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aifsaath · 7 years

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The Viridian Nightmare

Because @albaparthenicevelut , @jahaliel , @bow-weaver , @asokatanos and @resistancepilots happened. It’s all your fault.

As always, whenever anything disastrous was about to happen, the Force fell silent. Which proved, as thousand times before, entirely unhelpful and downright frustrating for everyone involved. Obi-Wan Kenobi did not approve of this unhealthy habit of the Force. Ahsoka Tano was downright angry at the Force, regardless of the Code. They did not deserve any of this. At least a small warning would have helped them so much. They would have stayed far away from that accursed datapad! But no, no, the Force spared no mercy on its least favourite Jedi.

Anakin Skywalker just shrugged, and necked a whole bottle of Alderaanian absinth. The blissful, green oblivion welcomed him with open arms.

Green.

Anakin Skywalker shrieked.

. . .

The colour of green proved to be the colour of their nightmares, the colour of what stalked them in the backs of their minds for weeks.

The colour of green wielded a gimmer stick covered in many bumps to provide various forms of stimulations to its victims.

They should have never given to the temptations of the Holonet. They should have never doubted the rule thirty-four.

. . .

That day, right before their whole worldview was turned upside down, Ahsoka announced loudly that she was bored.

Anakin replied, loudly as well, that she was a big girl and that she should be able to keep herself entertained for kriff’s sake.

Obi-Wan asked them both, very politely, to stop yelling.

There are very few anthropological constants. This statement was proven to be very true in the Galaxy, where thousands of sentient species dwelled. But there is at least one trait common throughout the vast universe: that sooner or later a bored teenager shall flip out an electronic device, and tune out every adult in their vicinity. Whether they turn their attention to news, social media, or porn, is optional.

As the Fate condemned them to the most horrible sort of torture…

“Whoa! Guys! Guys, you must hear this! They came up with another theory on your illicit relationship!”

“I’m quite sure we are not obliged to hear that at all.”

“I’m hurt, Obi-Wan. You pay no mind to our illicit relationship.”

“Anakin, there is nothing about our ‘relationship’ that has any potential to be illicit.”

“So, when you were in bed with me….”

“You mean when I was out with fever, lost my balance, and collapsed over you?”

“Yeah, that was romantic.”

“If this is what you consider an epitome of romance, then I’m honestly worried about Padmé right now,” Obi-Wan mumbled to himself.

“Sorry, can you repeat that?”

“No. Have you finished your report, hm?”

“No, master.”

“I thought so.”

“Guys, they think that Anakin is on top.”

“On top of what?”

“On top of you.”

“Why the hell would he climb on top of me?”

“Really, Obi-Wan? Really?”

“Oh. Oh. But that’s a complete nonsense.”

“It makes a perfect sense to me.”

“Only in your dreams, Ani.”

“Force, there are even holos, look!”

“Wow, do we really look like that?!”

“…The picture is taken completely out of the context. I had a really badly torn muscle in my back, and Anakin was, for once, helpful and massaged it.”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s deeply ashamed of his unending love for me, poor man.”

“So why is Skyguy topless?”

“It was fifty degrees in a shade. Just be glad that he and the entire 501st weren’t running around naked that day.”

“Though Rex did suggest that. And you said no. You made us all boil in our own skins, you sadist.”

“We’ve got appearances to upkeep, Anakin. An army of sweating nudists wouldn’t be that effective threat to Separatists. Have you finished your report yet?”

“No, master.”

“Lazy.”

“Snips, is there anything about Mr. Stick-In-The-Ass on the ‘Net?”

“Lowly revenge. Tsk. How unbecoming of Jedi.”

“Master, if it exists, there is porn of it. Of course there are tons and tons of freaky stuff about Obi-Wan. Like… this.”

“Ahsoka Tano, in the name of The Council I command you to-“

“GOT IT!”

“Whee, that’s hot. Who would’ve guessed you’re into that, master?”

“Anakin, that’s the definition of non-hot.”

“And we all know there is no possible way you’d be caught dead naked, only wrapped in Mando’a traditional silks, hm?”

“It’s clearly photoshopped.”

“Clearly?”

“Yes, clearly.”

“Then that means someone’s got into your medical records, Obi-Wan, because there is no other way they’d know about that mole on your lower back.”

“Those nasty slicers these days...”

“You speak my mind, Snips.”

“Have. You. Finished. The. Report?”

“Nope, Master. How do we call this shade of red, Snips?”

“Kenobi Crimson.”

“Fine, Ani. You want war, you’ll get war. Ahsoka, search for Anakin Skywalker cherry play.”

“Ahsoka, don’t!”

“Too late, Skyguy...”

“It’s fake, I swear!”

“This one isn’t that bad. It’s just you nibbling cherries off the branch staring directly into the camera and scratching your chest and belly. Seriously, Skyguy, why are you so winded up? It’s so innocent.”

“No reason.”

“Would anyone please explain to me why is this tagged as ‘kenobi’s bitch’, ‘you suck’ and ‘call me master’?”

“No reason at all. I’ve got no idea what filth fills those perverts’ minds. It’s utterly unfounded slander and a complete lie.”

“Are you sure? Because I’d swear you’re blushing like mad.”

“That’s just the bad lighting, Snips.”

“Sure, master.”

“Anakin. The. Report.”

For a moment, the apartment was filled with a content silence, broken only by Ahsoka’s whispered remark on Anakin being ‘Kenobi’s bitch’ which earned her a little, harmless Force-choke.

While Anakin was typing down the boring details of their last mission, Obi-Wan used the peace to finally enjoy his long-delayed game of Sudoku. Ahsoka searched for more embarrassing holos of her masters, but too soon she got bored. She had caught them in far more risqué situations than anything that ‘Net’s fantasies could provide. Like the other day in the sauna. Obi-Wan, bless his zero-heat-resistance, had fainted, which prompted Anakin to immediately start the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation while the entire Council watched with a morbid fascination. Nothing could measure to a dozen of horrified old people of various species wrapped in only towels, who were forced to observe that scene.

(And what she considered to be utterly hysterical: their relationship, though deep and loving, was as platonic as it was humanly possible. Anakin with his single-target sexuality was already taken by Padmé, and Obi-Wan, the king of denial, was Definitely Not In Any Kind Of Feelings Thing With Satine, Thank You Very Much. But they were comfortable enough with each other, that the little touches and backrubs were periodically mistaken by the uninformed observers for displays of sensuous, romantic affair. Some rumours were even instigated by Anakin himself, who justified his actions with the intent to ‘protect Obi-Wan’s chastity and fidelity to Duchess, you’ll thank me later, Master!’)

“I bet we’re the hottest Jedi on the Holonet.”

“I don’t think that’s a competition, Anakin.”

“True, I doubt Master Poof is as popular as we are. Or any other of the Council.”

“Confirmed. He’s got only five hundred twenty-four searches to your nine hundred sixty-eight million. Wonder how’s Yoda doing…”

“Thanks, Snips.”

“I really did not need to imagine that.”

“What? That… Long… Flexible… Neck?

“Shut up.”

“Does it make you feel all tickly inside, Master?”

“You’re the worst of the worst, Anakin.”

“A padawan is a mirror to his master, Master.”

“A twisted one, without doubt. Have you finished the report?”

Anakin gave him a shit-eating grin.

“Yes, Master.”

“Wow. Already? I’m speechless. A one-day mission on a peaceful planet, and it took you only three weeks, five days, and thirteen hours to write the report down. An astonishing feat.”

“What can I say? I’m a man of action. Hey, Ahsoka, why so quiet?”

“…”

The girl was staring at the screen of her datapad. No muscle in her face moving. No single twitch. Her mouth was open ajar, eyes bulging – but she was still like a statue.

“Snips?”

#Aifsaat writes #sw fic #pure crack #Yoda's stimulatig gimmer stick #Brobi-Wan & Dramakin #Ahsoka Tano: The Unimpressed

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throwingideasatthewall · 3 years

Text

The Clone Wars Duchess of Mandalore

Season 2 Episode 14

......

You know I want to believe this is going to be an episode focusing on Duchess’s actual character . . . . But the track record of writing female characters (Never mind blam ing trauma for their personality )

Doesn’t leave much Good Faith Or trust . . (especially how often their Characterization gets to Ret-conned. to fit the episode,)

(Padme turned into a nag, Ahsoka In unchildlike abomination that goes with a plot needs her to)

Duchess;

From Relat iv-ely Reas On Able Leader . . . Turned exquisite and Ex- - cess -ive (Pe tty)

Con trast- With Semi- Constant Smart “laziness” avoidant Obi-wan And “Do It Sky wal -ker-

I don’t expect this to stick

(Al-ways the female characters,”

Any. Way

And war, truth is the first casualty,

[It’s actually accountability but good try]

Deluding them selves of the goodness usually comes after the bad action

Any way.

The terribly designed ship

(I’m sorry but that thing doesn’t even look even slightly aerodynamic)

(The shark ship at least had that)

[it was one apparent smoke bomb and she wasn’t allowed to do anything to try and fix it,]

But sure... let’s go with that . Allies

[Never got a feel for that and one dude was always snarking at her,] No shit

everyone can see that

And it was one dude

[They haven’t heard of this yet]

[This plot- isn’t very good]

Right - ok now they’re im-portant-

Sit and and wait

As Duchess makes her case that this is just one splinter group that she can handle

Some thing you wouldn’t think would need a trial

[Only becoming a problem when it affects other people]

[suffering from the Luminara problem, where if she doesn’t meet up to high unreasonable standards. In an unreasonable amount of time (Little) Instantly lambasted by her colleagues. With the nar-rative showing no signs of painting this is wrong Or the fact of the male characters can feck around screw everything up, And that isn’t considered serious

[Narrative’s a Cheater. .)

How long

These are actual good evil minions

(No this could actually be good with them becoming something like the clone troopers to the, Darkside

Making up for a lack of human faces in the ranks up to this point,

Establishing that while they may be the instigator of tox, Actions are about ~now~ Less abhorrent than the Empire’s / Coun- cil-

‘the Plot,’

Completely irrelevant

(And stupid)

Relying on everyone being a complete un- accountable- Idiot.

Great plan you got there Dooku,

How’s Duchess’s explaining that’s-not-at-all-what-happened-and-we-don’t need a foot hold and all security, going?

Like you think he’d be more mad Considering what seems like the only plot, Intercepting the vehicle in transit, Failed horribly,

Unless, the guys didn’t tell him - And he still thinks they have Duchess -which would make sense...because of course they sent troops for the lost foreign leader

(Would’ve been a good episode for both of them)

(Not sure that would cause a riot though-)

(-Which would make sense if Obi-Wan was the last one they saw around here- Thinking, that a Jedi captured their leader,

]

But I’m getting ahead of myself let’s focus on the actual plot. .

Whoa rows

To Coursant

I thought you just said to . . .sit still and leave.

What? ...

What

Oh so we’re focusing on another cliché plot instead of the actual characters

(*Note; Cliché As in a badly established already done plot . . . There’s nothing wrong with doing repeat plot so long as you do them well

What you bring into it is the fun part (Ideally)

Aight?

How?

They’re just there

Also yeah you already know that there there you already know what they’re doing you still haven’t done anything about it

So?

[I was about to say where is the courier guy but he’s dead]

R.I.P shortly lived villain Killed off for a shitty written romance-

-He deserved better

Whatever

Why

[i’ve seen that image multiple times but I never realized the city was in the ball

[also how is this the palace where several important officials meet And the nice forest is supposed to be this mining hell hole

The environments- They’re-

So yeah we know it’s there, but like last time we’re not going to do anything about it

[like I said Saltine did get back at some point and everyone’s logic was just ok let’s go complain to the council for no reason,]

[I dislike this logic)

Why?

Just...? Why

Also yeah who’s in charge while she’s away?

I mean we’ve already got like a lot of senators’ sus

What?

Things Happen Ing

Also yeah palace right back to the way it was,

I guess it was a smoke bomb. .

Right?

You left the Boomer in control?

Also, so yeah I’m surprised he didn’t run out to be a mastermind either

Like, yeah That can happen

But given the “legacy and proud of everything thing,”

You’d think he’d be the main target

[Makes a lot more sense than Random Sen ator #4

And he was the only one in that hallway with Obi-Wan-

During their argu- ment-

Prime Minister- It Makes Sense -

You found the deathwatch armies - isn’t hard - It was like five guys last time

Now just like them, you have allowed, the situation to get worse

Good job smart guys.

Battle

Really because they seem like the same group of nerds

What?

??...

Deathwatch will never be strong enough

Yeah, no shit

Guess you shouldn’t do anything stupid

[how long until something stupid happens?]

Beyond the normal . . .

Here

Seriously how does this plan make any sense?

Jedi- come here - everyone- Loses their shit

How? - like I know it be unpleasant to have some guys stomp into Your House

But there’s literally no need for that..

Considering the situation isn’t out of control

And Satine should be fully capable of handling the situation

- And telling the Senate to feck off

- And don’t tell me he’s doing this because she’s passive because he’s been everything but passive in defending her passive beliefs,

[Something not really elaborated on]

Stop

NOT BE AN IDIOT!

Also,

[I really don’t like this plot it makes no sense,”. ]

Whelp-

Fuck-

That Got Dark-

[but possibly make sense if this is how she sees members of the republic, As a dark brooding force that will hurt everyone if she’s not careful,

Significant deadly threat

How?

They- smoke bombed one building

[That’s juvenile]

[The situation is not out of control]

In the narrative’s attempt to over blow this isn’t done ,correctly

You need to have self aware ness.

Bumper cars

Good

[Also you had to come to the Senate to say that]

(This could’ve been an email)

Or a photo op/ State -ment-

Duchess why did you come here you knew they were going to pull this shit

Like this helped nothing

And the narrative,

What was a good situation that was supposed to come out of this?

You stand before a council of people who decided to fight, saying I don’t fight

[ and these are toxic people mind you]

There was no way this is going to end up good;

And I don’t.. know what the narrative?

Padme?

Also what is with the weird bumper car rules?

Because it seems like anyone can come up at any time and ask any question?

[Like, how is that not chaos?]

Wo rking under toxic assumed authority. .

“People-

‘ I call to the stand Obi-Wan (Kenobi) and Anakin Of the Jedi order, to provide testament,”

That’s all that had to be said..

On top of;

“My government will submit to peace keepers actual peace keepers - Un-armed- For Eval -uation,’

That would make sense

And work off Satine’s Ad- vers Ion- To Obi-Wan, and the Jedi Council,

True

Dick,

-Jedi

Yeah, she didn’t reject, she allowed the Jedi to do a full investigation,

Also as brutal as the scene is, it is a good show of you reap what you sow and enablers turning on a enablers

Even though Satine should’ve known better than to argue peace with a war council...

Obi-won says nothing . . .

Fuck You (Good)

Bad Ass

Lots of politicians speaking,

Wait-

Dick-

Appro priate-

Ser-iously touching someone without their consent?

Dick entitled move.

Spec. Ifically.

After he stood by and watched that happened - Senate - Yeah cause you were there and you did nothing

Better;

Saltine calls Obi-Wan as a witness (Both Obi-Wan and the others. (Anakin) standing watch over her home planet

They failed to respond due to being in the middle of some thing

Or just distracted

This makes looks Satine Look extremely bad, That Jedi are not Re-sponding On her home planet

The vote gets passed

Satine is more than distressed

When Obi-Wan Coms her In

They argue, Satine Sni,pping. A. Bro-ken Promise

“You said you’d be there for me (This Time)]

“You’re never there when I need you,”

“You’re never there when it matters most,”

With that, the conversation ends

Satine possibly getting ready to defend herself against the republic

Coming to invade her home

Im-bittered Sweet

Didn’t help at all but okay,

We’re friends

Good

[To be fair the romance was so forced, that friendship is honestly best,]

Ah, Lady, You just got a friendship last block,

No need to act surprised.

Nothing More

Good because there was no chemistry between you up to this point,

State of mind

....

What?

What state of mind?

...

She’s fine!

Yeah she over reacted to the dude

But - got everything together when it mattered-

THANK YOU!

That was an asinine statement

Hysterical

No they wouldn’t be

That isn’t a compliment.

That’s Invalidation.

Dick Obi-Wan

Point!

So much

point in this!

I am so

pleased..

(Though

regular,”

I only -

Gas-

lighting

“I’m-

Yes!

Mhm

This is some

Bomb ass tea

De-licious

(I just realized my phrasing of words I’m so-)

It’s good is the point

(Doesn’t it make up what happened in the previous episodes,

But, Makes it easier to forget . . .

Accoun- tability - Is the word you’re looking for (The character, not the writer,”) They’re doing good . ... You live with a child groomer (Are One)

Does make sense. Obi-won closest to the problem (Groomed specifically in benefit of it) Still sad that they just gave up

Even if he does have a point That Two generations have essentially grown up Anakin and their time as the present is over

Bit too late to have a regrets

(Only when it screws you over..

Not the future generations)

And...

My sympathy is officially gone (Not the storytelling’s fault, I think they work -ed this conversation pretty well - Just the facts to narcs arguing - Still made me think about what exactly what was wrong - That’s good (narc)Con versation,

Any way,

I love this song

Obi-Wan gets roasted for all his bad behavior 2.0...

It’s nice

Crusade

This Convo was good

(It made me feel better about all the times the writers used cheating tactics)

*Not for giv-ed

just- better

[That expression- was concerning]

There

Aight

That- Was-

Chilling

[You just spent the whole time getting yelled out for his deeds, just continued on, emotion less]

The “respectable” kind (Approp-riate for an adult)

Aight

[Oh- no are they going to have the Obi-won rescue her and that proves that all her opinions are wrong?

Not actually; she made some really good points

But in the narrative treating?

(I don’t want to see that)

Okay, whelp,

Coursant has the worst security ever,

How?

Damn Frick

Is a bad day for her,

Filed

Some random dude hijacked your car

Who are you going to sue?

Bitch

Queenie, dude’s obviously an asshole

Leave

Also if there was no proof then why aren’t you charging her for vandalism terrorism, etc?

(See his logic is bullshit,)

also this is a good example of obstructive bureaucrat . . .

Or avoidant

Because how do three people nearly dying not constitute as proof?

[Like if she died.]

Also, what’s the plan if she did?

Like; Oh yeah deathwatch is such a threat that they killed a senator

Those dudes don’t care

They only pissed at her because she’s a pacifist coming into a Offensive summit

Accident

[she accidentally drove her car. [Yelling at the villain]

Not what she said

This dude could give Obi-Wan a run for his gas lighting,

Whelp

Fuck Off

Oh yeah the council of war mongers will really respect the pa- cifist

No bias here

None whatsoever

Satine

Hey at least this time he had the common decency not to grab her-

dick

Oh yeah defender of the gaslight-ing committee she’ll definitely help

Worry You

Don’t give into the gaslight-

Also guilt tripping

“ i’m afraid on that account,”

No,

Dick

Valid re-ac- tions

Shit-

“Victim blaming” (Toxic blaming)

Pretty sure they’re all enablers at this point

Tox-

Ma’am

Leave the ball of tox known as Obi-Wan

Man has turned from a garbage fire to a gas fire,

Coursant

Yeah, you should leave,

Also, That Moment,

You are one of them.

You’re not backing down

👉 This Not,

Con

Don’t listen to Obi-Wan He sucks

Also none of the guards are going to zap him for touching their queen unannounced? - - - Friends

You’re not her friends

You’ve been nothing but a dick

Gas lighting

Nope

Tox.

[like listen to that ag-gressive tone, How he’s holding her

Tox

[Still good on the animators who did that scene, Very good work,]

Occ-upation

Shit

Happen

Oh Shit-

Obi-won distracted her?

Aight

Meeting

What

How-

Hm,

Wait- Huh

[this is some kangaroo Court logic

It’s Good.]

Before

“Relying on the Republic is a mistake,”

Yesssss

More Acc- Toxic initiative (Since there’s no to little way they end this) Based on circumstance only (No different sources)

Any-way Um

Okay

Right Just Vibin’g

Aight Whelp,

Am I?

Oh is that the Senator guy?

Death watch?

Also- okay

Al- right.

Wait What?

Hm?

Green

We know two greens And one changeling That should be in custody-

Wait- ?

What?

? ? ?

EXPLAIN

Who-

What

At-

This was a pretty a’ight episode

(Trust me I wish I could give it higher praise)

However the unfortunate clankiness of the introduction

Keeps it stubbornly between a decent and good

With that being said;

That does not take away from the fact that is a ____ whatever it is

-it has good characterization for Satine

- it handles heavy morals like enabling, tox, abuse and pro- blems With Assumed Autho rity- Includ Ing Police Bru- tality And Fram -ing Very Well

(With the appro- priate dignity it deserves,

[there’s a small bit of better done romance/ fond-ness, near the End]

*Villain was neat

[More of sidious and on the [Main] villains

There were few Moments that Made Me Go Wtf (Obi Wan’s Abuse Of The Word “Saw You,” The Insist Ence That Death Watch Was In Tim i- dating

As For Fix -ing;

Episode; Instead of to defend, Wise Saltine is called To ident ify a Death Watch Member- Or Re New Her Neu- Trality Pledge In Person (Due to Change ling (Over Lap) Attack

Episode Pro Gress Es

Arc Fixes;

Obi- won delivers news, that he’s supposed to escort her Pers On Ally, Saltine expects everything to go over swimmingly after all she hasn’t done anything wrong, Quickly find out otherwise, Loyalty over her vs the government

Leads to a small break (Episode continues as normally)

(Death watch- if want)

Fix Arc Continue; (Note no offense to the author meant I just started some thing and I should finish it as an accountable writer)

Satine Is Forced Into Either Defend Ing Or Leaving Anakin To Her Irate People, Soon After Obi-won’s In- Cid ent Pri med

Hope Spot Or Depres. Further. Push Ing Ana -kin’s Dec- Ision To Snap) End

[Generally I thought this was a pretty ____ episode, the animation and set design will really good/ On par and it seems to have made up. (Corrected) A majority of flaws I had with previous episodes . . . Moving On...

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