#only to get mad that im depressed

[birdantlers]

can people stop fuckin bricking amazon for the tiktok water bottle I'm not a consumerist trendygirl I just live in texas.

#i only want the damn thing bc it's giant and leakproof #and doesn't just have a big hole that sloshes it all over your face when you try to quickly inhale water between customers in the summer #just take the stupid stanleys im fighting for my life here #skit yells #the weather is getting warmer and my seasonal depression is nigh #when the days get longer my mental state hits the fuckin dirt the sun was not meant to set past 7pm #cruel cruel world #fun fact i didnt even know it was a tiktok thing hdjchdjd #i had never even heard of it and i was like ooo new secret goated water bottle? 👁️ bc i saw some tweet comment about it #and then everyone on the planet was trying to buy one ffs #yes i realize this is silly I'm just sitting in the target parking lot mad bc i wasted the gas bdnfhdkjd

[soldier-poet-king]

God forgive me I got bored and looked at my tumblr fyp and got blasted with blatant antisemitism AND vaccine conspiracy theories AND anti public school libertarian sentiment

The problem with being religious, specifically christian (i can't speak to if this is a universal experience across faiths, I somehow doubt it), is that I cannot stand the vast majority of my co-religionists, and online it seems that I'm only ever 3 degrees of association away from the most batshit godawful opinions I've ever had the misfortune to read

#franposting #i dont wish evil on anyone #but i think some people would benefit GREATLY from never being on the internet or having access to a public platform again #go join a monastery and engage in good wholesome work and contemplate your actions #and most importantly. stop annoying ME. i am SO ANGRY all the TIME #anyway whining but this is not abt anyone i follow directly or who follows me #so its fine. its 7 degrees of kevin bacon but evil #today is in essence a monday since yesterday was a stat holiday #and i am TOO tired to deal with this on a monday #where im bored out of my mind at work bc boss is STILL away #and i can only generate so much busywork #but my scruples keep me from just. blatantly watching tv on my phone. #im gonna go reas that data bias invisible women book and make myself even more mad #its not even new info to me. some of her examples maybe. but like simone de beauvior was right oh we're really in it now #i havent read the secind sex cover to cover yet only bc i think i will get so angry depressed that I'll never recover #the parts i have read. v good.

[lollytea]

with all your vague posting like "sure hope we get a lot of *insert character or ship* in FTF" is scaring me, Lolly. You've seen it and it scares me because you know something the majority of us dont...

"The majority"

#the amount of little rats who have watched it and are lurking in the shadows giggling #its frightening #anyway i sure do hope willow and hunter stand in the same frame together #(maybe im happy. maybe a character i like got a cool scene or two. maybe i liked what i saw and idk how else to be quiet about it.) #(or maybe im mad. maybe im disappointed and need to complain about. maybe i wanted so much more.) #(maybe ftf was my favourite episode to date. maybe it was so poorly written that it made me depressed.) #(maybe maybe maybe....) #(did willow get any attention? or am I as a willow stan venting about her lack of focus in the only way i know?) #(or is it the exact opposite?) #(idk cant say)

[todayisafridaynight]

once more thinking about The Morning Of New Years 2001 and its just now dawning on me that arakawa really chugged two bottles of booze and smoked A Fuck Bitch of ciggies Presumably before noon. like dire situation i know but god damn guy got a lot done in two hours

#snap chats #AND he's just chilling in the dark. ok not 'chilling' but yk what i mean #either he can really hold his liquor or bro picked up some .5% shit #now some might say 'snap it's two hours' and to that i say 'it's only been two hours' he just walkin off two bottles like theyre nothin #unless he is The Most Functional Drunk perceivable theeeeeen CHRIST #in all fairness he is only sitting so no fear of him tripping and banging his head into his desk but still #were you doin twenty-minute rule my dude... funny as hell consideration considering. The Fuck Bitch Of Ciggies #like i dont think health consciousness is on the table this morning.. #what time is it. at that point. i keep telling myself i'd try to hunt down the time in-game but i doubt i'd find anything #arakawa office so fucked for not having a clock on the wall like girl id go mad not knowing what time it is #can i get a timeline of events for what happened. jo calls -> presumably they talk about a plan -> drink time #i doubt arakawa would be lying about the time sawashiro got in contact with him.... unless he did.... lol... anyway.. #i just want a timeline of events like masato commits murder at midnight -> calls jo afterwards -> ??? #did my guy sleep on it.. did he think of a plan all night... #ok bye i cant be sittin on this all night i have a comic im lining. which is why i made this post LMAO #I REMINDED MYSELF OF ARAKAWA'S DEPRESSION BREAKFAST ok bye

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

what is wrong with my dad i hope he dies man wtf😭

#tickets didn't get confirmed so he's like gaadi se aa jao??? bc akal nahi hai kya car se aayi aisi journey jisme train se 12 hr lagte hai #mujhe nahi jana car is so suffocating and i feel sick and i hate trips longer than like 3 hours #and what am i supposed to do for so fucking in the car ill go fucking insane i was literally folding clothes and thinking what am i even #doing with my life why am i alive i need to kill myself end it all its all pointless #the only way to stop these thoughts is being busy and studying doesn't help and watching 5 hours of netflix doesn't help #now im supposed to be alone with my thoughts and my phone and my depressing music #and be anxious in the car all the time because he is mad at me cause i haven't been studying so idk what he'll do when i get there #probably make me drop out of those tuis or be like you stay here with me in the middle of nowhere #great just fucking grand

[samaspic31]

how the fuck do i kick the entire planet into not doing bad shit. how do i bring back forever use objects being the norm. how do i thanos snap plastic and overpackaging and things science has demonstrated beyond doubt to be harmful out of existence. How do i destroy normative thinking from my tiny small individual life that might lead me to meet maybe max a couple thousands people let alone bond and inlfuence them. how i live without participating to unethical shit when the entire structure of everything pushes me to it and destroyed the alternatives or made them luxuries. the situation is too late to do things half way and the gvernement isn't even doing that on the things needed to keep everybody alive and insisted on hosting two of the most waste inducing sports events. My mind is gonna break get me out of here to where i can do SOMETHING anything without having to think of capitalist destructive structures PLEASE

#im having a villain arc about failing to make my lifestyle environmentally ethical and to shake my entourage out of their habits #tack on regular old bigotry and unwillingness to change of the ppl i do have channels to convince and complete inability to reach ppl in po #er #and the pervaciousness of those issues in ALL areas of daily life all the object surrounding me and all entertainment #im walking in nightmares constantly and everything feels pointless not good enough and doomed #depression lies and happiness isn' t stupid but i genuinely cannot get joy in those conditions there's like sirens blaring in my head and #the entire would have to flip the switch off for it to stop screaming #im gonna make a tag for climate anxiety induced rambles #everything is wrong #i can't even pick up a lego set without thinking of plactic waste and overpackaging #i don't mean to poop on people's fun !! but the capitalism has corrupted all the fun and im going mad #my goals for what mainstream society are so so far and unachievable and yet they'd be the only saving #anyways past to posting mindless fnarts. typing on a computer feels bad with how it's produced #i just. make stuff ethical im begging

[twistedappletree]

.

#apple babble 🍎 #non fandom #i need life to give me a fucking break fr like????? #almost immediately after i finally crawled out of a major depressive episode #infected fucking dog bite from some asshole’s unleashed dog #major tooth abscess that literally has my entire left side of my face and head and neck throbbing with pain #can’t afford to get the damn thing pulled until a few more days #so my body is fighting 2 major infections rn and my heart rate is at a constant 100-115 #can’t think straight can’t focus on anything #couldn’t walk priya today bc of how shitty i feel #had an EXTREMELY stressful anxiety ridden day with my client today which didn’t help anything #my work days have been so fucking long that i don’t have time to take care of my medical stuff before everything closes #i had to race to get my antibiotics WHILE i was working bc i knew i wouldn’t get there in time after work #bc my fucking client kept adding shit for me to do last minute #then was like ‘oh btw you only have an hour to make these 10 fucking stops bc my appt is soon’ #give me a fucking break liKE COME THE FUCK ON #IM SO MAD AND ANNOYED #i didn’t even walk the dogs this morning #i just too them to a secluded place off the trail and fucking cried for an hour #i really hate things rn like i really hate how difficult and fucking expensive it is to stay alive #i fucking HATE IT #delete later #i guess idfk whatever

[mistninja]

I hate being poor 🤣

#insane that i got paid almost double my salary this month and that a lot of it was surprise money that i wasnt expecting and hoped i could #use as i wished #and a week later im already on the red again 👍 and the only thing i got for myself was a hoodie #a very nice hoodie but it wasnt even an expensive one it was quite cheap #i keep paying my parents bills and its okay i get it im not mad at them we are in a terrible financial situation and i want to help #but bro 😭 i thought i would get some nice stuff for myself and maybe even have money left to go out #every month i keep thinking this is when things are finally gonna start getting better and in a way yeah things are better than at the start #of 2023 #but its so depressing #anyways. rant over. im sure by the end of the year everything will have fallen into place 🧍‍♂️ #personal

[acesammy]

I don’t mean to be a hater but can we please do a spin-off that’s a good premise now?

#bobby Rufus prequel #can I get my Bobby Rufus prequel #spare bobby Rufus prequel??? #spn #that being said they should actually just let it die #also Im gonna be real here #I only watched one ep of Winchesters #and the ep itself was fine but I kept seeing red bc the premise still makes me mad #I LIKE how fucking batshit depressing the main show is in regards to John and Mary #lea speaks

[pepprs]

idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#delete later #im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty #and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related #replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has #opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg #i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy #purrs #also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old #characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped #landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only #ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing #all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so #sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j #just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was #important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i #feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those #friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters #when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me #in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol #* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad) #like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th #the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain #anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but #i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol #also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned #that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all #anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all

[klinejack]

well that was worse than i remembered :(((

#live reaction of crowley watching this episode from the empty on chucktv #i may have been blinded by the jack feels that first watch #i remember crying a lot too #now im just annoyed and mad we had to go through that #we went through it for tw ofucking weeks and then wewere murdered in cold blood #someone really needs to be prosecuted..... #anyway its over. next i get to watch some samruby smut godlovem #supernatural #stackednatural #fuck ive already giffed the only 2 scenes worth giffing..... #do i do them again since its teh other blog? #do i do a depressing mix?

[sensitivedead]

:--)

#VENT IN TAGS #OH i love doing this #my feelings about my depression atm feel so weeird #im just mad #like its so annoying to have to keep picking myself back up lol #i wish i could just function and regulate myself better? im really bad at it #its like #i can do all this shit that helps me get out of all of the different this affect me #but its so easy for me to get lost in the depression and to not do that #like i forget that when im like literally just confused with my emotions and in a fog and i dont want to do things im interested in #and not able to fight this boredom i call it ive been out of therapy a long time idk therapy speak anymore but this lack of socal wtv #thing idk ANYWAYS but i KNOW things i can do to help myself to get out of that #i havent been lately and idk #im in a moment of clarity but trying to get back into #a routine since moving out i havent had one or the one ive had is like not good for me leading me to a bad state of self #i need to get back on vitamins and shit i might take gaba and htp 5 again and i know im deficient in like vitamin #b12 and vitamin d and magnesium but since i moved i havent reupped my supply lmao and its been over a year!! RIP i did this but #i dont have a great social life? i have strong family and a loving bf and close friend but a lot of its complicated and i struggle #communicating online (LOL THIS SUCKS NO? I CAN WORK ON IT IG BUT LIKEAAAA--) and i basically only wanna talk to people IRL but im home #constantly so i just have no one to talk to but im like a fucking old person annoyed that they live in a digital world #like I HATE THIS GRR THESE KIDS and the these kids are my parents and friends and shit like its completely a me issue but my brain is like #my brain feels useless s #my brain feels useless and like im unmedicated but also not on the suppliments i should be on and also doing things like #being up to date on news and specifically negative news and like focusing a lot of my energy on that for some gd reason like im aware ive #been into that but i am like #this is me being like ok rose im ready to go back to myself again #ye

[coffeeastronaut]

moodboard for the winter madness

#seasonal depression? well yes but the depression means u do bothing which activated the adhd need for stimulation #which im bot getting so i get understimulated. so then i get anxious. and then i get mad that ik anxious. and then i get what i can only #describe as manic i dont have another word for it. but im going fucking #crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #mi

[gemharvest]

wanted to retrieve my old webkinz acct only to find out they purged inactive accts back in 2019

#ramblings #im like. mad but in a very depressed way. #i used codes on that acct that are now unusable and apparently the new policy is accts not used for a year get deleted #so im. not making a new one #MAN that fucking sucks i wish i had ??? known ??? #feel bad that i got everyone on a hunt for the login only to learn that YEAH they deleted accts so theres no way to recover it

[memethyst]

not to be dramatic but everytime i see mlp generation 5 i want to rip my hair out and throw up

#it makes me so angry #ughhhhh #im so mad i only just now got back into mlp i wish i hadnt gotten out of it back then #like i know shows cant go on forever and it went on for like 10 years but UGHHH #im so mad its just like #gone....... #having another 'i wish i could go back in time and completely redo my teenage years' moment rn #and apparently twilight is actually in g5 now #i heard that all the characters i know and love were canonically DEAD in g5 #i know i shouldnt be angry at it because 1 its for babies and 2 i havent even watched it #but it just makes me so irrationally mad whenever i see it because i am reminded of the fact that there will never be any g4 content again #and that i missed out on like half of it because i forced myself to hate it for years because of my terrible middle school years #i am so depressed that i literally cry over my little fucking pony #i literally cry over thinking about the fact that the cutie mark crusaders are dead #i cant handle that #fuck g5 i dont care if you like it #im angry im mad im pissed #im such a whiny little bitch #im such a fucking baby #getting so mad over a stupid tv show #i feel like the raymond is my comfort character tweet rn

[strwbrymlkshake]

been getting a lot more into Killing lately

#mine #vent post again hello. for the love of god #🎸 #anyways um uhh uhhah uhagh i feel like violence is more apparent in my life #though it could def be due to the violent outburst i had the other day. just the aftermath of it ig #i have been feeling depressed and like i cant control my own life bc things are being withheld from me #hrgngh :( as usual. nothing is changing. i have to wait like this for a long ass time before it does. #oh right the point of this post: i keep feeling like my bf is mad at me even though there is literally nothing to signify that #he did not even say he was mad at me so why is my anxiety thru the roof HUH. well probably trauma #he said he would love me no matter what! but im still so worrieedddd :< i guess it wasnt a big thing to be mad about anyways so #i dont understand why he WOULD be mad about it. so unless he says he is mad/upset then he ISNT but my brain does not get this #there is NO reason for me not to trust him #also i have moved on from the 'why doesnt he message me first in the morning' fiasco which is good. i dont have an explanation as to why #i just am not mad about it anymore idk lol. well besides that my brain is feeling illogical things that i can recognize are illogical #but they still impact me :< its not fair at all... i could hypothetically construct reasoning why hes mad at me rn but im only hurting #myself this way. me moment. it was relatively innocent its not something to be MAD about he said hed love me for all my mistakes #so even if it was a problem he wouldnt stop loving me!!! do you understand brain? goodness... #HES LIKE. he is my beloved forever and i want to be holding him or touching him always. going to punch a wall idk #i just love him so much i dont want to mess up ever!!!!! god damn!! we are both depressed / have mental problems so we are doing our best #metaphorically smoking a joint with him rn i miss him. drugs are bad btw i would never do a weed. only in the metaphorical sense #i want us both to be less miserable so together we can be happy!! but why am i keeping him from doing things he likes... #but i want him to be happy?! but i want to spend time with him :( im gonna cry. WHAT AM I MAKING MYSELF UPSET FOR #he didnt even say he was mad at me i am just spinning this way out of proportion! ok!? he loves me forever #but yea i feel like my social filter for violence related things dissipated entirely. so i have been openly talking abt killing people #which is not good i am not going to do any of these things. my brain is too fond of them