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#looking back it s been MONTHS and i still have no damn clue abt how to white hair
uotuok · 1 month
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When Geto is the last snack left in the room.
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hwangskz · 5 years
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call me by your name | boyfriend(s)! minsung
there's no way that i can watch a beautiful movie and not write an au abt it
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• it was in the summer of 2016 when they first met
• they both were standing outside the swimming center, waiting along with other strangers, for the door to open
• when suddenly it was announced on a huge microphone that was placed on the counter, that the no more space is left for any other customer to come in
• and obviously everyone was annoyed
• jisung sat down with his back against the wall of the building
• "i really should've stayed at home in the ac.."
• "me too"
• jisung looked up to see a beautiful man looking down at him and smiling
• "hello"
• "....hi?"
• minho sighed as he looked around to see no one else there, as jisung's eyes followed his movements
• "well..im kinda free today and have nothing better to do, so like.. do u wanna get something from the convenience store?"
• jisung knew he shouldn't go around w strangers
• but CHAN DIDN'T SAY TO REFUSE CUTE STRANGERS' OFFERS (▰˘◡˘▰)
• (jisung ur gonna get urself killed someday like this istg,,,,)
• "sure"
• so they were on their way to a convenience store
• and it was pretty? quiet?
• minho was ok w it. he wasn't much of a speaker anyway
• but jisung,,,,, THIS BOY !! had to make a conversation
• "it's pretty.. hot rn,, isn't it?"
• "yeah"
• minho went back to looking around them, searching for THAT ONE air-conditioned convenience store he saw on his way to the swimming center
• and this BUGGED THE FUCK OUT OF JISUNG JDHSGD
• he would've been ok with shutting tf up but he thought the other didn't like his company?? (even tho minho was literally the one who asked him to come to the store w him JSHSH)
• and it didn't help that he was an extremely cute boy ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚
• Jisung's First Impression Self-Coordinator can u shut up jisung is alrdy anxious w having this beautiful man beside him AND GUESS WHAT U R NOT HELPING!!!!!!
• all this time jisung kept thinking abt what discussion topics there were to exist so that he can talk to him
• "debate? nah arguing isn't a good first impression.."
• "global warming? it's all around social media with fake woke people anyways jisung what are u trying...."
• "the summer? i mean we kinda alrdy did.."
• and ALL THIS TIME jisung didn't even have a single clue that he was speaking this out loud
• and yes minho had heard it all
• he laughed quietly which caught jisung's attention
• "????? did something happen ?????"
• minho tried to not smile at the cute boy and shook his head no
• he looked beside him one more time and
• "!!!! BITCH I FOUND IT !!!! COME ON!!!!"
• "?? what-"
• jisung was ABSOLUTELY thrown off when the cold air hit him
• "OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING WOE THANK U STRANGER"
• "just call me minho"
• minho told him to get a seat for the both of them while he got a strawberry and a chocolate milk, one for him and one for jisung, and then proceeded to pass him his drink as he held his in his hand and sat down opposite to jisung
• as jisung slurped his drink, minho had head on his palm and watched the other
• jisung looked up to see the other looking at him Like That and his heart probably did something too
• "w-why are u looking at me like that?"
• "u still haven't told me ur name"
• "...han jisung"
• "cute"
• minho, satisfied, picked up his drink and slurped it
• and jisung just.. sat there looking at his new friend
• and probably crush
• "what year were u born in?"
• "........2000....why"
• "oh,, so i'm 2 years older than u..hm..."
• "why do u ask tho"
• "trying to see something"
• "see what"
• he smirked as he held his head in his palm again and looked up at jisung
• "maybe the universe wants us to be together"
• jisung felt his cheeks heat up and minho chuckled at the sight of his red cheeks
• "has anyone ever told u that it's pretty wildt to flirt with someone when u have just met them"
• "has anyone ever told u how pretty u look when ur blushing"
• "i- !!!!!!!!!! MINHO PLS"
• days went by really quickly
• and soon they were best friends
• hung out at each other's places and stole food
• had movie marathons
• fought for the slice of pizza and the last piece of chicken
• u name it
• and like a routine, they were at the convenience store
• but today? they ran out of strawberry milk AND chocolate milk
• what misery o(╥﹏╥)o
• so instead he just got a chocolate cake for jisung
• "?? why this sudden change in menu??"
• "it's only for today. they ran out of all flavored milks today so i got this instead, because u once said that u loved chocolate cakes"
• ":0......thank u......"
• jisung got the cake and started having small bites of it when he looked up to see minho smiling at him; nothing in front of him
• "why aren't u eating?"
• "i don't like chocolate cake so ill probably just eat something tomorrow when i wake up bcs im too tired to make anything today"
• "but won't u get too hungry (・_・) ? by then (・_・) ?"
• "eh, it's fine"
• jisung was NOT having it
• "wait ill just buy u some fire noodles"
• "u don't need to do that"
• "BITCH?????? U WILL DIE DONT DO THAT TO URSELF!!!! EAT!!!!"
• "jisung that frown doesn't look good ur cute face pls.."
• "then LET ME BUY U THE DAMN RAMEN U BUFFOON"
• "... ok"
• jisung got the ramen and poured some hot water in it and covered it, followed by placing in it front of minho
• "here u go"
• ".. thank u"
• there was complete silence before jisung spoke up again
• "do me a favor and..... kinda tone it down? ur compliments towards me at the slightest of things.. i mean.."
• he didn't mind it, really
• "did that make u uncomfortable-"
• "no,, it just does something to my heart"
• minho looked him in the eye
• "what do you mean?"
• jisung gave him a sad smirk
• "i thought u will know to take hints like this the best."
• minho looked down; he did know what it meant, just too scared to come out
• jisung sighed and pointed at the cup of ramen
• "eat up. it's ready."
• after they were done at the store, they walked towards the bus stop, just like everyday
• but something seemed different today
• they stood still when they reached the bus stop, waiting for the bus to appear so that minho can reach his place
• "about that thing i said earlier.. i'm sorry"
• minho turned his head towards jisung
• "what are u talking about?"
• "about the thing with compliments.. i'm sorry if that made u uncomfortable.. or dislike me in any sort of wa-"
• jisung was cut off with minho's lips on his, and his hand behind jisung's head
• minho pulled away and looked at him
• "i could never, ever, hate u."
• and that's how, fast forward to a month later, right now, they ended up in the same bed
• with jisung's face pressed to minho's chest as his head rests on jisung's head, gently stroking through his hair
• "jisung.. i can't believe it's been so long since we met, you know?"
• jisung only hummed
• "and i'm so glad i got the courage to confess to u that day.. otherwise this, us, it wouldn't have had happened"
• "yeah"
• minho slid down to match jisung's height and gently smiled at him, jisung returning one
• "call me by your name, and i'll call you by mine."
• "jisung."
• "minho."
• they both exhaled and chuckled
• when suddenly
• "jisung?"
• "yes?"
• minho sighed and closed his eyes shut one more time before opening them and staring at jisung with determination
• it was gonna be a big day for him
• "i am in love with you, han jisung."
• jisung's breath hitched
• he should've seen this coming
• so jisung only sadly smiled and pressed a gentle kiss on minho's forehead before getting up and sitting on the foot of the bed, causing a confused minho to get up too
• "..jisung?"
• jisung looked back at minho one last time before saying
• "maybe the universe doesn't want us to be together."
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kuntrabida · 4 years
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2. the axon snaps and thoughts can’t travel (a rant abt COVID-19, senior year spring, and college in the fall)
12 may 2020
the gap year. the fall sem. the jump cut. the FUTURE. much on my mind right now folks lmao (prob folk in singular since like one (1) person’s gonna read this ashvcxjkv)
okay so let’s break this DOWN ig. yea LET’S unpack my inner psyche and my mental baggage at this point because i’m sure that i can’t be the only one feeling this way and even if i am, i’d like to get it off my chest and not rant to the same five people who’ve heard me talk about the same sad subject throughout the entire duration of quarantine asdjfkvcxufdsw
let’s start with senior year haHA :) still haven’t gotten over that xoxo even tho i’ve tricked myself into thinking that i have! gonna refer to it as ye olde Jump Cut because that’s exactly what all this feels like... like mother nature just threw the video file of my high school experience into a fuckinn Premiere timeline or smth and slammed her fist on the W key (an esoteric reference, i know, i know, my bad, but iykyk). 
THE JUMP CUT – senior year’s over and i know it’s a stupid fucking thing to be upset about during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC where people are losing and risking their lives and entire livelihoods are being upended but i still... can’t help but feel upset and terrified and devastated about what i’ve always viewed as this buffer period in my life between high school and college to just VIBE and figure myself out a little bit more being cut short. especially when, for once, things were going so well.  
god, the last thing i wanna do is sound dramatic and utterly tone deaf because I RECOGNIZE my privilege and how incredibly fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and a bed with a damn duvet cover to sleep in at night but i’m... so fucking sad. i’ve BEEN so fucking sad, and i think what’s even worse is the fact that i’ve been DENYING how fucking sad i’ve been feeling because i don’t think i’m... allowed to be sad in this situation? but at the same time i consciously understand that my feelings are valid and everything... it just feels like legitimately everything else in the world right now dwarfs all my concerns combined. but alas. here i am, making a blog post about my feelings to finally try and sort them out...
i just aghsdfhxhzjlk i wasn’t finished. that really is the best way to put it. i wasn’t finished with any of it. and i suppose a lot of that is my own fault for taking all the good times for granted (but also lowkey the fault of idek who... american society? for romanticizing and commodifying the culmination of high school oop)/
i feel like so many people focus on those big milestone events associated with senior year: prom, graduation, senior awards, etc. but to me personally, and to nearly every one of the friends i’ve talked to, it’s the little things that matter most — the absence of which we feel the deepest. i miss spilling coffee on myself in the cafeteria and burning frozen pastries in the toasters and complimenting people’s outfits in the hallways and staying in the building from dawn till dusk and eating takeout on the floor and hastily texting my friends at the end of the school day asking if they wanted to hang out or if they could give me a ride home and i MISS spontaneous sushi and starbucks excursions and quiet heart to hearts in coffee shops and last minute target runs and stressing out about music events and belting in the practice rooms and learning choreography in parking lots where confused drivers would momentarily glance over and just KEEP ON DRIVING and lying on the ground in one of the school’s hallways facing the sun when the light would hit JUST RIGHT through the glass and i could close my eyes and pretend i was at the beach or on an island or in a canyon somewhere or SOMETHING, anywhere, anywhere but there. and i feel this chasm in my throat whenever i think about it because looking back at those moments, i realize that there’s literally no place i’d rather be right now than inside my high school building on a normal ass day dealing with normal ass problems with exceptional, radiant, life-giving souls there to have my back and support me and hug me wow, GOD, hug me. wow how i miss hugs. and I miss my friends. shit. 
hell bro i even miss the days where everything would become a little too much for me and i’d have to find recluse in a digital media classroom and the scent of old lemon-laced coffee grounds as they brewed into dingy styrofoam cups and wandered through the halls with me during the period, into the music room where i literally grew UP and found my voice and discovered validity in my own identity and all that JAZZ and into the bathrooms where i’d spend such subtle, unsuspecting mornings with friends still practically sleepwalking and FUCK bro. frankly i’m just not ready to jump into a life where all the things i hold dear are “remember when”s. i can’t imagine this entire world that i’ve built for myself being a thing of the past, a thing that i’ll look back on as one of the best fucking times of my life even though i never realized it when it mattered, a thing i still want so so so much more of, that i am not and may not ever be ready to let go. i want it all back. but i know getting upset over it is a futile pursuit, because there’s nothing i can do, and that just fuels this feedback cycle of anger and hopelessness and denial and back again. 
i do think of that good ol’ winnie the pooh quote, though. “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” but it doesn’t really make anything hurt any less. and i guess i’m just tired of hurting lol. 
THE FUTURE – dawg what the fuck is happening with colleges in the United States right now bro what is the protocol what do i DO¿
pretty damn self explanatory. my defense mechanism has ALWAYS been, “at least things will be better a couple months from now!!!!” and yeah, with university and the reality of getting to attend my dream college fast approaching i did believe that for a hot second but CORONA DAWG CORONA just plunges everything into the sea of uncertainty. i know i’m not the only one frustrated by this damn virus and i should be comforted by the unity we all have in our confusion but lmao i do not feel any better! no! one! has! any! answers! asdjfkvlcxvjl being a graduating high school and incoming college student right now is so FUCKING confusing and frightening and once again i want to acknowledge what an incredible privilege it is to even have the option of a higher education open to me but it’s such a multifaceted and unpredictable issue this year and thinking about the future — again my go-to defense mechanism and at the very least a worthy consideration since i’ll be putting down hella dollars for it — has been the cause of so much stress... 
THE FALL SEM – i! don’t! know! if! it’s! gonna! be! on!line! and i am not planning on staying in my house any longer for a goddamn variety of reasons soo i have no clue how to plan for this! no one does right now! 
our administration keeps affirming that we’re planning for a return to normalcy in the fall semester but a considerable amount of students and experts alike are saying that it’s essentially a cover so no one’ll panic and decline or defer their acceptances. SO MANY OTHER COLLEGES are revealing their contingency plans to have an online semester and ahaHA if i have to STAY in this HOUSE for ANOTHER 4 MONTHS that would FRICKIN SUCK DAWG lmaO i’ll leave it at that! so i’m: very much panicking! 
i know that things are so uncertain right now and there’s really no point in trying to predict what’s going to happen in the next couple of months because so many unknowns remain. i know that a lot of universities are gonna be in deep shit if they don’t open in the fall but at the same time, if it’s a damn public health risk it’s definitely better to keep as many people home as possible. but i have no CLUE what institutions are gonna end up doing and again, literally no one does either! i was listening to a podcast yesterday about university plans for the upcoming academic year and i got asdhvjckxv so stressed when they said that we could be one week away from the start of the school year and things could still be drastically different the next week... there’s just no way of knowing much of anything and god i hate that. it’s making me so goddamn anxious. 
i really doubt things are going to be back to normal in New York in the fall sooo...? i don’t know man again it comes down to asking people questions they don’t have the answers to and that’s just incredibly frustrating because i just want to know ONE THING for certain right now. ONE THING! idk i just wish that my college would be a little more transparent about their plans as they move along and figure things out but i know that’s not feasible. at the very least i hope things will be safe enough for them to make dorming on campus an option — freshmen have a pretty ample amount of singles available anyway. but if i have to spend the first semester of college onLINE in THIS HOUSE that’s... gonna suck. especially because i’m still probably going to be paying thousands of dollars for it which is, as my grandmother says, foul! 
THE GAP YEAR – to defer or not to defer? that is the question. 
so naturally in preparation for a potentially wonky ass academic year i’m considering deferring enrollment. but lmao... the deadline to do so is in uh *checks watch* three (3) literal days so. don’t know about that chief! 
like, i know i’m PROBABLY NOT gonna end up taking a gap year. but i guess it’s just the fact that i have so much more canvas space to daydream about it that makes it so appealing... there are so many more possibilities that i can think of that are more likely to be open to me. then again, nothing’s guaranteed. not even my own health in the fall. which is also pretty fuckin scary as hell.
y’all wanna know where i get my gap year daydream fuel? UNJADED JADE. bruh i’ve been binging her videos like MAD especially the ones where she interrails Europe during her gap year and UGH. it seems incredible. and that makes things even more confusing because i really don’t know what the right decision to make is right now. to defer or not to defer... 
again it’s all so heavily influenced by unknowns. of all the things that could happen, i’d much prefer to have a regular freshman year fall with the people in my class whom i’ve already been getting to know pretty well through groupchats and social media and the like. they’re a pretty dope bunch and i think college with them is gonna be a hoot and a goddamn half. but if i’ll end up just staying home and watching zoom lectures in my basement anyway... i’d much rather be taking a gap year. 
and i’ve been brainstorming what i’d do during this gap year (again, thanks Unjaded Jade for the god-tier content agh) and there’s just like... so many options. i could get a goddamn JOB and start saving up for tuition instead of paying tens of thousands for online school. hell with the money i make working full time i could probably save up enough to afford an apartment so at the very least i could move out of my house into a place where i feel more comfortable. and lmao I: s a l i v a t e at the thought of using that time to focus on my writing, too. the amount of writing i could get done in a year of empty calendar space... glorious. what an utterly glorious prospect. 
and of course, i’d love to fucking travel, volunteer (with a reputable and well-intentioned organization) in a foreign country, do a workstay abroad, take a train across america, but again, i don’t even know if any of that’s going to be feasible in the fall. it’s so FRUSTRATING because i’ll think of a possibility and then another one comes in and completely shuts the former down. 
and it’s not like i can ask anyone for advice right now because we’re ALL none the wiser. plus, i’ve realized that frankly, even if it’s unreasonable, i don’t want anyone to tell me that my plans for a gap year aren’t feasible. it’s such a petulant thing to say... but i don’t want anyone to add to my sense of there being a limited amount of options that i can take advantage of because everything’s already so goddamn stifling as is. i guess the prospect of a gap year excites me so much because it seems like a year where i don’t have to be defined by anyone or anything but myself. and that’s so fucking liberating. 
i just want the freedom to imagine right now because that’s when i feel happiest, but at the same time i’m afraid to get my hopes up for anything because i have this sinking feeling that the absolute worst case scenario is going to become reality. lmao. people in my state aren’t even fucking social distancing correctly so i’m damn sure that we’re in for a second and a third wave and that’s gonna suck but people are stupid as hell :)  
lol on that positive note, thanks for reading this... increasingly depressing and chaotic rant. don’t really think i’m doing this “blog” stuff right but if you got this far, i love you. leave a note if you so please, comment your thoughts, reblog if you’d like (still don’t really understand the difference between reblogging and reposting on this app but lmao feel free to click the boxy arrow thing), and stay safe and healthy and all that jazz <3
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theday · 6 years
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minpuppy day
its 8pm here, and his birthday is almost over. im listening to day6′s stream rn and im ready to type out my essay 4 lmh 
this got so long and its a mess without proper sources whoops!!!!
SO FIRST OF ALL... lee minhyuk!!!!! the kindest boy on earth and also the most extra lmao
tbh i only became a mbb in late august so i was only present for the last 2 ep of mxray but with everything else, i had 2 catch up rip.. i watched the first episode of season 2 first bc im a dumbebe and it was the cafe/nail salon episode ?? yeah. at that point i didnt know any of them and i couldnt recognise anyone except for jooheon bc i started liking jh first i was just super confused with everyone else, minhyuk included. nobody really stood out when i watched it but i still found it extremely funny (mx are so funny every show theyve been on i always laugh its great i love it) was the next episode the party one ?? (nope) i dont remember but i dont think i focused on anyone at that time either but i noticed how minhyuk was so fucking extra with how he would give kh + hw false clues and i was like .. ‘this guy is seriously..’ and when changkyun plotted with them to abandon mh i was cheering for him tbh LOL and i got so scared for ck when minhyuk found out sbwjaiks idk ive never talked about first impression for mxray so im gonna side track a bit (a lot) and?? the way he played everyone and eventually himself (and changkyun) was so funny wtfeksmk we love an idiot?? in the animal episode, i didnt take notice of mh (again) bc he was with jh and i was 2 focused on him poor mh and mary LMAO i think throughout my first watch of mxray i didnt have that much of an impression of minhyuk other than that he is super extra?? watching their older shows like ‘right now’ and the des??koptac??? fk if i know im a fakebebe i think he grew on me more?? 
but the time where he really impacted me and made me fall for him was when i watched no.mercy?? the way he gave the flower to the judge (i lov EHR SO MUCH) (the male judges can ***** x) it really gave me the impression of how sweet minhyuk is?? and i remember when he got second last and he cried i felt so fucking bad? he loves his parents so damn much???? minhyuk is really out here being the best son/friend/group mate?? AND despite that he worked together with the other guy (im so sorry) and they did a wonderful stage?? the way minhyuk lightened the mood after the performance showki gave? that made me really think because people gave minhyuk the title of mood maker you know? and just based on that i could truly see why and after that im so happy minhyuk is with monsta x (ill talk abt this later) and im pretty sure he was the one who lost since it was like a battle (work together with your partner but youre also fighting against them) and i know how they like messed the thing up didnt they? and they told him he won but they announced the wrong name minhyuk didnt even let that get to him? he had the biggest smile on his face even though he lost? i love lee minhyuk so much?? he was happy because he and his team mate managed to show such a good performance and that makes me so proud??? 
it was probably at that point where i really started to see minhyuk as who he is??? he has a lot of sides to him honestly and i dont know all of them but from what i can see minhyuk’s just great?? i was also starting to fall deeper for monsta x as a whole and that meant finding out about past incidents and watching old vlives,, i saw ppl mentioned about how minhyuk would be there for wonho throughout his harder times?? and i watched the video where wonho actually thanks minhyuk (and other members) about that and you can just see how supportive minhyuk is of wonho? hes always there for him and not just wonho, minhyuk’s always with everyone although it is different every era?? he shows so much love to all of his members and its ?? amazing??? minhyuk’s like everybody’s support system and im jsut so!!!!! minhyuk ur doing amazing sweetie :-( 
right now back to the thing i said i said id talk abt later which is now so. i was watching the last ep of no.mercy (where they select who gets 2 debut) and i knew who were gonna debut obviously but it was still so fucking nerve wrecking???? honestly? you could see the shock on minhyuk’s face when he gets chosen as the last member. idk what he was thinking but it really hurts to think that minhyuk probably thought he wouldnt be able to get in? (i also have no idea how no.mercy works and im still a bit skeptical about it, was it all planned? etc.) and just the surprise and disbelief really??? goD ??? mh probably felt really bad about being chosen despite have 2 other suitable ppl next to him i kind of think minhyuk sometimes doubts his abilities??? back on weekly idol too where they asked him how he managed to get in and they (hyungwon?) answered with passion like?? i dont know :-// this whole para is a joke tbh bc of how much i dont trust no.mercy lol so disregard it?????
what i wanted 2 say though was how without minhyuk, i dont think monsta x would be able to be how they are today. as much as i hate to say this, performance & song wise, there wouldnt be much of a difference because of how little lines minhyuk gets (which is understandable, still makes me a tad bit mmMPH) however, the presence on shows would change so much??? minhyuk helps bring out everyones sides on shows? and maybe he doesnt and im just being bloody delusional but i believe that minhyuk plays a super important role whenever mx are on any kind of show because he’s able to ?? i dont know??? he can see whenever one of the members are feeling uncomfortable/not talking enough and he goes to them/asks them stuff im pulling this out of my ass actually ah . i dont fucking know i dont have any sources nd this is all from my shit ass memory so if u do read this and realize how inaccurate it is im sorry but thanks 4 reading lmao 
basically . minhyuk plays an important role in monsta x as more than a vocal but as a person who’s always there for his members 
ANOTHER THING. we all know of when minhyuk speaks english?? like he doesnt have to because theres changkyun but he does it anyway?? again, idk if he does it bc he wants 2 lessen the burden on changkyun (who cant speak english that well - same) or because he wants to connect with more intl fans but its sweet either way?? and its really funny the way he translates stuff too lmao 
i already saw someone else talk about this but its something i noticed too though it didnt really click unitl i saw their post about it,, back on like the radio vlive he would do with kihyun he was always setting goals for the vlive and everything but in the recent vlive with kihyun (again) he assured mbbs that they didnt need to press hearts and that they should focus on the vlive (was this mentioned or assumed???) idk but we can think he probably means that even if it was unspoken.. it really shows how much minhyuk’s grown??? he went from asking for hearts to making sure that mbbs could properly watch the vlive instead?? minhyuk really looks out for others ? when he picked out the stuff kihyun didnt like too??? he didnt even to think twice about doing it he just did it immediately?? minhyuk is so fucking sweet and he just??? thinks about the others ??? always being there for them and everything????
minhyuk is also so sososososo nice to fans? i watched that one video where he gave fans his like towel because they didnt have umbrellas and it was raining/?? yeah sure maybe thats like. basic fan idol stuff but it really says a lot about minhyuk??? he didnt have an umbrella either but he still wanted to make sure they wouldnt get sick????
in these past 2 months, ive learnt that minhyuk is more than extra, hes someone who cares for just about everybody??? he was the last member selected for monsta x but he’s constantly improved himself since then and im so proud of lee minhyuk?? so shoutout to the boy who loves his members and monbebes like theyre his family and shoutout to the boy who loves his family so much. happy birthday lee minhyuk and thank you for being born :-D 
also its 9pm now lmao and day6 are doing their last song im happy this has been fun so bye now 
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