#my friend with bpd who tried to invite multiple other people along even though today was supposed to be about us reconnecting

[seven-oomen]

Listen I get that you have BPD. I get that you have a mental illness. But that doesn't excuse rude or shitty behavior.

I kinda get why people are fed up with you.

#borderline personality disorder #bpd #actually mentally ill #this is specifically about #my friend with bpd who tried to invite multiple other people along even though today was supposed to be about us reconnecting #because she missed us and felt like we were growing apart #so me and our other friend went out of our ways to clear our agendas to see her today #and then she asked me last night if other people that i don't know well can come along today too #eh no? i have a chronic illnesses and i dont cope well with strangers #oh and she didnt even ask our other friend if it was okay #she just changed the plan without notifying him at all #so we cancelled #and she didn't even apologize to him for trying to invite people he didnt even know #like i get that you find it difficult to tell someone no sorry i have plans #i understand #but at LEAST ask both people you're meeting up with if it's okay to bring more people along? #instead of just springing that fact on him q #1.5 hours before meeting up #and then at least apologize for your behavior #but no #sorry but I'm kinda understanding why people are fed up with you at this point

[namemeagainivebeenlost]

Don’t Join a Sorority

So a year and a half ago I joined a sorority called Sigma Lambda Alpha at my university (oh yea, we’re name dropping). I was excited at first but the whole thing was a shit show. They were unorganized, power hungry, immature, gossiping little girls all vying for attention, which was ridiculous, because this is a small school and a tiny chapter of a tiny sorority. Seriously, look it up, my sorority isn’t even the one that shows up first, it’s some honorary architecture frat by the same name.

Well the semester before last semester I had a bad break down, but I kept soldiering through my sisterly duties, because I made a commitment, right? And even when I needed time to study or rest, they still asked for more and I gave it.

Well the next semester (last semester) I told them I needed a break, I told them I needed to go inactive, just for a semester, so I could get my grades up and make more friends and get my medications put to rights to prevent anymore bipolar manic meltdowns. (You ever stayed awake so long you started hearing dogs in your room, scratching at the floor next to you and breathing on the back of your next, despite your bed being 4 1/2 ft off the ground and in a dorm room with no animals? You ever seen shadows in your room, disappearing into one wall, only to float through your window and stand over you for hours? that shit is fucking scary as hell)

They said no. They said I hadn’t been in the sorority long enough to take a break, even though I had medical evidence that said I’d need to go home often to see my doctor and get therapy (medical leaves of absence are totally allowed per our by-laws). And what girl did they send to convince me to stay a fully active member (despite the fact I failed all but 2 of my classes the semester before because of my issues?) the girl who I invited INTO MY HOME (because she was an international student and couldn’t go home for Christmas and I didn’t want her to have to spend it alone) and who told I and my mother (both of us suffering with BPD) that mental illness wasn’t real, medication didn’t work, and people just aren’t self disciplined enough. (And you know what? I forgave that, there was a culture difference and I can understand that.)

But then when I tried to explain to her why I needed to go inactive, just for a single semester! She told me I needed to stay there, I obviously needed people “keeping an eye on me”, as if needing to fake it for 2 dozen practical strangers wasn’t part of the problem. Then she said I needed to stop taking my moms advice, she said my mother never went to college and so she didn’t know anything.

OK

HOLD UP

First and foremost, you shut your goddamned mouth about my mother. I can take you talking shit about me, about my dad and my sisters, but you DO NOT talk about my mother so disrespectfully.

Second, I have been through this kind of breakdown before, I know what I need to do to get past it, I know that I need my therapist and my medication and my family to support me. Her trying to tell me what I need was bullshit.

So I was forced to plead my case in front of the entire executive board and a woman I’ve never met who was on speaker phone. I barely know these girls, we run around but I don’t have an emotional connection with any of them except for one. They pressured me into detailing my spiral downward throughout the last semester, my history with this kind of illness, my, then brand new, diagnosis of bipolar disorder and subsequent cocktail of drugs to control it. By the end I was a sobbing, humiliated mess, begging them to just let me be for a few months.

They let the girl who didn’t believe in mental illness and insulted my mother walk all over them. I was required to log all my study hours (fair enough) but also only be partially inactive. I still had to participate in rush and volunteer and I was forced to go to multiple social events, when I told them I didn’t want to. Only some of this is common for inactive members, and I had more responsibilities added on which were untraditional. In the end, it would have served me better to just stay active, I’d have had less duties.

Then, as icing on top of all this, they had a secret meeting after I left about how to address my mental illness. They told all the execs and most of the other sisters to text, call or “run into me” at least once that semester. Not because they genuinely cared, but because they, and I’m almost quoting here, wanted to be sure that should I kill or harm myself, they couldn’t be held responsible.

Wow. Just wow.

So, insulted, disgusted, frustrated and feeling disrespected, I tried to bow out as gracefully as possible. My letter of resignation was concise, diplomatic and pretty short.

After that they told me they needed all my stuff with letters back, so I returned it all, even a gift from my aunt.

Then they told me I needed to return every gift my big or any other sister had given me. This included cross over (when we become members), big reveal (when we find out who our big is), and actual reveal (when we’re revealed as the newest sisters), which was all annoying but understandable. Then my big told them to ask me for any other gifts she’d given me back, birthday and Christmas gifts, along with a few souvenirs she’d brought me back from her summer trip, all of which had no sorority letters of any kind on them. I was a bit hurt but honestly I don’t care, I don’t want these gifts that bad, and I certainly don’t want those associated memories, you know?

So today I was supposed to meet with them down stairs in the dorm buildings main lobby to hand off the gifts and SURPRISE SURPRISE, no one showed up. I waited 6 minutes then went back to my room because I’m not wasting my time. (I tried texting the president multiple times before, during and after the meeting time, but she never answered, still hasn’t and it’s nearly 4:15 now)

My mom and I were discussing this hand off last week so I texted her and told her she was right about no one showing up despite our agreement, AND

MOM

She was so done with all their shit when I went back to school and they starting asking for personal medical histories and records that should be private. After that she was like “fuck em, cut em off, Hope” and she’s just gotten increasingly disgusted and infuriated by they behavior ever since.

So anyway, all that to say, I’m going to leave the crate with all the gifts in the very public lobby. If someone steals stuff out of the crate, whelp, maybe they should have showed up like they said?

Y’all, my momma don’t play games and I think it’s about time for me to take a page from her book.

#sorority #sorority life #college life #college #college drama #drama llama #some bullshit #hope rants about herself #personal #sigma lambda alpha #sigmalambdaalpha #SLA #ΣΛΑ