Witch Patton One-shots
Part 2
Ao3
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Patton has magic. But, that doesn’t mean he knows how to use it
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Janus hissed in comfort, under his heat lamp and on his blanket.
Patton was sleeping, and so was the other human, who he’d since learned was called Roman.
Roman was still annoying, if Janus was honest. Still making a lot of jokes at his height.
The door to the bedroom was ajar, like always, letting a small stream of light into the bedroom from where the living room lamp was always left on
Janus didn’t understand why humans had so many different kinds of rooms. There was the kitchen, to prepare food (Janus didn’t go in there often, he didn’t need to eat), there was the bathroom, for bathing, but Janus had never been in there, because humans were strange creatures and decided they needed to keep their bodies hidden from others.
There was the living room, which was for talking and ‘hanging out’ in. They did that in the other rooms as well, so Janus didn’t understand the purpose. But it had comfy blankets and cushions, and it was warm, so he didn’t care. There were the bedrooms, as well. Private rooms for sleeping, and ‘chilling out’. This one, Janus understood ever so slightly more
He hated being bothered when he was sleeping, so he didn’t mind that the bedrooms were private.
There was noise in the bedroom now.
He cracked an eye open, and surveyed the room. Oh, that was the source of the noise
He opened his eyes fully. Patton seemed to be having some kind of night terror
Janus absolutely didn’t care about the human that had cursed him into such a tiny body, but he had found that Patton’s magic got stronger when he was emotional. Even after he’d stopped holding his magic inside, the number of magical accidents didn’t seem to decrease that much
He looked at the human, and he could feel the magic starting to spark off of him
Hm.
Well, he certainly needed to wake him up, to prevent any further damage to the room, but he really, really did not want to be cursed a second time.
He slithered towards the second human’s bedroom. Better Roman than him, he decided, before entering the room.
They had a lot of memorabilia from something Janus didn’t know or care about.
He woke them up and directed them towards Patton’s room to deal with the nightmare.
He watched from a safe distance as they tried to wake Patton up, and got hit by a stray beam of magic.
Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips as he saw what happened to the annoying human.
Or, rather more accurately at the moment, cat. Now a little orange cat, they were sitting dazed on the ground.
Janus found this a rather fitting form for them.
Of course, he’d still be able to hear what they were saying, being a creature of nature magic, but he’d be the only one.
Patton woke up a little while later, and stared at the cat on the ground
“Huh? How…?”
Patton looked over at Janus, who had curled up rather comfortably after adequately making fun of Roman
“Janus, how did this cat get in,”
Janus opened his eyes, and smiled.
“Well, that’s a good question,” he responded simply, closing his eyes again
“Janus..” Patton said, with a sort-of warning to his words
He rolled his eyes, and looked up at his human friend
“Fine,” he relented “your magic lashed out while you were sleeping, and Roman tried to wake you up” he laughed
“Rather stupid of him, if you ask me,” he added
Roman’s eyes snapped towards him
“You told me to, you slimy snake!” Roman shouted, words coming out more like a yowl to anything but Janus
Patton looked between them with visible confusion
“So… Roman’s a cat now? Oh gosh, how am I gonna explain this to Virgil?”
Janus rolled his eyes at the mention of the humans’ other friend.
He wasn’t too fond of them, since he wasn’t allowed to roam freely or as himself, rather than a regular snake when they were in the apartment.
Roman was still yowling about something or other, and Janus slithered away.
Patton approached him a little while later
“Janus, since I know that you can understand animals, and therefore you know what Roman is saying, I’m gonna need your help, is that okay?”
Janus, instead of responding, simply hissed at the orange cat that was in Patton’s arms
Roman hissed back at him, swiping a claw towards him
Janus turned away indignantly
“Alright, both of you stop that. You’re acting like kids, and I want you to at least attempt to get along with each other, or you’re both going to have to be stuck like this,” Patton said disapprovingly, gesturing to their cursed forms
Janus definitely didn’t pout
“Fine, but I’m not happy about it,” he replied
Roman also mumbled an agreement
Roman was set down on the couch, next to Janus, who definitely didn’t glare
Patton cleared his throat
“Alright, so I have some questions about what exactly happened, so, Janus, you tell me what happened first, and then you need to translate Roman’s answer for me, okay?”
Janus crossed his arms
“What if I don’t want to?” He challenged. Patton stared at him disapprovingly
Eventually, he agreed
“Basically, you were having a nightmare or something, and then Roman came in to help you, and then you cursed him. That’s it,” he said, casually
He could feel Roman’s glare, before Roman told him what to say for his side of the story
“I was sleeping peacefully, and then Baby Snake over here came in and woke me up, and practically dragged me to your room” he said
Janus felt his anger spike at the Baby Snake comment
“So, he’s saying that he came into your room completely of his own accord, and happened to get cursed,” he said, instead of saying what he was told to
Roman started shouting, or yowling rather, at him
“I did not, you are a liar, you-!”
Patton looked between them and sighed, cutting off Roman’s angry tirade
“Alright, I’m getting the sense that Janus might not have given an accurate translation, is that right, Roman?”
The cat traitorously nodded. Janus hissed
“He’s lying to slander my name,” he hissed out, turning his face away
Patton rubbed at his temple
“Listen, I can sense your emotions and it’s pretty obvious to me when you’re lying, so please just tell me the truth,” he asked, practically begging. He sounded tired
“Alright, fine, I lied, but- but he called me Baby Snake again!” He complained dramatically, watching Patton’s disapproving stare move to be focused on Roman instead
Roman grumbled about how he should be able to call Janus whatever nicknames he wanted since it was Janus’s trickery that got him in the situation
Janus hissed more viciously.
Patton’s magic seemed to be reacting, meaning that Patton was getting some kind of emotional reaction.
“Alright, you two try not to kill each other, I’m going to get ready for work, and you two are going to stay here, and preferably think of a cover story for us for where you,” he pointed at Roman “have suddenly disappeared to, and why I’ve suddenly acquired a cat, is that clear?”
Patton’s voice sounded firmer than usual, less like the soft voice he often used. It sounded more like a scolding parent.
It was probably because of all of the stress of the morning. Janus relented, and nodded
He could see Roman nodding in agreement as well, looking just as guilty as Janus
The second that Patton left the door to go to work ten minutes later, they both turned to each other
“You are a rude, deceitful little snake,” Roman mewed at him
Janus crossed his arms
“And you are a very rude and annoying human- oh, sorry, I mean little kitty cat,” he hissed out, coiling up
The argument dragged on for hours, with neither of them admitting that they were wrong. And Janus was absolutely right for that, totally; Roman was the one in the wrong in entirety.
“I could attack you, you know,” Roman said matter-of-fact-ly, and rather suddenly after a while of silence “I have claws,”
Janus laughed at that, feeling more than a little amused
“You could try, but I’m sure you realise that I’d win that fight with ease, don’t you, kitty cat?” He teased, his hissing words sliding out of his mouth like a stream
“Oh, please, all you do is sit around and nap all day. You don’t even need to eat, so excuse me for doubting your hunting skills”
Janus couldn’t help the way his anger deepened
“I’ll have you know that I occasionally partake in hunting to help the local ecosystem be the best it can be, and I think you should know that I am very, very good at it,”
He let the implied threat linger in the air. Roman’s claws were kneading the cushion below him, and piercing the silence.
“Besides,” Janus added “this body is new to you. I’m experienced,”
Roman took some time to think of a response in his small brain, much to Janus’s amusement
“Yeah, well, you were a lot bigger when you were hunting, so I’m not sure you’ll be as good now that you’re all itty-bitty,”
Janus hissed
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, considering the prey I’m thinking of happens to also be, as you put it, itty-bitty,” he looked at Roman’s small body pointedly
“Okay, well, we’re not actually gonna attack each other, are we? Patton wouldn’t like that,” Roman, said, clearly realising that Janus was superior
“No, he wouldn’t like that, which is the only reason I haven’t attacked you yet,” Janus responded in his superiority
They went back to sitting in mostly silence for a while. Janus got cold and decided to leave the living room and go back to his blankets and lamp
He was napping by the time he heard very loud yowling from the living room
Roman trying to complain about Janus to Patton, it seemed. He couldn’t make out individual words
Of course, with the witch unable to understand cats, the complaining would be futile, unless Janus was to give an accurate translation of what exactly he was saying
Patton called him in
“Janus, would you very kindly be able to explain what Roman is trying to say?” Patton asked, and he turned to Roman
“Tell him that you threatened to attack me, and that you’ve been rude to me all day,”
Janus rolled his eyes
“He’s upset that after he threatened to attack me, I informed him who’d win that fight,” Janus said, adding truth to the words.
Roman yowled another complaint
“Is that what he said?” Patton asked, clearly not believing that Roman was saying things to incriminate himself
“Well, no, but it’s the truthful side of the story, his version is all lies and slander,”
Patton sighed.
“Will you two please just try to get along with each other? I know this isn’t an ideal situation, but I’d like you to get along, because otherwise it will just keep going on until you’re both miserable. Do you want that?”
Janus crossed his arms and perhaps did a little bit of sulking
“Now, does anyone have any ideas on how to explain this little incident?”
Janus looked at Roman
“We.. we could ask my brother for help?”
Janus translated
There was a small sidetrack when Patton had to ask why, exactly, Roman’s brother Remus knew about Patton’s magic (answer: Roman was predictably bad at secrets, much like how he was bad at not being insufferable, and told his brother everything)
Eventually, it was agreed that they’d say that Roman had decided to visit his brother for an undetermined amount of time, and Remus had agreed to cover for them.
Janus almost rolled his eyes, in fact the only reason he didn’t was that he and Roman were under careful supervision to make sure that they weren’t getting at each other’s throats
Patton had looked at his security camera’s feed, and had found that from the one side of the conversation he could understand, Janus hadn’t in fact started the argument and it was Roman who had threatened first.
Unfortunately, Janus was still told off for being mean about it.
Then came time to think of a name for the cat that Roman had turned into; they for some reason couldn’t call him Roman in front of people, as that would apparently cause a small amount of suspicion.
Janus wondered if there was some human rule against naming someone or something the same name as something else. He didn’t get it.
He yawned, starting to curl up. He started to nap once again, making up from being woken by Roman’s insistent meowing and complaining.
The next few days were annoying, much to Janus’s dismay. Not only could he not nap as much, but he had to hang around Roman to act as a translator. And, to top it all off, he got told off if he gave a wrong translation, even if his version was better
He would often hiss at the former human
Roman still slept on his own bed, which was great since it meant that Janus could have some peace and quiet in Patton’s bedroom
No one was very happy at this situation. As funny as it was at first, now that he had to help? No, thank you.
The name they had used for cat-Roman was Pumpkin, since they were both orange. Roman didn’t seem to mind it, but he was pretty much sulking all the time since he was cursed. Janus couldn’t relate, he was always perfectly composed.
—
@a-chilly-pepper @da3dm
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Whumptober day 9:
"Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days."
Polaroid | mistaken identity | "you're a liar."
Fandom: Sanders Sides (AU)
Prompts used: all
Oof this one took some creativity I didn't have lol, so pardon the names used. But welcome to Sanders sides superhero au, or rather, the aftermath of one.
…
Virgil's early years were an amalgamation of too many things. He gets anxious just thinking about it, a past only a select few even knew about. Virgil's eyes glance over to his mantle- and what a world it is for him to have a fireplace mantle- where a picture frame sits face down. Some days he can look upon it with nostalgia and a small smile, other days he can't see the faces, only the things they'd had to do.
He'd spent the last several years doing everything he hadn't been able to do then. Online classes galore, a normal job, a house, things so mundane and yet so freeing. He has a service cat- Ide is the only service cat he's ever heard of but she's special in more than one way so he supposes that makes sense- that helps him out in the day to day, to keep him from getting too overwhelmed.
He's been doing good recently too. He can answer Patton's weekly phone calls on the second ring with minimal heart palpitations, and he'd even been considering going to their next meet up.
He could already tell he'd never let himself live this down if he made it out.
He'd decided to go out for coffee, there was a deal going on and it was spooky season and Virgil had woken up feeling okay. He'd get his coffee, take Patton's call when it came, and get some work done, it would be a good day. He should really know better than to jinx himself like that.
He hadn't even made it to the coffee shop, had felt a shiver up his spine, couldn't even react before his head exploded with pain and his world dimmed. He thinks he sees Ide run off, hopes she's okay, before he can think of nothing at all.
When Virgil was a kid- and that's what they were, they were kids- he and five other of the neighborhood children had been out late one night. Virgil hadn't really chosen to come, had been kicked out and dragged along by Remus, ever excited to explore in the dark. It had happened like a movie really, some bright light, a crash, the whole dramatic speech from some being from another planet- an Alien named Thomas of all things, though maybe that's just what it sounded like to their ears.
Exposure to the crash had of course granted them powers. Powers they were expected to use to defend Earth again the foes that had followed Thomas. Virgil thinks the cosmic forces at play made the wrong choice, at least with him, but definitely for choosing kids. Still, for whatever reason, seeing the others put themselves in danger had stirred him the wrong way. He'd ended up fighting alongside them, it was rough but they'd somehow managed to survive.
So why, after several years of no longer being some stinken 'super hero' and living a semi-normal life, is he being kidnapped!?
"I see you're awake. Took you long enough, Sandine."
Ah… well frack. How the hell did this guy mix up Virgil with Thomas, Virgil is a complete mess.
"Yes, I know who you are. You and your team may have disappeared, but the impact you made stayed, I haven't forgotten what you've done. And now, finally, I can make you pay!"
Virgil almost wants to laugh, how ironic, the guy who fought only because he wanted to protect the others, is captured in place of one of them. What a world Virgil lives in.
"I'm sure you're wondering how I figured it out."
Damn, this dude had no idea how to do the villain thing, maybe Virgil is on a hidden camera show… one where head trauma is okay… so just an ameteur, Virgil could work with that, maybe.
The guy begins to pace in front of the tank he'd put Virgil in- one he can only assume has adtonium in it to keep his powers at bay- gearing up for a long speech. Virgil squirms in his binding, robe burn be damned, as he glares in the general direction of his kidnapper,
"You see, you all were not nearly as secretive as you thought! My uncle, a mere henchmen, was able to capture this photo!" He produces an actual polaroid from his person, wrinkled from years of handling, and though Virgil can't see it super clear through the tank, the costumes on the three figures are familiar, "You were stupid enough to remove your masks, and now, I have you. The great Sandine, captured at last, with no little team to save you. Your life will end, your powers will be mine, and those who oppose me will fall one by one!" His laugh is too pitchy, his speech boring, but Virgil is a little impressed. To find, capture, and contain one of them is a feat, and to supposedly have the technology to steal a power, well it's intriguing at least.
But he wont be getting the powers he thinks, and this guy will not be able to handle them in the slightest. But to do that, this guy needed to be convinced that Virgil was Thomas, so he should probably say something quippy and heroic…
"You're laugh sucks." Well… that was something at least.
"I'm telling you Logan, he hasn't missed a call in ages!" Patton paces in the kitchen, piles upon piles of cookies filling the counters, phone pressed between shoulder and ear.
"Patton, if you worry any more I will have to assume you are Virgil."
"This is not a joking matter Logan, but good job." He turns to place another tray down to cool when he sees something at his window, "uh… Logan, remind me, am I allergic to all cats or are alien ones an exception?" He squints, trying to see familiar markings.
"You know we have only met one alien animal, Patton so the results are inconclusive. However Ide was an exception, yes, why do you ask?"
"Because Ide is at my window, without Virgil, and something is definitely wrong!" He rushes to said window, throwing it open as Ide limps his way through, nerves twist his gut up like only a friend in danger can as the cat meows loudly. "Logan. Call the others." There's no room for argument in Patton's voice as he hangs up, something happened to Virgil.
"Just a few more adjustments and we'll test this baby out!"
"Wow, how embarrassing for you."
"Stop that! Gah, how the press thought you were an angel with that much snark I'll never know!"
"You just bring out the worst in me."
Virgil's wrists ache something terrible, rope having cut into skin at this point and he supposes he should be glad his jacket was taken from him before all this lest it be ruined now. He's eyeing the cliche laser gun above him, then the little drains in the floor and wondering idly if he expects a mess or if they'll be draining into his tank rather than out.
"Soon, I'll know the secrets of the galaxy, and you'll be dust beneath my boots!"
Wow, this guy thought Thomas knew everything? He'd be flattered sure, but he was far from omnipotent. And Virgil questions everything, even the things that don't need to be questioned!
"You want to know stuff? Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days. There's always something more, something lurking, if you knew everything your head would literally explode, and you're not allowed to do that without The Duke here."
"You're a liar, you just want to keep everything to yourself!"
Virgil could correct him, after all Janus was the one with the whole lying schtick. Had to do with his powers and stuff of course, but even before that he was known to lie in stressful situations. His defense as it was, and one that Virgil had taken too long to realize.
"It doesn't matter anyway, it's ready, say goodbye Sandine!"
The lazer lights up as bubbling liquid fills in from below and he hates when he's right, his struggles renew as he finally lets his panic, well panic. The feeling he'd been ignoring, that emptiness that had been dragging him down, is ten times worse now- except… It's fading now. That idiot, did he… turn off the thing keeping his powers at bay?
"You want my powers?" Virgil's wrists finally slide free, smeared with red, purple and black mist swirls around him for the first time in a long time, "Here ya go."
"Wait. That's not-"
The lazer goes off, the liquid makes his feet slip, the tank explodes as his powers fill the room with his scream of agony. Trying desperately to find the threat, unable to flee, searching for what to fight, the man screams in terror, but Virgil barely hears it over his own. The machine ignites in a fiery mess, the lazer dying out, but as Virgil slumps his powers stutter.
The man lifts shaking hands, wild eyes flitting around the room, the gun in his hand goes off and Virgil's powers shrink until they fold into that place within him, pounding against an invisible wall, the emptiness returns tenfold and with no resistance drags him down. His ankles, still tied to the chair, twist uncomfortable as the thing tumbles sideways with him. The bubbling liquid burns but he can't seem to move, a glow has his eyes lowering, and there, embedded in his shoulder, just barely above his heart, is the gray space stone adtonium.
Huh… guess this is how it goes down. Nothing to hear but the mad ramblings of an unstable villain wannabe, skin burning, chest aching, and powers locked away, alone.
At least it wasn't Thomas… or any of the others…
"Virgil! Is he okay!?"
"M'fine."
"What a shitshow, Nightmare."
"Everything will be dreadful soon, Vee. We won't be handling the rest, so do worry."
"Mkay… 'ake a nap now…"
"Virgil don't you dare!"
"Just hang in there buddy!"
"We'll get you home safe stormcloud."
"Please remain still Virgil, this will only hurt for a moment."
"Falsehood." Virgil's eyes close, he yells at the yanking, and the sudden burst of powers freed, and thinks this was a positively dreadful day.
But it could have been worse.
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