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joheunsaram · 2 years

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Discord Discourse (knj)

summary- Kim Namjoon likes to spend time in a discord server... dedicated to him. With new friends and a budding crush, will he ever be able to truly be himself without revealing who he is?

word count- 2.8k

pairing- idol!Namjoon x fanfic writer!Reader

rating- PG15

genre- internet relationships, s2(maybe)lovers, angst, fluff, slightly smutty

warnings- pretty angsty, a little sexting but not actual sexting, superficial conversations portrayed as deep (lol im sorry I didn’t want to make this too long), infatuation, open ending, talks of a daddy kink

a.n.- this was not supposed to Joon’s bday drabble but it somehow ended up so lol. this is for all my fic writers out there. please don’t hate me for what the reader did... there may or may not be another part in the works oops lol

Thanks to the beautiful @raplinesmoon for helping me brainstorm, beta and fix the ending!!

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

- Kim Namjoon had a bad habit.

It wasn’t like watching too much porn, although it was somewhat like that. It wasn’t googling himself to read comments on his videos, although it was somewhat like that. It wasn’t talking to his fans incognito, although it was exactly like that.

Sitting in his room, in his boxers, he had all the lights off. His eyes were fixated on his screen, two fingers hovering over the touchpad of his laptop as he scrolled periodically. He pushed his glasses back, his face luminated by the blue light of his screen and swallowed, ignoring the way his stomach knotted and his face heated.

Kim Namjoon had a bad habit. And it all started when he joined a random discord server named after his studio. Of course he never revealed himself. To the unsuspecting largely female members, he was John, an autocorrect happenstance that granted him his anonymity. Not that anyone would believe he was him anyway. Not in these circles.

He thought it would be cute to interact with his fans when his new solo song came out, a way to practice his English. He wanted to know their reactions and their criticisms without the love. Little did he know that all he would get was affection and that affection would not only feed his dwindling ego but give him a dopamine rush that had become so addictive it had his heart racing every time a notification popped on his phone.

monolover: omgggggg did you see joon in the new mv???? I’m fucking dying! moonchild: yes I want to lick his whole body! GODDAMN HES PERFECT!!! joonsbicycle: honestly if he’s not getting every inch of his body worshipped rn whats even the point of life? moonlover: I volunteer as tribute! God the things I would let that man do to me!!!

He chuckled at the thread, lower lip caught between his teeth and looked around his dark room. The silence in the air was deafening. He liked his home. He was proud of his collection, making it look like an art museum, beautiful and untouchable. The wooden accents and the plush furniture was comforting but they felt cold.

There was no one there to worship his body. There was no one even there to kiss him. Which is why this was a bad habit. He shouldn’t be getting happy sucked into this small world of eight women who had somehow unlocked more kinks in him than should be possible. And he really shouldn’t be holding his breath when your name showed that you were typing.

It was unhealthy to be almost in love with someone who he didn’t even know. Yet when your message popped up, his heart skipped a beat and his boxers got tighter.

yn: if namjoons sitting alone rn it’s a crime!!! I would be on my knees in front of him marking those thighs fuckkk. yn: speaking of! new super smutty fic is out reblog for good skin lol I really hope he never finds my blog he would be traumatized.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” Namjoon whispered as he stared into the dark abyss in front of him, imagining you crawling towards him, your lips travelling up his legs, your teeth leaving indentations between the muscles.

When he first joined the server, he had been immediately drawn to you. Perhaps it was because he had joined right after he posted about his plans for opening a gallery and the first thing he saw was your in depth analysis on an artist you admired but he had never heard of. It made him eager to post about art too and gave him the push to step away from his nerves and talk. He expected to be told that he was boring and that nobody cared. He was used to that. But the server was inviting, asking questions and letting him soliloquize about paint strokes and abstractions. They welcomed him with open arms without knowing who he was, especially you.

You asked him probing questions that made him think, re-evaluate his stances, and then you turned out to be something out of his wet dreams. The more time he spent on the server, he realized it wasn’t just a place to discuss his and his team’s music and accomplishments. It was a place where they also discussed how attractive he was. In full uncensored detail.

After only a month, he had read every single work of fiction you had created, all of them featuring him. The other members of the server were writers too, but somehow he only found your works alluring. The first thing he read was a whopping ninety thousand word story about heartbreak and love and perseverance. It had him tearing up with his character, a broken man who worked a dead end job.

He had praised it and the moment you told him it was supposed to be an anti capitalist piece, he read it all over again. This time he caught the nuances and critiques of a system he hated and was a part of — just like the Namjoon in the story. You had never met him, yet his fictional self made all the decisions he would make, felt the things he would feel, and after a really long time, he felt like he was seen. His fictional self wasn’t an idol, he wasn’t famous or beloved. He was just himself and it made his longing for a normal life seem… well, normal.

With time, he used your stories to teleport himself into worlds he wouldn’t experience, into situations he would never be in, and he felt alive. Seeing himself from your eyes made him feel incredible, invincible, even if you were practically a stranger.

So without any further ado, he clicked the link you sent and lost himself in a new world. A world where he was apparently a sex god that could make you cum six times in a row. He was hard by the time he finished the short story, and then he read it again, wanting to memorize the moves you so desired. He knew he would never meet you in real life. He had been lucky but he would never get that lucky. Yet he did it, stroking himself as he imagined how you would sound. Your female characters always whimpered when teased and moaned his name breathily. Would he ever get to hear you whimper?

As if reading his mind, you sent him a message.

yn: don’t get too turned on reading the new story. I want you to figure out the hidden meaning 🤪 john: what hidden message is in jisoo calling Namjoon daddy? yn: john we all know you love when I call Namjoon daddy in my fics lol but look deeper 👀 john: it’s only cause it seems like your characters love saying daddy. Anything you wanna confess babe? yn: ughhhhh I hate that you all know my kinks because of this!!! tell me when you see it

Namjoon read the piece again, ignoring how turned on he was to find nuances, and then he read the description of the room, a description he had skimmed over to get to the good parts. How did he miss that?

john: theyre fucking in prison?! john: WHY IS NAMJOON IN PRISON?! john: I thought you said he would be a good guy! He’s always a good guy in your fics!!! yn: don’t get all emo on me. He could be falsely imprisoned lol yn: but nah I put him in prison as an allegory. Like how life can feel like you’re caged in but you forget about that feeling if you have someone you love by your side. yn: ugh I hate explaining stuff makes me feel like a belong on r/verydeep HAHAHHA john: that’s actually fucking profound. Who knew porn could be art? 😝 yn: sex with me is always art thank you very much john: yeah I bet it is, baby. I wouldn’t mind you calling me daddy anytime.

Namjoon blinked as soon as he registered what he had sent, his heart pounding in panic. He had always had these thoughts about you. He never thought he would tell you any of them. What was fucking wrong with him?! Did he really think a few flirting comments from you gave him free reign to sext! God he was like the terrible men on Tinder, just a testosterone filled Neanderthal focused on sex. Fuck!

yn: as hot as I find out intellectual discourse I really wouldn’t sext with a stranger. you could be like twelve for all I know

Namjoon perked up at the message. You technically didn’t say you didn’t want to, just that you wouldn’t. Perhaps he stood a semblance of a chance when it came to you. Perhaps all the texting and subtle flirting made you like him too.

john: as a matter of fact I turned 28 today. so I’m definitely not twelve yn: ha you’ve been reading too many of my fics your bday really the same as Joons?

Oh… he hadn’t thought through about this piece of information. Of course you knew when your favourite celebrity’s birthday was! But hey a lot of people have birthdays at the same time.

john: virgins unite baby john: VIRGOS! I MEANT VIRGOS! yn: lmfao not helping your case john: how do I prove I’m of age yn: honestly idk yn: guess no sexting for us. rip. john: well… what if we do a voice chat? john: not that I just want to sext you! john: it’ll just be nice to hear your voice and get to know you better yn: ha I’m not going to sext you daddy 🤣 yn: but sure I like talking to you (yn calling)

Namjoon’s eyes widened at the screen, his throat dry. He hasn’t expected this easy acquiescence. He thought you would just blow him off, but after months of daily chats he should’ve anticipated that you’d be comfortable enough to chat with him. Taking a deep breath, he clicked the little green phone to pick up.

“Hello.”

“Hey! Wow, your voice is really deep. Somehow even though your name is John I expected a girl,” you giggled and it was a rush of endorphins tapped right into his veins. Your voice was nothing like he imagined. Where he thought of you to have a high pitched, slightly princess-ey tone, your real voice was lower, an alto with a rasp that made him weak. He wanted to listen to it everyday.

“So does this prove I’m not a twelve year old?” he teased, hiding his nerves with a confident bravado you preferred in the fictional Namjoon.

“Nah. But I really want to talk about this book I’m reading because it’s so funny and dumb in the best way and I could care less how old you were,” you replied. He chuckled as you launched into a rant about this romance series you were reading about a group of men who read romance to solve their romantic problems. Namjoon lost himself a little in the similarities between himself and the plot. Wasn’t he also reading romance to mold himself into a perfect man, albeit he was trying to woo the author herself, but still. However as you continued, he thought about how exceptionally stupid it was for him to even attempt to seek out something other than friendship with you.

It wasn’t as if he could just ask you out and take you on a date. He couldn’t hold your hand or kiss you under the lamplight of a rain soaked street. He only knew your first name and if your accent was any indication, you most likely didn’t live anywhere near him. Should he really try to start something if he knew for a fact that he couldn’t give you the romance that he knew you wished for?

Decision made, his nerves eased and he listened to your rants, discussing the novel he had never read. He couldn’t let his heart get involved. If you love someone, set them free, isn’t that what they said? Well he would set you free to meet the guy of your dreams. You didn’t actually like him, you had mentioned to him time and time again that the Namjoon in your stories wasn’t based of off the real one, and other than light teasing, you had made no indication that you thought his alter ego ‘John’ was up to your standards either. No matter which persona he was, he didn’t fit you, so for the sake of the only freeing friendship he had, he decided it was better not to complicate things.

At least until you said your next words.

“Want to hear about my next story? I think I’m going to write my first idol fic. Something about the loneliness of fame, of how isolating it seems,” you pondered out loud, and Namjoon hated how much he already related to the story.

“Tell me about it. Fame fucking sucks,” he commented, momentarily forgetting his disguise.

“Are you famous, John?” you asked, a teasing grin visible over the line, making Namjoon contemplate whether to come clean. At 3am, his impulsivity was at an all time high so without any forethought of consequences, he hit the camera icon.

The screen split into two, the left side showing his dark room before he clicked on his bedside lamp. The bright light blinded him momentarily, his hand automatically rubbing his eye before he sheepishly looked at the camera. He heard nothing from you but could see your icon showing you were still on the call.

“Hi… umm I guess I’m kinda famous,” he said, laughing uncomfortably. The longer the silence went on, the more his nerves clawed at him, making him flush so deeply, he wished he could turn back time.

“What… the… fuck?”

He heard you whisper before the call disconnected. Staring at the chat, he tried to overcome the sudden wave of dejection at your rejection. It was a logical response. You had said multiple times you wished he never read your works, of course you were taken aback to learn about him, about who he really was. He should give you some time to catch up.

But patience was never Namjoon’s strong suit, so he messaged almost immediately.

john: please say something

You didn’t reply for an hour even when your icon had a tiny green circle next to it, indicating that you were still there.

yn: I am really really sorry about all the fics and the rude comments. I really didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable and I apologize if these conversations were creepy or disturbing. Just know that you are a great source of inspiration for me and I hope you keep making amazing music for me and other fans. Thank you so much for your hard work. I will delete my blog if you like and I won’t bother you again, john. yn: I mean Namjoon. yn: really sorry again. yn: also happy birthday!

Namjoon stared at his screen cursing at himself for ruining almost a year long friendship for a moment of loneliness. You had said you made him uncomfortable but he was sure that if anyone was uncomfortable it was you. Bracing himself, he decided to answer the only way he knew how. Honestly.

john: Please don’t apologize. You have never made me uncomfortable Y/N. Please believe me. I really do enjoy your stories and talking to you. I would consider us friends if you’d have me.

As soon as he pressed enter he got a response. Only it wasn’t one he was expecting.

Your message could not be delivered. This is usually because you don't share a server with the recipient or the recipient is only accepting direct messages from friends. You can see the full list of reasons here: https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/360060145013

His hands shook as he wrote another message only to get the same message in return. After a year of friendship it seemed that he should’ve just hid his true self after all. Shutting his laptop, fell onto his back on the bed, lying to himself that he was okay and that it didn’t hurt.

Opening your blog on his phone, he was relieved to see it still up. Heart pounding in a last ditch effort, he raced to send you a message. Copy pasting his earlier words from discord, he hoped that this time they reached you.

He was ecstatic when the script under his text changed from delivered to seen, his heart soaring in the effervescence of hope. You never replied back, at least not till his eyes were scratchy from staring at the screen and his lids were heavy from sleep.

Kim Namjoon had a bad habit. But if he could salvage his friendship with you, he had no intentions of breaking it.

taglist - @awhnamjoon @alpacaseoks @raplinesmoon @codeinebelle @aislinnstanaka@miscelunaaa @moonchild1 @shydestinyyouth @itsjaneeet @piecesofapril11@yoontaethings @jeonyreads @pb-n-juju @everythingaboutfangirling @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997

Thank you for reading this fic! If you liked it, please tell me your thoughts. I appreciate your feedback!

Please reblog and check out more stories on my masterlist <3

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hypaalicious · 7 years

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Fanfic Writer's Appreciation Day

I started this before work and had to wait 8 hours before continuing and Tumblr deleted half my fucking work because I kept doing new drafts every time I stopped to think about someone else to spew great things about so trying to remember all of who I tagged and what I said is failing me and I’m SO PISSED RN

*breathes*

So many of you have tagged me and I’m like, blessedt. I am inconsistent, perpetually distracted, and extra when it comes to when and what I’ll write and I wish I was better for y'all all the time, but my muse and life is what it is. Thank you for appreciating me.

I love all of the fanfic creators for daring to love a thing so much that they put their blood, sweat, tears, hopes and dream into a liturgy that encompasses the very best of their appreciation, and often goes unnoticed or is taken advantage of. Please continue to be great, share your heart with the world, and take joy and pride in your work.

You know I’ll be here forever mentioning people that I’m half loathe to do because I don’t want anyone I don’t mention feeling like they matter less or that I don’t care, because I honestly do. But if I stop to think about all the fanfic authors I’ve come to know and love I’ll freak out and never actually make this post at all, and I’d feel worse off for it. Nobody was obligated at all to show me any love on this day, and I’m blessed that you did and I shower you with love in return.

But the day is also about leaving at least one personalized thanks to a fanfic writer for being awesome and writing things for free that certainly deserve all the money ever, and I don’t wanna make a generalized cop out post, soooo CUE THE MOST INCOMPLETE LIST OF RANDOM PRAISE FOR A FEW FOLKS

@rhomphaya - Yes girl, you count. You sent me a damn BDSM/kink encyclopedia and I read that shit from cover to cover and got my mind blown. We dragged 50 shades together. AND NOW YOU STILL OUTCHEA AND WE END UP IN THE SAME FANDOM CIRCLES GIRL ILU has it been like 10 years? Holy shit

@diabolik-trash-heap - I know you haven’t written anything lately, but honestly you are the Queen of Kink for a reason. Your fics always got me going like, “… alright then I guess this is a new kink? WHAT IS MY LIFE?” You are synonymous with kink in my head and if it’s not you unlocking darker desires in me then it just feels wrong. I’m so happy I get to call you a bff.

@louisvuittontrashbags - BITCH IF YOU DON’T LEAVE MY COOTER ALONE WITH YA GODDAMB TREDD AND DRAUTOS STUFF I STG. I feel like I’ve kinda watch you evolve from the purest vanilla to the dirtiest of… French vanilla, LMAO! Honestly, both you and Dia Berta stop doubting your writing because it only gets better, and me and the fandom is blessed to have you in it.

@themissimmortal - Lionheart. That’s all I gotta say, because since then I went from curiously intrigued by Cor to getting kicked in the ass and tumbling all the way down that rabbit hole to end up in his lap. FINE. FIIIINNNEEEE. But frfr Moosh, ilu and your writing that can range from angst to raunchy asf.

@alicemoonwonderland - if Moosh dragged me into Cor hell, then this chick gonna drag me into Regis hell and put me on blast about it because she’s an evil cooter destroyer that also came up with demon!Ignis that I would gladly sell my soul to for nothing other than a full body nut because YOLO. She delves into mythological ideology in her smut and I love that concept and I preemptively accept all the hells shes gonna drag me through as a result.

@sonsoflucis - that priest!Ignis fic is literally going to haunt me for the rest of my days. Bout to have me re-converting to Catholicism up in hurr. Tay-bae also slays cooters with any character she chooses to wield in her writing (I.e. Sean Paul’s Tingy Dingy), which means she is truly exceptional.

@ka-za-ri - Flangst. She does it beautifully. She writes like Chinese calligraphy and it makes me weep in its perfection. Idk why she praises my trash when she can paint worlds with her words that encompass so much more, but I am so blessedt that Ao3 existed so that we could connect.

@thirdstreetcettin - Fellow Ignis hoe, who writes things that make me scream at my phone and want to throw it (I probably have thrown it; I have a case and a ballistic glass screen protector for a reason LOL). I love this girl so much and I’m so happy whenever she writes the Good Shit.

@ignis-scientia-estrogen-brigade - TDYFKVKHXGFJFJGKGIDYSDFK yep that about sums up my feels for this awesome lady and her art that matches her impeccable writing style. She is a sinpai that blessed me with fanart that made me wanna lie in the middle of the casino floor and expire.

@dirtyffxvconfession - AYYYEEEEE look you don’t write anything but you don’t have to, because you pretty much are the catalyst in which so many people’s thirst find completion. Your continuous support, banter, and tags make everyone’s day, and you’re overall the sweetest and coolest person in Germany. APFELPISS 4 LYFE (I’m sorry I swear I’ll stop this one day)

@dawne-sharlotte - Um? She killed my cooter with her debut of a black f!reader x Ignis fic? She CONTINUES to kill my cooter with all of her fics, reader insert or not? How dare she? BUT I LOVE HER SO MUCH OKAY LIKE, SHE OUT HERE DOING THAT SHIT LIKE WHOA

@insomniascure - The sis with an Ignis and Balthier thirst that makes me feel like I got an actual sister. Every time she appears in my feed or on Discord I stg my face just lights up like “BRIOONNN” and I’m such a fucking dork for it, I know. But I’m hella attached, I’ll admit it.

@mistressoli - Speaking of attached… I’m hella hooked on this bae right here. Will ship Oli and Dr. Amicitia till the end of days, and I always bite my fingernails when she’s gone for awhile. She’s also one of the most genuine people I know. I will always be here as I can for her and her muse.

@atarostarling - Every time I talk to this chick, I’m like, “bitch we don’t talk enough” in my head, because she’s lit. We also must take over the world with the Word of Ignis Scientia, so imagine us as those folks that walk around the neighborhood in pairs knocking on doors while people pretend they ain’t home, LOL!

@blindbae - I know she’s not active anymore on Tumblr, but Jules is still the shit. Her fics are masterpieces and her presence is sorely missed. Plz check out her Masterlist of awesome if you haven’t already, fam~

@demnocts - So, I wasn’t even aware that he had been fucking me up with bottom!Noct goodness before I followed him on Tumblr, since Dia had linked me to a few of his Ao3 fics that have since converted me to the glory that is Noct getting fucked in every way possible. Bless.

@zimmer2d - I haven’t thanked you enough for the “choose your own fuckage” fic you wrote for my trash ass on my birthday. No one has ever done something like that before for me and I’m rather touched by the sentiment and of course, DAT IGNIS DIIIYUUCK

@iwantedtobeadored - QUEEN NOCTIS QUEEN NOCTIS QUEEN NOCTIS I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS AU THAT GOT ME SHOOKEDT, so aka you’re never gonna be rid of me, too bad for you sis LOLOLOLOLOLOL

@saphscribes - …That One Ignis Fic. Forever. I will never stop talking about it. I will never forgive you for Keep What Remains, either. I will curse you in the most loving way possible for all of that.

@cupnoodle-queen - Focus is probably still my fave, because I have forever lost a piece of my cooter to the idea of having a photo shoot with Ignis and Prompto joining in and HNNNGGGG, queen of cup noodles, queen of smut, queen of word counts, IT DON’T MATTER; her shit gets all the praise.

@poisonous-panda - So… your Ardyn smut. You keep that shit up, because it’s great and thought I am but a temporary voyeur into Ardyn hell, I do know that if he calls, I will cum. Come. …uh… either or, idk, GUUD JERB FAM

@thechocoboexpress - and the fandom’s most underrated fanfic writer award goes to Jo in my mind, because her perspective on Ardyn and his backstory is just phenomenal. She’s so imaginative and supportive, and idk if the fandom is even ready for her stuff, lol!

@foreverythingisnotlost - GFUU, MY BFF OF OVER TWENTY YEARS, hey you know what I’m still waiting on? The conclusion of Leather Skin, cause I loved it so much that I stole your OC and put him in my own FFVIII fanfic and ganked your HCs on Irvine’s past and character development. Also, LV and I will patiently wait for your circus AU involving Iris and Gladio. :D

@fluffysmutkitten - HI THERE. You’ve wrecked me a couple times with your stuff, and I have not forgotten. You’re also an absolute joy to chat with on Discord, and every time someone calls you Kitten I automatically substitute Ignis’s voice so it’s like he’s always calling you. IT’S SO CUTE

@nyxswaifu - … idk why but I feel like after you wrecked me with Gladnis spam weeks ago that we have this strange connection; I’m probably making this up. But idc, I’m really fond of you and your tattoos (YES FOR GRAMMATICALLY CORRECT CHINESE) and I hope you never change. Frfr. *hugs* And if you do actually end up on Discord I hope to see you around!

@vashiane - Another sista out here slaying the fanfic game and everyone’s cooters. In Discord, if I see her typing for a very long time, then I actually get nervous. Like, you know the feeling that you get when you’re going up the first hill of a roller coaster? Knowing the first drop will simultaneously destroy you but give you all the life? That’s her spontaneous HCs

@xnoctits - It’s a shame we don’t converse all that much because she’s the other half of the dynamic duo with Brion and is so hilarious to see on my feed. I’ve cracked up too many times at work scrolling her extra asf tags and declining to explain to anyone who asks why reading her thirsty declaration of how badly she’d let Noct destroy her has me wheezing

@cagedbycravings - I know we just recently became mutuals, and I’m so sorry that we were not before because WHAT IS THIS TREASURE TROVE I FEEL LIKE A CREEPER BROWSING YOUR TAGS TO FIND MORE. I’m calm. Hi. You write good. :D *nervous laughter*

@bleucommelhiver - So, your solo Nyx fic? That’s going to be “that one fic” for me in regards to you, so just be prepared. I loved it and I can’t wait to read more from you.

@wolfgoddess77 - *whispers* Ignis can fuck me in a cave for warmth any day of the year, I’d actually permanently lock us in that damn ice cave until we fucked ourselves to death because OF YOUR FIC. *breathes* So yes, I have appreciation for that and your long Nyx one that I didn’t even feel the word count on, how do you manage to even do this?

#god I'm so nervous posting this #this literally took me 12 hours to compile and post #yeah on the dot #that's sad #why can't I be more complete AND more efficient #lordt #anyway I love all of y'all #even the ones Tumblr mobile deleted on me #and the ones I will kick myself for not giving a shout out to because I'm scatterbrained #please forgive me #I'm actually thinking too hard on this let me just post #yeppp #fanfic author appreciation day

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