#me staring at the posts in my queue | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elderwisp · 2 months

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i keep thinking about the love is comic about atlas and taryn and my brain chemistry is forever altered i’ll get back to you by next friday bc most of u will understand

#me staring at the posts in my queue #mm yes #heartache #yum!#elderwisp speaks

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front-facing-pokemon · 4 months

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#something is very obviously different about these two compared to my normal images on this blog. i acknowledge this #also the sv model is Really good. and since they always stare straight at the camera anyway… and no one pays attention to the background…#and the only high-quality phantump model i could find was so horribly shiny that its eyes were just white voids #in my defense‚ phantump always just stare straight at you in game #the lighting is different‚ yeah. that's probably the dead giveaway. beyond the background. but like. i'm the only being on the planet who #really likes phantump anyway. i feel like it's a generally forgettable pokémon to most folks #phantump #HELLO this one is a weird one. i have some explaining to do. so when i did this one i didn't know how to edit models really at all #and when i got the models for these‚ the xy models were super shiny. shiny to the point that it made their eyes fuckin invisible #and i decided that since you could barely tell it was phantump‚ i needed a different way to get these images #i remembered that in the SV dlc‚ every time you find a wild phantump‚ it just fucking. stares. at you. and i was like. aha #i kinda remembered because of the test stream that i did. tumblr user alligayytorr (am i getting the right amount of Ys) said #“haha i am getting a sneak peek” when i zoomed the camera in on a phantump. and i remembered that. and i was like. i can utilize this #and ended up using just an in-game screenshot of SV in replacement of the regular content. later on‚ after that #once we got into gen 7 and it became less and less reliable to find models‚ i had to learn how to edit them manually to remove the shine #i am a software dev. not a 3d modeler. this ended up coming down to editing the code of the models directly (which i ended up writing a #script to automate). now‚ today‚ january 22nd (the day of me writing these tags and updating this post)‚ i remembered this post was in the #queue and was not normal. so i went back‚ ran the script on the phantump and trevenant models‚ and unshinified them #then edited these two posts to be normal. i have left the original pictures i took under the cut for reference and as bonuses #because i really enjoy phantump. so that's why those images are there‚ and that's why these tags are here #just for posterity's sake‚ the folks who come here mostly for my commentary‚ i've left the ORIGINAL tags of the post when i initially #made it with the SV pictures up at the top (i wanted to rearrange them‚ but tumblr makes that Very difficult‚ so i left them as-is)#so if these tags are confusing to read i Apologize. but i hope now that you're at the bottom you understand what happened #i'm gonna go edit the trevenant post now

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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yeetusthemighty · 7 hours

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The creechur

The silly (crazy? I was crazy onc-)

So I got inspired to finally post this guy because of this post by @z4n3jul13n (cool person you should look at their stuff)

full version with my doodles under the cut

(I have a whole au based off of this guy)

#So.#the silly.#stares at the like 17 long rambling basically essays in my notes app about this guy #Also looking at the number of layers and how long this took I really need to streamline my process for drawing because damn.#This should not have taken almost 24 hours it is not even full artwork #ANYWAYS so how we feelin #Once again thanks to z4n3jul13n for making the post that got me motivated to post this #I’m not actually done with the au in question so I was kinda hesitant to post it but yeah #Ok now to tag this #art #digital art #ninjago #ice emperor #ninjago season 11 #ninjago crystalized #Crystalized Ice Emperor #Yippieee #This is what that one post I reblogged was about #The whole waiting until the thing is finished #i am at it again #YOOO SO WHILE I WAS MAKING THIS POST THEY POSTED THEIR DESIGN FOR CRYSTALIZED ICE EMPEROR AND LIKE WHAT ITS SO COOL #Wow the tags got long ok I’ll queue this for lateerrr #Turns out I don’t know how to use the queue have this now

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nulltune · 1 month

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GRRMMGHH (<- WEIRD LYNN SOUNDS) I'VE BEEN HECKA DEAD SORRY BUT i've been Extra busy with thesis work so i can't see myself bein here that often so 🥹

blog is in semi-hiatus (?) 🙏 activity will be real low and sporadic!!!

idk what to call it tbh!!! but i'll be poppin in every now and then bc 🥺 I DO MISS BEIN HERE WEEEPSS i hope everyone has been welll !!! 💓💞

#&&. out of #also pls amg my last post was smth from my queue from who knows how long ago.....#KINDA EMBARRASSING SGCKSBDJ RADIO SILENCE AND THEN ME BEIN A LIL HATER 😭😭 /LH #BUT GOSH I DO MISS BEIN HERE BUT time.... life...... -kermit staring out the window.png-

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qiekzart · 8 months

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he fail in the minesweeper :(

its october the 4th you know what that means (day 4 of drawing kaiba every day of october). 4/10/2023

did not know how to take this so heres kaiba going thru every stage of grief at once bcuz he lost at minesweeper. do with this what you will

sorry for bad art i was eepy. if this is somehow a reference to smth i dont get then im going to go missing out of pure shame

[plz reblog] [requests still open read pinned for info.]

#queueing bcuz i might be asleep after im done drawign this other one. shoul be posted around 2:30pm utc+8:00 #also sorry for bad hands. i tried my best. i was staring at a reference the entir time tho #I AM SO SORRY FOR THE BAD ART! PLEASE FORGIVE ME. I WILL GET BETTER I REALLY PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!#art #my art #plz reblog #yugioh #ygo #yu gi oh #yugioh dm #yugioh duel monsters #yugioh kaiba #kaiba yugioh #yugioh fanart #uhmmm #seto kaiba #IM GONNA PUT EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA EFFORT INTO THE NEXT ART AS AN APOLOGY!!!!!!!!!#mokuba kaiba

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gooboogy · 9 months

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Mr meat man, meat me a man

#i love him so much #i adore him #look at his little eyes #tma #just stares at him lovingly #the magnus archives #jared #jared hopworth #meat posting #goobarts #art #yeah yeah i know what his description is in the gym membership episode #however this is the handsome man that comes to mind. to me.#meat toadgator #i had him set up later in my art queue but i moved him up for today #bc i love himmmm #i want to look at him foreevverrr

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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whumpacabra · 5 months

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22. Strangers

Referenced blood and torture, referenced past captivity, law enforcement mention, military mention, firearm mention, fictional politics

AU Masterpost / Previous / Next

Thomas was fine - really, just swell. First day on the job without the Sheriff in town and not only do two strangers show up, they’re half a step from the grave and terrified beyond belief, barging into the gas station while his baby sister is at the register. It didn’t help that they had nearly crashed a (stolen?) humvee into Dan’s mailbox.

The old medic had left on foot to get some supplies for Merrill - her partner would drive him back over soon. In the meantime, Tom was talking himself down from a panic attack while waiting for the Trautmire’s towtruck.

Just looking at the blood soaked passenger seat made him queasy. He redirected his gaze to between the seats, catching sight of the duffel Harrison had mentioned - something about a hard drive.

Evidence.

Tom would be lying if he told the man he took his word for it when he started spouting off about being tortured by American soldiers. But he didn’t exactly have evidence to the contrary, and his gut wasn’t being cooperative with this fact. He blamed it on the blood and excitement of the last few hours, that the fact that entertaining the stranger’s story made him feel hollowed out.

Sheriff Clifford couldn’t get back soon enough.

He fished the duffel from the seats, surprised by its weight as he hefted it out of the vehicle and onto Dan’s driveway. A preliminary glance at the contents made his heart hammer. Certainly military grade firearms nestle among handfuls of cartridges, clips, and loose ammunition. Closer inspection revealed folded up clothes, water bottles, a crushed sleeve of saltines and -

A manila folder?

It wasn’t the hard drive Harrison had begged him to bring inside, but if he was being honest, Thomas wasn’t quite sure what he was looking for. But a pale folded among the dark guns and clothes stood out like a sore thumb.

The bold red ‘confidential’ and ‘top secret’ stamps were a bit eye catching as well.

Half of him wanted to laugh it off as a prank (it wasn’t, not the way Harrison’s eyes shone with terror and grief and exhaustion). The other half was wary that this was some hostile operation, as ridiculous a target as a town of less than fifty people was.

The third half (Thomas didn’t pride himself on his maths) was curious to the point of trepidation - if it was all true, what did that mean? What legal recourse did these men have? He couldn’t begin to imagine the proceedings.

But he could pick up the folder.

It was thicker than he anticipated, dozens of papers with their clips and staples crammed into the sleeve. The tab simply read “The Wolf.”

He could see that man’s face clearly in his mind’s eye, the desperate, angry, terrified expression wrapped in bloody gauze looking up at him like Thomas was a walking nightmare. Any offense he took at that notion was tempered by the sight of his scarred, brutalized torso.

The fact that Merrill asked him to leave when she was treating his injuries below the belt made him shudder to imagine what this folder held.

Before he could crack it open, Lucy’s 64 impala came screeching to the curb. Dan hopped out, bag of supplies in hand. He nodded to the deputy, eyeing the duffel bag with a raised brown before continuing inside.

Lucy took her time, stepping over the dried splashes of blood on the driveway. She paused at the tilted mailbox, righting it only for it to lean lopsided once more. With a huff she marched up to Thomas, fluffy white hair freshly permed.

“Steph sounded pretty shook up when she called for Mer.” The old woman’s eyes were soft behind her thick glasses. “How you holding up kiddo?”

The manila folder was held in shaking hands.

“Sheriff didn’t answer on the radio. Might have to call over to Derby - these boys are in a bad way.”

“Trouble follow them?”

“Not that I know of.” Not yet.

Dan poked his head out the door, a short whistle catching their attention. He gestured, beckoning them inside. They must have finished taking care of the strangers. For now.

—

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Thomas shuddered, head in his hands as he sat at Dan’s kitchen table. The report from the two medics was…well, the coffee in his mug was certainly going untouched until his stomach settled.

“I’ve seen refugees and prisoner’s of war in better shape than those two.” Merrill’s face was etched in stone, a sharp contrast to Lucy’s tearful expression. “Multiple people were involved in this. For a very long time - at least a few years for Wolf, given his scarring.”

“The eight months Harrison reported to you would be consistent with his condition.” Dan’s eyes were bright, rage simmering in them as he rubbed a thumb over his newly acquired bruises. “I’m inclined to believe his story. What abridged version we have.”

“You seemed doubtful, Thomas.” Merrill nodded to him, hands clasped around her mug of tea. “What did you find in the duffel?”

He bit his lip, sliding the manila folder to the table’s center.

“Lots of ammunition, guns, and general bug-out-bag supplies. Supposedly there’s a hard drive someone were in there too. This…I haven’t opened this yet.”

Marrill shared a glance with Dan before pulling the file toward her side of the table, running her fingers over the stamps and label. She opened it slowly, steady as a familiar face peaked from the first piece of paper.

The Wolf stared dead eyed at the camera, far healthier than he was sleeping in the guest room but somehow far less alive. The burn scars down the left side of his neck were still pink, no silver luster from age.

She carefully detached the image from its paper clipped files and pushed it to the others to look at as she scanned the first document. It was heavily redacted - names, dates, locations blotted out.

Merrill scoffed; she had worked with redacted documents before. It wouldn’t be easily or quick, but she could figure out the finer details. What she could read wasn’t particularly insightful - not with what she had already seen written in that man’s broken body and desperate eyes.

The titles of the redacted lines pricked at her long retired journalist instincts. Date admitted. Project milestones. Handler. Overseer. The box labeled ‘Date Liquidated’ was empty.

“I can get the redacted information out of these with some time.” She wasn’t sure Thomas wanted her to, the way his face had sallowed to a shade of green. “But these are official documents.” She held the folder out, pointing to the stamp in the corner. “CIA.”

“So what do we…do about that?” Lucy had been quiet, squeezing Merrill’s hand under the table. She hadn’t seen war the way her partner and Dan had, but she understood the dire situation these two men found themselves in nonetheless.

“Keep it quiet. Keep it low. Give it time - maybe get some of the Trautmire’s to help demo that humvee before someone comes looking for it.”

“But - ” Thomas scrubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm, anger burning in his throat. “They can’t get away with this - we can’t just, just keep these boys locked up here for the rest of their lives.”

“Whistleblowers don’t live long, kid.” Dan’s eyes were dark, a tight frown on his lips. “If Harrison wants to bring that hard drive to light, that’s on him.”

“We can’t just - just pretend nothing’s happened.”

“Never said that. But unless you want your murder made a suicide in print, we need to be smart about this.”

“We - the FBI? NSA? Couldn’t they help?”

“Doubt it.” Merrill was flipping through the files, jaw tight. “Looks like Wolf worked with the NSA. Something here about a Project Sandbox.”

“Harrison mentioned being in a bunker, out in the desert. Sounds like a sandbox to me.” Dan shot Thomas a sympathetic look, the younger man seething with impotent rage. “Son, Sheriff’ll have a better bead on what we do next. Until he gets back, we watch their backs and each others. Get the Carlisle boys to do a sweep on the outskirts - better safe than sorry.”

“Should we call a town meeting?” Lucy’s eyes were sharp behind her glasses.

“Nah, not yet.” Merrill closed the folder with a sigh, slipping the photograph into the file. “Don’t want folks panicking. And the less that know about these boys, the less they can let spill to any strangers who come knocking.”

“Mind if I get Steph home then?” Thomas gave the older folk at the table a sheepish glance. “She - Lucy you said she wasn’t sounding too well when she called ya. She’ll want to know…everything’s alright.”

“Go on, tell Carl she wasn’t feeling well. Get her home safe, then get on with gettin’ the Carlisles on some rounds. I’ll call the Trauts and ask ‘em about breaking down that truck.” Dan nodded to the deputy as he stood, pressing his hat back onto his head. “Relax, kid. If they got this far without a tail, chances are those fuckers ain’t got a clue where to start sniffing. We’ve got plenty of time.”

Time before they were, inevitably, tracked down. Thomas wasn’t sure what he would do then, but that was a problem for the (hopefully) distant future.

AU Masterpost / Previous / Next

(An AU of my Freelancers series)

Taglist: @i-eat-worlds

#whump #referenced captivity #referenced torture #blood #law enforcement #military mention #firearm mention #freelancers au #yall a few days ago: i dont trust tom hes sus.#me. having written this from his pov weeks ago: woe. tommy pov be upon ye.#i have Plans tm for this lad dont yall worry none about him #idk why but this chapter has been stressing me out to post lmao #literally took it outta my queue this morning bc my brain is mean #but I can’t be assed to rewrite it so. take this serviceable chapter so we can move on to more fun stuff #AAAAA I KEEP SAVING THIS AND STARING AT IT IM POSTING IT FEEL FREE TO LOOK AWAY I CANT STAND THIS CHAPTER ANYMORE

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wonder-worker · 3 months

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I know it’s never going to happen, but I need a gothic period drama about Eleanor Cobham right now

#eleanor cobham #humphrey duke of gloucester #also Eleanor Tomlinson is the perfect casting choice nobody is allowed to disagree with me #the question is who should play Home Fry (if it's Aidan Turner we'd have ready-made visuals thanks to Poldark)#(though I've not watched it so I can't say how good or bad their chemistry is)#I literally ended up lying on the bed while staring at the ceiling and planning this period drama in my head for 30 minutes lol #Maybe I'll add some of my thoughts to this post in a few days #(I have that self-indulgent 3-episode documentary plan for EoY as well rip but it's lost in my drafts)#my post #queue

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cats-thoughts · 1 year

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a frog, two bird-cats, a phoenix, a raccoon moth, a moth, a pumpkin-crab, a devil?, a bird-cat-raccoon-deer?, a bunny^2, and a cat walk into the room-

my mutuals r better than everyone else's mutuals /silly

#follow the fallow :]#I almost made 1 of us carry them but naah its funnier 2 just. we follow. they r the leader #i turned wisp into a moth >:D get moth'd idiot /aff #heheh. bunny squared. heheheheh #hey -gets unreasonably attached 2 people in my phone who i don't even necessarily talk to i just. see them there-#i do have very epic mutuals tho ^.^#artwithcat #okay so from left to right its Fallow Zombie Art Gumy Wallace Wisp Captain Nix Ghost Me and Froglord :]#this took 6 and a half hours :D tho like half of them were probably just me staring at the screen/being tabbed out lol #should i wait 2 post this until later when my mutuals are actually online? yes. will I? no i want 2 post it now #what is a queue never heard of her there is only now when online

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simmingonthelow · 10 months

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Get to Know ME?

I tagged myself lol .......cause why not?

What’s your favourite Sims death?

The vampire one....there's a vampire one right? (or this could be a mod, i dunno)

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Why not both, cause I can't decide so i take both.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

I do! but the crazy part is that I have to cheat the weight up, cause every time I make my sims and leave them as townies or whatever they always end up skinny (lowest on the slider) and i'm real mad because when did I say they could do that? stwwwww...anyways if someone knows how to fix this do tell cause I'm TIRED of that happening.

Do you use move objects?

Yup! don't we all!

Favourite Mod?

extre- *ehem* slice of life modules and anything else that adds autonomy.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

(¬‿¬)

Do you pronounce live mode or aLIVE or LiVing?

Living 😞 (which one is it?)

Who’s your favourite sim that you’ve made?

I'm sorry i don't have just one but SHANA Starks🥺🔥 and MACHA Wording 😤😩. My babies, my children, my everything .......and all my other sims but those two are in first first place while the rest are in second first place 🙃.

Have you made a simself?

I have. Its my pfp rn (sporting the hairstyle I seriously want to be in at this moment 😖😔). It hasn't been updated in a while though.

Which is your favourite EA hair colour?

The light blue one ( I say this and I almost never use it)

Favourite EA hair?

I meaaaaannnn i don't really use many, but the ones with the baby hairs cause they all slap!

Favourite life stage?

Infants cause mine are soooo darn cute! Young adults is close second here.

Are you a builder or are you in it for gameplay?

Gameplay cause I can't build 😭.

Are you a CC creator?

Nah but i'd like to be!

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

Yes (i think?!)! @latte-trait, @shittyysimblr, @void-imp, @neriney, @lilypixels,@liliumsims, @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy, @emzchaos,@seasonalbeauties,@salemssimblr,@coatedinhoney and many other (i'm not too sure about these or the rest cause [so i won't list them 😔] ..........(*/ω＼*) it could all be para-social but if you see this, yes! I'm talking about you too!)

Do you have any sims merch?

no

How has your “Sims Style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I don't really considered the change drastic or anything for the most part. There were some subtle changes as time passed. BUT! My babies ate from the start to the finish, they just didn't all eat the same thing.

Whats your Origin ID?

uuuuuhhhh....shhhhhh its a secret (❁´◡`❁)

Who’s your favourite CC creator?

I'm a lover of cc so I think it be too much to list it all. What I can say is that i'm in love with them all 🥺!

How long have you had simblr?

uhhhhh 3 years? i dunno, i don't really keep track.

How do you edit your pictures?

With gimp

What expansion/ stuff pack is your favourite?

All occults cause i'm a sucker for my monster bbies 😩🥺😤

i’m tagging @crsentfairy, @cinamun, @coatedinhoney, @latte-trait, @shittyysimblr , @void-imp, @neriney, @lilypixels,@liliumsims, @morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy, @emzchaos, @seasonalbeauties, @salemssimblr, @coatedinhoney, and any other person that sees this and wants to do it!

#I got this from mal-functioning's page #staring at my pfp rn to find the urge to do my hair 🙂#as a big beautiful gal myself i find it irritating to go into my save and find my simself with way waaaay less pounds than she started #cause baybee where did all your body go?#Macha literally has me in a chokehold! I just do know how to express how she makes me feel to you guys 😭😖!#Shana was the sim i started posting about when i started this simblr and i love her to bits!#i vaguely remember my alpha skin detail phase......and it felt like a fever dream fr...cause maybe i didn't know what to do😞#but alas! that was short lived #if i left you out as a simblr friend im sorrrrrrryyyy 😭#I just don't want to be weird (chances are...i am but anyway) and assume stuff about us🥺 and how good we are! (or could be!)#was telling some of my simblr friend that i apparently don't live in a house cause i can't build for NOTHINGGGG!!😭😭😭#*queues the Cinderella running meme😖😞*#while i do really like extreme violence #i promise i don't really use it offent. It's just used sometimes for plot #and the time between use is really far #simmingontheknow

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vix2section · 5 months

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i finally acquired a scanner today : ) expect numerous things over the coming days

#my shoxx/etc issues and gothic & lolita bible books staring at me frm across the room #there's 12 ish posts in my queue atm

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erabundus · 1 year

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good morning, i had a dream last night someone sent me an ask and i was genuinely distressed i couldn’t understand it because being in a dream converted it all to gibberish.

#ooc .#mobile tbt .#tbd .#( it was just a sequence of words nonsensically strung together ( <- me describing my writing style also SDFHJD ) )#( i have a few starters in the queue set to post & i’ll be writing more when i get home! )#( i’m being made to stare at these terrible floral print shirts with popped collars all day & i want to draw ren in one……. )

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byanyan · 9 months

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once a thread gets bumped off the first page of my drafts, i completely lose track of it and i hate that sm...

#i am afraid to wander to page 2 or 3 bc i immediately feel overwhelmed and lose all energy to write #...this is why u see me replying to newer threads way more consistently akjshfds #i'm staring at my 56 drafts and crying #tbf a chunk of these are memes i'm hoarding but the majority are threads i want to continue hhhhh #i think i'm gonna have to force myself to drop a few things that are older... even if i don't want to...#and also do another round of 'writing drafts but not posting them until everything is done & i queue it all' soon #idk idk i'm thinking out loud don't mind me i just have too much good stuff and i wanna catch up #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.

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teamhawkeye · 1 year

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I posted 11,407 times in 2022

467 posts created (4%)

10,940 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wingwaver

@jollyfanasties

@killerspinal

@cononeills

@chuckhansen

I tagged 5,283 of my posts in 2022

#video - 393 posts

#marvel - 278 posts

#lmfao - 277 posts

#far cry - 254 posts

#far cry 5 - 243 posts

#mcu - 240 posts

#art - 238 posts

#horror - 222 posts

#ted raimi - 204 posts

#fanart - 191 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and hey at least i got one going well so far lol - i /need/ to get rid of stuff and i've actually gotten rid of a lot now and i'm very proud

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

122 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#4

See the full post

125 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#3

i hadn’t seen this around here at all the last week-ish, so figured I’d share it!

this particular bit really did it for me:

“does anyone ever tell you that you look like Ted Raimi?”

“Yes, all the time...”

TED-

(original)

163 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#2

tumblr_video

GIFs really don’t do justice to just how funny the scenes with Chet and Ash are, so here’s one of my favorites in full

186 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

See the full post

292 notes - Posted March 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#to no one's surprise Ted had some of my biggest new hits hahaha #but to my own surprise FarCry managed to sneak in agdklsahdsdsad #this sounds totally wack with those results staring back at me but i was less active this year than in the past #i jump on - fill my queue to capacity - and hop off mostly lmao. so i am surprised i had posts with notes so to speak

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muirneach · 2 years

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okay park photos incoming lol

#also i took thee best pic of me :3 not gonna show it but its so good its me staring at the sun leaning against the trail railing #with my brown pants + green hawaiian shirt + cowboy coat #also i took one at the lake (which you will see momentarily is. incredibly picturesque)#and just grinning pointing at it like get a load of this #its not a ‘good’ photo of me and i love it #anyways. youre not seeing those but youre seeing the rest of it all #not like. specific singular plants or whatever #cause i just post those to inat and call it a day #but like normal hashtag landscape pics #maybe ill queue some out idk

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unearthlydream · 8 days

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this weekend was hard. this coming weekend is going to be even harder.

funerals are weird and i'm feeling so inadequate in all areas. life moves on and i haven't really processed my mom almost dying let alone this.

i worry that i'll never be enough for anyone. my mind is always 10000 miles away and i worry that not being present is hurting people. its just getting so hard to care about anything. i can barely get myself up for work in the morning, and even when i'm here....i'm not here.

i'm at such a loss and feel like i've overextended the kindness my partner and friends have shown me. everyone has their own things going on and i feel like i should be over this so i can care about a birthday or be there when someone is having a bad day.

and its not that i don't care because i don't love them. i just can't even think about it or notice or remember. i don't have the mental energy to continue pouring into all of these cups but i feel like i don't have a choice. and feeling like that just bogs me down further into a cycle of guilt.

#personal #i just feel so bad all of the time hehehehe #can't even keep a queue steady for my fav internet place because i just dissociate when i'm not actively at work or with people #likei'm really just on the couch or in my car or in bed staring at th wall bc what else is there to do when i feel like such a burden #no one wants me around on a good day and i'm too much to handle and too clingy/attention seeking when i'm not aching #i'm probably even more annoying to deal with now #been thinking about ending it lately and the only thing keepingme here is not wanting to burden my partner and roommate #bc they'd need to pay my bills and make up for what i do financially for the house #and like....... that's so sad lol and i know its sad but at this point i feel like the only value i have to anyone is what i can give them #hehehehe if u read this far ur obligated to like this post bc ur too in my business to not give me a crumb of engagement hehehehe

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