AROS: S1E3
FreeDraw
House sat down near the stairs to the entrance of the Chamber of Lava from the First Episode, He then heard something like… smooching?
House looks around, before asking out— “...hello??”
Outcomes Heart and Star, both giggling. “Right, right, like, hi!” Heart told House. Lightning immediately pushed House aside and came flying over to ask— “Hiii Hearty-Heart!! What’s up??” Lightning asked. “Besides my… desires, Star has a special team announcement~!” Star nodded, then stood atop the topmost step of the stairway. “FREAKS!” He said, summoning Penta, Triangula, and Flower, some of whom slightly groaned. “It is to my desire that I ANNOUNCE!” Star shouted: “HEART! Is your Team CO-LEADER! and now! MY BELOVED!” Star dictated for everyone to clap.
Only Penta and House followed the order, with Triangula hesitantly agreeing to do so by clapping slowly.
“Ohmygosh, I’m so happy for you!! Oh! When can we hang out?” Lightning asked Heart. “Hang out? Oh, honey! I’ll be with Starry—”
“WHERE?!” Star panicked upon hearing the name “Starry”.
“...Star, not you!” Heart continued, holding onto Star closely. “Oh, I know— just, when do you… y’know… stop?” Lightning asked. “Mmm… never…” Heart replied, still snuggling Star in front of Lightning, as House, Penta, Triangula and Flower left. “..oh… ok… well, uhm, see you!” Lightning said, flying away, her feelings in a shamble.
“Ehhh… yaayyyy…?” Exclamation Mark said, stumbling onto the announcement.
“What do you mean JUST yayyyy…? , hm?” Heart now side-eyes Exclamation Mark. “Yeah, what about us, Loud-Sound?” Star said, scowling at Exclamation Mark. “N-nothing!” Exclamation Mark said, before rushing off.
“Fuckin’ freak.” Star growled, before holding Heart again, Period looked at them, before cringing, walking over to Comedy and Tragedy, and saying— “They act like a Highschool Couple.”
Comedy laughed, while Tragedy looked over and cringed with Period. “OHMYGOODNESS, YOU ARE HILARIOUS! OH! OHHH! HOHO!!” Comedy wiped a tear from his mask. “Truly. Though, he's also factual… they act… erm… interesting-ly…” Tragedy said. “Yeah, couldn't be us!” Period said. “Yeah.” Tragedy replied, being cuddled violently by Comedy.
Starry started over at Lunartic, before a hand came to her shoulder.
ALL YOUR FAULT. YOU DID THIS. YOU UNDESERVING, FILTHY RAT—
“Hey, are you alright?” House asked. “...sorry, just… you seem to be disassociating. Frequently.” House said. “...I’m… I feel…” Starry stuttered, but House completed her. “like everything is out of your control, and no matter what you do or say, everything will come crashing down on you one day— so what’s the point?” House said, Starry stared, resulting in House almost speaking before Starry confirmed— “Yes… exactly. That's…” She sighed. “I need to get back in touch with some people… especially to get them away from someone who I know is dangerous.” Starry told House. “...y’know, being a living House, sometimes having people inhabit me, trust me, there's been about… 6? people inhabiting me before all of this? …I’ve seen alot. Both Healthy, and Abusive.” House told Starry. “...and I can tell you, that guy… he’s… a monster. He’s somehow all 3 of my former ABUSIVE residents as one person. He abuses physically, mentally, AND emotionally.” House told Starry, causing her to gasp. “...and no, it’s not your fault. No matter what you do, it wouldn't have changed anything.” House sighs. “What you CAN do though… is take that first leap.” House took his hand off Starry’s shoulder, then told her… “Be the Cowboy.” Starry starred as he walked off, before taking a deep breath, and nodding.
Lightning stared at Heart and Star, before turning around to go towards the other contestants. Try to make friends. “Like, Hi Cloud-sicle!” Lightning said to Cloudy. “Hm? Oh. Greetings.” Lightning then tried to talk about fashion. “So like, do you know of, like, any good brands? Maybe something Heart would—” Lightning was cut off by Cloudy shifting away. “...what?” Lightning asked. “...I think you could go for a Pink-Dye Treatment.” Cloudy said, before flying away from Lightning. “Oh, like.. OK…” Lightning then swooshed over to Flower and Paperplates, then tried to speak, only for Flower to say— “Oh, uh… go away?” Lightning then frowned, and lowered to Flower, before asking— “wait, why?” Flower then told her: “You're part of a clique that targets people based purely off if you like them, and the only reason House and Penta didn't vote with me and Triangula is because they were too scared, and thus followed along.” Flower told Lightning. “Wait, YOU voted for my BFFFL?!” Lightning said, angrily. “and another thing, listen— I think you CAN be good, you can be SWEET, but you act like THIS!” Flower told Lightning, who yelled: “I don’t need your OPINION!” before flying over to Mime and Moony, only for Mime to transform into Heart and tell Lightning— “You’re a follower, and that’s what’s keeping YOU in MY game!” It said as Heart, before transforming back and slithering away. “I’M NOT! A! HIVE MINDED! FOLLOWER!” Lightning yelled. “I’M HER BEST FEMALE FRIEND FOREVER (in) LIFE!!” Lightning now screamed.
Just then, Lunartic had gotten fed up with Starry trying to apologize, flipped her off, before walking over to Moony and saying— “I’ll never understand why you want to forgive her, after all, she’s JUST a dumb bitch.” Ofcourse, Lightning heard that, thought it was referring to her and—
“JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Lightning screamed, now exploding into numerous volts of electricity, many of which struck other contestants, such as Hangman, Question Mark, Triangula, and Phantom, with the former being fried to death, while the latter shattered due to the immense energy intake.
“HEYHEYHEYHEY!” The Gourd announced. “LISTEN UP, CONTESTANTS!” He sighed. “We’ve all been so stressed and angry lately, and that's frankly NOT show-worthy. SO, here’s Today’s Challenge!” He snapped, spontaneously reviving Question Mark, Hangman, Phantom and Triangula, and sending everybody back to their team. “Your challenge is to make ANY form of media based around me! or just another Jack-O-Lantern in General! You have 30 minutes! GO!”
“What should we make for him?” Cloudy asked Comedy. “Just let Paperplates do it!” Comedy replied as Paperplates gave The Gourd a drawing. “Oh! Hey! How’d you know I could do THIS?” The Gourd asked Paperplates as suddenly, from her drawing, a Black Pumpkin, similar to Gourd appeared. They did a few spins before running off.
“The Masquerade is done! NOTE! Being DONE doesn't mean you’re SAFE! It just means you're DONE with the challenge!” The Gourd said.
“Huh. Interesting rule.” Hangman thought. “but it does make the game fair, since we still have a whole 28 minutes left.” Tragedy pointed out. “Can’t argue with that.” Hangman shrugged.
“Alright, so who’s drawing?” Flower queued. “Oh, well, obviously you get Lightning to do it! Trust me, she's gonna make him P-R-E-T-T-Y!” Heart said, giving Lightning a Pen and Paper. “Oh, yes I am, girlypop! He’ll look SOOOO cute!” Lightning got to drawing.
“Ohh, that looks so cute!!” Sunny said about Team FUN’s Project. “It… actually is kinda endearing. In a terrifying way.” Exclamation Mark said. “It’s a PLUSHIE. Leave Moony be.” Period said, sitting atop Exclamation Mark’s Head.
28 minutes later and…
“TIME’S UP!” The Gourd had announced as Lightning and House, alongside Moony, submitted their works.
“The way this will work is SIMPLE. I will look at the media you have made, then rate it on a 3-charter scale. So long as you are not placed as the WORST of the 3 artworks, your team is SAFE.” The Gourd said, now reviewing the first art. “FIRST! I will rate The Masquerade’s drawing of another pumpkin a… Middle. It was good! I liked it, I really did! It's just that—” The Gourd now SQUEEZED his own plushie. “TEAM FUN MADE THIS REALLY COOL PLUSH OF ME AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN SEEN AS CUTE BEFORE SO THIS MEANS ALOT TO ME, SORRY—!!” He ranted, before deeply inhaling and exhaling. “However, it’s now time for me to look at Team “What?”’s art.” The Gourd said, picking up Lightning's Art. “...I… erm…” The Gourd coughed.
“Team “What?",I understand you guys LIKE me but… what is this?” He held up the drawing of a Yassified Pumpkin.
“It’s you, but as a baddie! Cause me an Heart are Baddies!” Lightning enthusiastically said, with Heart side-eyeing away from her.
“...I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I’m sorry, this is.. just… no.” The Gourd placed Team “What?”’s tag in last place, making them… UP FOR ELIMINATION.
OMG, OMG, this is terrible! Like, who do we vot for?!” Lightning said to Heart, only fo her to—
“SHUT UP! I’m THINKING, for fuck’s sake! YOU CAN’T SEE THAT?!” Heart lashed at Lightning.
“...sorry…” Lightning flew away, with Star turning to Heart to say… “You don't NEED her, when you have ME! C’mon, let's get her out.” Star proclaimed. Heart immediately said— “Ohmygosh, it's like you're reading my mind! I WAS GONNA DO THAT ALREADY!” Heart dropped her act, agreeing with Star, before she called for The Gourd to start…
“TEAM “WHAT?”, you’ve done it AGAIN!” The Gourd proclaimed. “You should already know the process! Get in the booth!”
IN THE BOOTH…
Star and Heart vote and sway Penta and House into collectively voting one person…
Lightning.
“This is what you GET for messing with my BFFFL!” Lightning SLAMS Flower’s VOTE Button.
As usual, the rest of the team voted against Heart.
“VOTES HAVE BEEN READ!” The Gourd annouces.
“First vote…
Heart.”
Heart sneers at Penta, House, Triangula, and Flower.
“Second vote…
Heart.”
Heart files her nails.
“Third Vote…
Flower.”
“THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR VOTING ON MY BFFL!” Lightning yelled at Flower.
“Gasp! So you were useful…!” Heart gasped fakely.
“Fourth Vote…
Lightning.”
“...one last time.” She continues filing her nails.
“...huh? I thought we were BFFFLs?” Lightning seemed confused.
“Fifth Vote…
Lightning.”
“That’s until I came in, you’ve been RE-PLACED.” Star said, with Heart nodding.
“b-but… your her boyfriend…” Lightning said.
“Sixth Vote…
Lightning.”
“Ohmygosh, you’re not getting it!” Heart said.
“Getting what?”
“Seventh Vote…
Lightning.”
“Oh. My God, you’re seriously THIS fucking dull? GUESS WHAT?!”
“We’re still friends, right—?!” Lightning said.
“THE ELIMINATED CONTESTANT IS LIGHTNING.”
“WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!” Heart yelled at Lightning.
Lightning stares in shock.
“Tsk, you’re a BIMBO, a dumb, moronic, and sheepish BIMBO.” Heart files her nails. “I’m a slut. I KNOW people, and their wants. Learn the difference.” Heart said, waving Lightning off.
Lightning then turned into a strike of lightning, gone in an instant.
…and it began raining, almost as if it was her. Crying.
The Gourd opens an umbrella and says— “That’s it for this episode! Tune in next time for MORE!” The Elimination Ceremony’s Lights go out after a strike of thunder.
END.
AROS was written by TheWiseGuest.
All characters' voices, present or not, were acted out by L. Alberto S.
FIN.
“Ohmygosh! My deepest desire?!” Lightning grips the flyer. “I won’t have to die alone!” She flies onwards, towards the location.
0 notes
hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though
[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]
ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god
oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that
hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”
or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride
THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER
yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was
wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing
also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration
any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference
MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY
heh... BI-ceps...
oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it
Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs
^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl
including me when I was a teen, I just said things
(I still just say things)
you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity
I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him
OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS
OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead
and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly
KIM
K I M
THAT’S GAY
OH WOW
this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”
awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3
THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!
“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG
Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood
ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is
she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,
[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]
AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID
YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY
oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....
btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing
...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?
or Long Live The Queen
hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D
NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM
(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)
unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*
Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE
chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat
Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!
and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy
oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol
(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)
the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason
MISADVENTURES
HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD
except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D
...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl
hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh
oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares
I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level
[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]
YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY
ỳïķèš,,,
honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)
fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)
me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol
I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!
shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it
“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking
technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment
cheerful stuff
no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting
god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too
“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life
and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear
Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good
pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time
*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!
Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly
Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf
THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART
HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M
DECEASED
I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,
so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL
KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT
oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha
aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun
there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again
Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain
so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her
in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO
which is both hilarious AND very sweet
...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs
and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm
actually when are his emotions ever regulated
1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao
“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg
I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras
Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that
also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners
listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place
Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!
Chlodemption arc yesssssssss
also she’s a lesbeean
(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)
god I’m so proud of her <3
it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)
outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what
YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM
...actually wait this is sibling culture
I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother
Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country
omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins
I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo
being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience
Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows
“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME
RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS
oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too
chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS
you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again
[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]
alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with
oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol
the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...
“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one
KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???
like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is à Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”
to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...
PILLOW GIRLFRIEND
I’m the amused nobles, they are me
oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it
holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell
[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]
Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there
stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver
Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second
I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED
the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this
(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)
look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong
fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant
DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric
“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you
THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT
Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...
oh and Theo still has like every job btw
Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again
...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process
full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually
(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)
“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception
neither do I based on my microwaving skills
SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER
INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”
omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood
most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too
(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)
I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”
(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)
THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*
honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is
[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]
YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*
(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)
all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)
also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person
to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah
I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash
well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows
jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS
timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”
fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like
to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it
and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter
and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try
and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too
...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE
(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)
this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting
I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪
...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it
thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads
impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏
so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year
did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???
I mean it definitely is, but...
UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS
chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt
(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)
oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...
NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!
I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit
alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started
Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see
YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU
this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead
okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom
[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]
THERE IT IS
I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM
I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*
“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,
A R O M A N T I C
listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)
[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]
bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪
and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important
almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely
Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this
“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE
Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi
Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that
I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...
Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two
“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak
hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay
OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU
this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that
yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was
Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”
no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you
god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)
psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!
genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd
hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho
[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]
he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot
POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed
and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised
aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT
WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”
aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg
gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet
I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves
(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)
sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again
“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.
I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny
I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu
Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!
(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)
huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so
also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for
I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember
omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”
lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now
[future aish note: same, goodnight]
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