#people who like this word vomit have my upmost respect

[thedarkmistress16]

please gush about your passions and pastimes!!! I would love to hear about them

ack- im happy you want to hear about them!

Passions:

obvs as y'all know recently and just in gen., i guess, writing- i love crafting worlds and stories where anything can happen and just creating scenes above all else, like getting lost in the details of everything. I love getting lost in my own world and making myself happy as most self-indulgent writers do (and showing off my legitimate skill in a proper form of writing after doing shitpost-y things for so long is pretty rejuvenating, XD). And upon going back to some of my older, posted works and wips, I still laugh at the dumb shit I thought was the best stuff ever and now find myself giving those ideas a refresher like my last writing update, because it's still a legitimately enjoyable read.

i love sketching for similar reasons, but more so to visualize a fuzzy, almost-there idea, usually about fashion. Like recently I re-drafted some outfits for a fic idea I had, in order to make the world and designs make sense in my head. And I redesigned an existing outfit, running with certain themes and embellishments in design. I'm so happy I can churn out simple sketches like that when i really put my mind to it and feel content with the finished product nowadays. I feel accomplished as a hobby artist now and it's all thanks to heavy online research, a few how-to books, and putting effort into one art class. It's the second hobby of mine that I want to be good at, almost as much as my writing. Speaking of, I sometimes draw what I write or dream about because it's that prominent in my head.

Wow i love music guys- ha, but you already knew that *lenny face*

Past times:

I really like playing the simpler games in life- not as much in the vein of it being less difficult or busy, but more so with fewer controls, interesting mechanics, and a captivating style that I can easily fuck around in or beat some levels for a few hours. Bring on the (spider) solitare (only 4 suit sucks ass why do i do this to myself), jewel quest (FUCK YOU CROWS), barbie's fashion show (SINGLE DREAM-), zoo tycoon (fuck guest happiness), and sonic adventure or x-men of course.

MMD vids are v neat, like I know a handful of choreos that are fun as past midnight exercises to get my blood pumping and i get to discover new songs and learn more about other languages at the same time! Also the aph as mmd crack vids are the best whether its them making 'i hate this' or 'yeah im hot shit' faces or being completely into it as they're forced to dance or simply copying a vine. Like, they give me brainrot and serotonin at the same time its so fun. I love seeing all the different outfits for mmd vids in general, too, on top of new covers i never would've known about.

I really love analyzing things in general, actually. It's how I learn most of the things I do and know now, even though it technically causes me to lose large chunks of time because all i'm doing is staring at the damn thing, XD. Sometimes (all the time) I'll look at a gif or vid of a character changing their facial expression as they do/say something and I'll be completely enthralled by it. Something similar happens when I stare at REALLY GOOD artwork. I think it's the technical part of my brain trying to figure out the individual elements which make up whatever that thing is, like what facial muscles are being used to convey that emotion or mix of them, what the character is feeling, how the lighting or shading of the environment or extra details in editing affects said expression, etc. And for art, I'm thinking of the lines, posture, composition, object placement, color palette, negative space, tone, and all that jazz you learn from studying art.

Scrapbooking is a fun pastime for me that's extended from celebratory cards to actual gifts to my personal sketchbooks. It's part of the "creating something out of nothing/seeing what you can create with some basic templates and decorations" kind of mindset. And it makes me happy because I get to be creative and my family members and friends (even my employer) love them as part of their gifts every time and come to expect it from me each holiday, so I'm constantly encouraged to do it in the best way. I've recently kinda gone overboard on using ribbons and charms for the spiral and stickers and washi tape for the actual book itself on my sketchbooks, but I find myself wanting to draw in it more because I did that, lol.

I love rewatching the things I love. I usually have the same commentary about it, but its nonetheless enjoyable. And I never know what new thing I'll discover about it next, even if i've seen it over 50 times and only have it on as background noise and don't actually watch it. And yes, I will easily let something play on repeat at least that many times in my lifespan as well (like, a full day of it, at least).

wow i love staring at characters im attracted to for hours on end can i get a HUYEA-

#ask for moi #im glad your interested- truly. made my day! *happy tears* #people who like this word vomit have my upmost respect

[art-a-la-autumn]

TW: Mentions of Grooming/Pedophilia, Sexual Predation, Suicide, use of an abuser's name, etc...

I know I have not been on Tumblr as a Genshin fan artist for long, nor do I even really have a following, but I want to go on the record of how appalled I am by Tighnari's former ENG VA's, Elliot Gindi's, actions. Tighnari was one of my favorite characters in Genshin. (I know how to separate character from actor so Tighnari technically still is my favorite character but he will be benched until they rectify his casting. This is beside the point). I am going to go at length about why Gindi's actions are inexcusable. Be warned my words may be graphic.

One of the biggest parts of Tighnari that appealed to me in the first place was his personality and by extension, the life to the character that Gindi was able to bring forth with his lines. But as a voice actor, of course he would know how to act. Many, including myself, fell for his awkward and goofy persona he wanted us to believe. And so the news left me feeling betrayed, shaking with rage and feeling like I was about to vomit - it physically hurt. If that was my reaction as a regular fan, I cant even begin to fathom the pain that the victims felt and are undoubtedly still feeling. I have the upmost respect for those who came forward despite the painful memories that would resurface, the victim blaming they could face, and also his moderators that helped make it public despite the risks, having been so close to that monster.

As a content creator, you have to set boundaries between you and your fans. There will be fans who form strong attachments to you and it is your responsibility to stop these parasocial relationship from happening. Not actively feed into them and using them to your advantage to gain sexual favors from fans, especially underage ones. Gindi broke all of these rules for his own personal gain just because he was "horny". Taking advantage of someone's naivety and claiming friendship in order to make them trust you just to take advantage of them is grooming, regardless of if they are underage of not. It applies to really young adults too. Whether he knew someone was a minor or not (which I do not believe, he definitely knew), he's still a groomer because he knew they were young regardless and used that to his advantage. His apologies and claims that he thought he was being "safe and consensual" mean nothing. The screenshots prove that what he knew what he was doing was wrong and yet he continued anyway out of personal greed because he was on a power trip: plain and simple.

And as this world continues to grow harder to live in, depression and suicidal ideations have never been higher. We don't need people like Gindi who will use threats of suicide to manipulate his victims into staying and suffering at his hand even longer. Not to get too personal, but a relative's friend committed suicide at the start of the year. IT. RUINED. THEM. I've seen how suicide affects those who are close to those who commit it. To use suicide as an ultimatum to continue abusing victims is FUCKED UP beyond belief. You "didn't think through the severity of that"? I call bullshit. Gindi knew what he was doing to to ensure maximum mental anguish to ensure he got want he wanted.

This post is already really long so I will wrap it up. This man is a grooming egocentric manipulator. He's not sorry for anything other than that he was caught. He should be in jail and away from the public so he can never hurt anyone again. I hope that hole in his wall swallows him up and sends him to hell to burn for what he's done. If you still support him after what he has done DNI. If you try to defend him, I will block you. I will not play games with anyone who wants to excuse or support the depraved crimes he has committed.

#genshin impact #genshin #tighnari #tighnari va #elliot gindi #tw grooming #tw sexualization of minors #tw sex abuse #tw sa #tw suicide

[storyunrelated]

Concern!

Here's another useless self-revelation:

Writing – like most forms of artistic expression – is a reflection of the person wot did it. This is not a new concept. People have personal styles, preferred themes, recurring motifs and all sorts of nonsense like that.

People are who are they are, and who they are is reflected in what they do. Even the most mercenary jobber churning out dreary pablum for cash to be gorged upon by people with no real taste still has a thumbprint they'll leave on what they do. That's just how it works.

And a key ingredient of this is generally some level of concern for what the end product is and what it is about.

Stop me if I've talked about this before. Wait, don't, because I have.

What I'm saying is that for people to want to put the effort into finishing and refining something they'll have to have at least a modicum of passion for the project. Even if it's just to try and turn it into a moneyspinner, they have to care.

Most, of course, care because they care. These stories and these meatpuppets are their babies and they are – on a personal level! - deeply entwined with what happens in these stories and to those involved in them. I'm back to talking about writing specifically now, just to say. Keep up.

This is an attitude that is vital, and one I much admire. As I've often mentioned I have the upmost of respect for people who finish things, even if I'm often seen to titter at the end-result of their work.

I titter good-naturedly! Because I love finished things, even when not aimed at me. I love revelling in something someone has put time into, to see a world they've put together, even if I'm poking fun at it sometimes.

What a dick...You listening to to this guy? Fuck.

But anyway.

There's that. And to do that you have to care. A whole bunch. This is, you'll remember, a setting and a cast that you'll be stuck with for a whole long while. As you draft, and redraft, and edit and so on before eventually winding up with a finished product. Perhaps across multiple books!

You have to care about these meatpuppets! How could you not? Even if you hate them that's at least feeling something about them, yes? That's some part of yourself invested in them, yes?

And of course for that to happen you have to put a bit of yourself into this! Into these meatpuppets! Into these events! Into these twists and turns of plot! You yourself have care, have to be put out there! There's a vulnerability in exposing yourself so.

Creating anything – a story, specifically, here – is a declaration that you believe what you've created has worth that others ought to see. From the get-go you've made a statement! People should see this, you say!

That's painting a target on your back, that is.

And even the most wide-reaching, popular works have detractors. How could they not? That is life. Likewise, even the vilest, most disgusting books you can imagine have fans.

That's just how it goes. Put yourself out there, let people see a part of you that you think is important in a way that YOU think is engaging and it's inevitable.

None of this should come as a shock to anyone, of course.

The purpose of these rambles is mostly to outline stuff for myself anyway. Hence 'talking to myself' as a tag, see? I know how tags work. I'm an adult. I know the internet. I'm a big deal. Probably.

Point is – if there is a point – I don't do any of that. That stuff up there you're supposed to do? Yeah, I don't do any of it.

I have mentioned previously that most of what I write is basically a joke and this remains true. One day someone will successfully work out that my ridiculously over-the-top way of describing things in the shorter stories is a joke, because that's what it is. It amuses me greatly.

If you consider what you're doing a joke you abdicate all personal attachment to the end-result. It's why I don't proof-read, it's why I don't edit. It's why I don't (or at least rarely) ever go back and fix or fiddle. I just pinch something off, shove it out and go “Meh I don't care whatever who cares?”.

It's pretty transparent, and I'm aware of this. My personal, all-consuming, soul-deep terror of failure is such that everything must be a joke lest anything be seen to be taken seriously. To take something seriously – to hope for success – is to invite pain. If you don't care about anything then nothing bothers you. But nothing matters, either, and everything feels the same.

My life is a dull, grey plateau. With balloons, because it's not that bad. It's just not that good, either. It's just not that anything.

So no, nothing serious. No investment. No passion. No concern for these meatpuppets. Characters are the last thing on my mind when I get an idea. The idea comes first, and the second thought is always how the idea can be made into a quick joke. Never lengthened. The longer something gets the weaker I become and the more obvious my flaws are. Avoid. Hide. Never do that.

I mean, we saw Cold, Hard Hugs, right? That thing was quite long and it is a fucking plotless mess. It's likely that a small amount of fiddling – okay, a fairly large amount – could turn it into something...semi-workable. Maybe. Possibly. But that sort of personal involvement is horrifying. Best to keep things short and ridiculous. The better to remain numb.

This sort of attitude works fine for flash, because no-one gives a shit anyway. But the instant I turn my attention to anything longer everything falls apart in an instant. If I don't care about whatever happens to these meatpuppets when their story gets longer than a page then why the fuck should anyone else. You know?

So whatever.

So how do I fix this?

I don't know.

My suggestion to myself? To you?

Force of will. Power through. Stop doing dumb shit like this and wasting time and sitting around with your thumb up your arse staring into space and thinking about nothing and actually just, you know, vomit up some words.

Writing is easy. Writing in bulk is easy. Making what you've written readable is hard. Making what you've written something that others would actually want to read and will come to you to read more of is harder still.

Mostly. There's a trick to it. Let's not get into that yet. Just...it's an attitude thing right now.

You prick.

#Talking to myself #Amwriting #writing #wrtiblr #writeblr