#nasty and TMI tw idk

[tsukidrama]

okay so like as im typing this out i feel lowkey pathetic as fuck but i just easily had the worst day of my entire life and i lowkey need somebody anybody who wasn't with me to tell me "im glad you're okay and u didn't deserve all of that"

i frew up....... for 16 hours nonstop 🤪 literally nonstop!!!! i am not exaggerating even a little bit!!!! it was constant and i have never been so scared that i was gonna die. can you even fucking die from throwing up? probably not but once you hit a certain point it really really really feels like it.

it was so bad that we had to call my mom. and still with both her and mars tending to me like i was a baby, literally doing everything for me from getting me water to changing the tempature or fixing my blankets, it didn't help even a little bit.

it started at 6pm. at 6am i was about to start slamming my head against the wall until i passed out so mama took me to urgent care. we got there as soon as they opened.

walked in there and broke down like i haven't broken down ever before in my life just begging for the pain to stop

this story actually has one of the happiest endings as far as my medical fiascos typically go. the doctor who came into see me was an actual literal angel on earth. i wanna buy him a card or flowers or some shit. a lot of the time i don't get a lot of sympathy with this condition (on account of me being "too young" for my IBS to be as severe as it is) but this fuckin man not only prescribed me some really good medicine but he actually stayed in the exam room with me for probably 45 minutes, specifically just calming me down and comforting me. and it worked. the meds were a big part of course but it was honestly the best therapy i've gotten in years. i have been in an out of hospitals/urgent cares/emergency clinics more than i can count. the medical bills i rack up are horrifying. and i swear to god that ive never ever encountered a medical professional anywhere near this level of compassionate. especially while sick and throwing up like that. probably 2/3rds of the time i get written off as "just having a panic attack"

#nd dont even fucking get me started on that one time that the most shriveled fucking hag of a karen took one look #at the fact that my urinalysis showed up positive for THC and completely refused to anything for me. didnt even give me an IV even though #i was so dehydrated that my skin had lost all elasticity. anyway not the point here im just upset about all the mistreatment in the past #it was such a breath of fresh air to be treated like a person. and i didnt even go into detail bc it feels so personal but the doctor today #like actually genuinely cared. and was getting me to open up about stuff that i didnt even realize was bothering me. he was judt so kind #the only doctor who ever cared so much is my psychiatrist ❤️ who will be hearing from my mentally ill ass very shortly ❤️❤️❤️ #tsuki speaks #emetophobia tw #vomit tw #medical tw #medical cw #nasty and TMI tw idk #i just really really needed to get this out #🫵🤨 pls like this if you read it. its not that deep or anything it will just make me feel less alone right now #as u can probably tell im having a bit of a mental health episode at the moment

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

i remember once seeing an ad for scar reducing creams and ended up deciding no that's not reasonable to buy if it's literally self inflicted. but because of this now being in a visible place (can probably hide until summer, but after it's too warm to wear long sleeves... oh gosh. :< ) I feel like I probably should do research on how to minimise scarring at least for visible cuts for the sake of others.

and maybe invest in a nice light summer cardigan :) you know those pretty lacy ones, I bet I could pull that off, and I've wanted one for ages so this might be my motivation :)

....I should also do research on how to hide them before they've healed, because I've got a simulation next Tuesday. If necessary I talk to the person running the sim and get permission to be in long sleeves for that

oh gosh why did I forget. I'll have to be in short sleeves for placement. oh gosh oh gosh I am an idiot

#[editing to add that there is somewhat graphic description of self harm below. i'm no judge of how graphic or otherwise something is but i #kinda described it a bit ig] #I might invest in some good coverage makeup of some kind idk. if i can find something like that that will hide the scarring. but like. it's #stretching halfway along my forearm and it will all scar #tmi sorry #looks nasty already but at least it's stopped bleeding #shoutout to the knife sharpener i could Not use at the time so it wasn't as deep as it would've been #anyway #such is life #tw sh #puddleglum hours #personal #the first time i harmed was May last year. i only actually seriously started harming during february this year and all this time i have #worked SO HARD on making sure i DON'T harm in a visible place #and then! whaddaya know! it got too much! #honestly tho i'd nearly talked myself down it was rlly weird #bc it was like i just. blanked for a second and became aware of it having happened a second later it was weird #the muscles feel really weird now tho idk why #not damaged or i don't think so anyway and yknow. didn't need stitches or anything #don't know how deep they are

[natjennie]

this is maybe gonna be tmi so tw period talk below

so I have pcos and have for. a million years. and basically I've been on one kind of birth control for I wanna sayyy 6 years? and it doesnt have estrogen in it so I just don't get my period. I still have like cycles of hormones and stuff but no physical bleeding from your period, right? but then I went to a gynecologist recently and he prescribed me a new birth control that is mixed progesterone and estrogen which actually gives me a period. I've only been on it for one month but before this week I had sort of a shitty almost-period all the time like not Bleeding but nasty yknow. and now this week I'm getting a real period for the first time in forever and it sucks shit. like. I'm not even getting cramps or a migraine or any other effects so far but. just practically. it's gross and uncomfortable and you get blood all over everything. like obviously its natural and healthy not gross in that sense, just in actuality its kinda nasty. I dont want to go so far as to say its making me like.. dysphoric? but it just feels very foreign and unnatural to me because Ive been going without it for so long and I'm a lesbian probably on the ace spectrum so Procreation is just so totally alien to my sense of self it is bizarre and upsetting. idk what this rant is for, just kinda. putting my thoughts out there. solidarity for anyone that gets weird feelings about their period. idk. am I allowed to just be like. eh I dont like this one i want the other birth control back. can I do that. idk. anyway ily.