#narrowly dodged being sent to the hospital today when we told our therapist our suicidal thoughts are getting worse

[jackpotsadmon]

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#vent #narrowly dodged being sent to the hospital today when we told our therapist our suicidal thoughts are getting worse #at least it’s jsut me and not the others in the system #every day it gets harder to think of my mom and my brothers when i get like this and it’s too hot to use my weighted blanket to calm down #the semester is almost over but that’s almost making it worse #i don’t know what i want. i want to die but i don’t want to because it would hurt people and i want to go home to see my family but also i #don’t because i won’t be able to go outside again and i’ll have to go to my dads every week #dying feels easier #but if i don’t die then i’ll get kicked out #of school #my therapist said i should make a list of things i want to live for but i am not in a space #for that right now. gd #this is probably some kind of punishment from gd for being the way that i am #i don’t know. i don’t know what to do. nothing helps. nothing works. nothing is going to get better. everyone else in the system is getting #better except for me. and i’m so proud of them #but i wish i was a better host #i’m probably not gonna kill myself so don’t worry @ my friends if you see this #i’m just having a moment. #tw suicide #suicide #religion #religious guilt tw #kinda wanna cry in my moms arms like a fuckinh baby #ngl #i miss feeling loved