POLTERGEIST (2015)
Poltergeist (2015): A Reboot That Haunted the Wrong Neighborhood
Title:** Poltergeist (2015) (They really thought we needed another one?)
Genre:** Spooky with a side of PG-13 (More jump scares than existential dread)
⏳ Runtime: 1h 22m (Just enough time to grab popcorn before hiding under the blanket)
Made in: The U-S-of-A (Land of haunted Suburbia and Hollywood reboots) ** Year:** 2015 (The year remakes were basically a five-course meal)
** Simple Plot:** Family buys a fixer-upper with a side of angry spirits, things get weirder than finding Legos in the dryer, youngest daughter becomes the ultimate ghost magnet. Cue the CGI galore.
** Cinematography:** Slick and polished, like a haunted mansion featured in Architectural Digest. But lacks the raw, unsettling charm of the original's practical effects. Think less "bone-chilling stop-motion skeletons" and more "jump scares edited on iMovie."
** Memorable Scene:** The "swimming pool surprise" where tentacles make a splash (pun intended). Bonus points to Kennedi Clements (Maddie) for holding her breath like a champ! (Maybe chlorine just wasn't her thing?)
** Overall Review:** This remake is like the watered-down version of the 1982 masterpiece. No new spine-tingling twists, just a reheated plate of nostalgia that left me longing for Tangina's legendary barbecue. Feels like they built a haunted house out of Pinterest boards and forgot the actual scares.
⭐ Rating: 2 out of 5 stars. Passable for a lazy Saturday afternoon when even Netflix is asleep, but don't expect to be haunted by its brilliance. You'll be reaching for the remote faster than Carol Anne grabbing that clown doll.
** Fun Fact:** Did you know Kennedi Clements is basically Aquawoman? While filming the pool scene, she held her breath for over a minute! Now that's dedication (or maybe just a strong aversion to poolside gossip).
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Haha....so, funny story.......
My friend miiiiiight have accidentally left her Napoleon in a small attic. For the past fifteen years. I think it's still alive though. There's like....rats, and cockroaches, and spiders for it to eat, though I know that's not part of a healthy diet for these guys. Her roof is really leaky when it rains so it probably has a water source.
Don't worry, I reprimanded my friend for her improper care. She said she put it up there to discipline it for trying to attack her and forgot about it, but I told her that such a thing was in its nature, and even if it wasn't how could you forget with it probably screaming at you? She says that she couldn't tell the difference between her distressed Napoleon and the poltergeists that already live in her house. Sigh. She really is a horrid pet owner.
Anyway, what should I expect if I attempt to retrieve her Napoleon? I'm not an expert on these kinds of animals.
Haha....so, funny story....... (Read this in a mocking tone. I am mimicking you in order to mock you.)
RATING: NOT CUTE!
Your friend is going to jail.
This is one of the most severe cases of Napoleonic abuse I've ever read! Even topping one Napoleons infamous treatment on St Helena where it had to deal with riding its horsey in the company of a British officer some of the time!
Remember that one movie with the dinosaurs? Not the one from thirty years ago, the one from 2015, where they genetically engineered a big dinosaur for an amusement park, but raised it in solitary confinement, and then it escaped and started to perform shenanigans? That's going to be this Napoleon.
In order to extract him safely, we have to ask a few questions:
1.) Is he armed? For reasons that baffle zoologists, Napoleons in captivity often keep their firearms. Does this Napoleon have his hunting pistols?
2.) Has he enlisted the rats into an army? Napoleons have been known to reign over rats and cats as their mini-kings. If so, you might open the door to be swamped by rats. Which you don't deserve, but you friend certainly does.
3.) Has this Napoleon been doing coke? Self explanatory.
Honestly, just call animal control. Better safe than sorry. Yes, they'll throw your friend to jail, but good, frankly. Don't adopt exotic animals if you're not ready for them to be exotic animals, it costs 0.00, simple as.
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2024:
Beauty and the Beast (1946, French foreign language)
The Color Purple (2023)
Time Bandits (1981)
Mean Girls (2024)
Repulsion (1965)
The Uninvited (1944)
Rumble Fish (1983)
Alien (1979)
A Brighter Summer Day (1991, Taiwanese foreign language)
Tess (1979)
Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)
Aliens (1986)
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So, I decided in 2019 to keep track of every movie I'd watched for the first time each year moving forward. This year has been my biggest year!
Movies I watched for the first time in 2023:
Glass Onion (2022)
X (2022)
Pearl (2022)
The Witch (2015)
Fright Night (2011)
The Lighthouse (2019)
Knock at the Cabin (2023)
The Northman (2022)
Hereditary (2018)
Midsommar (2019)
Men (2022)
Saint Maude (2020)
The Wolfman (1941)
Psycho (1960)
The Birds (1963)
Vertigo (1958)
Psycho (1998)
Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Across the Spider-Verse (2023)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3 (2023)
Suspiria (2018)
Rosemary's Baby (2014 made-for-tv 2-parter)
Poltergeist (2015)
Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)
ANOES 3: Dream Warriors (1987)
ANOES 4: The Dream Master (1988)
ANOES 5: The Dream Child (1989)
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Friday the 13th (1980)
It Follows (2014)
The Flash (2023)
Oppenheimer (2023)
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (2023)
The Little Mermaid (2023)
The Red Shoes (1948)
Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
The Blob (1988)
Paint (2023)
Mafia Mama (2023)
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Uncut Gems (2019)
The Green Knight (2019)
The Last Airbender (2010)
The Dark Crystal (1982)
The Fog (1980)
They Live (1988)
Office Space (1999)
Fifty Shades Freed (2018)
Teen Titans Go to the Movies (2018)
John Wick Ch. 1 (2014)
Super Mario Bros (2023)
Muppets From Space (1999)
Scream 6 (2023)
12 Monkeys (1995)
Bottoms (2023)
Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)
The Craft (1996, fully through)
I Married a Witch (1942)
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964, French foreign language)
Friday the 13th, Part 2 (1981)
Barbie (2023)
The Boy and the Heron (2023)
The Color Purple (1985)
Violent Night (2022)
The Stepford Wives (1975)
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2022:
Staten Island Summer (2015)
Nobody's Child (1986)
This is Spinal Tap (1984)
Shawn of the Dead (2004)
The Wiz (1978)
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021)
Licorice Pizza (2021)
Fifty Shades of Gray (2015)
Fifty Shades Darker (2017)
Cyrano (2021)
The King and I (1956)
Carrie (2013)
Carrie (2002, made-for-tv)
The Batman (2022)
Firestarter (1984)
Frozen 2 (2019)
The Fury (1978)
Firestarter (2022)
The Rage: Carrie 2 (1999)
The Bob's Burgers Movie (2022)
The Deadzone (1983)
Sparring Partner (2022, short)
My Fair Lady (1964)
The Untouchables (1987)
Singin' in the Rain (1952)
The Black Phone (2022)
Barbarian (2022)
Nope (2022)
Flashdance (1983)
Crimes of the Heart (1987)
Don't Worry Darling (2022)
The Exorcist (1973)
Child's Play (1988)
Scream 3 (2003)
Scream 5 (2022)
The Fablemans (2022)
Halloween (1978)
Black Panther (2018)
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)
Doctor Strange and the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Return to Oz (1985)
Newsies (1992)
National Lampoon's European Vacation (1985)
National Lampoon's Las Vegas Vacation (1997)
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2021:
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi (1983)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
Dark Phoenix (2019)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
The Wolverine (2013)
Logan (2017)
Deadpool (2016)
Deadpool 2 (2018)
Watchmen (2009)
Wonder Woman (2017)
Aquaman (2018)
Shazam! (2019)
X-Men: New Mutants (2020)
Cruella (2021)
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021)
The Suicide Squad (2021)
Reminiscence (2021)
My Hero Academia: Heroes: Rising (2019)
My Hero Academia: Two Heroes (2018)
My Hero Academia: World Heroes' Mission (2021)
Dune (2021)
Poltergeist (1982)
The Babadook (2014)
A Silent Voice (2016)
Rockdog (2016)
Rockdog 2: Rock Around the Park (2021)
Lion King (2019)
Terminator (1984)
Hot Fuzz (2007)
West Side Story (2021)
Spiderman: Homecoming (2017)
Spiderman: Far From Home (2019)
Spiderman: No Way Home (2021)
Looper (2012)
Brick (2005)
Back to the Future Part II (1989)
Back to the Future Part III (1990)
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2020:
Mr. Mom (1983)
Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Pretty Baby (1978)
Private Benjamin (1980)
The Color of Pomegranates (1969, foreign language)
Only Angels Have Wings (1939)
Cunningham (2020, documentary)
And Then We Danced (2019, Georgian foreign language)
The Young Girls of Rochetfort (1967, French foreign language)
Love on a Leash (2011)
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999, fully through)
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (2002, fully through)
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
Blazing Saddles (1974)
The Producers (1967)
Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog (2007)
Death Becomes Her (1992)
Captain Underpants (2017)
X-Men (2000, fully through)
X-Men 2 (2003)
Dust in the Wind (1986)
Phantasm (1978)
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Sonic the Hedgehog (2020)
I Eat Your Flesh (1971)
Serenity (2005)
Juice (2017, short, Indian foreign language)
Earth (1998, Indian foreign language)
Protocol (1984)
Voices Within: The Many Lives of Trudy Chase (1990, 4 hr full version)
Clue (1985)
Unleashed (2016)
Fright Night (1985)
Moll Flanders (1996, BBC 2-parter)
Parasite (2019)
Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010)
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2019:
Irreconcilable Differences (1984)
The Brady Bunch Movie (1995)
A Very Brady Sequel (1996)
Frozen Assets (1992)
Knives Out (2019)
Doctor Sleep (2019)
Santa Claus With Muscles (1996)
Jack Frost (1997, dog sh*t horror)
Home (?, Indian foreign language film)
The Greatest Showman (2017)
Pinjar (2003, Indian foreign language)
Interstellar (2014)
Shock and Censorship (1993)
The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
Beetlejuice (1988)
Gypsy (1962)
The Shape of Water (2017)
The Favorite (2018)
A Small Circle of Friends (1980)
A League of Their Own (1992)
Shock Treatment (1981)
Empire of the Sun (1987)
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Stats from Movies 1-100
Top 10 Movies - Highest Number of Votes
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) had the most votes with 2,493 votes.
The 10 Most Watched Films by Percentage
Coraline (2009) was the most watched film with 89.41% of voters saying they had seen it.
The 10 Least Watched Films by Percentage
Halloween (2007) was the least watched film with 64.13% of voters saying they hadn't seen it.
The 10 Most Known Films by Percentage
Coraline (2009) was the best known film with only 0.08% of voters saying they'd never heard of it.
The 10 Least Known Films by Percentage
Shrooms (2007) was the least known film with 74.77% of voters saying they'd never heard of it.
The movies part of the statistic count and their polls below the cut.
Carrie (1976)
Scream (1996)
Hereditary (2018)
It (2017)
Candyman (1992)
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
The Babadook (2014)
Paranormal Activity (2007)
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Misery (1990)
The Fly (1986)
Black Swan (2010)
House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
The Devil’s Rejects (2005)
3 from Hell (2019)
Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
Halloween (1978)
Halloween (2007)
Re-Animator (1985)
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Tucker and Dale vs Evil (2010)
Little Shop of Horrors (1986)
Scary Movie (2000)
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
Psycho (1960)
Train to Busan (2016)
Thelma (2017)
The Dark (2018)
Ravenous (1999)
Shrooms (2007)
Let the Right One In (2008)
It Follows (2014)
Martyrs (2008)
The Wicker Man (1973)
The Descent (2005)
Dead End (2003)
Fear Street trilogy (2021)
The Ring (2002)
Bride of Re-Animator (1990)
Frankenstein (1931)
Broken (1993)
NoroI: The Curse (2005)
The Eyes of My Mother (2016)
Jacob's Ladder (1990)
Phenomena (1985)
Ichi the Killer (2001)
Nightbreed (1990)
Braindead (1992)
Hatching (2022)
Wait Until Dark (1967)
The Host (2006)
Oculus (2013)
Skinamarink (2022)
We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)
Perfect Blue (1997)
The Night House (2020)
Lake Mungo (2008)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
Devour (2005)
My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)
Unfriended (2014)
Choose or Die (2022)
The Ritual (2017)
Countdown (2019)
The Wretched (2019)
House (1977)
Suspiria (1977)
Hatchet (2006)
Hell House LLC (2015)
The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)
The Exorcist (1973)
Poltergeist (1982)
Gremlins (1984)
Child's Play (1988)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Audition (1999)
Cam (2018)
Jennifer's Body (2009)
Ready or Not (2019)
Dracula (1931)
Freaks (1932)
Alien (1979)
Saw (2004)
House of Wax (2005)
Parasite (2019)
Nope (2022)
The Lost Boys (1987)
Hellraiser (1987)
Ghost Ship (2002)
Triangle (2009)
Talk to Me (2022)
Terrifier (2016)
Coraline (2009)
Monster House (2006)
Mama (2013)
Pulse (2001)
Midsommar (2019)
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