#omg I just got reccommended ‘boom blogs high’ what if I got high I would feel so much better

[boomerang109]

i came home, panicked about one thing, and my toilet was leaking. bathroom floor is covered in water and brown particles. oddly, this has not improved my mood

#i just want to be a child again. i understand being a child was also miserable I am not glorifying my childhood #i was in pain and sad and lonely #BUT I WAS SAFE AND CARED FOR AND I NEVER QUESTIONED THAT no matter how much pain I was in #what I wouldn’t give for everything to hurt because I was so overstimulated by school and being bullied #being a kid had such clear cause and effect. being an adult is just…I am guilty and I want to cry everytime I think about the fact that I’m #here. i miss something that never existed and I’m the only one who is trying to remember a person who never existed but is important to me #(cause it’s me—I’m the only one who cares about preserving my childhood. my parents don’t give a damn. they were so busy surviving they #don’t remember it or care either) #why the fuck am I getting emails about a pizza party we didn’t ask for were an actual club now we don’t need your planned events fuck off #the way I was about to brag about our club name by just name dropping my school which would then make it so easy to find me holy shit my #internet safety is getting lax 🙈 #boom’s bad days #omg I just got reccommended ‘boom blogs high’ what if I got high I would feel so much better #i keep just coping sober cause like. not relying on substances. but I don’t actually have skills rn to improve my issues so like. substances #are more helpful tbh 🙈