To the boy that made me capable of feeling again
It got me thinking a lot about whether I should still send it to you or not. It's been almost 2 months but the truth is, it takes everything in me to not send this. I wrote this a few days after we saw each other, part of me wants to explain all these feelings I have because I don't want to just store them, maybe it would all make a difference. There are days when I almost send you a message asking you how were you. Because I still care for you. But why would I take that risk? I already know where I stand. You don't care about me. That's the harsh reality I need to accept.
But for what it's worth, I still think you deserve to know. This is also for me to finally let things be, accept what happened, and move forward.
Dear Justin,
This is gonna be a long ass message because this is gonna be the last so I hope you read and finish this. First of all, I want to say thank you for everything, you were a really good friend to me and I really appreciate you helping me and cheering me up when I needed it the most. I always say I’m fine on my own but your constant motivation made me extra happy. I’m grateful for all your efforts for me and the picnic. I’ll cherish these things and bury them in my heart, forever.
The thing is, this, whatever the hell is happening between the two of us is becoming unhealthy for me. I know I was the one who insisted on us becoming friends, I thought it would be just that, friends. I was really fine with that and I’m grateful you gave me clarity early on. But you and your mixed signals, the I missed yous, the long ass messages every night, the video calls, the constant updates, the efforts, confused me. And now, noticing you slipping away, zoning out, the late replies, me being left on read, you getting mad at me and leaving me overthinking whether I did or said something wrong, kept making me hurt every time. I know you didn’t mean all this, so for you to stop hurting me unintentionally, I am letting you go, I am not your burden anymore. So I think it’s time to stop seeing and talking to each other, even as friends. I am walking away.
Do you know what my last straw is? I noticed you and the girl there with us the last time we were together. I might be wrong but I think something happened between you two. And I shouldn’t feel hurt and betrayed because we’re just friends and you can flirt and be with someone you like. But it still broke me. I was torn into pieces because I thought I meant something to you. And that night, you were not as happy when you saw me. You didn’t even want to be with me. And you didn’t even care if I got home safely. Which you usually do. That’s when I knew you stopped caring about me.
Sometimes, I think I should’ve walked away from the start. So I wouldn’t feel this. But I also think this is meant to happen. At least this made me feel something. Which I haven’t felt in a long time. So I’m still grateful for this clusterfuck of experience. I really care about you. So much. I would still worry for you even from a distance. I might start talking to God again and include you in my prayers. But now, I need to take care of myself first, and maybe it’s for you too. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. Just think about yourself now, okay? I know I will be fine, eventually. And I’ll be happy again. And I know you will be too.
I hope the person you’ll gonna love can calm your storms. I can’t but I know she will. Oh, all of this is because I think I already fell in love with you. I could list my reasons why, but it’s all these mundane things we did together, and somehow you became my safe space. But I’m also falling apart so I have to let you go. Goodbye, and I wish you well.
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Defected Chilled House 2022-04-17
DOWNLOAD: https://thedjmusic.com/music/defected_chilled_house_2022_04_17012
DATA CREATED: 2022-04-17 TOTAL: 92 GENRE: Chill Out, Lounge
1,"2fox, Afronaut Zu - We Are.mp3"
2,"Al Dobson Jr., Ptaki - Santiago Black - Ptaki Remix.mp3"
3,"Andrew Ashong, Theo Parrish - Flowers.mp3"
4,"Barry Can't Swim - Jazz Club After Hours.mp3"
5,"Ben Westbeech - Inflections.mp3"
6,"Bonobo, Jordan Rakei - Shadows.mp3"
7,"Burial, Four Tet - Nova.mp3"
8,"CamelPhat, Elderbrook, Simon Mills - Cola - Simon Mills Full Sugar Mix.mp3"
9,"Chaos In The CBD - Midnight in Peckham.mp3"
10,"Chaos In The CBD, Lee Pearson Jr. Collective, K LaDawn, Joe Armon-Jones - It's up to Me.mp3"
11,"Chez Moon, Larse - Midnight Love - Larse's Full Moon Remix.mp3"
12,"Cody Currie, Eliza Rose - Flame.mp3"
13,"Craftsmanship - That Girl Of Baja California.mp3"
14,"Darius Syrossian, Simon Mills - White Rabbit - Simon Mills Remix.mp3"
15,"DJ Gregory - Elle - Criola Remix.mp3"
16,"Dovie Cote' - My Desire - Original Mix.mp3"
17,"dreamcastmoe - L Foot, Right.mp3"
18,"Elkka - Burnt Orange.mp3"
19,"Emanative, Liz Elensky, Dan Jose, Deoke, Awkward Corners - Love & Light - Awkward Corners Life & Death Mix.mp3"
20,"FCL, San Soda - It's You - San Soda's Panorama Bar Acca Version.mp3"
21,"Fish Go Deep, Tracey K, Charles Webster - The Cure & The Cause - Charles Webster Vocal Remix.mp3"
22,"Four Tet - Baby.mp3"
23,"Girls of the Internet - When U Go.mp3"
24,"Honey Dijon, Tim K, John Mendelsohn - Thunda (feat. John Mendelsohn) - HNNY Remix.mp3"
25,"Jas Artchild, Medlar - Technicolour - Medlar Remix.mp3"
26,"Joe Hertz, Collard - Colourblind.mp3"
27,"Joy Orbison, Léa Sen - better.mp3"
28,"Khruangbin - August 10.mp3"
29,"Khruangbin - Time (You and I).mp3"
30,"Kid Fonque, Jonny Miller - Afrika Is The Future! (Shur-I-Kan Slinky Mix).mp3"
31,"King Deetoy, Chymamusique, Shazmusic - Bring it On.mp3"
32,"Laroye, Abi Flynn - Rise - Exteneded Version.mp3"
33,"Luke Fono, BB James - 4Real.mp3"
34,"Miguel Migs, Lisa Shaw - Promises (feat. Lisa Shaw).mp3"
35,"Nightmares On Wax - Imagineering.mp3"
36,"Nikki O, thatmanmonkz - Pourin' Over Me.mp3"
37,"Noir, Hayze - Around - Acoustic Version Long.mp3"
38,"Oscar Jerome, Ben Hauke - No Need - Extended Mix.mp3"
39,"Osunlade - Tom's Bar.mp3"
40,"Payfone - Sofian - 12" Mix.mp3"
41,"Piem, ANNNA, Payfone - 19 - Payfone Remix.mp3"
42,"Quimbie - Sunday Fiction.mp3"
43,"Rachel Row - Follow The Step.mp3"
44,"Romare - Come Close To Me.mp3"
45,"RÜFÜS DU SOL - Innerbloom.mp3"
46,"RÜFÜS DU SOL - Underwater.mp3"
47,"RÜFÜS DU SOL - Until the Sun Needs to Rise.mp3"
48,"Secret Night Gang, Cosmodelica - Captured (Cosmodelica Dub).mp3"
49,"Session Victim - MPFree Now.mp3"
50,"Shakedown - At Night - Afterlife Mix.mp3"
51,"Snips, Pauline Taylor - Say It (feat. Pauline Taylor).mp3"
52,"SONIDO - Make Me Feel.mp3"
53,"Soul Saver - Another Day.mp3"
54,"Sticks & Stonez, Liv East - You're My.mp3"
55,"Tinush - Struggle.mp3"
56,"Zito Mowa, OKAY GOD - Flavio's Glass Of Scotch.mp3"
57,"79.5 - Terrorize My Heart (Disco Dub) [Bonus Track].mp3"
58,"Anchorsong, Bookend - The Ocean.mp3"
59,"Bonobo - Rosewood.mp3"
60,"Brijean - Moody.mp3"
61,"Dina Ögon - Tombola 94.mp3"
62,"Durand Jones & The Indications, Aaron Frazer - Witchoo.mp3"
63,"Ferreck Dawn, Robosonic, Nikki Ambers, Bolier - In My Arms - Bolier's After Hours Mix.mp3"
64,"Folamour - After Winter Must Come Spring feat. Elbi.mp3"
65,"Folamour - Petit Prince Du Macadam.mp3"
66,"Girls of the Internet - Above.mp3"
67,"Girls of the Internet - In Love Again - Short Version.mp3"
68,"Hadiya George - Balance.mp3"
69,"Hadiya George, godmode, Smash Brothers - Hot Flavor - Godmode Smash Bros Remix.mp3"
70,"Human Movement, Eliot Porter - Run It By Me (feat. Eliot Porter).mp3"
71,"Jimpster, Cairo - Rain.mp3"
72,"Jimpster, Oliver Night - Ascension.mp3"
73,"Jitwam, Cosmo's Midnight - Feel Good.mp3"
74,"Josh One - Contemplation.mp3"
75,"JT Donaldson, Liv.e, Girls of the Internet - Stay Inside (feat. Liv.e) - Girls of the Internet Remix.mp3"
76,"Little Dragon - Hold On.mp3"
77,"Miči, Sun-El Musician - Respond.mp3"
78,"Miguel Migs, Lisa Shaw, Girls of the Internet - Promises (feat. Lisa Shaw) - Girls of the Internet Remix.mp3"
79,"Miguel Migs, Meshell Ndegeocello - What Do You Want (feat. Meshell Ndegeocello) - Edit.mp3"
80,"Mom Tudie, Byulah - 2.mp3"
81,"Nightmares On Wax, Haile Supreme, Wolfgang Haffner - Creator SOS.mp3"
82,"Okvsho - Scho Guet.mp3"
83,"Rasmus Faber, Frida Öhrn, Girls of the Internet - Two Left Feet (feat. Öhrn) - Girls Of The Internet Remix.mp3"
84,"Sampology - Running Around.mp3"
85,"Say She She, Piya Malik - Forget Me Not.mp3"
86,"Shire T, Maribou State - London. Paris. Berlin..mp3"
87,"Spiller, Sophie Ellis-Bextor, Breakbot, Irfane - Groovejet (If This Ain't Love) [feat. Sophie Ellis-Bextor] - Breakbot & Irfane Remix.mp3"
88,"St. Panther - Problems.mp3"
89,"The Vision, Andreya Triana - Home (feat. Andreya Triana).mp3"
90,"THEMBA, Thoko (SA), Black Coffee - Reflections - Black Coffee Remix.mp3"
91,"Tom Misch - Gypsy Woman - Quarantine Sessions.mp3"
92,"Wallflower - Say You Won't Ever - Original Mix.mp3"
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