#martin gets it every other tuesday but the rest are clueless all the time

[robynator]

yknow what i absolutely love about dghda? how socially unaware all the former blackwing subjects are. like these guys have no clue what to do in normal society and that absolutely makes sense

dirk is the most well adjusted out of all of the ones we know of and even he climbs into this random guy's apartment through the window, immediately calls him his assistant and then declares that he lives there now. he's clueless. he wants friends but he doesn't know how to talk to people, even after 16 years lived in freedom

and then there's bart and the rowdy 3

bart doesn't know how radios and tvs work, nor what hotels are. all she's known her whole life is blackwing labs and the fact that she's supposed to kill people. so that's what she does. she doesn't know how to talk to people, she just goes with the flow

and of course the rowdy 3, the absolute icons. unlike dirk, who wants to be a part of society, and bart, who really doesn't care, they actively reject social norms. they saw punk culture and ran with it. they're rude, violent and, well, rowdy. and they like that. but they're also stupid in the way that you would be if you grew up in a lab with (probably) next to no real education. none of them have any functioning braincells or social grace and that works for them

i didn't talk about mona or francis/moloch bc we don't really have a real frame of reference for either of them. mona is an inanimate object 99% of the time and francis has been in a coma for several decades

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #dirk gently #bart curlish #the rowdy three #the rowdy 3 #let's be clear amanda has the monopoly on the rowdy 3's braincells #martin gets it every other tuesday but the rest are clueless all the time #project icarus #project marzanna #project incubus #blackwing #project blackwing #head empty no thoughts

[madame-brioche]

CAMP TOCCOA SERIES HEADCANON

Part 1: Meet the Counselors 🦋

Winters — The Nutritional Counselor:

-teaches math during the off-season

-affectionately calls his campers "little chicken nuggets"

-gets up at 5 in the morning for a quiet hike

-makes sure you take your required medication and vitamins and use your inhaler, whatever you need

-goes around to let everyone know it's time for light's out

-will comfort campers with ice cream if they're feeling homesick

-secretly planning a fun last day of camp prank with Counselor Nixon

-lots of pastels in his uniform

-rescues injured birds and squirrels, and nurses them back to health

-knows every camper's name, hobbies, favorite color, allergies

-pinkie promises on everything

-makes the best ice tea and coffee in the cafeteria

-“I love all of you equally”

Nixon — The Chaotic Functional Counselor

-used to pull legendary pranks before becoming a head counselor but now just does mostly paperwork

-tells nightmare-fuel scary stories and then abruptly says "well goodnight" afterwards & leaves

-carries a secret flask and gets wasted at the campfire

-hungover af at breakfast the next morning

-pets every dog he comes across, and even lets his campers sneak one into the bunks to keep

-wears baggy shorts, a baseball cap backwards and rocks sunglasses indoors

-gets hyped for taco Tuesday's in the cafeteria

-hosts wine Wednesday's in the counselors' lounge

-takes spiders outside rather than killing them

-oddly competitive during icebreaker games

-talks shit about other counselors to his campers

-“can I get a double shot americano with bourbon?”

Lipton — The Mom Counselor

-ray of fucking sunshine

-keeps in touch with his campers after they leave

-has been working there for an insanely long time

-arts and crafts leader, orchestrating friendship bracelet making

-gets along with all the other counselors, never has beef with anyone

-gives the best advice, even if you don't want to hear it

-the best bear hugs omfg just makes you feel so safe and protected

-smells like campfire and s'mores

-literally made out of happiness and gummy worms

-surprises everyone with a pajama pizza party

-makes sure you're staying hydrated and getting enough sleep, applying sunscreen/bug spray, and having a good time

-come to him with any injuries, aches, or pains

-“What do you mean you’re not having fun?”

Speirs — The Varsity Wilderness Survival Counselor

-how did this guy get to be a counselor?

-hides contraband in a shallow hole by the obstacle course

-breaks all the rules but upholds them for his campers

-will come in and scare the living shit out of you if you don't listen to Counselor Winters' lights out warning

-only one who hits Counselor Sobel with a water balloon

-gets up at 4am to lift and run around the campgrounds

-only wears tank tops, even in the cold

-will test his campers by leaving them in the woods at night and expect them to find their way back

-maybe sheds one tear on the last day, maybe

-really high stakes trust exercises

-will suck the venom out of a snake bite to save your life

-moves through the forest without making a sound

-“I will throw you to the mountain lions”

Welsh — The Hip Counselor

-plays Wonderwall on his acoustic guitar during campfire performances

-hasn't showered in a week and it's noticeable

-grows a goatee and runs around barefoot

-is banned from helping out in the kitchen

-will set up your tent for you in exchange for drugs

-reigning tie-dye shirt making champ

-recycling king™️

-makes sure there's vegetarian options in the cafeteria

-smells like mother nature's armpit

-wears a bandana around his head

-can be found avoiding duties and playing ultimate frisbee with his campers

-“tbh, I’ve had five existential crises since we’ve been here!”

Compton — The Cool Friend Counselor

-wears a different flannel everyday

-calls you out for your bullshit during cabin meetings

-gives the best pep talks before games of capture the flag

-somehow manages to read 4+ books over the course of camp

-knows how to sew/patch up clothes

-leads most of the cheers and rallying songs

-hangs out with campers instead of other counselors in his free time

-always down for darts, archery, swimming, sailing, kayaking, you name it

-overshares personal life details during campfire sharing time

-will totally help you TP Counselor Sobel’s cabin

-once ate a bee on a dare

-“guys, I’m not mad but who put weed killer in my shampoo?”

Martin — The Don’t F With Me Counselor

-resting bitch face during camp cheers

-aggressively salutes the flag during morning assembly

-inexplicably good at memorizing everyone’s name on the first day

-openly drinks gin and tonic in the cafeteria

-the reason a few campers wanted to go home

-somehow ends up being one of your favorite counselors by the last day

-is not subtle about playing favorites

-cooks most of the food for the camp and will be insulted if you don’t eat what’s on your plate

-can do that loud whistle with his fingers to get everyone’s attention

-low key freaks out if one of his campers is missing and will not rest until they’re found

-mood can go from 0 to 100 over the pettiest things

-“Yeah I’m gonna need you to kindly pipe the fuck down with the crazy glue for the rest of craft time”

Randleman — The Boy Scout Counselor

-wears a lot of camo at all times

-scary good at poker

-smokes on the premises even though it’s forbidden

-talks fast and direct, commands your attention

-makes a mean s’more and prefers the marshmallow to be burnt

-will let his campers get away with the most shenanigans so long as it’s not hurting anyone

-actually cries the last day of camp

-kickball and flag football champion

-has wrestled a grizzly bear and won

-collects pocket knives and random critters

-bff’s with Counselor Martin and sometimes takes charge of Martin’s campers and vice versa

-has never gotten bit by a mosquito

-snores loudly and will sleep through anything

-has been granted camp counselor tenure because he’s been there so dang long

-“y’all wanna go sink a canoe?”

Peacock — The Cute But Clueless Counselor

-wears a lot of band t-shirts merch

-has song lyrics tattooed on various body parts

-rocks an intentional mullet

-constantly getting lost when leading hikes but great at improvising

-has a tan even if the sun hasn’t been out

-blood smells like cologne

-instructs canoeing and determines whether you pass the swim test or not

-has a way with animals and manages the small camp petting zoo

-got six stitches last year from doing a flip off the dock

-gets scared from the scary stories Counselor Nixon tells

-“la la la la if I can’t hear the ghosts they can’t hurt me”

Dike — The Absentee Counselor

-says “oof” after any minor inconvenience

-oversleeps and misses morning assembly

-a camper may die on his watch, you never know

-gives sub par motivational speeches

-tries to comfort homesick campers but ends up crying himself

-has a fear of swimming without water wings

-might get mauled by a bear later

-given up on learning his campers’ names

-calls other counselors for help

-has one facial expression at all times

-spits when he talks

-constantly stressed during outdoor camping

-passive aggressiveness af during cabin meetings

-sleeps with a night light

-“wait am I responsible for all of you?”

Sobel — The Narc Counselor

-literally no one likes him

-mission is to make sure everyone follows his rules

-carries around a bullhorn and a backup whistle

-failed the swim test

-says “fight me” but would get his ass kicked

-misspells everything

-will give you latrine duty if you leave your bunk bed unmade or the dishes aren’t in alphabetical order

-doesn’t participate in campfire games or sing alongs

-got left behind on a trail for 9 hours once

-confiscates any and all contraband camp items including non regulated shoes

-likes noodles with ketchup

-perpetual disappointed glare

-has a cold like once a week

-only allows one s’more per camper

-“and you will know my name is the lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee, now put this can of peaches back where it belongs!”

Stay tuned for Part 2: The Campers

#band of brothers #hboshow #easy company #camp toccoa #dick winters #lewis nixon #carwood lipton #ronald speirs #harry welsh #captain sobel #norman dike #thomas peacock #johnny martin #bull randleman #buck compton #headcanon