#like rn ive had a vague thing in my head like a lil almost fic idea

[cerealmonster15]

u ever get that like emotional paralysis of doing things Only For Fun but ur like Fearing Ur Own Potential Cringe despite being in the privacy of ur own home and no one’s even seeing what ur up to

#like rn ive had a vague thing in my head like a lil almost fic idea #but just kinda concept not really a full thing #so im telling myself ok. just jot it down as it's coming. #doesnt have 2 be a full story. no one else ever has 2 see it. just do it as an exercise a warm up just get the ideas down in flow #and i looked at the blank page and went @-@ no this is embarassing #girl to who!!!!! #it's not even an embarrassing or sensitive topic #im just. scared for Some Reason ldjfd #maybe im scared bc it is characters ive never written and a fandom ive not really written from #except a partial wip #lol im scared of my own shadow judging my activities i guess!!!!!!!! #is this why i havent finished the other wips too #i had a slight breakthru with one the other day but #even tho i think im unblocked on that one now im. scared to try to progress #scared of it turning out 'bad' i guess???? #is it bc im constatnly hearing other peoples negative self talk about #not feeling perfect at stuff or w/e #and im like absorbing it #theres def uhhh some negativity from a few people in my life that i think is #hghghghg Getting To Me Lately #but indirectly yknow. like not hating on me #but hating on themselves / doing self destructive things #but by constantly tellin me about it + me being in that space has me like ohhhhhhh nooooo im reverting back to my paaaaaaaaaaaast #or perhaps not a full 'past' but kinda that come and go phases #whatever idk if this makes sense outside of my brain but it makes sense to ME