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ohfrickfanfic · 5 years

Text

Blow Jobs and Black Holes

Pairings: Jenshler/Joshler

Warnings/Tags: semi public, blow jobs, not edited.

Nothing but the sound of summer crickets can be heard as Tyler and Jenna lay in the damp grass basking in the moonlight on their perfect date night.

“Whoa!” Tyler exclaims breaking the silence as he watches a shooting star rocket through the night sky while lying on his back in awe. “How’d you find this place, Jenna? I’ve never seen so many stars in my life! I wish Josh was here to see this — He’d love it!”

“Josh is the one who told me about it actually. Apparently, you can see more stars than normal here because we’re far from the city, so there’s no light pollution.”

“Josh told you about this? He’s never mentioned this place to me before.” Tyler turns to look at Jenna laying next to him. He feels slightly offended that his best friend would share this place with his wife but not him.

“He told me it’s kind of his personal little sanctuary where he comes to clear his head, but he thought it would be the perfect spot for tonight. I think he was right. I should've known you would wish for your best friend to crash our date night.” Jenna says with a playful shove to Tyler’s shoulder.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tyler questions.

Jenna sits up pulling her knees to chest and crosses her arms over them “Tyler, do you think it’s possible to know someone better than they know themselves?

“I-I mean I guess. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know any other way to say this so I’m just gonna come out and say it — I think you’re in love with Josh.”

Tyler flies up from the grass, his position now matching Jenna’s. “Excuse me, What?” he twirls his hair nervously trying to process what his wife just said to him. “Jenna, Josh is my best friend. I’m not in love with him. Are you — are you being serious right now? You’re my wife, I love you.” he emphasizes, moving to cup her face in his hands. “Besides I’m not gay.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you but just hear me out okay?” she shakes her head. Tyler crosses his arms across his chest giving Jenna a look that says ‘I’m not happy but I’m listening.’ “First of all, yes I am being serious, and I know you love me. I’m not questioning or doubting your love for me — I think it’s possible to have room for more than one person in your heart. And there are other sexualities besides just gay and straight, ya know?”

“I know me and Josh have a really special friendship and we’re closer than most friends, yes. I do love him, and I care about him a great deal but I’m not IN love with him, Jenna.

“Tyler what are some of your favorite things about me?”

“This conversation is all over the place. I’m so lost.” Tyler says bewildered running his hands through his hair.

“Just answer the question?”

“I guess I’d have to say the way you support and encourage my crazy ideas, and how just one look from you can settle all my nerves.”

“Now what are some of your favorite things about Josh?”

Tyler takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes. “I dunno Jenna, uhh ...I guess how we’re always on the same page with things. Like when I was working on the Dema storyline, he had my back every step of the way and trusted me that it would all come together and pay off the way I wanted it too. And on nights when my anxiety gets the best of me on stage and I’m feeling really anxious I can just look over to Josh and remember that we’re a team and we’re in this together and I can just feed off his energy.

“You do realize you basically just gave the same answers for both me and Josh, right? Just worded differently.” Jenna gives Tyler a teasing look.

“Did not.”

“You did, but whatever… What color are my eyes?” Jenna asks another question.

“Blue. Glacier blue but the outer ring of your iris is like dark denim — the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” he smiles leaning to the side to kiss his wife. “I love this little floral sundress on you,” he states pinching a piece of the floral printed fabric between his thumb and finger. “ The little blue flowers bring them out even more.”

“And what color are Josh’s eyes?”

“I feel like most people would say they’re brown, but sometimes when the light hits them just right you can see that they’re really Hazel with warm chocolate brown spec — and ohmygodIaminlovewithJosh” he blurts out, the realization hitting him like a ton of bricks.

“Jenna, what the fuck! What do I do?” Tyler shouts panic-stricken, springing up from the grass and beginning to pace wildly, tugging at his hair.

Jenna stands “Tyler... TYLER!” she struggles to get her husband's attention. “Tyler, look at me.” She tries to ground him, placing her hands on his shoulders. Tyler looks up, getting lost in her eyes--he expects them to be rough tumultuous seas but is surprised when he’s met with the same still waters and glaciers that feel like home. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.” Jenna reassures him pulling his head to her chest.

“It’s not okay. You’re my wife.” Tyler sobs

“You still love me, right?” Jenna questions.

Tyler nods against her cleavage.

“Then that’s all that matters. I meant what I said earlier — I think it’s possible to have room for more than one person in your heart. I know Josh means a lot to you and I’m not about to stand in your way. I think you should explore your feelings more — talk to Josh about it”

“Are you crazy? He would probably never talk to me again!” Tyler exclaims, lifting his head and wiping fiercely at his eyes

“See that’s where I know you’re wrong — the feeling is mutual Tyler.”

“What? No, it isn’t. How would you even know that?”

“Because I told her,” a third voice says.

“JOSH?, What are you doing here?”

“I-I planned this. Tonight. The three of us.” He speaks nervously in choppy phrases as he joins them on the grass. “I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I couldn’t keep my love for you a secret.” Josh looks to Jenna for reassurance and she nods encouragingly for him to continue. “Last night after you surprisingly crashed early for once-” he lets out a small laugh, “Jenna asked me if I was okay as I was leaving, said I seemed like I was hiding something. I broke down and told her everything I had been feeling about you.” he briefly flicks his eyes to Tyler, who’s listening intently, while anxiously plucking at the grass by his side. “I thought for sure she was gonna hate me; I expected her to be angry with me but for some reason, she looked relieved. She explained that for quite some time she felt that you were in love with me too. ” Josh paused placing a comforting hand on Tyler’s thigh. Tyler’s eyes flicked from Josh’s hand to his face then to Jenna and back again trying to process if this was really happening. “She said she wasn’t upset because she felt that you very much still loved her, you just simply loved me as well. Is that true?”

Tyler took a deep breath in, “Yes” he exhaled, looking Josh dead in the eye.

His answer was simple but it was all they needed to move things along. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long — can um- can I kiss you? Josh asks scooting closer.

Tyler quickly looks to his wife for permission and Jenna nods encouragingly. Even as his plump lips near Josh’s he feels unsure if this is what he wants. Finally admitting to himself that he was in love with Josh was one thing, but sexual attraction was a whole nother level. He’d honestly never thought of Josh — or any other man — in that way before, and he’s not sure he’s ready or even comfortable exploring that aspect of this, yet his lips are still drawn to Josh’s like a moth to a flame. The second Josh’s lips are oh his, he knows he wants them there — in fact he wants them all over him, the warmth of the kiss rushing into his jeans making them bulge.

Josh takes notice. “Mmm can I?” he asks, cupping him lightly and beginning to trail kisses down Tyler’s neck, making him weak.

His hips cant up, keenly pressing himself into Josh’s palm in a wordless “Yes” and relaxing back on the grass before his eyes even get the chance to once again ask his wife’s permission. She doesn’t seem to mind though; Tyler catches the corners of her lips curl into a smile just before his eyes flutter close squeezing the surrounding starlight into thin streaks— Josh now welcoming him into a warmth he’s only ever felt from Jenna.

It’s good — different. For one Josh’s eye teeth are a lot prominent than Jenna’s, grazing teasingly up and down Tyler’s shaft with every bob of Josh’s head. His tongue traces expertly around the bell-shaped tip leaving Tyler wondering if he’s done this before — and with who.

He quickly pushes his questions of Josh’s sexual experience to the back of his mind, allowing himself to focus on the pleasure he’s receiving. His fingers dig into the grassy earth at his sides, dirt making its way under his nails as he lifts his hips, desperately pushing himself farther into Josh’s mouth. Josh smiles at his neediness before taking him deeper.

Tyler’s breathing grows more ragged with each bob of Josh’s head, and he can’t help the noises that hum in his throat and slip past his lips. Jenna lets a noise of her own slip-free as she watches her husband coming completely undone at the hands of his best friend. Tyler quickly jerks his head in her direction, reaching a hand out towards her as he whispers “Thank you.”

Jenna nods with a warm smile, grabbing her husband’s hand and squeezing it tightly. Her peircing blue eyes lock with Tyler’s, his wife’s face coming in and out of focus as he fights to keep them open. He does his best until —

“J-osh” Tyler says in a barely audible whisper. “I’m gonna cum!”

And with that he fills Josh’s mouth, his head spinning like a galaxy as he rides out his high. Josh swallows, then coaxes Tyler back to earth with soft slow licks until he twitches with overstimulation.

“You still with us?” Josh laughs, wiping at his mouth. “I thought maybe I sucked you into a black hole there for a second” he jokes.

#josh dun #josh dun smut #tyler joseph #tyler joseph smut #josh dun fanfiction #tyler joseph fanfiction #joshler #joshler smut #joshler fanfiction #twenty one pilots smut #twenty one pilots fan fiction #jenna joseph

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yn6k · 5 years

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hi shine! i wanted to know your thoughts about the book of us: gravity album? any personal favorites? least favorites?

sorry this is so late! i wanted to take my time to answer it because i do have a lot of thoughtsTM hahaha more (like a LOT more) under the cut :)

so on first listen of the album, or honestly even just from the album spoiler haha, my ears instantly focused in on cover and how to love! so i’ll probably have the most to say about those songs + time of our life since ive listened to them the most!!for me: love how its in compound meter! always love me a good 12/8 or 6/8 or whatever it is haha its felt in three basically lskj i dont have a lot to say about this song? i think the focus is more on the lyrics? but musically i cant really identify anything that really sticks out to me alkdj like typical poprock i really dont know what to say maybe theres more interesting things going on underneath that im terrible at picking out (like in the chord progressions) fav part is def the prechorus^^time of our life: its so weird talking about this now bc ive gotten so used to the song that lkj some of what im saying (like the changes i would have done) feels /wrong/ but ahaha still here are some of my thoughts^^ FIRST OF ALL WONPILS PIANO SOLO >>>>> i just really love listening to it and i think an underrated part of his solo is the i think synth drums underneath them and how it creates this driving motion for the song and so like even tho the song starts kind of bare we can go straight into that hype instrumental intro instead of like having only his solo be the intro and going straight into the more mellower verse or smth along those lines? hahaha i think on first listen the first thing that stood out to me was how the chorus sounded like an extension of the verse? like the chorus wasnt very obvious and im not sure why in terms of like chord progression music theory, but in terms of instrumentation i think one of the reasons is because that driving quarter note drum thing we get in the chorus only resolves in the second half of the chorus instead of sometime in the first half of it. so it almost gives off this sense that we might be building up to something greater but we arent? really like all of this energy from the drums piling up for seemingly no reason and also the effect that it has on really accentuating the opening lines of the chorus dissipates imo the longer that drum rhythm plays out. like the whole “a page of beautiful youth” part that opens the chorus is mostly all quarter notes and i love how we have the quarter notes within the actual drum line to back that up but then two things after that happen: 1) we get i guess a reiteration of the opening melody in the chorus with the “let’s write it together” which i feel like having the drumming driving with those same quarter notes underneath it makes the intro of the chorus feel a bit less special and memorable? and 2) and after that line plays out, the melody becomes a bit more loose in in terms of its rhythm (the ‘i want to fill it with our memories’ part) the melody doesnt have those same impactful quarter notes anymore, but u still have the drum playing it so its kind of? like a why? at that point like i personally feel it takes away from the support it gives to the earlier melody that was obviously more driving quarter notes. i kind of wish that driving forward motion in the drumline was resolved within the third measure of the chorus with like a singular drum hit into the release (like going from here to something like here but with a drum hit in between as a transition or smth? hard to explain lks i actually had a made a video a while back kind of experimenting with the sound but idk how to upload it to here) but!! i am a fan of having those driving quarter notes coming out of the bridge i love the usage of it there and would not change a thing! i think it fits because we are actually building up to that release in the instrumental, it feels a lot different than the chorus which just feels like it drags on for a bit too long. but i would also would have liked if we had a bit of an instrumental pause or something like right after sungjin says ‘dont worry about a thing’ like after that ‘ma’ a brief pause or like even the omission of the downbeat that the drum is giving like /something/ missing before we get back into him singing ‘leave everything to me’ idk i feel like that change would have been interesting and way to build up tension again in a way?? anyways to circle back to my original point about the chorus feeling like an extension of the verse..i lowkey feel like maybe day6 felt that a bit too? laksdj and thats why we got that drum intermission bw the end of the prechorus and the start of the chorus but thats just a theory idk how true it is like honestly to me it felt slightly out of place and kind of a random transition? i dunno i could be wronghere are some misc. things not in too much detail since i think talking about one song has already gotten too long alksdj but sungjins part in the prechorus i think could have been sung a bit /gentler/ than his usual throaty approach for day6 songs idk. love the vocal layering in the chorus! maybe my headphones are terrible and maybe im biased (a bit of both or neither who knows) but laksdj i kinda wish youngks bass part was a tad bit louder he has some cool parts that often get overshadowed by the electric guitars + vocals i think (like here! the sound is so tiny in the studio i wish they had brought it out a bit more because when it is brought out it like here sounds gorgeous…that sound actually might be a bit overpowering actually haha but some happy balance bw those two). also totally random but i love the way jae says ‘한 페이지’ its just satisfying to listen to like he slurs the words a bit? whereas sungjin in his part is more staccato and lkj i think i prefer the legato connection of the words to the staccato one. also thank god they brought back the piano solo for the bridge laksjhow to love: SHE!! was a favorite/look out for since the album spoiler and she did not disappoint. wonpil said it was motown influenced? love that for them;; the chord progressions are funky and fun to listen out for! love how we get a bit of instrumental differences between the first and second reiteration of the first part of the verse? (the introduction of this electric guitar kind of in ur left ear if ur wearing head phones thats not there initially but then also this part in the electric guitar in the right ear which isnt there also again in the first reiteration just to keep it different and not redundant! i love the prechorus, introduction of strings for chorus stellar (but im strings biased) but its just so fun to follow how its similar and different to the vocal melody also whats a day6 song without some sort of chanting! love how the rhythm in the melody follows the drum part into the chorus all three times that it happens! the bridge is funky love it haha and also just love how at the end they switch up the ‘cause im ready’ and have sungjin jae and wonpil each sing one of those and then have youngk end with the ‘ooooh’ i thought that was adorable. ok keeping it short thats all i’ll saywanna go back: not to be a svt stan but holiday is that you? hahah jkjk its just a similar genre its like holiday meets maroon 5 haha i actually enjoy a lot of the song the chord progressions in the verses are interesting but also the prechorus is really pretty sounding but lakjd i honestly wish the tempo was just a little bit faster in the chorus i feel like its dragging a bit its hard for me personally to stay engaged with the song because of the murky feeling i personally get from the chorus. also the transition into the second verse is kinda ?? idk ahahaha but yeah main thing is just i wish the tempo was even just the tiniest bit faster for the chorus specifically i feel like verses are fine but just the chorus could have afforded to been a bit faster…but maybe this is just a personal experience cover: this is my personal favorite from the album! musically i just love the sound of the chord progressions in the verses? also the chorus! she! the vocal melody how it goes down but then u hear that piano in the background go up *chefs kiss* art! and i love the changes in the instrumental they introduced for the second verse! they added the bass i believe as well as another electric guitar part that isnt that muted plucking thing that we got in the first verse! AND THEN THE BRIDGE!!!!!!! THAT!!! IS!! A!! BRIDGE!!!! its so stunning and incredibly climatic and beautifully executed!!! i believe thats the first time the drums proper actually come in can you believe it (there are percussion sounds before but i think its a tambourine + a shaker/maraca? essentially not the drumset);; the tension that just the introduction of drums really brings to the piece ahhh and also the chord progressions really take u for a ride the first time u hear it and u dont know what to expect;; and then we get out of the chorus with ‘because im weak and not cool’ as a deviance from the earlier lyrics of ‘my weak and not cool side’ then DRUMTRIPLET!!!!! LAST CHORUS!! MORE DRUM TRIPLETS!! so wonderful the pOWER really the whole song is a huge crescendo ?? kind of influenced by the fact that they keep layering instruments which i absolutely LOVE like its beautiful haha but then the last chorus is just the quickest decrescendo ever as a way to fade out from the song but now with all the instruments (love how the last line really like enforces its importance and lyrical difference from the earlier ‘in the end i was seen’ by having that drum just punch it into u with every hit of the bass drum haha) also like how its not a true circular ending (but it kinda is) like there are instrumental and lyrical differences from the start and the end one thing i kind of wished they experimented with was like maybe mixing up some members voices in the chorus? like i tried a youngpil one myself haha where wonpil sings this part, then youngk, wonpil, youngk (again i hve a video for this but idunno how to upload to this ask) but its not like the song to me suffered from having singular member choruses i just thought it might be kinda cool haha anywhos im biased i love this song and laksj didnt even go into the lyrics rip anyways moving onbest part: i think its really cute that they composed this to be specifically be enjoyed in concert! i really like the best paaaaaaaaa aaaart like that swoop they do and the layering of the vocals i also think its super cool how some of the instrumental drop out towards the end of the chorus but alskj another ‘wanna go back’ transition into the second verse are they experimenting with this transition or smth?? but it just feels like inserted bc they couldnt think of a better way to transition into second verse which?? just kind of awkward akjl idk but maybe they have a reason for it i dont know! but yeah haha again musically im not really sure what to say kinda like for me it just feels like standard pop rock which isnt a bad thing just a /thing/ ahaha

#anon #replies #long post #like very very veryyy long post #im so sorry its so long ahh #and again super sorry that im very late! i know u asked a while ago;;

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cardigans-and-bowties · 7 years

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Lots of 2-4am feelings

CW: transphobia, murder, ableism, police brutality, and a lot of worldsuck. Also religious/spiritual stuff toward the end apparently.... I didn’t plan it, it just happened.....

I'm literally talking about researching anti-trans murder ... .Also very emotional and therefore unnuanced in ways that it might be if I were to actually discuss these issues with someone......

I don't really know who to talk to about this because most of my friends that I would tell are asleep or just really shouldn't be put through the emotional labor of listing to this. So I'm mostly just venting. I'm editing biographies for my LGBT group's Transgender Day of Remembrance event. It's certainly not the first time I've stayed up at some ungodly hour recording things about people we've lost (the first 1000+ on the list we have and then some), but it's not like it stops being sad. I've felt different about it throughout the year and a half I've worked on it, but the anger is sad, the defeated is sad, the hope that we can make it better is sad, the numbness is sad.

I'm not sure there's much more disheartening than trying to find the birthday of a dead person despite the fact that you know that you probably won't find it. This also isn't the first time I've done this. There are a lot of folks who don't have recorded ages, let alone birthdays. But I thought maybe *just maybe* in the age of technology I could find the birthday of someone who died in the US in 2010. But after seeing an article about how the murderer's lawyer made a joke that killing a trans sex worker wasn't that bad, I had to stop. And this was after spending a half an hour reading and rereading the details of Simon Bush's murder (and finally finding the sentencing date of the murderer) and thinking about how many ways it could have been stopped and how fucked up the whole system is.

Just in the US, if the legal system gave a shit about the mentally ill, Simon's murderer wouldn't have been able to kill them. If the legal system gave a shit about the mentally ill trans people, Kayden Clarke and Sean Hake wouldn't be dead. If the legal system gave a fuck about mentally ill trans women of color, Kiwi Herring and Laverne Turner wouldn't be dead. If the legal system gave a shit about trans people of color, Rae'Lynn Thomas's killer - her mother's ex-boyfriend who was apologetically transphobic towards her - would have been investigated as though he had committed a hate crime and Marsha P Johnson's murder wouldn't have been written off as a suicide despite a still unknown murderer bragged about killing her at a bar the day after. If the legal system gave a shit about transgender people, most of the people on this list wouldn't (in all likelihood) have murderers who have never seen a night on the inside of a jail cell for what they did.

This really doesn't even scratch the surface of the tip of the iceberg in a glance of how trans people are abused by the US legal system (and I didn't even touch on how people are treated in jail... I know there are people that I've read about who died misgendered and ignored in jail but I just don't have the energy to dig that deep right now). This isn't even looking at the role that class plays. This isn't even looking at it on a global level - nearly every fucking country is guilty. Thousands of deaths aren't acknowledged because they are legal in some countries. Over 800 trans people have been recorded as being murdered in Brazil alone. European countries aren't exempt either. People are still murdered - still pushed to suicide.

Shit like this doesn't happen out of nowhere. A bunch of people don't decide "hey lets kill that person that look trans" for no reason. Boyfriends don't kill their girlfriends because theyre scared of their friends discovering she's trans by some fluke one-person "crazy"-man decision. Multiple doctors don't just refuse to treat a dying trans person because they're an asshole in the vacuum of space. There is context for everything. An infographic went around recently about rape culture and how passing comments reinforce the jokes which reinforce the catcalling which reinforces larger, more physically violent acts. Its the same thing here.

Cis people still wonder why trans people have to make such a big deal about pronouns or names. Or complain that they "can't enjoy anything because all the LGBTs are so fucking sensitive". I’ve seen three separate fucking facebook threads about gender reveal parties - all of which featured a pack of Cisgender Susannes saying “we just can’t enjoy anything anymore” or “well I don’t see a problem with it”. Your joke is not more important that someone's mental health. Your comfort is not more important that someone's safety.

I was angry for such a long time. I still am - but anger used to be the main emotion - I was in a rage at everyone. I was hopeless. Now I'm trying my damnedest not to be. I've gotten to the point where I am forcing myself into some kind of hope. I am reaching for anything to make me feel like this world doesn't hate queer people. I am doing everything I can so that my walk on this earth can make it easier for the people who walk on it after me. Sometimes it is fucking hard. When it's 1am and I still cant so much as find a last name and age for someone killed in 2010 (because she was trans and homeless) it's hard not to be pissed the world. When it's 2am and I'm looking at Leelah Alcorn's last typed words again, reading for the 1000th time her age and thinking for the 1000th time "she was so fucking close to being able to get out of that house", remembering the names of the other teens who died the same way she did because the world around them treated them like they were sub-human, remembering that 41% of transgender people attempt suicide because of this shit place, remembering that we don't have anything close to accurate number to know how many actually do commit suicide, it's hard not to be pissed at the world.

I worry myself fucking sick worrying if one of my friends could be next. They take public transport, they go to protests - my best friend has sent me pictures from an STL police line featuring full riot gear. Most queer people I know are mentally ill. I am worried fucking sick. I see the numbers and I just have to suppress what I can as far as this personal worry goes.

I think the only reason I'm not completely jaded (if you can believe it) is God and the fact that we were made and that we are loved and that we are all connected to each other through that. We are bigger than us and we were made to love each other - to be each other. Everything is connected. The systems I talked about earlier - they're all connected. But they were created broken. I have no faith in that. But if we were created by something perfect, that means there is hope for people. As fucking cheesey as it sounds, if we loved each other - genuinely listened and tried to understand - there would be so much less pain. I think a lot about how this connection goes both ways. That's how empathy works. That's why oppressions are connected. The genuine understanding and emotions and ability to help each other so deeply is so beautiful. That is the main thing that keeps me from being hopeless. If we focus on healing ourselves and each other it has the potential to reach others. If I spread good in this world, it will affect more people than I know. And that is how change can happen. It starts from the individual and it spreads. Each person affects each person and that has the opportunity to be so beautiful and I have to hold on to that hope. The world only changes through people. As shitty as everything seems, it can be less shitty if more people are trying. By God’s grace, we can find still love in a world that produces this many volumes of pain.

I dunno, ya'll (I say as if someone will have read this far down this wall of 3am rambling). I'm just having a lot of feelings. I've got to keep doing what I'm doing - helping people, being a better person, trying to do what I can to do anything to help this fucked up world, keeping just one person from having to feel as much pain..

#personal #also possibly triggering - I'm talking about reading about a ton of trasphobic murders and suicides

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