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monzamash · 1 year

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the best man — daniel ricciardo

daniel ricciardo x you (femreader) | 6.5k summary – he’s the best man, you’re the maid of honour. he’s charming and handsome, you’re single and looking for a good time. it’s an open bar wedding in swan valley and oh, he’s your ex boyfriend – what could go wrong? warnings – 18+ (sex, coarse language)

It had been 2 years in the making, the event of the decade your best friend had humbly coined her nuptials. And she was right – her and Blake had been waiting for what felt like a lifetime to show their love to the world or more specifically, to nearly 400 of their closest friends and family. It had been quite the build up with a global pandemic getting in the way and coordinating a wedding in Australia when so many of their guests were travelling in from overseas wasn’t easy. But they persevered and had finally made it to their wedding eve, guests from around the world checking into nearby hotels and resorts, excited for their big day.

For you, however, it was the rehearsal dinner that had you on edge from the second you stepped off your delayed Qantas flight that morning – stomach in knots over the unknown of it all. The few details that you were aware of were the ones that had you tangled up; the first being that you were Sarah’s maid of honour, one that you took very seriously but because of the border lockdowns and hectic work schedules, you hadn’t been as involved as you would’ve liked.

The second detail was the one that really had you in a chokehold. Up until this point, you’d avoided the inevitable, relief washing over you every time either Blake or Sarah said he couldn’t make it to the wedding party zoom call or when a suit fitting that Sarah had begged you to come along to was cancelled. Avoiding him had been a breeze so far, your communications kept mediated between your two best friends.

But today was D-day.

“You are rocking that LBD, girlie.”

Sarah’s voice brought you out of your phone and into the present, her bright white smile lighting up the room. It was the happiest you’d even seen your best friend and that alone was enough of a reason to grin and bear what was to come with him.

“Well I am technically single and hopefully out of the thousands of people you’ve invited to your shin-dig, there’s at least one suitor for me to have a crack at,” You winked, “But not your uncle Graham – he’s not my type.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and turned towards the full length mirror propped up beside your chair, “He’s back with Aunty Shirl so don’t worry… But I do know someone else who is single – definitely your type and actually mentioned you a few times last week.”

An interested hum slipped from your lips, curious to know who had been asking about you. Maybe you were in luck.

“Who was it?”

The way Sarah smirked and flicked her long blonde, perfectly curled hair off her shoulder should’ve given her away; “Just a friend of Blake’s – the classic tall, dark and handsome, you know… Brown eyes, absolutely hilarious and such a gentleman…” She continued, her tone teasing.

You blinked a couple of times, completely deadpanned as you stared your best friend down; “You better not be talking about Dan.”

“He’s still hung up on you, babe.” Sarah confessed, treading carefully.

“I don’t care,” You whined, irritated that this conversation was even happening. It had taken you months to move on, to mend your broken heart and now here you were, getting the run around by your supposed best friend who only wanted what was best for you. In her opinion, that was Daniel Ricciardo.

“Well just be civil with him. I know things didn’t end well and I know that you blame him for all of it and rightfully so,” Sarah quickly added, sensing your narrowed stare, “But you did love him once upon a time. A lot. And I know that you love me and wouldn’t do anything to fuck up my moment so get your sexy butt up so I can go see my husband.”

“Aye, aye captain.”

Anything to end this conversation, you thought.

Caversham House was beautiful. Everywhere you looked was picture-perfect – from the balcony overlooking the river to the four-story high waterfall framing the immaculate gardens, not to mention the painstakingly placed candles and floral arrangements hanging in every room. It was spectacular, tastefully extravagant and definitely worth the twelve-month wait.

The rehearsal dinner was strictly wedding party and parents only; everyone would have to wait until tomorrow to witness the event of the decade. Blake was the first person to come up and greet you, having only seen you a couple hours before when you’d arrived at the villas nearby. Michael was closely following behind with his wide smile; always making you feel loved,regardless of what had happened between you and his best friend.

“It’s really good to see you. Been too long, ey?” He asked, the pained inflection on his voice making you pout before you were ushered away by one of the other bridesmaids, promising him that you’d meet him at the bar for a drink later.

He was easy to pick out a crowd. The one who shall not be named; who had broken your heart into a million tiny pieces; who left you with nothing but an empty promise that maybe, one day he would find his way back to you. Utter bullshit.

He was standing with Sarah and her parents who practically raised you, chilled beer in his hand, smiles on their faces and loud laughs rousing the flock of ducks floating across the pond behind them. That fucking smile made you sick because it’s what landed you with said broken heart. Stunned in place, unable to process seeing him again after so long. It had only been six months but it felt like a lifetime without him – and without that stupidly infectious smile.

Daniel was the first to notice you walking over; truth be told, he’d been looking for you the second he stepped out of his hire car twenty minutes ago. Subtle scans of the garden and beyond, peeks over the balcony he was standing on, hoping to see you. He ached thinking about this moment, even last night in his hotel in Perth he thought about you – and whether you would speak to him, or even glance his way. You would have to, right? He was the best man and you were the maid of honour. Surely.

“Hi guys,” You smiled, confidence summoned out of nowhere, surprising yourself. Sarah’s parents were quick to pull you into a cuddle, claiming that you were too cool and way too busy for them these days, which the latter was true. You felt guilty but also knew they understood. They appreciated the little moments like this where they could get their whole family together again and you felt lucky to be a small part of that.

“We were just talking to Daniel about the season starting in a few weeks – are you going to be at the first race, love?” Sarah’s mum asked, and you hadn’t even registered that she was talking to you, assuming that everyone knew by now that you and Daniel had broken up.

Her question, albeit innocent, felt like a punch to the gut – one of the many painful reminder of how interconnected your life together had been for so many years. She wasn't the last person that weekend to remind you of what you'd lost, opening old wounds over and over.

“Actually Mum, I should go and find Blake and get started – your seats are over here…” Sarah was quick to jump into action, ushering her parents over to their table and leaving you and Daniel alone for what felt like the longest minute of your life.

He looked nervous but happy to see you. He looked jetlagged like you, and the way his frazzled curls fell onto his face indicated that the humidity had gotten to him already, the obscene summer heat doing the same to you. The small smile tugging on the sides of his mouth eased you, the quiet whistle he made also allowed you to relax. He was good at filling in uncomfortable silences – you, not so much.

“So…” You drawled, pondered out loud trying to fill the void, “Keeping well?”

Daniel stopped whistling and stifled a laugh at your seemingly innocuous question, “Really?”

“Well, what do you want me to say?” You sharply shot back, chuckling at his judgement, “Great to see you? How’s the family? Like…”

Daniel shuffled his feet on the pavement and looked up at the darkening sky above, “No, you’re right – I’m sorry. It’s just… so fucking weird seeing you after – after everything that happened in Austin,” He leaned forward and whispered, eyes boring into yours as he spoke.

You gave him a small nod, hard features softening the longer you held his stare. You always felt safe in those eyes but right now, you couldn’t let yourself get lost in them like you usually would. Daniel could sense your vulnerability and averted his gaze to his sneakers, saving you both from the heartache.

“I know but I don’t want to stress them out,” You looked over at Sarah and Blake who were speaking with their MC, “So let’s keep our distance and get through the weekend without any drama, please?”

Daniel frowned at your suggestion, wanting the complete opposite of distance but he knew he had no right to fight you on it “Sure...” He settled, a pang of disappointment shooting through his chest, “I can do that.”

“Great.”

You turned on your heel and set your sights on the job at hand. It was no mean feat being the maid of honour to someone as capricious as Sarah but she was glowingly in love; blissful compared to a week ago when she called you in the middle of the night crying, thinking that she’d forgotten to book a DJ. Of course you reassured her and sent her the wedding itinerary for the hundredth time that week, easing her nerves like only a best friend could.

And Daniel was in the same predicament, moving around the room wrangling groomsmen into their agreed upon seating arrangement. All of this ensuing chaos hidden behind your respective smiles and you knew then that at some point you would have to join forces; like you did when you were together. Five years of being the dream team.

“Why did they decide to have a million people in their wedding party?” You whispered once everyone was seated; now waiting for the bride and groom to make their entrance.

Daniel chuckled as he shuffled closer to you, the cologne you’d bought him for his birthday years ago filling your nostrils. It warmed your heart to know that he was still wearing it after the break up, no doubt that it reminded him of you every time he put it on. So many memories tied up in the smell of that cologne.

“Makes no sense to me but I’m proud of you for not slapping Izzy when she refused to sit next to Mark,” Daniel whispered causing a stifled laugh to slip from your smirking lips, “You did good, chook.”

Your nickname fell from his lips too easily, too familiar and your eyes rolled involuntarily. Of course he’d call you that, pushing the boundaries because there had never been a moment in the time that you’d known Daniel where he wouldn’t step over a blurred line. Hell, that’s how it started with him – a drunken night out and breakfast the next morning. He was nothing if not persistent and loved that once upon a time. But for now, you both had to be laser focused on the people who had found each other because of the two of you – a blind date turned into happily ever after.

“You did good too.”

You stayed true to your word and got a drink with Michael once the rehearsal was over – taking full advantage of the complimentary drinks being served by the luxurious resort you were all staying at. As you caught up with Michael, you couldn’t help but scan around the ballroom, unable to fathom how picturesque this place was in real life. It was heaven on earth.

Months ago, you found out that Daniel had been the one to suggest the venue after Blake and Sarah’s original plans fell through during the pandemic and the days following that revelation were tough. Crying yourself to sleep kind of tough. Caversham House had been written in your dream journal since yours and Daniel’s third anniversary – you remembered his words like they were said yesterday.

“My cousin got married at this amazing mansion in Swan Valley last year. One of the most beautiful places in the world…”

It was a throw away comment; an observation that Daniel may not have even realised struck you so much. But you went home that night and googled it; concluding that if Daniel ever proposed and you got to plan your wedding, Caversham House would be the place you would marry the love of your life. You never voiced that to Daniel and sadly, that day never came.

But years later here you were, watching your best friend living out your dream and you couldn’t have been happier for her – for them. Daniel had missed his chance, thrown it all away for god knows what and you couldn’t help but feel your blood starting to boil as he approached you and Michael sitting at the bar, your memories like little daggers sharpening in your mind.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” Daniel tentatively asked, a fresh beer in hand and a sheepish smile on his face. He knew he was.

“Nah mate. Pull up a seat if you want,” Michael replied and tugged out the stool beside him but Daniel glanced down at you with wide eyes, seeking permission before taking up Michaels offer.

“Join us.”

It was subtle but you could see Daniel exhale a sigh of relief, you knew him better than anyone. You could see the weight lifting from his shoulders as he sat across from you, trying to temper his joy that you'd agreed to have him anywhere near you.

And in typical Daniel fashion, he slotted into the group seamlessly, never an awkward pause of silence or a lull in conversation whenever he was around. He was the social butterfly, the one everyone loved and you were always content with that when you were together. After the split, it became obvious how much everyone loved him and you lost touch with most of your mutual friends – Michael included.

It was a bitter pill to swallow and you resented him in the beginning but watching him talk, crack the odd joke here and there you could understand why. Like Sarah had noted in her room earlier, he was the whole package but he broke your heart. And he regretted that every second of every day. He’d tried so hard to forget the way you smiled, the way you giggled softly, trying to suppress the real laugh that only he ever got to hear. You were glowing under the lights, hair swirling around in the evening breeze and Daniel couldn’t take his eyes off you.

The grimace on his face when you caught him made you smile, eyes narrowed with suspicion as he shrugged and mouthed, I’m sorry. You mirrored his shrug and took a sip of the glass of white wine he’d gotten you when he got up to get himself a drink. Truth be told, you couldn't keep your eyes of him either.

Before you knew it, the two of you were sitting alone – Michael made up some story that he needed to speak with Blake and that he would be back but he never returned. And you hadn’t really even noticed his absence until your phone buzzed on the table between you and Daniel.

“… But being back on the farm over the break was nice – the kids asked where you were and said that they missed you a bunch of times.”

Daniel noticed the way you looked at your phone. The small smile followed by the lip bite gave you away and he couldn’t ignore the way his stomach dropped, knowing that expression all too well. It was one he’d been on the receiving end of so many times. You flipped your phone over, screen down and returned to your conversation with apologetic eyes, “Sorry, what did you say? Something about the farm?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter,” Daniel smiled and nodded towards your phone, “Answer him if you need to.”

You were slightly caught of guard, naively thinking you’d kept your cards close to you chest. Or maybe you had and Daniel was baiting to see if you’d admit that you were talking to someone new, finally moving on after six months. He was hard to read but he knew you better than anyone and you hated the way he was watching you, waiting for a response.

“Nah, all good. It’s not a serious thing,” You stupidly confessed, internally face palming as the words slipped from your loose lips.

“But it is a thing?” Daniel was quick to enquire, selfishly wanting to know whether or not you had moved on, if he'd missed his chance.

“Forget I said anything, please,” You swiftly replied, taking a gulp of wine and wilfully hoping he would drop it. He didn’t want to but he could see the warning in your stern gaze, silently begging him not to interrogate you over this, not here.

“I just want you to be happy.” Daniel landed on; honest eyes boring into yours as he clasped his hands together and sighed loudly into the cool air.

“I was happy with you and then you threw it away like it meant nothing to you,” You breathed, hands expressively falling to your sides and busying your fingertips on the hem of your dress.

“You mean – meant more to me than anything. I just… woke up one day and realised that you deserved better; more than what I could give you being away for months on end,” He quietly replied, the words feeling dry as he explained why he’d cut you lose and broke your heart.

The scoff erupting in your throat caught Daniel’s attention, “Don’t you think I should’ve been the person deciding that, not you?”

“Of course but in the moment it felt like the right thing to do and I fucked up… I really, really screwed it up, chook. Do you ever think–”

Suddenly, you heard your name being shouted from across the lawn, both you and Daniel snapping your heads around to see Sarah waving her arms like a maniac trying to get your attention, “Time for bed, guys! Early start tomorrow."

Neither or you wanted to end the conversation there, on a cliffhanger because simply being close to each other again fuelled something internally that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. He gave you strength whenever he was near and you gave him solace, a sense of calm that nobody else could ever replicate. And tearing yourselves away from that was hard, so much so that a stand off had begun.

“After you,” Daniel motioned with a smirk, reading you like a book.

“You just want me to go first so you can check out my arse in this dress,” You teased and poked his shoulder, “Pervert.”

“Absolute tickets but honestly, yeah…” He winked as you stood up and smoothed out the dress that had ridden up slightly, his eyes shamelessly scanning your outfit, “Unbelievable.”

A blush crept up your neck as his words washed over you but you couldn’t let him see that, “Goodnight, Daniel.” You said, turning on your heel and fleeing the scene as quickly as you could, but not without a little strut as you walked away.

Daniel exhaled deeply and watched you until you were out of his sight, not even noticing the dip in the couch he was sitting on.

“Put your tongue back in ya mouth and go to bed.”

Michael had caught him red handed and now it was hit turn to furiously blush. He was down bad and had no idea how he was supposed to sleep, knowing you were a couple of villas down, thinking about him, thinking about you. He missed you in so many ways, the obvious ones now being the ones on his mind as he lay in bed, fingers trawling through his hair as he tried to think of anything else but you. What eventually lulled him to sleep was the promise of tomorrow – a new beginning.

After a couple of hours of complete and utter panic, the weather had finally decided to put on a show for the newlyweds. The clouds that had dampened the morning vanished as soon as the fleet of vintage cars rolled up the stoned driveway, arriving fashionably late. You had done your best to calm Sarah but she was already teary, eyes blinking rapidly in attempt to control the tears threatening to ruin her make up. Just breathe, you’d whispered as her sister made her way down the carpeted aisle, sun shinning down on the gorgeous archway at the top of the stairs.

“Let’s go and get you married to the man of your dreams, hey?”

That was all you needed to say before Sarah nodded and pushed you towards the open doors, one last wink giving you the reassurance that she would be right behind you. The ceremony was beautiful; there were many tears and laughter rumbling through the large crowd when Blake made a joke about her being stuck with him for the rest of her life. Everything else flew by in the blink of an eye and before you knew it, Daniel was reaching out for your hand, clasping it gently in his as he guided you down the stairs and out to the balcony where the photos were going to be taken before joining the reception.

“Champagne?” Daniel asked you, flute already locked and loaded in his hand – he knew you couldn’t resist a glass of bubbly, not after such a stressful morning.

“Please and thank you,” You sighed, taking a sip and glancing over at the happy couple who had already started doing photos together.

“Can’t believe it’s actually happened.”

Daniel followed your eye line and smiled, “Who knew 4 years ago when we set them up that we’d end up here…” He pondered out loud and you agreed, you never would’ve guessed it, "It's amazing."

“I said it back then and I stand by it now; we should be professional match-makers. We’re literally 1 for 1 right now,” You enthused, reflecting Daniel’s grin.

“Oh, we’re fucking killing it. Alright, let’s see…” He trailed off and looked around the balcony at the other groomsmen and bridesmaids making small talk, “What about big Mike? Been single for a while now and way too obsessed with my shit so getting him laid would benefit me too… Izzy’s single, right?”

“She is!” You whispered a little too enthusiastically that Daniel jumped back and laughed, “But she’s a commitment girl so I don’t think a hit it and quit it vibe or his travelling would be a good match. Marcia is a bit rogue… definitely single and down for anything, I reckon... Ooo, this is too much fun!”

Daniel chuckled and soaked in your excitement – it had been so long since he’d seen you smile like that, so free and uninhibited. Like his simple existence wasn’t sucking the life out of you and wasn’t making you miserable for the first time in over a year. He felt guilty taking so much emotionally from you, the toll of his work effecting both of you in the end. He hadn’t said it out loud but he knew that his mental health was having a detrimental effect on you but you loved him. Loved him with every cell in your body and you would never have given up on him. And little did he know, you still hadn’t after all this time.

“You are so beautiful.”

Daniel’s words surprised you and there was a second of silence before he doubled down with a soft laugh, “Like, breathtakingly beautiful.”

What you did next startled Daniel. Your hand brushed over the buttons on his light blue jacket, fingertips gently readjusting the small flower arrangement pinned on the lapel as you took in his compliment. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t ignite a spark within, a small flutter of your heart making you blush as he reached out and grasped your hips in his warm hands. The silk was soft under his palms, barely even a second passed before you melted into his touch, wishing for more than a friendly exchange.

“Thank you,” You whispered, eyes flickering up through your thick eyelashes – his brown ones gleaming with joy as you trailed your hands down his chest and gave him a soft push towards the photographers standing behind him, “Get that million dollar smile ready, Ricciardo because I think we’re being summoned.”

He continued to seek you out for the rest of the night, hypnotised by the smell of your perfume and the softness of your touches; the latter caused by the couple of glasses of wine you’d consumed.

Daniel loved it when you were a tiny bit tipsy. He loved the little giggles that you gifted him and the way you hung onto him just that little bit longer. The memories of the two of you stumbling down the footpath outside your home together last summer, barely making it up the stairs and through the door came flooding back when you whispered in his ear, “You are so bloody handsome.”

“Excuse me?” He chuckled; hand sprawled over the small of your back as he placed his jacket over your shoulders, “You heard me,” You shot back, smirk plastered across your face as you grasped his hand. “Come dance with me.”

Daniel had been waiting for you to ask, praying you’d be the one to drag him out onto the dance floor. You knew what you wanted and you didn’t hesitate throwing your arms over his shoulders, forcing his hands to snake down yours sides and grasp your swaying hips. The floor was packed with people dancing along to the DJ who was mainly spinning 90s R&B – a personal favourite of yours and the bride.

Daniel was in heaven as your bodies moved together in perfect rhythm, the music transporting you back to the first time you met – the night when your life changed in the blink of an eye. He knew to savour it, never taking your intimacy for granted because he knew that you were hurting more than him, and you had every right to be. But in that moment, as he looked down into your glossy eyes, he saw the woman he fell in love with – the one he loved more than anything in the entire world. His girl.

You were barely inches apart when he leaned down and kissed you; lips ghosting before taking what they wanted, what they craved. Even though it was Daniel making the first move, you were going to if he didn't soon and the smile erupting on your face when he pulled back reassured him that he’d made the right call. Cutting the tension with a knife and making your blush under the thick layer of makeup that hadn’t budged all day.

There was a short pause as you stared at each other, unsure whether you were fully on the same page or not but Daniel didn’t want to wait any longer. He’d waited nearly six months to be with you, to touch you; to taste you.

“Do you wanna…?”

“Yes!” You hastily replied, making Daniel chuckle before he wrapped his arm around your waist and guided you off the dance floor and away from the loud music; both of you wildly aroused and tingling with anticipation.

The mansion where the reception was being held was enormous. Guest bedroom after guest bedroom lined the hallways so you were a little shocked when you were pulled into a bathroom at the end of the passageway. It was massive, bigger than your kitchen back home and the sconces hanging from the dark walls looked nearly 100 years old, barely emitting any light. It was definitely setting a mood and you weren't complaining at all.

“There’s locks on the bathrooms but not the bedrooms,” Daniel explained, sensing your surprise at his choice of location. You nodded and reached out for him, already missing the way his body felt on yours as he pinned you against the tiled wall, heat radiating down your spine as he feverishly kissed you again.

“You’ve done me in dirtier places,” You moaned and he chuckled against your neck, lips travelling across your collarbone and between your perky breasts.

The fire that had been smouldering in the pit of your stomach all night was being stoked by his firm touch, every trace of a fingertip or rough tug on your sensitive skin making you whimper with excitement. You needed him to fuck you good.

“I’d do you anywhere, honey.”

You hummed and roughly grappled Daniel’s curls between your fingers as he dipped down further and grasped the hem of your dress. A small shrug was enough to let the thick suit jacket he had given you fall to the ground, goose bumps erupting all over your arms as he left a trail of sloppy kisses up your thighs; stopping right where you wanted him and letting the flowy material of your dress drape over his head, disappearing from your sight. He knew your body like the back of his hand and knew you loved nothing more than his warm breath fanning between your thighs, glistening all for him.

“I want you to fuck me against this mirror,” You strongly suggested through batted eyelashes as he returned into view, a smirk painted on the supple lips that were seconds away from devouring you.

“Don’t want my tongue?” Daniel cheekily asked, still crouched down and gazing up at you with those big brown eyes, waiting for your response. “Maybe later,” You whispered, watching as he jumped up with a grin, eager to fulfil whatever you desired.

“Hands up where I can see them, ma’am,” Daniel playfully ordered and you played along, holding your hands up in the air as he spun you around so you were facing the dark mirror. You could feel yourself soaking through your flimsy panties and if you could feel it, Daniel definitely could as he slid his hand into the lace, cupping you gently and stroking a single finger through your folds.

“Spread ‘em,” He whispered into your ear before pressing a firm to your temple and kicking your heeled feet apart.

Your hands were gripping the sink in front of you; white knuckling already but knowing that this wasn’t anything compared to what Daniel could do to you. He once had you bucking on his thigh like it was the last orgasm you were ever going to have, screaming in pleasure like you were being tortured. And now, all you could think about was his hard dick pressing against your backside, taunting you under the thick material of his trousers.

“Danny,” You quietly moaned through gritted teeth and Daniel knew what that moan meant, not wasting a second before unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down to his ankles. He did the same with your underwear, except he bent all the way down to rid you of them so he could keep them in his discarded jacket pocket for safekeeping.

“I’m gonna need those back, sir.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t think so,” Daniel teased, standing back up straight and catching your eyes in the reflection in front of him.

“Gotta be quiet for me, okay?” He sweetly whispered, tongue swiping across the shell of your ear as he teased your hole with his soft tip, the feeling of your excitement mingling together making your shiver, “Already feels so good.”

You hummed as Daniel nudged forward, his thickness took your breath away as you closed your eyes and leaned over the sink a little more; taking all of him, inch by inch. He could feel how tight you were, trying to not let his mind wander to whether you’d been fucked by anyone else since the break up. Because if you had, he knew it wasn’t anything compared to how good he could do you with the way you were already choking back moans. Whimpering for more.

“Relax for me, honey. The clenching feels crazy fuckin’ good for me but I need you to just take me nice and slow,” Daniel coached, smoothing his palms over your hips and slowly rocking you back and forth against him, “God, your arse really is something else,” He rasped, lightly tapping your rump as you looked up at him in the mirror, narrowed eyes sending him a stern warning.

“Don’t even think about it and don’t try the whole ‘oh, I accidently slipped’ trick because I know you,” You playfully scowled, trying to hide the smirk tugging on the corners of your lips.

Daniel tipped his head back and cackled at you calling him out, revelling in the banter and the fact you knew him inside and out. He’d missed being called out on his shit and he loved nothing more than when you teased him during sex, the laughter ringing off the walls while he watched himself disappear into you.

“You’re tight enough already, baby so no shenanigans tonight,” Daniel groaned and jutted his hips forward, jolting you closer to the mirror in the process. He readjusted his tight grip on the satin dress that he'd bunched up around your hips and caught your gaze in the reflection again, “I bet old mate texting you last night couldn’t fuck you like this, ey?”

“Never gave him the chance,” You panted in reply, eyes trained on Daniel’s as he pounded into you, thighs trembling in pleasure as he stalked you, every little wince or twitch never went unnoticed and you felt hot under his gaze, his hot breath and soft groans fanning into your ear.

“Good. No man deserves you, honey – not even me.”

The little burst of confidence his words gave you spurred you on as you bounced back and met his hips with a slap, quickening the pace and really pushing the limits on how loud you could be in such a public setting. Your voice was coarse and your knees were quivering as Daniel trailed his hands up to your chest, boobs practically spilling out of the satin dress as he bucked into you. He gently pulled down the loose fabric, along with the lacy bra and cupped your breasts in his hands, using them as leverage as he fucked into you. Proudly watching his work unfold in front of him.

The feeling of his rough palms massaging your breasts was enough to cause a loud, pornographic moan to rip from your throat – one that could’ve been heard for miles. One of Daniel’s hands shot up and covered your mouth in an attempt to keep you as quiet as he could while got you off, wanting nothing more than having come undone around his stiff cock.

“Look at how damn sexy you are right now,” Daniel grumbled, eyes trained on yours so intensely. You nodded and moaned into his palm, feeling like your souls were re-connecting as he slowed down the pace and relished the feeling of you wrapped around him, bouncing on that dick so perfectly. He was in paradise.

Until the handle on the bathroom door started jiggling beside you, the loud bang that followed made both you both jump out of your perspiring skin. Daniel’s hand lingered over your mouth, his dick stilled inside you as the handle rattled again – more aggressively this time. The person on the other side didn’t say anything; the only sound swirling around the humid air was bated breath, both of you winded from the adrenaline. And from how exciting it felt nearly being caught with him filling you to the brim.

“Fuck,” Daniel whispered as he looked up at you and dipped his head into the crook of your neck, “Do you wanna keep going?”

The deviant side of your brain was screaming hell yes but the rational voice that kept you level headed was telling you to hit the pause button. It was risky enough doing the deed so publicly, something that you and Daniel never shied away from but right now, when you were both supposed to be at the beck and call of your best friends at their wedding; it all seemed a little bit decadent.

“We should get back,” You whispered, confirming what Daniel already assumed as he slowly pulled out and strategically manoeuvred his semi hard dick into the waistband of his underwear, attempting to hide how hard he still was in those deliciously tight pants.

“Good call… but uh, that was fun,” He stuttered and watched you smooth out your dress, his gaze burning a hole in the back of your head as you looked in the mirror and gently wiped under your eyes; removing any signs that you’d just been fucking your ex in a bathroom.

“Really fun,” You replied, wicked smile lining your smudged lips as Daniel stepped forward and helped you back into his suit jacket.

“We should do it again some time…”

“Absolutely – when were you thinking?”

“Oh, I dunno…” He pondered with a cunning smirk, “Maybe like, now?”

You chewed your bottom lip between your front teeth and sighed; you loved that he wanted you as much as you wanted him, both dying to finish what you started and maybe indulge in even more bad behaviour. It was like old times but different - good different.

“I’m staying in the Cliffside suite so… meet you there in halfa?”

Daniel clapped his hands enthusiastically and rubbed them together, “Sounds like a great fucking plan to me,” He agreed, grinning big and gently pushing you towards the door he was opening for you, looking both ways down the hallway.

“You go first so I can watch you walk away from me in that dress,” Daniel quietly teased as you sashayed down the hallway and back to where the reception was still going strong, “You are killing me!”

“I know!” You shouted back, flipping him the middle finger before spotting Sarah on the dance floor, eyes suspiciously narrowed as you shimmied over to her, smiling like the cat that got the cream.

“Where did you get to?!” She yelled over the music, definitely on her way to being drunk from the flutes of champagne that were still being served by the gallon.

“Just needed to freshen up!” You shouted back and looked over your shoulder at Daniel who had joined a conversation near the bar.

There was a giddy feeling that washed over you after you turned back to Sarah and listened to her ramble about how good the music was and how much fun she was having. It was a familiar feeling; the same one you had the night you met Daniel all those years ago. But now, in his home state, surrounded by so many people you loved, you had both been gifted the rare chance to start over.

To fall in love all over again. This was your second chance at a happily ever after.

a//n – thank you for all the support and patience on this one! thoughts? feelings? i wanna know all of them! or click here for more of my writing x

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo smut #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo x reader #f1 imagine #formula 1 #f1 smut #monzamashmasterlist #daniel ricciardo one shot #f1 writing

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batwynn · 7 months

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In 2019 I made a complaint to an office that handles complaints about accessibility about a ramp and door at a local post office that was not accessible at all for people who use wheelchairs or walkers. I am not a walker or wheelchair user, but I noticed that there was a large gap in the ramp that wheels could get trapped in, the ramp itself was short, and provided no space for someone to turn to enter, and the door had no button AND could not even open completely to let someone through.

It’s hard to see from the Google Maps, but it was BAD. And it pissed me off. So I made a report. I got passed around from office to office for a few months, then nothing. 2020 comes around and the pandemic is hitting a high. I’ve moved towns and I’m dealing with a kind of shitty living situation that’s driven the ramp out of mind. I got a call one day from a man in one of the many offices the complaint was forwarded to. He is adamant that this ramp and door will be fixed. I mean, he assures me with passion that this will be fixed. At the time, I was really impressed and happy to hear something like that because I didn’t think anyone would still care while so much bad stuff was going on in the world.

And then I get mistreated and harassed by people based on my disabilities and gender. I become homeless because of it. I made an official complaint about discrimination, and the offenders lie through their teeth. The office handling my complaint says it didn’t happen, and closes the case. So I don’t exactly believe in these protections and offices that promise you’ll be helped so much anymore. I checked Google Maps one last time to see no changes sometime in 2021. It’s been a bitter, shitty feeling to hold on to for years now.

And then I checked my email just now.

Ideally, they’d have added a door with an automatic opener, but they actually fixed everything else! They fixed it!

They fucking fixed it!

So, make those complaints. If a business or building is breaking the law by being inaccessible, fuck them up. Get your friend to report it, too. Maybe it will take four years, but maybe not. Maybe someone will genuinely care and actually fix it.

#ADA #accesability #disability #disability activism #disability accessability #I can’t fucking believe it #I really like after four years???#someone actually fucking cared and did the thing?

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mostlysignssomeportents · 7 days

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Precaratize bosses

I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me SUNDAY (Apr 21) in TORINO, then Marin County (Apr 27), Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!

Combine Angelou's "When someone shows you who they are, believe them" with the truism that in politics, "every accusation is a confession" and you get: "Every time someone accuses you of a vice, they're showing you who they are and you should believe them."

Let's talk about some of those accusations. Remember the moral panic over the CARES Act covid stimulus checks? Hyperventilating mouthpieces for the ruling class were on every cable network, complaining that "no one wants to work anymore." The barely-submerged subtext was their belief that the only reason people show up for work is that they're afraid of losing everything – their homes, their kids, the groceries in their fridge.

This isn't a new development. Back when Clinton destroyed welfare, his justification was that "handouts" make workers lazy. The way to goad workers off their sofas (and the welfare rolls) and into jobs was to instill fear in them:

https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2018/03/welfare-childhood/555119/

This is also the firm belief of tech bosses: for them, mass tech layoffs are great news, because they terrorize the workers you don't fire, so that they'll be "extremely hardcore" and put in as many extra hours as the company demands, without even requiring any extra pay in return:

https://fortune.com/2022/10/06/elon-musk-jason-calacanis-return-to-office-gentlemens-layoffs-twitter/

Now, there's an obvious answer to the problem of no one taking a job at the wage being offered: just increase the offer. Capitalists claim to understand this. Uber will tell you that surge pricing "incentivizes drivers" to take to the streets by offering them more money to drive during busy times:

https://www.uber.com/blog/austin/providing-rides-when-they-are-most-needed/

(Note that while Uber once handed the lion's share of surge price premiums to drivers, these days, Uber just keeps the money, because they've entered the enshittification stage where drivers are so scared of being blacklisted that Uber can push them around instead of dangling carrots.)

(Also note that this logic completely fails when it comes to other businesses, like Wendy's, who briefly promised surge-priced hamburgers during busy times, but without even the pretense that the surge premium would be used to pay additional workers to rush to the restaurant and increase the capacity:)

https://www.theguardian.com/food/2024/feb/27/wendys-dynamic-surge-pricing

So bosses knew how to address their worker shortage: higher wages. You know: supply and demand. For bosses, the issue wasn't supply, it was price. A worker who earns $10/hour but makes the company $20 profit every hour is splitting the surplus 50:50 with their employer. The employer has overheads (rent on the shop, inventory, advertising and administration) that they have to pay out of their end of that surplus. But workers also have overheads: commuting costs, child-care, a professional wardrobe, and other expenses the worker incurs just so they can make money for their boss.

There's no iron law of economics that says the worker/boss split should be 50/50. Depending on the bargaining power of workers and their bosses, that split can move around a lot. Think of McDonald's and Walmart workers who work for wildly profitable corporate empires, but are so badly paid that they have to rely on food stamps. The split there is more like 10/90, in the boss's favor.

The pandemic changed the bargaining power. Sure, workers got a small cushion from stimulus checks, but they also benefited from changes in the fundamentals of the labor market. For example, millions of boomers just noped out of their jobs, forever, unwilling to risk catching a fatal illness and furious to realize that their bosses viewed that as an acceptable risk.

Bosses' willingness to risk their workers' lives backfired in another way: killing hundreds of thousands of workers and permanently disabling millions more. Combine the boomer exodus with the workers who sickened or died, and there's just fewer workers to go around, and so now those workers enjoy more bargaining power. They can demand a better split: say, 75/25, in their favor.

Remember the 2015 American Airlines strike, where pilots and flight attendants got a raise? The eminently guillotineable Citibank analyst Kevin Crissey declared: "This is frustrating. Labor is being paid first again. Shareholders get leftovers":

https://www.thestreet.com/investing/american-airlines-flight-attendants-bash-citi-analyst-who-put-shareholders-before-workers-14134309

Now, obviously, the corporation doesn't want to offer a greater share of its surplus to its workforce, but it certainly can do so. The more it pays its workers, the less profitable it will be, but that's capitalism, right? Corporations try to become as profitable as they can be, but they can't just decree that their workers must work for whatever pay they want to offer (that's serfdom).

Companies also don't get to dictate that we must buy their goods at whatever price they set (the would be a planned economy, not a market economy). There's no law that says that when the cost of making something goes up, its price should go up, too. A business that spends $10 to make a widget you pay $15 for has a $5 margin to play with. If the business's costs go up to $11, they can still charge $15 and take $1 less in profits. Or they can raise the price to $15.50 and split the difference.

But when businesses don't face competition, they can make you eat their increased costs. Take Verizon. They made $79b in profit last year, and also just imposed a $4/month service charge on their mobile customers due to "rising operational costs":

https://www.reddit.com/r/LateStageCapitalism/comments/1c53c4p/79bn_in_profits_last_year_but_you_need_an_extra/

Now, Verizon is very possibly lying about these rising costs. Excuseflation is rampant and rising, as one CEO told his investors, when the news is full of inflation-talk, "it’s an opportunity to increase the prices without getting a whole bunch of complaining from the customers":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/11/price-over-volume/#pepsi-pricing-power

But even stipulating that Verizon is telling the truth about these "rising costs," why should we eat those costs? There's $79b worth of surplus between Verizon's operating costs and its gross revenue. Why not take it out of Verizon's bottom line?

For 40 years, neoliberal economists have emphasized our role as "consumers" (as though consumers weren't also workers!). This let them play us off against one-another: "Sure, you don't want the person who rings up your groceries to get evicted because they can't pay their rent, but do you care about it enough to pay an extra nickel for these eggs?"

But again, there's no obvious reason why you should pay that extra nickel. If you have the buying power to hold prices down, and workers have the labor power to keep wages up, then the business has to absorb that nickel. We can have a world where workers can pay their rent and you can afford your groceries.

So how do we get bosses to agree to take less so we can have more? They've told us how: for bosses, the thing that motivates workers to show up for shitty jobs is fear – fear of losing their homes, fear of going hungry.

When your boss says, "If you don't want to do this job for minimum wage, there's someone else who will," they're telling you that the way to get a raise out of them is to engineer things so that you can say, "If you don't want to pay me a living wage for this job, there's someone else who will."

Their accusation – that you only give someone else a fair shake when you're afraid of losing out – is a confession: to get them to give you a fair shake, we have to make them afraid. They're showing us who they are, and we should believe them.

In her Daily Show appearance, FTC chair Lina Khan quipped that monopolies are too big to care:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaDTiWaYfcM

Philosophers of capitalism are forever praising its ability to transform greed into public benefit. As Adam Smith put it, "It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest." The desire to make as much money as possible, on its own, doesn't produce our dinner, but when the butcher, the brewer and the baker are afraid that you will take your labor or your wallet elsewhere, they pay more and charge less.

Capitalists don't want market economies, where they have to compete with one another, eroding their margins and profits – they want a planned economy, like Amazon, where Party Secretary Bezos and his commissars tell merchants what they can sell and tell us what we must pay:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/01/managerial-discretion/#junk-fees

Capitalists don't want free labor, where they have to compete with rival capitalists to bid on their workers' labor – they want noncompetes, bondage fees, and "training repayment agreement provisions" (TRAPs) that force their workers to stay in dead-end jobs rather than shopping for a better wage:

\https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/04/its-a-trap/#a-little-on-the-nose

Capitalists hate capitalism, because capitalism only works if the capitalists are in a constant state of terror inspired by the knowledge that tomorrow, someone smarter could come along and open a better business, poaching their customers and workers, and putting the capitalist on the breadline.

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/18/in-extremis-veritas/#the-winnah

Being in a constant precarious state makes people lose their minds, and capitalists know it. That's why they work so hard to precaratize the rest of us, saddling us with health debt, education debt, housing debt, stagnating wages and rising prices. It's not just because that makes them more money in the short term from our interest payments and penalties. It's because it de-risks their lives: monopolies and cartels can pass on any extra costs to consumers, who'll eat shit and take it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/02/02/its-the-economy-stupid/#overinflated

A workforce that goes to bed every night worrying about making the rent is a workforce that put in unpaid overtime and thank you for it.

Capitalists hate capitalism. You know who didn't hate capitalism? Karl Marx and Freidrich Engels. The first chapter of The Communist Manifesto is just these two guys totally geeking out about how much cool stuff we get when capitalists are afraid and therefore productive:

https://pluralistic.net/SpectreHaunting

But when capitalists escape their fears, the alchemical reaction that converts greed to prosperity fizzles, leaving nothing behind but greed and its handmaiden, enshittification. Google search is in the toilet, getting worse every year, but rather than taking reduced margins and spending more fighting spam, the company did a $80b stock-buyback and fired 12,000 skilled technologists, rather than using that 80 bil to pay their wages for the next twenty-seven years:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Monopoly apologists like to argue that monopolists can rake in the giant profits necessary to fund big, ambitious projects the produce better products at lower prices and make us all better off. But even if monopolists can spend their monopoly windfalls on big, ambitious projects, they don't. Why would they?

If you're Google, you can either spend tens of billions on R&D to keep up with spam and SEO scumbags, or you can spend less money buying the default search spot on every platform, so no one ever tries another search engine and switches:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

Compared to its monopoly earnings, the tech sector's R&D spending is infinitesimal:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/08/11/nor-glom-of-nit/#capitalists-hate-competition

How do we get capitalists to work harder to make their workers and customers better off? Capitalists tell us how, every day. We need to make them afraid.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/19/make-them-afraid/#fear-is-their-mind-killer

Image: Vlad Lazarenko (modified) https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Wall_Street_Sign_%281-9%29.jpg CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #petard #precarity #cares act #stimulus #market discipline #competition #too big to care #antitrust #labor #trustbusting #consumer welfare #every accusation is a confession

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wilbursoot-updates · 1 year

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Lovejoy is in this article!

Wake Up! Lovejoy are already a phenomenon

Squashed into a tour bus somewhere in Berlin are the biggest band that – unless you’re as chronically online as us, Dear Reader – you’ve maybe never heard of. With sold-out tours across the UK, Europe and North America, millions of monthly Spotify listeners and a spot in the UK Top 40 with their latest single ‘Call Me What You Like’, Lovejoy could be mistaken for veterans.

Far from it. Their first proper bit of press is, well, this very cover interview. They’re gearing up to release only their third (or maybe fourth, depending how you count their just dropped ‘From Studio 4’ collection, released under the name Anvil Cat) EP, ‘Wake Up & It’s Over’, and those sold-out tours? The first shows they’ve ever played. It’s rare this amount of hype surrounds a guitar band these days, so who the fuck are Lovejoy?

Formed during the early 2021 UK lockdown, Lovejoy consists of Will Gold as the frontman, Joe Goldsmith on lead guitar, Ash Kabosu on bass, and Mark Boardman on drums. Seemingly brought together by sheer luck, their epic ascent is the result of a lifetime of individual hard work and some serious fan devotion over the past couple of years.

It’s taken a while to pin the band down, and we catch them just after their first full UK tour as they embark on the European leg. It’s all been a bit of a whirlwind.

“I think it was our 32nd show yesterday, which is just nuts,” says Ash, who introduces himself as the one who doesn’t talk and proceeds to lead the interview. “Literally every show we’ve played, we’ve been like, ‘That was the best one!’ Then the next one, ‘Oh, that was the best one!’”

“I’ve especially been enjoying acclimating myself to not knowing where I’m going to be falling asleep every night,” says Will, “which is a very hard thing to get around. But it’s a lot of fun. I’m really enjoying it. And I love seeing everyone’s faces because we’ve been somewhat of a lockdown band. To now be able to put faces to the numbers is great; it’s lovely to see and speak to them.”

Describing their very first live shows at the end of 2022 as “teething”, Lovejoy admit they’re still getting to grips with it all. Although the size of their fanbase means they could’ve easily sold out bigger venues than the humble Electric Brixton they headed up on this tour, they didn’t want to skip steps for a good reason.

“Rock music has always been what me and Joe were the most interested in” -Will Gold

“We didn’t want to be bad,” says Ash, frankly. “It’s a completely different ballpark to just, you know, playing guitar in your bedroom, and there are so many moving parts and so many things you don’t think about that you need to learn and understand. We didn’t want to deliver a show to the fans that wasn’t good enough, so we’ve been deliberately ramping it up step by step and going through the process as naturally as possible.”

“It’s so much more personable and fun to make mistakes in front of a crowd of a couple hundred people who are along with you for the ride than when you start to get into the larger crowds,” adds Will. “Making a mistake, at least for me, really gets to me, but if I’m in a room with less people, and they’re there for the story, I feel more ready to make mistakes.”

Will and Joe cut their teeth playing with a folk punk band a few years prior to Lovejoy forming. After what Will describes as a “very dramatic first gig”, they went their separate ways, but his lust for live never went away. Finding one another at the beginning of the pandemic, Joe came to visit Will before the lockdowns kicked in and decided to sleep on the sofa rather than risking taking public transport back and forth to London.

“We wrote our entire first EP in my basement and very quickly decided we’re going to need a drummer and a bassist because all the stuff we were writing was band stuff,” Will explains. “It wasn’t our normal folk stuff that we were used to – and rock music has always been what me and Joe were the most interested in; even when we were in that folk band, we used to implore the lead singer if we could write some indie music please, and he would always be like, nah, not really into Arctic Monkeys actually.”

So they set out to find both a bassist and a drummer. Fate did its thing, and upon walking into a Smashburger in Brighton, Will met Ash, bass guitar in tow, and asked him if he’d like to be in a band.

“Ash is not one to say no to many exciting adventures,” says Will, “so he said yeah, and I gave him my address. Joe was very sceptical at first when I said I found a bassist in a burger shop.”

“I think for me personally,” adds Ash, “I’m living in Brighton – which is kind of a young, creative place – you often have conversations in pubs and places where people are like, we should do this, we should do that, and I genuinely thought that this was just another one of those conversations. Like, ‘Hey, I’m in a band, do you want to play?’ I never thought in my wildest dreams anything would even come of it. I didn’t even think we’d practice, let alone be playing shows in front of thousands of people.”

As for Mark, he was booked for the day via the freelancer hiring website Fiverr. When they couldn’t pay him the fee he was owed, they instead offered him a spot in the band.

“I said, look, you’re sick at this, do you want to just join the band?” Will explains. “Mark thought about it for a good five seconds and then said yes.”

“I was really determined, playing acoustic guitar and learning stuff from YouTube and Arctic Monkeys songbooks” -Joe Goldsmith

Echoing Ash’s sentiments, Mark recalls, “I thought it would be another band that I’d join that wouldn’t even release on Spotify. Now we’ve sold out tours in the UK, Europe, America….”

Life before Lovejoy was very different for most of the boys. Mark was at university studying editing, hoping to work in visual effects, letting drumming take the back seat. “It would have been a grind for like 40 years to get a good paying job, and Will came along and saved me. So I’m very grateful for that,” he says.

Ash was working in broadcasting as a producer for TV, a job he’d gotten into after studying film production at uni, and had taught himself animation as another means of income. “Unlike Mark, I actually enjoyed it,” he adds.

As for Joe, he was working as a tree surgeon, which is a flashier-sounding name than what the job actually entailed. “I was literally just cleaning up branches on the floor,” he says. “I wasn’t even allowed to go up the trees.”

Will isn’t such a stranger to the spotlight, as he edited for the YouTube channel SootHouse in the late 2010s, later creating his own channel as Wilbur Soot and amassing a sizeable following on the streaming platform Twitch (although the other boys say they had no idea about his following when they joined the band, Ash noting, “I just thought he was quite a tall, handsome man, we’re just here because we fancy Will”).

With the band assembled, they started recording together in Will’s bedroom. In early 2021, the UK was still firmly in lockdown, so with all studios closed, it was their only choice. When they finally made it to a studio, the group had two days to record five songs, the ones that would make up their first EP, 2021’s ‘Are You Alright?’.

“We didn’t get enough done,” says Will, “which is why the first EP actually has scratch vocals. We just used my draft vocals that are then doubled up and thickened out. And also because it would have been far too expensive to just keep going back.”

“Which is why, little easter egg,” adds Ash, “some of the lyrics are wrong. We don’t sing those anymore, so the fans get very confused when we perform some of the earlier songs.”

The whole journey has been a learning curve for all four members. With none of them coming from a proper musical background, there was no one to guide them in the process. “We kind of had to jump headfirst in and see what we can do off the back of it,” says Will.

That isn’t to say they haven’t put the work in, though. With each of the boys picking up their instruments in their childhood or teenage years, it feels like they’ve been setting up their own individual dominoes, hitting the ground running when they were knocked down in perfect formation.

“There’s a photo of me when I was a baby,” Mark begins, explaining where he got his start in music. “I couldn’t even walk, and I’m on my auntie’s lap, who originally taught me drums. I’ve been wanting to play since I could speak, basically, but we could never afford a kit. And then I got to about eight years old, my parents finally got me an electric drum kit, and my auntie started teaching me. I caught up with her quickly, which was crazy. I always wanted to be in a band, but I was thinking more realistically, it’s the same odds as becoming a famous football player or something like that. Then along came these boys, and it all changed.”

“I was really determined from when I was about 13, 14?” Joe recalls, “Playing acoustic guitar and just learning stuff from YouTube and Arctic Monkeys songbooks, working out tabs and things like that. I was pretty dead set on at least giving it a shot to try.”

Ash’s start was similar, learning to play guitar with his dad. “When I was very young, my dad found an old Spanish guitar in the attic of our family home that wasn’t ours,” he tells us. “I’ve kind of always played guitar, and I’ve always been interested in music; my dad is in a band as well, bless him, doing dad rock. It’s always been a part of me, but I never ever thought I’d do anything with it.”

“Not for me,” Will jumps in. “The minute I first started learning guitar, I was like, this is what I want. When I was a teenager, I used to follow around bands and go to all their shows, and I knew from that moment I want this as my creative outlet. This is where I want to put my creative energy. I literally remember I shut myself in my room and practised guitar for like ten hours a day in the beginning. I missed two summers doing that. To finally be in this position I’m in now, thanks to all the wonderful support we’ve gotten from people, a lot of them have come across from the YouTube space, is just absolutely humbling. I’m trying to give it back in any way I can.”

“I like to make rumours amongst the fan base; we’ve made up a bunch of nonsense” -Ash Kabosu

It’s fair to say Lovejoy have been pulled substantially further up the ladder by a deeply devoted fan base, but that’s part of what makes their trajectory so exciting. There hasn’t been a new guitar band that’s had venues bursting at the seams like this for a long time. Just two self-released (on their own label Anvil Cat via AWAL) EPs, debut ‘Are You Alright?’ and follow-up ‘Pebble Brain’ garnered enough love to have fans queuing around the block for hours on end when the live shows finally came. It’s reminiscent of what 5SOS were seeing at the start of their career ten years ago, or that other numbers band.

And the devotion goes both ways, too; Lovejoy play games with the fans, leaving puzzles on social media for the fans to solve, firing confetti with QR codes printed on every other piece out at their London headline show. Their involvement hasn’t gone unnoticed.

“Oh, man, I love them,” Ash gushes. “One of the best feelings for me is when we create something, even if it’s something as simple as a little photo shoot, the response is incredible. And to inspire other people to create through our creativity is just so rewarding. My favourite part of it is seeing the writing, the poetry, the paintings, the drawings, like all the art that comes back to us is incredible.”

Joe adds, “Every single person that I’ve met after a show or before a show, they’re all so respectful and all so lovely. And they’re just so generous.”

Ash continues, “They make such an effort and go out of their way to listen to the support bands’ music and show up for them; they show up on time and fill the place out for everyone. And then they go crazy jumping around and singing to everyone’s music, and that’s just so fucking cool.”

With new EP ‘Wake Up & It’s Over’ on the horizon, it’ll be their first proper release since 2021. A break away from recording to do the touring part of being a new band has led to Lovejoy’s longest writing phase yet and has played a part in shaping the sound of their new material. This time around, being able to take more time to record and more studio options, they’ve fined tuned their sound and brought it closer to their personal ideal.

Aiming for something a little heavier this time, the boys wanted to pull in their individual influences more drastically. For Will, that’s shouty British lyrics and overdriven guitars (he calls Arctic Monkeys the most famous example), with Ash also growing up on the late 2000s indie of Foals and Bombay Bicycle Club. Mark, on the other hand, was introduced to bands like Bring Me The Horizon and Asking Alexandria by his sister at a young age, pushing him into heavier territory when it came to discovering his own tastes and allowing the band to take on the slogan of ‘the only indie band with a double kick drum’. (Joe simply adds, “In the words of Brandon Flowers, it’s indie rock and roll for me.”)

Opening track ‘Portrait of a Blank Slate’ pulls in those influences most brazenly, employing the mathy Foals-y lead guitar, ‘Favourite Worst Nightmare’ era Arctic Monkeys fiddly bass, and wordy vocals a la The Wombats. “I can’t wait to play that for thousands of people,” says Joe.

They’ve been road-testing some of the other tracks too, the poppier (see: jumpier) ‘Consequences’ and ‘Warsaw’, as well as the single ‘Call Me What You Like’, but the rest have been kept a secret, one track particularly well.

Initially beginning the recording of this EP late last year, the boys weren’t 100% satisfied with the tracks. Having already played some of the tracks live, fans developed a particular affinity for one called ‘It’s Golden Hour Somewhere’, and up until the EP drops, have been under the impression it isn’t going to be released.

“I like to make rumours amongst the fan base,” says Ash, “I sort of said yeah, it’s scrapped, we just don’t like it, it’s not up to scratch, it doesn’t fit the nature of the EP, blah, blah, blah. We’ve just made up a bunch of nonsense. And they’ve bought into it. And as I expected, they’re also campaigning to bring it back. We’ve seen signs at shows saying ‘PLAY GOLDEN HOUR’. It’s just a bit of fun, and I think the relief and the excitement they’ll feel on the day that it comes out to just see it in the tracklisting will be worth it. I think for the amount of time that the fans have been waiting, we want it to be as special as possible.”

Even with ‘Call Me What You Like’ landing at No.32 on the UK Top 40 – an enormous feat and a rarity for a new band these days – it’s still what the fans think that means the most to Lovejoy.

“It was very validating to see it go that far,” says Will. “I think that was our longest-ever lyric writing time; we had the tune down for about ten months before I even penned the lyrics that ended up going in the final release. To see that time pay off is amazing, but we had no idea it would get that reception. It’s more important that our fans really love what we’re putting out. We’re aiming to create music that will really connect with our fan base, and you know, we’ll give them back what they’ve given us.”

With formative years that any new band would dream of, a knockout first tour and an audience hungry for more, Lovejoy are keen to maintain the hype. Currently using soundcheck time to write new material, every spare hour is used wisely while they’re on the road, Ash hinting they’ve already got new songs saved up for when they return home. This summer, they’ll be hitting the festival circuit, playing Reading and Leeds for the first time and undoubtedly not the last. The path may not be fully paved yet, but it’s definitely leading somewhere exciting.

Will says, “We’ve felt that wave of energy from the audience singing our words back at us, and that’s really influenced my lyrical style and our music instrumentally, which took a lot longer. 2022 was a sort of foundational year; I feel like this is the launch in 2023 into this next era of Lovejoy.”

#thanks for spending actual money on this one mia lmao #lovejoy #wilbur soot #ash kabosu #mark boardman #joe goldsmith #articles #dork magazine

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292pantone · 1 year

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Okay! Time for some Glass Onion analysis bc I'm already obsessed with this movie.

GLASS ONION SPOILERS AHEAD READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

I've seen people saying that it was unnecessary for the movie Glass Onion to be set in May 2020 during the height of the pandemic, and that it took away from the movie, but I disagree. The specific setting is relevant because of all the movie's subtext about the Black Lives Matter movement and its resurgence in May 2020. Hear me out- there are several parallels between Andi's death/Helen's avenging her death by wrecking the mansion, and the riots in 2020 following the unjust deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and many others.

To begin with, there's the power dynamic between Andi and Miles. A mediocre, unexceptional white man stole the contributions of a brilliant black woman and got away with it because his influential friends closed ranks around him in a system designed to benefit him. He got the benefit of the doubt and weaponized the legal system to financially ruin her. Even though she was telling the truth, no one believed her, and Miles fully expected this pattern to continue once her sister Helen took up the cause.

Miles burns the incriminating evidence of his lies and flat-out tells Helen that no one will ever believe her with only circumstantial evidence. Even Benoit Blanc acknowledges that his skill as a detective can only go so far without the police and courts on his side.

In the case of police brutality, cops similarly weaponize the legal system and avoid accountability for their murders by closing ranks through police unions that invoke "qualified immunity" (aka shielding the cops from legal liability). The privilege of white men, compounded by their wealth and connections, makes it difficult for them to face actual consequences for the harm they do.

We see the concept of avoiding consequences again with Miles' crew of "disruptors", all of whom rely on his money to bail them out of trouble. Birdie was implied to have done blackface, made tone-deaf comments comparing herself to Harriet Tubman, completely ignored all COVID restrictions, and tweeted ethnic slurs to the point where her assistant had to take away her phone, but her line of loungewear still takes off thanks to Miles' financial backing. In response to the latest scandal, personal assistant Peg says "We will do what we always do! Deny, half-apologize, then go silent awhile." Despite her litany of offenses and half-assed attempts at accountability, no consequences stick to the privileged Birdie either.

However, Helen refuses to accept this unfair state of things. In a situation where she appears powerless, with her sister gone and the valuable napkin burned, Helen essentially goes "fuck that" and makes Miles pay for what he did anyway. If the law won't take her side, she has to take it into her own hands. This is where the parallels to the 2020 riots come in.

We see her smashing the symbols of Miles' wealth, starting with his glass sculptures, and at first the other characters don't mind. They cheer her on from the couches, even though they all just refused to testify for her in court. This parallels the performative activism seen in many celebrities, who would rather watch from the sidelines and say vaguely supportive things rather than do any meaningful action to change the system. The other guests are happy to break the glass sculptures alongside her, saying how cathartic it feels, but they get antsy when she moves on to breaking more valuable things instead of giving up after a short while like they did. The camera shots of Helen smashing things and lighting a fire linger uncomfortably long as it starts to sink in that this isn't just a momentary temper tantrum. The so-called "disruptors" wince and gasp and exclaim how a piano belonged to Liberace and so on, completely ignoring how THE DESTRUCTION IS THE POINT, because if Helen only broke safe, acceptable targets, then it wouldn't actually mean anything. Similarly, when people rioted in 2020, there was a huge amount of pearl-clutching by people saying rioting is going too far, and can't we all just be nonviolent and have unity and forgive each other? In both cases, there's a veneer of support from people who just want the victims of injustice to "get their anger out of their systems" and move on without any serious changes being made.

I find it very fitting that Helen burns the Mona Lisa with Miles' own unregulated hydrogen fuel cell, using the override switch that he carelessly installed. She exploits the natural consequences of his self-centeredness so they all catch up to him at once. In the end, Helen's acts of protest do disrupt things and lead to change, even as people tell her she is going too far. Once Helen does the actual work of tanking Miles' reputation for good, only then do the "disruptors" jump ship and promise to back her up in court. They're willing to take the side of justice only when things have shifted to the point where it's the better act of self-preservation. If there was any chance of still hanging onto Miles' golden titty and making his reputation their hill to die on, they would've done it.

Blanc, the protagonist of the movie, gives Helen tacit permission to burn everything down by handing her the chunk of hydrogen fuel. He stands by her the whole movie and takes her seriously, demonstrating a path to better (non-performative) allyship.

Glass Onion shows that lasting change has to be demanded, not wheedled, and that sometimes things have to reach an undeniable crisis point to do so. In other words: protest is necessary.

#discussion #glass onion #knives out #glass onion analysis #black lives matter #knives out analysis #benoit blanc #miles bron

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alpaca-clouds · 10 days

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Travel is good, tourism isn't

I said in the blog yesterday, that I think travel is good, but tourism isn't. So, let me explain this. And I will put this here first: I am going to explain it on the example of Japan, because I know the most about what is happening there in terms of travel and tourism - and what issues arise from it.

See, I do think travelling to foreign places (whatever that means for you) is a good thing. Experiencing other cultures and interacting people who due to their culture have a very different outlook on life and the world is a good thing. Not only to move away from a certain worldview (which for white people tends to be an eurocentric one, and for Americans an US-centric one), it also fosters empathy to other people.

And I think of this dramatic thing especially when it comes to Americans travelling, who due to their lacking education system often do know jack shit about the rest of the world.

However: I do both think that the thing we right now call tourism does not really help, but actually does hinder this - and is harmful in many other ways.

Right now, foreign tourists are no longer allowed in Gion, the Geisha quarter of Kyoto. The reason for it is, that too many of them were fucking disrespectful. Some made photos of the Geisha without asking, some even touched the kimono and the hair of the Geisha. Some even got angry and started arguing, when people told them to not do this.

Especially when it comes to Kyoto I can think of a variet of other examples. People have carved their names into temples. People touched things that are not supposed to be touched (like idols). People otherwise behaved inappropriately, for example towards kannushi and mikos. Folks have bathed their feet in pools meant for ritual cleansing. There are a lot of examples of this.

And I think part of this goes back to two things. For one again eurocentrism and the way, that a lot of especially white folks to not perceive other cultures as real. But also, and maybe more importantly, the mindset that: "I have paid $1500 for this trip and I get to very well do what I want." The different culture in this mindset gets treated like a themepark, not as a place filled with real people, rather than performers there to enhance the tourist's experience.

Meanwhile the tourists generally are not really interested to interact with the other culture further than that. Which is also, why they tend to flock to the same few places, to all go make their own photo of the same place that a million people have photographed before - as compared to going exploring in a foreign place.

And in some cases - like Kyoto - this also leads to the fact that the local people often get pushed out of the places they actually live in.

A lot of people will often say: "Yeah, but it is great for their economy." Which... leaving my capitalism-hating-ideation aside for a moment... Well, actually it is not good and COVID showed us. Because it makes the economy totally depedent on tourism. In places that are heavily dependent on tourism, the sudden complete anihilation of tourism with the pandemic pushed those places further into a crisis than anywhere else. Heck, keeping it with Kyoto: Given a lot of folks had jobs related to the tourism industry and there were in fact not many other jobs, a lot of people found themselves forced to move away from Kyoto during the pandemic.

So while the entire "but economy" thing will seem true on a short term, it actually is not on the long term.

And that is without going into the environmental impact that comes from a lot of people flocking to certain places. This is shown especially in areas, where folks go for "nature", destroying nature while they do so. Because nature just cannot handle thousands upon thousands of people travelling through.

So, what do I mean with "travel, instead of tourism"? Well, frankly: Yes, you still go to other places. But - to keep with Japan - instead of going to Kyoto you might go to Morigushi or Beppo, and instead of touring from one temple and shrine to the next, you will just interact with the places and explore them. To actually experience them, rather than some preconscieved notion of what it is supposed to be. And you interact with the people.

And you learn. Because we all just need to learn about different people, different cultures and different places. Rather than just consuming them.

#travel #tourism #anti tourism #anti capitalism #fuck capitalism #eurocentrism #solarpunk #lunarpunk #philosophy #japan #kyoto #gion district

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houpss · 2 months

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REST

🧊–return to masterlist ¡! ✥

"Good day, this is JYP ENTERTAINMENT. 26.12.2021 Lily Hwang of Stray Kids is taking a rest due to worsening panic attacks and anxiety disorder, which is why her activities are suspended for a while. All of Stray kids' next events, comebacks and promotions will be released without her participation until she is fully recovered! We ask fans for understanding and all possible support, she asked you not to worry about her.JYPE will consider the artist's health a top priority and will do everything possible to support Lily's speedy recovery."

Then this statement from the Company shocked everyone and everyone was very upset by this development of events. Hundreds of thousands of letters of support were written to Lily in the bubble, they never forgot about her and encouraged her. MANIAC's comeback came out without her participation, but the students were so upset because Lily was in the teaser and in the video, but she was not in the promo or other songs.Lily appeared for the first time since her return to the bubble in May (01.05.2022), writing two messages:

[🐻]::Y/n!! hi, I feel much better. did you hear that the boys will have a world tour?:) Please visit it! I promise you'll like it (06:19 a.m)

[🐻]::I miss you and the boys, pain makes us stronger (08:32 a.m)

○○○

On the first day of the STRAY KIDS world tour in Seoul, Lily came to the concert with Mingi and Tenshi (she was the only one who was very scared), sitting in the front rows and she was shown on the big screen at the end of the concert, the boys burst into tears and were very happy to see her because they didn't know about her arrival at the concert, Lily also cried, and then she was allowed to go up on stage and they all stood there together and cried,they hugged so much:((( I can say that it was a difficult concert without Lily and the first concert after the pandemic, the boys were very upset and happy to see Stay again, but so tearful because of Lily. (this moment went viral everywhere), (date 05.05.2022)

On July 31, 2022, the video and song TIME OUT were released, with the release of which Lily left the rest, and the students were in great shock and also cried when they saw Lily in the video and heard her voice, everyone was incredibly happy about it. Then Lily wrote in the bubble:

[🐻]::Next to Y/n I am stronger, I promise to work and work and make my baby Y/n happy (11:02 p.m)

[🐻]::War is over (reference to the song) (11:07 p.m)

[🐻]::Oh...do you want for me to stay with you? (11:10 p.m)

[🐻]::During these seven months my life has become better! all thanks to Y/n's support~ (11:12 p.m)

[🐻]:: I missed you too, baby! let's continue to work harder so that we move forward together (11:15 p.m)

[🐻]:: I traveled a lot and went to a psychotherapist, so I felt better... (11:18 p.m)

[🐻]:: My close friends and boys helped me a lot (11:27 p.m)

[🐻]:: I don’t regret that the MANIAC comeback was without me! so Y/n saw the boys' talents to the fullest (11:28 p.m)

[🐻]:: Should I live onair tomorrow??

[🐻]:: I'll carry it out! and we'll have fun! (11:30 p.m)

[🐻]:: And now I'm going to bed! soft dreams, baby 🩷 (11:35 p.m)

Lily suffered all these seven months, she was terribly ill. She did not leave the room, did not eat, and did not communicate with anyone. Even SKZ couldn’t get her out of this state, not to mention Lily’s friends. Then Donghyun arrived from New York and, together with Kiri and Tenshi, began working on Lily’s condition. They organized a tour for her to different countries: Italy, France, Canada, Greece, UAE, Japan, Great Britain, and she also visited the Maldives. Lily even thought about committing suicide if it weren’t for Seungmin, who saw the prerequisites in time and sent Lily along with Chan to a psychotherapist (Lily refused to go alone). She wanted to quit K-pop completely, but her close people stopped her. What about Lily's parents? They didn’t know about it, or rather, Lily’s mother knew and quietly sent her money for treatment, but her father simply didn’t care. he abandoned his daughter back in 2017.

I can say that everyone handled Lily's rest differently, but it was hard. I think Felix and Jongin were the most depressed,Changbin hid his fears within himself , Minho became more irritable and Jisung was anxious without Lily...what about Chan and Hyunjin? They saw Lily most at this time, perhaps she only let them in and sometimes Felix, she didn’t want to see others. Seungmin observed the situation from afar and he was the one who helped her the most, but is not visible.

#stray kids female oc #stray kids x reader #stray kids #stray kids 9th member #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #skz au #skz #skz 9th member #skz female member #skz female oc #bts female member #bts 8th member #kpop #kpop gg #kpop girls #fictional idol group #fictional characters

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negrowhat · 3 months

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what are your top ten fav bl's of all time?

Hey Anon! I had to take some time to think about this. It's hard for me to choose things like this! You're really putting me on the spot lol. Here we go tho...I might cheat a little.

To My Star. Both 1 and 2. I love Seo Joon's and Ji Woo's story. I love their relationship dynamic. I loved how protective they were of each other. Both Ji Woo and Seo Joon are complex characters with layers that you can really bite into and analyze many ways. I know a lot of people were not fans of s2 but that was one series where I truly ate up the angst. Ji Woo is a hard character to understand unless you really take the time to watch the series and focus on his behaviors. You'll never, ever catch me talking bad about TMS.

Gameboys the Series. Both the seasons and the movie. CaiReel have such a modern and relatable love story. I think it being a series about finding relationships in the middle of a global pandemic while we were ALL sharing the same plight really stood out. I felt like I made new friends while watching that series. Also for s1 to be shot completely on an iPhone and for most of the actors to not actually be filming their scenes at the same time, I was BLOWN away by the quality AND chemistry. That series made me SOB and that is also something I consider impressive. If it can make me cry then it's certified gold.

Utsukushii Kare. Both seasons and the movie. This is another series with complex main characters. Hira deals with his general uninterest in damn near everything EXCEPT Kiyoi and photography. And Kiyoi deals with his need for attention even if he generally doesn't like people because they always disappoint him. It's interesting to see how they handle their seemingly unbalanced relationship. Hira is willing to give Kiyoi all the love he requires and not get close (which is normally what Kiyoi wants) and Kiyoi learns that with Hira he wants a real true love and relationship and that's quite a task when the man you love doesn't value himself. It's just interesting seeing the growth between them.

Color Rush S1. I love the way they tackle the soulmates trope, and explore the darker side to the obsession that could happen once you find your perfect match ESPECIALLY when that match can help you see a full picture. Yeon Woo struggles with a myriad of thoughts and fears as he does his best not to get close to Yoo Han even though Yoo Han is serving up himself on a silver platter with tantalizing promises of helping him learn the colors he craves to see. Yeon Woo becomes obsessed, but little does he know that Yoo Han is also obsessed because Yeon Woo also helps Yoo Han see a clearer picture. But maybe that obsession is really just them falling in love and not knowing what to call it.

Moonlight Chicken. Messy and relatable to a person like me who is smack dab in the middle of the age groups involved. This series really showcases how messy romances can be. It shows how hard it can be to close the door to a chapter you thought would end happily. This series shows how hard it can be to move on when a normally open door shuts in your face suddenly and forever. It shows how a chapter that starts off terrible can lead you into the most thrilling moment of your life. It shows that the last chapter you finished might have you TERRIFIED to move on to the next one. Stuck. This was a series I found difficult to dislike any of the characters even if they were being terrible. Emotions were high and reactions were warranted. This was a series where I felt like people were allowed to feel the way they were feeling.

We Best Love. Yes, both seasons. Shu Yi and Shi De had such an up and down ship. Shi De went through such a roundabout way to get close to Shu Yi and I really enjoyed watching them become friends. I enjoyed watching Shu Yi come to realize he was in love. I wanted to beat Shi De up in s2 for ghosting Shu Yi and I was enjoying watching Shu Yi get his lick back, but really he was just looking for answers so he can decide if he was stupid for wanting to forgive Shi De the moment he saw him again. It's another fun and messy series.

Lovely Writer. I LOVE Gene ok. He really made me love the series because he was such a bomb ass character. I also found Nubsib's psycho/stalkerish tendencies quite entertaining because he was so polite about it. I love that the series took stabs at all the things wrong with the BL community while simultaneously having the main character be an actor in one of the most toxic fake BLs I've ever seen. Just meta on top of meta. Satire in the form of a trendy BL within a BL.

History 3: MODC. Salt run aside, I just really loved this series. Can't believe a series about the shy kid falling in love with his bully is a fave. That sentence alone would make it problematic af...not to mention the questionable age gap between the 2nd couple. But it was beautifully constructed. Hao Ting found the best version of himself in Xi Gu and Xi Gu found a brighter side to life with Hao Ting. And they were WAYYYYY into each other and Hao Ting did put in his work to be forgiven. I do my best not to overthink Zhi Gang's age difference from Sun Bo because it's such a norm in Taiwanese BL. It's kind of interesting to see their relationship play out. Zhi Gang definitely has his hangups with the age gap and Sun Bo just doesn't care.

Blueming. Such a laid back series. Si Won is just a sweetheart dealing with self-esteem issues trying to make his presence known in life so he can get the best out of his university experience. And Da Un is just that effortlessly cool guy Si Won strives to be like. He can't even fathom the idea of such a cool guy having a crush on him that he takes the flirting as arrogance lmao. I think it's sweet that Da Un helps uplift Si Won and I think it's sweet that Si On showed Da Un the attention he never got at home.

Ingredients the Series. Just a sweet lil slice of life miniseries. It fills me with joy to watch Tops and Win pine after each other as Win works on his music and Tops works on his cooking and they live together symbiotically. There's not too much to this series. It relies heavily on food and chemistry and that's perfectly perfect for me.

#to my star #to my star 2 #blueming #gameboys #gameboys the series #gameboys the movie #we best love #we best love: no 1 for you #we best love: fighting mr. 2nd #utsukushii kare #utsukushii kare: eternal #ingredients the series #lovely writer #lovely writer the series #history 3: modc #history 3: make our days count #moonlight chicken #color rush

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 1 year

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They’ve suspended Matt Hancock for going on I’m a celeb. Thoughts?

YEAH THEY HAVE

Okay so for those just joining us let me explain this latest dance segment in the clown show

So during the Pandemic, back in the days of Big Dog the Clown being our Prime Minister and encouraging us all to go out and catch COVID because he thought that would make us all stronger, our Health Secretary was a terrifyingly incompetent humanoid blancmange called Matt Hancock. As with all of BlowJo's Cabinet, Matt got the job because he was absolutely fucking terrible at everything except being an oily sycophant. Imagine, if you will, they looked around the circus and saw, not even a clown, but one of the freaks in the freak show; not because he even fit the profile for 'circus freak', but because all he had to do was sit there and guard the bin or something equally useless, and that was all he could achieve (for about 71% of the time, and he would otherwise get distracted by candy floss, which he would try to eat by ramming it into his own nostrils and then get into a muddle and cry); and then imagine that guy is who they selected to be in charge of safety for the acrobat show, and called him Chief Safety Clown.

This guy.

So obviously Britain immediately generated one of the worst covid mortality rates on the planet.

But he didn't stay in position too long, because in the summer of 2021, he broke his own lockdown rules by, yes you guessed it, having a greasy affair with an aide in his Downing Street office and taking her on taxpayer-funded dates. And obviously, that was a big problem because the public were super furious with politicians breaking the lockdown rules, so Boris Johnson did the sensible thing and fired him LMAO LOL ROFL I'm sorry I can't keep a straight face, Boris Johnson said it was completely fine and he could stay.

But uh. Matt Hancock decided a lynch mob was not a scenario he'd planned for, so he resigned, and bumbling ham Sajid Javid took over instead.

So, that explains who he is. Now, his signature move is basically to just fellate whichever ringmaster will give him a job, because as you may have guessed, he certainly is not capable of getting a job otherwise, other than guarding the bin. So as the latest ringmaster auditions began, he immediately set about making little "Rishi is the Greatest Briton" badges and generally doing a really good imitation of Nadine Dorries, except for Sunak instead of Johnson.

...which didn't work because Rishi Sunak passed him up for a job entirely lol

So as far as I can see I think Matt Hancock has finally realised that the only reason he was given a job was because Boris gave him one for doing good cheering. I think he's actually spotted that no one else even likes him, because he's greasy and disgusting and also killed loads of people. So if he wants to get back into politics - or indeed if he wants to move from there into the lucrative world of after dinner speaking - he needs to build his public profile as someone who is likeable and doesn't kill a chunk of the country and doesn't have grubby wandering hands like moist prehensile plums.

So, he decided to go on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

(???!?!?????)

Except the thing is, "being an MP" is actually a job, and you are actually expected to pretend to do that job. I don't know how anyone else's jobs work, Tumblrs, but I personally am not allowed to just... go to Australia for three weeks without taking any annual leave and abandon the office, and also get paid to do so while still drawing my salary. And it turns out nor are MPs.

His excuses so far are:

I can be an MP in the Australian outback, I'm going to talk about dyslexia so really I'll still be working

I don't think I can work in politics for much longer because I'm bad at guarding the bin and Rishi won't let me do anything else even though I said his hair looks nice :(

Let's see how this is going down!

Oh to have a job where you can decide for yourself you're taking a month off, abandon your work and responsibilities, get paid shedloads and face little consequence. I'm sure he'll be an inspiration to other public servants

-Dave Penman, general secretary of the FDA union which represents senior civil servants

The prime minister believes that at a challenging time for the country, MPs should be working hard for their constituents, whether that's in the house or indeed in their constituencies.

-Rishi Sunak's spokesperson

Matt Hancock isn’t a ‘celebrity’, he’s the former health secretary who oversaw the UK having one of the highest death tolls in the world from Covid-19 while breaking his own lockdown rules. The fact that he is trying to cash in on his terrible legacy, rather than showing some humility or seeking to reflect on the appalling consequences of his time in government, says it all about the sort of person he is.

-Lobby Akinnola, from the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice campaign

Following a conversation with Matt Hancock, I have considered the situation and believe this is a matter serious enough to warrant suspension of the whip with immediate effect

-Conservative chief whip, Simon Hart

I’m looking forward to him eating a kangaroo’s penis. You can quote me on that.

-Deputy chair of the West Suffolk Conservative Association, Andy Drummond

So there we have it, folks! It's going super well!!!!

But having the whip suspended means "expelled from the party until the matter is resolved", which means he is, as of now, no longer a Tory - he's an Independent. I imagine his constituents are delighted.

#politik #asks

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undoing-anobrains · 8 months

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you bring me home - matty healy

part four

pairing- matty x f!oc

wc- 3.4K

summary- following her fiancé suddenly calling off their engagement caroline daniel finds herself moving in with her brother and his best friend who she had a huge crush on as a teenager just in time for a worldwide lockdown.

Something had shifted within Caroline following the night she spent connecting with Matty. A change which wasn't unfamiliar to her, in fact it was all too memorable. It was like finally coming home, like remembering what warmth feels like after a seemingly permanent coldness. And Caroline was absolutely petrified by the sudden resurgence of emotions she had buried a long time ago.

He had just taken pity on her, Caroline reiterated to herself. Like any decent human being he had comforted her when she was evidently distraught. Matty had only been acting out of obligation because they were somewhat friends and more importantly she was his best friend's little sister. His words didn't have any deeper meaning, he was just an inherently good soul.

If she let herself entertain her delusions she would be no better than her ex she mused. Even if he had never really been committed to her, she had given her everything to that relationship and she couldn't possibly move on that quickly. But Matty was frustratingly conscientious and always checking in on her so it was impossible to avoid him, despite knowing she had to if she wanted to prevent her little resurfaced crush from developing any further.

So that's what prompted Caroline to come back to the hospital to work on the unit after leaving to pursue research the year prior. Coming back to work on the front lines in the middle of a global pandemic was stressful but she found it gave her mind the necessary rest from her own problems – it was much easier to face and solve other people's than her own. And it gave her a sense of purpose in a time where she truly felt lost. She could be a friendly face, a comforting presence for her patients, she knew how to do that. What she wasn't so sure of these days was who she really was underneath all of that. The studio is alive when Caroline returns every evening, a stark contrast to how things were at the start. It's buzzing with energy and she somehow walks in to the boys doing something stupid every time that makes her genuinely question their sanity before falling into side splitting laughter with them over their antics. It's the good kind of laughter Caroline notes, the kind that you can still feel in the slight aches of your ribs hours later - serving a very needed reminder that it was real.

She can handle her highly inappropriate yet persisting feelings towards Matty in small doses. Even though those small doses are concentrated ones where he's in constantly in her orbit. Although if she's being completely transparent it would be more accurate to say she's in his orbit. For Matty is the sun. Radiant and blinding. Luring people in with his warmth and for the most part unknowingly the centre of everything. At least for Caroline because in the heart of her world Matty was the brightest star, an ineffable illumination of everything good in the world even if he purposefully extinguished it to the prying, outside eye. Every interaction with him was akin to stepping into the gentle embrace of dawn after a night filled with pitch black, stormy skies.

He had seriously committed to his unspoken promises of reviving Caroline's genuine smile and expelling the lingering misery she still experienced. His laughter was everywhere all of the time – occupying every neuron, every auditory pathway until it eventually overwhelmed her auditory cortex with its captivating and melodic quality. It was as if his mirth had the ability to dispel the shadows, coaxing a smile from the corners of her lips even in the gloomiest of moments. Matty had that kind of power over people. The power to kindle a spark within them that soon spread like uncontrollable wildfire. Then when you pair that with a long lived crush still breathing...well it only amplified that effect of his.

But just as the sun graces the world with its light it also casts shadows. And in the gentle radiance of his presence, there existed the shadow of her unspoken, resurfacing feelings. A dichotomy of warmth and yearning, a constant tug of war between being content with their shared moments in private and longing for something more. It was a paradox she navigated, for she knew that while he was the sun that illuminated her world, he was also a star she could only admire from afar.

As Caroline returned to her work at the hospital, an unexpected transformation seemed to weave its way into the fabric of her relationship with Matty. The dynamics between them shifted, evolving into a state of familiarity and comfort that bordered on domesticity. It was as if the unspoken connection they shared had blossomed into a new phase, one where their interactions were marked by a sense of intimacy that transcended the already blurry bounds of their friendship. The transition was subtle, like the gradual turning of seasons, but it was unmistakably present.

The first time Matty made her coffee, Caroline was half-asleep and unsuspecting. As she shuffled into the kitchen, eyes half-lidded, she was met with the sight that would etch itself into her memory. There stood Matty, a vision in tousled hair and sleep-drawn features. His right hand held her travel mug, his fingers wrapped around the vessel with a certain tenderness that belied his dishevelled appearance.

The corners of his lips curved upward into a sleepy grin as his gaze met hers. "Mornin'," he greeted, the warmth in his voice a stark contrast to the chill present due to the early hour. He extended the mug toward her, a silent offering that carried more weight than words ever could. "Thought you'd need this."

The weight of his gesture, of the effort he had taken to ensure her morning started with comfort, settled over her like a cosy blanket. She accepted the mug with a quiet gratitude, her fingers brushing against his briefly in the exchange. The world outside may have been chaotic, but in this small moment, it was as if time stood still.

Caroline cradled the mug in her grasp as she studied Matty's features in all their morning glory. He was somehow still beautiful despite it being evident that he hadn't yet slept a wink – clearly having spent all night abuzz working on something for the album. Bringing the brew to her lips she took a sip of the hot liquid and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't as though she doubted Matty's ability to make a good cup of coffee but considering he typically made his a lot sweeter than she would normally take hers, Caroline was impressed that he noticed those little details.

"Good stuff, huh?"

Caroline smiled in return, a soft warmth settling in her chest. "Yeah, really good. Thanks."

His smile widened, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "I'm wasted making music."

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Oh definitely, I'm sure Café Nero would be dying to have you back if you ever get bored of being my personal barista and world famous musician."

"Cheeky," he goads "was going to make you another tomorrow morning but I think I'll just sleep in instead."

Caroline held back a laugh "I won't force you but you'd be earning a lot of points in my books Matthew."

His expression softened "well then...I'll be waiting, same time tomorrow."

Mornings follow suit with a sense of anticipation, as Caroline would find herself waking up to the aroma of freshly brewed coffee wafting through the studio. She would step into the kitchen to find Matty, already awake, a warm smile playing on his lips as he handed her a cup of her favourite brew. Initially she had thanked him for the coffee but persuaded him not to lose sleep over her but she hadn't been very successful as the following mornings Matty greeted her with her travel mug full, his own mug of tea and the knowledge that he usually went right back to bed once she left for work everyday. Slowly and not without complaints he adopted her sleep schedule – or at least the early morning aspect. When Caroline asked him why he was making such an effort his answer rendered her speechless. It was the only time of day during the week which he got to spend with only her. That he'd grown fond of their midnight ramblings but these days they were so inseparable with George and Louis that the mornings were regretfully their only time alone.

The boys, in their own way, embraced this shift. Evenings greeted Caroline with the comforting scent of food fresh out of the oven. It was nothing spectacular but they managed to not burn anything and it was the sentiment that touched Caroline. She would have been happy to cook for them all in the evenings regardless of her just arriving home from work but that suggestion had hardly left her lips before it was meant with protests. It was rather sweet how they all insisted that Caroline deserved a rest after the long days on her feet.

When she'd returned to dinner at the studio the first time she had been shocked to say the least because none of the boys were even close to amateur chefs. In fact her first reaction had been to raise a brow in mock scepticism and quip "You lot? Cook dinner? Are you trying to give me food poisoning?"

To which Matty retaliated, eyes twinkling with amusement. "Oh, come on! I can cook, you know."

With a well-practiced sense of theatricality, Caroline countered, "Right, and I'm the Queen of England."

The friendly sparring continued, each word exchanged a playful volley.

"Literally the only times I've ever seen you cook for yourself the smoke alarm thought we were under attack," she recalled, a grin playing on her lips.

Matty met her accusation with a smirking defence. "I was just testing the fire safety measures. A responsible citizen, that's me."

And then came George's orchestrated declaration, wrapped in an exaggerated façade of admiration as he tried not to cackle. "Ah, of course! You, responsible. Truly the pinnacle role model Mattthew."

So when Caroline came back to dinner made every evening like her life was an episode of some bizarre gender swapped fifties fever dream she accepted it happily so as to not set the boys off on a rant about how they couldn't possibly make Caroline, the resident genius and hardworking radiation therapist cook her own meals and continue to work once she came home. Even when she pointed out that they were literally also working all day they quickly brushed that argument under the rug, informing her that adding the finishing touches to an album was nowhere near comparable with saving lives and treating cancer patients daily.

The studio had become a haven, not just for the boy's creative endeavours but for the shared moments of respite they found in each other's company. Matty, in particular, seemed to take on a new role as a constant presence in her life. During her work hours, she would receive unexpected FaceTime calls, snippets of songs from their upcoming album playing softly in the background as Matty's voice offered glimpses into their world of music and inspiration. Sometimes all of them would be there on a call with her when she eventually got her lunch just to keep her company because Caroline had mentioned in passing how unsettling she found the otherwise empty and sterile canteen.

Caroline cherished these stolen moments, the sense of connection deepening with each passing day. It was as if Matty was inviting her into a space that was uniquely theirs, a realm where the boundaries of friendship blurred into something more profound. The snippets of songs he shared felt like secrets whispered in her ear, a testament to the trust he placed in her. In the evenings, the studio transformed into a realm of games and laughter. Game nights became a ritual, although putting four highly competitive people against each other often ended in disaster and strings of light hearted but intense insults.

The evening sun cast a warm, golden hue across the studio as Caroline stepped through the door, shedding the weight of a long day at work. The scent of familiarity enveloped her as she kicked off her shoes and set her bag down. The studio seemed to exhale a sigh of relief as she returned, as if it had been waiting for her presence to fill its spaces once more.

Caroline's tired gaze fell upon the inviting sight before her: the cosy living area adorned with soft cushions and warm throws, the gentle crackling of a fire in the fireplace, and, most importantly, the figure of Matty, seated on the couch with a book in hand.

She offered him a weary smile, her shoulders relaxing as the strains of the day began to dissipate. Matty looked up from his book, his eyes lighting up as they met hers. "Long day at work?" he asked, closing the book and setting it aside.

Caroline let out a soft chuckle, the tension in her features easing as she moved toward the couch. "You have no idea," she admitted, sinking into the plush cushions beside him. The warmth emanating from the fireplace and his proximity seemed to chase away the remnants of stress that had clung to her throughout the day.

Matty reached for a nearby throw blanket, unfolding it and draping it over both of them. It was a small gesture, but one that spoke volumes about his attentiveness. "Well, you're home now," he said softly, tucking the blanket around them both. "And I've got the perfect remedy for a long day."

Her curiosity piqued, Caroline turned to him, a playful glint in her eyes. "Oh, do tell. Is it a secret Healy remedy?"

Matty's grin was infectious as he leaned in conspiratorially. "It's simple, really," he began, his voice low as if sharing a well-kept secret. "I might have done a tesco delivery with a stash of your favourite snacks earlier and then you have good company."

Caroline chuckled, the exhaustion of the day giving way to a sense of contentment. "And I suppose you're the 'good company' part?"

Matty's feigned offense was accompanied by an exaggerated gasp. "Well, if you must ask, I suppose I can reluctantly fill that role," he replied, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

Once again Matty had surprised Caroline with a sweet gesture and it really wasn't making trying to suppress her feelings for him simple. Luckily for her Louis shortly joined them after he got off the phone with his girlfriend and George came back minutes later. Caroline was grateful for them being there because she didn't trust herself to be alone with Matty at the moment - even if her mind was well aware of the fact that starting anything with him was a bad idea, her heart was screaming at her, begging her to throw logic and reason out the window.

The four of them curled up in a messy pile of blankets on the couch and Matty turned on some random movie that Caroline had never seen before but didn't care about enough to know the name of. As much as she tried to focus on the screen Caroline found her gaze kept drifting to her right where Matty was curled up alarmingly close to her.

Their legs were thrown all over the place, even on top of each other. Matty's right leg was drooped across George as he also snuggled into the left side of his torso. Louis was on the other side of Caroline and he had the most space by far and also the most pillows. Initially Matty had been leaning over Caroline in an attempt to snatch one of them from his brother's grasp but Louis hadn't let any of them go. Merely sending Caroline a knowing look as Matty then resorted to using Caroline's shoulder as a headrest. Feeling his warm breath on her skin sent Caroline's brain into overdrive as it struggled to function. His presence and the lack of space between them was overwhelming, goosebumps forming on her skin in anticipation.

Caroline couldn't keep her eyes off of Matty but it seemed to be reciprocated. Occasionally she'd force herself to look at the screen but his eyes always drifted back to the man currently resting his head on her shoulder. He was truly captivating, even more up close when you could see all the intricacies and tiny details like the small freckles from the sun or the soft pink flush that spread across his cheeks whenever they locked gaze. And Matty's close study of her features, as if he was trying to commit her to memory had Caroline losing her mind. There was a tenderness to his expression - as if he was observing a beautiful piece of art and not a jaded shell of a woman whose eyebags grew and darkened by the day with a practically permanent indent across the bridge of her nose from the pressure of her protective mask digging into it all day at work.

When the movie ended George let out a soft yawn and rubbed his bleary eyes "I think I'm going to head up to bed, see you lot in the morning." They said goodnight to him and Caroline didn't fail to point out that he wouldn't see her because she'd be long gone. Then despite looking awake as ever Louis rose from the sofa and announced that he was off as well. Sending a cheeky wink in Caroline's direction when Matty wasn't paying attention on his way out. He knew exactly what he was doing when up and left claiming to need to sleep and now Caroline was alone. Alone, with Matty . Alone with someone who she had spent such a large portion of her life in love with.

"You're comfy," Matty said quietly, almost like he was too scared to say it any louder.

Caroline's chest grew heavier at that. Suddenly everything was weighing her down and she was terrified. It felt like her heart was slamming against her chest so rapidly that it would burst through her sternum with ease.

But it was all silence after that until Matty broke it. "Caro," he began, his voice a conspiratorial whisper as they lounged in the living area of the studio, "I've been thinking."

Caroline's eyebrows quirked in curiosity, her gaze meeting his with a mixture of intrigue and amusement. "That's rare."

Matty's grin widened, his enthusiasm contagious. "How about we do something... a bit out of the ordinary?"

A bemused smile tugged at the corners of Caroline's lips. "And what exactly do you have in mind?"

Matty's eyes twinkled as he leaned in closer, his voice taking on a dramatic flair. "A fort," he declared, his tone hushed as if revealing a secret of the utmost importance. "We should build a fort."

Caroline's laughter danced in the air, a melodic sound that filled the room. "A fort? Are we twelve years old again?" Too many times in her childhood had she found Matty and George inside a fort he had built in George's room when they were meant to be asleep and Caroline used to join them on the promise that she wouldn't tell their parents.

Matty's expression remained earnest, his enthusiasm unwavering. "Why not? I haven't made one in forever."

Eventually giving in to his eager but pleading smile she found herself gathering an assortment of blankets and cushions, their laughter mingling with the rustling of fabric.

In the heart of the living area their fort began to take shape. They draped blankets over chairs, positioned cushions just right. With each layer added, the sense of nostalgia deepened, harkening back to a simpler time when building forts was an art form in itself. Their fingers brushed against soft fabrics, occasionally lingering too long or too close to each other.

Matty gestured with a flourish toward their handiwork, a playful glint in his eyes. "We did good, should be a professional."

Caroline laughed, her heart lighter than it had been in days. "It's... surprisingly impressive, I must admit."

Matty patted a cushion invitingly, his voice a whisper that held a touch of mischief. "Well, come on then. The fort awaits its inhabitants."

How had she ever believed she could get over him? Had she ever really wanted to get over him? Either way - she was well and truly fucked now because she was fully enraptured in the whirlpool that was Matty again and faced with a choice, sink or swim?

#the long awaited part four :)#i love them #matty healy fic #matty healy fanfiction #the 1975 fic #the 1975 fanfic #the 1975 #matty healy x reader #matty healy x oc #matty healy x you #ross macdonald #adam hann #george daniel #bee writes #you bring me home

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humansofnewyork · 1 year

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“She could be mean. But I don’t think it was malicious. A lot of it came down to insecurity. Anytime I was happy outside of our world, it made her uncomfortable. Both of us were actors. And if she ever needed to travel for work; we’d be fine. More than fine. I’d be happy for her. But whenever I got an out-of-town gig; it was always a problem. Some of my friendships made her uncomfortable: women, always. But also friends I’d known for a long time. Any time she detected an intimacy that she wasn’t a part of, she’d feel threatened. So I withdrew from a lot of my friendships. It just wasn’t worth the risk of setting her off. I became a caretaker. Everything flowed one way: keeping her away from negative thoughts, and negative places. I felt sympathy for her. I thought: ‘She can’t help her insecurities. Why should I punish her for them?’ So I committed myself to making it work. Everything made so much sense on paper. We moved into a nice apartment, and got a dog. I had a great relationship with her parents. It was hard to let go of all that. But mostly I just didn’t realize I could be truly happy if I did the brave thing. Right before the pandemic I got a gig in Germany. I spent most of my free time in the hotel room, waiting for her to wake up in New York, because if she ever called and I was doing something, she’d be super upset. On the last week she came to visit. One night she got drunk and jealous. And the next morning I caught her looking through my phone. After six years, after all the counseling, we were back at square one. Worse than square one, because the wedding was coming. It wasn’t the end. But it was the beginning of the end, because I finally started to confide in people. I remember one of my friends telling me: ‘You deserve to be happy.’ Such a simple idea, but I needed to hear it. Now I have a new fiancée. And it’s a completely different feeling. When I used to envision a future with my ex, everything was so vague. It was so detached from the present. It all had to be so different from the way things were. But with my current fiancé, it’s a straight line. Nobody has to change who they are. It’s just building on what’s already there.”

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mapileonxputellas · 1 year

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Your Royal Highness (Mapi Leon x Reader)

Request can be found here x Not the biggest fan of how this turned out but here you go! Any Christmas requests still welcome! 2.5k words.

You didn’t like talking about your family. You were an open book about pretty much anything else but not that, everyone simply knew that you had two brothers who you had a strained relationship with and that your mother had died when you were only a baby.

In fact you never really had anyone special in your life until you met Mapi one fateful afternoon in Barcelona just under three years ago. You’d started off as just friends but the pandemic showed you how much she really meant to you and as soon as you could you made the move a year later.

Of course when Mapi had introduced you to everyone they were all suspicious, you had an amazing penthouse in the centre of Barcelona and always paid for any meals out having only just completed your medical degree. But you just assured them that you had the money for it and wanted to treat those you now considered your own friends.

When you found out your girlfriend as well as all your best friends had been selected for the Euro’s you decided to keep your attendance a surprise, simply sending them off with all your luck. Of course you had a plan in place, having booked your leave from work months in advance to have the chance to see them play live no matter where it was being held and the implications that could have for you.

Then Alexia’s injury happened and it took all your strength to keep this secret as Mapi cried over the phone to you. Something that you could count on your hands the number of times that had happened.

All of which concluded with you sat in a stadium in London, the first time you’d been back in the city for a very long time.

Just a few rows in front of you, you spotted the La Reina herself watching the teams warm up and you couldn’t help yourself in temporarily sitting down next to her.

“I’m so sorry Alexia.” You started off, her head quickly darting in your direction. “Mind if I keep you company?”

“I guess you’ll do.” Even the injury couldn’t stop one of your best friends teasing you. “I’m guessing this is a surprise.”

“Ding ding.”

“She’s going to be so happy to see you. She literally hasn’t stopped talking about you all week, going on to all the Madrid players about how her girlfriend is a doctor, plus how, in her words, ‘hot’ you are.”

“Well there’s no lies there….”

You could see the team were struggling having lost their captain, conceding in the first minute. But they were all warriors and the 4-1 victory was definitely what they deserved.

You always loved watching Maria play but seeing her on this stage almost made you emotional. She dedicated her whole life to football and no-one deserved this more than her in your eyes.

At the end of the game the players were slowly making their way around the pitch, speaking to the fans and you took your position next to the barrier.

The first to notice you was Claudia, who almost did a double take as she made her way over to you.

“Y/N?”

“Surprise.” You couldn’t help but pull the girl into a hug. “Congratulations on the win.”

“Thank you, Mapi didn’t mention you were here.”

“That’s because she doesn’t know yet.”

Slowly one by one the players came and greeted you, even sneaking in a cuddle with Irene’s son when they all gathered around you but the woman you most wanted to see was trailing at the back, trying to speak to all the fans she could possibly see.

As she got closer you could see she was in autopilot mode right now, the smile though it speared real you could tell was fake and the chat was muted. You kept quiet as she spoke to the family next to you but once she was finished and turned your way, the tears immediately sprung into both your eyes.

“You know I’ve flown all this way, can I not even get a hug for that?” You’d barely even finished asking the question before she gathered you in her arms. The barrier between you both long forgotten as she buried her head in your neck, arms tightly wrapped around your waist. “Well done today.”

What felt like hours was merely just a few minutes as you forgot about the world around you. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” She pulled away but kept her arms wrapped around you, connecting your lips before you could reply, a kiss filled with emotion and love.

“I wanted to surprise you. You really thought I was going to stay at home when I could be watching you here.”

“I thought you were working.” She admitted.

“I booked this off months ago, I knew you would be here.” You assured her. “How are you feeling?”

“Things are just so tense right now, I feel like everything is just falling apart around us.” You’d been here sounding board these past few years when it came to the national team, you knew how much she loved playing for the team but you also knew how hard the federation were being on the players. “Plus Alexia is heartbroken.”

“All you need to remember now is just to control your own game.” You assured her, grasping her chin so she wouldn’t break the eye contact. “You can’t fix the problems around you, just be your amazing self and you’ll know you gave it your all.”

“When can I see you again?” She asked noticing the stewards starting to clear the area as the players began to say goodbye to their families around you.

“I’m here as long as you are, I’ll be at the games and if you’ve got any spare time just let me know.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Irene sent you a message when you got home that night, thanking you for the surprise and that all the girls could see an improvement in Mapi’s mood from just seeing you. Just when you thought you’d somehow gone under the radar that evening you got a message.

W: Let me know when you’re free, I think we need to catch up little sister x

…..

It wasn’t until after the group stage had finished that you could see Mapi for more than five minutes after a match. Thankfully their wins against Denmark and Finland were enough to secure them second in the group but that meant facing England, the hosts, in the quarter final.

The last few days had also been pretty stressful for yourself, you knew that coming to England would be risky and stressful but you could never have envisioned the amount they would hound you. They had somehow managed to locate the hotel you were staying at and you could see from the day after the first match there was a high but discreet security presence around you. Of course that meant speaking to your family but you didn’t mention Mapi’s name wanting to tell her yourself. Which you knew would have to be done today.

“Can you speak any English?” Mapi asked as we sat in a boat going down the Thames, your treat for the date afternoon, her arm wrapped around my shoulder as we gently drifted down the river, just the two of us and the worker.

“I wouldn’t say I’m fluent but I know quite a lot.”

“Could you ever see yourself living abroad? Like away from Barca?”

“Barca’s my home and you’re there.” You said. “I guess I’ve actually got something to tell you.”

“I knew you were distracted these past few days.” She said, moving slightly so her body was angled towards me. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been keeping a secret from you, well from everyone, and I don’t know what’s going to happen now so I need to tell you.”

“What secret?”

“I always told you that I had no family and whilst that is true in some ways, it’s a whole lot more complicated than what I’ve been telling you and everyone else.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” She tried to reassure you, noticing the anxiety building up in your mannerisms, gently holding your hand to stop the fidgeting.

“I moved to Barcelona when I was just five months old, I was shipped out here to be brought up by a bunch of maids and butlers. My mother had died a week earlier. My father and brothers would visit occasionally but that stopped when I was around ten years old. Since then I could count the number of times I’ve seen them on one hand.”

“So are you Spanish?”

“I now have a Spanish passport and I would consider myself Spanish but I’m actually English.”

“Shit. Have you spoken to your family since you got here?”

“That’s the thing, they’ve located me.”

“Located you?” Now there is where it gets difficult for you to explain.

“This is probably going to come as a big shock to you but my father is the Prince of Wales, my brothers are Prince William and Harry. My mother was, is, Princess Diana.”

“That’s why you have all that money?”

“They send me an allowance of sorts but I put that towards my bills and treat you all but the majority of it goes to charity. I don’t need that and I don’t really like to think that my life is built around their money when they didn’t even want me.”

“Why did they send you away like that?”

“My mother always wanted me to have a private life and then I think in the grief of everything they couldn’t cope with a baby and they shipped me away.”

“How do you feel about it all now?” She asked, gently gripping my head to rest on her shoulder.

“It’s weird because when they reached out to me it didn’t feel like I was going to meet my family. I met with them yesterday and I just didn’t feel anything. I have my family in Barcelona, in my friends, in you. I’ll always be sad for the family I could have had but I’m more than happy with the life I’ve made.”

“What’s going to happen now?”

“When I spoke to them they were keen to make an effort now but I guess we’ll just see, I personally hope the news never gets out. That’s why I wanted to tell you though, I want you to find out from me and I’ll tell the rest of the team as well.”

“They were the ones that missed out. You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

“Wow is this Maria getting soppy?”

“Shut up. You know I hate that name as well.”

“Not when it’s me.” You were the only person she would allow to call her Maria, first it started off as a joke but it developed into your own little thing.

“Just to confirm who will you be supporting at the match now I know you have connections with the enemy?”

“Spain Maria, always.”

…..

That night Mapi managed to sneak you back into the team meal to see the players before the game in a few days’ time. Thankfully they had split off into smaller groups and this was just the friends that you had in the Spanish team from Barca.

“Where did you two go today?” Claudia asked as we sat down. “I’ve literally not seen you all day.”

“Aww did you miss us.” You teased. “I actually took her on a boat cruise down the Thames, just us two.”

“You little romantic.” Patri teased. “Turning all British to see the sights.”

“Yeah about that….” It felt like now was the right time to tell all your closest friends. “I’ve actually got something to tell you all.”

“You’re pregnant?” Claudia shouted.

“Shut up Pina.”

“You’re getting married?” Aitana added.

“No this is actually about me.” You felt Mapi grab your hand underneath the table, softly tracing patterns on the back of your palm. “I want to be honest with you all and since we’re in England a lot of things have happened. Since Mapi introduced me to you all, you’ve all been so welcoming and took me into your little family and I couldn’t be more grateful for you all.”

You took a sip of water just to calm the nerves, receiving a reassuring smile from Mapi.

“I know you hate that I spend my money on you but you really don’t need to worry about that because… well because I’m part of the British royal family.”

“What?”

“Shit.” Patri almost began to choke on her food but composed herself. “You’re going to need to explain this one a bit more.”

“So basically I was taken away to Barcelona as a child, I’ve grew up there since I was a baby but my father is Prince Charles.”

“Do we have to call you Princess Y/N now?” Irene teased, noticing your tense posture and bringing the conversation back down.

“Yeah Mapi you’re actually dating a real-life Princess.” Claudia added. “We’re all going to have to bow to you now.”

You couldn’t be more thankful to the way they just brushed over the news. You knew there would be more questions in the future but now maybe wasn’t the right place to ask them. “No bowing and no titles. You’re my family and as much as I might share a blood with those people they have nothing over you lot. Even though you’re all crazy and you drive me insane sometimes you’ve all given me a family that I could only dream of.”

“We all love you too.” Irene said. “Just as long as you keep our Mapi happy.”

“Always.”

“Did Mapi know?”

“I told her today, a lot’s happened since I got here and I just want to be honest with you all.”

“Wait!” Aitana almost shouted. “Does this mean you’re going to be supporting the enemy? We can’t have a traitor among us.”

“Don’t worry I’ll still be team Spain.”

“Good.”

Even if they didn’t win that match against Spain, falling short after an injury time winner, they still all did you proud. You made sure to remind Mapi of that as you shared a hug after the match, another barrier between you and fans all around you, yet it felt like you were the only two people in the World.

“You know England may have won today but you’ve got something they’ll never have.” You whispered in her ear.

“Oh yeah?”

“My heart.”

“I love you so much and no matter what happens with your family and everything, you’ll always have me. I couldn’t care less if you only had a euro to your name, you’re everything I want.”

“Mapi…”

“Maybe this could give you a new nickname as well, I think Princesa is quite fitting.”

“Stop…”

#mapi leon x reader #mapi leon imagine #woso imagines #woso imagine #woso x reader #barcelona femeni #espwnt #espwnt x reader

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sisterspooky1013 · 5 months

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Gaslight, Chapter 48/48: Epilogue

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

May 29, 2001

Tonight we bring you an update on the conspiracy that continues to rock the States. Ten months after exposing the major players behind the now defunct Spurious Project, three men identified only as “The Lone Gunmen” were awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, with one of the three men being awarded the medal with distinction due to injuries sustained during an attempted assassination by Spurious operatives.

As millions of Americans continue to line up to have microchips containing false memories of a global pandemic removed from their necks, the search continues for the individuals at the heart of the project: identified only as ‘subject 101-1’ and ‘subject 101-2.’ While their precise role in the project remains unclear, sources state that they should be considered victims.

The Spurious Project is purported to be the largest and most well-orchestrated attempt to mislead the public in recorded history. Any Canadian citizen who visited the States between February and March of 2000, or who received a vaccination for the Manatua Virus, should see their doctor as soon as possible to be scanned for a microchip and have it removed if necessary.

There’s a knock at the door, and Frenchie barks sharply as she skitters across the hardwood. Scully turns the TV off before hoisting herself out of her armchair, fruitlessly attempting to quiet Frenchie with verbal commands. Halfway to the door there’s another knock, and she calls out, “Just a minute!” as she shuffles the rest of the way, already out of breath. On the other side she finds a little boy with messy blonde hair and an RC car hanging from his fingertips, the remote tucked under his arm.

“Can Zack play?” the boy asks without preamble.

“Sure,” Scully huffs, then turns to shout down the hallway. “Bear! Micah’s here!”

A moment later Peter trudges down the hall, his own RC car in hand. Scully grabs him by the back of his shirt collar as he prepares to wordlessly walk out the door, and he stops and tips his face up to look at her. His body has softened in the intervening months, rounding out his face and padding his hips beneath his sweatpants.

“Watch for the car please, okay? Daddy and Bunny will be back from the airport soon.”

Peter nods, and she takes his chin in her hand and kisses his forehead before sending him outside. She watches him walk shoulder-to-shoulder across the lawn beside Micah and tells herself that he’s a typical little boy. One who is fiercely independent because he subconsciously doesn’t expect the adults in his life to meet his needs. One who struggles to stop eating when he’s full because his body remembers a time when his next meal wasn’t guaranteed. One who hoards everything from Q-tips to granola bars in his room, just in case. But he fits right in with the kids in the neighborhood, and is excited to start kindergarten in the fall. Typical, considering all he’s been through, and she’s grateful for it.

The oven timer beeps and she makes her way to the kitchen, the warm vanilla smell in the air making her mouth water. It’s just a boxed cake, nothing fancy, but she feels emotional as she sets it on top of the oven to cool and gets out supplies for decorating.

Her life now would be completely unrecognizable to the person she was a year ago, a fact that both relieves and saddens her. As difficult as that time was, it wasn’t all bad. There were happy memories made, and there are people she still misses, as well as places. But the home they’ve made here is a permanent one, both for the sake of the children who have enough to contend with without another international move, and because the risk of returning to the States is simply not one they are willing to take.

She hears the crunch of tires on gravel and her belly does a nervous little flip, which strikes her as silly. She can’t decide whether to meet them on the front porch, or in the driveway, or maybe just stay here in the kitchen. She’s still pondering this when the screen on the back door snaps and Abby walks in, eyeing Scully curiously as she examines the sweet-smelling cake.

“Are you okay, Mommy?” Abby asks, and Scully forces herself to smile.

“Yeah, sweetpea, I’m just a little nervous,” she says, reaching out to run her hand through the child’s short-cropped hair, now devoid of blonde. Abby tenses reflexively at her touch, but Scully ignores it. “Did you have fun going to the airport with Daddy?”

Abby nods, watching Scully’s face. She’s always watching her, measuring her mood and anticipating her reactions. The casual observer would deduce that they’re incredibly close, based on the way Abby never lets Scully out of her sight, but the truth is much more complicated than that. Abby can’t relax unless she knows that Scully is relaxed. She cannot feel safe in a place where Scully is present unless she has taken steps to prophylactically placate her. The outside world sees a little girl who dotes on her mother, but Scully sees a little girl who perceives her mother as a potential threat that she must constantly monitor. It gets better week over week, month over month, and Scully has faith that someday Abby won’t flinch when she reaches for her.

“Oh my god.”

Scully turns away from Abby and towards the sound of her mother’s voice. She’s standing in the doorway of the kitchen, her hands held over her mouth and her eyes shining.

“Mom,” Scully says, rushing towards her, tears already pooling in her eyes.

They embrace awkwardly, both laughing, and just the smell of her mother’s skin, her laundry soap, her shampoo, makes Scully feel like a little girl again. She wishes she could crawl into Maggie’s lap and tell her how hard it’s been, and how much she’s needed her.

“Look at you,” Maggie says, leaning away and laying a palm on the tight drum of Scully’s stomach. “You look beautiful.”

Scully laughs uncomfortably. “I feel like a whale,” she says. “Sorry I didn’t come to the airport. I can’t sit down for more than twenty minutes without my sciatica acting up.”

“It’s okay,” Maggie says, beaming as she looks between Scully’s belly and her face. “I’m just glad I was finally able to come see you.”

“How long are you staying, Maggie?” Mulder asks as he lumbers in with a bag in each hand as well as one under each arm. “I think you packed for the apocalypse.”

“Oh, half of that is gifts for the kids,” Maggie says, taking two of the bags. “I have a lot of missed spoiling to make up for.”

After dinner, Scully brings out the carefully decorated cake and sets it on the table. The mood shifts to something somber as she props up the only two photos they have of Cal against the cake stand: the one of the four of them that Maggie gave her that first day when she woke up in the hospital in Baltimore, as well as the ID Byers had created when they thought Cal would be traveling with them to Canada. She’d secreted them across the border in her luggage against Tom’s direction, unwilling to risk the children forgetting him completely, which she is now exceedingly grateful for.

“Happy Birthday in Heaven, Daddy,” Abby says as Scully lights the lone candle.

They sing a low-energy rendition of the birthday song, and the kids blow the candle out together. Their memories of Cal are hazy and don’t feel nearly as significant to them as they do to Scully, but she is steadfastly committed to ensuring that they never forget how much he loved them, all three of them, and that he is remembered for the good he did in this world.

Scully does the dishes, smiling to herself as she listens to Maggie quiz the children on their lives in the next room. Despite losing their implanted memories of their grandmother, both Abby and Peter seem very comfortable with her, which is a relief. She hears Mulder’s feet on the linoleum before he steps up behind her, running his hands in wide circles over the sides of her belly.

“Seems like everyone’s getting along,” he says, resting his chin on the crown of her head.

She feels a flash of foolishness remembering how she cried to him the night before, terrified that the children would receive her mother as a stranger, or that celebrating Cal’s birthday would trigger one of Abby’s flashbacks, or a myriad of other things that would create tension and stress so close to the baby’s impending arrival. Pregnancy has made her feel like an imposter in her own body, betrayed by her unpredictable emotions, and Mulder has been exceedingly patient and supportive with both her and the kids as they adjust to their new circumstances.

There are still holes in the patchwork of his memory, some pinpricks and some gaping. He’s himself, but a slightly less restless version than she knew before their lives were stolen from them and returned in increments. Still searching and endlessly curious, but not quite so tortured by the unanswerable questions as he once was. Still busy and preoccupied, but not to the degree that he can’t set his current fixation aside and be present with his new family. It’s difficult to say whether the change in him is due to how completely his life has been turned upside down in less than a year, or if maybe some of the memories he never recovered were the ones that haunted him the most. Regardless of the reason, she’s been pleasantly surprised by how easily he’s fallen into the roles of husband and father.

He bends down a little, hooking his chin over her shoulder and slipping his hands under the water alongside hers. Scully smiles and glances toward the living room, then pushes her backside against him to the greatest degree that she’s able, given her belly and the obstruction of the countertop.

“Are you trying to start something, Mrs. Manningham?” he asks playfully.

Scully tilts her head to the side and Mulder kisses her neck.

“At first I thought it was infatuation,” he sings quietly, brushing his lips across her skin. “But oooo it’s lasted so long. Now I find myself wanting to marry you and take you home.”

Scully closes her eyes and sways back and forth, feeling so happy it almost hurts. Then the tears come, as they are wont to do, running down her chin and leaving wet splotches on the gray cotton T-shirt stretched over her belly. Mulder doesn’t ask her what’s wrong or make a fuss over it, he just dries his hands and then her cheeks, then kisses her and tells her to go visit with her mom while he finishes in the kitchen.

By the time the kitchen is cleaned up and the children are in bed, Scully is too exhausted to socialize any further, and she excuses herself to take a bath while Mulder and Maggie share a bottle of wine. In the tub, she wets a washcloth and lays it over her belly for warmth, more relaxed than she can remember feeling in quite some time. She hears her mother laugh from the living room and she smiles and closes her eyes. She must have started to drift, because her belly is suddenly cold and Mulder is crouched beside the tub, brushing his index finger down the bridge of her nose.

“I thought we agreed to no sleeping in the bath,” he admonishes her lightly, the sour smell of wine on his breath.

“I wasn’t sleeping,” she mumbles, sitting up and taking his hand as he helps her out of the tub.

They both get ready for bed and he curls himself around her beneath the covers, one hand resting on her belly.

“How do you feel?” he asks quietly.

“Hmmm, tired,” she says on a yawn, hoping he takes the hint.

“I mean emotionally. Having your mom here, Cal’s birthday. You holding up okay?”

With great effort she rolls to her back, her belly protruding towards the ceiling like a mountain summit. The baby squirms, jabbing her rib cage uncomfortably, and she grabs Mulder’s hand to lay it over the place where he might be able to feel movement.

“I’m really good, actually,” she says. “It feels like…closure, maybe. Or something similar to that. Like we can finally start moving forward.”

Mulder nods, giving her three quick kisses before she rolls back to her side. She falls asleep quickly, no longer afraid that someone is about to break the door down and take away everything that matters. No longer feeling like her life is not her own.

She dreams that dream again, the one with the green countertops and Mulder spinning her around in his kitchen. The one of a love so strong that neither man nor science could destroy it. The one that she simply wouldn’t forget, no matter how hard they tried to make her.

Tagging @today-in-fic

#the x files #x files fanfic #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #xf fanfic #x files #the x-files #xfiles #thexfiles

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