#only for annatar to throw away all his chances at a new life out of desperation for something he will never get back. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tathrin · 8 months

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🖤 a dark ship?

[from this ask meme]

I think I have to answer Silvergifting for this one. (And let me also throw you a rec for my brand new Celebrimbor joins the Fellowship AU, with lots of post-Silvergifting trauma baked-in.)

For starters I'm completely obsessed with the very idea of the Gwaith-i-Mírdain and desperately need some kind of hardcore world building 75-chapter story set in Ost-in-Edhil about these crazy smiths and the culture of their city. And of course you cannot talk about Ost-in-Edhil without talking about Sauron, and how he wormed his way into their lives and forges and was probably happier there than he'd ever been in his life before he destroyed it.

But it's about how much they had in common, and how great things could have been if only Annatar had meant any of his pretty lies (and maybe he did, just a little; maybe he wished he did, just a little; a Sauron who is at least tempted to Be Someone Other Than Sauron is my favorite flavor of this; a Sauron who destroys his own happiness, too in his pursuit of his dreams of power and does it anyway...) and how impossibly terrible everything was instead.

Doomed less by the narrative than by yourself: by looking at the blood that stains your own lineage and being forgiving of a maia who has blood and shadows in his own past as a result of wishing that you could ever forgive your family and yourself for their sins (because Celebrimbor might not have known that Annatar was Sauron, but he had to have figured out that something was wrong eventually; had to have made a conscious choice to ignore the warnings of Galadriel and Elrond, even if he didn't want to admit to himself quite how conscious; had to have sensed something off eventually, after so many years of working so closely together, and either decided to ignore it or to accept it because maybe everyone deserves a second chance, right? And what else is Ost-in-Edhil for...?).

Doomed by the knowledge of the horrors that resulted from your family's smith-craft in previous years, and your fear of what your own hands could make as a result; and being coaxed to step beyond the self-imposed limits that you set upon yourself because of that fear. By the fact that you finally, finally feel comfortable and safe enough here working with the Gwaith-i-Mírdain to take a risk in the forge and try something great...and the damnable results of that risk being taken alongside the worst person you could have possibly chosen to craft with, and knowing that you've doomed not just yourself but the world, too...

Knowing that in the end, you've done exactly the sort of damage that you once swore you would never do; that the only good thing left for you to do is to die without giving every last scrap of yourself away again; of having the precious knowledge of the Seven and the Nine dragged from your bleeding lips by the one who'd helped you walk the beautiful paths of their forging in the first place; to have spent so long waiting to show Annatar the glories you achieved with the Three while he was gone, and then realizing too late that their glory was just another form of doom and you could never, ever let him see.

To die at the hands of the lover who taught you to trust yourself again but who was himself lying all along... (But was he lying to you, or to himself?)

There's nothing good about silvergifting, but there could have been. In a kinder world, there would have been; should have been. And that's the appeal, I think: it's the tragedy that was always going to happen, but shouldn't have had to. They should have been able to heal one another from the scars of the First Age and the Years of the Tree; to use the combination of their great skills to heal the world from the damage that Sauron and his Master and the Oath of Fëanor did to Middle-earth; to make things better...

But they didn't. They didn't.

Instead all breaks to ruin and Celebrimbor dies broken in the dark, and love isn't enough to save him; love is only enough to damn him. To lift his shattered dreams like a banner before the Enemy and see his home and all his hopes burn to bitter ashes.

The Lord of Gifts and the Silver-handed Smith should have been able to create beautiful things between them; the most beautiful things seen since the Silmarils. But instead, all they wrought was destruction. Which is another, terrible form of beauty, in its own wretched way.

*Also see this previous post where I ramble deliriously about the joys and horrors of Celebrimbor/Annatar/Narvi.

#emoji shipping asks #asks meme #silvergifting #celebrimbor #sauron #annatar #gwaith i mirdain #shipping

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