#lonelinees

[talkfastlibrary]

Pretty When You Cry--Jake Seresin (An Arrangement Series)

An Arrangement Masterlist

Follow here for all updates as I do not have a taglist

word count: 1.3k (longer than a blurb, oops!)

warnings: feelings of lonelinees, sadness and lowered self-worth, little bit self-indulgent with this one

Feedback, asks, comments/reblogs mean the world to me!

Authors note: this is taken in the near future of the series!

Enjoy!

You know you shouldn’t but you can’t help yourself by looking through the Instagram stories of your girlfriends; the three of them took a trip to sunny California and this was how you found out. Money has always been tight, but it’s even tighter now because of your grandma and you have to make sure you have food.

You’ve been saying no a lot to hanging out but feel the judgment from them when they see how often you go out with Jake and “it must be nice to have a guy take care of you” cycles through your head. They didn’t say it to your face but you overheard it while you went to the bathroom.

That made you shut down and isolate yourself from them and especially from Jake. You told Reynolds he didn’t have to drive you anywhere for a while. Guilt and shame clouded over you but seeing them all having fun made you feel even more lonely. 

What hurts the most is that they didn’t even tell you they were going and that you had to find out through social media. Why didn’t they say anything? Purposely not telling you makes it seem like they didn’t want you to know but then why post about it? 

Your mind is spiraling and your self-worth is spiraling with it into a deep dark hole that you haven’t been in since high school. 

You ignored Jake’s texts and calls, thankful he was gone on a mission so he couldn’t even stop by. You didn’t want to burden him with your racing thoughts and feelings of despair. You’ve dealt with them on your own, it’s rough, but eventually you talk yourself out of it and tell yourself you were just overreacting. 

So why is it that your fingers found his name in your messages and typed the words ‘I’m feeling sad and I miss you.’

You stare at it waiting to see the little bubbles appear but your screen turns black. You tap it again to see how late it is and sigh. He’s probably out with the guys or probably found some other girl to entertain him for the night. That’s the thought that breaks you and brings on the waterworks. You turn your phone off and shove it under the pillows letting your tears consume you. 

Sometime later the door opens and you’re flooded in the light from the hallway. It scares you  into an upright position because no one is in Jake’s house except you and the same moment you do, the lights flick on. Jake is standing there in jeans and a sweatshirt, duffel bag on his arm and his phone in his hand. 

“Where’s your phone? I’ve been calling and texting nonstop for hours,” he drops his duffel bag on the floor without a second care for it. “Are you hurt? Why are you sad?”

He rushes across the room kneeling in front of you, his hair is unkempt and the circles under his eyes are dark again. You open your mouth to tell him but the words get stuck and a broken sob comes out instead. Fresh tears are flowing and you throw yourself at him, arms around his neck and your face curved into his shoulders. 

“Woah, woah, hey, hey, hey,” his voice is soft in your ear. He holds you closer to him, hesitant at first because you don’t normally initiate physical contact but when you don’t pull away, he holds on tighter. “What’s got you so sad, Sugar?”

You shake your head sniveling into his neck, the fresh scent of his cologne swarms all around you. You can feel his heartbeat in his neck, the warmth of his skin.

“Hmm? Tell me so I know who’s ass I need to kick.”

“It’s stupid,” you whisper.

“No it’s not. C’mere,” he rises from his knees and maneuvers your legs around his waist. He sits down on the bed with you wrapped around him like a koala. 

And the physical contact feels so good that it makes you cry harder. It’s been so long since you’ve been held like this so you hold him tighter. As if he knows you only need to be held while you cry, his fingers start to pet your hair and rub soothing circles on your back.

You stop crying when your head starts to throb and his sweatshirt is a darker gray. You pull away to wipe the excess tears away, he offers the sleeve of his sweatshirt. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“My friends are in California together and they didn’t ask me or tell me they were going. I found out from them posting about it. And you were gone and I hate how I’m always pushed to the side or left behind,” you sniff. 

Jake sighs frowning. His palm is warm and a little rough as he caresses your cheek.

“I’m sorry you had to find out that they’re on the trip like this. I hate leaving you when I have missions but I’ll never push you to the side. You’re at the forefront of my mind, always.”

You duck your head, you never know what to do or say when he says nice things like this.

“Hey, no, don’t hide away from me, Sugar,” he lifts your face back up so you’re looking at him. He gives you a soft smile. 

“Sorry,” you clear your throat. “I didn’t know you were coming back today.” 

“I wanted to surprise you. I’m glad you texted me what you’re feeling.”

“It’s stupid–”

His thumb presses down on your lips.

“Stop. Your feelings are never stupid. You’re sad and rightfully so but I’m here now and I will make it my duty to get you smiling.”

He smooths out your lips then swipes leftover tears from your lashes.

“Damn,” he says.

“What?”

“I hate seeing you sad but you’re so damn pretty when you cry,” he shakes his head, “shortcuts to heaven through your eyes.”  

The upturn of your lips is shy but automatic because no one has ever spoken to you like this before. 

“There’s my favorite smile,” he smiles back at you, sliding the hand from your back to your thigh. He rubs it affectionately. “Screw your friends. You want to go to California? I’ll take you across the whole state, we’ll stop at every vineyard and stomp on grapes to make our own wine. We’ll post about it and they’ll be so jealous.”

You can’t help but laugh at his antics. From the crying and deep emotions your laughter turned into a yawn.

“How about we watch The Wizard of Oz until you fall asleep?”

“In here or in my room?”

“Wherever you want, Sugar.”

Your answer is by crawling under his sheets and Jake staring at you in bewilderment. This is all new territory with you and he hopes it means you’ll be more open with him. He grabs his remote, pushes a button and the large screen tv slowly rises from the floor at the end of his bed. He has all your favorite movies in one spot and quickly turns on The Wizard of Oz.

“Where are you going?” you ask when he moves to his closet. 

“Just changing, I’ll be right back,” he smiles over his shoulder.

He’s never changed faster in his life, and all his years of Navy training have prepared him to get dressed in thirty seconds or less. He joins you under the covers and is again surprised when you drape half your body over his. Jake starts rubbing your back again, resting his head on top of yours as Dorothy spins in the twister and enters the land of Oz.

Throughout the movie you comment on it and tell him facts about the production that he pretends he had no idea about. He listens to you hum along to the songs and just as Dorothy is clicking her red ruby slippers, you’re fast asleep.

There truly is no place like home, especially when you’re here with him.

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #jake seresin fic #jake seresin writing #jake seresin x reader #an arrangement series #an arrangement #jake seresin fluff #jake hangman fluff #hangman fluff #hangman x reader

[atoriarl]

I am so sad none of my friends are talking to me :(((((((

I can feel da lonelinees

[ph-x-rock]

medicated but still miserable

#depression #solitude #lonelinees #suicide #limerence #love

[onsunnyside]

Hey sweetheart! I wasn't on for a few days on here. How you doing anyways I just catched up on captain's legacy and when I tell you I AM DYING I am not even exaggerating it anymore like whoo-🥵 but like you write so beautifully. Why do anons not get gifs ????*sigh*. But uk what we can do :

*insert a hot CE photo(shaved😏)* *a girl dying of horniness mixed with lonelinees and a few hormones for taste* *and me worshipping you and giving u kiths😘*

Alsoo do u have emoji anons I think u do idk don't wanna be rude but can I be 👽 cause this describes me very well .. Thank you for staying thru the rant.

hi bestie !! I'm glad you're enjoying so far—I can't wait to post the new part !! and I gladly accept all these descriptions of gifs 🤲 thank you hehe. and yes I do and yes you may !!

#👽 anon #captains legacy ask

[primehateblog]

maliford You mean raleighs construct that he created with his powers becuase of his lonelinees. His android

[bluesideofzha]

Grattitude List 10.12.21

Seharusnya aku nulis ini semalem, tapi berhubung semalam lupa tidur duluan, dan dalam rangka agar supaya mata ini tetep melek pagi ini buat cuci baju yg udah lupa direndam semalaman, sampai sekarang masih mageran.

Dan udah seharusnya dan sepertinya aku harus menuliskannya. Banyak pikiran yg perlu di sort out dikit-dikit.

My Blessed Ear

Demi apa sepagian on repeat lagu inii. Yoongi gak pernah bikin gue gagal senyum-senyum. bukannya liburan malah kerja, trus rilis lagu ini. Gue paham pasti banyak bgt yang pengen lo lakuin selama di US. Gue gapaham lagi kapan sih waktu lo biasanya kerja keras, disaat gue ngira lo bawaanya tenang pengen tiduran, gak kayak namjoon yang selalu mempertanyakan apakah long rest itu baik-baik aja. Tapi tiap lo ngeluarin sesuatu, gue selalu too emotional tiap lo nulis lagu... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOONGII!!! PLEWSE REST WELL...

"Love always accompanies lonelinees. Even though we are together, the lonelinees is still the same" :")

Pagi yg belum sepenuhnya waras gara gara lagunya yoongi sama juice wrld, trus tiba-tiba ada yg share unreleased song di IG story, yg bikin gue waktu itu mau beres-beres rapihin meja kantor harus nyender duluu.. bisa-bisanya jadiin drive song mood maker gituu.. TAEHYUNG, EMANG LO BANGKEEE!!!

PLEASE TAKE ME TO ANYWHEREEEE!!!!!!!

Enjoy your days off beb!!

New Salary (and appraisal!!)

HRD called me few days ago dan pagi kemaren aku ttd perpanjangan kontrak baru dengan gaji baru. Enggak.. nggak nyangkaa.. Pandemi emg bikin gue kalang kabut soal financial, maksud gue..hmm gue udh too anxiety krn tabungan sebanyak apapun kayak gak cukup buat idup gue. Emang kurang syukur aja anaknya. Dan lagi banyak maunya.

Bu HRD juga bilang, 6 bulan lagi aku bakal dapet appraisal dari atasan, which is ya gue bakal dapet gaji baru lagi. Sebagai org yg udah mati-matian buat bisa bertahan sama kondisi dan kerjaan sekarang, finally!!! I deserve this, right???? :")

Birthday Lunch and Cake

Jadi, pas gue bingung bgt mau lunch apa, tiba-tiba si ibu yg punya kantor bagi-bagi makanan sama kue coklat. Ternyata ulang tahun. Yhaaa terima kasih ibuu!!

Asupan dopamin sambil nontonin bangtan di kantor. Apalagi seharian kerjaan lagi selow banget.

Updating Payoneer

Haha. Gue juga gapaham kenapa ini masuk dalam list ini. Cuman akhir-akhir ini lagi coba dan baca-baca buat ambil project side job dari luar, yg bayarannya dollar. Pas bikin ini pokoknya seneng ajaa. Entah bisa kekumpul berapa, pasti baik buat gue. Guee berusaha buat gak impulsif buat belanja lagi sebagai pelarian.

Konten bangtan yg gak udah-udah

Bangtan lagi break, tapi tidak untuk army. Yang bikin kita army jadi takbir tiap liat foto mereka, atau lagu mereka, komentar lucu mereka. Gangerti lagi gue, gue udah bucin bgt.

Dibalik berita apapun yg ada seliweran sekarang, dan baca timeline twitter yg semakin tidak sehat, aku hanya ingin healing sama konten mereka. Apalagi setelah mereka membuat akun instagram masing-masing. Huhu so pleasing yet adorable.

Kwetiau

Kwetiau si bapak gerobak deket kosan itu enak. Gue ga yakin itu kwetiau terbaik. Cuma kalo bingung makan apa dan gak ingin makan nasi, aku pasti bakal makan kwetiau disitu. Udah gitu ajaa...

Dah ah, kesian cucian dianggurin. Nanti mau main ke gramedia atau kalo enggak mau nonton iteung sama ajo kawir.

***foto kemaren

[johnnys-so]

Hi ~ could you do a character analysis of SNSD's Sunny please ? She is the least known member and I always wondered how she really was >

hey!!! thank you for requesting. sunny really is the least known member but i feel like she has such a vibrant personality and i’d love to be friends with her in real life and enjoy her company. anywho, this is what i think about her

hey so disclaimer (As i always do) i’ve only seen sunny in a few reality shows and this is basically how i’ve seen her since her recent appearances on tv so idk about old sunny but this is how it is in my eyes so this might be super short

i feel like sunny and soonkyu as personalities have meshed over time and she’s reached a point in her life (as most old kpop idols have) where she knows she doesn’t have to act anymore. but most importantly, i don’t think she has the strength in her to do it anymore, to lie in front of the camera and act like that who she is

she does like to be cute and adorable as a person but i know she doesn’t want to be percieved as weak or like a pushover. i think this might be because of all that SNSD had to go through anyway. being the top girl idol group of SM can’t have been easy and on top of that, her relationship with lee soo man has been taken out of context and held over her head for so long. there is no way she could have gotten through this industry without being strong and someone who speaks her mind

she shares that with hyoyeon and sooyoung but while sooyoung could be subtly honest to get what she wants in the end, both sunny and hyoyeon can’t d that. they’re brutally honest to a fault and they won’t hold their opinions back and that’s a good thing too! it’s just who they are

there is also a sense of loneliness that surrounds her personality once you take sunny away from being the ‘reality tv character’ you know? it’s something that i’ve seen with older women. they have an air of comfort mixed with lonelinee, tend to prefer their own company or small groups of people they’re really close to instead of large parties and their want/need to explore and socialise has kind of diminished

but she is also a very funny and jolly sort of person who appreciates silly dad jokes and enjoys kicking back with ome drinks and just laughing at stupid shit which makes me think even though she has this 'strong unnie’ vibe going on, there is still a part of her thats very approachable and kind- if i needed some life advice, i would go to sunny. i feel like she’d be able to give both sides of an argument, the for and the against. and even if she didn’t,she’d be honest to own up to her bias and just be glad to listen to you ramble

i don’t think she has the patience for people who are whiny and self indulgent and dont want to solve their problems from the get go. other people have more patience to handle different forms of problem solving, but i dont think sunny does. ofcourse that doesn’t mean she’s just going to be mean to anyone who chooses to dwell on their emotions (personalities are rarely so 2D) but it just won’t come naturally to her

i genuinely don’t know what sunny would like when she breaks down from stress or something but i don’t think she’d take it to everyone/anyone. she’s probably just approach people who are really really close to her or people who’s judgement she trusts. someone older, someone who can lead her on the paths of life

i wish i could tell you more, but i don’t want to talk about someone without knowning their full story you know. these might be things that i’ve just observed about sunny and maybe its part of the image she’s trying to keep up and maybe who she is as a real person is very different from what i’ve seen but yeah….there is always more to the story when it comes to knowing someone truly but i hope this insight helps!

#character analysis #snsd #sunny

[dominikspoems-blog]

THE DEVIL INSIDE US

 I wear my lonelinees like shield and armor,

 people die from being lonely,

 die from being the one and only, 

loneliness makes my heart alive and warmer. 

 Things that make you sad, 

are the things that make me smile, 

things that try to make you dead, 

are the things that open a bright aisle. 

 Everything that makes you skip a beat, 

gives my heart power and heat, 

instead of tears and horror,

i've learned to harvest my sorrow.

 Suffering so much, 

gave me power as such, suffering so much, 

gave me a healing touch. 

 Tears falling, 

smile growing,

 blood pouring, 

eyes glowing. 

 Your tears water my flowers, 

a single tear makes me smile for hours, 

I am inside every persons heart, 

a devil making tears into art.

#poem poetry blog despair sadness emptiness feeling

[coolmysticcollectorengineer]

Self Mind Defense

I have fallen to hit rock bottom. To feel worthless, and no purpose. It convinces me, I was the only one to feel this way, when in reality I know I’m not. To forget everything, I wanted to do and love the most. Darkness hugged me with strength to keep me in a pitch-black hole of loneliness. To waking up fighting to my thoughts every morning. A battle that seems to never end. I’m not happy, I lie…

View On WordPress

#alone #darkness #depression #education #greatness #honesty #judegement #judejemnt #life #live #lonelinee #passion #purpose #sad #sadneess #SCHOOL #success #truth #WORK

[wretchedmonstr]

they're all going to leave me, i am destined to be alone forever. i deserve the pain that lonelinees will grant me, everyone will leave me eventually. i am disgusting.

[killerz-lordofturtles-blog]

I’m tired of my horrid lonelinees...

[ph-x-rock]

my brain is broken and my soul is shattered

#unrequited love #love #depression #limerence #lonelinees #solitude

[irrelevantdiary]

#i need you #lonelinees #loneliness #lonely #i want to die #love #please #depression #depressed

[atrashtalkgirl-blog]

Loneliness is a strange thing, make you did stranger things like look for someone to talk with on the web cause in the reality there's no one beside you.

That moment.

#lonelinees #talk #quotes #my