Bittersweet with Georgia
I wrote a confession letter and gave it to Georgia.
I don’t remember when I wrote it, but it was probably before he moved to Michigan. I had thought long and I thought hard, how it might affect our friendship if and when read discovered how much I had come to love him, how much I had come to love our relationship, our friendship, our time together, and how loved he made me feel. Half of me wanted to keep the secret forever and the other half of me screamed so loud I felt like I could die.
The second half obviously won.
...
I was sitting in science class when Georgia first transferred to my school. Dark skinned, thick black hair, shiny and spiked with gel, he came in quiet and sat down. Unknowingly, my best friend entered my life. I didn’t intentionally become friends with him or try to get to know him better, but I saw him in the halls, sat with him at lunch, shared conversations with the boys and girls and with him.
They say the friendships where you forget how you met and how you became friends are the kinds that are real and true, because it was effortless. Liking him was effortless and loving him was even more so. And just like that, we became friends.
I had been the only Hmong boy in my grade in track and field the year before, convinced by my upperclassmen to run with them and have fun with them. It was such a great time, I wanted to convince the boys in my year to join as well, including Georgia. I was number one in the running triple jump that year on the team, placed first in the last indoor meet. Georgia, another friend and myself ran in the hurdle relay and placed first. We had such a great time. We were so carefree.
After one of our meets, on the way back home, sitting next to Georgia, we shared laughter, conversations, and music. The bus stopped in front of a McDonalds and gave everyone the opportunity to get a bite to eat before returning home. Georgia scooted out and looked at me, signaled for me to come. “I forgot my money,” or “I don’t have any money on me,” I probably said. I sat on the bus bummed for not being able to enjoy some food with my friends and with Georgia.
Minutes later, those who stepped out returned and we were on our way. Georgia sat back down next to me and pulled out a McChicken sandwich and waved it at me. Eat it, he gestured. I refused. I probably told him I wasn’t hungry and maybe I wasn’t. But I refused it over and over, until he unwrapped it, placed it in front of my lips and fed me.
I thought to myself, “Who are you?”
Nobody but my parents feed me with their own hands. But a complete stranger who had become my friend, here you are, showing such kindness to me. It brought my heart to its knees. This was where I first fell for you, for your kindness, your generosity, and your damn unwavering determination.
In the many months to come, I met your family, your brothers, your sister, and your parents became my aunt and uncle. We spent so much time together I remember your mom telling me we needed to stop seeing each other and spend time with family. We did, maybe for a day, and then we spent time again together.
Your family truly became my second family for the next several years. I was invited to so many outings and events. I felt bad at times, but your parents made me feel so invited. In turn, you, your brothers, and our friends spent so much time at my place. Remember that photo we took in the backyard of my parents place? The photo you and your brothers always made fun of because my mom squinted her eyes while taking the photo it made you all laugh? The same squint I have when I take photos?
...
When I learned that you were moving away with your family. I was heartbroken. I cried. I wept like I was at a funeral. I was hysteric. You had become a part of my life and a part of me. You brought so much joy and happiness to my life and it felt like it was being ripped out of my chest, it hurt so much that I cried like it was the end of the world. That’s when I realized how much I had learned and had come to love you.
Remember that frigid morning inside the tent, camped out behind the vending booth where your aunt sold food that weekend? Your brothers woke up earlier and left to help prepare for the day. It was bright inside, but cold. You laid lazily, maybe asleep, maybe awake. But you were cold, shivering. I covered you with additional blankets but you still shivered, not a single word from you. I remember getting under the blankets putting my cold feet against yours, getting closer to you to try and warm you up. I thought to myself, “You’re definitely awake.” But you never said a word. It was just another memory to have, to love, to cherish with you.
...
There are so many memories with you that I miss.
...
Before I decided to end things with Point, I saw how you two walked down the hall together to greet me on the other end before heading to lunch. I told myself, if anyone was going to love her just as much as I loved her, if not more, it would be you. The way you looked at her gave me courage to really let go and gave me the courage to also start falling for you.
Funny how you two refused to admit to liking each other or even start dating because I was both your friend, even after I told you I didn’t care. You both refused for a whole year, until you left. Until you realized the distance that would be between you both, you denied it. And then, you became a thing, two became one. And I wondered, could that have been us? But how selfish could I be? You were my best friend. That was more than enough.
You were there for me when Twin Cities made life hell and my mom betrayed me. Instead of coming home, I left with you after school to watch the asian grocery store, do homework, hang out, watch tv until closing time, go home and avoid my mom for a whole month until she cried and asked me why I hated her so much.
I did. I hated her. I hated her for betraying me. But even as a child, how could I tell her that I did? So I lied, and I told her I didn’t. I knew I hurt her and she didn’t know how to regain my trust. So from that day on, I learned to forgive her. But you were there for me, you gave me a place to stay while I went through hell.
And that summer, you and your mom invited me to Michigan, to help with the restaurant. And just like when she cried, she asked me if she had not done enough to provide for me. I was annoyed and I was saddened, she had done more than enough, but I also wanted to earn some money. I remember when I left she cried because she felt not good enough. She was seeing her child leave for months. But I assured her, it didn’t have anything to do with her not being able to provide for me, I just wanted to spend time with my best friend.
...
The next two summers were the some of the best times of my life.
I got to see you again, everyday for the entirety of summer. And that made it all easier to get through the rest of the school year.
Things in Michigan eventually turned sour and you and your family returned to Wisconsin. I was elated. Everything felt like a test and I couldn’t wait to reunite with you. The rest of high school felt bearable because you were there by my side.
Our late nights downtown in the game lounge, playing COD, testing out new games felt like the best time of my teenage years. Everything with you felt like a good time. We never argued, we barely fought, and we laughed.
Point started to get jealous. On your birthday that year, before joining the military, she planned a whole surprise birthday for you. You jumped ship. You refused it, told her no multiple times. We tried looking for you all day, called you. No answer. Only later that evening we found you back at your aunt’s place after having walked for miles, spending time to yourself. Angrily, she left.
It was your birthday after all. I asked you what you wanted to do. “Gaming lounge,” you responded. So we went. I drove you and we went. Halfway through the night, Point barged in. I remember seeing you leave through the doors, her face visibly upset. I didn’t think much of it. But when you came back, you weren’t the same. You were so angry from the fight that we couldn’t even continue to have fun. You asked me to take you home.
Who would have known that the car ride home would be the end of it all?
...
Point was so jealous of the time you spent with me. Constantly. But what was there to be jealous of? She was yours and you were hers. I had you only as my best friend and nothing else. But even that, I was not granted.
“Do you want to be gay with him?” she asked you, you told me.
I was devastated. How could someone I used to love say that about me? How could someone who I trusted with my most painful truth use that against me? You scoffed at the question, brushed it off. But for me, it was the tipping point. It was the beginning of the end.
All these arguments between the both of you were because of me.
I was the obstacle wasn’t I? I was in the way wasn’t I? I was stealing you away wasn’t I? I demanded too much of your time didn’t i? I was at fault, wasn’t I?
I told myself, I was the problem. It was clear for me. I made a decision as I drove you home that night that I would slowly slip away from your life to see if that would help mend your relationship with Point. I stopped messaging you, inviting you, nagging you to hang out.
And I stopped hearing from you.
You seemed... happy.
...
We went from best friends hanging out every other day to friends who saw each other in passing, hung out with each other in the company of mutual friends.
I missed you. I wanted to tell you how much those words hurt. Maybe you didn’t think they would, maybe you didn’t think it would hurt me, maybe you thought it wouldn’t change a thing.
We grew up in that short year apart. You distanced yourself and found troubles in completing whatever you started. Your mom asked me to help you in college, to get you to study. I told her I’d do what I could. But I didn’t want to intervene in your relationship. I made new friends and I wanted to keep my distance.
We started walking down our own paths then, and as hard as it was to see you fade away, I hoped the best for you. You never reached out again, you never confided in me. And maybe you knew what I was doing and didn’t have the courage to ask me or confront me.
Years passed and it felt like we were strangers.
I remember getting my acceptance letter to grad school and getting on that plane to New York. It was your birthday, August 23. I remember listening to Eden’s Wake Up, each line, each lyric hitting so hard, leaving on your birthday, wishing you’d asked me to stay.
“Not sure what you’re doing, but my last day in Wisconsin is tomorrow afternoon when my mom gets back from work. Sorry won’t be able to do anything for your birthday,” was the last message I sent to you. I checked constantly. You left me on read, didn’t even respond.
...
That winter break, I came home, thought about messaging you, but you hadn’t even responded to that last message. Years later when my cousin moved to New York she told me that you wanted to message me, but didn’t because I didn’t reach out. That hurt. How petty were you going to be after not responding to me, waiting for me to reach out? The message you sent was that I wasn’t important enough to respond back.
...
Years later, here I am. Writing about you, writing about the one person who’s probably impacted me the most in my teenage years, about the best friend I fell in love with. I hope you are well. I hope you are happy together, together with your little family. I think about you often and wonder how you are doing and if you are happy. Some days, I want to reach out, but I am afraid, and maybe it’s pride and foolishness that’s preventing me.
I still think back to my confession letter that I wrote to you. Handed it to you and didn’t even blink twice. Remember that time in Michigan when I went through your wallet? I found my letter, still neatly folded in your wallet. I asked you if you ever read it and you responded that you never did. I thought it strange that someone would keep an unread letter in their wallet, where photos of loved ones and important things would live. I was sad and upset at your response. But, I thought to myself, that maybe you had read it, and didn’t want to acknowledge it, because acknowledging it would make it come true.
Or maybe you already knew what the letter was without reading it.
I wonder. I wonder if you still have my letter with you today.
Maybe one day, I’ll message you, call you up Georgia, and tell you about how the words of your wife hurt me. Maybe I’ll tell you one day how much I missed you, our friendship, and how much I probably cried over our friendship ending.
I missed you. I missed you every single of your birthdays until I forgot.
I wonder, if you ever loved me, like I loved you.
3 notes
·
View notes
RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART SIXTEEN
Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan
Masterlist: Click Here
Chapter Rating and Warning: T (Swearing, alcohol consumption, surgery)
Word Count: 6300+
Description: Tragedy strikes Boston when a subway line derails, and Jordynne has to face it without her favorite Attending while he is off “coping”.
Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.
Author’s Note: I DID IT. The longest update of my life. My laptop gave me so many issues, and essentially it has turned into an editing only machine now :( I have also struggled a lot with posting anxiety.
Thank you to the mutuals for checking in on the fic and for giving me inspiration to finish! You know who you are <3
ALSO, I changed up the diamond scene with Bryce -- It is a cute scene going go-karting, but I just felt that realistically MC would be so exhausted after the day she had, so I changed it up. And my fic was already at 6k... so I skipped the dinner with Raf. But it is definitely is implied at happening!
As always any comments, likes, reblogs are greatly appreciated. If you would like to be tagged in future updates please feel free to reply or DM me! Thank you <3
Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy @owleyes374 @lahelable @mayar-mahdy@paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal @paulfwesley @ccolz88-blog @mindlessdreaminxo @lapisreviewsstuff @themingdynasty
jooous
Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part ElevenPart Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen
Previous chapter: Part Fifteen
PART SIXTEEN
Cape Cod was beautiful this time of year. The sand was as golden and soft as brown sugar. An orange glow casting through white fluffy clouds, and the soft caw of seagulls and waves crashing could be heard down the beach.
Though Ethan Ramsey really couldn’t appreciate it.
He was sitting on the painted porch of his small beach house, his head lolling back against the lounge chair he was in. A tumbler was tightly gripped in his hand, the smallest amount of amber liquid remaining in it. Jenner was laying loyally at his feet — his little body moving up and down as he slept.
His mind wasn’t swirling at the moment — a consequence of the copious amounts of alcohol Ethan had been pumping into his body over the last few days. He had stayed sober long enough to drive his Mercedes the one and a half-hour drive to Cape Code, before fumbling with the cap of yet another bottle and pouring yet another glass.
He had needed to escape the city. His phone was continuously ringing and vibrating with messages, a few buzzes at his apartment door.
Harper was being insistent — demanding to know when he was coming back, what set this all off. Ethan had finally caved and answered her call long enough to tell her that he wasn’t going to be in the city and to leave him the fuck alone.
Naveen had called to let him know that he had settled in at his house. He could barely stand the thought of him all alone up there.
And Jordynne. He couldn’t answer her calls. Just the look on her face was still haunting him, her calling out after him. He couldn’t even imagine what she had to say to him right now — he had thought of too many versions in his head by now and had no idea what the real one would even be.
All at once Ethan felt exhausted — completely drained from the past few days. The crying and kissing and goodbyes and more crying and drinking. It was all too much. His stormy eyes fluttered closed right there on the porch.
His phone buzzed on the quartz countertop inside. The muted TV played images of a flustered news anchor and a crashed subway.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jordynne and Jackie glanced at each other nervously, taking a deep breath before nodding at each other.
Okay. Let's do this.
“Work fast! Those people are counting on you!” Zaid shouted over his shoulder, before turning to hand out more triage tags.
Jackie sprinted towards a howling woman quickly, leaving Jordynne with an unconscious young man and a quiet woman bent over herself. Moving over to the woman, Jordynne eyed the unconscious man in the gurney before focusing her attention on her new patient.
She squirmed and moaned from the pain.
“Hello, ma’am. My name is Dr. Holland. Can you tell me your name?” Jordynne did her best to keep her voice steady, pulling on a pair of rubber gloves as she spoke.
The woman looked up at her through her black fringe — her face covered in dirt and blood. “Tamara,” Her voice was barely a whisper.
Grabbing the sharpie from her lanyard, Jordynne scribbled it onto one of the triage booklets. “Can you tell me why you’re whispering, Tamara?”
“Hurts…” She wheezed out, gesturing to her stomach. Holding up a gloved hand, the young doctor asked silent permission before pressing her hand lightly to her stomach. The patient gasped in agony.
Jordynne took in a deep breath, her mind whirling. Stomach is distended, but rock hard. Internal bleeding. A lot of it. And fast.
Jordynne called out, “Dr. Mirani! This woman needs immediate surgery. She’s bleeding into her abdomen!”
He shook his head, his eyes filled with worry. “Tag her, get her somewhere safe. The surgeons will be with her as soon as they’re available.”
“But…”
“This is triage, Holland. I know you want to stay and help, but you have to assess and move on. More patients are on the way.”
“Yes, Doctor.” Furrowing her brow, she tore the other tags away, leaving her name and red tag showing. Helping her into a bed that was visible from the OR door. “Someone will be with you soon, Tamara. Focus on breathing, okay?”
The woman nodded profusely, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Good work, Holland. Let’s keep going.”
Remembering the unconscious young man in the gurney, Jordynne sidled up next to him as she heard furious footsteps.
Sienna whirled past the pair, her hands pressed to the bleeding chest of an older man. “I’ve got your sir!” She said, her eyebrows set in determination.
Grabbing the flashlight pen from her chest pocket, Jordynne shined the light into the unconscious patient’s eyes — his pupils don’t budge.
Pressing her trained fingers to her neck, she felt a shallow pulse — barely there. “Come on, man. Show me something.” She muttered to herself, grabbing a cuff from the sidewall — she tested his blood pressure. It was low — too low to sustain brain function. Grinding her molars, Jordynne scribbled John Doe onto a black triage tag. “I’m sorry — whoever you are.”
Suddenly, more doctors poured into the ER — grabbing triage tags and assigning themselves to patients quickly. Even Chief Emery rushed in — her hair pulled back into a quick bun, her silver hoops shining.
A nurse called out to Emery. “Chief Emery! Should we call Dr. Ramsey? We could use the help!”
“He’s not even in the city right now… But we can handle this. Stay focused.” Her voice was strong, determined.
Jordynne froze at the mention of Ethan — standing still for a moment in the middle of the chaos. Jackie’s brown hand found her shoulder, shaking her back to reality, “Keep moving, Jordynne.”
Turning around she saw a middle-aged man with a pale face, clutching his arm. “What’s your name, sir?”
“M—Manuel.” He stammered. His shirt was covered in blood, a cut just above his eye had blood running from it still.
Changing her gloves, she put some pressure on the wound, “I’m Dr. Holland. I’m going to need you to tell me where it hurts, Manuel.”
“I was with my daughter. She was trapped… I begged them not to take me without her…”
Jordynne noticed his anxiety — he wasn’t going to be concerned about his health. She needed to distract him, get him talking and calm down. “What’s her name?”
“Lucia.” He breathed.
“Lucia’s in really good hands, Manuel. The paramedics are doing their best to get her out and safely to the hospital. And I need to do my best to make sure you’re safe and well enough to hug her when she gets here. Okay?”
“O-Okay.” He nodded, starting to calm down.
“Holland! What are you doing? Keep up the pace, a lot more people need you!”
Her jaw set in a hard line, before she let out a deep breath, “Manuel, can you tell me where it hurts?”
“It’s just my arm,” He held it up with his other hand, “I think I broke it when I hit a handrail.”
Gently feeling his arm, Jordynne located a minor fracture. Grabbing her sharpie again, she scrawled his name on yet another triage tag and statused him green. “You might be waiting in the atrium a while, but someone will look at your arm and stitch up those cuts as soon as they’re free.”
“When Lucia turns up, you have to get me, okay? I have to see her.” His eyes were filling with tears, panicking starting to rise in his voice again.
“I will. I promise.”
Each patient got harder and harder — their pain and anxiety whiplashing Jordynne.
“You’re not in immediate danger. Relax and let me work.” Landry said next to her during one of her patients — cold and calculating. He whirled through the assessments like a robot — ignoring the patient’s tears and cries.
Jordynne locked her jaw again as she overhead him — how he was treating the patients, how he had treated her. All of them were just a means to an end for Landry — something along the way to get him to what he wanted.
It made her sick thinking of what he had done — the patients he had potentially put at risk, hiding those charts and turning off her pager. All for a stupid competition.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Jordynne changed her rubber gloves once again. She could feel her fingers trembling, her heart pounding in her ears. What was she doing here?
Opening her green eyes, she moved towards the next patient.
_______________________________________________________________________
Jordynne was sitting in the cold stairwell — leaning against the wall as she sat on the very first step. She was taking a break — a forced break. Zaid had pushed her pink water bottle into her hand, gently telling her that she needed to rest. Eventually, she had agreed and she found herself in the quiet corner of the hospital — away from prying eyes and ears.
Taking out her phone, she quickly responded to a few messages from her family, asking if she was okay.
She wasn’t. So she lied.
Scrolling through her contacts, her thumb hesitated over his name before she finally clicked it.
The sound of the phone ringing echoed in the concrete stairwell.
“Please pick up. Pick up. Pick up.” She muttered to herself.
Dr. Ethan Ramsey. You know what to do.
The sound of his voicemail hit her ears again — causing her shoulders to drop. Of course, he hadn't picked up. He hadn’t picked up over the last few days — why would he now.
His voicemail beeped at her.
“Ethan, it’s Jordynne.” She played with her ponytail nervously as she spoke, “I know you’re not answering your calls or texts and you’re probably already deep into like your third bottle of scotch by now… But there was a really bad accident on the subway, and I know Ethan Ramsey would never take the subway in his life, and I overheard Chief Emery say you were out of town but I just really need to know if you’re okay. Please. Tell anyone... it doesn’t have to be me. Please, Ethan.”
With trembling hands, she put her phone back in her pocket. She put her head in her hands, staying there with her eyes closed for a moment — suddenly overwhelmed.
“Dr. Holland?” The stairwell door squeaked open, and a soft voice called out. Jordynne wiped at the tears brimming in her eyes, before turning around.
Nurse Mahiri gave her a sad smile, “Sorry, your patient in 517 is asking for you.”
Letting out a sigh, she moved her hands to her knees and pushed herself up, “Right. Back to reality.”
_______________________________________________________________________
In a blur of patients, and father/daughter reunions, and mild panic attacks, Jordynne found herself scrubbed in and standing over the operating table. She did her best to stare anywhere but at the vulnerable body below her. Rafael. Her breath sounded loud and frantic behind her surgical mask — God, what was she doing?
Jordynne gulped as she watched Chief Harper make a long incision across his abdomen. This was too much. What was she doing in here?
“Clamp.”
She handed her the tool silently, watching her work on her friend’s exposed body.
“Suction.”
“Yes, doctor.” She did as she was told, placing the suction cup into the open cavity, cleaning it to give Harper a better view of the damage. She did her best to keep her breath under control — the pounding in her ears echoing.
“Thank you, Holland. Do you see it, Dr. Lahela?”
“There’s a lot of damage to his spleen and kidneys.”
“Good eye. Let’s get to work.”
Jordynne became mesmerized by the two surgeons — watching them work so skillfully. Both of their eyes were shining as they made complicated incisions and stitches, working diligently side by side. Gratefully taking the distraction of watching them working, forgetting momentarily of the anxiety and worry she was feeling over her comrade.
“Suction.”
Suddenly, a geyser of fluid came out of the cavity. “His appendix just burst!”
“Dammit. I can’t get to it right now, can you?” Harper gestured to the tools in her hands.
Bryce shook his head, “Not without giving up on this kidney.”
They both stared at Jordynne.
“Okay… Holland, you need to remove his appendix.”
Jordynne’s green eyes turned wide. “What?”
“Calm down. Just follow my instructions and you’ll do fine.”
Her heart was pounding in her ears as she listened to Emery’s instructions — making the incisions carefully.
“Oh god, I’m actually doing surgery.”
“Welcome to the big leagues, Jordy.” She could hear Bryce’s smile in his voice, despite the mask covering his mouth.
“Locate the appendix.”
Jordynne’s fingers gently wrapped around the organ, and she couldn’t help but look up at her friend’s face — bruised and bloodied, put peaceful under the anesthesia.
“Feel for the opening of the appendix, and place a staple to seal it from the intestine.” Jordynne did what she was told, and looked back up to the Chief with a giant gulp.
Her eyes were filled with approval, “Good job, Holland. That should buy us a few minutes.”
Bryce gave her an encouraging nod, “Okay, now I’m going to need you to help me with this kidney. I’m going to need you to train a light just here…” He grabbed onto her hand gently, moving the light into just the right spot. His hands were warm through the latex gloves. “Good, that’s it. Now keep this area suctioned. Repairing this valve is delicate work…” His brown eyes were darker than usual — training onto the careful work he was doing.
After a few more harrowing minutes, Bryce lets out a huge sigh of relief. “The kidney’s stable.”
Harper glanced up from her work, her mask pulling as she smiled, “Excellent work, Lahela. I know surgeons with ten years on you that couldn’t pull that off.”
Bryce’s eyebrows moved up into his blue cap, “I’m glad that it's up to your standards, Dr. Emery.”
“Alright, Lahela, finish removing the appendix. Holland, over here.”
The hours crawled by — many bags of blood replaced, Jordynne’s feet were starting to ache. But her mind was spinning at least — she was focused on the surgery and Rafael. Nothing else mattered in that moment.
Finally, they all stepped back as the irrigation proved successful.
“We did it!” Bryce let out, his fist-pumping up in front of him.
“Yes, we did. Lahela, that was incredible.” She gave him a stern nod, “And Holland, I have to say, I’m impressed. Not many doctors could step up like you just did.”
Jordynne’s eyebrows furrowed, noticing the look in Chief Emery’s eye — “I’m just happy Rafael’s okay.”
“Without you, he might not have been. You should be proud of the work you did today.” Her face was unreadable.
Suddenly, the door to the OR opened, and another surgeon stood in the frame, “Dr. Emery, do you have a spare set of hands?”
“Take Dr. Lahela,” Harper jerked her head over to him, “He’s done some excellent work today.”
Bryce gave Jordynne a quick wink, as he threw away his gloves and headed towards the next OR. “I’ll see you in a bit, Jordy.”
Emery continued to instruct Jordynne as they finished closing Rafael back up — the room returning to silence as they worked. Jordynne could feel anxiety creeping up again — suddenly very aware of being completely alone with Chief Emery.
“I know you did it, Holland.” Harper broke the silence.
Jordynne looked up, meeting her dark eyes — doing her best to keep her face neutral.
“And what’s more, I know why you did it. Mrs. Martinez was a wonderful woman. If I’d met her when I was young and idealistic, I’d have been tempted to break the rules for her, too.”
She looked up at her, her mind whirling — but said nothing.
Emery let out a sigh at Jordynne’s silence, “I know you want to save everyone. Many doctors do. I did once before I was an administrator. But since I’ve grown familiar with the realities of this life. And the reality is that you can’t. I regret that you’re learning that lesson the hard way.” She gave her head a shake.
Jordynne gulped before speaking, “I heard there was no evidence it happened.”
Putting down the suture tool on the tray, she didn’t look up to her as she spoke, “There’s always evidence. And I will find it.”
She let out a breathy laugh, “You want me gone that badly?”
“No. I wanted to see you build on your potential and become a great doctor. But it’s too late for that. And I call I can do is use your mistakes to show your fellow doctors that rules exist for a reason and that every decision has a cost. Unfortunately, your decision is one that may cost you your future…” Taking off her rubber gloves, Harper headed over to the sink, “We’re done in here, you can scrub down.”
Taking a large gulp, Jordynne did as she was told.
_______________________________________________________________________
Leaning up against the hallway wall, Jordynne put her head back and closed her eyes. She was back in her another pair of blue scrubs — cleaned up from the surgery. She was just around the corner from Rafael’s room — taking a breather.
She had just had her hands inside another human — no, not just another human, her friend. Relief had washed over her once they said the surgery was successful and he would be okay. But the anxiety had crept back up as she waited for him to awake.
God, what a day.
Digging in her pocket, she pulled out her phone. Her eyes raked through her notifications — mom, dad, Jason, Kenzie, roommate group chat (minus Landry)… But no Ethan.
Chewing her lip, she clicked on his name once more and put the phone to her ear.
Dr. Ethan Ramsey, you know what to do.
Jordynne let out a long breath, not bothering to say hi or her name. “I’m really torn between wanting to talk to you so badly and wanting to get over you. Maybe if I — no, if I heard your voice it would probably just make things worse. I like the sound of your voice so much, I hate it.
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Ethan. I— I really needed you today. And I know a good doctor wouldn’t admit that, and I need to do this on my own. And I needed you as more than just a mentor. I really, really hope you’re okay Ethan. ‘Cause I’m not.” Her voice broke.
She trailed off, her eyebrows furrowing as she closed her eyes, “I don’t mean to put that on you. I know — I know you have enough going on. I’ll stop — Just don’t do anything stupid. Please.”
Ending the call, she felt a hot tear run down her cheeks as she shoved the phone back in her pocket. And all at once, she felt so alone. And it had nothing to do with the empty hallway.
_______________________________________________________________________
Later that night, the hospital was finally calm — the hallways no longer filled with lingering families and patients without beds. Jordynne was perched awkwardly in the chair next to Rafael’s bed — her knees pulled up to her chest and head resting on her shoulder. Her green eyes were fluttering as she fought off sleep.
“Unhhh,” The sound caused her to sit up. Opening her eyes wider, she noticed Rafael stirring.
“Raf! You’re awake!” She moved her legs back down, pulling her chair closer to his bed.
“Mmff…,” He blinked slowly, “I think… so? Jordynne?”
She grabbed onto his tan hand, a rush of relief waving over her to see his eyes open.
“Yeah, it’s me.” A small smile spread across her face, “Do you remember what happened?”
His dark brow furrowed, “I was at work? There was a subway… subway thing?” Looking down at his bandages, he spoke again, “I guess I was hurt?”
“Yeah. You saved a young girl’s life.”
A weak smile spread across his face. “Is she okay?”
Jordynne nodded, “A twisted ankle, and a few scratches. She’s back with her dad. She’ll be fine.”
“Good.” Confusion spread across his face as he felt the bandages on his torso again, “Did — did I have surgery?”
“You had major surgery. And surgical was short-staffed, so I had to help.” She grimaced, remembering the sensation of feeling his appendix with her own hands.
“Hold on. You mean you were, uh… in here?” He gestured to his bandages, his eyebrows raised.
“Yeah. Wrist deep, actually.” She pursed her lips and scrunched her nose.
A laugh escaped him before he winced and grabbed his stomach, “Well, that’s intimate.”
She rolled her eyes, “Bryce was there too if that does it for you. But don’t laugh. You’ll pop a stitch.”
The room turned quiet, and Jordynne stared down into her hands, “I keep thinking about how your face looked when you came in…” Tears welled up in her mind as images of him first being rolled into the E.R. and the surgery flashed into her mind. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
A line formed in-between his brows, “What? My job?”
She shook her head at him, “It’s not your job to die for your patients.”
“But it is my job to save them.” He said matter of factly.
Letting out a sigh, she repeated the advice Ethan had given her. “You can’t save everyone.”
“I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I didn’t at least try. And I know you’re the same — I know what you’re like with your patients.” He grabbed onto her hand tighter, gripping her fingers.
“I don’t put my life at risk Raf. What if trying kills you?” Tears welled up in her eyes, and she did her best to keep them from falling.
His dark eyes noticed the tears forming, and he gave her a sad smile, “Then I’ll die well. I am who I am, Jordy. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Letting out an exasperated sigh, she looked over her shoulder and noticed Bryce through the window. He waved through the glass, giving her a tight-lipped smile.
Rafael noticed Bryce and beckoned him in.
Taking her hand away from him, Jordynne stood up just as Bryce entered the room.
“Hey, bud. How are you feeling?” Bryce asked, his voice more quiet than usual.
“Good, all things considered.” He pointed down at his bandages, “Jordynne told me that you had a lot to do with this. So, thank you.”
“Now I can tell people I saved Superman.” He flashed him a smile, before turning over to Jordynne. “Do you mind if I steal your doting Doctor away?”
Licking his lips, Rafael nodded. “Of course.”
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Jordynne said, grabbing onto the edge of the door and heading out with Bryce into the hallway. The lights were dimmed down — she could see the downtown lights of Boston through the window at the end of the hall.
“Hey.” Bryce breathed out, catching her eye finally.
“Hey.” She met his eye, studying his face, “You look exhausted. Have you been in surgery this whole time?”
He let out a breathy laugh, flashing her a smile, “I’ve been on three more since I saw you last. Today’s been — insane.”
“It sure has,” She rubbed at her face — not able to match his energy.
“Hey, don’t worry. I looked over Rafael’s vitals… he’s doing great. Barring any complications, he’ll make a full recovery. Superman’ll be back throwing himself into burning buildings and saving kittens from trees in no time.”’
Wrapping her arms around her torso, she looked down at the ground, “That’s great news, Bryce.”
“Man, talking about looking exhausted.” He eyed the dark circles under her eyes, “When did your shift end?”
Looking down at her smartwatch, she heaved out a sigh, “Two hours ago?”
“Yeah, mine too. You should head home.” He rubbed her shoulder.
“I’m not sure I want to do that…”
He nodded in understanding, “Then let’s get outta here and find something fun to do. With everything that’s been going on, I know I could blow off some steam. I’m guessing you could too.”
She chewed her pink lip, “Today has been pretty stressful…”
“And I know just the cure for that.”
Jordynne raised her eyebrow, questioning.
“It doesn’t have to be that. Unless you want it to be.”
Jordynne didn’t know how to reply — her mind already whirling from the day, never mind with the complex situation that had arisen between the pair of them. She hugged her torso a little tighter.
Looping his arm around her, he started pulling her down the hallway, “Come on, I know exactly what you need.”
Ten minutes later, she found herself sitting outside of a small restaurant on cheap patio furniture. She was picking at the large plate of cheese fries sat between the two of them.
“Elijah told me about Landry. I really didn’t have him pegged as that kind of guy.” Bryce said as he put a large fry in his mouth.
Jordynne played with the straw of her drink, not looking up, “Me neither.”
He shook his head, his blonde highlights falling over his face, “What kind of person can just lie like that?” His face twisted in disgust.
“… Me?” Jordynne said, her voice cracking. Looking back down at the table, she started chewing the inside of her lip harder than before.
His eyebrow’s furrowed in confusion, “What? No way! You’re lying to protect yourself!”
She shrugged, “Maybe he was, too.”
She finally caught his eye — his golden-brown eyes were crinkled with worry. “Well, I was trying to make you feel better, and I can see I’ve done a terrible job.”
“No, Bryce, you’re great.” She sighed, feeling guilty, “I just wish I knew if I was going to survive this investigation. All of this waiting and dreading… it’s killing me.”
He pushed the plate of food in between them away and grabbed her hand, “You will. I know you will.”
“Bryce… this is a situation where confidence won’t help me.”
His fingers gripped onto hers tighter, and flashed her his megawatt smile, “Sorry, confidence is pretty much all I have on tap.”
Her mouth twitched, “If I get through this with my career intact … and that’s a big if… I’m gonna play by the rules from now on.”
His touch on her loosened, and he looked taken aback, “You don’t mean that, do you?”
“Absolutely, if it means I get to keep being a doctor.” She nodded.
“But fighting for what’s right is what makes you a great doctor.” His voice got louder, more passionate, “Mrs. Martinez wouldn’t want you to change or surrender. She’d want you to keep helping people stuck in the system.”
Jordynne’s green eyes locked with his brown ones — they had turned dark and intense. He hesitated for a moment, before leaning across the table and kissing her lightly on the mouth. “I don’t know if I’m supposed to do that anymore…”
She bit her lip, “Me neither.” Looking down at her hands, she spoke quietly, “Thank you for believing in me.”
“I just don’t want you to stop being yourself.” His knuckles stroked the back of her hand.
The pair ate in silence again — the only sound was the cars rolling by and the soft music from inside the restaurant was all that could be heard.
“Have you heard from Ramsey?” Bryce asked breaking the silence, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“No. And at this point I really don’t think I will.” She put down her fork, before looking up and giving him a sad smile. Suddenly, she had completely lost her appetite.
“You’re not going to go home tonight, are you?”
She shook her head — her blonde hair moving wildly, “I’m going to head back to the hospital and see how Rafael’s doing.”
“Let me walk you back?” He offered, grabbing onto the back of his chair and helping her up.
The pair walked back Edenbrook in silence — Jordynne was unsure if it was comfortable or not. She wasn’t very sure of anything right now.
Outside the hospital entrance, Bryce hugged her tightly at the hospital entrance, “Just make sure you get some sleep sometime tonight too, okay?”
She gave him a small smile, “I’ll try.”
______________________________________________________________________
Jordynne did her best to keep her promise.
She was propped up on the chair in Rafael’s room — the flickering, blue light of the television flashing over the pair. Her sweater was thrown over her torso to keep her warm — her feet thrown over the armrests.
Raf was long passed out now — his face peaceful as he rested on the white hospital bed. His hand was dangling off the side — having fallen asleep holding her hand, watching the TV.
Her eyes flickered open once again — blurry from exhaustion. She was stiff — from sleeping in the chair and being on her feet all day. A tension headache was building in her neck and behind her ears.
Her mind was reeling again. She was thinking about what Bryce had said. And Rafael. And Chief Emery.
She didn’t regret what she had done for Mrs. Martinez. She didn’t. Would she do it again? What would be the cost?
Getting out of the chair as quietly as possible, Jordynne tip-toed out of the room.
Danny gave her a small smile from the nurse’s station — a phone glued to his ear and wedged between his head and shoulder.
She gave him a nod, ducking her head as she tried to avoid anyone else still working the night shift. Finding the secluded corner in the stairwell from before, she slumped down against the cold wall.
She fumbled through her contacts once again — putting the phone to her ear as she listened to the ringing.
Her heart leaped as it picked up, and she heard a quiet voice, “Hello?”
“Dad?” Jordynne croaked out, his voice breaking.
“Kiddo?” Her dad said groggily. “Hold on, one sec.” There was a sound of shuffling, before he came back, “Hey, everything okay?”
“I’m sorry I woke you... I — I wasn’t thinking,” She shook her head, even though he couldn’t see it.
“That’s okay, kiddo. What’s going on?”
She let out a sigh, “I don’t know...”
“I saw what happened on the news with the subway — your mom said that you were okay.”
She gulped, “I may have lied... I’m not okay.”
“What’s wrong, Jordy?” Her dad asked — his voice attentive.
A sob escaped her, and she heard him take a sharp breath at the sound. “I—I’m under investigation at the hospital. One of my patients -she, she died.” She finally got out.
“Did you do something wrong?” She could hear the frown on his face.
She sniffed, trying to calm down, “Technically? Yes. Morally? No.”
“Would you do it again?”
“Yes.” She answered quickly. She hadn’t meant it when she told Bryce she would just play by the rules — that wasn’t her. She didn’t regret what she did.
And she was sick of hiding and sulking around the hospital like she did.
“Then you have your answer, Kiddo.” He took a deep breath, “What are our rules?”
She wiped at the tears streaking her cheeks, reciting them, “Do the right thing. Do the best you can. And always show people you care.”
“They applied when you are six and they still apply when you’re twenty-seven.” He let out a soft laugh, before turning serious again, “You have a such a good heart. You always have.”
“Thanks, dad.” She closed her eyes for a moment — envisioning him and her mom and their family home in her mind, “I really miss you.”
“I miss you too.” He let out a yawn, “Love you kid.”
“Love you too,” She mumbled, before ending the call.
She stares at the blank screen for a moment longer before pushing herself off of the cold, contents floor.
Tightening her ponytail, Jordynne marched down the hallway towards the elevator.
She knew what she had to do.
_______________________________________________________________________
A weird wet sensation caused Ethan to stir awake. Looking down, he realized that Jenner was licking his hand.
Swallowing hard, Ethan forced himself to open his eyes — even the sunlight coming in from the next room was enough to cause excruciating pain. His last few days of “coping” has finally caught up to him — and his head-splitting migraine was making him recall just how many glasses of scotch he had actually had.
Stumbling out of his bed, he kicked at the white sheets tangled around his bare ankles before making his way to the bedroom door.
Like a zombie, he padded his way into the kitchenette in the beach house and prayed he had coffee somewhere in the cabinets. He let out a sigh of relief as he found a rolled-up bag of grounds and began to pour it into the coffee maker.
Grabbing the remote for the TV off of the counter, Ethan lazily turned it on — standing behind the island in only his boxers. He rubbed at his sore back and neck — lazily scrolling through the channels with no sound on.
He heard the satisfying sound of the coffee beginning to pour through the filter from behind him. His eyebrows furrowed as he came across the news — images of Boston, ambulances, and EMT. He recognized the street instantly — it wasn’t too far from the Edenbrook.
Fumbling with the remote, he turned on the sound and he heard the news anchors voice fill the living room. “Early yesterday afternoon, a red line subway derailed crashing into the —“
He didn’t hear any of the other words the anchor was saying — his heart pounding in his ears drowned her out. Heat spread across his neck, his chest tightening. He stood dumbfounded for a moment — watching the video capture of EMTs and firefighters running around the scene.
“Authorities have reported that there are over one hundred injured, with several in critical care. There have been no reported deaths from this incident. City officials are sure unsure of what causes the derail — but the investigation is still ongoing.”
With wild eyes, Ethan scrambled around looking for his cellphone. When he found it, he clutched onto it failing to put in his password several times. Finally getting in, Ethan scrolled through the countless notifications — missed calls, texts, voicemails from Edenbrook’s reception, Naveen, Harper, Jordynne...
It was five in the morning, he shouldn’t call them. Especially those still employed at Edenbrook — they probably only went to bed a few hours ago. He knew what that day would be like that — he had had too many of those days.
But Jordynne hadn’t. Her first triage and he had left her high and dry. Instead, he was drunk on the beach in Cape Cod. He ground his molars together despising himself — that was the point of all of this wasn’t it? That he couldn’t help her anymore. He wasn’t what she thought he was.
Putting the phone to his ear, he quickly went through his voicemails — most of them were pleas from the hospital and Emery asking for him to come in. He quickly deleted them, not being able to stand the desperation in their voices. But one voice made him stop.
“Ethan, it’s Jordynne. I know you’re not answering your calls or texts and you’re probably already deep into like your third bottle of scotch by now… But there was a really bad accident on the subway, and I know Ethan Ramsey would never take the subway in his life, and I overheard Chief Emery say you were out of town but I just really need to know if you’re okay. Please. Tell anyone... it doesn’t have to be me. Please, Ethan.”
Ethan gulped, shutting his eyes. She knew him too well.
“I’m really torn between wanting to talk to you so badly and wanting to get over you. Maybe if I — no, if I heard your voice it would probably just make things worse. I like the sound of your voice so much, I hate it. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Ethan. I— I really needed you today. And I know a good doctor wouldn’t admit that, and I need to do this on my own. And I needed you as more than just a mentor. I really, really hope you’re okay Ethan. ‘Cause I’m not.”
His heart twisted with guilt — filled with conflict. Chewing on the inside of his lip, he saved the messages and hesitated before clicking the next one. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another voicemail listening to Jordynne’s aching voice.
“Ethan...,” It was Harper’s voice this time — but unlike her other messages, she didn’t sound desperate or angry. She sounded exhausted. “I knew you wouldn’t answer. But I thought you should hear it from me — I suspended Dr. Holland. She admitted to administering the drug to Mrs. Martinez. We are having an ethics hearing — If doesn’t change anything, and you can’t do anything to change it. I just — I guess I just figured you would want to know.”
Staring blankly at the wall, Ethan processed what he had just heard. Suspended? She was being investigated? She hadn’t told him…
Feeling angry at himself, Ethan pulled his fingers into a tight fist. He hadn’t given her the chance to even tell him — he was being too selfish to even ask.
Stumbling into the bedroom, Ethan pulled on the first clothes he could find — crumbled up trousers and a well-worn sweater. Jenner jumped up at his sudden movement, suddenly on alert. He searched desperately for his car keys and wallet, the only things he had brought with him on his spur of the moment trip. Dumping his coffee into a travel mug, he grabbed water for Jenner before whistling for the dog to follow him out of the door.
Sitting in the leather seat of his Mercedes, Ethan took a giant swig of coffee, settled Jenner onto his lap and reversed the car out of the driveway of the beach house and towards Boston.
The bottles of scotch sitting in the house were long forgotten.
Next Chapter: Part Seventeen
39 notes
·
View notes