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#kinda not surprising then that i keep accidentally tying my feeling of worth to the receiption of what i post
ganondoodle · 5 months
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just after i crawled my way out of that 'art-low' and i got myself excited to work on the rough draft for chapter2- i suddendly just crash and burn again bc i cant get the thought out of my head that im not a good writer either actually and my ideas are comically boring
do i really have to fight my own brain over and over again for the rest of my life (ㆆ_ㆆ)
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miyagihawk · 3 years
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“idfc; blackbear (again it’s so easily related to hawk vibes, maybe he’s afraid to open up again for a relationship after moon so he acts like he doesn’t care about the reader but the mfs actually so in love😩✋🏻)” - @hawkwhore
ugh i love this sm and blackbear 😛 ty for the request as always <3
idfc | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader
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warnings: just cursing?
summary: based on idfc by blackbear :) hawk doesn’t like you and you don’t know why
a/n: soooo i kinda strayed from the song LOL sorry but this is kinda more cutesy and less angsty than the song. i actually like it though :)
You don’t know why he seemed to hate you.
Ever since you walked into the dojo for the first time, it was like you couldn’t escape his death stare.
Eventually, you got closer to Miguel, his best friend, so you two started going to the same parties and hanging out more often. But he never seemed to warm up to you.
Miguel said Hawk was just intimidated by you because you always beat him when Sensei calls you both to spar. So you let him win one time, but he seemed to hate you even more after.
Which is why you started Operation Get Hawk To Like Me.
It seemed like a fun challenge to get the broody boy to enjoy your company, but you also sincerely wanted to be friends with him. When he would laugh with Miguel and he smiled like the sun, it made you sad that he was so cold towards you but so warm towards others. You wanted the sun.
You decided that the first part of O.G.H.T.L.M was to subtlety be nicer; you didn’t want to be desperately kind out of nowhere and make him dislike you even more.
“Hey!” you called after the red haired boy who was about to open the door to the dojo.
Hawk turned around slowly at the sound of your voice, and you winced at the annoyed look on his face.
“I- uh, I got this for you,” you held out a blueberry smoothie. When everyone hung out at Golf N Stuff, you saw that he got that flavor and took a mental note.
The boy stood in front of you with a twisted face, not reaching out to take the drink. “Why?” he asked.
You shifted awkwardly, feeling nervous under his stare. Was this too forward? “Um... I accidentally got an extra one?” you made the excuse lamely. “Just take it.”
“Give it to Miguel,” Hawk turned around and sauntered into the dojo, leaving you with a frown. But you wiped off any trace of your disappointed expression and walked into practice too.
-
You tried everything.
You waved at him every time you passed each other in the halls. You got him drinks at parties and you even offered to be the designated driver so that he could get wasted with Miguel.
When you two sparred, you lost on purpose each time. Sensei even pulled you aside to ask if something was wrong. “Hawk is getting better,” was all you said, but he didn’t seem convinced.
The list of things you were trying to do for Operation Get Hawk To Like Me seemed endless and you were totally kissing his ass. His feelings about you weren’t budging, and it seemed like this was just a hopeless mission.
“I just don’t get why he hates me so much. I’m trying so hard,” you groaned.
“Maybe that’s why. You’re trying too hard,” Miguel said across from you with a mouthful of fries.
“Well I don’t know what to do then. I want him to know I’m trying.”
“He knows,” your best friend nodded his head nonchalantly.
Your face scrunched up in confusion, causing Miguel to give you an amused look. “Then why doesn’t he care? I’m starting to think there’s just something wrong with me,” you huffed, crossing your arms.
“You should just talk to him if it’s bothering you so much,” Miguel shrugged.
“I guess I should,” you slumped, feeling intimidated by the thought of confronting Hawk. Was it even worth it? If he didn’t want to be your friend now, then what would change if you talked to him? If he would even agree to talk.
-
Tonight. The final step that would determine if you were going to give up on Hawk.
The truth is, it really hurt your feelings how little he cared about you. And it hurt even more when you went out of your way to get him to even acknowledge you as an acquaintance.
You don’t know why it affected you so badly; maybe you’ve always had a teensy crush on him. And maybe this little plan you formulated was actually motivated by your subconscious desire to really get to know him, even though you passed it off as wanting to simply be his friend.
So tonight, at the party you were all going to, you were going to talk to him. And get the truth on why he was so persistent in shoving you away.
“Woah, slow down Y/N. Miss lightweight,” Miguel eyed you cautiously when you downed another cup of beer.
“I just need some liquid courage to face Hawk,” you licked your lips, already feeling the effect of the alcohol clouding your mind. You started to sway without noticing, making Miguel laugh at you amusingly.
“Well good luck with that. But that’s enough, or you won’t even get any words out,” he took the cup from you and you pouted. Miguel subtly motioned behind you, and you turned around to look.
It was the red haired boy you’ve been avoiding all night; the one who made your palms sweat when you thought about the conversation you were planning to have.
But with the alcohol giving you a rush of confidence, you walked up to him with no anxiety. His eyes widened when he saw you rushing forward, and he almost looked afraid.
“Can I talk to you?” you said solidly, feeling braver than you usually are. Hawk looked at you, confused, but nodded to his friends before following you to go somewhere quieter.
He traced behind you as you opened the door to go outside, where there were less people and the music wasn’t so loud.
“Um... is something wrong?” Hawk stood awkwardly in front of you, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
“Of course there’s something wrong,” you replied in a meaner tone than you intended, but you brushed off the guilt.
“Well what is it?” he asked in his usual annoyed tone that he used only when he needed to speak to you.
You felt your cheeks heat up with frustration. “Why don’t you like me?” you blurted out, and the expression on his face told you that he wasn’t prepared for it at all.
“W-What?” Hawk stuttered, his previously composed persona was gone.
“Why don’t you like me?” you repeated, more forcefully. “I am so nice to you. But you just hate me and I have no idea why! And you’re just best buds with everyone else, so I know you aren’t incapable of having friends. Do you know how shitty that feels? Especially when I try so hard to just get you to treat me decently!” your mouth ran on and on and words were coming out without you thinking.
Your blurred vision from your anger cleared after you caught your breath, and you focused on his shocked expression. It was the most expression he’s ever shown you.
“I-I-” Hawk stammered, but you cut him off.
“Look, I’ll leave you alone if you just tell me to. But tell me why, so I can give up. I’m sorry, okay? For whatever I’ve done that makes you not even want to be near me. And I don’t even know why I feel like I need you to like me, I just-”
This time he was the one to interrupt you. “I do like you.”
You blinked in confusion, taken aback by his words.
Hawk licked his lips anxiously, taking a breath in before speaking, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick. The truth is... I’ve been... um... catching feelings for you. And I guess I was trying to protect myself by pushing you away.”
Your mouth dropped open at his confession. Out of all the responses you were expecting when you were overthinking about the conversation, this one was one you could have never seen coming. But surprisingly, it made your stomach turn and your heartbeat accelerate.
He continued, this time looking into your eyes with his blue ones. “I don’t hate you at all. I just... I just felt like last time I caught feelings for someone I just got hurt. And I was all in, but they weren’t. That’s why I keep myself from getting close to you. I’m sorry Y/N,” Hawk confessed his whole heart, leaving you speechless.
After barely getting a few words out of him everyday, his confession of feelings was overwhelming. But you finally understood him. You knew about his relationship with Moon and how it went down from all the school gossip, but for some reason you never pieced together that it was why his guard was up so high.
“I don’t really know what to say,” you admitted, still feeling woozy from both the alcohol and his speech. You weren’t sure about your feelings and you didn’t want to say something you didn’t mean. Yes, you had feelings for him too, but everything was going so fast.
Hawk gave you a smile that calmed you from your worry. “It’s okay, sorry. It was a lot. But if you still want we can be friends.” He reached out his hand for you to shake and confirm your partnership.
Instead of taking it, you took him by surprise by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He melted into the hug after a few seconds, and you smiled from behind his view. “Friends,” you pulled away and he beamed at you warmly.
You finally got the sun.
a/n: omg bye this was not like the song at all SORRY there wasn’t that much action it was just fluffy IVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG like they r so soft and u can see the influence of it on my writing lmaoo anyways hope u enjoyed!! :)
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fionnmeetsharry · 7 years
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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAAAAAAAAAASE DO A FIONN ONE WHERE Y/N IS A MAKEUP ARTIST ON SET AND SHE HAS TO FOLLOW HIM TO HIS SCENES TO TOICH UP HIS MAKEUP EVERY TAKE AND HE LIKES HER BUT DOENAT SAY ANYTHING UNTIL SOMEONE TELLS HIM TO GO FOR IT OML I LOVE SHY FIONN CAN THIS PLEASE TAKE PLACE ON DUNKIRK
Artist & Actor••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••Word count: 1690••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••“Tom sit still for goodness sakes, I swear you are worse than a dog”.
This was the 5th time you had scolded Tom in the last 30 minutes, he was severely sea sick so you were doing your best to add some color to his face.
“I’m sorry Y/N, I forget that you’re doing my makeup and well sometimes you just have to move”.
You stop what you’re doing to look at the only other person in the trailer with you and Tom. He’s a boy about your age with dark hair and soft looking pale skin. He had been staring at the two of you since you finally got Tom to sit in your chair. Tom didn’t understand why you had to “cake on” so much “stuff” as he put it.
“Tom, I’m almost done with your foundation then all I have to do is contour you”.
Toms eyes got big at the word he didn’t know, plus the fact that he had to sit in your chair for a bit longer. He was beginning to pout like a little boy.
“But Y/N, you’ve been doing this for hours”.
He said dramatically as your rolled your eyes and grabbed the bronzer.
“It’s been 35 minutes”. You said dryly now applying highlighter.
“Ok you’re done you can go”.
Tom quickly jumped out of the chair quickly running past you and slapping the brown haired boy on the butt as he passed.
Laughing the boy turned and faced you standing up a bit straighter, turning shy.
“Umm… you are Y/N, right?”
He must be one of yours, you were assigned to 3 people’s hair, makeup, and costumes. There were a total of 6 makeup, hair, and costume assistants on set, two of them being assigned to the main cast along with you and the other three all had to handle the extras.
“Uh yea, and what might your name be?”
Shyly smiling at you a small dimple popped in his cheek, making him impossibly cuter than before. You knew this was your job and you had to keep things professional, but it was getting difficult with how attractive the cast was.
“It’s Fionn, I think Um…I think I’m one of yours”.
Ok the whole cast was attractive, but this one, you already knew it would be hard to stay away from this one.
“Yes you are, along with Harry and Tom, but don’t let Tom scare you away from me, I’m not as bad as he made me out to be a few moments ago, he just really can’t sit still. It’s nice to meet you by the way Fionn”.
You held your hand out to shake his, the boy stretched his arm out to meet your hand, but his eyes were looking everywhere but at you.
“Well let’s get started shall we. Today I’m just going to apply some basic foundation and that’s all … looks like you have pretty good skin so you don’t need much”.
Fionn took a seat in your chair while you pulled out a new clean beauty blender and the foundation. You placed about a nickel size drop into your metal bowl and wet your beauty blender before dipping it in, then lightly bouncing the sponge off of his soft skin, making sure to get full coverage. “Actually looks like you have Freckles, they fit well with your features, I like them, especially with your dark hair and hazel eyes”.
You didn’t know why you were telling him this, but it was like you couldn’t stop yourself. It was true though, and he was beautiful.
“You know you don’t talk nearly as much as Tom does, kinda refreshing actually, although you do have a nice voice, calm and deep”.
You suddenly stop applying the makeup. Had you really said that? It was true but he didn’t need to know how you felt about the voice you’ve only heard twice or his skin.
You can see his cheeks have turned bright red, bright enough to show through your work. Great, now you were both flustered. As the heat in your cheeks remained you quickly cleared your throat and started on his hair.
“So…um, I’ll just be adding a bit of Oil to your hair, to give it the effect that it hasn’t been washed in a while and then you’re done”. Please, please, please don’t let him have soft hair too or you may melt into a puddle right there. Sliding your fingers through his dark hair you had to bite your tongue, because just as suspected, it was indeed soft, perfect actually.
His eyes met yours in the mirror,
“Already? But, it took you at least 45 minutes on Tom”.
Fionn looked back at the ground like he previously was. He didn’t mean to make it seem like he wanted to be in there with you longer than necessary, but he did.
“Well that’s because you’re good and sit in you’re seat while I work. You don’t wiggle the whole time and ask if I’m done yet like you’re 5”.
He chuckled, it was true though, Ton did do all of those things, Fionn should know he was standing there.
Fionn ended up in the makeup trailer 45 minutes early because he was mesmerized by the gorgeous girl he had seen on set previously that day. She had the most beautiful and unique look about her from her hair to her skin.
Fionn hadn’t even realized that you had finished his hair because he was so caught up in daydreaming. He was staring the whole time, but you were too busy to notice.
“Alright, you’re done for now but I will be with you, Harry, and Tom throughout the day for touch ups”.
Fionn smirked at you, fiddling with the shirt tail of his uniform.
“You mean I have to share you…can’t just have you all to myself?”
“No unfortunately not. Trust me, you’re the best out of the bunch, would much rather just have you”.
“Ay love, that’s not very nice”.
Harry entered the trailer with only half his uniform on and a goofy but charming smirk.
“Harry what happened to your two shirts and your jacket?”
“Ummm well, the first shirt you see I accidentally got it caught on something when I fell and it tore, and the second, I’m not sure really. Honestly I was just tired of wearing a shirt, took it off somewhere, but I don’t remember where”.
Rolling you’re eyes, you feel like you’re babysitting with the way Harry loses things, and Tim can’t sit still.
“Ok…ok, I’ll go find you some new shirts, but when I get back your butt had better be in that chair and ready for me to cover your tattoos and do your hair”.
“Yes ma’am”.
Harry saluted you as he sat down swiftly. Walking off to the back to retrieve him more clothes, you began to massage your temples, mumbling to yourself,
“God this is going to be a long month”.
But you couldn’t help to think that maybe Fionn would make it just a little more bearable.
“Ay mate I see you came back here to make a move after this morning. Let me guess, love at first sight”.
Fionn was just about done tying his shoes as Harry asked the question. Harry and Fionn were close, they’re always together on set, so of course Harry knows of the gorgeous girl from this morning.
“Shut up Harry she could hear you”.
Harry sat up a bit more in his chair, surprised that Fionn hadn’t made a move yet.
“C’mon mate, you have to do something, can’t just sit around all bloody month just staring. At least make conversation with her, compliment her or something”.
You arrived back in the room with two new shirts for Harry.
“Here, and try to be less clumsy and forgetful please, were running out of your size”.
Harry playfully rolled his eyes at you and kicked Fionn, signaling him to make a move.
“Uh so Y/N, how long have you been doing this?”
You were a bit stunned at the random question, but he asked it so sweetly and with his lovely voice that you didn’t question it.
Harry on the other hand, looked up at Fionn with disgust at his terrible attempt at flirting, laying his head in his hand.
“ This is actually my first movie, but I’ve been doing makeup since I was 13”.
“Me too! I…I mean this is my first movie too, not that I have been doing make up since I was 13… cause I haven't… done makeup, ever actually”.
You could see how flustered he was getting. God he was cute when he was flustered.
This whole conversation pained Harry even more than before, but he could tell you liked Fionn too. You were smiling and being too polite. You were flirting.
“Yea I knew what you meant”.
The two of you laughed while you began pulling out what you needed for Harry.
“Well I guess I better head to set, it was nice meeting you Y/N”.
“Likewise”.
After Fionn was gone Harry just kept staring at you like he knew something you didn’t.
“What?”
“Oh nothing, just that you two are going to end up married with children and I get to say that I witnessed your relationship from the beginning”.
Was it that obvious that you liked him? It doesn’t matter because this is a job, and you already promised yourself you would keep this professional.
“Y/N, it’s ok, I know about your stupid professional rule, but I think love is worth breaking rules over”.
You were now working on covering his many tattoos, and also trying to avoid eye contact. Harry was right, but it didn’t help that he was your best friend and knew everything yuh were thinking.
“So what, it’s just a crush, I’ll get over it”.
“S’not just a crush love, he’s got feelings too, and im going to get the two of you together so I can add some more godchildren to my list”.
THERE WILL BE MULTIPLE PARTS TO THIS!!💙
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annebrontesrequiem · 7 years
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I don't know if this has been done before but Mc who suffers from PTSD because of parental abuse goes to her former home with he S/o (Rfa+Searan)
I haven’t, but now I will! Sounds good! Thanks for the request!
Trigger warning! Abuse and other similar things.
Zen
He didn’t understand your bizarre fixation with mirrors
By fixation he meant your utter hatred
You shied away from every mirror, no matter how small, from the tall one on his closet in his apartment, to the pocket ones you find in a compact
He figured you were a bit self conscious, but after a while he realized that there must be something more than that
Because the more he thought of it the more he realized it wasn’t just mirrors
You didn’t trust anyone in the RFA for months, you were always overly aware of everything, eyes and ears always alert
So one day when you were found by him in the bathroom sobbing your eyes out he figured it was a good time to ask
“Jagi, are you okay? You seem, well, you seem, tense per se.”
You told him
You told him about your PTSD, how when you were young your father smoked and your mother drank. How he would cut you with pieces of mirror and she would smash bottles against the wall right near your ear. How no matter what happened, no matter how many days passed, you would never be able to forget
Zen’s heart sank as you described it, telling him some specific memories you had. When he noticed you were crying he hurried to put his arms around you and hurried told you you didn’t need to continue, but you went on, you needed to rant, to finally tell someone everything
To confess the crimes you’ve experienced and seen
The mini “confession” lasted about two hours, and by the end you were in tears, your voice hitching, a pitch higher than it had originally been when you said “T-that-that’s all.”
He kissed the tears off your cheeks and held you close, whispering sweet nothings in your ear
After a while you fell asleep to the sound of his voice
Singing a soft lullaby when he put you to bed he went to the computer and looked up everything he could
By the time you were up he had found that you indeed had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, twenty potential therapists, which medicines affected you the least everyday while still clearing it up, and ways for you to handle any panic attack, night terror, or hallucination healthily
He wasn’t about to make you keep living with the pain now that he knew
Yoosung
He knew you hated elevators, that every time he went to pat your head you shied away, some times more violently than not, also that you suffered insomnia
He asked Seven about it, and for once Seven gave him the facts
“MC has PTSD Yoosung, take care of her.”
Yoosung looked into it and felt horrified, what could’ve made you have such a terrible disorder?
So when you got home from your work he was there with a glass  on water on the coffee table, for once not playing LOLOL
“MC, well, I kinda found out that you have PTSD, and, well I’m so sorry but is it okay if you tell me why?”
When he began you had begun to feel dread, but when he asked you just sort of crumpled
Sinking into his open arms you were already crying
“My Mom, well, well she had issues. My father had left her when she was eight months pregnant and she went on the bottle after I was bored, and then it was the string of lovers, who all hated me. And she agreed with them, they somehow got in her mind. So one time she tried to get rid of me. She locked me in an elevator, somehow she knew the operator or something. I was stuck in there for over twenty-four hours. When I got back she tried to smash her new boyfriend’s hockey stick over my skull.”
You told him every single time, every thing that had happened. You told him about Idane, the drunkard, Michael, the one who was an opium addict, the list when on and on. It was ridiculous
Yoosung listened through the whole thing, tearing up about halfway through, gripping you like a vice
When you finally finished your voice was practically gone and you had stained both your and Yoosung’s shirt
But he didn’t care, obviously he didn’t
He just picked you up, got you a cup of water, and your meds, which you admitted were in the back of the medicine cabinet
From then on he would be there
You wouldn’t have to sneak out for every night terror, every panic attack, not anymore
You had someone to lean on
Something you had needed for a long time
Jaehee
She had noticed your symptoms for a long time
She figured you knew about it, after all you knew her more than anyone else
You knew how sharp her eye was, how aware she was of the outside world
So you two never brought it up
Never brought up the scars on the back of your legs, your easy agitation, how emotionally detached you were
But she realized that she might need to be more hands on when right after closing time you two were cleaning up the coffee shop and you dropped a new teacup she had bought
You were on the floor, screaming, and when she rushed over to touch you you pushed her away, falling on bits of glass
“Get away from me, Aunt! Please, I’ll do anything! Just don’t do it again!”
So she had just cleaned up around you, and afterwards enveloped you in a hug, stroking your hair, whispering “It’ll be okay MC, I promise, I promise.”
After you had regained yourself she sat you down with a cup of tea, careful to get an old cup, and asked you
“MC I know that you have PTSD, but please, I can help, so please tell me why, why are you so scared, what-” she was surprised to hear her voice crack, “what did this to you?”
So you told her of how her Aunt smoked and drank, and after her parents died took opioids, and how she would be sadistically cruel. “Let’s play a game.” She would say to you when you were young, and you’d have to dodge all sorts of bottles, knives, anything she could hold. Whenever you seemed to care for someone she would beat you. “You’re a worthless child! No one could ever love you!” And you believed her.
Jaehee’s heart broke at that, and she hugged you tightly, grasping you like nothing else. You were so precious, how could you believe that
When you broke down at that she started kissing you lightly on the cheeks, her own eyes watering at the slippery tears making their way down your face
When you were down she combed your hair lightly
After that she supervised everything, got you a therapist, and made sure to shower you with love
She wanted you to realize that you weren’t worthless, that you were worth more than anything to her
Jumin
He didn’t understand why you felt so guilty about everything, why you would apologize profusely for anything so matter how small, from tying his tie wrong, to accidentally spilling a glass of wine on him once
He also didn’t understand why he would sometimes wake up to find you next to the window, in uneasy sleep, tears still staining your face
He didn’t want to meddle, but after you almost broke down when you stepped on the back of his foot and he had yelped he had to ask
“MC, is everything okay my love? Why did you get so upset over something so small, it’s not a big deal.”
Those soft words made you break down, your sobs echoing in the apartment
He immediately scooped you up, carrying you to your shared bedroom, and wrapping you in a blanket, he hugged you tightly as you began to tell him everything
You parents were so loving and kind, the best they could ask for, but they died in a car crash, and you were left to your uncle and aunt
There was nothing inherently wrong with them; they didn’t drink, they didn’t smoke, there were no drugs in the house. They were just horrible people. They would force you to stay up late for days, cleaning up rooms, making an article of clothing, or doing something like that. And they were never satisfied. Your aunt would judge your room after you cleaned it once a week, and there was always something wrong. “You wench! Look at how horrid this looks! You’re pathetic!” She would beat you, and lock you in your room until it was up to her par, or until school, which was what always happened. Your uncle laughed at it all, and would push you in front of the sewing machine. “Fix this you rat!” He would sometimes fling you against the wall, or blast music that would keep you up at night.
Every single detail registered in Jumin’s head, and his grip kept tightening. And when it was done and you were sobbing up a storm he kissed every single tear
Afterwards he got you the best medicine possible, signing you up with a therapist, one that actually worked, and went with you ever time
He would kiss you more frequently, and always praise you
“These kisses are for all the years you needed them the most.”
When you messed up he would shake his head and hold you
“You’re doing nothing wrong, you’re so amazing, a piece of heaven itself.”
He needed you to know there was nothing wrong, you deserved all the love in the world
Saeyoung
He knew from the background check
But when he was in the apartment with you he was amazed by how pronounced it was
You always asked him what you were doing wrong
Nothing, it’s me, why are you crying? You don’t deserve to be crying…
When he saw you still on the couch at five o’clock in the morning it was painful to walk to his room
Why are you awake? Why are tears staining your face? Your face deserves to be smiling!
But when he saw your scars he couldn’t deal with it
He hugged you and kissed you firmly, and scooped you up
“MC, why would you do this to yourself? Why are you always up when I am? What did they do to you?”
You completely broke down at those words, those kind words that you had never heard from someone before
So you let him lead you over to the couch, and sat on his lap, curled up in his chest, arms around him tightly
“It’s that, well, my parents weren’t the best parents ever. They were in fact horrible. My father was on the bottle, something that drove my mother off the edge, and she was never the same afterwards. She was obsessed with order and neatness. When my grades weren’t perfect, or something was off with my room, or when I didn’t do a chore exactly right she would-she would dunk, dunk my head in the tub multiple t-times. My father would wake me up at ungodly hours, via Taser, and make me garden, or mow the lawn, or fix something. He would always point out what I was doing wrong, followed with a sharp tase.”
You pulled up your sleeves and your leggings and Saeyoung saw the extent of the damage, causing him to shake with anger. You told him all the instances he could remember, until your voice was a whisper, and your eyes were bright red with tears
He kissed you gently, and carried you to his room
You feel asleep in his arms, tears still glistening
The next day he managed to land your parents in jail with class one felonies each
He also became more aware of you, keeping an eye on you all the time
He would never push you away again
Never…
Saeran
You were pretty stoic when it came to taking care of him
You had to be, to survive everything you went through
After every attack he would apologize, but you would just kiss him quickly and say it was okay
But he definitely noticed the symptoms
You also had night terrors, around once a week
You also had high anxiety, and could become very closed off, you hated talking to people, and Saeran would often have to order for you
But after one attack when he hit you across the face, after saying somethings about how you should just die, you changed for the worse
You shied away from any of his touches, flinching when he took your hand. Your night terrors became almost nightly, and when he shook you out of it you would claw it him and scream incoherently about your mother. Your anxiety increased so much you had massive panic attacks once a week, and you became even more socially withdrawn
He eventually asked you, and you cracked
You hugged him tightly like you hadn’t done in weeks, crying into his shoulder
He immediately looked around to make sure no one else was looking, his grip tight on you
You told him about how your mother was awful. She would beat you daily, after a long day at the bar. You had to work late hours, because you couldn’t stop going to school, and when you came home she would often slap you, drag you to your closet which was your room, and lock you in there. She would bang on your door at random. And when there were good days she would just yell at you; of course she would yell at you ever day either way.
“You bitch why don’t you just die, at least then I could get a check for it!”
Saeran was shaking by then, your voice dipping, the words flowing out of your mouth making him want to do anything to make you feel better, he wanted to kill your mother
You told him about the waterboarding, about when she really flew off the handle and broke your arm, how you still have the scar. You told him ever secret that had been buried in your heart
And when it was done he was crying too
He kissed you multiple times, from your forehead down to your scar
Singing softly he carried you to bed, watching you and you fell asleep
You fell asleep to his voice instead of that of your mother, which always seemed to be lurking in the silence before, and for once you didn’t have a night terror for the first time in weeks
As for Saeran, he tracked your mother down
And by the end of their “meeting” she had more than just a broken arm to worry about
“I won’t kill you, today, because your daughter needs me, because I won’t abandon her like you did. I will be there for her, because unlike you she deserves life.”
After that he was more aware of everything, from his attacks to the people walking besides you
And you stopped being so anxious, your night terrors went away, you hired a therapist, and you could talk to people with more ease
He was so proud of you, and every night he would kiss you all over your face
“You’re the reason for my life. I will never be like that woman, because I love you, I love you so much, forever I will love you.”
Woah was this long!! Well, I hope you like, wow was this hard. Just very emotional. I hope you like it! Enjoy, and I hope that you enjoy, despite the dark topic.
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