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perseusjackson-jasongrace · 4 years

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Kingdom Collisions IV

This is a fic i’m writing to incorporate more descriptions into my writing. Updates are sporadic as i don’t have chapters written in advance. I hope, however, you enjoy what is here :)

masterlist

P.S. ardor means flame in latin; cielo means sky in spanish

Jason Grace is tired. So so tired. Exhaustion is a weight pressing into his bones. He doesn't know why he snapped at Percy. His patience is usually an infinite string wrapping around his throat and tying a bow against his collarbone. But every part of him feels out of place. He stares at the mirror mounted to the wooden wall, stares at it until his eyes cross. But he doesn't recognize the person staring back.

They have the same blonde hair and blue eyes. The same tall, half-gangly half-lean frame. And the wonky glasses. But they don't have the spark that glitters in his eye. Or the dancing fingers that constantly needed to be entertained. No, those fingers lay limp at his side.

He sighs and moves to collapse onto his bed. At the very least the silk sheets are blissfully cool under his skin. When they had first got to the cabin he had been surprised at the sheer lack of opulence. In all his years of being a Prince and visiting every castle and vacation-home known to man he thought he had a pretty good idea about what royalty was like. But Crown Prince Percy Jackson and Queen Sally Jackson continue to surprise him. When they had insisted on a small wedding, consisting of no more than what was needed to officiate a royal ceremony, or when Queen Sally had pulled him aside after their dinner the night before and hugged him tight enough to stop his air flow.

"I am sorry Jason," She looked at him, her sea blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, "That you have to give up so many of your own choices. I hope one day, you will find peace and happiness despite the circumstances."

He had thanked her but her words, even now, puzzles him to the point of headaches.

Why did she care what happened to him? And why did she think he didn't have any choices?

His kingdom is as much a part of this agreement as theirs. All these questions buzz incessantly in his mind enough that he feels the low throb of a migraine at the base of his skull. Immediately, he pushes himself off the bed and gets into an ice cold shower. On top of everything, he doesn't need to be sick.

The shower beats against his back as he gets lost in his thoughts, remembering the last time time he had been under the relentless spray, in his own castle.

I can't believe you have to get married to some pompous no good jackass.

Aw don't say that. We don't even know him.

Yea but he's taking you away from me so I hate him

Don’t worry my ardor, I will find my way back to you.

A calloused hand, the colour of brass, snaked under his arm, resting against his chest, where his heart beats steadily.

What if you end up falling for each other?

He turned around, looking deep into those coffee eyes.

I don't know how I could possibly fall for anyone when you have already caught me.

I hate you for making me cry.

Jason had leaned in, tilted up that angular face, brushed away the curls.

I love you my ardor.

I love you mi cielo.

The memory fades as he pulls himself back to the present, letting the sound of sleepy birds and rushing water ground him.

Shutting off the shower he dries himself off quickly, glad to find the oncoming migraine gone. Not bothering with anything but a pair of boxers he makes his way into the lounge where the fire is slowly dying. He shoves a few more logs in and settles down on the fleece rug in front of it. Percy, he observes, is still holed up in his room.

He knows he should apologize, should offer some peace treaty after snapping like that, but he can't bring himself to care. He just wants to be at home, surrounded by his people, by his person.

He hasn't stopped thinking about them, about that smile, or the way their ears turn red when they notice Jason staring, or how they can fix literally anything you put in front of them.

He had asked why they never followed their father, take of the family business, why they chose to become a royal guard instead, but his ardor had shrugged and said there were more exciting things in the world than melting metal.

Jason always dragged them closer and tangled his fingers in that messy hair.

Well I guess it was the right choice. Because it brought you to me.

And then words were no longer necessary.

He shakes himself out of it, out of the life he's left so far behind. There is nothing there for him now. Nothing but a coronation and ruling for the rest of his days. The thought makes him queasy. Makes him want to fly into the sky and live amongst the clouds. Life, he thinks, would be much simpler if they could escape to the sky. Instead, he picks up the book he is reading and escapes into another world.

Some time later he dozes off, head lolling to the side. His dreams take him to hands of fire and cheeky smiles. He dreams of comfort.

"Jason," Someone calls him.

He mumbles for them to go away and tries to tuck himself back into bed, only to fall over and slam into a hard something?

"You can't sleep like this," The voice is saying, "You're going to ache tomorrow."

"Don't care." He groans, curling into a ball.

"Come on,"

And then he's being lifted clean of his feet and hoisted over a shoulder.

"What are you doing?" He manages to mutter.

"You can't sleep like that. First of all the floor is not comfortable and second I don't know how much you move in your sleep and I don't want a Jason barbecue."

"I don't want to sleep in my room." His brain is foggy and he trips over every second word.

"Why?"

"Iss cold."

"I'll get you another blanket." Percy's voice is nothing but a raspy breath.

"Have two," He mumbles, "Need to sleep with my—"

He’s cut off by a yawn.

"Your what?"

"My what what?"

He can hear his husband— oh yes his husband, what a silly thought— sigh and he pictures those striking green eyes rolling.

"My room has sun for most of the day, you can sleep there for now. We can discuss your room when you’re less sleep deprived. Sound good?"

"Soundddss dreamy," He sighs, fighting his fast closing eyes.

Just before the world disappears he's placed gently on cotton sheets. He can hear the birds starting to sing and he can feel the sun bathing his usually pale skin.

"This isss ni—" He yawns, "nice."

Jason Grace is fast asleep.

***

The Prince opens his eyes slowly, blinking back into the present. He doesn't recognize his surroundings. There's a small pile of clothes on a maple-wood rocking chair in the corner, and emerald curtains, fastened by glimmering ties, open to reveal huge arched windows. He looks down to see his legs entangled in black sheets and the faintest threads of cerulean blue weaving between the strands.

Percy's room, then.

But why is he in here. He doesn't remember drinking last night and that's the only way he could have possibly slept with his husband. Gods what a sad thought indeed. He decides to just ask the Black-haired Prince, not caring to delve into his memories to try piece together what happened. He thinks briefly about donning more clothes than his current boxers but his room is far and the house is warm, and mostly he just can’t muster up the energy.

He finds the prince at the kitchen counter typing furiously on his laptop. He takes a single moment to observe the scene. Percy's mussed curls and thin wire framed glasses pushed up his nose. A coffee cup, still steaming sits to his right, and a board of cheese and the bread he had baked is layed out on the other side.

"I can't be that pretty to look at, I haven't even brushed my hair yet." Percy says without looking up.

"Sorry," He's glad the Prince doesn't take his eyes away from the screen because Jason's cheeks are bright red.

He moves to grab some coffee and sits down on the opposite side of the table.

"So uh—" He rubs the back of his neck, "Why was I sleeping in your room."

"Oh," Percy starts, finally looking up. Those green eyes widen as big as saucers as he takes the golden prince in.

"What?" Jason panics, "We didn't do anything did we?"

His husband snorts, "Trust me. If we fuck, you'll remember."

He is ready with a snarky reply but the prince continues, "No you were sleeping in the lounge but the fire was still on and it just seemed like a recipe for disaster. I tried to take you to your room but you said it was cold so I put you in mine because it gets sun for most of the day."

Jason is taken aback. That's sweet... surprisingly sweet.

"Thank you."Percy shrugs and goes back to typing on his laptop. He doesn't know what he should do. They seem to have entered into some sort of civil conversation and he doesn't want to ruin the shred of normality.

So he downs the rest of his coffee, chucks the mug in the sink and disappears into his bedroom. Minutes later he comes out more clothed, jeans hugging his legs and a blue sweater that feels like getting a hug from a panda. If getting a hug from such an animal was warm and soft and cuddly. He wouldn't know.

"I'm going for a walk."

His husband just nods, motioning to the cabin keys distractedly. Jason, fortunately, picks up on the meaning and grabs them, tucking the set into his coat.

This is the first time since they had driven here three days ago that he's stepping outside. Dusk is just starting to settle and the world is awash in oranges and pinks and the faintest strokes of purple. He wants to live in these colours, wants to paint them across his eyes so he always sees the world in their shades. A little sparrow flies down and lands on a branch hanging just over his head. It chirps as he walks past, flurrying it's tail as if to say hello. And then it spreads its wings and soars into the open plains, into those bleeding colours.

He remembers suddenly, a story his nanny had told him.

Why Miss Rosie, does the sky change colours?

Because Little Prince, when artists die they say goodbye by giving us a final painting.

Does that mean when the clouds change shapes sculptors are saying goodbye?

Miss Rosiland Krynn had smiled at those big blue eyes and nodded.

What happens when the artist can't paint or draw or sculpt what about then?

Well when you hear the sounds of wind chimes tinkling in the garden, or the sounds of streams bubbling in the woods, or the whistle of birds as they wake up then you're hearing all the singers who can no longer sing on earth.

And what about the actors?

When you hear someone crying, or lots of people laughing, or when you can feel someone watching over you those are the actors. They're their to bring joy into the world through all the people still here.

And the dancers Miss Rosie?

Have you ever seen flowers in the breeze?

He nodded his head, clutching at her fingers in anticipation.

And have you ever seen reeds in the river?

He nodded again, practically bouncing in excitement.

And what do they look like they're doing?

Dancing Miss Rosie! He had squealed, falling back into the couch as he thought about all she had said.

Jason smiles fondly at those memories, at a time much simpler than this. Where the sky was a canvas and music was stored in the wind. He can almost believe Miss Rosalind as he surveys his surroundings. There is something magical about this place. Like no matter what's going on in the world, this will never be touched by it. He can't help but run his fingers along the bark of a willow tree and sink his feet into the lush grass under it. At least out here he doesn't have to be anyone but Jason Grace. The marigolds dancing in the evening breeze do not care that he is Crown Prince of Caelum. And the blades of grass that hold his weight don't mind that he is human, that he has to function, even when it's inconvenient, inconceivable. Best of all, nothing around here cares that he's anything at all. If he gives his name to the river bed they will tuck it in and let it rest.

So he sits under the willow tree, letting his name drift down the stream, and spins fantasies of a life long lost.

When he makes his way back to the cabin, hours later, he's almost convinced himself that the world has stopped. And he is nothing but a vessel, strong enough to bend time.

It is like a bucket of lava on his skin, then, when Percy meets him at the door and drops the words he doesn't want to hear.

"We leave tomorrow. There was a shootout at your castle."

Jason Grace falls to his knees, and holds down the bile in his throat, as molten eyes and burning hands flash in his mind.

I'm coming for you Leo.

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barinacraft · 3 years

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The Alameda Cocktail - Pucker Up With Some Pineapple

Behind Your Bar - How To Make The Alameda Cocktail At Home

The Alameda Cocktail is a six ingredient drink mixed with gin, pineapple juice, grenadine, egg white, lemon juice and orange bitters. Substitute lime juice for lemon and heavy whipping cream for the egg white minus the bitters and it turns into an Azalea Cocktail.

Alameda Cocktail Recipe

1 cup gin

¾ cup Dole pineapple juice

⅛ cup grenadine

1 egg white

juice of one large lemon

few dashes orange bitters

Put all of the ingredients into a large cocktail shaker with lots of ice and shake well. Strain and serve. Makes 4 to 5 drinks.

History Of The Alameda Cocktail - An East Bay Sour

San Francisco Bay, that is.

Or at least, that's our guess.

The only record of this drink formulation we could find comes from a four page pamplet circa 1930 via James Dole's Hawaiian Pineapple Company which contains twenty four different cocktail recipes that are all specified to be mixed with Dole pineapple juice.* The list includes the East India, Harlem, Mary Pickford, New York and Valdes cocktails among others.

Why do we think its named after The Island City east of San Fran and adjacent to Oakland, California? Well, there's sort of a glorified ode to early San Francisco's famous drink, Pisco Punch, as a lead in on page two of this recipe booklet and Alameda, California is arguably the most noteworthy ‘alameda’ that there is.

Now encompassing both Alameda Island with its former United States navy base and Bay Farm Island, part of the city was originally a low-lying peninsula connected to parts of what is at present downtown Oakland that back then was covered with one of the largest marshy oak forests along any seaside in the world. This coastal area was called Encinal which is Spanish for “oak grove” and Alameda means “tree lined avenue” which became the city's name by popular vote in 1853.

Of course, there are plenty of other tree-lined Alamedas which could be this drink's namesake. One in particular is Alameda Tropical located in Boituva in the State of São Paulo, Brazil which is currently the third largest Hoyriri producing nation after Costa Rica and the Philippines.

Others include The Alameda (a historic district in San Jose, California just south of Alameda de las Pulgas, a 10 mile long road connecting San Mateo to Menlo Park), El Jardín de la Alameda in Murcia, Spain and Alameda de las Delicias in Santiago, Chile.

Similar Drinks

Flamingo - rum, grenadine, pineapple and lime juices.

Hawaiian Cocktail - gin, pineapple juice and grenadine.

Million Dollar Cocktail - gin, sweet vermouth (rosso), pineapple juice, grenadine and egg white.

Miss Joan Ketchum Special - pineapple juice, gin, apricot brandy and grenadine.

Paradise Island - same ingredients as the Hawaiian Cocktail above w/ diff proportions + an ananas comosus fruit tidbit for garnish.

Royal Hawaiian - gin, orgeat, pineapple and lemon juices.

Waikiki Beachcomber - gin, Cointreau orange flavored triple sec liqueur and pineapple juice.

References

* - Cocktails, Punches, and Sundry Post-Prohibition Mixes (Honolulu, Hawaii: Hawaiian Pineapple Co., ca. 1933), 2. Print.

#Cocktails #drinks #gin #pineapple #grenadine #lemon

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vernontheworld · 4 years

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scandal cafe | {f}, {r}, slight {c}, slight {s}

pairing | prince!vernon x waitress!reader

genre | {f}, {r}, slight {s}, slight {c}

characters | prince naveen!vernon, tiana!reader, buford!jeonghan, cafe owner!seungcheol, doctor facilier!joshua, lawrence!chan, waiter/chef!the rest of svt

warnings | much profanity (especially in french)

summary | When the handsome Prince of Maldonia visits the cafe you work at, you aren’t immediately drawn to his behaviour––he was spoiled and threw fits often. However, when he decides to hold his wedding at the cafe you work at, you’re irked. And so, to get your revenge, you seek out Doctor Joshua–– the magician– to make him turn the prince into a frog at his wedding––with a price. But when the prince finds you in the garden of the cafe, he’s convinced that you’re the one that could turn him back into a human.

MC, kissing the frog - nikki (published 2020)

“vernon...” you look down at the ugly frog in your hands, willing yourself to imagine a handsome boy “what?” vernon blinks “whatever,” you say as you have a steamy make out session with a fucking frog. but oh no now you’re a frog.

“Here you go, a latte,” you smiled brightly, presenting the cup of coffee to the customer. “Would you like anything else?”

He shook his head. “No, thank you.”

Spinning around and humming a tune, you clutched the tray to your chest as you returned to the kitchen. Putting the tray back onto the counter, you murmured, “My own restaurant one day…ah…how surreal.”

Jeonghan snorted. “Really? You’re still muttering about the nonsensical wishes of yours, wanting to own a restaurant one day? Dream on, Y/N.”

Jeonghan was a senior staff in the cafe you were working in and whenever you talked about wanting to own your own restaurant, he––and the other cafe staff––would laugh loudly. And they would laugh and laugh, until a customer complains and threatens to give Duke’s Cafe a one-star review. He was always there to criticise you for your dreams. Nevertheless, you wouldn’t give up.

You shook your head and sighed. “You would think that minding your own damn business is even easier than to open a restaurant. Please, for the love of god, leave me alone. Ta guele [1], Jeonghan. Tu m'emmerdes [2].”

He slammed the counter as he chortled, choking on his own saliva in the process. “You would know, wouldn’t you, cherie [3]? Always in that little cottage of yours, writing some recipe down quietly,” he replied, sarcasm laced into his voice. You didn’t like his tone. It was terrifying to hear, and you didn’t want to listen on to his terribly beautiful voice (such a waste, really! He could become an opera singer, but he chose to live the life of a waiter. His talent was also wasted on such a nasty attitude…).

“At least I’m doing something useful, amour [4],” you grumbled, wiping the tables aggressively after you walked away from the counter. Making sure he wasn’t in earshot, you muttered under your breath, “Faux cul [5].”

As you continued to wipe the tables after the customers had left, you noticed that the cafe was suddenly very empty. Why was that? It was only twelve o’clock, the cafe would usually be bustling during this time. What was with the sudden change?

“Welcome, Your Highness, Prince Hansol. Please, take a seat,” the voice of the cafe’s owner––Seungcheol– rang out. The Prince of Maldonia…here? In this small cafe?

You looked up, and you found that the prince was staring at you. For a split second, you maintained eye contact, but then you ripped your gaze away and hurried behind the counter, into the kitchen, where Jeonghan hissed at you to go to.

“You are extremely lucky that the prince didn’t come earlier, lest he would have seen us arguing and would have left the cafe a bad review,” he muttered. You sighed. You were always the one to blame. But…whatever. You were used to this.

Setting down the tray you were carrying with you, you straightened out your apron and picked up the little notepad that was used to write down customers’ orders.

“Y/N!” Seungcheol called out, and you answered. “Yes?” Hurrying out of the kitchen, you grabbed a pen, hastily making your way to his side. Bowing at the prince, you held up the notepad and posed your pen, ready to write.

Looking at the menu, he spoke. “I’ll get a…bouillabaisse [6]. I’ve heard that it’s the cafe’s specialty.” As you scribbled furiously on the notepad, he looked up. “This is a French cafe?”

“Oui,” you answered. “The French founded us. New Orleans was named after Orleans, the town Jeanne d’Arc [7] defended, so we must carry on the French history.”

“Jeanne d’Arc, huh…”

“Why? Is there any problem?” You cocked your head. “Jeanne d’Arc is a hero, is she not? There is even a monument erected for her glory.”

He shook his head. “Never mind. I was thinking that I should visit the monument today… ah, do you have any iced water? It’s burning outside.”

“The monument is beautiful, so it is a good choice,” you murmured. Engrossed in your small talk, you didn’t notice that Jeonghan was beckoning you into the kitchen until Seungcheol kicked your leg. “Ah! I have to go prepare your order. Je suis desolee [8]!”

You heard Seungcheol mutter behind you, but you didn’t care enough to listen in on what he was telling the prince. Rushing back into the kitchen, you yelled, “One serving of bouillabaisse!”

Hearing the plates clatter, you ripped out the sheet of paper from the notepad and clipped it onto the string with a wooden washing peg. You grabbed a glass, filled it up with ice and brought it to the pitcher that was on the cart just outside of the kitchen, and filled up the glass with water.

Placing it on a tray, you brought it to the table that Prince Hansol was sitting at. “Iced water for the prince,” you smiled, and set it on the table. “How long more for the food? I’m quite hungry,” he asked, and you let out a ‘hmm’. “Je ne suis pas sur [9]…it’s only been a few minutes since they’ve started cooking it though, so I’d suspect fifteen minutes more, probably? It’s only an estimate.”

Turning around, you returned to the counter and poked your head into the kitchen. “How long more until the food is ready? Le prince est impatient [10].”

“Twenty more minutes, Y/N!” Mingyu shouted back at you, and you nodded. Returning to the table, you informed the prince, “The food will be ready in twenty minutes.”

Leaning back in his chair, the prince closed his eyes in frustration. His butler, whom you hadn’t noticed, leaned forward and patted his bicep. “Come on, Hansol, you know you can’t be like this. Ah, I’m sorry for his selfish behaviour, he’s very spoiled,” he apologised to you and bowed.

You shook your head frantically. “Non, c’est bon [11]! He is a prince, he must be treated as he should be.”

He sighed. “He came here expecting to be treated like one, but no one recognised him, so he threw a fit. He’s quite the spoiled prince, tu ne trouves pas [12]?”

You murmured a yes as you watched the prince. He was mumbling aggressively, shaking his leg as he complained. Deciding that you didn’t want to watch him any longer, you returned to the kitchen.

“Y/N! The prince’s bouillabaisse is done!” Seungkwan called out, and you nodded. Picking up a tray from the counter, you placed the bouillabaisse on the tray, moving towards the prince again. Wanting to say ‘careful, it’s hot’ and ‘here’s your bouillabaisse’ to the prince, you mixed the words up and accidentally said, “Careful, it’s bouillabaisse.”

You froze as you thought through your words again. Flushing red, you stammered, “Oh! I–I meant… c- careful, it’s hot, but I mixed it up! Ah…je suis desolee, Prince Hansol!” Trying to fix the situation, you rambled out apologies in all the languages you knew– mainly, English, French and Spanish. “Lo siento [13]!”

Shutting your eyes tightly, you wished that a hole would just open up and swallow you alive. That way, you wouldn’t have to deal with this embarrassing situation and you would never hear Jeonghan’s mocking ever again. A win for you, honestly.

Suddenly, you heard him burst out laughing. “It’s fine! We all get confused at times. Though…usually not around people you don’t want to mess up around, but I’m good. It was a good laugh…what was your name? Y/N?”

You nodded eagerly, glad to hear that you hadn’t completely made a fool out of yourself in front of the Prince of Maldonia. At least, you were laughing with them at yourself, so the tension in your shoulders relaxed and you released your breath that you didn’t realise you were holding.

“What a cute poulette [14]! Isn’t she, Your Highness?” The butler– who had introduced himself as Chan––asked, nudging the prince. “Oui, oui…mignonne [15], indeed…” Prince Hansol murmured, in his own world.

“Oh! You speak French?” You asked, eyebrows raising. He nodded. “My father is French. He taught me how to speak it, so I can understand you and your French ramblings.” He looked up at you. “Especially vos vulgarites [16] about someone named Jeonghan.”

You flushed, embarrassed that he heard you cursing. “I swear a lot. Oops.” If Jeonghan heard you, he would absolutely behead you, but thankfully, you were around the prince. “Let’s just say, he is…il est raclure de bidet [17]!” Cursing out loud, you covered your mouth and looked around to see whether anyone had heard you. Thankfully, none of the staff in the cafe heard you, lest they would have either glared (Jeonghan and Seungcheol) or gaped at you (the rest of the staff).

He started to laugh again, and you chuckled nervously. Were you about to get in trouble? “My, my…how vulgar,” he drawled, a smirk drawn out on his lips. He leaned forward, placing his chin on his hand that was placed upright on the table and murmured, “I like that.”

Taking a step back, your ears turned pink as your eyebrows shot up. Hiding the bottom half of your face, you tightened your grip on the tray as your stomach filled with butterflies. “A–ah…don’t you think that’s quite scandalous? For someone of the royal family to have such an…interest?” You asked…and he nodded his head.

“Non, minette [18]…” He stood up, approaching you, and as he brought his face extremely close to yours, he breathed, “I like scandalous.”

And then he walked out of the cafe, with the bill on the tray you held.

•

Two weeks. Two weeks had passed since you had seen Prince Hansol. The Duke’s Cafe was all prepared to host a wedding, but you didn’t know whose wedding it was. Whoever was getting married, you wished them a happy marriage.

“Y/N! The wedding will start in a few hours, we need to cover the tables with the blue tablecloth over there! Quickly, quickly, or Prince Hansol’s wedding will be ruined,” Wonwoo yelled at you. You nodded, until something hit you.

Prince Hansol’s…wedding?

You felt a pang as you processed the thought in your head. Prince Hansol, the spoiled, flirtatious, infuriatingly handsome boy who had told you that he liked scandalous…

…had a fiancee?

“Y/N? We need to cover the tables,” Wonwoo called out again. Murmuring an ‘okay’, you made your way to the blue tablecloths and picked them up.

“Hey, Wonwoo…did you know that Prince Hansol had a fiancee?” You asked absentmindedly, unfolding the tablecloth and raising up your hands quickly to cut through the air and lay the cloth on the table. “He doesn’t seem like the type to marry someone.”

“Hm…he came to New Orleans to marry someone, I heard. His father is dying of a disease, so he needs to have a queen to take the throne and rule Maldonia,” he replied. “He has older brothers, but he’s the favourite son. Irresponsible, but lovable, which is why he earned the favour of the people in Maldonia. I’m quite surprised, actually…”

Zoning out, you tuned out of Wonwoo’s talking. He came to New Orleans to marry someone. And that day, when he dared to flirt with a waitress…

You should have known. You were only a waitress in a small cafe. How would a prince marry you? Nonetheless, you still felt hurt that he made you flustered, only to find someone else as his fiancee and hold the wedding in the cafe you were working at.

Oh, no. Now you weren’t just hurt, but you were angry. How dare he? He made you feel special, and he dares to hold his wedding here?

“Wonwoo, is it okay if I take a short break and head out for a bit? I’ll take over during the wedding,” you asked, and he sighed. “Alright. Go, go, to wherever you need to be.”

“Merci [19]!” You yelled, grabbing your things and rushing out the door. You were fuming. Oh, how you would teach the prince a lesson! Never would he mess with anyone’s hearts ever again…

Storming into the square, you entered a narrow alleyway. “Where is he, where is he…” You mumbled, searching for the familiar sign. Heading further into the alley, you spotted the bright yellow sign, and you pushed the heavy wooden door open, the bells on the door ringing with a faint tintinnabulation.

“My, my, what brings you here?” A man, dressed in all black, turned around.

So he was the magician– or the doctor, as he called himself. He was known for casting curses on others, so people tended to avoid the alleyway you took– but you came here with a purpose. This man, his name was––

––Doctor Joshua.

“I’m here to request something from you,” you told him confidently. “I want you to turn someone into a frog.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Interesting request, indeed. But you know…there is a price for everything?” He asked. “Nothing is free, you see. Even as I cast a spell on someone, it takes a toll on me.” Raising his left hand, he removed the glove on it, and you saw…

Fear. Pure fear.

His hand was mutated, it seemed– the veins on his hand had turned black, and there was something just pumping through them. The things under his skin wriggled around, as if they were trying to gain control of his hand. Black, thorny vines ran around his slender fingers, almost like an accessory––but when you looked closer, it was piercing through his hand.

You shuddered. Would that happen to you?

“No, mon sucre d’orge [20]…the price you will pay is that if you don’t kiss the frog within three days, you too will become a frog,” he drawled, his voice like glazed honey, and his lips curved into a leer. Despite his sweet voice, he was describing something absolutely terrifying. The thought of kissing a frog was horrifying, but becoming a frog was even worse. You would never be able to open a restaurant, ever, if you became a frog.

But you wanted the prince to learn his lesson, no matter the cost. What a spoiled brat! You hated him––at least, you felt like he deserved to be hated––and you wanted him to feel the pain of his oh-so-infuriatingly good looking face disappear, only to see a frog in the place of his sharp features. Oh, how satisfying it would be to just see him like that!

You were willing to sacrifice your first kiss to a frog just so that you could make him see that he was one selfish little piece of––

“So what’s your decision?” Doctor Joshua asked, slipping on his glove onto his hand again. Picking up bottles from the counter behind him, he held it up. “Ready to sacrifice your entire future and humanity to turn someone into a frog?”

You nodded. You could either give your first kiss to a frog or turn into one yourself––but either way, you would still teach the prince a lesson. And both of your options also resulted in your life possibly being ruined by a frog, so it’s a win-win situation, honestly!

“Yes, yes…excellent choice. When will you want this to happen? For research purposes only,” he smiled wickedly, showing his pearly white teeth. “Lovely species, the poison dart frog. And a very beautiful one as well.”

A poison dart frog.

A poison.

Dart.

Frog.

“Poison…poison dark frog? Are––are you sure you have got the right one––” You started, gasping as the thought registered in your head.

Your future would be gone either way.

So that was the true price you had to pay. Death…or your humanity. Alright. You could make do. Perhaps being a frog isn’t as bad as you make it out to be––

Oh, who were you kidding? You were petrified. So, so, afraid, and yet, you wanted the prince to learn his lesson. What a stubborn doe, you were.

“Poison dart frogs. Beautiful, and so colourful…” Doctor Joshua murmured, already making his…whatever-potion he was making. “Ah, yes, and you haven’t told me where you want it to take place, nor the person you want it to happen to.”

Raising your head, you took a deep breath.

“Prince Hansol of Maldonia, at Duke’s Cafe, just as he’s about to walk down the aisle,” you told him. “But don’t harm any of the people around him, please.”

There was a twinkle in his eye, and his lips stretched into a grin that was like the Cheshire Cat’s. “Very well,” he said, turning around. “Expect this to come. Oh yes, and you should be in the garden when it happens. Your night is going to be long.”

•

As you rushed back to the cafe, you noticed a crowd gathering around it––was it because they heard of the prince’s wedding taking place?

Looking at your watch, you gasped. There was only a few minutes left until the start of the wedding! Hurrying to the cafe, you slipped on your apron and counted the people attending the wedding. A hundred and fifty-two people––thank goodness the cafe was catering with a buffet! You would be exhausted after working tonight.

The ever-so-famous song––Treulich gefuhrt [21]––started to play, and you swayed your head from side to side as you headed to the opposite side of the cafe, bearing Doctor Joshua’s words in your mind. The amber lights of the cafe twinkled behind you, and as the guests clapped, you clenched your fists.

Opening the heavy wood door that was carved with intricate designs, you slipped out of the cafe and sat by the fountain on the soft grass, playing with a dandelion as you waited for something to happen. You could still hear the familiar tune playing softly, and you hummed to it.

And then––

There were screams. You would have thought something like a murder was taking place with those noises, but you knew better. Hearing someone shout “Where’s my fiance? What happened––” and then an ear-piercing scream was definitely one of the most nightmare-inducing sounds you had ever heard.

“Oh, this is all going wrong!” You heard a groan, and as you turned your head, you saw something blue.

Really, really, bright blue.

Poison dart frog.

“Hello? Is anyone out here? I may look ugly now, but I was a human before…! And I can guarantee that if you turn me back into a human I’ll marry you! I’m the Prince of Maldonia, take my word for it!”

Yep. It was him––the terrible Prince Hansol. You tried to hold back your laughter at his desperation, but you choked on your saliva and coughed very loudly. Seeing the bright blue frog turn its head towards you, it bounded towards you and you held out your hands frantically.

“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t come too close! You’re a poison dart frog, any contact with me and I could die!” You yelled, shaking your hands as the prince––or, the frog, as you could refer to him as now––came closer to you. He stopped in front of you, just where your skirts ended, and you sighed in relief.

“You aren’t…freaking out? About a talking frog?” He asked, confused, cocking his head (or what little of a head he had left, considering he barely has a neck now).

Well, I’m the one who turned you into a frog, so I’m not surprised, really.

You shook your head. “I encounter all sorts of strange things every day, so if a frog comes up to me and talks I’m not surprised anymore.”

There was a little silence for a while, and then a burst of excitement from the frog. “Really? Then you must have been the one who was sent to turn me back into a human! You’re the waitress from before, right? I knew it! You’re the only one that can turn me back into a human…and that wretched witch-doctor told me that only a kiss from my true love could turn me back. Please…please kiss me! Let me turn back into a human!” He cried out, clutching his little heart.

You sat there, speechless.

“You do realise…you’re a poison dart frog?”

Another moment of silence.

“Oh.”

“Oui.”

The both of you sat there, thinking. You were mainly pondering on how to leave him as a frog without turning into one yourself, and he was wondering how he could get you to kiss him without you getting poisoned.

“Shall we…take a walk? Around town, I mean,” you suggested. “To keep your mind off…stuff. It’s especially tiring to focus on such stressing matters. I mean, it would wrinkle your perfect face, wouldn’t it?”

“Sure. I suppose we could have an adventure together, since I’m a frog…” He murmured. “What should we do, though? I don’t think there’s anything interesting in New Orleans.”

“We could go see the statue of Jeanne d’Arc,” you said. “It’s in Vieux Carre. We could just sit there at the benches and feed the pigeons, I guess.”

He nodded. “Alright…let’s go, then.”

Walking alongside the blue frog as he hopped on the streets, you asked (even though you already knew the answer, but it was to fill the void of silence), “What happened to you? Why’d you suddenly…turn into a frog?”

He answered, “A witch-doctor came up to me and offered me a purple drink. I drank it––and it was extremely sweet, so I thought it was just one of your delicacies here. And just as I was about to walk down the aisle, I was turned into a frog. Connard [22]…!”

“I see…”

“Well, yes, you would see,” he replied, gesturing to himself with the small hands and arms that he had. You laughed. “Yes, I do indeed see. But really, I think poison dart frogs are a very pretty species of frogs. They’re not that bad, aside from the fact that touching one could be fatal, but I think the good outweighs the bad!”

“I suppose. Maybe being a frog isn’t so bad, after all,” he mumbled. “Maybe…”

The two of you continued walking along the streets cheerfully. Though you were quite worried about your life, you tossed that thought aside and kept on walking.

“You know…I really resent being a frog. It’s really…unsettling to me, to see everyone at such a large scale. I’m so used to being taller than everyone and looking down at them,” he spoke. You hummed. “You don’t say, Your Highness, stepping on foot stools all the time and sitting on a throne to answer to requests. You don’t say.”

“Your Highness, huh…” He murmured. “Strange, being so small, yet being addressed as ‘Your Highness’. You know what…I will grant you permission to use my real name––Hansol. Oh, and…being royalty isn’t all about sitting on thrones and listening to people…”

You zoned out for a while, thinking. If being part of the royal family not about answering to their people what was it?

“Hello? Y/N? Are you still there?” The prince––Hansol, as you could call him as now––asked, and you nodded absentmindedly. “Yes. I just…thought about some things. Ah, continue on with what you were saying. I’ll listen attentively this time.” “Hm…being a part of the royal family means that you need to make decisions for your people, and making sure that you and your country wouldn’t suffer in the future for your decision-making. It’s tiring––I see it from my father’s face––and I’ve only been through a part of it. Being the king of Maldonia…it has taken a toll on Father. I’m afraid it’ll happen to me,” he continued. “Ascending to the throne…what a surreal thought. I never thought for a second that I would have to handle this responsibility when I was younger, but now…”

“Mhm…I get you,” you murmured. “The pressure. It must be so intense.”

“It is,” he nodded. “I want Father to get better, but the doctors say that he needs less stress in order to recover well. The stress comes from managing Maldonia, but…if he steps down, I’ll have to take the throne. And I can’t imagine me, at twenty-two years old, already a king…that is, if I ever get out of this form.” He groaned. “If I’m stuck as a frog forever, how am I supposed to take the throne…how is Father going to recover? I don’t want him to die…!”

You felt an intense pang of guilt hit you. You were the one who asked Doctor Joshua to turn Hansol into a frog, not knowing his troubles and worries. Oh, if only you could turn back time…!

“If only…if only there was some kind of doctor that could save Father,” he sobbed, stopping behind you.

Some kind of doctor.

“Hey, Hansol…” You turned around, eyes searching for the blue frog. Making eye contact, you told him, “I know a doctor that can heal your father.”

His eyes immediately brightened. “Really? Who is this doctor? Could he really save Father from his illness?”

“Yes. Come with me, I’ll take you there,” you said, beckoning him forward. “But you have to promise me not to run away when you see him.”

He nodded eagerly. “I promise. What kind of doctor would make me run away? He could save Father! Why would I try to escape from someone who could save my entire future?”

•

Hansol wanted to run away, just as you had expected.

“Why are we here?” He grumbled, sitting on the floor uncomfortably as you talked to Doctor Joshua again. “I think I’ll just…”

You shot him a glare, and he stayed put where he was. “Tu m’emmerdes,” you hissed. “I’ll save your father. Just give me a moment more and we can be out of here.” “You know the price, cherie, for trying to extend one’s life?” Doctor Joshua asked, and you shook your head. His leer grew wider, and he pulled up his gloves even higher onto his forearms. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, and…”

“A life for a life,” you breathed, eyes widening.

“C'est vrai [23],” he laughed, shoulders shaking. “Ah, but whose life will you take? Your own, of course. Only a few years will do, if you want your father––” he jerked his head towards the blue frog–– “to live for a few more years. The more years on his life that goes up, the more years from yours that comes down.”

Only a few years. That was fine. After all, you would die trying to kiss Hansol anyway, so why not?

“I’ll do it,” Hansol said, and the both of you––Doctor Joshua and you––turned your heads to face him. You were astounded, and Doctor Joshua was amused.

“Very well,” he said, and he began to mix his elixirs together. “Where and when, hmm?”

“Wait! You can’t––I refuse to let you do it!” You yelled, gaining the attention of both males in the room. “I refuse to let Hansol take away his life for his father’s! I will use my own. Take the years from my life away,” you told him. His eyebrows shot up, but a grin replaced his expression. “And why would you want to sacrifice your own life, hmm? Could there be something you think you need to repay?”

Why, curse you, little piece of…!

You scrunched up your nose. It was now or never––you needed to learn some honesty, so here went––

“Hansol! I…I don’t want you to give up your life…b-because…I was the one who turned you into a frog!” You confessed, shutting your eyes tightly. All you could hear was silence, and the terrifying laugh of Doctor Joshua.

“What…” He started, but you shushed him, and swept your hand towards the door, beckoning him to go out. He did, and you sighed.

“What did you mean by…you were the one who turned me into a frog?” He asked, bringing you back into the situation. Freezing up, you stammered, “I-I was the one who asked Doctor Joshua to turn you into a f-frog…”

Silence.

And then…

“Why?”

Just a why. A very, very, calm why, but you knew it hid much anger in it.

“I was angry.”

A simple answer, just like the simple question he had given you.

But looking back at it, you didn’t know why. You were angry. Furious, even, but…honestly, you didn’t even know why you did it.

“Why?”

“You were annoying.”

Even though you knew that wasn’t what he was asking for, you were trying your best to evade the question as much as possible.

“You know the real question I’m asking. Why? Why did you do it? Why did you decide to ruin my life?”

It was a stupid reason, you realised, which was why you didn’t want to say it. It sounds so dumb, that even now you’re the one questioning yourself.

“…I was mad. Not because you were a prince, but…you decided to play with my feelings and then marry someone? I mean, I understand––I’m not exactly queen material, but why did you have be so suggestive? Get my hopes up, when you wouldn’t marry me in the first place? Idiot!” You cried out.

There was silence, for a while. And then––he laughed. Really, really, loudly. “So, you’re saying…you were jealous?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

You were, indeed, a liar. A very big one, in fact––and you felt bad for lying to him. “Maybe.”

“Definitely.”

He was right. He was always right––but then again, you were pretty much wrong for abandoning your shift to turn someone into a frog. The guilt hit you again, and you looked down. “Oui. I’m sorry…I’m sorry for asking Doctor Joshua to turn you into a frog. But now, you’re probably stuck like this forever…”

“Hmm. I…I don’t blame you, honestly. I know that I would probably do the same thing, if given the suggestion. It––it was quite selfish of me to do that. I’m sorry. I really am,” he mumbled. “Would you…would you forgive me?”

Right then, you really, really, felt like kissing him.

Maybe it was because he was a prince, or perhaps you had truly fallen in love with him, but you felt the sudden urge to kiss him.

“Kiss me. Right now,” you said, and he looked at you, confused. “You would die.”

“I know. Just do it.”

As you knelt down and leaned forward, you prepared yourself for death. It wasn’t how you expected your life to end, but hey, at least it was a good memory before you died!

“On three, two…”

You closed your eyes.

“One.”

At first, you felt nothing. Maybe that was how death was like? Dark, silent, and just…nothing. And then…

A pair of lips––human lips, just barely touching your own––moved against yours. And you heard a very, very, familiar voice speak.

“You know, I never thought my first kiss would have me down on the ground, lying on someone’s lap as I finished arguing outside of a witch-doctor’s residence,” Hansol laughed, and you lifted your head, opening your eyes as you saw the prince again.

Not a frog, but a real human.

“You’re…you’re back. Into a human. And I’m alive.”

“Indeed, amour. What do you think of the view? Perhaps I am the most handsome man alive,” he grinned, and it took you a long time to comprehend it.

You were alive.

And he was a human again.

No way.

“I’m alive.”

He cupped your face in his hands, gently tilting your chin so that you were looking directly at him. “Hey, hey…it’s okay. You’re here. You’re alive. It’s alright, minette. I’m here,” he whispered, pulling himself up to embrace you tightly. “You’re alive.”

Sobbing into his shirt, you clenched your fists, letting the tears fall out of your eyes.

“I’m alive.”

•

“Seungcheol.”

Knocking harshly on the door, you stood there and waited for him to open the door to let you in. “Yes?”

“I’m quitting.”

His eyes widened. “What do you mean? You can’t just quit!”

“I can,” you sniffed. “Putain de merde. Je quitte [24]!”

Throwing off your apron, you flung it onto a chair. “Wait––Y/N! You’re our best waiter here––you can’t––”

But you were already out the door, and Hansol was there to smile at you encouragingly. “Good riddance. I didn’t like the way that Jeonghan was treating you. I saw how he treated you, and he also talked badly about you to me, so I think it’s good that you quit,” he mused.

“But what about your father? Without Doctor Joshua’s help…”

“I’ll take his place as king. I should do things honestly now, I think. Besides, you still haven’t answered me.”

You stopped walking, cocking your head. “What question of yours have I not answered?”

He grinned, clasping your hands in his, and he put his forehead to close to yours. Curious, you leaned forward, making your foreheads touch.

“Will you marry me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, but you teased, “Maybe. What are you offering? The stars?”

“Pour toi bébé, je décrocherai la lune [25],” he smirked. “So…what do you say, ma belle [26]?”

“Of course, mon loup [27],” you replied, moving your head forward until your lips almost touched his. “Let’s run to the sunset and hunt the stars at night.”

“Good, because I intend on hunting tonight,” he murmured, and pressed his lips to cover yours.

“Let’s make it a scandal.”

translations/footnotes:

[1] ta guele - French: you’re shitting me (literal); you’re pissing me off [2] tu m’emmerdes - French: shut up [3] cherie - French: sweetheart (sarcastic) [4] amour - French: love (sarcastic) [5] faux cul - French: false ass (literal); hypocrite [6] bouillabaisse - a French dessert [7] Jeanne d’Arc - a French heroine for her role during the Lancastrian phase of the Hundred Years’ War, and died by burning at the stake for heresy [8] je suis desolee - French: i’m sorry (feminine - desolee) [9] je ne suis pas sur - French: i’m not sure [10] le prince est impatient - French: the prince is impatient [11] non, c’est bon - French: no, it’s fine [12] tu ne trouves pas? - French: don’t you think so? [13] lo siento - Spanish: i’m sorry [14] poulette - French nickname, usually for friends [15] mignonne - French: cute (feminine) [16] (vos) vulgarites - French: (your) vulgarities [17] il est raclure de bidet - French: he is [a] bidet scum (don’t use this around people whom you don’t know! it’s very rude and i blush to translate) [18] minette - French: kitten (nickname) [19] merci - French: thank you [20] mon sucre d’orge - French: my little candy [21] Treulich gefuhrt - song that is more commonly known as the Bridal Chorus or Here Comes The Bride, from the opera Lohengrin by German composer Richard Wagner [22] connard - French: asshole (masculine) [23] c'est vrai - French: that’s right [24] putain de merde. Je quitte - French: fuck this shit. I’m quitting! [25] pour toi bébé, je décrocherai la lune - French: for you baby, i’ll get the moon (pickup line) [26] ma belle - French: my beauty [27] mon loup - French: my wolf (nickname)

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mcmansionhell · 5 years

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2018 McGingerbread Hell Competition Winners

Happy New Year, Folks! I’m pleased to announce the winners of this (past) year’s McGingerbread Hell Gingerbread House Competition!!

First off, I cannot find the words to say how much joy each and every entry to this competition has brought me. Every single one of the participants put their 100% best McMansion Hell face on and the results were charming, hilarious, and, if we’re being punny here, downright sweet. This may be the best idea this blogger has ever had.

Second, let me say that the when I say the competition was fierce, I mean, it was fierce. So much so that I drafted the fellow judgement of two of my favorite colleagues, my literary agent Caroline Eisenmann, and fellow architecture critic/Editor of Chicago Architect Magazine Anjulie Rao to help me narrow the 43 contestants down to 8.

Just a note: Last names of the winners have been abbreviated for privacy reasons. If you would like your full name to be published instead, please email [email protected] with your preferred name.

We’re going to start our line up with the 5 honorable mentions in alphabetical order, after which there will be a break to take those of you scrolling through this on the dashboard to the full article where the top 3 McMansions will be revealed.

Without further ado...

Honorable Mention #5 : Manoir de emporte-pièce by Anya D.

The judges were impressed by the whimsy, creativity and finely detailed execution of Anya’s house. Caroline summed it up best: “what else is a McMansion if not a bunch of smaller houses wrapped into one package?”

Anya writes:

Hi I'm Anya and I'm 12. I made my Gingerbread house from Gingerbread I mixed and baked myself. The house shapes came from a cookie cutter. It's held together with royal icing frosting I made. The shingles are almonds and the house off to the side is the dog house and has candy dog bones on it. The "lights" on parts of it are candy balls. I hope you like it!

Honorable Mention #4: AMAZING Custom Home with Quality Features by Sydney E.

The judges were impressed by the house’s fine craftsmanship, attention to detail (especially the peppermint columns, the gumdrop crenellations, and the chandelier in the back) and great sense of humor. Anjulie remarked: “Love the inclusion of the nuclear family.” What really had us in stitches was Sydney’s wonderfully rich description, especially this part:

“...You'll know you're living in the lap of luxury when you see the ENORMOUS GOLD CHANDELIER in the dining room. But it's the ROOFTOP PATIO with no discernible purpose or point of entry that will really set you apart from your neighbors. "Hey, how did you get up there?" they'll ask, but you're not telling (mysterious!). The landscaping will make you feel like you're in the countryside, in a sea of royal icing TURF GRASS (shown here, lightly dusted with coconut snow). The FOUR TREES on the property are either too far from the house to provide any shade (stately!) or extremely close to the house and actively obscuring at least one window (posh!). The entire house, the front walk, and the driveway are all bordered in royal icing ENGLISH IVY, which is definitely never going to be a problem for native plants (colonial!).”

Honorable Mention #3: Suburban Hobbit House by Jennifer K. & Cara M.

The judges were impressed by the difficulty of execution in Jennifer and Cara’s house, especially the dome, the cleverness of using almonds as cladding, and the hilariously barren “asphalt” lawn complete with soul patch. Kate remarked: “Pretty sure I saw this exact house in Bergen County, New Jersey.”

Jennifer and Cara wrote about their house:

Made of solid gingerbread in shape of skulls (had the pans), graham crackers, lots of icing, nuts, chocolate, a candy cane, grape tic-tacs, decorator sprinkles, butter-rum Lifesavers, fondant, Tootsie Rolls, and a loaf of rosemary bread. Round center mass house with back porch nub, two wings, a charming turret. We totally meant for it to look this way.

Honorable Mention #2: European Charme by Núria O.

The judges were very impressed with the fine detailing (such as the columns, balustrades, and front door), the crisp, clean execution of the design, and total commitment to the McMansion Aesthetic™ from front to rear, including the completely barren lawn.

Núria describes the house in finely practice Realtor-ese:

Beautiful gazillion-square-feet chalet featuring lots of personality and European flair. This cozy 4-bedroom, 10-bathroom cottage is made of sturdy construction-grade tan-beige gingerbread from top to bottom. Roof plates are structurally tinted, not painted, ensuring a durable color that will last until the last crumble is eaten. Windows glazing is made of gelatine sheets coated with black-coloured blueberry jam to ensure privacy as you lounge by the bay window or enjoy the views from the beautiful faux-balcony.

All doors are solid gum paste, with royal icing on all window frames as well as the balustrade. This home is ideal for entertaining, with its luxurious two-story entrance featuring genuine Spanish _neula_ columns with doric capitals, ornated pediment and a quaint half-tindered wall that gives true European _charme_. Utilities are housed in a lovely turret next to the service door. The garage accomodates two SUVs or six European sedan cars. The magnificent brown-sugar-paved front yard features icing plants and a signature landscaped crushed-sprinkle turf patch on cookie soil. The same type of grass was used in the large, sunny backyard which also has a patio area.

Honorable Mention #1: Existential Crisis on 34th Street by Caitlin R.

The judges were very impressed by the house’s clever use of different baking materials and attention to detailing, especially in the icing work. Kate was especially excited by the rounded gingerbread turret, and Anjulie loved the “Existential Crisis” detail and monumental marshmallow columns. The description had Caroline especially in stitches.

Caitlin describes the house:

This nine-bedroom mansion is made from the most exquisite of gingerbreads. Lovingly handmade from scratch, and crafted by local artisans, it's ready for your own sweet family. Grecian inspired columns impose your might on the neighborhood, while a pebble-clad tower with bay windows adds a touch of country charm. Architectural details include a 'stonework' wall and chimney, sweet dormer windows, and a luxurious back porch. A myriad of windows let light into this expanded historic house - the original building dates all the way back to 1982! Come by today, and soon you'll be calling this three-and-a-half story, Greco-Chateauesque Italian Revival Americana, 18,600 square foot mansion - home!

Now on to the TOP 3 PRIZEWINNING HOUSES!

It all comes down to this. It was stiff competition through and through, and the judges deliberated long and hard about who the top 3 spots should go to. Each house showed tremendous ability in craftsmanship, detailing, and McMansion Engineering. Without further ado:

Third Prize: Saccharin Sanctuary by Christa H.

The judges were wowed by the amazing craftsmanship and attention to detail present in Christa’s house. Caroline was impressed by the use of Cinnamon Toast Crunch as shingling, Anjulie loved the jellybean stone accents, and Kate found the use of sticks of gum as fake-stucco siding to be very clever. The execution of the lawyer foyer, turret, and appropriately nonsensical rear exterior put this house in to the third place slot.

Christa’s description, in perfect Realtorese:

This fabulous 1.5 story house features a gorgeous columned entry, double garage, show-stopping turret, and the picture perfect back patio. Built from the finest gingerbread and white chocolate... you can be sure that this house has a superior foundation that you can trust for years to come. Jelly Beans, spear mint Lifesavers, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Double Mint gum among other award winning materials make this house’s curb appeal unforgettable! List Price: 🍬574,900 Est Mortgage: 🍬2,240/mo Listed By: Sugar & Space Reality®️

Second Prize: The Hundred Thousand by Louisa G.

The judges were blown away by, as they say, the sheer size of this lad. The monumentality of such a massive roof must have taken some serious gingerbread engineering, all while perfectly encapsulating McMansion Roof Culture. The engineering, clean execution, attention to detail (millions of nonpareils!!), and true, well, McMansion-ness of this house vaulted (ceiling) it into 2nd place.

Louisa describes the house thusly:

The Hundred Thousand has no equal. This 37-piece towering gingerbread edifice was baked and constructed over four days during the heat of an Australian summer, by an Australian and a Finn, using a Finnish gingerbread recipe. Inspired by Mt. Nub, The Hundred Thousand boasts a porcine screaming porch, eight ahoy-mateys windows, a royally-iced gable front that almost but not entirely obscures the front door, and palatial grounds landscaped with topiary sweets, all topped off with a soaring roof tiled with hundreds & thousands.

So many hundreds & thousands were used that the builders ran out of material - causing the construction project to grind to a halt for almost ten minutes, until the Australian’s father arrived with more much-needed building supplies. The Hundred Thousand was fixed together using high-quality caramel, and is internally braced by two large gingerbread cross-panels. This fantastic abode required nearly 2kg of flour and eight eggs (provided by the Australian’s chickens) and was constructed as large as the oven would allow, measuring a whopping 40 cm across on the front facade, and nearly 30 cm high.

And finally, (DRUMROLL PLEASE)

First Prize: Casa de McGingerHell by Beth and Tina C.

From the moat, dome skylight, and lawyer foyer, to the rice crispy treat retaining wall, and chocolate rocks, this house, in the words of Caroline, was “truly next level.” The judges were blown away by the incredible attention to detail and clever use of different materials, specially the pretzel railing on the bridge, the marshmallow penguins, and we all freaked over those sugar glass and water elements. From the several different types of windows, bizarre massing, and three car garage, this house encapsulates the deranged opulence of McMansions in the sweetest way possible.

Beth and Tina describe their house:

Located centrally and literally dominating the entire living room, this McGingerMansion features over twenty handcrafted stained glass windows, a double sized garage, and three hand laid rock face walls! This gingermansion also has not one, but two incredible water features including a delightful frozen waterfall in the spacious backyard. Boasting several pre-decorated pine trees surrounding the property, this festive gingermansion showcases several dozen strands of lights and as well as a handful of charming wreaths.

The one hundred percent genuine pretzel log deck overlooking the backyard is the perfect place to entertain friends and family alike, especially during the holiday season! Standing at just over a foot and a half tall, this truly massive gingermansion has a total composition of just over twenty pans worth of gingerbread. Call now to schedule a tour today; this gingermansion won't last long! *Disclaimer: As required of us by law, we must disclose the presence of a minor pest infestation in the form of roughly a dozen cute, but possibly rabid penguins on the property.

On behalf of the judges and McMansion Hell, we would like to thank everyone who entered the competition for their amazingly wonderful houses, and for the funding from McMansion Hell’s Patreon supporters whose generosity made running the competition and supplying the prizes possible.

Stay tuned for this year’s new and exciting McMansion Hell features:

- The conclusion of the 50 states, starting with Virginia next week. - A series of essays on kitsch - Looking at McMansions decade by decades - McMansions in film and media - Updates on the McMansion Hell Book

If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!

There is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including Good House of the Week, Crowdcast streaming, and bonus essays!

Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar! Or, Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!

Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email [email protected] before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)

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thejustinmarshall · 3 years

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Homemade Hot Chocolate

When the weather turns from summer to fall, the leaves change from green to red, and the air is crisp, this recipe for decadent, rich, and delicious homemade hot chocolate will leave you feeling cozy, warm, and happy.

Homemade Hot Chocolate History

We all know hot chocolate as the warm, rich drink we enjoy on a cold night by the fire, or after engaging in winter activities such as ice skating and skiing.

But have you ever thought about this delicious beverage’s origins?

Hot chocolate’s history goes quite a way back, and the drink has changed over the years, evolving from cold and spicy to warm and sweet.

It Started in Mexico

As early as 500 BC, the Mayans were drinking chocolate made from ground-up cocoa seeds mixed with water, cornmeal, and chili peppers (as well as other ingredients)—a much different version from the hot chocolate we know today.

They would mix the drink by pouring it back and forth from a cup to a pot until a thick foam developed, and then enjoy the beverage cold. Although the chocolate drink was available to all classes of people, the wealthy would drink it from large vessels with spouts, which later would be buried along with them.

Then Made its Way to Europe

In the early 1500s, the explorer Cortez brought cocoa beans and chocolate drink-making tools to Europe. Although the drink still remained cold and bitter-tasting, it gained popularity and was adopted by the court of King Charles V as well as the Spanish upper class.

After its introduction in Spain, the drink began to be served hot, sweetened, and without chili peppers.

The Spanish were very protective of their wonderful new beverage, and it was over a hundred years before news of it began to spread across Europe.

When it hit London in the 1700s, chocolate houses (similar to today’s coffee shops) became popular and very trendy, even though chocolate was very expensive.

In the late 1700s, the president of the Royal College of Physicians, Hans Sloane, brought from Jamaica a recipe for mixing chocolate with milk, which made the drink more palatable in his opinion.

Others agreed and the English started adding milk to their chocolate; it was then enjoyed as an after-dinner beverage.

Hot Chocolate Today

Up until the 19th century, hot chocolate was used as a treatment for stomach and liver diseases as well as a special drink. Today, however, we simply treat this warm concoction as a beverage to sip and savor.

In America, hot chocolate is somewhat thin and often made by combining hot water with packets of powder, although you can find more authentic and gourmet varieties in restaurants and cafes.

Hot chocolate has become so popular in the United States that it is available in coffee vending machines. The powder is sold in packets and canisters, and coffee houses often have rich, somewhat thicker varieties on their menus.

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Frequently Asked Questions:

What supplies do I need to make homemade hot chocolate?

To make this homemade hot chocolate, you will need the following supplies:

measuring cups and spoons of various sizes

medium sized pot

whisk

toppings such as marshmallows, chocolate sauce, sprinkles, etc.

Can I refrigerate leftovers of this homemade hot chocolate?

Yes, you can refrigerate this homemade hot chocolate in a sealed food-safe container for 3-4 days. You’ll have to reheat before serving.

Add the toppings right before you’re ready to drink the homemade hot chocolate.

Can I use milk chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet chocolate chips?

Yes, you can use milk chocolate chips in this homemade hot chocolate recipe but it will alter the taste – it will be sweeter.

How can I make this homemade hot chocolate creamier?

To make this a creamier hot chocolate, stir 1 teaspoon of corn starch in with the milk before adding the other ingredients. Whisk the corn starch into the milk until no lumps remain.

Continue on with the recipe as written.

Do you have any other recipes that go with this Homemade Hot Chocolate?

Homemade Marshmallows

Chocolate dipped spoons

S’mores cupcakes

Yield: 4 servings

Homemade Hot Chocolate

Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 15 minutes

Decadent, creamy, rich homemade hot chocolate is perfect to warm you up on a crisp Fall day. Top with whipped cream, marshmallows, fudge, and everything in between.

Ingredients

3 ½ cups whole milk

½ cup heavy cream

½ cup granulated sugar

¼ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

¼ cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

¼ teaspoon salt

optional toppings: whipped cream, mini marshmallows, fudge ice cream topping

Instructions

In a medium pot, whisk together milk, heavy cream, sugar, and cocoa powder.

Place pot on the stovetop over high heat, stirring often until mixture starts to simmer. Watch this closely as milk can boil over quickly and you don’t want this to come to a full boil.

Reduce heat to medium then add in chocolate chips and stir until melted.

Remove pot from heat then stir in vanilla and salt.

Serve hot in heat-safe mugs.

Top with your choice of toppings.

Cuisine: Dessert / Category: Beverages

The post Homemade Hot Chocolate appeared first on JavaCupcake.

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the13lakes · 4 years

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Speaker list directory

He also synchronizes Harvey Keitel, Oliver Reed, Sir Ben Kingsley and Armand Assante. He lent his voice to Robert Wagner in the successful TV series “Hart aber herz”. He also lent his voice to Joe Flanagan in Stargate Atlantis, Simon Baker in The Mentalist, Karl Urban in The Lord of the Rings and Steve Coogan in Around the World in 80 Days and The Alibi. When Dietmar Wunder was cast as voice actor for Daniel Craig in "James Bond 007 - Casino Royale" in 2006, a dream came true for him. Dietmar Wunder is also active as an actor, audio book speaker, dialogue book author and regularly directs dialogue. Thomas Fritsch is a German film and television actor, voice actor and pop singer. As an actress, she was seen in the Berlin doctor series "Neues vom Bülowbogen". Private speech training / acting lessons, singing training at the "Scream Factory", since 1997 proud mother of a fabulous daughter, 1999 move to Berlin. Atlan, The Three ??? Kids, The Swarm by Frank Schätzing, Inspector Carter, John Sinclair, Meru, Perry Rhodan, Sherlock Holmes. Helmut Kraus is a German actor, cabaret artist, voice actor, educated pedagogue and dubbing director. "Form your opinion" - picture, "Quality is the best recipe" - Dr. Oetker, "The Adviser Bank - Dresdener Bank", Faire Ultra, Opel, Stern TV, Vox and many more. David Nathan also works as a dubbing writer, dialogue director, radio play speaker and reciter. "Germany from above" or "Expedition into the brain" and of course in radio plays and also in advertising for radio spots and TV spots. She is active throughout Germany as a voice actress as well as a TV and advertising officer. your input here A wide field of application is also that E-learning area and she sets documentaries and radio plays to music. She was born on April 4, 1984 in the Austrian town of Frisch (Carinthia) and attended the "Emil Mola School" in Berlin.

Speaker Name: Susan, Gender: Female, Language: English (IRL) h3>

He also speaks the cartoon character of Russell Crowe in the South Park episode "The Russell Crowe Show". His most famous role is that of Diego in Ice Age, Ice Age 2 - Now Taut's, Ice Age 3 - The Dinosaurs Are On, Ice Age 4 - Fully Moved and Ice Age - Collision Ahead! Thomas Fritsch can also be heard in the radio play series "The Three Question Marks" and as Lukas in the cartoon adaptation of "Jim Knopf and Lukas the Engine Driver". From an early age he worked in many well-known radio play productions, among others.

Speaker Name: Simone, Gender: Female, Language: Spanish (Latin American) h2> His concise voice made him a popular voice actor in the 80s. He gave his distinctive voice to the main character of the successful TV series "The Night Hawk", Jack Kilian (presenter at a radio station - played by Gary Cole). Sloth Sid has been feeling lonely since his mammoth friends Manni and Elli are looking forward to their first mammoth baby. Security expert Will Sawyer (Dwayne Johnson) is blamed for the fire in the world's tallest skyscraper. As every year, the teenagers of Panem tremble, which two teenagers from each of the twelve districts have to compete in the state-ordered gladiatorial fight. Europe 1805. The British can still keep the warlike Napoleon in check at sea.

#schwarzenegger jackie chan documentaire

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thecookiecouture · 4 years

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La receta mas facil para preparar royal icing en 2020

#receta de royal icing #royal icing recipe in soanish #Spanish cookie decorating videos #royal icing #thecookiecouture #cookie decorating Spanish cookie #cookie decorating #decorated cookies 2020 #best decorated cookies recipes

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savetopnow · 6 years

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2018-04-03 17 FOOD now

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barinacraft · 6 years

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Craft Of The Cocktail - Drink Recipes, Bar Tales, History & Trivia

Mastering Mixed Drinks

Dale “King Cocktail” DeGroff is a pioneer in handcrafted cocktails and a universally acknowledged expert in mixology. His first book, The Craft of the Cocktail - everything you need to know to be a master bartender, should be near the top of your list for addition into your home bar's reference library.

Packed with 500 drink recipes, this cookbook of sorts also contains a history of spirits & cocktails, detailed information on bartending tools & techniques, and stocking recommendations for the essential bar.* Inserted throughout the book are anecdotes, cocktail trivia and tales from behind the bar sure to entertain your guests.

Limeys Were Just A Bit Groggy

Here's a bit of nautical cocktail trivia presented in the book. Old Grogram:

“In 1740, Admiral Vernon, the commander of the British naval forces in the West Indies and a hero after capturing Porto Bello from the Spanish, cut the established rum ration for British seamen operating in the Caribbean to a half pint mixed in a half pint of water. Vernon reasoned that with the heat, disease, and dysentery that were unavoidable hazards of operating in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, at least he could keep the men from falling out of the rigging stinking with rum.

Vernon cut an imposing figure partly because of his greatcoat, which was made of a blend of silk and wool called grogram. He was soon nicknamed Old Grogram, and his watered-down rum was called grog. Vernon later added lime juice and sugar to the rum barrels to make a more palatable mix ( sounds remarkably like a Daiquiri, which according to lore wasn't invented until about 150 years later in the town of Daiquiri, Cuba ).”

Vernon was lucky or ahead of his time because in 1753 a Scottish surgeon named James Lind noticed that fresh fruit and fresh vegetables relieved the symptoms of scurvy. In 1793 the British Navy formally adopted the mixture of lime juice and rum begun 53 years earlier by Vernon. From then on British seamen were referred to as Limeys.

Drink Up His Cocktail Expertise

While home bar owners don't need to be cocktail experts, this book will take you in a step in that direction if so desired. Along with the basics, Dale shares the same information he trains professional bartenders with in his seminars. Included in the 500 recipes are vintage cocktails, popular drinks and unique original creations.†

Keep The Craft of the Cocktail book handy in your home as it is sure to become a go to reference for your bar. Order your copy today.

References

* - A technique called flaming is illustrated on the book cover ( artwork may vary ) and is used in a number of cocktail recipes in this book. A lit match is used to flame the oils in citrus peels imparting extra flavor to the drink. While this creates a festive pyrotechnic display for your guests, that self explanatory sentence should serve as a warning to the dangers which may not be appropriate for bars in your home without strict safety measures in place.

† - Over 130 original drink recipes by Dale DeGroff are listed in The Craft of the Cocktail including the Adonis Cocktail 11, Agave Punch, Alizé Cocktail, Añejo Highball, Apricot Cocktail, Apricot-Mango Martini, Bahía Breeze, Barcelona (frozen), Belmont Breeze, Blackberry Julep, Black Widow, Bloodhound, Bloody San, Caribbean Bulldog, Caribe Cosmopolitan, Casino Royale, Chai Toddy, Caipirinha (cherry), Champagne Passion, Champagne Tropicale, Cherry Crush, Cherry Kiss, Citrus Cream, Coco Berry, Colony Room Cocktail, Cosmalize, Cupid's Cocktail, Brandy Cobbler, Champagne Cobbler, Gin Cobbler, Japanese Cobbler, Port Cobbler, Sherry Cobbler, Whiskey Cobbler, Dale's Absolutely Guaranteed Aphrodisiac, Dale's Orangesicle, Dark and Stormy II, Di Saronno Punch, Dubliner, Dusty Rose, Edith's Fizz, Fancy Nancy, Fancy Tequila Cocktail, Fitzgerald, Faux Nog, Flirtini, Whiskey Fizz, Gin and Sin, Gin Gin Highball, Golden Girl, Harry's Harveys Punch, Hawaiian Stone Sour, Ice House Highball, Irish Coconut, Island Breeze, Jacana, Japanese Fizz, Dale's Julep, Peach Brandy Julep, Pineapple Julep, Rainbow Julep, Jump Shot, Lemon Daisy, Lemon Meringue, Leprechaun's Delight, London Iced Tea, Lizzy Sour, Lucky Double, Mandrin Cherry Smash, Eastern Manhattan, Frozen Passion Margarita, Dale's Ultimate Mango-Rita, Passion Margarita, Sour Apple Martini, Broken Heart Martini, Melon Martini, Sake-Tini, Soho Martini, Yin Martini, Yang Martini, Millennium Cocktail (a.k.a East India Cocktail), Meloncholy Baby, Melon Daiquiri, Melon Lime Daiquiri, Mexican Blonde, Mud and Blood, Musk We, Negrita, New Orleans Cocktail, Old Flame, Orange Breeze, Oyster Shooter, Pica Cocktail, Pilgrim Cocktail, Port Whiskey Punch, Punch and Plain (and Sweet), Harvest Moon Punch, Pushcart Punch Cocktail, Watermelon Punch, Planter's Punch Variation, Rainbow Punch, Rainbow Sour, Stone Rickey, City Rickey, Lime Rickey, Ritz Cocktail, Rosarita Highball, Rosarita, Rum Swizzle, Rye Club Cocktail, Salt-And-Pepper Highball, Scarlett's Torch, Sevilla, South Beach, South Of The Border, Sparkling Hunt Punch, Steeplechase, Stella's Rose, Sundowner, Sunset Breeze, Trinidad, Tropical Highball, Tropical Whiskey Punch, 209 East Cocktail, Virgin Champagne Cocktail, Virgin Kir Royale, Virgin Royal Hawaiian, Whiskey Peach Smash, Whiskey Plush, Whiskey Smash, White Bat, and the Wonder Bra.

#Books #Cocktails #Bartending #Drinks #Nautical #History #Tools #Mixology

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ilovingcollectiongalaxy · 4 years

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Actors never drink real liquor in the movies (usually), just like they never smoke real cigarettes or fire real bullets. But watching Sean Connery sip a vodka martini—shaken, not stirred—in Dr. No makes you want to try it yourself, right? Same goes for those perfectly crafted old fashioneds on Mad Men, and don’t even get us started on the abundance of libations in Cocktail, starring Tom Cruise.

Lemon peels are draped perfectly over the side of a glass. Bloody Mary’s look stately, especially for a boozy brunch staple. White Russian’s are always creamy and decadent. So how do you achieve perfection in your own kitchen or at-home bar?

3 Awesome Cocktail Recipes That Celebrate Summer

We consulted with James Gelmi, bar director at Grain & Cane in New Jersey, on how to replicate 11 classic movie cocktails at home, optimizing them for the most delicious, movie-accurate recipes. Next time you’re hosting a movie night, you’ll have plenty more to mix up than just one vodka martini after another. (Though we do have a recipe for that one, too.)

20 Cocktail Recipes Every Man Should Know How to Make

1. Screwdriver, ‘Jackie Brown’

Quentin Tarantino’s movies are full of iconic cocktails. And while Samuel L. Jackson’s cool criminal in Jackie Brown lounges around drinking screwdrivers with store-bought OJ, Gelmi suggests you use fresh-squeezed juice. “A really cool way to have it is if you do it out of a centrifugal juicer, like a really powerful juicer,” Gelmi says. “When you aerate the juice, it's [called] ‘fluffy juice’ and has a much more rich texture on the palate.”

2 oz vodka, preferably Belvedere

4–6 oz orange juice, freshly squeezed

Pour vodka into highball glass full of ice

Pour orange juice to fill

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

2. Vesper, ‘Casino Royale’

Instead of a vodka martini, Daniel Craig’s James Bond orders gin in Casino Royale. And he’s very specific with the recipe. “[It's] Gordon’s gin,” Gelmi says. “You’re showing your age when you order a gin cocktail with Gordon’s.” For a more palatable cocktail for our era, Gelmi recommends adjusting the proportions to have less gin, more Lillet Blanc (Bond’s has Kina Lillet, which since changed names), and the addition of orange bitters. As for “shaken, not stirred,” Gelmi advocates for stirring every time: “What happens when you stir a drink like that is, you allow it to have a silky texture on the palate.”

2 measures Gordon’s gin

1 measure vodka

¾ measure Lillet Blanc

2 dashes orange bitters

Stir—not shake—ingredients and pour into martini or coupe glass

Express a thin slice of lemon peel over drink

Brent Hofacker / Shutterstock

3. White Russian, ‘The Big Lebowski’

The Big Lebowski is a cult classic, so it's no wonder fans couldn't get enough of Jeff Bridges’ character's favorite drink: the White Russian. You can shake the ingredients together over fresh ice and add cream if you want to get fancy. “But the Dude would just stir it with his finger," Gelmi jokes. "I don't think there's anything wrong with that.” Do it however you want. It’s just, like, your opinion, man.

1 oz Kahlúa

1½ oz vodka

1 oz heavy cream

Shake liquor together once or twice and pour into rocks glass over fresh ice

Top with cream; optionally, stir with your finger

Ekaterina_Molchanova / Shutterstock

4. Aqua Velva, ‘Zodiac’

The aqua velva, Jake Gyllenhaal’s geeky beverage of choice in Zodiac, has a storied history. (It’s certainly more colorful than Brian Cox’s hot toddy.) But basically, the aqua velva is sugary, silly, and will get you blasted. In TGI Fridays’ heyday, they were called Electric Lemonades. Gelmi isn’t a fan. “I might as well have a bottle of soda at that point. Or just a glass full of sugar,” he says. So his version skips the Sprite and calls for added vodka and gin, as well as club soda and fresh-squeezed lemon or lime juice.

2 oz vodka

2 oz gin

1 oz blue curaçao

1 bar spoon of grenadine

½ oz citrus juice

1 oz club soda

Orange slice

Maraschino cherry

Shake vodka, gin, curaçao, grenadine, and citrus juice together

Pour into a hurricane glass filled with ice

Top with an orange slice and maraschino cherry on a toothpick; optionally, add a cocktail umbrella or two

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

5. Sweet Vermouth on the Rocks With a Twist, ‘Groundhog Day’

“People know what vermouths are now because of the popularity of craft cocktails,” Gelmi says. But it used to be just cocktail geeks, bartenders, and 85-year-olds who knew about it. For a vermouth that really stands out, Gelmi recommends Carpano Antica, an Italian bottle on the pricey side. “It’s worth every penny—one of the best sweet vermouths in the world, probably,” he says.

3 oz Carpano Antica vermouth (or to fill glass)

Lemon peel

Stir vermouth and ice into rocks glass

Express lemon peel over glass and top

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

6. Bloody Mary, ‘Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood’

When Rick Dalton and his stuntman, Cliff Booth, are hanging out in a high-end L.A. restaurant, Cliff is pouring extra Tabasco and pepper into a tall Bloody Mary with an even taller stalk of celery poking out of it. Everyone has their own spin on the drink. “As many times as people try and do it with fresh tomatoes,” he said, “for it to be true to what it is, you need to have that Sacramento tomato juice base.” As for the spirit, Gelmi loves St. George Green Chile vodka: “It adds a nice kick to it, but it also has a nice vegetal pepper-fruit flavor.”

1 cup quality Sacramento tomato juice

1 tsp black pepper

1 tsp celery salt

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

½ oz Tabasco sauce

1 tbsp olive brine

2 tsp lemon juice

1 tsp horseradish

½ tsp lemon pepper

2 oz St. George Green Chile vodka

Lemon pepper and celery salt for rim

Tall celery stalk

Lemon wedge, optional

Pickled onions or celery, optional

Rim a Collins glass (though Cliff drinks from a hurricane) with lemon pepper and celery salt combined

Shake Bloody Mary ingredients together and pour over ice

Add celery stalk and other optional toppings

Foodio / Shutterstock

7. Tequila Zombie, ‘Inherent Vice’

If you find yourself stuck in a Thomas Pynchon novel, sitting in a coastal seafood bar chatting about a kidnapping case, the tequila zombie is the right pick for you. Basically, it’s just a bunch of different rums or tequilas mixed together with some citrus to help it all go down, but the point isn’t that it tastes good. The point is that it gets you so blasted, you won’t be able to taste the seafood. If you want to try to make it something artisanal, Gelmi says, the secret is homemade grenadine and passion fruit. “A passion fruit puree or a passion fruit syrup. But I'd really recommend the puree of the fruit itself.” You can make passion fruit syrup by dissolving sugar into water, removing from heat, and letting passion fruit flesh sit in it for two hours before straining.

1¼ oz blanco tequila

1¼ oz reposado tequila

1¼ oz mezcal

1 oz fresh lime juice

¾ oz passion fruit syrup

½ oz homemade grenadine syrup

Orange wedge

Strawberry

Lime, sliced and cut into wedges

Shake tequilas with lime juice and syrups

Pour into hurricane glass over ice

Top with a bamboo skewer with orange half-slice, whole strawberry, lime slice, and lime wedge

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

8. Old Fashioned, ‘Mad Men’

“The old fashioned is an umbrella term,” Gelmi always says. “[It's] a style of drink-making that has bitters, sugar, spirit, and water. The water in my old fashioned is by way of dilution.” Everyone has their own recipe for the drink—Don Draper’s has a maraschino cherry, sugar, angostura bitters, club soda, and an orange peel. Just make sure that whatever spirit you put in isn’t so high-end that you wouldn’t want to mix it with anything. And Gelmi emphasized the importance of expressing oils from the peels—like how you’ll see bartenders squeezing and twisting peels over glasses and sometimes rubbing the peel on the rim—to get those subtle flavors into the drink.

2 oz Woodford Reserve Bourbon 3–5 dashes angostura bitters 2–3 dashes Regan’s No. 6 orange bitters 1 bar spoon rich demerara syrup Hand-cut ice Lemon peel Orange peel

Build drink in beaker and stir to dilute

Pour over hand-cut ice in a rocks glass

Express lemon and orange peel over drink and add

Becca Eley / Shutterstock

9. Banana Daiquiri, ‘The Godfather Part II’

“How do you say ‘banana daiquiri’ in Spanish?” If you, like Fredo, want to celebrate Cuba by flaunting a fatal lack of masculinity, dive into this exceptionally frilly banana daiquiri recipe. This one doesn’t use mashed banana, opting instead for banana liqueur and some rich demerara syrup, which you can make by boiling one part water, adding two parts turbinado sugar, and cooling. This recipe’s for a frozen daiquiri, but you could also shake it with ice and strain it into a glass if you don’t want to drink a rum smoothie.

1 oz white rum

1 oz dark rum

¾ oz banana liqueur

1 bar spoon rich demerara syrup

¾ oz lime juice

Spoonful fresh whipped cream, optional

Maraschino cherries, optional

Blend ingredients with ice in blender until smooth

Pour into a coupe or poco grande glass

Top with whipped cream and a maraschino cherry or two (optional)

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

10. Vodka Watermelon, ‘The Irishman’

The vodka watermelon is exceptionally easy. It’s just stuffing a bottle of (preferably) cheap vodka into a watermelon and letting the fruit absorb all the alcohol. In The Irishman, it’s how you drank during meetings when your boss doesn’t eat watermelon. For you, it could be the centerpiece of your next summer cookout.

Bottle of cheap vodka

Watermelon

Cut a hole 2 inches in diameter in the rind of a watermelon, making sure to cut through to the flesh

Put the watermelon in a bowl, keeping a rag on-hand to wipe up excess liquor

Open vodka bottle and insert into melon

Let sit overnight, or until bottle is empty

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

11. Frozen Margaritas, ‘Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood’

There are too many good drinks in Once Upon a Time...in Hollywood. To leave out Rick Dalton’s midnight margarita, which he drinks straight out of the blender while yelling at hippies to get off his street, would be a damn shame. “Frozen margaritas are really simple,” Gelmi says. “They were probably using a sweet and sour mix. That's just kind of the way things were done around that time.” He recommends pouring them into oversized margarita glasses, rimmed with salt, but you could also just salt-rim your blender if you wanted to drink it like DiCaprio.

2 oz tequila

¾ oz fresh squeezed lime juice

¾ oz orange curaçao or Grand Marnier

¼ oz agave syrup

Fill blender with ice

Combine ingredients for single margarita until blender is full

(Optional) Pour into a large salt-rimmed margarita bowl

Clement Obropta for Men's Journal

The post 11 Iconic Movie Cocktails You Can Make at Home appeared first on Men's Journal.

from Men's Journal Latest Food & Drink News https://ift.tt/3db6zdQ

#Health and Fitness News #Blogger

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