#like to my closer friends to people i dont even talk to

[basilpaste]

May I ask about your opinions on Isafrin? Can be in any context, I just wanna know your opinions on the gays.

ohbgh okay its hard to put my thoughts in order about isafrin but like.

i enjoy them! i enjoy those two greatly!!!! i dont draw the two of them enough, but i sure do write about them plenty (glances at slay the savior).

i think i think its easy to boil isa down to like... easily flustered/embarrassed and pining all the time? when it comes to their dynamic? which i mean. hes plenty flustered a lot of the time, but there are so many moments where its really obvious how much isa cares about sif as a person and a friend over his romantic feelings. my favorite example is probably the conversation you can get about sifs cloak where isa repeatedly tries to distract people from looking at their face. i think the sus quest bathroom event between him and odile does that really well too.

and siffrin ALSO obviously cares about isa as a person a lot. even though they have a lot of very negative self talk stuff surrounding their more romantically inclined feelings towards him. in isas friendquest, their 'i could never be ashamed of knowing you.' moment gets me EVERY time. and then the stuff that gets added if you replay it. the like. 'you learned to make jokes because of him'. it fucks me UP.

they love each other so dearly and its not in an inherently conventional way all of the time and that makes it soso good. isafrin my beloved. i think they should hug. and isa should get to be casually intimate with sif. and sif can get used to it. and isa can slowly get closer and closer to them, his comedy partner, his friend. because its sif!!!! and siffrin took so long to let himself believe he was worthy of love. but isas patient! hes been here this whole time. its isa!!!!!!

um. good ship. thumbs up.

#asks #basil answers #anon #in stars and time spoilers #isat spoilers #just to cover my bases. #i ljke them :}

[wakanai]

.

#i feel so isolated #i can talk to people #but it's hard for me to find someone i can genuinely connect with #hard for me to converse in interesting conversation with people i find interesting #i was in a group setting a while ago #talking w “friends” (not close friends; but still 'friends') #it was ok #the thing is #i don't particularly like my friends #like im not that invested. it's hard for me to find people i connect with enough to be invested in and vice versa #it's most likely a 'me' thing #i think its because of a lack of communication skills that its hard for me to find connection/make friends that i rlly like and etc #ironically the friends i do like are always extroverts and i always feel like i care more about them than they do #because they have sm friends whom they're close to and genuinely connected with meanwhile i struggle with even making 1 connection that #doesn't drain me/makes me happy/keeps me stimulated #so when i do find that 1 person i become attached and want to be closer to them #and when that happens idk i remind myself that they dont care for me as much #and i try not to be too clingy so as not to annoy them #i want to be closer to them though. we have our own friend groups but still #school for me is overall quite lonely. my 2 close friends are in another school #there's only a few people in class that i enjoy talking to #the only one (the 'main' one) that's my friend is the extrovert i mentioned a while ago #and for some reason im getting flashbacks or trauma from my past friendship #because as of now we're just classroom friends #and in my past friendship. i was also invested in that homegirl. but..we drifted apart T-T #its quite sad #i feel lonely #i want to be better at bond making and connections because #its miserable #vent

[mxbitters]

you can tell a lot about a person by the way they talk about furbies

#i did unfollow someone for talking about gleefully destroying furbies today but like that's not even related #my brother told me that he'd punt my furby across the room if i got any closer to him with it and that he hated them #and it's like.. he doesn't even have his batteries in. he is sitting in my lap all good and nice and warm #and i dont get people calling them demonic and shit like maybe i'm just very aware of how they work but like #it's actually really cool when you understand the outer and inner anatomy of a furby and how they function in detail! #also come on theyre cute!! theyre sassy and dramatic and when they get bored they go 'party!!!' #and when they get even more bored they start going 'ring.......ring.......' like a bird imitating a phone ringing #<- but like significantly more pathetic. in a really cute way :) #and when you pick them up suddenly they go WAAAOOOH #like that is a LITTLE FRIEND. and if you're not gonna fucking take care of your furby give them to me >:'(

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

#now my aunt is in remission... #a lot is happening and i feel the loneliest I've felt since high school #I've only been getting worse since my family denied what i went through and sat there and told me i wasn't probably remembering it correctly #i know what it was like growing up even if it comes back to me in spurts.. #but they really have started to make me doubt myself and its the worse cause they never apologized for the neglect and abuse #and they all took their side and acted like i was mistaken and said “ i never saw it happened do it didn't happen #and now i dont even talk to the only two friends i had cause i dont feel the same #if i don't text them first they never ever message me first or even check on me #and im always the one being there for them and listening to them and im just tired lf it all #i dont want a future anymore and im slowly losing my grip ive held on do tight even at my loneliest and now i feel like im losing #i was never anyone's best friend and everyone of the people ive called friends were always closer to someone else #ive only always had myself but im losing hope for the future and i just feel so extremely empty again #i just want to end this feeling and the weed isnt working anymore and working out doesnt work... i need God ive been so far away from him.. #Im just slowly losing it more and more im tired of being the friend everyone goes to for advice and laughs or enjoyment #im tired of it so much #the only time i feel joy is the bliss i feel when i sleep and even that joy is never truly felt cause i constantly fight my sleep #i only sleep when my body forced it self to cause i can't naturally just go to sleep st s set time anymore.. #im so tired of being people's escape or advice person I'm probably only saying this for the overwhelming feeling #of being a colossal failure and disappointment even so i still try snd try and fail some more #why don't i quit I just dont know why its just something in me that has some glimmer of self hope ive only tried to kms once and failed #maybe ima bit glad i failed but apart of me laughs cause i even failed at kms and find it ironic cause i fail at so many things #im so incapable of salvaging some semblance of normality or consistency #Mr.inconsistent that i am and have been but i refuse to let myself end that way i have to fight for something even in this haze of mine.. #i just want to be better why cant i get better and stay good.. maybe it hurts more than i let on finally speaking of what happened #and for them to deny it may have really affected me a lot snd i am just now seeing it manifest it self now ... #i just gotta live with it and just TRY to do better every single day snd in every single situation snd action i take...

[timeisacephalopod]

I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

#winters ramblings #todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him #great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality #sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four?? #the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken #while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either #like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting #not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring #also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together #gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING #but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it #back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me #the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing #and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them #and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto #tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld #described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages? #not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life #REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too #like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves

[lightnersdream]

#WHY DOES IT ALL HAVE TO BE SO MUCH #i don't usually get like this. im usually a kind of person that just lets stuff happen around me and not care a lot in terms of like social #behavior and relationships #you meet people. sometimes they go #that's how it is #there's people that we just drifted away or they vanished and it wasn't hard feelings #and normally i get over it. i miss them alot but it doesnt hit me this hard #and the thing is i haven't even lost anyone #it's just ive been so angry and low energy and pissed off by everything all the time that ive been distancing myself #and even when im not like that.. im just tired. my brain is clouded i just don't have anything to say #i want to say something but there isnt anything #so i havent been talking to a lot of people #and im like really afraid by the time im done working over whatever this is. that people will have found more other people they #prefer to talk to more or are closer with or we just find out its been too long and we dont have anything in common anymore #because i know ive been away from my friends more and more of late of late ive barely talked to anyone at all beyond 1-2 message exchanges #sometimes not at all .this isn't abnormal #but i happen to the kind of person who crumples if i don't get some kind of interaction daily #so as much as im empty-headed and angry and bad at conversation i need to be around people constantly #at the end of the day i don't have anything going on outside of drawing and talking to friends. i have nowhere to be in real life #i cant go anywhere. i don't know anyone and i hate my family #i don't know. im scared and lonely and it feels like i can be kind of a nothing person to talk to #dib noise #some of this is problems with myself which i do work on and i work on them hard. i don't want to be like that #i'm bad at meeting people too. i don't like taking risks or new things its all so much #I SHOULD CLARIFY. i am happy for poeple i am close to when they meet new people. i love hearing about them #and meeting them. i just have a horrible fear of being replaced or forgotten

[friendlessclown]

why are ppl so fuckign scaryyy :(((

#im scared of 11 year olds in starbucks and idk whyy #i think it might be bc i dont have any irl friends so i only rlly go out with my parents #and then i see other teenagers out together and the little social anxiety guy in my brain is like oh no they will think u are NOT COOL #anyways a middle aged woman complimented me on my boots today which was nice :•)) #also ive figured out that im mostly scared of people closer to my age #like anyone thats like 30+ im perfectly fine around aside from my usual social anxiety #unless theyre older men who sit too close to me and make too much eye contact #but even then its like;;more just being uncomfortable less outright fear #also i can talk to other ppl my age online okay for whatever reason???? #which is nice bc now i have friendss #but irl teenagers are still scary :((

[blueprint-han]

did i make a mistake?

#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags #so yeah fair warning #........................................................................................................................................... #idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man #i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk #about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text #or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want #to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes #fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the #relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard #to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call #a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who #asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it. #i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt #think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was #again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy #who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him #and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first #relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant #really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy #himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly. #theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house #has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place. #its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid #i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over #a relationship that has just been going for 1 week #theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of #which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a #long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i #ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog

[zenithpng]

.

#i dknt have anywhere else to vent so like. um. #i was gonna come out to my mom today #and as i started the conversation that i hoped would lead to that we started talking about lgbt rights and youth #i said some stuff about depression and suicide rates in trans kids #and practically as i was opening my mouth to tell her im trans #she starts talking abkuf how she wishes there was more research #not to help gay and trans people but like. to get rid of them. #im sorry for any typos im like. sobbing as i type lol #but yeah. #i really thought she was comjng arounf to the idea of me being queer and i was so happy #but i guess none of it was real. #i just dkmt even know what to do im iterally so fucking depressed lately and i lost my best friend and now this???? #like. damn. #its literally midnight too. i have to get up early tomorrow for classes and yet here i am fucking sobbjng #she even said that she hopes im not depressed any more. like. #holy hell mom. YOURE the one causing it!!!! #idk. i dont knlw what to do. i feel like im getting closer to the edge every day and this just shoved me forward #god i need to stop crying my head hurts #anyway. #yeah #vent

[obliviscii]

.

#jesus fucking christ i feel sick after reading that callout #honestly both callouts that have happened recently kind of hit close to home in a way. this one hits way closer though #you think you know someone huh! you relaly think you know someone. holy fuck that is vile #i talked and wrote w preston so much. i had no idea he was doing this. i jsut feel so fucking s ick #to know someone like that and call them my friend #im just in such shock i dont even know what to do or say. i literally was talking to him yesterday #he was the one who helped me get through one of my abusers coming back and helped out him and remove him from the rpc quietly #i was literally talking to people ABOUT that bc of the whole ziro bs. holy shit #tbd #im sorry for the vent i just. feel so shcoked. this is the closest one of these has hit. it's. i dont know man. it's so fucked

[tortademaracuya]

Everyday feels exactly the same and it makes me wonder if there's even a reason to do anything

#i keep applying to jobs looking for comms and places to sell stuff #when im not doing that im either working or practising smth or studying #yet it all feels for nothing #everyday is the same. everyday i feel nothing but hopelessness #i feel like everyone is moving forward except me. who no matters what i try can never get unstuck #at least doing sports made me feel smth but today it just made me feel worse #im starting to not really care what happens to me. but yet i cant stop keeping busy #i cant even waste my time on 'fun' stuff like this hopelessness makes me think i should do #because i dont even get any joy from doing anything #usually being near friends cheers me up but today it only made me wanna cry #i shouldnt even have gone closer to my friends. i knew my mood wouldnt improve. and yet i only made them worry from my selfishness #i dont want to go to class. i dont want to keep aplying to studios. i dont want to draw or play or do anything #i have no energy to talk or do much. and not being able to make myself look hapoy enough makes me mad #i know im clinically depressed and i know myfriends know. yet being bad enough people can notice and ask if im feeling okay #makes me feel so ashamed. i have nothing to be sad about. and yet #life is so monotone. i dont want to feel like this all my life. i dont want such an unbalanced mind #i wish i could disappear and make everyone forget about me #i wish i could wander everywhere and anywhere forever #haunted.txt

[snekdood]

ig my biggest issue with fandoms is the almost... false closeness thats there in them? ig since i was a kid and wasnt good at enforcing boundaries and was just excited to find ppl with the same interest I didn't really think about it but be real like, there was a vibe that it was "okay" and "fine" to expose a lot about ourselves to eachother that... i think if we knew eachother irl... we'd hafta be a lot closer than that to see or hear about that stuff...

#like ig am i the only one who thinks its kinda weird when ppl would pass fanfics around?? #ig its just kinda normal now or whatever but think about it. youd hafta be closer friends with someone- besides just sharing an interest- #to see their slash fics right?? doesnt it seem kinda weird that ppl used to be so willing to toss that out there #ig the level of anonymity helps but my point isnt rly about the fics so much as it is... sharing information thats personal to you #i definitely didnt know how to assert boundaries as a kid- like i just didnt know it was an option for me to be like 'no i dont want to do #that' -wow that sounds really fucked up outloud huh! #ig my autonomy was taken from me so much as a kid i kinda just assumed i wasnt the one who got a lot of choices #and no one really taught me enough about internet safety .-. my mom did once but... she didnt push very hard #and that ended me up in a lot of shitty situations- like on here. how i posted a pic of myself when i was a fuckin child #sexualizing myself and some adult commented something suggestive back to me and ig i just. thought i had to accept the situation #like i just. thought it was ok to happen. ig since i had so many ppl rob me of my bodily autonomy before that it just seemed normal #or at the very least it was something i couldnt change so i didnt try and at the time figured i had to accept as normal #and since no one intervened to tell me what any of those ppl did to me was wrong i just. didnt think about how it effected me or if that #even mattered #so why is my life so dark exactly whys it gotta be like this tho #ig its kinda hypocritical of me to post this. i mean i use my account as like a diary sometimes or that im just yelling into the void lol #but thats also kinda because of all of this honestly. i think i realized i didnt want it to be that way for a while and stopped #but after all the shit with my abuser on here its like.. i feel like i cant not be as open as i am? #idk its like... a testimony or something ig. idk how to describe it. ig i just feel like ill always hafta be defending myself online from #everything. and if i dont talk about every little thing that makes me fucked up then people wont leave me tf alone about shit i cant contro #or change. like i cant go back in the past and not do whatever. but also as far as any actual harm ive done there isnt really... much there #ive had shitty ideas normalized to me sure but i dont really feel like i passed those ideas on to anyone really

[zwiebelii]

I have a flatmate whose room is right next to mine, and he's generally not a bad person but really really annoying as a flatmate because he's generally really not careful with anything. Like, he always slams his doors shut (even at night............) and managed to lose his keys within 2 weeks of living here, once almost turned on the washing machine at 11 pm (i held him back, since it's forbidden to use it after 10 pm according to the contract + we would have gotten in trouble with the neighbors), and left the air conditioning run at night at a lower temperature than allowed (to the point where we were all freezing).

All of this is a bit annoying, but kinda whatever

However, he also....... makes really weird noises??? Like the sort of noise you make when.... coughing up slime??? And also snorting???? idk it just sounds really really gross. When my boyfriend was visiting and heard them he called them "minecraft zombie noises" and honestly? that's a really accurate description. Also, he works from home, so every time i am here i get to hear that 🙃 But i also don't want to ask him about it bc it may be some medical thing, and also i am moving in another flat in 2 weeks anyways one of the reasons is that i find my flatmates annoying, oh well

the funny thing now is that he just put on some very very soft piano music, and tried singing to it, and honestly it would have been okay if he didn't interrupt it every 10 seconds with his "hrreghhrerhh" 😭😭😭

#my posts #another flatmate talks on the phone on speaker until 1am #also in general. the flat is pretty nice and we even have a CLEANING SERVICE once a week #yet somehow they still manage to get everything dirty and not clean up after themselves #my theory is that since the cleaning service comes here once a week they just go #'oh i dont need to do the dishes. the cleaning lady will take care of that in 2 days anyways!' #worst of all is one girl who leaves her stuff everywhere and doesn't clean up ANYTHING #and its especially annoying when it comes to leaving the dishes in the sink. like i understand 1 or 2 days even 3 if youre busy #but she leaves them there for a whole week 😭😭😭 #then when this topic came up in the groupchat that SOMEONE left the dishes there and the sink got really dirty #she goes 'oh no idea who that was' #'but i often leave my dishes to soak there teehee maybe that person also wanted to do that' #BITCH A WHOLE WEEK? YOU WANT THE DISHES TO DISINTEGRATE OR WHAT? #anyways. i hate it here and i am glad i am moving into another flat at the end of october #its cheaper and closer to uni AND prettier #AND one of the people who will be living there with me is an old friend from school

[biphbia]

ok so i figured it out

#i only like people if they reach out to me first. like if i see them make an effort to talk to me #which sounds weird ik but like. yesterday #me and this guy had like a super engaged convo and i had to end it short for wtv reason #and then i tried to continue it today and it was. soo dry i hated it #maybe its bc he spoke to me first this time around #same things w friends. i always feel like im intruding even when im not. #like in my head i think “maybe when im skinnier and prettier theyll spend more time with me and we'll be closer friends” #and i hope thats not true and i dont think it is. but i think thats that

[deadaldipshit-jpg]

To everyone who has a really close friend, irl or online, I'm so jealous of you

#i hv one friend i can talk to #but i can see us drifting apart in real time #she has different interests #and i feel like incan no longer be autherthic to them #it hurts #they hv closer freinds #despite the fact that ive know her longer #it doesnt matter #every passing day i feel more alone #cause i can not be my real with anyone #my whole gender and sexuality crisis makes it even more difficult to be real #and everyone has this version of me in their head #and they dont make me feel safe enough to show the othernparts of me #it rly sucks #all these people #qnd im probably not even top 3 for any of them #how fun #🍒 — thoughts

[loonylupinblack3]

First Win

Pairing: Lando Norris x Reader

Summary: in which Lando's first win helps the two of you finally get together

Warnings: swearing, my utter HAPPINESS AND AWE THAT LANDO WON, also not edited bc i wanted to post it as soon as possible

Word count: 1.1k

A/N: you guys dont UNDERSTAND how fucking happy i am im literally sobbing oh my GOD

You were pushing your way through the crowd, trying to find Lando, all the while your heart was fucking soaring. You were so proud of him, probably one of your closest friends, finally achieving this incredible success in his career. He deserved all of it and more, and you were so proud of him.

Getting P8 yourself, you weren’t upset with your score, though you could have done better, but it seemed insignificant compared to Lando’s win and how excited you were for him. You knew you probably wouldn’t get to talk to him until much later; he was the star of the day, a very busy man with hundreds of people demanding his attention, but you hoped for at least a look of him, maybe if you were lucky a smile, to show your utter joy of him winning.

The grid was packed, however, and even with your status as a driver it was still a challenge getting through the swarms of people. You pushed and shoved, mumbling apologies, almost desperate to see your friend before he went on the podium.

You and Lando were close. Even for co-workers you guys had a special relationship. You just clicked, able to understand each other without having to work for it. Even only actually knowing each other for a few years you felt you’d known him for a lifetime.

Sure, there may have been some… other feelings towards him that you harboured, but you refused to let them risk your friendship with Lando so you kept them hidden, shoved deep inside you and pretended to be ignored, even though in reality they seemed to have a chokehold on you.

You didn’t know if Lando felt the same and honestly weren’t sure if you wanted to know. You already had this incredible relationship with him, this understanding you shared with no one else, and you weren’t willing to risk it for anything, even to end the aching longing you felt sometimes when looking at him.

You finally managed to push your way through the crowd, now at the edge of a couple fences blocking the part of the grid where only certain F1 employees were able to be. Usually you wouldn’t have been able to go, what with you receiving an eighth position and not a podium, but you were determined to see Lando closer, maybe even give him a quick hug.

You were just so fucking proud of him, and you didn’t know what to do with the overwhelming feeling. He’d opened up to you multiple times in the past, confessing his feelings of failure, of being unable to get a win and how much that affected him, how shameful he was because of it. You knew how much his lack of wins haunted him and his career, so to gain a win, to achieve something like this, it was truly amazing, and your pride for him was overflowing. 

You managed to wheedle your way through the fences, using your driver status and known close friendship with Lando to your advantage, slipping through and immediately looking around for the Miami Grand Prix winner.

You followed the sound of cheering, rounding a corner to find the massive group of Mclaren employees behind a small fence, with Lando on top of them crowd surfing, laughing and looking like the happiest man alive.

Today he was exactly that.

You stood to the side, grinning like a maniac seeing Lando so happy. Your heart was near bursting, you couldn’t stop smiling even if you wanted to. You stayed silent though, not wanting to drag attention to yourself and get kicked out, but seeing him so fucking happy was more than enough for you.

So when Lando distractedly glanced around, a joyous smile on his face, and saw you, his smile widening, your heart warmed. You told yourself it was nothing big, but when he left his team to walk over to you, jog over, actually, your smile turned even bigger.

“Congratulations,” you exclaimed before leaping into his arms, wrapping your own tightly around his neck. His own hands came up to hug you back, holding you tightly against him. “I’m so fucking proud of you Lando.”

Lando squeezed you tighter, still not letting go. You were more than content to stay in his arms, pressing your head into the crook of his neck, ignoring the flashing cameras that would be following Lando for the rest of the day.

When the two of you eventually pulled back, however reluctantly, Lando was beaming. He looked gorgeous like that, genuinely happy, nothing able to bring down his mood. He was riding the high of winning, still heavily influenced by the adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Maybe what was why he kissed you, in front of millions of people, taking them and you by surprise. Or maybe it was because he was having the perfect fucking day, and having you in his arms would have made it all the more better.

Either way you were certainly taken off guard as Lando stared at you for a split-second, eyes tracing your face before they landed on your lips, and then the next second he was leaning in and pressing his lips against yours.

There was an onslaught of noise as he did it, the cameras going crazy, people yelling and cheering, yet it was all distant. All you could focus on was Lando’s soft lips against yours, dragging his mouth across your own.

You kissed him back without thinking, your hands snaking back around his neck. His hand gripped your waist, tugging you closer as he deepened the kiss, his tongue flicking your lower lip and forcing you to swallow a moan lest you want the whole world to hear it.

Lando had the gall to grin against your lips, no doubt hearing your gasp before you could muffle it completely. You pulled back, giving him a ‘what the fuck man’ stare and he just shrugged, keeping his hand firmly around your waist.

You shook your head but your emotions were in overdrive, everything inside you screaming for more. You pressed your head into the crook of his neck again, hearing his soft chuckle as his hands roamed your back.

“We are having a very serious talk after this,” you whispered in his ear.

He paused, before whispering back, “good or bad?”

You pulled back to stare at Lando, his curls sticking to his forehead from sweat, his eyes alight with an excitement you hadn’t seen in a while, his face slightly red from exertion and happiness.

You smiled at him. “Definitely good.”

Lando grinned and pulled you back for another kiss, blatantly ignoring the paparazzi around you. He murmured into your lips, “I’m so fucking lucky.”

You couldn’t help but ask, “how so?”

He grinned against your lips again. “Winning the race and the girl in one day.”

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