#sense but also the other issue is they dont have enough time! they cant develop the uh as a villain all that much further AND utilize jordan

[flockofdoves]

whenever i try to figure out stuff about my specific form of stuttering (and im super interested in connecting my own vague theories about it to stuff other people have said after taking a psycholinguistics class this semester) i feel crazy because like no medical description of types of stuttering i ever see online match my experiences with it even though i feel like whatever is happening with my stuttering feels like it should be a relatively normal issue to happen to some people

like its not really that bad anymore im not looking for treatment for it but i just want to hear about other peoples experiences with similar and also be able to potentially understand whats happening in my body whenever it happens and its just so surprising to me how little i find whenever i look

but yeah. so curious if anyone else can relate to this or has thoughts or anything. trying to summarize my experiences:

started right around puberty when i was 11

it never was all the time just like random days or hours would be worse all of a sudden

mostly trouble with repeating the start of words or elongating the first vowel, makes getting whole sentences out really arduous

went away some time in early high school for the most part, but then randomly reemerged my sophomore year of college

for a while i theorized it just had to do with low blood pressure or low blood sugar from my eating disorder, because it turned out that when it reemerged that was when the worst of my ED started, but i'm well into recovery now and while stuttering can be a sign that i havent eaten enough in a while, and i certainly was stuttering worse at the worst of my ed, i still stutter at many times when i know i have eaten consistently and enough for a while

also feels like sometimes it can correlate with stress or exhaustion, but while of course i cant be sure i'm always recognizing when i'm stressed (having issues with dissociation and fibromyalgia feels relevant to that) it at least doesn't feel in the moment like thats always the case when i start stuttering, and sometimes feels pretty random

it feels like a specific form of brain fog distinct from other forms of brain fog i also experience in that its very actively irritating as if parts of my brain are turning off and on(?? not really accurate but idk how to describe it)

i also have had times of my life where i have had that same feeling while developing body jerks and facial tics (maybe also hand tremors but i think those felt more directly related to what i've later recognized as low blood sugar from my eating disorder)

i also theorized before that those facial tic episodes could have to do with tardive dyskinesia (had really really bad reactions to risperidone and abilify and was on each of them for years, and abilify side effects sometimes felt sorta similar, and my facial tics/tremors etc arent nearly as prominent now that its been years since i last was on those meds) but that doesnt really make sense to me when it feels so similar to my stutter and the stutter started before i ever was on any psychiatric medication

i tend to stutter or have those tics a lot more prominently around people i am comfortable with. sometimes while stuttering/etc it feels like if i really really tried hard and put a lot of energy into it i would be able speak without stuttering even if still a little slow and monotone, but despite the frustration that comes with not being able to fully express what i mean quickly, it still doesnt feel worth it to put in that effort unless i need to perform for strangers (wording it like this is a lot more intellectualized and makes it sound a lot more like an active choice, while in the moment its kind of all just vague instinctual feelings)

honestly i have no idea if any of the stuttering or facial tic stuff do or dont relate at all to other behaviors i exhibit like some of ocd compulsions that are less elaborated and more just 'i wouldn't feel right if i dont touch this in this specific way right now' / my habits of picking up on a random weird exclamation that i subconsciously vocalize whenever i think of something stressful and am in a comfortable environment / my issues with body focused repetitive behavior (especially dermatillomania)

idk!! brains are just interesting im just curious what other peoples thoughts are..

like i guess looking at lists of types of stuttering it could make sense to guess this is psychogenic stuttering but its just like crazy how nonspecific any talk of it has been. ive become kinda interested in neurolinguistics which obviously is still so so full of uncertainties and biases as a field but theres at least some physiological backing for the things it talks about so its just so disappointing when topics that i wish were more explored by it are instead just stuff im finding information about from a psychiatric framework..

#cpost

[andromedasummer]

okay im gonna share my thoughts on lockwood and co now im relistening/rereading as an adult okay (never read the last book tho)

Im on book 2 and i have got to say

1. i understand why supervisors are needed holy shit 14 yr old me like"adults get in the way >:(((" fuck no these kids are 8-17 going up against violent and malevolent things that can kill with a single touch and your brains are NOT developed enough to be able to fully competently cope with that stuff holy shit

2. holy shit i forgot lockwood and lucy and george just all live together without anyone else. literally a house full of teenagers and they just stay up throughout the night after ghost hunts and eat junk food and ruin their sleep schedules and risk their lives. its giving me anxiety.

3. i think right now lucy and george have more chemistry than lockwood and lucy. i am not joking. theyre more open with each other and freer to speak their minds. but also the amount they fight makes them completely incompatible at the same time.

4. i love lucy but her "not like other girls" phase in the first few books actively causes me psychic damage. every single woman or girl introduced she immediately tears down or belittles and its clearly from self-doubt and self-esteem issues. its written completely accurately and is resolved later on as i remember thank GOD.

5. (Related) i dont think i'll be able to cope with holly arriving in the next book. even at like 14/15 i KNEW she was doing and had done nothing wrong and lucy was taking out her insecurities on her and honest to god its gonna be more uncomfortable now that im more familiar with racial politics and issues considering she the first canonical black character in the series and lucy is white. literally trying to do her job and exist.

6. ned shaw could literally not die quicker i want to throw hands with this 15(?) yr old and im literally less than a few chapters and another book away from him never showing up again. i cant remember if he becomes likeable but theres so little time left. i guess the shame in his death is he lost the chance to become a less shitty person.

7. god i still love kipps though. tied favourite character with george theyre both so shitty and snarky. honestly take away lucy's issues with All Other Females On Planet and she'd be up there too shes very fun at times.

8. seriously tho kipps is fantastic. wears expensive cologne and bedazzles his rapier. acts snarky and cold and aloof to seem cool and refined but hes a total fucking loser in the realest sense. washed up talent, insecurities about his position and purpose in the world. classic 20s issues i see you king. i assign you bisexual. highest regard i give to only my most favourite of characters god bles.

9. i forgot how funny the skull is

#lockwood and co

[ecoamerica]

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[aggressivedaikons]

I’ll be a hate anon if you want? /hj

YIPPEEE TY

okay so uh starting off with context: so the aligned continuity was the attempt to make a connected transformers universe. It was... not that successful, in all honesty, however the lore that it created especially surrounding the Transformers: Prime show (My comfort show!!!) is AWESOME.

Some of the best sources for lore and background information are the three books in the Exodus trilogy. I have them, and the first two are Exodus, and the direct sequel Exiles (im about a third through it currently, i cant read small text for a long time and it's annoying :[ ) and than the third book written by a different person that is more of a prequel to the TFP show itself. The two other books that i dont have are The Covenant of Primus (i can read the pdf though!) and an art book, The Art of Prime.

Starting with background lore (which may be wrong im doing this all off the top of my head) there are two main 'god' characters, the creator god Primus, and the dark chaos death god Unicron. Initially they just woke up (they were one at first) and were kinda there, alone. But soon they developed two sides of themself, and what ended up happening was they got so conflicting that they split into two separate entities.

They fought for EONS UPON EONS. constantly, but since they were the equal yin and yang of a whole entity, they could never best each other. they were perfectly balanced.

One day, Primus decided to impart a fraction of himself into thirteen new entities, who became the Thirteen Primes. Now i forgot the names of most of them but the ones i do remember was the first, Prima, he was like the leader??? Megatronus, Liege Maximo, Solus Prime, Micronus, Alpha Trion, and Thirteen. i forgor the rest :0

but anyways, they each had an ability, and or artifact given to them that corresponded with their personalites. also, iirc, there were like three/four specific Primes who stood out from the rest. Soulus was female, Micronus was a minicon, and another one??? was assumed to be the earliest version of an animal-like cybertronian. these all caused the following cybertronians who were born from the well of allsparks on cybertron to have a 1/13 chance of being one of these special ones. just thought that was cool.

well they all trained most the time to defeat unicron, with Micronus running these simulation things, and Soulus using her forge to create weapons. they all had their own relationships, and Megatronus (WHO IS NOT MEGATRON, MEGS NAMED HIMSELF AFTER HIM) was like an outcast becuase he was more like unicron in a sense, being more angsty and emo or sum idk

well anyways, they all kinda were like sibling, and got along like how housemates would. affectionate but they do hate each other sometimes fr. there was a specific relationship between Megatronus and Solus, because she was the first person to trust him with a weapon and that essentially gain his eternal trust and love for her ever since.

than there was the little brother the mediator (my mbti muehehehehe) Thirteen. Can you guess which prime he was, out of the thirteen?

anyways he was the person who kept them from killing eachother, and was all round a very pleasant person i imagine, very parental and gentle, but assertive and not afraid to confront issues (WINK WINK FORSHADOWING)

well after they trained enough, they finally fought unicron and it's like most epic battles like, reading it from the Covenant of Primus was AWESOME and it was a BOOK. like whoa :0 anyways they managed to throw him into space and make him unconscious somehow and he's out of the picture for a long time.

after this Primus decides to master oogway into a planet, and somehow turns himself into... cybertron. somehow??? and after all the primes kinda ascend into the allspark, thirteen is just 'no, i dont think i will.' and he decides to be reincarnated as a lowly cybertronian.

named orion pax, the fans are 90% sure.

if you know you know and i mean... is it cliched? OH YES IT IS. but is it fun and fanfiction fodder? OH YEAH IT IS.

anywas i'll stop here this is very long i did this all from the top of my head can you tell this is my big biggest special interest yippee i'll keep going later but i love the lore sm yayyy

#thank you #i've been holding this in for a year and a half. #transformers #aligned continuity

[buntress]

HEHEHEHHEE YES OKAY OKAY SO

danny canonically (well, canon enough, it was a remark from the developers) has npd right. and I have hpd and bpd and they share a lot of symptoms, being cluster b personality disorders and all. so I can proudly say

that man has awful identity issues. he spent so long pretending to be other people for praise, attention and safety that he has no idea who "Danny Johnson" is at all. sometimes he isn't even sure he's actually human. he likely dissociates a lot. he only really thought about it a while after he got taken by the entity, seeing there isnt anything to do outside of trials hes likely been in his own mind most of the time.

he may act buddy-buddy with them as a sort of second nature but he's really insecure with himself and so manifests it as hatred for other killers. (it may also be the 'canon' reason ghostface players tend to be very chill with survivors, despite him being a misanthrope. he feels safer with them because he has the cloak of superiority and being a threat with them which he doesnt have with the killers ykyk) after all he's just an average guy with a knife and knowledge on stalking, hes not overly strong without the entity's help, or tall, or supernatural in any way. to him his "backstory" isnt even bad as any of the other killers, to him at least. (it definitely was, man was literally groomed to be a murderer by his dad. but your trauma never looks as bad as the other people's you know)

also hes FTM and was 3 years on T up until he got taken by the entity (his body time kinda paused after that so he didnt revert to being feminine dw). he still has a set of tits and a coochie because in his words "surgery recovery is a waste of time, it will get suspicious if ghostface goes silent for 6 whole months" :3 he's happy with his body though... mostly. anyway thats the reason he's always hunching during trials. cant wear a binder during a chase thatd be inconvenient (please imagine a ghostface coughing and wheezing and begging the survivors to wait for him now. thank you)

he's still silly, a little clumsy but its one of the things he's less insecure about tbh. an all serious ghostface is not fun and not what wes craven would want.

anyway I need him to get a therapist so bad. bbygirl dw you wont lose your spark the spark in question is you dissociating for hours at a time on your apartment bed having a barbie movie moment like "what was I made for..." therapy will help you babygirl I promi-

THESE ARE ALL SUCH FUCKING GOOD HEADCANONS OKOKOK SO

to share my own while i am at it Teehee (i love him so much)

I def agree on the dissociation and fucked up sense of identity, mans is a messed up lil fuck and def needs to go see an entity ordered therapist. I personally def put Danny on the aro spectrum (i dont think ace personally, aroallo moment imo) though i think more on the demi or greyaro side, and if any of the survivors are ever like, flirty he just stares at them and slowly shakes his head because oh no babygirl one thats a bad idea to try and do and two you are not the person my brain has made an exception for thats for fucking sure

(I'm demiromantic myself so I describe it like that bc im basically aromantic until my brain makes an Exception(tm))

Alsoalsoalso very down for him not being friends with the other killers bc hatred and lowkey jealousy but I think he looks at the legion kids and is like "Cool, I'm your uncle now." because they're the only ones like him at all, just normal dudes even smaller than he is because theyre basically just fucked up teenagers so he feels a slight kinship and he definitely doesn't play favorites at all (this is a lie Suzy is his perfect little baby and he goes full cool uncle mode with her 100% all the time)

Also Also because self shipping noises when/if a survivor or killer (im using survivor mostly bc that's where I see myself self insert wise) does catch his interest in a romantic he genuinely just fucking panics and doesn't know what the fuck to do about it. He fumbles with them a lot and suddenly most of his smooth and cool dude exterior? Gone. Vanished. Fumbling even more than usual and it makes him SO MAD so he just.......threatens them a lot and hooks them a lot because fuck you stop making me feel things i hate you but also please just like hold my hand or something what the fuck

When finally the survivor is like DUDE WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DAMAGE and blows up on his ass he's like IDK MAN YOU GIVE ME BIG FEELINGS AND I DON'T LIKE IT COULD YOU STOP MAYBE????

anyways when that shits sorted I imagine it being a mutual (healthy) obsession thing where Danny treats his partner like they're the entity incarnate and partner does similar for him and everyone is disgusted by it but at least everytime partner is around in trials he's nice to them so like they can't complain.

If it was a killer though they would become absolute terrors and no one would be safe ever. Skip through the moldy corn fields holding hands kinda shit. Absolute fucking idiots.

(Also at one point he tries to give partner a bouquet of flowers except it was like 4 dandelions and a leaf and he ate one of the dandelions)

Anyways I love Danny Johnson I am kissing him on the mouth

#gif warning #🗡️ :: personal #🗡️ :: asks #sorz for the infodump and answering 6 hours late i was talking to my qpp and being butch4twink

[gayspock]

guys im peckish

something that always kinda.... i dont wanna say it frustrates me, bc i understand WHY its the case & i know its the better choice for most works... but i suppose, kind of? itches at me??? is the way AI in sooo much fiction is solely ever used with regards to comparing it to Humanness. and tht makes total sense- its not always abt exploring AI conceptually in of itself, but moreso using that as a means to explore deeper Human themes and again sometimes thats just better to leave it as that

but nonetheless it itchessss sometimes, yknow, from like a worldbuilding perspective to me. & also just... i dont know. when i hear ppls conception of what AI is in general- and in all fairness, AI in of itself is such a nebulous term - i get well. frowny. bc again its always such a ... human lense.... and idk maybe im being #autistic #compsci girlie but it sometimes just feels so... LIMITING and detrimental, and kind of misunderstanding like- when it comes down to it, ai? its math... ITS MATH. you know that right? all the way top to bottom its just freaking mathematics, its algorithms...

but anyway it just feels like. its HOLES in the fictional world sometimes. like- the actual sophistication behind developing something that's intelligent enough, and ON PAR with a thinking, feeling, freaking person... and for that to become, like, a widespread THING... like it sooo rarely ever lines up with the rest of the technology within the world they set it in?? bc theyy clearly on ever thought- mmhm mhmm (nods) thinking machines. they just programmed people immediately. went from A to B. and sometimes there's like in-universe reasons for things but like other times its crazzzyy like...

bc before we'd ever get to THAT point so many other, complex things would already have commonplace AI applications does that make sense. one billion specialised problems that could have been solved ten times over. or well maybe solved is the wrong word but it would have changed the face of technology soooo much... and i guess sometimes there IS in-universe reasoning for it- it could be a limitation of resources, it could be an issue of knowledge and understanding, it could be other societal influences that stop it, things such as policies that prevent it from being totally pervasive- but thats literally kind of what i mean, like... bc those are GOOD points but not always present . and they could be rlly interesting points of discussion and contention just there that kinda gets neglected

like im watching BSG and i keep thinking abt the only reason the galactica survived is because its more "out of date". and its like if eel like theyre always so vague about what technology theyre actually compromising on, here. or like... hell what technology did all of humanity compromise on after thefirst war... wheres the lines? is it JUST cylons? or were there compromises on everything? and how did they reel shit back?

like im thinking even just roslin and her cancer. already, like... in real life... ai has a LOT of medical applications. idk-i still kinda want to do a PHD in some sort of bioinformatics one day, LOL, if i'd ever get there but like... whilst i guess its mostly diagnosis and screening rn, my point is, i cant imagine how much more medicine could have advanced??? surely ir'd be unrecognisable. even just in terms of developing drugs, and medicine- genomics being sooooooo data dense, there's leaps and bounds that can be done with AI, or even research facilitated by ai. like if you have the capabilities of programming something as sophisticated as human consciousness, with that level of logic and reasoning....

LIKE ... its like again sth very human. this human idea of intelligence and what that means, and thinking of ai in a totally human capacity when its like. idk how to describe ittttt. i guess its like- there are so many tasks that a human cannot do that a machine could do, BUT it would be easier to have a machine implement those tasks, THAN achieving sentience with a machine??? like... no. a person could not piece together a human genome from data BUT a machine could quite easily.

and even just that like- squitns. i think im talking in circles my WHOLEEEE point is just... AGAIN. worldbuilding wise i feel like sooo much drops the ball there like bc writers dont rlly understand the full applications of artifical intelligence and what it can do and wahgh... im sniff... im just rambling arent i [goes into a corner embarassedddd]

#Egg.txt

[quenthel]

oughughug ed stuff (also some tmi stuff)

i have been recovering from my ED pretty well... learning how to enjoy meals and not overeat all the time im even a little bit distressed/ reward myself with other stuff than food so my relationship to meals have changed... i also got much more into cooking than i was bc of dunmeshi too and i enjoyed the philosophy of cooking and eating meals from that manga so much legit helped me a ton to think about it more and really internalize it. Like reading that manga really made me reconsider what i think of food and that made it easier for me not to fall back into old bad mindsets as much (but i do sometimes still its a work in progress)

And like I lost a lot of weight bc of this (i just eat a little less move a little more and give more time and thought to my meals) like its been still a struggle for me esp in the beginning and by this point im losing weight very slowly like it took me 8 months to lose 10kg while the first 8 i lost in like 2 months. And while this food journey was overall good for my mental my body got much much weaker psychically esp my endurance because its a large change. Im not sad about it because being overweight (and still being overweight lol) was making me miserable (and the societal hatred for fat people was part of that ofc, but also mostly it was caused by some beliefs i have about my own self worth its a big issue) but I feel like no weight loss post or story or anything talks about this. I also started to exercise and so far some of it has been harder but some of it has been easier. And i still need to work a lot on appreciating my own body and truly inhabiting it in a sense like being at peace with it and not fighting it and connect to my own body as its part of myself and not just something im in. Like its part of me. Funnily enough the times i really felt that connection were the times I was spending a lot of time together with other people like irl (when i had a huge friend group and we drank a lot together or when i was w my ex lol).

Like at this point i weigh less than i ever remember weighing (even in my teens lol) and i still have a long way to go. But i would not have done it without being supported by my friends and parents like i dont think anybody can come out of toxic mindsets without opening those doors and asking for help or knowing that they HAVE to do it for other people (like my dad recovering from alcoholism because he was scared he will die before seeing my brother and me grow up). Also its funny that around the time i started really thinking abt my own body and my health and really asking for help (in therapy too) to make me truly healthy, not working on it in isolation like i did after beating disco elysium was around the time i started thinking abt being trans too. Like realizing that my body is me made me think more about my own gender too. I’m also thinking a lot abt starting HRT but that would be impossible for me bc of my country (idk if i can even do that abroad but maybe...) but I don’t want to yet since I want to establish my body mind connection first and THEN see if i still feel like I should.

Anyway im around halfway done with my weightloss plans and its been 9 months. I originally wanted to recover fully and reach that weight and develop habits to exercise regularly in 2 years but since im moving soon i might not be able to focus on this as much or maybe its going to get easier... who knows. I still feel like I’m a work in progress tho both bc of therapy and bc of this but also because i really feel like im JUST starting to become more of an adult because im thinking about these things (and its making me more sad that i cant be financially independent yet but im trying to be patient). But it feels like im currently at a point of my life when im changing for the better overall and while I struggle a lot its not as bad as it was before so thats pretty hopeful...

#quenthel special #nobodys online rn so i cant post shit like this #wanted to do some work today but its the first of may the day of work so i might just chill lol

[magnoliamyrrh]

Is it possible for childhood sa memories to never consciously resurface and the victim spend their entire life unaware of what happened to them?

...... i dont see why not really. i dont know how common that is, but id place my money on it happening at least to some

i mean, there's plenty of cases of people figuring out/theyre told they have trauma-based disorders such as DID in their 50s,60s,70s etc - so, most ot their life they remembered only small or certain parts of trauma compared to the full scope, or perhaps not much of it at all; they may spend most of their lives with entire gaps of years in their childhood memory without knowing... and the DID will protect the most active or "host" part of them from the worst ptsd symptoms for some time. i dont see why its not theoretically possible for someone to take this to the grave never knowing really. i have also heard of cases of peoples trauma of csa not coming to them until their abusers are dead and they know theyre dead, and thus the brain finally feels safe (especially heard this in the case of family members) - so, this may come when they are in their 40s, 50s, or older. its actually rather common from what i know for people to become aware or to accept these sort of traumas later on in life

...... id say tho, DID&OSDD are particular cases in extreme and repeated early childhood trauma induced disorders which create more of a.... level of protection than many have against the trauma (for some parts, while other parts carry the burden). but even without the development of such disorders its rather common for the brain to shut down/repress memories like that, and for the brain to "give them back" later on during teens, early adulthood, or adulthood depending on the individual - either because something has triggered the individual and memory, or because the brain finally feels safe enough to start breaking down those barriers...... i think in Many cases (idk if most but.. maybe most) the brains barriers start breaking down at some point, but perhaps in some cases they do not - perhaps if the individual never feels safe enough for this to happen, or doesnt encounter a particular trigger?

..... it may be the case as well that someone will experience symptoms which stem from csa, or maybe even forms of flashbacks, and that they will have behaviors infleunced by said trauma, but be unable to accept it their entire lives. they may simply keep repressing them and being unwilling to even entertain the idea that anything like that ever happened - in this case maybe there will be a tiny part of them which knows and understands, but for the most part its never processed or accepted. they will just keep building those walls up and pushing it further down - perhaps some can do this their whole lives. they may have intense nightmares or flashbacks, and obvious symptops, but still deny it completely. im sure this sort of thing can be taken to the grave too

...... id also say, this might be the case if were talking about.... earrrrllly earllly csa. i guess im a particular outlier(?) maybe for remembering things, not just trauma, from when i was two years old (i reckon the dissociation has something to do with it too). but many people do not remember much at all, good or bad, from before they were 3-4 years old..... this doesnt mean that csa at those ages wont have lasting impacts and lead to things - some part of the body and mind and subconscious remembers and reacts nontheless - but that it may be harder or perhaps in some cases impossible, to remember details or to make sense of certain symptoms one may be having... (a particularly horrible parallel example of this - of very early intense trauma at least, would be that babies used to get... fucking surgery without anesthesia. horrible. these ppl as adults cant remember this, but theyre still scarred for life and have many many issues. another would be that infant neglect and feeling uncared for, scared, alone for too long as an infant or young toddler is something most may not ever remember, but it still often has consequences).......... maybe my brain in particular is weird af bc osdd&did... and because of psychadelics... and meditation..... ill just say. personally.. i dont think any of us truly, truly ever "forget" anything from the time we are born....not really. somewhere its still there ....... though i would say generally, it is uncommon, maybe very uncommon, for ppl to fully remember much of csa or trauma at those ages. perhaps in these cases it is more likely for someone to go their whole life never really having an idea of what happened to them or why they may have certain issues

,,,,,,, idk. all in all id say, i do think its possible. weather its someones brain never cracking more than just a bit, or repression on top of repression, or taking a dissociative disorder like DID to the grave and having a v exteme case,,, i reckon theres still symptoms in one form or another and infleunces, and it likely come out in dreams and nightmares in some form or another... but i do reckon its possible there have and are individuals who go through life until the end never really knowing or processing it beyond a repressed and subconscious level..... how common that is tho? i really have no idea

[spikeinthepunch]

i have my 2022 art summary queued up and just want to ramble about the last year,... lots of stuff happened, good and bad! been a strange time.

i imagine most followers around have probably been here since late 2020 but 2020-21 i did art quite a bit, but the thing that really stuck for that period was i was super involved in warrior cats RP for some time-- i love RPing and these group also got me motivated to draw too! but i feel like i kind of wasnt around in the typical way due to how consumed i was in it. i dont think i need to go into detail of every month during that time, but it wasnt until early this year where i dropped it, and i didnt really publicize in detail why due to the issues surrounding it, but it was probably the biggest impact on me this year mentally, and in terms of art direction. and i feel like itd feel good to document this in a blog after it has now blown over- and why ive shifted my direction too.

i was very happily running my own RP server for just a year before i had to close it this year and it still makes me sad, as much as i moved on. ARP was like... a very big deal for me and i cant deny that. i dont have a lot of projects i get that into or get even close to setting off with its story figured out. i wrote well over 100 pages of documents for the world and the 6 planned arcs. i drew loads of art i couldnt even share until it closed (tbh im not positive i have shared it anyways bc i didnt wanna post it here). i made a website, i made riddles and code, i developed lore that was far outside of the warrior cats scope to it basically just being original!

truly i have never developed a project as far as i made ARP and to shut it down in order to save my privacy and past trauma from being further exposed in such an inappropriate way really sucked ass. a lot. it was a situation where there was no control given to me, no sense of understanding from the community. im not writing this out now to be pointing fingers and calling out names- just venting how it took a toll on me this year. what had happened with my server was that one of my own mods decided to dig into my profiles and found an old nsfw page, which even more indirectly led to an old flist, which exposed various things i was into around 17-19, reflecting trauma and abuse id been through (in it, voiced wanting to take part in certain kinks; ex. being a victim to violence and dubious consent scenarios). this information was at first presented as a threat to minors viewing my RP page (as in "ppl can see your nsfw profile from the blog!") which wasnt true/accessible as they said it was and required many many clicks to find, and then slowly revealed to me the people exposing this were in fact two of my own mods and was promptly cut off from explaining anything else as it spread in a private mod discord in the RP community. Which was worse to me than everything else that could have happened honestly, and i only learned this second hand from a person who saw it in that discord and thought it was horrible this information was spreading like that behind my back. in some ways things were okay-- i didnt get "called out" openly as i did my best to explain how these pages were not current to those around me, and that they had dug into some deep cutting trauma and a period where i wasnt getting any help to cope properly. it still didnt stop the fact i left every other RP i was in due to connections w those exposing it, and in turn closing my own. i dont want to say im thankful i didnt get called out publicly, but the damage was bad enough in so many other ways because i couldnt continue my server at all, and in the end people's obsession with purity culture in the fandom still made them deem me "bad" because i had nsfw accounts in any capacity. thats not a space i want to be around anyways...

ill forever be thankful for those who stuck it out to the end and witnessed the documents i got to share before closing it for good. but this was a HUGE part of my life for the last years of the pandemic, and i wasnt there for warriors cats- i was there for the people i knew, and the stories i made. i still miss RP a lot, and i want to host projects like that again after moving on mentally from that ordeal.

but my 2022 art summary shows a major shift that was 100% in part to disconnecting from wcrp. humans everywhere! seriously. for a solid few months i couldnt even bare to look at anything related to ARP. i didnt want to think about how i lost this story i developed so hard for so long.

honestly didnt really start drawing properly again until the summer- my art during my HL phase was very very light and very messy. i fell into a hard depression early summer and i only crawled out when i got into mcyt- and even then i was hiding it from this blog. i think i just needed to not feel like i was "online", because August included me joining a onceler RP and again, not saying anything about it. which Weehawken was the first RP thing I had done since i closed ARP too, and it was weird. not the RP itself, it just felt weird to try that again.

and it wasnt my favorite month, i just felt so tired and exhausted- that depression was kinda lingering and drawing a lot for an RP again was something i wasnt really used to anymore.

the past three months have been.... better? or i have at least enjoyed what i am drawing more. i think im far enough removed from what happened with ARP too that it doesnt weigh on me as strongly. i wasnt blaming myself for anything but it doesnt feel good when you know you have to kill something. we talked about recovering it, i had ideas, but i just knew it wouldnt be worth trying to with so much damage caused in my own self, and the impression that whole community left on me knowing people would willingly spread such personal information without question. having trauma exposed after going to therapy and relearning how to use the internet in a way that doesnt lean on trauma dumping and whatever unhealthy bullshit? its quite a blow. i dont make personal blogs like this often because i have good methods to deal with my shit these days.

despite this messy year im doing well. its been ups and downs. overall i know im far more confident in myself, i moved out to live on my own, and im just doing my thing. whatever bull shit happened this year, call out or not, i know im still just gonna keep doing whatever it is im doing. and heres to hoping i can bring a world to life like i did with ARP again, bc i really have a lot i want to tell and show and do.

#2022 art summary #art summary #if someone from wc is lurking and comes to my inbox to shit #i will snipe you on the spot

[cynettic]

I just read Kitsune reader x yan Scaramouche's fic, may I have gotten hooked on it? and of course, it's just perfect and that's why I'm here to lose a part two with nsfw, thank you in advance and understand if you refuse:3

Link to Part 1

Summary - Taking you captive, Scaramouche continues to see you as a pillar of support. Coming back home to have you there, always. Even if it meant chaining you up.

Pairings - F!Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Smut, slight noncon ( I tried to make it as consensual as possible but its difficult with yandere themes ), fingering, electricity play

Rating - NSFW

Penpal - Ahhh I'm actually beginning to get attached to this series, might end up writing a couple more posts with different hc and stuff. I hope you liked the post though, have a great day <3

A/N - The literal definition of the ‘stoic cruel boy who’s mean to everyone but you.’ Oh well, Scaramouche is ooc af, but I did change a few things in his backstory so its supposed to make sense for this story ;) Also- since we dont know Scaramouche’s actual name, I have the reader still… yknow, call him Scaramouche. Which is kinda weird cause its his harbinger name but oh well. Also, credit to @cycletr4in for proofreading it ;3

Taglist - @cursedraiden

Stay with Me pt.2

Scaramouche was a gentle captor.

In contrast to piercing eyes and harsh stares when it came to others, he had a soft spot for you. Like the ice that encased him whole melted at your touch, craving for the warmth only you could give him. For your arms around him, to play pretend and imagine he were a child, free, fearless, unbound. A child in your arms, safe and protected.

But you were held hostage, which meant that the chains around your wrists and legs held you down and secured you. Like you were bound to one spot like you’d always been, except this time you didn't have a choice.

You weren't waiting for the Kitsune Saiguu.

Hell, you didn't even have your vision.

This brought on resentment for the dark haired boy. You hated him, you despised him for holding you down under his own judgment. But at the same time, all you saw in him was a child, a little kid who hadn't had the time to grow up. The one who refused to do so because it was his only way to survive in the type of world he lived in. Hide behind that same facade he developed as a kid, snide remarks and unrelenting cruelty.

Just to come back to your arms, sobbing because he was still that child. Sobbing because he was still hurt. Sobbing because you were still his beacon of light, of hope.

He depended on you.

And as much as you built up harsh words to use against him, they dissolved in your mouth when you saw him. His vulnerability that he saved for you and you only. A deep part of you cared for him, a little too much.

Gentle fingers brushed through the locks of Scaramouche’s hair, twirling it around and playing with the strands. It was smooth, a small detail no one would have the chance to notice from the distance he put around himself and others. A quiet hum left his lips as he leaned against your chest, eyes fluttering closed against the soothing feeling of you against him.

The lavish silk sheets were soft against your skin, pillow pushing your form to sit up. Just enough to have Scaramouche in your arms, knees on either side of his body as his head rested under your chin. His chest rose and descended, almost on beat with yours, if not just a tad slower.

You hoped he wouldn't hear the way your heart thrummed against your chest.

Warmth, his body flushed against yours, the luxury of a bed and the small candlelight on your bedside. Different from what you’d grown into just on the side of the trail, sitting for decades. Or with your time with the Kitsune Saiguu, it was never this warm, never this gentle.

But this warmth ended at your beating heart, furiously blazing. Sending an urge of adrenaline through your body, whispering ‘run’ through your veins. A primal urge that would've had your hands around Scaramouche’s neck, till he was wrangling and dead.

Till you could escape.

Hand slowly sliding down his jawline, you let your gentle fingers ghost along the soft skin of his neck. Claws outstretched and ready, sharp and pointed with a deadly intent to kill. You could end him so quickly, overturn his trust and make an escape. You deserved it, you deserved freedom. Not a delusional boy who thought himself protector against someone who’s lived decades more than him.

Jolting at the sensation of a soft grip on your wrist, you watched with idle fascination as he simply cupped your wrist in his hold. Not stopping you, not restraining you, he simply brought your hand to his face. To his lips where he pressed the softest of kisses into your palm. So heartfelt and genuine that all you could do was freeze, not even considering clawing his face.

“I love you.”

You both stayed in that position for a few moments more, silence cradling the tension that slowly dissipated from your body. Forlorn eyes watching as he shift the angle of your wrist to kiss your fingertips. He wasn't waiting for an answer, basking in these soft moments where he could hide in your hold. Like a child, forced to grow up too quickly, yearning back for his foolish naivety, yearning for the childhood he missed.

You were that childhood.

Which is why he clung to you so dearly, showed expressions he didnt know he could make, hold you captive under the impression that it was ‘right.’ What he was doing was okay.

Claws retracted, you pursued your lips, holding back the tears of frustration that burned at your eyes. You hated him, hated him for the chains on your wrists, for the disappearance of your vision that you’d given so much value to. Hated him for the warmth he still made you feel.

You hated him.

You felt like a housewife in some respects. Not with the cleaning and cooking part, and of course no children were part of the equation. But in terms of support, you stayed rooted to that room, loose chains too strong for you to break or tug holding you down. Window was too far, and you were stuck moving around the bed and the desk that sat just a little farther away.

Attempts at having your vision back or more freedom in movement had been discussed with Scaramouche, but as childlike and free as he acted with you, he was not an idiot.

“I don’t plan on underestimating you,” was his answer, head resting on the plush of your chest. “You’re strong, always were. But I have to take extremes to make sure you don’t get hurt, some people out there are stronger than you.”

You wanted to point out that there were a ton of people stronger than him as well, but you kept your mouth shut. “Can I at least see the house? I’ve been cooped up here for so long…”

And he cant say no to such an innocent request as that right?

So he unlocks the chains, the vision at his side reminding you that he was strong. You solely knew that he’d been tough as a kid, and under the intensive training he’d seemed to endure, he was much much stronger. You werent willing to give it a go and lose his trust just yet.

Not like he really trusted you anyways-

At the very least, you’d hoped to get some sort of blueprint of the house, and all you’d received was confusion and your mind making up that the house itself was a maze.

“Didnt we… just pass through here?”

Glancing at the obvious frustration on your face, Scaramouche chuckled, pulling your arm through the hallways you swear you’d seen three times prior. “Nope, most of the hallways look pretty similar. The house wasn't built for dumbasses.”

You flashed him a look and were about to make some snideish rebuttal before you saw the smirk. You knew what he was doing, trying to comfort you with casual arguments you both used to have. Consisting of you telling him to work on his people skills, and him calling you a lazy ass. Of course you missed it, but you also knew you couldn't go back to it.

And then there was the issue when you learned that he was a harbinger.

A scene you didnt want to replay in your head, when a maid burst into your room, Scaramouche acting a tad more intimate. He had an awful tendency to do that, hug your waist and press his face against the crook of your neck. Press gentle kisses down the length of your shoulder that had you shuddering. You weren't used to intimacy, and considering you’d watched him grow up, it was just weird.

Stuttering, the maid had demanded that he was requested by the Tsarista. You’d seen the fear in her eyes when Scaramouche slowly turned to her, seen the unshakable immobility of standing under his gaze.

“Do not enter.” He said, “It’s on the door.”

That was the first time you’d seen Scaramouche kill.

You hoped it’d be the last.

But you’d seen death before, so much death in the time of the Kitsune Saiguu. And for a few seconds, you found yourself fearless as you yanked against the chains, yelling at his figure at the doorway.

“Tsarista?” You snarled, standing just a few feet away from him. His hand on the girls neck, clenching around the pretty skin of hers. Disgusted, the chains that held you back from closing the gap and throwing the girl away from him were impossible to overcome. “Why the hell does she need you?!”

‘Let go,’ you wanted to say. ‘Let her go, she’s going to die.’

It worked, because the ironclad grip was gone, the maid tumbling to the ground lifelessly. You’d been too late, and now her blood was on his hands, your hands. This was your fault and you had half the self control not to thrash against the chains with sharp claws, hands on his neck.

The hard steel gaze vanished in an instant, and like he’d regained his senses, he took a few steps to you. Hands clenching to fists before loosening to fingertips brushing against his palms. Confusion, regret and guilt clouded his features like a child waiting to be reprimanded. You didn't back away, stood firm and fierce when standing and keeping a tough front.

You wanted to cry.

“Its… its a long story.” He finally stated to your question, and when you didnt budge, he took a deep breath. In control again, he closed the distance between the two of you, “I’m sorry.” And that same thrum of electricity jolted through your body, sending you into a spiral of the girls lifeless eyes and Scaramouche’s childlike eyes. Till everything went black.

You woke up with the body gone. Scaramouche was gone as well.

You learned that Scaramouche liked to have things his way. Which meant that he was always in control, always had control of every situation.

Even in those short stretches of vulnerability when he rested in your arms, he still held something over you. And you had to adapt, shift for his wishes, coddle him and stay as his beacon. Because he was stronger, and even if you’d find some way to escape, he would find you.

It was odd, and you slowly let go of the image of him as a child, you knew he was a lot older. He’d probably reached the age your body was stuck in, and with every sweet kiss he pressed to your lips, you knew he saw you as some sort of lover. But as someone who wasn't in control, you simply had to play along, just until you found some way to make your escape.

Without killing him.

_-_-_-_-_

“Strip.”

Laying on one side of the bed, your eyes jolted open at the commanding voice. Slowly, you sat up, eyeing the dim figure at the doorway. Without the help of a candle or the moonlight at the window, you could distinguish Scaramouche at the doorway, taking off the large headpiece as he flung it to the ground.

“Excuse me…?” Your voice was soft, rusty after an evening nap.

“I’ll make you feel good,” was his only answer. Slowly making his way to the bedside till he could properly face you. His eyes were soft, but there was an odd sort of determination that you hadnt seen before. You held back his stare, confusion lacing your features when he suddenly started pulling off loose decorations that hung on his clothes. Just till he unlaced the vest and slid off his shirt. “Don’t worry.” But you didnt know quite what he meant until he leaned further to you, catching you off guard.

So you yelped when his hands suddenly slammed down on your shoulders, shifting you to have access to the buttons of your top layer. He was quick when undoing them, simply swatting away at your hands when you protested and tried to pull him away. Throwing it to the edge of the room when he was done, you could only thrash in horror when he undid your trousers just as quickly, pulling them down before you could grab them back up.

“Scaramouche? Hey-”

And then he threw you down on the bed, exposing you in your undergarments in the cool air of the room. Shivers crept up your spine and bristled across your skin, and before you could curl up to at the very least hide away, you felt a tug at your chains. Fear finally settled in when you saw Scaramouche attach the chain to the bedpost, until your hand was lifted up and he began to do the same to the other.

“Wait wait wait, stop and explain what you’re-”

Only then did he pause from what he was doing, slowly looking down to properly face you. His eyes slid up and down your body, and he took a step towards you. “I’ll make you feel good,” were his only words, and you were forced to take them as all he was planning on giving you. Only when he sat on the bed next to you did you realize what he meant, hand settling on your shoulder, waiting.

“Alright,” you said slowly. Painfully, the words bit your tongue, but you were merciless against someone who had control against the situation. You could say no and you knew Scaramouche would stop, he was gentle to you and you only. And even if he’d been firm just before, you knew that he’d still stop if you asked him to.

A part of you felt thrilled to have that power over him.

Another part of you just wanted to escape.

But you didnt have any hope to do so unless you were willing too give him everything. Because he expected everything and would do anything in his power to obtain it. You’d let him fiddle around with this delusion, thinking that he had control. Until he didnt.

Which is why you didnt flinch when his hand gently slid up your stomach, cold against the warmth you’d had under the blankets. Rubbing gingerly against your skin and drawing smooth shapes over before he slowly slid over your body. His eyes seemed to glint under the darkness of the room, lust filled and wanting.

You didnt shift uncomfortably, you pretended to be that doll he expected you to be.

Just staring up at him as he slowly leaned down to kiss you. His lips felt like snowflakes on a winters day, idly swaying side to side to catch one in your mouth. Jolting like electricity when they melted into your touch, red and swollen when he pulled back. You now vividly felt every touch, as if a current flowed and static jittered in the places he briefly brushed his fingertips.

“You always take such good care of me,” he breathed, lips slowly drifting down your chin. Just past your jawline and right on your neck. The space between your head and shoulder, a soft vulnerable spot that had your lips humming at the affectionate pressure. “Its my turn to take care of you.”

And then his lips were everywhere, collarbone, shoulders, cleavage. Just until his teeth were tugging off your bra, face nuzzled in between both breasts. Both of his hands now resided on your hips, grabbing both thighs to hold them up and against him. You could feel him hard, pressing so close to your heated core.

You managed to keep your reactions in check.

Just until he slowly grinded against you, mouth on your breasts as he again pecked the soft mounds, molding his lips against them as if he could remember the texture, memorize the feel. It was just to that point that mindless sounds slipped past your lips, turning to gasps when his hands on your thighs suddenly buzzed, and static rushed in. Your legs felt weak, entire body thrumming in response to the electricity he sent jolting.

He was using his vision.

The realization was numb against his lips on your breasts, hands slowly stroking the skin of your sides, travelling up. He hovered over you for mere seconds before mashing his lips against you once more, different. He was no longer gentle, and it was with the contact on your tail that you lost all control. When he gently moved it out of the way, backing up.

You were a mess.

Not that you tried to be, you’d been doing your best not to enjoy his touch. But it was hard when your core heated up so fast, mashing both legs together in hopes he wouldn't notice. You knew he would, any action beyond that was just you trying to save your dignity.

He sat there like he was enjoying the sight, the first time you’d seen him actually portray any visual confirmation of satisfaction towards the chains. He’d drink dry any ounce of control you gave him, and it was impossible not to give him it all when you were visionless and vulnerable.

But the dignity you struggled so hard to keep shattered when his hands brushed against your inner thigh.

Fingers slowly made their way to the padded fabric of your undergarments, two digits rubbing the area slowly with expertise. You bit your lip, muffling any groan of anticipation, hiding the way your hips tried to rock back into the gesture. Desperate, oh so desperate. Hiding back the whimpers as he slowly quickened the pace of his fingers against your garments. “Archons Y/n,” he murmured. “I haven't even put anything in and you’re already a squirming mess.”

“Shut u-up,” was all you managed, trying to shift away from the pressure against your clit. But his other hand was on your hip, holding in place. You could only watch and press your thighs tightly together as he slowly slid down your panties, resuming hovering over you. Distracting you with kisses, his fingers gently stroked your core, two fingers slowly sliding into your cunt using your juices.

He was gentle when pumping both fingers in and out, too slow when you thrust your hips to meet his fingers, pleading for him to go faster. But he liked hearing your cries, slowing down when you begged, quickening when you whined and just lay there, taking it.

You shuddered the first time electricity jolted from his digits.

It was when he had three fingers that he sent the static up your body, back arching with such intensity that it even had him chuckling. “Oh? You like it that much?” And then it is like something buzzed against your body, fingers vibrating against your clit as your thighs tightened around his hand. So much that you thought you’d crush it, but it didn't matter, not with the electrifying feeling against your body. It felt so odd, so overwhelmingly good that it had your legs sliding up and down the bedside, toes curling as the static grew and you fell paralyzed to his touch.

It didn't take long with his fingers thrusting in and out of you to cum. Moaning mess when he gave you the time to breathe, teeth biting your bottom lip and then mashing against yours. Your eyes grew fuzzy and most happened in a haze, and all you knew the entire time was that you’d given yourself to him, and that it felt good. You couldn't see the childlike wonder in his eyes anymore, not the need of a beacon or of support. No, the look he shared was feral, the smile tinting his lips almost scary. But it felt too good to care, and you let yourself enjoy his ministrations.

He pulled out and suddenly his own shorts were undone, boxers thrown to the side of the room just like all your other clothing. You didn't see how big he was, just felt his hard shaft against your throbbing cunt, pussy dripping and legs open wide and tired after your first go at it.

You expected him to be gentle like he’d been with his fingers. But he pressed the tip against your core, and in one full motion he was in. Teeth grinding against each other, you held back a scream, shock coursing through your body, overwhelmed with pain and discomfort. It hurt. But it was quickly overshadowed by his movements as he slid in and out of you, slow when pulling his hips back, and rocking himself completely inside you each time. A pattern that let you catch your breath and lose it all the same. Like he was continuously having a go at hitting the deepest parts of you, pulling back before fully thrusting into you and sending waves of pleasure and pain alike.

It was expected, but you couldnt hear yourself.

Not with your mind trapped in a haze of how he felt, body still buzzing after how he’d pulsed his vision through you. And now you were at the mercy of his member, hips swaying along with his, no energy for you to rock with him and try to push him deeper.

Archons, you didn't even think he could go deeper.

But you were proven wrong again and again as he kept the steady pace, hands clawing at your ass and hips. Stabilizing himself and trying to press himself against you, as far as he could go. Slowly, his hands drifted up to your hair, playing with the soft sensation of your furry ears. Pinching and rubbing, fingers coaxing the back of them like a massage. So gentle, but it paled in comparison to the harsh treatment of his dick.

You came first, gripping the chain with your hands in an attempt to stay stable. Walls clenching around him one last time before you got your release, your moans turning into cries when he continued to thrust into you. Your body felt numb, all nerves centred on the way he pounded into you, chasing his own release.

When he did, he pressed his head into your chest, his own breaths heavy with pleasure. Not pulling out, you could only lay there helplessly as his seed filled you, warm in contrast to the electricity he’d shot up your body just earlier. He didnt pull out, and laying in your chest, your heavy breathing didnt stop until he was asleep, collapsing on you and using you as support yet again.

Taking only a minute later to regain control of your senses, you shifted uncontrollably at his member inside of you, sending waves of pleasure every time you moved. Your wrists were restrained and you were stuck in this position till morning.

Achingly, you looked down at the boy, wondering how you would ever manage to escape.

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact hc #genshin impact oneshots #genshin headcanons #genshin impact scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin smut #scaramouche smut #genshin fluff #smut #writing

[fantasy-anatomy-analyst]

Any thoughts on centaur organs? Mabey because some parts are moved into the human half, a centaur could have larger lungs or heart(s) or mabey a more complex digestive system.

Oh i definitely think they have bigger lungs. I would leave most organs in place as they'd be in a horse or other ungulate, but move the stomach closer to the humanoid upper torso so the esophagus doesnt have to be as long. If you go full herbivore with them, they could also have multiple stomachs, like cows and other ruminants have. I dont think the internal anatomy would have to change too much though, since the upper torso is really not that much bigger than a horse's neck and so wouldn't require as much extra guts as you might assume. At least when I do centaurs, I try to think of them as a single cohesive creature rather than two separate creatures that have been fused together, so I dont think the upper torso would need its own lungs, heart, or "human" stomach. Frankly, it might not even need a full ribcage. Just a modified smaller one and some basic shoulder blade type bones to facilitate the arms.

Centaur anatomy is wacky lol and you can kinda do whatever you want with it. The only thing I really discourage is giving a centaur humanoid mammary glands. Makes no sense to me, to have the human breasts when the babies are probably far more horse-like in their development and would be able to feed from horse-like mammaries easier than being held up to humanoid breasts, or forcing the mother to kneel down for long periods of time just to breastfeed her baby. Plus, a baby like that needs A Lot of milk and humanoid breasts just cant get big enough without causing other issues like serious back pain and a lack of balance.

And that is my one major nitpick on centaurs lol do what you feel would work best otherwise, depending on your personal style preference for centaurs (human/horse combo, insectoid, alien, weirdly evolved chalicotheres like mine) but the human breasts are a pet peeve of mine haha so while I cant forcibly make everyone else follow me on that, I will be mildly annoyed if I see it.

#centaurs #fantasy anatomy

[axolotlsauce]

Okay so Im bored and autistic so im gonna rant about why lumity is great

(besides the obvious, which is that its a canon wlw ship in a disney property)

One of the things I HATE HATE HATE in media is a romance subplot that ends with the two people kissing and that’s just it. It infuriates me, because there are only 2 possible scenarios here.

1. The classic case of “kissing cause its in the script” aka “we’re pairing up the characters whose relationship only exists to fill a quota of what’s expected from a mainstream piece of media, and this kiss signifies that the relationship is complete, happily ever after.” this is bad because I dont give a fuck about this pairing because you used western audiences automatic expectation for the most obvious het ship to just happen to just... skip the part where you write a story where the characters actually develop feellings, because you know the audience will see a sexy male actor and a sexy female actor be co-leads and naturally assume that they’ll be the endgame relationship. This is lazy and boring

2. You actually did write the couple well, and I’m invested in their relationship. They have chemistry and their relationship develops well across the story, and they’re cute enough together for me to write at least three fanfics. In which case. Having the subplot end with the big kiss is just fucking cheating me. You gave me this whole story to want to see them be together. and then the second they came together, you ended the story. that’d be like if you built up a villain for the entire story and the protagonist killed them with their first attack. I wasn’t excited to see those characters kiss once and then be satisfeid with the knowledge that they will be together in the happily ever after: I WANTED TO SEE A CUTE ON-SCREEN COUPLE

And then there are the issues common with both of these: - A big kiss is a cliched and unrealistic way to start a relationship. for most relationships, getting together officially and the first kiss are seperate milestones, and cmon that’s way more interesting - The big kiss start relationship is always at the fucking climax because OF COURSE you cant dedicate any time to actually showing the couple, and then they’re usually broken up or physically distant in the sequel because GOD FORBID you write an actual relationship happening ONSCREEN. (like seriously why are you putting a relationship into a story just for the sake of having a romantic subplot when its so clear you have no interest in acutally writing a romantic subplot) - This leads to writers dragging out the relationship so it can happen at the end, when it would probably make more sense, both metatextually and in universe, for the characters to get together earlier. this is ESPECIALLY egregious in TV shows which are longer than movies, and thus more likely to pad out the relationship preamble with willtheywontthey BULLSHIT

and yet lumity. avoids all of this. everyhting I hate in fictional relationships isn’t present

For one thing, the romantic tension doesn’t start the second they meet, because it’s an enemies-to-lovers ship, so instead the focus with their interactions is initially antagonistic, but there’s a focus on how luz changes amity, and we also see their crushes on one another naturally develop and we actually get to see the chemistry they have with each other

The “oh shit they kissed” moment was a kiss on the cheek, and then when they got together officially it wasn’t a big kiss in the climax after defeating belos because that’s not engaging and also that’s not what teenage romance is like. Having them get together in a slower, lower-stakes episode where they just. ask each other out like normal kids is so much more engaging 

And then. Ever since that ep. We’ve got to, you know, SEE THEM BE ADORABLE GIRLFRIENDS. The thing that lumity shippers ACTUALLY WANTED

in conclusion, this is a well paced romance between 2 characters who have great chemistry with each other, which isn’t the highest bar and yet the owl house has cleared it better than so so many other shows

#the owl house #lumity #luz #amity

[ethernetchord]

lets talk: popular iwwv criticism

(disclaimer: i know criticism is subjective and thats why im doing this, i wanna look at some common points made against iwwv and dissect them just a little bit in the opposite direction. also none of this is directed at any individual- it’s all based on the general talking points i’ve seen surrounding the book.)

SPOILER WARNING !!

lack of exploration into james and oliver (+ gay characters feel performative)

i’ve seen loads of people say that oliver and james’ relationship felt very performative, a way of including the queer romnce which clearly is very important to the plot but not actually giving it any space in the novel, nor developing it to the same extent which meredith/oliver was.

oliver and meredith had a very strictly physical relationship and while he did love her, he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with james. the juxtaposition in the way that oliver/james is delivered and the way meredith/oliver is delivered is, i believe, far too repetitive to not be intentional. i actually realised upon re-reading how much focus there really is on meredith’s sexuality, even in subtleties in the book. meredith and oliver get more blatant sex scenes, get more physical parts because oliver was (to an extent) using his attraction to meredith to distract himself from his infatuation with james.

we also have to remember that oliver and james didn’t get their real moment of honesty about their relationship till extremely late into the book. i’d honestly see it as more ‘performative’ to then after or in the middle of kind lear throwing in some wild sex scene between the two. it wouldn't have fit.

“why didn’t james and oliver get together earlier then >:(((“ because the slow burn between them, the subtext, the subtle-ness, the yearning, they were all crucial to the decision which oliver made at the end. the fact that they burned so bright for each other but (oliver particularly) were so desperately repressed, that was what made this such a tragic romance. yes its tiring to read stories about queer people being repressed, yes its tiring to see the bury your gays trope. but like oliver says, it goes beyond gender.

if oliver’s second love interest was a girl, and treated this way, we’d be a lot more on board with these tropes- but the fact that james is a man, and this therefor becomes a queer relationship, makes it feel performative. i can’t convince you of anything- but i like to believe that their relationship being treated like this not only makes it so much more “heart wrenching because why! why couldn’t it work out, why couldn’t it be better!” - not because its a queer relationship but because they were soulmates.

alexander wasn’t performative. not in the slightest, rio just didn’t make being gay his entire identity. same goes for colin. just because they’re queer doesn’t mean it needs to be the only thing about them. this isn’t a lgbt novel- characters dont have to be gay just for plot. they can just be gay.

i’ve also seen people complain about not just making oliver bisexual. guys. did you read the book? he was bisexual. he was emotionally and physically attracted to both meredith and james. guys that’s literally what bisexual means.

i'm totally on board with the coming out scenes! and realisation of feelings and all that stuff- but again, not an lgbt centric novel and also- these were things oliver probably did and realised far before this book. remember that its set in 4th year, at an art school. he knew he was fruity ok. not every queer character in every queer book have to have these grandious coming out scenes or realisations. the lack there of doesn’t equal performance.

the ending was rushed and bad

believe what you will, but i don’t think james is dead. there’s a little too much ambiguity in that ending, in the extract he leaves oliver, in the “his body was never found.” so if your main quarrel with the ending is that “bury your gays” situation- please know there’s a chance- and that giving it that chance opens up so much more discussion and reader response.

yes, the ending is sad. but it’s not rushed. “but that is how a tragedy like ours or king lears breaks your heart- by making you believe the ending might still be happy until the very last second.” doing king lear, doing macbeth, doing romeo and juliet, the plays are chosen not only for reader convenience (they’re plays readers will most likely be familiar with) but also because they all, so very deeply, foreshadow a “bad” ending. killing james, makes sense. as much as people don’t want to hear it, from an authorial perspective- from the reader’s perspective and as a human being it makes sense. why do keep arguing that he “should’ve stayed alive for oliver” or that “if he really loved oliver he wouldn’t have done it” - why are we limiting a character’s entire existence down to their love interest. yes, they were best friends, yes they were set up as lovers but that doesn’t mean that that would be enough to keep james around. james was a fragile character- he was always checking with oliver if he had upset him, he was always worried, overthinking, james wasn’t strong minded- and he was suffering. the only person he had left to depend on was in prison, he was plagued with the guilt of causing the death of a classmate and letting oliver take the blame, if he did kill himself, it sure as hell doesn’t have any reason to sound forced.

“its not nearly as good as the secret history!!!!”

to be honest here buds, why the fuck do we keep comparing them so insistently. they are not the same book. iwwv wasn’t trying to be tsh 2.0, yes there are similarities because hey! guess what! books in similar genres tend to do that! always comparing it tsh when they have different motives, different plots and vastly different execution makes no sense. the only reason that they are compared is because tumblrtm dark academics like to group the two together. and yea- makes sense, but stop trying to belittle iwwv because it isn't as grandiose as tsh, because it’s a little more literal, because it’s not as intertextual as tsh. half the people saying iwwv isn’t as good as tsh are practically just subtly going “shakespeare isn’t as complicated as ancient greek huehue” stop forcing the two together and let them be separately appreciated.

the characters were flat/archetypes/etc

sigh. okay.

these characters are actors. this book shows us their transition from themselves entirely into a conjunction of the roles they’ve played and the stereotypes they’ve portrayed.

“we were so easily manipulated - confusion made a masterpiece of us.”

“for us, everything was a performance”

“imagine having all your own thoughts and feelings tangled up with all the thoughts and feelings of a whole other person. it can be hard, sometimes, to sort out which is which.”

“far too many times i had asked myself whether art was imitating life or if it was the other way around”

“it’s easier now to be romeo, or macbeth, or brutus, or edmund. someone else.”

are you seeing it now? this focus on their archetypes, this focus on the character they are; the way they see themselves not merely as human but as a walking concoction of every character they have turned into and out of. they depend on their archetypes to give them meaning. rio uses these archetypes to remind us of the submersion of her characters. they weren’t flat, their intentional lack of dimension due to their pasts is what makes them so intricate. furthermore, there's an evident subversion- the tyrant becomes a victim, the hero becomes a villain (they all become villains really), the ingenue becomes corrupted. like mentioned before, i think we forget ourselves easily reading this book but there is a great deal of emphasis on this being their last year- which is so important. the damage has been done and a lot of the issues people have with the content (or lack thereof) in this book has to do with the fact that it’s all things that would have occurred in books focusing on previous years at delletcher.

“it didn't live up to expectation” (also leading on from read tsh to this and being ‘disappointed’)

i cant argue this because its entirely subjective. whatever expectation was created for you, i cannot know that and appropriately respond however- if you liked the secret history and understood the secret history then there's a good chance you also liked and understood this book- even if not to the same extent but you must be able to recognize the authorial approach and its significance. i think a lot of ppl read iwwv (and a lot of “dark academia” texts and films) and hope to be able to romanticize the aesthetic or the concepts and then are disappointed when they are presented with mildly unlikeable and overwhelmingly human characters who aren’t easy to romanticize.

a great majority of these books are criticisms of the very culture you’re trying to romanticize, and the only time you’re willing to admit that is when boasting about the ‘self-awareness’ of the people indulging in them, and then a moment later complain about those same qualities because they don’t serve this idealized expectation.

bad rep for arts/liberal arts/ humanities students as being pretentious/cultish

as a humanities student with a great love for eng lit- all of these things are indeed pretentious and cultish. not all the time and not always and not every person- but it is a common theme. academia is overwhelmingly obsessive and extremely white-washed. people become so fast to believe that they are indulging in finer arts and are therefore a higher standard of person. academia is problematic. and the recent influx of people interested in it is good, very good because hopefully, we’ll be more diverse, more open-minded, more accepting. that's what i hope at least. if you know, as an individual, that you’re not a pretentious academic who places themselves above non-academics then that's wonderful- but there are dangers and negative sides to academia that need to be understood so that we can see to not perpetuating them.

i cant refute all points, mostly because there's a lot of good and well-explained criticism because no book is perfect. and my intentions are not to belittle anyone's opinion. these are merely opposing arguments, food for thought and to be fair- a critical look into why not everything is always going to be what we expect of it and why every ‘problem’ can be assessed.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv critism #book review #tsh #dark academia #fanart

[shit-scfandom-did]

so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

#anons

[eremiie]

i saw this post here and just wanted to dissect everything lmao

aot 139 spoilers 

“Eren admits that he literally killed 80% of the world’s population, he then says he only did it so it would look like eldians stopped a threat”

eren admit to killing 80% of the population bc he did... he’s admitting to what he did, and he says that he wanted to paint them to be the heroes— but not only did he do that, he ended the curse of ymir and gained freedom for his people. it wasn’t just to paint them as heroes

“He also did it so the rest of the world couldnt murder them”

he didn’t “also” do it for that reason, it was an effect, the rumbling ended up killing so many people that they can’t wage war on the eldians like eren says, it keeps them a little safe which they needed especially since some of humanity knows that paradis is what started the rumbling. it’s a cause and effect type thing. because eren killed 80% of the population that remaining population won’t be able to retaliate and try to kill the eldians since there are so little of them

the tybur family is treated like some of martyr and apparently pulling the strings which led to the deaths of millions of innocent eldians was actually a GOOD thing

this scene was interpreted wrong, armin says “...so you want us to be like the tyburs after the great titan war? we’re supposed to protect paradis from reprisal from humanity outside the walls?” he’s asking eren if that’s what they’re gonna do, he never says it’s a good thing. then that’s when eren explains that either way so much of humanity is destroyed that they wouldn’t be able to retaliate if they wanted to

Armin THANKS him for it

armin thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.” 

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free. 

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind. 

“Armin is more upset with Eren saying he doesnt know how he feels about Mikasa moving on than mass genocide”

once again, armin isn’t all that upset with eren because he understands that eren had a path laid out for him that he had no choice to follow. the point of eren committing mass genocide keeps getting brought up as if it’s not know that mass genocide is a terrible thing. it is and that’s why everyone was so angry about it from the get go, that’s why that one plan of blackmailing humanity with the rumbling and not actually go through with it was brought up once— because they knew how cruel it is. armin knew how cruel it is as i believe it was him who brought that up

he’s upset with eren about mikasa’s feelings in like a banter kind of way. it’s like “this whole entire time this is how you felt but you couldn’t tell her that and let her suffer???? don’t forget what you said to her, she went through hell!” kind of thing. they had already talked about the whole mass genocide thing, mikasa was the next topic of discussion

“Eren then finally shows some fucking emotion and cries abt how he doesn’t want mikasa to be with anyone but him”

in another post i say, "okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.” 

eren is still that s1-3 eren, season 4 eren just had to put his emotions aside so he could walk on the path that ymir put in front of him. 

him crying over mikasa was one of his selfish desires coming to light, and it was realistic. it’s finally dawning on him that he’s gonna die, he’s finally getting to sit down and ponder about mikasa, he’s getting desperate, he’s panicking, and that compassion that he’s always had for his friends is showing through again. this gives realism to his character— it makes his character all the more human. one second he’s complaining about how he doesn’t want to die and wants to be with his friends bc its crashing on him, and the very next second he’s trying to be at peace with himself, realising that the only way to atone for what he caused is by dying. one second he’s complaining about how he wants miksa to be with anyone but him, the next second he’s coming to terms with himself and that mikasa needs to move on, because he loves her and wants her to live a long and happy life even if it means without him. the selfishness that showed for that mere second makes his character realistic. it shows that he’s still whiny, that little whiny angry boy from s1-3. he was never heartless and he was never cold. he was and is still eren jaeger, and you get a glimpse of the eren we know in that scene.

The founder ymir was apparently in love with the king???? another women stupidly devoted to a man, great.

i’m not too in depth with ymirs story so im not gonna speak too much about this because i myself do wish that whole love thingy went more into depth. i get how mikasa and ymir parallel each other, but other than that i’m not too sure myself, and i’ll admit that. it could be a case of stockholm syndrome, it could be that bc ymir was infatuated with living and she was confined to such a familial role she wanted to live in that role again with the king bc he’s the only person who gave her that familial lifestyle. i’m not sure. but if anything mikasa was im pretty sure the only character “devoted” to a man in aot. and it was because of the role eren played in her life, she’s not a bad written character, she has her developement. which i explain here

apparently mikasa’s unhealthy devotion to eren is what took her out of it????? in fact the series overly romanticizes mikasa’s love for eren despite the two having no chemistry and eren being an ass to her

in a sense, but that’s a simple minded way of saying it. ymir’s devotion to king fritz was unhealthy, eren describes it as “agony of love” because it was pretty unhealthy obvi. like i said ymir and mikasa parallel each other, and seeing mikasa be able to let go and kill the one she loves was that realization for ymir that she was able to do the same thing— that’s how i interpret that scene personally.

and in mikasa doing so, killing eren lifts that curse of ymir and frees ymir regardless, so ymir was happy about that as well. thanks to mikasa for cutting eren’s head off. 

the series doesn’t necessarily over romanticize mikasa’s love for eren in my opinion. how i see it is that since eren is a big part of mikasa’s character he was necessary for her development as well, and her development was to let eren go because of how infatuated she was with him. this being said the series points out how unhealthy the way she loved him was especially in s1-3, and her love becomes more healthy when she gets her development in chap 139, finally being able to let eren go and move on. compare that to in the s1 when eren almost dies and she’s ready to die as well. thats development if you ask me. 

one of the themes of the show is sacrifice, and almost every character has made one, mikasa sacrifices eren— she kills him and she chooses to go through with that decision despite how much she loves him. 

eren was definitely mean to mikasa in s1-3 because she was overbearing, and thats one reason why i say the way she loved him was unhealthy at first. eren wasn’t able to reciprocate her love in the way that she loved him because it wasn’t healthy. eren also wasn’t able to reciprocate it because the last thing he was focused on was the concept of love. once again he had a path laid out for him that he had no choice but to follow, and mikasa didn’t have any play in this path until the very end, so the boy who keeps moving forward does just that and doesn’t pay her much mind, doesn’t get to sit down and think about his feelings for her, what she is to him.

(and i dont think i even need to explain the “mikasa i’ve always hated you seen, the chapter covers that enough)

they do have chemistry time to time, the eren v dina fritz scene, the scarf scene, “what am i to you”, little stuff like that goes into play and gives them these little sparks of chemistry. they couldn’t always grasp onto the full scope of the relationship they had and it was only some times they were able to do that with everything going on.

apparently the titans are just gone now….??? i cant even tell if its because Eren died or because Mikasa really made Ymir calm down

... eren controlling rumbling, eren dies rumbling stops, ymir finally lifts curse bc 1) eren died 2) shes able to come to realization that like mikasa lets eren go, she needs to let fritz go and the curse go. ymir lifts curse, eren’s goal is complete, if titan curse is lifted there are no more titans

Characters who murdered thousands and were the cause for AOT’s entire plot in the first place are now treated as heroes to the eldians… despite the shit that they did.

everyone in aot did some “shit” they all are murders, eren commited mass genocide, reiner commited mass murder, annie murdered so many people, reiner, armin destroyed thousands of people in one go, they all have killed somebody. they are seen as “heros” because they stopped the rumbling that was going to kill everyone else...... idk about you but if you just saved me from a horrid death, my racist opinion on you doesn’t really matter because you just saved my fucking life lmao, yes despite the shit that you did— because they have killed people too, and they were ready to kill the eldians still until armin told them that they killed eren, that they saved their lives and eliminated titans for good.... like whew???

the series went from “The military is cool” to “the military did a lot of fucked up shit” to “the military is SUPER cool”, and buffed it up

i’m not really sure where you got that tbh,, like the military wasn’t really a big thing up until the whole marleyan thing??? and they didn’t have much plot in the story besides it existing so like i’m not sure what to say ab this, i can’t really remember many times the military was even mentioned until now, but if anyone wants to elaborate on this for me that’d be nice

oh and they buffed up the military because since paradis had eren jaeger who started the rumbling, just in case, they had to be ready to fight again if the rest of humanity wanted to do something. after marley they updated all their technology, why can’t they update the military as well? it’s realistic, new weapons, new military, and all that

The military was buffed up bc the eldians are scared of the rest of the world retaliating, so Eren didn’t really fix shit except giving the Eldians an upper hand in the war

eren jaeger was the one who always screamed “i will kill all titans, we will get freedom” ya de ya de ya.... didn’t he do both of those things????? i thought those were some of his main goals as a character, he fixed those issues, the issues that have been issues since the start of the show

the rest of humanity don’t know the full scope like the eldians or marleyans, they’re probably just as scared and like in real life not all nations are at peace with one another. this is just another realistic factor— attack on titan is becoming a world closest to the real one we live in, there are militaries, there are still conflicts, there is still all these little aspects that bring the manga even more to life.

in my opinion it’d lowkey be weird if the rest of the world was just like “oh yeah those mfs that started the rumbling we love them haha” no... it killed 80% of the population like eren said... that’s not something to love.

Historia has a really disturbing speech about how the fight isnt going to end until either the Eldians or the rest of the world are exterminated, despite Gabi has an entire arc about her being deradicalized and learning to see the other side of things.

and yes i am not kidding, the heroic conclusion is that there’s still going to be a war, eldians are going to commit mass genocide (which was proposed by eren) and people straight up thank eren for the evil shit he did.

“this fight will not end until either eldia or the world dissapears. this is what eren said and he may be right.” she doesn’t say that it’s for sure gonna be a fight until one or the other is wiped out, she says there’s a possibility of this being the case because of the fact that these nations aren’t at complete peace yet. 

not everyone is gonna be able to see the other side of things, and this applies to the whole word— us as humans will never be able to agree on one thing, and that’s what this shows. no matter what the cycle of hatred will always continue, and this applies to real life and this manga. we are human beings and that’s what makes what historia says even more real. “this is the world we live in, a world without titans.” titans are no longer their conflict. now it’s only like the real word— humans against humans, and as far as humanity existed it’s always been humans against humans. historia’s speech shows that.

the heroic conclusion is that as a human race nothing will always be agreed upon, eldians are going to fight if they need to like our military fights when they need to. people are thanking eren for freeing them and ending the curse of titans that they suffered with for 2000 years. nobody’s thanking him for his actions of mass genocide, they are thanking him for the motive behind his actions, and thats what makes him so heroic.

that he endured and did something so terrible so that anybody who lives after him can be free, and humanity can continue existing as humanity should’ve existed from the beginning.

and that concludes this for me, thanks for reading<3.

#attack on titan #snk 139 #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

[bratz-kitten]

Hey girl, i need some advice and i hope you can help me. I don’t know if you’ve been through this but i guess so bc i saw some asks ago where you were talking about this and yeah

How do i deal with someone i love (ex partner) moving on so quickly and being with another girl?

And like, when that happened to you did you compare yourself to that girl? Because that’s also a huge issue of mine, im always comparing myself to her and stalking them like ugh HELP

OKAY FUCKING PREPARE YOURSELF

the first thing you’re gonna do is, hear me out: you’re not gonna get involved with ANYONE. not for a good while, not until you’re ready. trust me when i say that the one who moves on the fastest after the breakup is the one that’ll suffer the most. even though it might not seem like it now, even though he might be experiencing happiness right now, in some months reality’s gonna hit and it’s gonna hit him hard. why? because he didn’t process the breakup. he didnt allow himself the time to get over you and just moved on so he wouldn’t have to deal with the bad feelings. literally a few months after what happened to me, his best friend texted me saying how he tried covering up a huge hole with a quick bandaid and now he was realizing how it had only been a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

the second reason why you’re not gonna get involved with anyone else is because that’s what he’s expecting you to do. he immediately moved on to someone else in part to hurt you — and he WANTS you to move on with someone else so that he can feel the satisfaction of you trying to replace him. it’ll boost his ego and it’ll make it easier for him to warp his perception of you into someone who he doesn’t respect.

if there’s one thing i know is that men always come back, no matter how toxic or healthy what you had was. they come back when they sense you getting over them, they come back when they see how amazing you’re doing, they come back when they realize how much they messed up.

so what you’re gonna do is focus on yourself. im not just talking about a physical glow up, im talking mental. when i went through that i couldnt stop comparing myself to her, i used to have an amazing confidence but i let myself shatter it, constantly feeling like i wasn’t enough, like i wasn’t loveable, like i was replaceable just because he replaced me. you know what helped? working on my individuality. right now im focusing so much on developing my style, wearing things out of my comfort zone, things that make me happy, things that make me feel so sexy and confident. unique things. working on my makeup skills too and how to express myself with makeup. skincare and haircare too, there’s something so healing about taking care of yourself and being gentle and dedicating all the love and care you deserve and start seeing results. go watch hyram on youtube if you want to learn about skincare! it’s so much fun. about the mental part: astrology has helped me so much. you gotta be infatuated with yourself, with learning more about you and your past and your traumas and unhealed shit that you need to acknowledge and work on. also manifestation and saying daily mantras to myself about how pretty and smart and interesting i feel, and listening to music that makes me feel sexy. i find exercise boring bc i need to be constantly stimulated so what i started doing was dancing to just dance videos on youtube and now i cant stop LOL ITS SO FUN, gets my blood pumping makes me feel sexy when im dancing to rihanna songs AHDJDJDJ and makes me feel more energized. and for the love of god: PLEASE get a hobbie. you don’t need to do a lot right now, just ONE. hobbies give you so much self-worth and make you feel so capable and like you’re art creating art - i dont want to be cheesy but it is true that interesting people have interests, this is the time for you to get into something you’ve always wanted to do or that you used to love doing as a child but stopped because life got in the way.

i also want you to allow yourself to feel. don’t repress - whenever you want to cry, cry. whenever you miss him, allow yourself to. whenever you remember all the amazing things he did, or all the terrible things he did, or that YOU did, allow yourself to feel all that. time heals nothing, it’s you who’s gotta put in the work to heal yourself.

also, this is the time to focus on your friendships. join an online community or talk with your current friends, talk with them through what happened, be with people who can make you laugh just as hard as he did. communicate all that you feel to them, about your past, about how much you love them, doesn’t matter.

a thing that i did that helped so much was that i’d imagine him coming back and begging me to get back together with him, and i’d imagine being at a point that i felt so good by myself, that i was so confident and so focused on my shit that i’d tell him no. and eventually i became that girl, who was over him and deserved so much more than some childish kid who thinks i’m replaceable, and that’s exactly when he came back. so, please remember that just because you feel like he replaced you, it doesnt mean he did. you are irreplaceable, unfuckwitable, unlinkable, way too good for ANYONE.

and PLEASE STOP WITH THE STALKING LMFAO THAT’S THE WORST PART OF ALL, IT’S SO HARD TO STOP STALKING AND TO NOT ANALYZE EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HE LIKES AND TWEETS AND EVERYTHING THAT SHE POSTS BUT YOU’RE GONNA STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. you dont need to block them, there’s an option on twitter that lets you silence them so you’ll never see them on your tl, if it’s on other social medias where you can’t silence, unfollow and block. know that it doesn’t matter who’s prettier or smarter or hotter, SHE’S NOT YOUR COMPETITION. know that as much as you’re comparing yourself to her, she’s comparing herself to you ten times worse. sending your pics to her friends asking them if they think you’re pretty and shit. she’s not your enemy and it’s not her fault he’s an asshole. so you’ll just let them completely out of your life. also, out of sight out of mind. avoid seeing him. if you have work together or school together or ride the bus together or whatever, avoid all the places where you know he’ll be. make an effort to never be around the same places as him.

i wish you good luck my love, know that you’re the shit, literally the hottest and smartest bitch alive and that’s something he’ll never be able to take away from you. this is what helped me through the worst times, so take it with a grain of salt pls im not an expert. I LOVE YOU

#answered

[gayspock]

SORRY MY READ MORE DIDNTWORK

so heres the thing yeah

ive been wanting more civilian content. however with this ep i feel like... whenever bsg does actually DO try to do it... i dont like it. LOL.

granted, its not often enough for me to really make a call on it ubt like- i dont know. im thinking of this instance, and the other instances they've involved civilian issues and like... i just have always kinda not vibed with it and..

honestly? you KNOW what i think it might be. i think it might be a case of like... i just feel like the show itself ironically has a bit of a disdain for them. do you know what i mean? i feel like when we do get to see the civilian side of things, its always as either as an a) aside to the main show or b) an inconvenience, and rarely an interesting one - not something it actually wants to explore in much depth. all the people that show up are kind of weird caricatures. the problems they bring up are kind of belittled - and not just by ppl like tigh, but kind of written off by the show itself.

which again- i call ironic because half the time theyre trying to emphasise the importance of the civilian fleet and their rights. but like... the show doesnt really take them that seriously? or present them as such???? like i think zarek is also kind of like the bigger example im thinking of here, and one of the weaker parts of the show. he's pretty much representative of all of the issues with them.

though granted OMG that- that fr sounds like im being negative as hell but gosh it might just be this episode because real talk i havent rlly actively disliked any (i found that one where ellen was introduced weird, but i didnt hate it) but oh this one sucks LOL

and again going back to that thing i said- its not even about the damn civilians. this is like.... all about apollo, really?? and going on a little side quest with him that hardly makes sense?? and can i be real? i dont HATE him i dont but like... i just dont give a shit about him. LOL. SORRY. i think i liked him in the miniseries but since then i havent really cared. he's boring me. and shit- i thought maybe, after he was vented into space, i might kind of develop an interest in him as he struggled with the fallout from that but like uhm

no ... sorry...... this is not how you endear me to him. LOL.

like what even is this... why are we giving him all these women to screw & screw over... i dont care.... and again this whole civilian plot is stupid as helllllll... like. i BELIEVE fully there's horrible shit going on in the civilian fleet- and i wanna see it properly, and explore that not like.. go on some weird murder mystery, involved with the mob... 😭and why did you kill the other pegasus bloke. i kinda liked him . THIS IS SUCH A SHAME I USUALLY LOVE IT WHEN A SHOW LIKE THIS TRIES TO GENREBEND . AND AGAIN WHY IS LEE EVEN THE ONE DOING THIS HELP THIS IS SO MESSY

especiaalllyyyy with the dodgy attempts at flash forward/flash backwards and the filters. sorry i HATE poorly used flash sequences like that - they for real give me the ick... theyre sooo clumsy even normally but here it's like 100x worse bc half of them are about nothinggggggggggg .... stop trying to be cleverrr come on you dont have to do that. kiss me instead?

bu tbh i feel like bsg might just not have the flexibility to genre bend like this. going back to that other episode i didnt like (tigh me up, tigh me down? i think?) i remember i felt like they were trying to be funny but it just came off as weird LOL and poorly done

and thats fine tbh it doesnt have to beit can just do what it does best and do it well but omg help... guyyssssss, get a grip!

anyway im gonna go finih the spidoe i just couldnt not say anything help. honestly. i cant even fault it though because like this is the first one i havent rlly liked at all . and tbh most other shows ive watched will have a load of clunkers so eh. shrug.

i will say i do hope they properly explore lee more after this bc like i said i was kinda interested in really honing in his mental state so we can get #real with the guy but i also hope we dont have to carry too much of whatever the hell else is going on here forward bc its like i dont careeee about his women why on earth

like also yeah why on earth has none of this ever come up like ok granted we dont just sit everyone down and chat like that but it just feels weird like im not talking abt his sudden shift in attitude like fuck.again i'd be ok with them exploring like. onset depression or whateber the issues are post being vented from the blackbird .BUT his girlies im so confused like if he has such a significant relationship whys it just never...... ok whatever....... ok

#Egg.txt #bsg liveblog #DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES REMIND ME OF #SNAPS FINGERS... #you know that episode of Lost? with jack? and the tattoos? #same vibes #like totally unnecessary... focusses way too much on the boring guy they push too hard with no other substance.... etc... like eh