#people who have autism. can also have those

[worms-in-my-brain]

I’m begging people to use critical thinking skills when it comes to psychiatry and psychology.

Therapy is not a cure-all. Sometimes therapy can hurt more than it helps. I actually have overall negative experiences with therapy! From therapists telling me my violent thoughts were due to me being ace-spec to therapists who see an autism diagnosis and start baby talking me and trying to contact my parents instead of just asking me things directly… to therapists I just don’t mesh with and whose therapy styles don’t work well with me. Telling people to unilaterally seek therapy when they have any sort of mental issue without warning them of the risks as well is irresponsible.

At the same time, though, just because therapy can be bad and just because psychology can be used as a tool to oppress neurodivergent people does not mean it has zero use and nobody needs mental health treatment. Mental health problems are still very real and, in many cases, they can still hurt the people who have them. And even when it’s a neurodivergence that’s not a mental illness, people still need help coping! People with depression and/or anxiety still need access to therapy and medications, people with ADHD still need medications, people with BPD still need DBT, etc. Even though these psychiatric diagnoses may be in part (or in whole) social constructs, that doesn’t mean that these treatments don’t work, it doesn’t mean that there still aren’t people out there trying to come up with better treatments every day.

Psychology is a tool of social control, but it is also a science. You can’t focus on one of those aspects while completely ignoring the other. It’s dangerous.

#psychology #neurodivergent #mentally ill

[hazbinhotelho]

Stolas and Blitz are both autistic and just have different special interests. You can't change my mind.

#stolitz #helluva boss blitz #helluva boss blitzø #helluva boss #helluva boss stolas #stolas #stolas goetia #listen i know they might be going more in the direction of “blitz has a personality disorder” #but hear me out #people who have autism. can also have those #(yes im projecting a little bit but that's what fandom is for) #listen that one interaction with little blitz and stolas?? peak me as a kid #as in i was both sides depending on if it was related to my special interests or not

[grantwilsonenjoyer]

why did i just see someone complaining abt ppl headcanoning dndads characters being neurodivergent. And technically they only mentioned ocd and autism specifically. But i suspect it is not just those (although ppl Were also talking about adhd and they didnt seem to have any problem with that! Hm. Wonder Why!)

dog consider that this is a Nonissue. "But but 😭. why are you talking about this in context of a dnd podcast and making them seem like fun character quirks" my brother in christ they literally said they relate to this character and ALSO have that so u KNOW why + even if they didnt it doesnt MATTER as long as they r not being weird abt it

As long as people are respectful (and the ppl theyre referring to Were!) there is quite literally nothing wrong with saying "hey i have xyz disorder and this character shows traits and has relationships that strongly imitate xyz disorder". OR EVEN "hey this character who has been through this traumatic thing probavly has xyz trauma related disorder." Or perhaps "Hey this character meets the criteria for/shows symptoms of xyz and interpreting them as such is a way to explore their character in a new light"

I would argue in fact that it is an issue to say "you arent allowed to talk about any of these in reference to characters because it's making a joke of them" or whatever. Dude people with ocd Exist. And.! people with literally anything else!. it is absurd to imply that mental illnesses/disorders cannot be considered and explored when interpreting stories. Like that is ridiculous

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #AND ALSOOO not to mention! #the players have literally brought up autism hcs. they support people making them. who CARES #+ the literal podcast is about generational trauma what do u mean they are making light of issues #if you only listen to the pod as fun background noise that is Fine but do not act like it can't have meaningful interpretations 😭 #idk . even in media that's not particularly “serious” u can still have these hcs. its like saying u cant make gay or trans hcs #like i do hate to break it to u but those people just Exist . it is bot absurd to say that they may Also exist in a piece of media #we need critical thinking skills BACK

[swordsonnet]

sorry but saying that the accessibility needs of mentally disabled people are just preferences or about "comfort" is blatantly incorrect. if i can't enter a building because the bright lights and loud noises would send me into a meltdown, then i can't enter the building, and that's not less important than me not being able to enter a building because it's not wheelchair accessible. if you genuinely think that mentally disabled people aren't really struggling, and that it's okay to mock their very real concerns, then that just shows that you've been refusing to listen to their experiences. do better or shut the fuck up.

#yeah yeah i know i said i wouldn't post about this stupid fucking 'discourse' anymore #but i keep seeing takes that make my blood boil #physical and mental disabilities are two sides of the same coin! yes there are differences but also a lot of commonalities #but nooooo expecting people to have even an ounce of fucking compassion for those who dont share their exact lived experience #is too much to ask for i guess #i've said this many times before but gatekeeping and infighting will get us nowhere #throwing your fellow disabled people under the bus won't help you #i get people's anger - i have a lot of anger too as someone who is housebound with a physical disability #but other disabled people arent your enemy #and taking your anger out on them is just a dick move #especially if you do so using the same ableist 'its all in your head' rhetoric #that mentally disabled people have had to put up with since forever #disclaimer: obviously not all physically disabled people act like that. from what i can tell its just a small (but very vocal) minority #but it's pervasive enough to make me wary of online spaces for physical disabilities #which is kinda sad seeing as i have a physical disability myself and would love to connect with others #but i'm not super keen on being told that my autism (which has significantly impacted me my whole life) doesn't matter

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

“what to tell a doctor to get an autism diagnosis” “here’s what i learned from realizing i was autistic at 40″ “i would never want a professional diagnosis” “person first language is so regressive” “autism symptoms are only a problem because of ableism” “we dont need treatment” “no autistic person wants a cure” “four doctors told me i couldn’t be autistic so i found a fifth” “autism is an invisible disability” “dont disclose your neurodivergency to employers” “i/dd and autism have nothing to do with each other” “nt parents/advocates have no place in autism communities” “of course im autistic have you heard me talk about horror movies” babe i have nothing in common with any of you

#completely insane that i will go on autism twitter and somehow i am ''low functioning'' compared to the rest of the people on there. #what are you TALKING about. dont disclose your ''neurodivergency'' to your doctors?? autism is an invisible disability? #we live on different planets. like i think we live on different planets. #sorry but i am twenty two years old and my mother has a fippa exemption to access all my medical info bc if she did not #i would not be able to access healthcare. #the only reason i can live away from home is because i have a cell phone and internet and can keep in touch w family. #my legal government address is my father's house where i have not lived for seven years #because if an important document gets sent to my apartment i will lose it or forget about it and i know this because it's happened. #like ... yeah ! autism IS a spectrum ! and you are not doing such a good job recognizing and supporting people who are #in very different places on that spectrum than you ! #it is. i mean it's kind of a form of hermeneutical injustice to argue that there is no meaningful difference between various groups #of autistic people #like yeah functioning labels suck ASS. also you DO need to be able to identify that there ARE people who need more support #because if you can't name that then you are going to forget that they exist #and i see that all the time. it's aspie supremacy by another name #by erasing people who did not have the privilege of self-diagnosing #who do not have the privilege not to disclose #who do not have the privilege of independent self-advocacy #you are going to end up achieving the same thing that actively dismissing those people achieves #like. i dunno. like i said it's completely bonkers in yonkers that EYE and the UNIVERSITY DEGREE EYE WILL BE GETTING IN TWO MONTHS #and my LEASE and my RESPECTABLE RESUME and my INCOMING SOCIAL WORK LICENSE #feel alienated by the default presumptions the ''autistic community'' seems to operate from about how autistic people function #like jfc if i feel erased and unwelcome then how are you EVER going to make your community accessible and helpful #to people who need miles more support than i do?? #rhi talks #autie tag

[keelanrosa]

terfs when a study shows literally anything positive about trans people/transitioning: 'hm i think this requires some fact-checking. Were those researchers REALLY unbiased? Because if they were biased this doesn't count and if they weren't knowingly biased they probably were unconsciously biased, woke media affects so much these days. Have there been any other studies on this? Because if there haven't been this could be an outlier and if there have been and they all agree that's a bit odd, why aren't there any outliers, and if there have been and any disagree we really won't know the truth until we very thoroughly analyze them all, will we? Were there enough subjects for a good sample size? Did every single subject involved stay involved through the whole study because if they didn't we should be sure nothing shady was going on resulting in people dropping out. Are we 110% sure all the subjects were fully honest and at no point were embarrassed or afraid to admit they didn't love transitioning to the people in charge of their transition? Are we 110% sure none of the subjects were manipulated into thinking they were happy with their transition? In fact we should double-check what they think with their parents, because if the subjects and their parents disagree it's probably because they've been manipulated but their cis parents have not and are very unbiased. How many autistic subjects were there because if there weren't enough then this doesn't really study the overlap between autistic and trans and if there were too many then we just don't know enough about what causes that overlap to be sure this study really explains being trans and isn't just about being autistic. How many AFAB subjects were there because if there weren't enough this is just another example of prioritizing AMAB people and ignoring the different struggles of girls and women and if there were too many how do we know sexism didn't affect the results. Was the study double-blinded? We all know double-blinded is the most reliable so if this one wasn't that's a point against it even if the thesis literally physically could not be double-blinded. Look i'm not being transphobic, i want what's best for trans people! Really! But as a person who is not trans and therefore objective in a way they cannot possibly be, i just think we should only take into account Good Science here. You want to be following science and not being manipulated or experimented upon by something unscientific, right?'

terfs when they see a study of 45 subjects so old it predates modern criteria for gender dysphoria and basically uses 'idk her parents think she's too butch', run by a guy who practiced conversion therapy, 'confirmed' by a guy who treated the significant portion of subjects who didn't follow up as all desisting, definitely in the category of 'physically cannot double-blind this', completely contradicted by multiple other studies done on actual transgender subjects, but can be kinda cited as evidence against transitioning if you ignore everything else about it: 'oOOH SEE THIS IS WHAT WE'RE TALKIN BOUT. SCIENCE. Just good ol' unbiased thorough analysis. I see absolutely no reason to dig any deeper on this and if you think it's wrong you're the one being unscientific. It's really a shame you've been so thoroughly brainwashed by the trans agenda and can't even accept science when you see it. Maybe now that someone has finally uncovered this long-lost study from 1985, we can make some actual progress on the whole trans problem.'

#science #transphobia #cass review #less 'cass review' generally more 'zucker specifically' because this same problem exists outside cass #have lost count of the number of times i've seen 'well THAT study may have said most trans kids persist but it MUST be wrong' #'there's another study says the exact opposite. that one's right. obviously.' #but cass is why i'm annoyed by it now #normally i don't have a problem with critical observations and questions. yeah check your science! that's good! #there have been some bullshit studies and some bullshit interpretations of good studies! scientific literacy is important! #and normally also am willing to pretend the people pulling reaction 1 on some studies and reaction 2 on others are. not the same group. #but now there's a ton of cass supporters tryna say 'oh the cass review didn't reject or downplay anything for being pro-trans!' #'some studies just weren't given much weight for being poor evidence! not our fault those were all studies with results trans people like!' #…….………….aight explain why zucker's findings are used for the 'percentage of trans kids who don't stay trans' stat instead of anyone else's. #would've been more scientifically accurate to say 'yeah we just don't know.' #'studies have been done but none of them fit our crack criteria sooooo *shrug*' #like COME ON at least PRETEND you're genuinely checking scientific correctness and not looking for excuses to weed out undesirable results #am also mad about zucker in particular because his is possibly the most famous bullshit study #quite bluntly if you're doing trans research and think 'yeah this one seems reasonable' you. are maybe not well-informed enough for the job #there's just no way you genuinely look at the research with an eye toward accurate science regardless of personal bias #and walk away thinking 'hm that zucker fellow seems reasonable. competent scientists will respect that citation.' #that's one or two steps above doing a review of vaccine science and seriously citing wakefield's mmr-causes-autism study #it doesn't matter what the rest of your review says people are gonna have OPINIONS on that bit #and outside anti-vaxxers most of those opinions will be 'are you actually the most qualified for this because ummmm.' #people who agree with everything else will still think someone more competent could've done a much better job #people who disagree with everything else will point to that as proof you don't know shit and why should we listen to you #anyway i'd love a hugeass trans science review with actual fucking standards hmu if you know of one cause this ain't it #……does tumblr still put a limit on how many tags you can include guess me and my tag essay are about to find out.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

billions(tm): it's incredible how we just provide a little snippet of material designed to be "guy we all want to push down the stairs immediately somehow" and through this amazing acting alchemy it becomes gold. electric. magnificent. we can't get enough so we will just keep writing this loser character and the actor will somehow keep bringing the dazzling transmutation through his ability

actor will roland: [is aware autistic people are real]

#this is at least half humorous in several ways lmao but also like fr... #winston billions #will roland has pretty much said he is aware that autistic people real. and not [ppl's utterly off the walls assumptions abt what Defines #Autism or what an Autistic Person is like and how you would Know] #i don't think that Billions(tm) would be very much better at that than re: say; taylor's being nonbinary (surprisingly alright yet. u kno) #quant kid 2 could've been anyone but writing Winston is like so certainly the common deal of the inadvertently autistic character #drawing from all the autistic people allistic ppl encounter all thee time without being aware & deciding they're annoying / jerks / too #weird to live too pathetic to die / grating nerds / Funnily Odd in a way you deign to merely raise an eyebrow or scrunch your face at.... #so on so forth. ''oh you know Those People we all know who are just Like That'' #and deciding they must be ''just like that'' b/c they're either too arrogantly rude &/or clueless / Unaware to be neurotypically superior #also do not get me wrong lmao big old proponent of Did You Know That? Actors Act. Now You Know #so of course yes will's acting is off the shits i mean here i am am i right. and he is using it when he is acting. #the acting talent Is off the shits. the tiniest moments they give him & he CRUSHES KILLS it really is amazing i'm not waving it off at all #cue twitter randos so betrayed when kelly aucoin is not dollar bill & is like ''yes in my acting job i'm playing this fuckin asshole'' #meanwhile i'm still following the interviewer who a) asked will anything abt billions b) talked abt the immediate striking intro of will's #as quant kid 2 And the immediate draw of / effervescent dynamic between winston & taylor. Someone Who Gets It #anyway it's like will can fathom that actually the people who are Always ''acting wrong'' w/their bad grating vibes no matter what they do #are not always Those People(tm) who We all know & loathe right....thee magic of knowing winston can be someone fully earnest #and of course always actually trying; & having perfectly comprehensible wants & needs. damn how's he doing that #bringing a certain je ne sais quoi to this Insufferable Loser Nerd material! so we don't mess with the process. #i.e. we will only ever let his role get dunked on forever b/c sure can't fathom anything else anyways. our Correct characters could never.. #only tuk; adjacent in wrong nerd loserdom; can be his friend. rian who is correct but zany with it can be his abusive friend

[citrucee]

a little poster dedicated to all the people who know theres something Going On but dont know if theres anything Going On Enough to be diagnosable. also dedicated to those in the process of looking for a diagnosis

#doodle #autism #also dedicate this to those who have other autistic people go 'dude youre probably autistic' but family vehemently deny it #this is about my own experiences but i know im not the only person who this can apply to so i wanted to post it #also this is like such a serious framing but reading the phrase SCHRODINGER'S AUTISM was so fucking funny to me #so maybe you can find comedy in it too lol

[ethereal-hollow]

Body language "experts" be like: if someone does these things they're actually a lying murderous psychopath :) *proceed to list things I do because of my autism, other mental issues, or culture*

#hollow.txt #I'm just autistic and I struggle with looking people in the eyes and matching my expressions to what I say #and I struggle to talk so I have a minor stutter which also can combine with my anxious stutter #and I gesticulate a lot because I'm italian we communicate with our hands a lot #and between italians I don't even gesticulate that much #and if I seem to go “off script” I actually am not because I'm lying but because I have anxiety and I'm also masking #autism #body language #ableism #and they often also call people who do these narcissistic or sociopathic or antisocial #as if calling people with those disorders liars/dangerous isn't ableist too #hollow.q

[arthur-r]

(wrote this song before i left for college but it’s sure applicable to life right now!!!!)

lyrics: falling from grace, i’m a rusting lace artifact / tears down my face as i break my immortal pact / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / please, i just want one more chance to prove that i could be the— / best friends know how to reveal me / best friends know how hard i try to have something to say / best friends know that it’s not helping / can i just go far away to where there’s nowhere else to— / turn around, up and down, i’m melting!!!! / turn around, i have something to say!!!! / color bleeding, heartbeat leaving, need a place to lay my head / arms are folded, fine print bolded, everything is overloaded!!!!!!!! / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue, i’m coming undone / color faded by the sun, i bite my tongue / trust me, i want to be healthy / trust me, i want to be special and loving and sweet / trust me, i know that i’m broken / trust me, i know that i’m broken….

#when i write a song and don’t know what it means and then i have a breakdown and suddenly know what it means #turns out i have been compartmentalizing since i was a VERY young child as if there are two parts of me completely separate #and one of them is this golden child perfect person always so ready to please #and the other one is a literal fucking monster. that’s how i’ve been thinking about myself since i was a little kid #and i sort of. i had a breakdown about that last week and then yesterday i was so upset about not being able to separate myself from illness #how i’ve always been treated and treated myself as if there’s a perfectly healthy person in there somewhere who is just plagued with demons #so i’m constantly reaching for this person that doesn’t exist and never has and never will #because i can’t accept myself as a whole being complete with good and bad parts of me #it’s also just autism/POTS venting shdhdhdf but i knew that much #it wasn’t until i thought about my childhood though that i realized i’ve always been autistic i’ve always had mobility issues (though less) #and that i have never let myself integrate those aspects of myself into my permanent identity. like i’m waiting for them to go away so i can #prove myself and show how good i can be at just being normal. so i don’t know. anyway here’s a song #P.S. i processed my emotions so good and i’m normal now. gonna get dinner with that guy today and have a normal person conversation #so don’t worry about me. i pretty much fell asleep after i posted and i’m doing a lot better now #anyway i’m not great at this instrument shdhdf and i’ve also been crying so like as a piece of music this isn’t great #but as an expression of a feeling and idea. these are the feelings and ideas i’ve been thinking about #of all the things to theoretically be overheard by a ton of neighbors though. living in a dorm is nerve-wracking!!!! #most people don’t hang around my dorm at this time of day though i’ll be alright. hope everyone is doing well #me. my post. mine. #ask to tag #music

[caterpillarinacave]

I'm suspicious of people who don't like Thomastair. Like why do you hate hope, man, why do you hate joy

Fr, fr, why do you hate happiness. Are you so afraid you’ll never experience that happiness. Are you so afraid you’ll be swept away by a wave while looking for a conch shell of happiness that you won’t go to the beach? Are you so afraid you’ll never feel see that elusive sparkle of love peaking out from behind a cloud that you shake your fist at the suns rays and run for the closure of your bitterness when the sky starts to darken?

#Also feel the exact same way about Henry and Charlotte #I love Matthew incredibly much but the moment someone starts talking about why Charlotte is the “worst” I’m like oh. you’re one of those #One of those “totally disregard all the characters from TID so you can make your blorbo angstier” #“Totally diss this other character so I can take the easy way and blame someone else for my characters problem instead of doing what you- #Should do which is analyze your blorbo and realize that of course their problems aren’t their fault it’s a mixture of circumstances and- #As a human being blorbo is flawed and that doesn’t make him any less worthy of love or any less of person and blaming other characters - #Cheapens that” #Also I haven’t met many people who don’t like Henry but somehow all the ones who do manage to be ableist #“He’s literally useless. He just walks around like an idiot. I mean what’s even the point if you’re like that? #-shockingly someone who favors autism speaks #Same person once hit me with things like “what do autsitic people even do for society. If I was disabled I’d just kill myself. It’s so - #Sad you’re autistic now you can’t get married. Autistic people really shouldn’t have kids they can’t be good parents” #Look man all the people who don’t like Henry bring it around to some variation of “he’s useless” #Literally in way world #Doesn’t align with your ableist opinion on what makes someone a full person or what constitutes love sure #But you’re incredibly wrong and all autistic people hate you #In short: people hate to see the girlies winning

[bloodyke]

i hate when you can tell someone has a specific undiagnosed disorder but you can't bring it up to them bc you dont know whether they'll get offended and take it wrong or not.... like i dont mean it in a "you're crazy. freak. get help (insult)" way but in a "hey ive recognized some of the symptoms you're displaying and i think you should go get screened for x bc i know you have been struggling lately" way

#zenith.txt #this happens all the time with autism specifically bc i recognize those symptoms immediately bc of all my research i did to make #my diagnosis binder i could show professionals #this post was brought on bc i have a friend who i believe may have bipolar disorder and i really care about this person and i know that #getting treatment for that will improve their life quite a bit but i dont want them to take it the wrong way if i bring it up....... #i also recognize bipolar symptoms bc that was one of the differental diagnosises i ruled out for myself lmaoo #but yeah idk how to bring it up with them bc i dont wanna seem like im armchair diagnosing and bc bipolar is a 'stigmatized' disorder #maybe one day ill muster up the courage to say something #if you think this is about you its probably not BUT you should still research bipolar anyway to help destigmatize it <3 #knowing the symptoms & how they present in people can be beneficial in helping the people around you & for ruling out your own diagnosises #just to make it clear i dont like vaguing about my friends where they can see it if that eases any anxiety that its about you

[milkweedman]

Finished spinning skein 3 for that sweater today, definitely going thru the wool pretty fast :/ ive been poking thru my stash (of both fleece and yarn) looking for things to bulk it up with, and the main issue im coming up against is that i want to dye this sweater once it's done because i absolutely dont want a white sweater... but i also dont really spin white yarn (usually i dye everything as fleece before i spin it). So im thinking of either knitting the body of this sweater out of this bfl x, dyeing it, and then knitting the arms out of some colored yarn that ive already spun, or else pausing the knitting for a little bit, spinning some brown yarn for all the ribbing and some stripes or colorwork or something, and hoping thats enough to get on with. I like the second idea better tbh. I have some nice soft jacob that would texturally be similar enough to not make me scream, and i could probably mix it with alpaca to make it especially soft.

Anyway, i know the fact that im liveblogging my extremely unplanned and chaotic sweater spin and knit is probably driving a few of you insane, but it's like they say: the first casuality is the plan, which means you might as well just do whatever

#i am also trying to get over my strong aversion to the idea that i can knit things from the fleece of more than one sheep #not to mention. totally different breeds. its an insane aversion that is also constantly holding me back #bc i seem to never have enough of one fleece to make what i want to make #the other thing is that im curious how people with a similar flavor of adhd/autism made their clothes historically #especially those who also suck at spinning two or more identical skeins #i already figured out that for thinner skeins i should just hold some white scrap alongside it to bulk it up #(yes it is a different fiber type. yes i have to consciously tell myself its Not A Big Deal) #anyway. sorry if this makes no sense i am deep in the throes of adhd brain today #sweater #knitting #bfl x #spinning

[kimtranssexler]

A lot of ppl ask if I’m autistic. It makes me think

#bc for a while I thought I was. before my doctor told me that adhd existed #but now I really don’t think I am #I think the way I present is maybe similar to how some autistic people might present bc of their autism #but I think what’s going on in my head is a little different #do you get what I mean #but like also I wouldn’t know. i have no way of knowing what it’s like in other ppls heads #so who knows #it’s just I don’t really have sensory issues is the thing. like a tad bit. but even neurotypicals have a tad bit of sensory issues #and like with social cues…I DO understand social cues. it’s just I can’t figure out how to react to them #so for those reasons I don’t think I can be #it’s just so many ppl think I am that like. idk. it’s just interesting to me. why that is. like I know why but still why

[multimousenette]

I was ABOUT to make a post about you shine from Carrie being an adrienette song especially w the lyric “no photograph could possibly show/the you I know” and then only a few lines later is “I’ll be your mirror and you can be mine” and obvs kagami means mirror and I am once again back at the which adrigaminette combo best fits Carrie/Sue/Tommy.

#was about to say that adrien couldn’t be Carrie but like. I CAN imagine #Gabriel singing some version of I remember how those boys could dance #or at least adrien & Gabriel having that argument #marinette as the Carrie to Chloe’s Chris makes most sense #which then implies adrien as sue and kagami as Tommy which is what I’m doing in my fic #but kagami as sue adrien as Tommy also makes sense cos kagami asking adrien to take marinette on a date seems feasible #OTOH Chloe hates kagami and if we have an au where adrien has been at school w them since they were kids #I can imagine him helping Chloe and marinette make friends and then we could have marinette as sue adrien Tommy #and kagami as Carrie which. abusive mum (check) autism (check) no real friends at the start of the show (check) #if adrien is Carrie tho which way around would marinette and kagami be #god they STILL BOTH WORK #both of them are very much people who would (to butcher a phrase) cut off their nose to help someone else #anyway I’m so glad Carrie ends with sue Tommy and Carrie skipping prom together and then they help Carrie leave her mum

[seilon]

pretty sure I’ve been hypomanic the last week or so and I’m not sure what to do about it

#weird to be hypomanic and extremely self isolating and avoidant of addresssing important things at the same time but here we are #i have no idea what fucking amalgamation of mental illnesses and whatever else is going on with me lately but it sure is alot #there is something very wrong with me and at this point i cant pinpoint it to any one thing it’s just. i think. a handful of things #that uhhh don’t work well together that’s for sure #i feel like I should maybe look up some stuff on comorbid bipolar II and autism cause that’s probably the best way to describe the totality #of whats going on with me #whatever it is it’s wrong there is something very very wrong with me #i need a therapist badly but guess what??? whatever’s fucking wrong with me has made me avoid looking at my email for like a week for no #god damn reason and I haven’t been able to make myself do anything important and applicable to myself in the Real World #again for literally no fuckign reason and it’s just making things progressively worse cause they stack up and ssome of those things can/will #piss off my mom who I also want to avoid but I can’t because if I don’t pick up the phone the second time she calls she will call my #roommate and threaten to call the police basically #so #that’s where I’m at #this is the first time I’ve ever ghosted literally everyone before though. that’s new. really funny how that works. self isolation is #probably driving me literally insane but for whatever reason my brain says Aha what if you distanced yourself even more? even from people #you don’t see in real life? what if you put all your effort and thoughts into one topic and obsess over it for god knows how long to the #extent of not wanting to do anything else basically but shit related to that special interest or whatever it is #it’s so funny that I’ve literally not hung out with friends at all in real life nor made any new friends irl this entire year #like literally. literally I do not have friends. that’s so wild cause I’ve been saying this for literally months and it never changes #anyway I’m probably gonnna go back to frantically writing notes on this one topic and neglecting all communication and responsibilities #so. yeah #kibumblabs #I need serious help. i wish I had people around me who cared enough to make me get it #i wish I didn’t have to do literally everything myself #my ‘bf’ (if you can call him that. i doubt it at this point for several reasons) hasn’t spoken to me nor I to him in I don’t even know how l #long now and my radio silence on discord and texts doesn’t seem to matter to him. i could be dead for all he knows lol #he doesn’t care he has other people now. #no one else I know irl reaches out and if they did I’d probably not answer for no reason. i guess because I love sabotaging myself #it’s great. I’m great.