#ngl i feel hopeless about myself and i just. don't know how to pick myself up again

[heartshattering]

I think I really need to develop a routine again... even if earlier this month I was sleeping in the morning and waking up in the afternoon at least I still had a certain time I was falling asleep by, and a time that I normally woke up by. Now I've just been all over the place. Part of it has been because of pain/physical symptoms (laying down during a flare-up and then dozing off instead) but I've also been up at night, and panicking so much during nighttime, dealing with racing thoughts and compulsions again.

I just don't know how to get myself back on track and I really feel like I'm a lost cause with all of my bad habits, disorganized life, unhealthy lifestyle, feeling that my baseline anxiety is way higher than normal, and dealing with the physical consequences, too. I wish I could sleep and function like a normal person. I don't want to be struggling all the time. I just really miss where I was before even though I wasn't 'perfect' then either but I think people picking out everything I was still doing 'wrong' (my family members, nurses, etc.) made me feel like none of my progress mattered because I'm not 100% 'healed' yet. And I just started slipping back into bad habits again. I don't even know where to start with fixing myself. Help.

#insomnia #mental health #chronic illness #i genuinely do not know what to do. #like at this point i think what i need to fix first is sleep because poor sleep makes all of my other symptoms a lot worse #had a therapist a long time ago tell me that i should always focus on fixing my sleep first #but sleep is the hardest thing for me right now #especially because nighttime is when my ocd symptoms worsen and i struggle the most with compulsive behaviors #i've been learning strategies to cope with ocd but it's still so hard as soon as it's night and i just feel like i'm never going to improve #i am not happy with myself #i just feel anxious all the time and i hate it #ngl i feel hopeless about myself and i just. don't know how to pick myself up again

[saturnianprincess]

[pick a card] love messages

A short pick-a-card where I channel messages from your current lover/future lover/soulmate or just anyone with who you are or will be romantically involved.

Choose any group group from 1-4 or whichever bear you feel drawn to the most. As always take what resonates and let the rest fly! Hope you enjoy this reading :)

[Group 1] blue bear

Hey sunshine,

I know you are manifesting me and guess what even I am manifesting you! Life has just been about surviving for you lately and trust me I can feel that you have gone through a lot. I am proud of you for being a survivor but please don't feel hopeless, the skies get sunny and clear after the storm. I promise to be the light at the end of your tunnel. You don't have to do this alone, I am always there supporting you (even if I may not be there physically). Please don't dwell on what happened, I know I can't erase that but I promise you wouldn't have to deal with such a thing ever again. I will protect you!

Yours truly

[Some of you who chose this pile have been dwelling a lot about the past. Your future lover/person is saying that you need to heal yourself and let go of the past so that there is space for them to be a part of your life. Keep manifesting the qualities you want your future person to have and try to embody those qualities yourself as well. I am also sensing that some of you have detached yourself from your emotions due to some trauma you may have experienced (i am sorry you had to go through that) but, it's now time to heal it. Also, be open to change don't resist it! Trust the universe, it has some beautiful things planned for you.]

a song from them:

[Group 2] pink bear

hey lover,

How are you? Have you been getting those messages I keep sending you? Yes, it's me trying to connect with you. I am currently working on myself, I might have come across as too arrogant but I swear it's just a facade to protect myself. I have learned a lot of lessons that life has taught me and I am practicing to become the best version of myself for you. I want to build a home with you. A cute family where there's so much love flowing amongst us. I really just want to hold you so tight and give you all my love. I want to be able to give you everything you desire and even more.

Always and forever yours

[Omg, so much lovey-dovey energy in this reading it's so cute! For some of your future lover's higher self is trying to connect with you they are referring to signs or symbols you may see repetitively. Some of you may have met this person recently or you do not know them that well. They have this provider energy, and they really want to fill your cup with love!! Connect to your subconscious to connect with their energy. They are sending you loads and loads of love!]

a song from them:

[Group 3] purple bear

Hey soulmate,

Yeah, I just can't believe that you are real. Damn, I never thought an angel like you could even exist. you are truly my wish come true and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. We really are meant to be. I feel like if I wasn't there at that place that day I might not have ever met you and ngl this does scare me a bit. But I also know your soul has been intertwined with mine for eons and eons. I'm sorry that I have been so impulsive lately but I swear I want to experience life to the fullest with you so I just cannot stay still with you around! My heart gets all fuzzy when I am with you. I can't wait to see the world with you!!!

your fav boy/girl/person,

[Your future lover/spouse is giving me a golden retriever type of energy they are just buzzing with excitement when you are with them. Very wholesome energy! You both meet in a divinely orchestrated manner, it is a fated union of two souls. You might meet them soon or have seen them in your dreams or heard of them through other people. They are mesmerized by your presence.]

a song from them:

[Group 4] yellow bear

Hi y/n,

Life has been shitty to me. This turmoil that I am going through has made me feel like I am incapable of love. I don't know why but I don't have the courage to open my heart again. I have spent sleepless nights thinking about why did I go through that, I did my best but I guess I didn't deserve that. I know you are out there and I know you would never do such a thing but it's hard to keep hope when I see it being taken away from me day by day. But I am thankful for you, I really am. You have taught me that I can heal my heart and trust you to keep it safe. I love you!

Love,

[Your future spouse has been going through a tower moment. They are stressed and anxious about their future. Some of them have been betrayed by a person they trusted dearly while for others they are dealing with their own shadow. All in all a bit of heavy energy for this pile. You are the universe's gift to them and they feel blessed for you.]

a song from them:

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#tarotcommunity #tarot cards #pick a card #future spouse #future lovers #romantic #messages from future spouse #Spotify #pariposts

[footiepositivity]

I'm once again at the point where I do want to cease to exist. My dad will stop supporting me, and I can't leagally force him to cause I'm not taking my studies 'seriously enough' (because I just hate it so so much) .... I can't get a job because no one will hire me, my mum just lost 600 bucks and I don't only feel bad for burdening her I feel bad for existing in the first place. I'm 24. I don't want this life anymore.

And if I wouldn't know that it would crush my mum I would happily kill myself ngl

Hi, anon. I don’t know which footballer you’d like to hear advice from, so I hope you don’t mind me answering this as myself. 

First of all, thank you for reaching out. Seriously. I know it’s hard to confess feelings like this, from firsthand experience, and I can’t express how proud of you I am for admitting that you feel this way and that maybe you need help. 

I know things are awful right now. Being stuck in a program that you hate is painful, and you can’t ever fake passion for something when you don’t feel it. Is it possible for you to try to switch your course of study? 

As far as jobs go, it sucks that you haven’t gotten one yet. I know that feeling, that feeling of utter hopelessness and feeling like you’re completely useless. I’ve felt it too, for a long, long time before I sought help. I don’t know what your situation is, but it sounds like therapy or a psychiatrist might be a little bit out of reach for you right now financially, but if your school has a mental health service, it might be possible for you to go there for cheaper care. Even if you can’t, I hope you find the strength to sit down and talk to someone you trust. 

I know you don’t want to be a burden to your mother, and I know you don’t want to worry her by telling her how bad you’re feeling. I was in exactly the same place. But I can’t even begin to tell you the relief I felt when I told my father how much I was struggling. It’s hard to get the words out, I know it is. Maybe try writing a letter, or rehearsing it in your head. 

And as for the money, yes, it’s unfortunate that your mother lost 600 dollars. That must be really awful, especially if you’re tight on money to begin with. That won’t even come close to how she’ll feel if she loses you. I’m going to be really real with you for a moment--there were times when that thought, the thought of how my mother and father and sister would react, was the only thought that kept me from trying to end my life. 

I don’t want to make this about me, and I hope you don’t think that’s what I’m doing. I just want you to understand that I have felt what you felt, and I hope knowing that I made it out to the other side gives you hope, too. I know it’s hard. I know it’s damn near impossible, sometimes, friend. 

Do what you can each day. Try to get up, try to drag yourself to class, try to stay focused, try to apply to some more jobs. You never know when you’ll apply to the right one and get accepted! There might be days where your greatest success will be taking a shower, or picking up milk from the grocery store, and that’s okay too. You’re doing your absolute best, and I know that depression can be an utterly debilitating thing. The worst part of it for me was that I hated myself for not just doing what I needed to do. If it’s at all possible for you, friend, I would just ask that you leave that behind. Do your best. Do your best every single day, and don’t ask any more than that from yourself. 

Be kind to yourself where you can, in what ways you can. Whether that’s buying some nice-smelling lotion that helps you calm down, or getting a stuffed animal to hold when you’re anxious, or just keeping yourself well hydrated and trying to eat at least one or two nutritious things every day. When your body hurts, society tells us to take care of it. When your mind hurts, friend, you should take care of it, as much as you are able to. Meditation helps for me, and even if it doesn’t click for you, it might be good for helping you fall asleep at night. 

I know it’s hard. I know it seems impossible. But you’ve made it so far, struggled through so much, and you are so very, very loved. Live for the people who love you. Live for the television show you love. Live for football, for the World Cup. Live for next season. Live so that one day, you can walk outside and feel glad when the sunshine hits your skin. Live so that one day, you can realize that you’re not sad, that you’re at peace with yourself, that you’re happy, even. 

And until that day comes, know that we are always here for you. 

There’s this crisis textline for you to reach out to if you need it (they helped me immensely, and for people with crippling phone anxiety, it’s an incredible tool).

If you don’t mind the phone, then here is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, where trained professionals can listen to you and try to help you brainstorm for solutions or coping mechanisms. 

All my love, anon. 

#mod A #tw suicidal ideation #tw suicide #meta #apologies if you wanted words of comfort from a certain player anon #let me know and I'll create another post for you #Anonymous