#like inalways do

[boywhocriedlove]

i dont tihnk i csn hold myself together through this. theres so mucy i wm strong enough to conquer but i dont think youll come back to me, not when youre choosing this way

i cant be honest anywhere. as soon as you want the url to this blog i should delete this i wontm because im a stupid cowsrd and i hope mwybe rewding this will make you see what youre doing to me snd make it matter to you

but i know you see

i know you dont care enough to make it syop and

you just aske dme to losten to a aong

why

why must i bend to your emotiojs your struggles your will your everything here

when im the one whi wws wronged

why do i martyr myself for this

why am i unallowed to be mentally ill

to be borderline and acared

and hurt

and hurt

and hurt

you aay you want me to be myself

when when i am you turn qway from me wnd run to him

i hate him

#i cant reply to that. i csnt reply ro you #i cant say a word or my hurt will jsut come out all over again #snd every time im honest #im abandoned more and more #i wwnted to be strong for you #good for you #to help you #like inalways do #to not back down #to take the worst things youre capable of and survive rhem despite everything #to prove you weong #to prove me right #but #i think im about to go #i feel myself shutting down #like a dial uo modem on wind down #grinding #and barely functional even before it shut off for the kast tome #forgotten wnd replwced with something fresh

[xxpeppermintxx109]

on my reread of this chapter i need to let you know and emphasize that you writing virgin aemond and virgin shaera’s first time was genuinely the best first time smut ive ever read!!! i was giggly along with aemond and shaera and i will continue to be giggly about it as i keep rereading it cause it brings me so much joy!!! MINT YOURE A FUCKING GENIUS!!!

AHHHH REVEISE YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME SMILE WITH YOURNCOMMENTS AND INALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO KNOWING YOUVE READ😭😭thank you so much?! this chapter was just like, not going my way and I just wanted to push through and get it done, but also do it right by Shaera and Aemond. Like they deserved their first time to be tender and sweet and like I was just hoping that it fit that vibe of tender but also taut to snap and also pent up repression and trying to make that work with two virgins is so hard so I’m like so glad you thought it was good!! They make me so giggly too, every time I write them I’m kicking my feet and twirling my hair skskskksksks

[youliejuly]

#dude.. what wrong with you?? #arinarts #/arin #scopophobia #not an archon #i made much earlier but you know how my memory is #why do inalways miss key words in my sentences #whatever #its 11pm and it feels like 2am

[cl-oelia]

I just wish I could feel completely safe with another person where I can just exist genuinely in front of someone and not get panicky

#im like.........getting there in therapy but its really hard #i wanna be able to fee safe enough to make eye contact because i feel weird and rude that i cant but she knows sm about me i just feel rly #exposed ig even though i like her and trust her with some of the most personal shit in my life #i tried to work up the nerve and find the right time to just dart across her face and back #but i couldnt do it #the one time i actually looked at her was when she came out to get me and once in session when i knew shed be looking away #ughhgh i dont usually have this problem with other ppl but i dont actually feel exposed around others like in therapy #i wanna feel as safe as possible and the eye contact thing is weird but i feel like it hinders my ability to communicate a lot #also sometimes she’ll get this really therapist-y voice bc i #i dont look at her so she has to communicate it somehow!! but inalways kinda take it as fake even tho i know it’s not #i think im afraid ill see judgement in her face but realistically it’d probably be straight up compassion #i just........it’s not helpful for me to be so closed off anymore. i have so many repressed emotions that are coming out of nowhere #and i need to deal w them but i can’t unless i feel safe enough and i damn sure am not gonna motivate myself to do it alone right now #p #therapy #cptsd

[blushingbarnes]

congrats!1k is like first huge moment no? Hope you’ll celebrate 2k soon :) can I have a ship? I am like really tiny, about 153 cm and I am kind of tiny. I’m runner (long races - marathon mostly) and everyone around me says I am pretty sassy (I’m not!) I love wearing mostly sport clothes (whitch I dont consider atractive but I’m active most of the day so..) I have dark brown hair and green eyes and small breast... well everything on my is pretty small (thats sucks Inalways wanted to be curvy)

I ship you with: Bucky Barnes

You and Bucky would be so cute together! You’d introduce him to marathons and 10ks and other things. As a super soldier he wonders how you a regular person can do all of this (and I’m in the same boat tbh)

Bucky of course doesn’t mind that you wear sports clothes all the time. In fact, he finds it cute that you are always busy and yourself.

1k celebration

ps I added a few more options to request

[parkkjiminssi]

TF U TALKING ABOUT?? THE TEXTS WITH BEST FRIEND COLLEGE JK WERE FUNNY!! TO ME!! I LIKED WHEN YN WAS LIKE "THIS FRIENDSHIP IS OVER" AND WHEN JK WAS LIKE "nobody gives a fck" and then he read wjat YN said and THE MEME HE SENT WITH THE "wait wat" LMAOO ALSO THE JIMIJ MEME I NEVER ASK TO SUFFER BUT INALWAYS DO I WOULD LOVE TO READ MORE LIKE THIS!!!

Aw anon 🥺❤️ thank you so very much for taking the time to read it and for giving me feedback. It’s stuff like this that make my day and pushes me to keep on writing. I will try to put out more random texts with members ☺️ I hope you have an amazing day/night!

#ily anon 💕 #youre so sweet ily

[danny-work-out-chi]

I quit. You don’t give 2 fucks for me. But when your treated the same your a victim: I been so patient and hopeful for you I could be happier anywhere but here but I chose this because I believed in a future . I no longer do: You are who you are and will never own out to the hurt and wrong you may have caused / I m sorry if my emotions ever hurt ya. I own all my mistakes. You do as well but only ones that affected your fantasy happiness of what if’s and comparing to other men you dated or see on Facebook. You want all the features of a boyfriends husband but don’t want to have to apply any effort or sacrifice. Being in a room hating me attacking me for things 10 years ago or 5 years from now in the world you created for us. You are ruining my heart taking me away from things I am good atbut constant negative slasser or calling me selfish for working out or anything I want to do that don't serve a benefit to your life you shame me and gaslight me. You want to say your bitter and having a hard time. Bulls shit. Toxic is your nature. You only care about you. Your money , your rules for kids your place they must live when me the baby sitter is no longer to serve you. Louie is getting older and you only want family because it serves you do you and have someone else let ya and you play broken women he cheated on me you talked to other women while we weren’t together but in the house you paid most of but when i break up with you Danny and. Curse you to hell and everything worst you will demand i follow rules that you believe in even though you already broke every boundary with your hate speech tear me down in your words as less than any other man by shaming blame-shifting using 3rd party hearsay to enforce your attacks on me.

I don't bring the worse out of you that's the biggest cop out of negative toxic people use. If you like some one after you “loved” them you don’t do that things you do because real people don’t do that to real people. It's sad I know you better than anyone in your life and how you act for the showcase but yet talk behind the scenes is what you are. Only you can change your patternes but like drug atticts you don't see what you don't want to see your lack or friends is my fault. I'm what you made me look and to get what you need being the omg he did what girl was fun for ya and served you better to being that sister taking about her brother but using you as the victim and me as the aggressor. I left you after your broke me at the lowest point in my life you attacked me and ghosted me and shamed my whole life for being unable to pay the bills as inalway had in the past. You destroyed me and when I anything I had left mentally to leave your outspoken demands and loser pussy outagesfagget bitch loser no worth of father or man selfish for holding you hostage by not leaving and moving out oer your countless demands I finally did. Even though I held no vaule to u and after all the aggressive tactics and public shamming of abandonment to my kids and anyone that listened you hold me to aspect of my life that we're my life the life you opted out of. The one wee you knew I has in-between jobs. The one where you told me to sign off the lease and when doing so became what I did you you as it didn't work out as you wanted. How you told me that fucking car I'm gonna pay for how you try to appeal your legal obligations to the car but shammrd me for money i didn't have for the home and belongs, phone I asked you to pay for to keep. Fuck you grab it the 4000 hich in your first plan told by you to your mom in a stragey to have it paid off by a certain date but never talked to me about it. Everything thing you did was calculated to best serve you me I was just the pawn. When you had a Pinterest of all hate victm I'm a stong women you be wronged memes and years of the same shit on FB and when ever should tell you a your don't deserve that dana yun can some much better your so ptettyx. You plan your escape when. You started school. That was stoped because I lost my job and your whole way out changed with getting a job . You committed to a place 2 times our other cost with new vehicle I wanted to sell and was laughed at shammed for when it was the smart thing to do. I always let you get your way with me and you never once appreciated my time I spend being part of your life. I will not be a every other weekend dad. I will not settle for what serves up up Dana when it comes to those guys. They need me in their life 50% of the time if not more as I can both disciple and reenforce positive solutions to bad decisions. You don’t have that ability you point click and avoid. You never signed Maddie up for gymnastics and got pissed i did because it may have you look crappy . Sucks seeing the truth about your self but you quickly find a object to deflect to . You play the government for anything you can but mock me and laugh in my face to having Medicare . You let your step mom pay your phone bill like a teen when your can afford your own. You dog on Karen for the gifts she get as the kids or spoils Anthony or fights with your dad or how she lies about everything . How Karen according to your grandpa is the root of your fathers money issues. How you can’t stand anyone else in your family because of something or another . You shine light on your momma as if she gave up the world for you and helped you ate your worst . Your mom comes around it’s like college game week. No one is allowed to bother the 40 year old women and her mother because we only see each other 3 firms a year. The kids placed 2nd me only used for shaming anyone else mom's in town world pause please. Sounds. To me like you never really had the mom that your needed growing up and struggle to achieve that on visits. Who'd cares she don't give a

#covert narcissism

[roadway2hope]

DONT dare to say it was me! Don't dare to say it was ONLY me!!

You did the same as her!

Its too much love for people so broken like both of you.

U see ur just like her the enfatuation i have with you is just the same as what I shared with her. I never thought I meet anyone that could make me feel how she did or actually MORE, BETTER.

My ex wasn't like you.

My ex wasn't like her.

She was always happy.

She was always goofing around.

U see i don't recall a day we sat and she talked about her past and cried how WE do.

And la otra q was the closes of a finger to a gf. We shared an intimate connection, but we both knew it was nothing more than comfort that we both wanted and needed. Our eyes locked and we knew we were nothing but meet friends. No matter our outcome nothing but friends.

You see thats TOTTALLY OKAY!!

the problem is where people like US waste our time analyzing the tomorrow and live in a future that will never happen, instead of focusing in whats right in from of them thays there letting slip by.

Wait did I say US this whole time.

NO! I redact that.

YOU!

HER!

THEM!

But don't include me!

My problem is the one of that word whats it called? small? Tiny? Munching? You know that word you love to call me all the time! What was it?.... ohhh CHILD.

Where, people like me don't have much a choice. Inalways believed that I was different then all. No one ever has taken me serious, noone ever has respected me. Few have stood up for me for fear of seeing me bleed I guess they stepped in or maybe they are just those type of people around still. But, back to the point.

Sometimes in life we have to come to terms with life, you see there's someone in mine that what ever she touches gets lost, and if she used it it doesn't go back. She has no sense of what RESPECT and PERMISSION mean to other around her. She always has acted lie she did but to everyone not as equally.

Continue laters.... got work to do...

Thank you for leaving me solo..... 🤮🤢🤕🤒🥵

[arzayleatheory]

PART 1- Inalways though that when they broke up Arzaylea was going to do something crazy to shade Luke but she hasn't and I'm like why ??? Thinking about it I came to the conclusione that now that she's more well know and doesn't have Luke anymore she needs to watch her actions cause if she fuck up she will no longer have Luke/Luke's fans to save the day, you know she always fucked up thing but got to manage to make people forget about it most of all cause they were all Luke's fans -

and she was his girlfriend so they kinda of always forgot her for everything and she knows it, know that there is no Luke if she fucks up is the end, I think when she’s going to date someone more famous then Luke she’s gonna shade him a little bit but don’t even that much like now she has too much to lose to even try to crate drama before Luke she was an unknown person dating someone famous now she’s less unknown and want to stay that why so she will do anything to make herself good look in this situation and as long as Luke/somebody involved in the situation will not talk she will do the same

Yeah, exactly! Being forgiven was sort of inevitable when she was with Luke because people were forced to deal with and accept her since no one knew how long she’d be around. It kind of got to the point where she caused so much drama that people just…settled. They let themselves fall for every single empty apology because they wanted to have hope. Now she’s all by herself and has no one else’s fanbase to fall back on. If she does something stupid, literally no one besides Lindsay and her brainwashed stans will have her back. I’m not saying Luke ever stood up for her cause he didn’t, but when she was with him, people had a reason to forgive her. Now they don’t. She acts craziest when she’s dating someone famous because she can sort of get away with it.

#anon #ref

[galaxymagick]

.

#i just watched bird box and .. why why do inalways do it? i end up watching something that makes me think and then i make myself sad ><;;; #also the music for it sounded so familiar and i was like thats so reznor and it is by him #beckeo.txt #also i STILL cant get die schatten werden länger out of my head ... brain what are you doing!?! #i need to sleep now ><

[tatolina75]

Let's see what happens in a year...

I really have no one to talk to but myself, so I came back here where I have been in some past dark times... I lost hope, inspiration and will these days and all this after a period which has probably been the best of my life talking about how I felt inside... Losing what I got working, or better fighting hard for more than two years has been devastating. For the first time I was functioning almost 100% I was full of energy, ideas, was doing things, wanted to do even more, I was planning my life, dreaming about the future, I was positive, I was also learning to take care of my body, I was building a better relationship with food... it was so great! During the previous two years, those I spent fighting panick, anxiety and depression I had heard more times than I can remember this worlds: 'you can't do all by yourself, you need to learn to trust others, confide in them' There's probably nothing more far away from who I was, who I have been thought to be, and my teacher was my whole life. INalways really trusted myself only, because when even your mother doesn't understand, when she's the first to point out your flaws to as well as your strenghts to others, when friends in the end always choose who can benefit them more, who can you really trust? Maybe my dad, but he wasn't a man of many words and honestly he would have done everything I asked, but if he wasn't asked then he wasn't a man of action... so I think he let me down as well in the end. But this time, in those two years I really tried hard to trust people, to have faith in their good faith, to think they would be there if I even needed it. And then hell broke loose... my therapist went on maternity leave, I was feeling good so I was confident I could survive a few months without seeing her, but then Hubby got 'depressed' and I am using '' because I still don't really believe it was true.... He claimed he has been strong from a long time to help me, but now he was tired and it was his turn to be depressed.... I asked him not to do that to me because I was feeling good for the first time in my life and I didn't want to loose this thing, I knew it was something still so frail... I could feel it, it was a beautiful crystal castle I was living in. But he could only see it shining bright, he didn't believe me when I asked, begged, screamed to him to not tear down my new life. I worked hard to win against depression to be abke to live a happy life with him and our baby girl, and once I was ready he left me alone. I tried to hold on, I tried to tell me he was right, I tried to keep functioning, but this only progressively drained all my energy, but as usual when I find myself climbing a too high mountain I wouldn't give up, wouldn't stop, Life thought me to never show weakness because other will use it to tell you are not good enough. So my shiny crystal castle lost all his brightness, became frailer and frailer, like soap bubbles, they are so shiny and colorful, but when they slowly loose their color you can see them becoming thinner and finally they pop, without even being touched. So without him with me a friend who disappointed me hurt 1000 times worse then it should have. Not having certainty for the future brought 1000 times more worries. Having to entertain my daughter for two and a half month of school vacation became a nightmare. And the castle finally crumbled down... now I am here in the middle of all this broken crystal that doesn't shine anymore. My world had gone back at looking like Sougintou's world, no color, no light, everything ruined. I have no idea how to leave this place, or rebuild it, I don't have the will to find a way out, but staying here hurts so bad too... Now he is all worried and helpful, his depression disappeared by magic, I wonder if he just want to be with a damaged me and did all this somehow on purpose, I can't help thinking it, I feel I don't trust him like I did, not anymore, maybe never again. Him being there for me was probably the main reason that made me fall in love with him, it was my anchor, now it's gone and I am truly alone. My kid is the only reason I get up in the morning, but I feel I am failing her because I can't be the mom she wants and needs, I don't talk, I don't play, I am not there how I should be, I don't have the strength, so does she really need a mom like me? Or would she be better off me? If she doesn't need me here there I really can't find a reason to stay.

[glamourpossum]

its hard to work for YEARS for this idea of what your life is going to be like and to so suddenly and abruptly ripped apart in front of you. ive maintained this illusion for so long and i think i knew deep down that it wasnt realistic but its all ive had to keep me going so i had to use it. but you can only pretend that stuff like that is attainable if what youre imagining is still far off; if youve reached a point in your life where your life is starting to overlap with the timeframe you imagined but it isnt compatible with that imaginary timeframe you can’t really pretend. i cant keep pretending, because im a college graduate who works at a fucking grocery store. i didnt have a concrete idea of where id be but i didnt think id be here, miserable, with NOWHERE TO BE on a thursday in may. i never imagined having so much free time but i cant find a fucking job. i cant even get a rejection email! and for years people have been blowing smoke up my ass about how qualified i am and how hard i work but none of it fucking matters none of it ever mattered it never mattered how late i stayed up researching or how many things i was involved in. i think i always knew deep down that not everyone gets to live their dreams- someone has to collect the trash and change the oil and bag the groceries. i just thought id be one of the ones who made it and i dont know why but it was stupid and naive of me and i should have been able to tell that anyone who told me otherwise just felt bad for me but i didnt because i was pretending. 

im having to worry about money for the first time in my life and i know thats my privilege showing but its still scary; i grew up without ever being concerned about my parents making rent and living a certain way and i never thought id be out in the world, an actual adult, and not be of the same socioeconomic status as my parents. i thought id have a four bedroom house with a yard and i thought it would be two levels. and now i cant find a job and i work at a grocery store and i cant cope by spending money on stupid shit like i used to

like ive strung myself along for years on this notion that someday everything was going to make sense and that i would be well adjusted and happy and skinny and pretty and i could live like the 20 year olds on tv and i would be able to function  socially and drive and someone would love me and i wouldnt be a fucking 20 year old virgin whos only been kissed during spin the bottle and that being around friends wouldnt just make me more aware of my own inferiority but here we are! im skinny and im still revolted every time i look in the mirror, im only getting older so the like two attractive features i have are ticking time bombs, ive never been at a worse mental state in my life and i cant afford copays for the eye doctor or the dentist and i cant even interact functionally with my FAMILY let alone strangers, i cant fucking drive and cant afford lessons, im disgusting and selfish for even hoping that someone would me romantically interested in me and if i truly cared id want them to stay as far away from me as possible but i dont im just fucking selfish and self serving and pathetic for even hoping, and im getting to the expiration date of my friendships because people are only silling to tolerate me for a 3-4 year time frame and im lucky for even that because im emotionally burdensome and irrational and im about as well-adjusted as those feral children who are fucking raised in the woods.

im so angry at myself for being willing to ignore whats in front of me for so long and trying to just pretend things dont exist. i literally do this to my fucking self i create all of my own problems none of them are real !! i do this to myself !! fucking christ im such a fucking idiot for even trying i get my hopes up every time inalways tell myself not to get my hopes up but i always fucking do why cant i just keep my expectations low so this doesnt keep fucking happening ?!!!! whats the point if this is all there is and all its going to be ? its always been like this so why should it change? fuck im such an idiot i do this to myself i expect shit to go right for me even though i have literally nothing but evidence to the contrary! i have so little in my life that i look at fondly and yet i still delude myself into thinking that someday ill suddenly be projected into this fantasy world where everything is good and nothing hurts ! even the good stuff i walk away from feeling disgusting because i dont deserve anything good that happens to me bc im a fucking leech that sucks the life out of the people who give me the most and are the best to me and offer me every opportunity to succeed. its so vile and evil of me to expect more and to dream of more when i dont deserve a damn thing that i have fucking christ im repulsive 

#negative