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dappercritter · 3 years

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Invader Zim: Taller Tales of Terror - The First Fic That Wasn’t

This was going to be my first fanfiction that I ever published, but things came up and I found other story ideas and fandoms to get into. However, because there’s nothing I hate more than leaving a story untold and forgotten.

So like a writer jilted by a big name studio working on a big superhero movie that went terribly wrong after they left, I’m going to share it with you good folks to see if you still think there’s hope for it in some capacity. If so maybe I’ll choose to revive it in some capacity, or one of you kind folks can adopt it. Whatever you think of the once untold tale I’m about tell you, I hope you enjoy it.

The fic would have been either a mini-series/anthology or a movie-esque sequel—or two—to Enter the Florpus.

It would have followed the stranger further misadventures the kids would go on as teenagers, all of which have at least something to do with getting taller, literally or metaphorically.

Although I'd do my best to recreate the series' darkly comic tone, there'd be more to the story than just that. I'd like to do a sort of character study with my fanfics and explore what they would do as they got older, how they would change if they could change, if they'd mature and try to connect with each other more, or if they really do just hate each other. It'd be like a coming-of-age story but done in the style of Invader Zim.

But don’t be fooled, folks! It's not going to be one of those big dramatic fanfics with high stakes (nor any smut) thrown in. At it's core it's still just a fun, dumb, mildly disturbed "What if?" sort of fic. There would be a bit more emphasis on character and plot than normal, because I do love me a good character-driven plot, but still plenty of room for (what I hoped would feel like) the usual weird dumb creepy fun that original series excelled at.

The story is set in basically the same continuity (or at least the closest thing to a continuity that can exist in Invader Zim) as the show and comics. The only difference is that the Battle of Meekrob actually happened—but not really.

Long backstory short, there was a big showdown between the Irken Armada and the Meekrob-allied Resisty, but Zim and Dib missed it because a food fight got them stuck in detention. Zim tried to get Skoodge (who was rooming with him at the time because the scrapped Season 2 episodes were sorta canon here) to cover for him until her got there, while Dib tried to get Gaz to take Tak’s ship to provide support against the Irken. By the time they got out, however, the battle was over, Gaz blew the whole thing off to get a new game, Skoodge and some other Invader became the war hero Zim always aspired to be, and The Almighty Tallest decided to cancel Operation Impending Doom 2 because after the big exciting space battle they felt like they couldn’t top anything after that. Suffice to say, Zim took it pretty hard. Dib however would have seen this as something of a win since Zim still failed in a sense. Albeit it was a very anticlimactic win, even to him.

The actual story would have taken place about 5 years after the Battle of Meekrob, where Zim, Dib, and Gaz have made it to high school (or “hi-skool” as this is the Invader Zim universe, after all). Setting wise, things haven't changed much but the characters have made a few surprising or not-so-surprising developments. The most important of all, so important that it would be the focus of the entire story, in fact! would have been Zim developing a brand-new disguise utilizing an exoskeleton, based partially on the Almighty Tallest, in attempt to make him look like a normal teenager AND impress superiors. Naturally, things go horribly yet amusingly wrong for everyone involved.

Now just where and what has everyone been up to/going through in those five years? Here’s a rundown:

-Zim spent those 5 years obsessing over his crushing failure, begging the Tallest to give him another chance, which they refused every time. Being stuck on a planet of smelly, stupid, and increasingly annoying creatures for so long without any real victories has left him bitter and frantic with more shmoopiness than usual. Even the little "VICTORY FOR ZIM!" moments he used to have got harder and harder to come by. By the time he reached high school, he was so messed up he didn’t realize his classmates had all had growth spurts until Dib easily overpowered him in one of their petty fights and points it out to the whole school. Thus, leading to the new exoskeleton and subsequent schemes to redeem himself in the eyes of the Tallest while looking normal in the eyes of his human classmates. Unfortunately, due to his desperation and general lack of understanding about the human body, the exoskeleton comes out looking like a lanky robotic nightmare with clawed fingers that jerks around like a big cybernetic marionette.

-Dib meanwhile has been doing slightly better. He and his paranormal research are still looked down upon, but he's persevered through the hope that someday he'll prove he's right. After (indirectly) stopping Zim from joining the Battle of Meekrob, Dib got a small confidence boost, thinking of it as a big step to exposing for Zim real now that he’s effectively trapped on Earth with him now. Although, following a rather blunt intervention from his family, he's started thinking about what he’ll do with himself once Zim is gone. He still hates his guts and he's still hellbent on beating him, but he's also started getting out more and trying to socialize more—however awkward his attempts may be. That he's also gotten taller and his head isn't quite as big compared to the rest of his body has been good for his self-esteem too. But make no mistake—when he's not going for runs, working shifts at his dad’s lab, or looking into a “totally normal” science major, he's toiling away on improving his array of anti-Zim strategies and defenses.

-Gaz is doing pretty good but she is totally done with Zim and Dib's junk. Although she's still her old apathetic self, she's doing everything in her power to broaden her horizons so she doesn't end up in the same, stupid rut that they ended up in. She would have gotten into indie art and game development; although her work is still fairly obscure, it's quickly gaining attention for it's macabre, edgy, punishing and geeky nature. (Imagine the works of Jhonen Vasquez, Toby Fox, Hidetaka Miyazaki, and Hideki Kamiya mashed together.) She also participates in e-sports tournaments on occasion, if only because crushing countless so-called “gamers” brings her amusement. Her psychic powers have also gotten stronger with her age, and she likes to experiment with them whenever she can—usually when somebody really annoys her. She's doing fine in the story until, after a run-in with a certain unkillable spoiled brat at an e-sports tournament, sends her over the edge and she trashes the place in a Carrie-esque episode. This gets her sent to anger management therapy, and now she's trying to find a way out to avoid sitting through an endless slog of "sappy" sessions.

-Gir would still be insane.

-Minimoose would still be the ultimate techno-lifeform Minimoose.

-Zim's Computer is still tired.

-Prof. Membrane is still the greatest and most powerful scientist who ever lived but he’s also trying to make time for his family more and mentoring Dib to be the successor to his legacy he always thinks he was meant to be. That is if is experimental new immortality machine doesn’t work out. May or may not have to fend off Clembrane whenever he comes to visit.

-The Almighty Tallest are still living content, tyrannical lives. They didn't take canceling Operation Impending Doom 2 very hard because, as it turns out, they just got bored with it after a while. (Of course, Zim's repeated interference didn't help keep their spirits up either). However, they'd come up with the perfect plan to obtain absolute control of the universe AND get the feeling back: by making Operation Impending Doom 3 a thing and setting up a huge hype campaign for it. Thing go pretty well for them until Zim calls them and tells them about his new exosuit. They believe that Zim is trying to make himself look like a Tallest so he can lead a rebellion against them and get revenge for treating him like garbage. (He's not, obviously, but they're too dumb and paranoid to realize this.) So, they pretend that they're ok with it and let him carry on his merry way while they figure out how to dispose of him without making him look like a martyr figure of some sort, thus giving the other Irkens they mistreated any ideas.

-Tak would show up again in the second half and this is where it gets spoiler-y. She would come to Earth on the Tallest’s orders with a squad consisting of a reformatted Mimi, rogue SIR units, as well as Tenn and Skoodge who she had recruited to aid in her vendetta against Zim. She would subsequently reveal that after drifting through space in an escape pod, she crashed landed on Meekrob just as the battle was about to begin, and using the element of surprise, rescued Tenn from captivity and assisted Skoodge and the Tallest in devising a battle strategy so brilliant that it crushed the Resisty and Meekrob’s alliance and earned her the status of Irken Elite. She grew comfortable in her new position but could never get over her fear that Zim would eventually ruin it all again, so she waited and prepared for the day she would strike back. I don’t know how or if she would adopt an updated disguise (perhaps a hologram of her older humansona projected over her, Tenn, and Skoodge standing on top of her shoulders?) or hide in the shadows while Tenn, Skoodge, Mimi and the berserk SIR squad did her dirty work.

-Skoodge would have gone from aspiring to be Zim’s friend to being his worst enemy after Tak turned him to her side by digging into his past with him, making him realize how little his supposed old friend cared about him. Despite this he still keeps an unusually cheerful disposition—even repeatedly apologizing to Zim whenever he attacks him—and acts as the heart of Tak’s squad. He thinks of them as his real friends, so he always goes out of his way to help them out or keep the energy up. Even though Tak looks down on him because of his size, she appreciates his gullibility and unquestioning loyalty. Tenn just thinks he’s nice, especially since he’s good at keeping the SIRs in check.

-Tenn has recovered from the traumatic escapades she endured on Meekrob at the hands of the rogue SIR units and imprisonment under the enemy, returning to her usual competant Invader self—something Tak values quite a bit in an armada largely composed of egomaniacs and morons. Tenn values Tak’s companionship even more, viewing her as a conquering hero who not only won the most important battle of Irken history, but also, her heart. …Not she’ll ever act on her feelings. That would inconveniance the mission! (Although Skoodge has picked up on this and gladly supports her, thinking they’d make an adorable couple.) After investation revealed that Zim was supposed to receive the rogue SIR units instead of her while he trashed the Megadoomer that was rightfully assigned to her, she bought into Tak’s view that Zim’s very existence was a threat to all Irkenkind, gladly assisting her efforts to eradicate him.

-Mimi and the rogue SIR units have been reprogrammed to be less insane and follow orders again thanks to Tak and Skoodge’s efforts. However, Tak also had a berserk mode installed specfically for eradicating targets with optimal, brutal efficiency. Mimi still tends to glitch though. In addition to Mimi retaining her cat holo-disguise, the berserker SIRs would gain new disguises resembling either feral cats or rabid teacup poodles. (I hadn’t decided yet.) Tenn still gets anxious around them.

-Gretchen might show up again and would possibly get to reconnect with Dib, maybe even finally be honest with him about her feelings for him when she surprises him with her surprising new position at Membrane Labs: the janitor.

-Keef will… er, uh… actually, don’t get your hopes up.

Well, I think that’s everyone important. Okay back to the plot now!

So, right up front, the biggest part of the plot as well as the biggest reason why I got uncomfortable with the whole thing was there wiould be some romance in here between a few couples and that it would have figured into the plot. The most significant of all: ZAGR (a.k.a. Zim and Gaz Relationship). But I wanted to make it feel organic and even sweet without sacrificing the feel of sardonic madness but also keeping it in the wholesome zone.

I always felt like Zim and Gaz were a natural fit for each other (like quite a few other people, admittedly) because I always felt like their personalities were a good fit and they could have a lot in common. The story would follow them as they unexpectedly developed a romantic friendship, bonding over their resentment of the Earth and humanity, their absent family members, a love of technology of questionable intent, and subjugating those who anger them. It would all start with Gaz agreeing to help Zim improve his suit and his unassuming human act just to get back at Dib for annoying her. At first they’d be acting entirely out of spite and necessity, but as they spent more time together, they’d start to enjoy each other’s company more.

Gaz would be the first develop feelings, since she voluntarily rejected the concept of love instead of being programmed to reject it like Zim, as she slowly realizes how much they have in common—much to her horror. Zim would take more time but when he begins to understand how he feels about and just what these DISGUST feelings are, he’d handle it just as poorly. (e.g. I pictured a scene where Zim has such a hard time admitting his feelings for Gaz that he ends up vomiting black goo like he’s possessed or something. For comedy of course.) But they’d both start to open up to each other in the end, if only because they’re the only two people in the universe they can stand. Gaz would try to help him overcome his anxiety and stop caring as much about what humans think of him, while he would be someone that she can actually relate to.

Dib, however, would take sincerest offense to it. He’d be totally freaking out, nearly diving off the deep end to put his plans to defeat Zim into action and expose him before he could be exposed. He’d also make a point of demanding what Gaz could see in a monster like him, even reminding her of everything that Zim had done. Probably in an exchange like this:

DIB: He stole our organs! He tried to crush the planet with Mars! He kidnapped me and threatened to turn me inside out! He tricked me into helping him teleport Earth into outer space so his rulers could destroy it! He turned me into bologna, Gaz! (*holding back tears*) BOLOGNE!

GAZ: I thought you got over that.

DIB: Well, physically I did, yes, but not mentally.

Gir would be pretty on board with it though.

The other biggest plot of the series would have been Tak’s return and the reveal of her and the Tallest’s master plan to destroy Zim once and for all: kick off Operation Impending Doom 3 by placing Zim on trial, executing him, and completing Tak’s plan to turn the planet Earth into a snack bowl for the Tallest (which she still insists is a good plan, she just never got to complete it) big enough to feed them while they watch the conquest of the rest of the universe in style. Zim and the Membranes get through to her and her squad, and possibly the other Irkens, by turning them against the Tallest to stop the Irkens once and for all. Maybe.

Finally to wrap this little nightmare up, here’s a vague outline of the stories I had planned for this wannabe whopper:

-A Whole New Nightmare – Following an amusing prologue about how Zim and Dib ended up missing the battle of Meekrob, Zim finally realizes that his natural Irken height threatens to expose his façade to all the classmates who have reached proper adolescent human height. He creates his exosuit then proceeds to cause a scene when he calls the Tallest and goes to hi-skool. Meanwhile, Gaz bugs Dib about still wasting his time bullying Zim. Zim then challenges Dib to a contest of normalcy: a series of challenges that are just overhyped normal teenage things like loitering, hanging out with friends, and finally a dance-off. Whoever loses has to admit they’re a complete weirdo and admit they’re most embarrassing secret. Dib wins the first round, but after he blows off Gaz to hang out with the other kids, she and Zim strike up a nice conversation and he wins the second round. The final dance-off ends in a draw when Zim and Dib both end up looking like total dorks. The story ends with Dib and Zim standing up for themselves against their judgemental peers, but Zim ends up overtaking his big speech and convincing his classmates to completely forget about his bizarre new appearance.

-Gaz the Befriended - Zim and Gaz make a deal: Gaz helps him fine tune his suit while posing as his "NORMAL HUMAN!" friend, and in return he helps her figure out how to control her powers while posing as her friend so she won't have to go to anger management counselling. While they do drive each other nuts, they eventually learn they have a lot in common and start acting like real friends. Dib grows suspicious of their "friendship," sets out to uncover the truth.

-They Follow - Dib goes on social media to share his findings on Zim with the world in an attempt to verify all his evidence via wisdom of the crowd. Zim finds out and retaliates by joining social media as well to make himself look like a hard luck case in an effort to gain sympathy from the (basically ignorant) public. As their war of words escalate and their follower bases grow, they end up starting a flame war that threatens to destroy society itself.

-Star Dib - Hoping to find some real help, Dib sends a message to outer space looking for reinforcements. He ends up with what remains of the Resisty, who dissolved after their crushing defeat on The Battle of Meekrob. Taking pity on them, he volunteers to become their new leader. Shenanigans ensue on a galactic level.

-C for Conspiracy - Dib stumbles across a mysterious conspiracy involving Earth tech being backwards compatible with alien tech. He wants to take it on himself, but realizes that he might actually need Zim’s help. So he has to swallow his pride and ask him for help, and as if that weren’t enough he has to put up with his and Gir’s (who tagged along) antics.

-Night of the Living Prom-goers - Prom night comes along and all the hormonally-imbalanced kids are ready to go, except for Zim, Dib, and Gaz. Until Gaz works up the nerve to ask Zim out, which he actually accepts. While Gaz prepares for her perfect tolerable evening, Dib desperately tries to convince her that Zim’s up to something while trying uncover his true motives, only for her to snap at him and challenge his views on Zim. Little do either of them know, Zim plans to use the prom as an experiment to harness Gaz’s power for his own ends. But at the same time, he ponders whether his friendship with Gaz is just a means to an end or something more. Either way it will be a night they will never forget. Or survive! Probably.

-The Return of Tak’s Revenge Rises - Tak finally returns to take her revenge on Zim and the Membrane siblings. Striking them when they least expect with the aid of an upgraded MiMi, a squad of berserk SIR units, and two fellow invaders Zim had wronged in the past.

-Doomed Together - Following Tak’s strike, the Almighty Tallest kick off Operation Impending Doom 3 with a mission of utmost importance: sending in the Irken Armada to ensure Zim is destroyed once for all so they can finally proceed with absolute universal domination. Now, Gaz, Dib, and some unlikely allies must come up with a plan to save their even more unlikely new friend and the rest of the universe from the most fearsome force in the universe! It’s basically the grand finale.

And that is all there is, or was, to Taller Tales of Terror. I can’t guarantee I’ll ever revisit it, what with all the other stuff on my plate right now, but I’m glad to have finally shared the story of my first fanfic with y’all.

So, tell me, my filthy monkey maggot mutual friends. After all that horrible rambling, what did you think?

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hookedonapirate · 5 years

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Milah's POV - Glimmer of Hope

A/N: This is set in the Glimmer of Hope universe and is in MILAH'S POV. Although we will get to see what happens with Killian and Emma, this is solely Milah's perspective and a glimpse into her future after she has lost the greatest man in her life. This has been in my head since I finished the story, and finally got around to writing it down. I cannot express this enough, Emma and Killian are not present in this part, they are only mentioned and appear in a photo, so if you don't care to read Milah's perspective, please don't read this.

5 years later...

Milah brings the mail in after a long day at the office. She pours a glass of wine, sipping on it slowly as she leafs through the pile. It's mostly junk, a few bills, and her divorce decree. She's glad to finally be rid of that bastard of a husband. One by one, she deposits the junk mail into the trashcan when one piece of mail, in particular, grabs her attention before she lets it slips from her fingers. She brings it to eye level, scanning over the big navy blue envelope.

She glances at the return address. It’s from Killian Jones. Her eyes widen as she tears it open. Killian found out where she lives now and is trying to get back with her? A smile blooms over her lips at the prospect of this. Cheating on that man was the biggest mistake of her life, and since then she’s gone through three divorces, Walsh being her first husband before he ended up having an affair with a salesgirl he hired who is half his age. After Milah left the bastard and quit her job at his fucking furniture shop, she heard he promoted his new girlfriend to a sales manager, even though she was a terrible employee. The other salespeople all left, flipping Walsh off as they flew out the door.

Milah pulls out the card from the envelope and her heart plummets when she sees the content. It’s a fancy wedding invitation, embellished with a border of cream lace and a big navy blue bow near the bottom with a silver clasp in the middle of the bow. At the top are the initials, E&K in big, fancy lettering. The wedding is for Killian and Walsh’s ex, Emma Swan. Millah grips onto the card tightly, her lips twisting in disdain. Here she thought he was getting back together with her, but it turns out he’s marrying another woman. What in the hell does Killian see in that bitch, anyway? Walsh cheated on her, so why would Killian think she would good enough to hold on to?

Maybe this invitation is a sign. Maybe there is still hope that she can get Killian Jones back after all. She can call up Walsh and get him to be her plus one at the wedding. Together they can get Emma and Killian to cheat on each other with their exes on their wedding day. A wicked grin crawls over her lips at the thought. When she removes the bow to reveal the time and place of the invitation, her face clouds with disappointment and confusion. Their wedding was three years ago. So why are they sending her an invitation three years later? Are they trying to taunt her? Perhaps to get her back for cheating on him?

Assholes. She picks up the envelope, and she’s about to rip up the invitation and toss them both in the trash when something falls out of the envelope. A letter and a picture. There’s a family photo of Killian and Emma and two small children. One’s a girl about two years old and the other one is a baby Emma is holding as Killian has his arms around all three of them, kissing Emma's cheek.

They're all smiling, and they look happy. Blissfully and disgustingly happy.

Milah quickly shakes away the thought, her blood bubbling under her skin. Why did they send her this? Perhaps the answer is in the letter.

She unfolds the paper and starts reading it.

Dear Milah,

You’re probably wondering why I’m sending you a wedding invitation three years after the fact. But make no mistake. I’m not trying to rub anything in your face, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Milah scoffs. She wasn’t thinking that. Okay, maybe a little.

I’m also not stalking you, if that's also what you're thinking. Emma’s good at finding people if you hadn’t learned that from before. So that’s how I found your address.

The truth is, I’m sending you this invitation and writing this letter because I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. Emma and I both want to thank you. I know, you’re thinking to yourself that it’s weird I’m thanking you for cheating on me, but it’s truly the best thing you could’ve done to me. If you never cheated on me with Walsh, Emma wouldn’t have been on my doormat that day and I wouldn’t have found the best thing that ever happened to me. Emma and I became best friends, we got together six months later, we married a year and a half after that and we now have two beautiful children. We named our daughter Hope and our son Luke. They both represent the light we found in each other that day, and each and every day I thank the stars they are in my life.

I’m not sure if you’re still with Walsh, probably not, because even after what happened between us, I still think you’re too good for him. So, I hope you’ve moved on from him and found someone to love you like I once loved you, maybe even a little more. I used to blame myself for what happened; I used to think maybe I wasn’t enough for you and that’s why cheated on me. You said it was because I took too long to propose but maybe there was more to it than that. Anyway, I hope you have found someone who could fill the void I couldn’t fill for you. If not, I know you will. We had a very good beginning, you and I, and thanks to you, I have found my happy ending. I truly hope you can do the same and find your happy ending someday. And when you do, you’re more than welcome to send me the past wedding invitation and a photo of your beautiful family.

Best wishes to you,

Killian

A tear slides down Milah’s cheek after reading the letter. He actually thanked her for cheating on him?! What a moron. She sniffles and wipes her tear away. Maybe he’s right, maybe she can find her happy ending. But how can she? She blew any chance of that when she cheated on the best man she has ever known. Killian was supposed to be her happy ending, and when he caught her cheating, that was the worst day of her life.

She wants to tear the letter in half and throw it away, but she decides against it. Maybe she will find a man better than Killian. She holds onto the letter, determined she will find a man better than Killian and she will send a photo of her and her happy family to rub it in Killian’s and that bitch’s face. Yes, that’s exactly what she’ll do.

But who is she kidding? There really is no better man than Killian Jones.

No, there has to be, and she is bound and determined to find him.

Her doorbell rings and she places the mail on the table, grabs some cash from her purse and gets up to answer the door. She didn’t feel like cooking tonight so she’d ordered a pizza. She pulls open the door, expecting the usual delivery boy, but when she sees the man on the other side of the door, she realizes he is no boy. He’s a man, an older one at that, but still handsome. They do get more handsome with age after all.

“Evening, Ma’am,” he greets her warmly, handing her the box of pizza.

Shit, he has an accent too? Well, fuck me sideways. A grin makes its way across her lips.

“Sorry, your pizza’s late. My son didn’t show up for his shift, so I got stuck making all of his deliveries.”

Her eyes light up with realization. She remembered the usual delivery boy mentioning his father was the owner of Gold’s Pizza. She flashes him a small smile and waves his words off before handing him the cash for the pizza, plus a little extra as a tip. “It’s no problem.”

“Thank you, deary. And thank you for choosing Gold’s pizza.”

“So, you’re Mr. Gold, the owner?”

He flashes a toothy grin and sticks out his hand. “Robert Gold at your service. And you are?”

“I’m Milah.” Her smile widens as she slips her palm into his, expecting him to shake her hand, but instead, he brings the back of her hand to his lips. Her heart flutters and she feels flushed when his lips touch her skin. She presses her other hand to her chest to refrain from fanning herself. She remembers when she met Killian, he had greeted her in a similar fashion.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I hope you enjoy the pizza,” he bids her farewell, slowly releasing her hand.

“Wait,” she calls after him as he turns to leave.

He turns around, lifting a brow. “Yes, Mrs…”

She smirks flirtatiously. “That’s Ms. Raven.” She holds up her hand to show him her bare ring finger. “Recently divorced.”

“My apologies,” he murmurs, embarrassed and regretful. “I assumed a pretty lady like yourself would be taken.”

“It was for the best,” she assures, waving off his words again, blush spreading through her cheeks.

“In that case, I suppose congratulations are in order,” he says playfully.

“Thank you,” she laughs, “and yes it’s definitely something to celebrate. Would you by any chance like to come in and join in on the celebration? I can’t possibly finish this pizza by myself.”

He flashes her a cheeky green. “Well, it just so happens you’re my final stop, and it would be my honor to join you.”

Milah opens the door to let him in and offers him some wine with a big grin and a hopeful glint in her eyes.

Perhaps she will find her happy ending after all.

#milah's pov #glimmer of hope #captain swan is mentioned but does not appear #unless you count the family photo they're in

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angstmongertina · 5 years

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a star to steer her by

"...all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by." - John Masefield

A Secret Santa giftfic for @seckritlab, which has successfully turned me into Zarad/Hise!MC trash by the end of it, so congrats! :P

Zarad, Sina, and setting are all from the game Seven Kingdoms: The Princess Problem by @azalynestudios (check out the tumblr for more info about the game). The lovely Rosa belongs to Lizzie.

AO3 Link

Life in Corval was… different.

From her spot on the balcony, Rosa looked out over her new home, the land barely lit by the faintest sliver of morning sun. As far as she could see, golden sand greeted her gaze, rich and endless.

And impossibly, ceaselessly dry.

Grimacing, she strode back inside, across the room, and poured a glass of water from the pitcher on her desk. While she was used enough to the heat, had grown up around it, in fact, Hise had been a tropical place, where plants and animals of all sorts flourished, where clear streams cut across lush forests and tropical beaches. And when she hadn’t been at home, she had been out in the water…

She sighed, cutting off that line of thought before it could go too far. Instead, she returned to the balcony, enjoying the last of the night’s cool breeze against her skin as she stared out at the distance, straining her eyes for the horizon. That faint sparkle had to be the ocean…

“You are up and about early, my star.”

Before she could turn, warm arms curled around her shoulders. “Are you catching up with your counterparts in the heavens?”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “We must have you checked, I think. I had thought that perhaps returning to Corval would help you regain what little sense you might have had and yet, here you are, talking even less sense than ever.”

A glance up at him revealed that his eyes were dancing. “You flatter me, my lady, to suggest that I had any sense to begin with. But I am afraid that even had I any, it would have been lost long ago, chased away by your beauty.” Smirking, he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to her bare shoulder.

In spite of herself, she laughed, even as she drew away from him, arching a playful brow. “Ah, my prince, your honeyed words may entrap many under your spell but I fear you may have forgotten that they have no effect on me.”

“Indeed. One might even go so far as to say that, in this case, the enchanter has become the enchanted. But I don’t believe you ever answered my question, my dear.”

“False flattery is no question, Prince Zarad.”

Throwing one arm over his forehead, he heaved a sigh, as overly dramatic as ever. “Am I fated to be forever misunderstood?”

“If you insist on speaking so.” When he said nothing, instead only watching her with unusual gravity, she sighed, sobering. “No, all is well. I suppose I am just used to watching the sunrise from being at sea. I never realized that Corval would run under such late hours.”

“Ah, it’s because our truly late hours are at night, when it is far more refreshing.” He grinned. “After all, everything is all much more romantic under the moon and stars, is it not?”

She rolled her eyes, even as she leaned against the stone railing, the corners of her lips curling back up at the wind’s soft caress. “It’s a waste of a perfectly good morning.”

“Perhaps…” His breath tickled her neck as he stepped closer once more, an arm encircling her waist. For a moment, he leaned against her, his chin a warm weight on the top of her head as they both watched the horizon, before he tugged her back inside. “Or perhaps, we can enjoy the morning some other way…?”

Turning to face him properly, not that she would ever dare associate such a word with the man before her, she raised an eyebrow. “Prince Zarad, am I understanding correctly that you are propositioning me?”

He smirked, lifting her hand and pressing a lingering kiss to the inside of her wrist, his lips hot against her suddenly thundering pulse. Despite the morning heat, heralding yet another scorching day, when he traced his fingers up her arm, leaving sparks dancing across her skin in their wake, she shivered. “Is it working?”

With an almost breathless laugh, she relaxed, letting him draw her into his arms for a kiss as he backed towards the bed.

“Sister Rosa!”

The sudden shout, familiar after having spent the past few months in Corval, echoed through the stone hallway and into the small chamber, where she had been invited to sew—or perhaps more accurately, gossip—with several of the other ladies at court. In fact, many of her companions, if one could call them that, ignored it altogether, other than casting inscrutable looks in her direction.

At her side, Lady Irehna laughed under her breath, though she didn’t so much as pause in her elaborate embroidering. “I suppose you will be leaving us for the rest of the day, then?”

Rosa turned, grinning. “That depends on how long it takes for her tutors or Princess Constance to find her this time.”

Her friend chuckled again, green eyes dancing. “And you have nothing to do with her increasingly more extended absences, of course.”

Gasping, she pressed a hand to her chest. “I? Never. I am insulted that you would ever insinuate such a thing.”

Before Lady Irehna could respond, the door to the parlor flew open, banging into the wall so loudly that at least one lady jumped. A small figure darted into the room and skid to a halt before her, dark curls flying.

“Sister Rosa!”

Ignoring the stifled giggles from beside her, she raised an eyebrow at the girl panting in front of her. “Whose lessons have you escaped from this time?”

She received an unrepentant grin, even as the little nose wrinkled. “Penmanship. It’s boooooring. Why would I ever need to know something like that? Can’t I just have someone else write my letters for me? Did you have to learn it, Sister Rosa? I’d much rather learn about sailing and boats and pirates.”

“We all had to learn our penmanship, Sina.” Rosa lowered her voice, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Even pirates. After all, who will keep note of what they collect if nobody writes it down? And what if nobody can read what is written, then? How will they ever know what to do with everything?”

For a moment, Sina pursed her lips, small forehead creased in silent thought, before she beamed once more. “But they don’t have to copy poetry, right?”

“No, I suppose not.” Laughing, she got to her feet and held out her hand. “Well, since you’re here now, we might as well find something better to do, hmm?”

Sina grabbed her hand with a bright giggle. “With pirates and boats and treasure?”

“Of course!” She winked. “What else? Now come. Let’s away to a proper training area.”

Leaving the room went without issue but before they could turn the corner, however, a slim figure darted into view, eyes wide. “There you are, Sina!”

“Sister Constance!” To Sina’s credit, the expression that crossed her face had only a slight hint of dismay. “What is the hurry?”

“Master Hashan is looking for you.” Constance paused, casting hesitant eyes in her direction as she dropped into a curtsy. “My apologies, Lady Rosalinde, for interrupting.”

“Rosa, please. Rosalinde is far too formal for me. We are sisters, after all.” She smiled, though the elder princess only flushed, mumbling something about propriety.

“Big Sister Constance! Sister Rosa was telling me about pirates! She said that pirates don’t need to learn their penmanship.”

The look that Constance shot her was somehow even more nervous than before, a feat in it of itself. “Indeed? I don’t believe that is of import to your own education, nor would your father wish for you to partake in such endeavors…”

“But poetry is boring and Master Hashan could probably put even brother Zarad to sleep!”

Glancing from the apprehensive expression to the obstinate one, Rosa stifled a laugh before giving Constance a placating smile. “Don’t worry. I can ensure she gets where she needs to go. No doubt you have your own plans today.”

Constance visibly hesitated, eyes anxiously darting from Sina to her reassuring expression, before nodding and dropping into a proper curtsy that she was too slow to wave away. “Very well. Thank you, Lady Rosalinde.”

“Rosa,” she repeated, though even she doubted that it would make any more of an impact than the first hundred times she had done so.

Meanwhile, already every inch a princess of Corval, Sina waited until her eldest sister had turned the corner, out of sight, before casting a hopeful look up at her. “What now?”

Hiding a smile, she pretended to consider, tapping her chin. “Well, I have no doubt that Master Hashan would be glad to see the return of his errant young pupil…” When Sina’s expression turned horrified, she winked and lowered her voice. “Or… I don’t suppose you would be interested in learning about Hise sailing, would you?”

“Yes! Did you go sailing a lot, Sister Rosa? Were you good at it? Did you have your own ship? Was it big? How long did you spend on it? Can you stay for moons without stopping?”

Bright amber eyes sparkled up at her and she found herself laughing at the sudden onslaught of questions. “Back in Hise, before I went to the summit where I met your brother, I had my own ship and crew. Though my father was always very worried whenever I went out onto sea for long periods of time.”

“Oh. Your papa didn’t go with you?”

“No. My father has always preferred to stay on land. He was originally from the kingdom of Wellin and was brought to Hise by my mother when they met at the summit.”

Sina nodded solemnly. “Like you and Brother Zarad.”

“And maybe you, someday.”

“I can have a new playmate?”

Rosa grinned. “Something like that.”

For a moment, Sina was still, clearly contemplating the possibilities, before her face lit up once more. “And then we can play pirates!”

There was another pause, during which time they continued their meandering path towards the palace gates, before Sina stared out in the direction of the ocean, eyes squinting as if she could look across it. “Mama says that Papa won’t let me go traveling yet and that I am too little. But I’m not little. Will you take me, Sister Rosa? I want to see the boats and fishes and your old home!”

Try as she might, she couldn’t hold back a chuckle, which clearly served to draw her companion’s ire, given the pout that pulled at her small mouth.

“I don’t have a boat right now but if I get one, I promise I’ll take you sailing, okay?” When Sina nodded, her face solemn, she grinned, directing their path out the palace doors and towards the training grounds. “In the meantime, why don’t I show you some useful skills for when we’re on the water before going back to work on your penmanship?”

The joy on her sister’s face was well-worth the scolding they both received by Master Hashan once he finally found them.

The best part of Corval’s ridiculously late hours was easily the increased opportunities to appreciate the night sky.

Rosa wandered onto her balcony, restless feet carrying her without thought. Beneath her, the palace was still alight with lantern light as parties and discussions raged, sometimes until daylight, but in her quarters, the sounds were only vague murmurs, punctured by the occasional cry. And above her, the thin crescent moon shone down, casting an ethereal glow to everything that she could see.

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. At night, in the privacy of her quarters, she could hear the ocean, the faint crash of waves against the distant shore, if she concentrated, at once so close and so far away.

The light breeze danced around her and played through her hair, tugging the red strands free and leaving goosebumps across her skin. Still, she waited, tilting her head back as she stared up at the stars, searching for familiar constellations in the inky darkness. The Wanderer shone down as brightly as ever, displaced though he may have been, and the Compass had found itself nestled beside something that resembled sails, if she squinted…

“Ah, my sky, are you admiring your counterparts or intending for them to languish in jealousy at your superiority?”

A smile rising to her lips unbidden at the warm voice, she turned, though she raised a playful eyebrow. “I fear you’re losing your touch, Prince Zarad. I do believe you have used that line before.”

“Losing my touch? As though I keep a running list of compliments that I am never to repeat? You wound me deeply, my lady. I speak only the truth and from the depths of my heart.”

She pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Instead, she forced a frown, crossing her arms with feigned irritation. “I’m certain you told all of your former conquests that as well. In fact, I don’t think I have seen you all evening. Is my company so dull now that I am to spend all of my waking hours without you?”

“Never. I had some… business to take care of which took longer than I expected.” At the sincerity in his immediate response, she paused, and his face promptly morphed into a smirk. “Oh, have I finally brought the great Lady Rosalinde to speechlessness?”

She scowled. “No, actually. I am simply wondering whether you are even familiar with the concept of business.”

He laughed. “Only when I know it will bring pleasure to me and those I care about.”

Before she could say anything else, he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her and leaning his chin on the top of her head. “It is an ideal night for stargazing, is it not? And this time there is no ever-watchful bodyguard to prevent me from impugning your good name…”

She snorted rather inelegantly, even as she pulled away from his embrace with a coy smile. “I do so hate to be the bearer of bad news, Prince Zarad, but I fear our association alone is enough to have utterly tarnished any remnants of a good reputation I might have had.” A hand thrown over her forehead, she heaved a sigh. “Alas, I suppose there is nothing to be done for it now.”

He followed her, eyes bright with the amusement that she so loved, though they darkened when he reached for her, strong arms curving around her waist as his breath tickled her ear. “Then would you care to join me in stargazing, my dear?”

“I can’t say I am familiar with all of the figures here.” She leaned her head back against his chest, watching as amber eyes gleamed down at her. “Perhaps you’ll have to show me? Though, I doubt you can do so without looking.”

Warm lips curved into a lazy smile. “No. I find myself far more enchanted by a different star. One that is far more beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes, though despite her thorough familiarity with his honeyed words, she could still feel a hint of heat in her cheeks. “Flatterer.”

His answering chuckle was a rumble in his chest as he tilted his head back up and she leaned against him with a contented sigh.

There was something strangely comforting about visiting the Corvali market.

It certainly wasn’t the tranquility; with the crowds constantly shifting through the city, less orderly than schools of fish, there was none. Merchants shouted their wares from stands lining the stone streets, gesturing towards rugs and pottery, spices and cloths. Customers milled about, haggling prices and greeting friends, while vendors passed out cups of cold juices and freshly made hot snacks. Especially with Midwinter drawing near, it was loud, and chaotic, and wonderfully, genuinely alive.

Ahead of her, Zarad meandered by the various stalls while Sina, balanced carefully on his shoulders, shouted directions and pointed to whichever bright colors caught her eye. Judging from the indulgent expressions on the merchants’ faces, and the many treats they smuggled the young princess, it was not an uncommon sight, and Rosa grinned, thankful for the small distractions as she picked her way through the mayhem towards her destinations.

When she had first arrived in Corval, the prospect of finding gifts for her new family would have been intimidating. Save from Zarad, she knew nobody, had only heard stories of the many wives and children of Corval’s king. But in reality, there were precious few she had any desire to procure something personal for, and they were simple enough.

A stop at one of the international traders revealed delicate perfumes, infused with the scent of wild blossoms from Revaire’s northern mountains, ideal for Lady Irehna and the other court ladies she was beginning to regard as friends. Meanwhile, Sina would be doubtless easily pleased by the gift of a model ship and a small practice dagger, appropriately blunted, of course. Still, at the woodworker’s stall, she paused, turning over the scant options of boats in her hands, searching—in vain, she knew—for masts and decks as familiar to her as her own name.

She had only just stored those purchases away, out of sight from curious young princesses, when Zarad stopped before her, Sina still riding on his shoulders. “Almost finished?”

“Almost.” Pushing an errant strand of hair out of her face, she smiled up at them. “And you?”

“I have a few more stops to make. Do you mind keeping an eye on Sina so I can run ahead? She’s already agreed to be on her best behavior.”

She raised an eyebrow, glancing from him to the angelic expression of the girl in question. “Why do I suspect that the promise was obtained through bribery?”

Zarad smirked as he swung Sina back to the ground. “Because you know me so well? But it does work wonders.”

“Duly noted.” With a nod, she took the girl’s hand. “We’ll be fine. Go on. If we finish early, we’ll probably be by the docks.”

For a moment, his eyes seemed to soften before he waved and set off on his own, leaving her with Sina, who watched her with wide eyes.

“Where are we going, Sister Rosa?”

“Well, I still need to find Mistress Anaya’s stall for your brother Zarad’s present.”

Rosa wasn’t entirely sure how she managed it, but her eyes grew even rounder. “A Midwinter present for Brother Zarad? What is it, Sister Rosa? What is it?”

“I shouldn’t tell you. It’s a secret.” When Sina pouted, she paused, pretending to consider. “Well, if you promise not to tell him…”

“I promise!”

She laughed, kneeling down to whisper into the girl’s ear. “Mistress Anaya is a talented artist, you see. I asked her to make some miniature portraits of you, Brother Zarad’s mama, and me. And then, you can help me pick out a chain for him to keep them on. Does that sound like a plan?”

“Yes!” Almost before she could rise back to her feet, Sina grabbed her hand, tugging her down the street with all the strength of a three-year-old who had consumed far too much sugar. Laughing, she could only follow.

Thankfully, the purchases proved easy enough, save for the moment she had to talk Sina out of selecting a feathered monstrosity of a chain for Zarad, and they soon found themselves strolling along the docks, where various merchant ships were stopped and sailors bustled about. Sina, small hand clasped firmly in hers, watched with wide, inquisitive eyes and a steady stream of questions.

“Sister Rosa, what is he doing? What is that string for? It looks so much bigger than the string in the palace. Where do those ships come from? Will they be here long? How much food can they keep on the ship? Sister Rosa, do you know anybody here?”

At that last, she laughed, shaking her head. “I’m afraid I don’t see any ships I know, Sina. But I’m sure some of them have been to Hise before. It’s a far journey, but these are merchant ships. They’re designed to carry goods from their kingdoms across the water for many moons if they have to in order to sell things.”

“Oh. That’s so long.” For a moment, Sina squinted at the nearest ship, before looking up at her, large eyes innocent. “Do you think they miss their mama and papa?”

She paused, swallowing hard. “I’m sure they do. Wouldn’t you miss your mama and papa?”

“Yes… though maybe not if you and Brother Zarad went too!”

“If we went where?”

They both turned to find Zarad striding toward them, scarves fluttering in the sea breeze. Sina scrambled towards him, shrieking with delight as he swung her back into his arms. “If you and Sister Rosa and I went on a ship for many moons, Brother Zarad.”

“Oh, are you planning on escaping Corval now, little demon? I’m afraid you’ll have to stay a little longer, or else one Corvali princess I know might not be here for getting Midwinter presents this year…”

When Sina rapidly shook her head, dark curls smacking Zarad in the face, Rosa chuckled and he turned to wink at her, before offering a hand.

“Now, then, there will be plenty of time for you to go exploring in the future. In the meantime, why don’t we stay in Corval a little longer, okay?”

“At least until after Midwinter?”

“Exactly. At least until after Midwinter.”

She laughed again as he led the way back to the palace, though that didn’t stop her from turning to take one last glance at the sparkling waters and the towering ships bobbing in the calm waves.

Rosa was fairly certain that Midwinter was one of the few days when the citizens of Corval would be up at dawn. True to expectations, she had barely opened her eyes herself when the knocking on her door began.

Much to her amusement, Zarad didn’t so much as stir, clearly familiar with the levels of excitement that surrounded the holiday. With a sigh, she pushed herself up and made her way to the door, where the pounding was getting more intense by the second.

Unfortunately for him, however, his repose didn’t last much longer; Sina, apparently taking the open door as permission to enter, leapt for the bed, landing with a thud on top of him. “Brother Zarad, Brother Zarad, it’s Midwinter!”

For a moment, limbs flailed and Rosa had to stifle a laugh as he sat up, chestnut hair a mess, and Sina spilled off of his chest. “What time is it?”

“I don’t believe the sun is even up yet.”

He groaned, though it appeared to have no effect in deterring anyone else’s enthusiasm. “Two more hours…?”

“No!” Sina scrambled to her feet, fairly towering over his once again prone form, and crossed her arms in a startling initiation of the Empress at her most displeased. “Mama says that we cannot start without you.”

When Zarad appeared not to notice, instead only rolling over and burying his head under the pillow, Sina pouted and shot her a pleading look. “Sister Rosa…”

Grinning, Rosa poured a small cup of water and passed it over with a wink. “This should do the trick.”

Unsurprisingly, Zarad was instantly awake, though dripping wet, and met Sina’s approval as prepared for the gift-giving only minutes later. Even so, they were practically bodily dragged downstairs by the most determined princess, where the rest of their considerable family was already waiting, all in various states of consciousness.

For Rosa, it was about as expected. In the months she had been in Corval, she had won enough support from her new family and the others at court to receive the usual gifts of spices and perfumes, elaborate clothes and jewelry. Gifts for a newcomer to Corval, whose tastes and preferences, especially as a Hisean lady, had yet to be determined. A small package from Lady Irehna concealed a small charm, bearing both the Hise and Corval symbols, which she promptly put on, while Sina fairly danced about with her newfound dagger.

Finally, it was only Zarad whose gift to her remained to be seen. All eyes turned to him, but he only grinned, his typical lightning-fast flash of white teeth, and leapt to his feet with catlike grace. “Shall we go for a walk by the ocean? I believe a nice breeze is in order.”

“Zarad.” Was there a hint of a smile in his mother’s eyes, or was that a trick of the light? “I fear there are many among us who might hope for a nap after being requested to arise so early for Midwinter. Why don’t you, Lady Rosalinde, and Sina go? We can catch up later.”

“Yes!” Sina practically bounced over, grabbing her hand and tugging. “Come on, Sister Rosa.”

She laughed, letting Zarad pull her to her feet. “Very well, then.”

In reality, the walk was far from the peaceful one that was advertised, with Sina, dagger in hand, bounding ahead only to run back and drag them along. Still, Zarad was in good spirits, leading her along with her hand settled in the crook of his arm and a twinkle in his dancing eyes.

It really should only have served to heighten her suspicions.

As it was, his brilliant smile put the sun to shame as he directed them towards the docks and stopped on one of the piers. She paused beside him, raising an eyebrow, but he didn’t seem to notice as he watched the horizon and a dark smudge that looked like a ship.

A ship that was moving towards them.

She squinted, glad for the morning sun behind her as she strained her eyes. Small but elegant, it had to be of Hisean make, but it was not one that she had ever seen. Dark wood, with crisp white sails and brightly colored flags of Corvali colors, it looked brand new, and yet somehow incredibly familiar.

From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Zarad shift and she turned to find him waving, an oddly boyish look of anticipation on his face.

As the ship pulled in closer, propelled by the swift ocean breeze, figures, too small to make out, pressing against the high railing, waved back. Two lithe figures with unabashed enthusiasm and a little ways away, two more, a man and a woman…

“Zarad…” The word fell out of her mouth, so quietly she wasn’t even sure if he heard her, but it didn’t matter, nothing mattered, because the ship had managed to pull into view and she could finally, finally, see its passengers clearly enough to recognize. “Mother! Father!”

It was impossible for her voice to carry that far, but still, they waved back, as did the two figures beside them, the brown braid and long white hair flying in the wind. “And Peti and Lia?”

Zarad murmured something, but she didn’t listen, was hardly aware of it, as the ship pulled up beside them and she leapt forward to help tie it to the dock, barely able to do her part before climbing on board and throwing her arms around her parents. “Father!”

He grinned at her, arms tight around her shoulders, as her mother joined them, pressing against them both. “Hello, my girl. It’s been too long. I trust you have been well.”

Blinking hard, she nodded. “Better now. I—”

“Rosa!”

“ROSA!”

At the shouts, she laughed, pulling away from her parents to two more enveloping hugs, this time from Lia and Peti. “Can’t… breathe…”

“Sorry!” Peti pulled away, though looking far from apologetic and Lia, arms still around her, though marginally looser, looked little more sincere.

She wheezed out a chuckle, swiping quickly at her cheeks. “What are you two doing here?”

“Zarad sent for us as a surprise.” Peti leaned closer, eyes twinkling conspiratorially. “I guess he really is a keeper.”

“I should hope so,” Lia countered. “It’s only just too late now for her to change her mind.”

“I mean, we are here now, with Rosa. We have a ship. What’s really to stop us from just taking her and leaving?”

“Peti!”

Laughing once more at their banter, the likes of which she hadn’t heard since leaving the summit, she pulled away and turned to find Zarad helping Sina on board. “How long?”

He smiled, this time without any hint of his typical smolder. “Have I been planning this? About two months, I think.”

Before he could say anything more, she looped her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly before pulling away. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But…” A faint bit of smugness crept into his smile. “There’s one more thing I need to present.”

She raised an eyebrow, but obediently stepped a few feet away. “Oh?”

Grinning, he straightened fully, waving his arms around at the ship. “Welcome to the Night Star.”

“I…” She paused, blinking. “I’m sorry?”

If she thought he was looking smug before, it was nothing compared to the smirk that tugged at the corners of his mouth, though for once, he made no comment on her speechlessness, likely in favor of continuing his explanation. “This ship. The Night Star. When I wrote to your parents asking for advice on a proper ship for you to sail, this is what they suggested. And now she’s yours.”

She stared, still hardly able to comprehend the words emerging from his mouth, though Sina’s understanding appeared impeccable, at least to the extent that was relevant. “Sister Rosa, Sister Rosa! You said you would take me sailing if you had your own ship! And now you do! So can we go now? Please?”

When she glanced at Zarad, he only offered her a wry smile and a shrug, though judging from the way his eyes shone, she could at least be sure that he could take care of any potential complaints from the rest of his family. On her other side, her parents and friends watched with obvious amusement, and she grinned. “Why not?”

Considering the size of the boat, it should have been impossible, but she could have sworn that she felt the ship nearly rocked with the force of Sina’s excited bouncing.

It wasn’t until they were out on the open seas, a strong wind at the sails, that she was able to greet her parents properly. True to form, her mother stood at the wheel, eyes dancing as carefree as the wind, in spite of their proximity to Corval, while her father pulled her aside. “How do you like Corval? You are certain you are happy?”

Rosa glanced from the city, a sprawling jewel against the sandy landscape, to Zarad steadying Sina at the railing, both of their faces bright with excitement, before meeting his gaze with a smile. “Am I certain I’m happy? Absolutely.”

#Prince Zarad #7KPP Zarad #Zarad/Hise #Seven Kingdoms The Princess Problem #7KPP #Tina writes stuff.#Tina plays 7KPP.#seckritlab

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jareddillian · 7 years

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Credit and Volatility Signal That Financial Conditions Are Very Overheated

Around the summer of 2006, when I was at Lehman Brothers, I started bellyaching in my notes to clients about how the market went up every day.

I am a pretty creative guy, so every day I had very colorful (and irreverent) things to say about how stocks went relentlessly higher and how my life sucked.

This went on for a couple of months.

Then, one day I sent out a whining email about stocks and I got back a three-word reply from a hedge fund trader: “Bull market, dude.”

In almost 20 years in the investment business, I think those are the most profound words I have ever heard. There is a lot of wisdom in “bull market, dude”:

Stop fighting it.

It will turn when it turns, not before.

In bull markets, you can only be long or flat, not short.

Everyone is making money except for you.

Stop being a putz.

Etc.

Incidentally, here is a chart of the S&P 500 around that time—the arrow points to the “bull market, dude” email.

The “bull market, dude” guy ended up top-ticking himself, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t right.

The Situation Today

We have all the classic warning signs of a big stock market top:

Extra-tight credit

Extra-low volatility

FANG

Complacency in general

Retail looking smart, pros looking stupid

Short rates rising, curve flattening

Pain trade is probably lower, not higher

And yet people are mostly ignoring them.

I’m not kidding about credit and vol. The same thing happened pre-financial crisis. Same thing. The VIX dipped below 10 and options were still a sale because realized vol was even lower.

There was nothing to do.

As it turns out, that was a pretty good leading indicator of some major financial stress.

Unpredictable Bear Markets

There are a lot of people who say that you can’t predict bear markets, so you might as well just ride them out and dollar cost average.

Also true—for most people. If you drill teeth for a living, you probably don’t have any business trying to time market cycles.

Perhaps you rely on me for that. Better than nothing.

But it is true that if your time horizon is basically infinite (retirement 40 years away), it doesn’t make a lot of sense to try to avoid a 20% speed bump.

If you’re a professional investor, then you care very much about avoiding (or capitalizing on) bear markets. Problem is, the timing is still impossible.

“Professional” investors have been buying cheap stocks and selling expensive ones for the last four years, and they keep getting carried out, because nobody has that kind of staying power.

You might be right in 2017, but if you were early in 2013, it doesn’t really matter.

All of investing is a push/pull between being early and being right. Smart guys are always early. Very smart guys are always very early. The smartest guys can see stuff years in advance.

And their returns are often the lowest because they shoot before the squad is ready.

Silly Example

Amazon has been a joke since 2012. Unless you think it will someday raise prices, it doesn’t matter if it is the biggest company in the world, it is still a zero. Finance 101—discounting cash flows.

The nature of markets is that sometimes markets care about cash flows in the future, and sometimes markets care about cash flows today.

Do you remember 2001–2002, during the dot-com bust? If the stock in question didn’t have real earnings and pay a real dividend, it was taken out with the trash. And that will happen again.

Stocks and bonds are securities. They give off cash flows.

Currencies aren’t really securities, but they also give off cash flows (these days, sometimes negative).

Stocks, bonds, and currencies are “things.”

Credit and volatility are different. They are not things. They are a force.

Let’s put this in physics terms: If stocks and bonds are matter, then credit and volatility are gravity—the force that holds matter together.

Except gravity is not constant in the universe (or finance). It can vary across time. Right now gravity is very strong. Someday, it may be very weak.

That’s why market experts pay so much attention to credit and volatility to gauge the health of the financial markets. When credit gets rich, people are willing to receive 4.5% coupons on cov-lite pik-toggle deals.

At the top of every cycle, the cov-lite stuff comes out. Remember, “credit” comes from the Latin “credere,” which means trust. There is no shortage of trust going around these days.

The Most Over-Interpreted Market Statistic

It’s volatility (as a measure of the price of options). In general terms, it is a measure of fear or complacency. But it is also driven by other concerns: When interest rates are low, people are incentivized to sell options for income.

You know that the Fed suppresses volatility—well, this is how it happens in practice.

Credit and vol tell us that financial conditions are very overheated.

Do with that information what you wish. It may not be the best time to initiate a new position in a stock like Amazon. It might be a good time to accumulate cash, which gives you the option to buy something cheaper at a later date.

People are always so derisive of cash in the bank. Your money isn’t “doing” anything. Actually, my money is just waiting for a better opportunity.

Grab the Exclusive Special Report, The Return of Inflation: How to Play the Bond Bear Market, from a Former Lehman Brothers Trader

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to cash in on the coming inflation.

Jared Dillian, the former head of Lehman Brothers’ ETF trading desk, reveals why inflationary price increases could be much higher than 1% or 2% and how you can position yourself for big profits as the bond market falls.

Download the special report now.

#economy #invest #stocks #credit #volatility

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sage-nebula · 7 years

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Pokemon XYZ or blue exorcist please!

Someone else asked for Blue Exorcist, so I’m going to go ahead and do Pokémon XY(&Z). I’m also assuming you mean the anime here, but if not and you meant the games, feel free to send that in, haha.

But as for the anime … oh buddy.

Very first order of business here is to fix Alan’s ending, because I hate, hate, hate everything that happened with him post-episode 44 to the point where I feel actual anxiety in my gut every time I so much as think about it, much less actually see screencaps or gifsets of it. (Well, okay—that scene where Sycamore tries to encourage Alan to dance despite the fact that Alan clearly doesn’t want to, only for Bonnie to drag Sycamore off a couple seconds later despite how startled and reluctant he is, while Alan grins at Sycamore getting a taste of his own medicine there—that was super cute. But everything else? Everything else was garbage, and I’m wiling to sacrifice those seconds of cuteness if it means getting rid of all the other trash.) While the abusive situation that gave me C-PTSD that I’m still grappling with to this day lasted a lot longer for me than Alan’s lasted for him, his situation also came with so many more severe incidental traumas, so I feel it evens out in terms of relatability for me. With that said, the fact that he was given no time to deal with them—the fact that we see in XYZ044 that he’s feeling and sounds suicidal enough to worry Ash to the point where Ash basically gives him a “promise me you’ll battle me again at some vague, undefined point in the future, which means you have to be alive and well enough to do it” offer and that Alan refers to this as Ash saving him, all to just completely sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened two episodes later so they can toss him out on a journey again (despite, you know, the fact that Professor Sycamore said that with the way Lumiose City was Alan was needed there in episode 44 and Alan was so happy he practically started crying while smiling when he heard that), sickens me.So! Before I get into anything else, the first thing that’s changing is that. Alan is staying at the lab—his home—at the end of the series, in order to rest and recuperate. He no longer has the Mega Ring (and Lizardon no longer has that godawful collar), but the Key Stone and Charizardite X were kept and Sycamore has them fashioned into a matching set of pendants: a half-sun for Lizardon, and a half-moon for Alan. But even though they have those back, they’re still staying at the lab for the time being, with no definite plans for the future. Right now, Alan is just focusing on recuperating—or rather, Sycamore is focusing on Alan recuperating, while Alan is focusing on helping out around the lab. You know how he is. In his mind, he’ll rest when he’s dead. (Which Sycamore would like to be very many decades from now, rather than at some point before his sixteenth/seventeenth birthday, but that requires getting Alan to actually rest and take care of himself, and sometimes that can be a struggle.) So he has no definite plans, but before Ash leaves he does reaffirm that they’ll battle again someday, and whatever he does will work toward that. Ash is pretty happy to hear it.Manon, meanwhile, returns to her own journey. She’s reluctant at first; we see throughout TSME and the main series that Manon has little to no real confidence in herself as a trainer, shown both in how she never actually has a single battle on-screen aside from when she captures Fla-chan (which Alan helped her with and might as well have never happened anyway since Fla-chan was never seen after that moment)—and no, TSME 3 does not count, because Manon did not command Hari-san. He acted independently in order to defend both Manon and Alan. Her lack of confidence is also highlighted in TSME 4, when she tells Alan that if he’s with her then she and Hari-san can grow stronger, and he tells her (truthfully!) that she needs to stop relying on him all the time. So Manon is reluctant to go on her own, but Alan encourages her, tells her that he knows she can do it, and as an added bonus invites her to pick a Kanto starter to take with her. She chooses bulbasaur, and he gives her a cryptic message about how he might have something special for her should she ever manage to evolve her bulbasaur all the way to the venusaur stage. Manon gets excited and pesters him about whether or not it’s a Key Stone/Mega Stone (“Will I be able to mega evolve?!” - “It’s your pokémon that mega evolves, not you—” - “I know that, jeez! Just answer the question!!”), but he refuses to tell her. Just smiles and playfully shoos her on her way. She’s still nervous—scared, even—but she and Hari-san (and her new bulbasaur Fushi-kun) go on their journey to build confidence in themselves and each other.So that’s number one—the biggest one, but a very, very important one. As for others?

The Showcases have got to go. They do. They just do. They’re bathed in idol culture, which is extremely toxic and harmful, and honestly I wouldn’t be as bothered by the Showcases if they weren’t female-only, but the fact that this is The Girl Activity (whereas Contests, for instance, were always co-ed) bothers me, particularly since there isn’t any battling involved, but there is a lot of dancing and cooking, et cetera. It feels like a rigid enforcing of gender roles on top of being steeped in idol culture, and I don’t like that. It needs to go.That said? The Pokémon anime actually did introduce the concept of idols way back in the OS—specifically in the Pokémon Chronicles special episodes—and it was far less of an issue then. Pokémon Idols in the OS took the form of trainers like Marina (who was based on Kris from the games), and while the actual job description is somewhat vague, from the way Marina made it seem the goal of a Pokémon Idol is to be as entertaining as possible while battling. It is, essentially, to be a performance artist as well as a battler. So for instance, whenever Marina would battle she and her pokémon had choreographed entrance moves whenever she released them from their pokéballs. She also insisted to Jimmy (who was based on Gold from the games) that she wanted to “turn her battles into performances” in order to make people happy. And you know what? She did! Marina participated in the Johto League/Silver Conference, as well as a Grand Festival, but she was also shown modeling the Pokétch on a magazine cover and has had her face on t-shirts. She has become a star/idol, while at the same time working as a trainer skilled enough to participate in the Johto League/Silver Conference, and a coordinator skilled enough to participate in a Grand Festival.This is relevant, because if they really wanted to capitalize on the popularity of idol culture/idol anime such as Love Live!, the PokéAni writing staff could have worked in something similar for Serena. Rather than inventing Showcases the way they did (and removing the battling aspect completely), they could have instead set up something such as a Kalosian Idol Search, which hosted special battle competitions around Kalos in order to search for the next idol a la Marina. Perhaps these are similar to, but not the same as, Gyms, in which the objective is both to win a series of battles, but also turn those battles into performances in order to win the favor of the public (so, sort of like Contests, but not wholly the same). This could be co-ed as well, meaning that Tierno could participate in an attempt to be an idol, which would be perfect for him given that he loves to dance (and likes to incorporate dancing into battles, which is right in line with what Marina liked to do back in the OS). This way, Serena could be an active battler while still pursuing a goal that doesn’t mirror Ash’s badge quest, and yet isn’t so rigidly “this is for girls, and girls don’t battle,” which is the vibe much of the XY&Z saga gave me. Something like that (albeit a bit more refined, as this is a rough idea) would be far better than the Showcases were. (More entertaining to watch, too, imo.)

And speaking on Serena some more, we’re not going to have her hero worshiping/hero crushing on Ash for the entire series, because to be quite honest that created far more problems than it solved. It’s fine to have them meet in childhood (even though bby!Ash in the flashbacks do not at all resemble OS!Ash, which they should have—and that would need to be remedied, too), and it’s fine to have her remember that meeting and still hold a childhood crush on him—but he should have changed a lot since then. She should have, too. And we should have—we needed to have a moment early on where Serena realizes that he’s not just the amazing and courageous hero that she remembers, that he’s a human being with flaws, and maybe that bursts her bubble a bit, maybe she’s disappointed and put-out that this isn’t exactly like a fairy tale …… but then she gets to know him, as a person, flaws and all. Sometimes they quarrel, sometimes she’s less than impressed with him, but othertimes she is impressed with him, other times she sees that he makes her laugh or that, even if he’s not some amazing hero, he’s a guy she likes …… and, if we must go down the romance route, feelings develop from there.What made Ash/Misty so great in the OS was that Misty wasn’t introduced with the idea of, “This is Ash’s love interest.” Instead, their friendship was first and foremost what was developed, and the romance—which was canonically there from both sides, even in the JP version—developed naturally over time. They are most definitely best friends with crushes. If the anime writers wanted to write a romance arc with Ash and Serena, okay, that’s fine—go for it! But in that case, focus on developing them as friends first. Have the crush grow naturally. Don’t create Serena with the express purpose of having her fawn over Ash (which, yes—a recent interview revealed that the reason why this was written in was because a writer wanted to “see the series from the eyes of a female companion who admired Satoshi” which is just … no). Instead, even if she has a crush on him at first, have her get to know him—actually get to know him this time, not meet once and then separate for years on end, but know him as a person—and have her develop feelings for who he is now, not who she has idealized him to be. (And don’t have him be perfect all the time, either! Let him get mad! Frustrated! Selfish! Petty! Let him be feisty!) And likewise, have Ash develop a special and concentrated friendship with Serena, rather than just cute shippy moments here or there. Show us that he actually feels something for her beyond friendship. Show us before the very end where you just have his eyes sparkle after she kisses him, because you know what? His eyes sparkled the same way when Rowlet cuddled up to him in the Sun/Moon anime. Different animation style, sure, but I’m js. That’s not enough. And if the writers have to tell us later on “oh yeah, it’s meant to imply Ash and Serena are a couple later,” that’s not good writing. You guys can do better than this. Prove it.… So, um, yeah, I’d fix that. I’d change that ship from “girl meets boy when they are 5, develops a crush on him, and continues crushing through to the end as she works to be worthy of him” to “girl meets boy when they are 5, develops a crush on him, realizes when they are 10 that he’s not the Ideal Hero she built him up to be, befriends him as a person, realizes she’s developing new and stronger feelings for him now that she actually knows and sees him as a person, and he comes to see her as one of his closest friends and confidants, and their relationship is much more believable and stronger as a result.” That’s definitely a change I would make if the romance angle needs to be kept. (Which I don’t think it needs to be, but you know, in the interest of fairness, I’m just saying I could have done it better. Js.)

I can’t believe I forgot about this until point four, but rework Bond Phenomenon ffs. First of all, we’re no longer giving it to Greninja (or at least not limiting it to Greninja). That was stupid pandering meant to push Greninja’s popularity, and I’m not having it. If any one of Ash’s pokémon is getting it, it’s Pikachu, particularly since “but Pikachu isn’t fully evolved!1!1″ doesn’t matter because Bond Phenomenon is not mega evolution, and therefore the same rules don’t apply. The entire point of Bond Phenomenon was to avoid giving Ash a mega evolution for whatever asinine reason the anime team had, and if that’s the case, then there is no reason not to give the special love-powered super form to the partner and platonic soul mate that Ash has had since day one, particularly since Ash’s bond with Greninja was so poorly developed and not believable in the least bit. So if Ash is still getting Bond Phenomenon for whatever reason, it’s going to Pikachu, and that’s final.Second, although I know there are many people who would hate this, sorry I’m not sorry, but I felt that there was plenty of foreshadowing that made it seem as if Alan and Lizardon would be tapping into that in the finale of the Flare Arc, perhaps following a scene where they tossed off the Mega Ring and collar right in Lysandre’s face and tapped into Bond Phenomenon afterward, given that they have “a bond that overcomes reason” (Alan’s words, TSME 1) / “a bond that surpasses its limits” (Malva’s words, TSME 4). So on top of giving Bond Phenomenon to Ash and Pikachu and making it clear that it’s not exclusive to that (which, conveniently, Sycamore’s explanation in XYZ036 did plainly enough by saying it’s rare but there are several recorded instances throughout history!), we’d perhaps tap into it here as well, albeit only on a Lvl 1 or 2 scale, and one that probably knocks them both out at the end of the battle due to the physical toll it would take on them.Or, if not that? Then ditch Bond Phenomenon altogether and just give Ash a goddamn mega evolution, particularly in the form of ‘Zard Y. I’d be very happy with that as well, especially since Ash wearing his Key Stone attached to his hat would be adorable (and a nod to Red, whom the anime team specifically said they pulled from when putting together Ash’s XY design, most notably with the sideburns). Either way, Ash-Greninja is getting the boot for sure. Gtfo, froggo. No one wants you here.

Last (but certainly not least), I wanted a real confrontation between Lysandre and Sycamore over what Lysandre did to Alan—the lies, the manipulation, the abuse. We see in TSME 4 that Sycamore gives Lysandre a cold reception when first meeting him, and I really, really wanted Sycamore to go save his son, or at least confront Lysandre over it. So I definitely would have worked that in there, as well as more focus on Sycamore and Alan’s father-son bond in general. We needed more of that. More childhood flashbacks, perhaps (imagine flashbacks showing little five-year-old Alan, fdsfdsafda), some more heart-to-hearts near the end, perhaps … things like that. So, an actual confrontation between Lysandre and Sycamore, and more focus on Sycamore and Alan’s father-son bond, yesssss.

There is a lot more that I would change, I feel, but these are major ones. And this is super long/a lot as it is, so … that should tell you how many feelings I have over it, haha.

#five things i would change meme #decadeoldtiger #long post for ts

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