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panicinart · 3 years

Text

🔞Nsfw alphabet🔞

🍪 06 Billy Lenz 🍪

This was at the beginning just a giant ramble on my part but then I decided to just make it a nsfw alphabet since a lot of the things I already wrote fit under the category's. Because not all 100% fit in it I changed a few things on the templates I found and made more or less one of my own, i guess it's more detailed???

also i feel on one part really fucking awkward and uncomfortable because of the backstory he has :/ I just ignored it hope that's okay UwU

Idk, I hope you guys enjoy it !

Edit: I sadly can't add a under the cut thingy apparantly it's broken on mobile and I'm only on mobile for tumblr. Sorry :(

A = Aftercare (what are they like after sex?)

🍪The after glow makes him feel more vulnerable then the whole act itself, kinda like post nut clarity. Please be soft and gentle with him. Wait a few minutes until he gathered himself and ask if it's okay to touch him.

🍪If he assures you it's okay 👏HUG👏THIS👏MAN👏. A big and gentle bear hug, small kisses around the eyebrows, cheek and forehead, he will MELT in your arms like sweet honey.

🍪He will nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck a bit, you will also hear some soft muttering from him. Nothing that really makes sense, but it's clear that they are small declarations of love.

B = Body part (how is their body build? any favorite body part of them and their partner?)

🍪He has a bit of a belly, enough to squeeze but not enough to get a full hand. He also has a good a amount of muscle, especially on the arm and shoulder area.

🍪To be honest Billy doesn't really have any favorite body part of himself, since the day of his trauma he doesn't really concentrate on how his body is, how it feels, what he likes or doesn't like. But if His s/o has any favorite body part on him and they tell Billy what it is, it will make his day and watches out to keep it healthy and the way his partner likes it.

🍪Billy really likes his partners cheeks and eyes. Your cheeks color themself into a pretty pinkish red when embarrassed or flustered, and your eyes are a gateway to your many emotions, they also have such a pretty, warm and welcoming twinkling in them when you look at him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

🍪More on the translucent type and heavy on the tongue. It is a normal amount and the taste a bit bitter. At first it has a strong taste but fades away quite quickly.

🍪It's also more watery and a bit sticky kinda like honey.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, do they have a dirty secret?)

🍪My guy has bit of a masochistic tendency, he ignores it and doesn't want to talk about it. You will finde out eventually how deep the rabbit hole goes.

🍪He also wishes to be more on the submissive side for Intimacy but his own mind doesn't allow it. The risk on geting a PTSD flashback and panic attack is to high, so it just stays as a fantasy.

E = Experience (do they know what they're doing?)

This is the part I ignore because I fell REALLY uncomfortable about it

F = Favorite position (which position(s) do the like the most?)

🍪He likes it too keep it traditional, plain old missionary style, but anything were he is on top and has full few of your body is good! It will just take some time until he is willing to try new positions.

G = Goofy (are they more serious or do the like to clown around?)

🍪Dead serious, no laughing no joking. If you joke around you can see his distaste on his face, he also makes an annoyed click noise with his tongue and roll his eyes.

🍪It's more because it makes him feel like you don't take it seriously, the way he shows himself for you the amount of trust he shows, it all makes him feel like you don't respect it or take it for granted.

🍪But that doesn't mean you can't laugh around if something awkwardly funny happens, like bumping heads or geting too tangled up. If Billy is in a good mood you might catch a smirk on his face.

H = Hair (any hair down there? How do they groom it?)

🍪The hair is relatively strong and straight, it isn't really long and well kept. It's the same color as the hair on the head.

🍪If it gets too out of hand he will trim it with a razor.

I = Intimacy (how are they during sex in a romantic aspect?)

🍪The hands wander a bit and massages any place Billy can reach (usually the arms and hips). He also always keeps eye contact, you don't need to do it back, but his intense stare will always be on you.

🍪Kisses, gentle touches, him nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck happens quite frequently. He also might stop for a second to admire your beauty.

J = Jack off / Jill off (how do they masturbate and how often?)

🍪He goes straight to it, fast and relatively rough pumps he usually uses his hands but somehow he got his fry fingers on a simple fleshlight, he sometimes uses it.

🍪Will clean up IMMEDIATELY

🍪It's really rare Billy jack's off and often he just ignores the glimpse of horniness he has. So maeby once or twice a month max.

K = Kink (any kinks?)

🍪At the beginning my guy is very vanilla but Billy finds what he enjoys very quickly.

🍪One kink you both indulge is mutual masturbatetion. Sometimes he doesn't feel secure enough for sex so it's a good way to please the need of intimacy. Plus watching his partner touching themself and making a small show for him is really hot.

🍪You have 3 guesses what comes next. Yep it's voyeurism, he isn't that much into it like OG Billy but he still enjoys it nonetheless. Just walk around with barely any clothes and do your usual stuff, you will catch him starring at you from a corner with a heavy blush on his cheeks.

🍪He is also into cockwarming, Billy often keeps his dick inside his s/o for a while after he came. He loves how close it makes him feel towards you and the comforting warmth you give.

🍪Orgasm denial on himself, you don't even need to start it he probably already started it himself, but you can encourage Billy to hold it back longer.

🍪He also enjoys edging, he indulges in it more often then he likes to admit

For some reason I headcanon that he is also into sounding but it's a guilty pleasure of his

L = Location (were do they like to have sex?)

🍪Bed, it's nice warm and comfy. But with some time he also is willing to have sex on the couch.

M = Motivation (what turns them on/gets them going?)

🍪The jaw and back of the ear is a great place to give kisses and soft touches, it's calming and reassuring for him, but also a turn on.

🍪The inner thighs is also a place if you want to turn him on but good god the man has some self control.

🍪Billy absolutely melts when his partner cuddles up to him, he might stiffen up a bit but the cute expression you have and the way you snuggle up to him warms his cold crusty heart (and it also makes his body go brrrrr).

🍪If his partner, like mentioned before, walks around with bairly any clothes, phew, he will lighten up like a Christmas tree.

N= No (what's a turn off/they don't want to do?)

🍪Anything were the consent isn't clear or maeby questionable (consensual noncon).

🍪He also refuses to hurt his partner even if they ask for it, the only thing you might get is a soft slap on the inner thigh if you act bratty.

🍪Billy being submissive is a no too, he needs to be in control and therefore is always the dom.

O = Oral (do they like to give or receive? How is their skill? How do they react during receiving?)

🍪He is really good at oral! The tounge is quite thick and a bit longer then the norm so he reaches all the right places and it will take a really long time until his jaw aches.

🍪It's also a way he pleasures his partner if the needed inner security isn't there, he just goes down on you until you scream in pleasure and beg him to stop.

🍪Billy is a bit embarrassed if you suggest to him to go down, but accepts it after a while of thinking, and let me tell you, he is a MESS.

🍪He really tries to stay calm and stoic, but his heavy breathing and restlessness say otherwise. He also often chokes out a moan and gulps heavily.

🍪When he cums his head falls back and lets out a shameless moan, with a desperate attempt to keep face Billy claps a hand on his mouth to stifle out the moan.

P = Pace (how is their thrusting? Hard, fast, deep ect)

🍪Slow and more on the sensual side but it is clear as day that he is nervous and cramps up. His whole body is tense and in between he just freezes up. Give him time, the best is to mimic his pace.

🍪It's very nice and calming. He might be bad at showing affection but you can feel the passion and love he gives every touch and move. The thrust are slow and rhythmic but also hard and deep.

Q = Quickie (do they like Quickies, if yes how often?)

🍪He doesn't like it, sex is a way to express his love and passion for you it's never about lust, quickies don't give him the time to show you his affection.

R = Risk (any risk their willing to do?)

🍪He can be the bottom if asked, you both need clear instructions on what to do and what not. Safe words is also a must + a lot of Aftercare.

S = Stamina (how long can they go? How long do they last?)

🍪It's usually 2 rounds but they're loooong. Billy's self control is going strong and one round can last up to 30-45 min if you both want to take your precious time. If you both are going hard on the orgasm denial he can last up to a hour.

T = Toys (any toys they like? If yes, what toys do they like on themselves and on their partner?)

🍪He doesn't really have an opinion on them, they exist, he used / tryd out a few but he is kind of meh about it.

🍪The only toy he uses is a see-through simple fleshlight.

🍪Billy is also okay with his s/o using toys on themselves, he encourages it a bit since he's not always able to meet their needs.

🍪If you want him to use toys on you, you need to ask and explain what they do. He knows simple dildos and vibrators but if they don't look like traditional dicks he is lost and doesn't know what it is for / how to use it. (Billy is kinda iffy about bondage stuff and things that can hurt his partner).

Use a sounding rod, but sssshhh you don't have that info from me

U = Unfair (are they a tease? How do they react if teased?)

🍪Sometimes he is a smug bastard that likes to tease you and wait until his partner begs him to continue, especially if he goes down. But that's really it.

🍪If Billy is the one that is getting teased he can take that shit like a champ. But after a while his walls break and he becomes a blushy mess, depending with what you tease him he will look away shyly. But don't go overboard.

V = Volume (how loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

🍪 Billy rarely talks or makes any noise if not non, so you need to learn how to read his body language, it's okay if you don't succeed at the beginning, the man is hard to read.

🍪 The only noise you get from him are deep growly grunts, huff's if you're really good he will choke up a moan.

W = Wild card (random nsfw headcanon(s))

🍪Oof sex going to take a loooooonnnng time until he feels comfy with it. The trauma in his past is the main reason why he feels so conflicted with it.

🍪It probably will take MONTHS when not a year until he feels comfortable with it (and doesn't shove away his horniness) but when it happens it's very spontaneous. Nothing that he plans.

🍪When you both managed to get undress fully, foreplay is a must! Not only can you both learn what is the right place to touch and what not, it's also a good way to show him a positive side of sex and that it isn't just a game of lust.

🍪Also small note here it's normal that he dips out of sex, he could get a flashback or just doesn't feel comfortable with it anymore. If that happens, just give him space maeby a cup of hot chocolate and if he allows it some back rubs to calm down. Assure him it's okay and he doesn't need to pressure himself. You both probably need like 2 or 3 times until it goes to the meat of the things.

🍪Usually a top dom, if you both are together for a longer time he might goes bottom dom, but these moments are rare.

🍪The giving and receiving in general is mostly balanced but honestly only because he needs the reassurance of your love so baldy, if it wasn't for that, he would mostly do the work,(the control it gives him helps to fight against any nervousness and fear that there might be hiding).

🍪So if your a bit of a pillow princess / prince / heir to the throne you got the right partner!

X = X-ray (what's going on under those clothes?)

*cracks knuckles* 'aight, let's fucking go

🍪Billy is shorter then average not by much, but oh boy he is THICK. This makes him roughly about 5,2 inches in length and 6.5 girth when erect.

The avrage American dick is in length 6 inches and girth 5, as comparison

🍪He has two notable veins on the underside, their sensitive so give it a good lick, you will feel him shudder.

🍪His junk also hangs a bit, about a 50° degree angle, it varies a bit depends how aroused he is.

🍪And it is also yellow like the rest of Billy's body, just not that intense and on the tip, it has less of a yellow and more of a caucasian skin color.

Y = Yearning (how high is their libido?)

🍪 He isn't that interested in sex so it's pretty low. I headcanon him as demisexual.

🍪On is own he may have sex once a month or so.

Z = Zzz (how quickly do they fall asleep?)

🍪Billy's s/o will fall asleep faster then him, always. He uses this moment to play with his partners hair or give them a few kisses.

#slashers #slasher #slasher fandom #slasher community #billy lenz #black christmas #black christmas 2006 #slasher headcanons #my writing #ns//fw headcanon #ns//fw #gender neutral s/o #gender neutral reader

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lorata · 3 years

Note

In the Electra universe, is Claudius arena still full of 12 year olds? And do Claudius and Electra get on well?

He still gets the OG Arena, sorry D, but because he has a victor-peer he is SO much more well-adjusted

He and Electra are very cute even if D is very confused

*****

Electra should probably take it as a compliment that she can show up unannounced at Claudius’ place and tell him she wants to take him out for the night and he feels no sense of foreboding. Curious, sure, Electra doesn’t seem like she goes out much if she’s not hitting the sponsor circuit in the Capitol, but it’s not like the prickle of suspicion Claudius gets when Artemisia throws an arm around his shoulders and favours him with that sharp, toothy grin.

(Misha loves him, he knows that, and she’d absolutely carve out the livers of anyone who ever hurt him. But with Misha, caring about somebody doesn’t mean she won’t try to drive them crazy, and sometimes it means she’ll do it even more — out of love. Because, you know, that makes sense.)

But that’s not really Electra’s style, and so Claudius tilts his head and studies her, looking for telltale signs of secret assholing or ulterior motives, and comes up empty. She’s just smiling, not big and wide and grinning but genuine without being overenthusiastic enough to scare him off, and this could be part of a larger plot (maybe that’s what she wants you to believe says the paranoid voice in Claudius’ head that still likes to categorize everything in terms of the Pack dynamics he never actually got to use) but that’s an exhausting way for him to live.

Plus it’s not Electra, not as far as he knows, and if their whole friendship over the past two years has been a long game so she can trick him and drag him out to some underground rave somewhere, at this point he almost owes it to her to go just to reward that level of commitment to a bit.

“I’m not sure bars are my thing,” Claudius says, though, because he feels like it’s kind of his duty to say so. He’s not much fun, and he’s stopped bothering to go out with his classmates because he brings down the mood and makes everything awkward. It’s fine with Misha and Devon because they don’t drag anybody out unless they’re determined that everyone has fun, but even then it’s … well, it’s like role-playing, almost, it’s deciding to Have An Experience and be the sort of person who goes to those places, and when he comes home he crawls into bed and collapses until morning.

If everyone knows exactly what kind of person he is and nobody expects him to be suddenly fun-loving and the life of the party because they pulled him out of his comfort zone, everyone will have a much better time, that’s all.

Electra doesn’t quite roll her eyes, but they sort of go halfway there and then fall back, like she’s being polite but really thought about it for a second there. “Claudius, don’t get me wrong, I’m not promising to blow your mind, but you haven’t been everywhere in the world,” she says. And — well, okay, he can’t exactly argue that, can he, not scientifically anyway. “I’m not taking you out to a sports bar so we can start a brawl and come home with bloody knuckles. Not that I’m maligning that as an entertainment source, I’m sure.”

Claudius’ mouth twitches. He’s heard of Misha and Devon’s famous date-night activities, but he hasn’t been invited along to one, not yet. “So where are we going?”

For a second he thinks Electra is going to say the dreaded ‘it’s a surprise’, which is great for someone like Misha who loves surprises and would be happy even if it was nothing more exciting than a place that served the largest cookies in District 2, but Claudius gets tense. He’d spend the whole night wondering what kind of surprise, whether she wasn’t telling him because she knows he’d say no if he heard what she was suggesting and wanted to wait until it was too late for him to refuse — which, to be fair, is a thing he’s done before, and thus is a tactic Misha uses to get him out of the house, and he does have fun, usually.

But no, Electra’s eyes crinkle in a smile, and she loops her arm through his. “Music,” she says.

Claudius blinks. “There’s music at bars? I mean, other than the stuff they play over the speaker or whatever.”

She laughs and pats his forearm. “I told you, you haven’t been everywhere.”

Electra baffles him again when Claudius asks what he should wear and she only gives him an indulgent look and says “Whatever makes you comfortable.” A night out with Misha always involves her puttering around in his closet and dressing him up like she’s temping as a Capitol stylist for the weekend, and for a second Claudius honestly doesn’t know what to do with the freedom.

(He considers wearing one of Lyme’s enormous hoodies and his training pants just because he can, but — no, that would be abusing his privileges. Electra said wear what makes him comfortable but she’s going to be seen in public with him, he shouldn’t take advantage of that. Claudius pulls on a button-down, jeans and a t-shirt and hopes that’s good enough.)

Electra meets him at the front door wearing dark jeans and a blue plaid shirt with sleeves rolled up over a white tank, her hair in loose curls around her face. She looks nice — pretty, even — and Claudius has a moment to be pleased that he noticed. Not that he wants to do anything about it, there’s nothing curling in his gut like when he used to think of blood and hurting his enemies when he was younger, but he never used to pay attention to that sort of thing at all. Maybe he’s not entirely broken after all.

“I think you look nicer than me,” Claudius says, giving himself a critical once-over.

“Nonsense.” Electra’s gaze goes stern. “You look very handsome. Shall we?”

It’s a nice walk into town, the weather just cool enough that Claudius is glad for the extra layer but not so much he needs his jacket, and he hooks his thumbs in his pockets and walks next to Electra in silence. And it’s funny, when Electra wants to she can spit words faster than Enobaria can throw knives, especially when she’s angry, but in a nice, calm mood they can hang out together and Claudius doesn’t feel pressured to keep the conversation rolling.

“I didn’t know you liked music,” Claudius says eventually. Electra glances at him, and he flushes a little. “I mean — I don’t know. You never mentioned it.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d want to share, at first,” Electra says, and oh. Well, that’s fair enough. It took a long time before Claudius stopped being defensive about it, before he allowed anybody but Lyme to hear him play. He still doesn’t like anyone else to listen to him practice unless he has a piece ready for an audience, though he’s working on that. Baby steps, and all that. “But I asked Lyme, and she thought it might be nice.”

“Do you play anything?” Claudius asks, curiosity getting the better of him.

Electra actually laughs, which is not the reaction he was expecting. “Not like you,” she says. “You approach music like swords and Centre training, with drills and hours of practice every single day. I don’t have anything like your discipline, so I don’t have anywhere near the skill level you do. I dabble, that’s all, enough to amuse myself but that’s about it.”

“With what?”

She grins, nose wrinkling in amused self-deprecation. “Guitar, of course, so I can accompany myself singing. Were you expecting something less cliche?”

Claudius grins. “Okay, to be fair, that’s not one of mine. And hey, I don’t sing at all, so that’s one up on me.”

“You’re sweet,” Electra says, a baffling combination of words, and even more confusingly, it actually sounds like she means it. Claudius stares at her, waiting for the ‘gotcha’, for her to sweep his legs out from under him and leave him sprawled flat on his back, winded and gasping for breath, but she just continues on, humming under her breath with a faintly pleased expression on her face.

Well… okay then?

Eventually they make it to Electra’s music bar, a small, hole in the wall type place with a black-and-white sign that pronounces it to be a ‘jazz bar’. Claudius squints up at the sign, then turns and tilts his head at Electra. “What’s jazz?”

She snorts and slaps her forehead theatrically. “Go figure, Lyme hates jazz, or else you’d know what it is,” she says. “She seemed like the type. Let’s go in, I think you’ll like it.”

The interior is a lot classier than Claudius would have expected from the outside, lots of rich, dark wood and dark colours. At the front there’s a low stage where a band is setting up, a four-piece with a keyboard, drums, an upright bass and a stand for someone else who hasn’t shown up yet. Claudius is trying to figure out what kind of instrument would best match that sound — more strings? — when Electra tugs him over by the elbow to a small table.

“What’s the fourth piece?” Claudius asks. “Violin? That would round out the lows of the contrabass, bring in some sweeps to contrast with the plucking.”

“Not a violin,” Electra says, grinning. “We’re not in classical town now, D. Don’t think in terms of rounding it out or making things sound smooth. What would be bold, different?”

Claudius frowns. The piano, the bass, the drums — all percussive instruments. A woodwind like a flute would add to that, but just one would pierce, be too high amid the other lows, feel unbalanced. They’d need something brave, something almost brassy, to make a punch — “Horns,” Claudius says, sitting up. “Wait, really?”

“Now you’re getting it.” Electra claps his shoulder. “Hold the table, I’ll get us some drinks.”

By the time Electra comes back with the drinks, the fourth member of the band has shown up and pulled a saxophone out of his case. Claudius watches, entranced — he has a clarinet but he hasn’t really tried it yet — and tries to imagine how the sounds will pull together. In a full orchestra they balance, but he can’t imagine how they’ll all blend when it’s just the four together.

Other patrons come and go, chatting and mingling, and on another night he’s sure Electra would be out there with them, but tonight she stays with Claudius and shows no sign of wanting to leave. It’s nice of her, and it helps Claudius not to feel like she’s stuck here with him or that he should go out and make friends or he’s wasting the evening, and they stay at the table and talk about whatever while the band finishes their setup and runs through a tuning session.

The band has a female vocalist, drummer and saxophonist, with guys on keys and bass. They’re all young, mid-twenties maybe, and Claudius can’t tell if they’re ex-Career or not. The drummer he thinks so, she has muscles and a look in her eye that screams Centre, but with the others it’s hard to tell. Claudius blanks out through their intro spiel, delivered by the enthusiastic singer and the probably-her-girlfriend saxophonist, but finally they finish and get into position for the first song.

Claudius isn’t sure what to expect, but then the drumline hits and everything he thought he knew about music vanishes like Gamemaker-created fog in the rising sun.

It’s everything from the rhythm — the beats hit on the wrong part of the measure — to the chord progressions to the scales, the use of chromatics and extended arpeggios and Claudius soon gets lost trying to keep track of it all. The vocalist keeps pace with the music but then she outstrips it, she does her own thing, licks and trills with her voice that should take her far beyond the beat except they’re always there to catch her. Sometimes they all stop and wait for one of the instruments to do an improvised solo, and it’s wild and glorious and feels like watching Misha and Devon whirl around the yard with swords and polearms.

They’re breaking every rule Claudius knows about music theory, and if he didn’t know better he’d say there are no rules, except the more he listens the more he starts to pick up patterns. Unfamiliar patterns, strange and wild and carefree but patterns nonetheless, and if Claudius were at home he could maybe start to map them out with pen and paper, maybe even pick a few out of them out on his piano, but he’s not. And so instead he listens, and doesn’t realize he’s tapping out snatches of melody and chords on the tabletop with his fingers until he catches Electra smiling at him.

Normally he’d stop, pull himself back, rein himself in a little, but Electra only grins and turns back to the music, eyes sparkling and entranced, and — huh. Maybe it’s okay, maybe he doesn’t have to pretend not to be completely nerding out to the music, and so Claudius closes his eyes and lets it carry him away.

Some of the other people in the bar get up and dance, but Claudius doesn’t pay attention. There’s a whole new set of rules here, and it’s fascinating — club dancing sort of has patterns and rules but not really, not in any way that’s predictable, but this is much clearer — but he doesn’t want to get drawn in, not right now. Tonight is for the music, and Claudius lets his focus stay on the band and the notes and the strange, tripping rhythm that runs along ahead of him, always laughing, never quite letting him catch it.

By the end of the night Claudius is almost breathless. He feels — insanely — as though he’d spent the evening at his piano, actually playing himself, and he turns to Electra and grips her arm. “I love it,” he says. “That was — holy shit, I loved that.”

Electra’s grin lights up her whole face. “I’m so glad,” she says. “It’s not always like this, sometimes it’s a chill night where it’s more background music for conversation, you know, mood music, but I thought we’d start you off with a bang. Did you want to say hi to the band?”

Claudius glances at the stage. There’s a half-moon circle of people chatting with the band, and Claudius’ fingers twitch at his sides as he contemplates muscling his way through and flashing his wrist to get priority. “Nah,” he says. “Besides, I totally wasn’t paying attention when they introduced themselves, I should probably get an album and learn their names and a few of their songs so I can say I’m a fan first. That way I’m not standing up there going ‘hey I liked when you did that thing with the saxophone where it played around with the notes really fast but didn’t really go anywhere’.”

Electra laughs. “You don’t need to be an expert to talk to people, remember,” she says, but she takes his hand and leads him through the crowd toward the door. “But we can definitely come back again, if you like.”

“I would, yeah.” Claudius is surprised to find how much he liked it, how much the music is still in his head, filling it with patterns and repeated phrases as his brain tries to pick out specific chords and break it down into pieces he can understand. “I don’t think I’ll be able to play it, I like my rules too much, but listening to it was great.”

“If you’d started out with music by going to a symphony, would you have thought you could play from that?” Electra points out, squeezing his fingers. “Baby steps, D. Though as an avid listener and absolute non-talent at most instruments, I will say there’s absolutely nothing wrong with input-only enjoyment if that’s what ends up happening.”

They walk together for a while under the orange glow of the streetlights, and finally the frantic pace of Claudius’ brain settles into replaying his favourite songs rather than trying to pull them apart and analyze them. He starts noticing his surroundings again: the pleasant nighttime air, Electra quiet and solid beside him, her hand in his.

He blinks. “Hey, uh. Is this a date?”

Electra’s head snaps up. “What?”

He gestures with their joined hands. “I mean — I don’t know, you brought me out somewhere, but it wasn’t someplace you wanted to go that you just dragged me along to, it was a place I actually liked, like you actually thought about where I’d want to go. Someplace I could actually be myself. And now we’re going for a walk and stuff, and we’re holding hands, and —” His face heats up. “It’s not, is it. Shit.”

Electra doesn’t pull away and immediately run to the nearest bleach store to find something to soak her hand in, which is … something? Maybe? “Did you want it to be?” she asks, gently.

“I — don’t know?” Claudius runs his free hand through his hair. “I never thought about it. I mean, it’s not — you’re great, but I don’t really — it’s not a thing that I — shit, Lex, how am I supposed to answer that? Is this one of those questions where the answer changes depending on what I say next, because if so I’d like a hint.”

Electra laughs, and she lets go of his hand to slip an arm around his waist. “Aw, no, D, I’m sorry. I just meant that if you did I’d have to be … gentle, you know? All those things you talked about, me making sure I chose somewhere you’d want to go, where you could be yourself, those aren’t things people do because they want to date you. Those should just be things anyone does if they care about you.”

Claudius slits his eyes at her. “See, that’s the kind of thing you say that makes me think you’re some kind of government hoax and not a real person.”

She rolls her eyes and smacks him on the back of the head, which helps curtail that theory, at least. “Don’t be ridiculous. The holding hands part, that’s on me, but I just thought … I don’t know. So much of the contact in your life was violent for so long, I thought it would be nice for you to have some touch that wasn’t.”

Don’t say it, Claudius thinks, but the Misha who lives in his head is howling with laughter, and he just — he can’t not. “Lex,” Claudius says, only sounding a little strangled, praise be the trainers. “You have to know what that sounds like.”

She pauses. “Okay, that — you know what, shut up,” Electra says, pulling away to shove him into a lamp post. “I do something nice for you and look how you pay me back! Flinging innuendo at me like some kind of pre-Residential child!”

Claudius can’t help it. He bursts out laughing, and Electra only manages to stay mad at him for a little bit before she cracks up too, although she does punch him a few more times for good measure. “Sorry, I just, usually that’s me,” Claudius says. “I’m always the one accidentally hitting on people when I try to be nice, Misha takes bets every time we go out somewhere. It’s nice to know it’s not just me.”

“It’s not my fault we live in an unfortunately hyper-sexualized culture,” Electra sniffs. “No wonder everyone in the Village takes forever to be socialized. Do you want my affection or not?”

Claudius grins, and he grabs her by the waist and pulls her in for a one-armed hug. “Yeah, yeah,” he says, leaning down to rest his chin on her head before she shoves him away. “This was good, so thanks.”

“You’re very welcome,” Electra says, hugging him tightly. “Now you can go home and ask Lyme what’s wrong with her that she hates jazz, because honestly, that woman and her taste. Present company excepted, of course.”

He grins wider, and they stay half-tangled together and joking all the way back to the Village.

#anonymous #lorata answers #oc: claudius #oc: electra #my writing #we must be killers: tales from district 2

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kurtanaaa · 3 years

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i am back to ask another gaga related glee question ☺️☝️

you get to give each member of the OG new directions (+ blaine & sam) a gaga solo, what are they singing?

everyone sit down shut the fuck up and listen to me i have important things to SAY thank you ANA

my only problem is i cant assign people just one so i will be listing other contenders if i have them

quinn: sinner's prayer. "and she wants nothing more than a man to please/maybe she's in too deep/her love for him ain't cheap/but it breaks/just like a knockoff piece from fulton street" tell me thats not quinn. tell me thats not quinn and ill tell you youre wrong. and the title alone... perfect for her religious trauma. ALSO it fits her alto voice!!!!! can you tell i had this one on standby for if i was ever asked something like this.

mercedes: you and i. now this is a song i mostly chose because i would absolutely love to hear it in her voice. she would fucking kill it and would sing it with so much emotion i can SEE it. also (pushing my samcedes agenda), its vaguely country vibe means it would be a great song to sing to/about sam's lil country ass. the shows version... did they really HAVE to mash it up with that other song. Did They. i was also seriously considering paper gangsta for her bc that would fit her s4 storyline SO WELL but i just wanna hear her Sing this one more. other contenders: paper gangsta and the fame

only now realizing how long this is, its going under a cut

kurt: hair. i cant avoid it man. this is just his fuckin song! this is it! i know the whole "hair" metaphor doesnt really work with short hair, but its about the MESSAGE! ITS ABOUT THE EMOTION! he just wants to be himself and he wants you to love him for who he is! other contenders: boys boys boys and donatella (i have to say i rlly did something here with the other contenders)

santana: marry the night. everything about this song is for her. god i wish we got the "santana exploring the lgbtq scene in new york" storyline we deserved because this would fit it perfectly. shes gonna drive down the streets dressed insane and be gay as fuck! and she's gonna be alive to see it! no other contenders bc this song is just Hers. sorry bout it! and my fucking god her voice would sound INCREDIBLE doing the "NIIIIIIIIIGHT" AT THE END

sam: alejandro. now we all love Our Local Slut Sam. this is his Single and Free vibing song, which he should've gotten maybe! at some point! just a lil moment to Vibe and be sexy. i think this would be SO FUN!!!! he needs to wear a weird outfit and weird makeup. basically i need sam to be more campy

tina: dance in the dark. god this song fucks. i dont wanna ramble on too much to explain exactly how much it connects to tina (because it connects SO MUCH. SO MUCH) but. its about the breaking free of expectations and the self-consciousness. it is! AND about being a woman and having to deal with those things specifically!!!!! also her voice is so sweet and suited to this song's range. other contenders: schieße

rachel: million reasons. i think that this song connects to her and finn and a lot of their relationship. plus, this song isn't really pop, which suits rachel's voice more. thats it really. other contenders: joanne (also about finn, but specifically his death.)

puck: dope. you know that post about changing hey there delilah to be about a man separated from his daughter? yeah do that with this one and make it about beth. do it i promise it doesn't hurt at all :)

artie: just dance. this is a song i think he himself would choose bc it is right in his pop wheelhouse. he would have fun with it i think! and no escaping, he has to sing both colby o'donis AND gaga's parts. he is not exempt from gaga. other contenders: mary jane holland and starstruck

blaine: fashion of his love. this just makes sense okay! it just does. "i'm gonna be his first and last kiss" ok miss thing!!!! you go kiss your man!!!!! other contenders: so happy i could die

mike: artpop. im gonna be real, i mostly chose this because i think he could dance to it in his Own Style. i dont think theres much of an explanation otherwise? HOWEVER. if it werent such a Kurt Song i would def also propose hair for mike. it would fit his storylines quite nicely! so, other contenders: hair and teeth (that makes it sound like its one song title They Are Separate)

finn: brown eyes. this ones about rachel. it tracks it checks out it adds up it makes sense. "everything could be everything if only we were older/guess its just a silly song about you/and how i lost you/and your brown eyes". and in the context of finns death it hurts more ! :) other contenders: 911

brittany: highway unicorn (road to love). now i'm not just saying this because of the unicorn. i AM saying this because it just feels very brittany in terms of vibes as well as it being something she can sing about santana (she don't care if your papers or your love is a law/she's a free soul burning roads with a flag in her bra). also i think she can dance to it somewhat which is important

BONUS

marley: judas or john wayne

jake: bad kids

unique: babylon

kitty: grigio girls

bc i couldnt stop thinking about these while making this post

#THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THIS ASK ANA IM SORRY IT GOT SO LONG AAAHHHHHHHAAGHAGH #anyway i have so many other ideas for gaga songs that would be duets/group numbers/etc.#like bloody mary shouldve been a kurtana duet. i need it like i need air #and grigio girls rlly could be sung by ALL the ND girls #IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I JUST LOVE IT WHEN MY INTERESTS INTERSECT #i listened to the entire joanne album for the first time for this and uh. bro. im so sorry i neglected her #joanne i love you and your bluesy-rock gospel-ish style can you ever forgive me #ana 🍎#rae talks #glee #lady gaga #glee headcanons #long post #rae's headcanons #new directions

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djemsostylist · 3 years

Text

Of Queens and Trash

Here’s the thing. SCK has been on a downward trend since 13. The breakup was long, getting together again was tiring, the amnesia plot was poorly handled and the mess that came following his recovery was, well, a mess. The necessary break for covid gave us a chance for a fresh start for Edser. All the bad stuff in the past, and a focus in the last episodes of them being able to finally fulfill all the promises they had not been able to. After all, this was a story that, at its core, was about two people who met and fell in love and who, no matter what, chose to be together. Invisible handcuffs. And with the return of the OG writer, it seemed we might finally get that. After 39 episodes of angst and only 7(?) of real togetherness, surely it was time? Forget the pain of the past, and start with Edser navigating their world together.

And then the trailer dropped. And all of a sudden, all the people who had spent months eviscerating Serkan for behaving badly in the 30s were celebrating this new plot, the “great angst” and Eda “being a Queen.”

For me, I can’t get over the hiding of the child. It's a hardline deal breaker. I don’t think it matters who writes it, I think it's an awful plotline. No matter how "good" the trailer looks or moments seem, I will remember that I was watching a show about two people who loved each other and never wanted to be apart, about a man who learned how to open his heart, and this ruined it all.

Now, I think it's worth noting that my hard line, in this particular case, is in response to Edser, if that makes sense. I’m not hardline, “if this is in a story I’m not watching”. If it works for the characters and story because that is the type of story being told, then fine.

I don't subscribe to the woke feminism brand of "all women are Queens and all men are Trash" which seems to be a trend of late (and not just in fandom). I think people are people and people are generally imperfect but also trying. I don’t think women, simply by virtue of carrying a child, get full say in what happens to the child, regardless of the father’s wishes. I'm not fond of a “hiding a kid storyline”, and while I get the whole "my body my choice" style of arguing, it took two people to make the baby. Two people get a say in what happens. I get you are growing the kid, but you didn't spontaneously conceive.

For me, Edser being apart and/or hiding a kid is a hardline. It doesn't fit with the characters as I know them and it doesn't fit with the storyline. And look--I hated the amnesia plot. I thought there were a literal million ways this could have been done better, but it's what we got. So for everyone suddenly defending this new plot, despite it making about as much sense as Eda getting married to make Serkan remember her, then that means everything goes. No blaming writers or ignoring canon...everything has context and meaning now. And since “it's realistic” is also a common refrain, then fine. Let’s go realistic.

Imagine being in a plane crash. You wake up, you have clear physical/mental blocks. For someone who likes to be in control, that's terrifying. You have a ring on your finger with a woman's name you don't know, and an entire year missing. You call the one person you know will come (since your parents and friends are useless) and she comes and tells you a story that jives. You can't remember shit and you keep getting flashes and your hands won't work, so you take what she tells you, because why would you have any reason to doubt? It’s not like you can remember anyway, and trying to remember hurts.

You finally go back home, and you recognize nothing about your own life. Friends, family...everything is different. Your mom is out, your dad is gone, your best friends are married. You don't even live in the same house, you have people working in your company you don’t know--even your dog is gone. And then you have a hysterical woman throwing pictures in your face of a man you don't recognize and your brain is still foggy and all your friends and family seem to be shrugging their shoulders at you.

You're terrified and alone and all you get is some vagueness about an epic love story and too much emotion and all you want to do is hide. From everything. Plus your heart is doing this thing every time the girl is near and you think you might be dying maybe and remember how your brother died?

So, the girl kisses you, you literally feel like you might be dying, and it's like naw. Fuck this. I'm getting back an ounce of control. So you propose to Selin. I mean you don’t love her and you barely want her but at least she is the same. At least she hasn’t changed, and at least she doesn’t stare at you with the weight of a million expectations that everyone else does. At least she doesn’t look at you and hope to see a man you can’t ever remember being.

But then the girl everyone claims is your soulmate is suddenly engaged to another man, and spends every moment after that claiming she hates you, she is over you, she is better off/happier without you, doesn't need you.

So it's like, okay, what is the truth. Your brain isn't helping, your friends aren't helping, she isn't helping. So you lash out, you close off, because really, what else is left. Your life isn’t your life, your mind isn’t your mind, you can’t even figure out what’s real and what isn’t. And she’s getting married and you want to die but she’s getting married and surely if she loved you she wouldn’t be doing this?

And then you get your memories back. Finally. Everything comes flooding back ,and it's a lot. You cope in shitty ways, you don't respond well, etc. You’ve returned from the dead twice, and everything feels just slightly off, but maybe you can make this work. At least you have her. After a few days, you’re feeling like your old self. You've got your memories, your girl, the possibility of the future you had snatched twice, and then BOOM. She rejects you, out of nowhere.

Won't talk, won't communicate, you have no idea what the fuck is happening. She’s crying and sad but also not leaving but also not staying and your brain can’t quite work things out but all you can do is promise that you love her, only her, always her, forever. Surely she must know that by now, right?

And then she tells you about the baby. You can't remember the sex of course, but then you find out it probably happened while your brain was fucked, and you barely have time to process this before oh yeah the love of your life is leaving you bc she would rather you raise a baby with your rapist. And suddenly you might be dying, again.

But you stop her. You stop her and even though she says she didn’t come back for you, why else would she have stayed? So, you finally get her back, she tattoos you on her finger and maybe just maybe everything will be fine when BOOM. Cancer. You aren't even over the other shit, and you have a fucking tumor. You are 30 years old, you've survived a plane crash, amnesia, and now you have a tumor. How many times can a person die?

And so you don’t cope well. You withdraw, you back away. Your brother died when he was young, you know what that does to a person. You know what it did to your family. You have this fear that curls around your heart that says “but what if she becomes my mother.” And she goes. She leaves and she takes your heart and your child (that you don’t even know about) and it’s like...fuck. Again. Because everyone leaves you, eventually. And somehow, it’s always your fault.

So, what I'm saying is, Eda endured a lot, sure. She was hurt. Their breakup in 14 was hard and I’m not denying that (although there is another post I could write about how since Eda never actually uses her words to tell him how she feels he can, perhaps, be understood in assuming that breaking up after barely being together would hurt but also that she would move on and live her life happily without him. Which I guess season 2 proves…) Losing Serkan to an accident/amnesia was hard, looking at the body of the man she loves but not seeing the man she loves must have been agony. But Serkan was fucking wrecked. So instead of choosing to write a plot where they both get to heal, where they both get to explore their pain and work through it together, we get Serkan who reverted to being a robot to cope with massive trauma and PTSD, and essentially is abandoned by everyone, again.

I guess what I'm saying is, if staying with him and supporting him when he was dealing with trauma was too much for her, then fine.That is very true for some people, and it’s certainly realistic. But I don't really think that jives with Eda and her character, and while it isn't a trauma competition, I'd still think Serkan comes out a winner here. Eda lost her parents, which was awful. She lost him, but she got him back. Twice. His trauma is losing his brother, being abandoned by his parents, a plane crash, amnesia, emotional manipulation/abuse and cancer. And then he gets punished by having his daughter taken away from him because he was having a hard time coping. Keeping a kid a secret isn't "protecting the child" it's punishing the father.

Tl;dr The direction they have taken the characters is gross for both mains, but if people are trying to justify Eda keeping his child from him because “he deserves it” or “she did what was best for her” then I think we maybe haven’t been watching the same show. Even if he said “I don’t want kids,” saying that to a hypothetical child is very different then being told “a baby is very much our reality.” Because that's the crux right? It's not that he decided he just didn't want to be a father ever, he's scared of having a family and losing them or of them losing him. And then she made that very fear be realized. Which is tragic and quite the opposite of what his life partner needed to do in that situation.

Bitte.

Thanks to @lolo-deli for the proofread and the final lines, you are the best. And for putting up with my uncontrollable ranting about this for days.

#sen çal kapımı #sck #serkan bolat #eda yıldız #SCK is officially over for me #so I’m making funerary arrangements to say goodbye to yet another fandom.#this is my eulogy #also this is a serkan bolat protection blog #jesus i sound like a 14 year old fangirl #whatever #its been a minute since i have been one of those #let me relive the days in peace

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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

Text

Sitting Front Row at...(On a Budget Obvs): Lookbook no.15

Hey to anyone reading!

And welcome to my fave lookbook I’ve done in a longggg ass time! Yes, that’s partially because it involved making collages and doing the low effort work of scouring Vogue Runway for “research purposes”, but I promise, that statement wasn’t made out of COMPLETE laziness-I am super happy with it too. It’s been a good use of pre-part-lockdown-lift time in the interim between that brief period of Christmas celebrations and eateries finally fucking opening again because let’s be honest, I always knew I was gonna get distracted by oat milk vanilla lattes and veggie all day breakfasts once I could actually sit down with them at my fave local cafe. You could say I was very much operating on a self-imposed deadline.

The “what I would wear to sit front row at...[insert designer here]” TikTok/Instagram reel trend was something I wanted to get on board with ever since I first saw one and whilst the option of doing my own live action take-I really cannot bear the thought of having to edit footage of myself awkwardly attempting to sit nonchalantly in front of a camera for hours on end-was off the cards considering my complete lack of screen presence, I decided a Tumblr text post would work just as well, and if not even better in a way. Given the absence of the time limitations you face when you’re making a reel or a TikTok I thought it’d be cool to present the looks as part of a mini moodboard for each designer which adds a bit of context to each look even if you aren’t familiar with their past collections and establishes the general vibe of the brand I’m attempting to replicate. Not to sound snotty or as if I am the font of all knowledge on anything high fashion related but even with my amateur knowledge I noticed that as the video trend took off and was adopted by big name influencers, it became less about the average person putting their own personal spin on the aesthetic of the labels we can’t ordinarily afford and more about them building outfits that only vaguely resemble the general public perception of the brand around the real corresponding (and often gifted and thus inaccessible to someone who doesn’t makes thousands for a sponsored post) pieces they own SO I thought I’d take the trend back to its roots and get a bit resourceful. All that being said, in no particular order, here are the outfits I would wear to sit front row at Gucci, Vera Wang, Miu-Miu, Marc Jacobs, Dolce & Gabbana, Brock Collection, Alexander McQueen, Etro, Burberry aaaand Saint Laurent based on their past collections and guess what? They didn’t cost a shit tonne of money :-)

-disclaimer: will include an asterisk before any new purchases if from a high street store though to be honest, I don’t think there are any, we shall see! I do include where I got old purchases from in case anyone wants to search anything on Depop/Ebay-

1. Saint Laurent (formerly Yves Saint Laurent)

-blazer from identityparty on Depop, pleather trousers from Zara, jewellery from Dolls Kill-

I know technically abbreviating Saint Laurent to YSL doesn’t really make much sense anymore given the brand’s name change in 2012, but I’ll always think of it as that in the same way I’ll always associate it with the slightly dishevelled yet simultaneously glitzy rock n’ roll aesthetic. The thing is, whilst YSL hasn’t done anything wildly out of the box for a long time, it’s rare they put a look on the runway that I wouldn’t wear; they never end up being a fashion week standout but the Parisienne take on grunge we’ve seen Anthony Vaccarello establish as his go-to will always have a place in my heart.

2. Alexander McQueen

-embroidered leather jacket from Ebay (originally Topshop), harness from Amazon, dress from ASOS, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

Alexander McQueen is a brand that is pretty much universally liked, from the historically extravagant and groundbreaking shows the man himself put together to Sarah Burton’s more toned down but still beautiful collections. Obviously I didn’t attempt to do justice to the former, so I tried my hand at putting together a look inspired by Sarah’s blend of delicate femininity and nomadic edge, and it went...okay? Like it’s definitely not my favourite of all the looks because it does give off slightly cheap copycat vibes buuut outside of the context of this lookbook it’s cute.

3. Brock Collection

-boater hat from Ebay, midi skirt from morganogle on Depop, corset top from ownmode_, heels from amybeckett1, bag from Primark-

Brock isn’t as well known a brand as most of the others in this list but I adore everything Laura Vassar Brock does and I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and channel the vision of one of the OG pioneers of the cottagecore vibe through my own wardrobe. I mean fr, this woman’s work as a steady provider of meadow photoshoot worthy dresses and corsets and skirts is v slept on and I will not stand for it. I will sit in front of a camera and then write a paragraph in my blog post begging anybody who reads to give LVB (an abbreviation I acknowledge is unlikely to catch on because Lisa Vanderpump anybody?) some form of acknowledgement for her services to period romance novel inspired moodboards everywhere.

4. Marc Jacobs

-coat from House of Sunny, white shirt from Retro World Camden, co-ord from Sugar Thrillz, bag from Poppy Lissiman-

If there’s one thing Marc Jacobs always does, it’s COMMITS. TO. HIS. THEME. I just KNOW he has a secret Pinterest with separate boards for every fashion era of the 20th century and he is putting those boards to good use providing us with collections that are as immersive as they are eclectic year in year out.

5. Miu Miu

-beret from H&M, hair clips from H&M, jewellery from Primark, coat from mollyyemmaa on Depop, shirt from YesStyle, sweater vest from YesStyle, skirt from Depop, diamanté belt from Brandy Melville, shoes from Koi Vegan Footwear-

We all like to talk about Bratz dolls and Monster High dolls and Barbies as fashion inspo but can we all focus on Cabbage Patch dolls for two secs so as to acknowledge the fact that a Miu Miu collection is basically all their fits grown up? And made boujie as fuck? If I want my fix of Wes Anderson meets Scream Queens (what a combo) inspired outfits, if I want prissy and girlish but also glam, if I want to look like a bratty rich girl whose one redeeming quality is her eye for vintage clothes, I know where to look and that is the Miu Miu section of Vogue Runway.

6. Vera Wang

-blazer as in no.1, velvet bralet from catdegaris on Depop, harness from Amazon, skirt from Ebay, knee high socks from Ebay, lace up boots from Ebay-

Vera Wang’s RTW aesthetic, a blend of the ethereal, ultra-feminine bridal designs she’s known for and British style punk rock influences, is something I feel has only become firmly established in recent years but it is everything I ever wanted and more. I always find myself trying to balance the part of me that loves everything girly and delicate and pretty and the part of me that would love to be in a biker gang and Vera’s collections are always an inspirational reminder of just how well it can be done.

7. Burberry

-coat from charity shop, suit from emmafisher3 on Depop, top from simranindia, shirt underneath from Zara, jewellery from ASOS-

Now I’m not gonna lie, I’m not the biggest fan of Burberry but there have been a few looks over the past few years I’ve really liked and as someone who owns numerous trench coats, high necks and way too much plaid, I thought it’d be an easy one to replicate. Plus, if you can count on Riccardo Tisci for nothing else you at least can rely on him giving you some layering inspo which is very much needed in a country where it literally just snowed in April and where my plans for today have just been cancelled because the iPhone weather app did a Karen Smith and didn’t predict rain for today right up until it started raining so thanks for that one British meteorologists. Your incompetence strikes again.

8. Etro

-corset from Urban Outfitters, vinyl trench coat from Topshop, boots from Ebay, black slip dress from kaoanaoleinik on Depop, fur trim afghan coat from louisemarcella-

Like with Brock Collection, Etro isn’t a hugely well known brand, but it is always one of my favourites-to add a spanner into the works of any attempts to cultivate a firm sense of personal style, I live for the ornate Bohemian look that Etro does so well just as much as I love both grungy and girly pieces, and so I really wanted to include a brand whose collections go down that route. It was a toss-up between this and Zimmerman, the flirtier, free spirit counterpart to the dark romance of Veronica Etro’s designs; her vision really shines through the most when it comes to the brand’s winter collections, imo, and given that I live in a country where winter or some weather state resembling it does seem to take up 70% of the year, I did decide on channelling her work rather than that of the equally talented Nicky and Simone Zimmermann this time round.

9. Dolce & Gabbana

-flower crown from ASOS, tiara from Amazon, earrings from YesStyle, dress from alicealderdice1 on Depop, opera gloves from Ebay, boots from Koi Vegan Footwear-

D&G is a brand I felt really conflicted about doing-I don’t include their current collections in my fashion week reviews based on the actions of designers Stefano Gabbana and Domenico Dolce over the last few years because I don’t want to mitigate the collective effort of fashion critics to push them towards irrelevancy. Though people like to claim the brand has turned a corner since Lucio Di Rosa was brought on board as the manager of celebrity and VIP relations last year (they are as prolific a force on red carpet fashion as ever), we haven’t seen any real meaningful apologies or reparations made by Dolce and Gabbana themselves which once again leaves us in the all too familiar quandary of whether or not we can separate the art from the artist especially when it is far too much of a simplification to only credit the two men for their work given there’s a whole design team behind them. There are a LOT of shitty people working in fashion, the whole industry is a bit of a cesspit if we’re honest, but I don’t think that should stop us from at least being able to appreciate old collections if we make sure we aren’t engaging in any kind of promotion of current works whilst doing so. D&G are a brand of high highs and low lows, with looks that range from hideously ugly to showstoppingly beautiful in a single show-when the looks are good, they are GOOD-and their presence in the fashion world is most definitely felt whether we want it to be or not. It would just be shit to refuse to recognise the existence of some real iconic runway moments, the practical work that went into the ornate detail and opulence that helped cement D&Gs place in sartorial history, the styling that’s made goddesses and fairytale queens out of modern day women as they’ve glided down catwalks, the far more extravagant and, let’s be real, sexier version of our world D&G shows have transported us to in the past. Will I talk about D&G ever again? No, and if you Google the scandals their brand has faced over the past few years, there are more than enough reasons why, but just this once I did want to pay homage to some of the collections, the snippets of which I saw on my Tumblr dashboard back when I was about 13, that first got me into fashion.

10. Gucci

-fur coat from Topshop, clips from Zaful, glasses from Ebay, dress from gracewright246 on Depop, shirt from Boohoo, blazer from charity shop-

Now last but, if you ever read any of my fashion week reviews (the likelihood of someone actually having read one of them and reading this is incredibly, incredibly slim lol, I wouldn’t read me either) you’ll know, definitely not least, is Gucci because Alessandro Michele comes through every!! single!! time!!

The man is truly the king of quirky throwback maximalism and it hurts my heart that a lot of people seem to think of it only as a brand associated with ostentatious displays of wealth. Year after year since Michele was made creative director he has released purposeful, fully-fleshed out collections which unravel themselves to us on the runway like time capsules containing the belongings of the rich and whimsical and yes that can sometimes result in outfits which are *ahem* a bit mismatched but it doesn’t matter because through fashion he manages to take us to a vivid version of the past where people could dress as freely and lavishly as they wanted to, into the wardrobe of a person unaffected by the side-eyeing of others. You get the impression he doesn’t design so much as plays around with some kind of enchanted dress up box and takes inspiration from there and to give that impression is only a credit to his talent-to make outfits so kooky and extravagant look like they were meant to be takes a boldness and genuine love for clothes that I do tend to feel a lot of the big name designers have lost in the pursuit of profit and the necessary placating of the dying customer base that keeps that coming in. Of course I'm not for a second saying Gucci does not care about profit, but at the very least, they have on board a creative director who genuinely has fun with what they’re putting out there and wants to make a statement too and that really shows; you can rest on your laurels and sell tweed boucle jackets to rich old white women for eternity but nobody’s going to mention your brand name and the word groundbreaking in the same sentence ever again unless they’re talking about what it was a century ago, you know (mentioning no names...unless...did I hear someone say Chanel)? That feels like such a shady way to end, lol, but I’m sure said brand will survive-to be fair, they’ve been included in every other What I’d Wear to Sit Front Row At video I’ve seen so although I’m always slagging them off for doing the saaaaame thinggggg year after year, for that same reason their aesthetic is instantly recognisable and so will always be a source of imitation. There are obviously pros and cons to being a brand which constantly reinvents itself but I think it’s totally possible to do that whilst maintaining an overall mission, and Alessandro Michele’s work at Gucci demonstrates that with ease.

Anyway, if you got to here, thanks for reading! I know I’m super behind on this whole TikTok trend and I know a Tumblr post instead of a video is a bit of a cop out but all the real, physically awkward ones out there know that watching yourself back is excruciating lmao, so I hope this does the trick. After this, I’m gonna get back to the reviewing S/S21 collections post though knowing me I’ll probs take a few days to get back into that because I feel like since I left full-time education (RIP me going back in a few months) writing continuously like this for any longer than about 15 mins fries what brain cells I have left. Again, thank you for reading and if you are, sending many good vibes your way! Stay safe!

Lauren x

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the-acid-pear · 3 years

Text

I just can't get enough it seems, time to start the next Baki the Grappler book!

It seems that this one will take on the saga i saw on the anime (at least by the end) so that's exciting

Chapter 1

First off quality is SHIT lmao

Yesss i remember this. I still think that shit about everyone trembling is a lil... Mmmm bullshit.

Baki be like <:] but in a smug way

Look at Tokugawa my man

OH RIGHT HE LEFT THE TOURNAMENT WITH A CAST

This feels so random

Oh right the synchronicity shit

Baki is so -_- in this manga

Look at the old timer go

YEAH FR TOKUGAWA JUST BROUGHT EXPLOSIVES TO A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN TO MAKE A SHITTY ANALOGY SHSHWKWGGE FREAK OLD MAN

Chapter 2

Ahegao

Epic grandpa

HO NICE

Mf really swam thru the Pacific ocean

Chapter 3

Huh i thought he was Scottish

This random guy was pretty interesting looking, the one executing Doyle

Fucked up shit how they still do this stuff

King, i can somehow still remember his voice in particular fsr

Also since no one reads this i will say it: Doyle does NOT look white ahagdbafhsdbc

I like that he didn't bother killing the doctor

Is that Strydum? 🥺👉👈

Chapter 4

Shagddjd i was going to say that, this dude could have easily taken a different path from violence

GAARN? MY MAN? MY BELOVED GARLAND? IS HE ALIVE STILL?!

FFS NOT FOR LONG HHH LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY...

I mean it's fair, Sirkosky uses weapons, but man, Garland... :'/

This all hits so different once you know the characters :]]]

Chapter 5

That pic is still so brutal

What an absolute troll shsshwgxgd

Also fun fact when i watched the anime i didn't pay much attention at first so I assumed the Russian was Spec (i didn't even know Sirkosky's name)

I love how that was unnecessary shagdhsr

ADAGDFAGAFAD this guy was also great

Spec was fucking insane man aggsggahsfg

I love he's full of tattoos

The absolutely king

OH RIGHT Spec is sus *laugh track*

Chapter 6

Oh hell yeah, grandpa's ex

Baki tf you doing there in the cover you madlad

...bottom storage.

THEY ARE SO MEAN LEAVE HIS SHORT ASS ALONE SHSGJSGS

He's my size btw

Was there a motive for him to be naked or was he just a freak btw?

I love the shape of his eyes ngl

I love how scared the guards are while he just calmly rambles

I don't wanna call yanagi my grandpa because i think yanagi can get it and it would be like calling him daddy but the Gilf™ is Dorian man life is so hard when you are me

I love Yanagi's face lol he's handsome

Chapter 7

Poor Baki lmao he just got better from the maximum tournament and now this

Lmao Baki has a point

Unnecessary, Doyle

Chapter 8

I love how they were recruiting dangerous mfs to beat up this random guy bc his vibes are fucked up

This guy looked a lot like jack

You gotta be brave to shove a knife that sharp into your pants

I love how Baki literally did nothing to em

Baki's face just looks wrong this isn't my beloved child

Imagine you are about to fight this mf and he just shoves his hand inside his pants

Chapter 9

This dude really looks like, fully japanese jack hanma

JWGWKEGWKSGE I LOVE HIM

I love how Spec just showed up dressed up as a fucking monk or something

Chapter 10

You guys know, Dorian reminds me of my now dead great grandfather, with the moustache look even more.

Not impressed, 15 yo Hanayama did the same when throwing a tantrum

He's so insane i luv him

Okay but look at the cut of that outfit look at how well it hugs his chest and waist but flows bellow... Spec my dude you could have been a mad good model 😐 he's even giving me gender envy! 🥺

I love how Baki used both his hands for the handshake

Chapter 11

Ho, speak of the devil, i was just talking of this fucker with Blood

Mf got so old

I like how there was no motive for him to be naked he literally is just Like That

Also it's from here that he got that wasp waist lmao

Mf just flexing at this point lmao

GRANDPA!! <3

Yanagi got cake

That's so unnecessary rude, obsessed. Also, as if you weren't old Yanagi. I see why they broke up now ;/

Chapter 12

11 and 12 are the same fsr

Chapter 13

I honestly wonder where these prisoners got their clothes, like, aside from Doyle that one time everyone else is never shown shopping or even owning money

Also i love the fact that on a daily basis i dress the same as Spec, that definitely says something bout me jagsjsgwhwfwg 😭

To be honest, considering the size of Spec's body, they should definitely feed him more

He didn't wash his hands 😢

Dick and balls too strong ajgshsgsg

I love how fucking, polite he is.

Oh i see, i thought he might have stolen a wallet or something but nah

Btw i genuinely don't remember shit JAGSKSGWJGS even if it watched the anime i forgot most of this

Chapter 14

GOD the way the anime butchered Katsumi, he's so handsome in the manga in comparison 😐

Also i like how they aren't explaining this like, Katsumi was the one who lost, did he wait until Retsu was okay to fight again in HIS ("") dojo?!

RETSU STOP DOING THESE SORT OF TRICKS THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AJDGSJSG

HE'S JUST BUILT DIFFERENT

Okay he actually explained, oddly nice of Retsu to accept tho

Hoho this scene hits different now that i know and like Katsumi

Also I'm not even gonna question where Doppo is, dude is never just around skdgksgd

Chapter 15

I love this genre of cover

WHITE BOY SJDGSJGSHS-

I love that retsu is just watching, he's still an asshole QJGSJSGWH

If i didn't know Katsumi I would say he died

I did actually think he had died when watching the anime

Retsu still has his thicc ass i see

Chapter 16

See all this makes sense now that i know retsu and the shit he has seen and been thru!

Angry lad, lucky his hair didn't burn

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HE EXTINGUISHED THE FIRE WITH HIS SCREAM

Chapter 17

Ahegao in the cover

I'm looking at the pages and I'm obsessed with Doppo being described as a "bold, badass karate master", it's so accurate <3

Also Igari being called eccentric, and the mention he defeated Mount Toba!! <3

Baki is slowly looking more like Baki

"my mother is dying"

Tasks keep failing successfully

Chapter 18

mAh boy...

That happens and it's the worst

Musashi you good boy 🥺

Chapter 19

Igari <33

That's insane

Chapter 20

I love that Igari looks legitimately worried and sad, not sweating tho

I love how he didn't have any serious damage until the punches like, okay.

Poor Igari tho

DID HE CHEW EM OFF OR SOMETHING? SHSHWGEGCH

Was anybody going to tell me is Sikorsky and not Sirkosky?

Also i love how legitimately scared Tokugawa is, probably more than when Yujiro picked him up

Chapter 21

The heights are so off in this saga

Oh my fucking god i didn't know Spec was 221

Either heights are all over the place or Yanagi is not 160

Either way HOW CAN YOU BE THAT SMALL? 🤣

GAFSFWEAD Tokugawa like "i own this place 😐"

Doyle is still the most decent one of the bunch

URSURSUTSUSTSRU

LOOK AT YANAGI DORIAN AND SIKORSKY ALREADY GETTING THEIR HANDS READY SBDGSHW

I googled how big Andreas from the tournament was and like, 2.40 😦

LET'S GOOOOO EVEN WITH A BEARD OMFG 😳😳😳

I see Hanayama descended into alcoholism after losing in the tournament. Also tf is with that bag? Was he hiking or something?

Jsgsjsgd Shibukawa is so excited too

I think this is chronically the first time Doppo appears with fully casual clothes, usually he either was in a suit or in his karate uniform

I'm straight up simping to the public now sgsjsgwhw

Chapter 22

LOOK AT THESE DUDES..... 💞

FUCK I WAS GONNA SAY THERE WERE MORE BAD THAN GOOD GUYS THEN LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED THAT NO, SHIBUKAWA WAS JUST NEARLY OUT OF FRAME 😭

They all look so upset about that information

SIKORSKY NAME GOT SPELLED AS SILCOSKI...

Looking at them drives me insane i developed such a bond with all these fighters

I haven't seen Doppo this excited since last time his wife showed up

BAKI SWEARING?! 😰

How did Tokugawa grab Baki's shoulder?

ALSO WHY TF IS BAKI SO SURPRISED AS IF HE DIDNT GO AROUND BEATING UP PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 13...

Don't worry Baki y'all will, Tokyo is not that big it seems

Shibukawa swearing 😨

"Imagine being mid but and Spec pulls up on you" "imagine having sex and she takes the mask and it's fucking Spec"

To be fair i would fuck a 2.21 muscular lady without going "hmmm this doesn't seem like a good idea..." in any moment

Chapter 23

I love how Dorian is just looking up

ACTUALLY ALL THEIR STANCES, Yanagi making dead eye contact with Gouki, Sikorsky with a firm pose just as Hanayama, Doyle with hiss chest up but eyes down giving a sense of pride, and, well, then there's Spec being Spec.

I like seeing Sikorsky having fun

I love Spec he played so smart SGSGSGS

😳 love wins!

Oh i had already forgotten about the dojo

Old man Dorian just has that effect on people

Threesome i see /j

He really was just fucking hiking i would love if they ever explained that ough 🥺

Did his facial hair just disappear?? STSGSFSD

BWHEKEGWJG THEY REALLY JUST FORGOT TO ADD IT FOR ONE PANEL IM OBSESSED

Such a good kick tho

The relationship these men can have is so oddly nice like not Doppo and Retsu specifically but all of the fighters in general. Like many of them barely know each other, but they all know their fighting styles and respect each other, plus have no reason to be in bad terms with one another and specially not now that they are all fighting for the same cause. It's just so nice to see em idk JAGSHS

Hey Igari.

Chapter 24

Thank God Doppo went <3 again it had been so long

Babe are you okay? You hadn't put a lil heart in your speech bubble for a while...

King really punched the fire

I will chose to believe that's true bc it's impressive 😍

You know it's funny like, Katsumi is mad good but he doesn't has as much experience as his dad and that leaves him in disvantage

Hehe i remember that guy

The manga is so much better than the anime ffs

I love that he didn't even realize

Chapter 25

Manga i don't think that's science

Also Baki just chilling with some doves lmao

I'm looking thru old messages see how my og reaction to this was

Huh i found nothing, that's odd. Well my reaction would have probably been like NOOOOO anyway so, y'all can imagine it

You left my dilf handless you fucking asshole good thing he has a wife

Imagine this dude cuts your hand and then just flexes his knowledge about science or whatever

HSSGGSFS THEY FIXED THE NO BEARD ERROR

Illiterate king <3

A guy did this to me once btw!!! Obviously in way smaller scale but he just touched something and the bleeding soon stopped!!!!

Honestly that's the most huge dick energy thing Doppo has ever done

Pfff I'm starting to remember why i liked Doppo so much 🥴

Bitches confused over him running away, tf was he supposed to do? He played it smart since there are no rules

Though yeah an eye and NOW a hand, insane

Chapter 26

Sjshhdhsn tanuki?

Oh, fox, he was calling him slick

Manga is pretty faster than the anime

Chapter 27

Where's your honor, Igari...

He is right sadly enough 😔

Oh i keep forgetting Igari's nature, he was probably trying to pull his silly little tricks again

This is just brutal honestly

Hehe this time i didn't get scared ☺️

I like that at least I'm not the only one who needs their mind off the gutter

Chapter 28

Love seeing em datin <3

He's so aggressive accidentally i love these dorks sm 😍🥺💞

SPEC FFS SJGDHWGW

Chapter 29

SPEC FOR FUCKS SAKE SJSVSJWGSH

Hanayama is such a real bro man

I LOVE THAT HE WAS JUST STALKING BAKI TOO BTW SJDGJDGDHSBDGDGS

To think i will still love hanayama but for entirely different reasons 😌

Chapter 30

Kaoru looks different but idk how

What the fuck is Spec even saying?

The fact that that makes no sense, i still love it a lot tho.

ALSO I ADORE HOW QUIET HANAYAMA IS WHEN FIGHTING

Okay Spec really has a point it really is beautiful

GOD I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH I NEED HELP AJDGSJSGSHS 😭

But it's beautiful in the sense like, look how built he is! Look at all those scars!!! It IS beautiful it's a masterpiece!!!!!!!

"i choose to believe this is how hanayama always undresses" KSHSKDGSJ THE AMOUNT OF SUITS THIS MAN DESTROYS.. OBSESSED

Though yeah Hanayama in general is also beautiful isn't he?

Chapter 31

I would sob man look at him. Look at Shiba.

NO ONE RISKS HIS LIFE MORE THAN SHIBA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I STILL HOLD A LOT OF RESPECT FOR HIM!

A BENCH...

I really don't get why he's letting himself get hit, is he just flexing?

I cannot way to see him do his Technique ™

Chapter 32

Manga is so much superior to the anime, like, i haven't complained about Spec even once bc he isn't annoying anyone, in the anime he was so infuriating!!

I love when they just steal their standing poses sjsgjssgsh

That distortion effect so good

Chapter 33

I still think it's weird they used humans and not machines, though it was effective

I love how Spec managed to punch that statue without calling the attention of much people that's impressive

And i love that he keeps saying man he sounds like me with bro

Hanayama my beloved

Chapter 34

Yeah I'm not reading all that 😐

Oh this explains the holes in his clothes

#luly talks #btg #having a shitton of fun #the anime is NOTHING compared to the manga #the only good thing about the anime is the voice acting which is just on point #but everything else SUCKS man #they made me hate my man Spec and now im seeing he wasnt as nearly as annoying as in the anime #AND THEY BUTCHERED SO MANY FACES... EVERYONE WAS SO FUCKING UGLY #HANAYAMA... KATSUMI... EVEN BAKI WAS MAD UGLY 😭😭#but everything is better now ☺️#also i hit the limit of letters again 🥴#baki liveblog

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alixanonymous · 4 years

Text

How A Demon Commissions An Angel ~ A Daminette FanFic ~ Chapter 6: A Need For Clarification

From the phone of Damian Wayne:

Chat Name: Unknown Number

Unknown Number: Hi, Damian? This is Marinette…

Me: You’re late.

Unknown Number: I know, I’m so sorry! There was a bit of an emergency…

Me: Oh?

Unknown Number: Yeah, sorry! I know you said you’d only be free for about another hour right? Can we work fast maybe?

Me: I suppose it’s better late than never, but in the future, know that I don’t tolerate tardiness.

Unknown Number: Look, things in Paris are kind of crazy right now. I can’t promise I won’t have to change plans unexpectedly but since we only have an hour to get things done, could we leave that talk for another time? I’ll try to let you know beforehand if something comes up. Okay?

Me: Fine, one second. I need to change your contact name.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, let me do yours too!

Me: Do I want to know what you put me in as?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I bet you could guess :)

Me: …

Me: It’s not Arthur’s little sister, right?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, it wasn’t! :P

Me: No.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yes.

Me: Change it back!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You don’t even know what it was originally!

Me: Anything is better than that.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Fine…

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But that means you can’t complain about what it is since you’re the one who told me to change it back.

Me: Fine, I don’t even want to know.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I do! What do you have me under?

Me: …

Me: Your initials.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Isn’t that a little too on the nose?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: (Not to mention totally uncreative)

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But also, what if your brothers see?

Me: Well, not those initials…

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???

Me: Weren’t you the one who talked about how we only had an hour to do this?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Sorry! Are you ready for some fast questions?

Me: Yes.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to start with Grayson’s sweater.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: What in your opinion constitutes a “tacky Christmas sweater”?

Me: Aren’t you the fashion designer? Shouldn’t you know this?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, I can’t say “tacky” is a style I’ve had much experience in sooo…

Me: Right…

Me: Well I guess I’d imagine it’d have to have a lot of bright colors.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But you said Grayson likes navy blue, right?

Me: Right.

Me: Well before he liked navy blue, he used to wear a lot of neon red, yellow, and green.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: …

Me: You know, as a child.

Me: Plus they’re sort of Christmas colors in a way, right?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So when you said bright, you meant traffic-stoppingly bright?

Me: I suppose.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: While I can’t say I would have ever thought to put those colors together before, if he wore them as a child I guess they would have kind of a sentimental value, like a nostalgic factor.

Me: In a way, it’s like an inside joke too, I suppose.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: How so? Me: Well, you see…

Me: After I moved in with my father, I needed clothes so I wore some of his.

Me: Well, they were clothes in his image.

Me: Of course, they weren’t hand-me-downs.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Huh. Whenever I pictured you, I can’t say it was in traffic light colors

Me: You picture me?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hahaha, no! Silly, it was only a figure of speech.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right! Well, we only have an hour so we better get back on track! I think the colors are a very good personal detail!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So beside those, what else makes it a tacky xmas sweater?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Do you want a holiday design? Like Santa or a reindeer?

Me: Perhaps?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Or are there any other images you’d think he’d appreciate more?

Me: Well…

Me: Maybe a bird?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A bird? Like a penguin?

Me: No! Definitely not!

Me: A robin

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: A robin? Why?

Me: As a child he also really liked the superhero Robin.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh! Batman’s sidekick, right?

Me: He’s Batman’s partner!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right. Is that also where the traffic light colors come from? Me: I suppose you could say that, yes

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, doesn’t he have a logo or something? Would that be what you want on the sweater?

Me: No, he’s an adult now, even if he doesn’t act like it.

Me: I think if the design’s the actual bird it would seem more subtle.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And thoughtful too! Less generic.

Me: I suppose so.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Cool, I’m starting to picture it. So do you actually want any Christmas aspects? Like do you want me to put a santa hat on the robin or maybe some wording on it like Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays?

Me: No, no santa hat and not “Merry Christmas” either.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Any text?

Me: Could you put “The First” on it?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I could… Why?

Me: Well, he is the oldest. So he was the first.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, no that makes sense.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: But I wonder…

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Hey Damian, is your brother as… formal as you?

Me: No.

Me: Definitely not. He has no manners.

Me: Why?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Well, a lot of young people use the term OG now. Maybe he would like that more.

Me: …

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It means like the original.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know, I think it actually stands for original gangster…

Me: I see.

Me: You know what, that’s actually very fitting.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Really?

Me: Yes. It seems like I should be grateful for not only your fashion expertise but also your knowledge of popular culture.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Thank you?

Me: Very well, is that all for Grayson?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Uh, just a few more things. So no Christmas details then?

Me: Nothing more than similarities in the colors and style.

Me: What I’m picturing, at first glance, one might think it looks like a tacky Christmas sweater but if they were to look closely, there wouldn’t be actual references to the holiday.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Got it!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: So no hoods or pockets for this one?

Me: No. I think they’d be unnecessary.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay. Now, the main detail left is the thickness.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m going to have to knit this by hand so would you prefer I use a thin or thicker, fluffier yarn?

Me: I guess it would depend.

Me: Would a thicker material be scratchy?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: No, Damian. Nothing I make is scratchy.

Me: I see.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: The only differences would be a thicker yarn would make for a thicker and fluffier sweater and it would also be a bit warmer too.

Me: Oh well Gotham is pretty cold most of the time.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Gotham?

Me: It’s where my family lives. Well, Grayson also spends a lot of time in Blüdhaven.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh, I see why you guys like Robin now! He and Batman are based in Gotham right?

Me: Yes.

Me: Paris doesn’t have any superheroes right?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh no, we do.

Me: I’m sorry, excuse me? I’ve never heard of any!

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Ladybug and Cat Noir are the main ones.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: And our mayor tries his best to keep it out of international news to keep tourism going.

Me: So you’re telling me that those outlandish stories on the Ladyblog are true?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Most of them, yes.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Wait, you read the Ladyblog?

Me: I came across it while I was doing research on you.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I see…

Me: Is this a joke? If there’s supervillains in Paris, why hasn’t the Justice League gotten involved?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I don’t know?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’m not really the person to be asking about this stuff.

Me: Right, sorry. It’s just hard to believe.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Yeah, I get it.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s actually why I was late today. There was an akuma attack earlier.

Me: What?!

Me: Are you okay?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Oh I’m fine, Ladybug’s powers reverse all the damage.

Me: …

Me: I think this is going to take some time to sink in.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Right, well should we get back to the commission?

Me: Yes. Let’s.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, so you’d prefer the thicker material then?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: It will cost more by the way.

Me: Yes, and money is never an issue.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Okay, then I think I have enough to get started on the sketch! I know we have two more brothers to go through but it’s getting late here and I still have some things to get done tonight…

Me: Of course.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Would you be free to talk some more same time tomorrow?

Me: I believe so.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: I’ll try my best to not be late this time. :)

Me: I understand now that it may be out of your control.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: Unfortunately, but hey what can you do?

Me: Right.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: If you have any time before we talk again, I’ve been thinking it might help if there’s any reference pictures you could show me.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: You know if you see anything online or in a store or even if there’s any pieces your brothers’ already own that you’d want me to take some inspiration from, could you maybe send me some pictures so I can have a better idea of what you’re looking for?

Me: I see. I’ll do my best.

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: That’s all I can ask! Goodnight, Damian! Talk to you tomorrow!

Me: Goodnight, Marinette.

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Chat Name: Father

Me: Father, were you aware that there are superheroes in Paris? Why hasn’t the Justice League done anything?!

Father: I’m sure the Justice League is monitoring the situation. There’s no cause for concern, son.

Me: Right. Of course, Father.

From the phone of Jason Todd:

Chat Name: The Boys (Minus The Demon)

replacement: ummm… sooo…

replacement: just walked into my room and guess what I see?

big bird: A mess?

replacement: no! the demon’s standing in front of my closet taking pictures of my clothes!

big bird: ?

Me: uh wat

big bird: How the hell was I supposed to guess that?

replacement: so then I ask him what he’s doing…

Me: anddddd

replacement: and he doesn’t even look at me but just says research…

replacement: ???

big bird: (shrugging emoji)

big bird: Maybe this is a good thing? I mean what if he is doing research for Christmas and actually paying attention to what we like?

replacement: okay???

Me: i dont know he has been acting weirder lately

Me: like when i came home he was glaring at his phone and kept checking it for like five min without noticing i was there

big bird: Oh!

big bird: I passed him in the hall earlier and get this: he was smiling at his phone as he typed!

Me: what1!!

replacement: why didn’t you warn us?!

big bird: Because guys? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t like a threatening smile. I think it was an actual like happy smile.

Me: yeah right! demon spawn doesnt know how to do that

replacement: do you know who he was texting?

Me: ?

big bird: No! And I didn’t want to ask…

replacement: well we need to figure it out.

Me: agreed

big bird: Unfortunately, because she helped him with the encryption, Babs can’t hack into his phone.

Me: well then well ned to steal it

Me: he has patrol with you guys tonight right

replacement: yes…

Me: ill get it from babs after you leave

replacement: good plan but we don’t know his password…

big bird: Oh, it’s I’m Batman!

Me: duh its im batman

replacement: ???

replacement: How do you know that?!

Me: like your password hasnt been it at one point

replacement: …

big bird: We’ve all been there!

Me: its practically a right of passage

replacement: *rite

Me: shut it replacement

Chat Name: carrot top

carrot top: do I even want to know why you stole the demon brat’s phone?

Me: uhhh no?

carrot top: great

carrot top: just make sure you return it before he gets back

carrot top: I have no wish to get stabbed with a katana tonight

Me: great thx babs!

carrot top: oh and by the way, its programmed to delete all unsaved data after five hours

Me: what!!!

Me: is there anyway you could retrieve his texts?

carrot top: of course I could!

carrot top: but Im not gonna

Me: why not???

carrot top: one word:

carrot top: katana

Me: fineee

From the phone of Damian Wayne:

Me: who is this?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian, it’s five in the morning.

Me: who are you and why are you texting this number?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh, it’s Marinette.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: remember me?

Me: hello, marinette.

Me: why are you in damians phone as t.g.y.t.t.b.?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: uh, I have no idea. it’s too early for this.

Me: so, tell me…

Me: what business do you have texting my brother?

T.G.Y.T.T.B.: ???

T.G.Y.T.T.B: oh, you’re Damian’s brother then?

Me: Yes, i’m Jason.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: You mean Grayson?

Me: i think i know my own name

Me: but to answer your question grayson is our other brother

Me: demon spawn likes to call by our last names

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh I thought it was just more…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: nevermind

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, Demon spawn?

Me: damian

T.G.Y.T.T.B: thats…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: ironic.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: and kinda mean

Me: trust me he loves it

T.G.Y.T.T.B: So which one are you, Todd or Drake?

Me: todd

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Wait, why do you guys have different last names?

Me: uh cause all of us were adopted except for damian

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Oh

Me: but back to my question

Me: why are you texting my brother?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Uh well I’m not…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I wasn’t…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I was trying to sleep…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: And then I was texting you sooo

Me: Right but you were texting him earlier right?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: What does it matter to you?

Me: What business do you have texting my brother?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: None of yours

Me: …

Me: Im his brother!

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Exactly, his brother.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his parent

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Not his warden

T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if you really want to know why I’m texting Damian, maybe you should ask him instead of stealing his phone and bothering innocent girls at five in the morning.

Me: well to be fair its only 11 over here

Me: how was I supposed to know?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: By talking to your brother instead of stealing his phone?

Me: how did you even know I stole it?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: …

T.G.Y.T.T.B: really?

Me: hey now

Me: im only doing this because im concerned

Me: the kids been acting weird lately

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Gee, I wonder why.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Do you think it maybe has something to do with the fact that you’re all threatening to send him away?

Me: he told you about that?!

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Yes.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: So if that’s all, how about the next time you feel like sticking your head where it doesn’t belong, try talking to your brother first.

Me: wait

Me: can’t you give me anything to work with here?

Me: why did he tell you that he might be sent away? he barely mentions it

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Why does he even have to tell me in the first place? What kind of brother lets his sibling be shipped away?

Me: look

Me: you only know what damians told you

Me: there’s another side to the story.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m sure there is.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: But Damian is my friend not you, so I don’t particularly care to hear what you have to say.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: To me, you’re just the person who wants to send my friend away even though you say he’s your brother.

Me: So you’re demon spawn’s friend?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: No, I’m Damian’s friend.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Good night, Jason.

Me: wait

Me: i don’t really want him to be sent away or anything

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Have you done anything to help him stay?

Me: i’m trying to right now.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: How is any of this helping him?

Me: my brothers and I are trying to figure out what’s he getting us for xmas so we can make sure its good enough to satisfy dad

T.G.Y.T.T.B: How about instead of that you have some faith in him and try to convince your father to stop threatening to send him away?

Me: our old man isnt really the type to change his mind

Me: again i dont want him to leave or anything but he does need to get better

Me: i mean hell he broke a kids hand! that stuffs gotta stop

T.G.Y.T.T.B: …

T.G.Y.T.T.B: WHAT?!

Me: i see he didn’t tell you that

Me: look hes my brother

Me: i dont want him gone but things cant keep going on like this

Me: i know your his friend but he has to change and our dad is just trying to do what he thinks is best for him

T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s enough!

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I told you I didn’t want to hear from you.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Damian’s my friend. He gets to decide what he tells me and when and it was very wrong of you to breach his trust like this. T.G.Y.T.T.B: Whatever Damian has done, it doesn’t mean you have the right to call him a demon and steal his phone. I want you to return it now.

Me: …

Me: your right

Me: im sorry.

Me: i guess we’re all just trying to do what’s best for him

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe you should stop assuming you know what that is.

Me: i cant promise anything

Me: but im glad damian has you as friend

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Well…

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’m glad that he has a brother who wants him to stay.

Me: he has three

T.G.Y.T.T.B: That’s even better.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Surely the three of you would be enough to change your father’s mind?

Me: its not as simply as that

Me: but i can promise you our dad wants whats best for damian too

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I’ll hold you to that promise.

Me: Im sure you will, spitfire.

T.G.Y.T.T.B: ?

Me: thats your nickname

T.G.Y.T.T.B: I see

T.G.Y.T.T.B: :)

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Maybe one day I’ll tell the very first nickname I gave your brother.

Me: anyway that day could be today?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Considering it’s now only eight o clock and you woke me up at five in the morning, no. I’m afraid not.

Me: wait

Me: it hasn’t already been three hours has it?

T.G.Y.T.T.B: It wouldn’t have been if you responded faster…

Me: uh oh

Me: crap crap crap

T.G.Y.T.T.B: What’s wrong?

Me: demon gonna kill me

Me: night sunshine

T.G.Y.T.T.B: Bye?

From the phone of Alfred Pennyworth:

Chat Name: Master Bruce

Master Bruce: Alfred, please hide as many of Damian’s weapons as you can.

Me: On it, Master Bruce. May I ask what happened?

Master Bruce: Jason stole Damian’s phone and used it to text one of Damian’s friends.

Me: Oh, I see.

Master Bruce: Hey, has Damian mentioned anything to you about a girl?

Me: A girl? No, not that I can recall, Master Bruce.

Me: Is that who Master Jason was texting?

Master Bruce: Yes, but I wasn’t aware Damian made any new friends.

Me: Neither was I. Perhaps he is progressing?

Master Bruce: I suppose we’ll see.

Me: Indeed.

I literally posted this just so I could say that chapter nine is on AO3!!!

Master List

#MariBat #Daminette #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #Damian Wayne #FanFic

153 notes · View notes

therappundit · 3 years

Text

***Best of the 1st Half of 2021: SONG EDITION***

Six months into 2021 and since 2020 wrapped up...some things in the world have changed, while other things remain the same (for better or worse). Folks, it’s time to talk about rap music in 2021...

One trend definitely has continued well into 2021: the underground rap world - I’m talking the artists, the aesthetic, the sound, the full projects, every box you can think of - continues to kick the mainstream rap world’s ass. There are already signs of the two imaginary separate worlds intermingling more and more, and we will have to deal with the pros and cons of that down the line...but one thing is for sure: rap music runs deeper, and more sonically diverse than ever before, and as long as there is an internet to enlist the ears and talents of artists from all over the world, the art form will continue to divide, change shape, borrow from the old and add some new, again and again. And we will all be better for it.

So let’s dive right in. As usual there are about 1,000 more songs that I would love to cram into this list, but there are only so many spots...and I’m married with a toddler, so even though I am listening to rap music for a concerningly large portion of my day, it takes a lot of extra coffee and less sleep to keep these posts going (but it’s still worth it, I love connecting with folks over the same under-discussed but ridiculously dope songs and artists).

There are many lists but none quite like this one, here is THE RAP PUNDIT’S LIST OF THE BEST RAP SONGS FROM THE FIRST HALF OF 2021....hope you find some joints you never heard before and really enjoy. And to all of the MCs, Producers, mixers, singers, curators, readers, writers, critics - anyone that contributes something to this music I love....thank you, as always. 🙏

[Bonus joint] 55. “GANG GANG” - Polo G feat. Lil Wayne

https://soundcloud.com/polo-g/polo-g-lil-wayne-gang-gang?in=polo-g/sets/hall-of-fame-675200176

[Bonus joint] 54. “Furious Styles” - Illa Styles feat. Nickelus F https://illastyles.bandcamp.com/track/furious-styles-ft-nickelus-f

[Bonus joint] 53. “Box of Churches” - Pooh Sheisty feat. 21 Savage

https://soundcloud.com/ceo-mrpooh/box-of-churches-feat-21-savage

[Bonus joint] 52. “Beating Down Yo Block” - Monaleo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnMPEfV0bSA

[Bonus joint] 51. “BUZZERBEATER” - Rahiem Supreme feat. Al.Divino & Estee Nack

https://franksvinylrecords.bandcamp.com/track/buzzerbeater-feat-al-divino-estee-nack

50. "A Man Apart” - Rx Papi

https://soundcloud.com/rxpapi/a-man-apart-prod-by-noisy?in=rxpapi/sets/100-miles-walkin

(Face it: you’re either feelin’ the Rx flow or you’re not. The endlessly quotable MC is not always taken seriously, but similar to how the saddest clowns are most adept at masking their pain behind a smile, Papi needs to be taken seriously as a talented rap artist.)

49. “Moving On Up” - Evidence feat. Conway The Machine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5F35OOXvQ4c

(Evidence, Babu, Daringer and Conway all joining forces on a record feels like a timeline altering reach between two completely different generations of elite underground hip-hop artists, but in the case of “Moving On Up”, it’s not just a “hey wouldn’t it be dope if” fantasy, it’s a sweet reality. Ev has connected with the Griselda camp before and of course the results are dope. Add this one to the list, one of the many fine moments off of Unlearning Vol. 1.)

48. “Gordon Ramsay Freestyle” - Remble

https://soundcloud.com/remble2/gordon-ramsay-freestyle-prod-by-laudiano

(An attention grabbing MC if ever I heard one, Remble clearly hails from the same camp as Drakeo The Ruler - Stinc Team - but with that flow and sense of humor, he may develop a lot more than just a strong following out on the West Coast. Look out for Remble, he is knocking on the door of blowing, he’s just one key feature away...)

47. “The Shifts” - maassai feat. AKAI SOLO

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/the-shifts-feat-akai-solo

(If you haven’t checked out one of 2021′s most quietly impressive albums, I cannot recommend With The Shifts enough.)

46. “BOXINABACK” - Bris feat. Alphie Blood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3ai7WYivGo

(The career of Sacramento’s Bris was really beginning to pick up momentum in 2020...sadly, he was killed the same year. I cannot pretend to be an expert in the Sscramento rap scene, I just know that it’s been bubbling for a while, and this song really captured my attention as soon as I heard it. RIP, Bris.)

45. “Last Day Out” - Rio Da Yung OG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB51CUUod1w

(Right before Rio Da Yung OG entered the penitentiary, he dropped “Last Day Out”, a song that perfectly captures what the rap game will be missing while he’s gone - and more brutal honesty than we are accustomed to hearing from Flint, Michigan’s punchline killer.)

44. “Thousand Miles” - MAVI

https://mavi.bandcamp.com/track/thousand-miles

(The whole EP is impressive, but I think this joint most actually captures MAVI’s rhyme skills, flow and song writing ability. With young talent like this bubbling up from the underground scene, the future of rap music is as strong as ever.)

43. “Appletree” - Valee & KiltKarter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPO2AXgZMSc

(Not necessarily a vibe that everyone will be into...but one that if you are into it, you will reap the rewards in abundance. It’s so enjoyable to hear Valee applying his unpredictable cadence to new music once again, made that much more enjoyable by the fact that he has already dropped THREE mixtapes in 2021 and it’s only July!)

42. “Next Chamber” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Method Man, Raekwon & Willie The Kid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1amHQefki98

(Admit it: this is the type of production we have all been wanting on Wu-Tang albums for years. We won’t get it, but this is closer to the sound that they represented....and of course let’s not forget about the always welcome WTK feature, who does more than hold his own over the NY legends.)

41. “St. James Liquor” - Skyzoo feat. Aaria

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWC_tFzqUz8

(Pen game’s don’t come much finer than Skyzoo’s. The Brooklyn MC put a lot of work into All The Brilliant Things, and the final result was a collection of thoughtful rap songs like this one: descriptive, autobiographical rhymes over beautiful instrumentation that conjures memories of classic Roots records, and the headspace that only the greatest early 90′s East Coast lyricism could provide. Great song, great album.)

40. “10″ - Drakeo the Ruler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIRJoQFyS6c

(One of the best stories in 2020 rap music was when Drakeo hit the street once again, after a painfully long stretch of time in prison. He really hit the ground running in 2021, dropping one quality track after another...but then again, he never really stopped making dope rap in the first place, be it in the studio or over prison phone.)

39. “MASSA” - Tyler, The Creator feat. DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0vGz0bFutZs

(When folks were saying that Tyler was RAPPING rapping on his new album, this is what they were talking about. Not since Kanye West has a polarizing rapper-producer excelled so well at spilling his guts all over a track, and moments like this "MASSA” make Call Me If You Get Lost the standout project that it is.)

38. "DARTGUNZ” - Chuck Strangers

https://soundcloud.com/chuckstrangers/dartgunz-produced-by-samiyam

(Chuck Strangers remains low-key one of the best MC / Producers in the game, but Chuck is merely flexing his bar-work on this Samiyam produced gem.)

37. “Messy” - Nappy Nina & JWords

https://nappynina.bandcamp.com/track/messy

(Big shout-out to Pitchfork for putting me on to Nappy Nina within their rap song of the day section, The Ones. I love her music, and when paired with the incredibly gifted producer JWords - who I was only somewhat familar with thanks to previous terrific collaborations with MIKE and maassai - the result is a dope ass album like Double Down.)

36. “Nobles” - The Alchemist feat. Earl Sweatshirt & Navy Blue

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQoKO_v93g0

(The instrumental sounds as a triumphant as you could expect music from this trio to sound. My only complaint about This Things Of Ours was that it wasn’t 10-50 songs longer.)

35. “Nothing Like The Sun” - Tree feat. Roc Marciano

https://mctreeg.bandcamp.com/track/nothing-like-the-sun-feat-roc-marciano

(Okay so for the past few years, I had been pressing Tree, Closed Sessions, and just about anyone that would listen that a less than a minute clip from an old Tree promo featured an unreleased Tree & Roc Marciano joint. So finding out that this joint would *finally* being released on Tree’s Soul Trap album, it felt like Christmas morning. Now the world finally gets to hear two of the finest rap artists from the past decade plus!)

34. “nine lives” - maassai

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/nine-lives

(A great example of a song that seems to get better and better as it goes on, maassai & that horn sample are undeniably good on here.)

33. “Lemon Pepper Freestyle” - Drake feat. Rick Ross

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-lemon-pepper-freestyle?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(This one really radiates, “YES, you have heard this before”...but when it works so well, that’s not such a bad thing. Drake came ready to rap, and it will propel this joint to the top of many lists you will find on those other web sites.)

32. “triboro.” - Remy Banks feat. Mr. Muthafuckin’ eXquire, Wiki & A-Trak

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwSJ-DtZRBk

(I dig this in a big way. A few of NYC’s finest, flexing over what feels like blasting Kraftwerk out of a boombox on the L Train? I’m so on board.)

31. “Safe To Say” - Good Gas, Fki 1st & Band Gang Lonnie Bands feat. Band Gang Biggs & Glockboyz Teejaee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aykhcv625u0

(Of all my favorite projects that dropped in 2021 thus far, I don’t know if any have been as inexplicably under-discussed as the Good Gas, Fki 1st & Band Gang Lonnie Bands banger, Street Dream Team. I stumbled upon the project completely by accident one week while thumbing through all of the new joints that dropped from Detroit MCs one week, and I have kept it in heavy rotation ever sense. While not necessarily a spot-on snapshot of Band Gang Lonnie Bands’ typical sound, for a Michigan outsider like me, it makes for a great entry level intro to one of my favorite rappers out of the Motor City right now.)

30. "Early Exit” - Lloyd Banks

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BUofKVrb-A

(Yeah the Roc Marciano verse sounds like it was recorded over an old radio on cassette tape, but as someone from the real mixtape era, I’m not going to let shaky sound quality distract from the fact that every other part of the song is fantastic. The bars are there of course, but the beat and hook are all spot-on, and sound quality be damed it’s just great to hear Banks & Roc together.)

29. "Yonkers” - Wiki & NAH

https://wiksetnyc.bandcamp.com/track/yonkers

(Rife with experimentation and half-freestyles, and sonically living somewhere between Company Flow and Ratking, the subterranean metro sounds of Wiki and NAH’s Telephonebooth might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you have been checking for Wiki’s music prior to this point, chances are you are going to be feeling this collaboration with NAH, a producer that I was previously not familiar with, but became a huge fan over night thanks to cuts like “Yonkers”.)

28. “John Wick” - AKAI SOLO & Navy Blue

(Whether you still believe “lo-fi” rap is a legitimate sub-genre or not, there’s no denying the abilities of these two gifted writers/artists. The wind is blowing in this direction my friends, I just hope you get on board soon and stop neglecting all of the great rap music rising from this corner of the underground.)

https://akaisolo.bandcamp.com/track/john-wick-prod-navy-blue

27. “Let It Roll Interlude” by IAMNOBODI feat. Phonte & BeMyFiasco

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVA1hXEnwnE

(Hard to believe that arguably the strongest rap verse of 2021 would be so under the radar, but here we are...)

26. "Taylor Made Suit” - Evidence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qLIuc3z7KQ

(Perhaps the thing I love most about this new Ev - both the song itself, as well as the entire album - is how incredibly effective he sounds over minimalist production throughout. “Funeral suit, same as my wedding suit”...shout-out to the legendary MC and producer, both for everything that has has endured in his personal life and his ability to turn his pain into art.)

25. “GOOFIEZ” - Mother Nature and Boathouse feat. Valee

https://mothernaturebarz.bandcamp.com/track/goofiez-featuring-valee

(When Chicago talent gets busy on a record, not many can hang with them. Be on the lookout for more and more big things from the likes of Mother Nature, Valee, and Boathouse.)

24. “Peach Cobbler” - Navy Blue

https://navybluethetruest.com/

(I’m not sure if there is a “chosen one” right now, someone destined to reach such levels of success and/or respect that Drake & Kendrick-esque waves are felt over a generation...but if there is, the mega-talented producer/MC/skater/whatever he wants to be Navy Blue might fit the bill.)

23. “Rose Gold” - 42 Dugg feat. EST Gee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhmKfKZr-PQ

(There are more than a few songs off of 42 Dugg’s Free Dem Boyz that belong in my Top 50, but “Rose Gold” gets the nod off the strength of the menacing beat paired with 42 and one of the most scorching hot rappers walking the earth right now, EST Gee)

22. "MANIFESTO” - Tyler, The Creator feat. Domo Genesis & DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnDXCoHRl4o

(The Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber bar will garner most of the hype around this joint, but don’t let it distract from the fact that this song is one of the best collaborations between former Odd Future members since the collective’s creative peak.)

21. “What’s Next” - Drake

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-whats-next?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(Pay attention to this Drake guy, I think he has a shot of making it. He makes it seem so easy, yet he has no peers at his level right now. There’s the growing underground elite...then there’s Drake, and little competition to duke it out with him when it comes to smash rap hits....assuming that is still supposed to be a thing?)

20. “MOMENTZ” - Mother Nature and Boathouse

https://mothernaturebarz.bandcamp.com/track/momentz-2

(You would be hard pressed to find a more enjoyable, high quality tape than SZNZ. The Chicago MCs rock a beat that sounds like a Camp Lo leftover - and I mean that in the best way possible - and show a natural penchant for earwormy choruses that should serve them very well in this biz.)

19. “Grace Jones” - maassai

https://maassai.bandcamp.com/track/grace-jones

(Somewhere between spoken word and where Lyricist Lounge-era Rawkus resides, you can find the warrior poet that is maassai: quite simply one of the most impressive MCs in rap right now.)

18. “How It Feels” - Lil Baby & Lil Durk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAsRTTO8L2k

(I know how it feels to care relatively little about a collaboration project between two of the game’s more revered Lil’s, then be blown away by both of them rapping their asses off for like 20 songs.)

17. “Falling Out the Sky” - Armand Hammer & The Alchemist feat. Earl Sweatshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctmTme9cG74

(There’s wavy, and then there’s wavy in the hands of The Alchemist, Earl Sweatshirt and Armand Hammer. One of Haram’s many standouts, this one is probably not what fans expected when they first saw the album’s tracklist, but it might actually be more special than we expected.)

16. “Capitol 1″ - EST Gee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ng7Sg1_RTM

(Mark my words: by the time we reach the end of 2021, EST Gee will be in the top 10 of every reputable rap site’s best MC list. At least I know that he will most likely be on mine.)

15. “LUMBERJACK” - Tyler, the Creator feat. DJ Drama

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WOjaYotX1c

(Who knew we needed Tyler to join forces with DJ Drama to rap over a Gravediggaz joint? Never one to do what everyone expects, when this cut dropped about a week before his new album was released, it was clear that he was ready to pick up where he left off with his impressive bar-work on a flurry of features in 2020. Now that I think about it, after “Something To Talk About” and “327″ maybe we shouldn’t be surprised that Tyler dropped one of the hardest joints of the year.)

14. “The Stellar Ray Theory�� - Mach-Hommy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3GWJrL2ht0

(The single that Mach & Griselda stans were terrified to hear, at the risk of revealing their no-longer-a-secret project to be a painful example of how far the parties had drifted since their over-publicized fallout, only to find the opposite: Mach & Gunn didn’t just find their chemistry once again, they improved upon it.)

13. “Sandra” - MIKE

https://mikelikesrap.bandcamp.com/track/sandra

(With his new Disco! album, MIKE managed to step outside of his typical lane of delivery, showing how nimble he truly is as a MC, and even takes his skills to another level as a producer, delivering what might be the most enjoyable album of his career thus far.)

12. "No Time” - Your Old Droog feat. Wiki

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Y8Ozq9tMLE

(The new YOD album sounds so painstakingly written and executed, you would never believe it just casually dropped out of the blue one evening. Few are better at crafting themes without compromising the joy of listening to the music, Droog delivered once again.)

11. "What The Money Taught Us” - Skyzoo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JV2QEbxMYgU

(This new Skyzoo album has so much beauty to unpack, please dig in if you have been keeping it on the back-burner for some reason.)

And now the Top 10...

10. “Folie Á Deux” - Mach-Hommy feat. Westside Gunn & Keisha Plum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF1-VvJsbqI

(Conductor Williams does it again, putting his own unique touch to one of Pray For Haiti’s standout cuts. The song is almost beautiful sound if it wasn’t for Westside Gunn, Mach and Keisha Plum pumping their own unique rawness into the beat. This one represents everything going right with Griselda right now.)

9. “Hallways” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Roc Marciano & Flee Lord

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrDrvozDzo4

(Superior to anything on last year’s Mt. Marci, Disco Vietnam really blessed Flee Lord and Roc Marciano with the type of late night loungin’ in New York banger that Roc knows how to knock out the park better than anyone. “Hallways” screams late night underground radio in a way that feels both nostalgic and fresher than just about anything out right now.)

8. "Seeing Green” - Nicki Minaj feat. Lil Wayne & Drake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diUcHDlCqMo

(Many have tried to recapture the skill, swagger, and star power of The Roc in the early 00′s, but most have not been able to come close. Leave it to the diamonds in Young Money’s crown to come through and capture the pomp and circumstance so successfully, it’s amazing that Just Blaze wasn’t somehow involved. If you aren’t feelin’ at least one of these verses, time to join a hater support group.)

7. “Prayers Over Packages” - DJ Muggs & Rome Streetz & DJ Muggs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2r2AYxN20ZI

(Most underground artists must be so excited to have the legendary DJ Muggs lace them with a full project, and I’m sure Rome Streetz was honored. But while Muggs delivered another strong performance on Death & The Magician, it’s Rome that elevates the material to truly masterful levels.)

6. “Wants and Needs” - Drake feat. Lil Baby

https://soundcloud.com/octobersveryown/drake-wants-and-needs-feat-lil?in=octobersveryown/sets/scary-hours-2-1

(Yes Drake still has the touch, one of rap music’s few legitimate hitmakers left....but hot damn, it’s Lil Baby coming through to turn the joint to ashes that carries “Wants and Needs” to song of the year caliber levels.)

5. “S.R.D.” - Peter Rosenberg feat. Styles P, Ransom & Smok DZA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tzSrIZ8tso

(Don’t overthink it: the watery boom-bap backdrop provided by Buck Dudley is exquisite, and all three MCs go in. I think it’s time to admit that if it wasn’t for the like him or passionately hate him aura around Peter Rosenberg, a lot more folks would. be praising this compilation as one of the finest since peak DJ street tape era.)

4. “Black Sunlight” - Armand Hammer & The Alchemist feat. KAYANA

https://armandhammer.bandcamp.com/track/black-sunlight-featuring-kayana

(What more can I say about this union by now? Al dipping into his breezy bag to bless the lyrical onslaught of billy woods and ELUCID was not something that I thought I needed, but after hearing them cook together I don’t know if I ever want Armand Hammer to go back to the bleak soundscapes they’re often know for. The contract in style was so effective throughout Haram, bringing out the best from all parties, in my not-so-humble opinion...hopefully even more to come from this alliance.)

3. “TV Dinners” - The Alchemist feat. Sideshow & Boldy James

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuUGrlVivic

(A slick, seemingly harmless little head nodder from The Alchemist, Boldy and the rapidly ascending main-stage level Sideshow. I felt this one right from the jump the day Al’s This Thing of Ours EP dropped, and it’s remained high on my list of 2021 favorites ever since. Give me a bunch of chill MCs doing deceptively slick pen-work over a jazzy but simple loop, and I’m set.)

2. “The 26th Letter” - Mach-Hommy feat. Westside Gunn

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7jcjW8h230

(Forget the albums that go for thousand of dollars. Forget the mysterious aura around him, forget the Twitter stan-dom and those that loathe them, and forget the flames of Griselda gossip that are fanned by both fans and doubters....and just imagine you never heard this MC rap before and you have just pressed play on “The 26th Letter”. )

1. “Kill All Rats” - Conway & Big Ghost LTD. feat. Ransom & Rome Streetz

https://bigghostlimited.bandcamp.com/track/kill-all-rats-ft-ransom-rome-streetz

(Whenever attempting to wrangle my favorite songs into one tidy list, there is one ex-factor that can elevate a collection of bars to an elite song: execution. You already know that when punchlines kings the caliber of Ransom, Rome Streetz, and Conway The Machine get on a record together, it’s bound to be a bar-fest....but to the extent of “Kill All Rats”??? Not expected. The name of the song itself invites a certain degree of redundancy, but when three great MCs jump on a track and write verses near the top of their skill level - and when a producer like Big Ghost sounds equally incensed with the instrumental that he brought to the table - even a straight-forward posse cut can end up being the best rap song of the year thus far.)

*COMING SOON: BEST RAP ALBUMS, AND RAP VERSES OF THE FIRST HALF OF 2021...stay tuned.* 👀

See also:

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/649527317251670016/best-of-the-1st-quarter

https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/638904640503726080/the-best-rap-songs-of-2020-great-songs-that

5 notes · View notes

plush-anon · 3 years

Text

SCOOB! Stream of Consciousness Review

Here we are folks - I finally review the originally cinematic, fully CGI animated Scooby Doo Movie (one year later... I did not queue this as I thought I had last June - damn you, Tumblr. I’m not changing much here, so enjoy as it was intended).

Created by a team who have professed their affection for this mystery team and their meddling dog too, will this be a lush experience fit to satisfy any Hanna-Barbera fan? Or will it be a hot garbage cash-grab, littered with Easter eggs and references that do nothing to hide a meatless mess of outdated memes and shallow character development?

LET’S

FIND

OUT

Below this cut is my entire stream-of-consciousness review on the SCOOB! Movie, as experienced. SPOILER warning here - I’m digging into everything, no plot points spared.

Here we go~

And we start off with a decent shot of the California coastline (looks like the kids backstory is front and center), some 90s hip-hop synthwave song about California, and OH SWEET JESUS THESE MODELS LOOK TERRIBLE

Ahem

Yeah, this is a problem right off the bat - some of these people in the opening shots look remarkably unfinished - think three shades above “Rapsittie Kids: Believe in Santa” level - and the animation on them is less than stellar.

On the plus side, we do see a fantastic variety of ages, sizes, and races - there’s a brief blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Sikh man on roller skates playing a sitar - but when the designs look rushed in the opening shots, it’s not a fantastic sign. At least they’re brief, but it’s hard to see if this is a lower level of the film’s style due to rushed animation, or if they didn’t care to polish it up as much, given that it’s maybe a 30 second scene.

Still, kudos to actually going for variety in the crowd shots. Minus kudos to making most of the clothes look like Play-doh draped over a Barbie doll. I’m not even kidding on that one, the clothes are super basic and barely have any sign of texture or creasing or even fabric/cut variety. Almost reminds me of the first Toy Story movie’s design for human clothes, yeesh.

----

Ahh, our first introduction to Scooby Doo at a Greek gyro food stand. That’s foreshadowing right there folks! 😉

Sadly, he is really weirdly animated in his run sequence - he looks out of proportion as he’s running on his hind legs, and the human animation has really bad consistency - some background characters are really janky, while others actually move really nicely. The characters we immediately focus on seem to be pretty smooth at least, but that’s still very strange.

On a side note: Ruby and Spears Sub Sandwich shop. Nice 😁

----

They are reaaaally pushing the super over-the-top dramatic music for a bike cop chasing a dog that stole gyro meat

Why

It’s not even interesting chase music, just generic super-hyped-up chase music

----

And now we finally get to see a young Shaggy, standing next to a tie-dye food stand called Casey’s Confections that… sells meat. Hm. Guess WB hasn’t learned after all these years 🙄

Unfortunately, I’m not a huge fan of the kid they got to play him, Iain Armitage. He’s not a bad voice actor by any means, but he just doesn’t sound right for Shaggy. I know that as a kid he’d be much less likely to have a cracking/squeaky voice, but he sounds… it’s hard to pin down a word, but - precocious? Darling? Either way it doesn’t quite match, especially given how Shaggy sounds when he grows up via Will Forte. Just… no connection there.

I tie it down to the particular vocal twangs and nuances the gang usually has. I’ll touch base on that note later I think, once we hit the teenage versions of the gang, but for now I’m just not feeling it.

----

On the one hand, I empathize deeply with Shaggy and his Spotify’s unsettling ability to pinpoint his insecurities with song choices, and also deeply enjoy that one small gesture where his fingers kind of shake & tighten around his phone while he takes a deep breath to calm himself- it’s a very nice, subtle sign of frustration

On the other hand we just passed two guys with no nipples and an unerring likeness to a Ken doll in those Barbie movies, so I’m distracted by that now

(between this and Fred’s no-nipples in Happy Halloween SD!, is WB just terrified of giving men nipples in animated movies now? what gives?)

Also distracted by the thrifty lesbians who bought those two shirts that come together to make a heart in the middle, on the store’s 2 for 1 day

happy pride y’all!

---

Finally got context for the two sand piles!

Very, very sad context, but still! Progress!

Basically Shaggy’s practicing talking to people in order to learn how to make friends, since he either has no idea how, or has never had a friend before. So he’s trying to learn the right way to do it since his own attempts have failed

And him talking to these sand piles not only counts as practice, but he’s using them so that his mom thinks he’s spending time with friends like he told her

Ow :)

---

So ketchup leather is apparently a thing that exists

I’m learning so much today!

---

Given that Shaggy has no friends at this stage, but he’s still called Shaggy, I’m kind of wondering if that was a mean nickname that everyone called him, but he was just grateful for the interaction/pretended it was from friends, so he kept it 🤔

Actually, take it back, his mother is calling him that. Family nickname, maybe…?

----

Shaggy has Blue Falcon (classic) and Dynomutt funko pops

noice

---

Oof, you can reaaaaally hear the age in Frank Welker’s Scooby voice. Can we get Scott Innes back? He sounds almost identical to his performance 20+ years ago :/

Also talking waaaay too much - even SDMI Scooby wasn’t this wordy, and he NEVER shut the hell up

----

Okay wait

So Shaggy met Scooby on Halloween day - then met the rest of the gang hours later?

Huh. And here I was thinking it would have been a few weeks minimum

Although I have to say there is a lot here to work with, if it paces out how I think it does

Shaggy meets Scooby. Bare hours later, he buys him a collar (instead of his mom? weird) and asks him to stay with him, despite not really knowing him. Then, only a couple hours after that, he finally makes some friends… but only when Scooby is with him.

Given that it looks like the gang are all around the same age in the same neighborhood, there’s a solid chance that they’ve taken classes together at the same school. If none of them met/knew/made friends with Shaggy then, but only did so AFTER Scooby came into the picture, that might lead to the argument we know about later when they split up; afterwards, S&SD go to the bowling alley, then get abducted by the Blue Falcon, plot continues. This could make it seem like they were only friends with him at the start because he had a dog.

And the brief scene earlier with the music device shows that he tries to tamp down on his anger/doesn’t really address it - could lead to something more later

hmmmm 🤔

---

Wait what

These two kid bullies just came out of nowhere, stole Shaggy’s candy… and then started on about how Halloween is only a marketing ploy to get companies to rot your teeth and go to the dentist more, before throwing the bag through a window and telling the two that ‘your blood sugar will thank us for it!’

Are - are these the brainwashed children of a Karen? Is that what I’m seeing?

I mean we could have had a Red Herring cameo, but apparently informing children about candy conspiracy theories is more important :/

----

Daphne: It’s Halloween - no one should go home without their candy

FD&V: *none of them have candy/candy bags*

???????

(Wouldn’t it make more sense if the bullies had stolen their candy too? What the hey man)

----

I do find it neat that we actually get to SEE the wires the ‘ghost’ uses to fly in full effect - that’s actually pretty cool, and not really something we get to see up close in older Scooby shows. Most of those just have the bad guy randomly flying about, and the wires revealed after the fact

---

Actually, given how FD&V react to this ghost almost immediately… have they already been solving mysteries? It seems like it, given how smoothly they move together to capture him

That’s kind of odd in kids. Like, even in PNSD they weren’t perfectly in-sync on stuff

This then leads to the gang solving mysteries together… in spite of the fact that all Shag and Scoob did was hide in the wardrobe that had the stolen goods, while FD&V captured the dude

Granted, they do ask Shag and Scoob if they wanna join in and say yes, but that seems like an strange jump after what could have been a one-time deal

I just find that a touch odd - esp when they could have had a five minute scene or so of them wandering around the house, touching on some old SDWAY traits. Heck, show that they’re SCARED in some way, and don’t immediately move to tackle what looks like a murderous spirit at age 8-9 or so. Even just showing the kids learning about each other would be enough, but what do I know. I’ve only watched Scooby Doo everything since I was 4 🙄

---

Ahhhh, and now for the updated rendition of the theme song

Where they’re all still kids doing everything the teenage gang did in the theme song

It doesn’t look as good as the OG, though - kind of like a computer game simulating the SDWAY intro using the PNSD kids in CGI. It’s honestly strange to see, and a little jarring - especially when we then transition to the older teenage gang right in the middle

Like, we don’t get to see you guys age through the song as you’re chased by/catch different monsters? That could have been pretty neat honestly - shows how long they’ve been doing this

Tho I gotta admit, seeing the Spooky Space Kook with his OG sound effects is pretty awesome, brief as it waoH MY GOD FRED WHY ARE YOU HAVING A ROMANTIC BEACHSIDE DATE WITH THE MYSTERY MACHINE

THAT WASN’T IN THE ORIGINAL AND NO ONE ELSE GETS A CHARACTER INSIGHT SHOT LIKE THIS

WHY

----

Huh, looks like Ruby & Spears gave up their subway sandwich shop for a coffee shop

That apparently the gang goes to in order to eat malt shop food

okay?

----

Ah, and here’s where we finally look at the voice acting of the older teenage gang. Buckle up folks, cause I gotta lot to say

We’ll start with Fred, bc honestly? I think Efron actually fits him pretty dang well. He’s got a different cadence from Welker, true, but as far as an update goes? I think he’s a solid fit. Very much in line with the all-American kid that Fred’s kind of been slated as for the past 50 years or so, but updated more for the modern perspective. I call it solid (and possibly a replacement for whenever Welker decides to retire).

Next? Oof. Velma is, IMHO, the weakest casting. Velma, no matter her voice actress, has ALWAYS had some form of nasal twang to her voice - that’s part of what makes her Velma to begin with, and helps her stand out. Nicole Jaffe, Pat Stevens, BJ Ward, Christina Lange (PNSD), Mindy Cohn, Kate Micucci, Linda Cardellini -heck, even Haley Kiyoko from ‘The Mystery Begins’ and Sarah Gilman from the ‘Daphne and Velma’ movie understood this! They all had that nasal twang to their voice - differing between actresses, of course, but still recognizable as Velma. Gina Rodriguez though? Honestly, it just sounds like she’s acting it straight. Not bad acting at all, by any means - she just doesn’t sound like Velma, and doesn’t seem to be trying to. (Honestly wondering if she was only hired bc she voices Carmen Sandiego in the reboot cartoon for the lolz fun reference! type connection)

Daphne is sort of similar in voices, but hers is more of a pitch her voice hits - Heather North, Mary Kay Bergman, and Grey Delisle Griffin all have that pitch they hit naturally when speaking. Amanda Seyfried? Does not - in fact, her voice is actually deeper than I was expecting - but it’s not quite as big a difference as it is for Velma. It fits her character type okay, and she does well with it overall.

And finally, the most controversial one: Will Forte’s Shaggy.

I’ll go ahead and say this: he’s not Scott Menville levels of bad Shaggy voice acting. If I were to place him on a list, I’d probably put him around Billy West level - kind of sounds similar via vocal tics (voice cracking, likes and zoinks, etc), but his own voice just overtakes the impression he’s seeking to hit. When I hear him speak, I don’t really hear Shaggy; I just hear Will Forte trying to do an impression of Shaggy.

In comparison: when Scott Innes took over for Shaggy, it was like Casey Kasem’s, just a touch more of a twang to his voice and just a dash over-the-top - but it was still Shaggy, and you didn’t doubt that for a minute.

Same thing for Lillard, but maybe moreso - he was pretty much the most perfect casting for a live-action Shaggy there could be at the time Scooby Doo (2002) was made. Him taking over for Kasem from there made perfect sense: he was honestly the best cast Mystery Inc member of the live-actions, and a lot more recognizable to the general public as Shaggy than Scott Innes was. He could also do different emotions with Shaggy that not a lot of the other voice actors had the chance to do (mainly bc script), so for future stuff they have that flexibility, if they wanted to play around a little more.

With any luck Forte will get better over the course of the movie, but honestly the casting could have been so much better with Matt Lillard and Kate Micucci.

----

Shaggy Rogers, evading taxes since 2020

----

siMON COWELL??!?

WHAT THE

WHY?!?!?

ALSO HIS CHARACTER DESIGN STYLE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST OF THE GANG WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!!?

IS HE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SD CELEBRITY CAMEO

IF YOU WERE GOING TO DO A CAMEO FROM AMERICAN IDOL WHY NOT RYAN SEACREST

HE TOOK OVER FOR CASEY KASEM ON THE AMERICAN TOP 40 WOULDN’T THAT MAKE MORE SENSE

aaauuuggghhh

---

Also he’s there as a potential investor in Mystery Inc as a detective agency

A music industry professional… is interested in funding a detective agency.

Like… did he miss out on Josie & the Pussycats? Is that why he’s here?

----

Wait a minute

Oh noooooo

I know why he’s here

I remember this spoiler

Shit

-----

And once again, here is your reminder to tell Simon Cowell a great big fcuk you

Only this time it’s for making Shaggy and Scooby feel worthless and saying that friendship is worthless and cannot be counted on for anything worthwhile

Simon Cowell: Professional Dickhead

---

Welp, at least this gives a solid reason why they leave: Simon Cowell was being a professional dickhead, and the gang didn’t really say anything against him or interrupt him on his whole ‘Shag and Scoob are worthless spiel’

Or, well... Daphne stepped up some, but more to say ‘they’re our friends!’ rather than ‘that’s entirely wrong, our friends aren’t worthless!’ Better than nothing, but yeesh

----

Ahhh, Takamoto Bowling - the emptiest bowling alley in the evenings this side of Coolsville

(no seriously, the past few times my dad has taken my sister and me bowling pre-pandemic, no matter the day or time? it’s ALWAYS got more than 6 lanes of people there, what the heck)

Also Scooby wears three bowling shoes, which honestly makes more sense than I thought it would - that pup goes spinning and sliding every which way on a normal floor, bowling alley floors would be like ten times worse

----

here’s a nice little detail - when Scooby sees one of the bowling pins peek out with red eyes and he yells that to Shaggy, Shaggy actually squints and walks closer to see if it actually does have eyes

aww

----

Huh, okay

Panicked Will Forte Shaggy actually sounds more like a good Shaggy voice than normal talking Will Forte Shaggy

I can dig it

---

Still kind of underwhelmed by the Shag and Scoob disguise scene - wouldn’t it make more sense to have them like, dish up hot sauce or something on a plate that nonsensically makes the robots overheat before they discover their ruse?

Idk, maybe they’re off their game after Simon ‘Dickhead’ Cowell

---

Carlton Way - must be named after Fred’s only other voice actor, Carlton Stevens of PNSD

Also Hanna’s Barber Shop is next to Barbera’s Pizza! Cute.

And… Pitstop’s Pink Perfume ad. Wait, who is that? *assorted googling noises*

...ahhh, Penelope Pitstop from Wacky Races! Who, according to Wikipedia, was revealed to have Greek ancestry in the 2016 Wacky Raceland comic book, having been born on the island of Aegina

Now I’m wondering if we’ll see her in this too, given Cerberus...

----

Honestly kind of fascinating to see the gang with a police radio in their van

Also fascinating to see that only main characters are allowed clothing variety and texture/creases/folds

---

it’s actually really sweet to see Fred, upon hearing that Shag and Scoob are likely in danger, immediately makes a 90 degree turn in traffic

---

It looks like they changes Dee Dee’s name a hair - now it’s Dee Dee Skyes, instead of Sykes

It works well for the Falcon aesthetic, so that’s cool

----

Shaggy, after Dee Dee tells them that Dastardly’s trying to kill them: Scoob, someone thinks we’re important enough to *mimes slitting throat*!

Scooby: It’s nice to be wanted.

Excellent! This movie has captured Shag and Scoob’s blasé attitude towards death! Now we’re onto a solid Scooby film :D

Dee Dee: Hmm, I hear that!

And they even have a friend to share in their attitude! Splendid!

----

Christ, I can work photoshop better than Blue Falcon can, and I don’t even know how to use photoshop

I will give major kudos on his costume tho - it maintains the important elements of the OG Falcon, while still updating it with more bird-related aesthetic, like the feathered appearance of parts of his costume, the split cape resembling the tail feathers, and the talon gauntlets & boots. neat!

---

Yooo, Dynomutt, I thought secret identities were still a thing with Superheroes, what the hey are you doing giving it out to a duo you literally just picked up behind a bowling alley

Ngl, I’m kinda hoping we get some scenes where Dynomutt messes up a little like in the OG cartoon - this one feels really serious, which is kind of strange

---

Okay now I want to see older!Blue Falcon come in for a cameo

Mainly bc I’m getting the feeling that this one is a major dumbass, and not in the fun and friendly himbo kind of way 😑

---

Wait, THAT’S our first look at Dastardly? That’s a bit abrupt, isn’t it?

Also his ship must be pumping thousands of gallons of toxins into the air, that smoke cloud looks hideous. Forget logging into his mom’s Netflix account like the trailer said, EPA should probably be hunting him for sport with a laser cannon, jesus fcuking christ

---

Honestly kinda want a plane you can pilot like a motorbike now

---

Welp, it looks like we have a fun, mustache-twirly, puns-aplenty, loves-to-be-bad kind of villain on our hands folks! This is gonna be FUN AS HECK

---

Eurgh, this scene - the super-stiff-but-stretched-out ‘yeeurgh’ faces really squick me for some reason, but I can’t really pinpoint why

---

I have decided I highly dislike the Brian Blue Falcon, or Brian Falcon for short, and would like to see Dastardly tie him to some railroad tracks

---

North St for Heather North, and… wait… Funland Carnival? Like where Charlie the Robot hung out?

Apparently that’s in Romania.

A very yellow-greenfilter Romania at that.

Like, I’ve seen blue washes on movies trying to portray evening in the middle of the day so they don’t actually have to shoot at night, but yellow? That’s normally used for deserts and hot days and uhhh

NOT for evenings in a country with landscape like THIS

odd

(I mean I guess they got the mountains and trees right, but still. Yellow filters make a place look arid, which Romania is Not, to my knowledge)

----

Dude, Brian Falcon is such an idiot even Shaggy and Scooby, commonly portrayed as the idiots of Mystery Inc, look at him like he’s a moron.

(They are Not Amused.)

Also Brian Falcon is an absolute coward. That’s new. Even Shaggy and Scooby face off against the robots directly in a Whack-a-Mole game and destroy some. Dude, get your head in the fcuking game already, yikes

Woah, Laff-a-Lympics, Wacky Races, Hex Girls, The Banana Splits, Penelope Pitstop, Space Stars, Posse Impossible, and Hong Kong Phooey easter eggs in one shot

Geezus

---

Another nice moment: when cornered by Dastardly, Shaggy moves to stand in front of Scooby to protect him

---

Dastardly (to Shaggy): I don’t care about YOU. You’re not REMOTELY important!

*proceeds to shoot Shaggy THROUGH the ceiling and up into the highest car on a Ferris Wheel where Brian Falcon is hiding like a man baby*

Welp, so much for a fun and zany villain. Time for this Plush Anon to kill a bitch *cocks shotgun*

I will, too - kudos to the animators for hurting me so badly with the face Shaggy made right before being shot because

---

Ehehehhehe, yess, the infamous ‘Dick’ scene

Dastardly: No, I’m a DICK. With a D!

You sure are, you sack of dildos with a D!

This scene had to be put in on purpose - if this had been released in theaters, I just know the adults would be dying in laughter 🤣🤣🤣

----

Shaggy: Brian, do something!

Brian Falcon: Like what?

Shaggy: Like, drop some F-Bombs!

love it 😂

---

Is it like movie law now, that if there’s an action scene with a Ferris Wheel in the background, it has to fall off and roll down a mild incline like a wheel? Because it kinda feels like it

---

Aha! Dastardly said his drats! Perfection.

Now to shoot him through a ceiling to make them matter even more :D

---

OOF.

Well that hurt.

Poor Shaggy - basically internalizing now that he’s the worthless one and weak link of the group now that Scooby is considered more important

---

Holy fcuk I’m crying

Shaggy just broke Brian Falcon down to his deepest insecurities without even trying while talking to him

He even used the words ‘imposter syndrome’

Shaggy hon, you’re the best

----

Oh hey, Fred, Daphne, and Velma! It’s been a while since we saw you guys again, what are you doing?

Arguing about the metric system and realizing that Shaggy and Scooby reminding them to eat periodically helped them keep a clearer head...

And using the word ‘hangry’.

But then looking through a ridiculously cute photo album of the two and a video the gang took together (the video is honestly really heckin’ cute, 10000/10 would recommend)...

And then getting pulled over so Fred can have a brief ‘oo-la-la’ montage about the pretty blonde cop who honest-to-gods looks like a Barbie doll.

Where Daphne then describes how ugly Dastardly is...

Right before the petite blonde cop who’s maybe like 5’7” at best rips off her outfit to reveal it was Dick Dastardly this entire time, all 7ish feet of him.

And then kidnaps them all along with the Mystery Machine while he makes terribly fun dorky puns

…

...SO BACK TO SCOOBY AND SHAGGY...

---

...where Scooby is making kissy faces in the mirror while wearing his Blue Falcon uniform

Hrm, that’s not really better is it

We actually see Shaggy reading (OG) Blue Falcon’s autobiography, and making hurt but snide comments about Scooby’s ego

Which are actually pretty clever tbh

-----

Cooooooongratulations, Fred Jones! You are now officially a full-on himbo!

----

Alas, poor Daphne. While your knowledge of the tropes of your show might have served you well in other places, this was to be a theatrical release once upon a time, and so such knowledge falls to ruin.

----

You know, I just realized - we’re never really told HOW the Cerberus skulls work, both in how each skull can be used to find the others, and, presumably, in releasing Cerberus itself. We’re given a brief glance-over of Scooby’s ancestry (and I mean REALLY damn brief), and a quick mention that these are supposed to be Cerberus’ skulls being stolen, but… that’s it. Nothing else is given.

Now, I read the first few chapters of my SCOOB! Junior Novelization, and it actually went into further detail about the skulls themselves and what Dastardly’s initial plan was early in the book - open the gates of Hades and obtain the seas of treasure therein. It acted as an introduction both to the climatic endgame we’ll face at the end of the movie, and to Dastardly, who uses the same disguise trick he used as the Barbie cop when he stole the first one in South America.

(They actually DID plan to use this as Dastardly’s intro, but cut this… 3 minute scene for time. Yeah. See below video for the details - honestly think they should have kept it in. Saves time later and definitely more show than tell, compared to what we got)

youtube

I feel like that would be a better introduction to him than the one we got - hell, it would have fit in quite neatly after the revamped theme song montage. They could have the scene with Dastardly finding/stealing the first skull as an introduction (as above), then have him answer a call or something. Exposit openly “You found the key! Excellent! Now where are we going next?”

THEN cut to the diner/coffee shop scene we had earlier. We still wouldn’t know exactly what the key was/entailed off the bat, and they could still have FD&V find out on their own - maybe by hacking the little robot instead? IDK.

---

The final skull is on Messick Mountain.

Cute.

On a side note, I do love how Dastardly’s ship interior looks - very dieselpunk

---

Velma just hacked into Dynomutt… somehow, and I finally get my wacky Dynomutt shenanigans! Hazoo!

...sadly that was really dang brief. Realistic, yes, but still too brief.

---

Eyyyy, we finally get the whys of why Scooby is needed! … really dang fast.

Also Fred says Jinkies.

----

Hey, Muttley popped up! In a shrine… to his demise… that we find out he reached when Dastardly pushed him forward into the Underworld to steal the treasure of Alexander the Great in a portal he rigged up… only for both of them to find out it was a one-way deal unless they used the key to be able to come back. The key, of course, being Scooby Doo, descendent of Peritas, Alexander’s dog.

Eh, workable enough-ish. It’s interesting to see that Dastardly, despite how much he disliked Muttley in the older cartoons, still cares about him to a certain extent.

---

Pfff, Fred’s a poor man’s Hemsworth XD

---

Sweet, we’re in ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ now!

---

O W W W

You guys really had to do the ‘me or them’ thing with Shaggy and Scooby… and tHeN hAvE sCoObY cHoOsE tHe FaLcONs?!? Just because they said he was important as “the key” and gave him a spandex costume.

Over at least 7 years of friendship.

Booooooooooooo

---

actually no I’m Not Done Yet

This whole scene is a mess.

Shaggy’s turn was really dang fast… but I can still see how he gets to it. It’s at least a day between Scooby being chosen as a pseudo-sidekick and the island arrival, during which Shaggy’s talk with the main adult (who has taken up the mantle of his favorite superhero) essentially confirms his feelings of worthlessness and leaves him to stew for HOURS on end (on top of another adult, Dastardly, who also calls him “not even REMOTELY important” at the carnival before freaKING SHOOTING HIM THROUGH THE CEILING NO I AM NOT OVER THIS). Tie that to a teenager who also believes his only friends have come to think he’s meaningless baggage, and suddenly his entire support system is vanishing underneath him to one of his former idols without ANY sign of hesitation from Scooby’s part (with the exception of the collar scene, but I don’t think that that means the same to Scooby, given how quickly he bounces back)

Scooby tho… hrm. It could be that he’s clinging to the good feelings Brian Falcon inspires in him (by choosing him as the next possible Dynomutt), as a way to overpower how FD&V hurt him, while also building on how he came to love the duo because SHAGGY loved them so much. But the movie doesn’t frame that up… at all?? At least compared to Shaggy.

Idk, maybe I’m missing something, but this scene is a mess through and through

Boooooo

----

Scooby: *tries to leap into Brian Falcon’s arms like he did with Shaggy but falls*

Brian: Uh, what are you doing?

Scooby: Rhaggy never missed.

Damn straight he didn’t

---

oh hey, it’s Captain Caveman

I was wondering when we’d see him.

---

AAAUUGGHH

It’s that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it scene from the trailers I sobbed over - the one with Shaggy holding Scooby’s collar

Fun fact it actuALLY FADES INTO THE FLASHBACK

THAT WAS NOT A TRAILER THING THAT’S ACTUALLY HERE IN THE MOVIE

---

Oh No

Fred is here, alone, after that whole scene with Dastardly saying he had a use for Fred

...while that’s likely Dastardly in a Fred suit (that sounds creepy just typing it), I’m still going to enjoy this brief but absolutely lovely hug Shaggy and Fred share...

(seriously tho, look at this, it’s a genuinely close, squish-your-lungs-out kind of hug, I love it)

...as well as Shaggy, who's still hurt from his fight with Scooby, immediately gearing up to go help him after hearing Dastardly’s trying to kidnap him.

----

Brian Falcon and Scooby Doo now have to take on Captain Caveman in gladiatorial combat in order to claim the final skull of Cerberus

I love cartoons sometimes

----

Captain Caveman just put the smackdown on Brian Falcon and punched him into the ground up to his CHEST

Then smacked him so far into a wall he cracked the stone around him!

GodDAMN is this satisfying 😆 altho minor question here: how did he gain the rank of Captain? Do cavepeople have a naval force?

---

He just whirled Scooby around his head, then spun him so fast his costume broke off

I may have to look into some Captain Caveman stuff now, that’s fantastic

---

Shaggy and Fred - sorry, “Fred” - just smashed through to the colosseum in the Mystery Machine

And Dynomutt just fired missiles at Captain Caveman to smash him into an Amigara-shaped hole of himself

I REALLY love cartoons sometimes

---

Oh No

Just as Shaggy starts trying to apologize, “Fred” kicks him in the back, rips off his disguise to normal Dastardly self, and kidnaps Scooby atop the skull, before revealing he destroyed the Falcon Fury jet

New tagline for this movie? Shaggy Rogers and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Day

...at least the rest of the gang is back together?

---

Brian Falcon: *Immediately tries to blame Shaggy for inadvertently leading Dastardly to them, while storming up to get in his face*

Fred: *upon realizing BrianF is blaming Shaggy for everything, without a SINGLE moment’s hesitation, immediately leaps in to defend Shaggy and physically push back Brian Falcon several feet*

We stan one Himbo, theydies and gentlethem

Also?

Velma (sneering): What kind of hero blames other people for his problems? *Walks over to comfort Shaggy with Daphne, while Shaggy looks dumbfounded they’re defending him bc he also blames himself for Scooby’s kidnapping*

This. This right here, is the kind of Mystery gang content I wanna see.

I don’t care how the rest of this movie goes now, this scene right here is ambrosia to the Scooby fan’s soul, and therefore makes this entire movie worth it, outdated memes, lingo, and all

---

Cackling rn - Fred and Brian Falcon are in a point-off a la the Spiderman meme 😂

or, more specifically, the post-credits sequence of Spiderverse where they’re arguing about who started pointing first

It gets better when Velma and Daphne try to pull each other off of their pushing fight, and Velma grumbles “Toxic Masculinity” I’m crying

---

WOAH

More super Shaggy stuff here (apart from being flung through a building roof without a scratch) - he pushes apart both groups effortless, and even knocks them back several feet

If we estimate Dynomutt as… we’ll say 450 since he’s made of metal, Falcon at 220, Dee Dee at 160, that’s about 830 lbs on one side

Then Fred, Daphne and Velma on the other (hmm, 180, 150, 130?) would be around 460 lbs

Dang boi

---

Oh honey no, it’s not your fault

But dang if he didn’t get a good message from it, one I’ve done my best to transcribe here:

“I was afraid that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that Scooby Doo is my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I’m gonna keep that promise! Now it’s time we stopped that mustachioed menace from opening the gates to the {underworld} and letting loose that fearsome {Cerberus}. So what do you say we get out {of here}, and go get my always-snacking, never-lacking, often-napping dog back? Who’s with me?”

Honestly not a bad message for kids. Things will change, people will change, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends. (Obvs real life exceptions apply, but that’s not a bad note honestly)

...shame that that conclusion comes right the FUCK outta nowhere

How, exactly, did he come to this conclusion? WHEN? What inspired him to realize this, what was the impetus for this specific line of thought, that it’s okay for friends to change?

It kinda feels like this should have been either the happy ending speech given after they’ve saved the world, or one at the start of the third act, like if Shaggy arrives when Scooby thinks he’s chased him away and ruined everything, and Shaggy & the gang still save him. And Scooby asks him why he did that - when Scooby tried to change himself to fit what Brian Falcon wanted, instead of treasuring the friend he still had, or maybe why Shaggy reacted the way he did. THEN Shaggy gives the speech we hear, a la:

“I yelled at you because… like, because I was scared. I was scared that... things were gonna change. And they did change. But like, that’s okay! People can grow. But it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart. Because the one thing that will never change is that YOU’RE my best friend! Ten years ago, a little boy made a promise to a stray puppy that he’d never leave him no matter what. And I mean to keep it!”

At least that would make a little more sense to me. Again, not a bad speech, but a little rearranging would help to really hit home.

---

Okay, now we’re back with Dastardly in Greece, and suddenly the background people all look MILES better than the ones at the start of the movie. Did they just forget to polish the first two minutes of film, what the heck?

Also, Dastardly’s ship is literally the entire length of the Greek ruins presented o_O

---

HOLY SHIT THE SKULLS TURNED BACK TIME AND MADE THE RUINS INTO AN ENTIRELY RESTORED PALACE WITH THE GATES OF THE UNDERWORLD BEFORE THEM

They’re also colored a very atmospheric neon arrangement that’s surprisingly quite tasteful ^.^

----

The Mystery Machine can fly now!!! eeheeheeeheeheeheeheeee

----

And so we finally see Cerberus, a massive, towering figure with sharp teeth and pffffffhahahhahaa why are all three heads wearing Spartan helmets

To its credit, they’re also wearing basic body armor, wrist guards, tail spikes, etc, but the helmets are killing me 🤣 who thought to stick that onto the dog? Did Hades forget to remove the armor after winning the Gods’ Pet Costume Contest, or was it like that horse in the ATV costume - it felt safer so it didn’t let anyone take it off?

Or was this a precaution against Herakles coming back? These are questions - hilarious, hilarious questions 😁

---

Awww. Scooby immediately runs to the battered Mystery Machine to rip the doors open for the gang!

And… wait. THIS is where that wonderful hug was in the trailers? I thought that was at the end of the movie when everyone was safe!

This now does not bode well. But we’ll worry about that later. Time to enjoy this gorgeous wonderful hug of the entire gang, and Shag and Scoob apologizing to each other for fighting 🥰

Yet another scene to make the rest of this movie worth the rest

(halfway wanna frame this shit and put it on the wall, it’s that lovely)

----

Fantastic! Dastardly is now in Hell, where I’ve been wishing him this entire movie! :D

And dang… he actually apologizes to what he believes is a dead Muttley. Who is, naturally, snickering at all of this. The two bicker predictably, but eventually hug and make up, too happy to see each other to resort to old habits. Honestly a nice little scene, all-in-all.

---

Back to the gang and they’re doing the glowy eyes in the dark bit! I actually haven’t seen that in a Scooby movie forever, it’s neat.

Also Fred is now going full Liam Neeson over his van, war paint and all, using the tire cover as a shield and… holy shit.

HOLY SHIT

THE ASCOT IS BAAAnnnnnd it’s gone. Boy, that was… short.

Fred just ran full-tilt at Cerberus, screaming like a mad man, before getting flicked away by its big toe, and losing the ascot and makeshift shield. It punched so hard his facepaint came off

It was fun while it lasted y’all

---

Heyyy, Shag and Scoob just came up with the plan, and it’s actually solid! I’m so proud, and so is the rest of the gang! Also willingly going to distract Cerberus while the rest figure out how to close the gate and stuff Cerberus back in

I love my boys 😊

---

Annnnd there goes Brian Falcon like the coward he is

To… call his dad? And admit he isn’t a hero.

Only for Dynomutt to point out Shaggy and Scooby are taking him on and are terrified.

This then cuts to Shaggy and Scooby running around in a chariot and gladiator wear, running back and forth a la the door gag from Cerberus to the OG SDWAY theme

I think I love this movie

(although they’re hinting at Dynomutt being resentful of OG Blue Falcon essentially abandoning him to his incompetent son, and I really wish it had been touched upon more

that’s actually rather heartbreaking, when you stop to think about it, and there’s a lot that could be done with an additional two minutes of screentime)

---

Huh, another good message for kids: it’s okay to fail and be scared, so long as you keep going and try to do what’s right.

Two good messages for kids in one movie. Not too shabby, on the whole.

---

Brian Falcon just flew in and punched the three-headed dog, then jumped into its mouth as it tried to eat Scooby, resisted the MASSIVE JAW STRENGTH, and got them out of there safe and sound

Finally, something heroic!

I was wondering where Dastardly and Muttley got off to - apparently they’re off to take a money bath.

Aight

---

Shag and Scoob have now convinced the Rotten Robots to turn into bowling balls to knock Cerberus off their feet a la the classic marbles pratfall back into the underworld

That is a sentence I just wrote

----

OH FCUK NO

ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

YOU ARE TELLING US THAT AFTER ALL OF THIS - ALL OF THIS - ONE OF THEM HAS TO STAY IN THE UNDERWORLD TO LOCK THE GATE

THAT OCTOBER LEAKER WAS RIGHT WHAT THE HELL

LITERALLY SO

I mean i know its a kids film specifically Scooby Doo so happy ending but what the literal FUCK

---

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGHHH

SHAGGY NOOOO

“Buddy, back when we were kids, you saved me. Now, it’s my turn.”

and he dOES THIS WHILE HOLDING SCOOBY’S HEAD TENDERLY IN HIS HANDS

AND WHEN EVERYTHING REVERTS IT’S JUST RUBBLE AND RUIN AND SCOOBY’S LEFT SOBBING OPENLY AT NOTHING

AND THE GANG ALL COME TO CLING AT HIM AND CRY OVER THEIR FRIEND WHO THOUGHT HE WAS WORTHLESS MOST OF THE MOVIE AND THOUGH THAT THE GANG THOUGHT THE SAME ABOUT HIM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH

---

WELP, TIME TO COPE WITH INAPPROPRIATE HUMOR

Shaggy: I yelled at my dog, got him kidnapped, and ended up helping the bad guy to open the gates to Hell. Guess I’ll die.

Dee Dee: Well actually, this is more Dastardly’s fault because -

Shaggy, yelling as he slams his hand against the lock: GUESS I’LL DIE!!!

----

Ah, so the writers wrote themselves into a corner, and the only way out was a Deus Ex Machina (at least, I think I’m using that term correctly…)

Because to get Shaggy back, a giant statue of Alexander the Great and Peritas appears out of nowhere - literally, since it definitely wasn’t there before - with an inscription Scooby has to read to get Shaggy back.

This would have been a lot more effective if we’d seen it when Dastardly arrived in Greece - maybe even as the marker for where the gate to the Underworld was. Have Alexander facing one way, and Peritas facing the other. You open the gate on Alexander’s side, and come home on Peritas’ side. Having this unfold into the gate gives it more purpose than “magically appears right the fcuk outta nowehere” and you could have a pun with the “backdoor” escape. Everybody wins!

And if that’s too good for ya, how about a brief lingering shot by it at some point as Dastardly flies into Greece, behind where the gate materializes, or directly across from it on the plaza? Maybe have one of the gang kick it after Shaggy leaves, and say ‘This is all your fault! Why would you make something like this?’

It’d still be a magical contrivance, but at least it would make some fcuking SENSE.

(Granted it DID lead to this hilariously ominous shot, so maybe I shouldn’t complain:)

---

Velma: I finally figured out what you guys are! You’re the heart of Mystery Inc.

Me: YEAH BABY! *flips over table* I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SHIT FOR YEARS AND NOW, I’M FCUKING VALIDATED AT LAAAAAAAAST!

----

Shaggy: *rips off Dastardly’s face to reveal…*

ALL: SIMON COWELL??!?

Me, choking on food: I’m sorry WHAT?!?!?

Velma: *takes off mask again to reveal*

ALL: DICK DASTARDLY?!?

Dastardly: Drat! No one ever goes for the double unmasking.

So I was right all along - Simon Cowell truly was a Dick this entire time.

-----

And so we close on the gang unveiling a Mystery Machine paint job on their official detective agency building, Brian Falcon living the good life as the DJ at their party, the Falcon team gifting a sleek new Mystery Machine to the gang (which honestly looks pretty unique - it’s not the classic, but it is something new that isn’t awful, so kudos there), and the gang on their way to another mystery.

So, at the end of the day is this a good Scooby movie?

Meh? *waves hand in meh motion* But it definitely had its moments.

This Scooby film is flawed as heck, no doubt about it - the plot has a MAJOR problem with telling instead of showing, some parts feeling out of order or WAY too short, and of course the deus ex machina ending. I honestly would have loved some more time for their first mystery as kids, where we actually got more character moments/bonding from Fred, Daphne, and Velma as they solved it the more traditional route, as well as not framing FD&V as super duper mystery solvers right off the bat???

The stuff with Blue Falcon isn’t AWFUL, per se, but it is ridiculously satisfying to see him get smacked around. Captain Caveman was honestly one of the funniest bits in the movie, same with Dynomutt.

As far as the character stuff? It all felt fairly natural, progression-wise. Shag and Scoob don’t have this big break-up with the gang - they’re hurt by the literal Dickhead’s comments the gang don’t speak up against, and go to blow off some steam together. Shag and Scoob don’t have this giant blow-up argument - it builds over the film into a hurt spat they both recognize they overreacted to almost immediately. The gang (FDV) go looking for them almost as soon as they leave, and, upon hearing they’re in danger, turn and head towards them to save them, realizing how important the two are to Mystery Inc along the way. They defend each other, help each other, have some of the Best Dang Animated Mystery Inc hugs I ever did see - THIS feels more like the Gang I’ve been waiting for forever to come back to DTV (and in a rough sense, did). While I do wish we’d gotten more screen time of FD&V, what we got wasn’t too bad.

Weirdly enough, at the end of the day, I’ve actually grown more accustomed to Forte’s Shaggy - it feels like it fits this different style a touch more than I originally thought, and holy hell if I didn’t come close to tears at that ending gate scene, he knocked that one out of the park. Velma still doesn’t feel much like Velma, but I did get used to it by the end. I kept cracking up at Efron’s Fred, and no complaints on Seyfried’s Daphne.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly absolutely killed it. Blue Falcon Crew was okay (excepting Mark “The Racist” Wahlburg - it was just him talking, no real effort. You could recognize Wahlburg right off the bat, acting as a goofy douche) and freaking Captain Caveman was awesome. Apparently they combined both Billy West and Don Messick’s recordings for Muttley (awesome!!!), so this may very well be Don Messick’s final role in a Scooby Doo film.

It got off to a rough start, but ended well enough. The animation was solid, the writing has some unexpectedly clever and funny moments sprinkled throughout, with some pretty fun action sequences on the side. Watching this, I really do believe that the people working on it love Scooby Doo and all things Hanna-Barbera… at least in their own way.

I ended up buying this instead of just renting it ($5 more, why not) and I am honestly glad I did so. Despite its flaws, it has some great moments with the gang as friends, and I have been Craving That Shit for DECADES

And if these writers/directors ever did another Scooby film? I think I’d be up for giving them a chance - at least so long as we got some more absolutely BEAUTIFUL hugs with the gang

I hope you enjoyed this stream-of-consciousness reaction to SCOOB! (2020)... a whole ass year LATER, admittedly (I didn’t switch my Save Post to Queue, curse my hubris), but hopefully y’all’ve been entertained. Good night everybody!

#scoob!#scoob 2020 #scoob #scooby doo #plush reviews: final thoughts #note to self: never use queue for the big posts

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tfw-no-tennis · 3 years

Text

mtmte liveblog issue 33

[sees rewind cover] time to be emo

swerve giving us a nice lil recap of the wild events of slaughterhouse thus far

and then the roll call page...I love how the last one is ‘rewind?!?’

OUGHGHGGHGHGH REWIND TINYYYYYYYYYYYY

I adore that nautica has a list of in-jokes to check off

ohhhh man I forgot that alt-lost light rewind doesn't really know skids?? bc the alt lost light never picked him up....

POOR REWIND he wakes up all elder scrolls style and then immediately autobot megatron is just There without explanation lmao this poor lil guy

love the casual gender stuff honestly

nightbeat: ayyyy rewind!! sup? what horrific slaughter happened here? spill the tea!

hvakjdfbskdf poor rewind is going thru it jesus

nautica and riptide hvbhkjasdsfasdfn ‘are jokes not funny where you come from?’ immmmm

nautica is so cute I love her

ohhhhh I love the panel of the two lost lights going off in separate directions with the title right below

‘I remember it well. kind of’ that's a really funny line actually hbvkdjfnasdfl

I really like how on the alt lost light, rodimus’s risky stunt with the sparkeater actually kills him - I mean I'm glad that didn't happen in the main story but that's such a cool jarring discrepancy

ok but its inherently VERY funny that the djd like, murdered the entire lost light, but later in the story the lost lighters are obviously still around and not dead...that's so fucking funny, the djd were probably like ????????????????? what the fuck didn't we kill these guys?????? but also they were tripping so they cant be sure

isn't it brainstorm who called the djd on the alt lost light??? oof

LOVE the continuity of the alt lost light being the place that the djd went at the end of the scavengers 2 parter wayyyy back in the beginning of s1

more horrific slaughter, as one would expect from an arc called ‘slaughterhouse’

jeeeesus I forgot how completely fucked up all the shit was for poor rewind 2. christ

also the like, thematic irony of alt-chromedome refusing to erase rewind from his memory and choosing to die horribly instead....SCREAMS I cant handle it

ITS SO HORRIBLE I'm so sad. poor rewind

‘silly string’ I love riptide

nautica is so smart I lov her

oooh skids going off on megatron is really good. I find the whole ‘cons are super anti-organic/alien life’ angle interesting, bc it like, Makes Sense that a race of robot aliens who live for millions of years wouldn't consider shorter-lived organic life to be on the same level as them, but its also like, not morally right, so the autobots are correct w/the whole ‘freedom is the right of all sentient beings’ thing...its LAYERED

rewind: ‘I'm tiny’

me, crying: yeah...

honestly I really really love the quantum duplication plot in this arc. its like, peak sci fi nonsense but it also like, Makes Sense, and is presented in a very understandable manner...plus its like, super entertaining and fun, so I just love it

love how they're perusing brainstorms lab and just stumble across a dead body. classic

aaaand the plot thickens, with the reveal that brainstorm is a decepticon????? whoaaaa

I love that twist too oh man. I cannot WAIT for the time travel arc yessss

oof nautica being in denial about brainstorm being a con :(

I find it kinda funny that getaway is IMMEDIATELY like, punching walls and going full that-one-wack-storm-trooper-from-that-star-wars-movie abt brainstorm being a con lmao, like what's even ur beef dude

when nightbeat is all like, wait there's a Type™ for decepticon double agents? and megatron says ‘hm. have you never been approached?’ bvhjaskdfbaksfd

mannn tho, I love all the character stuff this issue...I love the panels of megatron where he looks mad and crushes brainstorms mask, bc like, he’s gotta be thinking abt the fact that the djd, his personal squad of bloodthirsty attack dogs, were the ones responsible for all of this, as well as overlords presence, and brainstorm secretly being a con....

ok rewind and megatrons interactions are fantastic

like, rewind IS the nice one, but the definition of ‘nice’ is probably a little different than it used to be due to Big Ole War

how are they propelling themselves in space????

NOOOOOOO I'm so fucking sad, rewind 2 is literally like ‘I'm fine with being deleted from existence bc my husband and everything I knew is gone’ aughhhh

and then megatron lies and tells him that he and chromedome, on the og lost light, are ‘inseparable’ 😭😭😭 I mean I guess that's not a lie if you count cd rewatching rewinds goodbye video on loop...AUGHHH

‘let’s not drag out the goodbyes’ but rewind, what about one of the story’s themes, ‘how to say goodbye and mean it’?

and we cut off right there for maximum suspense...

omg I love swerve like, fistbumping cyclonus in the chest, and cyclonus is just like ?

skids,,,,,maybe surprising chromedome with his not-so-dead alternate-version husband isn't the best idea...like, this isn't exactly a zero-explanation-necessary kinda situation...

I adore rewinds massive shoulder pads tbh

oh god. GODDDDD. the panels of rewind and chromedome sitting next to each other, not saying anything, and just slowly moving closer to each other while looking out at the stars....literally these gay robots invented romance, thank you very much

I'm so fucking tender guhhhhhhh

like,,,,the fact that both of them separately watched the other die horribly and could do nothing to stop it, and now they're reunited here, and they don't even need to say anything...AUGH.....

OUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm sorry I can’t. SO tender

and MANNNN I'm so so glad that rewind is back. I don't always love when characters don't stay dead but I'm completely happy w/it here for multiple reasons, like the fact that I really like rewind and chromedome’s story after this arc - like, I LOVE that they addressed the fact that rewind 2 is different from OG rewind, despite being fundamentally the same person, so he and cd cant just immediately get back together and pretend everything's fine, but also there's really only an 18 month (?i think) disparity between the 2 rewinds which is nothing compared to literal millions of years, soooo

ALSO I literally never considered this until this reread but it would've been kind of an L for rewind to die and stay dead considering that rewind and cd were The First transformers gay couple, and that's a really big deal! and I don't really consider it bury your gays bc like, rewind doesn't stay dead that long and also there are soooo many other gays, but STILL

plus rewind and cd ended up having a lot of story left to get thru, which is awesome

also I just love rewind so I'm glad he’s back :)

ok the fact that the suspense over brainstorm being a con still isn't resolved bc not everyone knows....spectacular tbh

don't knock the power of love, nightbeat!

the briefcaseeeeeee

ok but I really don't remember jros explanation as to why rewind 2 and the briefcase didn't get deleted hvbhjsdkhfk I gotta go look that up again

OHHHHHHHHHH I FORGOT THE EPILOGUE IS THIS. OHHHHH MANNNNNN THIS IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS

BRAINSTORMMMMMMMMM ILYYYYYYYYY

I fucking love this scene bc this is basically the culmination of brainstorm being Completely Ominous for the entire story thus far, like, it really hit me this readthru that brainstorm was so totally sinister for like most of his screentime up until this arc...and this scene is the pinnacle, I love how everything brainstorm says is overlaid with so much tension for the reader bc of what we know now about him

like brainstorm saying ‘yes - here’s to fixing things’ is so fucking sinister even though out of context that sentence is just normal

and when atomizer basically voices what the entire audience is thinking as brainstorm opens the briefcase - ‘brainstorm, you can’t do that.’ bc yeah, what the hell, he’s opening THE briefcase, Oh Shit

AND THEN THE FINAL SHOT....brainstorm front and center looking SCARY AS HELL.... ‘I can do whatever the hell I like.’....everyone suddenly collapsed around him...the fantastic shadowy lighting...the ominously open briefcase...the clear segue Directly into the next high-concept arc....[chefs kiss] ART

seriously I love this issue so much. SO many good things. such good character stuff, really great interactions, some fantastic plot development, super creative sci-fi fun times...all around just an extremely solid and enjoyable issue, 10 outta 10

and MAN OH MAN I cannot wait to get into the elegant chaos arc, it fucking SLAPS, that arc and remain in light have always been my favs, I'm so excited to revisit it

AND ruth bought the physical comic TPB for like issues 34-38 or something and I'm so so glad I can read that instead of braving the many split-up double page spreads on the online comic

so yeah, cant wait!

#lj rereads mtmte

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wings-of-a-storm · 5 years

Text

Apparently it is that time again when the emotions of my Skam France addiction bubble over and I actually have time to write up some thoughts on scenes that have moved me.

In the stress of Incommunicado Eliott Week, now seems like a great time to revisit a slightly happier time for Elu... Hint: it involves paint.

AN OVERDUE REVISITING OF EPISODE 7: THE PAINT FIGHT ERA

Let me try and start from the beginning…

BOY GANG HELPING LUCAS

They may not always be my favourite boy squad, but it warms my heart how Lucas’ friends all gathered to support him through an emotionally tough task: painting the Mural of Heartbreak that was supposed to be Lucas’ and Eliott’s special thing together.

Come to think of it, Lucas didn’t technically even have to do it. If Daphne needed the eyesore gone that badly, she could have kept bugging Eliott to do it since he was the one who offered in the first place. With that in mind, I guess Lucas needed to paint over the mural as a form of closure. It may have always been hanging over his head as this ongoing promise between him and Eliott. By painting over it with his friends, he could cut that painful ‘what if’ from his life and close that door before Eliott can get another foot in. It is a tangible way for him to feel like he is in control and moving on (with the bonus of making Daphy happy).

The boys helping him through that was the Gang support we and Lucas had been needing! I don’t have much else to add about them in this scene but wanted to give them kudos anyway because they really helped Lucas a lot just by being there with him and helping him have a new memory of the mural. (It’s hard to say that with a straight face after knowing what happens…)

SENDING AN ULTIMATUM

I was honestly rather skeptical that the boys would be able to help Lucas navigate the strained relationship he was in with Eliott. Their relationship felt so damaged compared to other versions -- Lucas wasn’t budging or letting any softness in no matter how many well-meaning drawings he received. Eliott needed to prove his mindset was different before Lucas could even consider letting him back into his life. Eliott hadn’t achieved that by the time Lucas met up with his friends to paint the mural though, and a few texts to Eliott didn’t seem likely to appeal to Lucas. The ball was in Eliott’s court after all, to prove he wasn’t just leading Lucas on again.

But to my surprise, the text ultimatum started unfolding anyway. And even more surprising, it actually started to make sense. Lucas had chosen to ghost Eliott until he was convinced that Eliott had made his choice and was going to stick to it. What that meant though was that Lucas had taken on a passive role (just waiting things out) and he became trapped in that self-imposed limbo land. He couldn’t get out by himself because he was too in love to give up that last drop of hope that Eliott would somehow come back and mean it this time.

We’ve seen Lucas be savage before so he did have it in him to actually text Eliott (as Eliott himself had even requested with his last drawing) to tell him to knock it off and stop leaving drawings, but Lucas never quite reached that step. Perhaps he was hoping Eliott would get the message on his own after two deliberate ghostings and he wouldn’t have to say the difficult words out loud. But of course I think it was more that his subconscious just couldn’t handle cutting hope off completely that the boy he was in love with would dump Lucille for good and come back to him.

It wasn’t going to happen though because nothing was changing. It made sense then that Lucas would be receptive to (unsolicited) advice on how to take that final step and make it either a clean break or a clean reunion. Especially when his ‘experienced’ (wtf Arthur!) friends seemed so confident that texting an ultimatum was guaranteed to end Lucas’ woes one way or another. It’s hard not to get hyped up with that sort of group confidence. It was the push Lucas probably knew deep down that he needed to take to exit his own purgatory. He was only leading himself on… I love that even though the Gang gave Lucas the basic guidelines of what message to send to Eliott, Lucas, in typical Savage Style, was able to put the killer touches on his texts. He didn’t mince his words; they sure cut straight through the bullshit with a bullseye that drew blood. This, more than anything, sold the scene for me. It felt so true to Lucas that he would jump on a chance to express his frustration without any games but just needed that push from an unbiased third party.

I only have one minor issue with the scene: the pacing of the Gang’s solution just felt a little disproportionately quick. Is it a French language thing? Are things just expressed so much easier and quicker in French than in English so it takes longer to read and process? Because the Gang’s advice kind of gave me whiplash -- especially when they were able to even digress with the ‘wtf Arthur’ tangent in almost the same breath.

Or is it just a Skam France thing because they have that painful time limit that always messes with the pacing? I guess I just get frustrated that some scenes feel a little rushed when they don’t have to be. Even with a time limit, you can still work your pacing around it by cutting certain lines out to give pivotal scenes the space they need to breathe. For example, they could have left out Arthur’s mysterious past relationship or Lucas listening to a story about a recently deceased hoarder… By rushing the Gang’s advice, you don’t really have time as a viewer to anticipate whether it will work and whether Eliott will even show up or not. It wouldn’t have ruined the sense of urgency to slow it down even just a little… But maybe that comes down to my personal taste.

LUCAS: THE ARTISTE

God love Lucas for his highly convincing I’m just an Artiste holding a paint brush while pondering a mural on a Friday afternoon pose. How relatable was that. Of course Lucas needed to feel unaffected and strong even though he was practically trembling with nervous energy. His fear of turning around after hearing the door open was palpable. It doesn’t matter how many times I rewatch it, I am always scared for him. Plus the soft, tentative piano music accompanying Lucas’ nerves is almost too much to bear with its earnest fragility…

The man he is desperately in love with has just walked into the room and might break his heart all over again…

A WILD RACOON APPEARS: ABOUT TIME

Eliott Demaury, don’t you ever leave us again! Lucas had missed Eliott; I had missed Eliott; we all had missed Eliott, so of course the very second we saw his beautiful, earnest racoon face peep around the door it was like OH MY GOD, THE SUN HAS COME OUT!

Seriously, shout out to the mise-en-scene crew for placing that It’s About Time poster right beside Eliott during his close-up arrival shot because truth. Those hell weeks were totally like Titanic and Interstellar rolled into one: even though only two weeks had passed for the characters, for our reality it had been 84 YEARRRRS. But back to Eliott’s beautiful, earnest racoon face.

How nervous was he before he let the bravado slip back into place! And excuse me, child? “Need a hand?” Pretty smooth for a guy who has been leaving drawings of droopy-eared racoons around and getting ignored. Oh, to have that kind of fake confidence! He really had nothing to lose. (Was the wording in French dripping in double meaning too though? Good times.)

Guys, Eliott is really strong though. How did he have function left in his legs to walk over after being hit with that face…

THE MURAL METAPHOR:

I really like the way Skam France turned the common room mural into a metaphor for Lucas’ and Eliott’s relationship. The final clip opens on both of them examining it in silence, looking at what they have to work with and what can be done to fix it. Their first words to each other in this moment complete the metaphor with their double meaning:

- “What were you planning on doing?” - “I don’t know right now.”

Eliott is of course the one to nominate a solution to the ‘mural’ because he is the one who needs to fix the error of breaking up their relationship and hurting Lucas. It is up to Eliott to salvage that mess and lead them in a new direction (Lucas’ texts made it clear that he won’t budge until Eliott does).

So Eliott dips his paintbrush into his tub of emotion and flings his feelings at the wall in wild, raw abandon. (And he says they should paint with every colour because Lucas brings out all his colours and Eliott is putting all of himself into this. Ugly sobbing!)

Eliott urges Lucas to try it too. And his dumb, beautiful, earnest racoon face is so hopeful that Lucas will because that will mean that Lucas is willing to try and forgive him.

Lucas halfheartedly gives it a go but his heart isn’t really ready to commit yet, so his flick of paint ‘misses’ its mark (allegedly at least). Eliott can see that Lucas isn’t ready yet and needs to find a way through to him. He makes a joke to try and soften things further but all that does is manage to stick a paintbrush through his own heart because Lucas actually smiles and Eliott remembers (probably for the nth time) just how much he has missed seeing it.

In the face of that emotion, Eliott simply can’t sustain his bravado anymore and he confesses: “It’s nice to see you smile. I missed it.” For once, Eliott reveals the sadness that he normally tries to keep hidden from Lucas. His words have in fact stripped both of their masks away.

And even more emotional than all of that perhaps: this moment was a clear nod to the passe på meg scene in og. Even though Isak is the one who uses that line, what is actually revealed by Even in that scene is that he saw Isak on the first day he came to school. In Skam France, Eliott has obviously already revealed that to Lucas early on, so this line (the last remaining bit from passe på meg) seems to act as an extension to its original sentiment: Eliott seems to be revealing that he has continued to watch Lucas from afar at school and hasn’t stopped since that first day. He has noticed Lucas’ changed demeanour and absent smiles. He hasn’t seen Lucas smile for a long time. (It all links nicely with Eliott’s ‘In case you ever foolishly forget’ sentiment too.)

Like yes, technically that line can also be interpreted as ‘I missed seeing your smile in general because Lucille’s can’t compare’ but the use of the passe på meg line seems to scream significance… Eliott has noticed.

SAVAGE LUCAS:

As sweet and well-meaning as Eliott’s sentiments are, we can always count on Lucas to cut right through them to reach the heart of the matter... I love him so much for cockblocking Eliott’s attempts to open an intimate channel between them with his straight up: ‘You miss my smile and yet you looked sooooo happy with Lucille the other week. It’s totes amazeballs that you’re ‘talking’ to her again after supposedly dumping her ass.’ Like yassss Lucas, don’t let him get away with that type of seductive sentimentality! He’s not deliberately trying to lead you on but the results are the same and you deserve better than that back and forth!

(Beware, guys, because a small rant is about to start.)

Eliott’s response to Lucas really frustrates me. There is a pattern to it and I just can’t ignore it…

His response to Lucas’ ‘You looked happy with Lucille’ was “You can’t say that.”

Um, yes, yes he can. Just because Eliott knows he isn’t happy with Lucille, doesn’t mean Lucas can mindread… Like Lucas has stated that that is the impression he got when he saw them together and he has a right to that interpretation. Dictating what Lucas is allowed to think without elaborating on why he has misinterpreted it isn’t helpful, it’s actually really dismissive. Of course that is going to rub Lucas the wrong way. I am so happy Lucas heard that response and served up a sassy ‘Oh yeh? This will be good’ face to counter it. He was not having any of that crap.

But Eliott only makes things worse by saying: “Because none of it matters.”

Ugh again, yes it does, Eliott. It obviously matters to Lucas. He has just told you that he saw you back with your ex and is hurt by it. If he is hurt, then that matters. I know Eliott doesn’t mean it that way, but it is really harsh to be made to feel like you’re just being stupid and your hurt isn’t important.

It is a shame that Eliott has a habit of sweeping aside Lucas’ emotions without properly acknowledging them out of fear of rejection and a misguided need to prove him wrong because of it. We saw the same brush off in the cafeteria scene and later again in the kitchen scene. Eliott means well but I really wish he would validate Lucas’ emotions so Lucas can at least feel heard.

And like I get that Eliott wasn’t elaborating between each audacious statement because he was trying to build up to the surprise revelation he had in store for Lucas, but boy did he choose the wrong method, for me...

Back to their conversation though.

“It doesn’t matter?” Lucas rightfully echoes, for all the above reasons.

And finally Eliott has his cue (the cue he has been building up to during their whole exchange) to go in for his grand gesture kill: “Ever since I met you, you’re the only thing that has mattered.”

Cue piano music returning. Cue Lucas basically stopping breathing. Cue a literal light flare hitting the screen beside Lucas. Cue Eliott smiling because Lucas has finally heard his Truth.

And cue the return of the mural metaphor: while Lucas is stunned and left to process this grand romantic declaration, Eliott turns to add lots more paint to their Relationship Mural. It is like the tangible release of his sentiment; like his way of physically proving his own commitment to Lucas. He will work on this mural/relationship with everything he has, for as long as it takes.

The question is: will Lucas work on it as well?

Once Eliott has finished adding splashes of colour (because he is all in with his feelings!), he turns to Lucas to both make sure Lucas has seen how serious he is and to see what Lucas has decided.

Lucas’ response is to silently pick up a paint brush and add to the mural too. And if that is not the most powerful response… Some things need no words.

PAINT FIGHT

Well. When we speculated that Eliott’s grand gesture in the common room might be to paint a hedgehog, who knew that Eliott would literally be painting his hedgehog...

Eliott came into that room with the determination to get Lucas back. As soon as he got his sign that Lucas was willing to forgive him, his rush of happiness could no longer be contained and he darted towards Lucas with an impromptu paint dab on the nose.

It was so unexpected for Lucas, it allowed him to forget all of his deep-seated Lucille insecurities for the moment and fall back into that easy, old, familiar rhythm with Eliott. It must have been such a relief to suspend the recent heaviness and just be together like that again, as dumb, playful, carefree teenagers.

And because they are dumb, playful, carefree teenagers, their paint fight escalates. It gets more physical, it gets more exciting, their hearts start to race more… And in a brief stalemate, they get caught in each other’s eyes and their play-fighting drops away to reveal what it had been substituting for all along: their desire to physically connect with each other and consummate what they are feeling.

And what an intense love it is to make you forget you are tasting paint and having sex on school property, where anyone could walk into that room since it is, you know, a common room.

Their love making (grinding, rubbing, being handsy, whichever method they were making love to each other with) was a literal piece of art, as others have already said. It was an explosion of colour in a world that had been dark for both of them.

I’m squeamish with paint and other questionable substances, but when I put all that aside, I can imagine just how amazing it would have felt to have that slippery addition to their sense of touch. Feeling skin against skin, body against body, palms against skin that is sensitive precisely because it isn’t normally touched is a very heady thing, let along adding a kinky lubrication onto it. Even paint-covered fingers running through hair would feel different with strands clumping together and exposing parts of your head to cool air.

Not only that but you’d be able to see the marks your hands are leaving on the other person; like you are drawing them into existence and -- dare I say it -- claiming them for yourself after seeing them with other people and being denied them. How alive would you feel with all those heightened sensations?

And what has been evident with Lucas and Eliott from the very beginning is how important touch is for them. Even during their first kiss, their hands were running over each other’s bodies and tangling in each other’s hair. Then their morning after kisses were filled with even more sensuality with their (basically) naked bodies pressed up against each other so that they could feel each other’s weight and warmth. This new lovemaking scene had all of that in it again. It was so vibrant and so loving, it was almost too much to bear…

They just get so much comfort from the physicality of each other’s presence. Perhaps it is that reassurance of feeling someone physically there, of not being abandoned, of every part of them being loved. Whatever the reason behind it, they are so compatible in that way.

It was a stunning scene to end the episode with. Especially the way the light kept increasing and engulfed them at the end. They lost themselves over to pleasure but they never lost each other in it. They both went there together.

And I felt that. We all felt that, I think. What more is there to even say?

#Skam France #Elu #skamfr thoughts #3x07 thoughts

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redspecialstardust · 5 years

Text

Scandal - Oneshot (Freddie Mercury X Fem!Reader)

Requested by: @capan-devereaux

One month after the incident at the Rainbow Theater, you and now Freddie fall victim to bad press; there's gotta be a way to put these rumors to rest...

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Warnings: language, rumours, unwanted touching, attempted sexual assault (it doesn't go anywhere)

A/N: This fic is a sequel to Always Look After You; read it here. Can be read as OG Freddie or the BoRap version.

Freddie woke to himself facedown in the sheets of his king sized bed; the scent of the fresh bedding filled his nostrils, giving him sort of a gentle waking as he snuggled down into the mattress some more and forced his heavy eyes open to check the bedside clock which read 7:30 am. The time made him groan...for a party animal like himself, it was way too early for him to get up. The bed was warm, and so were the sunrise's rays on his back. You must have opened the curtains before he woke. but tired or not, he didn't want to sleep all day, knowing you two would barely get any alone time.

Choosing that there was no point sleeping in when he didn't have you next to him, the tired singer dragged his ass out of bed and threw on one of his many silk kimono robes. He let you know he was up by letting out a loud yawn on his way down the stairs. Just as he thought, you were sitting at the dining table with a newspaper one hand and a croissant in the other. Upon hearing your boyfriend's unsubtle yawn, you grabbed the coffee pot next to you and poured him a cup, preparing it just the way he liked it. Freddie entered the room still dazed from sleep but woke a bit more upon seeing you. Just like him, you were wearing a robe and had some pretty good bedhead going. The table had a couple of food trays with some eggs, croissants and fruit on them. He crossed the room and kissed the top of your head before sitting next to you.

"Good morning, Darling."

"Morning, Fred. How'd you sleep?"

"Like a drunken barfly, how about you?" He asked, placing some fruit on his plate.

"Eh. Same old same old." You responded. That could only mean that it wasn't very restful. Freddie always worried when you said that. This past month had been tough for you both, and the reason why was plastered all over the front page of the paper. Today's headline read: "Mercury & (L/N): Canoodling Cahoots?" Once again, the media was all over the Rainbow Theater incident and had been ever since that conference where your stalker had appeared at and made an enormous scene. To make things worse, Freddie was being dragged in on it too.

The same day of the conference, he released a photo of the injuries you received from trying to escape the perv's grip. It was a simple Polaroid taken an hour after the attack and displayed your arm with small, but deep scratches where you'd been grabbed. At first it seemed like you were in the clear, but as usual, people were looking for any way to create more gossip. Now all the papers were saying that you and Freddie staged the photo and he was just trying to cover for you since he was your boyfriend.

Oh yeah, and somehow news got out you two were dating. The stress seemed to be eating at you more than anyone a part of Queen. Over time Freddie noticed you were sleeping less and eating like a bird. Even with you being the first one up, he saw the fatigue on your complexion and ridiculously small amount of food on your plate; if you could even call it that...a croissant and a teacup of coffee? That wouldn't satisfy anybody.

"Dear, would you please put at least a couple of eggs on your plate? You're getting slimmer."

"What's wrong with slimming down?" You asked, not even looking up from the paper.

He was very frustrated lately. Sometimes he ended up saying things that were very insensitive.

"You know full well you don't need to lose weight. And for goodness' sake, why do you keep reading the papers? You know they aren't going to say anything nice. You're starting to look like a creature Edgar Allen Poe created!"

You threw the paper down on the table, frustrated that another fight about the headlines was starting up again. On and off for the past four weeks, you and Freddie were getting into heated arguments over what the hell you were supposed to do about the situation. You suggested moving a way for a bit, but Freddie said that would only be letting the gossip win.

"I know! I'm sorry! I just...I know they're saying bad things, but I can't ignore it. It's too much. Freddie, we were supposed to be happy together, not be harrassed by the paparazzi everytime we look at the TV or pick up the paper." By this point, your head fell into your hands and the small sharp pains of forming tears were hurting your eyes.

Oscar and Romeo were under the table the whole time and came to their mama's rescue upon hearing the sniffles. One purred around your ankle while the other gently pawed at your bare foot. Through the watery view of your eyes, you reached down and picked up Oscar, holding him firmly to your chest. The orange tabby purred in response. Freddie sighed; damn it, he went too far again didn't he? The frontman got up from his seat and stood you up, facing him with his gentle brown eyes locked onto yours.

"Come on." You snuggled into his side as his arm locked around your side and led you to the couch in the sitting room. Before even reaching the luxurious couch in front of the TV, you found him sweeping you up into his arms and carrying your frame bridal style. With the utmost care he placed you down on the sofa and sat down nearby, placing your head in his lap. Still sniffling, you looked up at him, muttering a thank you.

"Darling, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean those things, really I didn't. But I'm getting very worried about you. All the stress of these wrongful allegations are eating away at every level of health."

"I'm sorry too, Freddie." Breaking eye contact with him and staring ahead at the power off television screen across the room.

"For what?" He questioned, truly puzzled but his tone remaining calm.

"I've been so selfish. This whole time, I've done nothing but worry about what everyone's saying about me and I didn't stop to think about how hard this had been for you and the band or their families. I mean, maybe I am a selfish bitch like the papers are saying..."

There was a frightening silence between you for like ten seconds. At first it seemed like he silently agreed with you, but without warning, he quickly sat you up, making you gasp a bit and then pulled you onto his lap in a sitting position. The movement had been so swift, you were looking into his eyes for 3 seconds before it clicked what happened.

"Look at me." He firmly commanded. "Are you even hearing yourself? You're letting them get to you. This was not your fault. It never was. Yes, the reporters are saying awful things about me and the boys too, but we can handle it; plus, we know that what you went through was terrifying and we don't blame you for pondering on it so much. (Y/N), we love you...I love you, and we'll get through this, okay?"

You wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged as tightly as possible without strangling him.

"Thank you Freddie. I love you so much."

He kissed your lips this time and suggested that you both just relax for now and watch TV today. Everyone needed a break during a time like this with the rumors practically suffocating Queen while they were trying to work so it seemed like keeping all the prejudice fans waiting for the next album was sufficient punishment for now. Feeling much better you crawled off of Freddie's lap and cuddled against his side, giving him permission to flick the television on. Channel after channel it seemed like there wasn't anything that good on so he handed you to remote to keep clicking while he checked the TV guide. After only two clicks, you paused on the news, displaying yet another distressing headline:

"(Y/N) (L/N): Malice For Mercury?"

This was the worst one yet. The TV displayed a live report, with a journalist standing right outside Garden Lodge's gate, this time the theories had resorted to desperate measures saying that the only reason you claimed this man put his hands on you was to get attention from Freddie and that you were trying to ruin his career for him cheating on you. Cheating on you? Freddie hadn't left your side since you started dating last month. The news then showed video of Freddie walking home with his arm around some mystery woman that nobody recognized.

"BOLLOCKS!" Freddie hollered while jumping to his feet. Normally he would have kept his cool about something like this, but this so called mystery woman on the screen was his little sister, Kashmira. She came by every weekend to have dinner with Freddie and you; it was a very nice time to look forward to and the fact that they were using his sister's face as some shady floozy pissed both of you off beyond belief. Granted, the press didn't know much about Freddie's family because he liked to keep his family life private, but this was a new low. Sensing Freddie's rage beginning to boil, you turned off the TV and had took him gently by the arms.

"Freddie, sweetheart, you're shaking. I need you to calm down."

He looked ready to explode.

"They--they're attacking my blood now!"

"I know! I know honey." You pulled him in for a hug and rubbed his back. "Just please calm down; I don't want your blood getting up more over this, too." He wrapped his arms around you accepting the comfort you provided. You could feel his heart angrily pounding against his chest where the side of your face was resting.

They were really getting to him too and it broke your heart to see him upset because he had been trying his hardest to be strong for you and in between that it's like he forgot it was completely okay to be upset. No matter what either of you tried, you couldn't get away from the chaos of these made up stories. People swarmed you at the studio, they blindsided the guys at their houses, and just now, there were people hanging outside the gate, waiting to aggravate the victims of these rumors even more. By this point they had forced everyone in Queen to go into hiding, and all for ratings.

All day long, you and Freddie spent your time checking all the doors and windows in paranoia; the constant chatter of reporters and the innumerable amount of flashing cameras was extremely distressing, causing you two to finally head upstairs and stay there for the rest of the day and into the night. Things seemed to settle around midnight, and left you and Freddie lounging on the bed together finally getting some quiet time. Lying on your sides, heads resting in your hands, you found it so much easier to talk about all this crap in the peace of each other's space.

"What are we gonna do, Fred? It won't stop."

"It will darling, trust me. We just need to wait this out and they'll get bored."

"We can't just hide until it's over with, we're not living anymore."

He sighed. You were right, but he just didn't know what to do anymore to make it better.

"I wish I could just say what happened and have them believe us." He said. The sweet gesture made you reach your hand across the space between you and stroke his charcoal black hair. The texture was soft to the touch and very soothing under your fingers. Freddie adored the attention and pulled you into his chest where he held you tighter than a child would hold a stuffed animal and muttered into your hair.

"If only they knew that man's true nature. For goodness' sake, they saw it at the conference."

That's when a light went off over your head. An idea came with just that little statement. An idea on how you were going to get your lives back.

"Freddie, you're a genius."

Two days later, every television in England was broadcasting one of its most interesting stories yet: Freddie Mercury and his girlfriend were willing to invite the alleged attacker to Garden Lodge for afternoon tea in an attempt to patch things over and move on with your lives. The day the announcement was made, you and Freddie had braved going outside for the first time in a while and were being interviewed in the inside of a downtown theater. As usual, many questions were being thrown at the both of you about the situation.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Will you be friends with this guy afterwards?"

"Who do you think will apologize first?"

The whole time the questions flew, Freddie protectively kept his hand on yours. He wanted you to know it was all going to be okay, and you knew it was too, since your plan was bound to work if this guy was really as sick as he let on that night. Once in a while when responding to questions you two found yourselves glancing at one another to confirm whether your responses or not would be adequate. Freddie said that the change of heart came from the fatigue of feeling the need to hide and that a friendship with the man was uncertain. As for who would apologize first, it took some pride swallowing, but you managed to push out "I will."

Hours later, countless reporters were once again camped outside the mansion and kept every camera rolling for this groundbreaking story. Your pervert arrived on the dot for tea and used the doorbell on the door's exterior. The bell's ringing echoed through the manor and made you shiver at the idea of him being right outside. This same guy who left scratches on your arm was about to walk into yours and Freddie's home.

"Just breathe, Darling; your plan is gonna work."

"It better." You sighed.

Opening the door, you caught sight of his eyes. They seemed friendly enough, but nevertheless had this darkness lurking behind them.

"Derek, hi! Come on in."

"Thanks." He said, still seeming kind.

You and Freddie shook his hand and led him into one of the nicer sunlit rooms that normally wasn't used for tea unless you were having a guest. Compared to the rest of the rooms, it was a moderate, even small size. In the center of the room sat a coffee table decked with all the proper items to have at tea. A delicate white teapot painted in yellow and white with matching cups were placed properly there along with classic tea cakes and finger sandwiches. Either side of the table ends had a small couch pushed closely enough for anyone to reach over and grab what they needed off the table while sitting. Freddie shared one of the couches with you while Derek sat on the other. It only took staring at him again for a moment before you realized your breathing was becoming a bit laboured from your nerves causing a faster pulse; this was happening? This trash was in the house? But, still trying to be a gracious host, you picked up the pot and began to pour a cup for all three of you. Watching the steam rise from the cup made you wanna remove the lid and splash the hot drink into his face, but it wasn't part of the plan, so best keep it under control. After pouring your cup and sitting beside Freddie once again, he thanked you and everyone began to add what they wanted to the cups: sugar, cream, lemon etc. All three finished at the same time and raised their cups in a cheers like fashion.

"To a fresh start." Freddie grinned.

"To a fresh start." You repeated, trying not to sounding nervous. Derek copied and you sipped in unison. For a few very uncomfortable minutes nobody said anything while enjoying the tea and snacks; you all knew nobody wanted him here, and the tension in this Mexican stalemate caused you to move in and say what you had to.

"Derek, um, I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have attacked you like that; it was wrong to do something so awful to a fan of ours."

Ugh. That one hurt your pride.

"Thank you for that." Derek answered.

Freddie scooter close to you, placing his hand gently on your knee.

"I apologize too Derek. I shouldn't have used you as a punching bag. You see, when I thought that you had put your hands on her, it infuriated me and I was just trying to protect her. I'm sure you would have done the same for someone you care about."

"Well I can't blame you for that." Derek responded, smiling, but offered no apology himself. That's okay, you really didn't expect one. He took another sip of the tea and carefully placed it down. Something was definitely turning in his mind and none of it looked good.

"I'll accept your apology on one condtion: I want a quarter of a million dollars. It's the least you could do for compensation." The absolute balls! He knew none of this would be even happening if he didn't put his hands on you and now he wants a reward for getting his ass kicked? No, no way, you didn't care what happened after this, he wasn't getting a cent off either of you, but this could still work with what you had in mind.

You scoffed, jumping to your feet "I don't think so. We're trying to put this all behind us and then you come and pull this crap asking for money after leaving scratches on me and making our lives miserable? No! No you're not getting any money!"

Derek's face returned to that same vindictive grimace he had when he tried to throw himself at you, and it scared you to death. As he stood up too, Freddie instantly moved to protect you by standing as well and moving you behind him. He wasn't about to let someone punk him in his own house, no way! He didn't take bull.

"Fine. Don't gimme the money, I'll just go out and tell the reporters how much I tried to be friends and now the great Freddie Mercury and his slut are tightfisted with the compensation. You think your lives are bad now? Wait till the news gets ahold of this."

Freddie nearly lunged to attack, but you grabbed his shoulder, holding him back.

"Freddie, no! This isn't worth it. Just give him the money."

"But he--"

"Freddie please! I want our lives back."

It took a minute, but after looking between you and Derek, Freddie saw the fear in your eyes and it broke his heart. You shouldn't have to live in fear this way and he barely deserved you as it is. What the hell, money wasn't nearly as valuable as you. With a moment of his pride swallowed, he said he'd have to go all the way upstairs into the bedroom to get the checkbook. As he disappeared from the room, you gave Derek a bad staredown.

"So what's a perv like you gonna do with all that money?"

He shrugged. "Maybe buy you for the night." Rolling your eyes in disgust you let him know that was never gonna happen because he was an immature child; a man who threw a fit because he wasn't getting what he wanted, and then that's what set it off. He crossed the room getting right in your face.

"Fight all you want baby, I like it when they think they can get rid of me. I should left more than a few scratches on you; had it been just you and me, I would have treated you no differently than the floozies I pick up every Thursday." He grabbed both of your arms again, no not again! As soon as you hit the furniture, he pinned your arms down, to the sides and forced his lips onto yours. You tried to turn your head and struggle hard but he was so strong.

"Get off me!"

"Scream, and I'll kill Mr. Mustache. One way or another, I'm getting what I came for." He began to unzip your jacket but before anything else could happen, a gold flashy force knocked him off you and held him to the carpet. It was Queen's drummer Roger; he'd been hiding in a nearby closet, listening to everything so he could spring into action if anything went too far.

"Stay down, rapist! Did you get that, Deaky?"

To Derek's surprise, John Deacon the bassist popped out from behind a large potted tree in the corner of the room with a large camera in his grip. He signaled a yes, letting you all know they got everything they needed. Video was really all they needed to convict him, but to rub it in his face even more, you reached down your shirt and pulled out a wire, letting him know your bra had been bugged. That's right, you and the boys took two days planning this to catch Derek in the act and it worked perfectly. Almost on cue, Brian and Freddie escorted a group of officers into the room demanding they remove the root of all your problems.

The next day everyone in the band attended yet another conference to discuss everything and it was amazing; all the reporters who'd wrongfully accused you were now practically kissing your ass. There was nothing more satisfying than feeling this huge weight off your shoulders and the whole truth coming to light. Everyone in Queen received a formal apology from everybody and to even let you all know that Derek wasn't going to be even eligible for parole until he was 82. It's ok. By that time, every inmate would make him their girlfriend; no way he'd survive that.

"Freddie, with Derek finally behind bars and the your lives returning to normal, what's the first thing you're gonna do?"

Brian, Roger and John said they were just going to enjoy the peace with their wives an kids for now. They earned it after all, didn't they? As for Freddie, he took you in his arms, dipped your body, and left an enormous kiss on your lips. Upon standing you back in place, he said.

"I'm going to take the love of my life to Munich for a while. As happy as we are that everything is going back to normal, we haven't been able to just relax and laugh with each other since we started dating. Don't worry, the album will still be done on time. But for now, I just want it to be me and her. I love you with all my heart (Y/N) (L/N)."

"I love you too Freddie Mercury. Thank you so much for being there."

"I'll always look after you."

THE END

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#queen #queen band #freddie mercury #freddie mercury x reader #may 2019 #queen fanfic #queen fanfiction #masterlist #m's stories

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