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oddferalair · 4 years

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characterization quotes

Robin Support See, now you're just not thinking logically. We've killed countless people in this war— what's a few more souls on the ledger? Seems like an arbitrary line to me... But all right. You're the tactician! No more unholy summoning sigils. Heck, I always obey orders! Well, except for stupid ones like "don't fight the enemy." If someone tried to tell me that, I'd cut 'em in half and feed them to the crows! Lissa Support If you don't rest up before a battle, you might find yourself resting up in a grave. That does seem like a problem. War is killing and death, ya know? Keeping people you care about alive means making the other guy dead. Nya ha ha! Just a little touch of Henry's Super Sleepy-Time Magic! ...The nonlethal version. First you don't want any allies or enemies to die, and now BIRDIES are off the table? ...You're a strange one, Lissa. Nya ha ha! Me? Sweet? That's a new one. Besides, you're the one who's always concerned about people dying and stuff. I don't know how you do it, honestly. I couldn't go a week! I'm not much of a mood guy, I'm afraid, unless we're talking gruesome bloodshed... Well, how about this: I did get you a ring! Will that work?

Frederick Support

I want my dying thought to be about blood! ...Or maybe ichor. H-hey, Frederick! Easy with the bear hugs! These little bones might snap like...Oh, whoa! Are you CRYING?! You really think people notice what I do around here? 'Cause I doubt it. I mean, what kind of things do they say about me now? Nya ha ha! If you lay it on any thicker, I'll be smothered to death! But I'm not training to make myself look good in front of my comrades, you know? Well, because the more I practice, the more stuff I'm able to do. I like being good at lots of things. Sully Support Absolutely! I'll need a pound of flesh, seven fingernails, and your left kidney. Nya ha ha! I jest. A single hair will do just fine. Yep yep! That's it, all right. I can curse till I'm blue in the face, but if their will's stronger than mine? Pbbt. Aw, you're going to make me blush. I'm nothing special. Miriel Support You have? That's great! I cast hexes all the time, and I've never come up with ONE theory about them. Nya ha ha! Oh, stop it, Miriel! You'll make me blush. Although it's pretty much true. When it comes to hexing folks, I'm the master. Why, this one time at mage camp, I killed 100 people with one curse! Er, I don't remember when. ...Or where exactly. But it totally could have happened. Henry: Well, you know that town we passed through a few days ago? I saw a pregnant lady on the main street with a load of cheese and fruit in her arms. She looked pretty tired and worn out, so I stopped to help her carry her wares. Right?! Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more I realized pregnancy is dumb. So I'm planning to help the mothers of the world by inventing a special curse. I'm gonna create a hex that conjures new kids right out of thin air! Sumia Support I'm a mage! I just wave my wand and mutter a little incantation... Humina humina humina... Presto! The busted bowls are busted no more! Yeah, it's just a temporary hex, unfortunately. Tomorrow they'll be in pieces again. But at least folks won't have to eat out of their hats tonight. Oh, that spell can certainly be used for evil. All it does is reverse time. See, so if something bad happens to someone and you cast it on them... They have to experience that same tragedy over and over again! Nya ha! Isn't it obvious? You're me, and I'm you! Clever curse, eh? Well, you're about as magic as an old sock, so this was the only way. And while you cast some hexes, I'm going to ride your pegasus all over camp! Woo-hoo! I'm gonna swoop down on people and drop stuff on their heads! Ricken Support Oh? I thought word had gotten around. Yeah, Gangrel was toppled before I got the chance to fight any real battles. A shame, too. It would've been fun to face off against the Shepherds! Then there was Mustafa. He always gave me a bag of peaches whenever I visited. He said I reminded him of his son and that I should consider myself part of his family. Yep. Dead as driftwood, they are. And it was you Shepherds who killed 'em! Their friends and families are probably still crying their eyes out. No! I'd be very sad and angry. And I'd find out who did it, hunt them down, and exact bloody revenge! ...Oh yes. There would be blood. When I was with Plegia, I didn't think much about this kind of thing. Maybe because in that army, I didn't have real friends like I do here. I guess, sure. Honestly, I'm not much good with touchy-feely stuff. You know what I'd rather talk about? The next battle! Maribelle Support Talking to the flower. She says she's very grateful that you spoke to her. Also, she says she'll stay strong as long as you do, too. I'm not feigning anything. I'm just really in touch with the natural world. I can talk to any living thing you want. Trees. Flowers. Maggots. Ooooooh... Maaaggots... Meh, not to me. Everyone kicks the bucket at some point, so why fret? See, now that I can understand. But get this—I've got a special curse ready, see? Been working on it for a while now. If you're mortally wounded, it kills you off before you suffer any pain! Just...poof. Off ya go! It's 'cause I'm not scared, Maribelle. Fighting is actually pretty simple. I just have to kill the other guy before he has a chance to kill me. Panne Support That's not very neighborly, now is it? What difference does one's religion make? I just want to be friends! Ylisse is weak enough as it is. If the exalt were assassinated, I worried they'd lose the war in a week! That would have been a terrible waste of a perfectly fun war. Er, the beast half, I guess. I love animals! I wish I could be one. Even a half one would be okay with me. My parents abandoned me in the woods when I was little. So it was mostly the nice animals there who raised me. I still love their smell. It relaxes me in a totally nostalgic sort of way. So if I went out and killed them all, could we be friends? I'm not that young, and I don't think I'm stupid. But hey, who knows, right? Cordelia Support Oooh, lucky guy. I wish someone would make ME a nice cozy scarf! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh. Say, what if the wife was dead? Could you give it to him then? That's kind of like making yourself sad on purpose, isn't it? You want help? 'Cause I've got a curse that'll REALLY make you miserab— I asked Lissa for advice, and she told me to take you on a big shopping trip. She said a few hours trying on dresses and armor would fix that broken heart, pronto! I don't really get all this "feelings" stuff, but if you say so. Er, but if you're REALLY grateful, you could join me for a fruit pie... Nya ha! No, it's a scheme to make you fall in love with me. Nowi Support Yep! They're probably quivering in fear under their beds and crying like babies. But no worries! There'll be more victim—er, that is, village kids—at our next camp. Right. You can't actually touch her. My magic is good, but not THAT good! Hey! I spent a lot of time and effort on this, you know! Tharja Support Hee hee! Smiling? This is how I always look. Sorry! Nothing sinister over here. I'm just a hale and hearty mage. Nope! Not me! Although I do own a cloak and a couple daggers. Aw, I don't get into politics. I just want to toss fireballs at bad guys. Hey! Tharja! You forgot to remove the curse! Oh, well. I suppose it'll fizzle out eventually. La la la... Do you need a death curse? Please say you need a death curse. Yeah, dispelling curses is kind of my specialty. Right now, whoever cast that curse must be in one confused pickle! Too bad we can't be there to see it. That would be swell! Oh yeah. I guess so, huh? Although you didn't really need to put a truth curse on me, you know? I don't have anything to hide, and I've never told a lie in my life. Olivia Support You're a crazy lady. Why would I do that? I love doggies! I want to save his life! Right, boy? Who's a good boy? Aren't you glad the crazy lady wants to help us? Yes you are! Hey, that's a medical condition! Show some respect! Oh, will you look at that? It's blood! ...Wonder where it came from? *Lick* ...Oh, hey! It's MY blood! Nya ha! I must have been wounded in battle! Oh man, good times. Oh, I've got a high pain threshold. It's a genetic thing. Nerve damage. I've had a lot worse than this! When I was a kid, my parents put me in this exclusive wizard school. Well, as you can imagine, some of the experiments got a biiit out of hand. Once, I almost set my face on fire! Nya ha! Those were the days... Meh, my parents didn't care what I did as long as I wasn't expelled. Heck, the whole reason they sent me to wizard school was to get rid of me. But hey, no worries! I turned out fine! That's what all my psychiatrists said. But nope! Not true. I'm just a happy guy. Look, crazy lady. I like you. I really do. But you have GOT to let this go. I smile because I'm happy, all right? There's nothing more to it. Olivia? H-hey, Olivia. ...You being crazy again, Olivia? Olivia?! Aw, come on, Olivia! You can't die now! NOOOOO! OLIVIAAAAAA! Come back to me, Olivia! Stay out of the light! STAY OUT OF THE LIIIIIIGHT! Cherche Support Sure have! She's as cute as a button, that one. ...Well, if buttons were cute. We had wyverns in Plegia, you know, and also the occasional fell beast. But we didn't have a single wyvern that was as pretty as Minerva. Yep! I make four-legged friends wherever I go! And even some two-legged ones. I'm also pals with a three-legged bear, but that's a story for another time. Well, when I was young, my best friend in the entire world was a giant wolf. My parents ignored me most of the time, so that wolf became my whole family. Then one day she came to visit me, and some hunters in the village... They shot her full of arrows. Killed her on the spot. But they paid... Oh, how they paid... They paid in BLOOD. Er, but yes. None of my magic could bring my beautiful wolf friend back. So I guess that's why I hang out with you and Minerva. 'Cause it reminds me. I know I'm here a lot, but I always feel safe and happy when I'm with Minerva. Kellam Support I think I get it now. Seems to me you're barking up the wrong tree, tin man. Visibility isn't the problem—you're just lonely! So all we gotta do is find a way to make you stop feeling lonely! It's true. When I was a kid, my only friends were wolves, so they ended up raising me. Thing is...that made it tough for me to learn about basic human warmth and affection... Like just now. I tried to be nice to you and show you that I care and stuff, right? But I got it all wrong and instead made you freak out. Sorry about that... Gaius Support Not many, no. Back in Plegia, we hardly have any cakes or sweets at all. We don't get the plentiful harvests that Ylisseans and Feroxi enjoy. So the dishes we make are kind of basic, you know? Nothing like those, anyhow. Yup. It's hard to make cakes out of turnips, though that doesn't stop people trying! Anyway, the point is, I've never seen so many tasty-looking treats all in one place! Well, thanks for showing me your treasures, Gaius. It's been lots of fun! ...Oh, I almost forgot! I brought something to show you too! Yeah...something like that! They're baked in special ceremonies as offerings to Grima. Never eaten one myself, but as you're the expert, I figured you'd like to try it! Libra Support Like, I dunno...you're a priest, but you wield a weapon and smash people with it, right? I bet it causes you all kinds of anguish to have to splatter the life out of others! Aren't you overthinking things a little? A weapon's just a tool for killing! Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier to just accept that and move on? Who knows—you might wind up like me and start to really savor the joys of slaying! I mean, when you get down to it, aren't you and I both doing the exact same thing? I mean, I guess it's hard for an altruist like yourself to respect an egoist like me, but... They do, huh? Well, I don't believe in the gods, so it doesn't really matter what they think! (in response to Libra calling him out for saving other people) ...

#long post #blood mention #abuse mention

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gobbochune · 7 years

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I literally have a stage management BFA and still know next to nothing about the Heathers musical. Enlighten me on why it is The Worst.

Disclaimer: I have not seen the play live, only shitty cam recordings on youtube and anamatics of the popular songs. If there is a level of nuance to the play that I missed in modern performances, feel free to correct me. The same could be said for the film, but I have had no exposure to the film so I am not including it in this rant.

Part 1. “This situation does not exist.”

So like, I get it. you wanna have your relatable portrayal of highschool and with the cliques and drama and the petty squabbles of the popular vs unpopular kids is often magnified by inexperience and raging hormones. Everyone remembers highschool as being more intense then it actually was, so often the melodrama in these sorts of stories is amped up to eleven.

The ‘Popular Clique’ characters are never going to act like any rational person would ever act. When you’re a boring loser in highschool you will instinctively find ways to put yourself above the people who you consider to be your ‘enemy’. You’re smarter then them, they’re all druggy sluts, you’re a good person etc.

But the reason why this trope works is because its often presented from the perspective of the teenager, but by the end of the narrative has widened to a more mature point of view. We learn that everyone has their own shit going on, their own insecurities n crap, and by the end of the narrative the characters have literally and figuratively ‘graduated’ from the naive idea that there are inherently good and bad people.

But Heathers is not about that.

The popular girls are actually satan. Listen to that song “Candy Store” and think to yourself “do these characters feel like actual people? can i imagine how or why the girls act like this?”

The reason why popular girls are more popular then you is usually because they’re better then you. They’re prettier, funnier, nicer, or altogether more charismatic, and it still boggles my mind that anyone in this school would care what these Heathers bitches think of them. I actually knew girls like the Heathers in highschool myself, and everyone mutually hated them and ragged on them behind their backs because of how vapid and annoying they were. They had power over the freshmen for maybe five minutes before their targets found their own friends to hang out with those bitches are left in the fucking dust.

And its not just a misconception of the main character, no she seems to be the only girl in her whole fucking school who is like “Um, maybe its????bad to be mean???” and the story treats her like she’s some fucking martyr for it. They even sing a song parodying the fact that a decent highschool narrative you’d expect Heather to be a human being with emotions, by having main girl make up a bunch of bullshit about “Pretty girls have feelings.” the whole thing seems to be a big fuck you to highscool narrative tropes but instead of going in a more realistic direction it just spirals into a petty unrelatable hell.

Part 2: “If this situation did exist, it wouldn’t be happening to this character.”

Does anyone else find it incredibly far fetched that for some reason whenever a bunch of beautiful teenagers pick on another equally beautiful teenager its usually just because they dont like the color of her hair? I wanna know when we as a society decided that the shorthand for evil beauty is blonde hair, not because I find the trope harmful but just because it feels lazy.

Why isn’t Veronica one of the popular kids? Because she’s a brunette. Why does everyone treat the Heathers like royalty? Because they’re blonde. Does being blonde somehow make you a terrible person? I guess so. Its just a mutually agreed thing at this point.

But again the reason why the blonde vs brown thing works in other highschool dramas is because the entire thing is based on the main character being petty, and in reality the brown haired girl is just as popular and surrounded by friends she just doesnt realize it because she’s too busy being jealous of some other bitch.

Veronica is not this. For some reason, a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and generally cool girl has no friends besides The Fat One and everyone treats her like garbage. The fact that she has to seek “protection” from the Heathers at lunch because she gets bullied just for existing would be hilarious if it wasnt so pretentious.

The play lets is know in no uncertain terms that Veronica is the only decent student at her school, and that none of the ostracization she feels is in her head. Its all real. They all hate her because she’s good and they’re bad, and there is zero tongue and cheek about it. The whole thing feels like a play within another piece of media. Like maybe theres a playwrite who is trying to depict her highschool experience, and its intentionally written to be as shallow and petty as her memories there.

And even that might be okay if she is portrayed as being just a huge fucking whimp who lets people walk all over her, but nooooo she’s a strong female character! She sings a whole song about how she’s not gonna put up with their shit or let it bother her anymore and says she’s gonna fight back before they ‘come after her’.

Is anyone going to tell her that murder isn’t usually a thing that bullies do?

Like seriously. Bullying is a huge problem that can seriously damage people from the inside out, but its usually not because of any physical damage. If she’s decided that she doesnt give a shit about the Heathers, then thats it. She’s already won. They can’t touch her anymore because if she doesnt care then they’ll inevitably grow bored and do something else. she even has her own friends to hang out with now so its not like she’s being threatened in that way either. But instead she makes a big deal about how she’s a ‘dead girl walking’ like she thinks she’s gonna be shanked in the locker room or something.

But then we get to JD.

Oh Jason Dean, you poor innocent soul. Unlike Veronica this kid is actually a victim of bullying and abuse, but its not from the so called ‘popular kids’, its from fucking Veronica herself.

Part 3. “Are we not going to talk about the fact Veronica raped a dude?”

Yeah. That shit happened. Here’s the official lyrics:

J.D.(spoken) Veronica? What’re you doing in my room?

VERONICA(spoken) Shhhh.Sorry, but I really had to wake you;See, I decided I must ride you till I break you.'Cause Heather says I got to go;You’re my last meal on death row.Shut your mouth and lose them tighty-whities!Come on!Tonight I’m yours,I’m a dead girl walking!Get on all fours,Kiss this dead girl walking!Let’s go, you know the drill;I’m hot and pissed and on the pill.Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking!

Like I know later on in the song he gives consent n’ shit but its more framed like he lets her because he’s intimidated more then anything else. And whats more from this point onward in the play Veronica pretty much becomes JD’s only emotional outlet.

As someone whose known a lot of guys in this situation I can tell you that often they will do things they don’t want to to impress the people who they think are their only ally in life. More then anything these kinds of kids just want someone on their side, and will be roped into whatever toxic shit they need to keep these people with them.

Veronica goes through this guilty arc thing where she blames herself for ‘creating’ him but ultimately realizes that he was always doomed to be this way because of his shitty situation.

How fucking evil is it to perpetuate this idea? Oh no, Veronica isnt a bad person, she was just trying to help this kid by wrapping him around her finger and making him kill the people she doesn’t like but really its his fault for having a shitty childhood.

The song “Meant to be Yours” is supposed to be a picture of how twisted and evil JD has become in following revenge, but in reality its nothing like that. It wasnt his revenge, he was doing it for her. Veronica very much did break into his life and rip him to pieces for no reason other then she wanted a lackey to help her get revenge on people who shouldn’t have even bothered her in the first place.

But no, he is ‘damaged’, and the only way to redeem him is to blow himself up so the girl who destroyed him wont have to accept any of the consequences for her actions.

How the hell does Veronica ‘make things better’ at the end? She slaps a bitch and plans a sleepover. She was already doing that in the beginning. Why did JD have to die? He didnt. He fucking didnt. And the worst thing is that no even cares that he’s gone.

Not even Veronica.

She treats him like some kind of tragic monster that had to be killed for the good of mankind and everyone just fucking accepts it.

So just a recap: Blonde people are evil, everyone will hate you for being a saint, its okay to rape teenage boys if you’ve properly gaslighted them first, and if you are ‘damaged, far too damaged’ it is your responsibility to kill yourself so your abuser can be popular like she always wanted.

What a great show. 10/10. hope it runs forever.

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hgfstreamchats · 6 years

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Reynolds Human Memorial Stream

Today thenightetc Hello! Me Hello there! Blythe1 Hi all. Me Hello! Blythe1 I've not been by since last Christmas's stream; timezones, you know. Blythe1 It is good to see you again. Me Wonderful to have you back! And watching...this! thenightetc So this is one of the new episodes? Blythe1 Yes, uh I just have a blank screen here. Is that right? I don't really know how Rabbit works Me Hm. I've never heard of it doing that. Blythe1 Let me try a couple of things this end then. thenightetc Well! Starscreamapillar Greetings. Me Evening, Starscream. You just missed Henry Fondle! Starscreamapillar With a name like that, I cannot say I an sorry to have missed them.

Me He's an experience. Starscreamapillar I've experienced plenty of terrible things, I can live with missing out this time. Me The important thing is, you're experiencing this human's terrible, terrible shirt. Starscreamapillar So I am. Is this a movie about illegally transporting alcohol? thenightetc Uhuh. Starscreamapillar . . . Trucks and beer. Truly, high brow entertainment. FeralDog those are some high waisted pants thenightetc So is this a really extended flashback or is it after him being arrested? Starscreamapillar That is not an appropriate way to wake someone. FeralDog puppyyyyyy Me That dog looks exhausted with life. Starscreamapillar That dog looks poorly assembled. Blythe1 Ah, that worked. I am with you all finally. Sorry for mucking about KO Me Never apologize for mucking about! r That dog looks poorly assembled. Blythe1 Ah, that worked. I am with you all finally. Sorry for mucking about KO Me Never apologize for mucking about! Blythe1 Westbound, that is left? thenightetc Yeah. Blythe1 My sense of direction is not the greatest thenightetc Stealth 100 Blythe1 Well there goes the fourth wall, Burt flirting with the audience there Me He *did* flaunt his spike at the world, once. Starscreamapillar . . . . thenightetc Amazing FeralDog theres a reason you have a special license for forklifts thenightetc Is, uh. Is that how they're "paying" for the beer, too Me http://lic.me/uploaded_images/b/u/burt.jpg FeralDog not that he cares xD Me In memoriam. Oh, that didn't turn into a link...that just threw it up there. thenightetc It sure did! Me Well, there's a difference from livestream I didn't know about! Blythe1 It is wonderful Me What an educational evening. Blythe1 I always feel so sorry for people who get jilted at the altar. thenightetc I'm intrigued. FeralDog shotgun wedding? Starscreamapillar Ah, here are the complicating shenanigans. Blythe1 Okay, posse does suggest shotguns. FeralDog ominous sherriff Blythe1 The soundtrack makes me think this might be the baddie FeralDog no, it couldn't be Starscreamapillar Is he wearing an ascot? Blythe1 How much easier would movies be if characters could hear the soundtrack too thenightetc I already hope something bad happens to both of them. FeralDog the fuc Starscreamapillar The frag is this? Me He's covered with a very fine layer of grease. FeralDog the best grease, surely thenightetc Kinda want to go on wikipedia and see if he dies. Blythe1 Too few people know that as soon as law enforcement leaves, that is your cue to leggit quick Blythe1 disturbing thenightetc Yikes. thenightetc ....Nice. thenightetc HA Blythe1 catch of the day thenightetc whoooops Starscreamapillar Would it not be easier to fill the very back of the truck with cases of cola, and create a false manifest for a truckload of that, while hiding the illicit alcohol? thenightetc You'd think so, right? Blythe1 I feel they may have had more success arresting him if he hadn't gloated thenightetc Or even put the alcohol in cola cases. FeralDog depends on how thoroughly they search Blythe1 subtle thenightetc right? Starscreamapillar Bueford. T. Justice. Really? FeralDog hhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaa Blythe1 Imagine if he'd become a judge, then he'd be Justice Justice FeralDog wonder if he's related to a defense attorney with a big forehead thenightetc I kinda like this guy, though. 'Cause he's pissing off this asshole. 😃 Oh god, that face Me Surprise twist: Justice Justice McJustice isn't employed by law enforcement in any capacity. thenightetc It's all just an elaborate cosplay FeralDog larp gone too far Blythe1 Ooh, bridge jump! thenightetc Ohhhh my Starscreamapillar And then they died. Me Rest in whatever. Blythe1 Needs some Waylon Jennings thenightetc I'm amazed they got the lift FeralDog -slow clap for sherriffs- thenightetc I like her. thenightetc I wish he'd get shot. Blythe1 Sexism, homophobia, and now racism, we all knew it was coming. He's just a pile of cliched Southern Sheriff stereotypes Starscreamapillar He is wasting time he does not have. FeralDog now we just need Justice to meet a Catholic and flip out about it and we've got my friend's uncle xD thenightetc ... man that's cheap Me What are they made of, hair? Blythe1 It is the World's Most Professional Lawman /sarcasm thenightetc Oh my god. FeralDog what year was this movie? thenightetc "gosh, all that?" Me You know, I've eaten human food, and nothing about it warranted eating it like that. Blythe1 1977 Starscreamapillar . . . . FeralDog explains a lot thenightetc Ha, better for him not to have his car parked outside for the sherrif to see, anyway. Blythe1 is this the story of how she got decapitated? thenightetc Too bad THEY didn't. Starscreamapillar Pity. Blythe1 I love his ring he has on thenightetc ...Okay, THAT handle raises some questions. Starscreamapillar The thing to the floor. thenightetc I mean, I figured they were just doing a funeral, but..... Blythe1 picking up or dropping off? Starscreamapillar A am not an expert in automobiles, but tell me, does the 'thing' in fact go to the floor? FeralDog it can FeralDog not good for the car though thenightetc Of course, neither is that. Starscreamapillar That cannot be good for the suspension. Blythe1 These days we'd call that a terrorist attack, then a car invading a pitch was just wacky hijinks FeralDog this movie is full of CARnage Me I know the Trans Am's the star of the show and all, but the truck's not bad looking either. Blythe1 not even scratched the paintwork Starscreamapillar Trucks have been spoiled for me, by certain mechs. Blythe1 Like that picture KO posted? That kind of crazy thing? thenightetc Awww. thenightetc Oh my goodness Blythe1 I thought he changed channels? thenightetc You'd think? FeralDog tick turd he may bbe reprehensible but i like his insults Starscreamapillar I think that hanging people was still illegal, even back then. thenightetc HA Me All this for smuggling beer? thenightetc HAHAHAH Blythe1 Not even good beer, just coors FeralDog i think it's less the smuggling and more the he's too good and it makes the cops look bad Me ...That was hot. thenightetc It was. Blythe1 You think they'd have set the roadblock ahead of the turn, not after it Starscreamapillar Knockout, you're a vehicle. Is skidding on one's tires like that as uncomfortable as it sounds? Me Not uncomfortable enough to keep us from doing it. thenightetc And it doesn't even show any signs of having driven through various roadblocks, a chain, several mailboxes, a football stand... thenightetc That car has some kind of force field. PFF Starscreamapillar The car is the protagonist, ans therefore immune to damage until perhaps the very end. Blythe1 WTF! thenightetc Jesus. FeralDog whaaaaat HA I love the good witch immediately thenightetc Yesss. thenightetc high-fives her Blythe1 That dog is this movie's MVP! Me Yes, yes. You have very tight pants. FeralDog she wants to see if he's bald thenightetc Shush. FeralDog ah look at that relief! Me "Put it back on." Blythe1 Oh no, not Fred thenightetc Oh nooooo FeralDog the fuc thenightetc DEFEND THE DOG Starscreamapillar They do not have time for these dalliances. thenightetc Shiiiit FeralDog fred's the only character in this movie with any sense thenightetc but, Fred! he can't leave without Fred! okay, good Blythe1 Whew, Fred is fine. Everyone relax now 😃 thenightetc OH BOY FeralDog HHAHAHAHHA thenightetc HAHAHAHAHAH Blythe1 Do not show this movie to Arcee. Starscreamapillar Would she not be amused by the wanton violence and destruction? thenightetc heheheh FeralDog my young son wtf thenightetc Shoot him. You know you wanna. Me Just a fragile little boy of 44 years. thenightetc Shoot him in the dick and let him bleed out. Blythe1 At least pepper spray him thenightetc Just saying. Starscreamapillar That is not how to handle someone yelling at you. FeralDog it is in the 70s Blythe1 What, let them rant themselves out and leave to become someone else's problem? That is how I would do it. Starscreamapillar Then they think that yelling is the correct way to get what they want, regardless of circumstances. FeralDog YOU ARE DRIVING FeralDog HE IS DRIVING STOP Blythe1 But they then leave to do it to someone else who is not me Blythe1 Those 1970s sensibilities again Me *It. Is. Beer.* thenightetc Smooth. Starscreamapillar Bad beer. It is not worth all this.

eer.* thenightetc Smooth. Starscreamapillar Bad beer. It is not worth all this. FeralDog but t hey're dodging the sales/luxury taxes etc Blythe1 I guess Allied Van Lines really got their product placement money's worth there Me This song feels like it's been going on for years. Starscreamapillar It has. The song has always been playing. And it will play forever more. FeralDog i think the whole movie is just the music video for this huge song Me Agreed. thenightetc OH!!! Me His name is his equivalent of Starscream's Cliffjumper thing. Starscreamapillar ... Cliffjumper thing? Blythe1 Quick, protect the beer from a small traffic ticket Me Our Starscream. Killed an Autobot, brought it up at every possible opportunity. FeralDog is it actually the beer listed, or did they put homebrew in the bottles? Starscreamapillar I see. Well, sort of, since killing -a- Autobot is not really worth of mention, unless it is one of the Elites. Me This one couldn't have been further from elite. Blythe1 Were the Elites all that elite? Smokescreen was an Elite... Starscreamapillar Then I certainly see the resemblance to Mr. Justice's crowing his name constantly. Blythe1 That looks like an OLD helicopter even by 1970s standards FeralDog well if you're far enough out you're getting military leftovers thenightetc Whatever just fell out of that car, I'm sure it's something it's not supposed to do without FeralDog still happens today, less funded departments get better one's leftovers or military Blythe1 Well they didn't until you blurted his name out over the public radio Me I wish Prime were still around to take this movie in. Big rigs and lawlessness...the look on his face would be priceless. Starscreamapillar I am fairly certain my local Prime has caused more road accidents than are in this movie. Blythe1 And maybe bring in Prowl, to see the highstandards of law enforcement at work thenightetc The highest. Me Beautiful. FeralDog for Me Just look at all the humans he saved from the horrid fate of having to settle for quality beer. FeralDog clam chowder Blythe1 chowder, that is thick soup? thenightetc I think they just want to scam him out of having to pay. FeralDog yes thenightetc *snicker* Blythe1 Is the sequel them getting the soup then? thenightetc eheheheheh. FeralDog hhhhhhhhhhhhaa Starscreamapillar Well, that was nonsense. And the song plays on. FeralDog leave him sherriff, he might learn independence FeralDog or die either works thenightetc Seems a bit foolish to let him see them and their new car, but hey. Me Does anyone know if the sequels are any good? And by good, I mean funny. Starscreamapillar I have no idea. thenightetc Never seen them, I'm afraid. This was the first time I'd seen *this* one. Me Shall we give the sequel a try? Starscreamapillar I think so. thenightetc Yes! Starscreamapillar I want to see more cares destroyed. Me Agreed! thenightetc "SMokey and the Little Boy by US Dept Of Agriculture"? Me Assuming I can find it. thenightetc Goodness, doctor, I hope you're over 18. Blythe1 Those putlocker ad popups are always annoying. Me My virgin optics! Me The description sounds terrible. I'm already glad we're watching this. thenightetc Well, you know how sequels are. Starscreamapillar We cannot have too much quality viewing. thenightetc Oh my god, that's really his name? FeralDog wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhat thenightetc Uh FeralDog this is a great intro Blythe1 Still not the worst political campaign I've ever seen Me What a quality movie. Hah! FeralDog agent orange??? Starscreamapillar Agent Orange. FeralDog is that nascar with semis thenightetc ...Maybe? Blythe1 I want to try this sport Starscreamapillar How boring would that be to watch. FeralDog my god that is bringing it clear back to its roots (before it went 'legit' as a sport NASCAR was for bootleggers to show off their skills) thenightetc Oh, huh! Me Interesting! Starscreamapillar Skillful use of grainy stock footage to get around needing to crash a truck of their own. thenightetc Those are some loud suits. FeralDog they almsot remind me of Gideon Gleeful thenightetc ...Oh god, you're right. FeralDog uh Me Oh bolts. thenightetc Gosh, are you SURE you don't want to stop the movie and play the titty game? Starscreamapillar Nothing like hostage advertising. Blythe1 Does that ever work, do you think? Starscreamapillar It must, or they wouldn't waste the time on it. Me "Good suggestion! Goodbye, movie!" Starscreamapillar Not even drinking the terrible Coors he was running. Me He hasn't sunk *that* low. Starscreamapillar Who wears embroidered rose jackets? Me Oh, he's dead. Blythe1 Are we Weekending at Bernies this one? Me I would kill to see that. Starscreamapillar Indeed, that would be very amusing. thenightetc He's already dead. Are those ones Starscreamapillar Turns out they are all ones. Starscreamapillar Why did he give the extremely drunk man the money? Blythe1 Oh that relationship they built up over a long afternoon of being pursued by the cops didn't work out, who knew? Me Hah! Blythe1 Oh that relationship they built up over a long afternoon of being pursued by the cops didn't work out, who knew? Me Hah! Starscreamapillar . . . . Sure it was. thenightetc ...Can't believe she's marrying him after all. I mean, look who she'll have for a father-in-law thenightetc Or maybe she's not SHe doesn't exactly look happy to be there Oh my god Blythe1 Is he wearing an Iron Cross Klan medallion there? thenightetc Oh my god thenightetc Oh my god FeralDog wwwwwhaaaaaaat thenightetc .......... Blythe1 Well that escalated quickly Starscreamapillar I feel like I am stuck in a horrible time loop. FeralDog wait she should be marrying him for a controllable fool. just wait for father in law to die thenightetc Aren't they on a time limit? Starscreamapillar Of course they are. thenightetc It's been a day? At this rate he could just go by himself and not speed. Blythe1 Guys, literally nobody cares about your love lives. Just get in the cars and start crashing into things Starscreamapillar How is her showing up supposed to make things better? Me Doesn't everyone want to see their favorite charming, attractive becoming characters tragic and dirty? Starscreamapillar Where did his hat go? thenightetc ...... Blythe1 I assume there are car chases in this? thenightetc This sure is a lot of time they're wasting Has the time limit not started yet? Blythe1 Or is it a comedy about him getting healthy at some sort o f spa? Starscreamapillar Why does he have to even be in shape to drive the car? FeralDog we don't need to see him crawl out of the hole just show him gettin in gear Starscreamapillar . . . . Blythe1 Nope Starscreamapillar No. FeralDog how long did this take? Starscreamapillar Too long. thenightetc Apparently at least several days Of however much time they had Me By the Allspark, they've so painstakingly extracted literally everything that made the original fun. Starscreamapillar Truly, it is the essence of a sequel. Blythe1 Why did they even need him? If they had enough time to sober him up and then drive down to Florida at a leisurely pace, then they had enough time to not need him anyway. Starscreamapillar Because they could not sell the movie without the promise of Burt Reynolds. Me We all have. Blythe1 lol thenightetc well Blythe1 If he is so famous now, how did he not end up in jail after the last movie? thenightetc I guess it's a very specific level of famous. Starscreamapillar Apparently in this reality they have to actively catch you in the act to arrest you. thenightetc So THIS is why they'll be on the run this time. Starscreamapillar I hope the crate is full of exotic flowers, or something equally nonsensical. thenightetc They didn't tell him what they'd be transporting, huh. Blythe1 If they are supposed to be in Miami, why are they all wearing warm clothing? Starscreamapillar . . . . Me How very zany. thenightetc Stealth 0. Blythe1 This script was written via madlibs, right? thenightetc That sounds like a problem for the other guys. ...Huh. Blythe1 I guess we've answered the question of whether the sequels are any good... thenightetc So get him to use all his bullets. FeralDog 4 out a 6 thenightetc HA Me Apparently, that elephant's 60 years old and living in the "worst zoo for elephants." So there's that. thenightetc Well, that's cheerful. Blythe1 I assume these were famous sportsball players of the day? thenightetc Wouldn't it have been faster to just keep going? thenightetc Well, maybe not Blythe1 Well that is handy Starscreamapillar How are they feeding this elephant? Unless they want to deliver it dead. thenightetc I guess they're just not going to feed it for a few days?? Me And warm, and bloated. Me Of course, a vet is what she needs. Not food or water or anything. FeralDog mob doctor? thenightetc "check out my sick elephant" Starscreamapillar . . . . I feel like this doctor would get along well with Mudflap and Skids. Blythe1 Oh, now. He's bad, but not that bad. Starscreamapillar Are you certain about that? thenightetc Oh no Oh no, he's going to join them, isn' the FeralDog i wouldn't want that doc anywhere near me Blythe1 That is the 2nd time he's mentioned being a gynaecologist, I'm guessing the twist is the elephant turns out to be pregnant. thenightetc Can't wait to see the miracle of elephant birth again! FeralDog just a normal day in florida, if gas station guy is any clue thenightetc ...well, THIS is safe Blythe1 I'm not sure if this is crueller to the elephant, or the audience? Me This is a nightmare. FeralDog pfft thenightetc poor guy FeralDog ahahahhahaha Starscreamapillar . . . . Even the slapstick is flaccid. thenightetc hahahaha Blythe1 Okay, it is four AM here, so I gotta go get at least an hour's sleep. It is a shame I can't stick around and see if this movie has a joke in it at some point 😃 thenightetc Oh my god. FeralDog this is a bad idea Blythe1 Seriously, I gotta go get some sleep.. This has been fun catching up with all of you again, goodnight now. Starscreamapillar Rest well. thenightetc Night! Me Good night! Thank you for joining us in this mess! Me Stop talking. thenightetc The stirrup. Starscreamapillar They still have not fed it. thenightetc ...Oh my god. The mural on the truck is some guys getting held up by a bandit THAT'S subtle Starscreamapillar It is the same mural as the first movie's truck. thenightetc I know! I just didn't notice it before thenightetc Do they have time for this Starscreamapillar In a hurry? Might as well take a very long break to harass an elephant, and flirt painfully. thenightetc Welp, Blythe was right Me You're going to have a dead baby elephant if you don't feed it. FeralDog aiehgkdl thenightetc ....... oh jeez FeralDog let the elephant stay outside a while, she'll eat some trees or something and be fine Me "I'll let you touch me in the warm places if you don't hurt the elephant anymore than you already have." thenightetc Are they trying to imply the elephant wants to......... 😕 Starscreamapillar Yes they are. Me ... thenightetc And the song going "spend the night in charlotte" Me NO. thenightetc I mean.... really........ thenightetc REALLY. FeralDog bandit, just wait till she's dropped off to go after Frog. humor the elephant. thenightetc ...Why did it explode Starscreamapillar It always explodes. Starscreamapillar Was that supposed to be a joke? thenightetc *facepalm* oh my god you have time for this shit? Starscreamapillar 'You come out here and love me' FeralDog channeling gala Fluttershy here Me You've done nothing but hurt this elephant. thenightetc oh god. FeralDog whh Starscreamapillar Sure, leave the elephant to some kid you just found. Me Definitely the actions of someone who cares about children and elephants. thenightetc Uh oh. Starscreamapillar Why did the movie even bother with a time limit when they are just going to ignore it? thenightetc A mystery indeed. FeralDog well my oven dinged. ttyl possibly thenightetc Have fun! thenightetc This is just.... sad. thenightetc uh Uh Me This is a dumpster fire. Starscreamapillar And not even an entertaining dumpster fire. thenightetc That can't be comfortable for her Me This is an hour and forty minutes of a drunk abusing an elephant. thenightetc How did he not see them there Was it because they were out of frame. Starscreamapillar . . . . Skids and Mudflap would fit right into this mess. thenightetc Is he a Mountie thenightetc Wow, he even has a, uh moustache. what a uh interesting.... statement..... Starscreamapillar Why did they even bother bringing the Bandit? No one is after the stolen elephant. He's just useless. Starscreamapillar And that is not the correct way to cut someone off. thenightetc Why are the others agreeing to this I mean.... half of them are from CANADA, apparently? Starscreamapillar They have no jurisdiction in Texas? thenightetc Definitely not. thenightetc Maybe they're retired and stole the cars. Starscreamapillar . . . . And they came from where? And why? thenightetc Oh, you know truckers! They just have endless time to screw around fighting cops They're not on right schedules or anything. Starscreamapillar Everyone is going to jail. And the morgue. thenightetc *tight schedules Starscreamapillar Dead. thenightetc "Luckily, nobody died!" thenightetc How, uh, how long is left? Starscreamapillar Forever. Starscreamapillar No. Me Ten minutes. Starscreamapillar That is not how that works. thenightetc I feel like there's no way that would work Especially not with the elephant Me For Pit's sake, even *I* know how elephants give birth. thenightetc You sure do! (You're welcome.) Starscreamapillar I am glad that I do not know the mechanics. Me It's...torrential. thenightetc I'm sure I could find the video again 😃 Kidding. I'm kidding. Starscreamapillar I am not asking for specifics. thenightetc oh come on thenightetc Elephants don't have the right equipment to cry out of sadness, btw. That's just eye lubrication, basically. It runs out of their eyes all the time. Starscreamapillar I was aware of that. Me They're going to take his thumbs. thenightetc I'm just saying. thenightetc He's spent a lot of the money on bribes already ...Is the trans am... towing the elephant?? Me A beautiful two year old baby. thenightetc Wow, they really DID take a long time about this. Starscreamapillar They stole that elephant from the Texas governor. Me As you do. thenightetc What were they going to do, deliver it? thenightetc ..... Me "Young black boy" Me Alright, we're done with that. But before we end the night... thenightetc That is quite a large delta in quality. Is this the elephant thenightetc (I know you've seen this one before, but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ll5y2hZdCI ) Starscreamapillar If all dogs do go to heaven, why is there a dog hell to begin with? thenightetc It doesn't get a lot of business, admittedly. Me It's full of vacuum cleaners and strangers on the lawn. thenightetc awwwww Me And that, my friends, is the note we end the night on. Starscreamapillar Very well! Thank you for hosting another bemusing movie night. Me Thank you for making it memorable, as always! thenightetc First movie--entertaining. Second movie--entertaining in a different way. Thanks for hosing! Me Always a pleasure! Good night! Starscreamapillar Good night. thenightetc Good night!

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