#literally a massive fuckin buzzkill

[gregmarriage]

lot of feelings about being disabled and bedridden and housebound etc, and the disappointment and sadness, etc that comes with it. especially, bc a girl asked me out for coffee and i don’t know how to let her down and say, ‘yeah, don’t hold your breath’

#i’m being very upfront and clear about things and she says she doesn’t care but like #i’m not like other girls #in the sense that i can’t go out with you super easily and we can go on dates #and hang out like non disabled girls #like sorry x #i dunno if a rando girl who doesn’t know me who i’ve been talking to for five minutes is gonna wanna be all that patient imao #idk feelin shit #i keep missing out on stuff and feel like life is passing me by and i keep trying to catch up and i keep getting kicked down #trying to have fun with a girl and immediately getting reminded why i can’t have this #i mean i CAN it’s just awkward and harder #just genuinely feel like it’s not gonna happen no matter how hard i try #oh you don’t feel like a relationship rn? well great bc you’re probably not gonna have one! #ughhhhh! #anywayssss i know i’m in my own head butttt #literally a massive fuckin buzzkill #like wow super cool of you to bring down the mood gwen! #whatever!! #need to vent #might delete this later

[lapis-philosophoryoupage]

SImply bitching

I cannot speak Japanese and i'm failing at being a SAHM. I literally cannot believe this shit. cleaning is this massively sisyphean task that i cannot do because my kids won't leave me alone and even when they do, by the time i get the fucker clean there's another mealtime and it's trashed again. I'm in the place that i've always wanted to be in and I can't fucking enjoy it because i don't speak the language and every time I leave base i get lost and bringing my kids to do the shit I want to do sounds like murder and torture but the baby screeches like an unholy terror every time I try to leave and yeah i should go anyway but actually thinking about the fact that everyone is miserable at home reeeeallly is a fuckin buzzkill for me. also covid. I am a good little nerd, I wear the mask and i do the distance and I wait for the vaccine which they have made difficult to get and i'm just

i can't die it would be wildly inconvenient AND YET

oh also i can't take my usual SSRI anymore because it makes me not be able to cum

and my kidney fucking hurts if I'm not drinking 200 oz of water every day

do you know how much fucking water that is

it's a lot.

I want my household goods. my own goddamn furniture. I want a fucking break. I feel an insurmountable amount of guilt about how shitty I feel

#bitching

[alcyone2305]

Crowe Altius (Spoilers)

Votes were tied, I flipped a coin. Here we go, Crowe Altius! Thanks to @thebulletsofmusicblues​ and @tales-from-insomnia​ for their support and input.

“Crowe grew up an orphan on the outskirts of Lucis. Her rare gift for magic earned her a place in the Kingsglaive. Her fellow soldiers are the only family she knows.”

Drautos: Crowe, status. Crowe: Almost there. (A fellow female Glaive collapses.) Crowe: No!

Libertus: What’s the hold up, Crowe? (Firestorm starts) Crowe: Yes!

Crowe calls out to Nyx twice (I think). I’m surprised she can spot him from all the way up there even when shit hits the fan. But as stated in the official character summary, she cares for her fellow Glaives fondly. (But then again, you have some of them being sucked into the firestorm. Oh well.)

Noticing Libertus is injured, she sticks close to him until the other Glaives safely put him down in the transporter. I don’t think she’s healing him but instead makes sure Libertus’ leg isn’t unnecessarily pressured and/or moved.

What can we conclude from this scene? She’s damn gifted at magic, in this case controlling the firestorm. We start off with five mages but even when two or three of them collapse the firestorm doesn’t seem to lose force. It’s still not enough for the Daemon to be held back (in fact, it’s even unharmed). It forces the Kingsglaive to retreat. Crowe also seems to be the only one being able to communicate via their headset whilst controlling the magic. Or Drautos values her on the level of a leader/head of the mage group since he’s talking to only her.

The look of defeat in her eyes. Either she’s tired or literally being defeated by the massive strength of the empire.

Libertus: Hey. Rough day at the gate. Huh, Glaive? Crowe: You jerk. It's your fault he got stuck there. (smacks Libertus on the broken leg)

Interesting: She has a little knife on her back, most likely to defend herself once the enemy comes too close to her.

Nyx: Not a very nice welcome for a hero. Crowe: Not a very nice outfit for one either. Nyx: It brings out my eyes.

So Libertus has his little rant towards old Yama (”chocobo turd”, surprised he knows the taste, huh) Crowe: Hey Libertus, thanked Nyx for saving your life yet? Libertus: Come on, Crowe! Nyx and I are too close for that! He helps me, I help him. That’s the way it’s always been.

Where does the comment of Nyx wearing an odd uniform come from though? Isn’t he wearing the usual clothes along with his coat tossed over his shoulder? Maybe she was just making fun of him as if working at a different spot makes him appear differently? No clue.

Libertus: Where would the Glaive be without its hero? Crowe: Can you not talk like this while we're drinking besides we just sent the Nifs with their tails between their legs right?

Honestly? Crowe doesn’t seem too intelligent. She’s a force to be reckoned with, don’t get me wrong. But what makes her say the Nifs ran away? The Kingsglaive was wrecked by the Daemon and she should have that monster in mind. Something doesn’t add up here. Maybe she just wants to make the best out of the situation? Make them realize they’re alive? I don’t know.

Crowe: Libertus, Nyx! Come here, guys, you gotta see this.

Crowe: All that fighting we did, all for nothing.

Crowe is aware of all the work and all the sacrifices which were made. Of course you’d be frustrated. But nobody got time for that, Drautos is calling!

Drautos: Crowe. Crowe: Sir. Drautos: Prepare to deploy. You're being sent to infiltrate Tenebrae. Crowe: Tenebrae, sir? Drautos: Mission details are classified. Report to my office for briefing for 30 minutes.

Respect towards Drautos, no doubt. Since the Kingsglaive is basically her family, she understands ranks and seriously stays to them. Which keeps a certain level of professionalism, if you ask me. Better than giving snippy throwbacks at your authority. Sadly we don’t get to see what the briefing looked like.

Crowe kept a passive role when Tredd was stepping onto the stage. I’m surprised how often Luche is a part of the protagonist group. First during dinner (buzzkill!) and now we have Crowe glancing at him. Even though we have him betraying the Kingsglaive, I feel like he had been close to them nevertheless.

Nyx: A hair pin? Didn't know you were into that kind of thing. (Nyx and Libertus laugh) Crowe: It's not for me. It's for the Princess. But keep that quiet. Nobody's supposed to know.

So at least Crowe got the instructions of the hairpin’s purpose. She turns the tracker on and since Nyx and Libertus aren’t aware of its purpose, they of course crack a joke.

Crowe: Well, that's me. (Libertus goes into his sister thing) Crowe: Little sister to you. Yeah, I am sick of hearing it. Libertus: Just make sure you come back in one piece, alright? Crowe: Says the guy in two pieces.

She’s witty and knows how to make verbal comebacks. 

(coughs coughs) We all know what happens next. My mom was just as shocked as the two men who found her dead.

As we find out later, Luche shot her with hollow points. Extremely painful. I like to think the last shot we get of Crowe being alive is the moment she’s confused and asking herself “Who’s that?”, quickly followed by “Luche? Why?”

Her dead body raises a few questions though: So Luche shot her. But she looks daemonized. Crowe didn’t wear enough make up for it to spread that much but @thebulletsofmusicblues pointed out her face might suggest a painful, heartwrenching and devastating death. Which would fit my idea of her knowing Luche shot her and feeling disappointed.

Just noticed she’s supposed to infiltrate Tenebrae? That’s a fuckin’ long way to go, damn. Why didn’t they take her even further-- It’s sad to realize she was solely used as a plot device for Libertus’ development. I won’t deny it, she had greater potential and stood out more since she was the only female Glaive with a name. @tales-from-insomnia and I are convinced it would’ve been a stronger plot if Libertus died and Crowe got to kick some ass.

#kingsglaive #kingsglaive final fantasy #final fantasy kingsglaive #crowe #crowe altius #holy damn #i'm surprisingly sad she was just plot device for lib #(crying tbh) #such potential!