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hopeymchope · 5 months

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Naegiri One-Shot: Lyrical - "What Can You Lose?"

Lyrical - What Can You Lose? on AO3

Lyrical - What Can You Lose? on Fanfiction.Net

Summary: Late one night, Makoto Naegi is pacing the halls of Hope's Peak when he hears someone playing the piano in the Music Room. Upon investigating, he eventually learns that he and Kaede Akamatsu are being kept awake by similar struggles.

Intro Note: Happy Naegiri Week 2023, everybody. The story below (under the cut) takes place in the "Ultimate Talent Development Plan" timeline where the cast of V3 is the 79th Class of Hope's Peak.

I hope you don't mind taking your Naegiri with a side dose of Saimatsu...

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In the Music Room at Hope's Peak Academy, Kaede Akamatsu was seated at the piano with her eyes closed. She was playing a slow, somber-sounding piece of music without looking at the sheet propped up in front of her. And she was so focused on what she was playing that she didn't notice when the door to the room opened.

Makoto Naegi cleared his throat loudly, which got the desired reaction from Kaede. She stopped playing immediately and spun around to see him standing by the door, gently shutting it behind him.

Kaede blushed, thrown off by the visitor. "Oh!"she said. "Uh, h-hi, Naegi-senpai! I-I was-"

"Sorry if I'm interrupting," Makoto said, smiling politely. "I just heard the music, and I-"

"-Wondered who was playing the piano at this hour?" Kaede finished, smiling back as she attempted to regain her composure.

"Of course I suspected it'd be you, Akamatsu-san," Makoto told her. "You're the first person that comes to mind when I hear the piano playing in here. But also because that music didn't sound something Maizono-san or Mioda-senpai would play. Compared to their tastes, this sounded far softer and a lot... well, sadder."

Kaede beamed when she responded. "You're right about that. It's a piece by Stephen Sondheim - he was a famous American lyricist and composer. He wrote the music for a lot of famous Broadway shows like Into the Woods and Sweeney Todd. Plus he did the lyrics for West Side Story and Gypsy." She began to speak faster, her eyes lighting up. "He has so many awards and so much respect that theater musicians call him a god of the industry, and he was an incredible jazz-style pianist, too! Oscar Hammerstein was a surrogate father to him and mentored him, so he was brought up by one of the all-time greats in musical theater, surrounded by the most extraordin-... uh, extraordinary... "

She cut herself off and closed her eyes. After a deep breath, she said "Sorry" in a soft voice. "I can get carried away when it comes to music."

"Don't be sorry," Makoto told her. "I love your passion. It's awesome — admirable, even! Besides, trust me: I know how easy it is to get worked up when you really feel gung-ho about something."

Kaede regarded him skeptically. "I realize I don't know you that well, senpai, but... I somehow have a hard time picturing you getting 'worked up' or 'gung-ho.' What brings that out in you?"

He glanced sideways and laughed a little. "I suppose what mostly gets me going is unfairness? As in, things that feel... unjust."

"Well, the song I was just playing is from a movie that might be up your alley, then," Kaede said with a grin. "It's an American film based on a 1930s comic strip from their newspapers - Dick Tracy."

Makoto shrugged. "Can't say I'm familiar."

"It's about this old-fashioned, good-hearted detective who always follows the rules even as he goes up against all these weird, grotesque gangsters who break every law in the city," Kaede told him. "Sondheim didn't work on many movies, but he won an Oscar for his work on Dick Tracy."

"It's about a detective, huh?" Makoto said, looking up at the ceiling. He blinked a couple of times, thinking to himself before he returned his attention to Kaede. "So why does the song sound so sad?"

"Oh, right" Kaede said, sounding as if she only now remembered him observing that earlier. "Well, it's called What Can You Lose, and it's about this character whose been carrying feelings for someone else for a while, but he doesn't know if they've noticed or cared. He's trying to figure out whether he should just tell her."

Makoto face momentarily appeared shocked. But after the shock passed, his expression became determined. "I see," he said. "Would you play it for me?"

Kaede smiled gratefully. "Of course! Although I have to admit it loses something without the accompanying lyrics."

Rubbing his chin with one hand, Makoto pushed to add, "Then could you sing it, too?"

"Wha-what?!" Kaede blurted through sudden laughter. "I'm... I'm not much of a singer! Besides, it's designed as a duet."

"You're being modest," Makoto suggested sympathetically.

"I'm not!" Kaede responded emphatically.

Makoto chuckled to himself again "This duet - do you mean it has parts for both a guy and a girl?"

"Yes... "

"Then I'll do the male vocals," Makoto suggested, smiling warmly. "I'm not any good either, so you should feel more comfortable that way."

As he moved to stand behind and to the side of her spot on the piano bench, Kaede looked befuddled. "I mean, I guess I do sing along with the piano sometimes... in private, that is. And I can carry a tune decently, sure. But this? This is just-"

Makoto interrupted by saying, "Look: I really want to hear it. Okay?"

Kaede stared, shaking her head slowly as she paradoxically said "Okay... "

She turned, cleared her throat, and tried to focus on the sheet music in front of her. "Can you read music, though?" she ventured.

"I can read enough, I think," Makoto said uncertainly, rubbing the back of his head.

"Okay... " Kaede repeated, quieter this time.

She did her best to ignore the boy standing there as she began to run her fingers over the keys.

When the time came, Makoto's voice came out as a firm but unpolished tenor:

What Can You Lose? Only The Blues... Why Keep Concealing, Everything You're Feeling? Say It To Her... What Can You Lose? Maybe It Shows, She's Had Clues — Which She Chose To Ignore Maybe Though She Knows, And Just Wants To Go On As Before... As A Friend, Nothing More. So She Closes The Door.

Then Kaede's voice came in with its sweet, high pitch.

Well If She Does, Those Are The Dues...

And together, they began to share the lyrics.

Once The Words Are Spoken, Something May Be Broken Still You Love Her; What Can You Lose?

But What If She Goes? At Least Then You Had Part Of Her... What If She Had To Choose?

Leave It Alone... Hold It All In... Better or Boned Don't Even Begin With So Much To Win... There's Too Much To Lose.

Shortly after she finished playing the last few notes, Kaede smiled and sat back, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "Um, sorry for my voice cracking," she said. "I did warn you that I'm not much of a singer." She turned back to look at him.

Makoto was looking away from her now, his back to her. "Uh, yeah, same here?" he said awkwardly. His voice wavered as he continued, "I kinda choked on those lyrics a couple times... "

"I thought you sounded very sweet," Kaede assured him. However, the look on her face had shifted to one of her concern as a result of both the tone in Makoto's voice and the fact that he was still facing away from her. "I don't want to pry or anything," she ventured, "But... are you okay?"

"Damn it," he muttered emphatically, speaking mostly to himself. He turned back towards her and rolled his eyes — making it evident that they were welling with tears. "Guess I lost it somewhere along the way."

Kaede's hand flew up to cover her mouth in shock. "Oh god, you don't have anxiety about performing, do you? You really didn't need to do that! I tried to-"

Makoto waved away her concerns, laughing nervously. "No, it's not that. The song just... really struck a nerve." He wiped the tears from his eyes using the sleeve of his hoodie.

Hearing that, Kaede lowered the hand from her face and brought her hands together in front of her. "Isn't that beautiful, though?" she asked, enthused all over again. "The way that music can make people feel so strongly... " She closed her eyes and sighed. "It can be challenging, cathartic, or even make us confront emotions we've been avoiding within ourselves."

Makoto was slightly confused by her sudden enthusiasm in this face of his tears, but he just scratched his cheek lightly and nodded a bit. "I guess that's true, yeah," he muttered.

Seeing his reaction, Kaede's smile turned sheepish. "Sorry if that came out kind of weird," she offered. "Guess I got carried away again. People don't call me the 'Piano Freak' for nothing."

Makoto sniffed, still fighting back his emotions. Nevertheless, he managed to smile back at her. "Like I said before, your passion is a great thing," he told her. "There's nothing 'freak'-ish about it. That's just rude and uncalled for."

"Thank you, senpai," Kaede said genuinely. "And, truth be told, you caught me playing this song because... I can relate to it, too."

His smile tightened. "Then I'm sorry to hear that," he said. "Is that what's keeping you up so late?"

She avoided his gaze. "Something like that," she admitted. "The same questions keep running through my head."

"Then we're in the same boat," he expressed with a sympathetic smile.

Keade looked back at him, regarding him silently for a moment before speaking again. "Frustrating, isn't it?"

"Yeah... " Makoto said softly. He seemed to be looking through her, his mind wandering for a few seconds. However, his expression soon brightened. "But hey," he suddenly added, speaking more clearly. "Maybe your person is just clueless."

Kaede turned to look back at the piano and fingered a couple of keys idly. "I sort of doubt it," she said over the tink-tink sounds. "Picking up on clues is kind of his whole thing."

"Well that sounds painfully familiar," Makoto said, deadpan.

"Yours too?" Kaede asked, looking back at him with genuine surprise. Suddenly, she spun around in her seat. "Wait, don't tell me!" She held both hands in front of her as if she could psychically freeze him in place before she went on: "You're trying to let them know how you feel without explicitly saying it, and they're someone who's usually great at reading people. But even so, they haven't reacted to what you're doing. So now you can't tell if they're really uninterested or just totally oblivious in this one way." Her hands dropped into her lap. "Is that it?"

At that, Makoto had to laugh. "Aside from the fact that I'm trying my hardest not to send any signals, that's exactly what it's like with her. Besides, I'm a pretty open book. I'm probably sending her signals whether I want to or not. And if that's true, what would it mean?" His face fell once more. "Has she avoided confronting my feelings because she wishes they didn't exist and would prefer not to deal with them?" He paused only a second before answering his own question: "I think that's a solid probably." His smile returned, though now it was a smaller and sadder one.

Kaede mirrored his expression. "You can't be sure of what she's thinking. You shouldn't give up hope."

"I know," Makoto said, giving her a nod. "And I won't. Despite my best efforts, I just... I can't seem to shake that hope. I can't stop wanting more between us."

Kaede stood up from the piano bench. "Why do you want to shake it?" she asked, looking back over her shoulder at him.

Makoto shoved his hands into his pockets and looked away. "To protect myself, I guess. Like the song said: 'There's too much to lose.'"

After turning around to face him, Kaede gave a solemn nod. "I get that."

He looked back at her. "You can't bring yourself to tell him either, huh?"

Kaede's eyes drifted upward as she drew in a long breath. "I... " she began. "I... I've stepped right up to that line, if you know what I mean. I've been at the door, and I gave it a good, long look," she said, barely suppressing an embarrassed giggle over her own metaphor. Then she paused, lost in thought for a few moments. Quietly, she concluded "It feels like I've done everything but tell him."

"Sometimes it's hard to notice what's going on right in front of us," Makoto suggested.

Kaede threw him a lopsided smile. "Speaking from experience?"

"Not romantic experience — but yeah," Makoto admitted, chuckling ruefully.

"Can't that apply to your person, too?" Kaede asked. She clasped her hands behind her back. "Isn't there a chance she can't see the forest for the trees?"

He immediately shook his head. "No. At least... I don't think so."

"You can't be certain, though."

"Of course not," Makoto said.

She shifted her stance, moving to fold her arms in front of her. "How long have you known this girl?"

"About a year and a half now," he responded.

Kaede leveled a concentrated gaze at him. "Do you mind if I ask you something kind of personal?"

Makoto blinked rapidly, surprised by the sudden shift in her tone. "I mean, uh — maybe?" he said, feeling nervous. "It depends."

"On what?" Kaede pressed, her face relaxing.

He raised one hand up to his chin. "Just... ask yourself whether you'd be comfortable with me asking you the same thing. And if so? Fire away."

She froze, letting her eyes drift around the room as she considered that. "Okay," she murmured to herself once before repeating it louder: "Okay. Fine."

Makoto's brow furrowed as he unconsciously tensed his body in anticipation.

Kaede's face returned to the concentrated look she'd had a moment before. "We've been talking vaguely about what we feel or whatever, but level with me here: Are you in love with this person?"

In response, Makoto closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath. "I try not to think about that," he said quietly. "I've been doing my best not to put a label on what I'm feeling, if that makes any sense."

Kaede turned her head slightly. "But if you had to?"

He opened his eyes again and slowly nodded. "I think... yes. No, that's wrong — I don't just think it." He sighed heavily. "I am. And I've probably known I am for a long time, on some level."

Kaede relaxed both her expression and posture. She smiled sympathetically before gently asking, "Don't you think she deserves to know that?"

Makoto lowered his head and raised his right hand to cover his eyes. He drew his fingers together slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes shut tight. "You're... probably right," he said weakly.

Still smiling, she went on: "Even if she can tell you're crushing on her, that doesn't mean she knows how deep your feelings are. Besides — you already admitted you aren't certain whether she knows any of it." She looked down at the floor. "I think you should tell her," she concluded.

After dropping his hand from his face and raising his head to look at her again, Makoto smirked. "You should follow your own advice," he said.

She looked back and him and scoffed. "Easier said than done."

"Of course," he agreed. "It's always easier to tell someone else to go out on that limb than to do it yourself. But now it's your turn."

"Huh?" Kaede said, visibly confused.

"I mean it's your turn to answer the question you asked me," he clarified. "Are you in love with him?"

Kaede visibly flinched at the question. "Urrrrrrr... "

Makoto smiled a little. "Come on," he said teasingly, "You knew this was coming."

Casting her eyes downward again, Kaede spoke haltingly. "I.. don't know. Really." She cleared her throat. "I like him a lot... the time we spend together, it means so much to me." Starting to look up, she shook her head once. "But I've only known him a few months!"

Makoto's hand was again poised below his chin with his other arm wrapped underneath.. "There aren't time constraints on these things," he said softly. "There's not some required waiting period on your feelings. And you don't have to decide what you feel before some arbitrary date passes, either."

She shut her eyes. "Good!" she declared a bit louder than she'd intended. She reopened her eyes and lowered her voice before going on: "I'm just lost because... I've never been in love with anyone," she admitted. "Unless I am now, I suppose." She reached across her body with her left hand and grabbed onto her right forearm before looking back at Makoto. "Have you?" she asked. "Did you feel this way about someone else before her?"

Despite opening his mouth, Makoto hesitated before answering. After a long pause, he simply said, "No."

Kaede's face scrunched up in confusion. "Then how're you so sure you are now?" she demanded.

Makoto smiled gently and chuckled. "Look, I obviously don't know much about this stuff," he warned. "Coming to me for advice about love is like asking Iruma-san for etiquette tips."

She laughed. "I hear you," Kaede said. "But you sounded so certain. So, how?"

"I can only tell you what I believe," he said. "So maybe take this with a grain of salt." He took a deep breath as he gathered his thoughts. "So... I believe love is one of those things that... when you know, you just know. At least that's how it is for me. When you made me confront and define my feelings, it seemed really obvious." He half-shrugged. "But that doesn't mean it has to be the same for you — or anybody else for that matter. Besides, does it really matter what you call your feelings or how you define them? Don't pressure yourself to make it something specific."

Kaede listened quietly while shifting her weight between her feeet as he spoke. When he was finished, she nodded. "I guess you're right," she said. "And maybe I'm just stuck because I've had-" She cut herself off and looked sideways. "Heh — no, forget it. You'd just laugh at me."

"I swear to you that I won't," Makoto said sincerely.

Kaede looked back and smiled gratefully. "Well... I had this idea in my head of what it would feel like to be in love one day, you know? I always thought it would feel, to me, kind of like the first time I listened to Robert Schumann's 'Fantasie in C,' Opus 17. Does that... ?"

Makoto was already shaking his head. "Sorry, but I don't know it."

"No, that's okay," Kaede said, laughing a little. "I should play it for you some time. It's a solo piano piece that's somehow grand and intimate at the same time. Powerful yet gentle. Frantic but tender." She looked away. "He wrote it for the love of his life. And to me, it sounded like what love must feel like. At least that's what I thought. But what I feel now is... this is completely unrecognizable."

He gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm not sure if anyone can expect or predict what it'll feel like until they're in the middle of it," he theorized. "I just mean... different people experience things differently."

"Makes sense," Kaede said.

He tilted his head. "One more question," he said. "How would you feel if he suddenly wasn't in your life anymore?"

Kaede's face fell immediately. "Horrible... " she said, nearly whispering. "Devastated?"

With a fresh smile, Makoto nodded once. "Maybe you can start there," he suggested.

Her eyes darted back and forth as though searching for his logic. "Start with what?" she asked.

"Start by telling him that," he said simply. "It's more than enough."

She grimaced. "I don't know... " she said. "But... maybe." She looked around the room, considering.

"Just think about it," Makoto said gently. He gestured towards the clock on the wall. "Though maybe you should save the thinking for tomorrow? It's pretty late. We should both be trying our best to sleep."

"Yeah, I know you're right," she conceded. "I hope we can think more clearly in the morning." Smiling once more, she warned him, "This isn't the end of this, though! I'm going to keep encouraging you until you finally tell her everything."

"Oh, yay?" he said uncertainly, lightly chuckiing. He began to move towards the door. "But I'll be cheering you on, too," he added. When he reached the door, he looked back over his shoulder. "And thank you. For the talk, I mean."

"Anytime."

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End Note: I originally wrote 2/3 of this story in the summer of 2021 before abandoning it. At the time, I decided it wasn't a very good or interesting premise. And honestly, I'm still not sure it is... but when I saw this year's "Lyrical" prompt for Naegiri Week, my mind came back to this one, and I thought "Wouldn't it be nice to have something to post this year?" So I spent a few days completing this story and polishing it up. I hope it was worth your time.

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