#places this in the tags because i am TIRED

[tizniz]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @devirnis 🩵

How many works do you have on ao3?

42. (Will be 43 tomorrow!)

What's your total ao3 word count?

172,166

What fandoms do you write for?

Currently 9-1-1, previously Harry Potter, Merlin, Percy Jackson, YouTubers, others

Top five fics by kudos:

Buck's Boyfriends

Threes Not A Crowd

Flare Up

Eddie's Housewife

a place where i feel at home

Do you respond to comments?

Every single one.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Come ask me after tomorrow's story.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh....most recently, I'd say Buck's Surprise that I wrote for Hippo.

Do you get hate on fics?

I have received one comment that was sort of 'mean' (but lead to me meeting Sunny 🥰) and then I got one mean comment that I deleted.

Do you write smut?

Hahahahahahaha. Yes.

Craziest crossover:

I do not personally write crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yup. Back when I posted on WattPad when I wrote imagines for YouTubers.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. Me and my ex wrote a LOT together. And then more recently I was writing with someone (unfortunately, due to reasons, that has since stopped).

All time favourite ship?

Merthur will always hold a special place in my heart. But Buddie has revived my writing inspiration in ways I haven't seen in so long. And then special shoutout to my OC and some of her pairings.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly? Probably my soul mark fic....

What are your writing strengths?

Fuck if I know. I'm hard on myself and barely think my stuff is good most days haha

What are your writing weaknesses?

Al, Hippo, and Ellie will yell at me if I say everything. So...uhm...sometimes I feel my writing is too simple?

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I am very careful to use as little as possible, because I struggle with English some days, and that's my native language.

First fandom you wrote in?

McFly. Back when I was on Fanfiction.Net....wow.

Favourite fic you've written?

Of my published ones? Fight or Flight or saving you, saves me.  Of my WIPs? Recovery. Of my secret fics? Either the entire universe that is Time Travel II or my Peter Pan modern verse stories. Neither of which are 9-1-1 fandom.

NP tagging: @hippolotamus, @actualalligator, @actuallyitsellie, @perfectlysunny02, @theotherbuckley, @spotsandsocks, @bidisasterevankinard, @elvensorceress, @daffi-990, @dangerpronebuddie, @underwaterninja13, @watchyourbuck, @cal-daisies-and-briars and literally anyone else who wants to do this because I’m tired and tagging is hard 🩵

#writing game tag

[takeyourcyanide]

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

AO3

Fandom: Soul Eater

Character(s): Spirit Albarn, Franken Stein, mentions of Kami

Tag(s): Hurt/Comfort, Age Regression (SFW), Men Crying, Mental Instability, Stuffed Toys, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff & Angst

Word Count: 2 710

Summary: Stein sees a T-Rex stuffed animal, regresses before and after being allowed to purchase it, and shit also happens to hit the fan, because I don’t write for happy people LMAO

Note(s): I finally wrote more age regression like I said I would. I don’t like this a whole lot either, but I’m planning on writing some longer and better things, so hopefully that will happen. I am just posting this and Muse of Tragedy, because these are ideas I’ve had in my head for a long time that I simply never wrote. So, here!

The vivid, fluorescent lighting of the quaint drugstore left Stein internally grimacing, keeping his limbs close to his frame as to make himself seem smaller and further away from the blaring stimulus.

Going in one ear and out the other was the apparently endless rambling of Spirit, as he went on and on about Kami, and Valentine’s Day, and how he nearly forgot, and how he just has to buy her the cutest teddy bear ever. Franken merely hummed in response, scanning the aisles both curiously and indifferently, bored and more than prepared to exit the store.

As they, at long last, arrived at the line of shelves filled with stuffed-toys, particularly bears and rabbits holding non-anatomically correct hearts (Stein would much prefer to see anatomically correct heart candies) and lollipops, the meister spotted the best thing in the entire drugstore; a medium-sized Tyrannosaurus-Rex, greenish-brown in color, and without the glass eyes that left him suspecting whether or not it came equipped with a built-in camera.

Albarn grabbed on his chosen teddy, beginning to march away from the aisle and to the checkout area, as he glanced over at Stein conspicuously gazing longingly at a stuffed dinosaur, not moving, simply staring. The glint in his partner’s eyes was almost cute; childishly curious and desiring.

“Stein?” He called out. And before he could ask the boy whether or not he wanted him to buy the stuffed animal (he looked too intrigued by the toy to deny him of it), Franken turned towards him, not verbally requesting the stuffy, instead, pointing at it with an expectant and hopeful look to his countenance. He appeared as though he was preparing for disappointment, or to be yelled at. He honestly seemed to expect overly negative reactions rather often - too often - and something about that sent a pang of sorrow down Spirit’s tired spine. He’d never seen him look so childlike and tiny before.

Now he really couldn’t say no.

“You wanna get it?” Stein clumsily nodded his head once, a dramatic motion of his head as he pursed his lips slightly. “I didn’t think you were the type to like plushies. But sure, go ahead and grab it.”

“Dinosaur,” the meister said, holding the animal to his chest, moving to walk beside his weapon-partner, not ceasing his intense and elated staring content with it.

“Oh, yeah. You do like dinosaurs and all that science-y shit, so, I guess that makes sense,” the weapon shrugged his shoulders, grabbing it briefly from Stein, as he scanned the toy. The silver-haired boy seemed to subdue a pout, returning to his former blank state. “You want it back, right?” Spirit returned it into Franken’s hands, placing the bear he bought into a plastic bag, paying for the items.

“Thank you,” Stein mumbled, not exactly smiling, though the corners of his mouth were more upturned than usual.

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he felt more like something of a parental figure to him everyday, or at the very least, when his partner would begin acting… like whatever this was. But the meister’s policy was ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell,’ so interrogating him about his quirks would more than certainly get him nowhere. “You don’t have to pay me back or anything, by the way. Knowing you, though, you’d definitely find some sneaky-ass way to never pay me even if I wanted you to. You’ve done it before, you bastard! So, I know for a fact you would!”

Stein giggled mischievously in a hushed voice, Spirit joyfully smiling and chuckling to himself as he listened to it. He hadn’t heard the male really laugh in a long while, he’d seemed rather morose and sort of lacking in any and all emotion as of late - even more so than typical, which he frankly didn’t think was even possible. And for what reason his partner was behaving more overtired and flat, the ginger did not know.

They exited the drugstore, Stein seeming more relieved in a sense as they were shrouded in the shadows of the night, the desert air much cooler than just a few hours ago.

<——————————————————>

Stein plopped swiftly down onto the sofa with his prized plushie, Spirit sitting beside him and placing the lovey-dovey teddy bear onto the coffee table, where the tissue paper and gift bag happened to be located.

Whilst writing thoughtful sweet-nothings on the sparkly and shiny card he had bought a little while back, he made repeated glances at his partner, of whom was merely sitting and staring into space, a more petulant, yet deadpan twinge to his countenance.

He looked awfully squeezable, however, with his stuffy tucked against his sternum, his knees holding the toy even closer. Perhaps this newfound affectionate feeling he didn’t think he’d ever feel towards Stein would dissipate once the meister said anything about ripping someone limb from limb.

“You okay over there?” He chortled, his brows pinching together in mild concern as he signed the glimmering card, placing it into the bag along with the heart and candy-holding bear.

Franken remained particularly unresponsive and immobile, it was almost as though he was entirely zoned-out of life itself, not present in the room with Spirit. Though there was something stirring within him, he could see it in his exhausted and narrow eyes, they were both decomposing and lively simultaneously in a way that only Stein could achieve.

“Hey. Did you hear me?” Albarn poked his arm, only to receive nothing back.

He inched closer to his partner, untucking and lifting Stein’s arm from the stuffed T-Rex as gently as he could, as to hopefully not startle him. Though, perhaps if he were to startle him, he’d scare him out of his current stupor.

As he raised his appendage, he moved it up and down almost playfully, stopping and leaving it to hang right in the middle. And his arm did not fall.

Spirit rose an eyebrow in the face of this strange behavior; Stein had gotten like this before - he’d refuse to speak, and would either move too much, not too much, or very robotically. But he had never done this before.

Albarn simply stared at the unmoving arm for a moment, confused and worried, not even noticing the salty tear falling from his meister’s right eye, or the way his chest made abrupt movements as noiseless sobs escaped him.

He gazed upwards, eyes widening at the sight before him, as he marginally began to panic.

“What’s wrong, Stein? Don’t cry,” he hadn’t realized before how much the sight of his counterpart weeping would both upset him and frighten him. “Was it something I did? I’ll never touch you without asking again, how about that? Please don’t cry.”

Spirit’s eyes flicked all over the room as he pondered how in the world he could possibly comfort his meister. He’d never seen him cry before, how was he supposed to know?

“Na’ yu,” Stein murmured under his breath, his tone sounding pained as though it was his first time attempting to speak.

“Not me? It wasn’t me, then? Can I touch you?” Spirit reached his arms out, retracting them, only to flail them outwards once more.

He didn’t reply again, instead focusing on trying to relearn how to move his body, desiring to position his arm back into its former place.

Spirit noticed this, grabbing his arm and moving it to tuck around his plushie just how it was before.

“T’an’ yu,” he whispered out slowly, mechanically.

“Of course,” the weapon reesponded with a polite smile, looking around the room one more time, before just pulling his partner over to him, essentially sitting him on his lap, shoving his head into the crook of his anxious neck.

This more than certainly alarmed Stein, his eyes bulging, as he acted on instinct - squirming and writhing out of his grasp.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out, I’m sorry,” he shushed his perturbation in the sweetest voice he could possibly muster. Stein sat up, perched on his thighs, as his bottom lip seemed to quiver lightly in response to his former statement. More tears bubbled up in his eyes, spilling over, as the scientist shoved himself right back to where the redhead had originally pushed him, choking on pitiful sobs.

“Shh…… I’m sorry. This is all so.. not you, I just don’t know what to do - I’m sorry,” he held his head, thinking to himself ‘Well, at least he moved for the first time in however many minutes he hadn’t.’ Spirit soothingly rubbed up and down his back, his nails dragging along empathetically. “And I know you never tell anyone anything.. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. I know this must be really scary already, isn’t it?”

Stein had evidently lost control of himself. It was clear as day to anyone that he had unwillingly began blubbering, as he repeatedly attempted to hush himself up, his efforts ultimately proving to be in vain.

He nodded his head in agreement with the weapon’s question, as he sniffled into Albarn’s shirt, his hands still maintaining their iron grip on the stuffed toy.

“Yeah, I know it is,” Franken was seriously the absolute last person he expected to be coddling. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I’m sorry. I’m always here, okay? You don’t have to tell me anything, but if you need to, you always can. Whatever was happening earlier didn’t look too comfortable or fun.”

Stein hummed in agreement once more, the noise reverberating within his overtired throat, as he huffed out another sob.

He brought one of his hands to his face, placing his thumb in his mouth, gently suckling on it, as his chest bumped up and down due to the suppressed wailing.

While it was a considerably strange thing for a teenager to do, Spirit couldn’t care less what Stein found tranquillizing, so long as it helped him.

“It’s okay to cry, Stein. I’m not judging you. I’m not gonna hurt you, I promise. You’re stubborn, so I know you won’t believe me, but I’m not gonna tell anyone, I swear,” he tenderly attempted to reassure the meister.

That only sent more tears running down his flushed face, as Stein glanced cautiously up at the ginger, whimpering into his finger.

Spirit grinned down at him, whispering, “You don’t have to believe a word I say, okay? I can see it in your eyes,” he adoringly flicked Stein’s forehead. “I don’t know what exactly is so hard for you, but I can see it’s hard for you. Stop arguing with yourself in there. Stop thinking about whatever it is for a minute. How about we play with your little dinosaur?”

He snuffled, lazily and begrudgingly removing his face from his weapon’s neck, making his stuffy more visible to the both of them.

As he did as such, Albarn could get a much better look at his blotchy, tear-stained face, a pout stretching his poor lips.

“Do you have a name for it yet?” Spirit prodded softly, restricting the urge to fondly crush the male he had seated on his femurs, as he stared shyly down at the dinosaur.

When he received no response, he assured, “You don’t have to speak, that’s okay. We can just play with it, or do whatever you want to do with it… Except dissecting it!” He earned another precious titter from Stein.

The meister held the T-Rex up to Spirit’s doting face, the ginger patting it jestingly on the head.

Stein chuckled, sniffling a bit once more, as he patted the scythe on his own head.

“Top hat,” the aspiring scientist vaguely spoke.

“What about a top hat?” He confusedly questioned.

The giggly meister pointed at the dinosaur’s head, staring inquisitively at his weapon, trying his best to temporarily forget about the bickering and the static and the inevitable.

“Oh, I see! We should get a top hat for your T-Rex, shouldn’t we?” Stein nodded his head, biting on his bottom lip in thought.

“‘N f’r you,” he elucidated, slurring his words in a baby-ish voice.

“Oh, really? Wouldn’t I just look dashing in one?” Spirit said in an overly and theatrically elegant manner, his visage contorting into a rather silly expression, leaving Stein to grin.

“No,” he was a menace, but at least he was honest.

The redhead feigned taking offense to his utter brutality, fake-crying with a hand on his chest. Franken heartily laughed, or rather, sadistically, and yet innocently, concurrently.

Abruptly, his giggles ceased, as a deep and troubled sigh escaped his lips, his countenance falling and returning to its earlier indiscernible oddity.

Spirit’s did just the same, his brows furrowing as he solicitously studied the meister’s body language and face.

“What is it, sweetheart?” He was hoping to Death that he would enjoy being referred to with touchy-feely nicknames in the state he was currently in, and that they’d relax him somewhat.

“Top hats and your dinosaur can’t really distract you, huh?” Stein sat still, blankly staring down at the stuffed toy. “That bad?” He nodded.

“Is there anything I can do?” His eyes watered once again as he processed the question being asked, moving his head from side to side, as he wanted nothing more than to forbid the tears from rolling.

“Not’ing,” he mewled. “I can’t ev’n do not’ing.”

“Aw,” he brought Stein in once again, warmly hushing his bawling. “I’m sorry you’re feeling so fussy, baby.”

Franken immediately looked up at Spirit, his eyes switching from wide-set at first to squinted and glazed over, his fingers immediately making their way back to his mouth, as his previously taut figure melted into the weapon’s chest.

“F’ssy,” he shakily repeated, hiccuping.

“Yeah, fussy,” Stein nuzzled into this shoulder, one arm holding his dinosaur, the other wrapping around his partner and gripping his shirt, as he sniveled even more so.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.. It’ll be okay, Stein.”

“Won’,” he denied in a voice Spirit found it difficult not to coo at.

“Even if that’s the case, I’m always here, okay? You know that right?”

“M’no.”

Spirit delicately scratched at his scalp, primping his unkempt hair. “Hm…. That’s okay. I guess I’ll just have to show you, then, huh?”

“Don’ think I can live much longer,” he stumbled over his words, unsteadily speaking. “Na’ able.”

Albarn’s expression gave in to his sullen feelings, as he patted Stein’s back, rocking them both from side to side.

“No, you can make it through, you’re strong,” he encouraged the boy.

“You don’ get it,” he yowled. “Na’ my choice. Can’ do not’ing ad’all.”

Spirit continued to shush him, as that was all he could do, petting his hair, stroking his back, ensuring him that he’d always be there.

“‘M all gone. Bye-bye,” it was difficult to make much sense of what he was saying, but there was something at the bottom of the scythe’s soul that almost could grasp it.

<——————————————————>

Eventually, Stein’s eyes sluggishly closed, though he tried eagerly to hold them open. His sobs died down, his sniffling coming to a close, as he no longer babbled.

Spirit peered down at the male’s face, sympathizing with him as he witnessed how swollen and red his eyes were, his eyelashes doused in teardrops, cheeks completely damp. Even his neck was moist with the droplets that flowed downwards.

The weapon carefully and attentively pushed the meister’s bangs out of the way, caressing the side of his face perceptible to him, as he tucked the loose and free hair behind his ear.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he muttered, disquieted by the whole ordeal. “I hope you can learn to trust me. I’m sure that won’t be easy, though, huh? You’ve never trusted anyone your life, have you?”

And he hadn’t. That much was evident.

As he held Franken’s body in his arms, he didn’t dare to move, even as he groaned and whimpered in a distressed and distraught manner in his sleep.

Was he supposed to wake him? Or would that only prove to make him more fussy and irritable?

He never knew what he was meant to do when it came to Stein.

He could only pray that one day he’d finally figure the meister out.

#soul eater #franken stein #takeyourcyanide #stein #stein soul eater #spirit albarn #dr stein #spirit soul eater #sfw age regression #age regression #hurt/comfort #soul eater fanfic #soul eater fanfiction #my fanfiction #my fanfic

[spider-man-2o99]

“why are you always only ever talking about, like, spider-man 2099’s childhood and mental health issues instead of posting panels of him Biting People” uh. because... spider-man 2099 the comic book... also does this.?

#talking tag #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #xina kwan #marvel #comics #comic panels #i earnestly am not trying 2 gatekeep here lol i Desperately Want people to read spider-man 2099 and ALSO Like The Thing I Really Really Like #but. (deeply bitter) The Internet Does As The Internet Is i guess. #plus i Already Have posted every single panel of him Biting People that currently exists. and then ppl left viscerally uncomfortable tags. #..well. Viscerally Uncomfortable for Me. obv the people Leaving those additions seemed pleased as punch to publicly puke em onto my lap. #urgh woof i Know it's a Bad Idea 2 bring attention 2 it bcuz this specific breed of Pest thrives on Attention but like. i am so Tired #like one of those panels was an instance of the main character rebuffing an attempted assault Put Your Pants On And Quit Moaning. Christ. #this is My Personal Blog. i post abt this comic because im autistic and it's been my special interest for going on like 10yrs. #if i decide i want to Stop Posting about it then i will just Stop Posting About It. and i will tell people Why if it is for any reason. #but i just. /jesus/ yall. go be intolerably Straight somewhere else. my house isnt the place for that i just Block Creeps.

[sparky-is-spiders]

S1 Jonsasha AU where Sasha is the Archivist and they start slowly spiraling as they uncover more and more mysteries. Their fascination with The Horrors drives them into each other’s arms. They stay later and later. The storage closet becomes a shared living space for them. Martin hasn’t noticed. Tim doesn’t know what to say to get his friends back. They’re losing themselves in the Archives. They egg each other on. They start becoming more paranoid. Jon is so endlessly, doggedly loyal. This is the only person who can understand him. This is the only person who he has ever understood. They love each other so so much.

#HNGGGGGHGNNGHH I’M LOSING MY MIIIIIIIIIIND #they make me so insane istg #obligatory no j//mart in my jonsasha please and thank you #ok also important to note: jonsasha is t4t and their autism aligns #anyway i think about them so often. so much potential there they make me crazy #if you ever want to share thoughts about jonsasha they are always welcome here #they were made for each other. they’re perfect for each other. do you see? do you SEE?? #i’m also endlessly fascinated by the potential of archivist!sasha/archival assisstant!jon #jon is her weird little loser freak and they would do anything for each other <3 #jonsasha #somewhere out there is a universe where sasha survives s1 and a certain other character (who i will not name as i am Main Tagging) #takes her place and dies instead and she and jon can become the fucked up eyeball monsters they were always meant to be <3<3<3<3<3 #tma #the magnus archives #sasha james #jon sims #jonathan sims #edited to change the wording in one of the last few sentences because i had written it wrong. very tired. goodnight.

[dollypopup]

y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!

like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.

and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye

you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .

when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?

if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self

and that's that on that

#you know what? lol it's been a bit since i've posted a controversial opinion #tagging it #polin #sorry not sorry i ship polin. . .so i wanna see. . .polin. . .and i'm getting damn sick and tired #of all the bullshit pen/oc pen/other dude theories and stories in the polin tag #and i don't want polin to lose screentime over a frankly bleh male oc #you can't change my mind #if i don't see at least marina's 'you've seen him with the little bridgertons!' level of squee and 'i only want to talk to colin' #levels of devotion then i don't fucking WANT IT!!!!! #yeah definitely try out the marriage market #realize that NO ONE has a good time on the marriage market #try to get over him w/ whomstever #but then be like 'i don't even LIKE this dude where's colin i miss him' about it!!!!! #because otherwise i am not here #i am asleep #and i am courting colin in your place pen #i'm coming for your man #anti debling #if debling has 100 haters i am one of them if he has 10 haters i'm one of them if he has 1 hater i am the hater if he has 0 haters i'm dead #it's incredibly obvious that 'pebling' is half rooted in a revenge storyline fueled by anger at Colin and his complexity #and half a projection of wanting Penelope to have 'choices' because she is a representation and manifestation of the fans themselves #and so people think an OC that can be 'perfect' for them- whoops I mean Pen (because he doesn't have any real depth or interest) #he's a cardboard cutout we can throw whatever you want onto #so we can make him 'perfect' instead of the much more meaningful storyline of pen and colin both being messy and loving each other more #and part of it is bitterness over Polin not being insta-love #which. . .if it was i wouldn't like them as much as i do #anyways y'all ain't slick #and it's fucking WEIRD to be in a fandom that's like 'i ship this couple but i hope she gets with ANYONE else' #maybe you. . .don't ship the couple?? #like. . .to the point of wanting her necklace to be from debling. . .and her wearing it everywhere??? WHAT??

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

[bibiana112]

i think all the other anons or people getting on your case abt the hamd naiden (misspelled to avoid keyword searching) need to watch the video essay ''the lesbian gaze'' by verilybitchie, a queer woman who breaks down why the scened in thm are how they are and compares it to other movies including another adaptation that the original author actually had a hand in producing. as well as other movies with sex scenes directed and filmed BY QUEER WOMEN. anyway hope youre having a good day despite (gestures)

REAL I watched that and well yet another thing for me to rewatch I suppose but I do want to at the very least make one last point-- that even in the most good faith defense of that movie if someone chooses to portray or critique something that's as foundational as the framing language used in a movie by completely Partaking and Indulging in it you have to accept that there will be people put off by that regardless of anything else that is done and it shouldn't be any sort of moral take it's just different people looking at the same thing that chose to be provocative on purpose it will inevitably hit different people differently

#ah I'm doing fine had my fun really I was more genuinely pissed at the one explaining the bucks joke to me the other day #which makes me sad because that one typed like someone I think I might know and they sent two more to 'lighten the mood' which made me more #annoyed that they'd think I'd genuinely be affected but also they were clearly being genuine and nervous so I just wish that wasn't on anon #cause then it would never have pissed me off in the first place if I understood who was sending it to me #anyways thank you I'm so tired but that's because I am very busy and touch grass #a tag for asks

[sygneth]

.

#rant time #trying to figure myself out but this shit fucking impossible #only recetly i realised that half of my problems is probably undiagnosed adhd #but something tells me it may be asd and adhd together #although adhd traits are much more prominent in my case and looking at asd diagnostic criteria they don't fully apply but AGAIN #it looks to me more like they don't apply because adhd things come in way? like the typical spontaniety fucking question yeah #ughh i wish there was more audhd proper info because i'm going crazy trying to put this all together #i am planning to get adhd diagnosis as soon as i gather money and i could possibly try to get asd too but #a. good fucking luck getting a proper asd diagnosis as an adult trans dude in PL lmao #b. good fucking luck trying to find a place that does crossdiagnosis #well i'll try anyway but until i get a job i'm like. stuck with it in my own head #and as far as i feel like i probably won't get anywherw further with figuring this out on my own i can't. Fucking. Stop. Thinking about it. #my brain decided this is a Main Theme TM now and will make me do the research until we get sure that's It ot that's Not It #i... i'm tired. #not even gonna tag this as personal post because i just wanted to scream into the void thb

[maulfucker]

#hm i should make an original poll tag #i might not actually do it tomorrow because i might do some silly things for other silly places #but i am going to do it eventually #not today tho. today I'm gonna write a bit then go the fack to SLEEP #watching an eclipse is tiring

[clueless1995]

any time my brain starts flirting with the idea of an ed relapse i go into the tumblr tags and am reminded that it is truly so miserable and it’s fixes me and like it’s so easy to think it’s romantic when you’re In It but reading people freak out about whether they should eat the birthday cake their mum made them is like. i can’t do that shit again it’s exhausting and bad for you and zaps the joy out of your whole life

#tw ed #tw eating disorder #that reading i did for my class a couple weeks ago is still wriggling around in my brain #i think it’s also just because the weather getting warmer is always vaguely triggering #it’s so insidious like my last proper relapse was a couple of years ago and it still pops up in the weirdest places #and i get so many weight loss ads and my parents keep talking about their weight loss and diets and i am TIRED #let me out of here Please #also lmk if there are any other tags i should use to protect people who don’t want to see this stuff #talking about it helps because it means my brain can’t go into superior I Have A Secret mode which only leads further down the rabbit hole

[athousandcowboys]

What sorts of stories do u like writing? Any ideas ur excited about right now??

I’m kind of newish to writing stories, so I guess I don’t have a set genre/preference yet. I wrote a lot of fiction as a kid but got bored of it eventually, and I never finished anything. The most I’ve done since then is creative nonfiction essays, which can be cathartic but definitely a very different skillset.

I haven’t gotten an idea for an original story yet, so for now I’m just working on fanfiction. I’ve been thinking kind of obsessively about the Zelda II backstory ever since I thought it would be fun to imagine what would mean for all that to go down in the context of the canon that’s been established ever since.

Originally I was just going to write a story about Aurora and her brother (who I named Itentio), two Golden Age siblings under immense pressure who are at each other's throats until the bitter end.

But the more I thought about it, the more I became interested in Aurora's life after waking up, so now this idea has evolved into a LU fic. The POV flips from Traveler to Aurora to Dawn, and we get a flashback scene from each of them while the present-day story deals with them confronting their respective pasts.

I'm still kind of in early drafting stages, but so far the story involves Traveler's dad, Aurora's dad (lots of dads), Dawn's political life, uncertainty vs. certainty at the end of the world, rehydrated wizzrobes, the blood curse, monsters who don't want to be monsters, and lots and lots of magic.

#i rewrote this so many times idk if it's coherent anymore #i probably should have waited until i had more energy but i was too excited to not infodump immediately #i did the exact same thing u did lmao like oh she probably doesn't want every explanation for the worldbuilding i did #apparently it is so much??? i could go on forever about the zelda ii manual #isn't it interesting that the palaces could only be completed with magic #like the king not only had powerful enough magic himself to cast a spell on the triforce but he also designed challenges #for a future king that relied on magic #it's because they're from the same place! #an isolated country of sorcerers who don't have a divine right monarchy like Hyrule #they choose leaders based on who can complete the sacred seven trials #also isn't it interesting that traveler has to learn those spells from people who are hiding in basements #could it be that most hyruleans are a little spooked by their magic? #must have something to do with all those old legends of heroes who fought evil sorcerers #traveler would really rather not unpack his past. would be a shame if the narrative forced him to #okay enough ranting in the tags i am SO TIRED this must all look so unhinged lmao #hy writes #weetbixbb

[arklay]

once upon a time i liked a ship for what it was and then i saw how the fandom treated it and now i have visceral hatred towards it (harsh but not far off)

#leah.txt #normal i swear #it’s like i’m just so tired of seeing it and i think it’s cause a lot of the time people mischaracterise the characters involved so often #when talking about it and i hate it. i’m being vague cause don’t want it showing up anywhere. but like in canon the concept is so good and #so juicy even though i am not really a fan of like enemies/lovers kinda tropes. slash cause it’s more lovers to enemies but were always #technically enemies but real bonds formed on accident and that always runs deep even after the fact etc etc it’s such a good ship in concep #and then you see the fandom and go ah you’ve made it insufferable to me now. it gets reduced to just like the most i mean fandomy shit #it happens so often with me now that it’s like i need to not look at tags ever actually akdjsjsksns #so so vague but the concept of falling in love and fraternising when you shouldn’t and so many elements of you are going to betray this #person when the time comes but you can’t help falling for them and the other side being i shouldn’t be falling for this guy he’s my #superior officer but it’s like no he’s actually not and he’s a mole and he’s going to kill you all off. and then running for him when he #gets injured. that’s so. even after he tells you that you what his plans were. still caring. but like. out of anger and hurt you bruised hi #ego and insulted him and that starts big revenge run of like someone who can’t take criticism or being made to feel lesser… but you have to #hunt him down even if you still hold feelings for him he is everything you stood against and were fighting and now you’re fighting him when #you loved him. irl you know i hate this shit and betrayal and lying and all that you know this i’m just talking in fiction it’s got so many #layers. having to kill the man you once loved because he became everything he was against and he developed delusions and lost his mind. IT #HURTS. then you look at the fandom and it’s like teehee they’re just soooo gay gay homosexual and it’s like. this ship has layers. it’s lik #an onion. but okay. and it’s always just like i mean the gross people come out with the really gross fics with it but like omg it’s such a #good ship in concept with lovers becoming enemies when they shouldn’t have been lovers in the first place because it was a sort of forbidde #setting. the captain and his subordinate. captain who is actually a mole and going to betray these people who he has unintentionally formed #some bonds with. actually learning they are on opposing ends. the man they saw as fair and just and cool is a liar a manipulator a scheming #bastard who is only doing things out of self interest BUT HE GOT FEELINGS. it’s so arghghhhggggg and that’s why the criticism hits deeper #cause it’s someone he cared about and it’s so aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #like there’s a reason it’s the most popular ship because i mean they are literally each others narrative foil lmaooo but like the fandom #just somehow makes it weird a lot and i’m 🧍🏼 why guys why #and what i mean by gross people and gross fics is what a lot of people do to villains doing to others even when they aren’t like that. you #guys are just nasty and gross and need to not share things like that <3 #i feel like it's a lot of just fetishising two men being together rather than focusing on their dynamics and characters

[batfamfucker]

My sleep schedule is very fucked. Deadass passed out at like 8AM and woke up at 6PM. Passed out again and actually got up at 9PM. I cannot sleep now and have two lectures tomorrow and maybe work

#It's reading weel next week but I cannot keep missing classes because of insomnia #Fam I need good attendance to get accepted onto a study abroad year #And I'm already struggling with the finances and grades of that like please don't make me worry about attendance too #A bitch is fighting for her life lmao #I have two essays due in like two weeks and we're only a month into the uni year and I know not how to write them #My grandma is also in hospital and she managed to catch covid in hospital 🙃 I'm very annoyed at the negligence of that #She is very weak anyway to the point they've put her on a DNR. And now she has covid too #If Covid takes its toll. Then that's it. They're not going to save her. #Sorry for the vent it's just been. A busy first few weeks #I'm very tired and very broke rn and my only source of joy is hoping I get to go on the year abroad next year #I wanna study in the US because that's where all the acting schools/jobs are. Worried? Yes. Worth it? Also yes #I know the USA is a hellhole politically so I'm also looking at safe states (Like where abortion is legal for example) but also. #It's landscape it highkey stunning #And I do like a lot of the stuff/opportunities there. Just not the people #These tags are all over the place. Anyway #Death tw #Hospital tw #Covid tw #Also my ADHD meds ran out like four days ago and the prescription delivery is taking too long because I moved to uni #Local Bitch Having Hard Time Amongst Already Being Unmedicated. More At 2. AM Rather Than PM Probably. #I have been living off of potatoes and tears. #Sweet potato fries slap and I am a great chef tho so slay for me I guess

[kawaiianimeredhead]

Tried to make heart shaped peppermint patties for a work party tomorrow. Made a decent mess of the kitchen but they have been made

#not pictured here tjo because i got so tired #i didnt use a decent amoutn of the inside dough like part #because i got tired of cutting them #used the recipe b dylan hollis used in his tiktok #i didnt eat a full one but i ate the inside part when i had the extra dough and i ate some of the chocolate when i made a mess of it #and they were good so fingers crossed altogether its good #got a cute heart shaped place im gonna try to set them up in tomorrow before i bring tjem #wish i had little tongs so people can pjck them ip easier #but that is currently not my problem #my feet hurt and i shoukd sleep because i have work in the morning #but i consumed a decent amount of sugar and in general am sorta anxious #and also unsatisfied because i was playing a video game and kept stepping away for other things #so not only did i not play as much as i wanted nick has gotten ahead in it with a lot of the gear so i feel like i missed out #dont mind me #tag rambles #theres a noise in my bathroom ish area thar sounds like a drip sort of sound onto like plastic maybe #and its really annoying because the immediate place i tjought it wad coming from its not #so its either in the walls or its on the other side in halies room but i have no way to really know because i dont wanna investigate atm #but i do now have to listen to it until i fall asleep