#momentary crisis but suriving

[honeyteanocoffee]

alrighty, this is going to be a long one so stick with me if you can. So nearly all of my posts are Oliver Wood focused and I love that because most of the fandom is either "The Golden Trio" or the "Marauders" and I happen to think that being in the "my character has almost no dialogue" club is elite. I love the community that I have found on Tumblr.

The other community I found was the ace community. And as much as I love Oliver, finding the ace (more specifically the Demi community) was incredibly eye opening, healing, and validating. When I realized I was ace and posted, asking for advice, I got so much love and support. I've only posted one post regarding the ace community, but I love looking back at it. I also love when I see content from the ace community on my TikTok. Some of the videos about wanting to be in love and knowing we don't feel those emotions or struggling with being a hopeless romantic are terribly sad, but they are validating.

On this note, I am a film major and taking a screenwriting class. My professor challenged us all to listen to music from when we were younger and believed anything could happen. Honestly, I don't think I have a time of pure wonder and imagination because my school beat all of that out of me, but that's a story for another time. ANYWAYS, I decided to listen to my oldest Spotify playlist which likely from fifth grade/early middle school-ish. This playlist mainly featured Ed Sheehan, 2016 Sabrina Carpenter (Eyes Wide Open), and other love/pop songs. So I did have moments of childhood nostalgia, but the main thing I was thinking about was how fixated on romance younger me was. I'll be frank, the more I thought about it, the more emotional I became.

I love that I'm ace and I love that I have been able to identify these feelings after so long. I will admit that I do have what I call an ace-crisis about once every 3-4 months where I panic about how I've never been in a relationship and I get this big crush on someone. This crush in more of a fixation and after a week or so, I will "return to normal." But the way I feel during that crisis is honestly awful.

Listening to all of these love songs made me think about how much younger me want to meet someone and have my happily ever after. And I think about who I am now: hopelessly in love with Oliver Wood, a reality shifter, the designated romance and sex advice person in my friend group, and the person people call to psychoanalyze their roommates. I think about how much I've wanted to be a mom and how I'm 100% content thinking about having a donor child and being a single mother if I never meet someone. Again, I love that I'm ace and I'm content in my identity. But for some reason, thinking about how much my idea of romance has changed was incredibly emotional. Even typing this right now, I'm on the verge of tears but I don't know if I'm sad and grieving what younger-me was envisioning for so long or what but...

that's my spiel for today <3

#ace #asexuality #aro #aromatics #aromantic #aroace #lgbtqia+ #music #screenwriting #nostalgia #momentary crisis but suriving