#like the fact that learning anything new in front of people is basically impossible. bc i will panic.

[extemporaneousmusings]

2020 reflections below

To be honest, 2020 has been the best year I’ve had since 2016. Obviously on a global scale it has been absolutely devastating, and there are aspects of my life that were significantly impacted by the pandemic—I had to leave Greece suddenly in March, several months earlier than anticipated, and in doing so lost some crucial time that I was supposed to have spent with the physical materials of my dissertation—but on a personal level this year has been the most stable and comfortable I’ve been since my accident in 2017. I was not dealing with a massive physical or mental health crisis, or the immediate aftermaths of either of those things, and that is something I do not take lightly.

I spent the first 3 months of the year hiking across Greece, basically. It was really tough—I was pretty depressed, although my meds had just been boosted so I was feeling better than I had in fall of 2019, and obviously missing Ian and Macy was not an easy thing to sit with—but I did it! I had literally planned my entire life for the past 5 years around this time in Greece, and even though we didn’t completely finish the program and the scheduled trips, I still accomplished what I set out to do: I was able to do the hikes and got to explore the country that I love. After my accident, my sole goal was to be able to get my ankle to a place where I could do the program. It was really fucking hard, and there’s still so much more work I can do on my ankle (which is a source of deep resentment for me, something I’m working on) but at the end of the day, I got myself to a place where I could, with some difficulty, do this really physically strenuous thing that had been such a major goal of mine for years. I got to travel the Greek countryside and see hundreds of archaeological sites in a way that is basically impossible unless you’re doing it with the American School. Mentally I was not as present as I would have liked to be, which is something I think I’ll always regret, but I gave it all I had, mentally and physically. Even if I am hazy on a lot of the details, I’ll remember the exultant physical sensations of reaching a peak and taking in the view below, the sweet succulent taste of oranges in the height of their season, plucked straight off the tree, searching every museum for my pots, pushing myself physically to the limit every day but still being able to wake up and do it again the next, trying regional cuisine from across the country, and the camaraderie that all of us built together on that bus and on those hikes. And of course, the saving grace and defining point of the school year for me was spending time with Ev. He already was one of my best friends, so the opportunity to go on this adventure together was so exciting, but he really kept me sane, made me laugh with his stupid fucking jokes, stayed in the back of the pack with me when I was having especially bad ankle days, and our companionship brought me so much joy and support. It’s very likely that we’ll never live in the same place together again, and I will always cherish the time we had together this past year.

My life since returning to Cincy in March has been very stable and consistent. Except for having to TA on campus on Friday’s during the fall, we’ve both just been at home. E’s been out of a job the whole time, but we are very lucky that (bc Cincy is so affordable) just my grad student salary has been able to financially support us. Money is tight, all my savings are gone after Macy’s surgery in July, but we are very lucky to have support systems to rely upon should we need to (fingers crossed we won’t), and that for now, just my income alone can pay all of the bills so that Ian does not have to be on the front lines at the bar, physically interacting with everyone who is still comfortable and selfish enough to be out partying during a global pandemic.

The biggest joy for me of this year was getting to spend 8 beautiful months with Macy. We had her for 3 months before I left for Greece last September, but I feel so blessed to have had more time with the three of us as a family this year, and to spend so much uninterrupted time with her because we were just in the apartment all of the time. I’ve written what seems like a lot about losing her, so I’m not really going to dwell on it, but despite her death I am still so happy to have had the time with her that I did, and to have loved and been so loved in return. I’m hopeful that I can build a relationship with Lulu like I had with Macy, and that as she settles in and settles down, and becomes secure in this new home, that our new family of three can thrive. Another element to this is the fact that basically our only physical socialization with friends came from going on dog walks, mainly with S&D. Since March we’ve seen them almost weekly and it’s been such a good routine and way to see them safely. We’ll all be getting more of a workout with Lulu, though. She’s much more intense about walks than Macy was.

When I first got back from Greece, I needed to just luxuriate in being home, and shortly after that I fell into the hockey rabbit hole. Which has been lovely, truly! I had been feeling a bit stagnant fandom wise, and it was so nice to have a whole new world opened to me, and to see a bunch of my mutuals all going through the process simultaneously was so fun. I still haven’t written anything, and I’m definitely not as involved as a lot of people, but I’ve never been someone who is super funny in quippy posts or makes a lot of connections quickly. But I’ve really been enjoying it, and I’m hoping that in 2021 I’ll be able to post some fic and make some more friends. My ephemeral relationships with people on tumblr have been important to me for many years, but I definitely have appreciated it the most this past year. Tumblr is a really big part of my life, and I love interacting with people/when people interact with my personal posts. It’s nice to have found a little pocket of the internet where I am safe and comfortable and around people I genuinely like.

Getting into hockey did divert my attention from my mental health, and the ways it was impacting my work, for a solid two months, though. I very much used it as a crutch to avoid some bigger issues that needed my focus, which I was diverting to think about big men fucking each other. In August I started seeing a therapist again. We had worked together briefly after my manic episode, because my old therapist had gotten a new job so she took me on for like a month before I left for Greece, and working with her again has been so helpful. I am so fortunate to have healthcare through grad school that makes going to therapy extremely affordable. It’s seriously been a saving grace for me. By working on my mental health consistently I have brought myself to a better, more stable and comfortable place than I’ve been in in years, and I feel empowered to continue on this path to keep accumulating skills and mental fortitude to help me in the future.

As a result of my consistent work on my mental heath, I’ve also been able to develop a much better, healthier relationship with work/my research more specifically. This summer I was in a place where I felt like it was impossible for me to write my proposal, let alone an actual dissertation, but I did write my proposal! And I’ve been building up routines and stamina and now feel like I actually can get this PhD. Which is great. I know it’s not going to be easy, and that I have a lot of difficulty ahead of me still, but I feel very confident in my ideas, and I am so much better equipped to handle things than before.

So yeah, I think that’s pretty much it. For 2021, I want to just keep going in the path that I’ve been forging for myself. The next things I’ll be focusing on are more intentionally working with my ankle, to try and alleviate the somewhat antagonistic relationship I have with it, and to feel more physically capable. I think that re-integrating yoga into my life will be big here, it’s been really helpful for me before, but I’ve let it slip, and then we’ll see what else I can do to help with this. I also want to continue to reinforce a work routine that suits me and maintain/adjust it when I (almost certainly) make the move back to Athens in September. And finally, I really want to post some TK/Patty fic! I have some ideas, some word docs, some (imo) well-selected lyrics for titles, and I just need to dig in a little more and try and unclench my mental knot of perfectionism, as I’ve been learning to ease it with regards to work stuff.

#personal #I think this is actually the first end of year reflections post I've made on here #in the like 9 years I've had this blog #much to reflect on this year I guess

[skold]

aight so here’s tim’s partial chart which you don’t have to know how to read i’m just putting it here for the people who do

putting a read more for length

sun in sagittarius - yr sun sign is the one most people know cuz it’s by birth date and you can just google it. the dates don’t change year to year the way others do. it’s yr sense of self, yr individuality, yr outward personality. sag suns tend to be rly social, active, honest to the point of hurting peoples’ feelings lmao. known to talk Too Much. impulsive. bad at foreseeing the consequences of their actions. bridge burners. HAAAAAATE being restricted in any way.

moon in capricorn - moon sign is more your internal self and people can often feel more closely aligned w/ their moon sign than their sun sign. moon sign can tell abt someone’s sensitivities and their instincts and where they find security. moon in cap generally indicates somebody who finds fulfillment in being useful to others and has an insane work ethic. has trouble cutting loose. cap moon folks tend to have a lot of insecurities wrt feeling ignored or useless. they want outside approval but can’t depend on it.

mercury in sagittarius - mercury rules over communication and intellect. indicates how someone interacts with other people. ppl with merc in sag fucking love traveling which y’know, considering tim travels for his job AND as a tourist. checks out. mercury in a fire sign can make them seem like they constantly have a fire under their ass pushing them forward. merc in sag have a talent for languages (tim speaks two fluently and at least two more enough to function).

venus in capricorn - venus is yr love language planet. it indicates how ppl feel and experience love/sex and also their feelings on what they find generally pleasurable in life. people with venus in cap can be rly withdrawn and often aren’t up front with their feelings in general but especially wrt relationships. this is PROBABLY why tim doesn’t talk abt his marriage much at all. they want loyalty and stability over all else. often attracted to partners with venus in a fire sign bc they tend to be more forward and initiate things and venus in cap doesn’t want to risk getting hurt. really slow to earn their trust.

mars in libra - mars is abt action and energy and assertiveness. it’s about drive - sex drive, ambition, what gets ppl fired up. ppl with mars in libra cannot make a fucking decision to save their lives but y’know, this is libra we’re talking about. libra placements suck at making decisions. i can say this as a libra moon who cannot commit to anything but i digress. mars in libra folks aren’t usually very social. they want permission from other people to make big moves. tend to be submissive in relationships both in general and in The Sex Way. ppl with mars in libra tend to attract more aggressive/forward/energetic partners.

jupiter in leo - jupiter symbolizes growth and expansion and how someone’s faith and ethics are. also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. ppl with jupiter in leo tend to have healthy self-confidence. they can be kinda arrogant but depending on other placements that arrogance is often not backed up. this can look like delusions of grandeur and often leads to people disliking their attitudes. as a fire alignment, there’s a lot of energy there, but it ends up being misplaced sometimes.

saturn in pisces - saturn is a bitch ass motherfucker. rules over restriction/order and maturity over time. saturn is basically that planet who will hurt you to teach u a gd lesson. the leather daddy of the planets if u will. people with saturn in pisces wanna make other peoples problems their own problems because they want to offer their emotional support, but it happens at the expense of wearing themselves thin. often really secluded private people. they have to find that balance between prioritizing themselves and prioritizing others, and if they can’t find it saturn will hurt their gd feelings.

uranus in virgo - so uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and can remain in the same sign for years and influence an entire generation. uranus rules over originality and freedom and revolution. ppl with uranus in virgo can be perfectionists. can be interested in things like ecology, the wellbeing of animals, and alternative medicine. gestures at tim’s 800 rescue animals and the fact that he goes to an acupuncturist. often left leaning to the point of seeming radical (this depends strongly on other placements though). big on social justice.

neptune in scorpio - neptune is also one of those slow planets. neptune rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. ppl with this alignment can be into the occult. a huge amount of creative potential is there. this is why we saw a lot of rly influential art and music coming out of gen x folks!!

pluto in virgo - the slowest of planets. pluto is abt power and transformation. ppl with pluto in virgo can be critical and analytical. super methodical abt how they do things.

so those are the planets. there’s also a lot of other celestial bodies and points in the chart we look at also!! here they are

north node in taurus south node in scorpio - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. this alignment indicates somebody who struggles between holding onto things and letting shit go. TRUST ISSUES. also rly strong sexual energy that fucking asshole.

lilith in pisces - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. which, lilith did nothing wrong but whatever. so yr lilith alignment can show what you have fascination with and what you reject about yourself. lilith in pisces people often have a fascination with self-sacrifice and often feel connected with EVERYTHING, which then leads to a lot of suffering. vulnerable to alcoholism/drug issues. people tend to find ppl with this alignment captivating but also can be intimidated/unsettled by them.

chiron in pisces - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. people with chiron in pisces tend to feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and feel they’re all too aware of the suffering of other people and things like violence and injustice. these people often respond to this by helping others in some way.

SO NOW I’M GONNA GO INTO ASPECTS. which is basically how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. i don’t have time to describe what these terms mean cuz i’ve already been writing for an hour so just use google lmao

sun conjunct venus - highlights feminine characteristics of all genders and sexes. artistic, creative, optimistic. often fashionable. 

sun square saturn - folks with this alignment either give up at the first sign of a challenge or power thru that shit and learn from it. if this person has lower self esteem it’s generally improved by the fact they’re gratified by their own hard work.

sun square uranus - individualistic, eccentric. independent. can be inconsiderate of others. NEED to be different and NEED people to see they’re different. issues with authority.

sun square pluto - stubborn assholes. tend to be bossy and subconsciously manipulative.

moon sextile saturn - emotionally stable, reliable, helpful.

moon trine uranus - needs considerable emotional independence and freedom in a relationship and within ones family. often lead unconventional lifestyles (read: don’t work a 9-5, have polyam/open relationships, etc). MOOOOOD SWIIIIIINGS

moon sextile neptune - these folks want explanations for the world and will turn to things like religion or the occult to get answers. self-sacrificing and people tend to take advantage of them. messy home. perceptive and sensitive, especially wrt the arts

moon trine pluto - experiences emotions very fucking deeply. will express their opinions even if it’ll hurt the other person’s feelings. often closer with their mother than their father.

mercury sextile mars - quick thinkers. analytical, fast, practical.

mercury trine jupiter - open, sensitive, optimistic, kind. often into philosophy. big on traveling.

venus square mars - impulsive and enthusiastic. can be prone to losing their temper. often want impossible things.

venus square uranus - this aspect tends to complicate relationships because they literally see relationships as a loss of personal independence and autonomy. unconventional, eccentric, very original in their artistic/creative pursuits.

mars sextile jupiter - GOTTA GO FAST. always wants to be learning new things.

saturn opposition uranus - oof. these folks are often big chaotic and unpredictable. their logic sometimes only makes sense to them and it can seem they look down on other people unfairly, but it’s only because others don’t understand their thought process behind why they dislike someone.

saturn trine neptune - these people try to turn their dreams into their careers. spiritual but not necessarily religious.

saturn opposition pluto - DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY FUCKIN WANT. they have big ideas but don’t know how to get them going. can be a difficult personality type to deal with.

uranus sextile neptune - reinforces one’s sense of fantasy. can influence inspiration and originality and innovation in one’s creations.

uranus conjuction pluto - a generational alignment due to both planets being slow moving. strong, original personalities. big ideas.

neptune sextile pluto - also a generational alignment. depending on other alignments, it influences big transformations on a global scale. see: gen x

there are parallels and contra-parallels i could go into but like i have already been at this for forever and i think We Get It. and this is only half his chart without going into the houses cuz i don’t have his birth time!! that’d give us 12 more alignments to look at and tons more aspects!! so like!!! astrology is more than just yr sun sign folks. this has been me reading the fuck outta tim skold for 1600 words see ya

#i'm not putting this in his tag lest he see me being a fucking CREEP so #do not lose

[nikolacvna-archive]

give me all of the quintuplets u coward

❈ ✼ ❈    let’s get down to babies  ( accepting!! )   //  @splitcrown

how daaaaaaare you

Name:  Arkadian Rys

Gender: Male

General Appearance:  As the only child not to share an embryonic sac with any sibling, Arkadian has the distinction of being wholly unique. None of the other quints inherited his light hair (dark blonde verging on light brown, a mix of both sides of the family); his father is visible in his eyes alone, the exact same expressive baby blues as Peridan. Otherwise, with his round face and constant animated light to his eyes, it’s hard to see exactly what features Arkadian has borrowed from his parents.

Personality: Many people have described Arkadian as a natural showman; he loves to be in the spotlight, and has a gift of drawing it towards him. As the eldest of the quintuplets, he distinguishes himself as their leader; temperamental, driven, and clever, it’s hard to imagine Arkadian won’t make something of himself one day. His biggest obstacle will probably be himself.

Special Talents: Incredibly accurate aim. He can throw a snowball and hit his father square in the back of the head, even if Peridan’s twenty feet away. 

Who they like better: He loves his mother a lot, just because he can always go to her for anything; Tatya adores her eldest son, while Peridan is a little more wary of his impulsiveness and fire. Of all the quints, he’s probably closest to his mom.

Who they take after more: If we’re being honest, his mother. Arkadian has a temper (which, in contrast to Tatya, emerges often), and natural leadership abilities. In contrast to both parents, however, Arkadian is mercurial and intensely charismatic, not needing a sense of stability to thrive. He’s anything but reserved, and fears absolutely nothing.

Personal Head canon: He has an incredible gymnastic ability, gained from tumbling around with his siblings, and can basically do any flip or somersault after a few tries.

Face Claim:  Jackson Robert Scott / Sebastian Stan bc hell yeah / SIM

Name:   Alexandria “Alyusha” Rys

Gender: Female

General Appearance: She looks very much like her father as a child, with her mother’s stormy grey eyes replacing Peridan’s blue. Her face is long, and sort of narrow; she is more inclined to be chubby than any of her siblings. Alexandria’s eyes are very alert, always scrutinizing something, as though she’s determined to see straight through it. While she’ll certainly be pretty when she grows up, that look never leaves her eyes, and it’s a little unnerving.

Personality: A demanding and inquisitive child, Alexandria is nonetheless a social butterfly. She loves meeting new people, and learning as much about them as she can. Something in her manner is a bit offputting; she can be brusque, and is always asking questions. Nonetheless, she is in love with the world, seeing possibilities in everything, and never takes anything at face-value. She is very independent, and intensely driven to succeed at whatever she does.

Special Talents: She’s an artist. As a toddler, she developed a habit of scribbling on walls, and as she grows she turns to canvasses and crayons. Alexandria is always drawing, and isn’t half-bad at it, either.

Who they like better: Alexandria isn’t terribly close to either of her parents, preferring her array extended family   (Aunt Athena and Uncle Alexei are great favorites). When it comes down to it, she probably likes her father more, because he never speaks down to her, and is always very forthright. With Tatiana, she often feels like she’s being silently disapproved of.

Who they take after more: She’s inherited an even split, but it probably comes down to her mother. Alexandria likes to be in charge; more specifically, she likes bossing people around. She’s also a natural organizer with a head for numbers and facts, and can keep situations under control. That’s pure Tatya. She has a sensitive side which is kept carefully hidden, and though she’s a chatterbox, loves a bit of quiet after a long day; this, at least, she gets from Peridan.

Personal Head canon: Completely tone deaf, but one of her favorite things is singing at the top of her lungs. Her parents are considering sound-proofing her bedroom, expressly for this purpose.

Face Claim:  McKenna Grace / Emily Rudd / SIM

Name:  Valentina “Tina” Rys

Gender: Female

General Appearance: As the twin of Alexandra, Valentina shares her appearance in more respects; her eyes incline more towards blue than grey, and she wears her hair up in braids and elaborate styles more often than her sister. Valentina is neater in general, and always likes to look her best.

Personality: A sensitive soul, Valentina takes a while to open up to anyone; when she does, she blooms like a flower. Though less imaginative than her elder siblings, she has an intricate personal world, and lets very few people in. Her sense of humor is off-beat and bubbling; she laughs easily, and when she smiles, the world seems brighter. Valentina has a very warm heart, and is never happier than when the people around her are in harmony.

Special Talents: Valentina is a skilled dancer, with an inclination towards ballet, though she can dance anything under the sun.  (Does she make her father dance with her? Absolutely.)  She is also a talented hostess; her tea parties, featuring Moffy the Green Bear and Edelweiss the Frog, are legendary.

Who they like better: She has a soft spot for her father; while she’s fundamentally similar to her mother, she and Peridan share the same heart, and can see eye-to-eye on most things. It helps that Peridan dotes on her, and she can always convince him to join her games. When any of the children need something from their father, they always send Valentina to handle it.

Who they take after more: Her mother, definitely  ---  Valentina is almost a replica of Tatiana’s personality at an early age. They share the same gentleness, the same natural reserve and charm, the same hopeful temperament and deep-down practicality. It is impossible not to see her mother in her.

Personal Head canon: Suffered from debilitating nightmares for about a year, where no therapy could help. Anytime she woke up screaming  ---  at least three times a week  ---  Peridan was the only one who could calm her down.

Face Claim:  McKenna Grace / Emily Rudd / SIM

Name:  Nicholas  “Kolya”  Rys

Gender: Male

General Appearance: He’s inherited the blue eyes of his father, with a slight curl to his dark hair characteristic of his mother at a young age. As an adult, Kolya will be slender, but in childhood he was often considered too bony, losing weight far easier than he kept it on. The mirror twin of Maxim, he is right handed, with a clockwise curl to his hair, and his father’s strong jaw.

Personality: A serious child, it’s hard not to see how Nicholas takes after his father. He is a bookworm, inclined towards subjects too old for his age; even if he does not comprehend everything, he wants to. When he speaks to adults, he often seems older than his age; then he smiles, and is suddenly a little boy again. Nicholas is on the quieter side, and prefers to keep his emotions to himself, but he feels things keenly.

Special Talents: Has a photographic memory, a natural talent for languages, and dogs love him.

Who they like better: Honestly, he loves his father  ---  sometimes, he’s even been called his father’s shadow. Nicholas enjoys nothing more than to follow him around while he’s working, silently observing everything his father does. He also finds Peridan hilarious. On the rare occasions Peridan makes a joke, his son almost falls over laughing. Inheriting Peridan’s sense of humor is not an awesome thing, and no one’s totally sure how it happened.

Who they take after more: Definitely Peridan, though he has a bit of Tatiana’s temperament mixed in there too. He’s very shy, which is more like Peridan, but has a very generous soul with a lot to give, like Tatya. When it comes to actual behavior, though  (and gloominess)  he’s pretty much his father’s mini-me.   (It might just be the namesake, but sometimes it frightens Tatiana how much Kolya reminds her of her own father.)

Personal Head canon: Absolutely has kept pets his parents have known nothing about. Nicholas has a habit of keeping secrets, and he’s so unassuming no one would suspect him of anything...  until his mother opens his bedroom closet, and a whole-ass goose struts out.   (She runs away in terror.)

Face Claim:  Iain Armitage / Wes Brown / SIM

Name:  Maxim Rys

Gender: Male

General Appearance: Twin to older brother Nicholas, he is basically his brother’s mirror image; his hair curls counter-clockwise, and he is left-handed, as opposed to his brother’s right. Maxim is rarely seen not grinning, with a natural gap between his two front teeth, and he often wears bruises from scuffling with his two hot-headed elder siblings.

Personality: A force of nature, Maxim often overwhelms the people around him; he can be a bit too much. Though blessed with limitless energy, his attention is hard to hold in one place for too long. If there’s something he shouldn’t touch, he will touch it; if there’s something he shouldn’t do, he’ll do it. Max enjoys pushing boundaries, seeing how far he can go. He also has a sharp, natural sense of humor, and a love of mischief. It’s hard to keep up with him, and sometimes a little dangerous.

Special Talents: He can say the alphabet backwards, fall from very high places without breaking anything (he lands like a cat) and once hid a frog in his mother’s purse without her noticing for a solid hour. Chaos. Chaos is his talent.

Who they like better: It’s easier to get under his mother’s skin, so he’s naturally a little inclined towards her. His father doesn’t respond as well to his jokes, only getting very quiet and stern, leaving Max feeling like he’s disappointed him. It’s hard to relate to his father; they have very little in common.

Who they take after more: Oh god…  neither one. Neither of them.  Anastasia, honestly, though Tatiana almost cries when she realizes it.  She never wanted to raise her sister  ---   but Max’s talent for mischief and his wicked sense of humor can’t come from anyone else. Peridan sees a lot of his own adopted sister in him, too...  which makes sense, seeing how Athena adores him.

Personal Head canon: Probably has a criminal record by the time he’s twenty-one, but can usually talk his way out of trouble.

Face Claim: Iain Armitage / Wes Brown / SIM

#splitcrown #(( this is... Evil )) #(( too many babies ))

[dcvereux]

* ╰    VICTORIA PEDRETTI┋have you met CLÉMENCE “EMMY” DEVEREUX ? she reminds me of a single star peeking through a cloudy sky, hesitant soft touches, a delicate golden pendant rested upon prominent collar bones, messy beds covered with half read books, windswept daisies dotted throughout a green meadow, soft velvet  bows securing wild hair,  stormy white capped seas,  internal battles that seem never ending  &  smiles hidden behind fingers. a  twenty year old ninth year hufflepuff, the intangible concept is known to be compassionate & observant, yet skeptical & reticent. that explains why they’re majoring in care of magical creatures. rumour has it, emmy is siding with the neutrals in the solemn war that blazes just beyond the horizon. 

hey, hi, hello!!! i’m bronny, i’m 22 and from new zealand ( probably one of the worst timezones but ) and i’m so excited to be here?? i’ve missed playing my daughter emmy (also goes by clém but it’s mostly her family that calls her that, they ain’t a fan of the name emmy ) and i’m so happy to be here and writing her again!!!

anyway, you’re probably not here to listen to me rambling. you’re here for my smol slytherin turned hufflepuff kiddo. i won’t list everything here though because i have a full about page for her here with a bio up ( RIGHT HERE ) that has everything you need to know about her and even though it’s long it’ll really help you understand her!!

extras: this edit is really all that matters!!! there’s also a spotify playlist but you may need to @ me for that if you want to hear it bc i’m pretty sure last time i linked it on tumblr i got hacked, rip.

BUT I’LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE INSIGHT INTO HER PERSONALITY RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW:

basically she appears to be a very optimistic and positive and lowkey just like a lil ray of sunshine and for the most part it’s who she is?? only wants the best for people and tries her hardest to not judge no matter where the person comes from or who they are??  but underneath it all she’s actually quite a conflicted and lost person??  

she’s grown up in a family that is somehow the complete opposite of her and even if she’s tried to keep a hold of who she is or at least who she wants to be, there’s no denying that there is a part of her that fits in with her family and it does come out every now and again bc listen….even if her parents love her, there’s no denying that they attempted to try and drag the more ‘slytherin’ side of her out more whenever they got the chance bc they can’t help but think she’s weak??

but when she’s upset or angry, the harder/darker side of her comes out?? she can almost do a 180 on her whole personality if something pushes her a little too far, like the light you can probably see in her features just switches off and she gets this darkness to her and will do and say whatever she needs to get herself out of the situation and she lowkey hates it. which is why she prefers to try and keep her emotions at bay the majority of time?? she kind of just needs to learn to figure out how to use that darker side of her for something good??  bc even though she feels as if she’s a true hufflepuff ( even if she still has her moments bc how can i be a hufflepuff when i have this darker side of me that would do anything to survive ), all her life she’s been brought up in a household full of slytherin’s and it’s all she’s known and quite a few of the most important people in her life are slytherin’s and all are death eaters/followers of voldemort and it pulls her bc…she’s loyal to a fault but she knows deep down she doesn’t agree with anything her family does but if she leaves them, it means she loses her family and she’s not sure if she’d be able to handle that??

basically voldemort rising and her family returning to his side makes it feel like her worst nightmare is coming true!!!! because she knows one day she’ll ended up having to decide between either the life she’d created for herself at hogwarts and abandon her family or chose her family and abandon her friends and possibly even who she truly is?? help her SHE’S JUST A TERRIFIED AND LOST KID, HELP HER BEFORE SHE DOES SOMETHING IDIOTIC ( someone just convince her to pick a side honestly ).

majoring in magizoology ( i’m just an idiot who put care of magical creatures instead of magizoology on her app ) which her parents aren’t the FONDEST of, they’d prefer if she was majoring in literally anything else and they haven’t been afraid of speaking their minds about it, but it was the first time she put her foot down for something she WANTED and she hasn’t been happier.

currently one of the neutrals but who knows what’s going to happen!!

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

any of the plots below can be expanded on or changed slightly!! so feel free to use them as a guide and we talk out any changes you’d possibly like to make!!

we come from the same side, i know you; it's always been the two of them. they were the shining light during the family gatherings and events growing up for emmy. they were the one person she could always count on no matter what and no matter how different they may appear at times they brought out the best in each other. the day emmy was sorted into hufflepuff, and them in slytherin, was something she'd been hoping and praying wouldn't happen—they were meant to be her rock and her theirs and as time went on, emmy always expected them to pull away from her like many had. but they never did. they'd always known she was different to many slytherins before they were even officially slytherins, nothing had changed for them and emmy couldn't be anymore grateful for them sticking by her side. losing them would have to be one of her worst nightmares, especially since danger has been brewing. they're the only person that truly knows her and she’d do anything for them no matter what. ( open to a slytherin )

offended that I walk the line; for all emmy’s life, they’ve been there by her side. maybe it was their families that first put them in front of each other but for the first 14 years of their lives they were deemed best friends. but the day emmy was sorted into hufflepuff was the day they began to lose each other. though emmy desperately tried to keep their friendship, it was impossible for them to wrap their heads around the fact emmy was a hufflepuff and beginning to show qualities they’d been taught to never display. with every passing year, emmy drifted further and further away from the life they were both meant to be mixed up in. it was obvious to them that emmy no longer held the same beliefs they and their families had and it’s a struggle for both of them to accept the fact that they no longer stand on the same side. ( open to a pureblood and/or slytherin )    

to help me see myself clearer; meeting them was the first step in emmy slowly beginning to turn away from everything she knows. all her life she’d been taught to be one thing, act in a certain way. but meeting them made her rethink everything. they showed her that the way she was wired, the way she was different to her family, was okay. who she was, was okay. though in return, emmy showed them that the world wasn’t just black and white. she came from a world full of darkness but she still managed to let the light in. they both taught each other something they never thought was possible, nothing is straight forward. ( open to anyone but a slytherin )

so I wait at the gates of your fortress; they are the one person that showed her what it’s like to feel loved and truly cared about. they are the most important person in her life but emmy can’t even begin to think about getting them mixed up in the nightmare that is her family. she’s done everything in her power to keep them away from her family but as the threat and danger grows emmy wanted them nowhere near the world she may eventually be dragged into when the time comes to make a decision. after a year or so of dating, emmy broke things off. she left a lot of things unsaid and hardly gave them an explanation about why she was breaking up with them. all she gave them was a “it’s for the better, trust me, you deserve so much more than what I can give you,” as she left them standing by the great lake. but she couldn’t let them go completely, they’ve stayed friends but it’s almost impossible for them to be in the same room. it’s clear the two still love each other but emmy refuses to let them put themselves in the line of fire. ( open to anyone but a slytherin and/or a pureblood )  

Emmy’s looser plot ideas can be found here!!

i’m all for plotting, so if you’re interested in any of the above plots or the looser plots on her connections page, just let me know by im-ing me ( i’m the worst, please don’t be afraid to do so, i’ll love you ) or giving this a little like!! i want to attempt to plot with you all!!! i also have discord, so if you’d rather plot there i’m up for that as well

i’m also in the process of developing another muse ( caoimhe “kiv” walsh , a northern irelander muggleborn, gryffindor order member ) but i’m making/waiting to see if anyone makes resources for the fc ( emma mackey ) i have in mind for her before i bring her on in officially!! if you’d like to know more about her...i....won’t pass up the chance to talk about my new emerging kid.

i think that’s enough rambling for now, i can’t wait to get started and write with you all and bring emmy to life again :’)

( p.s. i forgot to add, if anyone would rather plot on dis.cord, my # is bronny#0752 !! )

#solemnly:intros #。.✦ ☾ why are you like this bronny?「ooc」 #i just woke JDVDJSIS

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

#logan1 #lucius1

[softhaos]

NEIGHBOUR!AU JOSHUA

masterlist other members: s.coups | jeonghan | jun | hoshi | wonwoo | woozi | dk | mingyu | the8 | seungkwan | vernon | dino

you are quite sure that joshua doesn’t like you

NO HE IS NOT A BULLY IN CASE YOU’RE WONDERING

but he’s just so,,,,,, calm,,,,,,, and polite,,,,,,,

you’re not  t h a t  annoying neighbour but you know none of your interests match up

like once you brought him cake bc he just moved in next to you

only to get rejected

“sorry i’m allergic to strawberries”

or the other time when you asked him if he wanted your spare ticket to see that one movie and no not because you wanted to ask him out

it was because all of your friends either refused to watch horror movies or already watched it

guess what

you got rejected,,,,, agAIN

“i already have some plans on that day sorry”

you tried giving him some other things several time because you had no idea what to do with them

also it was just a waste if you threw them away

and every single time you got turned down

at this point you ask yourself why you even bother to be nice

if you could you’d avoid him all the time so you wouldn’t further embarrass yourself

maybe embarrassment is a little heavy

you wanna avoid social awkwardness

because you’ve got literally nOTHinG in common

and you’re not gonna be that person who asks the socially awkward things that make it obvious that you’re a try hard

“so,,,,, the weather’s nice today,,, isn’t in??”

“what do you usually do in your free time?“

“yo what’s your favorite color?”

NOPE FORGET THAT TBH YOU RATHER NOT TALK AT ALL

you’re very sure that jisoo is judging you,,,,, you just know it

he always has the same soft angelic smile on his face whenever you meet

and as much as you’d like to keep your presence away from his

you can’t,,,,,,, it’s impossible

because you’re always out and he’s in his apartment when the timing is the  w o r s t

basically,,,,,, you’re not in when the mailman’s over

but coincidentally hONg jiSoO is

so he always take your mail for you

thus you’re forced to knock at his door to get your post

the same scene replays over and over again

“hey,,,,, i’m really really r e a l l y sorry that you had to accept my mail,,,,, again,,,,,, for the tenth time this month,,,,,”

“don’t stress about it! it’s fine!”

and his smile never falters and is so genuine all the time

,,,,,, how tf does he do that

does he ever get annoyed or angry???

or is it an internal thing and he’s the silent judge type of person,,,, you second this

you try to shop less online but fail miserably

in fact you probably spend more money on the internet nowadays

but  a n y w a y

you tell yourself that one day you will catch the goddamn mailman who comes at irregular times

and fail miserably again up to the point where you believe that the mailman has something against you

like you wait the whole morning

and then during noon you decide to do a five minute walk to get some toilet paper because you ran out of it

and BOOM THE MAILMAN ARRIVES IN THOSE FIVE MINUTES WHERE YOU’RE ABSENT

cue joshua is at home tho and is your knight in shining armor

you consider making it up to him but on second thought,,,,, it’s better if you didn’t do anything

ofc there’s always the option of downright asking him about his interests

but nah

asking him directly is filed under ‘questions any socially awkward person would ask if they don’t know how to start a conversation’

so you brush off that possibility,,,,, and the only thing left is to actually catch the damn mailman

you try so hard every day,,,,, you have faith that one day you’ll be victorious

and your efforts are not in vain

because one day tHE MAILMAN COMES AND YOU ARE AT HOME

truth be told you act like a five year old in front of the poor dude and he probably thinks you need some help

as in you violently take the package away from him

and then sign the confirmation thing as if it was your first time doing it

once you’re done you immediately slam the door in front of his face

you’re so giddy and excited and so satisfied that you tear the poor box apart

okay that sounded too violent but you don’t waste time unboxing whatever you ordered

when you see the item you are like fINALLY HLDJHK

and it’s even the limited edition one!!!!

“wait what limited what”

the longer you stare at it,,,,, the more you start to ask yourself

when tf did you buy it????

because you clearly cannot remember when you ordered it

no shit sherlock bc you never did

you frantically check the outside of the box and a wide grin is etched on your face once you see the addressee

and the knock on your door comes right on time

it was no other than joshua standing in front of you smiling at you as usual with that soft gaze

“hey y/n i got the notice that you have my mail,,,,,, y/n what are you holding??!?”

“oh hey i accidentally opened your mail i’m sorry pls forgive me bUT WOW SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU BEEN A FAN OF THIS??? I NEVER KNEW THAT,,,, I LOVE THEM TOO!!”

at first he’s baffled and confused but when you start talking about the respective fandom he chimes in and he’s also in his fanboy moment

so you spend talking hours about it and see this as the start of your relationship

you’re both fanatics and even though jisoo is so sweet and composed that’s just his appearance and internally he’s just as wild as you

and he’s such a hardcore stan that you buy him some merch as a present and he’s so grateful and is giddier than ever and vice versa

he starts giving you gifts out of the blue and it perplexes you every time even tho you shouldn’t be surprised 

the entire present thing is just so pure and endearing

and pointless tbh because you end up handing each other the same items at times

when it happened the first time that you got each other the same gift you were like

“o h ,,,,, well brb taking my thing back”

“but why tho y/n?? we can match!!!”

and you were like o O O F

you learn to be fine with it and honestly it’s just a cute thing matching with joshua

and no one really notices because the things you buy for each other aren’t clothes,,,,,, yet

one day you find this really cool new shirt and you know jisoo’s gonna love it and look good as hell in it

so without further ado you buy it

turns out that he thought of the same and bought the shirt for YOU

now there’s when you were trying to back off bc whether you like to admit it or not you are whipped for joshua hong

not because of his fanboy antics but also because you truly like him

so you try to turn him down concerning his shirt for you

“shua sorry but yeah no i can’t accept that one”

“,,,,, why tf not?”

“,,,,, i,,,,, uh,, don’t really think it suits me”

“c’mon but we’d be matching!!”

“won’t people see us as a cOuPLE tHEn?!?!”

“i think we make a good couple tho”

wait what did he just say

his own eyes widen at the sudden confession and although jisoo tries to keep his cool you know he’s starting to panic a lil

you on the other hand are perplexed and don’t know what to do,,,, until the words hesitantly come out of your mouth

“well,,,, i wouldn’t mind us being,,, you know,,,, a thing”

“you wouldn’t mind??”

“,,,, ok i pretty much crave us being a couple and having matching things”

“that’s good to know bc i want that too”

ever since that day the presents haven’t stopped and you still live next to each other

but tbh the entire apartment complex thinks you got married bc whenever they see the two of you,, you happen to have matching outfits

#seventeen #svt #svt fluff #joshua hong #hong jisoo #seventeen fluff #joshua fluff #jisoo fluff #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #joshua scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #joshua imagines #svt au #seventeen au #joshua au #seventeen drabbles #svt drabbles #joshua drabbles #neighbour!au #melis if you're reading this #r u satisfied #look idk if jisoo is allergic to strawberries #but for the sake of the plot roll with it #fanboy joshua a CONCEPT #also matching couple outifts with shua sign me up pls

[bondsmagii]

hey! this might come off as a weird question, but you're one of the most educated and knowledgeable people i can think of, and i really admire that. I'd like to learn and read more, but i have depression so. very low energy and motivation. Do you have any tips for this? Thank you! xx

this is so sweet, thank you!! I feel you so hard on this, bc I also suffer from a lot of Bull Shit™ that makes it incredibly hard for me to focus on things or have the motivation to do things. sometimes I literally just can’t, and admittedly there are times where I waste entire days (or sometimes even weeks) doing nothing. I think the most important thing to remember is that this doesn’t mean you’re never going to make it or that you’re not really committed. everyone who loves to learn probably likes that aesthetic of being wholly dedicated 24/7 but babes that just ain’t practical for a lot of us.

everyone is different and everyone has their own limits and paces to work at, but here’s some tips/things to remember I’ve found work most of the time!

work in short bursts. it can be impossible to work for half an hour, or an hour, but if you’re reading/researching something try little blocks of 10-15 minutes. that gives you room for a break and to absorb things, and if you find yourself getting hooked you can just roll with it. it doesn’t seem like much but I learned the Russian alphabet and Russian cursive entirely in 10 minute blocks over several months, and through doodling the letters constantly. it works!

if you get that thing where you just Can’t Focus on something for too long, do several things. that way when you start procrastinating, you end up procrastinating with something else you wanna do. brain: hacked.

remember that making progress doesn’t have to mean sitting at a desk like a scholar for several hours!! like reading the cool bits of a wiki page for your chosen interest while lying in bed wanting to die totally counts!! in fact lying in bed wanting to die is, imo, a central part of the scholar aesthetic 

for real I don’t think I’ve read a wikipedia article from beginning to end in years I just read snippets until suddenly bam I’ve read it all

same with non-fiction books like linear whom? chronological what?

if you’re learning a language: listen to videos/radio stations/etc in your chosen language. this counts as study. this is very beneficial for learning how sentences are structured/how words sound.

don’t underestimate this like I learned how to sound out Russian words from the shop fronts and advertisements visible in those Russian dashcam videos

…also learned a lot of new words and phrases from those videos but none I can repeat in polite company!!

accept you’re gonna have bad days. there are gonna be days where you just can’t do anything and that’s fine. it doesn’t mean you’re fake or not intelligent or you don’t care. it’s just A Day. be melancholy. come back to it later. wallow for a bit. Lord Byron would be proud.

at the same time if you feel you’ve been doing nothing for too long and it’s getting to you, try and force yourself to do something. even if it’s small. one page of a book or one 10-minute research slot is still more than you did yesterday. still progress.

finally there is no One Single Right Way™ to learn. everyone who says there is is a Liar and Gourd. learn what works for you and go with it, even if it’s unconventional. my energy is higher at really weird times, for example – late at night, early morning, basically nocturnal hours. everyone always rode my ass on it but it’s how I got through school! it’s how I keep up with all my projects! 

“but you should be sleeping” bitch I have depression!! I wouldn’t be sleeping anyway!!

if it works use it like you need all the weapons you can get and everyone else can Shut The H*ck Up

oh one more thing yes some people will be moving faster than you and finshing books and learning quicker but don’t let that get you down. remember everyone has their own fight and that person might just have perfected their own methods. you can learn too. 

for example this ask, I bet I look like a dignified and disciplined scholar, right?

ha! wrong. I’m a mess.

but a mildly productive one

and you too can be a mildly productive mess!!

aaand the tl;dr bc god knows some days I wouldn’t read that wall of text: short bursts, little bits at a time, multiple things at once if you’re a procrastinator or have a short attention span, remember you don’t have to work constantly or in big bursts to be Valid™, listening to a language you’re learning counts as research, find what works for you and run with it 👉👉 (these are finger guns)

#anon #asks

[justsomekpopstuff]

Impossible (Johnny)

Pairing: Johnny x Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU

MASTERLIST

A/N: Thank you so much for bearing with me. I love you all so much, and I am proud of you all.

You and your soulmate are connected by name - you have your soulmates name tattooed on your wrist...

it was just your luck

you just HAD to have a soulmate who had one of the most common names in the world

and you hated it

you were going to have to go through your whole life looking for the one “Johnny” out of millions that could be your soulmate

but there it was, written in black ink on your wrist

it was going to be near impossible for you to find them

the older you got, the less you cared

you figured that if it was going to be near impossible for you to find your soulmate, they were going to have to find you instead

the less time you devoted to attempting to narrow down who your soulmate was, the more time you had for other things

and you decided to get in to music

you learned how to play a few instruments, with the guitar as your favorite

in order to make some extra cash, you began to busk every now again in the park in your town

this one day you were doing your usual performance in your usual spot

you had accumulated a small crowd around you, all listening intently to your voice and your guitar

every now and again, someone would put money in your guitar case, and you would give them a smile and a nod as you sang

the more you sang, the more you made

after a little while, you noticed some new faces in the crowd

there was a guy standing there about your age, and a handsome one at that

he definitely stood out to you, and not because he was at least a head taller than most of the crowd 

to you, he had this aura about him that made him seem approachable and friendly

Johnny had come out earlier for a walk because it was his day off

he had heard your music coming from within the park, and he followed it to the crowd before you

with every note you played, his heart began to beat faster

the moment he finally saw you, he swore his heart exploded

he could feel an itching sensation on his wrist, so he rolled his sleeve up to see that the name on his wrist, (Y/N), was slowly beginning to turn red

you were his soulmate

he had found you

he smiled widely at you as you played, and eventually you returned it when you met his gaze, not thinking anything of it

you played for a little while longer before finishing up the set

the crowd began to break off slowly, and the people went back to their normal routine

except for the guy you had seen earlier

you were starting to gather what you made out of your guitar case when some more money was thrown in

you looked up to see the same guy with a soft smile on his face

you stood up and held out your open hand for him to shake

“hi, im (Y/N). Thank you for listening. Not many people stay for the entire set like you. I appreciate it,”

he shook your hand gently before responding

“nice to meet you, (Y/N), im Youngho”

you felt your heart sink a little bit

this amazing guy standing in front of you, the one who had caught your eye out of countless others, wasn’t your soulmate

you knew that he must have noticed your slight disappointment, and his facial expression changed to concern

“did I say something? i’m very sorry if I did-”

“no, its okay. Its not you. Its just...there was a piece of me that thought you might be my soulmate...”

“Why do you say?”

you chuckled awkwardly, mentally kicking yourself for mentioning it in the first place

“well, you seem like my type...that’s all I’ll say...but my soulmate’s name is something else, so...”

“Well, my name may be Youngho, but everyone calls me Johnny, if that makes you feel any better”

your eyes snapped up to look at him

“you’re not serious...”

“yeah, I am. In fact, people call me it so much that it basically is my name”

you ripped up your sleeve to see your wrist before looking back to him

he was already a step ahead of you, showing that he had your name on his own wrist

only this time, it was written in red, just like yours

“how did you know?”

“as soon as I saw you, I felt a tingling in my wrist. Sure enough, I looked down and it had changed color. I knew it had to be you” he smiled at you

you laughed for a second before giving his arm a playful smack

“do you have ANY IDEA how HARD its been to find you?! I thought I was never going to find you because of your name!”

he chuckled as you continued to rant about how difficult its been trying to find a “Johnny” in a world where there are millions of them

he swore he could feel his heart grow three sizes as he watched, if that was even possible

when you stopped to take a breath, he interjected

“how about this. To make it up to you for having such a generic name, let me take you out to eat”

you were about to continue speaking when he did, and you stopped in your tracks

“you’re trying to assuage my frustration with food?...”

“...yes...”

“... ...”

“... ...”

"...fine...let’s go get pizza, I’m starving”

you picked up your guitar case and began to walk away from your spot, leaving Johnny to process what just happened

he caught up with you fairly easily bc his legs are so long, and soon the two of you were walking in unison

“y’know, you are incredibly talented. Your music is really good” he chirped

“you really think so?” you asked him

“I’m sure. It led me to you, didn’t it? Your impossible soulmate?” he joked

you nudge his side softly as you chuckled together, continuing on your way to retrieve your celebratory pizza

that day, your hope had been restored

you found your impossible soulmate

#johnny #johnny seo #johnny nct 127 #johnny nct #johnny scenario #johnny imagine #nct #nct imagine #nct scenario #nct reaction #nct fluff #nct au #nct soulmate au #nct 127 #nct 127 imagine #nct 127 scenario #nct 127 reaction #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 au #nct 127 soulmate au #kpop #kpop imagine #kpop scenario #kpop reaction #kpop fluff #kpop au #kpop soulmate au #my post

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 2x17 recap

(Aka the one where Jane and Oliver get kidnapped)

Or in short: Oliver proves how not-great he is under pressure; Jane is badass and manages to ensure the survival of not only herself and her bumbling non-boyfriend, but also a couple of innocent kids, because that’s just how awesome she is; Weller utilises every anger-management tactic he’s ever learned and still ends up blowing his gasket bc he doesn’t deal well when his wifey is at risk; Reade reaches new levels of stupidity; Patterson and Tasha are both badass despite being in severe need of a hug; and lil orphaned puppy Roman finally gets to go home with his loving family. 

So basically, this was a kickass episode and I have a lot of thoughts about it.

Enjoy.

Okay literally my first thought is 'thank god the clothes stayed on'. The second thought is more of a smug belief-- and that’s that this is the only bed Jane and Oliver will ever share, bc lbr, this thing was 100% doomed before it even began. No relationship can work when one person within it already has a soulmate, especially when they see said soulmate just about every single day, and are still secretly in love with them. (And the soulmate still loves them too). Like seriously, boy, you never stood a chance. But anyhow, I like that Jane's tranq puncture-site is on the right side of her neck, bc I'd feel kinda sad if they stabbed the bird. I really hope we get to find out the bird's significance someday. I vaguely remember Oscar mentioning something about it at some point (something to do with freedom? Or was that in a  fic?) but I still just want a clear answer. But anyhow, I'm off track again. Both of them seem like they have a thumping headache rn, though Oliver's seems to be worse (or more likely, Jane's just tougher than he is) and it pleases me to think that he's suffering a little for this. After all, he did get poor innocent Jane pulled into his shit. Tbh I also appreciate him getting zapped by the door, Thanks, writers. You know what’s important to me.

Okay so Reade's interaction with Nicki's kid is possibly the best moment he's had in like six episodes?? "No, but that's a cool fact buddy" lol. Damn that is one cute kid. And woah Nicki is looking so clean-cut and professional rn?? And her apartment is so nice and she seems like a good mom and she tells Reade that the partying is a rare thing for her and that they can't see each other anymore and wow I feel like an ass for the assumptions/judgements I made about her character. I'm realising now that in some ways she might actually be too good for Reade... or at least, how he is in his current state. Although damn look at that height difference, that fact alone kinda makes me want to ship them a little bit haha 

As for people that I most definitely do NOT ship, Weller and Nas have met in the conference room at the crack o' dawn, and lol I love his sassy "What the hell am I doing here?" That’s a good question, bud. If you were a little quicker with getting your shit together in regards to Jane (I'll give you a hint: start by telling her how you feel, then KISS HER), you probably would have been snuggled up in bed with her rn and neither of you would be having these problems now. But sigh. We're not there yet. Emphasis on the ‘yet’, bc it’s definitely coming. And then they will be. But anyway lbr if Oliver got kidnapped alone, everyone would be pretty 'meh' about it, and that's not exactly a thrilling episode. But to answer Weller’s original question: Devil Lady has found some files that belonged to the Sandstorm fixer that didn't get destroyed, and wants to show them to him. You know, it's kinda weird. Nas has been actually more tolerable again recently-- it's like she goes through cycles or something. She's like a planet, steadily rotating, light side then dark side then back again. Tbh if I had to pick a planet for her, it'd be Pluto, because it's very small and cold and belongs as far away as possible. But anyhow, apparently she found out that Roman had gone to the Bahamas a few years back to go to a fancy bank and get millions from a trust fund. So if that money went to Sandstorm, maybe they can track it. And basically the only part of this news I care about is the fact that it means Weller and Roman will be interacting more in this ep yaaaaaaaaay

Sigh my little Patterson, hovering anfd fidgeting as she waits for Dr Sun. "I just wanted to talk to you"/"Yes, that's what appointments are for" hehe okay maybe I appreciated that one, Dr Sun, but this doesn't mean I like or trust you. Patterson has apparently decided she's done with therapy now that Borden is dead, and I may not like Dr Sun (and I'm pissed that she told Patterson her headaches were psychosomatic), but she makes a very good point about the bug being another violation into her life and body by Borden/Sandstorm and ugh my poor baby keeps telling everyone she's fine and that she feels nothing but it's all a facade and soon she's gonna crack and ugh I just miss my carefree lil pumpkin who giggled and kissed David in a library and ugh it's just all very upsetting

Lol so Oliver's all panicky and looking to Jane-- who, remember, he still has no idea is a super soldier-- to tell him what's going on and what to do and wow man there's really not much backbone in there at all, is there? Yet another reason why he and Jane would never work; his soft, lily-white hands and her strong, callused ones just don't fit. Hers and Weller's, though... But anyway yes of course I know that strength and ruggedness etc are not really requirements for a good partner, but I think they're a necessity in Jane's case specifically. She spends all her time being a pillar of strength-- she needs someone that she can be on even footing with, someone who will support her and have her back just as she has his. And hmmm, strange, this is actually sounding familiar... who does she have that kind of connection with......? But anyhow, back to the man of the (very, very fleeting) moment. He's doing a lot of face-scrunching as Jane apologises to him for causing this, for having enemies etc. And while she's trying to plan, to work out solutions, he's being ridiculously unhelpful-- until he accidentally reveals that he knows where they are, and ooooh boy, you're seconds away from turning from a figurative dead weight to a literal one. She shoves him into a wall (awww, she and Weller even have the same moves lol) and mmmm yep this is much more the kind of physical contact I prefer to see between them. She looks like she's considering roughing him up a little more (I may or may not have yelled "Kick his ass, Jane!"), when a voice comes over the speakers, referring to him as Oliver Steele (okay literally are we in a comic book right now? Because he's apparently gone from a name that implies coldness and inhumanity to the name 'Kind' and I'm sorry I'm a little dizzy from all my eye-rolling). But anyhow he's ordered to stand in front of the camera and recite the message they've left for him, one Jane grabs and reads while he's still pressed against the wall like he's afraid to move haha. Turns out his father is a big-time thief/embezzler and now he's gotta pay back what he stole in order to save Oliver and Jane's lives. Let's hope he hasn't spent it all haha. Turns out the place they're in used to be Oliver's family's holiday house when he was a kid, but unfortunately he doesn't know the address, which surprises me, bc he's usually always so useful and reliable *snorts*. Also lol they said he grew up in Sydney-- the casting people do know that Australian and New Zealander accents are different, right? He'd never pass for a native Sydney-sider. But aaaaaaanyway. Also wow what a shady jerk, he tries to evade the truth by saying maybe they've asked for the ransom just bc his dad was rich. (Not Rich, bc that'd be weird and also pretty much impossible). Also I never realised Oliver was an accountant?? That's just so... white-collar. And dull, at least when compared with being a super secret agent. Yet more reason why these two would literally never work. "How was your day honey?" "Oh I just stopped a terror attack that would have wiped out half of Manhattan. What about you?" "....I did calculations with a ton of digits in them". Yeah, nah. No-go. Luckily for Mr Panicky, Jane already has a plan underway, because nobody but Weller is allowed to giver her orders and expect them to actually be followed lol

Speaking of Jane's 'supervisor', he's down with Nas and Roman in the cell, showing him the picture of him at the bank-- which is enough to trigger a memory of him signing the paperwork at the bank, withdrawing money from a trust belonging to someone that died. And while he doesn't remember who it was, he knows that he probably killed them for it. And ugh he calls himself a monster, because so many of his memories involve killing, and ugh Weller tells him he's not that person anymore-- and when Roman questions how he could know that, he tells him that he watched Jane go through the exact same thing. There was a brief time where Weller believed Jane was a monster, but he knows the truth now, knows that she is good without a single shadow of doubt in his mind. Whatever she did-- whoever she was-- in her Sandstorm life means nothing, because she isn't that person anymore. She's Jane, his Jane, and he would trust her not only with his life, but the lives of everyone he loves. And he wants to be the same for her; wants her to know that he'd do anything for her. And so he starts by becoming an advocate for Roman, developing a connection with him and supporting him. In the last few days he's sparred with him, taken him out into the field, brought him beers in his cell and just hung out, and now is reassuring him that he sees the good in him. You can see him truly starting to care for Roman, maybe even feel a kinship with him bc of how easily Kurt could have been the one Shepherd took under her wing and brainwashed-- she had access to him at his most vulnerable time, and if her plan had involved recruiting him then, it probably would have worked. So there's all that going on, and plus, I think he also just kinda likes Roman? Genuinely? Which is lucky bc you boys got a lot of shared family holidays ahead of ya, just sayin'

Anyways back in the Cabin In The Woods, where Jane has found a penny to unscrew the camera cage, then smash it in with a lamp, knowing that the captors will have to come get them if they want Oliver to make that demand video. And Oliver is all confused and a little frightened by her badassery (again, he clearly can't handle a strong woman) and she explains that she used to be a criminal, but isn't anymore, and ugh I am so proud of her and the fact that she openly takes responsibility for all the wrong she has done, but also states with such conviction that she's no longer that person. Ugh, Jane knowing and believing that she's a good person... look how far my baby's come. And the fact that Weller helped her to believe it.... ugh. My beautiful supportive soulmate babies. But anyway lol she gives Oliver the lamp (bc lbr he'd be completely useless without a weapon) and then takes on three armed captors by herself while he just stands inthe background. Looks like he's completely useless even WITH a weapon. And then hahahaa the boss guy "guess it was a mistake to take the girl". Yeah, you sure got that right buddy haha

Ooooohh Reade has been called into the principal's office, uh-ohs... and ugh poor Zapata is watching so anxiously from her desk and you just know Reade is going to be pissed about this, even though she gave him very clear and fair warning, and she did it for his own good. And ugh for a start all Weller says is that she told him Reade was going through some stuff, and for a second I thought that maybe she'd just said he was over-stressed and needed to be given some vacation time, but then Weller brings up the drugs and ugh he's trying so hard to protect Reade, to get him help without suspending him or putting anything on his record, and he even comes around and sits on the edge of the desk so there's not that 'separation' between them-- not boss and employee, but friends, brothers-- and ugh he's being so gentle and trying to offer help, and suddenly Reade is throwing it back in his face, exploding up from his chair, and Weller is on his feet so fast bc he's got to be prepared in case this gets physical, and ughhhhh he keeps trying to bridge the gap, reaching out as a friend-- but Reade cuts him off and tells him that they're not friends, or family, just coworkers, and ughhhhhhhhh you can see that that really hurts Weller? He cares about Reade, and to him, they WERE like family. And of course he feels like he's failed as their leader-- he should have seen this storm brewing and helped defuse it before it was anything more than a couple of grey clouds, but he's been so tied up with his own issues (which, to be fair, have been numerous and rather big) that he hasn't been holding his team together like he should. And I'm completely certain that Reade has referred to himself as Weller's friend before, which means that that friendship has been lost, and poor Weller didn't even know it was happening. UGHHHH. And ugh he's still trying to help Reade even though he's starting to get angry at Reade for being so awful, and oh Weller "I'm doing everything in my power not to fire you" ughhh he's STILL trying to protect him and then ugh stupid Reade just quits and storms out and part of me wants to say "So long, asshole!!" because of how he's treated the others, but I know they'll be sad woithout him so I hope he comes back. Tho lbr, we do know that someone dies soon... I mean it's not impossible that they're distancing Reade and making him unlikeable so that it's easier for the viewers to swallow if he does die. But ugh I hope that's not the case. Ugh the team needs Jane's sweet comforting nature more than ever rn tbh

Lol it's fairly telling when someone asks if your father was a good parent and the best you can come up with is 'he was fine' haha. But then ughh noooo this boss guy lost his daughter bc Oliver's dad stole all her money and destroyed her business, and ugh okay I do feel really bad for him. But while I could roll with his kidnapping plan if it was all a bluff, I can't be on his side if he's going to kill innocents as retribution for the actions of others. That's not how justice works, that's not how any of this works! But ugh my clever Jane uses the ploy of comforting a trembling Oliver (lbr this guy was totally a rabbit or something in another life, whereas Jane was clearly a big cat of some kind. A mountain lion, maybe. Weller was a bear, in case anyone was wondering). But ugh anyway she's so smart, ensuring that her very, very distinctive arm is in the shot so that the team would know she was there when they saw it (lbr Weller would have recognised it even without the tatts). Also uh oh, the kidnappers also have someone else captive?? Plot twiiiist

Lol when Patterson shows the video, I love that Zapata instantly recognises Oliver as the guy Jane's been dating (well, I guess she did just look up his background check a couple of days ago lol) and Weller's staring at the screen like he doesn't know how to feel-- on one hand he's not exactly a fan of Oliver, but on the other, he knows Jane cares about the guy and it would hurt her if something happened to him, and also Weller's a protector by nature so he would never want to see an innocent person hurt. But still. And then Jane's hand enters the frame and I feel like Weller's brain goes into a momentary shutdown, like the 'PROTECT JANE' alarm bells are instantly shrieking inside his head and ugh his voice sounds so mechanical when he says that she's there too, like he's got to keep himself locked down super tight or he'll snap and start smashing things. And then they find the video of the kids, and so now they have four people to rescue from two separate locations-- and saving one pair might endanger the other, meaning that to save their teammate and friend (and for one of them, their soulmate) could lead to the death of two kids. But rescuing the kids first could mean losing Jane forever. Prisoner's dilemma, indeed. The mother of the kids has apparently gone off-grid, so Tasha takes responsibility for tracking her down. Nas will decrypt the videos with Patterson, who asks if Reade's in yet-- and Weller just says he's not coming in today. Even though he has already been in, and out. I wonder if Tasha knows that he actually quit? Maybe she just thinks Weller suspended him. Did Weller have time to tell her? 

But anyway ugh Weller's first thought (or second, after MUST SAVE JANE) was to go to Roman, to let him know so he wouldn't be in the dark about the threat to his sister. And Roman is like ‘are you telling me bc you want me to do something?’ And Weller just tells him that he had the right to know and ughhhhhhhh no one in the world loves Jane as much as these two men do and tbh I think Weller really needed this moment with Roman? Like even if they didn't mention how much Jane means to them both, it would mean a lot just knowing he was in the room with someone who was suffering like he was, who couldn't bear to lose her either. Roman is so shaken as he thanks Weller and honestly Weller looks like he's nearly in tears. I wonder if he's looking at Roman and wondering if he's going to become the only link Weller has left to the woman he loved and lost? And then ugh he doesn't need to comfort Roman rn, but still he comes and sits down with open body language, putting them on the same level and being open with him, and tells him that everything he did in the past was under Shepherd's orders, and that maybe she was the only one who was the monster. Which Roman can't quite believe just yet but I hope maybe one day he will. And then ugh "Jane's the only family I have left. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her" and UGHHHH you can just see the understanding in Weller's eyes. He doesn't know either, because he's already barely survived losing Jane once-- and that time, at least he had his anger to fuel him, to keep him from facing how he really felt. But this time... this time, he wouldn't survive it. Which is why he tells Roman that they'll find her. He'll find her and get her out alive, or he’ll die trying. 

I'm a bit iffy on the whole "I've known those kids since they were in preschool" thing. Hasn't his dad been missing for years? One of those kids only looked like ten, so why would he not know them before his dad left but definitely know them after? But anyhow, he and Jane are now unable to escape without risking the kids' safety. But Jane's always been clever, and able to think outside the box. They were told not to escape, but no one said anything about calling for help... Also ugh the way she calls them "my team". That's right, honey, they ARE your team. Your family. They will come for you, just like you would come for them. And lol when she says FBI, he's like "Who are you??" And it's like, well, she's FBI. She just told you that. Ooooh things are getting kinda rocky between them now that they're realising how little they actually knew each other, and how little of themselves that they trusted the other with. This pairing was doomed from the start, but I think it has just now officially gone up in smoke. And so, appropriately, they're headed up the chimney (honestly I'm surprised that Oliver made it haha) and ugh they'd just reached a phone in the room above when they were busted. Also okay I'm familiar with fireplaces (I grew up in a renovated 120 year old cottage) but I'm not familiar with fireplaces in multiple-storey homes (again, bc of the cottage, and also bc the vast majority of Australian houses are single storey bc we have so much room to spread out). But anyhow surely you can't scale a chimney from one floor to another? I need a fireplace expert haha. And so anyway, the two of them are marched downstairs at gunpoint, with Oliver noticing a house being watched on a videofeed before he's shoved forwards. Oooh, is he going to actually make himself useful for once?

Weller's actually doing a pretty good job keeping cool, tbh. Tho maybe he just smashed a few things before walking into the lab. They've located the grandmother of the kids, who was called by the dad, and who they think is going to pay the ransom so that the mother doesn't get arrested for stealing all that money. Damn, why did they even need to steal it if the grandma was already that loaded? Also how much total was stolen from the firm? Bc if they said 200 total, then obviously each conspirator would only have a portion. And plus they stole the money years ago, I'm sure most of t is gone by now. But anyway, unimportant.

Boss guy's second in command (Aka the Freddie Mercury wannabe) plops Oliver and Jane down on the couch and then conveniently gathers his team around him to be screamed at, giving Oliver the opportunity to tell Jane about the house he saw and where it is. Then Freddie gets grumpy and pokes them with his big gun until they’re quiet lol. But too late, bud. Jane has already hatched her plan, and spoiler alert, it’s not gonna work out well for you...

Okay this lady's glasses are tripping me out. She looks like a human-insect hybrid that's bleeding from its tear ducts. Which I'm assuming is not the look she was going for. But with that aside, the main take away from this moment is that Oliver's father is in Switzerland... and also dead. Well, that is certainly somewhat of a setback. Also ugh I love how quiet Weller is being? Like I feel like he let Zapata take the lead here bc all his energy is focused on not exploding into a mini supernova of worry and fear and rage. So he sits there and keeps the lid on tight, silently simmering, drawing on every ounce of calm and focus that he has. When Patterson confirms Magnus' death and Zapata starts to crack a little (ugh the emotion in her voice as she says 'so we have nothing', someone hold me) he holds strong, reminding them that they've bought a little time by preventing the woman from paying her ransom, and that the baddies don’t know Magnus is dead. All is not lost yet.  

Meanwhile Boss guy is shaking his head at Jane and Oliver like a disappointed parent, though tbh I'm kinda more distracted by one of his henchmen who is off to Jane’s right and holding a big gun, bc damn, this guy is fiiiiiiiiiine. I really hope he's not going to die. Anyway Jane smoothly lies that they were looking for a phone, not to call for help, but to call Magnus, bc lbr the dude is a baby boomer or above and so probably doesn't hang on YT watching cat videos in his spare time. (Or videos of engines on vehicles and heavy duty agricultural equipment, like some of the male nurses at my work do. Weird, I know). But her ruse works, and he lets Oliver call his dad's old number-- and he does, looking all like 'uhhhhhhhhhh what do I do nowwww' as he does so. And then Jane yanks it off him and tells Magnus he needs to pay the ransom, while also dropping a whole bunch of Sandstorm keywords into the conversation, knowing that it would be flagged by Nas' technology. And almost like he was drawn to her voice, (okay or more likely he was the first one informed about the call, but whatever) Weller enters the lab with Roman in tow, earning a lot of confused looks and a generous amount of awkward silence before Nas tries to intervene. But Weller ain't having nobody's shit today, and just firmly says that Roman is staying up there with them. And so the whole team-- plus its newest member-- listen in on the message, and realise that the latter part of it sounds kind of odd; it's a message using the first letter of each word-- SAVE KIDS AT WHITESHORE. Roman wants them to wait til they know Jane's location so they can save both teams at once, but Weller trusts his wifey, and she said to go after the kids. So no matter how much it terrifies him to put her at risk, he’ll do what she asked. He and Tasha will go save the kiddos while Patterson and Nas try to find Jane, and Roman goes back to his cell to sit and wait and stew. Sigh, my poor boy, I would hug you if I could

Back in the cabin fever, Jane tells Oliver that he needs to be ready to run when she tells him to, once they know the kids are safe. And ugh I just love how much faith she has in the team. She knows they won’t fail to understand her message or to rescue the kids. Meanwhile Oliver is all 'we can't, it's too dangerous!' and she's just like 'bitch, please' lol. Come on bro, grow a set. You can do it. Meanwhile Weller and Tasha and a whole squad burst into the house where the kids are being kept, killing all the armed captors. Tasha comforts the kids and brings them out (tbh I'd happily be rescued by her anyday) while Weller's iron control finally snaps, and he kicks a guy to the floor and roars at him to tell him where the other hostages are. Clearly the guy upstairs at the cabin watching the monitor notices the commotion, though, because he radios down to the others-- which is all the signal Jane needs. She shouts at Oliver to run, then yanks an old wooden ski off the wall and beats the crap out of their captors with it. Oliver is rabbiting, just as he was ordered-- but he runs into another baddie, and then said baddie ends up running into some very spiky antlers mounted on the wall. If it was his house, I would say that that had a kind of ironic justice to it, with him being killed by an animal that he himself killed (I'm not a fan of hunting unless it's purely for meat, and displaying any sort of animal trophy is something I'm really against, but hey, that’s just a personal preference) but it's not his house, so that's irrelevant. Jane takes her opponent out with a fire poker (I love that the guy she fought went down after one hit but the woman kept fighting) and then she finds Oliver still staring at the impaled guy. They rush for the door, only to come face to face with the boss guy and Freddie and a couple of randoms. Seemingly not the hottie, though, which sucks. Boss guy is about to kill Oliver, but Jane saves him by convincing him that Magnus will never care about a lost child in the way that he does, and that his daughter wouldn’t have wanted him to become a murderer. And ugh it wooorks and the guy decides to let them go-- except then damn Freddie shoots him in the back, and takes over the operation, demanding money or he'll kill Jane. Oliver desperately offers him the money from his charity-- about $50M-- but they have to go to the headquarters to make the transfer because of some failsafe requiring two boardmembers. Jane gives him an approving nod, and quickly scratches the charity's logo into the leather couch with the sharp edge of her ziptie. Pretty damn neat for something drawn behind one's back, but hey, it's Jane, and she can do pretty much anything, so I'll allow it. 

Aah Pluto-Nas is being all light-side again which is super confusing. Why is she being so nice to Roman? Is it just bc the writers wanted him to say the "I belong in here" line and Weller couldn't be in this scene so they just went for Nas instead? I literally do not get why she actually looks sad for him though ugh. What is going onnnnnnn she just keeps spinningggggg and I don’t know what she waaaaaantsssss

Oooh Weller and Tasha have reached the cabin, though everyone has gone and the place has been thoroughly cleaned up. Eagle-eye Tasha spots the mark Jane left behind though (yeah, girl!), showing Weller and telling him it's the logo for Oliver's charity. And lol there's a tiny edge to his voice as he asks how she knows that, like she's been going on double dates with Jane and Oliver or something, and it's all like 'Tasha how could u'/'I thought you were on my side' lol and she explains that she ran a background check on him for Jane (lol she says "when they first started dating"-- it was literally like two days ago. Tho lbr they've only been dating for like a week so it still counts haha). 

So the team rushes back to Manhattan, which is like at least a 2 hour helicopter ride away. At Oliver’s offices, Jane's cuffed in the back of a van with two guards (ooh, fellas, I don't like your odds of surviving this) while Freddie takes Oliver upstairs at gunpoint to complete the transfer. And then in walks one of his co-boardmembers, who apparently didn't see the huge guy with the gun until she was literally inside the office, despite the walls and door being entirely made of glass. Poor lady, she's probably sleep deprived. I wonder how he chose which boardmember to call, though? Personally I would have chosen a man without kids, if that was an option. Maybe she's the coolest one under pressure? Or maybe she lives close or always works late or something. But anyhow the FBI arrives outside with lights flashing, which is not exactly a terrific move considering the bad guys could very easily have a lookout?? Good thing both of the other dudes are in the van with Jane and can't see outside...  Ah but poor Jill is having some difficulties with her password, and Oliver-- in a fit of bravery, about time son-- grabs for the gun and yanks it upwards just in time to prevent her being shot. The sound comes over the radios, which again is just enough distraction for Jane to start kicking the crap out of her guards, then get her cuffed hands in front and steal a knife off one of them, shoving it into his neck and then throwing it into the chest of the second. And holy SHIT that was AMAZING! I love this kinda thing. Also Jane must have rubbed off on Oliver a little bit (thankfully not in any other sense of those words tho) bc he holds his own against Freddie just long enough for Nas to get there and shoot him. So if she’s leading the team, I guess Weller and Tasha are still on their way back from Vermont, then?

Oh we're back at the NYO already? Ugh, okay. Anyway Jane and Patterson come to the conference room to tell Oliver the news about his father's death, and Patterson shows him the donations that his dad made to his charity before tactfully leaving the two of them alone. Jane's sweet, trying to comfort him by telling him that she believed his dad still cared for him and was trying to make up for the wrong he'd done. And then she offers to take him home (to his home, not hers, obviously), knowing that he would have been really shaken by the events of the day and she wants to make sure he has someone to talk to if he needs it. I honestly don't think she was planning for their relationship to go any further than today. He certainly isn’t, and gently breaks things off (they're already broken, bud, it's okay). But aw he tells her that she was incredible today. Yeah, she was. And far too good for you, bucko! The only reason you're the dump-er right now is because you beat her to it. But I'm kinda glad you did, so she doesn't have to feel like any more of the bad guy than she already does.

Wait what?? Both Weller and Nas going to Dr Sun to ask for Roman to be allowed out on house arrest?? Like I totally understand and am unsurprised by Weller wanting this (I feel like he's wanted to do so since working with Roman in the field), but Nas?? What motive does she have?? Does she just want Roman out where he'll trigger more memories and be more effective at bringing them closer to Sandstorm?? Or does she want him somewhere where he's less protected, more easily targeted? Or is she hoping he’ll remember the Zipping and turn on Jane?? What are you doing, you enigmatic ice queen??? Dr Sun's not a fan of the idea, bc she's still on the 'Roman's a damaged monster' train. Which means Weller's taking the request to the top of the food chain. Damn, he's really going in to bat for Roman (*cough* for Jane *cough) and ugh I love him for it. 

As usual, Jane is also busy worrying about others-- she goes straight to Zapata the moment Oliver walks away, and asks about Reade, wanting to know if he's okay. Tbh tho I'm bummed that we didn't get to see the moment when the team (okay, yes, particularly Jeller) reunited?? Were there hugs??? Long, lingering touches?? Meaningful and maintained eye contact?? Give me something, writers, c’mon. But anyway Zapata sighs that she honestly doesn’t know, looking sad-- then brightens a bit as she crooks that knowing eyebrow with a "what about you?" haha. Jane immediately says she'll be okay-- because she already is, tbh-- and then says that getting dumped for the first time wasn't a lot of fun. Well, considering that you killed one ex and the other threw you in jail, this is actually kind of the best that any of your breakups has gone? And then she says that there was too much baggage between them, and Zapata tells her that that's a cop out-- and for a second I'm like ‘giiiirl what're you doing?? Are you trying to encourage Jane to try again with Oliver???’ And then she adds that, baggage or no baggage, she and Oliver just weren’t right for each other (oh. Phew.). And so Jane asks how you know when it's right (Come on honey, let's be real here. You already know.) and Zapata tells her that when it's right, you make room for the baggage. And literally on cue, Weller steps out of the elevator and calls Jane's name. Or maybe that was destiny calling?? Lbr they're one and the same for Jane lol. And ughh Jane just stares at him for a moment and tbh I feel so robbed that we didn't get to see the smirk that would have crossed Zapata's face right then, bc lbr we all know it was there. I can totally picture her responding to Jane's 'goodnight' with a wink and a 'go make room!' (before adding 'and then go get one' under her breath hahahaha).

Ugghhhhh I cannot get over this scene. Weller's all serious as he and Jane head down to Roman's cell, and I'm sure she would have asked him what's going on and whether Roman is alright, and he would have told her he's fine but just left it at that because this big dumb softie wants Roman to be able to tell her the news himself. And so Jane is all confused and concerned when they walk in and both Nas and Dr Sun are there-- they've just been briefing Roman on the rules of the deal but she doesn't know that, and ugh I hope that Weller did assure her that everything was all okay before they got to the cell bc otherwise she'd probably be instantly afraid that it meant he was about to be taken back to the CIA or something. Although she does look back at Weller when they come through the door and he just gives a tiny nod so hopefully she knows he's got her back. But ughh then Roman tells her that they're putting him on house arrest and shows her the ankle monitor (which I feel like shouldn’t have a gap in its band but whatevs lol) and smiiiiiles like the adorable puppy he is and Weller tells her that Roman's going to stay at the safehouse with her (the level of TRUST that is being shown here oh my goddddd) and she literally doesn't seem to know what to do with herself rn like she looks at Weller and then back at Roman and her LIP IS TREMBLING and neither of them really listens to Dr Sun as she names her conditions, they're just staring at each other in stunned joy, and Jane's shock turns into a tearful (but glowing) smile as she finally asks "You're getting out????" and ugh I wish she could see the big dumb smile on Weller's face behind her, he's so proud of himself and so happy for them and ugh Roman is allowed to walk out past her and she looks at Weller for a moment before remembering the other two, shooting a grateful glance at them as well, but I stg if it had just been Weller there she would have literally thrown her arms around him without a second of hesitation and he would have squeezed back and she would have whispered thank you in his ear before turning and hurrying away with Roman because she wouldn't have wanted him to see the tears on her face-- but he'd already felt them in the little damp patch on his shoulder and he would have just stood there for a moment looking around the cell with a dumb little smile on his face and then he would have cleared his throat and put on his business face and given the guard a very professional nod as he thanked them and relieved them of their duty and ughhhhhhhhh. I am so sad that this ep had two excellent opportunities for hugs and yet we got none. But anyhow. At least we did get her whispered thanks and that intense eye contact with the "you have no idea what this means to me" and the "I have some idea" bc of course he does, he was the one who brought Jane to her safehouse that first night, the one who no longer had to watch her locked up like an animal, suffering and alone. She would still be those things-- he couldn’t fix that yet-- but at least she was now being treated like a person. And ugh it must have been so hard for him to leave her there that first night, to let her go when she'd hugged him, knowing that he wanted to stay and keep holding her until she stopped trembling against him. So yes, he did know a little something about it. 

And so ughhhhh she gets Roman home and nods to their detail and the agents immediately obey her and go (technically Weller is her direct supervisor, which means she probably outranks them. Technically.) and ugh the siblings are left to hang out on their own and joke about what they're going to order and clearly this little freedom experiment is working already bc he just had a memory of collecting that money from earlier-- it was her trust, under the name Alice Kruger, and the form states that she was killed in action. And it seems like he believes it, because he's crying over it. But okay I'm confused about this. Was she still going by Alice (at least officially) at that time? I had assumed that Shepherd changed their identities when they were taken from the orphanage? But I guess maybe they stayed Krugers in the official sense and that’s what all their IDs said, but within Sandstorm they were known exclusively by their new names? Tbh I can't really remember what the go was with Sandstrorm vs Orion; Remi was like Sandstorm's plant in Orion, right? Also damn, as a sidenote this means Jane should technically be a multimillionaire rn. Woah.    

Oh, Reade. Oh, you absolute walking disaster. I like the bartender for making sure he wasn't driving; lbr it'd be just the kinda stupid thing he would in his current state of mind. And then he sees the dealers and boooiiiiii don't you go over there. Don’t do it. This is going to be a bad idea...  aaand yep, it is. Too bad you're so distinctively handsome, bc you got recognised, and now you've had the crap kicked out of you. I feel bad for you, but tbh bud you kinda deserve it a lil bit. Now go show up at Zapata's door, apologise profusely, and ask to stay on her couch until you pull your life together. Hop to it.                 .                            

Oh Paterson honey :( I'm  so sorry that this has affected you so much and that you can't escape Borden's impact even now that he's (most likely) dead. For a second when she was staring at the Oregon Trail I thought that maybe he'd actually left a message inside for her somehow, like an apology or a lead on Sandstorm or something. But nope, she was just afraid of another bug. And then she starts tearing everything apart which is such an inefficient way to search tbh. She should have just gone to work and grabbed a scanner thing, but clearly she's not in the right frame of mind for the sensible option.... ugh can we all just hug her forever please                  

Ngl I'm a little displeased that Weller and Nas are walking somewhere together rn, discussing the call from Jane about the trust (ugh I bet she thanked Weller again and it was like this little intimate moment, but which Nas promptly interrupted of course). Anyway I'm just gonna pretend that he's being a kind person and is walking her to her subway stop or something so she doesn't have to be out alone. Also man Archie is TINY. Wow. But anyway then the guy approaches Weller and Weller immediately has his hand on his gun. Good boy, very sensible. But nope it's not a threat, it's a lawsuit haha. And then one is delivered to each of the team, because they're being investigated for aiding and abetting a terrorist organisation. Well, there was that thing with the HMX, and the fact that two of Sandstorm’s ringleaders are now kinda members of the team.... but ugh I'm so looking forward to the new ep and seeing how they all deal with this (I wonder if Reade will be brought back in, given his involvement??) and tbh I kinda have missed Weitz's snark haha  

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #happy Blindspot day!