#like u don't get it this makes me like SEVERELY unwell | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mitraoki · 1 year

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hi!!!! :> first i just wanna say i really love your writing, it's so cozy and comforting to me !! so i thought i'd request some comfort hcs, maybe geto (if u write for him!!) and gojo with an s/o on their period? if you're comfortable writing it ofc <3 hope you have a lovely day !!

when you're on your period. (jjk hcs!)

note; AAAAA hello anon!! i’m sooo glad you enjoy my writing!!!!🥺❤️i really hope i can offer you more comfort with these hcs you've requested!!! also my first time writing for geto so i hope you enjoy them! <333

requests are still open!

masterlist.

geto suguru.

+ okay i don't know why but just from the looks of it, geto is a professional. no doubt - you wouldn't even have to tell him about the basics - this man just KNOWS everything about periods. so imagine how easygoing is it for the both of you when it comes to taking care of you. (giggling and kicking my feet as i write this)

+ no one, and i mean NO ONE is allowed to disturb you while you're doing unwell. they're gonna have to get through your boyfriend first.

+ little scenario i thought of: it was the around the beginning of your relationship with him when he realizes that you started complaining about your abdominal pains. he's concerned of course, but he also knows that if he starts to panic, he wouldn't be able to handle what you were going through. soon realizes it's possibly that time of the month (i told you, he's a genius.) prince charming right here makes sure he guides you to the bathroom safe and sound, standing right in front of the door, just in case you call out for him.

+ SUCH A SWEETHEART!!! this dude makes sure to ask if you were okay when he doesn't hear any sign of you from the outside. doesn't want to breach your privacy. reassurance if you ever need it too. he has also heard of cases where people have passed out while on their periods, so once again, no risking anything. he's quick to his feet, getting you whatever you asked him for.

+ guides you to your bed if the pain is severe. there's just something about the way geto takes care of you - he doesn't want to pry too much by asking you tons of questions, but he also doesn't want to leave you be. 'do you need anything, dearest?' he questions. soon after he returns with a heating pad, painkillers, warm water (tea if you're up for it) and your favorite snacks. plants a kiss on your forehead (because you once claimed that his kisses always make you feel better, so he's had that habit ever since <3) EVEN offers to stay with you if you need it PLSPLSPLS-

+ if he's out and about and you need some supplies, never be afraid to ask him!!! he understands that periods are a monthly thing, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about. definitely knows your preferred menstrual products. if you think he's only going to return with what you requested, no chance. 'never wrong to spoil my angel,' he shrugs.

gojo satoru.

+ NO BECAUSE the first thing when i thought of gojo is him asking you 'what pussy size are you' IM SORRY OKAY 😭😭he loves you a lot though i promise you that. i would say gojo is a little underexperienced when it comes to periods. although he would do anything to keep himself informed, especially since he is confident he will spend the rest of his life with you <3

+ unlike geto, gojo would panic. worried too. how are your uterus walls discharging? and it's blood too. oh god how is his s/o handling the pain... you'll be okay right? man it doesn't look like it but gojo overthinks till his brain reaches full capacity. so he asks. and he will continue asking until he makes sure he's prepared for your future menstrual cycles.

+ i feel like this little fear of his developed from the time when you were unwell, and he was left in a spiral of guilt as he wasn't able to provide proper help. it happened when he was out on a mission too so in a state of panic, he had shoko/nobara/maki provide you with some help. one thing i can say though is that the exact moment he was done with whatever he was tasked to do, he had never rushed home as quickly until that very day.

+ 'i don't want you to blame yourself gojo. i know you've not handled situations like these before, but it's nothing too serious,' you'd told him, before adding, 'god you look famished. take a breather, honey.' he was pretty stubborn that day too. 'serious or not, i don't want anything bad to happen to you. i wasn't even here to help.'

+ waves of guilt shone in his eyes. despite his confident, charming demeanor he presents to you everyday, in the end he's just another human being. people tend to forget that about him, and he manages to trust you enough to let his complete guard down. holding his hand, you stated, 'you have, satoru. and when you need it, i can always guide you through it.'

+so ever since then, he has your dates marked in HIS calendar, makes sure your supplies are restocked up to date. your favorite snacks out of stock in a certain store? don't you ever worry about that - gojo has his ways. will definitely inquire more about periods with the girls i mentioned earlier. ensures you're not alone when he's outside. oh but when he's at home, he lays right next to you. loves it when he's able to place his hand on your stomach when you need it <3 keep in mind that his series of questions would continue too. all he wants is to be able to provide you with literally anything.

+ and despite all this, HE'S SO GOOD at handling your mood swings. it seriously does not bother him. i don't know what he's on either, but i can tell people come to him just to ask him about how he does it so easily. you're pretty surprised yourself. angry? no problem, he can find a way. crying? he's got your back. tired and in pain? a breeze, really. gojo stumbles quite a lot when it comes to learning something new, but give him some time and he's already up and running. what can i say? he is in love.

all created content belongs to mitraoki. reposts/remakes are not allowed.

#snow.writing #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru #gojo jjk #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #geto x reader #geto suguru #suguru geto #suguru x reader #satoru gojo #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen x you #geto jjk

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oceanlipgloss · 4 months

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8.1.2023

The other post couldn't fit any more images but I still wanted to add a bunch lol anyways, I'll continue stuffing extra screenshots just 'cause :D

⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗

intro: he is such a good king. also, this power is really admirable (hot imagery too)

update I: aaaah you go, you two <3

update II: I'm gonna melt I'M MELTINGGG I love himmmmm I love him so much

update III: aw lol he's adorable

update IV: excuse you, but Satan is MINE, not yours. MINE MINE MINE <3

update V: pls don't hinder him, let him collect money stop him at once

update VI: go ahead, sweetie how come Jjyu is being so quiet and not roasting your butt

update VII: 'thick eyebrows' they say that to my face when his eyebrows are thinner than mine tf u mean thick eyebrows what does that make my eyebrows then, bushes? I like them

update VIII: omg Mammon calls Beelzebub 'Bell' noooo that's so cute shut up shut up shut up aaaah they talk about Beelzebub and my heart + interest both go STONKS➚

update IX: goddamn, punching an unconscious Leamas, are we? Mammon doesn't seem to be the violent type though, and he seems to have something in mind, so I'll see where this goes

update X: BIMET'S IN THE CHAT WITH PPYONG, SITRI AND MC NOW TOO YESSSS

update XI: because I love you for educational purposes, honey

update XII: who's gonna tell him that MC is a hobo too? But be gentle about it, pls you don't want him to faint from shock, do you?

update XIII: kwksnjsjs eeeeee but how did he change his attitude and mind so quickly

update XIV: so Mammon doesn't trust Leamas due to a gut feeling, and it's said that Mammon's intuition is always right. And there's something about Nina...

update XV: no, it's not! Not at all! Gimme some

update XVI: someone is really romantic <3 By the looks of it, he seems to really, really like MC, so I'm going to go ahead and say that he's the type who falls in love first, and falls in love fast. SO CUTE

update XVII: "let me enjoy my date" his smile is so cute, it's almost contagious <3 and HE? IS SO, SO LOVABLE Also! There's an upcoming H-scene let's hope I can make it there first which means that MC leaving with Mammon is going to be followed with MC feeling unwell again (and logically, Mammon should be the next one to have some fun *inkling boy voice* WHOOPEEEE)It's strange that Satan didn't interject this time though TAKE YOUR LADY BACK

update XVIII: SCREECHING ANGELS INCOMING ONCE AGAIN Now close your eyes and answer me this: CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREECHING??? On the inside, of course. This poker face doesn't melt off that easily (edit 3: man, there are 36 angels, but that would've been totally fine if it weren't for how ¾ of them were of the red screaming type + there's such little space so there's no actual way to distribute your team properly besides a horizontal line. Having the demons so close to each other is the only possible 'distribution,' which means that they die like flies one after the other and ughhhh)

update XIX: this is horrid. Putrid. Vile. Grotesque. Those screaming monstrosities won't stop coming the H-scene must really be something, huh? Whatchu gonna do, Mammon?

update XX: several very, very fruitless attempts and team deaths later... Well...I have materials, and I have keys. So what do I do? FUCK IT, WE BALL *shudder* DO ONE 10-PULL, that's what! This hurts my heart knowing my luck, I'm not going to get even one L card lmao But I'm curious about something and want to confirm whether it's going to happen or not. All this time, my intution has told me that I'd get Andrealphus on my first ever 10-pull with lesser keys. Am I right or wrong? Stay tuned! (it wounds me to take this risk and spend 30 of my precious keys, but here goes nothing sob sob PLEASE let this be worth the sacrifice)

update XXI: UHHHH???? HEHEHEHEHEHEHE broooo lol omfg I AM GIDDY I WAS RIGHT LOL I can't even bring myself to feel salty about not getting an L card that's a fucking lie, yet it's also the truth BUT OMGGGGGG

update XXII: okay, I calmed down some I think Anyways, I got Marbas and Buer too (I'm holding all of Lucifer's guys hostage now. Is this a sign that I will pull Lucifer himself once his card is launched? God do I hope it is but it probably isn't) And I also sob pulled another Ppyong and another Gusion (you're so damn hot, Gusion, but WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME??? I WAS HOPING FOR AN L CARD BEELZEBUB GODDAMMIT let's be honest tho, I knew I wasn't gonna get ANY L card) does this mean that Gusion likes me as much as I like him? Is my admiration so powerful it transcends screens and reaches the virtual world? Because boy...<3 but if that were the case I should have also pulled Satan and Beelzebub BUT I GOT ANDRE OH GOD THIS FEELS LIKE A DREAM I CAN'T BELIEVE IT AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT I SHOULD REALLY TRUST MY GUT MKRE OMG SJDBKLSJS I also have this illogical, intense desire to care for him binge-upgrade him, but I want to save materials for L cards I might never get...still, I have a feeling he won't disappoint despite being close-range, so I'm going to upgrade him to level 20, try him out and see how he does

update XXIII: "the devil who eternally gazes at his lover with blind eyes" is such a tragic and romantic sentiment, so much so that I suddenly actually FEEL inspired to write and give him more emotional anguish but will I actually find the energy to do so? Nobody knows

update XXIV: THAT'S THE FIRST THING HE SAID I KNEW IT FROM HIS INTRO QUOTE BUT HE SEEMS SO ROMANTIC AND GENTLE AND HE'S MAKING ME SAD I LOVE HIM ALREADY back to lowercase now

update XXV: So! I just tried him out in Dark Sanctuary for jello pudding that looks like jello and WHAT. THE. FUCK. HE'S AMAZING. HIS ULTIMATE ATTACK??? YOU GET A PROMOTION BBY and his chibi and its animation are so cuteeeee (edit 1: aaand I promoted him, he earned it) I haven't forgotten about Marbas either! HE'S A HERO <3 I kind of did forget about Buer though so I'll try him out tomorrow (edit 2: I lumped Buer and all my new guys into the gang and sent them out to THAT battle. And honestly? I was surprised at the improvement. I can make it to 15 angels left with people actually alive now lol Buer's not too bad, I'm using him to heal Satan but those screeching abominations won't let Satan live much. And this is kind of dark but it's funny how Andre sounds like he's having a mental breakdown when he's defeated lol)

update XXVI: he's intent on breaking my heart. I don't want MC to sleep with him, I want her to hug him and stroke his head and kiss his eyelids until he falls asleep or at the very least do all these things for him in the H-scene

update XXVII: I know the drill by now. If I don't manage to pass this hellhole of a battle by day 3 of being stuck on it, that means desperate measures a long ass wait, but I'll put up with that because no more lesser keys will be spent for now I swear it upon my honor

Wow though, is this the high you people who regularly do lesser key pulls feel? I feel powerful and I didn't even pull an L card lol because Andre may be an S in-game, but to me he's an L and because my gut was right

9.1.2024

update XXVIII: I like how 3-77 actually has the nerve to say 'lv. 49 required' when I'm sitting here with barbecue sauce on my titties a LEVEL 89 Satan and still getting obliterated to no end. 'Lv. 49 required' must be code for '2+ lvl 49 L cards needed to save your life'

update XXIX: I made it to 6 remaining angels and lost lol but I'm not really THAT pissed about it because when I first tried my hand at this battle I would constantly go down with 20+ angels out of 36 remaining, then it got better with 15 angels left, and I eventually managed to make it alive *gasp* to the final 6! That's great improvement and it hopefully means that there's a chance of getting past this woooo but I hope that if I do succeed, 3-78 would be kinder, and by kinder I mean—for the love of God, for the love of all that is holy—NO. SCREAMING. ANGELS. At least, not batches upon batches of them because my God man, they just keep on coming

update XXX: I finally passeddddd God bless each member of my team for making this possible, but I extend special blessings to Marbas, Astaroth, Andrealphus and Satan lol Now onto the next battleeee

update XXXI: PASSED! THE H-SCENE IS SO CLOSE OH MY GOD sknfdbksk it's going to get it's own post, because I always have a LOT to say and a bunch of screenshots to share, more so when it comes to H-scenes, so...IT'S GONNA BE MAMMON ISN'T IT

update XXXII: angels are in the sky and the girl is busy being horny greedy how surprising

update XXXIII: yup it makes perfect sense that he would react to her thinking 'I hope that's mine' but fuck he's so cool

update XXXIV: excuse me, but...'your muscles'?

update XXXV: oh man that's kinda soft I love that he's so happy he fell silent

update XXXVI: dude he's so happy and he wants to hear her say that she wants him again that's so adorable wtf Mammonnnn

update XXXVII: sir! Be careful with my heart

update XXXVIII: ROFL BRUH NO I CANNOT And to make it even funnier? SQUISH SQUISH

update XXXIX: the H-scene is up next! I have no doubt about it now—it's Mammon this time. But Lord, I feel sort of nervous lmao my heart is acting weird and my stomach is going *knot knot* inspired by squish squish all this and I haven't even seen the intro screen to the scene for a hint yet lol ANYWAYS, LET ME GET TO IT IN ANOTHER POST BECAUSE I PROMISE, I WILL HAVE A LOT TO BLAB ABOUT SAY

update XXXX: Mammon was right about Leamas, apparently. Thought so...but I have a bunch of battles to beat before I can see what Leamas has to say, so good luck to me lol Because wow, now that I'm almost finished with Chapter 3, even the 'normal' battles have gotten considerably harder pls be nice, I have but one L card there's constantly 30+ angels, and many of them are usually the ones that shit spikes release spikes (honestly though, anything is better than the screaming ones which I'm sure are coming soon) and they're spawning fast, making up masses and hoards lmao it's hard depending on one character to save everyone else's asses, man so I'm sometimes having to repeat more than once to get by

10.1.2024

update XXXXI: so Leamas's real name is Samael and he and Nina love each other, and I'm assuming he was punished for that. I know angels have rules to abide by, but talk about unjust...

update XXXXII: guilty gems get an honorable mention today

update XXXXIII: Satan about to threaten Mammon if he were going to say that MC is his, followed by Mammon saying that he changed his mind since he decided to be MC's, and then MC being like 'that's new. Anyways, moving on'? lol

update XXXXIV: I. LOVE. SATAN <3

update XXXXV: Leamas took MC with him. Damn, I wonder what's going to happen now and where he's going to take her and Nina. Everyone is going to come to MC's rescue, there's no doubt about it, but what's gonna happen BEFORE THEY DO? I'm so excited though, I'm gonna start Chapter 4 in a few! At least, I hope I can then again, logically, the boss fights are always a lot easier than normal battles, so I should be good! (edit: DONE! Those human-looking angels are so cute lol they look like soft little dolls. I want one)

TIME FOR CHAPTER FOURRRRRR

edit: WHAT. THE??? AN H-SCENE. RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING OF CHAPTER 4. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. IT HAS TO BE BIMET'S BECAUSE BELIAL IS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL OMFG AAAAAH SKNZBKDB

#whb #what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad #what in hell is bad diaries

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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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wait omg.. ur fr not updating ur fanfics ever again?!? HEARTBREAKING... BUTT... does that possibly mean u can spoil everything (slowly ofc)

EXTREMELY LONG BUT IMPORTANT UPDATE:

so...i'm not going to say ~never~, my friend. i promised myself during my uncle nina self care era, that i would *justin bieber vc* never say never, because setting strict, set-in-stone regulations and rules for myself is why i am not writing anymore...which, yes, as much as i enjoy my fanfics/updating them, for the sake of both my physical and mental health, i think it is in my best interest to not update my fanfictions right now. i'll explain as much as i can down below.

so...this is going to be a very, very long post. i know that i had an anon on here that told me that they look forward to when i post long, indepth things, however, i am going to say that this isn't like a fun hc post or anything, this is just a lot of information...about my blog and my fanfictions, how i have been feeling and what i'm thinking about doing moving forward from this point. a lot of it is stuff that i've written about a lot ( stress, writing, etc. ) but i think it's important to read, mayhaps? just to keep you in the loop/informed on stuff.

long story short tho: i am not updating my fanfics rn, that's not to say i will not be writing/doing ncu stuff and it does...thank god...mean that i can now slowly spoil things...In A Controlled Manner.

to jog your re(memory), lmao, i was very unwell writing peppermint.

we know this...we don't love this.

what i did love was writing peppermint when i was but doing all that formatting, writing more in one update than some people write in entire fanfictions, forcing myself to be consistent...it was...at times very frightening how unwell i was. especially mentally. i just...i was not well equipped for the stress that came with having a moderately successful fanfic. being perceived at that level, with how severe my social anxiety is...it was not good for me. like it was fun because it was cool to see people so invested/get so much high praise for the things that i was writing but...idk. i am very introverted. ravenstan is me because i try to be really cool but i am a fake and a fraud lmaooo.

but yeah, too much upkeep and while 99.9% of the negativity around pep and myself was self inflicted...i will say...especially after 10, i did get some very...Intense...reactions to my fanfiction. like, very, very intense in a way that i was very offput by it and also worried about how the things i was writing were affecting your real lives. which, on top of how i was doing ( not well ) was not something i wanted to have constantly on my shoulders. please friends, remember, you are not responsible for how other people perceive your work, so long as you tag it accordingly, are authentic to yourself, and respectful to others. or so i believe, at least. idk. this is so long, i'm sorry.

speaking of peppermint tho...i am going to be so honest. i...do not think i'm gonna update it or keep writing it. i know that kind of sucks but the Peppermint Period of my life, i hope, will be over soon, lol. which i LOVE pep, but there is a lot of dark, negative energy associated with it, i tried to write it a million times and can't -- which, fun fact, the last stretch of peppermint is the stan self healing/self care arc ( which i love, i love u so bad pep!stan, my baby, my angel ) and the reason i could not write it...is because i was never in a positive enough headspace to write it.

like...i was not healed enough to write the healing arc. thats...oof.

i also just...don't feel super good about writing stuff about the boys in hs as an adult lady, like? they are 18 and all, but idk, it does not make me feel good things, its just not that relevant to me and the only reason that they were in hs in pep is because all of the relevant tiktok lore surrounding style was senior year hs stuff. but i really just prefer writing the boys in rm/in college/doing adult boy stuff. thats a lot more in my wheelhouse and i feel way better doing that tbh.

a final pep thing that ties into the last part of this ask is YOU CAN ASK ME ANYTHING YOU WANT ABOUT PEPPERMINT. i will spoil everything, like i'd prefer to do it in parts so if you want chapter 12 first i can tell you all about that. i don't have a ton of stuff written out in action...but i have...a fuck ton of dialogue. like nearly all of the dialogue for peppermint is written. ( if you want i can even take the dialogue and write it in sort of stage direction type formats with the actions to make it flow a little better -- i just can't write Chapters )

so yeah, ask me anything at all that you like about peppermint, but i can't spoil the entire fic in one ask...slow pace, please, haha.

okay, rm i do actually care a lot about. i also don't know if i in good concious can write chapter updates for it, but i can give you very detailed asks about it and give you what information i do have about it...also in small pieces. like someone asked me what happened to the ex-cd guitarist...and i can give you that information very soon.

i know it is kind of a bummer to not be able to get updates, but like, when i tell you i was seriously unwell...like it was really bad my real life was getting fucked up because of my online life which is whack.

but yeah! you can also ask me rm stuff! i kind of want to do it as sequencially as i can just so it flows a lot better like, idk, maybe start w/ ravesey hate stuff and move chapter to chapter, answering hc things in between? that feels right to me? but yeah!!! you can ask me what goes in the next chapter? if you want? or the next two/whatever is left of the hate...i don't have a ton of dialogue but i do have p much the whole situation blocked out? ish? lmao rip.

also!!! if i give you any scenario and you would like me to write in more detail or if you'd really like to see it in writing, you can totally leave me a request and if i feel up to it at some point, i will write it up. i also may just feel funky fresh and want to write it one day and randomly post it. lmao just be ready for anything tbh.

BUT YEAH!!! no i will totally give you rm spoilers and stuff!!! but again, i'm gonna try and not give you too much at once...v slow. in that way, ik its not the same as getting my full-fledged chapter updates, but it could hopefully still be exciting because you'd be waiting to get my content and it would come out quicker? which is still neat i think? my way to keep updating you without disappearing or like straining the shit out of my heart and brain.

okay, also, on ao3, as far as Big Writing goes...i'm not sure if i'm gonna post anything actually updatey on there again. it was just too stressful for me yall. i dont even want to make a seperate chapter post of explaination because i really don't want my fic to sit at the top of the tag for days and garner attention or like...wake to people waiting for pep or rm who think they're getting a new chapter, just to get told that i don't really feel safe updating them anymore. way too much attention which is what...drove me to this point tbh.

again, i like tumblr. i like the intimacy. i like that you guys can anonymously send me stuff and for the most part, i like that i can be sort of anonymous on here too...whilist you know, still being able to share stuff on here with you about my life. which...that's also a thing i was gonna mention at the end is, because i'm in education and kids are super nosy, if something happens, i will have to self destruct this blog and i'm sorry.

i am being so serious like if a kid finds my fanfiction tumblr, not only will it be embarrassing/unprofessional, like i am very worried that i could lose my job, slash not do the thing that i love the most in the world next to writing. :( i really do not want the thing i do in my free time to effect my outside life, which, again, is largely why i am doing this to protect myself lmao. like i am seriously considering like deleting anything that has to do with myself at all because of that. i tag my posts as accurately as i can to keep myself and all of you safe. please, please be mindful. please make good choices.

in vein of staying anonymousish ( tbh this is so much information that i ALMOST was going to post this as a voice message but i was not sure putting my human girl voice associated w/ this blog tbh ) i lowkey might nuke the twitter...i don't like it on there, lol. the cancel culture is frightening ( which is not to say don't cancel me if i'm being weird like please do that lol ) the people on there are really intense, i don't like the in fighting...i am on my tumblr because i feel safe here and i like all of you and i like answering your questions.

tbh, rp if you're reading this, the only reason i actually have the twitter is bc riley and i chat on there which, tbh, i might just bully her to use the dms on here or like licherally give you my personal phone number, lol. like we are internet married and talk constantly and i want to delete my twitter so bad it's not funny ESPECIALLY THE VIEW COUNTER LIKE THAT SHIT IS SO FUCKED UP I HATE IT.

kind of why i don't like ao3 either bc the hit count thing...really fucks w/ my mental health. the stress of being boxwinebaddie on there is also a lot so...okay...last segway...i do lowkey want to Actually write tkak...WHICH I KNOW NO ONE BUT ME CARES ABOUT BUT LOL THIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT BROTHER!!! its just funny bc this always happens where i can't write a fanfic i'm writing and then get excited abt some weird concept i have and start writing it and then stop again. so if i am writing tkak, please know it might not finish and i might just talk about it in ask memes.

orrrr write it in my google docs and link you or post screenshots. tbh i am very glad to be away from the ao3 layout like its so fucking ugly. the google docs are so much easier to read in my opinion.

for writing/future fanfics tho...as weird as it is, i don't think i'm gonna attach my name/user to my future fanfics. like you guys can know about them on here as long as we are chill about it. i just get too much anxiety about my association with my account and it getting too hectic again. so if i post tkak, i will probably do it on a different ao3 account ( you guys will know ofc ) and if i post one shot type stuff...i might do it also on a burner account or anonymously.

i actually ALMOST posted remember anonymously because of how stressed i was about it being negatively perceived/it being weird or people being mad at me for not updating pep. like i am very stoked you guys liked it but i seriously almost did not attach it to my name.

so if you see stuff that looks like its me floating around the style tag or in the other south park tags...its probably me. idk drop me a weird code word thats not too obvious and i'll send you one back, haha. i'm sorry i know this is complicated i just...i need to distance myself from this like, when i tell you i needed therapy for this...a mess.

but yeah! i hope that all makes sense! by all means ask me about pep ( literally anything abt pep but try to start small and build up ) and rm within reason and i will get back to you! it is extremely freeing for me to be able to talk about stuff because it sucked so bad to sit on all this info and just not be able to talk about it? like AAAA??? like thats why i was forcing myself to post stuff bc i wanted to tell yall stuff. and i would rather post you well thought out ask memes and dialogue that i feel happy abt then rush out terrible updates and grow to resent my fanfics like...no thank you.

i honestly feel like i have really fun ideas and am ( pretty ) good at coming up with complex lore/interesting hcs and shit, but i'm just not good at waiting, not good at keeping secrets and not good at being consistent...this is what i feel happiest doing, ig. hopefully this is rockin and rollin with you. i'm sorry this was a lot.

closing note is...i love you all very much. thank you so much to all of your for supporting as my identity as a writer has adapted, supporting my multiple works/promoting my personal health, advocating for me, being kind...i could not ask for better readers. again, i realize this is not the most fun information, but i have to take care of myself and this is the only way i know how. while also doing the thing i love, which is talking about my fanfics/writing/sharing my stories with all of you.

you are welcome to click off if you want, but if you are willing to ride the ride my friends, i promise to keep it cute on here. <3

thank you for everything, my darlings, and from whatever hurts or harms you, past, present and future

i hope you heal :),

uncle nina

p.s. if possible, if we could not distribute this post or rb it or anything like that i'd appreciate it. you can message me or write to me in the comments but i would like to maintain the liberty of deleting this post or editing it as i need to in case something happens. tysm.

#ncu update #nina speaks #idk that the tag is i actually think i might make an elaborate tag system so u guys/other people can read my blog #and find specific info abt parts of my fics or chars and stuff #but yeeeeeah i don't want to write right now i do not feel good i do not fuck w the energy i felt after i wrote pep for a while #like i already get sometimes overwhelmed on this blog i dont want to go back on ao3 which is already slow and seriously stressful #you can ask for spoilers tho! please do it in small sections! i am just one person and my fics are very lore intensive #i spend a lot of time on my asks i cannot do too much at once unfortunately #if i post stuff on ao3 again i would rather it not be attached to me ik thats kind of lame but it was mega stressful yall #it also makes it so if people enjoy my work it has nothing to do w bwb and this blog and i can start fresh #if u drop me a code tho i will get back to u haha just if u think its me out there please do not start shouting my name looool #hope this makes sense and hope you heal #sorry this was so much i needed to get this off my chest #you can also ask me questions abt this post it was really ocnfusing i tried to say as much as i can #but i am very tired...which is also why i cant really update bc i am working often and very very tired lmao #just be paitent w me if you can and you always are so i'm not worried ily so much thank u thank u thank u #none of this is spelled right ill fix it later...v tired rip

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bartonbones · 2 years

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headcanons and musing on ms mama bear herself and carmy's various traumas below the cut. trying not to make my blog look as unwell as it has the past few weeks, however, very much still ill in the head over the shrimp man

me every time carmy mentions his mommy issues:

let me in!!! let me in u son of a bitch!! tell me about ur mom!!!

anyway. i digress. so the main clues we have in canon about the berzatto's siblings mom are, in vague order of appearance (aka my memory):

sugar telling carm in ep 1 that mom would love to see him after he mentions that no, he hasn't talked to her. it feels like sugar is on good enough terms with their mom while carmy is def not.

richie mentioning that he took care of their mom for months before carmy came after mikey died--carmy's mom is unstable for (gestures vaguely) any number of reasons

"she full psycho?" "she wasn't calm, but the food was great" --their mom had always been some level of unstable, but there's clearly a point at which she becomes unstable to the point that carmy considers it a distinct difference

"i mean, you blame the restaurant. you don't blame mom. you don't blame mikey." why is their mom before mikey?? carmy has such strong negative feelings about her that he puts her before mikey--someone whose fucking pills he just found in a drawer!

"it's bullshit" "sounds like mom" "i'm serious" "i'm serious" ?????? !!!!!! ???????? if nothing else "sounding like mom" is an insult but also ?????

"mom always added raisins!" interesting to me--mikey is the one who is presented as always cooking for the family, even when carm's talking about tina spending christmas at his mom's, it's mikey who was making the food. but sugar has clear and nostalgic memories that involve their mom's cooking--although, notably, it's decidedly in the past tense, even though their mom is still very much alive and present to sugar in canon, and this takes place years before canon

"this is a very special dish in my dysfunctional, nightmare of a household" --carmy doesn't seem to have any bad feelings or memories of mikey until after he starts freezing him out, and considering their dad was out of the picture around the time carmy was born/was very young, one presumes this nightmare and dysfunction has to be related to their mother

the other points that i think are interesting that just sort of relate to carmy's Issues (tm) are

a) the parentification of mikey and sugar berzatto--carmy so clearly leans on them and like went to them for support and guidance, and as always, TheAngelTattoosAreForMikeyAndSugarBreakdown.exe

b) carmy's disassociation when people are fighting/yelling at him if he's not feeling defensive or particularly fighty enough to yell back. the way Chef says such cutting and horrible things to carmy--you're not tough, it's all a show, you're a fraud, you should be dead--and carmy just has to blink and continue working. the way he stares in to the middle distance for like two entire fucking minutes while richie and cicero scream at each other. i mean, if there's one thing this boy can do it's disassociate. the kid can leave the country. he sends himself to the cornfield. goodbye carmen berzatto hello shoving trauma down into ur shoes and hoping there's No Future Consequences for This Action

anyway i've been thinking for weeks about what i think the deal could be between carmy and his mom and while this is truly just a headcanon i'm forming and i also have a habit of never being a correct when i make headcanons, but the idea i'm sort of rolling around with is like clearly their mom was unstable for enough of their childhood for their house to be a "dysfunctional nightmare" but is stable enough now for sugar to have a relationship with her and want carmy to have a relationship with her, too, so my thinking is maybe there is some severe mental illness that wasn't getting treated or cared for while they were kids, but maybe is now that they're adults, chiefly, while carmy isn't there to see it.

i think some kind of variation of bipolar works well here, maybe? it would help explain some of carmy's disassociation skills, if their mom could be verbally abusive when she was manic, and the parentification of sugar and mikey if during depressive episodes there was little functioning. if that's carmy's childhood and that's his impression of his mom, then of course he's not going to want to go home to see her. but if she gets treatment/medication/guidance later in their adulthood while carmy is globetrotting and getting verbally abused by other significant figures in his life, then sugar might have a relationship with her at that point and want carmy to "talk" to her and maybe reach some closure too, if that's what she was able to do. and carmy obviously doesn't believe in that becuase he's carmy in s1 of the bear and his relationship with his mom is probably approx #87 or #89 on Pressing Mental Health Issues to Address.

anyway this is very long and if any one reads it and has thoughts let me know. i just want to get into the head of this shrimp man and excavate his trauma for shrimp dumplings. i want to KNOW. let me IN. CARMEN!!!! let me IN!!!!

#the bear #carmy berzatto #anyway. still going insane thanks for asking :)

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volfoss · 2 years

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Hi this is silly but. I've noticed that kira and the kawajiri family often get misinterpreted in fandom and fics, and I'm planning to write something soon that involves them; do you know any fics that interpret them pretty well?

Ok um. I'm sleepy tired as fuck rn but I avoid literally everything w them. In the way I'm severely mentally ill and no one gets them but me sort of thing ig. If you like want u can shoot lines over my way or smth?? But honestly like Chris gets Kira p well (he makes him rly pitiful. Peak man I want to dip in soda. This sounds deranged but I'm sleepy so um. Girls will not edit etc) but really no one understands shinobu super well imo. Like they just they don't understand her or try to bimbofy her and it sucks and like. Not even to get into Hayato but genuinely I trust no one w him. But um tldr ig. I literally do not because love and light I never really read fics outside of shit my friends write (which yk. For the most part understand the characters) or if I'm on a doom scroll of finding a horrible fanfic. So no I do not but I'm open for u to like. Ask questions or anything I love being unwell about them ❤️❤️❤️

#asks #im so sleepby so im rambling etc

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lambentplume · 9 months

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ltb 01

basically someone suggested that i keep a log of stuff bc im gonna stop remembering . and ive been brain bad severe style for a week straight so i have to get this shit down. so if u somehow started reading randomly. then these posts all will have wildfire tws because i can't fucking help it it's all i can think about. i don't wanna flood the real tag bc no readmores + the tw is contextual i guess.

no promises but im trying to keep this one to Ws because i'm feeling like. Unwell Unwell so i gotta fucking . preserve small bits of joy.

one thing that's been cool in irl-facing spaces is that many folks with past experience are joining as respectful allies and offering general advice that is rooted in their experience, only when prompted for that genre of advice. i'm thinking through like, securing my family's continued well being (they're okay Today but what if the situations switch up and they gotta go again yknow) and folks who have had similar fears and are 5 or 10 years out are like . giving me really helpful advice. someone from aforementioned group said that the recovery process is going to take years and that includes all the paperwork shit. and it was like. real bc everyone says "we will never forget" which is TRU but like to be LIVING IT is so so different . it also prompted me to seek help which is why im trying to tap into like...... relief from therapists , been messaging all my friends begging them to just randomly message me to make sure i've eaten bc the answer .... is usually no. im gonna finish these emails and then im gonna like force myself to turn my brain off

im trying to preserve myself for the long haul but im ngl everything reminds me of home im so lahainabrained it's like. the only form of reference i can use but i literally am not realizing how it looks in my head is COMPLETELY different. from what it's like irl rn

i'm ngl i'm really exhausted bc all i can do is help from a distance, but now that there are things that require my brain to work

ok explanation for LTB abbreviation: it's just kind of stupid the maui brewing company does a Lahaina Town Brown Ale and i think it's good. also obviously...............

#people are asking me to write things down and im NOT trying 2 trigger ppl and im NOT putting everything on tumblr but . readmores #LTB.txt #<- the “in case im on tumblr and i need to write a journal type thing” tag #also sorry for vents on main im trying to figure out who i can talk to not on broader social media. discord and text oomfies hmu

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twslug · 9 months

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gonna answer all the q's of that one post i rbed like two days ago or something, answers below break if u gaf (really not groundbreaking info)

answers start here:

that i don't have to do a lot of things (both academically and in my personal life) that i don't want to do but pressure myself to do anyway. a lot of things really and truly Do Not matter

isolating myself due to anxiety or aimless frustration that i don't have an outlet for,,, big fan of Being locked in a room for hours

fav self care is skin care/workout and good music, i'm listening to my girly pop playlist post-workout (current song is toxic by nico rosberg aka britney bitch, so just envision these mentally ill answers with fergie and britney and katy perry and rihanna in the background)

most vivid memory is definitely not a visual memory, i've got some memory loss so i don't remember much of anything about my life. HOWEVER i have an echoic memory, so i really latch onto peoples' voices. i looove f1 with all the different accents and languages (lowkey linguistics hpfx) so i can have drivers narrating my thoughts. charles's voice is super imprinted on my brain because he has a very unique (imo) speech cadence and choice of wording in english, same for max (both verstappen and fewtrell), lando, and other random celebrities or youtubers or irls or characters etc etc.

would like to recieve some emotional/social support, was kind of pushed to the side because my brother is more extroverted, better at school, had asthma and ocd and several food allergies, but i was left to my own devices because i was much quieter and in the background.

have always wanted to be able to take academics into my own hands, as per the last answer, i am very quiet irl and have a hard time asking for help so i spend a lot of schooling teaching myself, so i've mastered the ability to put my head down and succeed by myself but at what cost yknow, i cant even speak to professors or other students

apathy. chronic, neverending, borderline infectious apathy. im very stubborn so if my brain has become apathetic about something then you will never get me to care about it, even if i myself want to

rly gets to me when people are mean to people i like, for an f1 example, idk i like a lot of the drivers but seeing people be blatantly mean to them (criticism and affectionate jabs are Fine) really makes me feel upset and/or almost ill, i get rly anxious for some reason like i'm the one being insulted

no i don't cry. not really (back to the playlist, family ties by baby keem just came on TURN THIS SHIT UUUPPP) anyway i dont really cry, lots of apathy, forced to be the quiet kid etc etc

have done lots of improvement on my body image and having confidence in what i say/believe, esecially in a family setting, lots of my problems are from childhood and being overly quiet/shy, so i rly struggle(d) with speaking my mind but now Nobody has anything on me, my moms dad was a county sheriff and i openly rip on cops in front of her like fuccckkk off u made me like this

was very mentally ill at the time (was also during covid, so i was really mentally unwell), and they had their own problems, ended up having a rly toxic relationship. neither of us had redeeming qualities, said some things we shouldn't have, like mutual punching bags

wish i could connect to my new roommates for this upcoming college/university semester, again: very bad at talking to people, maybe it will be better when we all live together (copium)

POLITICS TIME: i get irrationally angry at people who know nothing about the US south, i live here and it pisses me off when most political "hot takes" about american southern conservatism are boiled down to classism and/or racism, drives me fucking insane

i only like affectionate teasing if i know you rly well or the jab isnt something im insecure about, but im a bit of a hypocrite because i playfully insult people all the time, good rule of thumb i follow is just never go for appearance, all makes u look like a dick

prefer to be numb, because even though its one of the worst things to ever happen to my Cranium, i have a really easy time letting things go and not being upset over things i should probably be upset about. its kind of peaceful when u come to terms with it

talent ive overlooked/lost is ,,,,,,, i actually dont know, i think ive honed the things im really good at, i was really good at being a stage manager in school theatre (was assistant director and stage manager for les mis in 10th grade, bitches love my organizational skills), maybe i pick that up again somewhere

call me seb vettel the way i really liked dark blue in the but switched to loving bright bright #ff0000 red, like the brightest u can get... good shit... Also british racing green forever and always

my stuffed animals :-) no harm in keeping them, i suppose

well this ones easy because i dont like talking about infodumping about the innerworkings of my Psyche but here we are, i feel a bit bothersome, hence this entire post being hidden under a page break ..

LAST ONE (current song playing is dancing in the moonlight by king harvest, for those of u following along athome), i believe people think im much kinder than i think i am. if that makes sense. i know the things ive said to other people, about other people, about myself, etc, and i just feel this kind of imposter syndrome whenever people say they think im rly kind or fun to be around because i know deep down i am miserable and evil and nasty... And dont even hit me w that "bad people dont care that theyre bad so u caring makes u not bad" no no no, thats the thing, i dont care . i am Evil... ebil,,,,,, Deomn evil

#SORRY FOR TALKING SO MUCH #twslug.txt #okay goodnight to everyone who read Any of this :-)#and to the rest of u... gn i guess.... wtvr #not f1

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heavenlyyshecomes · 2 years

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Hiiiii I kiss one of my closest friends a lot in like that muah way hehe and I've been drinking egg nog recently? and I'm going THRU it school wise omg .. turns out it's hard even at community college esp bc I'm really uhhhh not smart 😶 who have you kissed? Omg I just finished the first season of severance lol have u seen that?

waah that sounds nice also uni IS hard brother please don't underestimate yourself hate to sound like That but positive mindset rly is the key to getting to getting your goals (<- girl who's just learned the secret) i hope the pressure eases off a bit and u do well !! also to answer your questions i haven't but i do have a crush he's making me incredibly unwell i want 2 get over it cause i keep looking over at him in class 😭😭😭 also severance is in my watchlist I'll get around to it one day (lie)

#i just can't watch tv shows 😭😭#asks #ty for dropping in i hope u get lots of kisses back mwah

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rantsandeepthoughts · 2 years

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A friend of mine... a long time friend of mine who knows a lot about my situation, and yet, and yet.....

I don’t get it but, the conversation went like this -

She said :

I really just think u need to get far away from them.

Put lots of distance btwn u and them

Even communication. Reduce greatly.

Go overseas. Get a job overseas. Malaysia. Wherever. It can't be worse than this ?!...

And. Exactly this. They don't get it, the "why don't you just leave??" And when my response is, "It's not so easy as that!" . They really don't get it.

I wanted to send a really long reply. But I deleted it.

This is what I wanted to send :

In many ways, it can.

It's not so straightforward as, out of sight out of mind.

That's not how this whole psychological thing works.

The overseas thing especially because that has a lot to do with finances

It's ok. I'll try to not overload you in the future, I've been trying to remind myself this but sometimes i forget, that for normal people, hearing about this type of things is frustrating and traumatic in a way too. Sorry about that part. But it just the way it is, and tbh, I've never been quite in the normal mental state ever in my whole life. So I don't know how to be sincerely/ genuinely normal, i can try fake it ah, but so far maybe haven't reached the fake it till I make it level.

Even my main plan - moving out at 35 - even that plan has plans within plans. Which I'm working out.

This plan which, I feel that, is the most workable for my situation

I'll stop now. It's the physical unwell and mental unwell and just a bad combo right now

In summary: No. Going overseas is Not gonna solve this. Especially Not with my family’s track record of long-distance control (married ones) and hunting you back (single ones).

Psychological matters especially ones that have spanned decades. After getting away from the toxic environment, it will take several years (varies per person) to heal .

It's like, step 1, get out of jail, step 2, get your brain out of jail.

I send a much much shorter response which basically was an apology and just the 'it's fine, I'm fine'....

I get very upset. Coz, i thought of all friends this friend would be understanding .but. nah... this friend had never been able to understand. This friend has lived such a normal, happy, life. This friend has never quite tried to understand or be compassionate in a way that sees your situation. This friend has been the sort who would ignore or turn away, change topic, on things that made her uncomfortable...... when we became adults, this friend and I were not close much, she was busy living her life, travelling, basically having a normal life. While I was in a somewhat depressed state, struggling financially, then slogging through uni while juggling two jobs.

This friend and I lived very different lives.

It's been more than a day past now. I realised that, it took me a long time to even understand a lot of the why qns myself. I understand why, it's not so easy as just up and leaving. I still can't do it. Anyway.....

It's just rambling now.

#rants #ramblings

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pacifymebby · 2 years

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Hope I’m not bothering u but ahhh okay so I just feel super triggered tonight —- ED ref

So one of my friends parents friends (lol) has a photography business and was asking me if I knew anyone who has done previous modelling or would want to for something he’s working on… anyway, somehow it ends up with him asking me if I want to and I was happy to tbh cause it seems fun and chill for what he was doing but he wanted to see if I’d done any photos similar to what he had in mind before so I was gonna just get some that I chose but *I really wanted to be mad rn* he went through my Facebook photos from when I was deep in my ED + severely underweight that I forgot to delete and maaan sometimes I just see them and feel like if someone else looks at that and thinks it looks good then I feel like I should go back to that even tho I was so sick and idk it gets me in this mindset where I just feel so triggered I don’t even want to look at myself in the mirror 😔

Have other stuff in my inbox I don't have the mental capacity to answer but I read this n dude it resonated so so hard!!!

First of all, like I would also be mad about someone doing that to me, even though like obviously I know the photos are public. I kinda feel like if u ask someone to give u photos of themselves you let them choose, you don't just scroll back through old photos and like, assert which ones are good.

Secondly I totally get what u mean about when other people see photos of u when u were sick and say you looked good, like for real, it makes me question whether I was even ill because sick people don't look "good" they look unwell. But in reality this isn't the case at all and you can never tell how healthy someone is just by looking at them. Especially when it comes to eating disorders like.

There are a lot of pictures of me around family members Houses or on my grandparents Facebook of me when I was very ill and people who don't know me but are friends with my gran have commented shit like "gorgeous" on them. I find it so weird and I try my best to just ignore them because they don't know me or how ill I was and honestly neither does my nan.

It's such a shame this has tainted what could have been such a chill and also like progressive experience for you and I really hope you don't let it stop you. For real they wouldn't have asked you if they didn't want to photograph the you that you are now!!

One thing I've noticed is that people who don't know you were ill or don't know you that well barely even notice the changes in your appearance over the years. My uncle who saw me maybe 4 times a year once said "you didn't ever look too thin" to me which I used to find really upsetting but like I realise now was him trying to be nice and also just him genuinely not being able to notice the subtle changes in my physical appearance that were indicative of my changing health.

I think for you the most important thing you can do is remind yourself how you felt in those pictures, I'm gonna take a guess and say you weren't satisfied with yourself? You weren't happy with how you looked? You lacked confidence/self esteem, felt uncomfortable maybe when you were being photographed. When you relapse with an ED or try to go back, you don't just lose weight, you lose the ability to feel comfortable with yourself ever. Just remind yourself of that emotional torture and keep telling yourself that appearances aren't important in comparison to that. Feeling comfortable with yourself is the most important thing, it doesn't matter what other people perceive to look good, other people can't see how you feel inside.

Also you just don't need to go back. Just because this one guy thought those photos of you looked good doesn't mean you weren't sick or thst you should go back to that (and remember we are all of us conditioned to perceive "skinny" as good by wellness capitalism and beauty industries who want to sell us impossible beauty standards to ensure we are always giving them our money whilst never achieving satisfaction!!!! Men especially are literally told what they should think looks good by the media)

At the end of the day anon you are gorgeous no matter what!! You don't need to change yourself one little bit because apart from anything else I say so!!! ❤️❤️❤️

#look at me giving advice

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nnai-ah · 7 years

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i turned 21 today, and how foolish of me to think that this year it’s gonna be different. i hate birthdays. i never had a good memory of my birthday and i don't think i ever will. i had friends coming over last night and they surprised me with cakes and ice creams. sort of. i am grateful for the thoughts i really do but somehow it didn’t felt real, the feelings i had last night wasn’t genuine. i almost felt like i was a burdened to them and i feel like they had to do it because it ’s their “responsibility” to do so and not because they wanted to. they made me feel so unapologetically pathetic.

and it hurts because it’s true, i am pathetic. i am pathetic because i am always alone on my birthday, none of my family remembers cause they couldn’t care less. because all my life I’ve always been the perfect child, i always bring home trophies and medals, my school report cards are always loaded with A’s and compliments from my teacher so they thought i am always well, i am always happy and i could still crack a smile on my face so obviously i should be fine. just what could go wrong with me you know, I am 21 and young.

HAHA

I hope people around me would start to acknowledge my mental health state. I am unwell. I wish people would stop bossing me around, telling me to mingle around more, telling me to join this club and that club, making me make friends. I’d love to but I have severe social anxiety and depression and it’s not something that i could snap out of easily. it’s hard for me to meet people, to have eye contact and let alone to initiate a conversation. I am uncomfortable in making new friends, i don’t have the guts to. I don’t know how to mingle around so stop telling me to do it. why won’t you guys respect that?

and I hope people would stop making me do things that i don’t want to and stop trying to dictate me on what i should and shouldn’t do. stop assuming, ask me instead. and I blame myself too for being such a pussy, who chickens out every fucking time. I am a coward. I am too scared to stand up for myself and say no.

no one is listening anyway so why bother. how ironic, people around me told me that i can tell them just anything. i’ve heard this all my life. but when you finally want to talk, they’d tell to just chill and get it together. how the fuck do i do that? I rather have people telling me that they don’t want to listen to my shitty rants to my face than having someone pretending to care and listen when it’s obviously written on their face that they don’t really give a shit. if u feel like my emotional distress is giving you such a hard time and i am such a burden to you then say it. just say it to my face. if you want to hurt me then hurt me hard.

lastly, I hope my dad would stop hurting my mom, and my mom would stop hurting herself. I hope this year would be the year that my mom would finally respect herself enough to get out of her abusive marriage. and i hope my parents will realise soon that they are emotionally abusing their children and it is really torturing us

#birthday rants #personal

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