#like tucking me in bed and giving me a nini kiss

[dykehimejoshi]

i like women i wish one or more would do gross perverted things to me

#selene talks #like tucking me in bed and giving me a nini kiss

[billyrussohaven]

My sweet Emilly

Billy Russo / Reader

Rated: PG (for now)

A/N: So I’m feverish and been feeling like absolute rubbish since getting my 2nd covid shot last Thursday. I can’t sleep and my brain came up with a cute Dad!Billy story. I might do a second part if you guys like it, we shall see!

Credit: @mainlysubmv​

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“Just where do you think you’re going dressed like that exactly?” Billy asked his daughter sternly, looking up at her over his glasses. Glasses that he was still getting used to by the way. You kept telling him he looked like a hotter version of Clark Kent but it still seemed to hurt his pride. Billy Russo needing glasses, insane right? What was even more insane was just how much his sweet Emily looked all grown up these days. Her seventeen birthday last month had hit him like a train. He stared at her and let a long sigh out.

Emily reappeared, taking a few steps backwards, tugging down on her green hoodie dress and rolled her shoulder nervously the doorway of the living room. A little nervous gesture she shared with her father that always made you smile.

“It ain’t that bad Billy,” you said looking up from your crochet project on your lap to his daughter’s outfit, your step-daughter.

“It is on the short side but she’s smart and careful, isn’t that right, Millie?” You said, giving her a quick look with a wink.

She grinned back at you before turning to look at her dad.

“It’s still warm out Da…and I have a pair of leggings if it gets colder later,” she said, opening up her backpack and showing him a black pair of leggings, smiling back at him. He snorted at her innocent-like face, he knew better, she was after all his own daughter.

“Fine. No heels. Wear those ridiculously worn-out converse of yours,” he said letting it go and dismissing her with a smirk. She zipped her bag up and ran to give her dad a quick kiss on the cheek. She was out of the room as fast as she entered it.

“Back at midnight! I’ll be with Devin!” Emily said loudly already halfway to the front door.

“11PM!” Billy yelled right as the front door closed with a loud thud. He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Wait, who? The fuck’s Devin? Wasn’t it that Jay-” he said with a deep frown turning to look at you.

“Jeremy,” you corrected him going back to your crocheting.

“Jeremy…last week?” He continued giving you a stern look for correcting him that made you chuckle. He rolled his eyes heavenward, taking his glasses off and rubbed his tired face with a groan. You reached to caress his soft hair and smiled. You didn’t comment, you knew he could be a bit overprotective of his Emily sometimes but dads were often that way with their daughters. It reminded you of your own dad and  the shit you did in your youth. It was a wonder he still had some hair left…

*****

Billy woke up abruptly and sat up yawning, looking at the alarm clock on his nightstand next to the still turned on lamp.

1:25AM

He had fallen asleep in bed reading while waiting for Millie to come home. He turned his sleepy face to you sleeping soundly next to him. He smiled gazing at your serene face and caressed the side of your face softly. He heard a loud thud. He frowned and turned around instantly to the door, listening intently. He quietly got out of the bed, tiptoeing to the door, silent as a cat.

“Ow!” a hushed voice said after another loud thud. Billy yanked the bedroom door open and walked face to face with his daughter. His daughter who definitely wasn’t in her pajamas, dressed exactly the same as earlier and who reeked of alcohol and cigarettes.

She looked up at her dad glaring at her with disappointment etched all over his face. Her dark brown eyes filled with tears and hurt behind her drunken state. She broke down in sobs and hid her face in her hands. Billy’s heart broke at seeing her cry like that. He was very angry and disappointed at her for coming back home so late and drunk on top of it. He sighed and walked to embrace her tightly as she cried. She held him tightly, her warm tears running down his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back.

“You know better than that, Millie. Walkin’ home drunk instead of calling me or Y/N,” he said softly yet sternly. He cradled her head in his hand and moved to look at her tear stained face. Her chest was racking with sobs and her lower lip was quivering as she looked up at him. He had a feeling she wasn’t crying only because he caught her drunk and way past her 11PM curfew.

“What happened? Talk to me princess,” he asked with a sad frown, brushing her hair back from her face. She broke down into even louder wails and he had to hold part of her weight to help her stay upright.

You put your mid-thigh satin robe on and walked to see what was going on. The light of the bedroom pooled in the darkened hallway as you opened the door wider and you gave Billy a sad smile. The poor thing was so upset and in no state to think clearly. You took a few steps and rubbed her back.

“It’s okay princess, why don’t Y/N help you get ready for bed and we can talk tomorrow,” he said, giving Emily a concerned look. She nodded as he rubbed her tears away with his thumbs. He gave her a kiss on her forehead and let you take her to her bedroom. You grabbed his hand on the way and gave it a squeeze before letting go.

You walked a wobbly and sniffly Emily to her bedroom where she flopped and sat down on the edge of her bed dropping her bag with a loud thud. You walked to her own connecting bathroom from her bedroom and grabbed a small square towel. You ran it under the cool water and wrung it. You took a bottle of tylenol knowing she was gonna need it in the morning and a tall glass of water too.

You walked back to Millie who was undressing and putting on her pajamas. You were somewhat impressed she didn’t fall on her butt taking her leggings off before stepping into her pajamas shorts.

“Here, drink this you’ll feel better,” you said softly, handing her the glass of water. She nodded and drank half of it before putting it down on her nightstand next to the two Tylenol for tomorrow morning. You rubbed the cool wet cloth on her forehead and neck and she sighed before letting another sob out.

“I’m-I’m sorry I woke you up. I didn’t mean to get home alone so late…Da looked so upset,” she said, hugging you and cried on your shoulder. You hushed her soothingly and rocked her a bit, hugging her back.

“He still loves you, Millie. He’s just disappointed you came home so late and in a very vulnerable state I might add. Now, I’m not gonna scold you, it’s not my place but something could have happened to you baby,” you said brushing her hair back.

“We much rather have you wake us up late to pick you up than having you stumble drunkenly home alone. What happened? I thought you were hanging out with Devin?” You asked, helping her get in bed. She started crying again at the name and you knew right away the poor girl was heartbroken.

“W-we went to this party together a-and it was really fun. Everything was great, we’re great friends and I love when Devin’s around, you know?” She mumbled, looking at you with her father’s dark brown eyes filled with hurt.

“B-but we drank and I-I I thought Devin liked me a lot too and we kissed but-” She didn’t have to finish her sentence, you knew. You sighed and cradled her small frame in your arms.

“She abruptly stepped back, pushing me away a-and calling me names and stuff. S-she left a-and I didn’t have money for a cab because I paid the fare to get there. She was supposed to pay the cab fare back a-and then I didn’t want to call Da and have him angry at me.” She said, wiping her wet face in her pillow. You nodded, brushing her soft hair soothingly.

“Get some good sleep now, we’ll talk more tomorrow, alright? You suggested standing up and tucked her in. She nodded with a sniffle and closed her eyes.

"Thank you Y/N…Nini,” she said softly, watching you walk away to the door. You turned and gave her a warm smile,

“Anytime Millie. Good night sweetheart,” you said before flipping the light switch off and closing her bedroom door.

You tiptoed out of her bedroom and back to your own where Billy was sitting on the edge of the bed, waiting for you. He looked up at you, his face conflicted and tired.

“How is she?” He asked standing up to give you a tight embrace. He really appreciated how you were with Emily, the special bond you had developed with her. It made him love you even more as he kissed your head.

“She’s young, in love and broken-hearted I’m afraid,” you said with a long sigh, resting your head on his chest. You gave him a brief summary of what she had told you. You felt a bit guilty at reporting it all back to Billy but he’d probably know sooner or later too.

“I’m gonna beat the shit out of him when I find him,” he snarled pacing in front of you. He brushed his hair back and thought about the best way to throttle the asshole.

“Devin is a girl, Billy.” You said with a small smile, wondering what his reaction was gonna be.

He stopped pacing abruptly and his eyebrows shot upwards as he looked back at you dumbstruck.

“Oh! Oh,” he said, rolling his shoulders and clearing his throat. You looked back at him with one eyebrow up wondering what was going on in his head at the moment.

“Well, I guess I won’t…punch the brat then,” he said somewhat sheepishly and a bit confused. Not that it mattered to Billy if his little Millie liked guys or girls. It’s just…

“She never really talked about it. She always showed up with  boyfriends before so I guess I just…took it for granted really,” he said with a frown sitting by the bed. After a long silence he looked up at you with a vulnerability that broke your heart to see.

“Am I a bad father for it?” He asked, his voice wavering slightly, he cleared his throat and rolled his shoulder, looking at the picture frame of her on his nightstand.

You took your robe off and stood in front of him between his legs. You cradled the side of his face and tilted it up so he’d look at you.

“No, Billy. It doesn’t make you a bad father, baby,” you brushed a strand of hair away from his eye.

“I guess you two just never really brought it up. I remember when I was seventeen myself, a young woman still in high-school, afraid of being bullied for being any kind of different,” you said with a sigh, remembering how cruel high-school was.

Billy scoffed and sneered at his own memories of it. Lonely guy from the group home with no family or friends beside small pets he’d keep in jars. He smiled warmly with a silent snort remembering how Emily had her own pet snail for a while and how much she took care of the little one.

“She might still be figuring herself out too,” you added with a shrug.

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her tomorrow anyway, maybe she’ll want to open up and chat about all of this,” he said, rubbing his tired face with his hands. You kissed him slowly before breaking the kiss and crawling back in bed in your short satin nightie. He groaned looking back at you, suddenly very awake for almost 3AM. He rolled over on the bed and pulled you flat against his body with a sly smirk. You chuckled at the attention he gave you and kissed him languidly with a moan.

“I’m still gonna scold her ass,” he mumbled over your lips, reaching over you and turning off the light.

A/N: Random Fact. My fiancé’s name is Devin. I remembered him telling me he had a girl classmate once in school named Devin. 😋

#Billy Russo #Billy Russo Imagine #Billy Russo Fanfiction #Billy Russo Fanfics #dad!billy #billy russo x reader #billy russo x you #billy russo/reader #billy russo/you

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter ten

chapter ten

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: immense amounts of fluff, discussion of bad dreams death and past trauma at the end all related to canon

word count: 5.3K

from the beginning <3

Dreaming wasn’t something that came easily to Spencer. When he did dream they never made any sense, dark and twisting basements, endless staircases, treading a deep dark sea for hours as the waves swallowed him whole. Wind chimes that he couldn’t find wouldn’t stop twinkling as he aimlessly ran around a trailer park. It was never peaceful.

Then his mind found the park and couldn’t stop re-creating it, over and over again in his mind every single night when he closed his eyes.

He was in the middle of the most perfect dreamscape, his girls reading under the sun as Y/N’s head rested on his shoulder…

Then his phone started to ring, opening his eyes to the sun barely waking up as well. He answered the phone before Y/N could wake up beside him, “hello?”

“Spence, I’m so sorry to wake you,” JJ’s voice slipped into his mind and woke up right up, she wouldn’t call unless she needed to. “We have a really bad case, we have to leave like right now and the babysitter can’t take the boys and Henry is still too little to make sure Michael eats during the day and he’s still so little—“

“Hey it’s fine,” he cut her off as he sat up, waking Y/N in the process. “I’m only 12 minutes from Quantico, leave them with Anderson and I’ll be right over.”

“Thank you so much, Spence, oh and they need breakfast, I’ll leave some money with Henry, can you make sure they eat?”

“Absolutely, don’t worry, good luck and be safe,” he reminded her, feeling weird that he didn’t have to go as well.

“Thanks again Spence,” he could hear her smile before hanging up, leaving him to stretch and finally get out of the bed.

“Was that JJ?” Y/N asks, getting out of bed and putting on her housecoat to follow him to the bathroom.

“Yeah, the boys need someone to watch them if you don’t mind?”

“They’re family,” she reminded him with a sleepy smile.

“They need lunches for today, I can drive Amoreena to school with them too?” He’s splashing water on his face so he can wake up enough to drive safely to Quantico, wiping the water from his eyes as he hears Y/N laughing softly.

“It’s Saturday silly, and Monday is their last day anyway if they need to stay that long,” Y/N reminds him, “I’ll try and have breakfast ready when you get back.”

“Tomorrows the 14th, shit,” he remembers his calendar. “I have to take my mom to get her yearly scan and cognitive test done tomorrow morning, I won't be able to send her off on her last day.”

“That’s okay, as long as you’re there for the little graduation and the all about me display ceremony it’ll be fine, it starts at 1:30,” she didn’t mind him missing it but everything in him felt like the worst person ever if he did.

He never wanted to miss anything ever again.

“You’re sure that’s fine?”

She nodded again, wrapping her arms around him and looking up into his beautiful, tired eyes. “Family comes first, that means Diana was in the calendar longer so you go with her. Amoreena just wants to come home with you from school, for the next 10 years of school she’ll be coming home to you.”

“Why don’t we wake Amoreena and go get breakfast with the boys? I’d like to get to know my god kids too…” her voice cooing as she soothed his morning anxiety, blessing him with more time with her, he nodded.

“You go get the boys and come back and pick us up, I’m sure she’ll take a few minutes to contemplate feeding chickens or breakfast,” Y/N smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly.

She pulled away but he pulled her right back in, pressing his lips right against hers again and again until they were both laughing, teeth bumping into each other in their early morning delirium. She finally pulled away from his grasp, rushing to the bedroom door so he couldn’t follow her.

“Go get the boys!”

He fake huffed, “fine!”

Slipping into his jeans and a sweater, placing her grandpa’s hat back on his head once more. He made sure he had his wallet and identification, the guards knew him it’s not like he wouldn’t be allowed into the building with a visitors pass.

And then he was out the door and driving down the road. Pulling into Quantico with a strange feeling in his gut, he didn’t realize how much he hated it here until he didn’t need to be there all the time. He was granted a visitors pass, parking in the garage and taking the elevator right up to the BAU.

He walked into the briefing room to find Henry on his phone and Michael sound asleep again on the couch.

“Hey, uncle Spencer!” Henry cheered, not waking Michael in the process somehow.

“Hey buddy,” he said, scooping the now 13-year-old Henry into his arms for a quick hug. He was still cuddly and sensitive and quiet, much like Spencer at that same age.

It was almost like JJ picked him as the godfather knowing he would need him. Choosing to text or call Spencer about cute girls and chess games and new star wars movies, instead of going to his dad for chats about football and beer… or whatever Will was into. Spencer really didn’t give him a chance to get to know him over the last 15 years, harbouring a hatred for him that he didn’t really understand until he met Y/N.

Now will was the jealous one in a sense, wondering what he could do to get his own son to come to him for advice and support. But he understood it, Henry was exactly like Spencer and he needed to see that being awkward and quiet doesn’t last forever.

“So, I’m not sure if your mom and dad told you, but I got married and my wife has a daughter and we’re going to take you boys out to breakfast, okay?”

“She said you’re Nini’s dad, like for real?” Once again someone from the LaMontagne called Amoreena Nini and he had no idea why.

“I donated sperm when your mom got pregnant with you, I didn’t think I’d get to have a family,” he was honest with him. He was old enough to know how it worked and mature enough to hear the word sperm without freaking out.

“Cool, Nini and Mike are normally friends.”

“Why do you guys call her Nini?”

“Michael couldn’t say Amoreena when he was 4 so he called her Nini, and then Dad would call her that when he teased Mike about his crush on her,” it made complete sense for a kid to not be able to pronounce it.

But his brain got stuck on the crush part, turning to Michael who was still sound asleep with his face pressed into his backpack, drooling slightly. JJ’s kid had a crush on his, a weird fantasy he had coming true where he and JJ can be friends forever as in-laws.

It was too bad Amoreena really didn’t like boys, not even in the 8-year-old ‘ew cooties’ way either. She was raised around women and she was comfortable with them, and she had no problem punching Michael in the face if he ever pissed her off. It was going to be interesting seeing them interact today.

“Okay, well let’s get your things and bring them back to our house and then we’ll go get breakfast with my girls,” Spencer smiled, seeing Henry’s face light up at the day he gets to spend with Spencer. “You’re going to love Y/N.”

And he did… walking into Spencer’s new house to drop off his backpack, dropping his jaw when he saw Y/N instead. He was so much like Spencer it made him laugh, patting Henry on the shoulder, “I know,” he teased him.

Henry turned to him with wide eyes, “I’ve never met Nini’s mom, that’s her mom?” He whispered that same anxious boy Spencer used to be staring right back at him.

He nodded with a smile, “yeah, she’s really nice don’t worry.”

“Henry! It’s so nice to meet you,” she says as she walks into the main room.

Henry turns around to see her when she’s pulling him into a big hug, Spencer can see his eyes are closed as he takes a moment to hug a pretty girl. Spencer couldn’t help but bite his tongue, not wanting to laugh and embarrass the poor boy now that he was noticing pretty girls. Even if that girl happened to be his wife, it was inevitable for Henry to crush on one of Spencer’s girlfriends with how much he copied him.

She pulled back softly, Henry’s arms still around her waist, she brushed his beautiful blond hair behind his ears. “You look so much like your mom, you’re so handsome!”

Henry forgot how to breathe, trying to stutter out a thank you as he backed up out of her space and turned to Spencer, “he’s always looked like JJ, you should have seen how tiny he was originally,” Spencer jumped in to save him. “Where is Amoreena?”

“She’s trying to pick between 2 different dresses, I’ll go make sure she’s in one by now,” she smiled at them before leaving the room, heading up the stairs to Amoreena’s room.

“You good?” Spencer nudged Henry, laughing lightly. “She’s your aunt now, she’s not going to think you’re a dork so you can calm down around her, I promise.”

Henry released a deep shaky breath, “you’re right, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I was like that around your mom before you were born, you should have seen me,” he tried to sympathize with the boy, only making a disgusted face arise on him.

“Ew, that’s completely different she’s my mom!”

Spencer wrapped his arm around him, “and Y/N is my wife!” He whispered as loud as he could so that it wouldn’t be heard by her.

Henry sighed, “and she’s like what 50?”

“35,” Spencer looked at him and laughed as he shook his head, “how old do you think I am?”

“Mentally? 6-years-old,” Henry bullied him right back for all the brotherly teasing, “but physically you look 79.”

“Thanks,” Spencer said, tucking the boy under his arm and messing up his hair, “now you look like a dork.”

He loved Henry more than he could express, unlike Amoreena he knew he wasn’t his kid, it wasn’t fatherly at all. Henry was his best friend's kid, his godson and his little brother, and as he got older he was becoming more of a best friend than he thought he would.

—

After breakfast when everyone was awake and happily full, Y/N took them all into town to visit the farmer’s market. Letting the kids look around and see if there was anything they wanted to all make for dinner, she was the best mom and aunt in the whole wide world and Spencer kept falling more and more in love every second he spent with her.

She was glowing in the sunlight, walking through the booths looking at all the fresh vegetables and fruit, Spencer followed her with Michael’s hand in his and Henry not far behind. Amoreena was off talking to her favourite vendor, an older woman who reminded her of her great-grandma, it was sweet.

Spencer thought about how their future would be much of the same, Y/N and him with a couple of kids while the rest of them did their own thing. He couldn’t wait to see all the little faces they’d create together, to get to know all the personalities and raise them into being just as wonderful as their sister and cousins.

“Ugh,” Y/N stopped dead in her tracks then, they were heading towards the butcher’s booth when she turned around, almost green as she reacted to the smell. “Nope, not going down there.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling at her as she tried to not throw up in the middle of the market, people watching her dry heave as she walked away. Spencer knew JJ was pregnant with Michael before she even told Will because she was the exact same way very early on. Living on ginger ale and baby cookies to stay sane, Y/N was going to need that hack.

He didn’t say anything, just profiling her in his mind as he followed her again.

Henry and Michael used the money JJ left them to buy some homemade candies from the market, Y/N picked up some donuts to bring home to her parents, and Amoreena only wanted fresh strawberries. Spencer however snuck away from the group really quickly to get something they passed earlier, something he wanted to get for Amoreena.

There was a vendor with homemade shirts and dresses, knitted hats and all sorts of collectables. If he was going to miss her last morning before kindergarten, he wanted to get her something to wear that morning so he’d be there in spirit.

There was a beautiful handmade purple dress hanging on the wall behind the vendor, the same kind old woman that reminded Amoreena of her GG. “Hello, how can I help you today?”

“We haven’t met, but I’m Amoreena’s father,” he introduced himself with a smile, and the old woman face beamed.

“Yes you are,” she smiled. “She has your nose, it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

“you too, um, I was interested in that purple dress,” he points behind her, “it looks like the one from tangled, I’m sure she’d love it.”

“that’s exactly how she described it when she saw it today,” the woman explains as she takes it down from the wall for him. “It’s $35, but I’ll do $20 for my favourite little friend.”

“That’s very kind, but I don’t mind,” he says, taking $35 dollars out of his wallet and laying it beside the cash box. “Thank you for always making my girl smile.”

“Thank you,” she smiled again, folding the dress nicely and placing it in a white bag, “would you like some tissue paper so she can’t see what it is?”

“That would be great, thank you,” Spencer smiled too, incredibly happy that this was his life now.

She handed him the bag then, stuffed to the brim with purple and pink paper, Amoreena was going to love it. He said his goodbyes and met the rest of his family at the car, hiding the present between his legs in the passenger seat as they drove home.

—

Henry and Michael did end up having to stay the night, switching into their PJs after dinner and joining them all in the living room for a movie night. They let the kids stay up later to watch the whole movie, watching Michael fall asleep once again on the carpet, he had been so well behaved all day it was like he was afraid of Amoreena now.

Michael was perfectly happy sleeping on the couch all night, Henry, on the other hand, slept in Y/N’s old room to have some privacy and so he could sleep in on Sunday.

By the time JJ and Will got home on Sunday night, Y/N and Spencer were just putting some burgers on the grill, they had enough for the whole team and so sure enough, the crew made a short trip from Quantico to Heaven.

Matt called his wife, she drove their handful of children over, Luke of course let Penelope know, the two of them still happily seeing each other now that she wasn’t on the team, it was cute to see them together. Then Penelope, of course, invited Derek and Hank. Emily, Rossi and Tara coming along just to witness Spencer being happy.

It was the best summer party they’ve ever had. Bob and Linda were beyond excited to have so many new faces in their yard, throwing on 2 more packages of burgers, feeding a whole army like normal.

The kids were all running around together in the field, playing with the cats and the goats, rolling down the big hill towards the cows, chasing fireflies as the sunset.

It was all of their last day of school on Monday, a weird day to end on but they were excited nonetheless. Y/N’s father lit up a bonfire in celebration, setting up every lawn chair and log they had to make sure everyone had a seat, they all gathered with marshmallows on sticks and drinks in their hands, smiles on their faces and love in their hearts.

Spencer made a happy life for himself that he was no sharing with them, and they call understood perfectly why he chose this one. It was peaceful, perfect and the most loving environment he’s ever been in. They were beyond proud of him.

“This place is amazing,” Tara leaned towards Spencer, “your family is wonderful.”

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled at her, raising his voice then as he looked at the rest of the team, “I just want to thank all of you actually, you’re all my family and it’s been so surreal introducing you all, I’ve never been happier.”

He was swarmed with hugs then, everyone also using it as their queue to gather their kids and hit the road. They watched everyone get in their cars one by one, Penelope did everything in her power not to leave with at least 3 cats, Matts's kids asked if they could come back, often, with Y/N reminding everyone that the gates are always open.

It was everything he ever wanted.

Amoreena jumped into his arms then, he held her against his side as they both waved at everyone, saying goodbye to all her new aunts and uncles and cousins. Her family kept getting bigger and bigger by the day and she was so incredibly happy about it. She’d take in a million more family members if they let her, her heart didn’t have a capacity level for love.

He carried her up the porch stairs then, bringing her into the kitchen where the white bag with purple tissue paper was waiting for her. Her eyes lit up as she saw it, “is that for me?”

“You bet it is,” he enthused, “I’m not going to be here in the morning, grandma Diana has a doctor's appointment, so I got you something for tomorrow morning.”

He set her down on the floor, handing her the bag and watching her carefully remove all the tissue paper. She laid it on the table softly to keep it for later, saying it was good to make barbie dresses with. When she finally saw the dress her jaw dropped.

Y/N was there too now, watching in awe as he surprised both of them.

“Did you buy this from Candace?” She asks softly as she takes it out of the bag. Holding it to her chest as she twirls around lightly.

“I did, I thought you’d like to have something to remind you of me there, I’m sorry I’m going to miss sending you to the bus on your last day,” he tried not to cry as he crouched down to her level, taking her into his arms and giving her a soft hug.

“That’s okay, you’re always in here,” she took his pointer finger in her hand and poked her own chest with it, “I love you, dad.”

“I love you more, Amoreena,” he smiled through the tears, scrunching his nose so they wouldn’t roll down his cheeks, giving her another hug before Y/N started her bedtime routine.

—

For the past two weeks, his dreams have been filled with lush fields of green draped in the most beautiful golden glow. Both his girls sitting beside him as they read, each of them has a book and it’s silent. It’s serene, the dictionary definition of peace.

However, it took him a while to fall asleep tonight, he was too anxious for Amoreena’s last day of kindergarten in the morning and the fact he wouldn’t be there for the drop-off.

Y/N was sound asleep on the pillow beside him as he stared at her, for what felt like hours, brushing her hair off her face lightly and making sure the blankets were still covering her. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room just enough that he could see her face twitch into a smile as she fell deeper into her slumber.

Seeing her happy relaxed him enough to follow her. Blinking into his dream realm and finding a few new faces waiting for him by the tree…

“Dad!” Another little girl he’s never seen before was running towards him, wrapping herself around him as he held her.

Suddenly, 7 other children he doesn’t know are surrounding him in hugs, tacking him to the ground in a fit of giggles and tickles, “we missed you! Why were you gone for so long?”

He’s so confused, he knows he’s dreaming but he chooses to stay, to wander the world and ask the questions his mind was so obviously trying to answer. “I’m sorry,” is all he can reply, taking Amoreena’s hand and following her towards Y/N as she sat on the picnic blanket.

She was older, which meant he should be too, looking in the pond quickly for his reflection to see’s his wrinkled face, the white in his hair and beard. Their kids had all grown up but where was he for it?

“Welcome home,” she smiled as he sat down. “it’s about time you met the girls.”

“Where was I?”

“You don’t remember?”

He shakes his head, “I was supposed to be here.”

“Amoreena got into Yale, did you hear that, cutie? Elly, Junie and Theo are in high school now, look how beautiful they are…”

He watched his children frolic in the field, running around without a care in the world that he missed everything. Why did he miss everything? How could he miss everything?

“It’s too bad you missed Cordelia and the other twins, can you believe we had 3 sets of twins, Spence?” She laughed like it was funny, “how could you leave me alone with 9 babies?” Still smiling, staring into his soul as he died a little inside.

He started to panic then, breathing heavily as he tried to remember where he was to miss everything, “I was supposed to be there for them!?”

Suddenly he’s ripped awake by Y/N shaking him and pulling him against her skin, “hey, shhh, it’s okay.”

He was crying and shaking in his sleep, sweating as he tried to fight off the dream, his anxiety in full swing for absolutely no reason, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for leaving you.”

“You didn’t go anywhere, Spencer, you’ve been there the whole time,” she reminded him, rubbing her hand over his back as he settled into her arms. “You were mumbling and then yelling.”

“I got to the park and you told me I missed all of them growing up,” he whispered the painful words into the open, freeing them from his mind and letting them exist somewhere else.

“Them?” She coo’s, holding his head against her chest as she rests her cheek against it, holding him as close as humanly possible.

“We had like 9 girls, they were all so beautiful as you and Amoreena, they all had my nose and your lips and the curliest blowing hair in the whole world, and I missed everything, again,”

“I won't let that happen, do you have any handcuffs leftover? Because I can keep you here for good?” She teased him in a hushed whisper, playful and happy to prove that he was fine, they were fine.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” he whispered again shimmying down lower to lay his head on her lower stomach, kissing her stomach softly. “I’m not leaving you all, never.”

“I had a bad dream too, that’s what woke me up first,” she replies softly. “Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of Stephen’s death, and the first time I never visited him.”

Spencer felt the need to sit up then, making eye contact with her to see her true feelings. “I don’t want you to stop loving him because you also love me. He’s special to you, you should go see him soon.”

“Spencer,” she smiles at the concern in his voice, “I will, I only didn’t because I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant, I was bleeding a little yesterday and then it stopped, that probably means the implantation worked and I don’t want to tell him yet. And I tell him everything.”

“Everything?” He asks in a way that she hears; “even about me?” inside his thoughts.

She nods softly, “I went on that first Monday after I dropped you off at your apartment, I needed him to know I was finally ready and I thanked him for sending you to me.”

“What was he like?”

“He was from Boston, accent and everything,” she smiled with sad eyes as she recalled him to her mind. “He was in theatre school, I met him in the summer at a music festival in Chicago, he was playing guitar and we had too many beers and I lost my virginity to him in a tent in some field.”

She recalled it like it was a fond memory, missing him but not enough to be sad about it now. “I ran into him again when I went to college in Boston and we were talking outside before the rain hit, like one of those classic movie scenes, and my apartment was closer, the rest is history.”

“Hey Stephen is the one song you always skip, I never wanted to ask why but I don’t think you’ll mind telling me?” He wonders out loud, still a little delirious from the lack of sleep.

“He looked like an angel when I first saw him, he was standing under a street light reading his music sheets and the light was glowing perfectly, it was amazing I wish I had a picture of it. But then the Fearless album came out for the first time and it was my favourite song because it was like she wrote it for us. He was my perfect angel, my superstar, he was going to be on Broadway one day and we were going to move to a cottage in England, we had lots of plans and that song just makes me think of the life me and him must be living in the universe where it all worked out.”

It’s long-winded and she doesn’t seem to be over-emotional by the end, in a shocking turn of event’s it seems like she feels freer after getting it off her chest.

“I haven’t always been this happy and cheerful Spencer,” she adds, “I had a really dark spot after he died, it was horrible for me. I was so angry, I was reckless and mean and hurtful, and in that time I wasted precious moments I could have spent being happy with my grandma, and so my dream tonight was just the fight I had with Evan and my grandma dying and the cops saying Stephen was dead and placing that stupid fucking flower on his coffin thinking it made up for the fact I couldn’t even look at him in there.”

“How you respond to trauma isn’t really up to you, that’s why it’s trauma. Your brain can’t really cope and so it does typically the stuff you’ll regret the most in that time of grief, it’s not your fault and I’m sure everyone understood. You had every right to be mad, hell, I’m mad you lost him because I know how much you hurt in silence for so long,” Spencer can’t help but wish he could have been there for her.

“What happened to you after Maeve died?”

It was only fair that he shared too, “I locked myself in my apartment and didn’t take care of myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, I just sat in my living room and almost died reading every book I had because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of being taken care of so if I starved to death, so be it.”

“You still haven’t told me what happened with her and the kidnapping,” she reminds him of their little chat a few weeks ago at the school. “I get it if you’re not ready, I’m sure it’s a lot.”

“I was getting headaches, really bad ones, and so I reached out to a geneticist to see if she could help me. I sent her my brain scans and some blood tests and she helped me find supplements and natural ways to help my body rest from the stress of my work,” he explained it easily like the feelings didn’t hurt anymore.

“We talked on the phone a lot and I finally asked her why she was so afraid to meet me or have me know anything about her. She had me call her from a payphone, always a different one each time, I was to call and let it ring once, then hang up then she’d call me back. She thought she had a stalker, she was getting weird messages and threats and she felt genuinely unsafe, and she had every right to,”

“10 months went by and we thought she was safe, but her ex-fiancé got a private investigator to find her and in return found me instead. It turns out that Maeve had a student who felt wronged by her and wanted to outdo her, so she dated her fiancé and scared her underground but then she wanted me.”

Y/N’s face is full of concern like she’s listening to a true-crime thriller where she knows the ending won't be good.

“I tried to talk her stalker down, I almost had her and then she kissed me and I keep looking at Maeve, she saw right through me. She threatened to kill Maeve, she had a gun to her head but at the last minute she killed herself, but Maeve’s head was too close to hers,” the words hurt on the way out.

“And someone also had you sent to prison?” She asks, wanting all the trauma in one night to save him the trouble.

“Yeah, she was an assassin, I tricked her into thinking I found her dad and I was so smart she thought I was her soulmate, it was all an elaborate plan to bring me down to her level.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“I’ve killed too many people,” he answers with complete honesty once again. “I’ve killed mostly murderers and rapists, I typically don’t have to. I really try not to, but I’ve also killed people to keep myself safe. And I’d probably kill someone to keep you or Amoreena safe too.”

“Get in line,” she laughs, able to make every single conversation easy even when they shouldn’t be.

“I uh,” he wants to tell her more but he doesn’t know-how. “I was also sexually assaulted in prison, and I was kidnapped and drugged in 2007, I OD’d and died but then I was resuscitated, I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a lot.”

“I am so sorry Spencer,” she rests her hands on his cheeks, looking into his eyes as best as she could in the dark, still seeing the goodness in there. “You’re safe here with me, forever and always, I can promise you that.”

“Thank you,” he’s never going to stop thanking her.

Settling down on the bed once more, he cuddles back into her side. She brushes his hair behind his ear softly, humming a soft melody as she soothes him back to sleep. He snuggled right against her, holding her gently as he fell back to sleep on her, dreamless as she was everything he needed.

love you all for all the support thank you x100 <3

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #amoreena

[aceofspadegrass]

Bodily Functions Are A Thing. And Normal.

Characters: Niragi Suguru, his girlfriend

Genre: Fluff. Just Niragi and his girlfriend and periods.

1k words

This fic has mentions of periods, so if you're not willing to, don't read it. It's quite literally just a fanfic where soft Niragi is helping her through the first day of a period with preparations and cuddles.

I wrote this purely because I can and nobody is stopping me.

Niragi had woken up to nothing besides him, except for a subtle warmth that used to be much warmer, much more solid. He whines quietly, feeling around for his girlfriend but finding nothing but empty space. Niragi sits up and looks around in the dark room, and he spots the sliver of the bathroom light being on. He hears the sound of the toilet flushing, followed by quiet mutterings and cabinets being opened and shut. Curious, Niragi calls out for her, thinking she was just in search of toilet paper.

“ Hey, I’m pretty sure it’s in the back of the cabinet!” Niragi shouts from the bed, and he hears another rather noisy cabinet being opened and the crinkle of movement.

“ Nope, nothing!” She calls back. “ Niragi, they don’t have any hygiene products in here! Ugh, fine, I guess I’ll have to make do today.” There was the sound of ripping, and disgruntled grunts. Niragi blinks. He’s pretty sure there was toilet paper in there. He gets up and comes to the bathroom door, casually opening it and peeking inside, his girlfriend pouting. She had finished pulling her sweatpants up, Niragi glancing at the still open cabinet. He spots the toilet paper neatly stacked in the back, pointing to it. “ There’s paper right there though. What are you talking about?” His girlfriend looks at him like he grew a second head, Niragi confused as she began to laugh. He tilts his head, not getting the joke at all. Niragi didn’t even know if there even was one, but he laughs a little with her, smiling.

She laughs for a while, to the point where tears came from her eyes, wiping them away. “ Oh you absolute gem, I can’t believe it. You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you." Niragi shakes his head, still confused.

“ I’m on my period, you silly giraffe.” She explains. “ You know, the time of the month for every person with a uterus?”

Niragi blinks, then grins. “ You mean werewolf season?”

That makes her laugh again, Niragi happy he made her laugh with his very dumb joke.

“ Oh my goodness gracious- Yeah, sure-“ She lets out a few more giggles, then gestures to the open cabinet. “ But there’s nothing in here for them. I need a pad or a tampon or something, but I think this bathroom ran out. I think I’m gonna have to ask other people with they have any.” “ I can get some for you!” Niragi offers eagerly. He could even use this as an excuse to wear her kitty headband, which could find anything they wished!

“ Aww, you’d really do that for me? You’re so sweet!” She waddles over and hugs him, Niragi happily hugging back. “ Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind. My lower region is gonna suffer anyways for a bit. Good thing I’ve got visa days for days! I don’t have to worry too much, and neither do you!” Niragi nods, and he gently rubs the lower half of her back, which she responds to with a content purr from her throat. He scoops her up bridal style, carrying her back to bed, gently setting her down. “ I’ll grab some for you, no worries!” “ You’re the best, my sweet Nini. Make sure that they’re the right size, okay?” She tells him the general size he should be going for, Niragi quickly nodding and running out of the room in search of the products. He doesn’t forget to grab his girlfriend’s kitty headband to help ease his search. That way, he can do it as quickly as possible and make her as happy as possible. He didn’t know much about it, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a great ass boyfriend.

Thankfully, he didn’t take long, as another woman happily hands over some spares from her room, as well as quick instructions on the best way to take care of someone on their period to make them as comfortable as possible. Niragi nods and takes it all in, going on a trip around the Beach to grab anything he could to make his girlfriend feel like the queen she was.

When he comes back, she was laying on his side of the bed, laying on the side of her body with her face tucked into his pillow, comfortably resting as well as she physically could rest. She perks up as Niragi makes his way in with what she asked for and more, dumping them nearby.

“ Aww, what’s all this?” “ Well, I wanted to make sure you felt alright during this so….. I got more stuff for you! I even brought dark chocolate for you to snack on.” He shakes a bag of them, her eyes lighting up and making grabby hands for them. Niragi gives them to her with a proud smile, his girlfriend smiling at him and warming his heart. “ Oh my goodness gracious you are the absolute best, Niragi. Thank you. I feel so loved-“ “ Of course! Anything for you!” Niragi says, grinning proudly. She sits up and takes the bag of hygiene, scooting her way to the bathroom to do her business. Niragi sits down on the bed and waits until she comes back out, the two immediately embracing when she lays back down on the bed, cuddling up to each other.

“ Hey. Hey Niragi.” “ Hm? Yes, kitten?” “ Feed me chocolates and in return I’ll give you chocolate flavoured kisses? It’ll make the time pass by, and distract me a little~” She offers, waggling her eyebrows, and Niragi gasps in excitement, grabbing the bag of chocolates.

“ Oh my goodness I thought you’d never ask. Of course I will-“

( The rest of her week went similar to this, Niragi trying his best to help her through it, even if it just meant cuddles. He loved cuddles from her. By the time it was done, she surprised him with even more chocolates for the both of them, just as a thanks for being a good sport about it. :D)

#aib #alice in borderland #aib fanfic #alice in borderland fanfic #niragi suguru #soft niragi hours #the real period stuff comes after the cut #niragi doesn't know completely what a period is #all he's aware of is that werewolf season is also once a month #soft niragi is trying his best to be supportive :D #being fed dark chocolate by a dark chocolate wearing lizard? sign me up #get a lover that supports your body no matter what >:D

[lg-bts-cenarios]

BTS in little space while with their boyfriend | hyung line

- warning: non-sexual age play, ddlb dynamics

- i meant to have this up a few hours ago ): ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Hoseok sat in front of the coffee table, coloring what he claimed was a portrait of the two of you and the other members, occasionaly glancing up at the cartoons playing on the television screen.

You sat down on the couch, ruffling his hair before pushing it off his face to plant a kiss on his forehead, “Hoseok-ah, careful not to press on Taehyung’s markers too hard, you know he uses those for his art.”

He scrunched up his nose, “Don't worry ‘bout it daddy! I’m real gentle- look.”

He made a show of coloring in the sky very softly, the marker’s brush tip barely even touching the paper.

He’d recently admitted to the habit of getting into the headspace of a much younger version of himself as a means to relax, and it took a while for you to understand just how important it was for him to have your support.

Even as a little, he was fairly independent, preferring to play on his own and comforted as long as he knew someone was watching him.

“That’s a really pretty painting, maybe we can show Taehying when you’re done!” You complimented.

His hands stood still, and he looked down, shy. The other members had only found out about Hoseok being a little a few days ago.

“Dunno daddy… It’s not that pretty, and they’re gonna make fun of me.”

You sighed, sitting down next to him and reminding yourself it wasn’t appropriate to kiss his lips when he was in little space, but the cute pout on his lips almost made you forget.

“Hoseok-ah, nobody’s going to make fun of you, I promise. Everyone thinks you’re sweet- and when Taehyung sees the painting, he’ll think you’re so talented! You should trust them a little more, hmm?"

Yoongi didn’t slip into little space very often, which was a real shame, since he was always so unbearably sweet during it.

Regardless of how overwhelmed he always was, he didn't want to be a burden.

The two of you were laying on the couch, the television off, just sort of staring at the ceiling and talking about how busy he’d been with the band’s schedules.

You just went for it, knowing that if you put the conversation off for any longer, it’d only be harder to address later on.

“Yoongi, you know that I love to take care of you- especially when you’re little. Right?”

He nodded, unconvinced.

“No- seriously. When you’re little, you're always really affectionate,” you kissed his cheek, “And really careless, free—unlike right now- stop being so tense, it’s making me nervous.”

He crawled over to your side of the couch after a few seconds of silence, laying down on top of you.

“I just- I don’t wanna make dadda so busy all the time,” his voice was softer, smaller. He was slipping, slowly, a little too late considering for how long he’d been stressed.

“‘Cause I k-know you always do the most, so—“ You held him tighter, kissing the crown of his head.

“Baby, don’t worry about it. I promise you don’t make me busy all the time. Taking care of you is just as relaxing for me as it is for you. Do you understand, baby?”

He nodded into your chest, relived, “Yes dadda. I’ll be a gooder boy from now on.”

He didn’t start slipping into little space all the time, even if sometimes that’s what he wanted, but when he did manage to find the right time and place to relax, he was confident that you were glad to be there with him.

You woke up lying next to Jin, which wasn’t unusual by any means, that’s how it was with most mornings.

What was a little atypical however, was that he had woken up before you.

He had your phone in his left hand, he was watching cartoons, but the volume was set so low that you could barely hear anything.

His right hand was tucked in front of him, thumb between his lips as he sucked on it mindlessly.

You yawned, glancing at the alarm clock on the bedside table before greeting him. “Good morning, baby.”

His eyes lit up, glad his daddy was finally awake. “Mornin' sunshine!”

His words were a little slurred, a little overly cute, and his lips were pulled into a pretty smile. “Can I have my paci?”

You sighed, feeling too lazy to get up from bed, but knowing you’d end up doing it anyway.

“Pretty please?”

You chuckled, giving in and kissing his forehead before getting up and fetching a clean pacifier.

He was entertained by it for a few seconds, but after a while, felt restless as he jumped on the bed, thowing his stuffed animals all over the place.

“Nuh-uh daddy, don’t wanna play with stuffies no more,” He plopped down on the bed suddenly, looking up at you with eyes too sweet to say no to, “Your baby wants nom noms!”

You had never been the best cook, but having Jin cling onto your legs and insisting in taste testing the ingredients every three seconds made things even harder.

Even then, you couldn’t help but be grateful for him. Little or big, you’d be willing to do anything for Jin. 

Namjoon struggles with all the pressure that’s constantly put on him because he holds the title of leader in the band.

Even after admitting that he was a little, it took months for him to let himself slip into little space while you’re around.

Sometimes it feels like you have to tip toe around him, too nervous to punish him when he misbehaves or scold him when he speaks a little rudely.

Most of the time though, he’s a good boy, and you think maybe that’s because the only time he’s able to slip into little space is at night, when all the other members are asleep and he’s almost too tired to even destress.

You try your best for him though, by buying him puzzles and toy sets and things that satisfy his need to feel small without seeming too alarming if one of the members were to come across them on accident.

You stare at the unfinished puzzle on the bed and try to convince him to finish it.

It’s so simple, and if Namjoon wasn’t little, he’d solve it in less than a minute, but Namjoon is little, and he’s a also a little bit of a brat, so he only pouts and roughly pushes the puzzle off of the bed, pieces scattering on the floor.

“Don’t be silly daddy, it’s time for seepies!” He squeals.

You sigh, opening your lips to begin scolding, but he interrupts you.

“I wanna blankie, please.” He makes grabby hands at you and smiles, too adorably for you to refuse.

“Bottle?”

You smile a little sadly at his question, explaining that the other members are still awake and hanging out around the kitchen, and he only sulks for a few seconds before pulling you down next to him and cuddling into your chest.

“Well... okay!” He recovers quickly, “Nini stuffies, nini puzzles, nini stars, nini moon,” He giggles after placing a wet kiss on your cheek, “Nini daddy!"

#bts mlm #bts x male reader #kpop mlm #kpop x male reader #hoseok mlm #hoseok x male reader #yoongi mlm #yoongi x male reader #seokjin mlm #seokjin x male reader #namjoon mlm #namjoon x male reader #bts male reader imagine #bts male reader reaction #bts male reader scenario

[sehun-smut-blog]

Youngblood - Sehun

what a deadly feeling it must be, to fall headfirst into a space next to someone incapable of loving you the way you deserve

one | two | three | four | five | six | +

Five

The mend wasn’t happening. Not yet, anyway. You were no longer broken, but still certainly chipped. Chanyeol had helped, letting you go, clearing your conscience of the pain you had caused him.

But at the root of everything, Sehun still lurked. You couldn’t get him off your mind. He never came to late night dinner runs with your friends, and you never saw him on campus. The parking spot by the door his motorcycle always leaned in was empty every day, lonely without his presence. You tried to ignore it, that empty feeling in your stomach, but it felt impossible. Not when you were snuggled into your pillows, and a whiff of his scent would flood your memory with his fingers tracing your spine late into the night. The coffee maker in the kitchen was an eyesore, but it seemed too bare when you finally tucked it into a dusty cupboard. Walks to class seemed extra frigid without his stupid jokes warming your face into a smile. Somehow, your bed was even colder now than when it would be vacant without him in the morning.

But you especially couldn’t ignore it now. Not when his bike was propped, just within your line of sight beside Yixing’s townhouse.

“Ready?” Jongin asked, turning the key to his beat-up Corolla until the engine whined to a halt. But you were frozen in place, lips tentatively licking your bottom lip.

You were stupid to agree to come to this party. There was no guarantee that he would even show, and you honestly though he might not. Why would he? But here you were, and there he was, somewhere inside the house.

It was Yixing and Sooyun’s one-year anniversary. One year of their sickeningly sweet puppy love, a never-ending honeymoon phase. Three hundred and sixty five days of watching him look at her like she had all the stars in her eyes. Of course, the best way to celebrate was a party - at least, that’s what Baekhyun had decided. Flash forward to now, and you had forced yourself to look good, slipping on a nice outfit and boots, curling your hair. Your bags had been covered up with concealer, hair in soft waves down your hack, half tied up messily on your head. The thick knit white turtleneck was being wound in your hands, anxiously being pulled between your hands like a stress ball.

You weren't ready. Nowhere near. You felt sick.

But still, you gave a tentative nod. “Y-Yeah, let’s go.”

Jongin watched you carefully, eyebrows knitting slightly as he sighed. He twirled the keys around his finger, mumbling slightly. “It’ll be fine. I-I don’t know what the hell happened, but I know you don’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine too.”

You just nodded back slowly. “Thanks, Nini.”

“Don’t mention it. Just pretend it never happened, and everything will be great.” He said with a firm nod, his optimistic head rearing out. You just pursed out a stiff smile.

Oh, if only it were that easy.

The dewdrops flooded the air with their fresh scent, slight hazy air billowing as you threw open the car door and stepped out with a huff. Your heeled leather boots clicked dully on the sidewalk, hands rubbing your arms for warmth as you waiting for Jongin to loop around the car and meet you. Your cheeks were red, from more than the cold, your heartbeat causing a pink flush to scatter them. 

“Come on, it’s freezing out here.” Jongin said, coming up to your side with a lopsided smile. His eyes were still sparkling in the low light, a stark contrast to your own, which were certainly dulled in comparison to his. You were jealous of Jongin, his chipper attitude and kind gaze. God, what would it be like to have his magnetic aura, oozing charm, instant fondness with everyone he met. He always seemed so damn happy.

You followed his steps up the familiar wooden steps, creaking under your weight as you scampered towards the warm light spilling out of the door’s window. You could already hear the thrumming bass rattling the faded brick walls, ivy climbing their cracks trembling with it’s force. 

So much for a small party then. Baekhyun’s planning always seemed to get out of hand.

The man himself soon stumbled into your arms once the door was open, breath already tainted with the smoky sweetness of bourbon. 

“You finally made it! Fashionably late is better then never, I guess.” Baekhyun grinned, tugging you in for a quick hug in welcome. You returned it with one arm, the other already reaching out for the drink, dangerously close to spilling in his grasp.

“Ah, careful Baek!” You said, chuckling sharply, nerves cutting the laugh into shards.

“What? ‘M always careful.” Baekhun said with an eye roll, moving to swipe the plastic cup from your grasp, but not before you snagged a sneaky sip. 

“Looks like you should have been more careful with the guest list.” You teased, glancing around the crowded living room. Girls you recognized from campus were swaying slightly as they chatted on the hardwood, guys and girls alike scattered along the warm beige walls. It had been decked out with fairy lights crossing the ceiling like a web, illuminating the space with soft twinkling. You had been lucky to duck out of the prepping process, citing your anthropology paper as an excuse.

“Stick in the mud.” Jongin pouted at you teasingly, making you roll your eyes.

“Remind me about it when poor Yixing gets another noise complaint.” You laughed slightly, nosing off your boots and leaving them at the mat beside the door, which was glaringly empty. Even if nobody else was going to be a good house guest, you certainly would be, especially since you would be the one scrubbing the floor in the morning.

“I’m going to grab a drink, want anything, Muddy?” Jongin just countered, shooting you a cheeky grin. You just smiled slightly, nodding and following him through the crowd towards the kitchen. 

If you saw someone you recognized, you would offer the a smile, waving quickly as you padded along after Nini, afraid to lose him in the crowd. Even then, your eyes never strayed further, locking on one pair of eyes to the next, but hyperaware of everyone in your periphery. Could anyone else feel the tension in your shoulders, strung like a bow and ready to snap? Each brush against your shoulder felt like an icy shock, always wondering it would be him asking for your attention.

Thankfully, it never was, and you made it into the kitchen more quickly than you had anticipated. A shaky breath fluttered past your lips, eyes trailing on the wide assortment of liquor and cans laid out on the table. Plastic cups sat in their sleeve, half-full ones forgotten and scattered around it in a messy fashion. People mimicked their pattern around the table, chatter filling the air even more than the stench of booze cutting against your nose. 

“Mix or bottle?” Jongin asked, turning to give you a glance as he grabbed a bottle of whiskey to begin making his own concoction. 

Your eyes flashed to his, mouth falling open slightly. “Uh, mix with tequila, I guess.” You hummed, watching the dark amber liquid slosh into his cup. He was smart, only pouring so much until he recapped the bottle, reaching for the bottle of cola to his left.

This is what you needed. To let loose, just chill out for the night. Hell, you had no reason to worry yet, hadn’t even seen any trace of him beside the motorcycle outside. Maybe it wasn’t even his, maybe you had no reason to be so wound.

So, Jongin’s responsibility wouldn’t cut it for you today.

“Actually, I can pour it myself.” You said, grabbing the bottle of tequila from the counter. The weight of it in your hand was a fond memory to your high school and early university days, when this very brand was your sidekick. The bittersweet scent sent a shiver down your spine, the light amber sparkling as you poured a generous amount into your cup.

Jongin passed you a bottle of soda, but didn’t immediately release it from his grasp. His hand was warm under yours grabbing for the bottle, catching your eye calmingly. “Breathe.” He reminded softly, smiling when he finally handed it off to you.

Gulping, you just nodded.

The taste was bitter, the burn coating your throat like acid as you took a heavy gulp. Immediately, the taste had your fingers tingling, blinking harshly against the acidity, grip tightening.

“Holy, did you put any soda in there?” A voice said from behind you, making you glance back quickly.

“Yixing!” You said with a large grin, turning to face Sooyun as well. “Hey, guys! Happy anniversary!”

Sooyun laughed, tossing her hair behind her shoulder with the motion. “Thanks, although I didn't realize quite this many people would be wanting to congratulate us.” She grinned, glancing around the room quickly. “I don’t even know half these people, I don’t think.”

“Me either, but that’s what we get for letting the goblin plan.” Yixing said with an eye roll, but he was still grinning nonetheless. His arm was wound around Sooyun’s waist like it had always been there, hers raising her drink to her lips slowly, but you knew that if the cup was gone, her fingers would be twined within his. It was just their nature.

You didn’t realize you had been staring until Yixing’s voice made your gaze flicker back up to his, although they were nothing but warm. “How’ve you been?”

You knew what he was asking, but you chose not to answer. Not fully, at least. “Great! And what about you guys, do anything special for the big day?” You asked back, keeping a soft smile on your lips as you took another sip.

Pretending was easy for you, but somehow the cords of jealousy still wound around your throat as they detailed their lazy day in, and walking by the canal in the evening. It was stupid and petty, childish that you were so wounded with their lovesick glances and physical affection, but it still was hard to contain a grimace when Yixing just had to press a kiss to her cheek before going off to try to grab the aux. 

You wanted that. You wanted someone to press kisses to your skin, just because they could. Someone who would return your glances, warm your back with their arm, get rid of the impossibly invisible feeling you had swallowed up in this crowd.

Your teeth dug into your bottom lip as your eyes flickered over the crowd again, now seemingly filled with seemingly happy couples. Some guy brushed hands with the girl next to him, but you could see how her cheeks flashed scarlet. Another was pressed together, kissing harshly in the back corner, so entangled in each other you were surprised they even knew they were at a party. You wondered if you’d ever find someone that would blush from you kissing their cheek or touching their hands. If you’d ever find someone that would want to proudly hold you in front of their friends, someone that would claim you as theirs with every ounce of love in their body.

But, just as you saw a pair of beat-up chucks step into the kitchen, you thought that you didn’t want someone.

You wanted him.

It was him, you knew it was. Your eyes flickered back to Sooyun, who was engrossed in talking about some patient she had in her nursing placement, but now your mind was elsewhere. You could feel him across the room, sending sparks flashing down your spine, cheeks heating as your stomach dropped. He wasn’t wearing a black hoodie for once, that much you could tell, but didn’t dare yourself to look in detail.

His usually soft-spoken, deep voice seemed to reverberate into your ears as he greeted someone, but you tried to keep your eyes on Sooyun. You took another gulp of your drink, the buzz now flooding your veins, but it was nothing compared to the electricity that Sehun had over your body. You vaguely nodded your head along to the conversation, picking at the fabric of your jeans as you allowed one quick glance at his middle across the room, watching his large hands tucked into the pockets of his denim jacket, chest falling slightly with his speech.

It felt like torture, being stuck so close to the person you’d been trying not to think about for entirely too long. Granted, you were doing a pretty shit job at filing thoughts of him away to begin with, but being able to see the tapping of his feet against the tile, hands moving to grip the counter behind him as he leaned onto it wasn’t alleviating the struggle. He was close enough for you to call his name if you wanted to, close enough for you to reach him in only a minute if you dared. Your heart was pounding so hard you felt like you couldn’t breathe properly, and you wondered if you looked quite as in distress as you felt.

You wanted to scream, to reach forward and strangle him for seeming so at ease while you were almost losing your mind just looking at his damn hands. You wanted to hit him again, to make him feel half the pain he had caused you. It was only fair considering how broken he had turned you, nothing but dust cracking under his grip. He’d left an impact wound on your chest that was throbbing, fiery and red with torment.

You continued to drink, Jongin slipping in wordlessly beside you to pick up the conversation you had clearly disassociated from. The gulps of your drink were dulled compared to the sound of his voice in your ears, and you wished you had brought fucking headphones to drown him out. It was an impossible decision to look at him or not, but you couldn't stop yourself from finally settling on his face, one that had been missing from your life for so long.

Slowly the urge overtook you, your eyes trailing up from his small waist, taking in his loose white tee and black jeans, dark wash denim jacket loose on his arms. A deep maroon flannel was layered beneath it, peeking out from the lapels of his coat. They made their way up his fair, porcelain neck, remembering what it felt like beneath your lips, before landing on his face, your stomach immediately doing flips. You watched as his cheeks turned into a tight lipped smile, pursing slighly, his eyebrows sitting low over his eyes. He looked tired but somehow still breathtaking, hand coming to play with his hair nervously, making sure it was still styled off his forehead. The soft violet of his undereyes bended into the pink of his cheeks, and you knew he was probably cold from the chilly air outside, creeping in from the open windows.

You wanted to stand by his side and curl under his arm. You wanted to feel his warmth radiating around you and fingers playing with the knit of your sweater. You wanted to plant kisses along his jaw and neck and cheeks and tell him that you missed him, all in the hopes that he might say the words back. Somehow, you also wanted to shove him from where he was leaned and stomp on his fingers one by one, wanting him to feel the damage he had done to you, the pain he’d instilled in your limbs.

It was when you were going to look away that his head turned slightly, and his eyes landed on yours. His expression didn’t change, but you felt your own eyes widen, blinking quickly. His brows furrowed slightly, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, but your eyes flashed back to Sooyun before you saw anything else.

You were going to throw up. Pass out. Combust. Honestly, any of those options seemed ideal compared to the alternative; staying here, and waiting for him to do something. The reality that it would never happen was a much more bitter sting then the last gulp of tequila, eyes clenched shut.

The tingles across your skin was a signal that his gaze hadn’t strayed, making the itch to glance back almost irresistible. 

And for the first time, maybe ever, you were grateful for Baekhyun’s presence.

“Holy, I haven't seen you slam down a drink like that since... frosh?” Baekhyun aid with a loud, drunken laugh, making your head turn to him. His arm quickly settled across your shoulders, tugging you into his chest. 

“Special occasions only.” You managed to say with a weak grin, turning back to the table and setting down your cup. Instead, you just grabbed the bottle of vodka, the cool glass grounding you to reality. “And this one is the most special of all.”

“Hey-!” Jongin started, but was too late as you took a swig straight from the bottle. “I paid for those!” You swallowed with a harsh grimace, but you didn't care.

Because when you glanced back, Sehun was chewing on his lip harshly, watching you with a level gaze as you drank. His arms were now folded harshly over his chest, expression stoic as you wiped your lips with the back of your sleeve. 

“I’ll pay you tomorrow.” You said to Jongin, free hand coming up to clasp Baekhyuns from around your shoulder. “Can we go dance?”

Baekhyun was eyeing you wearily, mouth falling into a slight, wry grin. “Sure.” He hummed, although his gaze followed the bottle as you went for another sip.

You nodded, using your grasp on his hand to guide him back to the living room, nosing your way through the crowd like a traffic jam. Already, your footsteps were bleary and stumbling, the one drink that you had already flooding through your veins and making you uneasy. With each step closer to him, your eyes ignored his presence even more, until you just watched his arms fall slack when you slipped past him, and out the door. 

Was he going to reach for you? Had he watched you meander towards him, heart growing erratic with the motion, mirroring your own thudding verbatim? 

It didn’t fucking matter.

“Are you good? Maybe you should slow down, you literally just got here.” Baekhyun said as you tugged him into the crowd of pulsing bodies, floor shaking beneath your feet. He eyed you slowly, carefully watching your expression for any flicker of doubt, or grief.

But you bit it down, instead shooting him a lazy smile. “Can we just dance, please?” You said, licking your lips to stop your voce from breaking.

Because you weren’t good. At this point, you didn't know if you ever would be, the guy you needed so numb to your presence. You were shattering like ice knowing that with every frosty gaze you feigned to him, the coldness from his gaze was genuine. You were nothing but a good lay, his favourite fuck, but he would be just fine without your presence. You didn’t realize your hand was clenched into a fist until pain flickered up to your elbow, crescents from your nails burrowed into your palms.

“Okay. But just this once.” Baekhyun hummed, watching your unfocused gaze flicker back to his, a soft smile drifting onto your face. He knew he had done the right thing with Chnayeol; this pain, however, was one he couldn’t mend.

You slowly began to sway your hips to the beat, watching Baekhyun tonight with his signature, stupid dance moves that had your face splitting into a wide grin. Barking out a laugh, you let yourself relax into the music, relax for the first time in ages, and not think.

It was heaven, swaying on the dance floor, bottle in hand. Your mind was blissfully numb, each gulp of vodka fuel to the wildfire of your consciousness, hands tracing along your own hips and waist like they were someone else, head tossed back and smiling slightly as the beat thudded through your core.

A brush across your shoulder made your eyes flicker open, it’s familiar warmth making your smile grow.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Chanyeol grinned, his gaze flickering down your body quickly and cheeks growing rosy.

“Yeollie!” You said with glee, hand coming up to give him a soft punch on the shoulder. He was an incredible sport, playing along like there was no history and no unspoken words between the two of you. The times everyone had hung out together following the whole-midnight-diner-confession felt like you were back to the old days, where it was you and Yeol and nothing more.

“Chanyeol!” Baekhyun said with equal enthusiasm, clapping him on the shoulder harshly. “You’re late, man!” “Fell asleep.” Chanyeol said with a slight shrug, raising a can of beer to his lips as he drank. “Here now, aren't I?”

“Yup, and you’re getting smashed with us, right?” You asked playfully, still swaying slightly to the music playing in the background. You didn't know the song, but you didn’t care.

“Yeah, I can see that you’re... really going for it.” Chanyeol quirked his brow as he watched the liquid in the vodka bottle swish around, lonely. His rows furrowed slightly as they searched yours.

Jesus, you weren’t some kind of train wreck (but okay, maybe you felt like it).

“Special occasions only.” You pouted, dragging out the -y for much longer than necessary. You held the bottle up to his lips, a smirk slowly crawling onto your face when he complied, taking a hesitant sip with a grimace.

“Agh!” He growled, flexing his jaw harshly and screwing his eyes shut. “How the fuck are you drinking that?”

“I’m not a pussy.” You said with a shrug, taking a sip of your own while shooting him a wry gaze. He just scoffed and shook his head, taking a swig of his beer as a chaser.

“Are you going to dance with us, you big ol’ lug, or just stand there?” Baekhyun asked him quickly, poking his side harshly. Immediately after, he egan swaying his hips to the beat again, feet moving in steps far too rapid for the pace of the song, and making you laugh.

Chanyeol laughed too, clapping your shoulder with glee as he watched Baekhyun’s moves, making you chuckle along with him. Even then, you chose to disassociate, returning back to the though-free heaven he had torn you from.

Time was lost as you danced with your friends, Chanyeol twirling you playfully and kicking Baekhyun’s shins every chance he got. You ignored them stepping on your toes, instead being wrapped up in the overwhelming euphoria of swaying your stupid feelings away, even if only for a few minutes.

Chanyeol brushed down beside you, his fluffy hair brushing against your ear. “You okay?” He asked lowly, hand coming out to steady the swaying of your hips. His breath danced across your skin, the closeness making you smile. 

“Yeah, who wouldn’t I be?” You asked, leaning back from him to look at his face, but he wasn’t looking at you like you were expecting. Instead, his jaw was locked, gaze settled towards one of the walls, and brows furrowing slightly.

“Chan-” You started, but before you could even utter his name Chanyeol was grabbing your free hand tightly in his own.

“Look.” He said quickly, before he sent you spinning again, laughter ringing out in the air. By this point, you were very tipsy, the movement making your gaze swim exponentially faster. Even still, you could see what he was referencing; Sehun leaned against the wall, eyes drinking in your twirling form. It flashed by once, twice, and by the third time his gaze had moved, focusing somewhere else in the room, but the quick flashes of his eyes on you was more than enough.

You collapsed into Chanyeol’s chest with a airy huff, hand coming to steady yourself on his chest quickly. Fuck. Fuck. Your heart was pounding.

You weren’t okay. But when he asked, you just nodded quickly.

“I’m ignoring it.” You said quickly, trying to begin dancing to the rhythm again, but it was hard now, knowing he was back in the same room. He would be able to see through your attempt to pretend he didn’t exist, he always could.

“You don't have to.” Chanyeol said, his arms coming onto your biceps, steadying your loose motions. They were dizzyingly warm, and only then did you fully realize quite how drunk you really were. “We can go, get another drink or something.”

“Yeol, I’m fine, I promise.” You huffed, but even to you it sounded empty. Chanyeol continued to not-so-subtly glance in his direction, face stoic, but he still nodded, believing your empty assurance with ease.

You were grateful for it.

But now, even when your hands fell off his front and instead traced imaginary patterns into the air, you were extra electrified. The room seemed ten times smaller, the bodies around you pressing closer and closer as you grew more bold with your moves, even playfully tracing your hands down Baekhyun’s arms with an airy, empty laugh. You were numb, but somehow on hyperdrive, ignoring the ball in your throat and the urger to look one more time, see if his eyes were still tracing your motions.

You needed to think with your head, not that stupid thing in your chest. It felt like it had it’s hands around your neck, tightening and tightening until you could barely breathe, so desperate to see him, feel him. It was like you were tethered to him, so taut it was about to snap.

So finally, you glanced back. The one glance was all it took to have your knees swimming. 

You knew her, the girl leaning on the wall next to him, so close she could probably feel his warmth. Her face flashed through your mind, the pretty girl with long auburn hair. She was in one of your classes, her crooked smile endearing, even to you. The name eluded you, instead brief memories of the one time she had been a partner for some project, her artificial, twinkling laugh. Now, it was all you could hear.

It shouldn't have made your blood boil the way it did. 

Sehun, on the other hand, seemed to just be listening, face flat as she talked away. His hands were shoved into the back pocket of his jeans, nodding slightly to whatever she was talking about, eyes searching through the sea of people gyrating to the music, gaze empty. 

Your wanted to look away, movements stilling as your eyes locked on her thin hand slowly moving to trace up his chest, lips whispering something inaudible in his ear, and you saw his lips twisting into a slight smirk. You wondered just what she had said, before his eyes were back on you, immediately flickering with something you couldn’t recognize.

You jumped slightly when they met yours, gasping like you had been doused in ice water. It took everything to not let the bottle slip from your grasp and shatter against the floor, instead gripping it tighter than a vice.

“Yeol.” You whimpered slightly, immediately hating how small you sounded.

“Hm?” He hummed back, still absorbed in the music, but immediately glancing down at you. When his gaze met yours, his face immediately morphed into one of worry. “What?”

“I-I...” You started, but glanced back. It was a mistake, you knew it even before your eyes settled on him again, but it burned your core to see him turned to face the girl, eyes set low on her face, hand sliding up her arm on his chest. He was smirking now, licking his lips slightly, and you felt like it was digging an ice pick into your chest.

“I need to go.” You said quickly. Yeol’s eyes had followed yours, his jaw working harshly, but you darted off through the crowd before he could say anything. Shoving through the sweaty, pulsing mass of people, sock-laden feet slipping on the floor as you clawed desperately to escape. You needed to breathe, think without him being near you, gulp down reality as harshly as you had the vodka.

This was the reality. He still wasn’t yours, still didn’t feel anything for you, at all.

Finally, you reached the staircase, maneuvering around the chair that had been set there to block people out. Your feet clambered up the stairs, breath flowing into your lungs like poison, eyes blinking away any emption that threatened to spill.

Until you heard him.

“Stop.” Chanyeol grubbed, the harsh thud of his hand meeting the wall of the stairwell echoing up to where you were, on the second floor. “She wants to be alone.”

“How do you know what she wants?” Sehun growled back, voice laced with intimidating, bubbling anger. 

You continued to dart away, as quickly as possible to the nearest source of fresh air you could find. 

Finally, you burst onto the patio with a choking gasp, hand immediately setting the bottle on the thick cement railing preventing you from toppling over. Even though your feet remained firmly on the patio, it felt like you were falling, twisting and tumbling into a downwards spiral you weren’t sure you’d ever reach the bottom of.

It was impossible to ignore him, as hard as you fucking tried, you thought with a bitter laugh in the empty air. When he’d look at you anywhere outside of your apartment, you’d be aware of all the moments you’d spent tangled up underneath him. You’d be reminded of the creak he’d put in your bed’s frame from the whining of your old headboard. You’d remember how soft his fingers felt when they’d glide against your leg, or how his hair felt when it brushed against your neck. Everything about Sehun was intoxicating, especially up close like that, when you were in his arms, and it felt like he’d never let you go.

All you really wanted was for things to go back to normal, before you had ever felt his chest under your hands, for the erratic pace of your heart to slow whenever you were around him. You wanted the feelings in your chest to go away, as they were never going to be returned. You wanted to know if you’d ever really had a chance to begin with. Sometimes you felt delirious, like you’d slipped a pill past your lips that never stopped coursing through your veins. Sehun was your high and your low all at once, he was your desire and your dislike, the thing you craved but also wanted to be far away from so you could let your feelings go.

Sometimes you forgot what it felt like before you’d realized you were in love with Oh Sehun, if you had always been so aware of the speed of your heartbeat or the smell of his cologne. You wondered if you’d always been so aware of his aura until he pulled you under it, if you’d ever not been desperate for his lips to say your name. It was like having feelings for him had consumed you whole, had buried you alive without a clue of how to claw your way back out.

If you were numb, you could barely feel it on the balcony. Your breath was puffing out in soft clouds, but you didn't watch the tendrils floating out into the air. Instead, your eyes fell shut, trying to shut out the memories swirling through your mind. 

He didn’t like you, not in the way you liked him, not with the entirety of his heart all laced up with desire. He didn’t think of you kissing him or holding his hand, didn’t imagine how beautiful you look entangled in his arms. He didn’t spend your time apart missing your laugh and the way your lips downturned when you got angry, didn’t want to scream thinking of another guy touching you. He didn’t think of you as anything more than his favourite fuck. It was odd, loving someone who didn’t like you back, feeling guilt for giving your attention to anyone else like you somehow owed them something. Sehun didn’t have feelings for you, he never thought of you how you wished he would.

Loving someone who didn’t love you was like you were being drowned but staying above water just enough to stay alive. It felt like he was close enough to see but not enough to touch, like you’d never know what was below the surface as much as you wished you could. It wasn’t that Sehun didn’t care about you, you knew that he did with all his heart. He was your best friend, your life line when things were hard, there was love in his chest that was reserved for only you. The only problem was that his love wasn’t the same as yours, his was based on lust and desire, not love and longing.

You felt trapped, stuck between hoping he’d someday return your feelings and getting distance to let the emotions subside enough to be put to rest. Sometimes you were hell-bent on finding a way to be far away from the reminders of him, spending hours on end looking at internships as far away as possible so you could escape him, once and for all. Some days, you had even applies for them, dead set on finally going past him. 

Other times, however, were filled with the desperation to be held by him, by a lingering touch from his palm on your arm that was enough to make sparks of hope ignite in your veins, ones that tried to consume you whole. Watching him looking at her like that it had been the latter, which was the exact reason you’d been clambering out of the party as quickly as you could manage, desperate to escape. How ironic that now that you were gone, he was still the only thing that consumed your mind.

The cold was finally beginning to seep into your veins, the icy cold of the cement below you seeping through your socks. In your state, the next best option seemed to be to clamber into the thick cement railing, crossing your legs under yourself as you teetered precariously. The negative side of your action was far away, the possibility of you falling distant in your mind as you allowed yourself another tentative sip from the vodka to your left. At least that could fill your empty core with burning flames.

You heard the glass door slide open behind you, but weren’t surprised by it’s noise. You had been up here for minutes now, maybe longer than you had originally planned, but knew that at some point, someone would disrupt you.

What you didn’t expect, however, was the draping of a jacket across your trembling shoulders, the warmth seeping into the chill that you didn’t even notice was there. It made you jump, but more so from the scent drifting off of it, sandalwood and smoke.

“Shh, don’t fall.” Sehun hummed lowly, his hands just barley brushing your arms before he was already turning to lean on the wall to your right. 

Even being this close to him was making your gut twist lowly, biting down a harsh choke at his appearance. Words failed you, instead just gazing at him, empty as you watched him fish for something from his back pocket.

Pulling out a pack of cigarettes, and a lighter, he flipped the top of the case open quickly and pulled a long, thin white rod out. Bringing it to his lips, he sparked it quickly, taking a deep drag from it as his eyes glanced around at the scenery of trees and other houses lights around you.

“When did you start smoking?” You heard yourself ask, but you were disassociated. It felt like the alcohol had tugged you from your body, watching from afar. He was right there, and you were right here, thinking about him.

Sehun just shrugged, pulling the cigarette from his lips with a free hand. “I used to when I was a teenager. I’m driving home tonight, needed something other than alcohol to get me through.”

The wind blew stray stands around your face, which you tugged out with a swipe of your hand, eyes settling back onto the flickering of lights from the houses around you. The jacket on your shoulders felt heavy, the cold wicking away the warmth it once flooded you with. Now, the two of you fell silent, nothing but the dull thuds of bass reverberating throughout the house filling the air between you.

You could still see him in your periphery, taking drags from his cigarette every few moments as though it was water. You hated how the scent of smoke clung to his jacket, knowing that he had certainly been smoking before this party ever began, leeched into the fibres of the denim. It made you scrunch your nose slightly, furrowing your brow.

Finally, he broke the silence. “So you and Chanyeol are still together, huh?” He asked lowly, voice almost drowned out by the song a floor below you.

You scoffed out a harsh laugh, eyes falling shut. “No, we’re not.”

“Oh.” He said, butting out the nub of his cancer stick on the couch cement you were still perched upon. “Okay.”

The simple response made your lips twist downwards. “What does it matter to you, anyway? Why did you even care?”

He rolled the but between his fingers your head turning to look at him, fully. He was chewing on his cheek, eyes remaining downcast. “I don’t.”

You grit your teeth. “So why did you comment on his fucking photo, then?”

“I don’t know.” He relented, glancing at you quickly. The eye contact proved to be too much for him, head falling back to glance at the sky. You hated how the moonlight illuminated his skin, the smoothness of his jaw and neck, how his collarbones peeked out of the neckline of his shirt. He looked ethereal, making your stomach do flips when he gulped. “I was just being impulsive, you know how I am.”

Your angry laugh cut through the air like a knife, swinging your legs to land back onto the patio. His jacket slumped off of your shoulders to the floor, but you didn't bother reaching for it. He could grab it himself. You didn’t fucking care. 

The anger that you had all but extinguished was erupting in your throat, leaking around your eyes, setting your skin alight. Fuck him. Fuck his stupid jacket, nonchalant stance, perfect fucking body and intimidating eyes on your frame as you slugged another gulp from the bottle. You weren't going to let yourself cry now, instead shooting him a venomous glare.

“You know what? Whatever. I do know how you are, isn’t that the whole fucking problem in the first place?” You laughed, acid spitting out with your words. You could see his lips pressing together firmly, flinching with the blades of your words cutting into him like a knife, and as horrible as it was to admit, somewhere you were happy you had hurt him, even if it was incomparable to the hurt he had caused you.

His hand wound around your wrist before you could tug the sliding door back open, soft but firm on your skin. His voice was just as heavy as his touch, mumbling. “Stop. Don’t run away from me again.” 

You didn’t try to pull from his grasp, not when ever cell in your body was aching to crumple into his chest. Your icy shards were melting on the floor, diminishing every fight and remark you had dreamed of in the past weeks. Instead, they drifted down your cheek slowly, tracing a path through your resolve. His touch was like morphine on your tongue. 

“What happened to us, Sehun?” You choked, voice trembling. “When the fuck did we turn into this? You’re not supposed to be like this to me.”

“Be like what?”

You chuckled emptily, turning to look at him, a sad smile playing on his lips. He knew, he had to know. Your gritted anger whenever he brought another girl around was more than enough, desperate to escape when you saw him with someone tonight, yet again. The longing gazes, desperation for his touch, inability to escape him dominating every fibre in your core. “You know.”

His head was cocked at you slightly, eyes searching yours deeply, and you could already feel yourself being sucked back in.

“I miss you.” He said, his soft voice making another tear rip out of your eyes against your will, sniffling slightly. Having him watch you crumple under his grasp was making you skin crawl.

“Miss me, or miss fucking me?” You asked, even though you knew the answer already.

“No. Stop that, you know it wasn’t just sex between me and you.” Sehun said, trying to tug you closer to his frame, but you didn’t let yourself be thrown back under that easily.

“Than what was it to you? Because I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do now, when I want to talk to you again but you’re so clearly preoccupied.” You spat, rolling your eyes slightly. “Whatever fucked situation we had is obviously over at this point.”

“But I don’t want it to be.” Sehun said, his voice just as small as you felt, littered with a mix of emotions; resentment, anger, sadness. He huffed out a breath, the cigarette-scented air turning to a puff of cloud. “I felt like I couldn’t fucking think straight knowing Chanyeol had seen all the parts of you I want to be only mine to see.”

“How do you expect me to be yours when I mean nothing back, Sehun? Chanyeol could have made me happy if I could forget about us, but you couldn’t even let me have that.” You said, flatness of your voice losing any bite they once had. 

His eyes fell shut, grip on your wrist tightening, making you bite back a sob. How did he always fucking have your emotions heightened, make your heart race knowing that he was just as torn by this conversation as you were? It wasn’t fair.

“You didn’t mean nothing, never.” He whined, brows furrowing as he battled with what he was going to say. His voice was trembling. “I want you to be happy, but not with him. You’re not fucking nothing, baby... you’re everything.”

“Don’t say that.” Your skin was ignited with his words, the inkling that maybe, just maybe he might not be so disassociated causing tears in your thinking.

“But I mean it.”

“No, you don't. Not when you’re still fucking around with half the girls on this campus.” 

He grit his teeth, aching to tug you into his arms, even if they were frozen. Words seemed to fail him as you watched, him huffing out an empty laugh much mimicking your own. 

“I don't want them like I want you. I miss you, miss how we could be together without the fear of it ever becoming more.”

You shook your head slowly. “I wanted you, Sehun, not the gaggle of girls it came with.” You said, breathing weakly. You couldn't help but chuckle sadly. “I should have read the fine print, I guess.”

Maybe this was why you came to the party, so you could really see him, really know. So you could say good-bye. 

You looked at him, and thought, 'If I was more brave or very honest, I would tell him' You would say it, so he would know it and you would know it, and you could never take it back. But you wasn’t that brave or honest, so all you did was look at him, but you think he knew anyway.

“Go ahead, fuck around. I’ll forget this ever happened, because if I don't do it now, I never will. You just want to keep me on this hook, right? So I'll keep chasing after you and you can feel good about yourself. As soon as I start to get over you, you just reel me back in. You're so screwed up in the head. But I'm telling you, this is it. You don't get to have me anymore. Not as your friend or your admirer or anything. I'm through.”

“Don’t say it like that. Don’t act like this is it.” Sehun mumbled, his grip seeming to weigh even heavier on your arm, and you could feel his fingers reaching to lace with yours.

But you beat him to it, tugging away from his grip when he tried to finalize the motion, leaving his arm hanging limp in the air. You gave him a final glance, gaze trying to memorize every aspect of his aristocratic, handsome face. After this, you would probably never see it this close again. “Isn’t it though?” You asked, but strode off the patio before he had the chance to answer.

youngblood masterlist

grand masterlist

feedback is appreciated loved! please talk 2 me I'm a lonely uni kid uwu

#sehun #oh sehun #sehun fic #sehun fan fic #sehun fan fiction #fan fiction #youngblood #sehun youngblood #young blood #sehun smt #sehun angst #sehun series #oh sehun series #sehun smut #sehun fluff

[fairyshuuu]

16 + 25 Jongin~ you can chose the genre sweets

x Request from these prompts x

16. “I called you because I can’t fall asleep.”25. “I’m right here, okay?”

Length: 602

Three knocks on your door. For a second your mind wonders who could possibly be at your door at this hour, but your slight worry soon fades when you pull open the door to a more than familiar face. Jongin’s light brown hair is tucked in a black cap, that is tucked in a hood again. You smile at him softly.

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Jongin rambles, voice deep from sleep and eyes darting all over you to check for injuries that you don’t have. When you just smile at him, he sighs deeply, and walks forward to pull you in his hold, holding your face against his shoulder. He smells like something awfully sweet, like cookies and cinnamon.

That, mixed with his own, masculine scent, makes you melt into his form. You two stand like that, hands woven together, for a long while, until you pull away to regard him. “Jongin. You should come inside, it’s not a good idea to keep standing out here.”

He nods and walks through the door, not letting go of you, and pushes it into lock behind the two of you. “I’m right here, okay? You can tell me, you know you can tell me. Please just say you’re not hurt because-”

You cut him off with a kiss, a soft press on his lips. He tastes like honey. You pull back quickly though, because you’re tired and if you stay glued to his body there might not be a lot of sleeping going on. “I called you because I can’t fall asleep.” You pout a little. “I’m sorry that you came all this way thinking something was wrong. I hope you don’t mind.”

Jongin’s face softens right away, a small smile on his pretty lips. He sighs deeply, before cocking his head back in relief. “Oh thank God. I thought something was seriously up, I thought you were going to break up with me.”

At that your face pulls together instantly, a frown gracing your brows. “Break up?” You laugh at Jongin’s shy nod, and pull him a little closer by his waist, fisting your hands into his sweatshirt. “Jongin, baby. In what universe, ever, would I even think of breaking up with you? Like- what?”

Your boyfriend giggles with closed eyes, a deep rumble that shakes his frame and warms your soul. “I don’t know. I just always think you’ll break up with me because I just don’t deserve you.”

You only frown more at him. “Okay, you are clearly sleep deprived. Let’s get you to bed as well, crazy.” You take his hand and turn to walk away, but two large warm hands are around your thighs and pulling you up from the floor before you can blink.

“I’m not sleep deprived~~” He mumbles into your back. “It’s a real concern, Y/N.”

You smile at that, looking over your shoulder to reach for his hood, push it off while another giggle shakes through him. His hat follows quickly, and then you tread your fingers through his soft but messy hairdo. “You’re silly. I’d never, ever, break up with you for nothing. I love you way too much, Nini.”

Jongin smiles at that, soft against you, before carefully lowering you so that you can turn around and actually look at him properly. “I love you too.”

You smile and reach up to give him another kiss, one that lasts a lot longer this time, and pull back to tap your index finger on his nose. “Come on then. I want to cuddle.”

–

💙💙💙💙 

#connect drabble game #exowritersnet #kwritersnet #kloversnet #exo #kai #jongin #fluff #exowriting

[simplyyeol]

always

genre: slice of life!AU, angst, fluff

pairing: kim jongin x reader

word count: 2.1k

author’s note: I should really finish my other works before starting this one. I was really feeling it today though. I hope you like it, and please tell me what you thought!

You stared at the small birthday cake you bought for yourself. 

Why did you even bother when he probably wouldn’t remember anyways? You did tell him a few times that your birthday was coming up, but maybe he just forgot. It was only your birthday, nothing more, nothing less. It was okay if he missed it, he probably had better things to do then celebrate your brirthday with you, but you could always dream.

After all, with him being an idol, his profession, his work, his dream that he made come true, should always come before you. You should be glad that he’s stayed with you until now. You wouldn’t really be that supervised if he dropped you one day, of course upset, but probably not surprised. It was his choice and his choice alone when he said he wanted to date you. You were already surprised that you’ve held out for this long but maybe you could trust him, forever, with your heart.

Sometimes you would ask him why he puts up with you, but he would always have the same reply. He would shut you up with a kiss and tell you that you were everything he could ask for. You didn’t think that however. You wanted to give him the world and even more, but he already had the world at his fingertips and all you could give him was yourself. He deserved more than someone like you but he always told you that you were more than enough and that you were his world. You would always be surprised at the truth and sincerity in his words and you would always be grateful to the universe for giving you Kim Jongin, who you loved with all your heart.

Every year, this day would approach and you would want it to just pass quickly, because what was the point in celebrating the birthday of someone who was a lost cause, someone that is you. It’s not like you had anyone who would be willing to celebrate with you.

However, even with that, you thought that this year would be different. Maybe your boyfriend would like to celebrate it with you this one time. Maybe you could let your birthday bring you happiness for once in your life, but then again, you brought your expectations down again when you knew that it would probably just turn out the way it always did, in the end, with you being dissapointed.

You decided to send a text to him seeing that the time was pretty late, almost midnight, and also, almost the end of your birthday, but you didn’t want to let him know. You didn’t want to guilt-trip him into coming back if he had to do his work. Your birthday wasn’t as important as his work, so it could wait.

Y/N [11:27 PM]: are you going to be home anytime soon?

Nini [11:29 PM]: probably not, i have to catch up on some work, don’t wait up for me

You turned of your phone with a click and slid it onto the countertop. You glanced at the cake sitting there, feeling the tears pricking your eyes. You tried blinking them away, to no avail, as they started streaming down your cheeks.

You knew that this was the response you would get. You knew, and yet, you let yourself hope for more. You shouldn’t let your heart do this to you. Expecting more than what will actually happen will only result in your heart chipping as another piece of it falls into a dark oblivion.

You should be stronger than this. You couldn’t let these small things get to you. He was a very busy idol, but there was a voice in the back of your head that told you that he was also your boyfriend and that he should make the time for important dates like today. Important dates like birthdays. But that was only a voice in the back of your head that you didn’t need to listen to. You thought that maybe this year would be different, but you thought wrong.

You warily glanced at the cake sitting atop the table and thought that it would be better if you just threw it away. There was no reason to have it since the day was basically over. There was no point in celebrating your birthday now when the day was already gone. You picked up the cake and threw it into the trash before making your way into your shared, and empty, bedroom to get ready to go to a well-needed sleep.

Jongin glanced at his phone next to him and realized that it was getting late and that he should be getting home by now. The screen revealed the time of 12:27 and he thought that he could just finish the rest tomorrow. He needed a break anyways. He looked over just in time to see Chanyeol shrugging on his jacket and making his way out the studio, his car keys dangling off his slender fingers.

Jongin rushed to finish up for the night by turning off his computer and grabbing his jacket that was draped over the chair he was sitting on. He hurriedly pushed in his chair and made his way out of the room turning off the lights and locking the door before catching up to his friend.

“Yeol, could you drop me off?” Chanyeol glanced to his side to see Jongin pulling on his own coat for the biting weather that was to come when they stepped outside before nodding.

“Yeah, sure.”

He made his way inside the house and shuffled towards the kitchen for a glass of water. He waited for the cup to fill up halfway before drinking a few gulps to quench his thirst in his parched mouth. He set the cup down on the table and turned around to get a snack to satisfy his craving for sweets at midnight. He turned around too quickly as his fingers had knocked over the cup with some water still in it, all over the table.

“Shit.”  His voice was barely above a whisper, afraid that he would wake you up. He looked at the mess in surprise, sure that if you were here, you would be scolding him for spilling the water. He quickly grabbed a few tissues and mopped up the clear liquid before going to the opposite side of the kitchen to throw them in the trash.

He put his foot on the step of the trash can to open it and made to drop the tissues inside before stopping after noticing something inside of it. A quaint little cake, not too small, but not too big. It was white and it looked as if it was bought from the store. He didn’t remember finding a cake in the fridge in his previous raids the day before. Maybe you had gotten it this morning and there might’ve been something wrong with it. He was about to shrug it off and close the trash can before something caught his eye. There were words written out on the top of the cake. 

‘Happy Birthday.’ He silently mouthed the words that were spelled out in icing as  realization hit him like a truck. Guilt rushed into his veins as if it was his own blood when he realized that he forgot your birthday. He forgot your birthday and left you alone for the whole day, and he didn’t even realize it.

He made his way towards the bedroom that probably had your moping form inside of it.

How could he ever forget your birthday? He was such a bad boyfriend. He remembered that you told him once that you’ve never celebrated your birthday with someone before. You said that you didn’t really mind whether you celebrated it or not, but he saw how you looked at him that one time. 

You looked hopeful, you looked at him as if you wished that he would celebrate it with you. On that day, he promised to himself that he would make your next birthday, the best one that has ever happened in your life and now here he is, basically forgetting of its existence. How could he do this to you?

He quietly opened the door, careful to not disturb you too much and climbed into bed with you, pulling the covers that were tucked underneath and over himself so the both of you were covered with it. The only sounds echoing throughout the room being his breath and yours.

He shuffled closer to you before snaking his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to him so your back was in contact with him. He moved his head so that it was settled in the crook of your neck, right next to your ear.

“I’m sorry.” His warm breath fanned over your neck sending shivers up your spine. You steadied your breathing before responding, putting on a strong facade, that was being broken down with him just being near you.

“About what?” You winced when you heard the crack in your own voice. He turned you around in his hold so you were both facing each other. He took in your tear-stained cheeks and your puffy eyes with regret washing over his own handsome features.

“Oh, sweetheart...” his voice trailed off as his fingers gently danced along the sides of your face. You closed your eyes afraid that he would say something else or notice how bad you look at the moment, but he wasn’t having any of it.

He brought your forehead closer to him, and brushed his lips across it before leaning it against your own and gazed into your eyes with a remorseful and loving smile etched onto his face.

“I’m so, so, sorry I forgot your birthday, love.” He looked at your own red and puffy eyes and your exterior fell. He bulldozed them down within a few minutes. You both knew that he would be the only person on this planet that could do that to you. You opened your eyes and gazed into his warm, chocolate brown irises that were illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window next to your bed.

How could you stay sad and depressed when at least at the end of the day, you were able to see his face? At the end of the day, you were able to be in his comforting presence and bask him in all the love and glory that he deserves. That was the best present you could ask for when you were able to lay down beside him with a smile on both your faces and you in his tender embrace.

“It’s alright, you were busy, its no big deal.” There was a hint of bitterness laced in your voice, but you tried to mask it by sending a small smile his way afterwards.

“Yes of course, its a big deal, its your birthday!” You smiled a toothy grin as you realized how sweet of a boyfriend he is. You chuckled at how his voice had a slight childish edge to it.

“Yeah, but there’s always next year.” His lips curved down a little after hearing your answer.

“What about this year? I’m such a bad boyfriend, you probably hate me now.” He unknowingly did a pout as you melted into a puddle from how cute and adorable he was, he didn’t even know that he was doing this to you.

“You know I would never.” Your smile stretched across your face at your boyfriend’s antics as he wriggled in your hold as you had now wrapped your arms around his figure.

“Yeah, I know.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “I can make it up to you tomorrow, are you up for it?” You chuckled, there was no stopping him when he was in his guilty mode.

You already knew the answer that would fall from your lips at his question. It was as obvious as the joy that Jongin brought to you every single second that you were with him.  He didn’t even need to ask you anymore. You would willingly go anywhere with him. Whether it be to the fair that was happening in a neighboring town, or on a vacation with only the two of you. You would even go with him to the top of Everest and to the moon and back. You would be happy and content as long as you had him with you and by your side. You would be happy and content as long as he would be next to you through and through. You would be happy and content with only him.

“Always.”

#exo kim jongin fanfic #kim jongin fanfic #exo fanfic #exo kai fanfic #kim jongin #kai #exo kai #kpop angst #kpop fluff #exo fluff #exo angst #birthdays #moodboards #birthday fanfic #birthday moodboard #exo kim jongin #i hope you enjoyed reading!!

[plaidstiel-wormstache]

Imagine Nini, and the love of his life, Castiel...

Just a bit of fluff and smut for you, my darling @thegreatficmaster Side note - this is unbeta’d and I changed it from a MishaxFemR, so if there’s any female anatomical mention (i’m super sure they’re gone) then I apologise.

“Baby, I love you, but if you don't get off me, I’ll be showing that love at your funeral.” I murmured into the pillow as Castiel slung his arm and leg over my body. “Come on, please?” He begged, trying to roll me over towards him. I shrugged him off and turned my head into my pillow, squinting one eye open to look at him. He was wide awake and pouting, rubbing circles into my back. “How long have you been up for?” I groaned, grinding the heel of my palm into my eye. “Two hours.” He chimed, ducking under my hand to press his lips to the corner of my mouth. I cleared my throat and sighed, opening my eyes again. “What's the time?” I asked, staring into his brilliant blue eyes as he stared back, tilting his head. “Nine-thirty.” He smiled, I moaned, lifting the pillow over my head and burying underneath. “No, nuh-uh.” I murmured from underneath the bedding. Castiel pulled the fabric of my pajama top off my shoulder and pressed his lips to it, the warmth that radiated from his touch seeped into my body, making me moan. Castiel returned the shoulder of my top, his fingers tracing down my spine, pulling the hem of my shirt up, shimmying it to my shoulders till it stayed. “What are you doing?” I yawned, enjoying the small touches. Castiel stayed quiet as he lifted himself off the bed and straddled my thighs, resting just below my bottom. I could feel his half hard erection against my butt cheek. “Cas.” I warned, but the threatening tone was definitely lacking. “Just a massage.” He promised, tracing his fingers up my sides and pressing against the knots in my shoulders, he began kneading at the tight muscles, digging his thumbs under my shoulder blades. “Relax,” he breathed, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the middle of my spine. I pushed the pillow off to the side, reaching back and pulling my pajama top over my head. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, relaxing under Castiel’s splayed hands. He continued digging his fingers in wherever he found knots, relaxing me further, working out all my stresses until I was jelly underneath him. “Feel better?” He whispered, lying across my back, resting his chin in the dip of my shoulder. I hummed happily, clapping his thigh before turning over underneath him. He lifted up then rested back down against my chest, resting his lips against my neck. I ran my hands up and down his back, as we lay motionless and silent. I smiled to myself as a thought occurred, wiggling my hips under his as my hands cupped his ass, resting comfortably. “I thought I was just giving a massage.” He chuckled, lifting himself to his elbows to stare into my eyes. “What else can you give me?” I whispered back, the smile never faltering. “I have a few ideas.” He murmured against my lips before planting an easy and practiced kiss to them. The kiss turned passionate, as it usually did, his tongue coaxing mine into a sensual dance, our breath mixing each time we pulled apart, groins grinding to find that fantastic friction. I looped my thumbs into his boxers and tugged at them, begging to shed the offending material between us. He chuckled into my mouth at my eagerness. “Not so tired now?” He muttered. I growled at his teasing tone and pulled my own boxers off as Castiel collapsed to the side and kicked them off and into the air. I held him down by the shoulders as I climbed on top of him, rubbing myself over him. “YNN,” he choked out, running his hands over my hips, squeezing them before reaching for my pulsing cock. “Cas, gah-” I gasped, the sudden and intense sensation against my throbbing length, catching me off guard. I raised up to my knees, Castiel aligning himself, as he pushed the tip in making us both sigh. “I’ll never tire of this.” He breathed as I sank down oh so slowly, spreading and moulding myself around his hard length. “Give me more.” I begged, reaching for the back of his neck and bringing him up to sitting. We repositioned, trying our hardest not to give in to the pleasure that was demanding to course through us. Castiel and I began to move in time, a rhythm and pace set between us, our shared love evident with each kiss and moan, each thrust and grind bringing us closer to the peak of pleasure. “I’m…” Castiel panted, the sweat beading on both of us glued us together. My chest stuck to his as our stomachs slid over each other's, his hands cupped my ass, helping guide my movements, my hands splayed over his shoulder blades as my fingernails dug into his back. “Give, baby,” I encouraged, his grunts against my ear telling me he was holding back, waiting for me to join him. As the words left my mouth, Castiel’s hips stuttered, his head fell back and his eyes slid shut, thick ropes of cum spurting from his pulsating member. Ever the gentleman, Castiel reached between us and grasped me, his grip perfect as he squeezed gently, bringing his fist to the base, smearing precum with his thumb before twisting and stroking back down. He watched my face for what would give me my own climax, swallowing hard, my mouth drying as I approached that sweet release. Castiel latched his lips onto my neck, licking and biting, sucking and nipping as he moved down my body, finding my nipple and rolling it between his teeth, he knew just how to manipulate my body and just like that, my jaw fell slack, my mouth opened into an O, my breath hitching as my body tensed in his arms. My legs quivered around his waist, my walls fluttered around his almost flaccid cock as I came, cum dribbling down our stomachs from my release. “Sweet Lord.” I breathed out when I finally came down from my high. “That was beautiful.” He said, kissing my collarbone, “You’re beautiful.” He smiled, resting his lips against mine. “And all yours.” I answered, pecking him. Castiel turned and laid me back against the bed, pulling out of me, juices following his exit, running over my thigh to the sheets. Castiel grabbed his boxers and wiped me clean as best he could, cleaning himself as well. “Breakfast?” He asked, standing up off the bed and pulling on his robe. I stared at him and smiled as his cock began to harden slightly. He glanced down and wrapped his robe further around his body. “Mm, yes, and coffee?” I added, rolling onto my stomach and tucking my arm under my head, closing my eyes. “Are you going to be asleep when I get back?” He asked laughing as he watched me curl up on his side of the bed. “Mhmm.” Castiel came back over to the bed and planted a kiss in my messy hair, stroking his fingers down my back, sitting back down on the bed as I purred under his touch.

There it is... first real attempt at male on male, hope it was good. I’m not counting the paragraphs I used to torture Nini with, in our shared smut war! P.S Don’t know who to tag in this, so I’m gonna leave that to my hoe!

#300 follower celebration #submission #gif imagines #castiel x male reader #castiel smut