#like absolutely out of pocket thing for taylor swift to write but that's ok because it's about dirkjake

[old-childhood-drama]

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

#Taylor Swift #fearless #fearless (taylor's version) #forever & always #mr perfectly fine #you all over me #last kiss #toe #jaylor #joe jonas #jonas brothers #folklore #invisible string #paranoid #much better #lines #vines and trying times #better than revenge

[kachinnate]

these are a few of my faaavorite fics ✨

not that anyone asked for my opinion BUT these are a couple of my… fav deh fics of all time!* they’re all linked to ao3 and i think i have all the authors tagged that i know of that has a tumblr so

*i made this list especially for fics that aren’t, like.. as well known as some of the Popular Fandom Fics, partially bc everyone’s already read them and knows how awesome they are and partially bc otherwise this list would be ten pages long hehe,,, also sorry if you’re seeing this twice, i had to repost bc the links were all broken ?? 

throwing under a readmore bc this is a chunky boy!!!!! keep in mind that these aren’t in any particular order:

in the in-between - chchchchcherrybomb, vinegar-and-glitter (x) [tree bros] – Connor’s turning 27. Evan’s sitting the bar exam. Over and over again. – itsa timeloop au!! i’m not sure if this is a common au or not, but i’ve never read anything else like this before, and ohhhh my god. each chapter is a switch-off from connor’s pov to evan’s pov, and i assume the authors each wrote for one character (?), but oh my god their writing works so well together?? they both have distinct styles and ways of writing but it flows together perfectly,, without spoiling anything, ev and connor’s dynamic in this universe is a lot different to anything else i’ve personally read before, partially because they’re quite a bit older here than in canon (which, while is obviously portrayed, they still are easily recognizable as the characters they are in the musical), and partially because it strays away from the common ‘they’re both misfits/not doing great, but connor is worse for wear and evan has to save him’, which i think is rlly nice.. (also, like, never have i ever considered that evan would want to be a lawyer, but after reading this fic not only am i sold on it but i’m convinced 100% that him being a lawyer could genuinely be fuckin canon) (also also, the evan characterization in this? hands down my favorite out of any fic i’ve ever read tbh) the world building is really incredible too - like, i don’t even want to consider this one a fuckin fic bro because it’s like highkey just this incredible novel?? it also has a completed sequel called it’s always been you (x) that i haven’t finished that takes place after the events of this fic, and so far?? also fucking incredible 15/10 i definitely recommend

lapse - cecropia / @wildflowermonet (x) [tree bros] – “For what it’s worth,” Connor says casually, “I don’t think you should die tonight.” – welcome to another installment of ‘kayla read this and immediately couldn’t think about anything else for a solid consecutive 12 hours’!! evan and connor have really wonderful characterizations in this one too - i’m pretty sure i’ve elaborated on it before but literally my favorite thing is when people actually write evan as more than an anxious kid, and omg this author did that perfectly asfjkdsg - you can see the subtle Growth as he gets more comfortable with connor and jared (and all the other deh characters too bc this fic has a lovely fOUND FAMILY FINISH AT THE END EEE) and it’s just. aaaah. *heart eyes emoji*. it’s set in their senior year, and they form an unsteady friendship and learn to lean on each other and figure out the whole ‘having friends’ thing, midway through evan realizes he’s a-pinin’, it’s just. Great. this fic is relatively new too i think so u def def def should go give it a read and give the author some love!!!!!!!!!!!

to have a friend - demistories / @transanabeth (x) [tree bros] – Pretend to be friends with Connor Murphy, who yells at people and skips class to smoke and pushes people and threw a printer in the second grade, for twenty dollars a week.

Evan closes his hand around the bill and then stuffs it into his pocket.

“I-I’ll do it.” – ok this is one of, if not, the first fic i’ve ever read coming into the fandom, so it of course has a rlly special place in my heart!! it’s a classic ‘fake dating au’, also with switching povs between chapters. connor offers evan 20$ a week to be his fake friend, almost follows through with the events of the musical but doesn’t, finds out about evan’s own attempt, and they just sorta… cope together. it’s a lot of second guessing bc neither of them knows if the other considers the other a friend or not, and ofc when the fake dating part comes in that gets amplified by 10 asdfghj. honestly i think it’s a cooler approach to the fake dating au troupe (the chapter titles are increments of 20$, which honestly is equally cruel as is creative) and is so!! heartwrenching!!! it’s been a while since i’ve read it but i’m pretty sure that i bawled at the twist so >’D

the only thing is that this fic isn’t finished and there isn’t an intention for it to be finished from what i know of(?) - the author included a brief synopsis of the ending to tie loose ends and give a sort of closure to the fic, but that absolutely doesn’t take away from how freaking incredibly written it is and doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give it a read anyway !! i kept up with it while it was a WIP and honestly every time i got the email notification that it updated i dropped everything to fuckin read that shit 😤😤 when i think of deh fics, this is honestly just one of the first that comes to mind for me just bc it was one of the first ones i’ve read, and it just… was so good that i still think about it months after i read the last chapter safkjasf

no comfort in the truth - @nothingunrealistic (x) [kleinsen] – Like everyone in the world, Evan has the last words his soulmate will ever say to him on his skin.

Evan hears a lot of last words during his senior year. – okay if this were an accurate list i’d literally have every drabble soph has ever written down on here but that is entirely beside the point

literally knowing beforehand that this is a kleinsen fic and then reading the summary, u kno this shit is going to be painful ,, honestly this style is one of my fave fic formats (especially when it comes to writing in the canon deh universe) because like ,, it’s simplistic but works really well as a story-telling method?? not everything has to be perfectly strung together and every day doesn’t have to be written out for it to still convey the same like.. impact as a super long fic would, and honestly writing it in like flashes or snippets makes the build up that much more anticipating? bc again when u write within the events of the musical it’s not like u don’t know what’s going to happen,, u can focus less on worldbuilding bc hey, it’s already done for u, and instead write more indepthly about the topic of the soulmate au!! but uhhh REGARDLESS soph is literally the kleinsen matriarch in my eyes, they always write evan and jared w/ Perfect characterization and dynamics and just Ah! this one is angsty, but it has a v nice and hopeful ending, and i *clutches heart* love,,,

nowhere else i’d rather be:  nosecoffee / @nose-coffee​​ (x) [tree bros] – A fake dating au where they’re next door neighbours, Evan bakes, and Connor’s already a little in love with Evan anyway – this one is a series - the first fic kinda Establishes stuff and the second one gets into the whole fake dating thing!! they live in apartments next to each other, evan bakes for connor, they go campin with connor’s family, it’s just….. rlly sweet and i love it

also, it contains this hilarious bit that i haven’t been able to forget about despite finding this fic months ago:

do me a favour - can your heart rate rise a little? - nosecoffee / @nose-coffee​ (x) [treebros]

an au where the hansen family owns an arcade….. honestly what more can i say?? it’s slowburn and treebros and i p much love everything that nosecoffee has written ever so this is no exception obviously

jared and connor vs. the mortifying ordeal of being known - caswell @techconsigliere , puglebug @puglebug (x) [kleinphy] – Jared is admitted to group therapy following the divorce of his mother from his asshole father. What he doesn’t anticipate is that Connor would be there, too. – THE KLEINPHY CONTENT WE ALL DESERVE BEING PROVIDED TO US BY CJ AND EZRA!!! it’s a one-shot with just enough slowburn to keep you 👀 , jared is working through some stuff and after some fumbling connor is w/ him to help him thru it, the end of this fic has my heart aching the entire way through every time i read it and it’s just… *chefs kiss* (i even drew some fanart for it if you’re ever so inclined)

forever going with the flow, but you’re friction - lizzy_stardust_18 @delightfullyanachronistic​ (x) [band trees] – Zoe knew that of all of the things that her mother had expected from the evening, Evan Hansen showing up at her door with his arms full of her drunken daughter was not one of them. – big bet i wasn’t getting through this list without including fiona’s fics, are u crazy??? BUT this one is set a year (?) after the events of canon, zoe’s at a party and evan finds her, and they talk about stuff n’ things - there’s also a sweet moment in there between zoe and cynthia (in which cynthia is Rightfully Skeptical of evan) which is v wholesome and Refreshing because honestly the murphy parents never get written in a good light and fiona does it ~ perfectly ~. lotsa metaphors. evan and zoe are big dorks. evan is a taylor swift stan. what isn’t there to love

i can’t call you a stranger, but i can’t call you up - lizzy_stardust_18 - @delightfullyanachronistic (x) [kleinsen] – Jared fiddled his thumbs. He wished more than anything that he could move to a different seat, but causing a scene at Heidi Hansen’s wedding reception wasn’t exactly high on his to-do list. Besides, he was an adult. He had a job. He ate ramen only three times a week. He could handle a simple social interaction like a real human being. He was lucky that no one else had found their seats at his table yet. It gave him time to gather his wits about him. He drummed his fingers on the table nervously. – jared and evan are forced to talk after the events of canon via sitting next to each other at heidi’s wedding. they argue a bunch bc jared is still rightfully hurt, they discuss TCP and jared’s treatment of evan over the past couple years, they fight it out and then we learn some jared backstory and then there are tears and it ends on a fluffy + hopeful note!! good shit !!!!

#dear evan hansen #deh #tree bros #treebros #kleinsen #kleinphy #band trees #bandtrees #convan #conman #evan hansen #jared kleinman #zoe murphy #connor murphy #fic recs #long post #longpost #sorry if u get a notif for this twice i'm a Stupid Boy

[pcktsprgrl]

You’re so cool and your blog is amazing! Idk know you, but I want to so all of them plz.

Last kiss uh this girl I was hanging with she asked for a hug then randomly kissed me lolLast call my parents Last song picture to burn Taylor swiftLast time I cried don't recall but it was about my cat. 😭 happy tears was just a little while ago.Have I everBeen cheated on yes I suspect so.Kissed someone and regretted it yesLost someone special unfortunately Been depressed clinically no. But really sad yesBeen drunk and threw up noThis year have I everHad sex no Made a new friend yes several, join the party anonLaughed until you cried yes 😂Met someone who changed you yesFound out who your true friends are this year? No but its coming outFound out someone was talking about you no?What did you do for your last birthday just chilled at homeWhat time did you wake up today about 9ish?Last time you saw all your siblings at one time last yearWhat is one thing you wish you could change about your life hm When is the last time you had sex? Lmao been a bit Most visited webpage Tumblr and my email Favorite color purple Nicknames T, pocket supergirl, depends who you ask Relationship status flirty Lol Zodiac sign capricornMale or female femaleEye color bluish greenHeight 5 6Do you have a crush on someoneYeah hehFirst Piercing noneHookup I don't really go for hookupsBest friend these two girls that lived next door. I guess we were best friends,Right now Eating nothingDrinking a beer and waterAbout to post this Waiting for inspiration for my writing.FutureWant kids erm if I got with someone who had them. Married if the right person came alongCareer I like where im at nowWhich is betterLips or eyes eyesHugs or kisses depends from who,Shorter or taller I have dated bothOlder or younger depends more on maturity Nice arms or nice stomach erg can I say both?Sensitive or loud depends on the situation Relationship or hookup relationshipHave you everKissed a stranger no Drank hard liquor yes Lost glasses/contacts yes lolHad sex yes Broke someone's heart probably, not on purpose though Been arrested noTurned someone down yesCried when someone died yesFallen for a friend Lol yeah I kept it quietDo you believe inYourself some daysMiracles yeahLove at first sight absolutely Heaven I think there's something beyond death,Santa sure hes based on a real person and what's it hurt to believe Angels yesWhat would you label yourself as not sure what this means.Someone You Pray Everyday For what?Did you sing today of course Who From All Your Ex’s have You Cared The Most About oh man idkOut Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For that's tough.Are you afraid of falling in love I don't think so.Do you like the way you look. "My face I don't mind it for i am behind it the one in the front gets the jar "😂😂 lmao I want to work on things but I'm ok I guess Some questions I skipped because I either answered them or don't want to say Lol. Thank you for the ask, come talk anytime.

[paharvey99]

No Waitrose October 7: Days 30-31

Day 30

Friday – and the penultimate day of No Waitrose October. Also my nephew’s birthday, so when the four year-old I live with got up she was bundled in front of my phone to record a happy birthday video message. She’s done so many of these that she’s become an accomplished singer of Happy Birthday; I sent it to the family WhatsApp and my younger sister complimented her dramatic pauses and use of vibrato.

I’d bought my nephew some Minecraft Lego (Minecraft is one of those things where I’m not too sure what it is but we’re past the point where I feel comfortable asking. This is not a plea for anyone to tell me what Minecraft is, by the way), and I also wanted to get him something stupid and annoying, because he’s eight, so I got him a voice changer shaped like a mini red megaphone.

A couple of weeks back when I was buying all this on the internet I had thought it would be amusing to get him a retail-size box of chocolate bars, like 24 Bountys or something. He very nearly got 20 white chocolate Lion bars, but then I realised that maybe he didn’t even like white chocolate Lion bars, so I bought him a big Cadbury’s selection box type thing. I still maintain that a box of 20 white chocolate Lion bars is a fantastic present, I’m going to definitely buy one for someone for Christmas.

After the happy birthday message I did the nursery run and came home and did a load of work, had last night’s Sichuan pork dumpling filling noodles for lunch, more work, nursery run, and a nip into M&S Food on the way home.

You’ve probably noticed this month that I have been going to M&S Food quite a lot, and from the outside it might look like I’ve just replaced Waitrose with M&S Food and carried on as usual. However, this isn’t quite right. I will regularly do a big main shop in Waitrose, whereas I can’t bring myself to do that in M&S Food, which remains solely for “bits”. I bought some milk and something for tea, which turned out to be some trout in watercress sauce that was down from six quid to 90 pence. I knew the person I live with would tell me off later for giving her a ready meal for tea, but with a saving of more than a fiver I couldn’t leave it there.

By the time we got home my nephew had received his birthday message and presents and there was even a video of him using the voice changer thingy, which did seem to be as stupid and annoying as I’d hoped. This reminds me – the voice changer present was vaguely inspired by the book Angelica Sprocket’s Pockets by Quentin Blake. The title character has a range of unlikely items in her pockets, like trees and elephants and a kitchen sink and so forth. Spoiler alert: that’s the entire plot of the book. One of the things she has in her pockets is a selection of motor horns that go PAR-HURR and BEEEP BEEP, and I realised that a motor horn that goes PAR-HURR and BEEEP BEEP would be a fantastic thing to receive as a present. However, I chickened out of buying one for my nephew and scaled it down to the mini-megaphone voice changer. Maybe when he’s older.

I roasted some potatoes, courgettes, onions and a yellow pepper in chicken stock to go with the trout, I used a lot of stock and the vegetables ended up a soft, tasty mess, I was very pleased with them. As predicted, the person I live with expressed disapproval of the trout, saying that while it tasted nice she’d rather not eat a bought sauce. I know what she means; it may have been a cheap and tasty option, but I need to protect my brand better.

Just as we were going to bed I went to post a link to a previous blog on Twitter and noticed that the government had leaked news about a new national lockdown to the papers. I flicked through a few tweets and everyone was furious with the government for doing this, and I ended up furious as well. Then I wished I hadn’t looked at Twitter, as I was having a nice evening and all of a sudden I was furious.

It made me think, actually, that the government must be really pleased with the whole Twitter situation. Because really, they do abhorrent stuff, everyone on Twitter gets furious and then literally nothing happens. Boris Johnson is not quaking in his boots because a 90s comedian has got 33,000 retweets, no matter how incisive the skewering. He doesn’t even know it’s happened. Dominic Cummings is not rushing about going “Twitter is furious, what can we DO?”. He’s perfectly happy that he’s upset a bunch of lefties and they’re sitting about frothing in their own anger and doing absolutely nothing meaningful about it. No one is rustling up an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches, no one’s even writing to their MP. You want to change stuff, you’ve got to get up and do stuff; it’s the only way. Not me though, I’m too busy.

After that I calmed down and went to bed.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

Day 31

As ever, Halloween marks the final day of No Waitrose October. I’m fairly sure I complain about Halloween every year, so I won’t bore you with it again, just know that I still don’t like anything about it.

The four year-old I live with and I got up and had breakfast while the other person I live with stayed in bed. After a while I took the person I live with through a cup of tea and complained about the new lockdown. The person I live with hadn’t checked Twitter last night and didn’t know about it, so I then felt a bit bad for waking her up with miserable news.

The weather was miserable too, not much hope of going out for a walk or anything, so we stayed in and pottered about all morning doing weird bits of tidying and video calls with family and stuff.

We made the unicorn Angel Delight that we bought in the week. I had to whip up three different bowls of gloop and assemble them accordingly, it was quite time-consuming. They did look amazing though, the kind of dessert that you see on fairytale tables laden with goodies. I put a picture of them on Instagram and we put them in the fridge for later.

For lunch I made fishcakes, peas and oven chips and somehow managed to mess up the oven chips. I don’t know what I did wrong, they all stuck to the tray for some reason. Still ate them, obviously. Then we had the unicorn Angel Delight for afters. I don’t know if Angel Delight has changed, or I have changed, or both, but it was pretty terrible. Just the kind of food that isn’t worth eating. None of us ate much of it, hopefully we’ll never have to bother with it again.

After lunch there was a break in the weather and the four year-old I live with was persuaded out of the house on the promise of going to Slimetown. Thankfully this was quickly forgotten and so we just went down to the sea, where the light was amazing but it was a bit windy, so we headed back inland. On the way back we went past City Books, Hove’s liveliest independent bookshop apparently. It reminded me that I wanted to buy Nigella Lawson’s new book, and then I realised that with the lockdown coming I wanted to buy it at an independent bookshop rather than online, support local businesses and all that. I had a look in and thankfully it wasn’t particularly lively inside, or we wouldn’t have gone in. I bought the new Nigella and I also bought a book for the four year-old I live with as a pre-lockdown treat, something called Shark in the Park.

Back at home I started reading the new Nigella, and it appears to be exactly what I want from Nigella right now; a text-heavy cookbook with loads of recipes and ideas. You may have noticed that I’ve been banging on about Nigella a lot this month, well that’s because I think she’s brilliant. People tend to think of her slightly daft tv persona, flouncing about in her big London townhouse eating cheesecake in her dressing gown at midnight or whatever, but when you read her books you realise that’s all for show. She’s actually someone who’s properly obsessed with making and eating delicious food, which is where her interests align with mine. And she’s not precious about it; there is a recipe in her new book - not even a recipe really – for roast chicken served on crisps. Literally, you roast a chicken, cut it up into pieces and serve it on top of a large bowl of crisps. The chicken juices soak into some of the crisps, the ones round the edge stay, well, crisp. I think I actually punched the air when I read this recipe, because really, you know that that is going to be absolutely sodding delicious. Roast chicken and crisps are among my top five foodstuffs of all time, so why on earth had I never thought to combine them before? That’s the genius of Nigella. She’s like Eric Cantona or someone, seeing passes that no one else on the pitch can see. You’d probably need a green salad with it, mind.

I showed the roast chicken and crisps photo to the person I live with and she expressed some reservations. Not sure I’ll get away with roast chicken and crisps any time soon.

After more reading and pottering and bed-changing and tidying it turned out to be bedtime. I’d had the song Memory from the musical Cats in my head all day, so I put the Barbra Streisand version on for the four year-old I live with on my phone. She didn’t take to it, so I put a related video on, which turned out to be Taylor Swift singing Macavity the Mystery Cat from the ill-fated film adaptation from last year. We have a storybook version of Macavity the Mystery Cat that we read a lot, so the four year-old I live with knows it really well and was very excited to see a video of it.

It hardly needs saying, as everyone said it at the time, but that version of Cats from last year really is very strange indeed, isn’t it? We watched a few videos from it, and it hardly seems credible that anyone thought it was ok to release into the public domain. Somehow it had a magical effect on the four year-old I live with, who fell asleep to Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer or something.

For tea I had made sausage, pumpkin and brussel sprout pasta, all baked in a creamy cheesy sauce, a proper ribsticker of a meal. The pumpkin was a nod to Halloween, even though I hate it (Halloween, not pumpkin).

After tea we watched a film on Netflix called The Trial of the Chicago 7, which we quite enjoyed, a solid 7/10. 

Then we got angry about the government. This new lockdown doesn’t seem like it’s going to be that big a deal for us, we weren’t going to pubs and restaurants anyway. I would like to know if the man coming to fix the hole in the ceiling next Thursday is still allowed to come, and whether the surveyor can still go round to do a report on the house we’re buying, but we’ll just have to wait and see I suppose. Then we went to bed. Another year over.

Didn’t go to Waitrose.

[susanreby]

acne

You’ve been sick on your hand

This track is about being the best whilst being drunk.

This song was one of the last tracks created, I did have another intro for this EP that just didn’t cut it, the theme was off and I couldn’t change it to fit the ‘flow’ of this project. I needed a song that would set a tone for where this EP was heading.

For this track, I started to push my own boundaries in the sense of non drum instrumentals, by doing this I wanted not to use average drum machine sounds, but take random noises and try to move them into this piece. For example, there is a reversed breath sound throughout the start beat, which I feel benefited the track rather than a normal drum.

Lyrically, I feel this song could possibly be one of my faves, it’s about a night where I got drunk on a field and was just absolutely wasted ahahah, and was in fact sick on my hand. My friend Fran was filming me dying and she is the modulated voice that you hear at the start, as I felt that I needed to include something real and legit and messy in this song.

My fave lyrics from this piece are ‘Are you a Dolly or are you Jolene’. These words resemble, for me, what life is like for young people. Whether it be in education or online, if you’re a Dolly, you let things slide and people walk all over you, equalling being lower on the ‘popularity’ scale. Whereas being Jolene, you are a person who will take a girl’s man etc etc hahaahha.

Popularity does matter to everyone, whether people think it or not. It just happens, society is laughable and I hope you got that from this song.

What’s the time mr wolf

This song is also about getting trashed.

This is about how I got absolutely fooookkedddd at my friends Birthday and when drunk, everything was elevated, so feelings towards people felt stronger, eye rolls were harder, laughing was louder etcccccc. It really focuses on being bitter and doesn’t shy away from the fact that you can dislike someone, no matter how long you’ve liked them. It’s truly looking at the people around you and realising you have no fucking idea to why you even still speak to them.

I created the instrumental for this track before lyrics were even about, I wanted to do this to ensure that I could think thoroughly about what I was going to write. The lyrics, for me, are the main focus of this piece as they are all things that were said on this particular night. Whenever someone said something relatively ‘poetic’ haha, I would write it down in hope to string some stuff together.

My fave lyric from this is possibly ‘I bet she can’t burn herself without blinking’ the reason for this was because I was talking to someone as we walked home, about their past relationship with their ex. And we got onto the topic of how great their ex was academically, this person’s only response was to whip a lighter out of their pocket, say ‘I bet she can’t burn herself without blinking’ and actually then burn them self without blinking ahahahah. It was strange and I just felt as though it definitely needed to be on this song.

Kinda

This is my Taylor Swift song, Nice and bitter.

I wrote this song in like 20 minutes. Again, like ‘whats the time’ the instrumental was done, so it was just messing with lyrics and melodies. After a few days of different lyrical ideas, I stopped listening to it, to then come back later on in the process. During this time, I had a petty fall out with the people I love the most, and I feel when emotions are elevated, writing is so much easier. Thus me returning to this instrumental with a vast collection of petty things to sing. ‘Kinda sick of that, kinda sick of this’ was a lyric that I was doubting for the longest time due to its simplicity and child like manor, however I felt somewhat drawn to it and couldn’t find anything that would replicate the same feelings, so I had to keep it in.

The instrumental for this track was really fun to make, as it was brighter than the usual stuff that I was creating, it was almost silly. For this reason, it felt like a whole different recording process, it was almost like seeing sunlight after being inside a dark place all day. It was light and it felt less intense than any of the other tracks and I think if you listen to this EP, it shows as well.

Chewing cheeks

I’ve been in love once in my life, and the love wasn’t reciprocated. It was possibly the best and worst experience I have ever faced. This song is me accepting the ache.

At this point in the writing process I had been messing around with the repeating three chords in which the song is based on, I tried to add melody, and nothing seemed to work with it. At this time, I was really getting into spoken word and slam poetry, this began me writing poems, rather than lyrics. Chewing cheeks is a poem I wrote accepting heart break and finally allowing myself to move on. It focuses not just on love and bitterness and aching, but also mentions religion.

For me, the biggest confusion I have ever faced is with my religious identity and my relationship to whatever is actually out there. I wish deeply that I was brought up with a religion, however am also so happy that I wasn’t. It’s an on going battle in which I am never going to answer and that’s really ok, I know that now xxx

I thought with the message of moving on, ‘chewing cheeks’ would be the perfect way to end this EP, I hope you enjoyed this lil write up and ‘acne’ itself. It really does mean that world that someone is listening, thank you x