#maybe all of this is incoherent who knows

[winterrrnight]

bsf!Rafe who for once gets jealous and annoyed, and it's reader's time to remind him he's still reader's favorite boy

I adore your mind anon 😭😭 jealousy is such a pretty color on rafe <3 this is fr my favourite pairing to write for at the moment so I’m literally always and forever willing to discuss thoughts on them!! <3

bsf!rafe who gets sad jealous when he sees some other guy flirt with you… <3 listen to babydoll by ari abdul, cause rafe calls reader babydoll hehe <3 cw: suggestive content (no actual smut): intimacy, tension and neck kissing, rafe gets jealous, minimal swearing, rafe calls reader babydoll once, reader is a no bullshit taking kind of person, alcohol consumption <3 for @chenslucy (I love love love you heaps anna 💚)

part of this little universe <3

you didn’t even mean to, it just happened.

he cornered you at the bar when all you wanted was to get some beer for you and rafe, and said things like he’s been looking at you since you came inside the party mansion, and thought you’re the prettiest person he’s ever laid his eyes on. you knew it’s all the alcohol in his system talking; he wasn’t even all up in your face yet you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

it took you quite some time to tear away from the conversation; after a lot of convincing from your side that you were not into him, even when he kept on flattering you more and more. you finally escaped the conversation, letting out a deep sigh as you hold two cups of beer in your hand, the next task being to find rafe in the huge crowds.

little did you know, you were under the microscopic vision of rafe. he was in a corner of the party, watching you with his hawk like eyes as the guy talked with you. he couldn’t hear a thing, but from what he saw from the distance, you were being flirted with, and he wasn’t sure you were trying to avoid him or were enjoying it.

he contemplated coming over to break the conversation off, but decided against it. he didn’t know why, but he decided to just watch it all play out, and to see how you react. but what was not helping was his burning jealousy. how can some other man talk to you that way, and even think of making you his?

with a lot of struggle, you found your way through the crowds and finally spotted rafe. you could see he’s slumped in a corner, a scowl on his face. “here you go,” you said, holding out his cup as you took a sip from your own cup. rafe didn’t even look at you, just took the cup from your hand and gulped down most of the beer in one go.

“geez calm down,” you said, furrowing your brows a bit as you watched him down his drink too quick. he still didn’t look at you, and only finished off the drink in another sip. he tossed the empty plastic cup somewhere aside on the floor, and you watched it roll off and get crunched under someone’s foot.

you looked back up to see rafe’s jaw tightened, the scowl had not left him and his eyes were narrow. he was looking anywhere but at you.

“what’s up with you?” you asked, taking a sip from your drink and peering at him from over the rim of the cup.

“nothin’,” he mumbled incoherently under his breath, still not making any sort of eye contact with you. his eyes roamed around the party almost nervously, as if examining each detail and fixing it in his mind.

you rolled your eyes at his answer. “that’s not gonna cut it, come on, out with it. what’s up?”

he grumbled something incoherently again, but this time, you were not having it at all. the lack of eye contact, the bare minimum words; you had enough.

you took hold of his wrist and practically dragged him out of the party mansion, maneuvering through the sweaty crowd of young adults. rafe got caught off guard at first, but didn’t fight and he followed your lead. you led him outside where it was much more quiet, the music a blur and maybe a person or two hanging out, but it was more or less quite silent. you both were right besides the pool, and you sat down, pulling him with you too.

“what’s wrong? speak up, now, because I’m not having that mumbling nonsense you’ve been doing,” you said, your voice a bit cold as you took a sip of your drink.

you could see rafe looking at the water in the pool, the reflections of the calm water dancing across his handsome face.

“jus’ didn’t like you flirting with that dude, ’s all,” he muttered.

you furrowed your brows at him, almost confused as to what he was referring to but catching up quickly. “I wasn’t flirting with him, he was flirting with me. and being quite forward about it too,”

“yeah but you were smiling and laughing, don’t think I didn’t catch that,” he muttered again, his gaze not leaving the pool water.

“cause I was tryna let him down easy! I didn’t want to come off extremely rude,” you said.

rafe didn’t say anything or looked up from the water. you let out a sigh at the sight and kept your cup aside, scooting closer to him.

“look at me rafe,” you mumbled, your breath dancing across his ear. he slowly turned his head, his blue eyes meeting yours under the reflections of the water; the reflections a subtle green due to the dark green tiles at the bottom of the pool.

“I don’t care about that random dude, at all,” you murmured. “I never would, okay? fuck, I didn’t even catch his name, and frankly, I’m not interested in knowing his name,”

you could see his eyes softening. the moonlight along with the green water reflections lightened his eyes to an electric blue instead of the warm blue you usually saw him with.

“yeah?” he whispered, his brain suddenly registering how close you were to him.

“mhm,” you hum, your hand coming up to rest at the side of his neck as you gently rubbed the skin with your thumb.

you could see rafe’s eyes fluttering when he felt you starting to apply some pressure at the side of his neck, almost as if the sensation was sparking the feeling of pleasure in his veins.

“why would I do that when… I’ve got you?” you whispered, your hand coming off his neck for a moment but quickly replaced by your lips, a gentle kiss delivered under the whites of the moon and the greens of the pool.

rafe let out a soft sigh at the feeling, his head involuntarily tilting back as his hands slipped around your shoulders, holding onto you for stability when your kisses became more repetitive, yet were slow and lingered on his skin for a moment each time.

“you’re my favorite boy, always and forever, and don’t you ever forget that yeah?” you whispered, your lips parting from his neck for a second before attaching themselves back again, the same slow speed carried by you.

you could feel rafe’s nails dig into your shoulders through the fabric of your clothing, and that only prompted you to kiss him even more.

as your lips trailed up to his ear to gently press behind the delicate skin of his ear, rafe’s lips parted to let out the softest gasp, his body only craving that sensation on every inch of his skin.

“oh…” he gasped softly, tightening his hold on your shoulders.

“oh babydoll...”

— —

I think bsf!rafe’s nickname for reader would totally be babydoll, might include that more in the rest of the fics for them :p ANYWAYS I love them so so much and I would love to have any requests you may have for them ahhhh

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron oneshot #rafe cameron concept #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron prompt #bsf!rafe x reader #bsf!rafe #written by edith! 🪄 #anon! 🪄 #edith answers! 🪄

[foreingersgod]

can we get something about Caitlin like after a big win of hers and her girlfriend is on court with Caitlin being all over her? think like Taylor swift and travis after the Super Bowl

Miss Americana & The HeartBreak Prince(ss) . CC

pairing: caitlin clark x reader

synopsis: even if caitlin’s the center of attention, she can’t help but focus on you

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

caitlin had been preparing for this game for months, it felt. there seemed to be endless trainings, camps, and practices just to get her ready for this moment. of course, every game to caitlin was huge, but this? this game would mark the end of her collegiate career, would give her a championship title if iowa could pull it off.

and they did.

with a massive lead of 10 points, caitlin being the top scorer of the night. they had won effortlessly and earned the championship title.

you had watched from court side all night to see your girl play. you had been to every game to support her, but you typically resided farther into the crowd to stay reserved. but recently, with more and more attention falling on caitlin, you’ve become a major hit with the media. once caitlin became a well known basketball star, everyone was curious to know all about her life outside of the sport. this included the age old question: “who is she dating?”

very quickly, you were bombarded with attention. fans commented on her posts about you, interviewers asked her about her girlfriend, everyone wanted to know all about caitlin clark’s biggest cheerleader.

you really hadn’t minded all that much. the questions and inquires about you came across as sweet in your eyes, you were actually quite flattered that all these people wanted to get to know you. but even then it still had its downsides. upon caitlin’s managers request, you were to be in the eye of the public with caitlin as much as possible. this meant doing things like sitting court side for every game even if you didn’t particularly want to. caitlin, of course, loved the idea. she jumped at any opportunity to show you off and talk about you whenever she could. so to her, it was no problem.

once the game had ended, your hands red from clapping and cheeks sore from cheering, you watched as the team celebrated together. watching your girl hold that trophy with the biggest smile on her face was the most heartwarming thing. you let them have their moment before anxiously stepping onto the court to meet caitlin. perhaps it was the excitement from the win or maybe it was just the pure eagerness to see her, but you were practically running across the court to get to her.

“cait!” you shouted from a distance, trying to catch her attention from across the floor.

she spotted you in a split second. caitlin would recognize your voice from anywhere. quickly, she handed the trophy off to someone else, excusing herself from the conversation to go over to you. you met half way, caitlin scooping you up into her arms causing you to balance on your tip toes. her arms locked around you, nose burying itself into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent.

“hey baby” her lips curled into a smile that you could feel again your jawline.

“you were absolutely amazing” you maneuvered to take her face into your hands, admiring her face. sweat and messy hair included, she looked so radiant and beautiful. you pushed up the bill of her championship hat and brushed stray hairs away, allowing yourself to take in her full appearance. “I’ve never been so proud of someone in my life!”

“you don-” she wanted to protest humbly, but was rudely interrupted.

it was like a swarm of bees. interviewers and cameramen surrounded you, lights flashing and microphones being shoved into your faces. many of them were shouting incoherent questions all while trying to grab your attention. your sweet moment was ruined, it was time to face the crowd.

“caitlin, tell us about your big win!”

“is this your girlfriend? caitlin, over here!”

“the fans want to hear from the new it couple!”

they were all shouting, trying to get an ounce of attention from her. you could tell by the look on her face that she just wanted to ask them to leave, but you also knew she would rather endure the exhausting interviews than tell anyone ‘no’. so she swung her arm around your shoulder, causing you to stumble into her side, to keep you close to her.

“it was a really great game…” she began talking about the game, all the interviewers listening attentively.

caitlin spent quite a bit of time giving run downs and talking strategies for the game, letting people ask her questions about what it felt like to be in the spotlight. the whole time, though, her arms never left you. she would occasionally rub your arm to ease the anxiety of having all the cameras on you, maybe sometimes move down to your waist just to pull you in even closer.

you sort of zoned out, putting yourself in autopilot to avoid panicking over the lights and shouting journalists. nothing caitlin said to any one of them you really heard, but somewhere in the sea of questions, you heard your name.

“and who’s this here with you? is this YN?”

suddenly, you were back in the game, completely engaged in the conversation. you looked over to see caitlin smiling down at you with the most goofy grin.

“yea,” she said “yea this is my girlfriend, YN”

you looked out into the vastness of the cameras, all of them pointing at you, as you proffered a small smile. it was still a process, getting used to being the center of all the madness.

caitlin continued before anyone could ask you something, knowing you weren’t ready to answer any questions quite yet.

“she’s the one i owe all this to,” her arm squeezed you, reminding you to take a deep breath and relax “she��s by my side day and night, giving me all of her support. i wouldn’t be anywhere without her so for that, i dedicate this win to her”

leaning down closer to your level, caitlin’s hand cradled your jaw to pull you in for a gentle kiss. it caught you off guard realizing that she was openly being intimate with you in front of everyone. but you trusted her judgment, letting yourself relax into the kiss.

of course, everyone went crazy, all happy that they had media coverage of the popular couple.

this was going to be all over instagram tomorrow.

after a few more questions and a several pictures of you two standing side by side, they dispersed to pester some other players. it was finally just the you and caitlin again, able to have a moment to yourselves.

“getting a bit risky with that kiss, huh?” you draped your arms over her shoulders.

“had to let everyone know how much i love you s’all” she shrugged, pressing another delicate kiss to your forehead. “i’d never pass up an opportunity to show you off, you know that”

“i do” you said, smiling at her. despite all the chaos around you, people still buzzing with excitement, confetti still lingering in the air, endless fans, it still felt like just you. just you and caitlin immersed in each other. “i love you so much”

“i love you a thousand times more”

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #iowa wbb #wcbb #wcbb x reader #foreingersgod

[terracottakore]

i think false should be able to do anything she wants 💚💛❤️

week one of @shepscapades hermit character design challenge! thank you for hosting this lovely event

#shepshermitdesign23 #hermitcraft #falsesymmetry #terracottaart #life series #a little ramble #i think even though false is so well known for her pvp- she's also a very defensive player so i wanted to play into that more w/ her design #shes obviously very skilled within that area- ex: mcc-- but (from what i see at least) she always puts survivability first #so it means that the fights she picks are usually picked very carefully #anyways if u read this much you can tell im very normal over falsesymmetry #maybe all of this is incoherent who knows

[sickmachete]

HEY !! HERE ARE SOME RANDOM FIRE SAFETY TIPS !!

AVOID HILLS. seriously. the radiant heat coming off the flames pre-heats nearby grasses/fuels located above (heat rises!) which is what cause fires to "run" up hills lighting up long strips in the blink of an eye. you cannot outrun a fire that's chasing you up hill.

EVEN IF you are standing below the fire all it takes is one stray ember blown in the wind to start a fire below YOU and then you're really screwed. if you're caught on a hill, run to the side and (if possible) try to get to any charred/burnt zones behind the fire.

charred/already burnt black areas are safe zones. they will not easily re-burn and can become refuges to retreat to (but still be mindful of smoke inhalation).

healthy green grass lawns can also be temporary safe zones. the moisture held in lush grass makes it a lot more difficult to catch fire and can work as a temporary refuge in the case of a house fire. however, TO BE CLEAR: this does NOT apply to tall forest meadow-type grasses. when i say healthy grass im talkin like suburban manicured lawns okay? if your lawn is looking crusty dry brown then thats not gonna be a good place to run to.

most mild carbon monoxide poisoning (aka smoke inhalation) can be cured by simply taking in fresh air. severe smoke inhalation may require further medical treatment though.

fire needs FUEL + OXYGEN + HEAT in order to burn. if you removed ANY of these 3 things, the fire will go out. this is known as the fire triangle. the reason why water works against fire is mainly because it's cold, however it also helps by "drowning" the fire, depriving it of oxygen.

on this note!! if you're cooking and your food catches on fire inside the pan, DO NOT! pour water onto it!!!! that will only make it splash. what you're gonna wanna do is grab a pot/pan lid and gently slide it onto the pan. this will cut off its oxygen and put the fire out. DO NOT! slam the lid onto the pan!! this rush of wind/air could blow the fire right out of the pan and directly onto you/nearby furniture!

CHECK YOUR FIRE EXTINGUISHERS!!! please!! not all fire extinguishers are meant to be used on the same fire!!! while it can vary (and you should definitely look up the ratings for your own location/extinguishers) many of them will have specific class ratings written along the label. here in the USA, those ratings are in letter form (ie: Class A, Class B, Class C, Class D, and Class K). sometimes these ratings are combined (ie: Class ABC), meaning that a Class ABC fire extinguisher can be used on a Class A, B, or C fire.

FIRE EXTINGUISHERS AND THEIR ASSIGNED FIRES

CLASS A: these extinguishers should be used on wood/paper/plastic (ie: your basic trash fire).

CLASS B: these extinguishers should be used on flammable liquids (ie: alcohol, gas, petroleum, greasing oils <- not food oils though!!).

CLASS C: these extinguishers should be used on electrical fires (ie: sparking cables, your computer spontaneously combusted and is on fire, etc).

CLASS D: these extinguishers should be used on combustible metals (ie: magnesium, titanium, potassium, sodium, etc. if that metal shit in your garage is burning, use Class D).

CLASS K: these extinguishers should be used on flammable cooking oils/greases (ie: your stove is on fire, your barbecue's on fire, etc).

CLASS ABC: these extinguishers can be used on any of the Class A, B, or C material fires.

DO NOT USE THE WRONG EXTINGUISHER. they are labeled differently for a reason!!! a Class ABC extinguisher (for example) will make a Class K fire splash! you will cause that big old greasy fire to splash right back onto you!! Class K extinguishers are specifically designed to safely put out fires without disturbing the liquids/oils so please please please check the labels of your extinguishers.

AND REMEMBER TO "PASS" !!!

HOW TO USE A FIRE EXTINGUISHER — P.A.S.S.

PULL the pin in the handle.

AIM the nozzle at the base of the fire.

SQUEEZE the lever slowly.

SWEEP (across the base of the fire) from side to side.

#so uh hi! i am literally getting a degree in Fire Science at my college so i have a ton of random info in this noggin #and i have so much more info on actual house fires specifically but this was already getting all over the place so SJHDGF #and ik this is a lot of me shouting and doesnt go into practical use for the smoke issue happening right now BUT #just in case anyone didnt know some of this stuff who knows!!! maybe itll come in handy :-) #txt #fire safety #even if just one person reads this and learns smth they didnt know itll be worth it ♥️ #but yeah sorry i have adhd this is probably incoherent as hell SHDGFGDHSJA

[arvoze]

[3/3] HHNFLARTAS - what's done is done

hell hath no fury like a rescue team association scorned not a fic or anything, i just ramble a lot about my pmd ocs in a digestible format that's more or less that kind of content. random yearly event for rescue teams. covers no more than like, one week of VV content

[ 1 / 2 / X ]

the rescue team association #1, again

there comes a point where it gets complicated. the RTA can't let you pass just because you completed their challenges -- you could cheat to win, and that wouldn't be reliable, after all. there's a million and one technicalities to consider.

yes, keith's team saved the rescue, who came back safe and unharmed. they also secured the item at the end of the dungeon. so what gives?

you never split the team. the rescue takes priority.

but they did the rescue. does it really matter? you can't just go off of stuff like this. there's specifics to it. it's a case-by-case basis.

both parties are right, in their own way. it's not a black and white case.

..

in the RTA's defense, they aren't wrong. you've got to consider how their actions would come across out of context.

a rescue has been secured. a member has split from their team, taking the rescue with them.

they split from the team. this puts them in immediate danger. they also have the rescue with them, so they're endangering the rescue as well.

if the solo member is incapacitated, the rescue is at incredible risk. the member is also at risk.

team splits can cause multiple problems to arise at once. it may also be seen as a disagreement.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure the remaining members completed their goal.

the usage of a flood orb is not commonplace. team inventory will not always have this item available. it cannot be considered a reliable solution to a problem.

relying entirely on one item makes you a liability. it can be considered an easy way out.

the monster house was not fully defeated, simply temporarily disposed of. if the orb failed to work, the team would not have survived.

if the rescue was there, they could have been swept up in the confusion.

their general behaviour may be seen as too immature and unreliable.

this only checks out if they're monitored during their dungeon run. the three have a lot of chemistry with eachother, and have a lot of banter together. when you're unaware of how they talk to eachother, it can be seen as constant bickering and arguing.

regardless of how seriously they take the job when it's required (since they don't really like to be tense the whole way through), they have lapses of silliness and tomfoolery. this is because the RTA is incredibly boring and hate fun.

they barely even survived. let's be honest.

this is self-explanatory.

the rescue team association #2

in the defence of keith's team, you'd have to consider the following:

a rescue has been secured. mike has split from the team, taking the rescue with him.

he split from the team, a mutual agreement between all three members. they decided that this was the best way to get the rescue to safety. mike is strong and fast enough to get the rescue out of the dungeon with his remaining energy.

mike didn't become incapacitated. and if he was close to such, he can take matters into his own hands to really save his skin, and, more importantly, the rescue.

there was no disagreement, and mike was going backwards. he wasn't taking any new paths and discovering new things/triggering events. he was simply backtracking, taking the safest routes.

the rescue plant, an undetermined pokemon of undetermined rescue knowledge, agrees that this was the best decision to make given the circumstances.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure keith's team could complete their goal.

this is because luwel prepared for the worst. when you plan for a rescue, you already know what kind of environment to expect, so you prepare thusly; this is no different. if it were a real job, and keith's team were the only pokemon available, it would be the exact same -- luwel would prepare the very same items as he did for this adventure.

they had the flood orb, which meant it was available to them at the time. a problem was predicted, planned for, and then solved. this is how it should be.

keith's team did not rely on a singular item. instead, luwel took the time into planning out the right items to carry with them, getting a rough estimate on the dungeon size and how difficult the job would be. to say the item is the sole reason they survived is to completely undermine luwel's ability to plan ahead.

a monster house does not have to be defeated in order for either goal to be met. if a third task was to defeat a monster house, then this would apply. but this was not the case, so it does not.

the rescue would have been accounted for. keith's team will make quick decisions, but they will never forgo the rescue to make them. the rescue, had they been present in the room at the time of the orb's use, would have been given a heads-up, and the team would take the initiative to keep the rescue safe before using the orb. additionally, the rescue was not even there at the time.

keith's team communicate with eachother frequently, including having light conversation, as well as constructive discussions about eachother.

sorry that you're too unfamiliar with a good relationship to understand their dynamic. the rescue would state that despite the circumstances, they did feel that keith's team had great communication. this is a non-issue, and exists just to make the cause for failure bigger than it actually was.

there's a lot of back-and-forths. guildmaster rime is not happy with the results.

the rescue team association #3

truth be told, there's… really not a lot that the team can do about the situation. what's done is done. they can fight their case if they really wanted to, but it's just resources wasted. as far as they're aware, at least.

guildmaster rime has always been in keith's team's ballpark. hell, keith is like a son to him, he is a son to him -- keith's going to inherit his guild, for goodness sakes! how can rime be succeeded by someone who failed the master trials for no real good reason? it won't do. it just won't do. the guildmaster is typically in agreement with the RTA when it comes to grading, as a seasoned explorer himself -- but to not consider keith's case? to fault them on technicalities alone? it's not right. it isn't fucking right. he'll do something about it. or at least, try to.

as a guildmaster, rime has some form of contact with the RTA. it's a required system in order to have a guild be truly recognised in the world, and additionally mandatory for any teams to earn ranking points. he drops a line of inquiry into the guild's connection orb, but there's been no response for several days. despite his grievances with the system, rime knows better than to push.

..

the boys have already forgotten about it, for the most part. they're discouraged, but they know in their hearts what they truly are: a good team who did the right thing. keith tries to distract himself by ranting and raving about the process of getting another flood orb. luwel's been trying to distract himself by writing up varying arguments to plead their case, which isn't really a distraction at all. mike is… unbothered. he cares, but doesn't have enough faith in the system, and settles more on the idea of "we know our truth and that's that, if they can't see it that's on them". every time luwel brings up a possible counter-point, mike gives him a thwap on the head. "best to keep it to yourself," mike says. "i dunno if keith can take it".

they cross paths with team PB&J occasionally, who, against all odds, ranked in the top 100. keith would say it was a total fluke that they did, and truthfully, he's right. it pisses him off further.

..

it's been about a week. the RTA responded to rime, after sending a rotom drone or two out to survey the boys. none of them noticed. nothing really fun or exciting to report on. the drones were simply just monitoring their day-to-day, to see how they've decided to take the results. it's invasive, and certainly not something they consented to, but the RTA can do whatever they want if you more or less work for them. thankfully, they do not find luwel's musings, as he gave up before the first surveillance.

rime's call is short-lived. there's not much to say, according to the RTA. the final findings were, essentially, "agree to disagree". they'd argued that because the case wasn't black and white, a true, rightful verdict couldn't be settled on; this uncertainty meant it was safer to fail keith's team than it was to pass them.

nobody had the desire to combat the RTA of all people about the decision any further. failing due to just barely missing the mark was better than failing due to sheer ineptitude, which lead to some sort of small victory for the team in the end. at least we aren't total failures, i guess, keith would think to himself.

not that they'd expected things to go their way. they knew that by now.

..

end.

#tagging for archival purpoes #pokemon #pokemon mystery dungeon #my art #keith #luwel #mike #ok and thats that. maybe ill write up another big thing one day . #everything else is just incoherent discord ramblings #these are the only things ive drawn recently btw LOLLL thats ok. i didnt really put any thought into them #i have no commentary to give. i wish this was all written a little better since its literally just #me rambling coherently so it's not written in a descriptive way #and makes the assumption that you know who's who & a lot of stuff beforehand #there wasnt even a title for this one LOL #sorry i do really boring endings sometimes. its bc my guys dont get through stuff all the time

[teruthecreator]

1 AM and the servers asleep so i’m just gonna post my thoughts on here but i think it’s rlly so important and poignant how sho extends an olive branch to his father after everything that happened, when he absolutely would’ve been justified in spitting in toichiro’s face and walking out of his life forever (similarly to what toichiro did to him, metaphorically at least). and that decision that he makes is one that cements how mature and understanding sho is despite his antics and attitude.

like, he’s a kid, and he’s a kid that experienced massive amounts of abuse and trauma in his formative years. we will truly never know how he was raised whilst working in claw, but seeing how pretty much everyone else was manipulated, brainwashed, and tortured into reaching their full potential—the assumption can be made that it wasn’t easy. and sho’s father is Directly responsible for that, meaning he’s Directly responsible for any mistreatment or neglect sho faced even if it wasn’t done by him directly. and any kid at his age with all that baggage probably wouldn’t want to keep their dad around, after everything has finally been resolved. but sho doesn’t do that; he reminds toichiro that he’s still gotta hear an earful from his ex wife, and sho is ensuring that this won’t be the end. he is offering his father a kindness that that man never gave to him. and that’s like. Astounding for a kid his age

i think it’s really easy for people to place sho firmly in the trope of like silly, goofy kid with an insane side; but sho has one of the most level heads out of the esper teens. it’s kind of like he got a lot of that emotional turbulence out of the way beforehand, and now is just centering his focus on this one goal. of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t do stupid shit based on bad trains of thought (the whole concept of him trying to resist the narrative only to become more ingrained in it is like. right there. also the hero trope shit y’all have seen the essay posts i’m not reiterating). but sho is a lot more sure of what he’s doing and what he wants than ritsu, mob, or teru.

also it’s just like. the fact that he gives his father a second chance really drives home the message of the entire series. that people can make mistakes, but those mistakes do not have to define their whole existence if they’re willing to own up to them and change. sho is extending himself in much the same way mob extended himself to toichiro hours earlier, only this time there’s the weight of this probably not being the first time sho has given his father a second chance and yet he Still does it. and toichiro realizing that he could’ve squandered that chance during confession arc is SO GOOD like you see how sho is conflicted and hurt bc he’s essentially being let down once again, and so toichiro walks back. he won’t let his son’s trust be given in vain

the suzukis rival the kageyamas in terms of like. accurate familial representation. like if you eliminate all of the psychic terrorism bullshit, this is a broken family—further broken by a messy divorce—trying to navigate life post-everything. there is no expectation for sho to forgive his father (he doesn’t do that at any point and That Is Important), and there’s no expectation for him to do anything with his father At All. toichiro understands that he is deserving of no one’s kindness.

yet sho does it anyway. he does it because he wants to and because he cares. and that’s far more than toichiro could’ve ever asked for

#ignorance cloud on #mp100 #um uhhhhh um. looks around. hey who’s getting too emotional abt the suzukis over here? #maybe this is bc im in the awkward process of trying to figure out whether i wanna cut my parents off for good but like. their relationship #means a lot to me and sho is such an interesting character bc of how he navigates this #like sho is well within his rights to never talk to his dad again. but that’s not what he does! he reaches out! he wants this! #like i don’t rlly believe in the concept of like a ‘redemption arc’ bc i think it allows people to like sweep #heinous bullshit under the rug. i more believe in just the concept of growth and like. moving forward #toichiro and sho never ignore what happened. the abuse and the trauma is all there. sho makes no efforts in trying to distract from that #toichiro never apologizes and sho never forgives bc they both know it’d be a moot point #but working beyond that together and like. rediscovering the meaning of family is just OGH #the kageyama parents don’t interact w their kids enough for us to get any good parental child dynamics #but the suzukis make up for that tenfold. shouts out. love them. okay uh i’ve been typing for thirty minutes #bed time forever now #sorry if this is incoherent hvjdnnfjvnf

[always-a-joyful-note]

You don't know how much I can Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint code Enstars because I could. Because you have a set up where you are basically taking the place of Anzu--a person created simply to be the reader's/player's self-insert. Because the characters all exist to love Anzu while they're going through their own arcs. Because Anzu also exists to love and support the characters by the game's own coding. She is their world and their hope, and the enstars characters are her idols (and I don't just mean that as singers and dancers).

But slowly, I've seen posts and even small summaries of how Anzu starts becoming her own person, small ways apart from the characters. Yes, she's still quiet. Yes, she is almost always a Viewer. Except for the fact that this is a game story, not just a book or novel story. And games are meant to be played...not by the characters but by someone who is watching them but has not created them.

This is how Anzu has more power than a normal reader. This is also how she has less power than a normal reader. The game allows her to exercise power over the characters' lives that a normal reader of a book cannot--she can help along Trickstar, be the behind the scenes producer for a number of the idol groups in the school, doing something to make them shine. But she is always a puppet, controlled by the player. She has a silly personality with a questionable naming sense and determination and hard-headedness to boot...her preferences for the units and who she builds up are always changing according to the player. Her only goal is to make sure her idols shine (what more does a reader want than to see their characters shine?), yet the goal of the Enstars characters is to adore Anzu and make people like her who support them happy (where would the characters be without a reader?)

Like the Oldest Dream, she is the most powerful and weakest god of all. A puppet steered by the fantasies of many, many individuals yet always loved by the characters for "herself."

#okay first of all #orv spoilers #i know this is incoherent and slightly dramatic but FJIASOJEIRWERe #i am honestly OBSESSED with the self-insert aspect of this game #i know this is probably not how self-insert is supposed to work #and i stay far away from self-insert fics cause theyre not my thing #but like....a y/n character as an actual character???? #i latch onto anzu so much like girl i love you. you are yourself. you are me. you are the other people in the fandom who play this game #she really is everything and everyone #please forgive me i know its not that deep but i think it would be so cool of the writers to one day release a story that has an anzu card #where she becomes part of the world.... #that would be both the most hilarious thing and horrifying as well if written right #fandom spamdom #enstars #ensemble stars #stuff i say #seriously tho i keep thinking about it compared to orv #and how people always talk about yjh and kdj as a ship. and how anzu sometimes gets romance-coded words thrown at her #(maybe more in basic but i still need to read the basic stories) #and when you really think about it the relationship between the characters and reader really is like....every kind of love #its a romance that isnt a romance. a family that isnt a family. a friendship that isnt a friendship #you know what i mean? #yeah someone gag me before i start overthinking this i swear i am very normal about this game #okay finally finished this thing in my drafts and im having second thoughts about posting but ah well.... #this game is making me insane i think

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

the way i wish there could be more good faith analysis and fic about billy having adopted racial prejudice from his dad and then learning to properly recognize it and grow past it in order become a better person. i wish there was more posts and fics that tackle the bullshit lucas has had to deal with as a black kid in small town indiana because the duffers never even considered it. but the sheer puritan black and white thinking and performative activism or moral virtue signaling or whatever the fuck that is so pervasive in this fandom means that even the few posts and fics that dare to try and actually tackle racism tend turn it into either a punishment narrative, are depressingly shallow about it, make it about hating and liking the 'right characters', or miss the mark entirely

like i get it, homophobia/transphobia is easier to explore and talk about for most fans. it's complex and multi-layered just like other types of oppression, but so much of fandom is queer and dedicated to shipping and labels that yeah, i can see how talking about it is just. easier for a lot of ppl. also a lot of fandom is white. and lots of white gays get weird about discussing racism in their spaces. y'know the deal, but i digress. from what i can see, very few ppl want to explore how racism affects our favorite characters and the stories they live in. i know some ppl are probably afraid of getting it wrong, or they don't know anything about it and don't feel like they should. it's like, my blorbo is queer and so am i, so why wouldn't i talk all day about that? i get it. but it honestly just means a lot when someone tries earnestly. i have read beautiful fics about trans love through hardship by cis authors and such genuine fics about connection in the face of racism's poison by white authors.

there is just SO much untapped potential in exploring lucas and max and billy and patrick and argyle and all the other characters directly and indirectly affected by bigotry and racism within the narrative that never got the acknowledgement it deserved. plus it's super weird being used as a 'gotcha!' by white fans that hate billy (as if poc fans of billy aren't capable of seeing it for the bullshit it is) or seeing lucas' treatment in the show get brushed aside like it's nothing or how argyle gets sidelined an awful lot in the fandom (and don't even get me started on how messy the classism in this fandom can be, the borderline erasure of eddie's poverty and its effects on who he is as a person in fic is insane sometimes)

anyway. idk if any of this makes sense, but i can count like maybe 3 good fics and maybe a dozen good posts about billy that actually address this in good faith and only maybe a dozen more for every other character i mentioned. and i desperately want more. i am brown and queer and i want healing and love for all of these characters and i am going to have to start churning out more of it myself at this rate.

#the dozen or so good posts are all by my mutuals at this point lmaoo #and 1 of the like 3 only good fics is ALSO by one of my mutuals #oh actually i forgot about TOWNIE make that 4 good fics and 2 written by my mutuals lol #billy hargrove #i cant tag any of the other blorbos bc then ppl will start acting stupid in my notes #i may already be playing fast and loose bc i mention my man argy #this is super incoherent bc its late for me so im not in the mood for clowns #it's rly mostly bc either billy is painted as horrible bad racist who is either forever so or needs to grovel and suffer to redeem himself #OR ppl who like him dont rly know how to tackle the obvious racial prejudice in his actions and try to toe it aside #like yea i love him but that boy isn't gonna magically free himself of any bigotry without some in depth introspection #or some very specific headcanons about what he got up to in california and what was motivating him when he treated lucas like he did #and even then you gotta acknowledge it #idk man maybe im just picky like no one is obligated to write fic this is mostly me bitching #except for the overt racism and classism n shit in this fandom that im being deadass about #but yes TOWNIE + Spin Me Right Round + Yourself or Someone Like You fic supremacy #if you have recs. hand them over pls. i have a Need.

[dire-kumori]

Oh and i had a question about, like, logistics of the reaper au!

Assuming there's a possible ending where reaper Mike dies and young Mike manages to live... do you think it would change things? Would it matter, in the end?

Or is Evan still fated to die at Mike’s hands, is Liz still fated to die, too? Is young Mike still fated to grow up and get scooped before ultimately dying while trying to kill his younger self? (Which is just... very, very sad and horrific in so many ways)

Because if none of these things happen, it could create a paradox; where would reaper Mike have come from if Evan and Liz never die, and Mike never gets scooped?

...Very good question.

Okay, so I like to think that Reaper Mike's mission is ultimately doomed to fail. Obviously he's never going to successfully erase his past self. But after a while, it's stopped being about 'making things right' and 'protecting Evan' and more about 'hurting (kid) Mike as much as possible,' so that doesn't really matter to him. At a certain point he just kind of stops being 'Michael Afton' and just becomes 'the Reaper.'

But Reaper Mike isn't the only one who's changed by the repeated loops. Even with the memories fragmented, young Mike is living out... weeks? Months? Hell, maybe even years in this loop. He's growing up, essentially, but without aging. I mean, of course his emotional and mental maturity is skewed because - [vague gesture at the blood-soaked death parade he's trapped in] - but after a certain number of loops he isn't quite the same person who would have thoughtlessly shoved his brother's head into moving machine parts. Especially not when he still has the broken images of Evan sobbing hysterically and begging the somebody to stop hurting his brother (the Reaper turning its fury onto Evan for daring to get between him and his target, past Mike throwing himself over Evan's little body in a vain attempt to at the very least save Evan's life, if not his own) floating around in his brain.

Can you tell I'm just word vomiting at this point? I kind of lost track of the original question.

I'm not 100% what this would mean for the Reaper Mike because with past Mike growing and changing, the Reaper would inevitably change as well. I like throwing characters up against forces or circumstances beyond their control, but I don't like saying things are just fated to happen. If things play out the same way again, it's because factors leading to those events are still the same. It might actually be that so long as Reaper Mike is stuck outside of his own time, he's largely unaffected by changes made to his past aside from some ripples in his memories. He was pretty shocked when his past self made choices he was certain he never would have made, such as seeking vengeance for Evan's sake after the loop where the Reaper killed them both. So scratch what I said above, past Mike is growing, while Reaper Mike stagnates, wallowing in his self-loathing.

#sorry I feel like this was more of an unanswer than an answer #I apologize if this is incoherent I typed with with a brain full of bees #but ultimately yeah I do think that things would change for Mike and his siblings #I wouldn't want the events of the time loop to just vanish once it's resolved #I want that whole thing to stick with past Mike even if he can only remember pieces of it #it might be that some events still play out the same way as the first time while others change #timelooped Mike wouldn't be jumping a the bit to torture Ev after all is said and done #but he would have no way of knowing to worry about Elizabeth at Circus Baby's unless Reaper said something #and that depends on how much he remembers bc if I recall correctly #serenefig's idea was that it was the face to face confrontations with his killer that Mike didn't remember (clearly or at all)? #but since he DOES retain some memories of these multiple loops #I want to say that even if he resolved the time loop and erased the Reaper who started it all #he'd still hold those memories #and therefore those years he spent fighting for his and his siblings' lives #maybe that would make him a tad protective of them and he'd be watching Liz close enough even without a direct warning from the future... #I should got to bed now my brain's melting #ask #lonelyfreddles #Paradoxical Reaper AU #time travel bullshit that probably makes no sense lmao

[milimeters-morales]

like . i just got a tag on my art that was like “omg i’ve been waiting for transfem miles stuff” like yes i’m glad u enjoy it but you should join me :3 make some posts…. maybe even post some art if you want… don’t be shy… hell send asks maybe… !!

#like i just. i get it it’s scary to put your ideas out there!!! #but imagine all the other people that are also scared and not doing anything and if more people post/talk about it… then maybe they won’t+ #be so scared !! #and yes maybe ‘i can’t draw’ is your excuse but who said you had to??? ‘i’m terrible at getting my words across’ do you know what site+ #you’re on??? i’ve seen the most incoherent shit with ‘true and real’ in the tags over a hundred times trust me it’s fine #and if you do get hate then just delete it! that’s what i do #just really wish more people would actually share their transfem miles ideas :( in due time #not tagging

[hersweetrevenge]

corey cunningham x roger allen: relationship headcanons

i've become unreasonably invested in this pairing, and feel the need to explain myself lol. i think a relationship between corey and mr allen is fundamentally very complex and problematic, while also being an all american story of infidelity and youth.

WARNING for corey cunningham x mr allen, age gap relationship, smut, unprotected sex, infidelity/cheating, implied sex work, mildly implied child abuse (corey and his mom), murder, violence and child death. 3.8k word count.

pre-accident

their relationship is sort of like a subversion of the "lonely wife has an affair with the pool boy", but instead it's the "white collar husband has an affair with the boy who mows their lawn".

no matter how many times roger tells corey to call him roger, corey pretty much always says mr allen.

when corey first starts doing yard work, he put flyers (printed at the library) in the letterboxes through the nicer neighbourhoods in haddonfield.

joan is not happy about it. she wants corey at home, with her, always. but he's been getting a lot of big idead lately about college and independence and she is not happy. not one bit.

he meets the allens when they call the number he left and ask if he can come by at the weekend to talk about what he can help with.

corey got a crush first, almost as soon as he first met the allens, but roger was the one to instigate the affair, after a couple of months.

to begin with, roger thinks corey is a well-meaning but awkward kid, clearly not used to speaking to people that much. there's a sort of boyish confidence that comes through now and then, when he's talking about something he knows well. as time goes by roger starts to wonder -- when corey takes his shirt off in the heat, he must know what he's doing, right?

both of them are bisexual. roger experimented in college and was comfortable in his identity, but isn't really open about it since he got married. corey is still figuring himself out when the affair starts, but he's had a lot of crushes on both men, especially older men, and women.

[contrary to my original fic] i actually think corey was 20 when he starts working for the allens, while roger is in his mid 40s.

roger starts an affair for the classic, all american reason: his marriage has gotten boring. he wants an affair with someone younger and more exciting who will let him play out his fantasy of still being in his prime.

i don't think he has sinister or malicious intentions when he "seduces" corey. maybe he's just defending his own actions, but corey is an adult, if he didn't want to do anything then he wouldn't, right? corey clearly has a crush, right?

corey really, genuinely respects the allens' marriage.

not only does corey respect the allens as a couple (the ideal american marriage when compared with his mom and ronald), but he also really respects roger. i don't think (at that point) corey would "whore himself out" for a man he didn't respect.

deep down, corey is aware of how this all looks. he knows he's being a homewrecker.

but another part of him feels like he's doing something good. if roger was going to cheat, surely it's better that he does it with corey, than with someone else who doesn't care about his marriage.

another motivation for why corey gives in so easily is that his life is so controlled and there is so much pressure on him, he just wants an outlet to forget about everything. think gifted kid to dumbification kink pipeline.

he doesn't want to think about anything at all, and roger makes it so he doesn't have to. makes it so that his mind is empty and all he has to do is lie there and let himself feel good. it's an offer he won't can't pass up.

roger used to watch corey do yard work from the kitchen window, when he was at home. the sight made him stay home on the weekend a lot more.

even though a lot of their affair is based on convenience, roger can very much see how handsome corey is.

roger loves making corey laugh, because his laugh loud and childish. and he means it to, roger can tell he isn't faking.

mrs allen is rarely mentioned, beyond whether she is home or not, and where she is if she isn't home. both of them have a guilty conscience about her.

roger starts to wonder, is corey like this with everyone he works for? does he put on an elaborate act of "awkward, blushing virgin" -- is he actually sleeping with all the people he does yard work for? and he acts all innocent because he knows it gets people going?

corey understands he's being used. he knows this isn't a "relationship" and roger definitely isn't going to leave his family for him or anything like that, they're not going to be together, so he tells himself that he's just going to enjoy it while it lasts.

but in saying that, corey definitely fell in love a little bit.

corey's isn't your "classic" attention whore, but he is one all the same. he never had a dad and now this older man is showing him a lot of (special) attention? he'll do anything to keep it.

what can he say, he has some intense daddy issues. being wanted by an older man satiates that for a while.

plus it makes him feel like he has some control in his life. and makes him feel like an adult where he doesn't at home. it feels so grown up to have an affair.

roger doesn't know everything about corey's home life, but he thinks he understands, from what corey tells him when he's feeling vulnerable. he knows corey is lonely and stressed; a resentful momma's boy.

corey tells him about his college plans; he wants to be an engineer, wants to go to a school in chicago. if anything, roger feels an affection for him. he wants corey to find a better life for himself.

in all honesty, corey doesn't really know much about roger either. he sees him as this ideal family man, father figure and partner. he's so caught up in that, and so validated by his attention, that he forget he doesn't really know him. he knows one side of him.

roger still pays corey money for doing "yard work". corey does still do that, to keep up appearances, but he's less thorough than he used to be. they both know what the money is really for.

corey tells himself he doesn't care about the money. he needs it, but that's not what he's having this affair for.

he's selling himself (or letting himself be bought) for affection more than money.

subconsciously, it does mess him up a little bit though.

roger's thoughts about corey possibly putting on an act lose all their credit after the first few times they do anything. there's no way corey is faking this sort of earnest inexperience.

because corey is very nervous and shy at first. he's so inexperienced and he doesn't want to embarrass himself. mostly he just let's roger do whatever he wants to him.

they always have their trysts at the allen house.

at first it's at the weekend when corey is there to do the yard and mrs allen and jeremy aren't at home, but then roger starts inviting corey around more, still when mrs allen and jeremy are out (lucky for them, his wife and child have busy social lives).

roger starts finding more time to be at home when corey can be there, working from home when he can. think blow jobs while on a zoom meeting.

roger drinks heineken, pretty much all of their hook ups begin with them having a drink, even before corey hits 21.

corey's about to get a pavlov response to the sound of beer bottles clinking together.

the first few times, they only kiss. then it gets more hot and heavy, dry humping and grinding, a hand job here and there. roger teaches corey how to give head. he fingers him to get him used to the feeling because he's never done this before. they stay in the kitchen or on the couch.

the first time corey ever sucked dick, it took him a while to take it down all the way, even with roger guiding him through it.

his eyes water and roger wipes away the tears that spill over, his other hand always in his hair.

he gets good though, very good, even though he's nervous every time. roger secretly likes that nervous look, it's such a contrast to how he actually takes it like a champ. call him the king of sloppy toppy. and he always swallows.

the first time corey got a blow job he cried. just like he did with all of his other firsts. it's actually kind of rare that roger gives corey head. corey'd rather give than receive with oral, he thinks, but really roger is just kind of selfish.

roger took corey's virginity. sometimes he even feels guilty about it.

corey cried. he tried not to, he really did, but he couldn't help it. the stretch was more than he expected, even with a lot of prep and he'd never felt so full before.

("just the tip," roger had promised, to see if he could take it. it felt okay, corey had nodded to keep going but didn't realise how overwhelming it'd be)

roger pets his hair, kisses his temple, strokes his dick to try and and calm him down. it starts feeling good, really good and too much all at once.

condoms? never heard if them. it's not like roger can knock him up and they're both clean so roger never even suggests it.

corey loses his virginity in the allens' bed. after that, they pretty much always do it in the bedroom.

missionary is their usual position, though sometimes corey rides cowgirl because roger likes seeing him do all the work to get himself there.

roger doesn't really do dirty talk, corey seems too innocent for that sort of thing (in the beginning anyway). he does dole out the praise though.

"good boy" "you're so good for me" "you're taking me so well, look at you" "it's okay, i've got you"

their sex life is pretty vanilla to be honest. roger isn't into anything particularly kinky, and corey hasn't figured himself out that far yet.

the thrill of "we shouldn't be doing this" is enough.

while praise is the main thing corey likes, he's also into overstimulation (once he deals with the actually overwhelming aspect of the first few time), something like dumbification (without the more objectifying aspects), and he is more than willing to do a little bit of begging. roger tries a little bit of teasing degradation on occasion, but corey doesn't like it that much; he doesn't want to feel like he's doing something wrong or he isn't good enough.

the riskiest thing they ever did was have a quickie while jeremy was at home. corey was there to do the yard (and more), but jeremy is unexpectedly at home because his playdate got cancelled. jeremy is playing upstairs in his room and when corey comes back inside from the garden, mr allen corners him in the kitchen.

he nudges corey up onto the counter, a hand going down the front of his shorts.

corey whimpers and shakes his head, "jeremy's --"

"upstairs," mr allen finishes his sentence for him, "he won't be down for a while - kids and their computers- don't worry about it."

slowly corey starts to get more comfortable and confident during their escapades, he leans into what he knows roger wants. someone young and playful who can give him a run for his money, but who will always give in, in the end.

he starts having fun, like he's playing the role of someone more confident and sexy and teasing.

roger sometimes sends him upstairs to get ready while he grabs them some beers and locks the front door. corey does as he's told, stripping off and laying in mr allen's bed and when he walks in, corey smiles at the older man, legs spread wantonly, "see anything you like?"

roger is initially surprised at how malleable and easy corey is to manhandle when he wants to be. roger is taller by a few inches, but corey had broad shoulders and broad hips, he isn't waifish by any means. roger likes how boyishly masculine corey is.

corey is very, very good at keeping secrets. he's so used to his mom's snooping and meddling that he's perfected the art of hiding things from her. and really, who else is he going to tell?

the hardest part is hiding any marks on his skin. corey is carefully not to leave any on roger, but roger doesn't always extend the same courtesy.

joan has an annoying habit of just walking into corey's room, or even the bathroom while he's in the shower, without knocking to collect his washing or talk to him or interrogate him, so he has to be careful she doesn't see anything like a hickey ln his neck or bruises on his hips or else he'll never, ever hear the end of it.

corey is a stickler for punctuality. he is always home in time for dinner. there have been a few close calls where they lost track of time and corey needed to bike hard as hell to get home on time.

a random thing corey was unnecessarily embarrassed about was that he only wears tighty-whiteys, and not even a good brand, they are classic fruit of the loom. roger literally doesn't care, it's even kind of endearing. and the darker part of him gets a thrill out of it, knowing corey's mom still buys and probably washes his underwear while corey is here getting his brains fucked out.

speaking of that darker side of roger. he knows corey is an adult, capable of making his own decisions, but there's something about him being so dependent that does something to him.

[i'm not sure if i really believe they'd go this far, but i don't think it's out of the realm of possibility] roger takes corey out of town for a dirty weekend. corey lies to his mom, roger lies to theresa.

this dirty weekend is a turning point for their sex life.

with no time constraints, they go so many rounds they start losing count.

still nothing particularly wild, but things mrs allen wouldn't do.

corey already fulfilled one of those things for him, of course. theresa would never let him do anal.

the rest are more mundane things, like doggy style and wake up blow jobs and shower sex. even just the sense of free use that means they keep going and going and going.

corey isn't delusional (he swears he isn't), but he turns off his brain for the weekend and imagines this is his real life. with roger spending money like it was nothing, on a fancy as fuck hotel room and hundreds of dollars of room service, and having all the time in the world to laze around in bed watching movies and having zero expectations placed on him.

the boldest and hottest thing corey did on that trip was pull roger's wedding ring off with his teeth when he put his fingers in his mouth to get wet. even corey doesn't know what possessed him to do that, but the way roger practically fold him in half to fuck him afterwards, he's glad for the divine inspiration.

that is also the first time they literally sleep together after having sex, and they end up getting, perhaps dangerously, sentimental. corey just wants to be held and roger is much too gentle with him for someone who claims this is just a casual fling.

in corey's fantasies when he's alone in bed, he gets off on the forbidden nature of the affair, but it never really translates to their actual encounters.

he thinks about how he does things for mr allen that mrs allen wouldn't, thinks about saying it one day because he knows it'd drive roger crazy.

"i bet your wife doesn't feel this good, does she?" "she doesn't moan like i do" "she doesn't let you ruin her".

he'd never say any of that out loud, and it leads to some of his meaner and more delusional daydreams.

selfish. corey knows deep down that he's selfish. He doesn't want to think about mrs allen or jeremy, and he wants to be mr allen's one and only. he'd let mr allen do anything to him and he knows he'd love him so well if he got the chance.

but that is never going to happen, of course. corey knows that.

corey swings between those selfish daydreams and feeling guilty. mrs allen is really nice, he doesn't want to wreck her marriage. but is it really hurting anyone, if no one ever finds out?

the final time they fuck before the accident was on the weekend before halloween.

neither of them showed any indication of wanting to stop anytime soon. if it weren't for the accident, the affair could have gone on for months more, maybe even a year -- until corey went to college.

everything that weekend was normal, their usual routine. corey raked some leaves and then got railed.

if only they knew that would be their last time, maybe they could have savoured it.

roger is the one who suggests calling corey on halloween when their babysitter cancels on them. theresa is sceptical -- she doesn't know corey that well -- but roger makes a convincing case.

he knows corey is a good, responsible kid, and it's only for a few hours. he trusts corey.

post-accident

after the accident, they never speak. roger barely even says anything while they wait for the ambulance and the cops.

the trial is long and roger watches corey but they never interact beyond being in the same courtroom.

theresa had yelled at him outside the courthouse and roger had just held her, watching as ronald acted as a buffer between corey and anyone who tried to get close, mostly the press. he bundles him in the back of their car before they start the long drive back to warren county.

a horrible, selfish part of roger is relieved that corey never told anyone about the affair. no one who mattered anyway. he might of told his therapist, but nothing could would come of it now, he thinks.

as it happens, corey never did tell anyone. not his therapist, not the cops, certainly not his mother.

he doesn't think anyone would believe him, even if he did.

roger sees corey around town. a lot. sometimes he thinks about talking to him, but he holds steady. corey killed his son, he tells himself.

(jeremy's death is the penance he has to pay for his infidelity, he thinks)

corey takes the "break up" really hard. not only is he wracked with guilt over jeremy's death, but in a single moment, his relationship with roger is over. all that attention and affection and comfort, even just having someone to alleviate the physical need of getting off, is gone.

when mrs allen rips into him at the bar, corey's stomach drops thinking she might of found out about the affair in the years since. but no, she just hasn't forgiven him for killing her baby.

the first time they speak in four years is when roger picks corey up the morning after he meets michael.

corey isn't thinking clearly. something happened to him, something that changed everything.

roger hasn't spoken to him in years, but corey knows what he wants. it's the only thing he ever wanted from him.

he's resentful that roger tries to act like he doesn't want sex, then still feels resentful when it turns out he does.

where once corey had been shy and virginal, now he doesn't care. he's not been with anyone for a long time, something is happening to him that he doesn't understand and he wants, just for a while, to have something familiar. so he just lets himself let go.

part of him is trying to process his sudden and dangerous attraction to michael, by going back to his "first love", safe and familiar mr allen.

roger is meaner now. if corey can be -- bringing up theresa in the way he does -- then so can he. he's been through a lot. he deserves to take it out on corey, especially when corey is offering himself up.

it's rough and roger knows it must hurt, at least a little bit, but corey doesn't slow down.

when corey sleeps with allyson, he thinks about how different it is this way around. wonders if this is how it felt for mr allen when he fucked him.

post-michael

corey has absolutely nothing left to lose. a combination of stress and past trauma and an untreated concussion causes him to snap.

after killing those kids -- those fucking kids -- and that dj and his momma, and with michael in tow, he finds mr allen one more time.

(he begs michael to stay outside, he wants to do this one all on his own)

he knocks on the door, "can i talk to you?", roger lets him in, because what's the harm.

corey says everything he wishes he'd said before, that morning when mr allen picked him up and they fucked in that empty lot.

he screams and yells and blames everything on roger. getting more and more nonsensical as he goes on. working himself up to just do it --

"-- it's all your fault, everything that happened is because of you. you only asked me to babysit because you'd been fucking me behind your wife's back and you knew i'd drop everything to help you, you knew i'd do it and - and i did and then everything went wrong and - and it's your fault and you never fucking loved me, you never --"

roger thinks corey is having a mental breakdown (which in a way, he very much is)

so he just stands there and takes it, letting corey get out whatever he needs to before he can take him home to his mom or call the cops or whatever.

corey takes a deep breath and leans forward. pulls roger to him and kisses him. it's messy and desperate. corey's hands twisted in roger's shirt.

then, so much like that first kill, corey stabs him. the blood gushes over his hand and roger gasps like he's been winded.

corey doesn't break the kiss, though roger isn't even an active participant anymore. he pulls his hand back and stabs him again. and again. and again.

he only pulls away when roger crumples, unable to hold his own weight. blood pools around corey's feet on the cream carpet.

corey wipes the tears from his face that he didn't even notice had fallen and goes back outside to find michael.

#corey cunningham #halloween ends #corey cunningham x roger allen #corey cunningham smut #this post got longgg. like out of hand long #reading this over. it is so incoherent. but i just need you all to know what is in my brain #man i just know i've forgotten something or over looked a huge point. oh well. #in saying that actually #if anyone ever wants to ask more questions or talk about corey and mr allen's clandestine love affair PLEASE hit me up #i am always ready to talk about them #idk why i'm so attached to them. probably because they exist in a very insular context in my brain #like this is an au relationship. i dont think it happens in my hc timeline of corey x michael #and theres the version where corey isnt a virgin when he meets mr allen. but hes never been with a man before #so he still has a lot of firsts and hes still satiating his daddy issues #you know what. maybe i should do a headcanons list for corey x michael too !! 👀 #because who knows when i'll finally post some of my road trip writing about them lol #cunningallen

[unproduciblesmackdown]

akd as lucifer (the mysteries)

#as per virtually always coming from that nothingunrealistic research (finding these pics in their ig backlogs) #had seen that top pic via the Visible docuseries but naturally had no idea it was from the mysteries rehearsals...loved it already though #such a great portrait lol the quality of the Light (spotlight even. all the more pertinent when you're Lucifer though) #and then the way sure the figure is mostly in darkness but the Illumination is such as to provide defining features.... #it's also what we're working with with most shots of ''pretty sure that's akd lucifer'' lmao like #if one didn't Know that was them up top i wouldn't be at all sure; such as the ''maybe?? probably?? possibly??'' status of other shots #and Another hairstyle lol longer but seeming less styled than any other rehearsal pics...hell yeah though #and then the much more identifiable straight on fully lit in costume / makeup / apparent final hairstyling having a snack break... #asia kate dillon #lucifer the mysteries #speaking of gender and literally theatrical performance looks. i wanna be the lucifer in the secular the mysteries performance.... #inherently nonbinarily as hell even if that's not quite definitively known / out there yet.... #there's only one problem (there's many problems) i know Nothing abt acting lol. i mean i know some things but i don't know how. boo #in that to hell with vibing through shit i need to learn Technical Things & Techniques....ppl aren't just vibing out here #but it was always fun to also just try to make up [how to act] while like 9 & who cares yknow #got taught the crucial technique of ''there's no mics so if you don't talk really loud nobody can hear you anyways'' first & foremost lol #literally so true...got a real kick out of our one half semester middle school theatre class but you know #a) didn't get much feedback but ''i mean that was also incoherent lmao what was going on'' having fun & being theatrical mainly #b) wasn't abt to join an extracurricular for several reasons or get into theatre stuff when older sibling was already on it lol #c) didn't have Experience to start trying it out in the next stage of things anyways but still had a tiny bit more opportunities to f around #always had like Tangential theatrical experiences & then just Being theatrical lol like oh yeah that annoying kid stuff was also shticks... #and now here we are today. but wherein now i Know who wouldn't wanna be a worm lucifer nonbinary secular the mysteries hellooo. iconique #but more than that? would be [so long as we're just making shit up] I Wanna See Akd Lucifer The Mysteries lmao like no kidding #or malcolm in the brewery performance. or malcolm in the broadway performance. or just whatever like. we're Looking; Listening; Absorbing

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

Hello everyone! (notice board please read)

I’m a bit clueless about how to say this, but I suppose I’ve fallen out of the hetalia fandom for a good while now; this is mostly gen.shin’s fault but I also feel like I’ve become generally out of touch with the fandom characterizations of hetalia chars, and I’ve just generally lost interest in most of the characters (the ones I still like feel a lot more like ocs or characters that are v isolated from the canon). I’m also starting school again soon and am trying to focus a lot more on it for once :’)

I don’t intend to abandon this blog (although it’s been sitting with no activity for quite a while now), but I guess moving forward there’ll be very few reblogs of other hetalia content, and most of those will be friend stuff. However, I’m definitely still interested in writing for this fandom and I’ll still try to answer the asks in my inbox (however long that might take). I haven’t had the energy to write for a long time lol but I don’t want to abandon all the ideas I haven’t finished.

tl;dr hopefully a greater ratio of original posts (?) and writing, and less activity. (This blog might also become more of a personal blog instead; kinda tired of using 203984293 sideblogs for random shit lol).

Thanks for sticking around y’all <3

#ramblings #that was my formal speech my incoherent thoughts are next #ngl i think ive been isolated from the broader fandom from so long that I forgot hetalia was the source of the characters i like #so ive gradually become out of touch with it #not to mention that the only tag i still regularly check is yao's and. not going to lie the characterizations ive seen in there make me ques #question the fandom .. #so this is partly why i want to just write my own stuff and stop engaging with other peoples? i have a lot of writing prompt asks though and #i really want to publish those sometime. anyways i hope all the blogs i used to check up on very fondly are still doing well <3 #there was an analogy i saw a long time ago on scratch before i even joined any fandom that basically compared a site or a fandom to a train #every creator on there had a stop they'd get on and naturally people would also get off at different times #i got really upset about it at the time LMAOO. but looking back it was such a good metaphor #idk if this is my turn to get off the train (i probably already got off idk) but for those still on it ty for sticking around #oh to clarify this isnt a complete goodbye post i just have trouble setting the correct mood lol maybe i'll liveblog stuff i did like normal #personal blogs who knows #just less hetalia

[eggmeralda]

reading about expressive language disorder and maybe it's an explanation as to why I've never formed a full sentence in my whole life :')

#^above is literally a full sentence but that's not the point #it's still a mess of a sentence i guess #can't form a sentence without saying i guess and stuff it's like yeah but anyway all that sort of thing and like you know etc. #and i always don't know the names of objects so i just call everything a guy or a lad with some vague hand gesture #and i have never been able to easily write an essay in my whole life #and i can never hold a conversation #and i always thought it was just bc of no internal monologue but I've heard of other people who also don't have one and they can still talk #maybe this explains why i barely spoke from age 16-18 and even now i'm known for being relatively quiet #bc if i say something it'll be an incoherent ramble #not a single thought in my head <3 #this is a revelation though omg #i guess in the past few years I've become more confident with talking but it's bc I've just given up trying to make sense so now i just #idk but i just won't say the names of things I'll just point at them or i'll mix tenses up and stuff #also atm i'm basically just putting all the thoughts in these tags as they're appearing for a split second in my head so this is incoherent #but yeah anyway idk if i actually have expressive language disorder itself #but i definitely have Something #i'm thinking of other messed up language stuff like how for the past almost decade i've mixed up words and pronunciations from #other languages like the ones i learnt at school #which i cannot speak but i now know random words #so sometimes i'll just get the urge to pronounce something as it would be in spanish or whatever #and also after a while i'll just get bored of the sensation of saying a certain word so i'll change it. spice it up a bit #especially if it's a word i say a lot #so like names of characters i hyperfixate on get absolutely butchered on purpose #*looking at entry swig rokey unn bytirr 27 teed dav aoodry and bianpolay rn* #anyway this is an absolute ramble and completely going with the theme of this post i do not what i'm supposed to be saying #so i'll end it there #but anyway i love a midnight revelation <3 #ramble

[gibbearish]

hi i’m not really sure how to do this but i came from your uquiz and you seem knowledgeable and nice and so i’m asking you a question now i’m sorry

uhm, so, i think i maybe might be trans (ftm) because i’m super dysphoric and i sometimes look at guys and i get really jealous because they just get to, like, exist like that (i’m not really sure what the “that” is, but god, do i want it) and i very much don’t and when i refer to myself using he/him pronouns in my head it feels, uhm, at the risk of being a cliche, right, i guess.

but the thing is that i don’t really fit into any of the stereotypical trans guy things. like a lot of my friends when i was little were girls and though i have some stereotypically masculine hobbies (sports and physics) i also sew, and when i was little i was obsessed with being a princess for like a month before i started refusing to wear dresses.

i don’t think i’m non-binary, i tried using they/them pronouns this summer and while they didn’t actively hurt like she does, they didn’t really feel right.

so, like, am i lying to myself? i don’t know, maybe i just want to be special (i don’t want it, though, if i could just be happy as a girl i would).

sorry i just unloaded half an essay on you you obviously don’t have to reply and i know you’re probably not qualified to answer anyway, i just needed to tell someone, you know?

anyways, i hope you’re having a nice night or day or whatever. thank you, for, like, existing on the internet i guess. your quiz was very nice. bye.

howdy anon! dw i am always glad to answer questions abt this stuff even tho it make take me a while lol

my best advice for situations like this is i know its easy but don't let yourself get caught up in the trap of "well this is the label that makes me feel best but i dont technically check off every single box for it so am i just lying?" people arent video game quests, you dont have to hit every single box for it to count, youre allowed to have stuff fall outside the technical definition of a term while still calling yourself it. im very similar to you, i was in tap and ballet growing up, wore dresses and makeup for most of highschool, sewing crocheting knitting the whole shebang. but the important part is that none of those things make a difference to your identity. knowing how to sew doesnt make you a girl, it can just make you a guy who knows how to sew. its a thing you do, not who you are.

all that being said, i think another helpful angle to look at things is "does the distinction between two similar labels actually make a difference to me?" using myself as an example again, i dont call myself a trans man because while i do prefer presenting masculine, for some reason the term 'man' just doesnt feel right for me. but at the same time, to the rest of the world that's functionally what i am, right? so does that change /who/ i am? no. so for me personally, ive deliberately chosen not to file myself into either "trans man" or "nonbinary" and just move on with my day, because to me it doesnt actually make a difference which one i am, im still gonna stay on t, i still want top surgery, i still want to be perceived masculine, and thats not gonna change no matter what name is on the box so who gives a shit. just do what makes you happy

#also this is a side note but going back to the whole 'when i was growing up i was more feminine' angle #one thing ive found is that the more masc i get the more pressing the Need To Be Masculine becomes #so like. accepting that identities can be fluid and change over time can be very helpful imo #maybe i was a girl at one point and now im not‚ or maybe i never was‚ who cares. either way‚ im not one now‚ and thats what matters #gender is a game we were all forced to play from birth‚ youre allowed to say fuck all these rules im just gonna exist how i want #i hope this all makes sense and isnt an incoherent ramble labflsbfksbfkeb ive been having brain fog lately so i tend #to lose track of where i am when im talking sometimes #i dont think youre lying to yourself‚ i think introspection and understanding your identity are very difficult things to do #and i think like a lot of trans(?) people pre-everything youre scared that the answer will be 'yes‚ you are trans‚ and now you have to #figure out how to live in a way that feels right' #not to say nonbinary people dont have to deal w the same stuff as trans ppl obv bc Hello Thats Me ksnfkshfkek #but like. i feel like most ppl see it as 'figure out identity then work on transition goals' but like you absolutely dont have to #you can just say 'idk what i am but i know doing xyz will make me happier' and just go from there #and who knows! maybe doing so will change your understanding of yourself to the point you find picking a label far easier #or maybe it wont! you wont know till you try though #anyways hope this ramble helps have a good day osbfksbflsnls

[badolmen]

You ever see a response to a post that is so inflamed and self contradictory that it’s like

#ra speaks #personal #started posting on my Blood Pressure blog to get the adrenaline going this week and by god it worked #but also this response was so. reactionary and confusing it’s like. i know it’s all in bad faith #and any attempt on my part to appeal to logic and pick apart their response with calm and respectful inquiry and information #will likely only be met with further raving and ranting #but also like. maybe it wouldn’t? probably would. but it might not! #like I don’t think any literate person would read my post and then their response and wholeheartedly agree with that response #because of how unhinged and transparently bad faith it was. so I don’t feel the need to further clarify myself. #but who knows! maybe they’ll obsess over a response I never give them for the next week while I forget this ever happened #the worst part is like the last paragraph was coherent and like. yes the nature of these supernatural beings is fixed and part of #a greater purpose. that’s why there’s no mythology surrounding flexibility in these fixed purposes? like yes that’s correct #why is everything you say before this point incoherent raging? #so I am tempted to try and appeal to that logic. but maybe I won’t. who knows. #not gonna block them unless they show up to be annoying it’s nice to know tumblr still have unhinged reactionaries who exist only to rant #context: #i made a blog just to say things that will make some people mad #because this is my happy blog not my stress blog do not ask about the Blood Pressure blog it exists to give me adrenaline boosts #when I get to comfortable and happy with my life bc sometimes you gotta self Sabatoge to live a little <3