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#ok to preface this is a POSI VENT
newvegascowboy
·
1 year
Text
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#not fallout
#kal talks
#ok to preface this is a POSI VENT
#it just might get a little heavy
#i tend to be a Little Personal on here and im going to be a lil more personal. im thinky thoughts
#but man... its been a year since literally the lowest point in my life
#like last march. i will say. was... really bad for me mentally. i wont go much deeper than that but maybe some of you remember.
#im much much better now but i will say i was a little wary as this month and anniversary approached because i was afraid basically
#(the actual anniversary passed last week and i didnt notice)
#but ive managed to do soo much growing and healing from where i was last year like it is honestly astonishing
#im definitely not the same person i was when i couldn't even honestly confront myself
#in a way i think what happened last year was one of the best things to happen to me
#it doesn't mean that nothing bad will ever happen in the future but it does mean that i survived that and i can survive whatever else
#happens too
#healing isnt linear i know that. like obviously im going to have setbacks and some days im incredibly whiny and bitchy
#like October/November were suuuper hard on me mentally
#but again - still here!
#still alive and still putting laundry away and taking baths and reading books and doing art
#And its almost SUMMER again!
#and god i want to live this summer.
#and its kind of funny how...when you think you want to die just saying thr words 'i want to live' feels like...idk. it feels like something
#but i want to live
#and i want to go hike at zion and i want to eat watermelon and i want to sit in the sun and paint red rocks
#i wanted to die last year and it felt so real i could have but im still here and i want to live and do things while im here
#that's all i guess
#life's hard. its a bitch and then you die. but there are some pretty good parts to it too and every summer i remember why
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