#my girl has that he she they swag

[mean-vampyre]

She has the range

#julien baker #my girl has that he she they swag #be honest did you ever thought we would arrive at middle pic??? #godbless nirvana for that

[bonefall]

longtime dc fan and i think a lot of people are angry because alex is obviously one of the most culturally relevant instances of misogyny in media. that being said being more culturally relevant doesn’t mean it’s the worst instance of misogyny and i think bumble definitely experiences more profound misogyny in the way the actual content is presented, if that makes sense

I get you, and that's a charitable way of looking at it.

I think what's rustling my jimmies is that like, there was a couple of WC fans being mildly dismissive of Alex in that note minefield, after dozens of comments of "fuck you how could you let the fridge woman lose" and "Bumble didn't deserve to win ANY rounds" and "how could A CAT experience misogyny." But then WE get blamed for the toxicity because THEY were butthurt that the Funny Cat People have the 'audacity' to win something they feel entitled to.

Like, we've gotta be endlessly charitable as we get openly insulted because they're upset about Alex losing, a very well-known and culturally relevant character with a legacy so massive we have a whole term named after her. But condemnations of "She's just a cat, letting WC into this poll was a mistake, Bumble can't even be a victim of misogyny" only started coming around once I started talking about it.

as if it's OUR fault people got passive-aggressive or even OPENLY aggressive towards us, and that we're "just as bad" for retaliating

But like you said, it's not a "Most Culturally Relevant Misogyny" tournament, it's a "Canon Misogyny Victims" tournament. And you're not even supposed to give a shit that Bumble died. The fat, woman abuse victim is beaten to death by a dictator, and your takeaway is meant to be, "It's so sad that Clear Sky is being blamed for murdering her, now they're all preparing for self-defense against a homicidal maniac, oh nooo :("

And I think that DOES make her deserve the win here! Alex is a MARTYR. Everyone with a brain agrees what happens to her is bad. It happened in her canon because it was bad. We talk about her and keep her memory alive. Bumble gets dismissed entirely out of hand because she's "just a cat in a kid's book" as if that doesn't make it worse, and as if the kid's book didn't treat a domestic abuse survivor like a moron for even asking for help.

Anyway, just to reiterate, I love DC fans. It's not all of you guys. Alex was done dirty and deserves justice-- and it's even kind of a shame that all she became is "The Fridge Woman." I haven't even heard people talk about how she was a wary, responsible person who was still ready to rock with Kyle's new weird glowstick powers, or that she was a journalist, or that she just got brought back in another edition as a Green Lantern only to be revealed as an illusion and re-absorbed back into Kyle's mind. Nope. Even her fans just remember her as The Fridge Woman.

#She wasn't even ONLY brought back as a green lantern btw she also came back as.... #full disclosure I'm not a DC fan this is from My Best Friend + Wiki Education #...as a cool ass evil zombie black lantern #Only for Kyle to have to put her down like Old Yeller #Because he can't handle her Zomgirl Swag #How cunty of me would it be actually if. IF. Bumble sweeps the whole tournament and I go back and write whole essays for-- #how each one of her opponents were worthy adversaries and explain exactly how deep the misogyny of canon went against them #Bones ''King of Women Appreciation'' Fall #Especially Chichi actually. If it had been Alex vs Chichi I would have gone to bat for Chichi. #Chichi was done dirtier than Alex. And also I would go PRETTY hard for my girl Android 18 #And ACTUALLY? One of the WORST victims of DB's misogyny? Don't @ me? Gine. Goku's mom #Behold my race of evil monkey space soldiers and how their violent nature has been exploited by a galactic capitalist dictator #Look at how in-depth I go to suggest them overcoming their battle-centric nature and show how in a different context this can be-- #--applied for heroic ends #Watch the death of my main character's father and show how his last thought was comforted only by visions of how his son would one day-- #overcome the dictator and avenge his death #Only for that to have been subverted because Goku didn't actually give a shit about revenge. Frieza simply threatened his friends. #NEVERMIND!! HIS MOM COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BLOODTHIRSTY BECAUSE SHE'S WOMAN #HOW CAN YOU FEEL BAD FOR THE DEATH OF A WOMAN. A WHOLE PLANET. IF HER HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE HER AND SHE ISN'T A PERFECT LOVING MOTHER #SHUT UP SHUT UP. GINE KILL THIS MAN #10000 GUNS IN GINE'S HANDS #ouuugh and her husband saved her sooo many times on their expeditions because she sucks and thats why they fell in love :) PERISH. DIE #BAD TORIYAMA. BAD. #JAIL FOR TORIYAMA 10000 YEARS #And Saiyans apparently didn't even really develop romantic bonds between mates but nuuuuh #Gotta have these two be a perfect husbandwife pair with their little nuclear family #Anyway. Aromantic Vegeta with Bulma as QPR partner and coparent be upon ye #stop teasing me by retconning romantic feelings into ur aromantic alien species to ship them im a shaking chihuahua. #also ur all lucky we're not going to be facing Sakura in the next round guys #Sakura is my fucking white whale

[toastcryptid]

How about a homoerotic Blue Beetle (Ted Kord) x Booster Gold encounter? 👀

Maybe theyve triggered a snare trap trying to sneak into a villains base and oh noooo they're stuck together, how terrible

Missed half this prompt and just made it about bad flirting….

They make out after this

#boostle #blue beetle #booster gold #ted kord #michael carter #toast art #If silliness had xgames mode they’d be winning #I initially gave booster a mullet but ended up covering it up but please know it’s there #i think he has that ‘if she’s your girl why she playing with my mullet’ swag

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

omg how does your shattered's design look !!?? have you posted her before??? ^_^

i did! kinda sorta hhh the design is not that complicated but it never stays consistent so I never made a ref (I also never found the time or energy xd) but I have a doodle of what she should look like!

the brown in her color palette is leather so it's all shiny and darker once you shade it >:Dc

#ask #my art #shattered #shattered dream #s!d #fem!shattered #fem!s!d #i would tell you to go through these tags but I don't want anyone to look at my old cringy shattered art UGHGHG she looked so baaad #don't put yourself through that misery please u_u but aaa hope this is enough for you anon cause I haven't drawn her in a while xD #unless people ask for more of a specific girl I just draw whatever's fun for me at the moment but most of the time it's the same girlies</3 #i'm so glad you're taking an interest in her!! she's so cool waghgag her design is based off of dark cream shattered more than canon tho #the combo collared shirt black gloves and heels stuck with me okay HGHGHG he just has so much swag<333 of course i'd give her those<3 #thank you so much for passing by anon!!! muah muah have an amazing dayyy<333

[bumblingbabooshka]

T’Pring Memes 

#T'Pring is everything to me #SNW is the T'Pring show to me sorry about it v_v #Honestly T'Pring could blow up a planet and I'd be like 'she had her reasons i'm sure...let's hear the full story...' #Me @ T'Pring whenever she talks to Spock: ey is dis guy botherin you???? #spock has ENOUGH stans....it is time for the T'Pring Girlies to emerge..... #snw please give me more T'Pring content so I can start writing T'Pring fic pleaaaaase thank you #also more uhura content I love her. T'Pring & Uhura are my faves so far <3 and my third favorite is Ortega #we don't know much about her yet but I'm digging the vibe. Tom Paris WISHES he were her LITERALLY. #ummmm idk any of the men on that show. M'Benga <3 aaaaand..............................pine tree..........kirk with a cartoon disguise #........the other vulcan thats not T'Pring............./j #If they ever make T'Pring into The Bad Guy with Spock I'm gonna become soooooo UNreasonable<3 #T'Pring #SNW #also I don't hate chapel but she seems like she'd pour a glass of wine - give it to someone else and then drink from the bottle #as like a goof and that's her vibe so far #which v_v fine......if that's what you're into Spock. Her Quirky White Girl Swag #T'Pring is not a girlboss and she would never step on me nor would I ask her to - she's ju st trying her best!!!!!! she REALLY IS!! -crying- #I've been thinking of her since I saw that art this morning ....v_v #star trek memes #snw memes

[welcometogrouchland]

Also in the replies of the Steph concept art on twitter announcing she was gonna be in a new project at DC (posted by Travis Mercer), there were at least 3 comments saying "will Tim be there?" I don't care how hard you ship timsteph I'm exploding you with my eyeballs if you do that on my girls post again

#ramblings of a lunatic #taking a step back to acknowledge that my stanning may be getting overzealous #but then again I'm not in ppls quotes or replies I'm vagueing on an entirely different website with no relevant tags. it could be worse #anyway I know tims had it rough these past couple of months ever since zdarsky shifted focus of the batman title to have less tim #but it still feels. idk. just a wee bit uninspired to act like steph can't go two steps without tim being behind her #im ngl i like timsteph when they're cute but timsteph twitter has been. pissing me off a tad lately #the refusal to acknowledge the sexism in dixons robin run and how it impacts stephs writing and their relationships writing #the refusal to acknowledge tims occasional condescension and hypocrisy when it comes to stephs vigilantism #seemingly only wanting her to be spoiler when he wants her around and telling her to give it up most of the time #also the constant disrespect of stephs batgirl era on there weirdly enough? #I've harped on about this on main and in drafts but despite it's flaws it's a good turn for stephs character #she's the focus she gets development (an upward trajectory! which had previously been unheard of for her! bc she did have flaws as spoiler- #-its just that both writers and characters alike seemed to arbitrarily decide she didn't have the capacity to grow past them! but she did!) #hell i saw a BIZARRE take today i just have to bitch about #which was them saying that Batgirl was a ''heteronormative mask'' steph put on #with spoiler being her more authentic self (and this being paralleled to gender expression with stephs isolation from the batfam as spoiler- #-showing how she ''wasnt like them'') #which. I'm not denying you the view that spoiler has a certain genderific swag to her but the needless dragging of her batgirl persona #steph got treated badly as spoiler bc she was A Girl. it's genuinely that simple dixon felt batman and robin would never stand for a girl- #-running around doing the things they did and would need to chivalrously stop her. he's gone on record saying this #she's constantly getting belittled by mostly men (cass also dismisses her but it feels distinctly less gendered) #and in the end it's barbara who learns to give steph a second chance despite her mistakes and they have a positive relationship #something ppl are quick to dismiss as being in and of itself sexist bc they're pairing the two girls off together #as if batgirl isn't a legacy and as if babs and steph don't have parallels in their resilience and refusal to accept when ppl tell them no #for better and for worse!! #like. idk how you took the strongest feminist element in that comic (bc there are elements of sexism here and there! 2009 n all) #and somehow turn it into ''heteronormativity'' YOU PPL ARE JUST SAYING WORDS AT THIS POINT!!! #anyway. someone take away my internet access

[evilmagician430]

(open image and zoom in to view better)

top ten DIABOLICAL women of science and medicine. number 1: the mad(die) scientist A.K.A. ""Dr. Friend""*

*she isnt a real doctor, not yet atleast

maddiefriend will become real in 5 seconds

#with her having a different model later on than the mossman model they used for her atfirst she would have different hair colors #my headcanon is that her hair is naturally dark and she dyes it ginger. #because of that one time she pretended to be gertrudes sister as an excuse to loiter around the acachalla house i guess #i dont think she thought that through. still really weird of her but love makes you irrational sometimes<3 /hj #anyways the hair color makes sense that way. the way i drew it isnt how dying your hair works though #youd have to bleach it first. i just eanted to convey the concept simpler #she is a really cool character and people tend to forget she has a personality outside of liking billy #which tbf that IS the central point of her character. but it makes her do weird shit like makes CLONES of him in her EVIL LAB #shes literally a mad scientist girl.... i gave her a little lalonde swag with the outfit and purple eyes i think. #wasnt directly intentional but i could tell i was doing it. blame it on me rereading homestuck #also i didnt feel like coloring in her freckles so theyre just black. whatever #GOD shes so scary. #venturiantale #taleblr #venturiantale fanart #maddie friend #maddiefriend #billy acachalla #<== hes there. just a little bit #mspaint #images that are horrid to see and look at #i need some1 two help me find that one txtpost someone on here made that was like #his flat ass and aimless gaze have captivated me #i liked a while ago but i didnt reblog... twas a mistake... mutuals help i think one of you reblogged it and thats how i saw it #not that it actually matters that much anyways. i just think itd be funny tohave a screencapture of it and draw maddie saying it. #free idea feel free to steal it right out from under me.

[eos70]

Projecting genderfluidity on every character in Fate that has gained the title of my comfort character to feel something.

#genderfluid #fate #headcannon #like the character this doesnt apply to is waver. that boy has transmasc swag #everyone else? fair game #i just think everyone can rock every gender and no gender whenever they want #I've got a list and I've felt the need to expand it BC yeah #like astolfo going by all pronouns dressing as cute as they want in canon???? iconic #my friends booed me BC moriarty was on my list BC they're not ready for real power. moriarty could pull girl too. let him be grandma too #like legit no reason to boo a lil guy BC she likes everyone to have a Lil gender as a treat #Cu Chulainn isn't genderfluid but people were confused why i said he was binary. have you seen a man more He/They nonbinary?

[hecksupremechips]

Listen I don’t really care about this play anymore and I haven’t interacted with it in ages but in Be More Chill I think Jeremy and Christine were good together and I won’t STAND for everyone in that fandom trying to convince me otherwise!!!!!

#the klock keeps ticking #ive. held onto this for a long time 👉👈 #and i may be biased cuz christine was the only character i gave a shit about BUT #i stand by my opinion #i think it was refreshing too cuz in a lot of teen trash stories your generic guy protagonist has a crush on a girl #and shes pretty much always the generic popular girl or his generic childhood friend girl #but bmc was like ‘yeah so this guy is in love with this theater girl whos just really fucking weird and has autism swag’ #which i adore we need more of that shit #and like i know WHY ppl hated them together because ppl hate female characters #especially ones that get in the way of THE SHIP BETWEEN TWO MALE CHARACTERS UWAAAAA #i was always of the opinion that michael was gay and he could do better than jeremy #like damn maybe a guy can be gay and single but ppl dont actually want gay characters #they want ships to fawn over #and then the Feminist™️ fans were like ‘i dont hate christine owo heres art of her being SUPPORTIVE of the REAL PAIRING the BOYS’ #‘i headcanon her as pansexual so see im not misogynistic see i ship her with a female character she didnt even interact with see!!!’ #‘im totally not doing this cuz i cant stand the idea that this harmless female character stands in the way of the male characters i woobify’ #which hnnghh all this can segue into a rant i have about musical fans knowing nothing about the source material and therefore being sooo #incorrect in their interpretation of the shows they claim to enjoy #because i know none of these hoes gave a single fuck about anything that happened in this fucking teen trash play i KNOW they didnt #but aaaaaa later #anyways i dont stand for christine slander shes all i have left in this cruel world 😤😤😤

[planetpiastri]

pairing: lando norris x fem!australian!reader [no faceclaim] summary: honestly, you kind of expected this part-time gig to just be four days of pure chaos that gave you an excuse to see an f1 race up close. then some guy in the fanzone complimented your shoes, and the rest is history. notes: requested by anon!! this has been sitting in my drafts for aaaaages, sorry love <3 y'all are so brave for putting up with me while i try and remember how tf to write these uhhh yeah this one took a turn hope u like it anyway LMFAO

liked by oscarpiastri, ynusername, and 13,024 others

ausgp Arriving in style! The lads looked great at the Melbourne Walk today 🤩🤩

view all 1,654 comments

username1 lewis and zhou are absolutely slaying!! and oscar is also there

ynusername oscar i love you but you gotta step up your game mate, i wanna wear your merch so bad but it is UGLY!!

landonorris excuse me ausgp i think my fit was deserving of recognition in this post :(

ausgp Can't compete with the hometown hero 🤷‍♂️ landonorris but daniel isn't in this either ? oscarpiastri You're funny.

landonorris

liked by mclaren, ausgp, and 811,364 others

landonorris he shoots, he scores! thanks for such a warm welcome melbourne :)

view all 7,023 comments

oscarpiastri You and I have different definitions of scoring I think

landonorris ever heard of playing the long game? oscarpiastri Nurse he's out again

username2 where's the worker with the shoes i think they're indirecting her

username3 GET THIS MAN THE SHOE LADY'S DIGITS

maxfewtrell Now that's just uncalled for

ausgp Love to see the spirit 😉

username4 aww lando always looks so happy in melbourne, he loves it here :'))

ynusername oh wtf

liked by ausgp, yourfriend, and others

ynusername busy busy busy day, absolutely buggered, but very excited for tomorrow 😁 (also peep The Shoes on the last slide)

view all 89 comments

yourfriend i mean... he's right, they are sick shoes

ynusername you're just saying that cos you made me buy them yourfriend well yes!

username5 omg are u the girl who was working the fanzone today??

ynusername i was one of them!

username6 ok if this is the shoe lady i don't blame lando for staring she's so pretty omg

yourfriend "the shoe lady" ynusername i've been titled?????

ynusername

liked by yourfriend, landonorris, and others

ynusername weirdest work day ever (included today's shoes bc apparently it's a thing now)

view all 112 comments

yourfriend that wrap was good as hell tho

ynusername deffo the most exciting part of lunch

username7 wait who is this girl and why does lando follow her?

username8 go to lovestruckln on twitter, she has a whole thread about it!

landonorris ...weird in a good way, right?

username9 your lack of rizz is astounding lando username10 bro STAND UP ynusername weird in an interesting way landonorris i'll take that

landonorris

liked by ynusername, ausgp, and 1,011,023 others

landonorris melb, you have my ❤️

view all 8,327 comments

username11 SHOE GIRLLLLLL

username12 i hope they never hard launch and he just keeps posting pics of cool sneakers

georgerussell63 You're welcome

charles_leclerc You did it, you crazy son of a bitch ausgp Where's our credit?? georgerussell63 You put the pieces in play, I moved them into checkmate ynusername you threw a shoe at me. calm down. ausgp He what???

username13 bro's collecting aussies like infinity stones

danielricciardo ?? oscarpiastri No ynusername :// landonorris 😁😁

ynusername you're cool ig 🙄

landonorris your swag style and utter disdain for me has captured my heart ynusername oh my god stop i'm blushing

tagging: @thearchieves @sheridamn @nikfigueiredo @charlig123456789 @ilove-tswizzle @aandreea2005 @sideboobrry @vellicora @eire-the-egg @marymustdie @cocote1410 @taygrls @koalapastries @vroomvroommuppett @nichmeddar @d3kstar @333kiki @ririyulife @resident-swiftie @zimm04 @jupiter-je-taime @ever_bizzare @clemswrld @hollieeelol @leireggsworld @ironmaiden1313 @lunar-racing @lightninginab0ttle @maddie-naps @bwddermilch @pnkwhskyprncss @landossainz @chaotic_version

request: hiya! i love how funny your smau’s are and i’m begging for an aussie!reader x Lando one. maybe she works for the AusGP and they met in Melbourne? idk -anon

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #f1 #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #instagram au #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #f1 instagram au #social media au #lando norris au #saturn writes

[chisatowo]

Thinking abt unit swap vbs again and I thinkkkk I might have an idea for Akito sona design? My main thing rn is outfit but tbf that's an issue for everyone else too dhdjhdkd

#rat rambles #sekai posting #unit swap au #Im thinking hes a lot more abiguous to what animal hes supposed to be since in my mind hes the one kohane designed first #and since he got passed back and forth more than the other designs his design got a bit simplified in the process and kohane doesnt even #remember what she had in mind for him originally #also Im slowly developing an more in my mind now that I have a better idea of what I want for her #its still gonna be a bit before I have her fleshed out enough to talk abt her much but Im thinking shes like an but if an was chronically #online and had literally no in person friends (ripple effect of me throwing mizuki down a flight of stairs (metaphorically ofc)) #she simply has too much autistic girl swag 😔

[babybinko]

Made a TON of Venture Bros. genderbends :D

Bonus + some of my thoughts on all the designs under the cut:

This is from a conversation I had with a friend about how Dermott and Hank would behave in this AU (its exactly the same as normal)

Ok now some thoughts on my design process

Hank: I think I drew Hank's face actually perfect, I made her so cute. I also feel like there's a common trope with genderbends where athletic characters get short hair so I gave her long hair and gave Dean short hair. I actually think the longer hair fits her perfectly. ALSO I LOVE HER BOOTS.

Dean: I gave goth Dean more Accessories than normal because normal goth dean had no fucking swag (it was besties idea to make her pants ripped). Even before I started drawing college Dean I knew I was giving her those legwarmers you can pry them from my cold dead hands. Same with the legwarmers I knew the first dean design needed a Jean skirt its just the vibes.

Dermott: The millisecond I even thought about doing Dermott I KNEW she would be 2012 grunge girl aesthetic. Gigantic shoplifting energy. Love her.

Rusty: I wanted her to look like a mean mom and I believe I accomplished that goal. Absolutely had to add the glasses strap. Very Jamie Lee Curtis.

Brock: I drew the one with the hair down first and my friends preferred the one with the hair up so I just did both. I wonder if she was a cheerleader in college and killed another girl on her cheer squad by throwing her too far/dropping them.

21: I drew 21 then I realized I had just drawn myself with bangs. Also I drew her with a blunt because there's an episode where 21 has a joint in his mouth the whole episode the other henchmen are standing in stupid poses in the background and its maybe one of my favorite bits in the entire show its so stupid.

24: 24 took several attempts to get the hair right I kept drawing it short and curly and my friend told me to give her Elaine from Seinfeld hair which I think ended up working really well.

Monarch: One of my favorites I did. I feel like this one you can definitely tell how Bayonetta completely re-arranged my brain chemicals as teenager. I love the hip cutouts, I made a tummy cutout to kind of mimic how Dr.GF's monarch costume is kinda skimpy. It's also hard to tell because of the cowl but I tried to give her like a finger waves hairstyle.

Dr.Gf: I tried a bunch of different hats but my friends liked the brimless hat the most and completely doomed him into looking like a Bellhop (more than he already did). Its giving Tyler the Creator at the 2020 Grammys. I still think he's cute though :)

Billy: I really didnt want to just draw her in a suit because thats boring. The show always gives me 60s vibes despite being set in modern day (I'm sure its on purpose) and I definitely channeled that with Billy. It took a couple tries to find a balance between fitting her body but still looking adult but I think I got it in the end.

Pete: YAYYYY PETE YAAAAYY!!! ^_^ Shes so Ava Max Coded. I also gave her giant buckles on her shoes to match his stupid ass one two buckle my shoes ass shoes.

Triana: Very much looks like putting emo boy in the Pinterest search bar. I made her thigh highs into his sleeves and I gave him square bangs like her.

Dr. Orpheus: NEEDED to make her a hot milf and I did. Its a little hard to see but her shirt has lace over the open part. I love the hair Jewerly at the bottom of her braid. :)

#venture bros. #venture bros #Hank Venture #Dean venture #rusty venture #dermott fictel #Dermott venture bros #brock samson #henchman 21 #henchman 24 #the monarch #monarch venture bros #dr. girlfriend #billy quizboy #peter white #triana orpheus #dr. orpheus #Gary Fischer #billy whalen #dr. mrs. the monarch #Dr. Byron Orpheus #my art #venture brothers #genderbend #genderswap

[coryosbaby]

:¨ ·.· ¨:

`· . Be my daddy

(Dark! Dbf! Joel miller x reader)

A/N: tryna get my swag back u guys. Also if there r any spelling mistakes I’m sorry 🙏🏻

Masterlist

Thinking ab creepy n pervy Joel making you grind against your teddy bear in the middle of the night after sneaking into your room.. n then fucking your brains out after <3

Warning: 18+, somnophilia, pervy behavior, slight dubcon, possessiveness, overall dark themes// age gap (reader is in her 20s, joel is in his 50s), masturbation, cum play, grinding, daddy kink, spit, breeding kink, spanking, choking, size kink, creampie, multiple orgasms, dbf! Joel my beloved <3

Joel was always quite impatient.

And after a long night of drinking and watching the new football game with your father, he’s become tense. As fun as it is to sit and conversate with his best friend, his head is reeling now. He notes to the man beside him that he’s going to bed. A nod, as your father agrees the same.

And a few minutes later, as Joel leans against the closed door inside your bedroom, he watches you with his cock in his hand.

Of course, like the good girl you are, you had decided to go to bed early. You were on a college schedule, after all. So Joel hadn’t seen you all night. Not being able to catch sight of that familiar head of hair, tits out and ass bouncing under those short skirts you love so much, frustrated the man to no end. He grunts as his thumb moves over the slit of his girthy length, as he watches the way your breasts heave with each passing breath you let out. He’s surprised he hasn’t been caught yet. He’s been doing it every night that he comes over, after all.

He knows it’s wrong. But fuck, you’re so delectable; your curves are absolutely stunning, your lips perfectly full and plump, your thighs plush and soft. He can’t resist watching you. And it’s as if you want him to do this. You know he lives next to you, you know that he can see inside your room from your window that has no curtains, can watch you change and masturbate and do whatever the fuck else. You’re just begging for him to fuck your tight cunt.

It’s a wonder that he hasn’t done it sooner.

He moves a bit closer. Just close enough to be near the foot of your bed. The thought of you catching him like this gives him a thrill. His cock kicks when you turn over onto your side to face him. Your eyes are still shut, your brain still sleeping numbly.

“There she is.” Joel manages to breathe out through his sharp inhales. You look like an angel to him.

Your nipples are hard through your silky white slip. Joel can notice them now, as they make two small lumps in the fabric. Your tits are pushed together from the position you’re in. And Joel’s favorite part: your legs are stuck in between the fat of your thighs. It’s always been the kind of position you’ve laid in, as the warmth from your legs pussy brings you a sort of comfort. Joel can feel himself nearing his high.

And since he’s already doing it, what’s so wrong about moving a little… closer?

Bringing his strong arm down, he holds onto the wall as he kneels down on the edge of your bed. He’s so close now, your face a mere few inches away from his cock. He continues to stroke the skin of his shaft, watching your full eyelashes and pretty lips.

“God,” he murmurs. You can’t hear him, but that doesn’t stop Joel from running his mouth regardless. “Gonna cum all over this slutty little face, darlin’..”

And he does just that. His abdomen clenches, head thrown back as he begins to squirt warm ropes of semen all over your face. He lets out a very loud groan.

And of course, finally, that wakes you up.

When your eyes peel open, the first thing that comes to mind is that..

Your face is fucking wet.

That’s what you gather. So, you bring your fingers up to wipe- Elmer’s glue, maybe?- out of the sockets of your eyes. And when you look up, you see Joel.

A confused and disgruntled “what..?” Sounds from your mouth, and then when you see Joel looking down at you, you begin to take sight of him. He’s still jacking his cock.

“Joel?”

The man’s mouth falls open, another wave of pleasure rippling through him. He’s getting hard for the second time in a row. Your brows furrow as you look down. It must be too dark and you must be too tired to fully grasp what act your dad’s friend is commiting.

“Joel.. what’re you doing?” You sleepily mumble. It’s quickly replaced by a gasp of surprise when his hand goes up to grope your breasts, his rings cold against the bare skin of your collarbones. He becomes desperate, practically clawing at your soft body to get a taste of you. His tongue goes up to the apples of your cheeks. He kisses you there, soft. And then, the soft muscle inside his mouth runs along the ridges of your skin. His own cum connects to his lips in a sticky white string.

“Sorry baby,” he groans. “ couldn’t help myself...”

His thumb runs across your bottom lip, legs resting in between your spread ones, and he kisses you. You’re awake now, with enough brain power to register what’s actually happening. But if you’re being honest, you don’t want him to stop. Your hands shyly go up to his hair, still a bit disoriented. His messy locks are soft underneath your fingertips as he begins to slip his jizz soaked tongue into your mouth. Your eyes flutter shut, heat beginning to gather in a pool between your legs. You can taste his cum as it evades your taste buds, musky and salty. Pulling away, you can feel his cock press against your thigh.

“Did you…” looking down, his stiffness is right there. Wet and hard and incredibly prominent, now. A small whine escapes you. “Joe…”

“‘M so hard for your cute little face, darlin’…got me gettin’ it up twice.”

That makes you mewl, as his mouth moves down to your neck. Your virginal hands shakily grasp his hair. On a particularly harsh tug, Joel groans. You think you’ve hurt him and done something wrong, and your nervous mouth begins to spew apologies. “Joe.. never done this before, ‘m sorry..”

Joel moans, maneuvering your body so he’s on his knees and in between your spread thighs. Your innocence makes his brain turn to mush.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetness. You’re such a good girl.”

He says it as he slips off his shirt, exposing his broad chest and muscles to you. A hard working man, Joel Miller is definitely built to hold things the way he wants them. So when his pants are finally removed, he uses his strong arms to lift your body and move the both of your upper parts towards the end of the bed. There’s more space, now, less stuffed animals and things.

There’s a moment of stillness, and then your hands are wrapping around a familiar furry object as you land down onto the mattress. It’s your stuffed teddy bear, the one Joel had gifted you for your birthday last year. It’s pink, with a bright red bow wrapped around its neck and a pair of black button eyes. You had named it Teddy, and it’s your favorite plushy.

Joel’s eyes move to your hand around it, and he smiles, amused.

“Does my baby want her teddy bear? Hm?”

His voice is teasing, but he brings it away from your grip and lifts himself away from your body. You whine, trying to grab his hands and put them back on you, but the man doesn’t budge.

“No,” he says. “I want you to use your teddy. Do you think you can do that?”

Your face flushes. It’s vulgar and filthy to suggest such a thing, but you want Joel to be proud of you. You’re hesitant, though. You’ve never done this before, and your cheeks heat up in embarrassment when you quietly ask, “Can you teach me?”

Joel isn’t one to deprive you of a good lesson. “Of course.”

And that’s when he’s flipping your nightgown up to your chest. Your tits are exposed, along with your bare pussy hitting the night air. There’s no point in wearing underwear in this hot weather, after all. The sudden movement surprises you, and you’re quick to try and conceal yourself. Joel just laughs at your shyness.

“You’re beautiful, darlin’. Don’t do that.”

With hesitation you bring your hands away from your most private parts. Joel’s eyes turn dark, expression laced with lust. “Spread your legs for me.”

It’s a demand, and when your face heats up and you begin to slowly undo them, the man rolls his eyes and yanks them apart with his own hands.

His eyes practically roll back at the sight of your pulsing cunt. You’re soaked, juices dripping down the expanse of your pussy lips, practically swollen and begging to have a cock between them. Your clit is poking through, and Joel might be going crazy but he swears he can see the cute little pearl throbbing.

“God, look at that..” his finger ghosts over your slit, and then he’s using to of his fingers to expose your unused hole to him. “My little girl is so pretty, isn’t she? Little cunt is so small, too… don’t know if my big cock can fit in such a tiny little pussy.”

The force of his words makes you gush, and you shake your head at the thought of not being able to take him. He chuckles at your reaction. You exhale shakily, watching as his fingers still toys with your body. But then he grabs the teddy bear and begins to ghost its plastic nose over the inside of your thigh.

“Teddy’s gonna show you how to play with your pretty pussy. And I’m gonna watch. Okay?”

You nod quickly. You’re aching, and you’ll do anything to relieve it. And even though this all happened so suddenly, you can’t help but be happy that Joel is giving you this much attention. He’s been around for years, has been there with you through everything, and now that you’re all grown up you can let him take what he wants.

“Yeah, d—“ you pause, and the look on Joel’s face makes you flush with embarrassment. “—Joel. Yeah…” You stutter. A smile forms on his handsome face, as he presses Teddy’s nose right up against your clit.

“You can say it, honey,” he murmurs. “I’ll be your daddy. Use your holes and breed this little pussy just how I like. Don’t that sound nice? Daddy fucking his cum into your little belly?”

You clench at his words, your face practically on fire. You begin to grind against the bear’s nose.

“T-Talk to me more…” you say. Joel smiles, watches the look of frustration appear across your face when he lets go of the plushie and lets it rest against your cunt with no pressure. “Daddy, please!”

“I will, honey. But you have to make yourself feel good, for now. I’ll fuck you when you’ve earned it.”

You mewl as you bring your palm down and press the bear’s nose back against your clit. You begin to move your hips, twisting and turning the stuffed animal in a way that makes your eyes roll back in pleasure. Joel puts his cock back in his hand and jacks himself off with vigor as you practically fuck the bear with your pussy.

“Feel good, baby? Teddy’s nose on your little clit?” Joel murmurs. “Look at you, gorgeous—“ a grin spreads across his face, almost sadistic. He twists his wrist and practically drools down his chin when your doe eyes look up at him, desperate and pleading.

“Wonder what your daddy would think if he figured out you found a new one.”

That shouldn’t make you drip down your thighs, but it does.

“D-Don’t say that, Joel—” you exhale sharply, as your face takes on a look of frustration. The bear isn’t doing enough for you. “Maybe I should find someone else if you aren’t going to fuck me..”

That comment makes Joel mad, and his expression turns dark. With a rough hand he uses your thighs to flip you over onto your hands and knees. Your eyes widen at his sudden change in demeanor, and his palm comes down hard on your left cheek. You gasp, burying your head in your blanket. The teddy bear is thrown next to your face as Joel harshly gropes your ass.

“Don’t tell me what to do, little girl,” he growls. “I’ll say what I damn please. Now hold onto that teddy bear while I split your little cunt open. Because I’m the only one who can.” His breath is hot on your ear, a bit of fear beginning to sweep into your psyche (and maybe a bit of arousal beginning to drip onto the bed). “You understand me, bitch? You’re mine.”

You nod, as much as you can in your position. And when you feel the tip of Joel’s length press against your hole, you begin to stutter.

“W-Wait! Daddy, I-I don’t know if I’m wet enough…”

“Oh, you’re wet enough, baby.” Joel infers, as he looks down at your glistening snatch. “Trust me.”

And when he pushes in, the burning stretch makes your eyes widen. Although not as uncomfortable as you originally expected it to be, he’s still above average; this would be hard for any experienced woman to take, let alone a young virgin like yourself. You cry out, pussy clenching around the cock penetrating your womb. Joel’s eyes are rolled back, sweat beginning to drip down his forehead as he tries to keep himself still.

“Gotta loosen up, baby,” Joel moans. “Gonna cum quick if you keep clenchin’ like that.”

“Can’t help it, daddy, ‘m sorry..” you cry, as he presses in more. After a moment you feel his hips press against you, his cock fully in. He rests there, waiting for you to ask him to move.

“Good?” He murmurs, questionably. You can feel every vein, every ridge of him inside, and it makes you nod dumbly.

“Yes sir.”

“Atta girl.” he praises. He makes one shallow thrust of his hips. It feels odd to you, and a bit painful. But on the next few thrusts, it has your toes curling in carnal pleasure. He feels so hot and warm, and when he grabs your throat from behind and bends you towards him, he presses a kiss to your neck.

“Doin’ so good. Doggy is the hardest position too, baby. You’re such a quick learner.”

And that’s what you like about Joel. He pushes you over your limits, makes you succeed them, go farther than before and then makes you feel amazing about it. In your hazy mind, Joel is practically a god right now.

“T-Thank you, daddy..”

A strangled moan comes out as he picks up his pace and begins to pound you at a rapid rate. The sound of skin on skin feels the room as Joel’s thighs slap against yours.

“So— fuckin’ good for me,” he growls. “Good girl. Going dumb on her daddy’s cock like the desperate little slut she’s supposed to be.”

Your eyes roll back, and he grabs your throat and squeezes hard. Your juices drip down his aching prick and he watches as your cunt swallows him whole. He chuckles when he feels you clenching him unusually hard.

“Gonna cum, darlin’? Or do you need me to touch you some more?”

“Need…” your eyes flutter shut, as you go brain dead on his cock. There’s a small string of desperate pleas of the man’s name in between your sentence.“Need you to touch my clit— Please, daddy, t-touch my clit! Make me cum!”

And then Joel’s fingers are coming down to your slick pearl, rubbing it between his two fingers as you release all over him. Your juices are gushing, squirting all over him and the bed, and Joel honestly doesn’t know how you can be any more perfect. He moans as you cream on him, and with a few more thrusts he’s filling your womb up with his seed.

The only thing left is you and Joel’s shared harsh breaths. Your legs shake as you stay buried in the mattress. It’s too hard to get up right now.

And that’s when you hear the loud voice beginning to come from outside as someone bangs on your bedroom door.

“Y/N! You better not have any boys in my house this late! I can hear you from downstairs! ”

You and Joel freeze. It’s your father, on the other side of the door.

And when the man looks across the hall, he catches sight of the empty and deserted room that his best friend has been staying in for months. You and Joel look at each other with wide eyes as your dad begins to scream, enraged.

“Joel?! Are you in there?!”

#Joel miller #Joel miller x reader #Joel miller x fem! reader #Joel miller smut #Joel miller fanfiction #dbf! Joel miller #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #tlou #tlou fanfiction #Pedro pascal #dom! Joel miller #sub! reader

[espercognitive]

She was a Seamstress, He was an actor.

Timothée Chalamet x Fem!Reader Pt1

This is my first fic on here! I've been like hiding in the shadows but i have to force myself to write! so I'm just experimenting with fic writing. This is probably gonna be a series about theater! your character is theater technician so all the cool behind the scenes stuff is there. You work in costume and you are assigned to Timothée's character! The reader is fem presenting and has female pronouns! I'm going to include gender neutral readers in the future!(also should I put Timothee or Timothée?)

TW: Swearing, Mild mention nudity, Some sexual tension.

Word count: 1.18k

Show season had finally begun for your theater. After training in high school, you got picked to be a seamstress for a well known theater in New York. Your work was paying off and you could finally see your work being used to its full potential. Going from small local high school productions, you had now gotten the opportunity to work with real actors and actresses. People who you were going to help bring a character to life. Especially for the show 'Anything Goes'

But what you hadn't expected was being assigned to Timothée Chalamet.

Unfortunately, you knew who he was. He had been an actor when you were in high school, but even with the familiarity, you still couldn't help but be a bit frustrated. This wasn't the first time you had to work with him, it'd actually be the second time. The first time made you swear you'd never work with him again. Sophomore year had been going smoothly, that was until your theater department had decided to do Sweet Charity. After working with him that show, hearing the name Oscar Lindquist made you shudder. He had been a senior, and he had been popular in the theater department since his freshman year. You were excited to dress a popular actor, but it was the complete opposite of what you had imagined. Instead of a wonderful maybe even flirtatious encounter

Until you got the character assignments, and you see his name right next to yours.

'Oh fuck' you thought to yourself. You sighed as you walked into the costume shop. You had hope that he had grown out of his annoying behavior, but when he walked in to get measurements done, you figured that probably wasn't the case. He strutted into the costume shop, dopey smile on his face, and that same white boy swag he had in his senior year. You felt sophomore you cringe as he walked over to you.

"Y/N right?" he questioned.

"Yes." you mumbled.

You picked up the measuring tape and started to take his measurements. Typically this wouldn't be such a big deal, that was until you had to measure his waist and crotch area. Now back in high school, this wasn't such a big deal. They had the male costumers take those measurements for the actors and female costumers for the actresses. But this wasn't high school anymore, and you had a big girl job, in which you were responsible for getting this right. You crouched down, face to dick, trying to distract yourself from how close the two of you were when you heard him say,

"Do I know you from somewhere? I normally can recognize a cute face wherever I go, but i can't put a name on you."

"Yea we actually went to the same high school together."

"Really? Were you a seamstress then, or did you start now?"

You sighed and answered almost finished with the rest of his measurements.

"Uh yea I was. I was your costumer when we did Sweet Charity."

He jumped messing up your placement as you tried again.

"Hey can you not move so muc-" He cut you off before you could finish your request.

"OH! I remember you! You were that shy little sophomore. I remember how you never yelled no matter how many times I fucked up my costume" He smiled to himself as he finished bringing up that frustrating memory.

"Yea. I probably should've. Ok Stop moving I'm almost done."

"Ok Ok. Seems like you've gotten more a fire to you at least" He mumbled that last part, a little afraid to say it out loud. You gave him a look.

"Ok I finished. I'm gonna pull some stuff and then tomorrow I'll have you come and try some stuff on." You walked off refusing to look at him in the eyes, grabbing your paper with the measurements.

"Yea ok. Thats cool. See you tomorrow Y/N"

You figured this was going to be an interesting show. Only 2 more months till the show opened.

The next day

You had spent all day yesterday pulling close that would fit him. It was weird doing the same thing again. You thought about how frustrated you were in your sophomore year. But maybe he could be different. You would be lying if the crush you had on him still lingered around. Maybe you could get close this time the way you had wanted to in high school.

Nope. Don't start those thoughts. He's your coworker. Nothing more.

You laid out the pants and clothes you needed him to try. Of course as the character Billy, you'd need every one of his outfits to be different and unique. But you'd have to make a sailor costume from scratch. Which meant for the next few weeks, there'd be many fittings. But you just needed to focus on what you had right now, which was being delayed as Timothée was late.

After distracting and helping some other seamstresses, the man or the hour finally decided to make his appearance.

"Hey Y/N. Woah whats up with the face?" He questioned.

"Well your an hour late. I have to go in like an hour for a doctors appointment so we have to make this fast."

"Oh sorry. Well uh I got you a drink. You used to drink apple juice all the time during Sweet Charity so I figured you'd want this."

You look up into his eyes, he seemed genuine. You smiled as you took the bottle.

"Thank you Timothée. If you bring me an apple juice every time you're late, I'll make sure no one finds out." You smiled at him.

"Really? Thats a deal then."

"Ok. Its time to try on all of these outfits I have laid out. If they don't fit, don't worry about it. I can fix some of the sizes on the pants too."

"Ok, but small problem. Theres a lot of people in the dressing rooms, I don't know if we'll have room to do this."

"Oh fuck. Hmm. Crap I have to get this done."

"I can try and find somethin-" You cut him off with an idea.

"Actually, theres a couch room upstairs in the theater. It's pretty empty normally so you should have enough room to change in there." You smiled as you felt satisfied with that idea, until he said,

"Oh a couch room? You want to watch me undress in the couch room? You're definitely not that shy little sophomore anymore apple."

"Apple? Also thats not what I meant! I do not want to be apart of the reason the couches cannot be looked at under a black light."

He giggled as he grabbed the clothes.

"Yea apple. Like apple juice. I don't know, just thought I'd be cute for you."

you laughed as you responded "and I'm not the shy one anymore."

The two of you made it up the stairs and got into the couch room to just try on clothes. Definitely just try on clothes. Nothing else was going to happen...

#timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet #timothee chamalet #paul atreides x reader #paul atreides #willy wonka #willy wonka x reader #timothee chalamet x you

[liesmyth]

locked tomb characters ranked by how cringe they are

because this post by @wifegideonnav reminded me that they’re all losers, but some are even more losers than the others

Hot Sauce: 1/10. This girl is cool in all possible ways and definitely future lead researcher material. No cringe, zero notes.

Pyrrha: 2/10. By far the least cringe of The Olds. Yes her nicknames for Nona have dad joke energy but she’s very earnest about it and it’s cute.

Juno Zeta: 2/10. Total MILF. Very smart and should know better than to get flirty with We Suffer, but I get it.

Marta Dyas: 3/10. A complete badass with a very sensible outlook on avoiding unnecessary forms. Call me Judith because I would also make a pass at her at the first possible chance.

Commander Wake: 3/10. She made Pyrrha fall in love with her, seduced ever-loyal G1deon into hatefucking and galvanized a dying resistance movement. She was genuinely nice to Gideon those 3 seconds they interacted in passing! Then she had to go and hide under the bed of a mentally ill teenager.

Dulcinea: 4/10. Her horniness for revenge is epic. Let down Pal as nicely as she could and managed to outwit Cytherea when it mattered. Not cringe at all.

Camilla: 4/10. Yes, she could kill you in seconds but she did once sell cigarettes, her most liquid asset, for about a third of their market value.

Alecto: 4/10. Scary eldritch woman-shaped creature with a sword, comes highly recommended by Pyrrha Dve. Loses points for confusing Middle English and thinking John was the best possible Sailor Earth when he was clearly the worst.

G1deon: 5/10. Utterly willing to burn for what he believes in. Yes, he probably needs some perspective but he made sure the baby had enough air before kicking Wake out of the airlock and Matthias Nonius thinks he’s an okay dude.

Pash: 5/10. She has that freedom fighter swag and the cool hair but she is a terrible bodyguard coasting on nepotism, sorry to say.

Palamedes: 6/10. He didn’t clock the serial killer pretending to be his ex because he was too busy going to painfully extreme lengths to avoid interacting with her.

Naberius: 6/10. My controversial opinion is that Babs is the least cringe of the Third House throuple. Yes he looks and acts like a peacock but he puts up with Corona snacking on him for no reason and is still nice to her, and gives Ianthe solid romantic advice.  

Nona: 6/10. Cringe in the unselfconscious way of a young teenager, and put this ability to use making Pal fess up to his nurse kink. She will never be cool but it’s part of her appeal.

Mercymorn: 7/10. Speaks in onomatopoeias. She knows she is insufferable so she’s gonna do her best to make sure to be the most insufferable person in every room. Once called John Gaius “the best man I who ever lived” to his smug face and not even blowing him up later makes up for that.

Ianthe: 7/10. Looks like a wet rat. Hopelessly dramatic but she pulls it off. Declares her love for Harrow at every turn in the most transparent possible way then pretends she’s just being snarky. Some cool points for actually getting shit done

Coronabeth: 7/10. Terrible taste in love interests. Her freedom fighter era was hot but she thinks pompadour hair is a good look? Also, the way she spent her whole life lying about necromancy speaks of extreme conflict avoidance. Cringe move.

Judith: 7/10. She deserved to suffer and has suffered more than she deserves. It’s cringe how she clings to her imperialist brainwashing but she gets a point for rightfully understanding she should be wary of Corona, something Ianthe still can’t even grasp.

Ortus: 7/10. Yes he quotes his own epic poetry WIP at people but he also had to grow up on the Ninth with nothing better to do. Genuinely a very nice guy.

Cytherea: 8/10. Her unhinged vibes are very hot but she killed a couple of nerds and two teenagers instead of anyone who was actually dangerous. Cringe of her!

Silas: 8/10. Smarmy cloud-looking motherfucker. He is a child Pope and I guess he can’t help the inherent cringe of the Eight. But that’s still no excuse for bringing a portrait of John all the way to Canaan House just to hang it in your bedroom, dude.

Gideon: 8/10. Babygirl is a horny virgin with the vocabulary of a nerd. Harrow is bones over tit in love with her and she fails to notice after living in Harrow’s brain for eight months. Gets points for managing to maintain impressive biceps on a diet with no protein.

Augustine: 9/10. Extremely cringe because of how hard he tries to pretend he’s not cringe. Cigarettes on a space station and effectively performing swag don’t make up for how much he clearly wants to suck John’s dick. Which he did at least twice.

Harrow: 10/10. Spent most of her life being mean to Gideon because she was too hot to deal with and lobotomized a coffee shop AU into existence. Thinks Ianthe Tridentarius is beautiful. Once built a bone cocoon to sleep in after not drinking water for two days. Should’ve told God months ago that she just didn’t want to eat his fucking biscuits and stop offering.

John: 10/10. Unfortunately, this scale only goes up to 10 but we all know it’s not enough. Deeply cringe in a myriad of ways, chiefly among them the way he inflicts his barely veiled incest kink on all his friends. That one dad joke was gold, though.

This was getting too long but for the record: Aiglamene is cool and so is Abigail Pent. Magnus is not cool but he’s a fun time. The Terrible Teens are exempt from judgement on account of being 14.

#i wrote this on my phone on the metro spelling what's spelling #will this finally be the post I send to L. to convince her to read the books? #tlt memes #the locked tomb #tlt

[maxknightley]

Which Touhou Girls Can You Plausibly Read As Butch? A Comprehensive Overview

Earlier on Tumblr I saw a post complaining that someone called Hecatia Lapislazuli from Touhou Project butch. This is Hecatia Lapislazuli:

Obviously, like most Touhou characters, she is in fact quite feminine - she just shops at Hell Hot Topic. But it got me thinking: In a series like Touhou, with a cast overwhelmingly defined by feminine (if rowdy) ladies, how many characters could you say are 'butch' without sounding like a complete doofus or significantly redesigning them to fit your headcanon?

CRITERIA

I'll be using four main criteria to judge characters' butchness. In real life, of course, butchness is a multivalent and extremely personal thing, but I'm talking about funny cartoon women from a video game here, so I'm willing to be a little reductive.

These criteria, in order of descending importance, are:

FASHION. In a series where goddamn near everyone is in either a dress or a skirt, the mere act of Wearing A Dress Shirt can be enough to make a powerful statement. Hats may also play a role here, given how many Touhou characters have gay little hats.

HAIRSTYLE. Short hair is not the be-all and end-all of butchness. I, myself, am Decidedly Butch even though I've been growing out my hair since college. But the length and styling of the hair are still a valuable indicator of how someone thinks of themself and wants to be seen.

'TUDE. Could this character be accurately described as "kind of a frat boy?" How do they speak to others? Do they just kind of seem like a character who ought to be butch, regardless of their looks? Do they even lift?

COMEDY FACTOR. Self-explanatory. This will probably only come into play if I run into a weird edge case.

I'll also emphasize that we're grading on a curve here - butchness is being assessed relative to the characters who do not appear on this list. Nobody in this series has a buzzcut, you know what I mean?

THE TIER LIST

AS CLOSE TO CANON AS WE'LL GET

Fujiwara no Mokou. The girl wears a dress shirt, fucking suspenders, and trousers. Not shorts, actual full-length pants. She's also in a perpetual love-hate mutual-murder situationship with Princess Kaguya, who is femme as all fuck. Obviously you don't have to be butch to date a femme - I'm just saying it feels Fitting given their whole deal.

Yuugi Hoshiguma. Most of the time, her fashion sense is actually quite feminine - but her look in the most recent chapter of Cheating Detective Satori, with the one exposed shoulder and the sarashi and all that, significantly alters the balance. Her hair actually reads as more masc to me when she keeps it long and unruly - when she puts it up in a ponytail, she ends up looking very kempt, even elegant. The deciding factor here is 'Tude: Her sheer levels of butch swag are off the fucking charts. (Still, I wouldn't blame someone for arguing she should be knocked down a tier - especially since I'd argue the Comedy Factor works in reverse here. She's way funnier if she doesn't think of herself as butch in the slightest.)

Minamitsu Murasa. In his original appearance I'd argue that Murasa is in "Reasonable" tier - maybe even as low as "Kind of a Stretch." But her big gay Jotaro jacket in Sunken Fossil World, combined with the emphasis on the weightiness and solidity of his trademark anchor, put her over the top. One of the only Touhou girls I consider worthy of being He/Himmed.

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna. The other He/Him-worthy Touhou girl. Very short, slightly messy hair; wears a kimono, not a dress; inheritor of Issun-Boshi's legacy; wears fucking dinnerware as a hat. Why do you want to be Big so badly, huh? So you can pick up women more easily? So you can carry your awful wife through the upside-down threshold of your upside-down bedroom?

Raiko Horikawa. For the longest time I thought her skirt was a pair of shorts because I straight up could not parse it as anything else. Even now I'm like "that can't possibly be a skirt, ZUN just drew it weird. She has to be wearing a full two-piece suit." Skirt aside, her jacket/dress shirt/necktie are still undeniable, as is her short hair. Also, she is a taiko drum given life, and I feel like taiko and timpanis are naturally butch. Maybe if she was a tambourine or a set of bongos I'd rank her lower?

Momoyo Himemushi. Rough-talking miner. Wears a dress shirt, leaves the top button(?) undone. Tromps around a big weird cave with no shoes or socks on. Wears bows and bangles basically everywhere but in her messy, tangled hair. Also, maybe I'm stereotyping here, but I just can't picture a centipede as being femme.

REASONABLE

Wriggle Nightbug. The dress shirt, cape, and puffy shorts all paint a vivid picture, but I just feel like I don't have a strong enough opinion on Wriggle as a character to put her in the top tier. In other words, she's got plenty of points for Fashion and quite a few for Hairstyle, but I just don't think the 'Tude is sufficient for me.

Reisen Udongein Inaba. The skirts are a strike against her, but her whole "dress shirt + necktie + sometimes suit jacket" thing makes a big difference, especially given that we're grading on a curve. Her rumpled ears and (particularly in Inaba of the Moon, Inaba of the Earth) pathetic demeanor go a long way towards giving her a vibe somewhere between "overworked salaryman" and "Detective Columbo."

Aya Shameimaru. All you need to know about Aya is that her "human reporter" disguise looks like This:

Mononobe no Futo. Butch, but in a really weird, circuitous way, imo. Like. She's sort of wearing a dress, but it's sort of a robe - the contrast of the hemline with her big flowy sleeves makes it hard to pin down - and her outfit quite notably has tassels rather than any kind of frills. I don't know what the hell is up with her hat but it's definitely not femme by any stretch of the imagination. Then thou hast the wayes in which she speaketh all "faux-olde-timey," even though nobody else in the setting does that... she transferred her soul into a plate, but she also throws plates around as weapons... It's like she's constantly putting on a performance that only she truly understands. It's like she reverse-engineered "masculine womanhood" by hanging out with a bunch of queens and doing kind of the same thing but kind of the inverse. The more I think about Futo the more I think she's entirely on her own wavelength, but I think "Reasonable" tier is a... uh, reasonable... approximation for the sake of this post.

Sagume Kishin. She dresses like if Bill Nye were a woman, and I think that cuts to the heart of it - she reminds me of a professor who you're not ever sure is gay, but you kind of pick up on a vibe, and near the end of the semester she offhandedly refers to "her partner" and you're like HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT. I went back and forth between putting her in "Reasonable" and "Kind of a Stretch"; ultimately, the Comedy Factor decided it because I couldn't stop thinking about a scenario where she says she's a woman, accidentally upends her whole understanding of gender in the process, and ends up taking testosterone while still ID'ing as a lesbian. I don't actually know if her powers would work that way and I don't care.

KIND OF A STRETCH

Eiki Shiki. I don't have a lot to go on, here, because she hasn't had many official appearances and seems to spend most of her time lecturing people or tormenting sinners. Her uniform(?)/apothecary outfit(??) is pretty snazzy; combined with the hat, it gives her a vaguely "military officer" look to me. We'll call her "butch pending further investigation," which I think she would agree is the correct course of action.

Sekibanki. She's here partially because of the cape, and partially because being sandwiched between Wakasagihime and Kagerou makes her look way more masc by contrast. I know what I said.

Ringo. It's pretty much just the hat and the pants, though - as a butch woman who Loves Eating - I am also inclined to project my own experiences onto her.

Aunn Komano. She reads as more "tomboyish" than outright "butch" to me, what with her whole puppy-dog vibe, but at the same time... she's very much wearing shorts and the kind of goofy-looking button-up shirt that is central to my own wardrobe and the wardrobe of other butches in my life. I'm willing to count her.

Takane Yamashiro. A living testament to the power of small character design choices. I would never in a million years call Nitori butch, even with her gay little hat and all the pouches on her outfit - she just looks like a girl scout. Takane, though? Takane, with her little hair swoopy, and the fucking suitcase slung over her back, and her camo-print dress? I mean - ultimately it is still a dress, which is why I can't justify scoring her higher, but she's definitely chewing tobacco and riding around on an ATV on weekends.

Chiyari Tenkaijin. If she's butch, it's not really because she's trying to be butch, it's just because being femme seems too expensive and time-consuming. She's got better things to do (drink blood all day). Still, I think an argument could be made.

DEFINITELY A STRETCH, BUT I RESPECT IT

Renko Usami. ZUN is kind of inconsistent with how he draws her hat - sometimes it's more of a porkpie/fedora type thing, other times it's round-topped and looks a bit like Koishi's hat. To me, this is a crucial distinction. In a more general sense, I feel like Renko's outfit gets a little less plausibly-masc with each passing album, which says a lot about our society. Or her society, anyway, since she lives in the future. Still, the capelets and bowties...

Rinnosuke Morichika. I think it would be really funny if the only significant male character in Touhou wasn't actually even a dude. I'm not aware of any real textual support for this interpretation, though.

Shou Toramaru. Pretty much only on here because of the hair and because I think there's a certain je ne sais quoi to her whole deal of "she's not a real tiger, she's the idea of a tiger that pre-Meiji Japanese people came up with from secondhand accounts."

Seija Kijin. Not even remotely butch by any stretch of the imagination... But if she did consider herself butch, isn't that exactly what she'd want you to think?

POTENTIALLY NOTEWORTHY EXCLUSIONS

Cirno. "Tomboyish" is not the same thing as "butch," to me, especially if you exclusively wear dresses. Also, I'm not sure Cirno even knows what a lesbian is.

Saki Kurokoma. Not actually butch, just a horse girl. (And a horsegirl.)

Mike Goutokuji. Can't tell if she's wearing a skirt or shorts. She's got short hair, sure, but the whole "matching bell collar and wristbands that also have bells attached" thing makes her look more like a Very Online Trans Woman who just figured herself out and hasn't started hormones or bought any new clothes yet.

#touhou #touhou project #crossposted from cohost after i spent like an hour on it.