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coldtomyflash · 2 years

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I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to ask once I found out about the earlier soulmate idea for These Violent Delights! (Your soulmate system is maybe the best I've ever read, if not at least in my top two)

With the way you ended up writing TVD (incredible btw), how would your decisions effect/change the idea of a soulmate spin to the story? (I hope I worded my question properly!)

From what I read, what you had planned wound up a good bit different. So I was just wondering if you thought that would inspire changes to the thoughts you had about the soulmate tie in?

Much curious!

Hope you're doing well in all the madness of the world <3

What a lovely question :) Oddly enough I was actually thinking about this just the other day for some reason so the answer I have for you is top of mind and a bit long ^^;

The full history of These Violent Delights is that I wondered what it might be like to turn one of my fics into an original story and then things spiralled. I was specifically making notes on what AATJS might look like as an original, and my instinct was basically that to "file off the serial numbers" of fanfic for that piece, I'd keep the soulmates element but ditch the superpowers.

Actually to go back further, an even earlier idea i'd had with VP -- who wrote the amazing Zombie au -- was a co-written collaboration that would have both superpowers and soulmates in an original story, but it became unwieldy with all those separate worldbuilding elements into it.

as she moved on to other things and i stuck around longer in coldflash and dipped my toe into other original ideas, i ended up mentally splitting that concept in two:

a no-powers yes-soulmate story which later became These Violent Delights, and

a yes-powers no-soulmate story which has since turned into my original novel i'm working on at a snail's pace called Rest for the Wicked (also the chapters of that i posted are out of date since i've revised and changed them since then whoops).

Anyway, for the original concept of These Violent Delights...

In the first mental draft of that no-powers soulmate story, I kept most people's roles/relationships to each other similar (barry being a CSI, joe being a cop, iris being barry's pseudo-adoptive sister, len being a criminal, etc), took out superpowers, and made Grodd (from his role in AATJS) into a serial killer, and Eiling/the military into the FBI being called in on this local serial killer case.

Then someone dropped into my inbox to ask about a no powers / pre-lightning AU, and it basically gave me a chance to flesh that out.

And then someone asked about what it would be like with no soulmates and I thought that was fascinating! Because soulmates is convenient and a narrative shortcut, and how unhinged would it make that opening scene if there was no soulmate bond and yet these two people still responded to one another the same way??

i love unhinged dynamics more than i was willing to admit at the time, and it was a perfect excuse to write that dynamic in a way that was a bit more fun for me, i've i'm being honest. because without that easy narrative push from the bond, how do i play their attraction? can i effectively sell that they are drawn to each other enough to make all these terrible decisions, with no obligation or bond keeping them connected and bound to this?

(And my tags on the third ask about this seem to imply I was writing a len/savitar AU at the time and rolled my ideas for that into this fic, and I don't even remember that lmao. i think it had savitar stripped of the speedforce and working at a bar?)

But to your question of how the original "yes soulmates" version went?

Basically playing out like a no-powers AATJS. Barry the unsuspecting CSI stumbles on to the big bad criminal Leonard Snart and they bond and Barry fucking bolts and he's fast and Len can't catch up after killing his hired hands to protect Barry and Barry's identity.

(also sidebar but although that didn't happen in the final version of These Violent Delights, there is a scene later in Rest for the Wicked where the villain shoots two people for the hero once there's this identity reveal thing, so i guess i'm wedded to that mental image and the ensuing shock and horror on behalf of the hero? RftW is all about unhinged people doing unhinged things in sexy horrifyingly violent ways and dealing with the consequences of what that looks like)

anyway, in this original soulmates version of TVD, Len then tracks Barry down and confronts him and we get another sort of 'swoon' scene where their bond and attraction draws barry to len and is super physically charged. and the story progresses in ways where their bond forces them together in ways that Barry isn't comfortable with because he's pretty sure this guy is a serial killer. meaning he's also busy hating himself for the fact that his soulmate is a serial killer, and as things unfold, especially with their age difference, barry becomes genuinely concerned that his soulmate might have been the one to kill his mother. #yikes

at the same time, despite his misgivings, he's trying to protect len from the FBI that have been called into town and those FBI agents are creating issues for barry at work and he's not a genius actor, they can sort of figure out something is up. i wasn't sure how i'd fold other things in, but without metahumans and superpowers, i wanted the soulmates thing to be more central and wanting the experimentation with their bonds to be more central, more foreshadowed and plot-driving. i was thinking the FBI (at least Eiling) would need to be corrupt and maybe know something, and for the serial killer (Grodd) to be a victim in some manner, and although i hadn't fleshed it out to this level, i think to make it good Eobard or Hunter would fit well here like he did in TVD as someone working alongside the FBI who is super sus because he's actually the one who's fucked up experiments they're covering.

tbh it would fit a bit better if i was doing a sort of CIA parallel with MK Ultra and their experimentation because the CIA are really the ones who have done a lot of that specific type fucked up shit in real life (not that the FBI is innocent!) and are more rife for conspiracy narratives. so thinking it through, maybe i'd have the Eobard/Hunter character as a CIA agent masquerading as an FBI agent (eiling would know this, it would be above board from the government standpoint but covert and 'need to know' because the CIA like to operate under the radar).

and he's there to clean up a former mess they made related to some unethical government experiments with soulmates, and he killed Barry's mother to clean up as well once shit went off the rails however many years ago, because she was either a research on these experiments (remember barry's parents were not soulmates, and the only people to work on this project would probably have been UnMarked), or else she wasn't a researcher but found out and Knew Too Much. and that's why they pinned it on barry's dad and locked him up before he could investigate and figure out who killed his wife and why (because he's also a medical doctor and would have been tangentially aware of his wife's research!).

you can also see the TVD / AATJS parallel come out a bit here with mercury labs and the role that Dr Tina McGee played in AATJS which ultimately was only brought in for one scene at the end (even though in my original notes, barry handing star labs to tina and mercury labs was intended from the start, the story just got too long and convoluted for me to build that into a more cohesive subplot).

in this converged version, Nora would have worked with Eobard(?) and Tina at mercury labs and that would be a bit more central to barry's experience as well. so you can sort of see how that translated into the final TVD version by way of the soil chemical analysis and the forensic evidence and ultimately interviewing Tina and finding out Hunter isn't who he says he is.

anyway i did not have all that figured out at the time but now i'm thinking that's how it would all have needed to together and makes the most sense. and i guess that all would put henry in some very real danger once Eobard/Hunter realizes just how much barry has been scratching at this secret, which fits with the stalking and cameras in TVD, and the developing obsession with barry (nora's son and all that creepiness still in effect from TVD).

and i guess i'd try to find some way in this version for len to help save henry or keep him safe in prison without barry having to ask him, and for barry to discover this and for this to be what wins him over ultimately into trusting len in a full sort of way, and len being this wild card that Eobard/Hunter cannot and does not anticipate as part of how and why barry is able to uncover so much more of the truth of what's going on, and helps connect him to Grodd who is maybe not like, super innocent, but has also been framed for shit he did not do and isn't the cunning cruel serial killer he has been purported to be.

so that's... idk if that's what my answer would be if you'd asked this question 3 years ago tbh, but it's a bit of history and a bit of perspective on the soulmates angle, and how little it would change the story ultimately, and how much closer to AATJS the original concept was.

Random Aside

as a random note, you can also see a bit of my writing process leaking through here. because i've spent literally the majority of my life thinking about writing and story structure, even from the time i was a young kid, i don't necessarily feel the need to think about every detail in advance, but i have sort of these ideas that form a skeleton of a story and a tone of a narrative and then i'm able to plug details in as i go, or translate the story whole-hog to a new setting and tone and change up the details but keep the structural elements the same. it gives me a lot of space to 'play' and to 'discover' the story as it unfolds, but the unconscious back of my mind has already crunched the numbers on a lot of details i haven't bothered (haven't needed to) think about in so conscious of terms, until asked to spell them out or put them on the page.

that trips me up too though, because if i have story beats largely figured out before i write it but then i consciously want to change it, it sometimes stalls me out. because my brain has figured out all these elements already and says "no, that's how we're writing it" and that part of my brain wins every time. the unconscious brain has 500,000x the computing power of the conscious mind, so when it makes a decision, it's hard to contradict it consciously without good reasoning it can then go and crunch new numbers on. in fact our conscious 'choices' are really the result of our unconscious minds having already made a choice, and then barely-perceptible moments later, our conscious minds become aware of that choice and provide us the sense that we are making this choice consciously and deliberately, when it actuality that sense is just our brain translating the decision for us and making us feel in control of our conscious actions.

anyway this is why Mighty Fine Predicament stalled out. i know the full story, or at least the story beats that made me start wanting to tell the narrative in the first place, but it's mostly all deeply problematic elements and especially some bad/terrible tropes stacked into a trenchcoat disguised as semi-excusable plot. and at the time i just wasn't sure if i wanted to post and deal with all that, but i thought if i started writing and posted chapter 1, i could nudge myself over to a tidier version of it as i went. but i couldn't get chapter 2 down because my brain said "no, you write it this way or you don't write it" and so i never wrote it.

#phyn vs. writing #redhead vs. writing #aatjs #these violent delights #everything i use the acronym TVD i think of the vampire diaries #and i don't even watch that show #soulmate aus #no powers au #aus

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dyed-red · 5 months

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I adore your supernatural fics and would love to hear more about your thoughts on them! If you're still doing the wip ask game, I'd like to learn more about "the Renegade" in particular.

(PS: I'm really excited to hear that you finished "folded at the edges". I'm really looking forward to reading it when you post it to your ao3)

thank you for sending this! sorry i didn't get back to you immediately, my brain sometimes stalls for no reason ^^;

The Renegade is, uh, my favourite thing i've worked on since squint into the sunset. I've been working on it basically since i finished that fic, actually, but it's been set aside for a large portion of that time as the plot grew a bit unwieldly. that being said, i go back and chip away at it continuously, and it is a very plot-focused story.

the premise is that it's a time travel story where a version of sam from a pretty rough post/during-apocalypse timeline travels back in time to try and stop that from happening. except he has no control over which years/times he lands in, and he keeps jumping. it's very "sam winchester has come unstuck in time" with a series of painful complex events and messed up family dynamics and psychosexual fuckery :)

i'd be happy to chat more and answer more questions about it, like delighted, but i'm not always sure how much "spoilery" type info people want on a story without giving away too much upfront.

i've also got a tag for it, as i do with a lot of my fics, if you're interested in the vibe: the renegade

#i've got a theme with the chapter titles where they're all titled something in the same vein as the fic title #the renegade - the stranger - the regent - the ally - the prodigal son - etc #the renegade #phyn vs. writing

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dyed-red · 1 year

Text

just had an insane thought

of ruby possessing dean

maybe in a situation where he’s grievously injured and she slides into his skin to get him to a hospital intact. he’d die for certain without a demon granting him invulnerability, the facsimile of healing until she leaves his skin and then the wounds will erupt again, but so long as he’s at a hospital he’ll make it

they’re out -- far out. wilderness, middle of nowhere, who knows what kind of hunt, why she’s there but -

her, grabbing the anti-possession necklace from his neck and wrenching it free before becoming black smoke down his throat, tasting the blood filling his mouth and nose on her way down.

sam, demanding with a knife to her throat that she get. the hell out. of his brother. ruby’s smirk, dean’s smirk, the same smirk as she tilts dean’s head back and raises her hands placatingly, telling him it’s just until they get to a hospital. she’s saving dean’s life, sammy.

don’t call me that, he’d snap, have to. it sounds so wrong (right) coming from her (his) lips.

can he hear us? is he -

he can, if you want him to be able to. don’t have to give him the deep down treatment. it’s all there anyway, if they want to remember it.

his stomach sick, knife twitching in his fingers. she knows she’s won.

well?

narrowed eyes, negotiation. let him into the driver’s seat.

she laughs and he shouts, let him drive. i know he can. i know it can work that way.

not as easily as you’d think, sam. now are you gonna sit there arguing or are you gonna let me get dean to a hospital. you know he can still feel the stomach wound, right? even if it’s sealed over for me right now.

he didn’t know. eyes widen in surprise just a bit and she’s won. of course she’s won. he twitches back and hates himself for allowing this, knows dean must hate this. knows he’ll get an earful later, deserve every second of it. has his own arguments already brewing to be ready, no other option here and it’s not like dean wouldn’t do the same.

(he would. he really would. sam won’t learn that for several more years, when an angel lands under his skin in all the same ways)

she learns so much, tickling dean’s insides, testing out his voice, figuring out how to get sam to drop his guards and forget, even for a nano-second, that it’s a demon and not his brother sitting next to him on the drive back.

(body of a dead girl in the back seat and ruby wishes she could keep dean’s skin all to herself. the live ones always squirm so nicely)

#idk if this is samruby or deanruby or what but it's... fun #at least to me #no formatting we die like ruby #stabbed in exultant triumph from our own hubris #phyn vs. writing #tumblr ficlets #kind of #late s3 or early s4 but no angel healing yet #either works

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dyed-red · 5 months

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begging you on my knees to finish desiderata if you still have any inclination to

i absolutely have every inclination to!

i've never taken breaks like this with a fic before and it has a lot to do with a particular combination of my brain and my healthy and my circumstances, but part of my push to get folded at the edges out ASAP and talking about my (other/all) fics is to get my head into the right space to get desiderata finished :)

sorry it's taking so long anon. it'll happen <3

#phyn vs. writing

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dyed-red · 8 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

Responding late, hopefully better than never:

Squint Into the Sunset, Glare Into the Gloaming

Like a Ghost with Two Voices

Architecture of Choice

Pick up the Pieces

How it Works

I picked heavier ones I guess because I'm in a mood today? I do tend to prefer writing them, even though my gentler and more humorous stuff tends to be favoured by readers ^^;

Also, I have two fics I've been drafting for a while in the background that I'd have listed instead if I could link to them 😂 One of them, Folded at the Edges, I hope to post ASAP since it just needs a final read, basically.

#phyn vs. writing #i'm a month late #who wasn't tagged in this already?#i will happily tag folks but i'm not sure who hasn't done it yet

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dyed-red · 3 months

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Hello! I just wanted to say that I read Like a Ghost with two Voices over the weekend and I was absolutely blown away. I am going through a tough time in my life and reading a fic where most of the moral restrictions people impose on writers were off the table is for some reason a comfort to me. I loved it. It was so beautifully written, and the simultaneous obsession and repulsion that you expressed seemed so much more real than what I often see in fic between two literal brothers (where its literally only fluff). I just wanted to say thank you, that is one of my top 10 fics of all time!

this comment may have just made my day <3

i hold fast to the idea that fiction is a place where people are allowed to explore, even that which might be reprehensible, so i do consciously work to set anxieties around what others might impose on me aside when i write, and just focus on the story i want to tell. i'm glad it worked well for this fic :)

i'm also a fan of writing the gnarly and complicated bits between sam and dean. it is incest, and it's more interesting to me to acknowledge that it's complicated and messy and there is some repulsion there, even if there's love and connection and, yes, obsession. fluff is fun too, i just tend toward messy most of the time...

thanks for this lovely message!!

for curious prospective readers: like a ghost with two voices

#phyn vs. writing #like a ghost with two voices #wincest

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dyed-red · 8 months

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Hey! So I was just rereading Squint into the Sunset for the millionth time, phenomenal fic from a phenomenal writer btw , and there was a minor part of the timeline I was confused about and was wondering if you could clear up for me? The ghoul hunt with Martin Creaser, Walt, and Roy, does that happen before or after Sam kisses Dean for the second time age sixteen? in the college app., suicidal-ideation scene that culminates in the kiss, Dean thinks how he hates everyone who's made Sam feel (1/3)

the way he's feeling and includes these men in his list, but in the next (chronological) scene, when Sam's worried John will somehow be able to tell what he and Dean have done, the scene ends with Sam mentioning the ghoul hunt being the next hunt they're going on, involving 'some guys [he]'s never met' (in which case how could they make it onto Dean's 'you made Sammy feel bad' shit-list?). I'm definitely more inclined to think the hunt happens after, just given how Dean and Sam (2/3) behave with each other on the hunt (Sam even referring to them in his mind as not being like other couples), but I'd just thought I'd ask to be sure! (3/3)

you are correct!

chronologically, these events:

sam is spiraling, they watch a movie, sam leans over and kisses dean

john returns home a few days later and announces the hunt

they go hunt some ghouls and sam meets walt and roy

So i guess (i did just go and look) that i've got a continuity error there 🤦‍♂️ whoops. i did work my ass off trying to avoid that, but it seems that one slipped through the cracks.

(also for what it's worth, dean's mental list there is intended to be at least slightly of note because he lists "pastor fucking jim" most vehemently, but it's him, dean himself, who has felt judged by jim, not sam.)

anyway i'm going to go edit that line to take out walt and roy and martin, thank you for the catch and for your incredible attention to detail. i'm sure it was the type of thing that would drive someone a bit up the wall staring at that timeline inconsistency so <333 i appreciate the note.

#squint into the sunset #phyn vs. writing #sometimes the 'vs.' part of that is especially true #almost lmao did i actually fuck up and call walt 'wade' by accident #truly a forgettable character

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dyed-red · 2 years

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I know it's the brainworms talking but prev reblog made me want to write a fic about kisses Dean has stolen over the years.

(y'know that ao3 tag that goes something like "Dean Winchester is obsessed with Sam Winchester"? Yeah, like that)

It would start cute like the forehead kiss to baby Sammy in the opening scene of the pilot, a goodbye just for the night, a promise of protection (turned, we know, fast to ash).

Flash forward fast to disturbing territory of Sam blackout drunk as a teen and Dean dropping him in bed, dodging all Sam's octopus limbs trying to attach themselves to dean until he's just - out. And maybe Dean doesn't go for the kiss this time, or maybe he does, but either way he stares at Sam's lips an unsettling length of time, and the scene bleeds into Playthings and there is this distinct undercurrent of 'how often has this exact same thing played out this way over the years'.

We move from there to AHBL and Dean kissing Sam's corpse as if in goodbye, as if seeking atonement, as if that alone could revive it (sense memory still on his lips when he makes his demon deal).

After Sam's wall breaks, comatose, and Balthazar's joke to Dean about not stealing any kisses while he stands vigil over Sam's sleeping form uncomfortably apt, and Dean knows the angels know too much but could he at least keep his goddamn trap shut in front of Bobby, who's looking stiff and away and it figures. It figures he knows too. Figures the whole goddamn world does. (But not Sam, not Sam who is never conscious for these transgressions, these offerings.)

During the trials when Sam is fevered and ill and dips in and out of consciousness, and Dean feeds him and wraps him in blankets and while Sam shakes out the fever, Dean is wrapped around him, presses kisses to Sam's hairline, his forehead, his temples, chin (lips) catching on the grain of stubble dusting Sam's cheeks, thumb grazing his lips until Sam, unconscious and open, sucks it in like a pacifier, like an infant once again.

And maybe if we are going for a 5+1 format, 5 kisses Sam was unaware of and 1 he was let in on, we twist the knife in just a bit?

Possession, we know, involves an open mouth. And how Gadreel entered Sam with Dean's help is a little speculative. If Dean, holding hands with Gadreel, pressed his lips to Sam's mouth and pried it open, stayed there the duration of the trickery he pulled with Gadreel in Sam's brain, so that Gadreel could flow through Dean like a conduit into Sam's open mouth... One wonders if it would be Gadreel or Crowley who would rustle up the image in Sam's mind for him, the strangely familiar sensation of Dean's lips on his.

Of course we could also reject the 5+1 format or subvert it with a happier follow-up, as if two distinct +1s?

Or we could do short snippets of post!finding out Sam (make a whole different 5+1 sequel? 5 kisses Sam let Dean steal, and one that he stole himself?)

We could frame an awake, eyes wide open kiss with demon!Dean that's filthier than all the rest, tongue and suction and bodies pressed firm to each other, Sam's back to a wall, the perfect opportunity to jab Dean with a needle or to get the cuffs on him but only if he's adequately distracted.

After the bmol, after they save Sam, before he's washed, Dean following him to the showers, restless and desperate to touch, to confirm the solidness of Sam's skin away from their mother's prying eyes, but Sam's awake and Dean's never -- never had permission, never stolen one like this, not except as a demon, and between that and Gadreel... But Sam doesn't argue when Dean helps him to the showers, lets Dean help him pry his shirt off when he hisses at the movement and how it strain his limbs, his belt, his jeans, doesn't argue when Dean helps him into the shower itself while maintaining a quiet freeflow ramble about Sam's back needing someone to wash it and not falling over on his still-sore foot and giving himself a concussion. Devolves into Dean kissing Sam's shoulders and hugging him, Sam twisting eventually to look at him, quiet promise of "it's okay" and then Dean takes what he needs and sets his lips on Sam's.

From there, a quiet, not-quite-stolen one of comfort after Sam marches into camp in Apocalypse world with Lucifer behind him, away from the others and Sam melting into the now-familiar, now-comforting sensation.

Dean pulling Sam in after Michael's possession to ground himself, shirtless in his room, out of place in his own skin. His hands on Sam's jaw, his head, more demanding and less feather-light than most times before. Sam's fingers delicately finding a place along Dean's waist, the warm skin there, finding a sense of comfort in feeling how solid Dean is, a sense of fresh understanding as he slides his hands up Dean's back. Dean telling him the beard has to go after he pulls back.

Then after Nick brains Sam and he's dying or dead on the pavement for a moment before he's healed, who cares who sees, this is understood between them, this helps place their jagged pieces together in ways he's not apologizing for anymore - Sam waking up breathing in the air from Dean's lungs on a gasp, lips tingling, mouth opening under Dean to accept him before he even has oxygen in his blood.

The +1 here is either the barn scene (if we're masochistic) or more likely in heaven on the bridge, both of them seeking it together at the same moment, a kiss that means the same as all the last -- I'm here, I'm not letting you go -- but this time untinged by pain or separation, finally together forever, safe.

#tumblr fic #tumblr ficlets #5+1 times #wincest #phyn vs. writing #phyn rambles #fics inspired by social media #i now have two entries for that series that i haven't posted to ao3 yet 😩😂#oh also: consent issues be here #these are stolen kisses at least for some of them #consider yourself warned and all that #weirdcest #i forgot to tag weirdcest and yet this is more weirdest than not #or like halfway unrequited but also kind of requited wincest #it's weird is the point

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dyed-red · 2 years

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#sometime i really need to write my 'john and Mary are both resurrected by amara' fic #just so i can write their discomfort at sam and dean being more domestic and settled than they ever were

outsider pov john AND mary my goddamn fucking adored i just wanna torment them a little bit there's so much you can do with them tho obviously my fav thing is them being really worried about sam and dean and then finding out they're literal fucking soulmates like oh they were never gonna be normal huh

literally it's so --

like i go back and forth on it, but tbh the way it exists in my head as an ongoing draft has sam and dean as Not (Yet) Together in a weird state of like - semi-unrequited, semi-requited attraction mess.

i picture it similar to their dynamic in Architecture of Choice (shameless self-plug sorry not sorry) in which they've always helped each other with a kissing curse or sex curse or with incubus venom or what-have-you, but are actually in a gencest state, for all intents and purposes.

but dean's (canonical) obsession with sam shines through in this dynamic even more extreme, slanted with attraction that's hard not to notice. does he want sam or want to consume him and keep him safe inside his ribcage? hard to say! but john and mary can see it's Not Normal.

meanwhile sam is like :) it's fine :)

and john hasn't put together yet that sam is unhinged in a complementary way to dean and that he actually feeds on this obsessive dynamic between them. john is too busy being guilty about what he told dean to do before dying and too busy seeing his vulnerable little kid sammy and stubborn teenage son turned very obviously ptsd-affected nervous stranger in sam's skin to really click that like, this grown ass man isn't a victim, he's actively choosing to play brotherwives with dean in this manner.

mary, on the other hand, is Weirded Out and she doesn't know how to set aside her guilt to simply talk to the son she sold to the devil so she observes sam and is like Oh, He's Making It Worse. if anything she understands dean's side more readily like, you were raised to be a protector and you sacrifice it all just to be at his side. i (unknowingly) sold my own son to get my husband back, I Get It.

mostly i want to write this fic because i have this one scene that i keep replaying in my head from different angles of john confronting dean about it in the library room with the tables and lamps, about his attraction to his brother and how he keeps him here and whatnot (you're supposed to be a good little soldier dean, you're not supposed to have wants and needs of your own, you're supposed to protect sam in the way i see fit, not the ways you see fit) -

and dean is standing his ground because if there's one thing that has confused john since being resurrected it's that dean gives him the cold shoulder and argues with him whereas sam is patient and happy to talk, and wincing but accepting of dean's moods (this, above all else, makes john's jaw clench as he tries to reconcile the son he left behind with the flinches he witnesses now).

and their argument draws sam, who is pissed that his father is laying this at dean's feet, and he swoops in and shuts john up by kissing dean right there and avowing that he doesn't care if dean wants him 'like that' and what makes him think it's just dean, anyway, and what makes him think sam doesn't choose dean above all else in every possible way he can have him?

dean, more awed than smug, because They Don't Do That. and before john can even react, it's mary who drops a cup or plate or something that shatters because that room has uh, a lot of entrances, and she's been standing there for a while unnoticed, and where dean was struggling but standing his ground (scolded little boy) under his father's disapproval, it's now sam who locks eyes on his horrified mother and now worries that she'll look at him and see nothing but a freak.

and dean grabs him and says they're going for a drive to let dad (and her) cool off, and they have to actually Discuss what just happened :)

#you ever want to write a fic just for one scene?#i've written 100k just for one scene #it's a problem #wincest #gencest #but like half-requited semi-one-sided wincest?#nice and complicated #phyn vs. writing #maybe one day i'll get back to this one #john and mary and the monsters they raised #tumblr ficlets

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