It's Quick, It's Easy, and It's Free! (Stormlight Edition)
It's a meme, kind of!
1. Lopen: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Eating crem!
Teft: Why would I do that though?
Lopen: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free!
2. Lift: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Stealing food!
Wyndle: W-While technically correct in your case, I'm not really sure that's the best...
Lift: Quick! Easy! Free!
3. Hoid: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Listening to my stories!
Kaladin: ... quick?
Hoid: On my timescale, almost anything can be considered quick.
Kaladin: What?
Hoid: What?
4. Shallan: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Looking at a cool flower or a nifty bug!
Adolin: Uh, Shallan, my love...I saw you look at a cremling for thirty minutes yesterday.
Shallan: 😅
5. Rlain: It's quick, it's easy, and it's free! Not treating other people like crem!
Renarin: Here, here!
Rlain: Although people sure act like it's difficult, sometimes...
6. Szeth: It's quick. It's easy. It costs nothing…material. It’s Murder.
Nightblood: Here, here!
Szeth: This is a lament, sword-nimi.
7. Moash: It's quick, it's easy, and it's freeing. Giving up your emotions to Odium.
Odium: Nice variation on a theme!
Moash: Thanks. I feel nothing.
8. Lezian: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free! Killing Kaladin!
Leshwi: I have…doubts about each of your chosen adjectives.
Lezian: Shut UP, Leshwi!
9. Rock: He’s quick, he’s easy(going), and - thanks to Kaladin- he’s free! It’s me!
Skar: you say quick but the stew has been cooking for nine hours
Rock: I did not say my STEWS are quick
10. Dalinar: It’s slow, it’s tough, and it costs everything: taking the next step
Adolin: I can’t decide…do you not understand the meme, or do you understand it too well?
Dalinar: (mysterious smile)
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Shard Roller Disco: Roshar
Odium has been thirdwheeling for millennia.
hmm... song to this in the back of my head: All of the Time by Jungle
just for the vibe of the song
More Shard Roller Disco AU:
Nalthis
Sel and Scadrial
Scadrial 2
First of the Sun and Taldain
Threnody
Roshar 2 (row spoilers)
Roshar 3 Bonus Dawnshard (spoilers)
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In a fit of anger, Moash resolves to burn everything that reminds him of Kaladin, however he quickly realises that everything he looks at does. Odium establishes a mental health clinic in Kharbronth in hopes of recruiting fledgling Radiants. Leshwi challenges a sky-eel to a duel in the surge of Gravitation but fails to finish the job as she finds it fights too honorably.
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How Other Cosmere Characters Would Convince The Stick to Become Fire
Shallan once famously failed to convince the Stick to become fire. But how might other characters approach this stick-y problem?
Moash: There is nothing for you as a stick. Fade away. Become ash.
Hoid: Do you like stories, Stick? How about the one about Firestick, the Stick Who Became Fire...
Rlain: To understand fire, you must become fire. It’s about bridging minds.
Renarin: I see no future in which you become fire...But the future can be changed!
Steris: I have prepared 957 reasons why being fire would be advantageous for you. Reason 1, Part A...
Lopen: Women LOVE a stick who can become fire, gon!
Dalinar: You WILL become fire.
Dalinar: ...Huh. That usually works.
Lift: You know what’s delicious? Toasted marshmallows!
Navani: (Gets out a big magnifying glass)
Jasnah: (Turns a rock into fire instead)
Jasnah: I like to challenge myself.
Mraize: You have to ask yourself, Little Stick: are you hunter, or are you the prey?
Kelsier: I like your style, Stick! You want to join my crew? Your job is being fire!
Odium: First, I must take away everyone this Stick loves!
Nale: I have convinced the ruler to draft a new law. You must become fire.
Sebarial: (Getting a massage) Eh. I hired someone else to do it.
Kaladin: No. This is...wrong.
Kaladin: This Stick wants to be a Stick. And I will protect it!
Kaladin: It will not cease to be a stick on my watch!
Stick: (immediately becomes fire)
Kaladin: NOOOOOOOOOO
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Taravangian: Oh grumble grumble I’m Odium watch out
Hoid: Eyyyyyyy my least favorite person in this or any reality! Dalinar’s gonna mop the floor with you and I’m gonna watch with pretzel-and-cheetos popcorn, I’m bringing my new girlfriend
Taravnagian: Aw I hate you so much I’m totally gonna kill you or something, by the way what’s your hot take on champion’ing? Just. Y’know. For funsies.
Hoid: Hold up that is NOT how Rayse would talk to me you’re n—
Taravangian: Hm wrong dialogue option
*loads quicksave*
Taravangian: ‘Sup nerd
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