#mix of crackpot and genius

[greenhikingboots]

A Rabbit Hole of Fan Theories - The Faceless Man, The Elder Brother, and More (Updated)

Here’s nearly 6,000 words of ASOIAF fan theory exploration. On the one hand, a lot of it sounds like crackpot, tinfoil nonsense to me. On the other hand, I might be a genius who has solved some mysteries. Feel free to disregard or indulge, whichever you prefer.

Okay, so it started like this: I was thinking about how TWOW might go, more specifically how Robb’s letter legitimizing Jon and making him an heir might finally come into play. I was wondering what happened to the letter, which led me to this post. It makes a strong case for the letter being sent with the captain of the Myraham to either White Harbor or Oldtown. As for White Harbor, the post says Robb would have sent the letter there because Wyman Manderly, wealthy and loyal to the Starks, has the means necessary to “champion the contents of Robb’s letter.” That wasn’t enough reason to excite me, truth be told, but I kept reading anyway.

As for Oldtown, Sam’s there now (more specifically at the Citadel), so Robb’s letter finding its way there would tie story lines together in an interesting way. Additionally, I’ve always found a certain scene from the show rather suspect. “A raven came from the Citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.” It’s a nice nod to House Stark’s words, and it gives Jon a chance to bring up Ned. And maybe that’s all it was ever meant to be. But I don’t recall the show mentioning white ravens at any other point, so I thought, “Maybe it’s a nod to something that will happen in the books.” With that in mind, I went searching for information about white ravens. In the ACAK prologue, there’s this: “They are larger than other ravens, and more clever, bred to carry only the most important messages. This one came to tell us that the Conclave has met, considered the reports and measurements made by maesters all over the realm, and declared this great summer done at last.” I hate to make generalizations about the fandom, but there seems to be this false idea that white ravens only announce the transition of seasons, but as I’ve just noted they actually announce “the most important messages,” and the transition of seasons is but one example. So that got me thinking that Robb would have wanted his letter to make it to the Citadel so that his legitimizing Jon was known far and wide. (For what it’s worth, I tried to find out if there is a precedent for this in the books — if this is the sort of thing that white ravens have been used for at any point in the already published story — but no luck. Still, I think the theory holds weight).

Recent addition: I think the maesters are neutral for the most part, or at least they’re supposed to be (though Marwyn’s obviously up to something). Meaning, their sending out a bunch of white ravens about Jon being legitimized isn’t necessarily an indicator that they support the North’s independence. I think of it more like them saying, “Hey, here’s the latest news everyone needs to know.” This reddit post (from 9 years ago!) has some good conversations about it. 

After that, I read more about Sam at the Citadel because I want to make my fanfic ideas as canon compliant as possible. I’d previously read the chapter where he arrives there, but overall I wasn’t a careful reader of the books. With each one, I skimmed more and more and skipped some POV chapters completely. And while House Martell sounds wonderful when I read about them online, I struggled to get into chapters which feature them. So I missed it completely, that Sarella Sand and Alleras the Sphinx are one in the same. But after reading some fan theories on it, it seems more than plausible to me. It seems indisputable, actually. “Well, then how do I want to incorporate that into my writing?” I asked myself. I mean, Sarella wants to be at the Citadel badly enough that she’s pretending to be a boy to do so. But why? Sure, she could be seeking knowledge simply for the sake of it, but this is ASOIAF so that seems unlikely, doesn't it? After all, the Citadel has all the answers to all the ancient secrets, right? The last copy of certain books, information about dragons and Valyerian steel and dragonglass and magic… Meaning Sarella probably has a specific agenda in support of House Martell. I don’t know enough about them to guess quite what it is, but put a pin in that anyway because I’ll come back to it later. A lot later and only briefly. But it will happen. Moving on now. Wait, wait, wait. Sidebar before moving on. I should note that  because the Sarella = Alleras fan theory is indisputable in my opinion and because examples of it are easier to find than the one I linked above about Robb’s letter being sent with the captain of the Myraham, I chose not to link anything for it. Just an FYI for why I give links sometimes and not others. That pattern will continue throughout this post. Okay, so what else is happening at the Citadel? Jaqen H’ghar, of course! Arya’s Faceless Man friend is there, passing as Pate. “Pate, like the pig boy.” Like Sarella = Alleras, this becomes quite clear after reading up on it a bit. And also like Sarella = Alleras, I doubt Jaqen is there simply for the pursuit of knowledge. That dude has a mission and it has something to do with — well, with a dragon egg, right?

Hey, look! A fan theory I knew about before falling into this rabbit hole! It’s a popular one, but in case you aren’t familiar: Euron Greyjoy had a dragon egg at one point, but he used it as payment to the Faceless Men when he hired them to kill Balon. So, most likely, Jaqen is at the Citadel wanting to learn how to hatch a dragon egg. Well, even though that seemed pretty straightforward for me, I went on to read about Jaqen anyway. Just in case. Now, I could be misinterpreting my internet findings, but it seems these next fan theories I’m going to talk about aren’t as widely known as Sarella = Alleras or Jaqen = Pate, despite there being several Quora and Reddit posts about them. Perhaps because there’s more to dispute? Let me explain. Jaqen H'ghar is a Targaryen, everybody. Or so the theories go. More specifically, he’s either the real Aegon or Rhaegar resurrected. Oof. Sounds complicated, right? Have you heard these theories before? I’m really not sure how popular they are, therefore I’m not sure how much I should dive into them. Whatever, here goes, I guess. Some points to support Jaqen being either the real Aegon or Rhaegar resurrected: First, he’s got the Targaryen look in some ways. Second, there are parallels between him/Arya/Gendry and Rhaegar/Lyanna/Robert. Third, in ACOK, just before Arya gives Jaqen his own name, she says, “Anyone? A man, a woman, a little baby, or Lord Tywin, or the High Septon, or your father?” And he replies, “A man’s sire is long dead…”

 Sire? Hmm. Interesting. Okay, Arya again: “Even if I named the king?” Jaqen: “Is it Joffrey?”Arya: “It’s Jaqen H’ghar.”  That could totally be a clue, right? Classic, GRRM, you know. Oh, and how about the fan theory that says Jaqen has gone rogue, that he’s not doing Faceless Man things the way a Faceless Man is supposed to? This link sums that up nicely. I like it a lot. Wait, another sidebar! When discussing Jaqen, I especially like the questions, “How did he end up in King’s Landing? Why was he taken prisoner and set on the path to the Night’s Watch?” I’ve read some theories about those questions too, but I’m not going to go there in this post. I’ve got enough to try to unravel as it stands. Back to speaking more generally. Why would GRMM have Jaqen go rogue and be important to the story if he’s just some random Faceless Man? Isn’t it more interesting and doesn’t it tie story lines together better if he is in fact the real Aegon or Rhaegar resurrected? So there I was after reading a lot more fan theories, thinking, “Okay, yeah, I’m fully on board with Jaqen being one of those Targaryens, but which one?” Maybe I was overthinking it. Given Jaqen’s age and given that Rhaegar, after being resurrected, probably wouldn’t just go into hiding and wind up a Faceless Man, Jaqen being the real Aegon does seem the better theory. But I guess I’ve always liked the idea of Young Griff being the real Aegon because… Well, I don’t really know why, really. Everyone seems to expect him to be an imposter, so wouldn’t it be more interesting if he wasn’t? Maybe I just need to drive into the Blackfyre Theory more. Only, every time I try, my head spins uncomfortably fast and I give up. Young Griff and Varys and Illyrio and Serra and JonCon and Septa Lemore. Ugh. I can’t keep track of it all. (I haven’t read this particular post in full, only skimmed it, but it looks like an extremely detailed summation of the Blackfyre Theory, if anyone is interested. I know I’ve got it bookmarked and will be returning to it in the coming days). Want more on the theory that Jaqen is the real Aegon? This Quora user makes the case for it in great detail across several posts. I’ve only read a few so far, but much of what I’ve read made me think, “That’s good, but it doesn’t necessarily rule out the other theory I’m seeing, that Jaqen could be Rhaegar resurrected. It still sounds like it could be either of them.” I mean, Faceless Men could be a different age they appear, right? So I kept digging, but with more of a Rhaegar angle. I’ll say it again: oof! Where to begin with that theory?

Well, we know Rhaegar was obsessed with prophecies. He’d been trying to make sense of them for a long time and even changed his mind about which parts apply to him vs. his child/children. So it seems he understood prophecies are — well, fickle bitches, right? (To paraphrase another fandom which was paraphrasing an author who is not GRMM. That is, Ben Linus from Lost referencing Black Company by Glen Cook. Oh, I digress.)

Anyway, when it came time for Rhaegar to join the fight against Robert’s Rebellion, he was probably worried he’d die before getting it all sorted out, before doing all he needed to do to ensure the prince who was promised would one day deliver the world from darkness. Well, what if from his place of worry, his heightened motivation to survive and get the prophecy right, he came up with a plan? “Not today, death,” he might have said. Just kidding. Kind of. I’ve read that fan theory too by the way, that Jaqen = Syrio. But I’m not buying it. This is just a little jaunt into cheekiness. Back to the point. So at first I thought, “Maybe Rhaegar just brought a red priest or priestess along to the battle, came back to life, and went on to be known as Jaqen H’ghar from some TBD reason.” But then, as I was researching the likelihood of that, I read this Reddit post that talks about the possibility of Rhaegar’s rubies being used as a glamour. Body switch style. Mance and Rattleshirt, anyone? Now, unless it’s buried in the comments somewhere, I don’t think any connections are made in that last link to Jaqen, but it got me thinking. We know from Melisandre’s time at the Wall that there are some rubies that can be used to glamour people. So what if Rhaegar planned to have someone glamoured to look like him, to fight and then die in his place? Wait, wait, wait! But the fan theory I’d been exploring said Jaqen was Rhaegar resurrected, not just Rheagar who faked his death but never died. (I can’t find it back now, but I particularly liked a post that related the Jaqen = Rhaegar resurrected theory to one of Dany’s visions in the House of the Undying). So I started to feel overwhelmed. I’d gotten even deeper in the rabbit hole but was no closer to making book predictions (or decisions about how to write my fanfic for that matter). I’d switched from the Jaqen = real Aegon angle to Jaqen = Rheagr resurrected angle, and now I needed to switch again? To the Rhaegar faked his death angle? I didn’t want to. Instead, I asked myself,  “What do I know about other resurrections in ASOIAF? What clues do I already have?” Well, I know that Thoros “kissed” Beric and Beric “kissed” Catelyn… but only after Thoros refused to do it himself. *Looks at the camera like I’m in The Office.” I’ll come back to that later. For now, recall that Catelyn had been dead for so long that it became a trading of lives; Beric died to bring her back. and even then she became… well, Lady Stoneheart. This suggests a few things, not all of which are super relevant, but I’ll spell them out just in case. 1. Less relevant: The person who performs the “kiss” loses something — let’s call it health — in doing so. This is further supported by Thoros becoming loose skinned and gray haired the more times he brings Beric back to life. (For what it’s worth, we also saw this in the show: Melisandre looks loose skinned and gray when not using her ruby necklace/glamour. But I can’t remember if that is included in her POV chapter or not). 2. More relevant: Beric wasn’t a Red Priest in the past the way Thoros was, and yet he’s able to “kiss” Catelyn. I think this means the ability to resurrect someone is duplicated in anyone who receives a “kiss.” (Catelyn’s probably an exception to this rule though, don’t you think?) Emphasis on duplicated, not transferred. Otherwise Thoros wouldn’t have been able to bring Beric back more than once, right? Um… did I say I had a few things for this list, not a couple things? Well, it turns out my list is actually rather short. I thought I’d have had more to add, but I’m now realizing otherwise. Nothing to add about resurrections that I can conclude based on what I know about Thoros and Beric alone. *Looks at camera again.*

“What about the Elder Brother and Sandor Clegane?” I asked myself. “What can they tell us about resurrections in ASOIAF?” Actually, not much? I mean, I knew about this theory which says the gravedigger Brienne sees when she visits Quiet Isle is Sandor Clegane, resurrected by the Elder Brother. And based on what I’d read about Thoros and Beric, I figured Sandor can probably now resurrect people too. So that’s cool. But the theory doesn’t do a lot for me, you know? As with Sarella = Alleras and Jaqen = Pate, I’m fully on board, but that doesn’t mean I’m any closer to answers. Does Jaqen = real Aegon, or Rhaegar resurrected, or Rheagar who never died thanks to his magic rubies? I still didn’t know! I gave up for a bit. Went on with my life for a day and a half. Showered, ate dinner, went to bed, woke up again. The usual stuff. But then I returned to the Elder Brother, wondering if I’d missed anything there. “He’s just a guy. There doesn’t need to be a mystery,” Reddit told me. “I wish people could accept that some characters don’t have mysterious pasts and are just who they say they are.” Okay, fair. But the Elder Brother!? The guy who has a veined red nose and shaved head? Who was a Knight who fought for House Targaryen at the Battle of the Trident? Who said others thought him dead so they stripped his armor, dumped his body, and then he floated downstream to the Quiet Isle? And then he spent the next ten years there in silence? That’s a fascinating backstory for someone who’s “just a guy.” “What’s really going on with him?” I wondered. I tried to make it fit with Jaqen = Rhaegar resurrected or Jaqen = Rheagar who never died, but I wasn’t able to come up with a clean idea. I did, however, find myself liking those rubies more and more. What if Rhaegar had a ruby related plan for survival, but something went wrong and the Elder Brother was involved somehow? I kept stewing on it, switching angles back and forth, moving between them more rapidly than before. Again, I thought of how I agreed with that one Reddit comment, sometimes a guy is just a guy. But if the Elder Brother was someone important, who would he be? “Maybe his title is a hint,” I thought. “So who in ASOIAF is important because of their role as an elder brother?” *Looks at the camera like I’m in The Office yet again.” No, not Thoros. I’ll get back to him soon, I swear. No, the Elder Brother is… Brandon Stark resurrected.

Wait, what? I’m so serious, everyone. Hear me out. Brandon Stark, Ned’s brother, died by strangulation. Signs and symptoms of strangulation? Well, among other things they include broken blood vessels in the nose and damage to vocal cords. Remember? The Elder Brother had a veined red nose and spent ten years in silence. What, that’s not enough, you say? Because what about everything else we know about him, that he was a knight who fought for House Targaryen at the trident? Why would GRRM include all that just for it to be a lie? And on the other hand, how could it be true? Why would Brandon Stark, resurrected, have fought for House Targaryen? Well, I don’t think that he did, not exactly. Okay, here’s my theory. Thoros — woop, there he is — I think he was present when the Mad King tortured and killed Rickard and Brandon Stark. We know Thoros came from Myr to try and curb the king’s fire obsession and that he was distrubed by the violent acts against Elia and her children. So it stands to reason that he was also disturbed by what happened to Rickard and Brandon. Oh, okay. What happened next, you say? Well, Thoros went to wherever dead bodies are dumped, performed the “kiss” but believed his attempts failed. Remember how in the show everyone was already out of the room by the time Jon gasped for air, convinced Mel’s efforts hadn’t worked? So, yeah, Thoros believed he failed, which helps explain why his faith was so shaken when he joined Beric and the brotherhood without banners, why resurrecting Beric reaffirmed his faith, and why — here it comes — he wouldn’t attempt to resurrect Catelyn. A lot of Thoros build up for a payoff that isn’t that great, I admit, but it fits, right? I mean, I think by the time the brotherhood encountered Catelyn, Thoros had started to realize there are levels of dead, and some folks are just too dead to ever be brought back to life. So there’s that. But it doesn’t explain why Brandon would kind of, sort of, not really have fought for House Targaryen. Let me get back to that. In my theory, poor Rickard was dead dead, so after grieving for him some more, Brandon had to decide what to do next. And he decided he could use his new situation to his advantage, go undercover to learn Lyanna’s whereabouts. He shaved his head to make himself harder to recognize, then joined the Targaryen army to get closer to Rhaegar. If you read the Robert’s Rebellion timeline and/or Rhaegar’s main page, you can see he didn’t fight in any battles before the Battle of the Trident. He was probably at the tower of joy with Lyanna. But then he returned to the crownlands to take control over the Targaryen army. So that would have been Brandon Stark’s chance to go undercover without doing any real fighting for House Targaryen. Maybe at some point he did something outside of battle to be named a knight? Maybe — I’m moving further and further into wild speculation territory, I know, but go with it, okay — maybe he realized Rhaegar actually loved Lyanna, didn’t see the point in the war anymore, didn’t want to fight against Stark and Baratheon forces, figured he was meant to be dead anyway, somehow learns there’s a ruby-related plan for Rhaegar’s survival, and he volunteers to be the one glamoured to look like him? Or something kinda, sorta along those lines? Maybe? He figures he might as well help Lyanna get her crown prince back. And because of that, Rhaegar names him a knight? “Arise, Ser Silent the Body Double,” Rhaegar might have said. Because, don’t forget, the ten years of silence would already have already started for the Elder Brother = Brandon Stark resurrected.

Just over here thinking like a crazy fanfiction writer, I guess. Anyway, has a theory like this been shared before? I wanted to know, so I went searching yet again. But I wasn’t able to find anything. If it's out there somewhere while I’m over here acting like I’m the first person to invent it, I am so, so sorry. But like I said, I wasn’t able to find it. But then that made me second guess myself, you know? “Maybe it’s a fun fanfiction idea,” I thought, “but not at all where GRRM is headed.” Well, hang on a second! I didn’t find a theory to match mine, but I did find this Elder Brother theory which says that he and Ser Morgarth are one in the same. Ser Morgarth? Remember him? If not, don’t worry. I didn’t either. Now, I’ve only skimmed that last link, but it seems that theory goes like this: in Sansa’s final chapter of AFFC, she’s sent to speak with Littlefinger. Before they get into all that talk about Harry the Heir, she’s introduced to three hedge knights. One is Ser Morgarth, who is described as having “red nose bulbous with broken veins,” a similar description to the Elder Brother, you’ll recall. (If I remember correctly, he’s also the least talkative of the three). Now, to be fair, he’s also described as having a thick beard and salt and pepper hair, which doesn’t fit the shaved head description of the Elder Brother, but, hey, hair grows, right? Also, I know Littlefinger challenged Brandon to a duel over Catelyn way back when. So that raises an objection. “But Littlefigner would recognize him!” But if you think someone is dead, are you really gonna be like, “Oh, I guess not because this guy kinda, sorta looks like an older version of him.” No, only crazy people who are trying to predict GRRM’s books think like that! (Besides, maybe that’s why he’s the least talkative of the group, doesn’t want Littlefinger to get suspicious). Also in the room with Sansa, Littleginer, and Ser Morgarth is Ser Shadrich (and one other person whom  I’ll come back to soon). Earlier in AFFC, Ser Shadrich is the one who told Brienne he was looking for Sansa “for love.” And it turns out, there’s yet another fan theory floating around about him. It’s not based on much, just both of them being described as short, but some suspect Ser Shadrich is Howland Reed. Plenty of imagination stretching happening here, sure, but if you look at some of the above theories at the same time, they actually become more convincing, I think. It would mean neither Ser Morgarth nor Ser Shadrich are newly introduced randos, working independently to snatch Sansa and take her away from the Eyrie. They’re characters whose backstories we already know, whose motivations make sense, and they’re working together, “for love.” I’m inclined to believe Shadrich on that point at least. Okay, what about that third hedge knight, though? Because if the first two are working together, it seems the third would be in on it too. Let’s go to text! The third hedge knight is called Byron the Beautiful and he’s described as “an elegant young knight whose thick blond man cascaded well past his shoulders.” Brienne?

Listen! I know her last chapter in AFFC has her meeting Lady Stoneheart, who gives her an ultimatum: kill Jaime or die. And then in ADWD, Jaime’s POV has Brienne showing up at Pennytree talking about Sansa and Sandor. But what if it went down like this: Howland Reed and the Elder Brother/Brandon Stark meet up, discuss how they both met Brienne and she’s clearly looking for Sansa, and Howland’s like, “I tested her with lies and trickery, and she didn’t give in. I think she wants to protect her, same as us. Let’s go after her and get her and all work together.” So they go riding after her, and they save her from Lady Stoneheart just in the nick of time! Apparently GRRM has said the word Brienne shouted in her last AFFC chapter was “sword.” So I’m thinking she realizes folks are there to save her and she’s like, “Give me a sword! Let me help!” Maybe? Oh, also Brienne the Beauty (the backstory included in AFFC) = Bryon the Beautiful? I mean, it just fits, right? Plus I’m over here thinking how those who know Brienne to be a woman would judge her appearance differently than those who meet her when she’s presenting as a man. If one didn’t know better, she could come across as an elegant knight with cascading hair, I think. Also, I checked and book Brienne does have long hair. Ooooof! Over 4,000 words into this thing now. And more to go. Is anyone still reading? I just want to circle back to the top a bit, sprinkle in a few more thoughts, and then close out. So, what’s taking the captain of the Myraham so damn long to deliver Robb’s letter? I don’t know. Maybe it only seems like a long time because AFFC and ADWD run concurrently? Or, you know, because ADWD was published over a damn decade ago? Or maybe it actually is taking a long time and something went wrong for the captain? Sam saw some wreckage near White Harbor, right? Maybe the Myraham went there first, then the crew had to go by land to Oldtown because of a wreck (the Myraham is a trading cog from Oldtown, btw). Also, I don’t have any evidence to support this, but I’ve been wondering if the captain of the Myraham and Sarella = Alleras are connected in any way. That’s right, I’m finally back to her. Her mother is the captain of a ship as well, so… maybe the Myraham wrecked and it was Sarella’s mother and her crew who saved him? Maybe they confiscated Robb’s letter and have their own Martell family reason for holding on to it? Anyone who knows more than I do about the Martells want to help me speculate on that point? What else, what else?

Jaqen! Oh, Jaqen. Is he real Aegon? Is he Rhaegar? Or is he just a talented Faceless Man who has gone rogue and thinks he can hatch a dragon egg, even though he doesn’t have Targaryen blood? Someone make it make sense! As much as I initially found the idea fascinating, I’ve decided I’d actually hate it if Rhaegar was still around. So I’m leaning towards him trying to do something clever with magic rubies, but it didn’t work. Now he’s dead dead, but Brandon Stark resurrected was involved somehow, so maybe we can get the story for him. And therefore Jaqen is the real Aegon and Young Griff is the imposter. I mean, in my opinion, Young Griff being an imposter is more acceptable if the real Aegon is still around somewhere, lurking. And him being around somewhere, lurking, is more acceptable if GRRM has been doing a hiding-in-plain-sight sort of thing with him. By the way, I still can’t keep Blackfyre theory stuff straight, but I’m starting to agree with the folks who say Varys and Serra (Illyrio’s supposedly deceased wife) are siblings (making Varys and Illyrio brothers-in-law and Young Griff Varys’s nephew) and Serra is not in fact dead, she’s Septa Lemore. (I can’t find it back, but somewhere there’s a good post that talks about how Serra worked in a pillow house, which fits with Septa Lemore not acting very Septa like + something about how Septa Lemore cutting up baby clothes fits with this theory…?) Recent addition: While we’re on the topic of Septa Lemore… have you heard the theory that Ashara Dayne = Septa Lemore? Yeah, I’m not buying that one. I’m with the folks who say if that was true, Tyrion’s POV would have made note of Septa Lemore’s eye color, because Ashara’s eyes are violet. So then I was like, “Okay, sure. Why not go further down this rabbit hole. People are clearly trying to figure out what’s going on with Ashara, so might as well nibble at that too.” So if you don’t already know, Ashara was a lady-in-waiting to Elia and present at the infamous Tourney at Harrenhal. Some in Westeros say she and Ned Stark fell in love during the tourney, and since Brandon Stark was still alive at the time and promised to Catelyn, there was no shame in it. Pretty sure Catelyn’s first POV chapter in the series also says she thought Ashara was Jon’s real mother. Other parts of the text kinda, sorta suggest it might have actually been she and Brandon who fell in love and/or another unnamed party might have dishonored her during the tourney.

Basically, shit’s complicated with Ashara. And then! Supposedly Ashara’s brother, Arthur (more on him soon), died at the tower of joy, Ned returned his sword to House Dayne, and then (trigger warning!), she jumped from a castle tower to commit suicide. Her body was never found, and the reason she killed herself is unclear: maybe a broken heart, maybe a stillborn daughter, maybe a stolen child, maybe grief over her brother’s death. Oof. Okay, now to Arthur. He was a chivalrous knight and Rhaegar’s best friend. He supposedly died at the tower of joy, where Rhaegar left him, among others, to protect Lyanna. But there are clues in the text that leave readers wondering if that’s true. This Reddit post covers them well, but basically the theory goes that Arthur was the better fighter, would have totally killed Ned “if not for Holwand Reed” (Ned’s POV words) and Howland Reed, apparently, is great with words, so he must have been like, “Listen dudes, you both just want to protect Lyanna. Let’s cut a deal.” Plus! There’s this one tiny choice of word use (also in a Ned POV) that has given readers pause. Ned’s with Lyanna and says something about when they joined, not when he (Howland Reed) joined. And isn’t that exactly the sort of sneaky shit GRRM does? I mean, there’s also the unkiss and the intentional changing of the name of Joffrey’s sword, so…. So, yeah, as the Reddit post summarizes, “Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, does the only thing he can do to protect his charge: he dies. He hands over Dawn [sword], builds a phone funeral cairn, and disappears, leaving Jon in the hands of the only person who can still save him.” Oh! And! The Daynes still in Dorne go on to name a kid after Ned a while later. What’s up with that? Hmm…

Here’s the thing that really gets me, though. The fandom wants to figure out what’s going on with these Dayne siblings, but very few posts mention them at the same time. Like, a post will mention theories about one and comments on the post might sometimes mention the other, but there’s very little trying to solve their mysteries by looking at the at the same time. That’s bonkers to me.

Because clearly Ned helped them both fake their deaths, right? And the other Daynes know. (The “clearly” here is hyperbole. Nothing about ASOIAF is clear. For real, why do we put up with this shit from GRRM? He’s terrorizing us. He’s a terrorist.) So then I was like, “Well, if there’s more of this hiding-in-plain-sight sort of thing going on, who could the Daynes be now? The Rhaegar and Elia loving Daynes… the real Aegon Targaryen loving Daynes… Oh, seven hells. Here it comes. This is so ridiculous and I hate it and I don’t want it to be true, but what if they’re the Waif and the Kindly Man at the House of Black and White? I’ve only seen one other person say this (the Quora user I linked earlier). Actually, no. I think that user only said Ashara Dayne = the Waif, but never said the Kindly Man = Arthur. But, you know, maybe? Here’s a post I couldn’t fully wrap my head around, but it does say that the Waif told Arya at some point that she’s actually 36. Oh, and it says the cook at the House of Black and White, Umma, could also be Wylla (the wetnurse from Starfall, another woman who is sometimes suspected of being Jon’s mother). Oh, and before I forget: let’s say Jaqen is the real Aegon with a team of supporters at the House of Black and White. Well, doesn't it fit pretty well with the book foreshadowing of Arya taking down some Targaryens and/or dragons? Either she helps Jaqen = real Aegon take down Dany or she takes down Jaqen = real Aegon herself. Yeah? End of recent addition. Oof. Did I say earlier that I wanted to sprinkle in just a few more bits? And then I went on for forever anyway? Damn, that was a lot of sprinkles. Blame the Daynes. Almost done now. Truly. A question: are there any theories that attempt to explain the meaning behind the number of days Azor Ahai labors over the swords? As I was thinking about Jaqen theories, I had Azor Ahai theories in the back of my mind, trying to see if anything meshed together. No luck, but it reminded me that I’ve long been curious about those days - 30 days, then 50, then 100. What’s that about? What else, what else? Brandon, Howland, Brienne? Someone tell me I’m not crazy. I’m thinking they’ll help Sansa escape the Eyrie and then head to the Wall. Maybe they get separated at some point? By Ramsey’s dogs while he’s chasing after Jeyne? Because Sansa might still be the girl in gray, right? (Reddit link). But Mel’s vision has her by herself, not traveling with allies disguised as hedge knights, so who knows. Welp. That about does it. I know that makes for a TON of fake deaths, and fake identities and hiding-in-plain-sight and blah blah blah. And it sounds crazy. But like with the hege knights, when you start to look at it all at once instead of in fragmented pieces, it seems a little more likely. At least I think so. I feel like I should end on a more exciting note than that, but that’s all I got. Someone who hasn’t skimmed and skipped over so much of the books, please help! Which fan theories work? Which ones don't? Can we solve anything new together? Let’s try. Or at least iron out some damn good fanfic ideas. Thank you and goodnight!!

#ASoIaF #asoiaf fan theories #fanfiction research #jonsa fam #help me #the faceless men #the elder brother #brienne of tarth #mix of crackpot and genius #gifs not mine #the house of black and white #house dayne #make it make sense #brandon stark #im bad at tags

[prismatic-bell]

Anti-Racism in Glass Onion: It's A Whole Thing, Part Two

Picking up from here.

We’ll pick up this part with, finally: Helen herself. The heroine of the piece. When we first meet her she has natural hair, a sort of Southern/AAVE-mix accent, and she. Is. PISSED. I think this is the most important part, frankly--the heart of the glass onion of racism deconstruction in this movie, to just pile more burden on this poor overworked metaphor (it deserves a raise, frankly). I'm 34 years old and trying to remember a single other movie I've seen in my entire life where a Black woman is not just angry but enraged, furious, livid, seething, and isn't An Angry Black Woman. Helen is raging--and so are we. Helen is fuming--and so is Blanc. Helen is as angry as it's possible for one person to be--and the narrative says she should be, that we should be, that her anger is normal and natural and any person put in her situation would feel this way. Helen is destructive—and we relish and celebrate her acts of destruction. Black anger in movies usually comes in two forms: either it's carefully modulated so a white audience can take it seriously, or it's over the top and you're meant to either laugh at it or feel threatened by it. Helen is damned near homicidal--and the narrative is firmly in her corner. Helen is a Black woman and she is angry. She is not An Angry Black Woman. And that anger is shown through multiple lenses! We see her pour out her heart to Benoit, who she (correctly) trusts not to judge her; we see it cold, calculated, carefully modulated so as to not look like An Angry Black Woman to "the disrupters;" and we finally see it completely unleashed in a literal glass-smashing fire-setting explosive rage--that ends in her destroying an icon of Western white beauty standards. That picture didn't have to be the Mona Lisa. If the point was "Klear destroyed an extremely famous painting," it could as easily have been Starry Night. Or a Picasso. The choice of Mona Lisa was deliberate--not just the most famous painting of all time, but the most famous white woman. Also worth noting here is that there’s a theory that actually isn’t entirely crackpot (unlikely but possible, in other words) that the Mona Lisa is actually a self-portrait of da Vinci. (This theory posits that he painted himself as a woman as a way to express his sexual orientation, based upon the not-100%-but-pretty-solid theory that he was gay.) Add that in, and you’ve got Helen destroying the-man-Miles-wants-to-believe-he-is (artist, inventor, philosopher, legend). It’s white hegemony all the way down.

Now that we've looked at how Miles uses Black imagery, how the Black characters use Black imagery, and at Helen (who we'll come back to), I want to go back to "the disrupters" and not just who they are, but what they did to Andi.

Duke speaks for himself. He's racist, sexist, chauvinist, repeatedly attempts blackmail, and carries a gun like he thinks it's a way to advertise his dick size. We all know who Duke is. We've seen people just like him all over YouTube. We also see him get in "Andi's" face, basically telling her she's worthless--openly stating what I said above about the mammy, that she was worth something until she wouldn't feed them their pap anymore and then she was scum. He has no problem supporting the narrative that Andi was an ignorant hanger-on and (white, male) Miles the true genius.

Whiskey says she's on Andi's side, but we quickly see her fall into stereotype--she tells "Andi" she's going to leave Duke, she says "I just left him" while crying, "Andi" says "Duke got what he deserved!" (meaning: he deserved to get dumped), and Whiskey immediately goes full-blown "holy shit homicidal crazy Black lady, she's violent she's psycho she's dangerous." Yes, I realize Whiskey is deeply emotional at the moment and thinking more about what’s just happened than a conversation she had a few hours previously, but she instantly assumes "Andi" murdered Duke and is going to kill her. She's an ally until she's not, and it doesn't take long to scratch the surface.

And then we get to Claire. She casts herself as a progressive politician in the Independent party, but we see her first perjure herself on the stand against Andi, and then do it again after Miles burns the napkin (albeit not under oath at the time). She will not actually stand up to protect the name, life, livelihood of not just one but two Black women. Oh, sure, she looks ashamed. But what good is silent guilt to Andi’s work, Andi’s legacy, Andi’s life, Andi’s justice? No good. No fucking good at all. If she’d spoken truth to power, Andi might still be alive. If she’d done the job she swore an oath to do in upholding the law of the United States, Andi might still be alive. Her silence didn’t just let Miles get away with grand larceny and character assassination; her silence killed.

Aaaand Birdie. Birdie is white-weaponized-womanhood writ large. Birdie is the victim because her phone was taken after she said something godawful. Birdie is the victim because people don't understand her blackface was a tribute. Birdie is the victim because she compared herself to Harriet Tubman and nobody understood she meant "in spirit" (or, frankly, probably what the hell she meant by "in spirit," because I see about as much similarity between Birdie and Harriet Tubman as I do between an apple and a seahorse). Birdie is the victim because nobody explained to a grownass woman that "sweatshop" means "factory built out of spit and human rights violations" instead of "place you make sweatpants." Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity, but to an extent there absolutely is malice in Birdie's actions. She never bothers to stop and ask why people are so damned mad at her, or why her career has taken two separate nosedives over antiblack statements. She never bothers to learn what "antiblack" means. And when confronted with the evidence Miles murdered Andi, she quickly pretends she didn't see it.

Finally, for living members, we’ve got Lionel. And he’s interesting because we see so little of him, but what we do see is Miles threatening him. Almost every time he’s got a speaking line, he’s trying to be a voice of reason, and every time, Miles shuts him down. This is part of the meta-narrative—Lionel isn’t a real person, he’s a person Rian Johnson dreamed up. Lionel could be any color. Lionel could be white, he could be Native, he could be Indian or Chinese or Slav. But he’s Black, and that’s on purpose, because he’s the only person in the movie Miles threatens onscreen. Duke gets killed, but Lionel is kept around even over strenuous objection—why? Because when Klear fails—and I think Miles knew it would fail—Miles will sail off into the sunset with the bankruptcy money and leave a Black man to take the fall.

And finally: Andi. We know, from seeing Helen at Benoit and Phillip’s, what Andi-not-glammed-up looks like. But now think of how she presents herself: straightened, dyed-blonde hair in the most I’m-not-just-a-white-woman-I’m-a-WHITE-woman haircut there is; Helen notes that Andi has schooled herself into a white-socialite “rich bitch” accent, even saying “who you fooling, girl? Not me”. Andi has lightened herself, whitened herself. And is it a surprise? She’s entered two fields that are notoriously white: STEM and business. She can’t have natural hair. It’s “unprofessional”. She can’t have a Black accent. It’s “ignorant” and “unschooled”. She can’t shed her skin to fit into a world that wants to put her “in her place,” but she certainly tried.

As an addendum to Andi—since it’s her wardrobe Helen is wearing—there’s some amazing color symbolism going on there, and I don’t mean the children’s hospital kind. When we meet “Andi,” she’s wearing a dress that’s mostly red and reminiscent of a blood splatter, with a tiny amount of brown near the hem. The rest of it is black and white, and the design of the bodice makes it such that the black and white are laying right against each other in opposition. Later that night, she’s in all white—and this is what she’s wearing when she’s shot and then comes back “bloodstained” with a red sauce Miles gave to Benoit. White hands put that “blood” on her, white hands created the opportunity for it to happen, and now there’s metaphorical blood on white—Andi’s blood, on Miles’ white hands. (There’s an additional bit of this in alive!Andi’s clothing, by the way, if you’re not convinced. When we see her in the Glass Onion bar she has straightened black hair and is wearing mostly black with just white cuffs and collar. When we see her in her office at Alpha she’s in dark gray, and in court, she’s in light gray. She dies in a pink sweater—the color of a scratch, before it turns into a bloody cut. Her wardrobe lightens as she tries to make herself better fit into the white ideal of what a businesswoman should look like...but it still ends in blood.)

Now let’s talk about Benoit Blanc.

What little we know of Benoit is that his family was probably either French or Cajun, based on how he pronounces his own name; that he’s a gay man with a husband; that he’s “the last gentleman detective” (if you watched Knives Out); that he’s apparently a bit of a comics fan; and, famously or infamously, that he’s Southern. So white Southern man in his mid-fifties—what do you assume you know of Benoit Blanc, if you don’t actually know him? I think it’s safe to say there’d be an assumption of antiblack racism. And yet—remember that pin I told you to stick in Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? We’re back there now—the first thing we see of him in Glass Onion involves him getting told off by a Black man and not only taking it with grace, but accepting that he needs to open up about his problems because of said Black man. He’s not threatened, nor does he feel the need to assert some kind of superiority or dominance—he just goes “okay, you’re right” and spills. And from there we jump immediately (timeline-wise, not movie-wise) to him listening to Helen’s story and agreeing to help her. Now this does not mean he’s some kind of perfect beneficent dude with no problems; he did something pretty shitty with the way he handled the whole “you have to go with me or it can’t be done” thing, and the narrative wants us to forgive him for it because he’s the protagonist. It serves the story, I realize that’s the point, but I do think it’s worth noting simply because if he falls victim to prejudice or stereotype at any point in the movie, it’s right here, with the idea that Helen is A Strong Black Woman—he absolutely could have used more delicacy handling this, given this woman’s twin sister was just killed. A positive stereotype is still a stereotype. 

With that said, I feel like his own momentary dip into bias is actually what gives him the idea that really helps him spring the case open—as he realizes what he assumed, he also realizes he’s walking in as a white Southern man in his fifties. He, too, can be the victim of stereotype, but in this case he decides to weaponize those biases and prejudices among Miles and “the disrupters,” explicitly telling Helen he’ll “turn up the Southern hokum.” They want to be biased rich people relying on stereotypes? Oh, he’ll show them stereotypes. They’ll think he’s an idiot because of how he talks; they’ll assume he’ll take their side over Andi’s because of his origin. And they do! They confide in him openly about what Miles did to Andi, because he’s a white Southern yokel, right? He’ll assume Andi deserved it.

Except he doesn’t, because he’s bettered himself from that. Is he perfect? No. We see he’s not perfect. But he’s putting in the effort “the disrupters” don’t or won’t. And being willing to face that legacy and reputation is how he solves the case. It’s the tool in his arsenal that makes Miles underestimate him.

And finally, let’s go back to Banksy, who you may remember I initially ignored. There are two reasons for this, and both tie into the “is the Mona Lisa real?” thing.

First, Banksy is pretty famously anonymous. A single interviewer has met him and given us a gender (male), rough age (late 20s at time of interview), and race (white), but that’s all we’ve got. Miles didn’t commission Banksy because Banksy can’t be commissioned, and the kind of work he does suggests he’d tell Miles to shove his money up his ass. On top of which, Banksy is a graffiti artist, not a glassworker.

But more importantly, we’re never told it’s actually Banksy.

Someone on the boat says “Is that a Banksy?”, but this is never confirmed. And here’s where it gets interesting and is about to tie into the Mona Lisa: it can’t be a Banksy. Because, and this is a thing you probably wouldn’t know if you never got bored enough to do a Wikipedia deep dive (thanks, ADHD!), the reason Banksy works with stencils and flat colors is that by his own admission, he’s not actually a very good artist. He’s too slow to do the kind of work he wants to do without the aid of stencils. I’m not slagging off on Banksy, here, good on him for finding a way to do what he wanted to do anyway, but the point is you have to be fast to work in glass. He gets name-dropped specifically so someone can look bougie. That’s it.

But even without knowing that extra detail about why Banksy can’t do glass sculpture, we know he doesn’t. And this makes all of Miles’ art immediately suspect, and it’s supposed to be. I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to teeter back and forth for most of the movie on whether the Mona Lisa is real. But it’s important to note the callousness Miles treats it with, because it’s an early clue as to him being the murderer. To wit, the Mona Lisa is deeply fragile. We literally can’t clean it to see what it’s supposed to look like because the way da Vinci painted it made it inherently unstable (if you want to see what a truer-to-color version would have looked like, one of da Vinci’s students painted alongside him a piece now known as the Prado Mona Lisa that we’ve been able to clean because it doesn’t have that same instability). When it travels—which is basically “when the Louvre has to put it in storage for awhile” and that’s it—there’s an insurance policy on it bigger than the GDP of some countries. It literally makes the news when it’s moved. And it doesn’t actually go anywhere! It doesn’t join traveling exhibits, it doesn’t get shuttled around for tests, if you want to do work on the Mona Lisa you go to the Mona Lisa. It does not come to you.

Knowing all of this, if for some reason the curators at the Louvre came to you and said “hey, you’re in charge of the Mona Lisa for awhile,” what would you do? Put it in a case you perpetually keep open to humidity and corrosive salt air (remember, they’re on an island), with a hidden switch inside a badly-painted figurine? Like regardless of whether you think the safety measures around the painting in real life are excessive, you’d probably show it at least a bare minimum of respect and not needlessly expose it to potential severe damage. And if you loved it the way Miles claims to love it, would you even accept charge of the painting? Or would you be like “dude no, you have the experts and the resources, leave it there, you can take way better care of it than me”? (It’s not even in my top ten favorite paintings, possibly not even in my top fifty, but I sure as hell wouldn’t take it. I can’t even imagine what I’d do if the MoMA handed me The Persistence of Memory and said “take care of this for awhile.” I sure as hell would not have it in an open case in my dining room.)

And this is why 1) the Mona Lisa is real and 2) you’re supposed to go back and forth on whether it is or not. Because…surely he’s not that callous? Surely he understands the concept of respecting other people’s things, especially other people’s priceless property? Yes, he can certainly afford to damage the Mona Lisa, but—he wouldn’t, would he? Ah—but here’s the genius, the vacillation on whether it’s real tells us he’s the murderer, because one of two things is true. If it’s a copy, then he’s a compulsive liar. Plenty of people, including very wealthy people, the world over own high-quality replicas of extremely famous works, and it’s not seen as shameful or embarrassing—being able to say “this is as close as anyone will ever get to owning the original” is a kind of clout all its own. Miles would have no reason to lie about owning a spectacular replica except extreme self-aggrandizement. And if it’s real, then we know that no, actually, he doesn’t love it as much as he says—it’s a trinket to make him look good, and if the Mona fucking Lisa is nothing but a trinket, then what are the people around him? The ones he claims to love so much? It must be real for the ending to make sense—losing his own copy wouldn’t be “the end of Miles Bron”—but long before we come to that conclusion, there is literally no way for his treatment of the painting to come off as anything but borderline deranged.

And here’s where we get back to “this whole thing is literally just a takedown of racism”: the last time the Mona Lisa was appraised, estimates put it at several hundred million dollars—but adjusted for inflation, the estimated value in 2020 would be about one billion, and appraisers agreed when they valuated it that any price they put on it would almost certainly be surpassed at auction.

And the movie ends with a final explosive “and it’s not worth shit compared to a Black woman’s life.”

It’s not just about “a life is worth more than even the most precious piece of art.” It’s a takedown of racism all the way through.

#glass onion #racism #media analysis

[doctorbrown]

Also I have no words to explain how in love I am with the scrapped part of the fourth draft script for BTTF where Doc was actually known as a world famous nuclear physicist.

One of the world's greatest!

And while I do have him down in the history books as a renowned (nuclear) physicist due to his work on the Manhattan Project (and you will find his name in texts, photographs, and eventually textbooks/other works as the years go on and more light is shed on the project), unless you're really looking him up, most people don't know what Doc's specialty is. He's that scientist who does everything. (Ask him, though, and he'll say he's a physicist and not specify unless pressed further, but even then he might just leave it vague unless it's Marty or someone close to him asking.)

He's also known in the scientific community where his reputation is mixed given his particular areas of interest, but Doc has published a number of scientific papers, both in his original field of study AND in quantum mechanics. (His fellow scientists can say whatever they want about him, but they cannot deny, given his accomplishments, that Doc is a genius.)

There are people enough in Hill Valley that are familiar with his name beyond the crazy lunatic on JFK drive, Dr Brown because there are rumours that the kids throw around that involve bombs and/or nuclear radiation to some degree.

Strickland knows, though, nosy busybody that he is, because he's the type that needs facts to justify why he's always right and it's why he's so adamant at the beginning of the film that Doc's dangerous. He's caught up on it way more than just people thinking he's a lunatic, a crackpot, what have you. Sure, those viewpoints are thrown in there too because there are so few people in Hill Valley that don't feed into the rumours about Doc, but it's a little more than that. It's like the way he says so-called Doctor makes him believe that despite his clear and obvious qualifications, he doesn't deserve to be a doctor because he's different from the others. But Strickland goes so far as to emphasise his point, even saying that you hang around him and you'll end up in big trouble. (Yeah, fun foreshadowing from a film perspective given how pt.1 plays out but shush.)

Anyway, the point of what turned into one of my (in)famous rambling incoherent posts was that that detail is canon and should've stayed in the film and Doc deserves that

#&; a great idea can change the world 「 hc 」 #fjal;skjf i got myself started again about doc

[hibiscusangel15]

Have You Seen My Robut?

A/N: Day One: Role Reversal

Yeah, let’s get this Tobecky Week started!

...A day late, but y’know…. Gotta start somewhere.

I haven’t written anything Tobecky-related in ages. It feel so good to write for this fandom again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until I started writing this fic.

So this is just a short AU for the theme “Role Reversal”. My take on it was basically the idea of Tobey being a hero and Becky being the villain (who also has a crush on him). It’s sort of a rewrite of how the episode “Have You Seen the Remote?” would go in this AU. Hopefully you all enjoy this first installment of fics I’ll be writing for Tobecky Week!

If you like this, please consider buying me a coffee!

Also available at FF.net!

Have You Seen My Robut?

“Another relaxing day begins as Tobey and his mother finally get to watch that movie they’d been wanting to watch for a while!” the Narrator began, his voice upbeat.

Not a moment after that announcement was made, his mother had to rush off to take care of some emergency at work. Of course, right when they found some time to themselves, something just had to come up. Something always came up.

Well, that was fine. His mother usually took care of things quickly enough.

In the meantime, he could just finish up his latest project to help the city.

But then his new robot had to go and malfunction on him and run off in a blaze of smoke. That certainly wouldn’t help with his image.

He repressed the urge to scream and instead put that frustrated energy into making a tracking device that he fitted in the middle of his dotted heart insignia on his supersuit.

Yes, he, Tobey McCallister the Third, was the resident superhero, Techboy, but it had taken quite a long time for the people of Fair City to warm up to him. He thought this city would have learned to trust him after all the times he’d used his robots and gadgets to save them, but no. The masses could not be won with mixed signals.

He sighed. This blasted city had watched too many old movies, it seemed. Just because the odd robot went awry every now and then did not mean he wanted to destroy the city on purpose. There was a big difference between a boy genius and a mad scientist. His many battles against his old mentor Doctor Two-Brains made that perfectly clear. So why couldn’t anyone accept him? What did he have to do to make everyone believe he was the good guy?

Still, he kept at it. His mother had instilled a strong sense of justice in him ever since he was born, so it was only natural that he turn to heroism when this city needed it most.

He didn’t do it for the recognition, although being recognized and awarded the key to the city several times certainly was appreciated. He didn’t want fame or money or any of that guff.

Mostly, he just wanted to be left alone.

He grimaced as he reluctantly thought back to his stubborn classmate, Becky Botsford. She was always so incessant in her accusations of him being Techboy, but, luckily, she was never able to find enough evidence to prove it. Not that that ever deterred her.

It was exhausting having to combat her every school day when she came up to him with another crackpot theory he could easily disprove.

“You have to be Techboy!” Becky would always insist. 

This particular time, Tobey had been sitting under a tree reading a book, hoping he wouldn’t be discovered. Most people had the good sense to leave him be, but not her. Never her.

He turned to her with a pained smile. “Oh? And what makes you think so today, Botsford?” he asked, shutting his book with more force than was necessary.

He’d only indulge her for the moment. It would get her to leave faster, anyway.

“I mean, you’re the same age, the same height, you have the same sparkling blue eyes—”

“What?”

Her pet monkey slapped his hand over his face.

“Er...the same attitude that I despise. Yeah, you’re both so...so haughty!” she huffed, crossing her arms.

Tobey rose an eyebrow. “Haughty, hm?”

Becky blinked. “Oh, when someone is haughty, it means they arrogantly think they’re superior to everyone. Like...Techboy may be a hero, but all his bragging about how much this city needs him can come off as pretty haughty sometimes. Or how like you scoff at everyone for...just being them. That’s being haughty.”

Tobey’s face fell into an unimpressed deadpan. “I know what haughty means, Botsford. And I do not—I mean, Techboy doesn’t brag. He’s a hero. It’s only natural he take some pride in his work.”

“There’s a fine line between proud and arrogant, Tobey.”

“And Techboy manages to walk that razor-thin edge,” he snapped back. “Now, if that’s all you have today, then I suggest you leave. I’m in the middle of something, as you can see.”

“Is it a book about robots?” she asked, her eyes gleaming.

“S-So what if it is?” he said, shoving the book behind his back. “I don’t go up to you whenever you’re reading a dictionary and proclaim you’re WordGirl just from that.”

Becky flushed red.

Tobey had long since suspected Becky Botsford to be the villain (and his self-proclaimed rival), WordGirl, but he had as little proof to go off of as she did. Only hunches, only vague feelings spurred on by small clues here and there that could ultimately mean nothing.

He supposed it wasn’t so different from her suspecting he was Techboy, though he never went out of his way to bother her about it like she did with him. Whether Becky was WordGirl or not, though, it was clear that both she and the villain had feelings for his alter ego.

Clear to everyone but herself, anyway.

Becky gave a nervous laugh. “Don’t be silly. Psh, I mean...me? WordGirl? Nah….”

He shrugged affectedly. “If you say so.”

“I do say so! And I also say...I’m leaving!” she announced and whirled around.

He watched her and her monkey friend trot off with a faint smile then went back to his book.

And that was just yesterday, too.

He sighed yet again as he took off his glasses and stepped into his robotic supersuit. The suit automatically fit to his body, assembling itself piece by piece until it reached his neck. He slipped his black goggles on, blinking to adjust his vision back to normal. These goggles had been fitted with his latest prescription lens, so he had no trouble seeing as Techboy. In fact, these goggles were much better than his simple glasses. They alerted him to incoming dangers, helped him zero in on moving targets, and zoomed in on far-off objects he wanted to get a better look at. If this invention wasn’t a dead giveaway as to who he was, he’d opt to just wear these all the time.

The suit itself made him ten times stronger than he really was, gave him the ability to fly, and had a number of other useful features and little gadgets that helped him stop the various criminals running amuck about Fair City.

He tapped the little tracking device on his chest to make sure it stuck, then finally hovered out of his shed to look for his robot. His mother would just have to wait a bit longer to finish the movie with him.

Techboy zoomed about the city, listening for any sign of citizens screaming or for his tracking device to beep. He made a mental note to tag all his robots from now on, regardless of their purpose.

Much to his utter shock, he suddenly slammed against someone else floating amongst the skyscrapers right as he turned a corner.

“Ow! Hey, who—”

“Techboy!” a high-pitched voice squealed, sounding equally as surprised.

Of course it had to be her.

“WordGirl. What a...lovely surprise,” he grumbled.

“Fancy seeing you here!” she said, leaning much closer than she needed to. Her henchmonkey let out an impatient squeak that went ignored.

Techboy pinched the bridge of his nose and said, “Look, what are you doing here?”

“Just flying around hoping to catch your eye. I mean, seeing if anything catches my eye. My eyes, not your...amazing...sapphire....eyes....”

Techboy gave her a weary once-over, but let it go. “Well, you’ve also taken up my time, so if you could just....”

He reached for the tracking device on his chest, but it wasn’t there. He patted his suit all over then glanced down in horror. The device was in little pieces on the sidewalk.

Techboy slapped his hand to his face with a groan. “Oh, joy. How am I going to find my robut now? You’ve wrecked the only thing that could find it.”

WordGirl hunched her shoulders up. “Sorry....”

He took a deep breath. “It was an accident. It’s alright. We just have to keep an eye out for it, and—”

“‘We’? You said ‘we’, right?” she asked, her eyes sparkling.

He cleared his throat and floated a comfortable distance away from her. “Yes...we. Unfortunately, you are the only other person in this city that can fly, so I’ll need your help in tracking it down. It shouldn’t be too difficult. After all, six eyes are better than two.”

“Right!”

Captain Huggyface shrieked in disapproval, and she quickly hissed, “Huggy, c’mon! He needs our help!”

He chirped again, gesturing at Tobey like he was nothing more than trash on the sidewalk.

“Yeah, I know, he’s a hero, but we did destroy his tracking device, and.... Oh, I know that’s good for us! ...No, just.... I’ll buy you something before we get home. Deal?” she whispered.

The monkey seemed to consider this, then glared over at him. He stuck his tongue out at him once then nodded back at WordGirl.

“So he’ll help, I take it?” Techboy asked.

“Yup! I managed to persuade him.”

Captain Huggyface rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath.

“Alright, so where should we go first?” WordGirl asked, already scanning over the city.

Techboy gestured vaguely at all the skyscrapers. “I don’t know. It could be anywhere now.”

“This might take us the whole day then. Weeks, even. Let’s just take our time with it. Maybe hold hands so we don’t get lost.” Her eyes flickered to his for a second before they darted away again.

When he threw her a deadpan look, she blushed and said, “What? It’s a big city!”

Techboy just looked away to scan over the rest of the city. “If you were a giant malfunctioning robut, where do you think you would go?” he muttered, mostly to himself.

“What about there?” WordGirl said, pointing over at the convention center.

His goggles zoomed in on the banner hanging just above it. “Ah, the Annual Future Tech Convention,” he mused. “I’ve been invited to give a few talks there every year, but I never go.”

She tilted her head. “Why not? I’m sure they’d welcome you with open arms.”

“Of course they would,” he said, waving at her dismissively. “I’m the most formidable boy genius this world has ever known.”

She continued to stare at him. “But...?”

“It’s just...I....” He sighed. “I don’t know….”

“No, c’mon. Tell me.” WordGirl sat cross-legged in the air, waiting patiently.

Techboy hesitated. If he told her this, he was sure she would never let him live this down. And yet, her face was open, honest.

WordGirl stole and lied and poked fun of people’s weaknesses until they crumbled, but all words were important to her. It would mean a lot for him if, just once, she would keep his secret.

“I’m not sure I’d be able to give a good speech,” he admitted.

“Why not?”

He laughed a little under his breath. The irony of being so aloof and haughty all the time meant that he wasn’t good at being much of anything else. He tended to fumble over his more heartfelt words more than his standoffish ones. It was just so easy to save people at a distance. Facing them head-on was another matter entirely.

“I’m not that great with words,” he continued, throwing her a wry smile. “Not like you are. You know exactly what to say all the time. Even if you use them as distractions or to bring people down...it’s still a skill I admire.”

WordGirl blushed at this then looked away. “Not all the time.... But thanks, Techboy.”

He smiled, genuinely this time. “Yes, well, the convention does sound like an excellent idea. Perhaps my robut thought it could repair itself there.”

She returned his smile with one of her own.

“Alright!” she said. “Let’s go!”

“Later...” the Narrator said.

Techboy and WordGirl strolled out of the convention center, their arms full of all kinds of free stuff the convention center had handed out to them.

WordGirl had attached a headband with a fuzzy robot antennae on top of it to her helmet while Techboy had bags full of stuff that a number of his fans had given him while they were over there. He didn’t even know he had such fervent fans. It was flattering, to say the least.

He reached out and flicked the antennae on her head, and the two laughed at the springy noise it made. Huggy just stuffed a handful of fries in his mouth, undeterred.

“Well,” Techboy said finally, “my robut wasn’t there.”

“No...” she admitted. “But at least we got all this cool stuff.”

Her bright smile fell as she watched him look over the city block, vigilant once more. 

“We spent far too much time in there.... My robut could’ve wrecked half the city while I was here being foolish....”

He flew higher before she could say anything to him. A small pout tugged at her mouth as she reluctantly floated up with him.

The two scoured the park, only to get sidetracked by the playground per WordGirl’s suggestion, then the library, only to stop and read a book on advanced robotics that she so happened to find.

There was no sign of his robot anywhere.

Techboy sighed as he finally took a seat on the edge of a building. WordGirl was kind enough to buy him ice-cream from the stand below, and the two sat eating in relative silence. 

Captain Huggyface took the liberty of eating four different cones all at the same time. WordGirl had put the robot antennae headband on him, hoping to garner a small laugh from Techboy, but he wasn’t even paying attention.

“Where is the confounded thing?” he grumbled after finishing off his cone. He would think a smoking six-story robot would be fairly easy to find, but their efforts had been maddeningly fruitless so far.

WordGirl sighed as she leaned closer to him. “I don’t know. But it is nice to take a breather and watch the sun set,” she sighed.

The sun set today was unusually breathtaking. The oranges and pinks and purples inked the sky in a colored haze as the sun continued to sink into the ocean. The cool breeze that wafted up from the sea below made him smile, just a bit.

He shook his head. They had no time for this. “Yes, but we still need to find my robut.”

“Yeah, but—”

Just as he was about to glance at the docks, WordGirl flew in front of him and yelled, “Hey, we, uh, haven’t checked out the movie theater yet!”

He blinked. “Why would my robut be at a movie theater?”

“Because...er...maybe....”

Someone screamed behind her, and she shut her eyes, resigned.

“What....”

“That was a seagull!" she yelled, throwing her hands in front of his face. “Just a seagull! It certainly was not a person who found something scary on the beach!”

He squinted at her. “But it sounded like a person....”

“It’s probably nothing. Why don’t we head over to the theater and—”

He floated high above her and saw his robot collapsed and smoking on the sand. A few late beach dwellers had just come across it, based on the terrified looks on their faces.

“My robut!” he yelled.

When he caught WordGirl’s panicked expression, he narrowed his eyes and asked, “Wait...did you know it was there the entire time?”

She smiled nervously. “Uh...not the whole time....”

When he glared at her, she added, “At least we had a good time together....right?”

He was so utterly taken aback by this that he was at a loss for words. Her puppy dog eyes certainly didn’t help in that regard.

“Wha—I just...I mean....”

WordGirl beamed at him. “You did have a good time with me!”

“I didn’t say anything!” he snapped. “And besides, I don’t appreciate you wasting my time when you could have simply pointed out where my robut was right from the start.”

“Wasted?” she repeated, incredulous. A flash of hurt shone in her eyes before it was replaced by an abrupt anger. “I don’t think any of that time was wasted! When something is wasted, it means, you use that thing carelessly! And I don’t think getting to meet your fans for the first time, getting all that free stuff, and having some fun for once means your time was wasted!”

Techboy flushed. “I still would have liked to find my robut sooner rather than later, WordGirl. I don’t appreciate you lying to me yet again.”

He began to float down to the beach, then paused after a few inches. He let out a weary sigh and glanced at her from over his shoulder.

“Look, if I admit that I had...somewhat of an alright time with you today, can you help me out with one more thing?” he asked.

WordGirl perked up. “What’s that?”

“I can’t carry my robut and all this stuff we got at the convention, so...if you could hold my things until I fix my robut and put it away...I would very much appreciate it.”

“And finally say that you had a good time with me?” she asked, smiling excitedly at him.

“Yes, yes....”

“And go out with me for ice-cream again?”

Techboy smirked at her as he handed her his stuff. “Oh, now you’re just pushing it....”

Her laugh rang against the last remaining light of the day.

The sun peeked over the horizon just a bit longer to watch the two. Satisfied with seeing their echoing smiles, it winked one last time and vanished.

#this is really long... #Tobecky #tobeckyweek #WordGirl #Tobey McCallister #Becky Botsford #Day One: Role Reversal #my fanfiction #AU #idk how to feel about this tbh

[lumbaghini]

I will never be able to prove to the people spreading these crackpot conspiracy theories about the Wendy’s Twitter being a genius form of capitalist propaganda that it’s just people on a media team fucking around on the internet, but it’s like... these same people make the same mistake about the US government. They think of it as this single, malignant entity that’s bent on subverting the world against itself, when really it’s a loosely-structured group of people pursuing their own goals, hoping to leave their mark in the process, and because of these mixed priorities have a tendency to fuck things up.

But then we have all these armchair psychologists who want to make a point about the evils of capitalism and corporatist propaganda, psychoanalyzing the hell out of what essentially boils down to a few PR people shitposting and making their brand more popular with this generation as a byproduct. Thereby proving the age-old axiom that if you start from a conclusion, you can always find facts to “prove” your case.

[brn1029]

Get those tin foil hats ready to go!

The 10 greatest conspiracy theories in rock

By Emma Johnston

In a world where fake news runs rampant, rock'n'roll is not immune to the lure of the conspiracy theory. These are 10 of the most ludicrous

Conspiracy theories, myths and legends have existed in rock’n’roll for as long as the music has existed, stretching all the way back to bluesman Robert Johnson selling his soul to the devil at the crossroads in exchange for superhuman guitar skills, fame and fortune.

There are those who believe Elvis Presley and Jim Morrison live on, others who think the Illuminati control the world through symbolism in popular culture, and plenty of evangelical types with their own agendas trawling rock and metal songs for secret messages luring the innocent to the dark side.

Let us take a look, then, at rock’n’roll conspiracy theories ranging from the intriguing to the ludicrous, as we try to separate the truth from the codswallop.

Lemmy was in league with the Illuminati

Few men have ever been earthier than Lemmy, but one conspiracy theorist claims that the Motorhead legend didn’t really die in December 2015, instead “ascending into the heavenly realm” after making a “blood sacrifice pact” with the Illuminati.

A “watcher” of the mythical secret society some believe are running the world – despite evidence that is at best flimsy, at worst straight from The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown’s discarded notebooks – told the Daily Star: “Lemmy signed up for the ultimate pact – he signed his soul to the devil in order to achieve fame and fortune.”

While we can only imagine what the great man would have to say on the matter, there’s one word, in husky, JD-soaked tones, that we can just about make out coming across from the other side: “Bollocks.”

Paul McCartney died in 1966

As you might expect from the most famous band that has ever existed, there are enough crackpot theories about The Beatles to fill the Albert Hall. From John Lennon’s murder being ordered by the US government, who, led by Richard Nixon, suspected him of communism (the FBI actually did have a file on Lennon, but the story is spiced up by the man behind murderlennontruth.com, who apparently believes author Steven King was involved due to, uh, looking a bit like Mark Chapman) to Canadian prog outfit Klaatu being the Fab Four in disguise, there are plenty of tall tales more colourful than a Ringo B-side.

The most enduring, though, is the notion dreamt up by some US radio DJs that Paul McCartney died in a car crash in 1966 and was replaced by a lookalike. They came to this conclusion having studied the cover of Abbey Road – McCartney’s bare feet on the zebra crossing apparently symbolising death, while others found “evidence” in the album’s opaque lyrics. There were a lot of drugs in the 60s.

Gene Simmons has a cow’s tongue

It’s easy to see why all kinds of far-fetched stories sprung up when Kiss first took off in the 1970s. The fake-blood-spitting, the fire, the demon-superhero personas – middle America clutched its pearls and word spread that these otherworldly weirdos’ moniker stood for Knights In Satan’s Service. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

It was Gene Simmons’ preposterous mouth that got the nation’s less voluminous tongues wagging though. So long and pointy is his appendage, and so often waggled at his audiences (whether they asked for it or not), that eventually the rumour spread around the world’s playgrounds was that he’d had a cow’s tongue grafted onto his own. The bovine baloney is, of course, bullshit, but Simmons has admitted it's one of his favourite Kiss urban myths.

Supertramp predicted 9/11

The Logical Song may be Supertramp’s calling card, but one man in the US stretches common sense to the limit having come to the conclusion that the artwork for their 1979 album Breakfast In America gave prior warning of the terrorist attacks on New York on September 11, 2001.

Look at the album cover – painted from the perspective of a window on a flight into the city – in a mirror, and the ‘u’ and ‘p’ band’s name appears to become a 911 floating above the twin towers, while a logo on the back features a plane flying towards the World Trade Center.

So far, so coincidental, but when our intrepid investigator falls down a rabbit hole of Masonic interference, strained Old Testament connections (“The Great Whore of Babylon – Super Tramp”), and the title Breakfast In America reflecting the fact that the planes crashed early in the morning, things get really tenuous.

It’s fair to say it’s unlikely a British prog-pop band had prior knowledge of the terrorist attacks 22 years before they happened. But maybe Al Qaida were really big fans.

Stevie Wonder can see

Stevie Wonder is a genius. That fact is not up for dispute. The soul/jazz/funk/rock/pop legend was born six weeks prematurely in 1950, and the oxygen used in the hospital incubator to stabilise him caused him to go blind shortly afterwards. But his love of front-row seats at basketball games, the evocative imagery in his songs, and the fact that he once effortlessly caught a falling mic stand knocked over by Paul McCartney (who, let us reiterate, did not die in 1966) has caused basement Jessica Fletchers to muse that he’s faking his blindness as part of the act.

Wonder himself, a known prankster, has great fun with his status as one of the world’s most famous vision-impaired musicians. In 1973, he told Rolling Stone: “I’ve flown a plane before. A Cessna or something, from Chicago to New York. Scared the hell out of everybody.”

Dave Grohl invented Andrew W.K.

When Andrew W.K. first broke through in the early 2000s, dressed in white and covered in blood, his mission was serious in its simplicity: the party is everything. He took his message of having a good time, all the time, to levels of political fervour. But rumours of his authenticity have been doing the rounds from the start.

Reviewing WK’s first UK show at The Garage in London, The Guardian’s Alexis Petridis wrote: “One music-biz conspiracy theory currently circulating suggests that Andrew W.K. is an elaborate hoax devised by former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl.”

As time went on, the theory gained traction – Grohl was believed to be the mysterious Steev Mike credited on the debut album I Get Wet. And as W.K.’s style changed over subsequent records, and his own admission that there were legal arguments over who owns his name, whispers began that he wasn’t even a real person – he was a character, played by several different actors, an attempt to create the ultimate Frankenstein’s frontman.

"I'm not the same guy that you may have seen from the I Get Wet album," W.K. said in 2008. “I don't just mean that in a philosophical or conceptual way, it's not the same person at all. Do I look the same as that person?" The jury is out, but if this is a great white elephant concocted just for the sheer hell of it, we kind of want this one to be true.

Jimi Hendrix was murdered by his manager

An early victim of the 27 club, the death of Jimi Hendrix was depressingly cliched for a man so wildly creative: a bellyful of barbiturates led to him asphyxiating on his own vomit, according to the post-mortem. But in the years following the grim discovery at the Samarkand Hotel in London on 19 September 1970, a different theory was offered by the guitarist’s former roadie, James “Tappy” Wright.

In his book Rock Roadie, Wright claims Hendrix was murdered by his manager, Michael Jeffery, who he says force-fed his charge red wine and pills. The motive? He feared he was about to be fired and was keen to cash in on the star’s life insurance. One thing we do know for certain is Jeffery won’t be able to give his version of events, as he was killed in a plane crash over France in 1973.

The 50th anniversary of Hendrix's tragic passing was "celebrated" with the release of Hendrix and the Spook, a documentary that "explored" his death further and was described by The Guardian as "a cheaply made mix of interviews and dumbshow dramatic recreations by actors scuttling about flimsy sets in gloomy lighting." Sounds good.

Courtney killed Kurt

Courtney Love is no stranger to demonisation from Nirvana fans. When Hole’s second album, the searing, catchy, feminist, witty, aggressive, vulnerable and unflinchingly honest Live Through This was released, days after Kurt Cobain’s death, rumours almost immediately started up that Love’s late husband wrote the songs. That was insulting and sexist enough, but nowhere near as damaging as the conspiracy theory that Love hired a hitman to kill Cobain amid rumours they were about to divorce.

After Cobain’s first attempt to take his own life in Rome, the Nirvana frontman was eventually convinced to go to rehab following an intervention by his wife and friends. He ran away from the facility, and the private investigator hired by Love to find him, Tom Grant, eventually became the source of the idea that Love and the couple’s live-in nanny Michael Dewitt were responsible for Cobain’s death shortly afterwards.

His claims, made in the Soaked In Bleach documentary, include the notion that Cobain had too much heroin in his system to pull the trigger of the shotgun, and that he believed the suicide note was forged.

People close to Cobain (and the Seattle Police Department) have refuted the theory, including Nirvana manager Danny Goldberg: “It’s ridiculous. He killed himself. I saw him the week beforehand, he was depressed. He tried to kill himself six weeks earlier, he’d talked and written about suicide a lot, he was on drugs, he got a gun. Why do people speculate about it? The tragedy of the loss is so great people look for other explanations. I don’t think there’s any truth at all to it."

The CIA wrote The Scorpions’ biggest hit

Previously synonymous with leather, hard rock anthems and some very questionable album artwork, West Germany’s Scorpions scored big with Wind Of Change, a power ballad heralding the oncoming fall of the USSR, the end of the Cold War, and a new sense of hope in the Eastern Bloc.

In a podcast named after the 1990 song, though, Orwell Prize-winning US journalist Patrick Radden Keefe follows rumours from within the intelligence community that the song was actually written by the CIA, as propaganda to hasten the fall of the ailing Soviet Union via popular culture.

“Soviet officials had long been nervous over the free expression that rock stood for, and how it might affect the Soviet youth,” Keefe is quoted as saying. “The CIA saw rock music as a cultural weapon in the cold war. Wind of Change was released a year after the fall of the Berlin Wall, and became this anthem for the end of communism and reunification of Germany. It had this soft-power message that the intelligence service wanted to promote.”

It's a convincing theory, but one that is disputed by Scorpions frontman Klaus Meine: “I thought it was very amusing and I just cracked up laughing. It’s a very entertaining and really crazy story but like I said, it’s not true at all. Like you American guys would say, it’s fake news."

There are satanic messages in Stairway To Heaven

The great comedian Bill Hicks had something to say about people searching for evidence of devilry in rock’n’roll: “Remember this shit, if you play certain rock albums backwards there'd be satanic messages? Let me tell you something, if you're sitting round your house playing your albums backwards, you are Satan. You needn't look any further. And don't go ruining my stereo to prove a point either.”

The memo didn’t get through to televangelist and stylus ruiner Paul Crouch, who in 1982 attempted to scare the Christian right into believing Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven was stuffed with demonic meaning, and that played backwards it revealed the following message: “Here’s to my sweet Satan/The one whose little path would make me sad, whose power is Satan/He will give those with him 666/There was a little toolshed where he made us suffer, sad Satan.”

Guitarist Jimmy Page, of course, is no stranger to the esoteric, making no secret of his interest in occultist Aleister Crowley and the attendant magick, and there were even rumours the band made a Faustian pact to achieve fame and fortune. But hiding messa

[firecraker-j]

The Fandoom: the worst parts of fandoms as a super villain team.

Dr. Purist: An evil genius who is stuck in the past because he believes that everything was better in the 80’s and 90’s and that people should be killed for liking reboots of any kind. He’s the leader of the group and also a bit of a troll.

Captain Make it Canon: A somewhat-heterophobic terrorist who can level entire buildings with his battleship armor and shoulder mounted cannons all because he wants his OTPs to kiss on his favorite shows.

The Sauce: A scientist who tried to replicate an old dipping sause that a show popularized but ends up mixing it with corrosive acid and it spilled all over his body, making him a deadly and honestly, not that delicious to begin with, monster that melts anything he touches, which is why he wears a special toxic-resistant metal suit.

Crackpot Theorist: A telekinetic who activates his powers by incantions of absurd and straight up obvious fan theories and he will mind crush anybody that tells him his theories are wrong or have been debunked by the creators.

Triple X IV: A dirty, leather-bound assassin with very phallic weaponry and uses distributing, pornographic images of cartoon characters that nobody really needed to see in the first place as his calling card.

#this has been in my head for awhile #fandom #fandumb #fandoom

[blograzorwit]

Jest A Minute (5/10/2017) from Subroto Mukherjee

India's Top Magicians----------------------------------- Mumbai's BMC can work magic. Its favorite magic being the vanishing trick! Making thousands of incriminating files disappear into thin air! Same is true of our Mumbai University. It too can perform magic and make thousands of answer papers vanish! But of course the top magician in India today has to be the saintly and wizardly CM of UP. He just made a global icon -- the Taj Mahal --  disappear from the new tourist booklet issued by his state government!   *** Hands-On Editor------------------------ Finally, after 4 years, the Tarun Tejpal trial will begin in Mapusa, Goa. As you might know, Tejpal once headed a hard-hitting investigative journal and he was known as an impressive, hands-on editor. Well, his one mistake as a hands-on editor was to put his hands on the wrong female colleague! And -- WHAM -- our hands-on editor found himself headed for jail, his hands cuffed! *** Rest In Peace? No way!--------------------------------- As per his last wishes, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner was laid to rest next to Marilyn Monroe in an LA cemetery. So, rest in peace, Hugh. But now that you are sleeping next to Marilyn, I doubt you will get much peace or rest. . *** Co-starring With Marilyn------------------------------------ I bet Hugh wished he could have starred in a Hollywood movie with Marilyn but, alas, that never happened. No one in Hollywood came up with a plot for that. But never mind, now that Hugh is starring together with Marilyn in a plot anyway -- a funeral plot! *** Vatsayana Reincarnated?--------------------------------------- Appearing for his history exam, a  Rajkot school boy filled his answer paper with detailed porn! And guess what, his teacher gave him passing marks. Well, I guess he deserved that much. After all, he did show how well he knew a certain period of our history -- the period of Vatsayana and the Kama Sutra. *** Die Nasty?------------------ If it's found that his son is involved in drug dealing/trafficking, Philippines President Dutarte has declared that he will kill his own son! See, this is the difference between the Philippines and India. In India, nepotism rules and dynasties are supreme. And our dynasties are not about to die nasty. But if Dutarte means what he says, then -- WOW -- his own dynasty could die nasty at his own hands! Let's take a lesson from that, shall we? *** Finger-Licking Good------------------------------ Kejriwal-ji and leftist South Indian superstar Kamal Haasan met for lunch the other day. As the main course, they relished chewing out the BJP. Then they took delight in munching other right-wing parties to pulp. And, finally for dessert, they enjoyed making short-work the RSS! In other words, what a finger-licking treat for both! *** Campus Rumpus------------------------- There are boys who come to the Banaras Hindu University to study. And there are boys who come to study the girls. There are boys on the campus whose eyes pop out like telescopes at the sight of girls. Which shows these boys take interest at least in the subject of astronomy and 'heavenly bodies'! There are boys on the campus who admit that they can't help it. They are at an age when girls are always running through their heads. Hey, knowing the kind of boys they are, is it any wonder the girls are running -- away! *** Hopping Mad!----------------------- A CBI team was supposed to raid the home of an ex-judge involved in a medical scam in Odisha. Instead, this CBI team barged into the home of a sitting judge. Oh my God, I doubt if that poor sitting judge was sitting any longer. I bet His Eminent Honor was hopping mad! Such blunders make you wonder what the acronym CBI actually stands for : Coolly Barging In, Clueless Bungling Investigators? *** Emulating Our Great Leaders?-------------------------------------------- A central minister was on a visit to the Surat railway station. But the moment the honorable dignitary stepped on the newly installed escalator, it stopped working! Hey, can you blame the poor escalator? It was simply emulating our VIPs. After all, the moment our politicos become ministers, don't they stop working? *** Good Apple------------------- The new Bollywood film Newton has nothing to do with that genius Newton who, remarkably by the young age of 26, cracked all the basic laws of physics -- the laws of gravity, the laws of motion and the laws of optics. That Newton saw an apple falling and discovered the secret of gravity. On the other hand, you are quite likely to fall for our Newton because he is such a good apple! *** Laundering In The Bathroom? ------------------------------------------- In Mumbai, a top-level tax man was caught with lakhs of cash stashed in his bathroom! Why the heck did this fool store all that money in his washroom? What the heck was he planning? To launder his dirty money? To use his washing machine to clean all that dirty dough? Ha! ***   Our Stone Age---------------------- A dubious, stone-hearted music producer gets stoned.  Dangles a young musician from a high balcony. The poor young man falls like a stone to the stone-hard ground and ends up stone-dead! For junkies, it's dead easy to access drugs here in Mumbai. It's available on the Net. Or a drug dealer is just waiting to make a sale -- only a stone's throw away, especially if you live in a fancy, upscale area! So my question is, in the name of a modern lifestyle, have we regressed so far back that we are now actually living in the brutal Stone Age?   *** Caught Napping----------------------- They say our great metropolis of Mumbai never sleeps. But no, the same cannot said for our authorities and emergency services. And the recent tragedy at Elphinstone Road Station amply demonstrated how our authorities were caught napping. Even frantically calling up the emergency numbers only elicited the hum of slumber and snoring! Boy, it sure took time to rouse the royal Kumbha Karans who run this city! *** Laughing-Stock------------------------ Recently I was watching Mission Impossible. No, not the movie. On TV, I was watching the Pakistan mission at the UN desperately trying defame India with a WRONG PICTURE! Well, what do you know, it worked. Those Pakistanis succeeded. They succeeded in making a laughing-stock of themselves before the whole world! ***   Stuck In Medieval Time Warp------------------------------------------- Saudi Arabia has finally lifted its ban on women driving cars. But that country still has so many restrictions on women, it must be driving the women crazy! Women out there can't do this, can't do that, they can't do a hundred things. They can't go out unless draped from to top to toe and masked like dark comic-book superheros. They can't mix with men. A wife can't yell back at a hubby who yells orders to her all the time. She can't hit him back if he hits her. Heck, a woman can't even bark back at her pet dog when the dog barks at her! That's Saudi Arabia for you. So spectacularly ultra-mod in appearance but so rottenly backdated in its medieval mindset.   *** Mona Darling In Birthday Suit------------------------------------------ Now we hear that Leonardo da Vinci also painted a nude Mona Lisa. Hey, that must have been on her birthday when she was in her birthday suit. *** From everywhere folks flock to Las Vegas hoping to hit the jackpot. But it's too tragic for words when, far from hitting the jackpot, poor, innocent folks get hit by a crackpot! ***  

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Nikola Tesla is regarded as one of the most infamous scientists of all time. Whether you regard him as a genius, or a complete crackpot, his brilliance and sheer imagination cannot be denied. Tesla came up with thousands of genius inventions and ideas during his time, many of which were ultimately deemed impractical or supremely dangerous.

If you ever wanted to know why Tesla is seen by many as a mad genius, look no further than …

#1 Harnessing Cosmic Rays Among Tesla’s various fascinations was the idea of harnessing free energy. Free energy can come from places like static, atomic, or radiant energy and it involves harnessing the extremely minimal power from almost infinite resources. The idea of harnessing free energy is regarded as pseudoscience to most researchers, because they feel it isn’t practical or even possible for mass use. Tesla thought that if he could build a viable machine to harness this energy, the world’s energy problems would finally be over. Tesla believed that little particles with very small charge are constantly raining down on us travelling faster than light. He thought that he had built a machine capable of capturing these particles, and converting them into usable energy. He was even granted a patent for his “ Utilizing Radiant Energy Device“. His invention claimed to be able to directly change ions into usable energy, though unfortunately these claims have never been reproducible.

#2 Electrodynamics Induction Though he was the father of AC, Tesla dreamed of a world that could be powered wirelessly. To do this, he proposed the creation of a World Wireless System, which would consist of a Tesla Tower transmitting electricity and energy wirelessly all over the world. He had proven his idea of wireless transmission to the public through several demonstration of powering a light bulb using a Tesla coil from several feet away. Tesla began his dream by constructing the Wardenclyffe Tower in New York. Unfortunately, the tower lost funding after the financier, J.P. Morgan, discovered Tesla’s plans for giving out free wireless electricity, instead of just using the tower for telecommunication. This was the last step in Tesla’s World Wireless System, and it would be used in conjunction with his other two inventions: the Tesla Coils and Magnifying Transmitter. If Tesla had his way, the only thing people would need to receive free and unlimited electricity would be an antenna. The system would be completely renewable, not drawing any energy when it is not in use as well as having no negative effects on the environment or people. This idea was largely suppressed by the U.S. government and his investors, who didn’t seem to be keen and supplying the money to create energy that they couldn’t profit from. As World War II approached, it’s not a surprise that the government became leery of this giant tower and Tesla’s giant dreams. It was quickly demolished and used for scrap to aid with the war effort. More recently though, Tesla’s once-crackpot idea of wireless energy has been proven a possibility by a team of researchers at MIT who were recently able to energize a light bulb from seven feet away.

#3 Cold Fire Another one of Tesla’s fascinating inventions hoped to eliminate the use of soap and water in bathrooms, once and for all. It’s not a secret that electricity and water don’t mix but, as it turns out, electricity and germs are even bigger enemies than germs and water. In an anomaly known as Cold Fire, the human body would be energized with a rapidly alternating current of 2.5 million volts while standing on a metal plate. The sight itself is remarkable to see as beams of electricity crackle, pop, and envelope the person in the fire. This method is effective thanks to the conductivity of human skin, and tends to be even cleaner than washing with soap and water. Tesla claimed this invention wasn’t only good for cleaning, but was medicinal as well. All it takes is standing on a metal plate for dust, dander, and dirt to be shot off the body, leaving the person with an exhilarating and tingly sensation. It could warm people it the coldest of places as well as producing a beneficial amount of ozone after each use.  This invention crumbled, as most of Tesla’s did, due to cost and safety concerns for users, despite its clear and immediate benefits.

#4 Teslascope Nikola Tesla contributed many inventions to improve conditions on Earth, but another one of his greatest endeavors was supposedly creating a device to communicate with aliens. Tesla claimed that he was able to talk with extraterrestrial life on several occasions using his Teslascope, but these claims have never been verified. While working in his mad scientist lab in Colorado, Tesla claims to have heard distinct clicking noises that were unlike anything he had heard from Earth. These clicks were heard while working with his Magnifying Transmitters, and came in distinct sets of one through four, much like Morse code. Another spin-off of the Teslascope is known as the Hyperdimensional Oscillator and it also works by converting the free energy cosmic rays into energy that can be used by humans. It can transfer mass amount of energy through space with no regard to distance. Sadly, few took Tesla’s claims of contacting aliens from Mars seriously because of his lack of peers and evidence, though he continued to stand by his encounter. Aside from his signal magnifier, Tesla also had hopes of being able to prove the existence of life on Mars using giant reflectors from Earth’s surface.

#5 Tesla’s Death Ray While Tesla’s inventions may seem dangerous, Tesla himself hated war and focused a lot of his time and energy on creating a “Death Ray” to be able to prevent it. The Death Ray worked as a particle accelerator capable of shooting a beam of high-powered particles a distance of over 250 miles. He claimed it could melt engines and take down any aircraft. He called the Death Ray a Teleforce machine, and claimed it would require nothing more than one $2,000,000 plant for an endless amount of aerial protection. When Tesla attempted to pitch his idea to his investor J.P. Morgan for prototype funds, Morgan declined. Using 80,000,000 volts, Tesla claimed the beam could penetrate anything and everything that crossed its path.  Despite Tesla’s convincing argument for the building of his Teleforce plant and the amount of money and lives it would save, both the British and US governments turned it down. It did receive some interest from the Russian government however, who supposedly allowed Tesla the ability to construct his Death Ray for a test run. Many conspiracy theorists claim that this test run was the true cause of the Tunguska Explosion.

#6 Weather Control One of man’s greatest unconquered challenges is the ability to control the weather. Tesla however, thought he had conceptualized the solution to this very problem. Tesla thought that with his idea, temperature could be controlled like a global thermostat, and fertile farmland could be created in any environment, simply by using specific radio waves to manipulate Earth’s magnetic field in the ionosphere and create huge standing waves. Then, these waves would be used to manipulate various wind patterns and therefore, the weather. Many patents were filed by Tesla in his pursuit to control the weather involving Extremely Low Frequency, and he supposedly proved that the waves could be made and used to control weather. Some conspiracy theorists feel that Tesla’s paper ultimately fell into the wrong hands, and are being used right now to control the weather. They point to this as the explanation for our recently odd global weather patterns and unfavorable sustained weather patterns, like droughts in certain parts of the world.

#7 X-Ray Gun The discovery of the X-ray by William Roentgen fascinated many, including Tesla. Using Roentgen’s original designs, Tesla began to expand on his experiments with the X-rays. Tesla would invite people into his salons to become demonstrations for the audience. During this time, Tesla began to become very close with Mark Twain, who frequented Tesla’s salons after Tesla cured his constipation. Twain and Tesla were frequently found playing with this so-called “X-Ray Gun” that Tesla had invented. It is said that they would hang paper after paper of undeveloped film on a wall, then take turns blasting each other with the machine. The X-ray guns that Tesla created had the ability to shoot enormous amount of X-rays over a distance of up to 40 ft. Though the invention was deemed incredibly fun by both Twain and Tesla, it seemed to fail in the practicality sector and never really caught on. The giant x-ray body maps of both Tesla and Twain can still be seen today.

#8 Alternating Current Nikola Tesla began working for Thomas Edison in 1882 when he moved to Paris for a job with the Continental Edison Company. It didn’t take long before Tesla’s genius was recognized, and he was requested to move to America to work alongside Edison himself, who had just developed the infamous direct current, which he thought would be the answer to everyone’s prayers when it came to electricity. The direct current generator had several problems, and Edison promised $50,000 to Tesla if he could redesign and fix the issues. Tesla followed through on his end of the bargain by producing several patents to solve Edison’s problems, though Edison never did follow through with the money. This forced Tesla to leave Edison and form his own company, where he began to develop a new means of electricity known as the alternating current. There were obvious and major benefits to using alternative versus direct current, like the ability to change voltage and transmit it over long distances, saving both power and money for the users. And with this, the War of the Currents had begun. Edison was furious to hear that his apprentice had broken off to team up with George Westinghouse, and did everything in his power to discredit AC. Edison held large demonstrations to scare the public away from AC by claiming it could burn their house down, electrocuting several different animals with AC including dogs, horses, elephants, and even humans (using AC to power the first electric chair). For once though, Tesla’s ideas proved sustainable beyond the laboratory. He was able to gain support for the safety of AC when he passed a frequency high enough to power a light bulb without any injury at the 1893 World Exposition. Eventually, alternating current won out, and is still what powers basically all of our electricity today.

#9 Lighting the World What if an invention was created with the ability to light up the entire world and all of its contents? This would reduce the need for lights, and major disasters could be avoided because of the lack of darkness. Well, this is the exact idea that Nikola Tesla had in mind when he began developing a plan to illuminate the world. He wanted to use the principle of rarefied gas luminescence, which states that particles certain gas particles give off a glow when they become excited with energy. He planned to aim a very strong beam of energy like an ultraviolet ray gun into the upper part of our atmosphere causing the low-pressure particles to cast a glow over the entire Earth much like the aurora borealis. Tesla felt that using his method, accidents like the Titanic could be forever avoided, but clearly not enough people backed his plan.

#10 Tesla’s Oscillator Everything is made up of atoms, and every single object has a natural frequency that these particles vibrate at. When a mechanical system’s oscillation frequency matches this natural frequency, the system responds at much greater amplitude. An example of the destruction that mechanical frequencies can have is the failure of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge. This strong suspension bridge crumbled when it’s resonance frequency was hit by relatively light wind. Using this concept, Tesla was thought to have developed a pocket-sized invention with enough power to bring down an entire building. He described the story to a reporter that he was experimenting with his new invention and different vibrations. As he turned the machine higher, a strange noise was made, and a cracking began to develop. Suddenly, everything in his lab began flying around to the point where both police and emergency services were called. Tesla had to smash the machine with a hammer before the building came crashing down. When asked what it would take to destroy the Empire State Building, Tesla replied that all he would need was his invention, five pounds of air pressure, and enough time to find the correct vibration. He thought his machine would be able to transmit mechanical energy to any part of the world using telegeodynamics, though no one has been able to prove or recreate his claims.  He also thought that his oscillators had great healing powers if they were dialed into the natural frequency of the human body, yet another mad scientist claim that has yet to become reality in a non-mad world.

Source: TopTenz

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