you had.

You blinked at him, “what?”

“What did you say before?”

“You’re a shit man?”

“Before that, when we were outside, you said something about years…”

“…..” you thought about what you said and than spoke again. “The 600 years part??” You tilted your head as you thought about it.

“Yes 600 years…what year do you think it is?” He watched you.

“2023?” He looked alarmed and than stepped back as he got a good look at you again.

“What?” You said as you held your bag close to you. You watched as his eyes traveled from your feet to your face. “Why are you looking at me like that?!?!”

“I don’t think you know where you are right now.” He walked towards you and than gently grabbed your arm. He tugged on it to make you walk with him and you followed. He walked you back to the entrance and than nodded towards the outside.

When you looked you saw the body’s that were impaled. You gasped as you stepped back and looked at the horror that was in front of you. You don’t know how you missed all of that but maybe the anger that you had for Adrian blindsided you.

“What the fuck….what??” You looked at him as you felt numbness run through your body. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing.

“I’m calling the cops.” You pulled out your phone and dialed the number. You held the phone up to your ear and pulled it away as a screeching noise came from it. Adrian looked at the device in your hand as you frantically hung up and redialed only for the same noise to happen again.

“What the fuck is going on!” You shouted as you turned the phone off to see if that works. Adrian walked over to you slowly. He watched as you pressed the side of your phone and the screen turned back on. He was amazed and walked closer to you.

“Back up” you held your hand up to him.

“What is that?” Adrian asked as he pushed your hand down and looked at the hand that was holding your phone.

“It’s a phone.” You looked at him and then to your phone once it turned back on and you went to dial again.

He watched as you held it up to your ear and pulled back again. “I think we need to have a talk” he said as he looked at you. You looked at him and lowered your phone as he lead you to a different room.

“Cute kitchen” you said as you sat at the seat Adrian pulled out for you. He thanked you and sat in the sit next to you.

“You are not in your time” he said as he laid his hands on top of the table. He waited and watched to see how you would react. He watched as your eyes flickered with confusion and than you threw your head back and groaned.

“Oh for fuck sakes!” You rubbed your face and than looked at him. “This is the second time I traveled back in time. But this time around I went FURTHER than I did last time!” You put your head down with a thud and groaned.

The both of you sat there in silence until he cleared his throat. “Do you mind if I looked at the… thing you had before?” You turned your head to look at him and fished around in your pocket. You laid your phone on the table and he went and grabbed it.

“What is this?”

“It’s called a phone. You can call people and do a lot of stuff on it….to a degree.”

He felt the phone around and it flashed on when he pressed the button on the side. He flinched when the screen flashed but looked as he saw your Lock Screen. It was a picture of you and your mother. The both of you smiling up at him. He looked at you and then the phone and then back at you. You could see he was confused and you puffed a laugh.

“How…?”

“It’s done with a camera. Here look,” you pushed his hand down and pressed the camera icon. It switched and now he could see his face. Adrian looked in bewilderment as he got close to the screen.

You could see his eyes moving back and forth. Which you were guessing was him trying to look at his eyes as they move but can’t.

“Press that white button there” you pointed at the screen. He did and than a soft flash went off and he blinked as he saw that his image was taken. You went to the album and showed the picture he took.

“See and now there’s a picture of you. I have this app that lets you put these filters on you and be all cute and shit.” You said as you moved your chair over and exit from the camera and angled the phone to see your face. Once it opened you went looking for the yellow icon and pressed it. You went looking for the obvious filter you wanted to try on him first.

The doggy filter came on and the dog ears bounced onto the screen and on Adrian’s head. He looked confused with his eyes wide. He touched his hair but felt nothing. When his mouth opened the tongue came out and scared him. He dropped your phone and then looked at you.

“What witchcraft is this?”

“I know right. It’s pretty cool how technology works. I’m still a bit confused with it myself and I’ve been exposed to it longer than you.” You laughed as you took your phone back. You looked to see if you had any bars and saw none. It was empty which you figured would happen.

“Ah shit my phone is about to die too.” You whined as you put your phone to sleep.

“Listen I don’t have a lot of time and I really need to go and look for what I’m looking for before the spell wears off and I’m stuck here until the blood moon.” You got up and adjusted the bag around you. Putting your phone back in your pocket “it was really nice meeting you Adrian. Even though you tried to kill me a bunch of times. Maybe when I go back to my timeline I can see if you still live in this castle and we can hang out.” You smiled as you walked back out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Adrian placed his hand in front of you. “Unlike your time there are monster out there that will kill you.”

#castlevania #adiran x reader #adrian tepes x reader

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petrichor-idyllic · 1 year

Note

I would looove a part 2 for "warmth in cold places", the ending was so cute and I wanna see more of their relationship now that they're both in safe haven and have more time to get to know each other, and what they're feeling.

I have been wanting to do a part 2 for a while, so I guess this is my opportunity lol.

This is not gonna be nearly as long as the first part, though, don't worry.

WARMTH IN COLD PLACES PT. 2

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2

SUMMARY: Fem!Reader x Minho. Continuation of Part 1, in which the reader and Minho must navigate their complicated relationship in their new-found safety.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, some suggestive themes and dumb teenagers, spice purely because the content is more suggestive, but really nothing explicit.

SIX MONTHS LATER

Yours and Minho's friendship has definitely become an interesting staple of the Safe Haven.

A Right Arm member pretending to be a WCKD ally, who fell for the torture victim you were secretly trying to protect. And the feeling was mutual.

Except, with the troubles you've both faced and the mental and physical scars you've endured, you've decided to just see what happens- and everyone in the Safe Haven is invested.

Of course, the pair of you have remained close. You spend hours talking and can often be found eating together or avoiding work to have a chat. You surprisingly have a lot in common- similar wants and ideals and feelings about topics. It isn't uncommon for you to be caught sending sarcastic glances or eye rolls to each other when someone says something you don't agree with.

Though, everyone seems to know what's happening- and they want to know what happens next.

The remaining Gladers from Minho's side, and the girls from Group B. And you have Vince and the other Right Arm members breathing down your neck.

I guess you've all been living in a state or perpetual dread for the past couple of years, which has led to complete boredom now that the initial relief has passed. Just because you and Vince have your hands full, does not mean everyone else does.

Minho is coming into himself more. Finding his footing and slowly processing the grief he's been plagued with.

You, however, are his favourite distraction.

You've maintained a friendship, as you'd both agreed- but Minho would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy watching you do your job.

Back in the Glade, the boys would often talk about the type of woman they wanted. A lot of them held up old and sexist ideals of wanting a caretaker and a traditional 'mother' type. Obviously, a few boys scoffed at this, Alby and Frypan amongst this crowd.

But when Minho said he wanted someone powerful, the boys were a little taken aback. He wanted a girl that could best him if she wanted to- someone that could keep up with him. He enjoys friendly competition and debates, so it's a mystery why anyone was shocked.

But, they get it now.

Gally, Thomas and Frypan are starting to understand why Minho likes you. You seem to always know what you're doing, you help out wherever you can and, most importantly, Minho is yet to beat you in a fight, physical or otherwise.

"You have an audience again," Vince comments as your fists slam into the punching bag strung up in a small training area of the Safe Heaven you constructed.

You decided to start training some of the people you've saved along your journey. You might be safe here, but it's better to be prepared if anything bad happens.

"Don't I always?" You're wearing a sports bra and some baggy trousers you found. Flexible and easier to fight in. Vince is obviously referring to the small collection of Group A boys that watch you at all times. They're mainly teasing Minho as he stares at you- but some of your friends like to joke they all have a crush on you.

"What's going on with that, anyway?"

"With what?"

"You know what," Vince casually leans on the support beam holding up the bag of sand. He raises his eyebrow as you falter slightly, having to correct your stance from your slight misstep.

"Didn't know you were so interested in my love life."

"Your love life would have to actually exist for me to be interested in it."

You kick the bag at full force, making it swing back and hit the support, causing Vince to stumble. "I'll take that as my answer."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" You pinch your brow. "Minho and I have decided to be friends, for now- see what happens. We've got too much shit going on to worry about that."

"It's been six months-"

"It doesn't-!" You snaps, taking a moment and sucking in a deep breath whilst lowering your hands back to your sides. "It doesn't matter. Grief isn't linear, V, okay? It could take him years to get over what he's been through. He knows where to find me when he's ready."

"But what about you?"

"What about me?"

He hesitates, sighing. "I just mean... you've done a hell of a lot, kid- none of it for yourself. You've got the patience of a Saint," he chuckles. "I just want you to be happy. I know we ain't blood, but you're my kid, kid. I made this life here for you; I don't want to watch you wait to be happy anymore."

You don't know what to say to this, not that Vince gives you much of a chance as he rubs your shoulder, walking past and going on with his day. You sigh, dropping your head as your hands come to your hair.

You had agreed to wait for Minho, but being friends with him without boundaries is proving difficult. In WCKD HQ, your objective was clear and the stressful situation stopped the tension between you from being too thick. But now, the only reason you guys aren't actually together is because, well, it just wouldn't be smart.

You're complicated people that have gone through complicated things. Until you've dealt with your own shit, trying to be more than friends could be more dangerous than beneficial. Even if Vince doesn't see that.

"What was that about?" You look up as Minho stands a couple of feet away from you, standing casually with his hands in his pockets.

You shake your head. "Nothing important. Aren't you meant to be helping Gally out with building new huts?"

"Yeah, but being a Builder wasn't ever my thing."

You walk over to him, letting him join you at your side as you both silently decide to make your way to the kitchen area.

"Yeah, well, there's not much need for Runners around here, I'm afraid."

"Eh, I'm sure I could find some reason to run." He playfully nudges you and you roll your eyes.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"I could always chase you- see how fast you are?" He grins and you scoff, shaking your head as you reach the barren kitchen. It's too early for dinner yet, thought Frypan and the other cooks should definitely have started preparing by now. They must be having an easy day.

"That's not gonna happen."

"Why not?" He leans on the counter as you slip behind it, raiding the cupboard for something to eat whilst Minho also gets you both glasses of water from the cooler. "You're clearly fighting fit."

"Yeah," you slam a bag of bread on the counter, preparing to make yourself a sandwich, "but that doesn't mean I regularly practice marathons. You only wanna run with me because it'd be the only thing you beat me at."

He feigns offence before putting the two glasses down. "I could beat you at plenty of things."

"You're full of shit."

"I could!" You put your butter knife down, looking directly at him and tilting your head.

His smile becomes more genuine as you make eye contact. It's like something melts behind his eyes and you suddenly feel very observed under his gaze. So, you go back to what you were doing. "What?"

"I didn't say anything."

"You were staring."

"Am I not allowed to stare now? I can't help it."

You glare at him and he puts his arms up to show mercy. "I'm just sayin'." He takes a sip from his drink.

There's an awkward pause. It's sometimes uncomfortable being friends with someone you have feelings for, who also openly has feelings for you- but neither of you are doing anything about it.

Though, it's better to know where he stands. Vince is right about that. You clear your throat.

"How are you... how are you feeling with... yanno?"

Minho tenses.

"I mean, better, I guess? I'm getting better, I mean. Klunk still sucks, but I'm getting there." He pauses, hesitating as he thinks of his next words. "I thought you were willing to wait for me?" His tone is lighthearted, but there's clear insecurity underneath.

"I am," you sigh, "that's not changed- sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," he smiles, "you wanna know where I stand, I get it. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. I just need some more time, okay?"

You nod. "'Course. Take all the time you need."

"What are you shanks doing in my kitchen?"

You snort. "Last time I checked Fry, it's my kitchen."

Frypan repeats you in a mocking tone, making you laugh, playfully punching him in the shoulder as he slips behind you.

"Go on, take your klunky sandwich and scram! Shoo!" You chuckle, grabbing your food and leaving.

"I should find Vince," you tell Minho as he fully turns to listen better, "he's still tryna work out building plans and he's gonna end up punting Gally if he makes one more dickish comment."

And with that, you leave him be to go find your father figure.

"I thought you said you were ready, dude?"

Minho hesitates before turning to face his long-time friend, as Frypan casually leans on the counter top. "'Cause that ain't look like a lovey-dovey couple to me."

"Please," he scoffs, "like 175 is that typa person."

Your old Guard number has become somewhat of a nickname/inside joke. Even if you're not quite a fan.

Frypan pulls his lips into a thin line, glaring at his friend. "Dude, you told us like a week ago that you're ready and want to... take the next step. With her. So, what are you waiting for?"

Minho groans, dramatically flopping forward onto the counter top. "I don't know. I just- I don't wanna shuck it up, man."

"What? It's not like she's gonna reject you."

Unbeknownst to you, Minho has been thinking he's ready for a while now. He feels better around you- it feels right. But he's scared. Scared that your relationship might ruin things between you and this friendship that you have might get ruined with it. He loves you- even if that is just as a friend.

"I know, I know," he sighs. "She's just... she just means a lot to me. It's shucked up 'cause she literally helped hold me captive a-and I liked her back then. I don't know, I don't think I've got rid of the weird feeling that it's wrong. My stupid little crush on a WCKD Guard still makes me feel weird."

"Right," Frypan pulls his lips into a thin line. He's not quite sure what to say here. "But... it's not wrong, really, is it?"

"The shuck you talking about?"

"I mean, she was doing her job. And her job was to protect you, even if you didn't know it. You liked her 'cause she wasn't like the other Guards, because she wasn't one of them. You might not have known it, but there's nothing wrong with being attracted to the only person there that was nice to you. She risked her life for you; we all did. Thomas and Newt put on the same uniform to do their job, and that hasn't changed how you think about them, has it? Just 'cause you knew them before doesn't change that they were tryna do the same thing, even if you didn't realise it."

Minho blinks, standing up straight and putting his hands in his pockets. That's definitely an interesting perspective.

Frypan is right.

Minho is ready to take the next step with you, and what you did for a good cause doesn't matter. Even if he did think you were a bad person he gained feeling for at the time- he knows it's not true now.

So, it doesn't really matter.

He's accepted now that there are things he's never going to get over. But, he's been healing on his own and he's had enough of that. It's hard, but having someone by his side to help isn't a bad thing. He's well enough to know he'll been find being involved with someone.

He doesn't need to wait anymore.

Minho awkwardly thanks Frypan and then spends the majority of the evening waiting for you. Which goes about as well as you'd expect when you spend all your time trying to rule a small civilisation.

"Yo, Vince," he finds the leader talking to other members of the Right Arm later that day. Night has started to fall and the dark oranges of the sky is all that's left to illuminate the beach. "You seen (Y/N)? I gotta talk to her."

Vince looks him up and down, trying to repress a smirk. "She's in the meeting room. Got sick of mine and Gally's shit and kicked us out so she can figure out the building plan on her own."

"Right, thanks."

You stand in the meeting room, leaning over the table as papers scatter around you. You fiddle with the pen in your hand, twisting it around your fingers when the door opens.

"I swear I told you to piss off, Vince."

"I don't think you should be talking to your boss like that." You immediately recognise Minho's voice, looking over your shoulder at him. "Good thing he's not here to hear it, eh?"

You roll your eyes, going back to your work. "You know you're not meant to be in here without permission."

"Vince gave me permission," a beat passes, "kinda." You snort.

"Permission to harass me?" He walks over, observing what you're doing from over your shoulder. You can feel his breath on the back of your neck, and your body immediately tenses.

"More like distract you," he mumbles more to himself than you.

"Well," you clear your throat, "can't you distract me later instead?"

The question comes out as suggestive, which was not your intention and your face drops for a second as you look at him. "I mean, I didn't mean-"

"I can definitely distract you later, if that's what you want?" You turn to fully face him. His crooked smirk making butterflies form in your stomach.

"Don't start," he snorts at your stern tone but doesn't step back. "That's your decision, really." You mutter the last part.

"That's actually what I wanna talk to you about," you furrow your brows, half-sitting on the table behind you as he takes your hands into his. "I uh, I think I'm ready, yanno, to be with you."

You blink, stunned. He avoids your gaze whilst you look directly at him. "What?" Your voice comes across as too sharp, causing him to look up at you. "Sorry, I just meant when I asked you earlier, you said you weren't ready."

"Yeah, I know," he sighs, "but I spoke to Fry after you left, and he kinda talked some sense into me. I want to be with you. I'm still healing, but I'm getting better and I'm over all the klunk that happened between us in the Last City. I'm ready to be with you. I want to be with you."

You stand there, blankly, as he anxiously fiddles with your fingers. It's rare to see Minho so unsure of himself. It's actually kind of cute.

"You're really ready for a relationship?" You move your hand from his and up to his cheek. His eyes flutter for a second before he glances at your lips.

He nods, shuffling closer as your hand slips behind the back of his head, brushing the short hairs on his neck. "Are you?"

You smile softly, heart jumping out of your chest as it's now your turn to nod. You pull your lips between your teeth, eyes fixated on his lips.

He scoffs. "Shuck it." Leaning in, your noses brush for a second before you make the final move, connecting your lips.

Considering you're both inexperienced teenagers, the kiss is slightly awkward at first. Breaking away, he becomes more domineering, pushing you back and making you fully sit on the table behind you before standing in between your legs.

He kisses you again, this time you find your rhythm better. The past half a year of feelings coming to the surface as he hums into your mouth. You occasionally part, laboured breathing filling the room as you claw at his shirt.

"I love you," he breaks the kiss, mumbling into your mouth and your eyes widen. Instead of answering, you kiss him again, showing instead of telling.

The make out session is starting to turn into some heavy petting fairly quickly, until there's a knock at the door.

"Minho," Gally's voice rings from the other side, "I saw you go in there and I ain't coming' in if you guys are screwin'- but I need my shuckin' building plans."

Minho glares at the door like he's going to set Gally on fire through it if he tries hard enough. It makes you chuckle. He steps back, giving you space to jump off the table as you turn to try and organise some of the papers.

"So, I guess this makes you my girlfriend, huh?" His hands come to your waist from behind, as he kisses your cheek.

"Yeah, guess it does."

He beams, buzzing internally. "I've got a shuckin' girlfriend."

You laugh at him. "Yes, yes you do."

I definitely had a different plan for part 2 when I wrote the first one, but I've written so much Minho content since I simply cannot remember it. So, you're getting this instead- I hope it's adequate enough lmao.

It's not as long as the first, mainly because there isn't as much plot to cover but also because the first part took me literal days to write and I have far too many requests to do that again lol.

Anyway, regardless of all that, I hope you enjoyed :))

#🌿 petri writes #🌿 petri tmr minho #🍃 petri tmr #🌿 petri writes tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr minho #minho tmr #minho the maze runner #minho tmr x reader #tmr imagines #minho maze runner

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happysparklingshadows · 9 months

Text

𝚅𝚊𝚗 𝙿𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚎𝚛 + 𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚕𝚙𝚑𝚊𝚋𝚎𝚝 (’96)

Warnings: Gore, Smut, Melodramatic fights, mentions of a mommy kink, and mature themes.

Note: Vanessa Palmer is my wife and my favorite yellowjacket! I just want her to be mine in so many ways lol! I hope you all like it! @zhivaxo @g1rlsriot

*.·:·.☽✧ ✦ ✧☾.·:·.*

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Van is very affectionate in her love for you. She loves to hold your hand, puts her hand on the small of your back, links pinkies, maps shapes on your arms and back, she fixes your hair just to touch the soft strands. Her hands are always on you. She kisses you whenever possible and just wants to be there with you. Because Van is autistic (our collective headcannon), she gets into things so much and can’t help it. She gets rough in sex without meaning to or realizing it, you can sometimes hear her overthink when she touches you, and she doesn’t do anything. She freaks out when your feet or her feet touch each other, and she doesn’t like the feeling of cuddling when she falls asleep. She will cuddle you but turn away when she goes to bed because it’s not how you fall asleep. I also think some bonding time with her would be watching new shows and sharing media to talk about. Funny enough, sometimes you fight about characters more than actual relationship stuff.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get regarding their darling?

Van will do anything for you. She is very aggressive and feral out in the woods. Think of Shauna’s postpartum hallucination where they eat her baby and van SNARLS! Van is very loving and gives off overthinking golden retriever energy, but Van is very in touch with her animalistic part to her. Pre-crash, I think they would go into fights for you, but nothing bloody. She would do anything for you after the first winter in the wilderness. She will hunt whoever, she will kill whoever threatens you, and she is willing to be hunted if it means you would be fed. The thought of being inside of you forever comforted Van.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Van would never abduct you. The worst they would do is trap you in a room with them by standing at the door and stopping you from leaving in a fight or something. Van would not mock you at all, she hates condescension so much because of her mother, so she just tries to calm you down to talk about whatever is starting the fight. She can’t handle you being mad at her and can’t stand you being away from her.

“Fuck off, Van!”

“No! You’re not leaving before we talk about it!”

“I don’t want to talk about it-”

“WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE THIS ISN'T US!” She screams at you with tears in her eyes. She moves her weight from foot to foot and waves her hands frustratedly. “What do you want from me?”

“I want to be away from you right now! I can’t do this-” You sob as you try, and she stops you again. You groan in frustration and let out a whine of annoyance in your angry sadness at the stupid fight over nothing.

“NO! (Y/n) Stop. Please. Please.” Van begs in her cries, she wraps her arms around you, and she hugs you with dear life. She doesn’t have any support anywhere. Her parents are shit, and her friends don’t know about her being gay in a homophobic town; she only has you as her light. You bury your face in her neck and cry; you are overwhelmed and tired. You let Vanessa win.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Van wants to be good to you and loves you as best she can, but sometimes what is good for you isn’t what you want. That is okay. Van is willing to ensure you are in order behind the scenes. Van will take people out of your life for you, and if they are a problem, she has no problem getting in trouble for punching the shit out of them. If Vanessa feels like a friend is getting too close or someone is taking her away, she will beat them to a bloody pulp, tells them to never speak to her again, and says that she will do worse if they rat. In the wilderness, she will just evolve, and she will make a co-dependent relationship with you to the point there are no threats out there in the woods outside of you getting picked for the hunt. Funny enough, Van was more relaxed in some ways because of the wilderness and trusting the girls she was with not to take you; so much more energy she has now because she doesn’t helicopter you 24/7 with 90s tech.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Vanessa is very bare and vulnerable with her lover. She doesn’t have much of a filter once you are inside her walls. She hasn’t had many inside of there and the ones who have hurt her deeply. Wine stains and cigarette burns from her parents and whispers from girls behind her in classes about how she is “dykey, right? No boys ever ask her out, and she never tries with them.” And you are the first to hold and nurture her without any motives outside of wanting to love yourself. Dating Pre-crash, she tells you all her thoughts about shows she masked all day and her special interests; she tells you about her mom and her emotions. She does have problems crying infront of others and being seen by others.

In the wilderness, Van vents her frustrations and gossip with you. Lowkey Van is a quiet bully with you about other people. It’s fun because Van would die if someone ever heard her and felt horrible about it. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings because that was a line in the sand. Like beating someone up or hunting is one thing, but messing with emotions is horrible. Van cries to you at night, crying because she misses her shitty mom and shitty dad and her shitty house. She hides her face in your breasts and cries as you pet her hair. She needs extra love because she is still very soft despite having a rough upbringing.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Van would shut down and hide away. She doesn’t want to push you away further by reacting, and she has disassociation as her trauma response, and she just leaves her body for a long time. Van just gives herself space, and that gives you space. She doesn’t like being away from you, but sometimes, tensions grow from being around too much in a relationship.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

No. Van doesn’t play games with her heart or with you because this is fucking real. This is the most healthy and comforting relationship Van has ever had, and she will not let you go without a fight. She would let you go if you broke up with her, but she would try to win you back. She gives you space even if it kills her. She will win you back.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

I feel like with Van, and the worst things would be typical screaming fights when you are young adults and figuring things out.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Vanessa incisions you two getting married, living in New York by central park, and having some kids. Vanessa has a more traditional idea about what she wants out of romance and you. She takes things very seriously under the surface. Van in the wilderness thinks about rings she will get for you when you are saved, she knows she will never want anyone else, and she knows she will make sure you will want anyone else. She wants to claim you in the ways she was raised with. Van thinks getting married is a fuck you to Republicans who would meltdown at the thought of two women marrying.

Van lays on her side beside you in the cabin’s attic, it’s cold, but Van is enough for you as you both try to fall asleep. Van’s jade eyes watch your face as you try to go to sleep, and she blurts out, “Will you marry me?”

You’re eyes pop open, and you look at her in surprise. Two women getting married was insane in normal 1996 America, a world you wished to be a part of again, but these could happen inside the wilderness that traps you. “Van, we can’t get married.”

“Yes, we can.” She said back, determined as she cupped your cheek, looking deeper into your eyes. “I want you to be my wife.”

“Van, I would love to be your wife, but we can’t get married in Jersey! We must move to San Francisco or Hawaii to get married.”

“Then, we’ll move to Hawaii, Care Bear.” She says to you as she cuddles into your chest. She closes her eyes and breathes in your scent. “I love you, and I only want you.”

You’re eyes well with tears as you happily cuddled her back and said, “I will marry you. I will do anything for you, Vanessa. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

She gets jealous but is very good at masking her feelings enough to bite her tongue. Don’t get me wrong, if someone was hitting you or making you uncomfortable, and she would not hesitate to confront them. Vanessa primarily manifests her jealousy in the dirty whispers and vice grip on you when you two are alone.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Van is a supportive and goofy girlfriend who wears her heart on her sleeve. She is very much a golden retriever girlfriend and just wants to make you happy. She spends time with you as much as she can and always has a hand on you; she likes to praise you when you do good things! She is possessive and vocally says intense things sometimes, but overall a wonderful girlfriend. 10/10

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Van would be somewhat shy, and she would follow you around almost like a puppy. She approaches you in a way that seems like she just wants to befriend you, but quickly, things would become sexual and romantic. She doesn’t know anything about you or why there is this pull for her to get you. Becoming a couple would take a few weeks of being friends.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from how they act around everyone else?

Somewhat. Van has had to meet the more primal parts of herself and the selfish inner human instincts we all thought could be fought with logic and morals. Van is very aggressive and Territorial. She is a murderer but does it all because she was pushed to that point. I think Van is masking her Yandere behaviors very well to the point you couldn’t tell, but it’s more open afterward. And you kind of like that in the brutal wilderness.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Van isn’t someone in the relationship to punish anyone because she doesn’t like to punish. When Van is unhappy with you, she shows it clearly on her face but just tries to ignore her anger with you. She doesn’t like feeling this way. She gives cold shoulder and snippy comments that she doesn’t even mean to say. The worst punishment would be getting into a screaming fight together like an average couple.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Only a few. Vanessa would give you standard monogamous rules and doesn’t like you giving other people attention in a way that seems like the attention you give her.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Van is very patient because of how her mother was all her childhood. She doesn’t mind things others can’t stand, and she has had to tolerate worse than an 18-year-old girl expressing emotions.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Van would straight up never move on and would even give up. Simply a shell and doesn’t have the will to live on when the sun goes away. Everything is dark with her only light, especially in the isolated woods where Van is trapped without you. Van would become Shauna in the show, tbh.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Van wouldn’t ever abduct you, but she has no regrets about the bloodshed she spilled for you. Never. Van would let you break up and get back with her because she knows she will always win you back somehow.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Childhood. This need for someone to validate and love her comes from her distance and abusive relationship with her alcoholic mother. She always felt like she would never be good enough and never be loved because if her mother didn’t care, how could anyone? When Van first feels the safety and warmth of your arms and love, she never wants to let you go. She is paranoid and scared at times people will steal her away or she will grow to not love her.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Van comforts you and tries her fucking best, man. Van doesn’t mind being a shoulder to cry on for you. She doesn’t mind being a punching bag when you scream and doesn’t mind giving you space if she can see you. Isolating in the wilderness, Van is so chill. Isolating pre-crash, Van is so not chill.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic Yandere?

Van is like Shauna in the way they are chill and okay with their darling having their own life and being able to leave them. Van does understand how ordinary love is and knows that she is somewhat crazy, but she doesn’t think she is that bad. But she is crazy territorial and possessive during and after the events of the wilderness.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit to escape?

Three words: words, pets, and boobs. Van’s favorite spot in the world is in your breasts as you pet her hair and say sweet words to her. It’s kinda like giving her some motheringly affection she has never had; she thinks it’s some kind of magic in your heartbeats. She loves your breasts and finds a lot of comfort in them. Just coo at her and pet her. You will get whatever you want.

She hums in the valley between your breasts, her cheek rests against your left breast, and she kisses the other. She looks up at you with her green eyes and sighs, “You’re perfect.”

“What? No way, van-” You giggle at her, pushing her away from your naked body from how tender she sounded.

“You are, Care bear! I love you!” She giggles back and kisses your breasts, and she bites down on the fattie flesh as she moans in pleasure of feeling the skin in her mouth. She then moves to suck onto your nipples again, as if it was her guilty pleasure in sex.

You bite a moan in your lip as you arch your back to the sensitive feeling of her sucking onto your breast. Her thick finger slides down your down hotly as she starts to pound into you again with her palm.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Van tries not to, but she is just a human being in a relationship with you. It’s bound to happen, and words are shared that hurt the other, not intentionally. Van doesn’t mean to leave marks from her bites, kisses, and touches, but sometimes it happens. She would never intend to hurt you in any way.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Van worships you like you are an angel; she will prey on you and ask for forgiveness for her bloodshed. It always is because you were fed and alive. You love her, which seems unworldly to her, and she will keep you as long as possible. She will not stop until she has you or to get you back after a breakup.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

After a few weeks, she puts her moves on very quickly, even though she only has cheesy jokes and autistic rizz.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Not in any way outside of breaking your back with her strap.

Yandere Level

6/10 (She tries her hardest to hide these dark tendencies and isn’t the best at not showing her motives for keeping you. But she is so cute and sweet that it doesn’t show much of a problem.)

Freedom Level

9/10 (You are free, but Van tends to follow you.)

Taissa ✿ Misty

#Yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #Dark! Yellowjackets #dark!au #Dark!Van palmer #vanessa palmer #Van palmer #van palmer x reader #vanessa palmer x reader #Van palmer smut #van palmer angst #van palmer fluff #lesbian

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