#pushing himself to be in person more both motivated by cay to see him

[cerealmonster15]

I’m acting on a whim and posting some unfinished(?) fanfic stuff I wrote like a year ago. Part of my many branches of caterella aus that has vague reference to one of my rsa ocs (dañarte)… but with a cater/idia main plot with jamil/azul happening in he background. My blurbs ended in a bit of a sad spot BUT it was always the intention in my mind that there would be happy resolutions 🙏 these were just little things I wrote for my friend and me bc it was an au we talked about…

Context: idia and cater are bonding, but only online over magicam, and idia is kinda catfishing cater (though not maliciously). when i was trying to name my original rsa oc (char) and looking at names, eppa was one of my initial possible choices. It was maybe my friend who had the idea initially of idia having a fake, RSA princely identity that cater gets to know over magicam?

Eventually I picked char for my actual guy, and dañarte became his cousin via me making typos and more discord sillies lol, but prince eppa became a pseudonym for idia and created another branch for the story. I’ve talked a bit about the dañarte lore and some of that comes into play here. Char I guess would too but I don’t think he got mentioned anywhere lol sorry buddy. But ya idia is pretending to be a prince at rsa named eppa who “secretly likes video games” or whatever I think lol. Idia likes his bond with cater but can’t even begin to think of how cater would react if he found out idia was lying to him.

Anyway. This is more cater/idia (and board game boys friendship) focused than anything (lots of idia pov pining lol) and idk if anyone would wanna read it but I’m putting it here to record keep anyway. No ao3 Bc It’s very unedited and unfinished and just kinda blurb writing lol

But it’s the only time if technically written for caydia. And I do like it. It’s just embarrassing bc I get embarrassed with my oc things and my love for romance drama but i guess I’ve been exposing more of it lately lol… shout out to anyone who recognizes the fic I’m referencing that I DID post lol.

Anyway. Copy pasted from my Google docs:

Idia’s computer pinged as a message appeared on screen.

C.Dia - eppa, are u awake?

Idia looked at the clock, startled. It was 3AM… Idia was still up because he was grinding a new event in one of his many, many, many games, but what the heck was Cater Diamond doing up at this hour? Had he just gotten back from a party?

PrinceEppa: ya, why r u tho? It’s crazy late lol

C.Dia: lol ikr

C.Dia: i just cant sleep rn >.<

PrinceEppa: how come?

C.Dia: i got into a fight w/my bf again…

Idia sighed at his computer. Right… Cater’d started dating that prettyboy from RSA.

PrinceEppa: 0~0 thats like the third time this month…

C.Dia: ya ik ;-;

Idia fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. He didn’t really know if his heart could take hearing Cater talk about another guy, but the thought of Cater laying around sad and alone made him ache just as bad… But what was he supposed to say in times like these? Idia didn’t know anything about comforting someone about relationships! He barely talked to people in general!

Thankfully, Cater kept going and spared Idia the anguish of trying to figure out what to do next.

C.Dia: are u going to bed rn?

PrinceEppa: no lol ill be up for a while longer.

C.Dia: royalty keeps busy at all hours huh?

Idia tensed at the mention of his lies.

PrinceEppa: something like that. Balancing the princely duties and the princely gamer sessions is tough work 😌

C.Dia: LOL. never change eppa <3

His face grew warm, a bittersweet swelling filling his chest.

C.Dia: can u chat with me a lil longer then?

C.Dia: tell me about ur day or ur games or w/e? I kinda just want a distraction, i dont really wanna be alone rn

C.Dia: if ur not busy anyway >.< it’s oki if you wanna focus on ur gamer mode lololol

Idia paused for a moment, before moving his mouse and closing out of his game. The rest of the event grind could wait.

PrinceEppa: im never too busy for you, cay.

C.Dia: thx <3

Sometimes, even for the prince of otakus, there were more important things than gaming…

But only when those things were really, really, really special.

*

“I heard Cater and that RSA boyfriend of his broke up.” Azul spoke after several minutes of silently moving chess pieces around the board.

Idia frowned. “Don’t try and use that as a distraction from the game just because I’m winning.”

Azul kept his face neutral so as not to betray any bluff he might have. “Perish the thought. I just thought his sweet prince eppa would be interested in such information.”

“SHH!” Idia hissed. “Not so loud! Besides, I-I already know. He told me…”

Azul raised an eyebrow. “He told you, or he told Eppa?”

Idia focused on the chess piece he moved. “Same thing.”

Azul sighed as he took his own piece and contemplated his next move. “Hardly. Honestly, how can you ever expect to move your relationship forward if you don’t unmask yourself? All this bonding will be for nothing if you don’t use it to the full extent!”

Idia rolled his eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it from you of all people. How long have you been saying you’re gonna ask Jamil out?”

It was Azul’s turn to shush Idia, face reddening. “How is that even relevant?!”

Idia grinned. “Cuz you keep going on and on to me about how I should be more confident with Cater, but you won’t even take the plunge with Jamil! Hypocrisy much?”

“I’m simply waiting for the right time. I would be a fool if I didn’t stick with my patient strategy of getting him to warm up to me before striking! Move too early, and I’ll undo all my progress…”

Idia sighed, thinking back to all the hours he’d spent DMing Cater under a fake name. They’d gotten quite close, but as far as Cater knew, Idia was still that vague acquaintance in the back of his classes.

If he messed up by telling him his identity at the wrong moment, or didn’t phrase it right…

“Lost progress… that’s exactly what I’m afraid of…”

*

“Idia!” Cater’s cheerful voice called out as he approached the lecture hall desks. “You’re in person again today; that’s three for three this week!” He spoke with a smile as he slid into the seat next to Idia.

Idia jumped at the sudden appearance of his classmate. “O-oh, uh, yeah…”

“Oh, B-T-W, did you hear that Azul and Jamil were on a date Friday night?” Cater said in a half-whisper, leaning close to Idia’s ear.

“Uhh…” Idia didn’t really know how to answer that. Sure, he knew Azul had some overly complicated date-but-not-a-date plan to get Jamil to hang out with him, and then ask him out for real, but how did Cater hear about…?

“I was hangin’ out with the pop music club on Friday when Ruggie texted Kalim that he was serving their table! Isn’t that just crazy?”

Ah. Kalim and Ruggie. That explained it all.

“I mean, I always wondered if those two had something goin’ on, y’know? Like, they had that ‘will they, wont they, playing hard to get’ kind of vibe. Super cute, if you ask me.”

Idia wasn’t really sure that ‘cute’ was a good way to describe anything those two were involved in, but he simply nodded his head along to Cater’s blathering, as he discreetly pulled his phone out of his pocket and switched to his Prince Eppa magicam account, reading the messages from that morning.

PrinceEppa: howre u feeling?

C.Dia: like total trash lol…..

C.Dia: ik he was a jerk but like i miss him, yknow??

C.Dia: or maybe i just miss having someone there. And its almost valentines day lol. Shit timing amirite?

PrinceEppa: that really does suck… im sorry, cater.

C.Dia: thanks, it’s oki tho. Better to get it overwith lol

C.Dia: i really dont wanna get out of bed or go to class…

PrinceEppa: mood

PrinceEppa: u really should tho. Ik it’s hard but itll feel worse if u stay there all alone

C.Dia: urk. Idk if i have the energy to be around people today

PrinceEppa: tbh i get that… i dont rlly wanna go face people either today…

PrinceEppa: how about we try it together?

C.Dia: i wish u went to my school so we really could go to class together <3

C.Dia: but oki. I'll try, for you :)

PrinceEppa: :)

If Cater really was feeling as bad as he felt, he was pretty good at hiding it with that blinding smile and bubbly laughter.

Sure, Idia’s first instinct would be to immediately enable anyone that wanted to spend the day hiding in bed, but… The thought of Cater lying alone in the dark with his thoughts just made Idia sad.

And, if he did that, Idia wouldn’t get to see him in class today…

“Oooh, do you think Azul and Jamil are gonna go out again on Valentine’s day?”

That depends on what Jamil answered on Azul’s questionnaire, Idia thought to himself. He was sure he’d get a full report from Azul later that day at their next club meeting.

Cater sighed. “Another Valentine’s day, and Cay-Cay’s single yet again!” He smiled, but Idia felt that his eyes weren’t lit as bright as they normally were as he spoke. “But, I’m sure some of the boys at Heartslabyul will be hangin’ around like always. It’s never lonely when you live with friends!” He turned to face Idia again. “What about you, Idia? Any steamy plans for Valentine’s day?”

“U-uh…” Idia started fiddling with his hair. It was now or never. ‘A-Actually, Cater… M-my dorm, Ignihyde, we’re h-hosting a movie night that night… Y’know, ‘cause a lot of us don’t really have plans for Valentine’s day and don’t wanna be sulking alone…” He swallowed a lump in his throat and took a deep breath. “...Y-you can come join, i-if you want…?”

Cater blinked a few times, a look of surprise on his face, before breaking into a smile and giving Idia’s arm a small squeeze of a hug. “OMG, movie night at Ignihyde?! I hear you guys have like, the sickest setup! That sounds great; count me in!”

Idia breathed a sigh of relief as the professor began class.

A few seconds in, his phone quietly vibrated as a single message came through. Idia glanced at it from down in his jacket pocket.

C.Dia: a rlly sweet guy in my class just invited me to hang out w/him and his dormmates on valentines day

C.Dia: u were right about getting out of bed. i think ill be okay today ^.^

***

“Hey, Idia…” Cater put his phone down, magicam abandoned where he’d paused on a video of a turtle swimming around an aquarium. “We’ve gotten a bit closer lately, huh?”

Idia paused the game he had up on his tablet. “H-huh? Oh, uh, y-yeah…”

“So, uh,” Cater played with a strand of his hair. “Do you mind if I talk to you about something a little… personal?”

Idia froze. Abort mission, find an escape route, he was not a high enough level for this kind of topic yet! Maybe Eppa was, but Idia!?

And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to just say no when Cater was looking at him with those soft green eyes.

“S-sure…”

“Thanks! Y’know, you’re really sweet, and like, such a good listener…”

Idia hoped the redness of his face was hidden behind the flames of his hair that flickered in every direction.

“And I’ve just been feeling so… confused lately, about where my heart’s at. My feelings feel like they’re being pulled in so many different directions!”

Idia could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Cater sighed, laying his head down on the table. “My ex asked me on a date today. He wants me to give him another chance.”

The burning sensation from Idia’s insides made a 180 as he felt his blood go cold. This was the last thing he wanted to hear his normie crush come and tell him without warning…

“And the craziest part? I said I’d think about it.”

Oh god.

“I know that’s like, totally insane after everything that happened, but… I dunno, seeing him around now that he goes to school here just has my head all scrambled!” He picked his head up from the table, opened his phone again, and gave the turtle video a like before standing back up suddenly. “Gosh, sorry, I don’t know why I just came over here and dumped that on you, Idia. I guess I just find you so easy to talk to, I get a little carried away!” He said with a nervous laugh.

Lucky Idia.

“But, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure things out for myself. It’ll be A-okay!” Cater gave an unconvincing thumbs up before turning to leave.

Super lucky.

*

“Azul, today might actually be the worst day of my life.” Idia said as he dragged himself into the clubroom and plopped down in the seat across from Azul in their usual spot.

“...Hm? Oh, hello, Idia.” Azul looked up from his phone. “I believe you said the same thing when you came in here to lament about Cater getting together with his… boyfriend, a while back.” Azul seemed tense at the very concept of Danarte. He hadn’t exactly been a fan of the guy since he transferred to not just NRC, but into Scarabia specifically, where he’d made a point to hover around Kalim and Jamil as much as possible.

“I mean, it’s basically the same level of despair. Cater just told me Danarte not only asked him out, but that he’s considering it!” Idia dropped his head facedown onto the table in sorrow. “Like, how could I lose to the same guy twice!? Ugh, honestly, there’s no one as pathetic as me. I am having the WORST time, and NO ONE could possibly understand the agony I’m in right now!”

Azul chuckled, his tone solemn and hollow. “I’ll do you one better. Jamil broke up with me today.”

Wait, what?

Idia’s head shot up as he squinted at Azul, who was gazing sadly at his phone again. “Huh!? Wh- Huh!? What happened?”

Azul sighed. “We had another fight- and I mean, you know how we are. We have our differences, our disagreements, and the two of us can be a bit… stubborn at times. But we always figure it out! We were doing so well… At least, I thought we were.” Azul rested his chin in his hands. “But I suppose Jamil didn’t feel that way. He said he’d had enough of the relationship. Enough of me.”

Azul bowed his head to stare down at the table.

Idia wondered if he was trying not to cry. He looked out the window, both out of respect, and also because it felt kind of awkward to stare at his friend who was clearly just barely holding it together after getting dumped.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, when it was clear neither of them wanted to discuss their woes anymore, Idia spoke. “Uh, wanna play the VR headset boardgames today? Now’s kinda the perfect time to… Escape reality, right?”

Azul lifted his gaze to Idia. “...You just want to make me use the virtual dice again because you know I can’t use my perfected dice strategy on them, don’t you?” He straightened his posture, standing up to get the headsets. “I’ll have you know I won’t let your silly game of virtual chance best me today!”

Oh thank god that worked. Idia didn’t think either of them could handle any more emotions for the day, so he stood up and followed Azul with a grin. “Hehe, we’ll see about that, Azul.”

#cereal writes #ocs #oc: dañarte #kind of. he’s not here but he’s involved #uhhh I’m not putting my mess in the main tags #ur allowed to rb or whatever I just dhfbgbgbg I can’t put this in the tags #it’s by will of god if u see it. or if you happen to be looking on my blog for things I guess LOL #I wrote these bits spaced out over time too #each chunk was as I had a later idea and it was in order as I went #but Idr how far apart they were #last time was apparently sept last year #anyway the point was cater and idia could be a lil more real with each other online #cater a bit more open about his melancholy #and idia more encouraging and then #pushing himself to be in person more both motivated by cay to see him #and bc their convos make him wanna be better or whatever idk #sorry the jamiazu bits may not make sense if you haven’t done the prerequisite reading LOL it’s not a big deal tho

[jimmythejiver]

For the first time in a long time I went to the movies in forever and then to Target. At Target I see some Godiva bars on discount yellow tags and I was ecstatic until I read 70% Cacao, Dark, Salted Caramel and was deflated.

Anyway that's how I felt about seeing The Green Knight. What you thought this was about chocolate?

No see since the pandemic I've been back on my perennial King Arthur kick. I've for a long time since I was a young preteen thought, someday I too will write my own King Arthur epic and it'll be gay, magical, gangster and culty too, but for now I'll make up my own stories for practice and then with every story I got attached too, it got too involved and convoluted to the point that when it came down to actually writing a novel, I threw it all away and made a space opera I only planned in two weeks and wrote in a month. Anyway...so now I've been writing this very gay, magical, gangster and culty take on Final Fantasy XV with my boyfriend and just fell in love with Somnus Lucis Caelum who nobody has any insight about him than to make him the Mordred to Ardyn's Arthur, which is a strange flex, but okay, I thought about what if I wrote a Dark Age prequel about Ardyn and Somnus, but Ardyn becomes king and Somnus his shogun and they play games of seduction and power because I'm twisted like that. Anyway...I was like I'm never going to write this and I have to keep making up characters based on FFXV characters and King Arthur tropes because there's not a lot of stories that take place during the Dark Ages, it's always some Roman Empire story, or High Middle Ages and FFXV gave no room for either society to happen after the fall of Solheim and the rise of King Somnus...so we left with Dark Ages, y'all, the King Arthur comparisons are obvious, but Ardyn is no Arthur and Somnus is no Mordred, Aera is only Guenevere if you make up an affair with Somnus, Gilgamesh is no Bedwyr/Bedivere, but uh...they both amputees and the oldest companions to their respective kings so...I guess. Anyway making an ancestor of Cor Leonis and deciding well he's Owain/Yvain, or am Ignis type as idk Sir Cai/Kay I guess, they both cook, but Cai's more like Seifer Almasy than any FF character... Anyway I'm losing people.

My plan was to just scrap the FFXV prequel, leave my Somnus ideas into Overtime (a gangster and gods story) and just plan an actual King Arthur adaptation. I'd have King Arthur the treasure hunter, leader of a warband turned founder of Camelot who fights giants, giant cats and dogheads, but also fights King Claudas of the Franks and King Aelle of the Saxons and Cerdic a Briton who puts in his lot with the Saxons, etc. It'd been a a glorified turf war, meanwhile Arthur's gotta make alliances with King Pelles, The Fisher King and his strange cult he's founded because, why yes I find the ends justifies the means prophecy of the Holy Grail Quest very culty because Christianity then does not resemble it now. Meanwhile you got the secondary plots of Mordred, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Tristam and other's going on because they matter and too many modern King Arthur stories sideline the knights.

So many have always sidelined Mordred as a final boss eldritch abomination in mortal flesh conceived of sin and give him no personality, or complex motives, or even just a relationship with Arthur. I also have noticed the general sidelining of Lancelot, or give him a chad villain upgrade if you must include him at all, and the villainizing of Gawain to the point that you don't even have to have Mordred, or Agravain as a catalyst shit stirrer in court, just slap Gawain's name on Liam Neeson in a top knot and you're good. Mordred can just be a child offscreen until last act...fuck that, while Morgan Le Fay can either be a villainess plotting her cabal through men, or a well-intentioned, ineffectual idiot. Fuck that.

Now Hollywood just be doing King Arthur first acts that suck ass, only for said director to get rewarded failing upwards by giving this same jerk the Aladdin remake. The tonally shitty, crammed in blockbuster mess of a cliche heroe's journey that sucks.

With that background I was excited for The Green Knight. I read an illustrative version as a kid, I read Tolkien's translation as a teenager, I read Simon Armitage's superior, but with liberties taken translation. I was prepped to go knowing that indie, or not they were going to make changes to weave the disjointed poem together. I'm excited that because this movie exists Project Guternberg's finally thrown Jessie Weston's prose rendition up on their website. I'll be reading that at some point when this blows over.

The movie adaptation makes a lot of...choices, many I wouldn't love, but would forgive had their been a payoff. There was none.

The journey was fine, the cinematography was a breath of fresh air after crappy slo mo, glossy action scenes ruined another. Guys, I don't think I want to see a Zack Snyder Excalibur, it'll marginally be better than Guy Ritchie, but that ain't saying anything. Leave Excalibur to the post-Star Wars 80s where it is impeccable for it's time. I liked Green Knight's breathable pacing, it's color palette's in the forests and mountains made up for the muddy grey of every Ridley Scott send up in the castles and villages in every other Dark Ages/Medieval story in the last I don’t know since the shitty 00′s. For all the dark tones when there was blues, greens, yellows or reds, they were vibrant in this movie to contrast the gloom of Britain. The soundtrack was good. This isn't all what makes a movie, but it enhances it so let's get to the story and what I did and didn't like.

Things I Liked: Gawain is still a novice in his career The Costume Dressing Everyone pronounces Gawain's name different. I pronounce it like Gwayne, or Guh Wayne, but here you got Gowen (like Owen), Gowan (like Rowan), or even Garlon who I'm pretty sure is the Fisher King's heir in some versions of that Arthurian story, so uh... The reference to Arthur slaying 960 men with his bare hands (Nennius for the win!) The Waste Land that is implied to be a site of a battle (an important aspect of the Arthurian landscape) The Fox companion No long grisly, drawn out hunting scenes. The Fox lives! No misogynist speeches

Things I'm Mixed: This being a dream, is the magic real? Are the giants? Is the Green Knight a figment of Gawain's imagination from a spell Morgan casted in him to hallucinate? Is Lord and Lady also figments? It's...a way to interpret the poem, but lazy and I don't see why it's got to all fantasy, or all dream...this movie makes it too vague you're stuck picking one camp than to accept it's a fantasy with dream and hallucinatory sequences.

Things I'm Meh: Morgan Le Fay as Gawain's mom. Look I fucking hate Morgause as a character and these two get merged and steal each other's aspects so much at this point the difference is who did they marry, King Urien or King Lot? Both are attributed to being Mordred's mom, Mordred is Gawain's brother...both practice magic depending on certain incarnations, both love and hate Arthur their brother and are in conflict with him. Saint Winifred. I actually liked this sequence, but I don't appreciate her as the tacked on wife in the later dream sequence as like...a contrast between the wife you should marry than the whore next door you don't respect anyway? I don't even know what lesson I'm supposed to get out of the damn dream sequence, or any of it? That Gawain should've married his girlfriend and then he'd be a just ruler? That he shouldn't be king? That he'd never have to make the same heartless, impartial choices? I don't know, he seemed like a king doing king shit because guess what? It never gets easier. Wars will be waged. The world didn't become better because he married the right woman, respected her and lived in obscurity. The world didn't become better because he made her his queen. We certainly don't know the world would be better Gawain had his head chopped off and dead XP They never reveal the Lord and the Green Knight as one and the same because of this shit.

Things I Hated: Arthur withdraws from the challenge because he's old. In poem he takes it on and Gawain takes it so he don't have to and he finds himself more disposable than the king. Gawain only takes the challenge because of arrogance. Arthur and Gawain had no prior personal relationship. I'd not have hated this so much if it wasn't compounded by it cancelling out the first two things. Gawain is portrayed as having no respect for his woman, or any woman, maybe his mother? He has to be pushed by Winifred to regain her head. Gawain is portrayed as arrogant, covetous and ready to pass the buck, or the bare minimum than have any honor or decency. It didn't matter the kid in the wasteland was shithead bandit, the way Gawain acted towards him, when he gets robbed, it almost feels like he deserved it and Gawain doesn't learn a damn lesson. I'll admit him taking the sword to cut his ropes and cutting his hands was a neat sequence, it shows him go from stupid, to almost clever and having will to survive...you know traits he had in the poem, but he stops showing these traits or growing. Basically Gawain has to be dragged kicking and screaming to help people and shows no fortitude when facing temptation, or when showing respect towards others, it's exhausting. You don't make this kind of journey story without character growth. Why are you skipping this? Also is it just me, or is this like when you take Frank Miller Batman and transport him onto a Bill Finger story? This is at best Thomas Malory Gawain (and this is charitable) transported on the earlier Pearl Poet's story. Stop it. It's not tonally correct and goes at odds with the story and the set up characterization you'd need to tell it. Speaking of which, you know how I get through the oof... of Liam Neeson Gawain in Excalibur? By pretending he Agravain instead. Here...I don't even think Gawain could pass as Mordred in spite of his covetous nature, lust and entitlement. Why? because I don't think even Mordred is this dumb to warrant this hubris. Essel being invented as a tacked on love interest just to be shit on utterly and for what? I don't think I have much commentary here as there is no Essel I'm aware of to compare, or stack up. I just notice this trope of like...usually if you include a sex worker in Hollywood she often has a heart of gold, she often has her own sense of values that goes at odds with society, but is more true and less hypocritical than a privileged lady’s. I thought that's what they would've done with the added trope of back at home sweetheart to contrast and pit her against the despicable femme fatale of Lady Bertilak and her adultery and her ladyship...and I'm glad they didn't...but you did nothing with Essel than to shit on her for existing when you made her exist, you know. Lady Bertilak being portrayed as the seductress devil incarnate. Look I know adultery is a touchy taboo, but uh her and Gawain hit it off in the poem, dammit! Her values and his values come to clash, but here it's played off as Gawain is stupid and covetous and Lady Bertilak wants to prove something because...? If my brother's theory that she's a figment of Morgan Le Fay's magic, then I'll take this as a lesson of Gawain is impulsive and covetous and his mom knows it, but he don't want to fuck his mom, but he wants her power, and Morgan wants to teach him a lesson... I guess. Hey we don't have misogynist speeches in this movie, but we'll make sure to have the movie drip with it with no point, or commentary. Pass. Lord guilting, extracting and initiating the same sex kiss and only once. Poem automatically better that Gawain don't have to keep being reminded to keep his part of the bargain and he does it willingly more than once. What he doesn't do is give up his belt...gods how did we get more homophobic as a society that the homoeroticism here is worse? Catholics of the middle ages officially had no issue doing same sex, passionate kissing until it lead to sex. The Ending: The gods damn ending. In the movie as is, Gawain waits to uphold his end of the bargain and get his head chopped off. He imagines, even though we don't get any fuzzy or distortion to indicate this is a dream, but I already knew this was coming, he runs away and comes home, is regarded a hero, he sees his lady, takes her from behind and if you saw Brokeback Mountain (I didn't, but DJ has) you know this is a sign of disrespect to women. He gets her knocked up, pays her off for the kid she wants to keep, he is crowned king, marries the ghostly saint lady he helped retrieve her head earlier from a lake in the movie (this right here is the damn tip off). There's no more dialogue by this point and everything is montaging, so you know by now it's a dream, though nothing is out of focus. He rules as a heartless king, his whore son dies from war he waged, he has a daughter, his wife dies. Gawain then takes off the belt that would've saved his life and his head falls off. This would've been the one good twist, except... In this sequence of events he never had his head cut off so uh... now we back in present day. He decides not to bitch out, Green Knight in a sexy way is like "now off with your head," movie cuts to credits with no resolve...uh what the fuck? What the fuck? This is not good. You wasted the one twist in your dream when idk, you could've...

How I'd fix it: No dream sequence at all. No Incident At Owl Creek twist. Gawain comes home a hero and survivor of this game and ordeal. He wears this belt of shame. He becomes a well-renowned knight, but he bears a shame. One day he goes to take off his belt and his head falls off because he cheated to get this belt and to survive this encounter. There. Done. Improved your high concept movie that couldn't play any of the lessons straight from the damn poem without making everyone an asshole for no reason! Ugh! But nope you had to end it on we don’t know if Gawain lives or dies...because...it's dream magic made from his momma's witchcraft...?

Last Thoughts So then post-credits scene because Marvel because Pirates Of The Caribbean existed. A white girl who looks nothing like Gawain's daughter we see who didn’t pay off, or any child I can remember through this whole movie picks up King Arthur's crown that dream Gawain inherited and puts it on her head. Who is this girl? Are we gonna have an indie equivalent of of the Marvel Movie Universe/Universal Horror Monsters thing with ancient British legends? We gonna get a Life Of Saint Patrick next that crosses over? I don't know. What is this?

[cryinggameff]

Seventy-Four

Randi

I woke up in a lot of pain that morning,  just pain all over my body. I could barely get out of bed which was not normal. Cayden wanted to go to the doctor right then and there but I told him I didn’t want to be sitting in the hospital all day. So I decided I would get into a bath because that always relaxed me. He ran it for me and helped me inside.

“I still think we should go,” he said, looking down at me.

“If I don’t feel better soon we can go. The bath is helping though,” I said, closing my eyes.

“Aight,” he said, “imma be in the room.”

In the bath my muscles released and the aches were better. I sat there for a long time, until the water was cold. My stomach had started hurting again. And I figured warm water would help. I opened my eyes to let out the water and add some warm water but stopped short when I looked down.

“Cayden,” I said in a shaky voice, on the verge of losing my sanity and giving into panic. The cramping suddenly intensified and I clutched the edge on the tub. The water was bright red like paint, or some kind of fruit juice. After a bit Cayden finally strolled into the bathroom and saw me frozen in the blood bath. All the colour left his face and he froze too where he was.

“Randi, what the fuck,” he stammered,  coming to the tub to see. I started to panic then and I began to cry because I was terrified. That seemed to shake Cayden out of his daze because he started running around the bathroom, getting towels, pads from under the sink and a bunch of other stuff. I was still scared and confused.

“Don’t worry, I got you,” He said, trying to comfort me, or himself, I wasn’t sure. I remembered him saying those same words to me when I told him I was pregnant. I was scared then, but this was a new level of fear. I was just sobbing and shaking when he reached in and picked me up in his arms. I screamed out in pain because moving hurt. I could feel burning and immense pressure at my pelvis that could only mean one thing at this stage. “We gonna get you to the hospital. Let me grab some clothes,” he tried to let me go and I clutched on to him for dear life.

“I think the baby is coming now, like right now,” I cried, scared out of my mind for my baby. I had to bend over, I couldn’t stand up straight or close my legs. All this couldn’t be normal and I wasn’t in a hospital with doctors telling me what to do or what was wrong. It was a few weeks early, but I knew now with everything in me that this baby was coming today.

“Shit. Okay, that’s fine,” he said, picking me up. He walked out of the bathroom and put me down on the bed, putting all the pillows behind me. “I’m gonna get my phone and call 911, see if someone can help us, ok?” He said. I nodded quickly. He started to walk away and I grabbed his arm. “Imma be right back baby,” he said, kissing my forehead. He left me to go get his phone downstairs and when he came back he had it pressed to his ear. I couldn’t really pay attention to what he or the person on the phone was saying. I was just screaming. He tapped my legs for me to open them and I did which hurt. I heard him say something about the head and crowning and I lost it.

“My baby,” I cried, hopeless. He was really tryna come out. There was no way we could do this on our own and I just felt hopeless.

“Randi, I got you, ok? I got you, just lay back,” he said. “The lady is gonna talk me through it and he’s gonna be fine ok?” He said sternly. I nodded, needing to believe him. I could hear the lady talking and Cayden saying yes, yeah, or mhm. I drifted out of it for a while, focusing on breathing through the intense fire spreading all over my body and when I opened my eyes again Cayden was yelling my name, I guess he had been calling me for a while.

“Stay with me Ran, the lady said you gotta start pushing when you feel a contraction,” he told me. I nodded. I couldn’t even think about how weird it was that Cayden’s face and hands were currently all in my coochie and god knows what it looked like down there right now. A few minutes later a contraction came and so I started pushing. I was gripping the pillows.

“You doing good mama,” he encouraged. I pushed again and it felt like I was actually ripping in half. “His head is out, he has so much hair,” he said. That gave me motivation to push even more but the contraction ended and I had to wait. After a while another contraction came and I began pushing again.

“She says I gotta pull him out, this gonna hurt,” he warned. I shook my head.

“I don’t care,” I gasped, “just get him out,” I told him. Sure enough that shit hurt. There was one serious moment of absolute pain and horror and I could feel him coming out. I collapsed back on the pillows, head spinning. I couldn’t believe this was happening. A loud cry filled the room and I laughed in relief. “Is he ok?” I asked Cayden, trying to sit up.

“He’s perfect,” He said, and he lifted him up so I could see him. He was very small and perfectly caramel with very curly hair. Cayden put him on to my chest and I held him close to my chest where he belonged, not caring about all the gunk on him. I felt a sense of relief and calm wash over me. It was like I instantly knew how to be a mother.

“Shhh,” I cooed as he cried, I put a sheet over him so he wouldn’t get cold,  “mommy’s got you” I said, looking up at Cayden who was smiling like I’d never seen him smile before. He leaned down to kiss me. I was overcome with joy and love, but my head was still spinning. I’d lost a lot of blood.

“Can you hold him,” I whispered, when I felt myself start to fall. Cayden took him from me, asking if I was ok. I knew I wasn’t but I nodded anyways.

“The ambulance is almost here okay? I can hear it, “ he gripped my hand in his.

When the paramedics arrived they cut the cord and put me in the stretcher after setting me up with IVs. The baby was on my chest while we rode in the ambulance and i just took in everything about him, his smell, his body temperature, his slow breathing. I also took in the feeling of Cay’s firm grip on my hand, safe and secure, daring anyone or anything to separate us. For the first time ever I felt...a complete and total love for life and all it’s ups and downs. If it meant having this, then it was all worth it.

They said they had to separate me and the baby so we could both get checked and taken care of but leaving him gave me anxiety, especially after I’d feared for his life. He was so small.

“Go with Cameron” I said.

“What?” He asked, baffled.

“That’s his name,” I said. He looked like he wanted to cry and I lifted my hand to his cheek. “I don’t want him to be alone, ok?” He nodded and hesitantly followed the nurses with the baby while I was wheeled into the operating room.

It was a whole week later when we were finally able to leave the hospital with our baby. He was bigger now, which was the best thing to see as a mom. Cayden drove us home and my mom was already there and waiting. God I had never been so happy to see her. She was staying to help us for a while.  My mom helped me upstairs while Cayden got Cameron from the car. I wanted to get some things from the nursery which I hadn’t even got to finish, so Cam could come in our room. To my surprise, when I opened the door the nursery was decorated and set up. The walls were painted and all the furniture put together. There was pictures on the walls and stuffed animals everywhere. I wanted to cry.

“How...?”

“Cole, Jada and China worked on it all week,” my mom said with a laugh at my surprise. The tears came rolling, I couldn’t help it.

“Everything ok?” Cayden asked, now at the top of the stairs.

“They finished the nursery,” I said around my tears.

“Oh ya, I knew. Who do you think let them in?”

“I’m so lucky,” I said, thinking of all our friends.

“Come on sweetie, lets get you into bed,” my mom said. I left the nursery and went into my room. I set up with a hundred pillows and then Cayden handed Cameron to me so I could breast feed him. He was wearing this stripped onesie and I just wanted to eat him. I played with his tiny feet while he ate and took in his smell. Cayden went to open the curtains and my mom left to go make us some food. Suddenly I remembered the last time I was on this bed.

“You cleaned everything up” I said. Cayden chuckled.

“Ya, the whole mattress had to go,” he said, sitting beside me and rubbing his thumb over Cameron’s full head of hair.

“I can’t believe I gave birth on our bed, and that you delivered our baby. How were you not freaking out?” I looked over at him, remembering how strong he had been. Things had been moving so fast that we hadn't really had a chance to talk about it all.

“Trust, I was freaking out . But I just did what I had to do,” he shrugged.

“Most guys would have fainted, are you traumatized now?” I teased.

“It was weird as fuck, but I mean it wasn’t my first time down there,” he shrugged and I died of laughter. That kind of hurt and I winced. Everything past my waist was just sore, but apparently that was normal. “You ok?” He asked, concerned. I nodded.

“Seriously though, what would I do without you?” I leaned up to kiss him and he met me since I couldn’t really move with Cameron on me.

“You did all the work. Seeing you in pain like that...” he shook his head. “Women really are amazing. YOU, are amazing,” he kissed me again. “And Cameron is amazing, thanks to you.”

I smiled down at the beautiful boy in my arms.

“He is Amazing," i whispered. It was crazy how natural taking care of him was and it was scary how much i loved him. It was even more intense than what i felt for Cay, which i didn't know was possible.

Cayden

When she was finished feeding and burping the baby I took over so Randi got to eat too. After that she was yawning like crazy. She was understandably tired.

“Go to sleep Baby, you need to rest,” I told her.

“I don’t wanna miss anything,” She said, yawning.

“He gonna be the exact same when you wake up,” I told her. “Me and him are gonna watch some basketball. Gotta start em early.”

“Ok just an hour, wake me up” she said, leaning back into her pillow fortress. I leaned over and kissed her forehead, then left with Cameron so she could rest.

I let Randi sleep for more than an hour because she needed it and so far Cameron hadn’t started crying for food yet. I switched off with her mom to get some food because I still hadn’t eaten. I was feeling tired too but I knew it was nothing compared to Randi.

After all the shit she had been through I really owed her everything. She went through so much pain and took it all like a beast, no medicine or nothing. I didn’t think it was possible but I loved her even more now. Cameron was everything I imagined and more. It’s impossible to describe looking down and seeing me but also Randi.

I was watching TV with him on my chest when he finally woke up, looking for food. I was about to go upstairs and wake Randi up but she came downstairs first as if she sensed that he was awake and looking for him.

“I was about to get you, Cameron just woke up,” I said.

“He must be hungry, and my boobs are leaking,” she said, pointing to the huge wet marks on her shirt. She sat down and I handed her the baby, wrapping my arm around her. This was exactly where i wanted to be.

I started thinking then that i was glad i had left all that street shit behind. I had a family to take care of and that life was too dangerous. My focus now was just being here and taking care of them, and giving my wife and son the best life possible

****two months later****

I woke up with Cameron like I usually did, while Randi slept in since she was up at night with him. That was our routine. I would get him washed up and changed, and give him a bottle. Then we chilled for a bit while Randi got ready.

My parents came over that morning and it felt good seeing them be grandparents. They were over all the time, and i hadn’t seen them be this happy in a long time.

“He’s getting so big,” my dad said, holding Cameron.

“He eats like crazy,” I said.

“That was you as a baby,” my mom smiled. “That makes you happy though as a mom trying to figure out breast feeding and making sure your baby is healthy.”

“Where is mom?” Pops asked, talking about Randi.

“She’s getting some rest upstairs,” I said simply. Truth is I wasn’t sure what she was doing, usually she would be down by now but she hadn’t left the room yet so I figured she was just really tired.

“I’m glad I raised a sweet boy who helps his wife so much,” my mom said, pinching my cheek. I smiled.

After my parents left I went to put Cameron down in his room and to check on Randi. She was in the bathroom getting ready in front of the mirror.

“Hey baby,” I said.

“Hi,” she said, tying her hair in a messy ponytail. I could tell something was up.

“You ok?” I asked.

“I’m going a little crazy honestly” she said. I wrapped my arms around her waist.

“I think you need some time to yourself, you spend so much time taking care of Cam. You can go out if you need to,” I told her. I felt bad because I got to leave whenever i wanted but she usually had the baby attached to her all day.

“I can’t be away from him for a long time, what if he gets hungry?” She said.

“There’s bottles in the fridge,” I said. “Go,” I said, “I got this.”

“Ok. Just for a little bit...” she said. I smacked her butt.

“Good, because I already called Cole and he’s coming to pick you up.”

Ty came to chill with me while Randi and Cole were out. I was laughing at him because he always refused to hold Cameron.

“Man he too small, i can’t be doing all that,” he said.

“You his uncle, you gotta hold him” I said, trying to hand him over, "how yall gonna bond if you never hold him?"

“Bruh babies scare me, we can bond once he's not so...fragile” he shook his head.

“You killed niggas but you scared of a little baby? Here,” I said, pushing Cam into his arms. He looked so uncomfortable which made me laugh more.

“I guess it ain’t that bad...” he said, adjusting.

“So what’s good with you and Cole?” I asked. They were living together now, and he was finally being serious about being with him for the long haul.

“Things are good...really good. Our families met each other for the first time, and nobody fought so, that was good.”

“Honestly, I never would have guessed you and Cole ending up together man,” I shook my head. That still blew my mind.

“It surprised me too...we were really just friends first, then It started feeling different than, like you and me. I didn’t wanna believe I was falling for a nigga, and it was...way more intense than how I ever felt for a girl,” he explained.

“That's how it was with Randi, intense. It kinda makes sense tough, you was always suspect,” I shrugged.

“Fuck you Cayden,” he threw a pillow at me.

“Man if you weren’t holding my kid I’d beat your ass right now.”

When Randi and Cole got home me and Ty were playing 2K in the living room. They walked into the living room but we were too into the game.

“Hey mama,” I said, eyes glued to the TV.

“Hi,” she said.

“Did you have a good time?” I asked.

“Mmhm. I really needed it,” she said. I finally looked up from the game and that’s when I saw her hair. It was shorter now and the ends were a blonde colour.

“Woah” I said, taking it in. She blushed.

“Do you like it?”

“You look hot,” I said, putting the controller down. I went to grab her and she giggled. I kissed her and forgot where we were or that Ty and Cole were there. Randi and i hadn't done anything since Cameron was born, first because she was still recovering. But once she was healed she still wasn't feeling like herself and we hadn't done much other than kiss. Something was different today though and that same energy we had before was back. After a while Cole cleared his throat.

“Should we leave or....?” he said. Randi pulled away but I couldn’t stop looking at her.

“Sorry,” she said with a laugh. "How was Cam?"

"Easy, only woke up twice to eat, other than that he been chilling."

"I'm gonna go upstairs and... check on him," she said, looking at me meaningfully.

"Imma come with you..." i said, looking her over.

"Ew. Ty let's go, before they smash right in front of us," Cole said.

"I wouldn't mind," Ty shrugged. Cole grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the door.

We got upstairs and immediately came back together, our lips connecting. We moved to the bed and just as we were getting into it and i got Randi's clothes off, crying came from the baby monitor. I groaned, putting my face in her neck.

"This is gonna be our life now isn't it?" I said. She laughed.

"Yup, mommy duties call" she said. She grabbed my shirt and put it on.

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