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natsspammityspamspamham · 3 years

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Dino Watches Anime (Nov 15)

BOI, I HAVE A MIDTERM ON TUESDAY AND TEST ON WEDNESDAY. SCREW THAT. I’M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ANIME I’VE BEEN WATCHING IN BETWEEN STUDY SESSIONS! Yeah, the studying is like 2% while the anime and games are like 98%... I’m working on that, okay? Anyway, I’m going to cover mostly seasonal stuff with some other stuff.

Let’s go over the seasonal stuff first. Summer had so few anime coming out whereas Autumn/Fall came in like, “OPEN THE FLOODGATES! LET’S GO!!!” I haven’t even gotten around to all the anime airing this season that I want to like Yuukoku no Moriarty, Majo no Tabitabi, and Adachi to Shimamura. I missed some last season too like Deca-Dance which I just didn’t want to commit to if it was only for the good animation.

Taisou Samurai (DROPPED)

I dropped it after two episodes. MAPPA has two major series this season, but they clearly gave more time and attention to the one that was actually going to make money here (which I’ll talk about later). This one seems like a passion project without the passion in it anymore. It’s like opening a bag of chips and finding out they went stale long before you even reached into the bag.

Taisou Samurai, at its core, has a premise that I found really promising. I happen to like watching gymnastics sometimes, and the idea of an athlete who doesn’t want to retire is interesting. They went wrong with the execution. I don’t know what they were trying to pull here, but with unlikeable characters and a terrible run at it, it’s like they weren’t playing with a full deck of cards here.

Also, if you don’t know what a gyaru is, one of the supporting characters will look like a racist caricature. Also, this bird has no other point than to try to make up for this show’s lack of usable humour by using Kappei Yamaguchi’s range and going, “Please, save this show. I beg you.”

I didn’t even bother giving this show three episodes to drag me in because I just couldn’t see myself wasting another 20 minutes here. Maybe I’ll have a change of heart, but for now, I should be having better things to do.

Munou na Nana (WOULDN’T RECOMMEND)

I know everyone has made this joke already, but this is really just My Hero Academia x Among Us. I feel like if there was some more... budget put into this anime, they could’ve made it a lot better. The manga had a lot more detail, so a lot of the gruesome scenes with zombies or killings, etc. were muted and toned down beyond belief. Not to mention, I guess watching it after I read the manga just made me feel stupid. This is such a junkie show that pulls tricks that everyone knows is coming. Nonetheless, I can’t find some big reason to say “do not watch this” because it’s still a very mediocre show. It has its good points, but its presentation devalues it, the voice acting is meh (especially since Yuuichi Nakamura is playing THREE overpowered main cast characters this season), and the jig is up after the first episode, so the twists are just to make you sympathize more with the imposter. I haven’t seen a show like this for a while though, so I guess you can watch it if you want something refreshing like that. I don’t think you’re supposed to like this cast of characters, so I won’t say anything against not liking this cast.

Kamisama ni Natta Hi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

Jun Maeda... the man who manages to incorporate baseball into every anime he does... seriously, every anime I’ve watched by him has it from Angel Beats to Charlotte to that unfinished Little Busters I just left on hold. Anyway, Kamisama is no exception. Jun Maeda has a reputation for building touching stories that start off strong then really lose their footing once he realizes that he’s not going to get 24 episodes and needs to squeeze all of those 16 episodes of story left into 4 episodes or so. It also doesn’t help that sometimes he goes off on useless storylines that pay no use to the story.

Hina is really funny sometimes (but can be annoying). Narukami is funny. Really, everyone has some valid point about them that makes the show better compared to the previous entries.

Seriously, some little kid comes up to you and goes, “The world is ending, I am God, and I’m going to stick by you.” Meanwhile, you’re just a simp that’s trying to get your childhood friend to fall for you.

Honestly, I’m still having a blast watching this. As much as Maeda’s writing can really suffer from tonal shifts (mostly in the end), I still wanted to watch this anime simply because I always like his storytelling in the beginning, and the laughs it brings can sometimes still muddle out the bitter taste that’s left in your mouth when the series finishes. I can already feel this train going down a slide and off a cliff. I already paid for my ticket though, so I’m obligated to stay on this shootshow until the end.

Seriously, I do not like where some of these relationships are heading.

Maoujou de Oyasumi (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

This anime is relatable. It can get stale fast for a lot of people, but every time I think I’m going to get sick of it, it pulls one of the same gags that makes me go, “This. This is why I’m sticking with this.” I’m not sure how much more there is to say. It’s just an abducted princess who couldn’t care less that she’s a hostage and instead, takes this newfound time to take some good ZZZs. What a life.

Oh yeah, this princess is also willing to commit murder, mutilation, theft, and assault to get the sleep she wants.

Tonikaku Kawaii (CONDITIONALLY RECOMMEND)

I’m not dropping this show... even if it makes no sense. The premise is astoundingly stupid, but it pulled a Zombieland Saga on me. It sounded so stupid, but once I gave it one episode, I found myself being entertained and almost rooting for the characters and their relationships.

Imagine this: You are about to get into the high school of your dreams when you see the girl of your dreams cross your path. You want to ask her out so you jump over the barricade and get hit by a truck. You’re on the brink of death when you realize you can’t die there without confessing your love. You chase her down with blood coming out of your head and confess. She says that she’ll only go out with you if you marry her. You then... somehow survive, drop out of school, then get a job to search for her. I kid you not. This is the setup. It’s as stupid as it sounds, and the anime knows this. It doesn’t try to fool you into thinking that this series is supposed to be anything but some highway fast-track way to convince you into watching a married couple. I think what irked me the most is that the character designs didn’t change from when they were in middle school to when they were adults. It wasn’t the being hit by a truck and not being sent to another world, it wasn’t this girl who stopped the truck without ruining her hair, it wasn’t anything else but their character designs staying the same.

Anyway, this anime is cute as long as you can jump some hurdles. It’s basically puppy-love marriage with anime stupidity through and through. I don’t know what about this series people, including myself, find charming.

Jujutsu Kaisen (RECOMMENDED - BUT DON’T COMPARE TO DEMON SLAYER TOO MUCH!)

It’s Shonen Jump. “Will it be the next Kimetsu no Yaiba? The next big Shonen Jump series? One of the next big three? Five?” No, I don’t think so. I’m not enjoying this nearly as much as I did binging KNY. The cast isn’t nearly as likeable, but I’m still having a good time. It’s not all that fair to make that comparison anyway. The cast for Jujutsu Kaisen is passable. I like some of the main cast, but I feel like they lack the same kind of depth with its main heroine. I know she gets more stuff done in the future chapters, but her backstory so far is, “I had a friend once... No, she’s not dead. She just left our small town.”

The fight scenes are actually so much fun to watch. MAPPA gave this series a lot more time and budget than say that first anime I mentioned. It’s fluid, the camerawork is amazing, the choreography is on-point.

The voice acting for this anime is spectacular among the main cast... when character dialogue allows it.

I feel a bit of imbalance, but Yuuji does offer a good protagonist template. Junya Enoki makes his lines so funny and gives this nonchalant approach that is the polar opposite of his performance in Tonikawa. This is definitely his season.

Junichi Suwabe voicing the main demon thing is amazing too. It fits so well, and he sounds so cool and evil. It’s great.

Gojou is also one badass mentor played by Yuuichi Nakamura. Overpowered, part of the main cast, etc. Insert your reverse Kakashi joke here. Just give him more Sharingan genjutsu, I dare you.

Yuuma Uchida is back playing another tragic character that’s serious and uptight. I can’t say much more about him.

The opening and ending are both worth listening to even if you don’t want to watch the anime. Lost in Paradise by ALI has been on repeat for me.

Besides that, I’m going to go over some other anime that I’ve been watching.

Hunter x Hunter (AS IF THIS HASN’T BEEN RECOMMENDED ENOUGH)

Slowly. Slowly but surely. 11/148.

I know this is going to be amazing... I just want to be in the right mood to full savour it. I don’t want to be consumed by stress and not pay attention. The reason why I like a lot of those seasonal anime is because I don’t pay the same kind of attention.

If you told me these characters’ ages, I probably would’ve believed everyone... except Leorio. The guy looks like a middle-aged money-hungry gangster.

What I would give to have the energy and serotonin of a Shonen Jump protagonist.

Haikyuu (YEAH, IT’S GOOD)

I’m watching this one with my mom and sister as they go “OMG OMG OMG” as we watch while I’m sitting there like -_-

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good show, but sports anime are made like shounen battle anime (because they are in a way) with different stakes. I’ve felt more “nervous” about some of the Haikyuu matches than I did with some of the Hunter Exam. Worst case scenario in Haikyuu, you lose the match. Worst case scenario in Hunter x Hunter? You die.

I knew what I was going to get into when I was watching Haikyuu, and it’s given me what I remembered (since I did watch 10 episodes of it a few years ago) and expected.

SKET Dance (HIGHLY RECOMMEND)

Unfollow me. Unfollow me right now. This is what I’m going to be talking about for the next month. I can feel it. I’ve had this show for like 3 days and watched around 33 episodes along with some of these other titles. I have a problem. I know that, but I don’t feel like fixing it. This show is just too good.

I get why people call this a poor man’s Gintama, but it’s not quite that. I can get the similarities, but it’s like eating an empanada and saying that it’s just like that dumpling you tasted last week. It looks alike on the surface... if you’re not that great at... telling the difference between things... but once you get to the meat of it (PUN HAHA), you realize that they are completely different, and you were a fool for thinking otherwise.

That’s our main heroine! Go go go!

Dude, episode 25 hit me out of nowhere, AND I READ THE SPOILERS! I won’t say any more than that.

The cast is one of the best that I’ve seen in a while. Their chemistry is basically the entire show. Without one of the main three, you wouldn’t have the show anymore. It handles its female characters better than some of its fellow competitors at the time, and it may have what some may call a “token fat character”, but the character never makes fun of her for being fat. They make fun of her for saying “Yabasu” every single sentence. It hurts that the manga ended with some loose ends, and this anime isn’t getting a season 2.

But at its weird and mushy core, this show is about three people with heavy and complex pasts who simply want to help people work out their issues in their own... unique ways.

I don’t want to say much else, but I wish more people would watch/read it and create/post most content for it even if it’s a bit old because it deserves it. I’m almost a decade late, and this anime still holds up.

I gave Mairimashita Iruma-kun its own post.

#dino watches anime #seasonal anime #sket dance #haikyuu #hxh #hunter x hunter #tonikaku kawaii #tonikawa #kamisama ni natta hi #Jujutsu Kaisen

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myaekingheart · 3 years

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117. Proving Grounds

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3 index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

Approaching the 44th Training Ground felt like a death sentence—no wonder it was aptly named the Forest of Death. Rei chewed the inside of her cheek anxiously as she followed her team, studying their every move as they went. Morning had come far too quickly and she was left scared and unsure, constantly contemplating the decision she now had to make. She wasn’t sure if she could do this.

Rei’s head pounded as she and her protegees stood attention in the hokage office that morning, prepared to receive instruction for their final test. This was what their training in Ishoku would all boil down to: the moment to prove their worth, that the scrapes and bruises and overflow of knowledge actually amounted to something. Lady Tsunade looked upon them proudly and critically, with a twinge of stoic concern in her eyes. She knew these final exams were rigorous, as they needed to be, and that Rei would not go easy on them but she hoped that in doing so, these new recruits would shed their seemingly stubborn naivete. That Rei would push them to their limits and ingrain the importance of mastery into their heads, just as Kakashi did for her. One false move and you’re dead.

“For your final exam” she had begun, “You will be put through a simulation of a common ANBU mission. Together, you will track and capture a highly dangerous traitor-nin and return him unharmed to the front gates of the 44th Training Ground. If you cannot handle this, then there is no way you will ever survive in the field, understood?”

Hitsuji, the nerdy one, cleared his throat and raised his hand shyly. “So what are the requirements? Shouldn’t we have some sort of strategy? What is our plan of attack?”

“Whatever tactics you use will be up to you” Lady Tsunade replied flippantly, tilting her head towards Rei. “I presume your captain will lead you dutifully just as if this were a real mission, which I suggest you approach this as.”

A small, sour smile touched Rei’s lips as she bid Tsunade goodbye and guided her students to their deaths. Toshio followed closely by her side with Yugao not far behind. In her body language alone, Rei could tell she was skeptical. That she knew there was something strange afoot, that Rei was plotting something ominous behind everyone else’s backs. If only she could figure out what.

Now that they were here, Rei wasn’t so sure that she could do this—any of it. Something itched within her chest, vivid memories of when she, too, was merely a rookie clouding her vision. What if Kakashi hadn’t been as kind to her? What if she had lost her chance thanks to the selfishness of a superior? But things were completely different now. She knew what she was getting into. She was well-prepared and humbled. Those halcyon days of training were like a completely separate lifetime. She was a captain now. She had been doing this for years and had come so far. She tried to remain calm and collected as they stepped foot into the Forest of Death, with clenched fists and a sharp gaze. Toshio nuzzled her hand reassuringly, as if reminding her that there was nothing that she could not handle.

Sukui shivered as they halted at the mouth of the forest, looking around uncertainly. “This place gives me the creeps” he muttered.

“You give me the creeps” Arai scoffed. Sukui frowned and rolled his eyes, clearly displeased with his comrade’s harsh criticism.

“I heard this is where people go to commit suicide” Hitsuji commented, voice quivering. He wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand, then wiped his hand on his pants awkwardly. His gaze slowly lifted to the sky, to the menacing branches snaking overhead like spindly arms itching to kidnap. Hitsuji recoiled, slumping down with arms wrapped tight around his waist, as if he was trying to shrink himself to the lowest common denominator, to completely disappear.

“No, you idiot” Kikkake groaned, “That’s Aokigahara. This is where people go to get killed.”

A small smile, cocky and challenging, touched Arai’s lips as she stepped forward to better view the abyss stretched before them. “What’s the difference?” she asked. “Either way, you’re a goner.”

Clearing her throat, Rei redirected the group’s attention as she produced a small photograph from her back pouch. “Alright, no more wasting time” she began. She held the photo up for everyone to see, depicting a young, nondescript man—another ANBU, a volunteer. Rei could never understand why anyone would want to waste their time volunteering for training exercises like this but it likely paid well and was easy work so the allure was strong. “This is who you’re searching for. Get a good look now because I’m only going to show you this photo once.”

Sukui blinked, chewing his lower lip anxiously, before slowly raising his hand. Yugao motioned for him to speak. “What if I’m face-blind?”

Rei furrowed her brows. “Face-blind?” she repeated.

Sukui nodded. “I can’t remember faces. What am I supposed to do if I can’t remember his face?”

“How the fuck did you get through the training program if you can’t remember a godddamn face?” Rei asked, voice sharp and unforgiving. Sukui dropped his eyes to the ground, as if he was not willing to admit that he may have cheated. When he stalled to give a verbal answer, however, Rei swatted at the air and mumbled, “Well you better get a good hard look then and make yourself remember.”

“So what’s the plan of attack, boss?” Arai asked sarcastically. She flicked the edge of the photograph with a smirk.

Rei spluttered, stumbling over her words, before asking sharply, “Okay, first off: what the fuck is that about? Boss? What the fuck, can you not?”

“Is that not what you are?” Arai asked back. Her voice dripped with disrespect.

Rubbing her temples, Rei muttered, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” Deep down, however, she knew this was not worth arguing over. The headache had already started to form the moment she woke up. Any unnecessary debates were only going to worsen it at a much quicker pace. Shaking her head, Rei shoved the confusion and disgust out of her mind. “Whatever, it’s not important” she muttered. “We’ll split off in groups of two and fire signal flares when one of us has tracked down the rogue ninja in question” she explained. “We have twenty four hours to find, capture, and return him so I expect you all to bring your absolute best. And if one of you fails, all of you fail. So in other words: I woulndn’t fuck this up if I were you.”

Arai, Hitsuji, Kikkake, and Sukui looked to one another in disgust and hesitancy as they considered who to pair off with. Of course Rei and Yugao would be together—as the leaders, it was only natural. They would likely watch from afar as their recruits struggled. Kikkake was the first to step up, grabbing Hitsuji by the arm.

“Might as well just pick you” he muttered, “seeing as you’ll probably die out there on your own.”

Arai watched him walk off to where the trees began to thicken, disbelief and frustration painting her face. “Hey, wait a minute! No fair! Why do I get stuck with Mr. Personality here?”

Sukui scoffed in dramatic offense, slapping a hand to his chest. “Excuse you!” he exclaimed. “I am a delight! Anyone would be lucky to be paired with me! If anyone should be complaining, it should be me about you!”

And so the headache worsened. Clenching her jaw, Rei whipped a kunai from her holster and launched it between the two of them. It whizzed past Arai’s ear, just barely missing her already choppily cut pigtail, before sticking into the trunk of a tree. “Both of you shut the fuck up!” Rei shouted. “I don’t give a damn who you’re paired with, just suck it up and deal with it.” Then, under her breath, she added sourly, “It’s not like it’ll make a difference anyway.”

Yugao frowned as she watched her captain turn on her heels, preparing to depart. The new recruits watched with uncertainty, anxiety. “So what now?” Hitsuji asked, nearly clinging to Kikkake’s arm.

Rei glanced to him over her shoulder, a sickening smirk touching her lips as she fixed her mask to her face and replied, “Just try not to die.” And with that, the three groups separated. They had twenty four hours. There was no way in hell this was going to end well.

Yugao pursed her lips as she walked alongside Rei in the forest. Off in the distance, she could hear Kikkake and Hitsuji continuing a rather imbalanced argument over which direction they ought to go. Toshio nearly gave Rei and Yugao’s location away in the form of Hitsuji’s allergies, his sneezes interrupting his own anxious but well-informed arguments. It was clear that he was not a man of murder and mayhem but one of calculations and caution. His strength and confidence lacked something to be desired but he made up for it in his sheer intellect. He was nothing short of brilliant—a quality much needed within the ANBU.

Still, however, it was clear that he and all the others were directionless. Literally. Biting her lip, Yugao asked quietly, “Do you think maybe we’re going a little, I don’t know, hard on them?”

“Hard on them? Ha!” Rei laughed, shaking her head. “They don’t know the meaning of the word hard. Do you actually think any of these kids have what it takes to the be in the black ops? Be serious.”

“Well, they have potential” Yugao replied.

“Potential doesn’t mean shit in the grand scheme of things” Rei said sharply. “Believe me, they have no idea what they’re up against. They’re not prepared for this. Let’s just lead them on for a little bit, make them think they have a chance, before we send them back to where they all came from.”

There was something so dark and sinister about the way Rei was acting, something within her that Yugao was sure she had not quite seen before. Rei kept her face stony with eyes cold and lips taut, staring straight ahead. There was no mercy in her eyes. It all seemed so ruthless. Yugao didn’t remember things being this difficult when she first started out. What was Rei’s angle? What was she hiding? And was it beneficial to these young ones, or was Rei merely plotting their ultimate destruction? Yugao wasn’t sure which option made her feel sicker. If this was what being a lieutenant required of her, though, then this was nothing like what she had expected at all. She wasn’t so sure this was a job she was fit for. She couldn’t bring herself to willfully lead naïve recruits to their occupational demise. It just didn’t feel right.

It was nearly sundown when a flare went off in the distance, alerting the others of a potential capture. Rei swallowed one last food pill before slipping her mask back on and diving into action, racing toward the source of the flare with Toshio right by her side. Based on the loud sneezes in the distance, Hitsuji and Kikkake were surely not far behind. Yugao watched her with focused intent, their group seamlessly joining with Hitsuji and Kikkake’s as their paths merged. The fear and anxiety on Hitsuji’s face was evident but Kikkake, on the other hand, matched Rei’s speed as if he was a seasoned ANBU himself. They ventured to nearly the complete other end of the training grounds before reuniting with Sukui and Arai.

The volunteer missing-nin spared no expense in ensuring that his capture was as challenging as possible. When Rei arrived, he had knocked Sukui to the ground and was struggling with a combative Arai. A rustling in the bushes captured Toshio’s attention, bolting forward to chomp down on the arm of yet another missing-nin, a surprise accomplice. Of course, Rei thought to herself. Anything can happen on a mission; expect the unexpected. There is always backup. The man struggled as Toshio dragged him out into the light but not before he could pull a kunai from his holster and launch it straight for Sukui’s head. As if in slow motion, Sukui’s eyes widened and he winced, bracing himself for the impact. As if he had zero faith in his ability. As if he had already given up. Just as the kunai was about to strike, however, Rei leapt in front of the blade and deflected it with her own. The enemy kunai fell to the ground, glinting in the dusk sun.

“Captain Rei!” Sukui exclaimed. There were stars in his eyes and a smile spreading across his lips. “My savior! With the body of a goddess, hair like an autumn day, swift and stunning and—”

“Cut the crap, kid” Rei snapped. She flashed her left hand in his face, almost obnoxiously, as she added, “I’m engaged.” Sukui eyed the ring, blinking and nodding slowly, before hoisting himself up off the ground. Besides, Rei thought to herself, there are far more important things at hand.

As if reading her mind, Sukui skirted around her and leapt in to help Arai. It was only fair: he had gotten her into this mess. He had fallen ineffectual in her time of need, left her to fight on her own. He had to repay her somehow for his own incompetency. Arai, however, seemed completely uninterested in his help.

“Arai, my love!” he shouted, drawing a kunai of his own. “Allow me to fight by your side! An honor, a privilege, to just be near someone as ethereal as you! An Amazon! A goddess! Truly a—”

Without even thinking, Arai whipped around and slapped Sukui out of the way. “Don’t even try it, you little cretin” she hissed. “Besides, I’ve got a boyfriend who could melt you in one glance.”

Her strike was enough to send Sukui tumbling yet again, only this time he landed right in the lap of the enemy’s accomplice. Literally. Toshio bared his jaws as the man struggled but it was no use. He broke free and took Sukui into a chokehold, blade at the ready.

“Either you comply” the rogue-nin fighting Arai began, “Or he slits his throat!”

Arai scoffed and rolled her eyes, crouching to deliver another jab to the gut. “You say that is hfe means anything to me” she replied. “I couldn’t care less if he dies.”

Across the battlefield, Rei froze. A shiver ran down her spine as lump formed in her throat, choking her. Something inside her began to break.

Sukui whined, clearly offended, and rightfully so. The threat to his mortality led him to struggle further in the man’s grip as Yugao rushed to his aide. Meanwhile, Kikkake leapt into action to assist Arai much to her displeasure.

“I can handle this perfectly fine without you” she sneered.

Kikkake rolled his eyes, shoving her out of the way as he swung hard at the enemy. “I still don’t trust you” he grumbled. “Keep up that attitude and you’re bound to get yourself killed.”

“That’s what you think” Arai scoffed, fighting her way back into the battle.

On the sidelines, Hitsuji was having an existential crisis. There had to be some way for him to contribute, but his mind was racing and he was losing his cool. His thoughts were shifting into overdrive, surging with possibilities: both all the ways in which to help and all the ways in which they could die. Unfortunately, the latter was overflowing with far more potential. Percentages and possibilities clouded his vision. His chest rose and fell rapidly. He was of no help. There was nothing he could do.

Amid his existential crisis, however, Hitsuji made himself a target. Another enemy revealed himself from the shadows, a kunai at the ready, fully prepared to strike. Rei saw the brush shift in her periphery and bolted toward the source of the sound, immobilizing him in one fell swoop. She pulled a thick rope from her back pouch and tied his hands behind his back, glaring at Hitsuji in a silent command to go help the others. If all he was going to do was stand idly by while his comrades were in danger, then he had no place on a battlefield to begin with.

Yugao’s expertise had immobilized the accomplice and set Sukui free in the meantime. The blonde gasped for air and raked his fingers through his hair, as if clinging to whatever shred of his life he nearly lost.

Across the field, Arai struggled to shove Kikkake out of the way in what had become a three-way fight. The main enemy scoffed at her immaturity, her determination. She was so desperate to play the hero. It was clear as day to everyone else how obsessed she was with this. Kikkake, however, was not about to let her endanger herself. She was too cocky, too naïve. Her insistence on independence was going to get her slaughtered.

Once Kikkake finally pinned the enemy down and handcuffed him, Arai pouted and sneered at her comrade sourly. “I could’ve done that myself, you dick” she snapped.

“Oh really?” Kikkake asked. “Because it doesn’t look like you were getting very far on your own.”

“Well maybe if you hadn’t stepped in!” Arai shouted.

Tugging her own capture up to his feet sharply, Rei shouted, “Enough!” and the entire wood fell silent. There was fire in her eyes, a deep and dark fury brimming with the promise of violence. “We’re finished here. You’ve all failed.”

Failed. That word rang through all of their heads like a siren, wailing and desperate. They were all failures and Rei’s chest ached at the thought of how much she had wasted her own time. In the back of her mind, Arai’s words echoed in her ears. I couldn’t care less if he died. Truly, how dare she. Naru’s corpse flickered in her mind, her ghostly face and dull eyes. Rei had put everyone in danger. Rei had been given authority only to prove that she didn’t deserve it. She had caused her best friend’s death. And now here she was yet again strapped with the responsibility of leading others—others who did not respect the danger in which they were putting themselves in. Rei refused to let anyone else die on her watch. She refused to associate with shinobi who would ever condone such behavior. Her stomach flipped and for a moment, she was convinced she was going to be sick.

Yugao blinked and clenched her fists at her sides, confused and almost even mildly offended. The exercise was a trainwreck, yes, but she still held a tiny glimmer of faith.

Sukui fell to his knees and pressed his hands together in prayer as he gazed up at Rei, tears in his eyes. “My beautiful cherry blossom, I never meant to disrespect you!” he whined. “Please give me one more chance, and I promise I can prove my worth!”

Disappointment painted Kikkake’s face and yet within that disappointment, there was also a sense of acceptance. He did not like to think of himself as a failure but he also understood that they were being judged not as individuals but as a group. And if this group was any indication, they were a bona fide failure at launch. The four of them were never meant to be a team in the first place. If they were not willing to work together, then they needed to be prepared to die together. Kikkake trusted Rei’s judgment and respected her authority on this. He was not going to put up a fight regardless of whether or not his future was on the line.

If Hitsuji wasn’t already having enough of an existential crisis, his anxiety was overbearing now. He instinctively grasped Kikkake’s arm as he spaced out, shivering violently. His knees began to buckle and his mind raced with self-deprecating thoughts: thoughts of I did something wrong, I’ve made a terrible mistake, I am terrible, I never should’ve been allowed to do this, I’m not good enough for this, I’m the absolute worst. Kikkake, not one for affection in any sense, wiggled his arm out of the boy’s grasp and pursed his lips. Hitsuji recoiled, wrapping his arms tight around his waist as if to yet again attempt to shrink himself. He was useless. He never should’ve done this. Failure.

After a long moment of silence, Arai stalked forward, matching Rei’s fury in her gaze. “Excuse you? We failed?” she asked.

Not wanting to repeat herself, Rei glared toward her protegee and replied through gritted teeth, “You’ve all fucked up. You’re finished. Hang up your masks and get the fuck out of here. You’re not getting another chance.”

This was unbelievable. Arai wiped the dirt from her face with her glove, seething with rage. Who could’ve ever guessed that she would end up with the absolute most despicable, most heartless, most insufferable ANBU captain? There was nothing in Rei’s chest but a giant black hole. And now here she was, casting them aside as if she didn’t care a single ounce about any of their futures. Something bubbled up deep within Arai’s chest as she watched Rei walk away, an unadulterated anger that she could not repress. “Hey!” she shouted after her. “Who the fuck are you to decide our fates, anyway?”

Rei didn’t know what else she had expected but Arai’s protests were not at all surprising. She whipped around to find her and Arai’s faces mere inches away from each other. A challenge. And yet in Rei’s eyes, there was a condensed darkness sharp enough to make a man drop dead. Even Arai struggled to remain composed staring back at it now. In such close proximity, it was unavoidable. But Arai could not afford to back down now. She refused to let Rei have the upper hand. She needed to establish her dominance, to prove that she had a place here. That she was worth something.

And it was clearer than ever to Rei now, staring back at her, that Arai had zero respect for her or the institution in which she was trying to become a part of. She would never last. But who was she to decide their fates? With her voice low like a demon, Rei growled in response, “Your fucking captain.” And with that, she turned and walked off. It was finished.

As Rei made her way back to the ANBU headquarters, she had expected to feel relieved. After all, isn’t this what she had wanted? To find a way out of this god-awful mess and finally take charge of her own future? She could finally get what she wanted now and focus on the path she had intended to take. She should’ve been happy but if anything, she felt…guilty.

These new recruits were terrible but they were not irredeemable. They had some inkling of merit, Rei had to at least give them that. Arai was cocky and naïve but she had a strong will, Kikakke’s attitude and self control were on par with seasoned ANBU, Hitsuji’s anxiety was dangerous but he was also wildly brilliant, and Sukui’s charm gave him great potential in manipulation and espionage. Perhaps they could’ve been exemplary with a bit of guidance, but no. That was not Rei’s responsibility. She didn’t want it to be her responsibility. If they were meant to be in the ANBU, then Tsunade would just have to find someone else to lead them. Maybe make Yugao captain instead—she deserved it far more than Rei did, anyway. That was the way things should’ve gone in the first place. This was not the path Rei was meant to follow. This was all one big mistake. Advancing her career was no longer a satisfying prospect. She wanted to be a mother. Her future with Kakashi was all that mattered to her now.

And still, even as she tried to smile and find a sense of peace in all of this, her heart still sank at the thought of everyone else’s futures. Arai’s angry inquiry echoed in the back of her mind: Who the fuck are you to decide our fates, anyway? Dropping onto a bench in the locker room, Rei heaved a sigh and buried her face in her hands. She was doing the right thing, wasn’t she? She was not obligated to stay in situations that were not for her, that did not feel right. And fuck did this feel wrong. Her stomach twisted into knots at the thought of pursuing this further. No matter what, she was not meant to be a leader. Naru’s fate proved that to her more than anything else. At least she had made an attempt at all. She had tried to keep an open mind, to swallow that jagged little pill despite the sour aftertaste, but her stomach just wouldn’t accept it. These kids were hopeless. But if Rei didn’t lead them, then who would? By backing out, she really was ruining their futures. Without her, they were done for. No one else could fill this role. Toshio settled in beside her and rested his head on her lap in silent comfort.

Yugao kicked her shoes off as she entered the locker room shortly after. There was something stony and uncertain about her aura. Rei listened intently, trying to decipher her mood based on the sound of her body language and what she could see in her periphery. All she knew for certain was that Yugao was not happy. How could she be? Rei had given up and in the process, dragged Yugao down with her. The new recruits were not the only ones who’s future Rei was ruining.

Finally, Yugao spoke. “Sounds like someone has already started complaining to the higher-ups about you” she muttered. She flung her gauntlets into her locker, hitting the metal with a sharp clang.

This was, admittedly, not at all what Rei had expected to hear. Snapping her head up, she met Yugao’s gaze with confusion, perhaps even fear. She had been so preoccupied with how she was ruining others’ futures that she hadn’t stopped to consider the way in which everyone else might ruin hers. A sinking feeling, like a wet stone, lodged itself in the pit of her chest. This was all one big mistake. She never should’ve agreed to this. “W-what happened?” Rei croaked.

“Apparently Arai was so pissed off, she went straight to Lady Tsunade and gave her a ration of shit. Asked to change teams and everything” Yugao explained. Then, under her breath, she added, “Not that I blame her. I would do the same.”

There was a certain poison in Yugao’s voice and it was suddenly clear to Rei that she was utterly alone. No one would afford her an ounce of sympathy for what she had done, nor did she even deserve it. She had ruined herself. Forgiveness was a fleeting pipe dream. And if it came to pass that Tsunade decided to fire her after all of this, she would not protest. “Will you?” Rei finally asked.

Yugao shrugged. “It depends” she replied flippantly.

“On what?” Rei asked slowly, almost scared of the answer.

“On whether or not you get your shit together” Yugao snapped.

Rei dug her nails into the palms of her hands, squeezed her eyes shut tight. “I’m so sorry…” she whispered.

“You know what? You should be” Yugao fired back. Rei winced at the sharpness in her voice, shrinking herself as if it would minimize the damage. Yugao planted a foot on the bench, rested her forearms on her knee so as to lean down and get a better look at her comrade. “Listen, Rei, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you but you made a promise to both me and these kids. I had faith in you. We all did. This is a big deal for all of us. I thought you were excited about this. I thought this meant a lot to you. It did to me, and I know it did for those kids. You don’t get to take that away from us. All of us.”

Toshio whined from underneath the bench, nosing the palm of Rei’s hand. She sucked in a deep breath as she placed her hand on his head and tried to fight the overwhelming nausea and anguish overtaking her now. “I said I was sorry, okay?” she snapped. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to take accountability for your actions, Rei” Yugao replied harshly. “I want you to follow through with the commitment you’ve made rather than run away like a scared little child. Are you going to hide every time something bad happens? Are you always going to try and find a way out? Because that’s the act of a coward.”

Rei could feel the lump growing in her throat and the hot tears threatening to spill. No matter what, she was not going to cry. She was not going to let herself appear even weaker than she already did. The only thing worse than a coward was a crybaby. Besides, she had already made enough of a mess. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for all of us, okay?” she replied. “Sometimes when you’re put in positions of leadership, you have to make difficult decisions and this just happens to be one of them, alright? If you were in my position, you’d understand.”

Yugao scoffed, shaking her head. “No, I wouldn’t” she said, “Because if I was captain, I wouldn’t abandon my team when things got a little hard.”

“Well fine then!” Rei shouted. “Maybe you should be captain, then! If you’re so high and mighty and think it’s so damn fucking easy.”

“I know it’s not easy!” Yugao shouted back. “But this is not a difficult decision, Rei, it’s a cop-out. Everyone can see it. It’s so damn obvious that you’re just trying to get out of this which leads me to my next question: why did you accept the offer in the first place? Because you know, all of this could’ve been avoided if you were just honest with yourself and admitted that you weren’t ready.”

Rei clenched her fists at her sides, sucked in a sharp breath. Her stomach turned. Toshio rose to his feet and glared at Yugao in defense of his master. Rei’s voice was low, quiet, restrained. “Because I thought I could do this” she replied. “I thought I could handle this but turns out, I can’t.” There was something new in her words now, something telling. Yugao cocked a brow as she eyed Rei suspiciously. Her true intentions were beginning to clarify. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, Rei continued, “Life threw me a curveball and…I fucking panicked. I got scared. I didn’t know what else to do. But now…now I’m stuck here with something I don’t want. I thought I did, but maybe what I gave up means more to me than what I got instead.”

“Oh, really?” Yugao asked. She placed her hands on her hips as she studied Rei’s face. She was weepy and vulnerable like a small child with a wet red nose and sickly pallor. Clearly on the verge. How hard was she trying to play the victim here? To garner sympathy for something that was fully her fault? The thought of it all made Yugao sick. “And what exactly did you give up?” she scoffed. “Your late nights eating instant ramen and your ability to go with the flow? You should’ve known that was long gone the minute you started this.”

It was that insinuation that sent Rei over the edge. What did Yugao take her for? Is that really how she saw her? Pathetic. Rising to her feet, Rei glared and shouted, “We were supposed to have a baby!”

The entire locker room fell quiet. Mikazuki peered curiously around the corner of the other aisle, blinking despondently. Rei had done exactly what she hoped to avoid: she had caused a scene. And the worst part was that now, in the aftermath of such a massive relief, she didn’t even care. She didn’t give a single fuck if everyone knew the truth now. Let them know. It gave her accountability, anyway.

It took a moment for Yugao to comprehend what, exactly, Rei had just said. And then it her. A baby. “Oh…” she said softly, eyes wide with shock. She slumped down onto the bench and sucked in a deep breath. “That’s a, uh…that’s sharp turn.”

“No fucking shit” Rei replied with an incredulous little laugh. She pressed a hand to her stomach, tried to stop her head from spinning. She felt her tears push back harder against her restraint, blurring her vision and choking her voice. “I just…I thought things were okay or something. That we were…secure. Things had gotten quiet. I thought that everything was going to stay the same and that we would have time but…I don’t fucking know.” Rei dropped down onto the bench beside Yugao, raked her fingers through her long, tangled bangs. “It’s like someone ripped me off of one road and shoved me down another. And I know it’s not fair to you or any of those kids but I just…I need a way out. I even…” Rei’s voice cracked here as she considered whether or not she had the strength to reveal her transgressions, her villainous plot. She glanced to Yugao to find that her face had softened considerably. Perhaps the baby epiphany made her far more empathetic. Or perhaps she merely pitied Rei, she wasn’t sure which. “Okay, listen: I truly meant what I said when I said that these kids are not ready for this. They’re cockyand overconfident and honestly pretty fucking stupid. They’ll never make it and I stand firm by that.” Yugao pursed her lips, her eyes glancing across the locker room. As much as she appreciated Rei’s honesty, her harshness lacked something to be desired. The locker door slammed shut but Rei hardly seemed to notice. “I just can’t run the risk of repeating the past with these kids. I can’t stand to put them through the same shit that happened with Naru” Rei explained. “On top of everything else. Just…everything about this was a massive fucking mistake.”

Naru. The mere mention of her sent an icy shiver down Yugao’s spine. She felt guilty even admitting that she had almost completely forgotten about her. It didn’t seem right—forgetting a fallen comrade like that. It only made sense that those memories had further mounted Rei’s anxiety.

“But at the same time” Rei continued. Her hands began to shake in her lap, her voice tightening. “I’ve been so fucking selfish. I made excuses because…because I was so damn angry with everything. W-we tried but…it didn’t take. I thought we would have more chances but now…now having a baby is out of the question. Not with a promotion like this. It just didn’t feel right, like I was cheated or something. And I thought…oh god, I feel so sick and dirty. I thought…that I could just grab destiny by the balls and redirect it myself. And that in order to do that…that I’d have to ruin these kids’ lives in the process. T-to fail them on purpose. Block them out a-and refuse them guidance so that they wouldn’t stand a chance. And my god, I fucking hate myself for it. What have I done?”

By now, Rei no longer cared if she cried. The locker room had since cleared out—it was just the two of them. Rei had far fewer qualms about being vulnerable in only Yugao’s company. After all, she was her lieutenant. The bond they shared was unlike any other in the black ops. She was perhaps even, dare she say, safe.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Yugao finally asked after a long stretch of silence. “You can’t avoid this forever. You’re going to have to make a decision and fast. Are you in or are you out?”

Rei shook her head, wrapping her arms around her vacant stomach. “I-I don’t know…” she whispered. There was so much to consider. She had already missed one chance to have a baby. Her body must have known what was around the bend. Her and Kakashi had plenty of time to start a family. They were still young. They could stand to wait. But deep down, Rei wasn’t sure she wanted to. It was almost as if her body was screaming for procreation, she was so hungry for parenthood. She could feel it in her lower stomach, the warm shivers of anticipation. She could feel it in the ache in her heart and the overencompassing fantasies in her head. She had never wanted anything more, and she had never wanted this more than she did right now. But her career…she had already made it this far. She cursed herself for having ever jumped the gun, even though deep down she knew that giving herself more time to consider would only end with her trapped in a torturous, neverending loop. The conflict was o obvious on Rei’s tense face, Yugao couldn’t help but rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. After one more moment of contemplation, Rei slowly nodded. “I don’t know if I’ll ever feel secure in my choices, but I think—”

Before she could finish her sentence, Toshio leapt to his feet with ears forward and alert. A low growl rose in his throat as he adopted a defensive stance and bolted for the locker room door. And that was when they heard it: the inconsistent banging coming from the hallway, threatening and loud. Yugao and Rei exchanged confused glances before rushing to assess the situation.

A crowd of other ANBU surrounded the door into the stairwell, watching with bated breath through the tiny window as the sound of the banging amplified. Yugao rested a hand on Mikazuki’s shoulder as she asked, “What the hell is going on?”

Shaking her head, Mikazuki replied softly, “One of the new recruits is having a meltdown.” Then, locking eyes with Rei, she added, “One of yours.”

Fuck. Without a second thought, Rei weaved through the crowd, wiping her pathetic tears as she went. Yugao called after her, but Rei couldn’t make out what she was saying. It didn’t matter, anyway.

Another slam struck the wall as Rei burst into the stairwell. The concrete had begun to crack from the impact. Standing there, bloody knuckles and tear-stained cheeks, was Arai.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Rei shouted, stalking forward. She gripped Arai’s wrist before she could deal another blow. She was strong—stronger than Rei had expected. One more hit and the entire room would likely crumble to dust.

“Get the fuck off of me!” Arai insisted, squirming in Rei’s grasp. “This is all your fault, anyway!”

Gritting her teeth, Rei yanked Arai away from the wall and insisted, “Fine, then hit me instead. I know you want to.”

Arai’s eyes widened, her fingers twitching. Surely she had not expected such a response. She froze for a moment, considering the offer, before clenching her fist. An offer like this was rare, how could she refuse? Besides, why wouldn’t she knock the lights out of the one person who had ruined her future? And yet there was something small and nagging somehow holding her back. Maybe it was Rei’s bloodshot eyes or her willingness to get hit in the first place. As if she was admitting her transgressions and accepting, if not asking for, punishment. Without the protest, pummeling her didn’t quite feel right. It didn’t feel earned or appropriate.

A long moment passed before Arai ripped her hand out Rei’s grasp and turned to walk away. “I don’t want to waste my energy” she muttered under her breath.

And maybe that was the end of it all. Maybe Arai had accepted her fate and wanted nothing more to do with it. But that felt so out of character and unresolved. Rei hadn’t even known this woman for very long but she already knew full well that Arai Kawakubo was not one to walk away from a fight. Rei couldn’t bring herself to let her go. Not without an explanation. Not without an apology.

“Four years ago…” Rei called after her, her cracking voice echoing in the stairwell. She clenched her fists at her sides, locked her pleading eyes on Arai’s back. The blonde paused just in front of the exit door before turning slowly back around. Confusion and curiosity painted her face. What was this woman’s angle? What was Rei trying to pull? The redhead sucked in a deep breath before continuing. “Four years ago I was put in a position of leadership during a mission. Things went south and I lost my best friend that day. She died in my arms because I couldn’t do my job properly. I thought I had moved past the guilt. I thought I could handle being a captain but…it still fucks me up in the head. I panicked. I wanted to get rid of you because I was scared. Because I realized maybe I’m not ready for this, and I…I couldn’t stand to put you all through the same tragic shit that I faced years ago. It’s just…it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Even if they are, in fact, cocky, selfish brats.”

Arai stood frozen by the door for a long while. She tried to comprehend all of this new information but none of it made much sense to her. “And you’re telling me all of this why?” she asked slowly.

“Because I felt like maybe you deserved an explanation” Rei replied. “I don’t care if this doesn’t change your opinion of me, if you still try to get me fired or want to find a way to switch teams. I would want to switch teams, too, if I were you.”

Here, Arai scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Don’t try to level with me. You have no idea.”

“Oh, fuck. But that’s the thing!” Rei groaned. She threw her head back and dug the heels of her hands into her eye sockets. “You think I don’t have a damn clue but I’ve been around this shit a lot longer than you have. You have no fucking idea what’s out there. You have no idea what you’re doing.”

“Oh yeah, says who?” Arai snapped back.

“Says me” Rei rebuked. “Regardless of whether you stay on my team or not, you’ve really got to cut that attitude of yours. There are captains out there far worse than me that aren’t going to put up with that shit.”

“Far worse than someone who would purposely try to flunk their students?” Arai asked. “Yeah, okay.”

Rei glared and for a moment, she regretted ever trying to sympathize with Arai. She truly was a lost cause. “That’s not the point” Rei replied. “You act like you’re tough shit but you are nothing.”

“Well maybe I wouldn’t have to have an attitude if I was treated with a little more respect” Arai replied.

Rolling her eyes, Rei scoffed and shook her head. “And that’s exactly the trouble with you” she replied. “You think you’re entitled to respect right out of the gate but you’re not. You need to give your superiors respect in order to get respect back. Otehrwise you just come off as difficult and bratty and I can guarantee you that no one in the black ops is going to cater to that. Your idea of what this job even is seems to be incredibly misconstrued in the first place.”

“Then teach me better!” Arai shouted back. “Isn’t that your job anyway?”

“How the fuck am I supposed to teach you if you never pay attention and always act like you know everything?” Rei shouted in return. “You act like I’m making things difficult for you when you’re the one making things difficult for yourself. Maybe if you tried listening to other people for once in your life, you would actually learn a thing or two about the real world. Why the fuck did you even join the black ops in the first place? What are you trying to accomplish here? Or are you just feeding into your grossly oversized ego?”

Arai gritted her teeth, growling, “I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t have to tell you anything about me.”

Rei recoiled and raised her hands in surrender. “Fine then” she replied. “Don’t open up then. That’s your right. I’m not going to force you.”

Arai’s hand hovered over the doorknob, but something was paralyzing her. She wanted nothing to do with Rei whatsoever. She had presented her excuses, tried to play the victim, and Arai acknowledged her words but that didn’t mean she forgave her. The longer she stood here and prolonged the conversation, the worse things would become. Hadn’t Rei already done enough damage? But somehow things felt different now in that stairwell. The intimacy, the echo of their voices. The constant fear that at any moment, someone will interrupt and ruin the fragility of it all. There was a strange liminality to it, like being underwater or trapped in a lucid dream. None of it felt real and within that, there was a strange sense of trust. The feeling that Arai could perhaps attempt to be open without any repercussions, without anyone ever remembering a word she said. She refused to be betrayed by this false sense of security. Her hand drifted away from the doorknob.

“The ANBU make good money” she muttered. “Lady Tsunade thought I was good enough. I passed the training. I’m strong and able. I want to help in a way that’s honorable.”

Rei wasn’t sure what kind of help Arai meant. She was so vague in the presentation of it, but that wasn’t important. Acting on instinct, she scoffed and muttered, “There’s nothing honorable about the work we do here.” The ANBU were elite but they also did perhaps the most dangerous, the most despicable, and the most filthy work of any other Konoha shinobi. They were the agents of retribution, the messengers of hell. The blood on your hands never truly washes away. You can rinse off the physical evidence, but the screams and the lifeless looks on the victims’ faces never leaves you no matter how much time has passed. No, nothing about the ANBU was honorable.

Clenching her fist, Arai croaked, “I know, and I hate it.” Her hands began to shake and her throat tightened and she cursed herself for feeling like she was going to cry now. “I used to think the ANBU was the ultimate end goal. I wanted to flaunt it like a trophy. Now that I’m here, though…I’m fucking terrified. Anything can happen. You can die in the blink of an eye. I can’t afford something bad happening. I didn’t expect it to be this bad.”

“It’s only going to get worse from here, kid” Rei replied. “You think this is bad? This is just day one. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Arai asked, offended.

“No” Rei said bluntly. “It’s supposed to clue you into the dark reality of what you’ve gotten yourself into. So you have to make a decision as to whether you’re going to stay or leave.”

Arai nodded slowly, considering everything she was fighting for. Did her desire to progress outweigh her fear? She wasn’t sure. She gritted her teeth as she chewed over her options, envisioned the shame and relief of quitting or the adrenaline and pride of pursuing this further.

“No one is going to be mad at you if you back out” Rei added, crossing her arms as she awaited the verdict. She wasn’t sure if she was saying that more for Arai’s peace of mind or for her own. She hoped the new recruits would offer her the same sympathy and understanding that she did them but she knew that was a slim chance. “It’s not like you’re giving up. It’s not like you’ve failed. The ANBU isn’t for everyone. An important part of being involved in this is knowing yourself well enough to know where you belong.”

Pursing her lips, Arai made a tiny noise of affirmation. “How do you know where you belong?” she asked quietly.

Rei sucked in a deep breath, puffed out her cheeks as she exhaled. The answer wasn’t quite so simple. “I guess it’s just a feeling” she replied. “Right here.” Her hand migrated to her lower stomach and her heart leapt into her throat. “Your gut will guide you where you’re meant to be. Whether that’s here or somewhere else, only you can figure that out, you know?”

Arai mimicked Rei’s gesture, placing a hand over her stomach with a sigh. If only her gut was easier to read. “I think…” she started slowly. “I think I want to stay here. I want to be in the ANBU. I need to be here. There’s no other choice for me.”

A soft smile touched Rei’s lips for a moment and she was surprised to find that she was perhaps even proud. She wondered if Arai had felt that same calling that she had, that magnetic pull towards something greater than yourself. Something dangerous and daring and sacrificial. For the first time, she could see that familiar fire in Arai’s eyes, surely fueled by whatever she was fighting to defend. It was a sobering moment, in a way. Rei had perhaps even underestimated herself. She hadn’t expected to be so assuring and wise. Maybe her years of experience were finally amounting to something. Maybe her leadership skills were not as fargone as she had thought. “I’m, uh…I’m glad to hear that” she said quietly.

“And what about you?” Arai asked. “I overheard what you told Lieutenant Yugao in the locker room. About, uh…” Here, she motioned awkwardly to her lower stomach and made a face. Rei’s cheeks burned bright red as she swatted the air dismissively. It was a conversation she did not want to relive, a topic that she did not want to talk about. At least not with Arai of all people. They were still on questionable terms with one another. “So are you going to kick the bucket or…?”

“Well, you said you didn’t want me as your captain anymore” Rei reminded her. “I’m sure there are plenty of other ANBU who would be willing to take all of you under their wing.”

Arai pursed her lips and nodded slowly as she dropped her gaze to the floor. “That’s true” she replied. “But, uh, you know…maybe I jumped the gun a little bit, too.” Rei’s gaze snapped up to meet Arai’s, an anxious curiosity overwhelming her. The blonde quickly rolled her eyes, pouting, trying to act as apathetic as possible. Rei made a mental note that she was a terrible actress. “I mean, I still hate your guts” she assured. “I think you’re a total fucking bitch and you treat us like shit. But…I don’t know, maybe that’s what I need.”

“Oh yeah?” Rei asked. A sly smile crept across her lips. “So my tough ass tactics did have an effect on your self-entitled ass then, huh?”

“Don’t get a big head about it” Arai snapped. “It’s just that nobody’s had the guts to kick me in the ass before and I want to see how much longer it takes for me to finally break you.”

Rei couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, I’d like to see you try!”

“Just give me a date and a time, boss” Arai smirked. Rei’s eyebrow arched at the nickname and Arai was suddenly overcome with a rare spell of self-consciousness. “Or should I not call you that anymore?” she asked, her voice much quieter and more uncertain now. She knew how much Rei seemed to hate that term, the sassy tone of her voice and seething gaze. Arai had to admit, she was absolutely using it as an insult. Now, however, things were different. Maybe, just maybe, Arai had finally found at least a shred of respect for her captain.

“You know” Rei replied, fighting the smile tugging at her lips. “I actually think it’s starting to grow on me.”

“So you’re staying then?” Arai asked.

Rei dropped her eyes to the ground, licked her lips. “Only for a little while” she replied. She thought of everything she was giving up, of the promise of motherhood and her future with Kakashi. But they had time. This was not the end of the road. It was only a detour. They had all the time in the world to try again. Laughing softly, Rei met Arai’s gaze and added, “I’m kind of curious to see how long it takes you to break me, too.”

Arai could hardly contain her laughter as she and Rei stood there, suddenly feeling seen and understood. And to think, all it took was five minutes in a filthy stairwell for everything to change.

#rei natsuki #kakashi hatake #the scarecrow and the bell #naruto #naruto oc #fanfiction

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