#most real life horses die between the ages of 25-30 so ru actually lived a pretty long time in comparison

[carewyncromwell]

“How does a moment last forever? How can a story never die? It is love we must hold onto -- Never easy, but we try. Sometimes our happiness is captured; Somehow our time and place stand still... Love lives on inside our hearts and always will... Minutes turn to hours, days to years, then gone, But when all else has been forgotten, Still our song lives on...”

~“How Does a Moment Last Forever? (cover)” by Celine Dion

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tw: character death, funerals, grief

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The kelpie known as Ru Ollivander always knew their time on Earth would be fleeting -- at least, in comparison to the human witches and wizards they’d ended up living alongside. It was the main reason Ru had such a passion for photography, animation, and moving pictures. The thought of capturing a single moment and making it last beyond that moment...making it possible to relive that moment over and over again, as many times as one wanted...it was meaningful in a way Ru couldn’t quite put into words. 

And so over the years, the eccentric, blunt kelpie -- never the best at expressing themselves in the way more upright, classy humans did -- captured as many memories as they could of the things they found most remarkable about the Wizarding World they’d entered. They sketched the rows upon rows of disgusting-looking ingredients in jars set up in the Potions classroom. They took pictures of the way the moon looked from the Astronomy Tower after a thunderstorm. They made animations of how Venomous Tentaculas and Mandrakes grew, compressing entire months into mere seconds. And, of course, over the years, Ru used their cinematograph, Aeroscope, and other cameras to film the humans who had become most important to them -- their best friend, Galen Stagg @cursebreakerfarrier​​; their fellow Ravenclaw and Galen’s eventual other half, Siobhan Llewelyn @kc-needs-coffee​; and their “keeper”-turned-muse-and-life partner, Estrid Soelberg @thatravenpuffwitch​​. 

One morning, however, in the 1930′s, Estrid returned to the cottage she shared with Ru from a trip to the market to find the entire place in disarray. A table had been overturned, Ru’s camera was knocked over on its side, and a drawer of photographs had been pulled out, its contents spread out all over the floor. Alarmed, Estrid rushed to find Ru -- when she did, she found them on the floor, in full kelpie form, looking very restless and distraught as they huffed and puffed through their nose and mouth. Estrid hurriedly rushed over and bent down, trying to help, but it soon became clear what the problem was.

Ru couldn’t change form. They couldn’t transform themselves out of their real appearance. ...They couldn’t turn into a human anymore. 

The realization overwhelmed Ru. As much as they always knew the day would come, it wasn’t any less devastating. They’d never have hands again. They’d never have legs or feet again. They’d never speak properly again. They’d never be able to take any more pictures, or make any more movies, or make improvements to their cameras, or draw any more sketches or animations. They’d never be able to visit Galen’s classroom anymore for his lectures. They’d never be able to exchange any more friendly swears with Siobhan over a game of Wizard’s Chess. ...They’d never be able to comfort Estrid again...never be able to stroke her hair and hold her until she stopped crying...never be able to play her film reels of her grandfather, or plant flowers in the garden with her, or dance with her in the rain...they’d never be able to tell her how much they loved her.

The kelpie’s eyes fell toward the ground, darkening, as they flooded with tears. Those tears streaked down their long face in cold, deafening silence. Estrid, who’d almost never seen Ru cry in all their time together, found herself struggling not to break down completely herself as she threw her arms around Ru’s snout and hugged them, resting her face in their overgrown seaweed mane. The two sat together on the floor for what felt like hours, crying and cuddling as best they could, Ru pressing their soft nose into Estrid’s cheek and the crook of her neck and Estrid kissing their nose and the top of their head. 

Estrid wrote to the Staggs to pass along the news. Galen pretty much dropped everything to be by his friend’s side -- the magizoologist had always had a particular talent for speaking to magical creatures, and it had never been more useful than in those final weeks of Ru’s life. It seemed that what upset Ru most out of everything was that they’d had a project they hadn’t been able to finish. It was an incomplete film reel they’d stored under their and Estrid’s bed for the last year, taking out and working on only whenever Estrid wasn’t home. 

Galen had made as if to go get it, but Ru had snatched his sleeve in their teeth and pulled him back so he couldn’t leave their side.

“Not yet,” they were clearly saying. “It’s not time. Please, not yet.”

Reluctantly Galen respected his friend’s wishes. 

Within a month of them being unable to change back into a human, Galen and Siobhan received the owl they’d been dreading. Ru had passed the previous night, Estrid by their side all the way up until the end. 

As per Ru’s wishes, their funeral service was very small. They were laid to rest beside the small pond behind their and Estrid’s cottage -- Galen knew that kelpies’ bodies tended to decompose quickly, leaving only the seaweed of their manes behind at the bottom of the seafloor. There wasn’t a dry eye during the modest ceremony.

On Galen’s prompting, Estrid went to their room and fetched Ru’s unfinished project from under their bed. Inside the box holding the film reel were hundreds, maybe thousands of old photographs and drawings, many of which Galen, Estrid, and Siobhan had never seen. Some featured Hogwarts, from different angles; some were of the places they’d been to, or the creatures they handled, or the food they ate, or just cool and random things they only half-remembered. Most of all, though, the pictures were of them...and a small fraction, toward the very front, were of Ru themselves. 

It was incredible, just looking through the pictures. Forty years of memories were compiled together, documenting not just the changes in those years, but the advancement in Ru’s talent as an artist. The newest pictures were so much clearer and more life-like -- the magical ones moved with such clarity -- the drawings were more refined -- the animations more complex. The pictures placed side-by-side were an animation unto themselves: a beautiful montage of time, like a blooming flower. 

Siobhan was the one who knew Ru’s equipment well enough to work out how to set up the projector so they could play the incomplete film reel. The beginning featured Ru as the three remembered them -- very long, wavy black hair, bright blue angled eyes, and diamond earrings, dressed in a dark violet velvet suit and vest with no collared shirt underneath and a gold and emerald necklace around their neck. They were smirking right at the camera, but it seemed to be a bit strained. 

“Hi, Estrid. Galen...Siobhan...reckon you’re both here too. You are the only one who could ever figure out how to work the projector, Sha.”

They cleared their throat, snorting through their nose before continuing. 

“...I’ve...recorded this a few times already, trying to get it right, but...well, I’ll just be straight. This morning...I had trouble creating my daddles.”

They held up their right hand and flourished the fingers in explanation. 

“I woke up with hooves and it took me about a minute to conjure up my fingers. I didn’t tell you, Estrid, since I knew it’d only make you worry, but...well, I know I’ll only be doing more of that, soon.”

They forced a stronger smirk.

“So I decided to make this for you. It’s a compilation of our lives...one that you can hopefully play, when you need to remember. When you need to get away from the present, and run back to the past for a bit. Watch it every time you feel the urge to drink -- and then push away that urge.”

The moving image of Ru was replaced with the pictures, movies, drawings, and animations the three had seen in the box, overlaying Ru’s voice as they continued.

“When I first started disguising myself as Rudolph Ollivander, all I cared about was living in the moment. But the thing I found so amazing about being human was this instinct you all have to try to make moments last long after they’re over. Considering how long you all live, and therefore how short my existence is in comparison, I loved the thought of making something last. Something I made last. I wanted to plant some seed that would grow into something that would keep growing long after me. But it didn’t take me long to realize that even if I took great photographs, or made beautiful films, or made the best magical camera in the world...it didn’t matter. Because I didn’t have a family who would tend to my garden, after I left it. I didn’t have a family who would keep the things I’d made, and pass them on, and share them with the world. ...I didn’t have a family who would pass on my legacy. After Hogwarts, it’d be a lot harder to hide what I was from the world...and once everyone knew the truth, I would undoubtedly be alone again. It was something I knew was inevitable, really, so it didn’t break me or anything...but me leaving something lasting behind was still a dream I knew would never come true. And I won’t lie, that hurt like shit.

“But then, somehow...somehow or another, I ran into you, Estrid. I was steamed as all get-out when we first met, mind you...but I don’t think I’ll ever be more grateful for anything than you stopping me from eating that first year that day. The bridle you put on me? I hated it. I had to stay in one form for almost eight whole years, and that was a real pain in the arse. But as I told you before, over time, I found I didn’t mind so much. Kelpies don’t stay in one form because changing forms helps us survive. It keeps us safe and keeps any other creatures from getting close enough to eat or trap us. And sure, I couldn’t change form...but I wasn’t exactly trapped. Hogwarts was a fun place to be. There was a lot to learn and do and get into, and there were all sorts of rules to buck and dozens of lick-spittles to give a good arse-kicking to. And better still...there were even some humans that were fun to be around.”

The pictures all started to reflect Galen -- at the piano, with a tree of bowtruckles, laughing at a joke -- Galen and Ru running down the lane away from the Shrieking Shack --

“There were ones who were gentle. Pacifistic and wussy, yeah, but also...well, kind. Good at expressing their feelings and making others feel stronger. Good at being brave without being loud or obnoxious. Good at being a friend, to someone who didn’t know anything about friendship.”

The pictures then started to add Siobhan, often alongside Galen, but also on her own, or even with Estrid and Ru.

“There were ones who were clever. Too proud for their own good and prone to overthinking things that are really quite simple...but brilliant, and witty, and a blast to be around. Someone who you can share your interests with and know they appreciate them.”

The pictures then shifted over to Estrid with braids in her hair -- Estrid sitting by the pond in their garden -- Estrid dancing -- 

“And...there were ones who could change you...more than you ever thought possible.”

The pictures abruptly cut off -- Ru’s face returned to the projector. They were still talking to the camera, but it was clear they hadn’t intended for their face to be seen, as they weren’t looking straight at the lens anymore. 

“A ‘keeper,’ who became a friend, and then a muse...and then something more. An equal and a partner...someone who makes you unafraid of the future and how fleeting life is, who actually makes you think that your life makes a difference. Who teaches you more than any book, without even trying. Someone patient, and brave, and compassionate...who never tries to stuff the silence full of worthless words...whose beauty masks a greater one underneath, one that few people ever are fortunate enough to see...”

Ru’s eyes on screen had begun to flood with tears. They closed their eyes and breathed in and out through their nose to try to get a rein on their emotions.

“...Estrid...my whole life, I wanted to leave something behind that would outlive me. That thing isn’t just my pictures, or my films, or my drawings -- it’s you. You are my legacy. You and Galen and Siobhan...you are the wonderful thing I’ll leave behind. It breaks my heart that I’ll have to...and it breaks my heart more, knowing I can’t make sure you all remain as you are, in this moment. Healthy. Successful. Stupid and happy and full of life.”

They forced a smile even as their electric blue eyes overflowed with tears that streaked down their face. 

“I don’t have a family to make sure you all last beyond me...but I do have you. So, for me...I need you to tend to my garden. I need you to maintain my legacy -- by maintaining yourself. I need you to live, and heal, and grow, and do everything I can’t do...”

Ru was unable to keep themselves from breaking down into sobs. They bowed their head, clutching onto their own hair as they vainly tried to keep their voice steady. 

“Don’t throw your time away. Don’t throw your lives away. If you do, I’ll never bloody forgive you!”

For the next minute they took a few stabilizing breaths, sucking in air shakily through their nose and mouth. 

“Damn it...” they hissed under their breath. “Now I have to cut this...”

They swallowed, wiping the tears from their eyes with both hands. The tears left tracks on their face even as they forced themselves to return their focus to the camera. 

“...Make every moment count...and when you can, make that moment last forever.

“I realized, when I was looking through my old pictures, that I’ve never really taken many pictures of me. I guess in the moment, I really was a lot more focused on capturing everything I saw, rather than myself. So here are some pictures I took more recently that have me in them. Hopefully you can use them to imagine me behind every picture I took earlier, of all of you. Even though I probably wasn’t smiling or anything...I’m sure you know I was enjoying myself, right? ...I did enjoy myself a lot, with all of you...”

They forced another smile, even though the tears on their face still shone in the light from the next room.

“I remember you once said, Galen, that you could see the love in the pictures I take. I still don’t really know what the hell that’s supposed to mean...but I reckon you bringing up love made some sense. I did love taking those pictures, every one of them -- and more than that...I learned about love, through the people in those pictures. So thank you. Thank you for loving me...and for teaching me so much. And even when this film reel’s obsolete, and my pictures are ruined, and my drawings fade...don’t stop doing things that are worth remembering. Keep making more memories. I know I’ll never forget you -- all you have to do now is make sure the rest of the world won’t either.

“So live. Live, and learn, and love. Make today last forever.” 

When Ru’s film reel finally ended and faded to black, Galen, Siobhan, and Estrid were all in tears. Galen was clinging to his wife, his face buried in her hair and his hands clutching at the back of her dress as he sobbed. Siobhan herself had her eyes shut tight as she held Galen in return, unable to contain her own grief. Estrid was holding herself, tears streaming from her hazel eyes still staring at the blank projector screen where Ru had been smiling moments earlier. She closed her eyes, her hands covering her face as she cried silently. 

The grief in the room was overwhelming, and yet Ru’s final unfinished present tapped into something at the base of the grief -- the deep, bottomless love they all felt. For as blunt and stubborn as Ru could be, the depth of their feelings was undeniable. They didn’t want their loved ones to despair -- they wanted them to remember, yes, but not languish in the memories...to live with an eye on the past and feet walking toward the future. Ru knew the grief Estrid had gone through when she’d lost her grandfather, and had tried so hard to give her something to help her through her grief again even when they weren’t there to physically support her.

And so over the years, Siobhan, Galen, and Estrid maintained Ru’s legacy. The three lived their lives to the fullest and worked to make sure that no one forgot about all of the advancements Ru had made in the world of wizarding photography. Galen used Ru’s old film reels of magical creatures in his classes; Siobhan took even more pictures of her own; and Estrid fought to ensure Ru’s work was put up in wizarding museums and exhibitions all over Europe, as a testament to her partner’s talent and dedication. 

A man has no control who lives, who dies, and who tells their story...but the ones who they love in life, and who inspire them in death, are the most precious legacy they can leave behind. 

#hphl #hogwarts legacy #ru ollivander #estrid soelberg #siobhan llewelyn #galen stagg #my art #my writing #*throws herself off a cliff sobbing* EHHHHHH #I cried several times writing this good god ;~; #I am so sorry everybody #but this song gave me such ru feels and I just had to get them out #in my headcanon kelpies grow more and more seaweed-like hair on their bodies as they grow hence why ru's got so much now #most real life horses die between the ages of 25-30 so ru actually lived a pretty long time in comparison #but yeah estrid galen and siobhan would've been in their 40's when ru died #I tapped into a lot of feelings surrounding the people I've lost while writing this #so hopefully the grief comes through #'hopefully' guh #if it does I apologize in advance

[archonreviews]

The Archon’s Review of Dominions 5: Warriors of the Faith

Dominions 5: Warriors of the Faith is a fantasy turn-based strategy game created by indie developers Illwinter Games. The world was once well-ordered and prosperous under the auspices of the supreme god, the Pantokrator. However, the Pantokrator has vanished from the world, and many divine or infernal beings have risen up to take the supreme god’s place. Now, as one of these Pretenders, you must guide your nation in their wars against all the other nations, and thus claim the Thrones of Ascension, thereby achieving godhood!

So, fair warning beforehand: this review is basically just me sucking this game’s dick for a few paragraphs on end. So if you don’t want to witness hardcore human-on-videogame fellatio, maybe don’t read this one. Sorry lads/lasses/non-binary basses.

So, Dom5 has the whole “God’s gone away” background story, but there’s no overarching campaign. Instead, it’s more like a game of Civilization; you play each game as its own instance, and when you win, you can boot up another one, assuming it’s not 4 am. Or assuming it is 4 am. Either way. This helps the player create their own narrative about their Pretender character, and while the Dominions roleplaying communities aren’t very robust, that doesn’t mean it isn’t fun to create and really play as a god. Basically, because the scope is epic, you get invested, but because each game is insular, you can decide how your character and how their nation operate, in very much a freeform manner.

The thing that I like most about this game is that it may be one of the deepest games I’ve ever played. It’s got strategic depth aplenty, and despite the lack of a story campaign, there’s depth of lore as well.

In Dom5 the one thing that may stick out is how many options and how many choices the player has to make. First they’ve got to pick a technological era to play in, which may alter, remove, or add nations for the player to choose. Then, they’ve got to pick a nation to play as, of which there are asstons. Then, they’ve got to pick the terrestrial form of their Pretender, the choices for which are more-or-less unique to each nation, and they’ve got to define what sort of dominion that god holds and what magic they know and what blessings they can bestow on their sacred soldiers.

(This many unit choices for like, 25-30 playable factions for three different technological eras. And this isn’t even taking into account the magic choices. It’s a lot.)

This allows for plenty of strategic possibilities, and you have to take into account your chosen nation’s qualities, and your opponents’, so as to choose the best Pretender options and the best army compositions. You should also take into account your choice of magic spells as well as your opponents’, because global enchantments can be simply game-changing.

Speaking of magic, it may be one of the most fun magic systems in a strategy game. There are two types of spells: combat and ritual, and both feel awesome. Watching fireballs streak across the battlefield is always fun, especially if you’ve got a large cadre of wizards all flinging spells one after the other. Ritual spells, on the other hand, are another matter entirely. This is where having a high-level wizard, or a powerful god can come in handy. Ritual spells include the ability to summon entire armies, create a second sun, engulf the world in darkness, or, if you happen to be feeling particularly sadistic, you can even accelerate the aging of all living beings in the world so that they die faster. The magic in this game feels all powerful and utterly amazing.

Now, my all-time favorite aspect of this game is the depth of lore. Literally every nation has oodles of flavor text over all its generational iterations, and each unit and each spell has it’s own flavor text. One could spend literally hours reading the flavor text on each thing in the game. The flavor itself borrows heavily from real-world mythologies, all doused with a heavy helping of what the sages call “Rule of Cool”. Some of it gets pretty explicit, with many civilizations named directly after their real-world counterparts, such as Tír na nÓg, or Rus. Some are slightly more oblique, such as Mictlan, which is an analogue for the Aztec empire, and Ermor, which you can figure out if you remove the first R and flip the resultant word. There’s even an R’yleh civilization, which only gets more and more fucked up as it progresses through its iterations.

(See all that text in the topmost paragraph? Yeah, it’s not at all unusual for units to have that much flavor text, sometimes even more. This game’s got a lot of reading for those interested.)

One detail I dig is that there’s a sort of amorality coursing through the narrative, the mechanics, and even the cosmology of the game. You are expected to run an efficient, powerful, and overall grandiose war machine, as your goal is nothing short of godhood; nothing else matters. You need to sacrifice those virgins to power your spellcraft? Go right ahead, no-one’s judging you. You need to pillage those provinces for money? Hey, they’re your own citizens! You need to force the world’s population to age rapidly until they’re all nothing but dust? Awesome, fuck the haters!

You see, I once played a game called Total War: Empire. It takes place in the age of empires, when men were calculated as mere numbers. They were not flesh and blood people, but guns, horses, and cannons. That game did a great job getting me into that mindset, wherein each casualty was merely another bullet-shooter to be replaced in pursuit of my goal of the domination of Europe. Dom5, in comparison, takes this mindset to the extreme. When not engaged with the flavor and depth, I was churning out soldiers as if from an assembly line, before sending them into battle, and very likely, to their deaths; or at least, to their crippling. See, each time a soldier or creature is struck in combat, it has a chance of getting an affliction, some of which can be quite debilitating. Does this prevent me from including them in my armies? Of course not! Every body is useful. Dom5 posits that the goal of godhood comes before everything else; the thoughts and problems, and therefore, the morality of a god, are all so far removed from those of mere mortals that they cannot be judged for their atrocities, or even for their benevolence. Hell, you don’t even intervene directly in your subject’s lives; that’s determined by your dominion. Basically, Dom5 states that your goal is all that matters; you can be good to your subjects as far as the game allows, or evil to them in great measure, but no matter what, you must achieve your objective, or else all is lost.

(Do you see the ladies in white surrounding the two antler-guys in the back? Yeah, they’re probably going get sacrificed for magical powers. And it’s likely that I will feel nothing for it.)

So, after a great segue, let’s talk about the problems this game, does admittedly have (if we’re still using the fellatio metaphor, this is me admonishing the game for shooting off in my hair while absentmindedly stroking the game’s dick gently. This blog may not be for children). For one, the game’s learning curve is total crap. The tutorial is in the “tools” menu for some reason, and even after finishing it, unless you’re a series veteran, you may struggle to pick up all the concepts. And this is quite a heavy game. It’s improved considerably since Dom4, but even still, new players may be turned off by the terrible learning curve.

(The game’s UI, plus a lovely shot of a game’s map. While cluttered, the UI can be intimidating to explore for people used to Civilization or Total War.)

In addition, the graphics leave a lot to be desired. We’re talking in bits here, not polygons, and not very many of them, at that. Each sprite has only two states, “static”, and “action”. Of course, all this is to compensate for the literal hundreds of soldiers and dozens of particle effects that can appear on screen at once, and the tonnes of different entities on the overworld map and the AIs controlling them. This game’s got a lot going on.

Speaking of combat, it claims to be real-time (while the administration and map movement is turn-based), but as someone who played Dom4, which was turn-based, I don’t see much of a difference between the two. This is because the combat system is actually pretty interesting. Instead of controlling your soldiers directly, you assign them pre-programmed orders, which they execute to the best of their abilities upon meeting the enemy. This requires you to think of a strategy beforehand to suit your nation’s strengths and weaknesses and those of your opponents. After you engage in combat, you can watch the replay, which is where you can actually see what happened in real-time. It’s actually really rad to see your hordes of warriors carving a swath through your opponent, and your mages slinging spells overhead. It’s like watching Lord of the Rings, except pixellated and probably with giants and sea monsters instead of dudes and orcs.

(A scene of my Fomorian giants surrounding and obliterating a horde of summoned creatures. This will only be one battle in an uncountable series.)

One last thing before the ending wrap-up: I suppose I should make it known that I am quite self-aware, and I know that sacrificing virgins to power blood magicks, and enslaving people to fight in your wars are all horrible things in real life. In a big way, one of the things I like about this game might be one of its biggest turn-off to some people. So I suppose if you’re sensitive to the concepts of violence toward women, enslavement, and, but limited to, cannibalism, maybe don’t pick this one up. I’m not actually joking about cannibalism, that happens.

I like this game. A lot. So much that I’m actually having trouble describing why I like it. Like, I’ve described elements about it that I like, but writing this out, I realize I haven’t gushed nearly as much as I wanted to or thought I would. Maybe I’m more a melancholic person that I thought? In any event, I guess I should apologize to the game; it’s going to bed with a mild case of blue-balls. In all seriousness, I totally recommend this game to anyone, especially people who like ancient mythology and turn-based strategy. I will probably play the fuck out of this for a long time to come, assuming they don’t release Dominions 6 any time soon.

(Actaeon, Lord of the Wilds, and the Most Ironically Named. He was always one of my favorite gods to play as.)

#archon reviews #video games #video game #review #fantasy #turn-based strategy #dominions #dominions 5 #dom5