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cowboylikeghost · 3 years

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Here are 73 fact about me that nobody ask for but i need validation

1- I love Reading, drawing and plants even if i always kill them

2- I'm a whore for Jane Austen

3- I love when people prove that a conspiracy theory is false

4- I have a weird passion for geology and paleontology

4- I probably have undiagnosed ADHD because of my mother

5- I'm bad at frienship, every of them have to be special

6- My love language is talking about my passion and learning everything about the person, people think it's weird, i have nobody

7- I'm hopeless romantic even if i act like i'm not

8- I hate being touch and i hate hug, they feel weird to me

9- I hate when someone is next to me and their arm or knee touch me, it's make me feel anxious

10- I'm an introvert with diagnosed social anxiety, i'm also an infp and a sagittarius

11- I'm bi and disgusted about the idea of having s*x with someone, i think i'm ace, nobody will ever love me like i do

12- Autumn is the best season and i basically live for rainy day, if it could rain forever i will be the happiest

13- I love academic validation but i suck at school, my only way to work is to pretend i'm Chilton Rory Gilmore

14- I read non stop for 6 month and after i go on a reading slump for the rest of the year

15- I don't have a stable personality

16- I write sad poetry

17- I'm sad and this is my main personality trait

18- My family said that i'm basically sadness from this Disney movie

19- I want to move in a cottage in England with a lot of mountains so i can found cool rocks

20- I have a no self control and a big problem with my emotions

21- I get angry very easily

22- I only have 3 friends and one of them is my sister

23- I have commitment issues

24- I broke up two times in two years with two different girls that lives at more than 8h from me

25- I hate what the french language became even if i can't write a sentence without any fault

26- English is my fav subject at school

27- I hate eyes contact, it's make me uncomfy and i feel like people judge me

28- I feel like i'm better than everyone

29- I feel like everyone hate me

30- I feel sorry for every teacher

31- I love being in my bed, scrolling on my phone or reading but i hate sleeping because i feel like i'm wasting my time

32- Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night because i feel like i forgot something for school, even if i'm in vacation

33- I hate people at school because i get bullied

34- People don't like me but i would kill to have someone like me in my life so i don't understand

35- I don't understand every jokes, i just know it's suppose to be funny so i laught, i just understand that

36- Taylor Swift is my only religion

37- I Iove more Harry styles songs than Harry styles himself, i found him arrogant and he always date problematic women, Stan Niall

38- I would do anything for Ben Barnes and Tom Hiddleston or any british men in their 40 who have a degree in literature

39- I relate to Spencer Reid in a way that nobody could ever understand

40- I love true crime, my favorite stories are about cult

41- My love for my cat is not healthy, if he died, i have to follow him

42- I alway stop watching Gilmore girls when Rory finish Chilton because i hear that she became annoying but she's one of my confort character so i don't want to see it

43- I prefer the marauders over the golden trio

44- I'm a Remus Lupin kinnie and a James Potter Simp

45- I hate Dumbledore with my whole heart i could talk about it for hours

46- I started all the young dudes, i like it but i cry at every chapter so i stoped

47- I hate my brother but if he died i would be destroyed

48- When i was little i have an obsession with panda and now i have panda everywhere in my room

49- I don't know if i want to live alone forever because i like the idea or because of any other reason

50- I alway need adults validation

51- When i was a kid i was sleeping with my socks on because i liked it but i learned that some people think it's weird so i stoped

52- I eat my cereal with no milk and i don't understand the debate, for me it always taste the same: disgusting

53- I hate touching food that isn't mine ( like when someone ask if you want to taste their meal, or if you have to clean something that someone else eat in, it's just make me want to threw up)

54- I have to sleep with no sound, if you breath a little to loud i will not be able to sleep, i'll be angry and probably hit you, one time my sister breathed too loud and i cryed

55- When i was a kid i hated turtle neck, it maked me feel like i was chocking but i learned how to support it even if it's still uncomfy

56- I hate when a shirt, a dress or a blouse show too mutch of my skin, i don't like it

57- I always wear a tank top with my t-shirt and if i don't i feel naked

58- My first panick attack was because i had a fight with my brother and my dad was yelling at me and didn't see it (i'm not mad at him)

59- When i was little i acted like i couldn't read because i was scared my mom will not read story to me anymore

60- I had my first phone at 13 but i wish i didn't

61- When i was 11 i started reading sm*t on my DS and it became an addiction, i wish everyday i forget what i read

62- I realise i was bi because of Millie Bobby Brown in Stranger things

63- I didn't realise my feminisme wasn't good until a 12yrs old insulted me in a comment section, i said thanks to her after

64- I love kids, i think they're cute and i'm jealous of their innocence so i act like i hate them

65- I want to raise a kid alone in the forest

66- I'm sure that my grandma in my dad side is a lesbian and that my mom is bisexual but have internalised homophobia

67- I hate when boomer joke about hating their husband/wife, just divorce

68- I still have my babies plush even if they're disgusting and look possessed

69- I sleep with my fairy lights on because three month ago i had a sleep paralysis

70- My parents are responsible of 80% of my insecurities and don't even know it

71- I love when it's get dark earlier in autumn/winter

72- I'm an Amy March simp

73- I just made a liste of 73 fact about me

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angelswithcigarettes · 3 years

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“We made it”

Summary: After Spencer was kidnapped and tortured Morgan knows his husband will never be what he ones was and he always knew the moment would come were he breaks too.

Prompt: “How am I supposed to go on?”

Warnings: Major character death, Suicide

Pairing: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Word Count:828

Ao3:

"Spencer drink something, you only drank half a bottle, you know the rule two bottles before bed." Morgan doesn't get an answer, he never gets. He can probably count the words that Spencer had spoken over the last two years, after Morgan had pulled him out of the small cage from under the ground on the middle of a field. Multiple bones broken and fractures, cuts spread throughout his whole body and especially his soul and mind. "Hey,one cup,it's your favourite." Morgan leans down wrapping his arms around him.

If Hotch wouldn't feel so damn guilty, Spencer would long be out of a job, but Hotch had turned his back to him,had wandered off, he knew Spencer was unarmed, he knew this could be dangerous and he still feels guilty every day. Everytime he sees Spencer struggling to do simple tasks. He used his name and Rossi's status to wave him through the psych evaluation, he hired another agent, Alex Blake so they are enough agents on the days Morgan and Spencer stay at home,and that are a lot.

All of this, from the moment Spencer and Hotch had left the precinct that day to now, were Morgan fills up Spencer's cup and has to motivate and help him to do the bare necessities of living is wrong. Had been wrong.

"Drink it please."

Spencer shouldn't work anymore. Morgan should get more help. The team should be there more for them, while everybody lowers his head when Spencer gets a Flashback or Panic Attack. The only one still showing up at their door, even on days that are bad is Emily.

For a long time Morgan had taken the excuse that the others can't see him like this, by now he calls bullshit on that.

If Spencer says he doesn't want to work anymore,he will leave the team too.

"Spencer here, please." He takes Spencer's hand and wraps it around the cup.

He had married Spencer two weeks before the kidnapping. It had been they first case back after they honeymoon travelling through France.

He had longer been kidnapped than he stood on French ground.

"Just drink the water."

Sometimes when Spencer is in bed sleeping he catches himself dreaming about their life if this didn't happen. Would they have adopted a kid by now? Would they still be Agents? Would they still live in this house? When he slips of dreaming they do. They have moved into a house near the beach, with a dog and a little boy. Spencer lecturing at a university and Morgan working with the local PD.

With force he takes the cup and brings it up to Spencer's lip. "Drink. Now." The man opens his lips slightly and the water runs in and Morgan doesn't stop till Spencer is coughing and choking on the water.

When he realizes what he had done he leaves, he grabs his jacket while Spencer is still coughing, some water running down his lip and he leaves.

They don't talk about it again.

And then they are in one of the black SUV's. Driving out to a crime scene, Spencer's body leaning against the window, while he plays with his keychain in his hand and he speaks. "We could crash the car."

"That would be the dumbest model to use." Morgan answers. No hesitation. No Surprise. No denial of what Spencer had said in his voice.

"We can find a cliff."

"Pretty boy I don't think that's the way to go."

"But you want it too."

"I don't want to see you in pain anymore."

"Would you be mad if I did it?"

"No."

The conversation dies and gets picked up a few days later, when they stand in the conference room and for some reason Morgan just knows. He sees it in Spencer's eyes, in the way he looks at his teammates. "How am I supposed to go on?"

"I can't answer you that."

They excuse themselves, announcing to get dinner for everyone and then walk out of the precinct and get into one of the SUV's and drive down to a cliff but stop their car and get out, looking down on the sea. Morgan sits down first and Spencer follows him, leaning his head down on his shoulder.

"You aren't going to go back either are you?"

"No."

Spencer takes the Syringes out of his pocket and looks up to Morgan one last time. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You remember when I was so nervous I forgot to say 'I do' and the whole church laught?" Spencer asks, sticking the needle into Morgan's skin.

"I had no idea I could love someone this much."

"I don't understand why you never stopped." He pushes down and the liquid runs through Morgan's vains and Spencer Spencer quickly does the same to himself and can feel Morgan's week grip around his body. "We made it,it's okay."

#criminal minds #spencer reid #derek morgan #ao3 author #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #moreid #derek morgan x spencer reid #spencer reid angst

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